1
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,679
Speaker 1: Welcome to Popcorn Psychology, the podcast where we watch blockbuster

2
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,679
movies and psychoanalyze them. My name is Brittany Brownfield and

3
00:00:21,679 --> 00:00:24,280
I'm a child therapist and I'm joined by Ben Stover,

4
00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:28,120
individual therapist, Hannah Espinozo, marriage and family therapists. We're all

5
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,440
licensed clinical professional counselors also known as therapists, who practice

6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,600
out of Chicago. Even though we are licensed mental health professionals,

7
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,880
this podcast is purely for entertainment purposes and to fulfill

8
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,280
our love of dissecting pop culture and all forms.

9
00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:43,240
Speaker 2: Please remember that, even though we are all licensed therapists,

10
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,320
we aren't your therapist.

11
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,920
Speaker 1: If you are struggling with mental health symptoms, please find

12
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,960
a local mental health provider. Welcome to our Valentine's Day episode.

13
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:54,359
This year, you all picked Bridget Jones Diary. I'm so

14
00:00:54,399 --> 00:00:56,600
excited to chat about this because I've watched this movie

15
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,679
a thousand times. Bridget Jones Diary is a movie about

16
00:00:59,679 --> 00:01:02,439
a woman and who's looking for a relationship and she

17
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,480
kind of ends up in one sort of and she

18
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:10,280
writes in her journal a lot the things that we

19
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:23,159
will be discussing what happens, you will be discussing you

20
00:01:23,159 --> 00:01:25,319
guys are killing me here? How do you keep going?

21
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:31,400
We will be discussing authenticity, some environmental factors, and treatment

22
00:01:31,519 --> 00:01:34,439
and final thoughts as always, So what do we have

23
00:01:34,519 --> 00:01:38,480
to say about authenticity and Bridget? Well, I guess we

24
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:42,079
can say off the rip that Bridget is someone who

25
00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,359
I don't even know if she knows who she is,

26
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,040
And if you don't know who you are, how can

27
00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:52,599
you be authentic? Like, Bridget is definitely someone that we

28
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:57,000
see from the rip in this movie that is trying

29
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:03,599
to be a version of herself that other people will like,

30
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:09,039
specifically men, but also I think everybody. Yeah, I think

31
00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,080
you're absolutely right. If she doesn't know who she is,

32
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,800
how can she It's like that thing where you're always

33
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,960
trying to judge what other people how other people see you,

34
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,560
and you're always trying to You're always in your head

35
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,560
about it, and so you can't be authentic because you're

36
00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:26,240
always in your head about what other people.

37
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,400
Speaker 2: Think, which is a dangerous place to be because if

38
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,759
you don't know who you are, you're susceptible to be

39
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,879
told who you are or who you're supposed to be

40
00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:39,360
to be good enough, which usually leads people like Hugh

41
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,800
grant to sniff you right out.

42
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,159
Speaker 1: And yeah, that's an app description because he is he

43
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,280
does feel like a man sniffing you, and that he

44
00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:51,919
is a little slimeball creep. Yeah, you can tell this

45
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,840
lime from like a mile away. It's that hair. Yeah,

46
00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:58,080
one hundred percent, one hundred percent. But I think what

47
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:03,000
struck me a lot this movie for the podcast and

48
00:03:03,039 --> 00:03:05,560
now also for the first time watching this movie as

49
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,159
someone who is older than Bridget because I think every

50
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:12,240
other time I've watched this movie, I was probably a

51
00:03:12,319 --> 00:03:15,360
teenager or in my very early twenties, So this is

52
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,759
also the first time I've watched Yeah, I've watched her

53
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,400
now that I am not just her age but older

54
00:03:21,439 --> 00:03:23,840
than her. And I think something that really struck me

55
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:28,400
is that she lives in a big city. She lives

56
00:03:28,439 --> 00:03:30,840
in fucking London, one of the biggest cities on earth,

57
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,800
and she doesn't seem to have any hobbies. She's thirty two,

58
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,199
and all she seems to do when she's not out

59
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:43,879
with her friends or at her parents doing some sort

60
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:49,319
of like get together, she just lays around, gets shit faced,

61
00:03:49,639 --> 00:03:54,319
watches TV, feel sorry for herself, writes about how fat

62
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,080
she is in her diary, which we can talk about

63
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:01,719
that later. And she doesn't seem to know who she

64
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,840
is when she's alone, which I think is a big

65
00:04:03,879 --> 00:04:08,599
aspect of knowing yourself and being authentic is you. I mean,

66
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:10,199
it's corny to say that you have to be like

67
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,000
your on most friend, And she doesn't know how to

68
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:15,960
spend time by herself, and that's like a big part

69
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,720
of the beginning of the movie. You just see her

70
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:22,839
laying around with the energy, which is like kind of

71
00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:25,800
the through line of the movie, unfortunately, which is that

72
00:04:25,879 --> 00:04:31,519
if you're single, you're nobody. It's almost like you're not

73
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,120
allowed to She's not allowed to be anything else besides

74
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,600
a partner to a man, and she doesn't know how

75
00:04:37,639 --> 00:04:40,480
to do anything on her own, really.

76
00:04:40,439 --> 00:04:42,879
Speaker 2: Not outside of her group of friends. And don't forget

77
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,639
some of her other friends who she clearly doesn't see

78
00:04:45,759 --> 00:04:48,000
very often, also remind her that if she doesn't have

79
00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:53,480
a husband and be working towards children, she's no one.

80
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,920
Seems like a recurrent theme that she almost looks a

81
00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:01,560
little sick every time people say something like that, or

82
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,279
just makes little faces of like h.

83
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 1: But I think it just felt so telling that she

84
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:13,920
doesn't seem to have a life of her own. She

85
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,759
really seems very aimless, Like even at work, she's just

86
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,160
kind of going with the motion. She's not quite doing

87
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:23,399
what she wants to do. She kind of knows what

88
00:05:23,399 --> 00:05:27,079
she wants to do with the television broadcasting, but she

89
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,480
has to have a big, like kind of catastrophe moment

90
00:05:31,519 --> 00:05:34,279
for her to push her into that. So she just

91
00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,720
feels like someone who kind of goes along with everything,

92
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,839
like you see in the very opening scene actually when

93
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:43,879
she goes to her parents and her mom says, don't

94
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,199
wear that or this like, and she just goes along

95
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:51,360
with it, like she just gets pushed around. She just

96
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:57,519
kind of very easily. She just very easily surrenders to

97
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,120
everyone else's opinion of her. And like I said, the

98
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,839
only way you can really armor yourself against that, because

99
00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,920
people are gonna have opinions of you, that's just life,

100
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,680
is to have a solid sense of who you are.

101
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:10,600
And a lot of that, like when I talk to

102
00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:13,759
clients is what do you like? What are you interested?

103
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,399
What are your hobbies? And she only seems to be

104
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:19,639
interested in how much she weighs, not smoking too many cigarettes,

105
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,959
getting a boyfriend, and does she mention anything else in

106
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,199
that diary of hers.

107
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,040
Speaker 2: Not watching sad movies and singing sad songs.

108
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,560
Speaker 1: I mean that's a start.

109
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,560
Speaker 3: If I was a therapist, I'd be like, that might

110
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:32,120
be a start.

111
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. Inundating yourself in other people's misery to keep you

112
00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:40,480
suspended in your own is not a healthy use of time.

113
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,800
Allowing sad movies or are the things to be a

114
00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,560
reflection of how you feel is very healthy. Using that

115
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,240
to help you process your own emotions is great, But

116
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,360
when it's keeping you stuck, not so much.

117
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,439
Speaker 1: And even just putting her in more precarious positions, which

118
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,680
is I feel like what keeps happening Like the fact

119
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,800
that she wears that outfit that her mother lays off

120
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:06,319
her is obscene. That outfit is disgusting. And the fact

121
00:07:06,399 --> 00:07:09,439
that she doesn't seem to have enough sense of self

122
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,480
to even be like, I don't like this, I'm not

123
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,439
going to do that. I'm not gonna wear this, because again,

124
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,560
that means that she would have to know herself into

125
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,079
some capacity, and she just really doesn't know herself. I

126
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,079
feel like even when she's writing in the journal, it's

127
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:31,240
like she's just writing down what's happening versus what she's

128
00:07:31,319 --> 00:07:32,720
feeling or what she thinks.

129
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it certainly seems like it takes a while for

130
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:41,240
her to even find her own voice in writing and

131
00:07:41,279 --> 00:07:43,920
accept it. I think she gets there, which of course

132
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:47,120
turns on her at the end, but I think early

133
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,319
on in it, yeah, she's just and this is what

134
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:54,279
happens today. And it's not very clear that she's or

135
00:07:54,319 --> 00:07:57,439
it's very clear that she's not figured out who she

136
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,480
is yet. Just at that party, seem like talking about

137
00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:04,040
with the dress. Not only did she put on that dress,

138
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,079
The first thing out of her mouth was, please, don't

139
00:08:06,079 --> 00:08:08,879
introduce me to random men that I don't want to meet.

140
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,839
I'm sure you can, you know, find the exact dialogue

141
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:15,959
in your head, but basically, don't introduce me to random

142
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,399
divorced men or unmarried men who you find available for

143
00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:23,199
me that are substandard. Please don't. And then what's the

144
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:26,680
first thing her mom does, but do here's divorce man.

145
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,920
I mean to have a new colin first, So I

146
00:08:27,959 --> 00:08:32,080
guess you could do worse. But reindeer sweater intense.

147
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:36,440
Speaker 1: That's whatter is intense. And the fact that Bridget continues

148
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,919
to not respond right, like she's not responding to any

149
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,360
of these things happening. She's not looking at her mom

150
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,639
and saying, what the fuck she's not She's just going

151
00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:47,960
along with the things that are happening to her because

152
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,759
at least she'll get a boyfriend.

153
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,960
Speaker 2: Or someone will talk to her. She won't be lonely.

154
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I would, even as we're talking about it,

155
00:08:54,399 --> 00:08:56,519
I would even go farther to say, not only does

156
00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:59,279
she not know who she is, I think actually she

157
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,600
thinks she knows who she is, and who she is

158
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,600
isn't likable. The only que I really wrote down from

159
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,120
the whole movie is her saying to Mark, I think

160
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,120
I already feel like an idiot most of the time,

161
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,000
Like the things that she focuses on, like the way

162
00:09:14,039 --> 00:09:17,960
that she looks, and we see her when she's getting

163
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,360
ready for that event in the beginning, and she's trying

164
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,840
to like teach herself about world politics, she ture to

165
00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:26,759
make herself interesting. I think it goes farther than I

166
00:09:26,759 --> 00:09:28,799
don't know who I am. I think it goes more

167
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:33,480
into like, I know whatever is in me is not good,

168
00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:38,080
not good enough. I'm too fat, which is crazy by

169
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,879
today's standards, so crazy. I'm too fat, I'm too stupid,

170
00:09:42,639 --> 00:09:46,279
I'm kind of nothing, and she has to like build

171
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:51,360
herself because what is there is kind of flufy. Even

172
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,320
though like she does have a personality like you see

173
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,159
it with her friends. She has like a voice, she

174
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,679
likes to do those things with her but that's not

175
00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:03,399
good enough. That's not enough to build a personality around.

176
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,600
And I would say, if you don't like yourself, or

177
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,440
if you think that yourself is bad, then you are

178
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,559
open to anyone telling you who you are, because it's

179
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,279
got to be better than who you think you are already.

180
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:17,600
So I would say even those moments like with her

181
00:10:17,639 --> 00:10:21,440
mom and with the other people we see in the movie,

182
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,360
I bet you that's a part of it. It's like, fine,

183
00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:27,120
how I dress is probably shit anyway, might as well

184
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,000
wear what you wear, what you told me to wear.

185
00:10:29,519 --> 00:10:31,679
And so it's not even that I have nothing to

186
00:10:31,759 --> 00:10:34,600
back off to, like challenge what you're saying. But you're

187
00:10:34,639 --> 00:10:38,519
probably right, is also what she's probably thinking. And then

188
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,799
because she feels so bad about herself or so like

189
00:10:44,159 --> 00:10:48,320
her sense of self is so negative, then it shows

190
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,679
up in the way that she acts right, Like it's

191
00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,759
corny to say be yourself, but there's true to that.

192
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,240
Speaker 3: Like the more inauthentic.

193
00:10:54,360 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: You are the weirder you can come off socially. I

194
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,240
know I've been in this situation when I first started

195
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:04,399
going to therapy. I remember told my therapists, I don't

196
00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:08,399
even know how to like sit and be just sitting

197
00:11:08,759 --> 00:11:12,000
relaxed in public, because I'm so self conscious of how

198
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,480
I look. And what really probably was happening is I

199
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,039
was so self conscious that I was sitting weird, not

200
00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,799
because there's something wrong with me, and I'd find the

201
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:25,720
right way to sit to be not looking stupid. It

202
00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:27,240
was me being in my head. And so I think,

203
00:11:27,279 --> 00:11:28,960
then you see that with Bridget where then she has

204
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:34,240
all these awkward social interactions because she's so insecure, and

205
00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:37,799
then that unfortunately proves to herself. See, I am a

206
00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:40,120
fucking idiot, I'm a piece of shit. All I had

207
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,919
to do was introduce my boss at work, and I

208
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,399
fucked it up royally like she. I mean, I think

209
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,519
you could argue that she's because she's so insecure, like she's.

210
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:51,200
I wonder how much of this is like anxiety too,

211
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,080
Like she's so in her head that it makes her

212
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:59,720
act awkwardly, which then perpetuates her ideas about herself, which

213
00:11:59,759 --> 00:12:01,240
then just feeds the beast.

214
00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,799
Speaker 2: Well, it's clear it's a nifty or they have a

215
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,879
you know, the nifty little trick in the film to

216
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,440
let her play through the ridiculous way. She's going to

217
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,159
say something and then not say that, but a few

218
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,559
times she like, don't say the thing, and then ends

219
00:12:16,639 --> 00:12:19,360
up saying the thing, which is a clear hallmark of

220
00:12:19,399 --> 00:12:25,919
either ADHD or anxiety, sometimes both, But that, don't do

221
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,159
the thing, don't do that, don't be embarrassing, don't be embarrassing.

222
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,559
Everyone's looking at you, so don't be embarrassing. And then

223
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:37,279
because she's so intensely critical of herselfoop, we forget to

224
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,799
shut up, which is that's that's the worst thing. Like

225
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,039
I think it was Beck, the founder of CBT, that

226
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,080
had an experiment for people behavior. Experiment was the thing

227
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,320
he liked to do and have people walk a banana

228
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,559
down a leash in the middle of New York City.

229
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,480
See how many people actually look at you? See how

230
00:12:56,519 --> 00:13:00,840
many people actually care what you were doing. When you're

231
00:13:00,879 --> 00:13:04,200
doing something ridiculous, it's not going to be many. They're

232
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,559
going to look at you for maybe two seconds and

233
00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:10,000
then they're gonna be like, yeah, think about what you

234
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,000
guys do if you saw somebody walking in banana down

235
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,720
at least in Chicago, how long would that have your attention?

236
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,639
Speaker 1: Well, in a city environment, I feel like like in

237
00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,480
New York or Chicago. I don't know if it, but

238
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:22,960
I get what you're saying, But I feel like in

239
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,720
chic if I got on the train and someone just

240
00:13:25,759 --> 00:13:27,600
had a banana, I'd be like walking banana and be

241
00:13:27,639 --> 00:13:31,679
like that's fine, exactly. Yeah. Like it'd be really easy

242
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:35,159
to just be like huh okay, Which is.

243
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,399
Speaker 2: The point of the experiment, the behavior experiment of realizing

244
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:42,320
the voice that you hear inside of your head follows

245
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,039
you everywhere. It's been the same age your whole life,

246
00:13:45,639 --> 00:13:50,600
and your inner critic is way more focused on you

247
00:13:50,639 --> 00:13:54,600
than anybody else's and ever will be. It's way more

248
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,120
invested in your performance than other people ever will be.

249
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:02,960
Public speaking, perhaps none applicable here, but it's really important

250
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:07,159
to recognize that your perspective of how much other people

251
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,759
think about you is always cute totally.

252
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,559
Speaker 1: That's one of the There's a thing I always do

253
00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:14,519
to myself when I start to get paranoid or start

254
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,960
to get like worried that like people are watching me

255
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,480
or like just like something that's just kind of random,

256
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:24,279
And I'll remind myself, are you doing that right now?

257
00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:28,639
Are you looking at other people's windows? Are you like, like,

258
00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:30,840
are you doing the things that you think other people

259
00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:34,879
are doing? Because you're definitely not right right?

260
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,399
Speaker 2: How much space do you have in your day to

261
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,279
care about what someone else is.

262
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,240
Speaker 4: Doing exactly exactly be able to have busy adulting things

263
00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:46,279
to do? Do you care that someone's front room looks

264
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,840
messy from the window as you go walk outside exactly?

265
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,120
Speaker 1: Do you even see it? Exactly?

266
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,200
Speaker 2: And if you see it, do you give a shit?

267
00:14:55,559 --> 00:14:59,559
Speaker 1: Exactly? Like I wouldn't care, not one fucking bet if.

268
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,399
Speaker 2: Somebody walk by with the banana, only she'd be like,

269
00:15:02,159 --> 00:15:05,840
all right, well I'm not sitting next to that. Not

270
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,759
that you do you boo boo.

271
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,639
Speaker 1: I do wonder with the ADHD, like I think with

272
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,039
someone like her, if I worked with her, I think

273
00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:17,000
it would maybe take a while did they get to

274
00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:20,879
the ADHD possibility, Like you'd have to piece away all

275
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,559
this other stuff like.

276
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,399
Speaker 3: If she was still because she does this, I'm with

277
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:24,879
you in Matt.

278
00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 1: I did write as one of her traits on my notes,

279
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,080
like she's impulsive like Eve and her going no when

280
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,919
he announces his engagement or when his partner announces their engagement,

281
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,320
which that still seems fuzzy to me. I don't really

282
00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:40,480
understand that whole relationship in the movie. That whole thing

283
00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:42,799
just feels like he's just going along in the same

284
00:15:42,799 --> 00:15:44,720
way that Bridget is going along. Well the whole movie,

285
00:15:44,759 --> 00:15:46,759
I'm like, are they together or they just work together?

286
00:15:46,799 --> 00:15:48,039
And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden,

287
00:15:48,039 --> 00:15:49,679
they're engaged, and it's like, what the fuck is that

288
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:52,559
He's kind of like pursuing Bridget or whatever, But like

289
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,879
everyone in this movie doesn't need to give a shit

290
00:15:55,039 --> 00:15:58,360
if they're being cheated on. But that's neither here nor there.

291
00:15:58,919 --> 00:16:00,519
There's more like two thousand one or something.

292
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:04,159
Speaker 2: British culture too, of like the higher class may have

293
00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:06,200
more expectations about.

294
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,759
Speaker 1: Oh who marries what? It's more like almost arranged and shit.

295
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,559
I could see that it does kind of seem that

296
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,320
way because the definitely woman and the parents are very

297
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,360
like this is a good match, yes, good breeding energy.

298
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,799
Speaker 2: Right, especially with his family.

299
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, every party.

300
00:16:26,759 --> 00:16:29,360
Speaker 2: A little different, but his family at the big fancy

301
00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:33,159
party at the big fancy estate, they went to their Yale.

302
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,759
I mean, come on, that's very high society stuff. So

303
00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:40,840
it would make sense that in the context of British

304
00:16:40,879 --> 00:16:43,480
culture that there may be something there we as Americans

305
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,840
aren't seeing because we don't operate that way. Really, thing's

306
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,240
for love.

307
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good point because what I was telling

308
00:16:51,559 --> 00:16:54,039
Hanna before star recording is it also has this vibe

309
00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:57,080
which is very old school of it doesn't matter if

310
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,159
your man's cheating as long as you're the one that wins,

311
00:17:00,639 --> 00:17:02,240
which is you're the one that got him in the end,

312
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,920
aka married him, like the Laura stuff et Daniel, like,

313
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,160
does she not care that this other woman's clearly busting

314
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,440
in on her and is like what the fuck? And

315
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,119
it's like, well, doesn't matter if you're the one that

316
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,880
the guy chooses in the long run.

317
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because now she just looks foolish and she's

318
00:17:19,279 --> 00:17:20,880
standing there being proper and being like.

319
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,839
Speaker 1: But I would be curious because she does do so

320
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:30,039
many impulsive things, like you're saying, like her inner dialogue

321
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,200
is so loud, she gets so distracted so easily. She's

322
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,279
really clumsy. Oh, now that we're saying all this stuff,

323
00:17:35,279 --> 00:17:39,119
this is interesting. And then she also does a lot

324
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:45,319
of drinking to either manage her social anxiety or mask

325
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:48,839
like deal with her ADHD, and also I think just

326
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,599
to deal period. You know, she also lives in a

327
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,359
big city, which I think you're more inclined to an

328
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,759
extended young adulthood with like partying and drinking and stuff.

329
00:17:58,799 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 3: But she does it to an excess.

330
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,519
Speaker 1: But you see in all these party scenes, she's just

331
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,319
like picking up a drink, picking up every time she's

332
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,880
having a feeling or having a fumble, she grabs a drink.

333
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,039
And then that continues the cycle we're talking about, where

334
00:18:12,039 --> 00:18:15,440
then you're more likely to do all these embarrassing things

335
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,759
and to stumble. Your ADHD's not gonna get better when

336
00:18:18,799 --> 00:18:22,000
you're fucked up, and I would know I have ADHD

337
00:18:22,319 --> 00:18:26,039
so and so then it perpetuates this idea that she

338
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:28,759
has of herself of being like a messy, fat bitch.

339
00:18:29,759 --> 00:18:32,799
And I say that word fat as someone who is

340
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,079
way more wait than her. But I just feel like

341
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,680
the way that they keep talking about her. You said

342
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,400
she was thin, and I'm like, this bitch is thin?

343
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,119
Can I get can I it? Just? And then I'm like, well, no,

344
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,279
wonder I was insecure because I watched this movie when

345
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:50,039
I was probably like sixteen, and I definitely didn't even

346
00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:52,599
weigh as much as as little as she weighed at

347
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,920
her horrible fat weight in the beginning of the movie.

348
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,880
That number one thirty two or whatever was like burned

349
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,559
to my brain as a teenager because I already didn't

350
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,559
weigh that much, like weigh more than that, and she

351
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,440
was like I needed to lose twenty pounds, and I'm like, well,

352
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:12,000
I guess I'll go walk off a cliff. But I

353
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,000
think like all this stuff that she does to deal

354
00:19:16,039 --> 00:19:19,759
with how she thinks she is just makes it all worse.

355
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,799
It just is layering on layering on layering. Well, yeah,

356
00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:28,160
because she's doing it out of all of the reactions

357
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,240
that she's having are all in this really high anxiety

358
00:19:31,279 --> 00:19:34,599
spot or this really scattered place. I didn't really think

359
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,799
she had any kind of diagnosis. But again, as we're

360
00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:40,119
talking about it, like, I think ADHD probably does make sense,

361
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:43,400
especially in terms of thinking about her drinking more as

362
00:19:43,519 --> 00:19:47,880
coping versus just having like a straight up like drinking

363
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:52,400
problem like that. I mean, it's the same thing. I mean,

364
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,440
I think it's this. It both puts her down the

365
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,160
same route I mean she struggles with alcohol use in general.

366
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,319
Speaker 2: Well, let's you don't look at a very quick search

367
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:09,000
of what how ADHD presents in women internal restlessness check,

368
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:15,960
chronic disorganization, check, emotional dysregulation, and intense mental effort to

369
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,119
mask symptoms. Brittany's hiding her face.

370
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:25,519
Speaker 1: And if I leave this recording identifying too much with

371
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,880
Bridget Jones, you're gonna have to, like, I'll take care

372
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,200
you girl. You're gonna have to petition.

373
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can live in my basement. It's fun, there's

374
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:35,920
plenty of space.

375
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,720
Speaker 1: Feels more like Bridget Jones.

376
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 2: But I mean only until you're ready to go. Yeah,

377
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,000
I'm not going to track you.

378
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,319
Speaker 1: You can just you know, stay, I'm trapped in Ben's basement.

379
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 3: Everyone.

380
00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 2: I'll give you a microphone. You can just talk.

381
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,559
Speaker 1: But I do think it's a good point, which is

382
00:20:49,559 --> 00:20:52,079
something I've had to work on a therapy. Fuck of

383
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,200
how when you go undiagnosed with ADHD, especially as a woman,

384
00:20:56,279 --> 00:20:58,160
you do think you're a fucking idiot all the time,

385
00:20:58,319 --> 00:21:00,400
You really really do, thing's wrong with you? Because I

386
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,960
will say that dinner she fucking makes towards the end

387
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,559
of the movie and say if that's not ADHD in

388
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,759
a scene format, truly, picking blue string, that's something I

389
00:21:10,759 --> 00:21:13,599
would do, Like that'll work, That is, that is something

390
00:21:13,599 --> 00:21:15,799
you would do. Not to not to throw any shade,

391
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:18,160
but that is definitely something you would do. I wouldn't

392
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,240
make everyone fucking eat it, though, No, you would not.

393
00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:23,839
I would say pizza, y'all. Oh yeah, for sure, for

394
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,279
sure I would not subject to you guys.

395
00:21:26,279 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 3: Well, here's the thing.

396
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,559
Speaker 1: I know enough now in my life to know that

397
00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:30,960
all those things she tried to make, bitch please, But

398
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,160
also that's very ADHD thinking that all of a sudden,

399
00:21:35,319 --> 00:21:37,920
from no cooking, you can cook like a three course

400
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:42,640
meal with all these elaborate fixings. Yeah, you've never ever

401
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,480
made before, and you don't even have half the ingredients.

402
00:21:46,519 --> 00:21:49,359
Like that is some ADHD stuff, and probably why she

403
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,799
feels so bad about herself. Yeah, I mean I have

404
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,039
so I have a couple of clients right now who

405
00:21:56,079 --> 00:22:00,119
are women who are one of them is sixty and

406
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,880
one of them is in their fifties, and they are

407
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,119
both one of them got an ADHD diagnosis when they

408
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:11,880
were fifty nine. And there's a book out there called

409
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,160
It All Makes Sense or something like that, and it's

410
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:19,440
about being diagnosed with ADHD a lot later in life

411
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,440
and the amount of stories and connection that these clients

412
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,799
are feeling now that they finally got diagnosed and they

413
00:22:25,839 --> 00:22:28,799
can finally say this is what this is. It is

414
00:22:28,839 --> 00:22:32,480
not that I don't have the smarts or the patients

415
00:22:32,599 --> 00:22:35,039
or whatever the fuck. It's actually that you have ADHD

416
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:40,119
that hasn't been diagnosed because, surprise, surprise, historically women are

417
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,880
not because our symptoms don't look exactly the same as men's.

418
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:48,359
We are not diagnosed with things as often because nobody

419
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,160
looks at the differences between men and women and how

420
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,519
it might present different, and also because we're trained societally

421
00:22:56,319 --> 00:23:03,039
to ignore how we feel. Yeah, big part of why

422
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,240
people aren't getting diagnosed in some ways. But it's really

423
00:23:06,319 --> 00:23:08,799
is the field's fault. Oh yeah, I mean like there's

424
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,720
they're just now I don't know the stats in front

425
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:16,160
of me, but only very recently started, you know, like

426
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,319
researching when they do any research about anything, including women

427
00:23:20,279 --> 00:23:22,920
in that research, like so much of our medical research

428
00:23:23,599 --> 00:23:26,599
is based on men, and just like conflating it to

429
00:23:26,799 --> 00:23:32,319
also apply to women, and which is very whack because

430
00:23:32,319 --> 00:23:35,359
I think too, Like she displays a lot of the

431
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,200
behaviors like her even at the end going out in

432
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,000
her underwear, now that we're talking about this, fucking a

433
00:23:41,599 --> 00:23:46,920
like her putting on shoes until she realizes she's in

434
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,720
the snow and I'm like, oh, fuck, I should put

435
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:54,440
on shoes, but not pants and not really grab a jacket.

436
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,119
Well she put them like a little.

437
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 2: Sweater that yeah, but yeah, no it's not enough.

438
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, and bare legs, which was crazy considering that's snowy

439
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,319
right now outside. So I was really feeling and it's

440
00:24:07,319 --> 00:24:09,680
cold in my apartment, so I was really feeling how

441
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:10,440
cold that would be.

442
00:24:10,519 --> 00:24:11,799
Speaker 2: And London's pretty far north.

443
00:24:12,279 --> 00:24:15,559
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I So when we think of adhd we

444
00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:18,920
typically think when we think of a hyperactive of the

445
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,599
way we think about it in like little boys, which

446
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,960
is you're running around, you can't shut the fuck up,

447
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,759
you're causing problems in class, you can't concentrate, does it?

448
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:30,039
That's it, Dove. But I think she's actually a really

449
00:24:30,079 --> 00:24:34,640
good representation of how all that stuff applies to women

450
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,079
or girls, which is impulsivity in this very different way.

451
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:43,039
And even like her behaviors with Daniel, which I know

452
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:44,720
we're about to talk about, like a lot of that

453
00:24:44,759 --> 00:24:50,599
I could attribute to ADHD too, like impulsiveness around decisions

454
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,720
she makes with him. And also, yeah, just the risk

455
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:59,000
taking she does and the behavior that she does that

456
00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:01,119
we wouldn't typically think of it, like even like going

457
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,319
down the poll and up the pole, the way that

458
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:07,079
she's a newscaster. She's like, hey, oh, like a lot

459
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,720
of things that she does. And she's probably self medicating

460
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,160
with cigarettes.

461
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:16,279
Speaker 2: Too, stimulants. Yep. And I think the more I think

462
00:25:16,319 --> 00:25:18,240
about it, when that was what I was thinking the

463
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,440
whole time I was watching move like she has ADHD

464
00:25:21,559 --> 00:25:27,519
is watching her. In particular, we get at their contextual

465
00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:32,200
clues from the work scenes that she has trouble focusing,

466
00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:36,519
that her colleagues notice outside of her boss, but other

467
00:25:36,519 --> 00:25:41,200
people notice that she has trouble focusing. And from Cleveland

468
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,039
clinic Brittany's going to hide in her shirt again. Sorry, Brittany,

469
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:50,079
she's already. I'm sorry. I'm not targeting your promise. ADHD.

470
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:54,519
In women, inattentive subtype, symptoms can be prone to losing

471
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:59,839
or misplacing things, problems staying focused and on task easily

472
00:25:59,839 --> 00:26:06,759
just dicted routinely, forgetful or absent minded hyperactivity, impulsivity subtype

473
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:15,440
frequently fidgeting, difficulty sitting still or restlessness, conversational self restraint problems,

474
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,640
trouble being patient, Jesus fighting your turn.

475
00:26:21,319 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: Well, what I was going to say, I'm glad that

476
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,720
you brought that up then, because what I was going

477
00:26:24,759 --> 00:26:27,000
to say is that what I noticed most with these

478
00:26:27,039 --> 00:26:29,720
older women that I work with is that they mostly

479
00:26:29,759 --> 00:26:33,599
present as an attentive and an attentive is so different

480
00:26:33,599 --> 00:26:35,200
from hyperactive.

481
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 2: Yep, very different. People can't have both, or they can

482
00:26:38,279 --> 00:26:40,799
have combined subtype, which I think Bridget does, although she

483
00:26:40,839 --> 00:26:45,519
probably bends towards hyperactive, she's not still ever.

484
00:26:45,759 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: That is true. Yeah, she is moving around those parties,

485
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,920
which I know is part of the movie of an

486
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,440
all right, Like she can't just be stationary. But she's moving,

487
00:26:53,519 --> 00:26:56,599
she's chatting, she's talking like she puts her foot her

488
00:26:56,599 --> 00:27:00,480
mouth constantly, constantly. But again I think if it's that

489
00:27:00,559 --> 00:27:04,519
ADHD experience that she's having, where like she just can't

490
00:27:04,799 --> 00:27:06,440
the words can't come out of her mouth the way

491
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,960
that she wants them to. And also because she's so

492
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,799
freaked out about what she's gonna say, it's like she's

493
00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:13,680
just stuck in her head all the time. Well, it's

494
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:19,000
the combination of how the ADHD then breeds anxiety and security,

495
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:24,799
which then just amplifies the whole situation. And even I

496
00:27:24,799 --> 00:27:29,200
think with her also, it's a good example of the impulsivity.

497
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,480
That's a little more subtle is when she goes to

498
00:27:33,599 --> 00:27:37,799
talk at the event, introduce her boss, and she doesn't

499
00:27:37,799 --> 00:27:40,799
even think to try to make the mic work. She

500
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:46,279
just starts talking louder. It's the thing where there isn't

501
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,599
really that beat between what's happening and then like making

502
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:50,960
a choice about what's happening.

503
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:52,559
Speaker 3: It's just you just go.

504
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: And that's the more subtle version like internal ADHD and

505
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,400
like yeah, like I never really got in trouble fitt

506
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,319
school from aving, but you bet your ass I got

507
00:28:01,319 --> 00:28:04,359
in trouble a lot for talking. Check on the board

508
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,160
for talking, member, name on the board, check on the board,

509
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,799
not kids of colors, but I used to get that

510
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,839
name and check on the board for yapping.

511
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, certified, yeah for what since nineteen eighty six.

512
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:21,079
Speaker 2: And coming to you live since nineteen eighty.

513
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 3: I'm in a fucking podcast now I'm a therapist.

514
00:28:23,039 --> 00:28:25,519
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I lost my voice recently because I was sick,

515
00:28:25,519 --> 00:28:27,640
and I'm just thinking my voice is my money maker.

516
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 3: So I had to go on vocal rest for whole

517
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,920
week and it was crazy. I literally could not speak.

518
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:32,839
Speaker 1: It was crazy.

519
00:28:33,079 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 2: I have had to do that before, and it's very upsetting.

520
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,279
My voice is a little gravety today because I had

521
00:28:39,279 --> 00:28:42,680
a show on Saturday, and I've been rehearsing a lot,

522
00:28:43,119 --> 00:28:45,079
and i might have to go on vocal rest and

523
00:28:45,119 --> 00:28:47,920
I'm dreading it for all the reasons. You probably hated

524
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,319
it because I probably also got some checks by my name,

525
00:28:53,359 --> 00:28:59,319
Yeah for yapping. Yeah, I am sure this surprises no one. Yeah,

526
00:28:59,319 --> 00:29:01,200
asked my wife. That's what the least favorite thing that

527
00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:03,440
I do is there's a fifty to fifty chance she'll

528
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,759
shape talk or breathe.

529
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,519
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and also, and I will say too, I

530
00:29:08,559 --> 00:29:10,720
bet you based on how she shows up for those

531
00:29:11,599 --> 00:29:15,240
television presenter interviews that she didn't do well in school.

532
00:29:16,039 --> 00:29:18,440
No offense to Bridget, but she does not do any

533
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:23,319
prep work. She only slightly alters her answers for each

534
00:29:23,359 --> 00:29:27,119
interview to kind of hit the interview, but she clearly

535
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,480
didn't prep that much for it, and she was only

536
00:29:29,519 --> 00:29:33,559
motivated to aspire to that because of the which is

537
00:29:33,559 --> 00:29:36,240
also ADHD stuff, like you only feel motivated to do

538
00:29:36,319 --> 00:29:40,400
something once you have a big dopamine rush from crisis,

539
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,440
like the drama of the Daniel stuff is what finally

540
00:29:44,519 --> 00:29:47,319
gets her to move her ass about work.

541
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 2: Or like going to buy cigarettes before the people who

542
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:52,599
you're supposed to enter.

543
00:29:52,519 --> 00:29:56,799
Speaker 3: The interview of your career and your new job.

544
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: I felt that one in my soul. And then the

545
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,920
cameraman like, I don't know, I was doing whatever he

546
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,200
was doing, like he was having.

547
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:06,119
Speaker 3: A slash, which I think means peeing.

548
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think watching her, seeing all this internal

549
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,279
noise that she has and she just can't turn off.

550
00:30:13,319 --> 00:30:16,799
She's never still, and in particular, for one of the

551
00:30:16,799 --> 00:30:20,319
reasons it presents so differently for women is because women

552
00:30:20,359 --> 00:30:24,079
are expected to be still and focused and polite and quiet,

553
00:30:24,079 --> 00:30:27,119
and men are allowed to be brash and obnoxious and

554
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:30,200
interrupt each other and just talk louder than the next one.

555
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,440
And that's really not what women are supposed to do

556
00:30:32,559 --> 00:30:37,519
in society, which really makes it stand out if that's

557
00:30:37,559 --> 00:30:39,440
what happens in your head, and why she stands out,

558
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,960
all these people are being super mindful and a super quiet,

559
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:47,480
polite society high society party and she's like, oh, and

560
00:30:47,559 --> 00:30:58,319
we just got engaged. No, she has this idiocy symptoms

561
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,279
just present all over her life, and I think they're

562
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:06,720
super obvious to when we talk about it, that it's

563
00:31:06,759 --> 00:31:09,319
such a struggle for her to focus in anywhere, but

564
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,720
this TV environment where it's just pure chaos, so it

565
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:16,720
doesn't matter what she does in the station director clearly

566
00:31:16,799 --> 00:31:19,519
is just exploiting her chaos.

567
00:31:21,039 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: Well, she's lucky in that she finds a job where,

568
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,920
like you're saying, it works for her, which sometimes just

569
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,200
happens for people and they can really go through a

570
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:33,599
lot of life not dealing with whatever might be actually

571
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,640
going on with them because they just stumble upon a

572
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:39,599
career or find themselves in a career that works for that.

573
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,200
I would say the last thing I want to say

574
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,279
is this kind of the art conversation kind of little

575
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,240
sort of recontextualizes also how is thinking about In the movie,

576
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,920
they show her reading all these self help books, and

577
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,960
at first they're all men centered, and then the other

578
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,079
ones are also men centered, but they're about like not

579
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,839
being male centered, but they're all about men's still, which

580
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,680
I'm sure is part of the joke, and that makes

581
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,279
me think of how because initially I was just thinking

582
00:32:07,279 --> 00:32:09,680
of it about the way we started this conversation, which

583
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,279
is she doesn't know who she is and so she's

584
00:32:11,319 --> 00:32:14,319
looking for herself and self help books and in my opinion,

585
00:32:14,359 --> 00:32:16,519
self help books are a scam. You heard it here first,

586
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,680
like it's an industry. It's an industry that profits off

587
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,440
you not getting better. And also this like one size

588
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:26,160
fits all idea, Yeah, that I figured out something that

589
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:26,720
works for.

590
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,119
Speaker 2: Me and making you feel like you're perpetually not good

591
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,279
enough so that you buy more books.

592
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I would say before.

593
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: I was in the field, like before I decided to

594
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,960
do any of this stuff that I do now, I

595
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:41,279
read so many self help books. I mean a lot

596
00:32:41,279 --> 00:32:44,160
of people do. I read so many self help books.

597
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,640
And really like when her the pile of books that

598
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,559
she gets rid of and the pile that she adds.

599
00:32:48,839 --> 00:32:54,359
I've definitely read some books like excuse me. Yeah, And

600
00:32:54,559 --> 00:32:56,839
now that we're talking about this differently, I think how

601
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,799
I can view that, Like I still viewed it very compassionately,

602
00:32:59,839 --> 00:33:01,640
like I was like a bridget when I saw them,

603
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,119
But now that we're thinking about it, it does make

604
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,200
me wonder and maybe this is also why you read

605
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,240
some of my self help books, and I definitely read

606
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,880
a decent amount well, one because we're encouraged to read.

607
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 3: Self help books in our culture.

608
00:33:13,279 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: But two, I think it's that thing of I know

609
00:33:15,839 --> 00:33:19,799
something's not quite right, and I'm trying to figure out

610
00:33:19,839 --> 00:33:23,680
what's wrong with me, which isn't the wrong idea, but

611
00:33:23,759 --> 00:33:26,920
it's the wrong question. I mean, it's a mean question,

612
00:33:27,039 --> 00:33:29,519
but it's not the wrong idea. Like you're telling you

613
00:33:29,559 --> 00:33:32,599
can tell that, like something's not quite right, and so

614
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,559
I'm looking for the answer. But for her, the answer

615
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,759
might just be you have ADHD. And also, as we're

616
00:33:39,759 --> 00:33:42,640
about to talk about in a little bit, a lot

617
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:49,640
of horrible messaging around you that's also intensely consistently telling

618
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,440
you that something's wrong with you. So if you already

619
00:33:53,119 --> 00:33:56,400
have that internally going on, and then it's externally being encouraged,

620
00:33:56,519 --> 00:33:58,319
of course you're going to read things like self help

621
00:33:58,319 --> 00:34:01,319
books and then they don't work, and then you're like

622
00:34:01,359 --> 00:34:05,359
it must be because I don't I something is still

623
00:34:05,359 --> 00:34:06,960
wrong with me. And also, if you've ADHD and you're

624
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,559
reading self help books, you know what you're not gonna

625
00:34:08,599 --> 00:34:12,239
do be consistent with whatever habits you're picking up from

626
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,760
these books because you're not that person. Just from me

627
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,920
to you, all, y'all, that's not You can't like productivity

628
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,119
your way out of ADHD. It's like almost impossible.

629
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:29,559
Speaker 2: It's utterly impossible. You can learn executive functioning skills and

630
00:34:29,599 --> 00:34:33,000
like schedule yourself better and have things to do, but

631
00:34:33,039 --> 00:34:37,960
what you cannot do is correct a chemical imbalance in

632
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:45,360
your brain without a chemical correction. Just why people with

633
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:50,840
ADHD so proactively seek stimulants and other things that feel

634
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,880
like medicine to get more coffee, Like, ah, coffee makes

635
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,679
my brain work. This should be your first clue. But

636
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,119
people trying to like get caught in these books and

637
00:35:00,159 --> 00:35:02,119
even worse, the fucking seminars.

638
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 1: Well, now it's like fucking pot well podcasters, apologies, podcast YouTube,

639
00:35:08,519 --> 00:35:11,920
red pill, pink pill, blank pill, shit.

640
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,199
Speaker 2: Tony Robbinson all this I've seen. I've had clients who

641
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,840
have gotten hooked into this crap, and then you just

642
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,880
see the predatory nature of this, perpetually making people feel

643
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,039
not good enough, and like, yeah, just give me seven

644
00:35:25,159 --> 00:35:30,480
thousand dollars so you can come to this transformative experience

645
00:35:30,559 --> 00:35:33,639
that's going to change everything about your life. And then

646
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,599
go ahead and come back for seven thousand dollars next

647
00:35:36,639 --> 00:35:41,199
month too, because you're not going to be complete just yet.

648
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:46,400
There's never an end point where you're complete, where you're done,

649
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:51,920
where you finished that. And these books create this really

650
00:35:52,039 --> 00:35:55,000
bad feeling of people that they're just perpetually not good

651
00:35:55,039 --> 00:35:57,559
enough and they never get the chance to settle into

652
00:35:57,599 --> 00:36:01,679
a sense of self and authentically accept who they are

653
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,239
and find success where they can, instead of making themself

654
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,719
fit in a place they do not well.

655
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,599
Speaker 1: On that note, we'll take our first break here and

656
00:36:11,679 --> 00:36:17,079
be back in a minute. All right. So it is

657
00:36:17,079 --> 00:36:19,760
o Valhan's episode, so I guess at some point we

658
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,119
should talk about her relationships, as this is technically a

659
00:36:23,199 --> 00:36:25,599
rom com. Ben, did you pick up that this is

660
00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:29,599
a version of prime prejudice.

661
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 2: Seeing that the last name was Darcy and they used

662
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:40,079
the most famous mister Darcy. I did catch that this

663
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:42,639
was a version of pride and prejudice.

664
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 1: I never caught up before, but this time now that

665
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,679
watching it fully knowing, and I'm way more down the

666
00:36:47,679 --> 00:36:49,679
prime prejudice rabbit hole at this point in my life

667
00:36:49,679 --> 00:36:51,840
than I was when I first watched it. The scene

668
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,800
where he comes down and like reads her to Felf,

669
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,519
I was like, well, this is the propos the first

670
00:36:56,559 --> 00:36:59,400
proposal scene from Prime Prejudice. Never noticed before, but at

671
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:00,880
least in this movie she gives it back to his

672
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:06,440
ass later. But anyway, so in this movie she has

673
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:11,960
two big relationships love triangle stuff, and it's the mister

674
00:37:12,039 --> 00:37:14,519
Darcy of the character mister Darcy and then the mister

675
00:37:14,559 --> 00:37:21,320
Wickham character Daniel Handler Cleaver. I guess makes sense symbolically

676
00:37:22,039 --> 00:37:24,199
and Daniel, as I said like, if you know anything

677
00:37:24,199 --> 00:37:28,760
about Prime Prejudice, the Wickham character is usually a Rake type,

678
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,519
a scallywag, a Philander, a liar, liar pants on fire.

679
00:37:32,639 --> 00:37:35,039
Ben just handed me Prime Prejudice and Zombies, which I've read,

680
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,679
and I liked the movie. The movie was better than

681
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,199
it needed to be. If you've never seen.

682
00:37:40,039 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 2: It, it was glorious. The Undesirables. As soon as I

683
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,199
read that, I was like, I'm reading this entire book tomorrow.

684
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:49,719
It made me laugh so hard. So I got more

685
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,960
familiar with it from that because in high school I

686
00:37:52,039 --> 00:37:53,280
absolutely Cliff noticed it.

687
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: So we see her in these relationships with these men,

688
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,280
and obviously we meet Darcy first and they have that

689
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,880
big flat on the face situation where he's incredibly rude

690
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,519
and is a complete asshole. Yeah.

691
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she hears every word and she absolutely internalized

692
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:21,880
that immediate immediately and definitely did not bring that back

693
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,320
up at all later.

694
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,559
Speaker 1: Well, because she it's all stuff that she already thinks

695
00:38:27,559 --> 00:38:29,800
about herself. So it's almost like, I'm sure for her,

696
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,320
it's like, well, how can I be mad at someone

697
00:38:32,119 --> 00:38:33,079
who's telling the truth?

698
00:38:33,079 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 3: Which is awful? Yeah to think, and then she.

699
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's super clear. It was like, oh, look, my

700
00:38:38,639 --> 00:38:40,719
internal voice now has an external voice.

701
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was cool, which is why she has that

702
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:47,000
more like passive awkward response to it. When you have

703
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:49,960
someone that we've been talking about who is really insecure,

704
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:54,199
and then a guy like Daniel rolls around who has power.

705
00:38:54,880 --> 00:39:00,199
He is very conventionally attractive. He he he's rich, He

706
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,679
like kicks a lot of he ticks a lot of

707
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:07,920
the twice. Well, yeah, of course everyone of those movie's white. Yeah,

708
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,360
I'm just saying, yeah, I know what you mean. He

709
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:15,119
like he has all the power points. Yeah, and then

710
00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:18,320
he shows interests in you, and you are the scum

711
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,320
of the earth in the mind of Bridget, Like how

712
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:26,079
intoxicating would that be, which is where's where I'm going

713
00:39:26,079 --> 00:39:28,599
with that? Which is, like, what is so I guess

714
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:32,239
dangerous about being in the position bridget is or anyone

715
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:36,440
is who doesn't know themselves or doesn't think well of themselves.

716
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,800
Is that anyone's welcome then to tell you who you

717
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:44,719
are and you're looking externally for that sense of self

718
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,360
or that sense of worth, and guys like him will

719
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,639
slip right in who they can like I don't know,

720
00:39:51,679 --> 00:39:54,320
guys like him, I feel like not to like be

721
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,000
a man hater, but they can like well, people like

722
00:39:57,079 --> 00:40:01,039
him can like smell insecurity from like a mind. We said,

723
00:40:01,039 --> 00:40:03,159
sniff it out right, And if we did sniff it

724
00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:04,400
out right in the beginning.

725
00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 2: They it's I call it the creep tooid's playbook. They

726
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,440
just they just I don't know, they all share it

727
00:40:10,039 --> 00:40:14,400
like they It must be in our biology of humans

728
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,920
somewhere that people who are more predatory and act like

729
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,559
this just sniff out prey and go right for those

730
00:40:22,559 --> 00:40:26,920
insecurities and go you know who's probably wild in the sack,

731
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,880
the little weird one over there, because she'll do anything

732
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,440
I want if I just make her feel good about herself.

733
00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:39,599
And they follow that same playbook all over, all over

734
00:40:39,639 --> 00:40:45,000
the world, and that same manipulation over and over. I'm

735
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,880
just gonna use you for a while like my plaything,

736
00:40:48,039 --> 00:40:54,000
and then when you catch real feelings deuces.

737
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,199
Speaker 1: Well, and he does the thing that a lot of

738
00:40:56,599 --> 00:40:59,000
people like him will do, which is they test the waters,

739
00:40:59,039 --> 00:41:01,599
like I send you a little message at work, and

740
00:41:01,639 --> 00:41:04,039
I see how you respond, and then I keep going

741
00:41:04,079 --> 00:41:06,639
like it's the pushing, pushing, pushing to see what they

742
00:41:06,679 --> 00:41:10,000
can get away with, right, which is can be, which

743
00:41:10,119 --> 00:41:11,840
can be fun and flirty at first in the way

744
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,800
that she's interpreting it, but then it's then it quickly

745
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,920
becomes what can I get away with in terms of

746
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:22,400
how I treat you? And then unfortunately for someone like Bridget,

747
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:26,280
because you don't think you're worth anything, then you will

748
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:30,760
be treated anyway, especially with someone like him that I'm

749
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,559
sure she's like, can't believe well, she acts like that

750
00:41:33,639 --> 00:41:35,360
right in the movie, like I can't believe I got him.

751
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:39,559
So part of it is like being grateful by not

752
00:41:39,639 --> 00:41:42,119
having any needs, and that was also a lot of

753
00:41:42,159 --> 00:41:46,599
messaging of women at that time and in time. Memarium

754
00:41:46,679 --> 00:41:49,639
pretty much is like, don't have any needs, don't be

755
00:41:49,679 --> 00:41:52,920
a nag, don't be clingy, don't be too much, don't

756
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:54,800
make it obvious that you want to get married or

757
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,119
have kids because men, which is fuo ironic about what's

758
00:41:58,119 --> 00:42:03,159
happening now socially that like women aren't wanting to get married,

759
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,760
and now like there's all this crisis where all these

760
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:09,440
people are like, how do we get these lonely men

761
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:14,280
access to women specifically? And it's like, but didn't you

762
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,519
guys for the longest time be like marriage is ball

763
00:42:17,599 --> 00:42:20,280
and chain. So it's like, well, maybe there was more

764
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,800
of an equal advantages happening that we wanted to recognize.

765
00:42:24,079 --> 00:42:28,519
But in this cultural well, in this time, she's also

766
00:42:28,559 --> 00:42:30,920
put in that position where you're like, you're not supposed

767
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,360
to be any of these needy things. And so that,

768
00:42:34,519 --> 00:42:39,480
in combination with already thinking she's too much, you make

769
00:42:39,519 --> 00:42:43,000
yourself small and you let men get away.

770
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 3: With a lot of horrible stuff.

771
00:42:44,519 --> 00:42:47,679
Speaker 1: You just let yourself get mistreated, and you don't think

772
00:42:47,679 --> 00:42:49,480
you can be treated nicely anyway. So when a guy

773
00:42:49,519 --> 00:42:52,440
like him treats you like garbage, it just confirms what

774
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,320
you already believe is true. And there can be a

775
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:59,119
weird not satisfaction, but it just makes sense, So you're like, yeah, okay,

776
00:42:59,159 --> 00:43:01,639
that makes sense. Whereas with her, which I think we

777
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,000
kind of see in the second movie, maybe you'll have

778
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,239
to refresh my memory as the resident Bridget Jones person,

779
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:11,480
Hannah that once she's in that relationship with Mark, you

780
00:43:11,519 --> 00:43:16,599
don't necessarily feel better. Actually you can still be really

781
00:43:16,639 --> 00:43:21,639
anxious because you're not used to being treated well. Yeah, absolutely,

782
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,599
And in the and one of the things that happens

783
00:43:24,599 --> 00:43:27,239
in the second film is that she thinks that Mark

784
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:33,400
is cheating on her with his partner, with his skinny, tall, skinny, tall,

785
00:43:33,519 --> 00:43:41,760
beautiful young person, and Bridget thinks that they are messing around.

786
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:44,960
Come to find out at the end of the at

787
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,280
the end of the movie, you find out that actually

788
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,960
the partner was into Bridget and not into Mark at all,

789
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,679
but was actually interesting. In Bridget Kisses, yeah, she does.

790
00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:00,079
And again, and that's another example of like Bridget just

791
00:44:00,199 --> 00:44:04,000
kind of like going along or it's imagining that someone

792
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,000
would like her, like genuinely like her, so she would

793
00:44:07,039 --> 00:44:10,239
miss any cues even though like being gay, like twenty

794
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,519
years ago, especially if you're a woman, was a little

795
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,400
less obvious, especially in this in that movie where she's

796
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:19,280
so them presenting. Yeah, absolutely, but still like it going

797
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:23,280
right over Bridget's head. Yeah, and if you're just like me,

798
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:24,920
she's so confused.

799
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 2: Absolutely, the pressure to be the cool girl, fucking cool girl, bullshit,

800
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,440
cool girl's hot, cool.

801
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,159
Speaker 1: Girls doesn't care. A cool girl doesn't gain weight. But

802
00:44:36,199 --> 00:44:38,280
you can only be a cool girl if you're thin. Yep,

803
00:44:38,639 --> 00:44:41,559
you know all that stuff too. You can't be a

804
00:44:41,559 --> 00:44:44,440
fat girl that likes to drink beer. And like the

805
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,440
whole speech that the pre cool girl cruel girl speech

806
00:44:47,519 --> 00:44:50,639
was was the speech that and something about Mary where

807
00:44:50,639 --> 00:44:54,039
she's like, I like regular bud not dogs, And I'm like, yeah,

808
00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:56,880
if this was a fact girl saying this, would it

809
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,119
be like, wow, Mary's so cool and hip?

810
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,119
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I'd be immediately like and I see why

811
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,599
you aren't decized too. Yeah, it would be as fun.

812
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 3: It'd be seen as like her being a sloppy, not

813
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:12,480
her being cool.

814
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:13,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.

815
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:17,639
Speaker 2: Well anyway, pretty sure. Anyway hits at that right in

816
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:19,400
gung Girl, doesn't she? Yeah?

817
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 3: I think she does say like cool girl has to

818
00:45:21,039 --> 00:45:22,079
be thin and has to be hot.

819
00:45:22,599 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 2: She say like I ate all that crap and stayed

820
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:30,039
of decize too. Yeah, yeah, yep, yeah, and then Bridget

821
00:45:30,079 --> 00:45:34,599
is just beating herself up constantly because that's may not

822
00:45:34,639 --> 00:45:37,800
be possible for her, not her body type. But now

823
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:42,239
she's pushing herself to be good enough, and this jackass

824
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,360
smells that from a mile.

825
00:45:44,079 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 1: Away some of the things that she doesn't see, which

826
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,800
again makes a lot of sense in the way that

827
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,360
we're talking about her and having ADHD and all these

828
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:55,239
different pieces. But like the clearly made up story about

829
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,960
having to work on Sunday, like she kind of clocks it,

830
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,119
but then she let's it go right away, and then

831
00:46:02,159 --> 00:46:05,519
she comes when she comes over to the house unexpectedly,

832
00:46:05,559 --> 00:46:07,559
and the girl is up in the room and she

833
00:46:07,599 --> 00:46:11,519
sees the sweater like he like he is just lying, lying,

834
00:46:11,599 --> 00:46:15,119
lying about everything. Like the only reason why I thought,

835
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:16,880
the only reason why she took a second look is

836
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:22,320
because she noticed the purple pearl cardigan hanging up. And

837
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,400
that's the only reason why she actually goes and looks

838
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:25,000
for herself.

839
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 2: I mean, she did look for herself, she just charged in,

840
00:46:28,519 --> 00:46:31,320
but she didn't look very thoroughly, and she believed his bullshit.

841
00:46:31,559 --> 00:46:34,199
Speaker 1: But I also think that's a great example of our

842
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,480
theory about her having ADHD, is that she does something

843
00:46:37,519 --> 00:46:40,480
really impulsive in her mind, Like I go over to

844
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,840
his house and I act crazy and I bust through

845
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,559
his room and then I'm wrong again like I always am.

846
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,280
So then I get embarrassed, and so then I'm like,

847
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,840
must be me being a crazy, impulsive idiot, and so

848
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:56,679
I'm sorry, I'll back down. Yeah, And it is pretty

849
00:46:56,679 --> 00:46:58,400
dopful for when she says that card again she busts

850
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,440
back fucking in there, because I could also see her,

851
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,320
even with seeing that, being like like just taking it on,

852
00:47:04,559 --> 00:47:07,719
like just diluting herself, yeah, out of own self protection.

853
00:47:08,079 --> 00:47:10,760
But I could see like, and it's a good through

854
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,039
line that we've been talking about about how stuff like

855
00:47:14,079 --> 00:47:17,400
ADHD things like that it can that's how pervasive it

856
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,599
can be. Like it can lead you into these situations

857
00:47:19,599 --> 00:47:22,639
where you don't trust yourself, you don't trust your intuition,

858
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:26,960
You doubt yourself all the time because you are a flake,

859
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:31,800
you are a crazy person. You are someone who makes

860
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,159
rash decisions that are usually wrong. And then when stuff

861
00:47:36,159 --> 00:47:38,840
when you're actually right, it's hard to trust that you're

862
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:44,960
right because statistically in your history you're so often wrong.

863
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:49,760
Speaker 2: And that feeling of shame and guilt feels just ever

864
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:55,440
so familiar. Oh look, I fucked it up again. I

865
00:47:56,159 --> 00:48:00,000
did it. I screwed it up, and you apologize immediately,

866
00:48:00,079 --> 00:48:03,320
and she yielded because that shame said on her like

867
00:48:03,679 --> 00:48:05,440
I'm totally right, I have to go through this right now,

868
00:48:06,119 --> 00:48:08,519
and she does the impulsive thing and then reels back

869
00:48:08,559 --> 00:48:11,280
like you said, and that like, oh look it's just

870
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:16,559
me again, an idiot being careless and just intruding and

871
00:48:16,559 --> 00:48:19,400
doing the thing. And then oh nope, impulsive protective side

872
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:22,159
shows back again, and you're like, because the adhd of

873
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:26,480
like not leaving and not stopping talking when it's clear,

874
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,760
like please get out of my house. I'm trying to work,

875
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:34,800
I'm lying to you, but like, please please go away.

876
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,159
I've gotten away with something, and she just keeps yapping,

877
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:43,320
and that's when she notices that sweater, and all of

878
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,360
a sudden, now brain is confused with what to do,

879
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,719
because now we go back from oh no, it's the

880
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,719
familiar shame of being wrong, and now I need to

881
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:55,000
respond to that hit of like look what I just did. Anyway,

882
00:48:55,119 --> 00:48:56,880
I'm so funny. I'm gonna see you later.

883
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: But then even when she's right and she catches the

884
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,199
girl all at his place, she says silly bridget right,

885
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:06,039
like silly stupid bridget Yeah. In that she then still

886
00:49:06,079 --> 00:49:08,480
goes back to shame right of like, which is I

887
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:11,400
think the same idea of I should have known. Why

888
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,800
wouldn't I think this? It's the same idea of that

889
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,760
when aner critic, it's the inner critic. And when you

890
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:20,000
have like I have undiagnosed ADHD until later on in

891
00:49:20,039 --> 00:49:25,760
life you misunderstand your ADHD stuff for like just being

892
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:29,679
an idiot, like, well, I made that mistake and then

893
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,800
you overdo it. Where then I because what happens to

894
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,239
me and what I talk to clients now about because

895
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,400
I now know it's undiagnosed ADHD stuff is then you actually,

896
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:42,159
ironically like gain a higher expectation of yourself, Like you

897
00:49:42,199 --> 00:49:44,960
gain this idea that like everyone else figures stuff out,

898
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,480
but I make all these fucking mistakes. And so whenever

899
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:52,239
something happens, even like this, you can internalize it in

900
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:55,239
the sense of I should have known that he was

901
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,159
cheating on me. I shouldn't have believed him. Someone who

902
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,760
was smarter would have caught on it soon. And so

903
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:03,239
no matter where you go, like, you can't win for

904
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:07,079
like you can't win for losing. Yeah, exactly. And that

905
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:13,079
happens the next day at the office when she comes

906
00:50:13,079 --> 00:50:17,760
in to give her report and she starts asking questions

907
00:50:18,599 --> 00:50:20,559
about the girl, and then he's like, Oh, I want

908
00:50:20,599 --> 00:50:22,960
to let you know, like we're engaged, like that super

909
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,880
shitty thing that people do when they think that they

910
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,760
should tell the first person that they broke up with

911
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,880
about what their next relationship is going to be, which

912
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,559
is happens in movies and films. All you're doing them

913
00:50:36,599 --> 00:50:39,079
a fucking favor by saying it to their fucking face,

914
00:50:39,119 --> 00:50:43,039
which is outrageous. Keep it to your fucking self. Nobody asked.

915
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,480
And I feel like, and I'm thinking even about her

916
00:50:48,519 --> 00:50:55,320
relationship with Mark in terms of like she automatically when

917
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:57,840
when he leaves to go buy her a new diary,

918
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:02,400
she automatically is zooms that he's leaving because she did

919
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,760
something wrong, right, that's her automatic assumption, is like, that's

920
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,679
what's happening. So even the way that she is looking

921
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:11,280
at the relationship with Mark, who's supposed to be the

922
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:14,760
you know, the good choice in the in this whole situation,

923
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:22,519
well because he's darcy whatever. So but like in that relationship.

924
00:51:22,559 --> 00:51:25,800
She's also only viewing it from I don't deserve him,

925
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,159
Therefore something else is going to happen. That's why in

926
00:51:29,199 --> 00:51:31,880
the second film she thinks he's fucking around like it's

927
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:36,480
all this from the point of view that she's coming

928
00:51:36,519 --> 00:51:41,400
from because of her ADHD, the way that it's had

929
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:42,719
an impact in her life.

930
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 2: You think you're one hundred percent right. It's that common

931
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:52,239
feeling of you're always losing your shit, You're never on time,

932
00:51:53,199 --> 00:51:56,159
you cannot, for the life of you, complete a task

933
00:51:56,239 --> 00:52:00,880
without being reminded or a deadline coming up, and even worse,

934
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:04,719
when you put something in a drawer that you're like

935
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,800
a bill that you're totally supposed to pay, and then

936
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:14,119
you shut that drawer and it disappears. It no hunger exists.

937
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,760
You do not have object permanence when it is out

938
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,920
of line of sight. With ADHD, and you really used

939
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:23,519
to screwing stuff up and having to scramble to cover.

940
00:52:24,119 --> 00:52:27,360
So it's clear she's very familiar with this part of

941
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:32,039
herself she resents and it punishes her when she sucks up.

942
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 1: And I think that's a good example of this in

943
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:38,360
that I think for another person they would have been

944
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,280
able to be like, why the fuck was he reading

945
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,719
my diary? Like that's you know, and also I read

946
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,039
I wrote that stuff earlier when he was being a dick.

947
00:52:46,519 --> 00:52:51,760
You know, another person could more contextualize the situation instead

948
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:57,960
of jump automatically to I'm the bad person and I

949
00:52:58,119 --> 00:53:01,400
ruined it when, like I said, like, honestly, she should

950
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:04,760
be like, well, you read my diary, so you know,

951
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:06,760
it sucks to be you that you read something. You

952
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,199
read my internal thoughts about you that you didn't need

953
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,800
to know. And so that's the punishment you get for

954
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,480
reading my diary, for going back in my diary to

955
00:53:15,519 --> 00:53:18,960
when we were beefing. All right, let's take a break

956
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:23,480
care and we'll be right back. So one thing we

957
00:53:23,519 --> 00:53:26,039
wanted to make sure to talk about, which we've already

958
00:53:26,039 --> 00:53:32,280
mentioned here and there, is the environmental factors influences on Bridget,

959
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:34,239
because that's a lot of what the story is about, too.

960
00:53:35,559 --> 00:53:38,400
Is it's actually a really great movie. It's almost like

961
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:41,039
a period piece. It's a great period piece movie in

962
00:53:41,079 --> 00:53:43,280
terms of like getting a good sense of like the

963
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:47,159
time and place of how we viewed bodies and weight,

964
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:52,079
of how we viewed singleness and marriage and women and

965
00:53:52,119 --> 00:53:56,360
sexual harassment and what was okay and not okay? And

966
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,320
it's crazy how different it is now only like twenty

967
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,599
five years later, where everything in the movie is still recognizable,

968
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:06,320
like fashion wise and stuff. How different, how almost like

969
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,320
shocking some of the aspects of this movie are. And

970
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:13,800
so we wanted to hit upon all the influences around

971
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:18,000
Bridget that have a great deal of impact.

972
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 3: On why she is the way she is.

973
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 1: Even if we stripped away the ADHD theory, we've been

974
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,840
running with all this other stuff we see in the

975
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,360
movie I think could lead her down this path even

976
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:32,119
without that that definitely exacerbates it and is weaved through it.

977
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,079
But as we're going to talk about, there's so much

978
00:54:35,119 --> 00:54:39,000
in this movie that that signals to Bridget something's wrong

979
00:54:39,039 --> 00:54:39,280
with you.

980
00:54:41,119 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's this overarching theme that everyone reminds her except

981
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,800
her friends. Her friends seem to kind of accept her

982
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,679
and kind of want her to feel.

983
00:54:53,079 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm glad she has such a good group of

984
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,199
friends that seem to be on her pace.

985
00:54:57,679 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 2: And for better or where dar He you know, got

986
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:05,679
her was by telling you, telling her I like you

987
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:07,079
as you are.

988
00:55:08,159 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 1: And for that to be such a heavy hitter, I

989
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:13,119
think that says so much about the societal factors of

990
00:55:13,119 --> 00:55:17,119
this movie that that's mind blowing. Yeah, for someone to

991
00:55:17,159 --> 00:55:19,039
tell you they like you how you are, and her

992
00:55:19,079 --> 00:55:21,840
even her friend's like like you are, like you don't

993
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,239
need to change, you don't need to be thinner or whatever,

994
00:55:25,519 --> 00:55:29,079
and she's like no, and everyone thinks it's like, like

995
00:55:29,159 --> 00:55:32,079
he's really getting what do they say, like the bar

996
00:55:32,199 --> 00:55:34,800
so low that if you aim higher than it, You're like, like,

997
00:55:35,159 --> 00:55:37,280
he's really benefiting from how low the bar is?

998
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:43,679
Speaker 2: Darcy, yeah, versus you know the other ass bag who

999
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:48,360
makes a game of it and like plays with her

1000
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:52,000
like a cat playing with a mouse, Like he just

1001
00:55:52,119 --> 00:55:55,519
toys with her and toys with that. Well, we're not

1002
00:55:55,559 --> 00:55:58,920
supposed to, but I really like you, But I'm gonna

1003
00:55:59,519 --> 00:56:02,280
exchange messages you in just a little flirty way that

1004
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:06,039
gets you on the slippery slope, and then we can

1005
00:56:06,079 --> 00:56:09,280
do things outside of work, or you must go to

1006
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,920
dinner with me. But I'm so handsome, it's just ridiculous

1007
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:14,719
how handsome I am, and you're just going to have

1008
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:18,760
to come with me. Uses his power, his privilege, all

1009
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:23,760
these things to manipulate his confidence, Like no, but I'm

1010
00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:26,400
all these things and I like you, so you should

1011
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:27,920
come out with me and abandon your guard.

1012
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: And he's benefiting off of what is so normalized at

1013
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:37,800
this time and in this movie, which is that women

1014
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:39,840
are to be sexualized.

1015
00:56:40,639 --> 00:56:42,159
Speaker 3: Like she is sexually.

1016
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 1: Harassed at work all the time, which is very socially acceptable.

1017
00:56:45,519 --> 00:56:50,199
She's sexually harassed by her uncle by marriage. I think

1018
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:51,159
it's like.

1019
00:56:51,119 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 3: Her uncle who's not her own family friend, not her

1020
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:53,519
own family friend.

1021
00:56:53,519 --> 00:56:56,760
Speaker 2: Okay, worse yeah, seeing that and just go like who

1022
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:57,840
pats her ass?

1023
00:56:58,039 --> 00:57:01,840
Speaker 1: Uncle peely like she and everyone acts like it's including her,

1024
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,559
like it's a joke, yep, even though you can tell

1025
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:06,760
it really discussed her.

1026
00:57:07,079 --> 00:57:10,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, and really, yeah, the bunny costume scene was.

1027
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 1: Uncomfortable. But how there's all this like bad behavior from men,

1028
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:21,519
like and she talks about was the named flirt tits

1029
00:57:21,559 --> 00:57:23,800
pervert that she can't think it was real name, like

1030
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:25,800
the fact that like it's a known thing that he'll

1031
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:27,280
just like stare at your tits at work.

1032
00:57:28,159 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 3: Like there's just so much socially.

1033
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:36,119
Speaker 1: Acceptable sexual harassment everywhere she goes. He also can't even

1034
00:57:36,199 --> 00:57:38,400
remember her fucking name. Oh yeah, cop calling her Brenda.

1035
00:57:38,519 --> 00:57:42,440
So like there's all this like dehumanizing sexual stuff happening

1036
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:45,039
to her, and it's all played for laughs, right, It's

1037
00:57:45,039 --> 00:57:47,239
played for laughs and jokes. And I get that in

1038
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:50,000
the movie, Like I'm not I'm not harping on the

1039
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,039
movie for having this in that because that was just

1040
00:57:52,039 --> 00:57:54,599
how things were at that time, Like it's all he

1041
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:57,679
ha ha. And I do think I can give them

1042
00:57:57,679 --> 00:58:00,400
a big credit though, that they do show how much

1043
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,840
with the exception of Daniel, because that's someone she wants.

1044
00:58:04,559 --> 00:58:08,239
She isn't liking it. It's making her feel bad about herself,

1045
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:12,199
like it's it's not she's pretending that she doesn't mind,

1046
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,000
and all the women around her a pretending like they

1047
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:14,920
don't mind, but they do.

1048
00:58:15,559 --> 00:58:20,679
Speaker 2: They make comments there when it's clearly like comedy lens

1049
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:25,559
off reality lens on the uncle's wife, it calls her

1050
00:58:25,559 --> 00:58:28,320
out on that shit when she's wearing the bunny costume

1051
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:31,280
at the party, all of it. As the movie starts

1052
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,519
to change tone a little bit, and it's clear like

1053
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,679
she's getting a leg up in the world and she's

1054
00:58:35,679 --> 00:58:40,159
getting more confident and sure, the other characters are juxtapositioned

1055
00:58:40,159 --> 00:58:44,159
into that, seeming to voice that, like the uncle's wife

1056
00:58:44,199 --> 00:58:46,920
going what the fuck and then the friends are toasting

1057
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:51,320
her on her birthday as she is. There's a lot

1058
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,800
of things that we start to see as the movie

1059
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:57,760
changes to, like the last third where Bridget's skating confidence

1060
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,760
and it's starting to be reflected by other people in

1061
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,800
her life that she's not just the laughing stock of

1062
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:08,440
Britain whose ass was shown on national TV on accident

1063
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,159
by a boss who the first thing he told her

1064
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,400
was nobody gets fired around here for sleeping their boss,

1065
00:59:14,519 --> 00:59:18,840
just just letting you know, which made me good. But

1066
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,559
that was the last one that was tolerated. Yeah, the

1067
00:59:21,599 --> 00:59:22,679
others were all checked after that.

1068
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,559
Speaker 1: And I think in the same vein is the theme

1069
00:59:26,599 --> 00:59:29,840
we see in this movie that you as a woman

1070
00:59:31,119 --> 00:59:34,880
is only as good as if you're able to catch

1071
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:41,119
a man. And even even the woman whose name I

1072
00:59:41,159 --> 00:59:43,679
can't even think of, I'm sure she had a name

1073
00:59:43,679 --> 00:59:50,400
in the movie, Mark Darcy's partner slash fiance, Natasha Natasha, Yeah,

1074
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:54,119
even she there's that scene where she's walking and she's

1075
00:59:54,159 --> 00:59:55,679
kind of walking away from Mark and she kind of

1076
00:59:55,719 --> 00:59:59,239
whispers to another woman like what does she say? She's like,

1077
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:02,519
I'm working on give me time, Give me time. This

1078
01:00:02,679 --> 01:00:05,920
idea that even a woman like her that has so

1079
01:00:06,079 --> 01:00:12,159
much clout and like personal power is still like really

1080
01:00:12,199 --> 01:00:15,159
wrapped up in like tricking a man almost to be

1081
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:17,480
with her, Like there's all the women in this movie

1082
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:22,840
are so centered around men and like getting a husband

1083
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:27,760
specific or getting a boyfriend, and even how excited she

1084
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:31,920
is to possibly bring a boyfriend to a family get together,

1085
01:00:32,119 --> 01:00:35,079
to that Tartan Vicker's party, which actually is a pretty

1086
01:00:35,079 --> 01:00:38,000
funny theme, but even that, like how excited she is

1087
01:00:38,039 --> 01:00:41,920
to bring a boyfriend around, and just how she is

1088
01:00:42,039 --> 01:00:44,079
treated and a lot of the women in the movie

1089
01:00:44,079 --> 01:00:49,800
are treated like they're incomplete until they get the prize

1090
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,679
of a man, and so then what does it do

1091
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,519
for someone like Bridget, Like you are incomplete?

1092
01:00:56,159 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 3: And that's how she poisons herself in the beginning of

1093
01:00:57,880 --> 01:00:58,159
the movie.

1094
01:00:58,159 --> 01:01:02,239
Speaker 1: It's like I'm I'm broken until I can find someone.

1095
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 2: Which unfortunately is a common trope in rom coms in general,

1096
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:07,880
and this pretty much follows it to a tea because

1097
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:11,639
also it's not really until she catches the attention of

1098
01:01:12,639 --> 01:01:16,679
good old mister Darcy that we actually see the other

1099
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:18,599
characters do the thing I was just talking about. It's

1100
01:01:18,599 --> 01:01:21,480
not until after he tells her she's good enough.

1101
01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 3: A man tells her she's good enough.

1102
01:01:23,039 --> 01:01:24,719
Speaker 2: A man and tells her she's good enough.

1103
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,079
Speaker 1: That's a good catch, Ben, that's a good catch. It

1104
01:01:27,199 --> 01:01:32,000
wasn't like her friends. It wasn't her friends, it wasn't herself.

1105
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:35,800
It wasn't a character changing moment. Now, granted she did

1106
01:01:36,159 --> 01:01:38,480
like getting into television and telling Daniel to fuck off

1107
01:01:38,559 --> 01:01:42,000
was a her move. Darcy didn't have shit to do

1108
01:01:42,039 --> 01:01:44,199
with that. That was all her So we give her

1109
01:01:44,199 --> 01:01:48,159
credit there in the film, but it only lets that

1110
01:01:48,239 --> 01:01:50,800
sit for a second because after she did that, then

1111
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:52,960
she gets accepted by a man, so then she's really

1112
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:58,800
good enough, which, damn it almost Maybe that's why there

1113
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,360
isn't as many like Wrong Comes nowadays, because it's kind

1114
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:04,679
of like Frozen. He did that kind of switch where

1115
01:02:05,119 --> 01:02:08,559
it's not really about getting it the guy.

1116
01:02:08,599 --> 01:02:10,079
Speaker 2: It definitely changed the tropes.

1117
01:02:11,039 --> 01:02:13,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think if they made this movie nowadays, I

1118
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:16,679
wonder if the real, like actual turn of the story

1119
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:19,440
would be when she like gets rid of the books

1120
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,199
and she gets the job, but it wouldn't necessarily be

1121
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:26,000
about finding another guy. Maybe it would be like they

1122
01:02:26,039 --> 01:02:28,159
find each other like way after the fact. But I

1123
01:02:28,159 --> 01:02:32,679
think nowadays the story would be she finds herself fully

1124
01:02:33,639 --> 01:02:35,800
and then which they kind of almost do hear, But

1125
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:39,159
it's the time, I would say. A good example, a

1126
01:02:39,199 --> 01:02:41,159
good example of what that movie would look like is

1127
01:02:41,159 --> 01:02:44,800
How to Be Single, Oh okay, where she really learns

1128
01:02:46,119 --> 01:02:49,199
how to who she is and she learns more about

1129
01:02:49,199 --> 01:02:51,840
who she is and it's not about she doesn't end

1130
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,199
up with someone at the end of the film. It's

1131
01:02:54,239 --> 01:02:57,639
about her figuring out who she is and less about

1132
01:02:58,159 --> 01:03:03,519
being valuable because she's connected to them. Man, yeah and yeah.

1133
01:03:03,599 --> 01:03:05,880
So it's interesting to watch it now. It made me

1134
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:10,440
feel really grateful that I am who I am now

1135
01:03:10,519 --> 01:03:12,559
and not at this time period this movie took place

1136
01:03:12,559 --> 01:03:14,079
in which I could have been. I mean, it's not

1137
01:03:14,119 --> 01:03:16,519
that long ago, even where like she's going to the

1138
01:03:16,559 --> 01:03:19,760
couple's dinner and everyone is so fucking nasty.

1139
01:03:20,599 --> 01:03:22,079
Speaker 3: That is nasty, fucking work.

1140
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:24,599
Speaker 1: The way that everyone looks at her and talks to

1141
01:03:24,639 --> 01:03:26,840
her with that fucking guy with that curly ass hair.

1142
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:31,719
Now I'm just ranting when he was like bridgid ugh,

1143
01:03:32,119 --> 01:03:35,519
like that is such like brantisocial behavior. Why why are

1144
01:03:35,559 --> 01:03:38,000
there so many thirty some women I see them at

1145
01:03:38,039 --> 01:03:40,320
the office They have this whole little speech about how

1146
01:03:40,519 --> 01:03:43,280
why are there so many thirty thirty somethings who can't

1147
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,400
find a man? It's basically what they said, and they

1148
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:50,239
want her to answer that question. Yeah, unfucking believable. And

1149
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:55,400
I remember being I in a lot of ways, I

1150
01:03:55,559 --> 01:03:59,800
was Bridget like I was. I drank well into my

1151
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:04,159
life thirties, it actually got worse in my thirties and

1152
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:07,519
had a lot of impulsive decisions that I would make

1153
01:04:07,559 --> 01:04:10,880
a lot of different So like when I saw this movie,

1154
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:14,280
I really felt like, oh wow, okay, so like this

1155
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:18,440
is what happens like it felt that much like I

1156
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:22,679
felt that connected to the character at the time because

1157
01:04:23,519 --> 01:04:25,440
I was very much did not have a sense of

1158
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:28,400
self very much in the same way that Bridget does.

1159
01:04:29,559 --> 01:04:33,719
And I think I remember that period of time when

1160
01:04:34,679 --> 01:04:37,159
that I mean when I was at a point where

1161
01:04:37,159 --> 01:04:39,519
I was old enough to be in relationships and stuff

1162
01:04:40,519 --> 01:04:44,199
where it only mattered that you had someone That's the

1163
01:04:44,199 --> 01:04:46,480
only thing that people get gave a shit about. And

1164
01:04:46,519 --> 01:04:48,880
they also only cared about if you're going to have kids,

1165
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,599
Like those were the only things that people cared about

1166
01:04:51,599 --> 01:04:54,360
at that time. And being in these situations and so

1167
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:57,920
also knowing that like Bridget is in this place where

1168
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:02,599
women aren't given value or and also are not humanized

1169
01:05:02,639 --> 01:05:09,559
as people, and being in this constant experience of sexual harassment,

1170
01:05:10,159 --> 01:05:13,559
like all the time that was always happening, it was

1171
01:05:13,599 --> 01:05:16,519
always like this funny joke. And being in this kind

1172
01:05:16,559 --> 01:05:20,280
of experience, it's really hard to imagine or have time

1173
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:23,280
and energy to think about who you are because the

1174
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:27,039
way that society and her family, the way that her

1175
01:05:27,039 --> 01:05:31,159
family treats her introducing her to anyone, like the pressure

1176
01:05:31,239 --> 01:05:34,079
that they put on her to have a relationship, like

1177
01:05:34,159 --> 01:05:36,880
she's getting it from all sides, and then we have

1178
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:40,920
this piece of her weight and how and like that

1179
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:44,920
shit is bananas. It was exactly like that though, where

1180
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,159
that's all that you worried about was how much you

1181
01:05:47,199 --> 01:05:51,480
weighed and what you look like and how attractive you

1182
01:05:51,559 --> 01:05:58,559
were to exactly God, exactly. So like it makes a

1183
01:05:58,599 --> 01:06:02,480
lot of sense that her experiences are what they are

1184
01:06:02,519 --> 01:06:06,559
because of the way culture and society and family we're

1185
01:06:06,599 --> 01:06:11,239
treating her. We're treating all women at this time. I mean,

1186
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:14,159
one thing is clear in all those situations, when she's

1187
01:06:14,199 --> 01:06:17,320
at that dinner, when she's at her families for all

1188
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:21,159
those family event things. No one's ever asking her, what

1189
01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:23,639
are you up to? What do you like? What's a hobby?

1190
01:06:24,199 --> 01:06:26,880
What are you reading? Everyone is just like, who are

1191
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:29,360
you dating? And do you want to meet this guy?

1192
01:06:30,199 --> 01:06:34,400
It's like, so she's also not being encouraged by anyone

1193
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:38,840
in these social settings too, that there's any value or

1194
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:41,840
interest in what she likes, and it has also encouraged

1195
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:45,719
her to develop those things, like she doesn't really have

1196
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:47,840
to worry about having hobbies if no one's ever going

1197
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,199
to ask her, who cares? You know?

1198
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 2: All right? I find myself as you guys are talking

1199
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:57,760
about this, running a movie in my head of this

1200
01:06:58,079 --> 01:07:00,440
taking place nowadays like you were talking about, but also

1201
01:07:00,519 --> 01:07:02,199
the other one going in my head that just keeps

1202
01:07:02,239 --> 01:07:07,119
pop vump is intimacy versus what in the Ericsonian stages,

1203
01:07:07,199 --> 01:07:10,519
intimacy versus what, intimacy versus isolation.

1204
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,079
Speaker 3: Oh, that's correct.

1205
01:07:14,440 --> 01:07:17,519
Speaker 2: Is the name of the stage and the central conflict

1206
01:07:17,559 --> 01:07:22,239
of that one, which usually is between like eighteen and

1207
01:07:22,559 --> 01:07:25,559
twenty six or something. But granted that was made in

1208
01:07:25,599 --> 01:07:29,199
the seventies, so a long time ago our sixties even possibly,

1209
01:07:29,519 --> 01:07:34,079
But I think it needs some updated language because it

1210
01:07:34,119 --> 01:07:37,480
doesn't necessarily reflect the modern world where it may be

1211
01:07:37,639 --> 01:07:42,239
common to see a thirty year old woman being quite

1212
01:07:42,320 --> 01:07:46,440
successful with lots of hobbies, having her friends around doing things,

1213
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:49,079
and she didn't find someone to be with because some

1214
01:07:49,119 --> 01:07:52,119
of the options are trashbacks.

1215
01:07:52,159 --> 01:07:55,079
Speaker 1: Abysmal, absolutely fucking abysmal.

1216
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:57,519
Speaker 2: And aren't worth her fucking time. And that instead of

1217
01:07:57,559 --> 01:08:01,400
looking at with shame, is encourage of like, girl, make

1218
01:08:01,400 --> 01:08:02,960
sure the man you give up, this life you built

1219
01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:05,440
for yourself if you want to, is worth it.

1220
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:09,159
Speaker 1: And I think what's also a shame is that when

1221
01:08:09,199 --> 01:08:12,119
you think about the idea of intimacy, she has three

1222
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:16,560
close friends that she sees all the time. Like to

1223
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:20,399
have such a good core friend group in your thirties

1224
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:27,359
especially then is so important and also not that easy

1225
01:08:27,359 --> 01:08:31,039
for a lot of people. And I think nowadays what's

1226
01:08:31,119 --> 01:08:36,920
different is there's more value on feeding into relationships that

1227
01:08:37,039 --> 01:08:41,319
genuinely feel like intimate and fulfilling, and that includes friendships,

1228
01:08:41,359 --> 01:08:43,359
and so a lot of people now, a lot of

1229
01:08:43,399 --> 01:08:47,600
women are finding what she actually already has, which is like,

1230
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:51,520
I'm already getting all of my intimacy needs met emotionally

1231
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,720
from my friends, and that feels valuable now and it's

1232
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:58,039
treated by society is more valuable, and so then you

1233
01:08:58,039 --> 01:09:01,399
don't put up with bullshit from guys because you're getting

1234
01:09:01,399 --> 01:09:05,279
those needs met and unfor I mean, do her and

1235
01:09:05,279 --> 01:09:07,119
her friends talk about guys a lot. Yeah, but that's

1236
01:09:07,159 --> 01:09:10,239
also a product of the time. But still, like they're

1237
01:09:10,239 --> 01:09:13,920
out doing stuff. It's not like they're just sitting around

1238
01:09:14,039 --> 01:09:17,600
like a bunch of old maids, you know, like they're

1239
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:20,359
out there having fun. They're getting into trouble. Did they

1240
01:09:20,399 --> 01:09:22,439
want to take her they want to take her to

1241
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:25,000
Paris because she's having a bad time, Like she has

1242
01:09:25,079 --> 01:09:28,560
friends that care about her and they like her, and

1243
01:09:29,439 --> 01:09:31,279
like you were saying, Ben, I think where this movie

1244
01:09:31,399 --> 01:09:35,399
still stuck in time is that wasn't good enough. I

1245
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:38,920
think nowadays that maybe would be how the movie goes. Yeah,

1246
01:09:39,079 --> 01:09:41,640
is that like she more appreciative of the life that's

1247
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:42,640
already around her.

1248
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:49,119
Speaker 2: And I think, quite frankly, it's starting to see some

1249
01:09:49,159 --> 01:09:54,479
shift because guys would typically be the ones still out

1250
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,199
doing all the shit and that being seen as normal,

1251
01:09:57,239 --> 01:10:02,840
and I'm seeing that change. We're at least those of

1252
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:05,760
us who are married in particular, looking at other guys

1253
01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:08,439
who are doing that shit and kind of being like,

1254
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:15,439
you're still doing that really like grow up. It's kind

1255
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:19,000
of what goes amongst the culture of other men to men,

1256
01:10:19,159 --> 01:10:22,199
and it's it seems like it's almost a polar reversal,

1257
01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:26,439
and that's interesting that times have changed so much. But

1258
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:31,199
also when we see guys out there acting like trash

1259
01:10:31,239 --> 01:10:34,520
asses like that, a lot of us judge that pretty

1260
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:36,960
fucking hard on each other, like fuck are you doing?

1261
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:42,479
Grow up? Stop this shit, like you're just you're on

1262
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:45,439
these apps. Come on, man, why you get bugs on

1263
01:10:45,479 --> 01:10:46,640
your nuts? And like what are you doing?

1264
01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:50,680
Speaker 1: Do you think it's because well, this is kind of

1265
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:52,520
like the stereotype, but I think there's truth to it

1266
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:57,079
where when women go hang out or like queer people

1267
01:10:57,079 --> 01:11:00,439
are like fimp send people that it's or like we're

1268
01:11:00,479 --> 01:11:02,439
going out to do something together, like where it's like

1269
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:06,279
more activity oriented and like spending time together, Whereas I

1270
01:11:06,319 --> 01:11:09,000
think the perception of when men go out, especially when

1271
01:11:09,039 --> 01:11:12,479
they go out later in age, is there like on

1272
01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:15,600
the prow and they're around like younger people.

1273
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 2: Some environments certainly okay, but a lot of times when

1274
01:11:22,159 --> 01:11:24,720
guys are hanging out together as a group, it's very

1275
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:29,199
much doing things that we want to do with other

1276
01:11:29,319 --> 01:11:31,479
dudes and won't get judged for like play video games

1277
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:36,239
and like do ridiculous things and wrestle each other and

1278
01:11:36,439 --> 01:11:37,479
other stupid shit.

1279
01:11:38,319 --> 01:11:40,319
Speaker 1: Like make fun of see.

1280
01:11:41,239 --> 01:11:44,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely the opposite of that. But the things we

1281
01:11:44,840 --> 01:11:47,119
do not want people who may view us as sexy

1282
01:11:47,199 --> 01:11:48,239
to ever see us do.

1283
01:11:49,079 --> 01:11:50,039
Speaker 3: Party to other's faces.

1284
01:11:50,079 --> 01:11:53,680
Speaker 2: We're having a Mario Kart tournament when we're forty. Yeah, Like,

1285
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:54,399
don't judge me.

1286
01:11:54,479 --> 01:11:57,039
Speaker 3: Well, because I wouldn't because I wouldn't think poorly.

1287
01:11:57,119 --> 01:12:00,279
Speaker 1: Actually, I would be happy if I saw a bunch

1288
01:12:00,279 --> 01:12:04,119
of men like guy friends at like a pottery class

1289
01:12:04,239 --> 01:12:07,880
or like out doing anything together, like doing a hobby

1290
01:12:07,920 --> 01:12:09,159
as a group. And I think that's a lot of

1291
01:12:09,159 --> 01:12:11,399
what women do, is they go out as a group

1292
01:12:11,880 --> 01:12:12,920
to have fun together.

1293
01:12:13,920 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 3: And so like golf is yeah, that's what I mean.

1294
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:19,279
Speaker 1: Like, I so it sounds like when you're talking about

1295
01:12:19,279 --> 01:12:21,199
it's more like when guys go out to like party.

1296
01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean guys going out to party tell.

1297
01:12:23,760 --> 01:12:25,359
Speaker 1: A different vibe to it than if guys just having

1298
01:12:25,359 --> 01:12:26,880
a hobby with their friends as a group.

1299
01:12:27,079 --> 01:12:30,199
Speaker 2: Right, guy and guy, we get together and do stuff

1300
01:12:30,720 --> 01:12:32,960
all the time. It's most of what we do. But

1301
01:12:33,039 --> 01:12:35,159
there are you know, pockets of guys who are still

1302
01:12:35,159 --> 01:12:40,199
out there doing like the club scene, like douchebag shit,

1303
01:12:40,359 --> 01:12:42,600
and that's that's a very different thing than like guys

1304
01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:44,960
in a group getting together to hang out, and it's

1305
01:12:45,119 --> 01:12:48,720
I assume it's pretty similar of like people splitting off

1306
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:51,960
and not you know, nobody here is viewing me as

1307
01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:55,800
a sexual object, so we don't have to front. We

1308
01:12:55,840 --> 01:12:58,239
can all just do whatever if we like. That's kind

1309
01:12:58,239 --> 01:13:00,199
of the same energy you're talking about it, like we're

1310
01:13:00,199 --> 01:13:02,720
going out to do a thing. We're gonna go read

1311
01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:06,920
witchy books. Like that's nobody hears doing this is a

1312
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:09,560
sexual activity. This is we just like it and deal

1313
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:15,920
with it the same stuff, you know. It just it's

1314
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:19,880
remarkable how I think it's switching a little bit where

1315
01:13:19,880 --> 01:13:22,399
people are like looking at women who are like now

1316
01:13:22,439 --> 01:13:24,399
I'm not dealing with that shit, and people going like, yeah,

1317
01:13:24,479 --> 01:13:26,800
that makes sense why they.

1318
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,319
Speaker 1: Have a lot of time to make up for you know,

1319
01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:29,399
that's fair.

1320
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:32,359
Speaker 2: But I think it's interesting that like other guys are

1321
01:13:32,359 --> 01:13:34,199
looking at guys going like, you know, you're being the

1322
01:13:34,199 --> 01:13:36,039
guy that she's talking about when she says she's not

1323
01:13:36,159 --> 01:13:39,039
dating something, because you're like that, that's.

1324
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:41,159
Speaker 1: Why get your friend you know what I mean, get

1325
01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:44,560
your front place place doc.

1326
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,199
Speaker 2: That's why the are we dating the same guy exists?

1327
01:13:48,439 --> 01:13:48,640
You know.

1328
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:50,319
Speaker 1: I've heard of those.

1329
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:53,399
Speaker 2: One of my friends ended up on it and I

1330
01:13:53,479 --> 01:13:54,119
laughed for.

1331
01:13:54,319 --> 01:13:56,520
Speaker 1: Days because there's like one for every big city right

1332
01:13:57,720 --> 01:13:59,840
Facebook group basically or read it or whatever.

1333
01:14:00,119 --> 01:14:04,199
Speaker 2: I've had clients come back and see me because somebody

1334
01:14:04,239 --> 01:14:07,640
that they were involved in and like, just like you

1335
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:12,039
sitting hear the story and like they're all hugrand It's

1336
01:14:12,119 --> 01:14:14,840
it's always the same shit. It's this. It's the cryptoid's playbook.

1337
01:14:15,079 --> 01:14:19,359
It's the manipulation, the lying, the constant line, the big lie,

1338
01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:24,159
just all of it. It's fucking shaggy. Wasn't me. I

1339
01:14:24,239 --> 01:14:27,640
haven't caught it on camera. Wasn't me. That's what it is.

1340
01:14:28,159 --> 01:14:32,279
It's like also a period of that time now people

1341
01:14:32,399 --> 01:14:36,199
like yet, no, dude, what the fuck stop it. That's

1342
01:14:36,279 --> 01:14:38,720
why women aren't sleeping with any euo it because you

1343
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:41,199
act like this stop yeah.

1344
01:14:41,239 --> 01:14:44,640
Speaker 1: And I think it's like the difference between engaging in

1345
01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:47,359
your child self and like going and having fun and

1346
01:14:47,399 --> 01:14:49,680
going out, like dancing and having fun and like vibing

1347
01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:53,359
versus like Peter Pan syndrome, which is like, I don't

1348
01:14:53,359 --> 01:14:55,720
want to grow up. I don't want to be held accountable.

1349
01:14:55,880 --> 01:14:58,359
I don't want to be held accountable as an adult.

1350
01:14:58,439 --> 01:15:00,640
I just want to act like a teenager. I die.

1351
01:15:01,079 --> 01:15:04,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the thing that gets the judgment from

1352
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:07,720
groups of men to other men, particularly married men, because

1353
01:15:08,239 --> 01:15:11,159
we want everyone else to grow up, and like, can

1354
01:15:11,279 --> 01:15:13,239
can we be friends so you can be acceptable in

1355
01:15:13,279 --> 01:15:15,640
mixed company, and some people like nah, Like all right,

1356
01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:18,279
well then I can't hang out with you because you're

1357
01:15:18,359 --> 01:15:24,079
not acceptable to bring to dinner. I'm sorry, likely you know,

1358
01:15:24,159 --> 01:15:27,880
and it's it's just it's an interesting shift.

1359
01:15:28,079 --> 01:15:29,640
Speaker 1: Let's take a break care when we right back to

1360
01:15:29,640 --> 01:15:33,840
talk about bridgets parents. So the one thing we can't

1361
01:15:33,840 --> 01:15:36,640
be remiss to talk about as an influence on Bridget

1362
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:40,920
is her parents, both her mom and her dad a

1363
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:44,359
little bit before her mom. I hate to say it,

1364
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:48,079
but I think watching the movie this time as a

1365
01:15:48,119 --> 01:15:49,800
much older person, so I probably haven't seen this movie

1366
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:52,960
in like fifteen twenty years, So watching it now as

1367
01:15:52,960 --> 01:15:54,840
an adult and as a therapist, I was like, ooh,

1368
01:15:54,960 --> 01:15:57,880
her mom and her relationship with her mom is tough.

1369
01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:02,319
It's tough. And I know we've talked about her mom

1370
01:16:02,319 --> 01:16:05,000
as part of the bigger thing, like her mom, criticizing

1371
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:08,119
how she dresses, her mom, introducing her to guys. But

1372
01:16:08,199 --> 01:16:12,039
there is like specifics about her mom and her relationship

1373
01:16:12,079 --> 01:16:14,159
to her mom and her parents relationship to each other

1374
01:16:14,800 --> 01:16:17,960
that I think is important for us to name in

1375
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:21,600
regards to why Bridget is the way she is and

1376
01:16:21,640 --> 01:16:27,279
why she feels the way she does about relationships. You're

1377
01:16:27,279 --> 01:16:31,119
absolutely right about her mom, like I feel like the

1378
01:16:31,199 --> 01:16:34,920
relationship is really rough. I also feel like I'm also

1379
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:39,119
glad when Bridget like hangs up on her. Yeah, that

1380
01:16:39,279 --> 01:16:43,039
was like tries to set a boundary or whatever. But

1381
01:16:43,079 --> 01:16:45,520
I think the other thing that I'm thinking about is

1382
01:16:46,119 --> 01:16:49,880
the engagement of her parents, right, Like her dad seems

1383
01:16:49,880 --> 01:16:53,680
pretty passive, oh yeah, and just go goes along. I

1384
01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:56,960
mean clearly, like he's just going along even though he's

1385
01:16:57,039 --> 01:17:01,800
watching her. He's watched her cheat on him basically and

1386
01:17:01,880 --> 01:17:04,520
like real time, and like real time like on TV,

1387
01:17:05,119 --> 01:17:07,880
everyone else sees it, and he talks about everybody else,

1388
01:17:09,399 --> 01:17:12,600
but their friends have had them around for dinner, like

1389
01:17:12,640 --> 01:17:14,359
it's all they just forgot about him, and they just

1390
01:17:14,359 --> 01:17:19,199
forgot about him. So I feel like some of Bridget's

1391
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:24,119
lack of engagement is because that's how her dad is

1392
01:17:25,359 --> 01:17:27,640
in some ways, and how her dad and her mom

1393
01:17:27,680 --> 01:17:33,279
relate to each other. The dynamic between the three of

1394
01:17:33,319 --> 01:17:40,000
them sounds like Bridget and dad gang up on mom,

1395
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:44,760
and it sounds like they gang up on her and

1396
01:17:44,840 --> 01:17:46,880
just kind of talk about her like she's a silly person.

1397
01:17:47,560 --> 01:17:51,399
So another but also another reinforcement for Bridget of how

1398
01:17:51,479 --> 01:17:55,000
silly and stupid and dumb women are. Well, isn't there

1399
01:17:55,039 --> 01:17:57,880
that it's just reinforcing it, isn't there that quote about

1400
01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:01,520
like the daughter aligns with the father to make fun

1401
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:04,720
of the mother, not realizing that eventually she'll be the

1402
01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:09,560
mother or something like that. There's like a quote about

1403
01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:12,439
how you will align with your dad to make fun

1404
01:18:12,439 --> 01:18:16,119
of your silly ass mom, not realizing that like what

1405
01:18:16,159 --> 01:18:20,439
you're doing to yourself and also what you're graduating exactly.

1406
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:23,079
And I could see that too, because since her dad

1407
01:18:23,159 --> 01:18:28,479
is the more passive one, he is more like I

1408
01:18:28,520 --> 01:18:30,520
don't want to say the word pathetic because that's the

1409
01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:33,199
word that's coming up, but he he is more help,

1410
01:18:34,039 --> 01:18:36,199
more health he's just passive, like she has to go

1411
01:18:36,239 --> 01:18:38,159
and take care of him, like she's to take care

1412
01:18:38,159 --> 01:18:40,560
of both her parents, but in very different ways. And

1413
01:18:40,600 --> 01:18:44,000
so with her dad, because he's so passive, he's the

1414
01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:46,760
one that stuff's happening too, and so I think he's

1415
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:52,479
he's easier to have empathy for, sympathy for or that

1416
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:55,479
he needs help, right, And so she goes to him

1417
01:18:55,520 --> 01:18:58,039
to clean up his house, she spends Christmas with him,

1418
01:18:59,159 --> 01:19:03,720
like she's taking sides with her dad. And I'm sure

1419
01:19:03,720 --> 01:19:07,760
part of that is her anger towards her mom and

1420
01:19:08,399 --> 01:19:12,359
because of their relationship absolute and unfortunately how she's probably

1421
01:19:12,399 --> 01:19:16,920
dealing with that or rationalizing that or whatever is by

1422
01:19:17,319 --> 01:19:21,000
siding with her dad, right because her mom. I get

1423
01:19:21,119 --> 01:19:23,520
why she feels the way she feels about her mom,

1424
01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:25,560
Like she is every right that's its own separate thing.

1425
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:28,520
She's every right to feel a lot of feelings about

1426
01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:33,039
her mom that's well deserved by her mom. And I

1427
01:19:33,079 --> 01:19:36,399
think it all gets clumped together. Also bridges an only child, right, No,

1428
01:19:36,520 --> 01:19:38,359
she has a brother. She's a brother. Yeah, what the

1429
01:19:38,359 --> 01:19:42,880
fuck is he at? Yep? According to what in the books,

1430
01:19:43,319 --> 01:19:46,720
But in the movies, I think they do talk about

1431
01:19:46,760 --> 01:19:49,279
the brother. In one of the movies, readers write in

1432
01:19:49,439 --> 01:19:52,479
and tell us listen, I know I've seen I've watched

1433
01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:55,800
when I watched these movies, I watch all the movies. Though, No,

1434
01:19:55,960 --> 01:19:59,560
in the movies they have a discussion about a brother. Really, yes,

1435
01:20:00,840 --> 01:20:03,720
Hannah's telling us Ben was had just go take a break,

1436
01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:05,479
and now it Ben's back with us and Hannah just

1437
01:20:05,520 --> 01:20:09,800
told us that she is a brother. Bridget what because

1438
01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:11,680
I was just saying that was what I was gonna go,

1439
01:20:11,720 --> 01:20:15,199
But you blew up My point? Sorry? Is that is that?

1440
01:20:15,760 --> 01:20:17,720
Speaker 3: I think also this happens with only children.

1441
01:20:18,279 --> 01:20:22,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, in a relationship, is that they get adultified because

1442
01:20:22,720 --> 01:20:25,680
there's not there's less separation. I think organically of like

1443
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:27,239
the kids are over here and the parents are over here,

1444
01:20:27,239 --> 01:20:30,319
like the adults out number the kid. Yeah, And so

1445
01:20:31,039 --> 01:20:34,880
I think sometimes organically the kid and not even from

1446
01:20:34,880 --> 01:20:36,399
a fault of the parents. Like I think we've talked

1447
01:20:36,399 --> 01:20:42,199
about only kids before, how the parent can just the

1448
01:20:42,279 --> 01:20:44,119
kid can just become a little bit more involved in

1449
01:20:44,119 --> 01:20:49,680
adult business and whatever, and not maybe as sheltered as

1450
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:52,840
multiple children are. So I think like the stuff that

1451
01:20:52,880 --> 01:20:55,239
we see Bridget go through, I think can happen where

1452
01:20:55,279 --> 01:20:57,800
she's a bit more involved in her parents's life.

1453
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:00,760
Speaker 3: But like we were saying, like her, that's so passive.

1454
01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:02,600
Speaker 1: But I think also what I was thinking when you're

1455
01:21:02,600 --> 01:21:05,600
saying that, is how that models for her that you

1456
01:21:05,680 --> 01:21:09,399
can be treated like fucking garbage. And even though they

1457
01:21:09,479 --> 01:21:11,640
kind of like frame it as a sweet thing that

1458
01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:15,079
her dad so easily takes her mom back, in the

1459
01:21:15,119 --> 01:21:19,199
context of like Bridget and what she's observing, I'm like,

1460
01:21:19,319 --> 01:21:23,840
e ish, Like she's thirty two, so that's different. But

1461
01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:27,119
if she was like sixteen and saw that, like what

1462
01:21:27,159 --> 01:21:31,199
that informs for her in terms of how you are

1463
01:21:31,199 --> 01:21:33,920
supposed to be treated, what you are supposed to accept

1464
01:21:33,920 --> 01:21:39,039
from a partner, that you can be humiliated and that's

1465
01:21:39,039 --> 01:21:42,079
okay because you don't deserve that person anyway. Like her

1466
01:21:42,159 --> 01:21:44,960
dad's whole vibe is I can't do better than you, so,

1467
01:21:45,439 --> 01:21:47,239
which is what he says, right Like when he takes

1468
01:21:47,239 --> 01:21:50,920
her back, he says he doesn't know that his life

1469
01:21:50,960 --> 01:21:54,840
doesn't work without her. That's what he says. Okay, So

1470
01:21:54,920 --> 01:21:57,479
that's that's different. I see, it makes sense.

1471
01:21:57,600 --> 01:21:59,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, he makes her sweat it for a second, but

1472
01:21:59,279 --> 01:22:02,680
then he just like immediately caves tells her I'm joking,

1473
01:22:03,279 --> 01:22:05,319
of course, my life doesn't work without you. Yeah.

1474
01:22:05,560 --> 01:22:11,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And at least bridgencies that in the point in

1475
01:22:11,600 --> 01:22:15,760
the story when she's a lot more self actualized, because

1476
01:22:15,800 --> 01:22:19,079
that's it just makes a lot of more things make

1477
01:22:19,159 --> 01:22:21,920
sense in terms of what Bridget accepts.

1478
01:22:22,880 --> 01:22:27,039
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the moment we see Bridget form a

1479
01:22:28,199 --> 01:22:33,039
spine is one we don't see from her dad. He

1480
01:22:33,119 --> 01:22:36,479
starts to kind of get used to the idea of

1481
01:22:37,199 --> 01:22:40,680
being humiliated, but he just shrinks from it, whereas Fridget

1482
01:22:42,159 --> 01:22:47,159
kind of says nah and really publicly breaks up with

1483
01:22:49,399 --> 01:22:54,359
Daniel and then flames him in front of the entire office,

1484
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:58,159
to the point that the other person, who can't actually

1485
01:22:58,159 --> 01:23:00,600
fire her because he thinks as a boss, says, even

1486
01:23:00,640 --> 01:23:03,079
if she doesn't quit, I'll fire her right now for

1487
01:23:03,199 --> 01:23:07,560
losing her nerve for whatever. But you see, I think

1488
01:23:08,319 --> 01:23:09,760
that is a moment where we start to see that

1489
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:12,399
growth in her where she's trying to not be them,

1490
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:18,479
but it's quite clear that her mom is just reverting

1491
01:23:18,520 --> 01:23:21,600
and having a midlife crisis.

1492
01:23:22,600 --> 01:23:25,640
Speaker 1: I feel like that just reinforces everything for Bridget in

1493
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:30,920
a way that's so unhelpful, and the fact that they

1494
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:34,319
just don't have any they just don't have any awareness

1495
01:23:34,359 --> 01:23:36,239
about it. And I feel like something that I talk

1496
01:23:36,279 --> 01:23:40,199
to clients about all the time. Is that when you

1497
01:23:40,359 --> 01:23:44,920
see a relationship one way for such a long time,

1498
01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,920
it's really hard to go out and have a different

1499
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:53,840
kind of relationship. Yes, it's absolutely possible. That's absolutely something

1500
01:23:53,880 --> 01:23:56,960
that can happen. And it's going to take some work

1501
01:23:57,319 --> 01:23:59,319
to undo some of the things that you learned in

1502
01:23:59,359 --> 01:24:03,359
your family that were acceptable that are really are not

1503
01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:07,560
acceptable things. And so that's something that I have to

1504
01:24:07,600 --> 01:24:10,000
talk to couples about because if we talk a lot

1505
01:24:10,039 --> 01:24:12,319
about their families growing up, we talk a lot about

1506
01:24:12,319 --> 01:24:14,359
what did you see? Did you see affection? Did you

1507
01:24:14,399 --> 01:24:18,319
see kindness? Did you see flexibility? Like, did you see

1508
01:24:18,319 --> 01:24:20,680
any of these things? And if you haven't, it makes

1509
01:24:20,720 --> 01:24:24,640
sense that it's hard to have that for yourself in

1510
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:29,520
your relationship. It it takes work, and it takes learning

1511
01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:32,960
more about yourself in order to I feel like, in

1512
01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:36,279
some ways have a more informed approach to how you

1513
01:24:36,399 --> 01:24:41,239
want to connect with someone else. And I wonder if

1514
01:24:41,279 --> 01:24:45,880
actually what works in Bridget's favor with what you were saying, Ben,

1515
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:49,600
is that she's still single into her thirties, Whereas I

1516
01:24:49,640 --> 01:24:52,159
think what can be hard for I'm going to make

1517
01:24:52,199 --> 01:24:54,520
some assumptions about her parents, but like assuming they got

1518
01:24:54,560 --> 01:24:56,960
together when people would normally get together, which is like

1519
01:24:57,000 --> 01:25:02,239
the early twenties. If not younger, you don't know who

1520
01:25:02,279 --> 01:25:06,359
you are, like during those pivotal times in your late teens,

1521
01:25:06,359 --> 01:25:12,039
early twenties through to your thirties. Actually when you can

1522
01:25:12,119 --> 01:25:13,920
be going out in the world and figuring out who

1523
01:25:13,960 --> 01:25:19,479
you are as an individual, you get to know yourself

1524
01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:21,920
as an adult as a unit. And so I think

1525
01:25:22,000 --> 01:25:25,560
then what happens with her parents is that they go

1526
01:25:25,640 --> 01:25:29,399
through that sort of late teens, early twenties stage. So

1527
01:25:29,520 --> 01:25:31,119
that's what a mid life crisis is, right, You go

1528
01:25:31,199 --> 01:25:35,119
through that stage when you're a lot older. So it's

1529
01:25:35,239 --> 01:25:40,960
very awkward to watch because it doesn't match. The behavior

1530
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:43,600
and the age don't match. The age you are don't match.

1531
01:25:44,199 --> 01:25:46,840
And so the things that she's doing are things that

1532
01:25:47,279 --> 01:25:50,520
you should do when you're younger, which is what kind

1533
01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:54,880
of bridge it's doing, right, Like date idiots, make chances,

1534
01:25:55,119 --> 01:25:58,119
like take chances, date the dude with the bad tan

1535
01:25:58,640 --> 01:26:02,439
who's a little too much, you know, act a little impulsive,

1536
01:26:02,800 --> 01:26:07,640
and YadA YadA, And her mom is doing is trying

1537
01:26:07,680 --> 01:26:09,560
to figure out who she is by doing that. And

1538
01:26:09,600 --> 01:26:12,159
then her dad also doesn't know who he is so

1539
01:26:12,199 --> 01:26:15,159
he just falls apart when he's by himself. And so

1540
01:26:15,239 --> 01:26:18,720
Bridget has two parents that also don't know who they are.

1541
01:26:19,159 --> 01:26:22,560
And her mom gives that speech to her about like

1542
01:26:22,960 --> 01:26:25,359
you don't like about how life sucks basically and if

1543
01:26:25,359 --> 01:26:27,000
she could go back in time, she wouldn't have kids

1544
01:26:28,239 --> 01:26:30,920
to Bridges as faith, which is crazy and I love

1545
01:26:30,920 --> 01:26:35,039
that they look like what yeah, and how Bridget just

1546
01:26:35,119 --> 01:26:37,319
rolls with it, which makes me assume that her mom

1547
01:26:37,399 --> 01:26:39,560
says shit like that to Bridget all the time. Like, well,

1548
01:26:39,560 --> 01:26:42,439
the way her mom calls her throughout the movie and

1549
01:26:42,560 --> 01:26:44,159
is like wants to talk about her sex life with

1550
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,039
her dad, wants to talk about her sex life with

1551
01:26:46,079 --> 01:26:53,520
her new boyfriend, like really really pleads almost for Bridget

1552
01:26:53,600 --> 01:26:57,119
to be her friend and not her daughter. Yeah, which

1553
01:26:57,119 --> 01:26:59,399
means that her mom must have no friends, but she

1554
01:26:59,399 --> 01:27:00,760
can talk to you. And though she has all those

1555
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:03,479
people that she's around and that she goes to things with,

1556
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:06,159
but the fact that she her first it seems like

1557
01:27:06,199 --> 01:27:08,159
her first person to talk to when she's an emotional

1558
01:27:08,199 --> 01:27:12,359
crisis is her adult daughter about her relationship with her

1559
01:27:12,439 --> 01:27:20,239
dad is so inappropriate and so fucked for Bridget because

1560
01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:22,600
and this is something I think I might talk about

1561
01:27:22,600 --> 01:27:25,239
in treatment and people can come up with their hate.

1562
01:27:25,239 --> 01:27:26,399
Speaker 2: I don't care.

1563
01:27:26,800 --> 01:27:31,920
Speaker 1: Is why even when you're both adults, like the child

1564
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,680
and the parent are both adults, there should still be

1565
01:27:34,720 --> 01:27:40,319
some boundaries in terms of what is friendly parent parental

1566
01:27:40,359 --> 01:27:47,239
relationship versus friends and her mom. For whatever reason, probably

1567
01:27:47,239 --> 01:27:50,239
all of Bridget's life is like treating Bridget like a friend,

1568
01:27:50,439 --> 01:27:53,920
not even like a like John, teating her well as

1569
01:27:53,920 --> 01:27:58,439
a friend even but relying on her emotionally and crossing

1570
01:27:58,479 --> 01:27:59,960
out of boundaries, and so that it makes sense why

1571
01:28:00,039 --> 01:28:04,079
Bridget gets pulled in by someone like Daniel, because this

1572
01:28:04,239 --> 01:28:09,079
is what she knows, like no boundaries, emotional craziness, being

1573
01:28:09,119 --> 01:28:11,079
too emotional, saying I think I love you? Do you

1574
01:28:11,119 --> 01:28:13,520
love me? Maybe want to die inside? When that's scene

1575
01:28:13,520 --> 01:28:16,159
in bed, I was like, Bridget, don't it so soon?

1576
01:28:16,439 --> 01:28:18,680
It's just so soon? And also do you love me?

1577
01:28:19,279 --> 01:28:25,000
Like oh yeah, and and then being like take it

1578
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:25,720
back the next day.

1579
01:28:26,479 --> 01:28:28,479
Speaker 2: That was the one that made my stomach.

1580
01:28:28,560 --> 01:28:33,079
Speaker 1: You're like, come on, girl, you're thirty two, you're not

1581
01:28:33,159 --> 01:28:35,680
twenty three. Yeah girl, yeah.

1582
01:28:35,479 --> 01:28:40,119
Speaker 2: Girl, You're feeling you were getting into him and feeling it.

1583
01:28:40,239 --> 01:28:41,920
Don't don't do that to yourself.

1584
01:28:42,199 --> 01:28:44,760
Speaker 1: But just like how emotionally all over the place she is,

1585
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:48,520
Like her parents are emotionally over the place, Like her

1586
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,640
parents are a mess. They don't try to protect her

1587
01:28:50,920 --> 01:28:54,680
from how emotionally messy they are. They throw it all,

1588
01:28:54,720 --> 01:28:57,760
they barf all over her in different ways. And so

1589
01:28:58,600 --> 01:29:00,600
I just wanted to like name that is like a

1590
01:29:00,600 --> 01:29:04,920
big influence on why she's the way she is too,

1591
01:29:05,359 --> 01:29:07,880
and that she kind of had uphill battle coming from

1592
01:29:07,880 --> 01:29:11,680
those parents to get to being a more self actualized, confident,

1593
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:12,560
boundaried person.

1594
01:29:14,079 --> 01:29:18,239
Speaker 2: She sure did anything else on that topic before we

1595
01:29:19,720 --> 01:29:23,000
take the next break. Let's take a break and then

1596
01:29:23,039 --> 01:29:29,199
move into treatment Sole Treatment, our first treatment of season nine,

1597
01:29:31,760 --> 01:29:35,359
doing the individual side of things. Usually, I'm gonna go

1598
01:29:35,399 --> 01:29:41,560
ahead and take Bridget. Bridget is actually quite similar to

1599
01:29:41,880 --> 01:29:47,600
clients that I tend to attract, particularly at NOPE Everywhere.

1600
01:29:49,439 --> 01:29:52,920
Some of my colleagues jokingly call me a divorce whisperer

1601
01:29:53,000 --> 01:29:55,680
because I tend to attract people in this kind of spot.

1602
01:29:56,000 --> 01:30:02,560
But I think working with working with Bridget, I think

1603
01:30:02,600 --> 01:30:07,760
I would really want to work on identifying a sense

1604
01:30:07,880 --> 01:30:10,239
of self for her and helping her figure out who

1605
01:30:10,359 --> 01:30:14,600
she wants to be. Independent of who other people want

1606
01:30:14,600 --> 01:30:17,000
her to be. But I think she'd be a person

1607
01:30:17,119 --> 01:30:18,960
kind of like we've been alluding to. I would be

1608
01:30:19,520 --> 01:30:23,800
wanting to challenge with kind of some existential humanistic techniques

1609
01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:28,600
of figuring out what makes you feel like you, what

1610
01:30:28,800 --> 01:30:32,720
makes you feel good enough as you are. It's the

1611
01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:36,119
whole thing, that's the most humanistic thing that there could be.

1612
01:30:36,359 --> 01:30:39,960
What makes you feel good enough as you are? How

1613
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:42,479
do you rise to be the best version of who

1614
01:30:42,840 --> 01:30:45,800
you can be, not who other people say you should be?

1615
01:30:46,600 --> 01:30:50,760
The very very different line, and I think we really

1616
01:30:50,880 --> 01:30:54,520
see a humanistic lens, which is not a theory. We've

1617
01:30:54,520 --> 01:30:57,239
talked about a whole lot, but we see a humanistic

1618
01:30:57,319 --> 01:31:00,000
lens to this movie. Bridget finds success when she stops

1619
01:31:00,079 --> 01:31:03,000
trying to sit at an office in a desk doing repetitive,

1620
01:31:03,000 --> 01:31:07,439
boring shit and pr and responding to stuff. She's out

1621
01:31:07,680 --> 01:31:11,960
being chaotic, and that's where she gets success because she

1622
01:31:12,079 --> 01:31:17,399
can just naturally be endearing and kind of be representative

1623
01:31:17,560 --> 01:31:22,000
of what people may want to hear a perspective from anyway,

1624
01:31:22,039 --> 01:31:24,439
because it's like having your goofy friend at the bar

1625
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:28,119
who's like life is bananas, and you just go aga,

1626
01:31:28,279 --> 01:31:31,159
let's go on an adventure. That's a great job for

1627
01:31:31,239 --> 01:31:35,239
a newscaster to have because the impulse to just ask

1628
01:31:35,279 --> 01:31:40,439
the question, just say the thing, versus the lawyer who's like, no,

1629
01:31:40,479 --> 01:31:42,800
you never say the right things. You say the wrong

1630
01:31:42,840 --> 01:31:47,520
thing always perfect for that kind of news channel that

1631
01:31:47,560 --> 01:31:50,680
she's on. You never get ratings in your life if

1632
01:31:50,720 --> 01:31:54,359
you were the stuffy newscaster goes the research is that

1633
01:31:54,439 --> 01:31:56,079
we should only do a brop up, blrop up.

1634
01:31:56,159 --> 01:31:56,319
Speaker 1: Lah.

1635
01:31:56,479 --> 01:32:00,039
Speaker 2: This is exactly what happened. No, she allows herself to

1636
01:31:59,800 --> 01:32:04,159
find a chaotic job with equally chaotic people to work with,

1637
01:32:04,439 --> 01:32:07,920
who see her, who understand her. And I think helping

1638
01:32:09,039 --> 01:32:12,119
as a therapist is supporting. How does that work for you?

1639
01:32:12,640 --> 01:32:15,760
How does that allow you to find the best version

1640
01:32:16,199 --> 01:32:20,479
of you that exists? And how are you finding that successful?

1641
01:32:20,840 --> 01:32:24,039
How is that becoming a tool a cudgel for you

1642
01:32:24,079 --> 01:32:28,520
can beat the world into submission, be yourself. And I

1643
01:32:28,520 --> 01:32:34,279
think helping her encourage her to find that, to see that,

1644
01:32:34,760 --> 01:32:37,680
to be able to tell that in her critic voice,

1645
01:32:37,680 --> 01:32:40,800
to shut the fuck up every so often, that I'm

1646
01:32:40,800 --> 01:32:44,119
actually doing this and it's working for me. Anybody who's

1647
01:32:44,159 --> 01:32:46,640
ever in front of a camera has to learn to

1648
01:32:46,680 --> 01:32:50,640
do that. Anybody who performs and gets paid for it

1649
01:32:50,680 --> 01:32:54,479
has to learn that they will always be some opinion

1650
01:32:54,520 --> 01:32:56,680
for why you're not good enough, and it'll be yours first,

1651
01:32:58,039 --> 01:33:00,119
but you have to squelch out the other ones. And

1652
01:33:00,159 --> 01:33:04,359
I think for her that individuation away from her family

1653
01:33:05,479 --> 01:33:10,119
and differentiation becoming herself, separating out from everybody else's idea

1654
01:33:10,159 --> 01:33:13,439
of her and locking into this is what feels like

1655
01:33:13,520 --> 01:33:16,560
me and I'm okay with that. That's the support I

1656
01:33:16,600 --> 01:33:18,600
would want to give her. And rather than work on

1657
01:33:18,680 --> 01:33:20,159
all the reasons why I's wrong and all the times

1658
01:33:20,199 --> 01:33:22,239
her parents heard her and her mom telling her gay,

1659
01:33:22,279 --> 01:33:27,880
I just kind of wish you hadn't been BORNO. It's

1660
01:33:28,000 --> 01:33:29,960
clear that there's going to be some traumatic moments in

1661
01:33:30,000 --> 01:33:32,920
her life from all of this, But I think encouraging

1662
01:33:32,960 --> 01:33:36,119
her to find her is really the most critical, and

1663
01:33:36,399 --> 01:33:39,239
maybe not even encouraging her reinforcing because she's doing it.

1664
01:33:39,600 --> 01:33:41,279
I don't want that to be a thing that the

1665
01:33:41,279 --> 01:33:44,720
therapist ends up taking credit for. It's the reinforcement of

1666
01:33:44,800 --> 01:33:48,399
what she's doing for herself when she's free that I'd

1667
01:33:48,399 --> 01:33:52,800
want to highlight and maybe just maybe mention it is

1668
01:33:52,880 --> 01:33:58,439
okay to seek medication evaluation if you'd like to. If

1669
01:33:58,439 --> 01:34:04,039
this is working for you, it's okay, cool if. But

1670
01:34:04,119 --> 01:34:07,239
if you have ADHD and you're tired of like losing

1671
01:34:07,239 --> 01:34:10,279
your glasses and your wallet and your keys and putting

1672
01:34:10,840 --> 01:34:16,000
blue yarn, that turns your culinary disaster into an even

1673
01:34:16,000 --> 01:34:22,399
bigger disaster. You know there are ways we can work

1674
01:34:22,439 --> 01:34:25,239
with that. But I think, more than anything else, helping

1675
01:34:25,279 --> 01:34:30,960
her embrace who she is as she is is exactly

1676
01:34:30,960 --> 01:34:31,560
what I'd want to do.

1677
01:34:32,960 --> 01:34:35,199
Speaker 1: I'm going to jump off from what you said there

1678
01:34:35,239 --> 01:34:38,600
because what you said earlier about how like individuating from

1679
01:34:38,600 --> 01:34:41,720
her family is. I think that something that could happen

1680
01:34:41,760 --> 01:34:45,880
with Bridget is as she gets more comfortable with herself

1681
01:34:46,399 --> 01:34:50,760
and therefore usually gets more boundaried than in situations that

1682
01:34:50,800 --> 01:34:53,439
it probably is going to strain her relationship with her mom,

1683
01:34:53,800 --> 01:34:57,000
probably more than her dad, definitely with her mom, And

1684
01:34:57,039 --> 01:34:59,840
so I was thinking about if I did family therapy

1685
01:35:00,119 --> 01:35:03,279
the two of them, if the mom can handle it.

1686
01:35:03,680 --> 01:35:08,640
I think a big, big component of how prognostically positive

1687
01:35:09,680 --> 01:35:13,239
the work together would be is if the mom could

1688
01:35:13,279 --> 01:35:17,119
take it. And I think a lot of the work

1689
01:35:17,119 --> 01:35:18,960
I'd want to do with the two of them is

1690
01:35:20,239 --> 01:35:23,800
re establishing what an actual healthy relationship between the two

1691
01:35:23,840 --> 01:35:26,479
of them would look like. I think in situations like

1692
01:35:26,560 --> 01:35:30,479
this it can be really hard. Like where I can

1693
01:35:31,239 --> 01:35:35,840
have hold like space for her mom is that I

1694
01:35:35,960 --> 01:35:38,439
can give her the benefit of doubt and that she

1695
01:35:38,680 --> 01:35:43,159
probably doesn't understand how messy her relationship is with Bridget.

1696
01:35:43,399 --> 01:35:45,920
And also because Bridge is thirty two, you know, like

1697
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:49,880
it would be an easier conversation to understand if Bridget

1698
01:35:49,920 --> 01:35:51,920
was like sixteen, where I'm like, she is a kid,

1699
01:35:52,239 --> 01:35:55,920
you are the adult like boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, But I

1700
01:35:55,920 --> 01:36:00,760
think it gets slippery when adult children are our adults.

1701
01:36:01,439 --> 01:36:04,000
Because you can be friends with your parents. Some people

1702
01:36:04,039 --> 01:36:06,680
say that their parents are their best friends. What I

1703
01:36:06,720 --> 01:36:09,439
do always give my mom credit for is that she

1704
01:36:09,680 --> 01:36:13,560
was very vocal growing up that she is not my

1705
01:36:13,600 --> 01:36:15,880
friend because she has friends and I have friends and

1706
01:36:15,920 --> 01:36:20,119
I only have one mother, and so I really appreciate

1707
01:36:20,119 --> 01:36:22,119
that on my mom, and I think that helped me

1708
01:36:22,239 --> 01:36:24,479
get the sense of self because I was doing my

1709
01:36:24,520 --> 01:36:27,159
own thing, she was doing her own thing. I think

1710
01:36:27,199 --> 01:36:29,800
with someone like Bridget's mom, I think she's going to

1711
01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:38,399
have a hard time understanding Bridget's boundaries as not just estrangement, punishment, loneliness,

1712
01:36:39,199 --> 01:36:41,399
And so I think if her mom could handle it

1713
01:36:42,399 --> 01:36:45,000
and maintain a family therapy, I think would be a

1714
01:36:45,039 --> 01:36:50,760
lot of reframing what boundaries are, that they're not a

1715
01:36:50,840 --> 01:36:54,359
negative that you are going to feel the difference in

1716
01:36:54,399 --> 01:36:57,560
the relationship because a difference is happening and that's not

1717
01:36:57,600 --> 01:37:00,479
necessarily a bad thing. And also it would be a

1718
01:37:00,479 --> 01:37:03,520
lot of encouraging her mom to, like we've been talking

1719
01:37:03,520 --> 01:37:05,479
about bridget get her own sense of self.

1720
01:37:05,520 --> 01:37:06,600
Speaker 3: Where are your friends?

1721
01:37:07,279 --> 01:37:09,680
Speaker 1: But you sometimes with people like her mom, you really

1722
01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:11,880
have to spell out, like what is a conversation you

1723
01:37:11,920 --> 01:37:14,600
can have with your daughter versus a conversation you can

1724
01:37:14,720 --> 01:37:18,119
have with a friend, And with someone like her mom,

1725
01:37:18,199 --> 01:37:20,159
you might have to walk her through that, and you

1726
01:37:20,239 --> 01:37:21,720
might have to have a lot of situations where they

1727
01:37:21,720 --> 01:37:24,520
come into therapy and they're like this happened, and me,

1728
01:37:24,560 --> 01:37:26,920
as the therapist, kind of has to like ABC one,

1729
01:37:26,960 --> 01:37:32,800
two three, walk both of them through, potentially but definitely

1730
01:37:32,840 --> 01:37:38,039
the mom through, like Okay, so what happened? What boundary

1731
01:37:38,079 --> 01:37:43,399
got crossed? How can we how can we set boundaries

1732
01:37:43,399 --> 01:37:45,600
in the moment? Like is there a word we want

1733
01:37:45,600 --> 01:37:49,199
to use with each other of like hey, red, hey stop, hey,

1734
01:37:49,399 --> 01:37:55,119
you crossed it? And then can we tolerate boundaries when

1735
01:37:55,119 --> 01:37:57,720
they're set? And the only way she can tolerate those

1736
01:37:57,720 --> 01:37:59,920
boundaries off she's getting her needs met in another way.

1737
01:38:00,640 --> 01:38:02,920
And hopefully maybe this stuff with the affair and that

1738
01:38:02,960 --> 01:38:05,760
guy at like the home Shopping network and whatever, maybe

1739
01:38:05,800 --> 01:38:07,640
that it seems like she had a little bit of

1740
01:38:07,680 --> 01:38:09,600
an epiphany. Maybe with that, I don't know, I'd have

1741
01:38:09,640 --> 01:38:12,119
to see where she goes from there, but that I

1742
01:38:12,159 --> 01:38:14,239
could see also that could be a pushing factor that

1743
01:38:14,359 --> 01:38:16,239
might allow her mom to be a little bit more

1744
01:38:16,239 --> 01:38:18,439
open and flexible to the stuff that we'd have to

1745
01:38:18,439 --> 01:38:20,960
do in family therapy, which is just a lot of

1746
01:38:21,560 --> 01:38:25,520
supporting them having conversations and just kind of being there

1747
01:38:25,560 --> 01:38:29,439
as a coach almost where you jump in and you're like,

1748
01:38:30,000 --> 01:38:32,319
what are you hearing Bridget say? Bridget? What are you

1749
01:38:32,359 --> 01:38:35,640
hearing your mom say? What's okay? And what's not okay

1750
01:38:36,159 --> 01:38:39,880
in this relationship? But you really have to redraw the

1751
01:38:39,920 --> 01:38:43,800
boundary lines and maybe process stuff like this is also

1752
01:38:43,840 --> 01:38:45,960
where you would do maybe repair work as well, which

1753
01:38:46,000 --> 01:38:48,239
you can find a lot of repair work exercises online,

1754
01:38:48,640 --> 01:38:51,520
but that can be this is what you did, this

1755
01:38:51,560 --> 01:38:53,000
is how it made me feel, this is the story

1756
01:38:53,039 --> 01:38:54,399
I told myself about it, and this is what I

1757
01:38:54,439 --> 01:38:57,159
need moving forward. And Bridget might need repair like that

1758
01:38:57,199 --> 01:39:00,720
from her mom, and then it's if her mom can

1759
01:39:00,960 --> 01:39:02,800
A lot of that work too, is if you can

1760
01:39:02,920 --> 01:39:05,479
sit there and take it when you're being told these

1761
01:39:05,479 --> 01:39:09,119
things by the hurt party, that's sometimes all you need

1762
01:39:09,199 --> 01:39:13,520
to do to get to the other side of healing

1763
01:39:13,600 --> 01:39:19,840
this relationship. It's really just tolerating, tolerating getting this feedback,

1764
01:39:20,760 --> 01:39:24,159
and then just being down for whatever they're asking you

1765
01:39:24,199 --> 01:39:28,800
to do instead. And so I could see with Bridget

1766
01:39:28,840 --> 01:39:30,560
wanting to still have a relationship with her parents, but

1767
01:39:30,680 --> 01:39:33,279
just needing it to be different, because she does seem

1768
01:39:33,359 --> 01:39:35,439
like she wants to be around her parents. She spends

1769
01:39:35,439 --> 01:39:38,399
a lot of time with her parents, and I would

1770
01:39:38,399 --> 01:39:41,600
hope that her mom could tolerate that because I think

1771
01:39:41,640 --> 01:39:44,439
what also happens a lot, well can happen a lot,

1772
01:39:44,560 --> 01:39:47,680
is the one person changes the dynamics and the other

1773
01:39:47,720 --> 01:39:50,600
person can't tolerate it unless it's on their terms, and

1774
01:39:50,640 --> 01:39:53,600
then they don't they can't have any relationship, kind of

1775
01:39:53,640 --> 01:39:56,359
like we've talked about, like therapists don't actually recommend no

1776
01:39:56,479 --> 01:40:01,560
contact the way that we get blamed for it on

1777
01:40:01,600 --> 01:40:06,000
social media. It's a nuclear option, Like I only say

1778
01:40:06,000 --> 01:40:08,880
that it's to clients if they're really it's the last

1779
01:40:09,000 --> 01:40:12,439
last thing I'd ever bring up, And usually it's clients

1780
01:40:12,439 --> 01:40:13,880
that bring it up, and then I'm like, are you

1781
01:40:13,920 --> 01:40:15,359
sure you want to do that? Why do you want

1782
01:40:15,399 --> 01:40:18,560
to do that? And I think Bridget's kind of an

1783
01:40:18,600 --> 01:40:23,199
interesting example of where it doesn't have to be the way,

1784
01:40:23,199 --> 01:40:27,840
but it could in that if her mom can tolerate

1785
01:40:27,880 --> 01:40:30,439
these adjustments, then they can have a relationship that maybe

1786
01:40:30,439 --> 01:40:32,840
feels really good for both of them. But her mom

1787
01:40:32,880 --> 01:40:37,439
would have to take responsibility for what she's losing by

1788
01:40:37,560 --> 01:40:39,800
changing those dynamics with Bridget, and she would probably need

1789
01:40:39,800 --> 01:40:43,319
a lot of psychoed from someone like me, who hopefully

1790
01:40:43,319 --> 01:40:47,279
she'll respect to be an authority on what we're talking about.

1791
01:40:47,279 --> 01:40:49,079
Because also I think what's hard is if Bridget tries

1792
01:40:49,119 --> 01:40:51,880
to handle that herself, would her mom take her seriously?

1793
01:40:53,159 --> 01:40:55,760
So I think they would really benefit from family therapy,

1794
01:40:56,199 --> 01:40:58,520
and I think the mom could really use, like I said,

1795
01:40:58,560 --> 01:41:04,239
like an expert, unbiased party to kind of say the

1796
01:41:04,239 --> 01:41:06,720
things that maybe Bridget wants to say, but her mom

1797
01:41:06,800 --> 01:41:08,039
might not listen to it. That's a lot of times

1798
01:41:08,079 --> 01:41:10,960
why people go to family therapy too, is they just

1799
01:41:11,000 --> 01:41:14,000
need someone who's not involved to say the things so

1800
01:41:14,039 --> 01:41:17,359
that it will be heard without projecting bias onto it.

1801
01:41:18,159 --> 01:41:19,279
Speaker 3: So that's what I would do.

1802
01:41:20,199 --> 01:41:22,479
Speaker 1: What about for you, Hannah, Since both of you already

1803
01:41:22,479 --> 01:41:25,000
talked about bridget I figured that I would just talk

1804
01:41:25,039 --> 01:41:29,800
about journaling as like a coping skill in general. So

1805
01:41:30,479 --> 01:41:33,399
when I talk to people about journaling, what I really

1806
01:41:33,720 --> 01:41:38,520
the thing that I really point out is that making

1807
01:41:38,560 --> 01:41:41,159
sure we need to have different ways to get thoughts

1808
01:41:41,159 --> 01:41:43,840
and ideas and feelings out of our body and out

1809
01:41:43,840 --> 01:41:48,159
of our system, and sometimes a kind of easy way

1810
01:41:48,199 --> 01:41:52,239
to do that can be journaling, whether it's and journaling

1811
01:41:52,319 --> 01:41:54,439
can be anything you want it to be. I feel

1812
01:41:54,479 --> 01:41:57,560
like a lot of times when I bring up journaling

1813
01:41:57,640 --> 01:42:00,680
with clients, they'll be like, oh, like, but I don't

1814
01:42:00,720 --> 01:42:02,319
know what I would write or I don't know what

1815
01:42:02,319 --> 01:42:03,760
I would say it. I'm like, you can write a

1816
01:42:03,800 --> 01:42:07,359
list of words, you can draw a picture like, it

1817
01:42:07,439 --> 01:42:10,640
doesn't matter. The point is is that you are getting

1818
01:42:10,680 --> 01:42:13,960
your thoughts and feelings out in some way that can

1819
01:42:14,039 --> 01:42:17,520
help you process it. And so journaling. So like, I

1820
01:42:17,680 --> 01:42:20,399
journal what I'm supposed to be journaling every day. Oh

1821
01:42:20,439 --> 01:42:22,680
I'm not doing it every day but a lot, but

1822
01:42:22,760 --> 01:42:24,800
I do it a lot so And a part of

1823
01:42:24,800 --> 01:42:26,840
the reason why I do that is because I can

1824
01:42:26,920 --> 01:42:31,880
feel the physical relief of getting out the thoughts that

1825
01:42:31,920 --> 01:42:34,560
I'm just holding onto that are just circling in my

1826
01:42:34,640 --> 01:42:38,680
mind constantly. Right, Like, I feel like we put so

1827
01:42:38,760 --> 01:42:42,159
much pressure on ourselves to keep all of our thoughts

1828
01:42:42,199 --> 01:42:45,520
inside and to keep everything like spinning all the you know,

1829
01:42:45,600 --> 01:42:49,479
all the plates spinning at the same time, and sometimes

1830
01:42:49,520 --> 01:42:53,039
we just need to knock those fucking plates down and

1831
01:42:53,479 --> 01:42:56,880
leave them where they lie. Sometimes we just have to

1832
01:42:56,880 --> 01:42:58,760
get out how we're feeling. This is also why I

1833
01:42:58,800 --> 01:43:02,359
talk about writing a letter to someone and you don't

1834
01:43:02,359 --> 01:43:05,640
ever have to send the letter, but writing the letter

1835
01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:07,880
and getting all the things out that you really want

1836
01:43:07,920 --> 01:43:10,279
to say. Because in a lot of ways, I mean,

1837
01:43:10,319 --> 01:43:13,079
even though Brittany family therapy is a really good way

1838
01:43:13,680 --> 01:43:19,920
to get some of these repair experiences to have through processing, right,

1839
01:43:20,720 --> 01:43:24,279
but one way that you can do that for yourself

1840
01:43:24,399 --> 01:43:27,640
is just by journaling on a regular basis. Again, whether

1841
01:43:27,680 --> 01:43:29,720
it's once a week or once a day, or once

1842
01:43:29,760 --> 01:43:33,039
every other day, or just on Saturdays, whatever it is,

1843
01:43:33,680 --> 01:43:39,079
give yourself this space to just process something out. And

1844
01:43:39,119 --> 01:43:41,119
it can be as big as how you feel about

1845
01:43:41,159 --> 01:43:45,079
a parent, to as small as so you had a

1846
01:43:45,079 --> 01:43:48,000
weird interaction with somebody at the grocery store. Like, it

1847
01:43:48,039 --> 01:43:51,359
can be anything. There literally are no rules, and I

1848
01:43:51,439 --> 01:43:54,800
think that it will be something that you will find

1849
01:43:54,960 --> 01:43:58,079
gives you some automatic relief, Like is it going to

1850
01:43:58,079 --> 01:44:00,720
fix all your problems? No? Is it going to help

1851
01:44:00,760 --> 01:44:04,560
you feel more regulated in your body? Yeah, there's a

1852
01:44:04,600 --> 01:44:09,640
good chance that might happen. So just as I know,

1853
01:44:09,760 --> 01:44:12,520
journaling gets talked about in lots of different ways and

1854
01:44:12,560 --> 01:44:16,039
that there's junk journaling and there's a thousand different ways

1855
01:44:16,039 --> 01:44:18,159
to do it. But when I talk about it, what

1856
01:44:18,720 --> 01:44:21,159
I'm really talking about is just writing down things that

1857
01:44:21,239 --> 01:44:24,680
you're feeling and thinking, if only to get them out

1858
01:44:24,680 --> 01:44:26,680
of your head and out of your body for that

1859
01:44:26,840 --> 01:44:29,680
little bit of time, to give yourself a little bit

1860
01:44:29,720 --> 01:44:30,279
of relief.

1861
01:44:30,680 --> 01:44:34,479
Speaker 2: Matters so much. Once something gets triggered, it needs to

1862
01:44:34,479 --> 01:44:36,399
be responded to. It doesn't have to be responded to

1863
01:44:37,000 --> 01:44:41,439
in an unsuccessful manner, but you have to release it

1864
01:44:41,640 --> 01:44:43,520
or your body will keep trying to until you do,

1865
01:44:44,039 --> 01:44:48,039
and the more you try to not do it, the

1866
01:44:48,039 --> 01:44:49,399
more pressure builds.

1867
01:44:50,159 --> 01:44:52,199
Speaker 1: All right, we'll take our last break here and be

1868
01:44:52,279 --> 01:44:55,680
back with final thoughts. I can go first. I've, like

1869
01:44:55,720 --> 01:44:57,520
I said, I've seen this movie. I feel like I

1870
01:44:57,560 --> 01:44:59,960
really love this movie. When it first came out, everybody did.

1871
01:45:00,000 --> 01:45:03,359
Everyone was a big Hugh grand Colin Firth freakazoid. I

1872
01:45:03,520 --> 01:45:05,720
was until like Prime Prejudice back in the day. I

1873
01:45:05,840 --> 01:45:08,600
have the I still have the DVD box set of

1874
01:45:08,680 --> 01:45:13,920
the BBC miniseries Don't Get Jealous, Don't Get Jealous, and

1875
01:45:14,520 --> 01:45:16,520
so I was a big callin firthhead.

1876
01:45:16,399 --> 01:45:17,840
Speaker 3: Hugh Grant obviously all that stuff.

1877
01:45:17,880 --> 01:45:19,840
Speaker 1: So I love this movie. I bought into a lot

1878
01:45:19,840 --> 01:45:22,720
of the bullshit, like I said, because I was a

1879
01:45:22,760 --> 01:45:24,800
teenager when this movie. I think I was like fifteen

1880
01:45:24,800 --> 01:45:27,520
when this movie came out, so I was in full

1881
01:45:27,560 --> 01:45:30,520
agreement with the wait stuff and the you gotta be

1882
01:45:30,520 --> 01:45:33,640
a better person than you are now Yike's stuff. So

1883
01:45:33,960 --> 01:45:40,319
watching it again, it was really actually comforting to see

1884
01:45:40,319 --> 01:45:42,960
how far we've come in such a short amount of

1885
01:45:43,039 --> 01:45:46,640
time culturally, Like how much stuff in that movie is

1886
01:45:46,680 --> 01:45:51,720
outrageous now by today's standards. And that was nice to see,

1887
01:45:51,760 --> 01:45:54,960
like all like the sexual harassment stuff, all the like

1888
01:45:55,000 --> 01:45:57,760
the couple's dinner thing, like all things that like I

1889
01:45:57,800 --> 01:46:03,199
don't really experience now in like my thirties. I'm about

1890
01:46:03,199 --> 01:46:05,359
to turn forty, but like I haven't really had a

1891
01:46:05,399 --> 01:46:07,960
lot of those experiences, Like no one and my family

1892
01:46:08,000 --> 01:46:10,880
ever asked me about dating or having a partner, and

1893
01:46:10,880 --> 01:46:12,640
now could I interpret that in a very negative way

1894
01:46:12,640 --> 01:46:15,239
for sure? And also I think it's because they asked

1895
01:46:15,239 --> 01:46:16,920
me about other things. They asked me about the podcast,

1896
01:46:16,960 --> 01:46:20,399
about my job, about living in Chicago, they asked me,

1897
01:46:20,560 --> 01:46:22,840
I get asked, I get treated like a like a

1898
01:46:22,920 --> 01:46:27,920
real full person. And so I feel very grateful watching

1899
01:46:27,920 --> 01:46:30,479
this movie, maybe very grateful for now, even though right

1900
01:46:30,520 --> 01:46:34,119
now is a lot to feel not grateful for. And

1901
01:46:34,399 --> 01:46:37,800
I don't I think i'd watch it again in passing.

1902
01:46:37,880 --> 01:46:40,159
It's a good movie to have on in the background,

1903
01:46:40,159 --> 01:46:41,840
but I don't know if i'd ever like seek it

1904
01:46:41,880 --> 01:46:44,079
out to sit down and watch it all the way through,

1905
01:46:44,439 --> 01:46:49,880
just because it feels unrelatable nowadays, even though it still

1906
01:46:50,000 --> 01:46:50,960
has like funny.

1907
01:46:50,680 --> 01:46:53,680
Speaker 3: Moments and moments that I like, but in a nostalgic way.

1908
01:46:54,119 --> 01:46:55,880
Speaker 2: I guess I can go next, because we'll let Hannah,

1909
01:46:55,920 --> 01:46:59,479
who has watched it two hundred times close it out

1910
01:46:59,479 --> 01:47:04,239
for us today. AnyWho, the movie I think is is great.

1911
01:47:04,439 --> 01:47:08,399
I found it to be really fun to watch it.

1912
01:47:08,439 --> 01:47:10,880
I think I've only watched it in passing before, so

1913
01:47:10,880 --> 01:47:13,720
it's not something that I was super familiar with how

1914
01:47:13,760 --> 01:47:16,319
the plot would go or what the beats were. But

1915
01:47:16,399 --> 01:47:19,960
I think it's a really good comedy. There's a lot

1916
01:47:19,960 --> 01:47:23,039
of really funny, witty things that make it really rewatchable.

1917
01:47:23,079 --> 01:47:26,039
I've surprised myself when I was like, I had to

1918
01:47:26,079 --> 01:47:28,199
probably watch the second one. Probably not a third one,

1919
01:47:28,239 --> 01:47:32,520
because that's usually a mistake, but just generally speaking, let.

1920
01:47:32,439 --> 01:47:35,840
Speaker 1: Me tell you what. He goes off the motherfucking rails.

1921
01:47:40,399 --> 01:47:44,199
Oh god, yeah, which I had no awareness of whatsoever.

1922
01:47:44,880 --> 01:47:47,319
I had no idea about that that there was some

1923
01:47:47,399 --> 01:47:48,000
TV show.

1924
01:47:48,640 --> 01:47:49,319
Speaker 2: But yeah, it.

1925
01:47:49,279 --> 01:47:52,039
Speaker 1: Goes off the rails. And then the last one is

1926
01:47:52,119 --> 01:47:57,119
like he died, Mark dies what Yeah? And Daniel and

1927
01:47:57,159 --> 01:48:01,920
also Daniel's still fucking around, still fucking but they're like friends.

1928
01:48:02,000 --> 01:48:04,640
It's a fucking mess. It's a mess. Okay, I'll stop

1929
01:48:04,680 --> 01:48:05,159
so you can finish.

1930
01:48:06,079 --> 01:48:09,680
Speaker 2: I'm here for it because it affirms the idea.

1931
01:48:09,760 --> 01:48:11,399
Speaker 1: But you should watch the second one. If you like

1932
01:48:11,439 --> 01:48:12,920
the first one, you should watch the second one. The

1933
01:48:12,960 --> 01:48:17,359
second one leans more into the comedy and buffoonery.

1934
01:48:16,640 --> 01:48:18,760
Speaker 2: Which I you know as somebody that was in a

1935
01:48:18,800 --> 01:48:24,119
sketch comedy group and rope skits and performed buffoonery and

1936
01:48:24,239 --> 01:48:28,279
is a bit of a buffoon himself. Sometimes I liked it.

1937
01:48:28,359 --> 01:48:31,239
I thought it was really smart, sharp writing, and it

1938
01:48:31,279 --> 01:48:35,000
was well acted, and I think this is gonna hold

1939
01:48:35,079 --> 01:48:38,119
up on time. For the nostalgic purposes, it does feel

1940
01:48:38,199 --> 01:48:39,960
very unrelatable because one of those things you watch and

1941
01:48:40,119 --> 01:48:43,800
just like, oh, like we were like that, weren't we. God,

1942
01:48:45,279 --> 01:48:47,680
we really needed to knock that shit off. Like there

1943
01:48:47,760 --> 01:48:50,279
is that air to it, which I think is you know,

1944
01:48:50,680 --> 01:48:53,920
good that creates more safety for people in the workplace

1945
01:48:54,720 --> 01:49:00,880
that their boss is gonna be like sup gross. But

1946
01:49:01,000 --> 01:49:04,279
the the movie itself, I think it was really fun

1947
01:49:04,319 --> 01:49:06,640
and I think I'd probably watch it again, and I'd

1948
01:49:06,680 --> 01:49:08,960
probably show my wife and like, tell me what you

1949
01:49:09,000 --> 01:49:11,920
think as her deal as a non clinician, because I

1950
01:49:11,920 --> 01:49:16,159
want to see given them we buotoom the DHDS of

1951
01:49:17,479 --> 01:49:19,680
how her reaction to that lens would be. And you know,

1952
01:49:19,720 --> 01:49:22,079
I kind of think that would be fun. And this

1953
01:49:22,199 --> 01:49:25,239
is exactly the kind of thing that despite she can't.

1954
01:49:25,079 --> 01:49:29,399
Speaker 5: Understand British accents because of the DHD, I think she

1955
01:49:29,439 --> 01:49:33,920
would have shed probably like it, because like this kind

1956
01:49:33,960 --> 01:49:36,079
of humor is like her, is just her.

1957
01:49:36,199 --> 01:49:37,760
Speaker 2: So I think this would be a fun date movie.

1958
01:49:37,800 --> 01:49:39,319
And probably lots of people have thought that it's one

1959
01:49:39,319 --> 01:49:42,920
of the ones like watch a rom com. Well it's

1960
01:49:42,920 --> 01:49:46,960
a comedy, like more comedy than romance, like easier self.

1961
01:49:47,359 --> 01:49:50,720
Speaker 1: Well, it won our poll pretty aggressively, sure, dude, So

1962
01:49:51,399 --> 01:49:53,319
for the reason I think you're bringing up that it

1963
01:49:53,399 --> 01:49:55,840
is a much beloved movie, and also because I think

1964
01:49:56,479 --> 01:49:58,560
the part the point of Bridget is that she's a mess,

1965
01:49:58,960 --> 01:50:01,159
and so I'm sure a lot of people are curious

1966
01:50:01,159 --> 01:50:02,319
about our thoughts about her.

1967
01:50:03,039 --> 01:50:06,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So I enjoyed this one. There's been something

1968
01:50:06,720 --> 01:50:09,760
I've watched like just grown the whole way through, particularly

1969
01:50:09,960 --> 01:50:13,560
the later of the uh what do we do? The

1970
01:50:13,600 --> 01:50:19,600
first time we did this, I left my brain the BDS. Yeah,

1971
01:50:19,720 --> 01:50:22,640
the Fifty Shades of Gray, Like the first one was tolerable,

1972
01:50:22,760 --> 01:50:24,680
the other two were garbage.

1973
01:50:25,439 --> 01:50:27,159
Speaker 1: The first one was tolerable.

1974
01:50:27,359 --> 01:50:34,079
Speaker 2: Barely barely tolerable, like the third one, I couldn't even

1975
01:50:34,159 --> 01:50:36,239
like sit through. I was like, I'm not I'm just

1976
01:50:36,479 --> 01:50:40,239
not so crazy. I'm just I'm not watching this, oh

1977
01:50:40,359 --> 01:50:43,640
my god. Yeah anyway, and cut out this ramble nonsense.

1978
01:50:43,640 --> 01:50:46,399
But like, I feel like, as opposed to some things

1979
01:50:46,399 --> 01:50:48,600
that people have thought that were date movies, such as

1980
01:50:48,680 --> 01:50:51,920
Fifty Shades of Gray, particularly the later ones, which are trash,

1981
01:50:52,560 --> 01:50:55,359
is that this one I think is easy sell because

1982
01:50:55,359 --> 01:50:58,039
everybody can kind of watch it and be like, this

1983
01:50:58,079 --> 01:51:04,920
is funny. Anyway, I liked it, Hannah.

1984
01:51:05,000 --> 01:51:08,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I read these books. I went and saw

1985
01:51:08,239 --> 01:51:10,520
the movies at the movie theater when they came out.

1986
01:51:10,680 --> 01:51:14,520
I think I was eighteen eighteen or nineteen when the

1987
01:51:14,520 --> 01:51:17,479
film came out. But I had already read the books

1988
01:51:17,520 --> 01:51:21,319
and really enjoyed and really enjoyed reading the books, and

1989
01:51:21,520 --> 01:51:26,279
the movies follow the books, uh, pretty well.

1990
01:51:26,239 --> 01:51:28,319
Speaker 2: As it turns out, sometimes it's better if you do that.

1991
01:51:28,960 --> 01:51:32,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, your Game of Thrones. So I don't know

1992
01:51:32,279 --> 01:51:34,600
how much I haven't. It's been a while since I

1993
01:51:34,600 --> 01:51:36,840
watched Bridget jones Diary. Like usually I would say I

1994
01:51:36,840 --> 01:51:39,319
probably would watch it once a year, but I don't

1995
01:51:39,319 --> 01:51:41,039
really watch it like that anymore. But I feel like

1996
01:51:41,079 --> 01:51:43,119
I'm definitely I'm sure I'll watch it again at some

1997
01:51:43,239 --> 01:51:45,760
point and watch all the movies and put myself through

1998
01:51:45,800 --> 01:51:50,119
the whole gamut of nonsense. But yeah, but I yeah,

1999
01:51:50,159 --> 01:51:52,880
I like this movie. I've watched it a thousand times.

2000
01:51:53,880 --> 01:51:56,199
It's a way that I connected with my sisters at

2001
01:51:56,199 --> 01:51:59,760
some point. But also I saw a lot of my

2002
01:52:00,000 --> 01:52:05,880
self and Bridget and that kind of sucks to have

2003
01:52:05,960 --> 01:52:09,399
more awareness of that now, like of like how I

2004
01:52:09,479 --> 01:52:14,319
really felt about myself during that time. So so yeah,

2005
01:52:14,439 --> 01:52:16,000
so that makes so I feel like that makes a

2006
01:52:16,000 --> 01:52:17,880
lot of sense. But yeah, so I love this movie

2007
01:52:18,239 --> 01:52:23,199
and I'm sure I'll watch it again. Thank you again

2008
01:52:23,279 --> 01:52:25,640
everyone who voted in our valtin as they pull. We

2009
01:52:25,680 --> 01:52:28,760
always appreciate how many people interact with this pole every year.

2010
01:52:29,680 --> 01:52:33,079
Once again, you know you can always find us on Well,

2011
01:52:33,119 --> 01:52:35,640
it's kind of dwindling our social media presence to be real,

2012
01:52:35,800 --> 01:52:39,760
because the social media is getting more and more nefarious

2013
01:52:39,800 --> 01:52:42,479
in order to engage in. But you can still find

2014
01:52:42,560 --> 01:52:46,279
us on Instagram, a Popcorn Psychology, Facebook of Popcorn Psychology.

2015
01:52:47,039 --> 01:52:49,720
You can always email us a Popcorn psychologygmail dot com.

2016
01:52:49,760 --> 01:52:53,159
That's the best way to directly contact with us. And

2017
01:52:53,239 --> 01:52:56,319
if you want to support us, you can buy some

2018
01:52:56,399 --> 01:53:01,319
merch from Tea Public. We have mugs, shirts, stickers, coasters, hoodies,

2019
01:53:01,880 --> 01:53:03,920
And if you also want to support us financially, you

2020
01:53:03,960 --> 01:53:06,680
can be a Patreon patron. You can find the link

2021
01:53:06,720 --> 01:53:08,560
in our Instagram bio. You can also just look at

2022
01:53:08,600 --> 01:53:11,800
us look for us on Patreon. If you are ten

2023
01:53:11,880 --> 01:53:15,199
dollars or more, you get access to episodes early and unedited,

2024
01:53:15,479 --> 01:53:17,479
and if you're fifty dollars or more member, you get

2025
01:53:17,520 --> 01:53:20,039
to choose the movie we talk about for an episode,

2026
01:53:20,039 --> 01:53:22,880
which is pretty fun if your money is tight, which

2027
01:53:22,880 --> 01:53:26,159
a lot of people's is right now. Unfortunately, you can

2028
01:53:26,239 --> 01:53:29,039
support us for free by recommending us to others and

2029
01:53:29,079 --> 01:53:31,479
by leaving us a rating or review wherever you listen

2030
01:53:31,520 --> 01:53:32,079
to podcasts.

2031
01:53:32,079 --> 01:53:34,199
Speaker 3: We're available everywhere.

2032
01:53:34,000 --> 01:53:36,159
Speaker 1: And I hope everyone out there can stay as safe

2033
01:53:36,159 --> 01:53:38,960
as they can and to show love where it's safe

2034
01:53:38,960 --> 01:53:41,239
to show love. And we will see you all soon

2035
01:53:41,399 --> 01:53:43,239
as we fully go into season nine