WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:02.560 Have the pleasure of having Lisa Ann on the couch. 2 00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:06.759 Hello and welcome. I'm excited to have you here. 3 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:09.519 I am so glad we finally made this happen. 4 00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:11.439 I felt like I was pump faking you every time 5 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:12.640 I would see you at a show and be like, 6 00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:14.119 I got to come on your podcast, and I know 7 00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:17.039 you don't do it remotely, and so when I saw 8 00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:18.600 you at Exotica, I was like, let me just send 9 00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:20.879 you the dates, let me just make this happen. Here 10 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.280 we are, my bags are packed, I'm going to the 11 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:24.679 airport directly from here. But making this happen. 12 00:00:24.719 --> 00:00:26.280 But I love that you made it happen again. I 13 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:27.839 always know it's kind of one of those things that 14 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:30.559 Exotica is when you see everybody, it's like chatting, but 15 00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:32.079 it's just like we have so many different things going on. 16 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:34.840 So I wanted to hike actually have a real podcast 17 00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:36.520 with you, not like the twenty minute ones, because I 18 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:38.840 feel like you have a lot to bring to the 19 00:00:38.880 --> 00:00:40.920 table as far as your knowledge within the background of 20 00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:43.359 the business and how who you are as a person, 21 00:00:43.399 --> 00:00:45.719 and you're such, you know, an inspiring person to a 22 00:00:45.719 --> 00:00:47.439 lot of people. So I felt like you got to 23 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:48.280 come on private Talk. 24 00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:50.920 So it's a pleasure. It's an honor to know that 25 00:00:50.960 --> 00:00:51.880 I inspire people. 26 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:53.280 Honestly, Thank you. 27 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:53.560 Thank you. 28 00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:56.520 So we just got back from Exotica, but it's all 29 00:00:56.600 --> 00:00:58.880 kinds of you know, things are going you know, we're 30 00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:01.759 back into the convent. What kind of fun projects are 31 00:01:01.799 --> 00:01:04.799 you doing besides the conventions? Obviously you have a lot 32 00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:06.840 of things going on. You have your own podcast, you 33 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:10.000 do a couple I think a couple podcasts, and you 34 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:11.879 have your books. Like what kind of things are you 35 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:12.799 in the works right now? 36 00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:13.920 For Miss Lisaan So. 37 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:16.200 Yeah, I have my podcast, Lisa and Experience. 38 00:01:16.359 --> 00:01:18.599 I do a podcast with Sapphire, which is so great 39 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:21.200 because I get to meet features before their gig, whether 40 00:01:21.239 --> 00:01:22.760 it's somebody I know that I've been seen in a 41 00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:25.200 while or someone new in the industry. And I just 42 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:27.040 remember how excited I was when I first went out 43 00:01:27.079 --> 00:01:28.760 on the road. And then I do a show for 44 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:33.319 Sirius xm Raw Comedy. It's called Better Has Me comedian 45 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:37.439 Brett Raybold. He's super funny, super wholesome kid from Kansas City. 46 00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:40.439 Shout out Brett with one Tea and I'm back. I'm 47 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:43.400 so happy to be back. In studio at SiriusXM. There's 48 00:01:43.480 --> 00:01:47.079 just something about the first time I started doing shows 49 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:50.959 there in the fantasy sports space in twenty thirteen that 50 00:01:51.159 --> 00:01:54.200 makes me feel like it's really where my independence outside 51 00:01:54.239 --> 00:01:57.120 of the industry was birth. And when I go back, 52 00:01:57.159 --> 00:02:00.640 and because also it's corporate and there's hr so nobody 53 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:03.200 could be creepy with me. Every yeah, and everybody was 54 00:02:03.239 --> 00:02:05.519 so mindful of that, you know, like there would be 55 00:02:05.560 --> 00:02:08.240 more fist bumps than hugs. And I was like, I 56 00:02:08.400 --> 00:02:10.759 just felt renewed there. And so to be back in 57 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:14.560 the studio on out of sports, take a little sports 58 00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:16.319 break and doing something where you just get to laugh 59 00:02:16.360 --> 00:02:18.080 and talk shit, it's amazing. 60 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:21.400 I love that. As a woman who has navigated various industries, 61 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:24.240 including the adult industry and sports, what advice would you 62 00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:27.439 give to young women striving to defy stereotypes and pursue 63 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:30.919 other actions? Like you said, with the you know, being corporate, 64 00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:32.680 there has a lot of you know, like a strict 65 00:02:32.840 --> 00:02:34.960 rule that people couldn't kind of cross those lines or 66 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:35.439 anything like that. 67 00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:37.639 But is there any kind of what advice would you give? 68 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.319 You know, really how you present yourself to people make 69 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:42.680 such a difference you have a strong presence and a 70 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:46.000 strong entrance, and no matter how you're addressed, you have 71 00:02:46.039 --> 00:02:48.280 a strong enough presence. Alexis that you can keep someone 72 00:02:48.360 --> 00:02:50.960 draw to your eyes and keep them focused, and that's 73 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:54.479 very important as someone who wants to create change and 74 00:02:54.560 --> 00:02:58.280 could still be viewed a very particular way by people, 75 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:02.120 it's important that you reject something differently now right, and 76 00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:05.280 that you have that confidence that this is who I 77 00:03:05.319 --> 00:03:08.479 am and this is what I'm doing here. Consistency is 78 00:03:08.599 --> 00:03:11.759 key with everything, and I think no matter what you 79 00:03:11.800 --> 00:03:14.599 did in any walk of life, being a woman makes 80 00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:17.240 us want to work twice as hard because we're still 81 00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:19.919 trying to earn equal pay, we're still trying to have 82 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.400 complete equal rights, and so I think we go so 83 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:25.039 far out of the way. That's why in the sports 84 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:27.639 business you notice so many more women succeeding. They're on 85 00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:31.240 the sidelines. We had our first woman for the Masters 86 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:34.479 this year, which was amazing, and that's showing us and 87 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:37.360 it's because we're working harder. So just keep working harder, 88 00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:40.319 don't let people frustrate you. Keep yourself where you have 89 00:03:40.360 --> 00:03:42.199 to put a post it on your mirror of where 90 00:03:42.199 --> 00:03:43.759 you're going and where you want to go and how 91 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:46.319 you want it to make you feel. That is your 92 00:03:46.360 --> 00:03:49.199 driving force, not the opinions of others, not how other 93 00:03:49.240 --> 00:03:52.199 people treat you. That you are your driving force. 94 00:03:52.680 --> 00:03:53.120 I love that. 95 00:03:53.639 --> 00:03:56.199 Can you share any experiences where you thought empowered by 96 00:03:56.199 --> 00:03:59.599 embracing your feminity in a male dominated spaces such as 97 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:01.360 the sports and adult film industry? 98 00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:05.159 Oh yeah, I mean adult film was easy because I 99 00:04:05.159 --> 00:04:08.800 got too craft sets and pick wardrobe and design things 100 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:10.360 that I still take pride in when I get to 101 00:04:10.360 --> 00:04:12.800 go back and look at them. But in this sport space, 102 00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:14.840 you know, I brought in a little bit more style. 103 00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:19.079 I remember in twenty thirteen my first couple conventions, I 104 00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:22.360 was one of two women. That's it, a couple hundred 105 00:04:22.439 --> 00:04:25.040 men all wearing like flannel shirts and dockers, and I 106 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:27.720 was like, we gotta snazz this up a bit, you 107 00:04:27.759 --> 00:04:29.680 know what I mean, We gotta wear some nice shoes. 108 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:31.160 And now I've got a bunch of girlfriends in the 109 00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:34.079 sports space and we're all dressed and it's brought this 110 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:37.160 different level. And even photos now you'll see like, oh, 111 00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:38.040 one of you guys. 112 00:04:37.800 --> 00:04:39.600 Decided not to wear a flannel shirt. Just bring in 113 00:04:39.639 --> 00:04:40.120 a little bit of. 114 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:44.040 A swag down, you know, colors on like that. 115 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:46.639 Just to break it up a bit, but so you just, 116 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:49.079 you know, I just to be sure that I add 117 00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:52.560 that little spark of softness and the attention to detail. 118 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:56.720 Love that. In your opinion, what are some biggest misconceptions 119 00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:58.040 about women in the industries. 120 00:04:58.920 --> 00:05:01.920 I got a message just OnlyFans where a guy just 121 00:05:01.959 --> 00:05:04.199 blatantly asked if I would give a random fan a 122 00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:06.079 hand job because he thought it would be hot. 123 00:05:06.199 --> 00:05:08.360 You mean, you don't do that just a random people. 124 00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:14.680 We get that you know us, but they're strangers, man. 125 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:20.839 And like the assumption of the access. It's so different 126 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:22.839 than when you had to go into a store and 127 00:05:22.920 --> 00:05:25.600 rent a VHS or buy a VHS walk out with 128 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:28.680 a brown bag. I remember guys recognizing me at the 129 00:05:28.680 --> 00:05:31.680 mall during that era, and they would literally look at 130 00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:34.120 you and be embarrassed that they recommend that recognized you. 131 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:35.920 And they would be like they're in their brown paper 132 00:05:35.959 --> 00:05:38.079 bag and be like yeah. 133 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:41.079 And now the access because it's right here, has changed that. 134 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:43.959 And everyone thinks everyone is obtainable, and everyone thinks they 135 00:05:43.959 --> 00:05:47.920 deserve a shot. And for every single guy that says, well, 136 00:05:48.040 --> 00:05:50.279 you only make the shows, you shoot, you know, we 137 00:05:50.439 --> 00:05:54.439 become a backboard, and I think it's so toxic for 138 00:05:54.519 --> 00:05:59.959 everyone's mental health. I think this constant interaction of remind 139 00:06:00.199 --> 00:06:03.519 being us how little you think of us, because you 140 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:06.720 think that little of us because you think you deserve 141 00:06:06.879 --> 00:06:09.720 a hand job as a stranger, just because I'm Lisa, 142 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:13.120 And it's so fucked up. And so I think that 143 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:15.920 that's a big miscontent to the access and the fact 144 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:20.160 that we have done enough. There's so little gratitude. I 145 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:22.839 write back to people all the time, all the scenes 146 00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:26.160 I did, and now because I don't want you calling 147 00:06:26.199 --> 00:06:27.920 me mommy, you're calling me. 148 00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:30.480 The C word, Like, so, how do you deal with 149 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:32.639 with those encounters like you said, you know last night, 150 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:34.480 you know, you're running your page and like you're having 151 00:06:34.519 --> 00:06:37.160 a great time and someone spews those things, and does 152 00:06:37.240 --> 00:06:37.879 it take you in a. 153 00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:39.040 Place to you fire back? 154 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:39.360 Do you? 155 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:42.519 How do you navigate those situations because it is such 156 00:06:42.879 --> 00:06:45.839 a big misconception that you can just ask for. 157 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:49.879 Something and you will receive I fire back, okay, because 158 00:06:50.199 --> 00:06:52.639 usually it's new people. Because once your people know you, 159 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:53.959 they know you, and these are the people that are 160 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:55.439 gonna ask for a ton of shit and cancel in 161 00:06:55.439 --> 00:06:58.439 a month. They might even charge back, which infuriates me. 162 00:06:58.519 --> 00:07:01.079 If you could charge back on Master, that should not 163 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:04.800 even be available. But it drives me nuts. I go 164 00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:07.199 to my chargebacks once we just get my shit going 165 00:07:07.240 --> 00:07:09.040 before I go to the gym, because that'll put me 166 00:07:09.079 --> 00:07:11.720 on the peloton for like ninety that's. 167 00:07:11.560 --> 00:07:12.240 Your pre workout. 168 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:14.360 Yeah, that's my free workout. Some people do a shot 169 00:07:14.360 --> 00:07:16.839 of something. I'm gonna go on my chargebacks on Olivans. 170 00:07:17.879 --> 00:07:21.079 I strike back in a sense of first, I will 171 00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:24.399 explain that that's not how we communicate here. I can 172 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:27.879 offer the option to cancel you, permanently, block you, and 173 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.079 refund you your money that we will never have this 174 00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:33.560 interaction again. But I also want them to understand that 175 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:36.120 we are still human beings and it doesn't just bum 176 00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:39.399 me out for me, it bumms me out for younger performers. 177 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:41.680 We got to live a great deal of our lives 178 00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:44.279 without this shit. And though it is extra money, it's 179 00:07:44.279 --> 00:07:45.319 a pain in the fucking ass. 180 00:07:45.560 --> 00:07:47.519 It is because I feel like it's a different way 181 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:50.480 of like, you know, everything obviously evolves with time and 182 00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:52.439 like technology and things like that, but it is like 183 00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:56.279 it kind of dehumanizes us a little bit, which is 184 00:07:56.360 --> 00:07:58.920 kind of weird to think because it's so much supposed 185 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:01.759 to be more humanizing in an experience, But I think 186 00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:07.480 that it does show how people society, how you're spoken to. 187 00:08:07.560 --> 00:08:10.600 But I also think also in generational like how like 188 00:08:10.759 --> 00:08:14.439 chivalry is dead, Like how it's so easy for even 189 00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:16.279 like grown men to say this where it's like, if 190 00:08:16.360 --> 00:08:17.720 I was on the street, would you talk to me 191 00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:20.959 like that? And the answer now is yes because people 192 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:23.279 accept that behavior, you know what I mean. And so 193 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:25.399 it's like if you don't kind of correct and be 194 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:28.319 like kind of teach them how to treat us, then 195 00:08:28.360 --> 00:08:30.680 it just becomes so reckless and a situation. 196 00:08:30.839 --> 00:08:33.080 Gold men in my building elevator for not letting women 197 00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:36.360 walk out first. Oh no, hockey show cue back there. 198 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:38.799 I am a woman and I will go first. Okay. 199 00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:40.799 I might also get punched in the face and the 200 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:44.360 city said is a thing, but I heard, Oh yeah, 201 00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:47.240 that's happening right now. But it's important now. I also 202 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:50.039 don't ask me anything on my page when I'm not traveling. 203 00:08:50.039 --> 00:08:52.679 I do it every Friday at seven pm. No nudity, 204 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:53.399 no nothing. 205 00:08:53.480 --> 00:08:55.279 But it's just an't asked me anything, and I cannot 206 00:08:55.279 --> 00:08:58.240 believe the lack of understanding when it comes to just dating. 207 00:08:58.759 --> 00:08:59.960 How do you enter a room? 208 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:01.840 How do you start speaking to a woman? 209 00:09:01.879 --> 00:09:04.039 What's the most important things? And I keep telling them, like, 210 00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:07.399 try to remember five things she says each time you 211 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:09.360 talk to her, because those are going to be important things, 212 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:12.000 whether it was her favorite flowers, her best friend's name, 213 00:09:12.480 --> 00:09:14.159 you know, where's she likes to go on vacation. These 214 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:17.360 are now conversation starters for later. And I realize that 215 00:09:17.399 --> 00:09:20.279 I'm speaking to them and this is so shocking that 216 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:23.759 this is how you get actually, but that's why I. 217 00:09:23.639 --> 00:09:26.799 Am so I mean even dating in general, like you 218 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:27.240 know what I mean. 219 00:09:27.320 --> 00:09:29.720 So it's like put that into a thing after, you know, 220 00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:33.399 being retired in you know, a different space of men now, 221 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:35.840 but they still see you as Lisa Ann. 222 00:09:36.080 --> 00:09:38.519 Is it difficult to date? Are you dating? Do you 223 00:09:38.559 --> 00:09:39.639 go on dating apps? 224 00:09:39.799 --> 00:09:41.559 I could never go on a dating app. That is 225 00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:43.039 just obscene. 226 00:09:43.159 --> 00:09:45.720 So if there's one out there right now, you're being catfish, 227 00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:47.320 ye cannot you know? 228 00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:50.039 I lives and guys are like I love you, I 229 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:51.679 love you, I love you, and like you are a 230 00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:53.720 mark in wrestling, we call you a mark. But what's 231 00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:55.720 going to happen now is a fake Lisa is going 232 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:57.279 to hit you, and you're gonna believe it because you 233 00:09:57.320 --> 00:09:59.360 believe that we should be together. And then you're going 234 00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:01.480 to spend money and then you were to find me again, 235 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:02.799 and then you're gonna believe it on me, and I'm like, 236 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:03.279 no other friend. 237 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:05.360 Then there's to show you a fake idea that has 238 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:08.000 your name but somebody else is a stignature on it, 239 00:10:08.159 --> 00:10:10.519 or you're an They think like and you're just like, yeah, 240 00:10:10.559 --> 00:10:13.720 but this is you, and they oh, No, dating is tricky. 241 00:10:14.639 --> 00:10:21.200 I just ended a almost fourteen year somewhat casual, serious 242 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:24.360 at times relationship because I realized this is just not 243 00:10:24.559 --> 00:10:28.519 going anywhere, and it's not rustling, and it's it's it's 244 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:31.080 at a stalemate, right, and it wasn't consistent. 245 00:10:31.159 --> 00:10:34.279 Fourteen years that's a long time. It's a long time. 246 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:38.519 This is where when we say, like a civilian, someone 247 00:10:38.600 --> 00:10:41.799 not in the industry, like something, okay, yep, okay, but 248 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:44.720 he never lived okay with what you did, who you 249 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:47.279 were in the times of what those were, so everything 250 00:10:47.320 --> 00:10:48.080 that was all great. 251 00:10:48.200 --> 00:10:50.720 That was what made me stay with him the longest, okay, 252 00:10:50.919 --> 00:10:52.840 was just that he had no qualms at all. He 253 00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:54.080 just I was who I was. 254 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:57.080 I was a self starling. And that's some times for us, 255 00:10:57.080 --> 00:10:57.759 It's like we. 256 00:10:57.759 --> 00:11:02.200 Had that whole compassionate somebody understanding what we really do 257 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:04.639 and I'm saying that sex could be just sex and 258 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:07.279 not something that's an emotional aspect in our work. 259 00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:09.840 Yeah, and then being insecure whatever wherever their head goes. 260 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:12.440 The fact in matter is we are self made women 261 00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:15.240 and we did a job that was perfectly legal, and 262 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:18.200 because of our job, we employed other people who also 263 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:22.320 got to make money. We are our own ecosphere as 264 00:11:22.360 --> 00:11:25.840 a brand, yes, and so meeting somebody to understands that 265 00:11:25.960 --> 00:11:28.120 and celebrates that is difficult. That's what made me stay. 266 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:31.000 But right now I'm I'm starting through some friends. You know, 267 00:11:31.080 --> 00:11:33.240 I won't meet a stranger. We can't do that, Okay, 268 00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:34.840 I have to meet a friend through a friend through 269 00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:37.080 a friend. That's the best way. It's much easier in 270 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:39.720 New York because you can be casual and just meet someone. 271 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:41.399 You don't have to go to their place. They're not 272 00:11:41.480 --> 00:11:44.240 going to your place. You just meet them for a walk. Right, 273 00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:47.519 It's easier. So I've been traveling a bit, but now 274 00:11:47.519 --> 00:11:48.919 I get to be home for about a month that 275 00:11:49.000 --> 00:11:51.559 I try not to start these things before I'm getting 276 00:11:51.559 --> 00:11:53.559 ready to leave, because I don't need the bullshit when 277 00:11:53.559 --> 00:11:55.360 I'm gone. I don't want to be texting somebody bothers. 278 00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:55.480 Men. 279 00:11:55.559 --> 00:11:57.039 Yeah, you don't want to texting friends? 280 00:11:57.080 --> 00:11:58.759 No, no, you don't. I don't want to be building 281 00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:02.120 my relationship while I'm in a hotel in Chicago. Okay. So, 282 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:04.200 but now I have a couple of people that I'm 283 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:07.120 interested in just speaking out and going out with them 284 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:08.000 and seeing how it goes. 285 00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:10.720 So have you put feelers in those sens, Sara, or 286 00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:13.240 are they coming out like suitors for you? Do you 287 00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:15.720 like go in someone's dmyth at me? 288 00:12:15.960 --> 00:12:19.240 Okay? But through the right people. Okay, they're smart. 289 00:12:19.399 --> 00:12:21.960 There's some kind of checklist that's being checked. Oh you're like, okay, 290 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.159 you vetted this one. Yeah, you're you're were on this level, 291 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:25.840 and now we can make you serious or not? 292 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:28.399 Yes, okay, yeah, because of course you know, first and 293 00:12:28.440 --> 00:12:29.720 foremost you must be single. 294 00:12:30.360 --> 00:12:31.120 That's another thing. 295 00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:32.759 There's a lot of men that would assume that we 296 00:12:32.799 --> 00:12:35.840 would be okay being with being someone's side bitch. I'm 297 00:12:35.879 --> 00:12:39.000 nobody's side bitch. Yeah, yeah, you're not either. Yeah, so 298 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.960 that's not happening. But it's also there's a thought that 299 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:47.279 we always have when something will make our man uncomfortable. 300 00:12:47.360 --> 00:12:49.159 When it would be and when I know, I went 301 00:12:49.159 --> 00:12:50.240 through this when I was married. 302 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:53.399 Because I was very insecure. I'm a totally different person 303 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:55.559 now than I was then, but I used to be 304 00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:56.639 worried that what he was on. 305 00:12:56.559 --> 00:12:59.480 A golf course and his friends would crack jokes about. 306 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:01.559 Me because you know, eyes are mean mm hmm, you know, 307 00:13:01.799 --> 00:13:04.679 and we were young, and so that constant thing in 308 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:06.559 the back of your mind can make you very insecure. 309 00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:10.000 You need to not feel that with somebody. And that's tough, yeah, 310 00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:12.039 because when a guy gets the fight with you, what's 311 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:13.120 the first thing he brings up? 312 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.320 You're well, depending on who they are, but usually the 313 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:22.080 business well you sectic, yeah, I did, so no feelings 314 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:24.919 are coming out here. So it's yeah, for sure, it's 315 00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:27.440 definitely tricky. That's why I feel like navigating really and 316 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:29.320 being in a space in your life where you know 317 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.039 what you want, you know what you've been through, you 318 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:32.679 know that you don't want to do those things again, 319 00:13:32.679 --> 00:13:34.840 And even if it's as simple as saying I don't 320 00:13:34.840 --> 00:13:37.279 want to start any kind of anything bef while I'm 321 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:39.120 in a hotel, because I know that doesn't serve me 322 00:13:39.159 --> 00:13:41.080 and where my purpose is at this point where it's like, 323 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:43.480 let me be either be all in or all out yep. 324 00:13:43.559 --> 00:13:45.720 And so it's one of those are you looking more 325 00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:47.879 for something serious now that you've got out of a 326 00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.360 fourteen year relationship on and off or are you looking 327 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:51.879 more for situationships? 328 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:55.840 I have situationships that I've held on to in between 329 00:13:55.840 --> 00:13:58.879 the bouts of this almost fourteen years, and I'm asking 330 00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:02.200 myself question. This year, I decided that I wasn't going 331 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:04.639 to decide am I looking for a relationship or not, 332 00:14:04.679 --> 00:14:08.759 because I've never really visualized what I want a relationship 333 00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:11.120 for me to look like. So I've kind of been 334 00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:14.320 taking a little bit of time every day to journal 335 00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:17.120 that of like, I wouldn't be I would be fine 336 00:14:17.120 --> 00:14:19.120 with somebody that has to travel for work because I 337 00:14:19.159 --> 00:14:21.200 am fiercely independent and I do like a lot of 338 00:14:21.240 --> 00:14:23.639 alone time. Yeah, I don't know if I could be 339 00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:28.080 with a complete routine, constantly together twenty four to seven situation. 340 00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:30.600 And I do a lot of work from home, so 341 00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:33.000 other than my two days a week in studio, there's 342 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:34.840 a month I'm not going into studio, I'm going to 343 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:36.399 be with this person. Are they working at home? So 344 00:14:36.919 --> 00:14:39.039 I've been thinking about that and I think at my age, 345 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:43.279 you know, I turn fifty two in May, it's difficult 346 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:46.200 to meet people that have also been no children. And 347 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:48.759 it's not that I'm opposed, but it does make things complicated. 348 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:50.720 But those are your boundaries, I feel like, and those 349 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:52.080 are you know, important, those are the. 350 00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:53.960 Journal things right now where it's like, you know, you. 351 00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:58.240 Have to really be at the you know, intentional about 352 00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:00.559 the people that you want in your life. Because again 353 00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:03.759 it's like in a sense, like me tomorrow, I've never 354 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:05.720 promised all those things, but it's like life's you know, 355 00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:08.320 life is lifing for everybody and you can't take those 356 00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:09.159 years back and whatever. 357 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.600 So it's like, you know, you're a strong, independent woman. 358 00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.559 But also sometimes I think for myself and like, when 359 00:15:14.559 --> 00:15:16.320 I see you in a lot of ways, it mirrors 360 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:19.000 like you're the reflection of your growth of where you 361 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:22.120 or your businesses and how we navigate things. And that's 362 00:15:22.120 --> 00:15:24.720 why I think it's easy to speak to on that level, 363 00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:27.279 is that we are so used to doing it on 364 00:15:27.320 --> 00:15:30.440 our own and we don't have and never felt comfortable 365 00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:32.799 to be in our feminine to not be the alpha, 366 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:36.440 because alpha doesn't mean necessarily that we're losing control, but 367 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:38.600 it means that we have more control of certain things 368 00:15:38.919 --> 00:15:41.039 that I think now is like the times to be 369 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:43.720 honest with yourself and sit with those thoughts and what 370 00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:45.679 are my standards? What are my requirements? 371 00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:46.759 What are my boundaries? 372 00:15:46.840 --> 00:15:49.559 Because I myself too is like I wanted a relationship 373 00:15:49.559 --> 00:15:50.759 for so long, but it's like, well, what do you 374 00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:51.679 want in a relationship? 375 00:15:51.879 --> 00:15:54.600 I couldn't answer that question master myself two years ago. 376 00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:55.759 I couldn't answer that question. 377 00:15:55.840 --> 00:15:59.360 But I wanted this relationship and not in a person 378 00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:02.759 or anything, but just this relationships. And so until I 379 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:05.519 sat down and really started in my thoughts of like 380 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:07.960 why do I choose partners that are in the past, 381 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:10.200 And maybe that's like your fourteen relationship. Why it stayed 382 00:16:10.279 --> 00:16:12.279 is because there was some kind of security that made 383 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.080 it simp that you could fall back on those things. 384 00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:17.440 But being honest with ourselves and I'm internally really being 385 00:16:17.720 --> 00:16:21.639 truthful of what we want and what we won't accept 386 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:24.279 any longer in this point of our lives. 387 00:16:24.120 --> 00:16:26.840 And it's great to actually not be in a rush 388 00:16:26.919 --> 00:16:29.759 and not be you know, denying the thoughts, but thinking 389 00:16:29.799 --> 00:16:32.080 about them and really putting them down. Journaling them has 390 00:16:32.120 --> 00:16:34.279 been really interesting to me because it's also helped me 391 00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:36.559 when I spend time with my other friends that are 392 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:40.080 married and things that I love about their marriage, and 393 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:42.679 like how I visualize that for them, And I'm like, 394 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:44.960 you know, that's a very fascinating important thing. Like my 395 00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:47.720 best friends they love dogs, and one of their big 396 00:16:47.720 --> 00:16:49.840 connections is always making sure they're out twice a day 397 00:16:49.879 --> 00:16:52.480 walking their dogs together, and that's their connection time when 398 00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:53.600 they go out and do their own things. 399 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:55.320 So little things, for sure. 400 00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:58.200 I think that's also a big important thing to see 401 00:16:58.320 --> 00:17:01.360