Speaker 1: Connie Gallo row Dirty Conny did the can join the
Questing is uncharted join the ticy Baster.
Speaker 2: Six writers face off, quiet roll of the dice felt
quite dirty, leaving.
Speaker 3: Nothing behind but fingerprits and a tall tale.
Speaker 1: Stealing carts, breaking parts with plenty of time to kill
and icy.
Speaker 4: Maasters ten dis always ticing, and you know the cabby
Tasty Fasts become to join.
Speaker 5: The dice Faster.
Speaker 2: Hey, there are ads, junior adventures and friends. Welcome to
the next episode of The Dicey Bassar Season two. Meki Gibson, host,
author and dungeon master. Who do I have me today?
The same people, but they're the best people. Let's start
with mister Bobby b himself. Robert Bevin, Sir, how are.
Speaker 6: You wonderful doing all right? My name is Robert Pevin.
I played the role of Jewelsu the Sorcerer, the Saucerer. Sorcerer.
Oh shit, yeah, might get pretty saucy pretty soon. Yeah,
as I say, what kind of sauce though? Well, stay
tuned to find out. Uh, all right. The coverage of
creatures go.
Speaker 5: To a bunch still own for jocer.
Speaker 2: Dude, that's our next scented Candle.
Speaker 7: Come on, baby, the FDA just reached back through time
and slap to find on us. That's impressive. Actually a
little self.
Speaker 6: It's like Tony Shastras Cage and seasoning, great on everything.
Speaker 7: Oh, Tony Sacher is going to sue.
Speaker 2: The Jersey sauce. Yeah, uh, you know, I'm gross. I'm
moving on, Rick Walter, how you doing, sir?
Speaker 5: Considerably less saucy anyway.
Speaker 8: My name is Rick Valterian. I play moog Fish Eater.
In real life. I write several things, including Mike the
Werewolf for War, Build a Vampire, and about forty somewhat
other books. You know, go buy read one of them.
Speaker 2: Read biler crap Drew, what are your sauces levels like?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 7: I am Drew Hayes, author of books such as NPC Spread,
The Vampire Count and Rover Powered, the latest of which
is out now. Not to mention, Villain's Code, of which
I have too coming out very soon, a audiobook for
Chilling Reflections, and a print e book for Villains Finettes
Volume two. And in this game, I play Kabert the Expeeding,
a druid who spent the entire last game horsing around.
Speaker 2: Nice nice, well, done, Claudia, can you top that?
Speaker 9: Yeah, Claudia, Callia the horse lover right.
Speaker 7: I really wanted you to just break into top that
from teen Witch first.
Speaker 10: Maybe don't ask to top a horse after last episode.
Speaker 5: Away from that.
Speaker 2: Hands of the show are loving this banter. They know
what happened.
Speaker 9: Hey, I am Emily Kaplan. I write under the name
em Kaplin. I write mysteries, possibly erotica, of course, or
rotten never mind.
Speaker 5: Let's just go.
Speaker 7: Stan.
Speaker 2: Excuse me able to look at your character everything, because
I think with the last game, Steve Weatherhill.
Speaker 5: Are you sir, I'm doing okay, Gibby.
Speaker 10: I was watching the Eurovision contests last night where the
older countries in Europe and some other countries come together
to compete for the worst song, and uh, I'd just
like to say, fuck every single country in Europe.
Speaker 5: And you can.
Speaker 3: You can find my books online.
Speaker 2: I have never watched Eurovision, but I'm a big fan
of the movie.
Speaker 5: So all right, the movie lies.
Speaker 2: It's not as good as that. Oh all right, before
we get to the game, it's a quick moment. Quick moments.
You remind everybody, Hey, we're part join the A and
D family. Go head over patreon dot com slash authors
and dragons. Check out the various tiers. Join us two
bucks a months on our discord. Go over to our
tea public stores, go to our dash re stores. Help help,
We're we're I think I'm pretty sure just listening to us,
we're terror free. So comment. Support us in any way
possible you can. I'm just saying, help support the podcast.
Share with your friends, share with your family, share your enemy,
Share with your loved ones. Well maybe not your loved
ones after they get Yeah, Grandma loves the horsetck jokes.
She really does, you know, you know.
Speaker 10: Check soon for jost sauce, the sauce with the moss.
Speaker 3: No, I'm sti I'm still working on it.
Speaker 2: Oh remember, greetings all, this is Connie Stan's conscience. How
are you When we last left the dicey bastards? It
was gross, just just gross. After like checking in and
figure out what they want to do, the team split up. Stan,
Claudia and the Jorce decided to head over to the
brothel No Holds Bar to get some information and to
get sticky. Slithering into a pile of sex, Georger began sniffing.
People were getting a dick and in the eye. Yes, he
was trying to figure out what's going on and got
a good old dick in the eye and then he
got well mugged by an entire pile of sex. Stan
decided to talk to the bartender and then, uh say
the dominatrix, yes, the dominatrix, yes, Elsa, the dominatrix.
Speaker 10: Sheet down else, I like al sir, she likes you,
Jill mm hmm.
Speaker 2: And Claudia turns out turned down an honest offer for
sex from a man turned into a horse. I still
can't figure out why. Uh, and then turned out for bear.
But the team did a very good job of like
just just distracting themselves around the nudity to actually work
on the mission of who killed poe A Beth, Poor
dead Beth. On the other team, Moo Face, Theater and
Combat decided to be children to that day and had
a good old time playing basically just an obstacle course.
They failed, they laughed, they had whimsy. It was a
great old time. How do you know this, Daniel, don't.
Speaker 5: Worry about it.
Speaker 2: Don't worry about it at all. And when you get
a chance killed kill Caberra. When you get a chance
for it.
Speaker 5: We actually have like you know, bracelets where we can
talk to you move face kill him too. Was it
wasn't like you making this up in his mind.
Speaker 10: I'm hearing move on the breakit right now, Connie, you're insane.
Speaker 5: I know. We don't have time for this.
Speaker 10: We've got some sort of sexual care situation with jawser point.
Speaker 2: Let's listen, let's just let's just jump back into that
action right there. Where'd you go to first? Should we
go to the we go to the sexual cure situation
or obstacle course. I think the fans know, yeah, we're
going to We're going to brothel hopping in their first
So Jimmy favor. Okay, we have those same rules as before.
So you cannot breathe this moment, Jorser, So you can
hold your breath for one minute. So start with Claudia.
He's probably the most dexterous. What do you want to do.
Speaker 9: She's just chatting with Stan saying, you know, I have
this theory that because death was killed, like poor dead death,
actual death is killed, and I don't think we can die.
So maybe he's okay in there, what do you think I.
Speaker 10: Think you're getting the angel of Death mixed up with
the Angel of Beth.
Speaker 3: It is just I assume has.
Speaker 9: So damn.
Speaker 10: I think Jeorce is about to die. Jounce, are you
about to die?
Speaker 5: Hello? Oh he's still alive.
Speaker 2: You just lost thirty thirty percent of your heirs?
Speaker 10: Oh God, time he has Do you have a ripe
or something? I don't want to touch any of this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have splunking. You might need
to get in there.
Speaker 6: I don't even have clothes.
Speaker 3: Give you. What's around is what can we use in
our environment?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 2: So there are beds, so you have blankets. There is
some rope behind you from the pen from the stable
with a dice state. But it basically it is a
panned off area with horses, horse hay and rope's mast. Yeah,
dudes massurvating on beds. You have blanks use obviously rugs
on the ground. Run at a lot of loose clothes
and left behind people from the pop from the pile.
Speaker 9: Are there any hoses nearby?
Speaker 2: Uh no, just go back to your room to shower,
wash up your fields.
Speaker 5: There's a lot of hoses on display.
Speaker 9: Of hose everywhere, my lady, you know, obviously he went
when dogs are dog piling, you spray them down with
the hose.
Speaker 5: Those hose everywhere, and only some of them spray.
Speaker 2: There's a functioning bar over there, and you have magic
cups that make liquid.
Speaker 10: So, oh, I'd made a friend here. Maybe which time
to consult management? Out, said darling. A man is being
crushed by a thousand penis is uh.
Speaker 2: You look over there and she is just whipping the
every living ship out of this Tobacca on the thing.
Speaker 5: Who goes for him? Darling?
Speaker 2: It's a wonderful way to go, sh call my name, Darling.
Speaker 10: Beating the shit out of the cat. She's not one
for health and safety? Is out a charming woman?
Speaker 9: Oh cloud, you would like to hold up her cup
and say I would like to drink a waterfall and
point it at chorcuer.
Speaker 2: Uh, well, that's actually pretty good. It's not full on
one of the alchemy jugs. But you know what, screw it.
A big hose of water, one good burst of water
shoots out and you hit some lady in the buttle
who's crawling. So you just you gave her basically just
an enema and I got m and you go. You
definitely get a wink a smile and an invitation.
Speaker 10: Oh, don Claudia, that's thinking well inside the box, I spise.
Speaker 2: Just outside the box. He's on that angle. So but yeah,
people are STI crawling towards George Rejews for you have
on the map, it's only about like seven eight nine
or have re many crawling on you, but it's it's bigger.
It's a lot. It's a lot of people crawing on
top of you or a twenty or thirty. So so
what would you like to do, sir?
Speaker 6: All right, don't have a lot of time. I would
like to observe right now. I want to I'm I'm snipping,
I am looking for a pubic lice?
Speaker 2: Why are we looking for lice?
Speaker 5: Again?
Speaker 6: That's for you to find out. I don't want to reveal.
Speaker 7: No, No, I'm the d for like a threat, you know what.
Speaker 2: Whatever, So I'll say this, you are because that you
are in the pile. I will never take a character's
agency away from them, but they are. People are trying
to like do things in everything every hole that you have.
I don't know how much you will or will not
allow that as your business. But yeah, a lot of newdity,
a lot of sex, a lot of oil, a lot
of a sweat my nuslims.
Speaker 9: Yes, I still don't know if he's in trouble.
Speaker 6: Can I make some perception roles by all means, sir,
let me know what you you roll, whatever it is
you want to roll, we'll play with.
Speaker 2: Let's see, let's see what you're trying to figure out.
Speaker 6: Oh, first I want to do a good long sniff.
Speaker 10: Okay, do you have the final scene of Unbreakable? What
Bruce willis is just standing in the airport just letting
everybody rub up against Yes, I can find out like.
Speaker 2: A grand sential station, just touching everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the base. Everybody's nude and his stoma.
Speaker 5: Ways.
Speaker 2: Uh So with that sniff, I'll give you a little
bit of your air back in because you're but you're
getting it's harder because you're getting crushed Ooty seventeenth. Sure you,
uh man, you are getting in all types of smells. Uh,
there is the there is the one infernal guy, the
one tiefing that was there before. But it's not you.
You know it's not him. So you're you're not getting
any new infernals right now, but you are getting mouthfuls
eye fools, tongue, fools.
Speaker 5: Everything.
Speaker 2: Your mouth's open, so things are being put in your mouth.
It's gross. You you were getting a deluge of flesh
and and and stickiness.
Speaker 6: All right, well, I'm not getting exactly the information I need,
but uhday is not over yet. I'll try another perception
with you for looking for those lice.
Speaker 11: Okay, twenty okay, So because it's a twenty, there is
you're again you're looking.
Speaker 2: You're not seeing any lice per se, but you're you're
you're still smelling, you're saying, and you do get a
whiff of something that is very familiar, like it is
not exactly what was in the cup, but it's kind
of like adjacent to it, far to the south, near
the door, but you can't quite see because it's sent
from way away. But you're unfortunate a pile.
Speaker 5: All right, that's there.
Speaker 2: There is a presence of what you know there.
Speaker 6: But all right, well then that's something else. Okay, well then.
Speaker 2: You are unfortunately you can't see anybody something about us again,
it's it's in the room, you just don't know where.
Speaker 6: All right, then I shall cry at the top of
my lungs, behold my syphilis.
Speaker 2: Let me see me hang on, I'm just gonna roll
a random chance of it's like you opening your mouth
or something being put in it. That's a very good
chance of something like sorry, you go, you can figure
out what was put in your mouth. I'm not going
to tell you what was putting your mouth. You use
a player, but something was putting a toe, boob, whatever
whatever you like.
Speaker 5: But you went to behold woo.
Speaker 6: Shucks. Well that didn't work.
Speaker 2: I was going myself with anything above a seventy percent
chance it was happening. So, uh, you should see that
you're also you're also still being crushed. It's also now
you're more of your errors being pushed out. You have
less than twenty seconds before you are going into suffocation rules.
All right back to the top, Claudi, what are you doing?
Speaker 7: Stan?
Speaker 9: Is he in trouble? I feel like if we save him,
he's going he be really mad.
Speaker 3: He's always in trouble.
Speaker 9: Or do you think if he gets squished tight enough
he'll just like shoot out the top because he's so.
Speaker 2: Greenyu, I will I will from saying this conversation of
both cabert and and MoU can hear this talk? Because
you got over your calm things.
Speaker 5: At this point, Moog is turning off his brastlet got it.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, Cobert, you can optic whether you're listening in
or not.
Speaker 5: Claudia or Genius. What we need here is more loop loop.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm sure they have a lot here, right, So
if we just find some bottles and scort it into the.
Speaker 2: Pile, you've got cups.
Speaker 3: Oh, Claudia's move.
Speaker 10: I'd like to run a general perception check, just to
see if there's anything in the environment I can use
to make this worse.
Speaker 3: Slash saved your.
Speaker 2: Ser Okay, give me a perception check.
Speaker 5: Take one off of this for the wisdom.
Speaker 2: Yep, it's not a when Ulyssa drops the whole thing down.
So fifteen, uh, I mean does if you drop what
was your perception? What was your wisdom before? I mean like, no, no, no, no?
The actual the actual stat number?
Speaker 10: Oh, the actual stat number? You say, yeah, plus one?
Speaker 2: No, like twelve, seventeen thirteen? What's what was the number?
Speaker 3: Twelve?
Speaker 2: Okay, twelve?
Speaker 5: Got it?
Speaker 2: So yeah, actual would have dropped down to an extra place. Okay,
so fourteen is still fourteen is good enough? You're looking
around like, oh, okay, so there's clearly like there are
the station, there's lube, there are manbies. Clearly there are
like little cups of lube around you have a magical cup.
There are it's it's let me see what else? What
is it you're trying to look forward to do? I
guess that's the question.
Speaker 10: I'm just taking in my environment and waiting for inspiration.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 2: So you see the merchant, he's watching. You see some
people the north bed watching There's a big muscular goliath
to the top northwest, he's just watching this pile the
monk and then build seemed to be two work read
about right now because you know there are this kind
of stuff happens. And then to the south you see
a very familiar uh tee fling standing there by the
door of Matt Demon standing there watching the sex.
Speaker 7: Of course he likes to watch.
Speaker 10: Yes, Matt Demon, who is a tee fling and is
our rival.
Speaker 2: Shrugs and walks back to the through the portal and leaves.
Speaker 7: I feel like a real rival would have tried to
fuck better. Throw that in there.
Speaker 2: He saw Claudia and he's because that's I'm pretty sure
that's the guy who like Matt it wasn't mad Demon,
it was the other guy just in time to s Mack, Claudia,
never mind, Matt deamses you guys, fuck it turns around
leaves like this place is tainted right now'll come back later. A.
Speaker 10: Well, Claudia, that's a we should probably interrogate, uh Matt
demon friend, but we probably.
Speaker 3: Also shouldn't let jowser die.
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, loup up everyone, it's lubin time.
Speaker 9: It's time.
Speaker 5: So what no, no, no, no, no, no, let me.
Speaker 9: My loube batons.
Speaker 2: Are you just like just upbending your cups and saying
lubin yeah, jumping in right on the pile. We'll come
back to you guys in a moment. That's that's that's
gonna be a thing. So let's let's go over to
the obstacle. Course, there's something wholesome for a minute.
Speaker 5: But I've been so glad that I've turned off communications.
Speaker 2: All right, Moog and Kebert, you're hearing what sounds like
the sound? Well you you heard what you heard. You
know you interpreted it as you see fit. All right,
you guys are both on this, but you go to platform.
You have one more goal place to get to and
they got to get back to the starting points. So
how do you want to do this?
Speaker 7: Man? In my heart of hearts, like, I know the
smarter move is to take the safe one, but sort
of like moog, I can't see that kind of a
jump and not try it at least.
Speaker 5: What of course?
Speaker 2: Of course? Okay, so you get a running start and
jump off the edge and go for the little tiny
platform below with a catapult.
Speaker 7: Absolutely, my my dog, shit fucking acrobatics in me.
Speaker 2: I am competent, I said. The acrobatic I believe was eighteen.
It's an eighteen pen is what it was? Okay, roll
it roams acrobatics fifteen.
Speaker 7: That is not enough.
Speaker 2: You're falling your fawn this oh shit, oh shit, the
thing that rotates it spins. That's not right, that's not good.
As you come around, you fall through the fire. Damn it.
Bang your two of your foe knees, fucker fall down
through the endless void, tumble to the top, and then
land back onto this platform with falling damage of them
up six lam.
Speaker 8: All right, We'll look at Kebert and say one more time,
and then you will take a fly in.
Speaker 5: A fly and leave. Got it?
Speaker 7: I think I'm starting to see why you put the
safe point right here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, acrobatics, Now you can you clumb the safe point
because if you leave the room and come back and
we'll take you back to that point.
Speaker 7: So I feel like we're about to burn all our
hit points. Yeah, stupid fucking jump.
Speaker 2: All right, so uh, give me an acrobatics roll. No,
this is all, this is pure, This is okay. Sorry, yeah,
this is like you've got to make sixteen noh, all
so close?
Speaker 7: You got it?
Speaker 2: You see it coming like, son of a bitch. You
hit your hand, hit your chin, hits you flip over backwards,
son of a poor bitch. Fuck and you fall back
down through the come back to the ceiling and you
land and take five budgeting damage temporary hit point.
Speaker 7: Boom oh man. All right, all right, so Gibby, you
have told me something, but Cobert does not know it.
So Cobert will attempt to cast guidance on himself.
Speaker 2: Yep, you go to cast guidance and the spell like
you know, the bracelet allows you to cast magic, but
this room in particular does not allow it. So the
spell fizzles as soon as you go to do it.
I know it's a answer, but it goes just damn.
Speaker 7: I knew it wouldn't work, but at this point Coubert
would try it, so I had of course push him through.
Well that still burned my action. So I think it's
Moog's turn again one more time.
Speaker 8: The round three moove okay, moose sex was about elf
could make this.
Speaker 5: Elf could make this?
Speaker 2: And you're as you say that your inner elf shines
through and land on that platform. But like I said
last time, we also have a secondary role to make
sure because that's just laying on to make sure you
actually keep your balance. You you toggled, you hit the mark.
Now can you maintain your balance and not fall off?
So give me another athletics athletics or acrobatics role?
Speaker 5: All right, athletics seven.
Speaker 2: You're like, once you realize it was your inner elf
that did it, you get so disgusted. You're like, no,
no it. You take a step back and you like
fall off and you're like, boom right back onto the platform.
Speaker 5: Elf could make it. Butt fuck elf?
Speaker 2: Yeah, only want only one bludgeting damage though, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 7: Ahead and tap the safe point because I have a
strong feeling I'm gonna lose all my hit points. Trying
to finish out this course. You climb up to the
top here. That's this one's pretty easy. Just climb up,
tap it and you have a safe point right there.
You come on back down.
Speaker 2: Not a problem. So, uh, you're gonna go for it again?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I gotta say point, why the fuck not go
for it? Give the people what they want, yep, and
they want a semon from Kabert.
Speaker 6: Oh you fall through that probably is what the people want.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, like, you jump down like and here's the
problem is that you're not even close this time. Your
your knees, everything's really hurting you fall and like as
you as you fall past it, that's a rotating thing.
The actually the blower that's blowing out the purple fire
hitching the side of the face, smacks you hard, sends
you spitting in that three sixty young controlled thing. You've
actually fall through time and space, landed back on the
platform on your side, just shitty and wounded and with
another three bludgeoning damage to you.
Speaker 9: Just Claudia's gonna look at her wrist watch thingy and say, oh,
are they in the same room mood you are?
Speaker 7: She's keeping an eye on the horse.
Speaker 2: All right, give you guys have more runs before we
go back to the sex monkeys.
Speaker 5: Move's gonna try the easier run.
Speaker 2: Okay, you go over to your left, give me. It's
it's just it's just a drop down from from here
to here. So that's just a DC ten athletics racerbatcks
to land on this safely.
Speaker 5: Twenty two. Boom, you're there.
Speaker 2: You're fine to walk across the beam. It's a little
bit more narrow. It's a twelve.
Speaker 5: Athletics for acrobatics. Yep.
Speaker 2: Six you fall off. You go back to the last
gold place you saved, which was right here. Boom, and
you're taking a fall of two.
Speaker 7: All right, I've got to give it at least three tries,
at least three. Gotta do three. All right, here goes
number three. Oh gosh, covert roll to four. He's just
like starting to limp a little bit more. Okay, okay,
all right, I got this. I got this. It just
sort of like tips and falls.
Speaker 2: Off this one here, you know, for the sake of it.
It'd be funny like you go that way and like
like you just gotta clutch your foot and trip, you know,
and then you just you hanging off the edge. You're
you're just hanging off the edge. Oh shit, oh shit,
oh shit, you're right how heavy you actually are?
Speaker 5: Damn it?
Speaker 2: Let go fall down, come for the top of the ceiling,
and then you fall and take six more bludgeoning damage.
Speaker 7: Alrighty, we're getting low. Sodden's getting real low.
Speaker 5: Bit good.
Speaker 2: Speaking of getting low, let's jump back over to the
sex pile. Let's see how low and deep these too,
because now that they are lubed up and ready to go,
it looks like these two are going to go jump.
Remember that time I think it was who was it
was stuck into the pile of manure and they had
to dive in to get the other peerson.
Speaker 5: We're doing that, but worse somehow.
Speaker 2: Yes, all right, so there are rope nearby. There are
clothes that you could tie into into or fashion to ropes, blankets,
you did ropes if you want to send somebody in,
or you're just diving in together, what are you going
to do?
Speaker 10: I thought we'd spend some time sort of dancing around
this like it's mayfair, splashing lube into the into the middle.
The point is there's some physics at work here, right,
There's weight against weight, and we put enough of a
barrier between those opposing forces, it's going to go out
in randomized directions, which may give jaws for.
Speaker 5: More of a chance.
Speaker 10: Okay, so you're trying to scientists, Gibbie, But I've been
to my fair share of fuck puddles and I think
this is right.
Speaker 2: All right, So we are trying to create a fuck geyser.
Speaker 5: We are? Uh so, yeah, I believe that's what It's cool.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it's the scientific time, all right. So a
fortication uh eruption, all right, chat chat, run the numbers
of the science hands hands that's my.
Speaker 9: Friend, Operation greased Pig or yeah, corporation, gleat pig.
Speaker 2: You are going around and you're seeing what's going on,
and the big goliath over here, the big muscular goliath
like sees what's going on. He like thinks it's fun
He sees what you're doing. He comes over and starts
pushing against the pile himself. He's pushing a pile in
one direction. The monk sees what's going on. He thinks
that's funny too. Like they've seen this happen. They understand
what you're doing. This is not their first time at
a fuck geyser. So the four of you, everybody give
me a strength or an acrobatics or athletics, athletics or
yeah there's either straight strength, will give me athletics. Just
not true because you're trying to hold this thing. Twenty
three pretty good to uh you know what are you
trying to? Are you trying to escape?
Speaker 6: Not yet, but I'm gonna try it. Yeah, might as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe go out of his mouth right right right.
Speaker 2: Let me see these guys have that, they've been there before.
All right, thirteen is pretty good. These guys have let
me see it natural two natural twenty okay, two natural twenties.
These guys have done with the advantage, so they make
up for stands. They like a sexy pimple. You make
the bald man cry. There's enough sex and pressure that
there's a giant release as George for the Sorcerer, gasping
for air, comes popping out of the top of this
sex pile.
Speaker 5: Caught you are right. I believe that worked amazing.
Speaker 3: We could document it.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 2: It was too good an idea. I'm like, you did
the roles and everything happened. So Georgier, you fall it.
You go to this a are whoo, and then you
come back down, hitting the flesh pile, taking four falling
damage and sliding down the backs of this flesh column
towards landing next to Stamp.
Speaker 9: It's gonna be the loudest smacking sound you can imagine.
Speaker 6: All right, I want to look south for the source
of my ascent.
Speaker 5: Uh you give it?
Speaker 2: You sniffing, You don't smell it anymore. You don't smell
it anymore.
Speaker 5: It's gone.
Speaker 7: What is it?
Speaker 5: An infinnel win which direction?
Speaker 7: So?
Speaker 10: Ah, well, we did see an infinal son of a
bitch to the south, just Elia, But then we got
distracted with your sex full text.
Speaker 5: It is the glue.
Speaker 7: Sex fourtext isn't the name of this episode?
Speaker 5: The game is a dick. Let's go.
Speaker 2: All right, you guys, are you taking off or you're
trying to follow?
Speaker 5: Are you doing?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 9: I definitely am.
Speaker 2: Okay, Claudia is taken off. You guys following Claudia?
Speaker 10: Yeah, we got ahead down, Matt Demon no time to
grab my clothes, Claudia, we can't waite three minutes.
Speaker 2: Uh So as a new George verse saying and is
what are you saying? A robe espeito? Your hat and
Claudia in her.
Speaker 5: First standard cruise.
Speaker 3: That's ti.
Speaker 5: I think you guys take off and run.
Speaker 2: You come out one of the portals. I'll just grab
you three you come out of here, just grab one
at random, and you guys come out of oh sure,
on top of each other, the pervert room and now
all the glowing portals and you're on the activities deck.
Speaker 3: Hm hmm.
Speaker 5: Any sign of a quarry.
Speaker 2: Uh, perception checks for everybody.
Speaker 6: All right, while we're looking, I'd like to uh fill
my coblet with something strong to wash the taste of
dick out of my mouth.
Speaker 3: All right, various things.
Speaker 2: Well, you got to pick what you got to pickle
one in your mouth, like I it's your choice.
Speaker 6: The taste of whatever out of my mouth is my wisdom.
Speaker 9: Back to normal.
Speaker 2: No, Actually, your thing stays so whatever it was like
once you were in that room. Now that you're out,
it stays two. That is, that is your new normal
at the moment.
Speaker 3: Okay, stan Rose is six.
Speaker 5: Joser rules of fifteen.
Speaker 2: Uh, that's a pretty good perception for Josper. You do
not see Matt Demon anywhere.
Speaker 3: Oh jos ready, you have the sense.
Speaker 5: Do all there are?
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, this because because of this particular deck, people coming
in out of a lot of places, all the candles
above your scented candles, and it's killing your your your
sense of smell. At the moment, there's all these rooms,
all these people, the different places, people coming in and out.
So it's like, unfortunately it all smells like one of
really shitty uh, like the citrusy candles that they put
like the plugins like they put in things.
Speaker 10: Yeah, well we've lost our lead. Looks like we're back
to good old fashioned detective web.
Speaker 6: Well we've still got a lead. I mean, you know
the identity of what I smelled.
Speaker 10: I don't know where he is and we only have
your your keen nose for that.
Speaker 6: We must find him and I'll give him a closer sniff.
Speaker 9: If anybody's just smelling around, we'll say which way did
which way did he go?
Speaker 5: Just ask which way did he go?
Speaker 6: There?
Speaker 7: We go, good, good job.
Speaker 2: This halfling walks This halfling walks by you. Huh, I'm sorry,
I'm gonna go fucking And it goes into there and
goes in the portal. Do I go to the sex room?
Speaker 5: He went to the right place.
Speaker 2: See you see you're coming in and out.
Speaker 5: You see this. I warmed him up for you.
Speaker 2: People are going, come on, guys, let's go to this,
Let's go to let's go to the splash zone. Let's
go to the Wet Dreams or the water park.
Speaker 5: Kids.
Speaker 2: Come on, everybody, they go.
Speaker 5: We got out of the splash zone. I'm not tolerating that.
Speaker 2: Some people are getting food, they're going they're going to
the restaurants or going to the theater. It's like they're
all one to them right in different places.
Speaker 5: So, okay, gang, I have a plan. We need information,
and you know who can't just shut the fuck up.
Fear to people.
Speaker 10: You're gonna say, Moo, Yes, but what fear to people
will give us gossip? Moo will just again reiterate that
he wants to kill alps, which is not useful to us.
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of Moog, let's see how these guys are
doing on their their grand adventure themselves. They're going to
conquer this goddamn.
Speaker 5: Thing that's re lying. They're bleeding.
Speaker 10: There was scene seg I wonder where Moog is anyway,
The smash cut to move falling through a void screen.
Speaker 2: All right, gentlemen, who's whose turn is it?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 7: Keab will try the less uh route.
Speaker 2: Okay, at my three, give it a ten and hop
off there to the lower platform. Ten is exactly what
I got. Blam cool. Now I believe I said it
was a twelve to get over here. Sure, ten little
more narrower, bea eighteen.
Speaker 5: Good job.
Speaker 2: Now give me another one just to climb the ladder.
Speaker 7: Oh boy, I'm using up a lot of luck.
Speaker 5: Twenty one laying.
Speaker 2: Okay, the fourth one is lit up for you, but
you still have to get back to the beginning.
Speaker 7: So I will now do my my horse punching animation.
Much more tired and Mike clearly worn down.
Speaker 2: All right, So I will let you know. From this direction.
You can go northwest over to that platform, go around
the beam, but it looks like each one of those
those statues with the sickles might swipe at you. You
can go northeast and climb down the change of the
platform below onto the spinny roly things and then jump
onto the uh. It's a big jump down to the
catap Or you go to directly back to the east
the way you came across and try to jump to
the ring of fire, and that's way down.
Speaker 5: I got you.
Speaker 7: One more question. Is that another safe point or is
that just a map affectation?
Speaker 2: It is another safe point?
Speaker 7: Okay that I will probably do the safe point first.
Speaker 5: Do you go up there?
Speaker 2: Tap it and okay, now you're back to here.
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, moog.
Speaker 5: All right, try the easier way.
Speaker 7: Ten, six, ten, you're there, not a problem.
Speaker 5: Second one, ten, damn, I need a twelve.
Speaker 2: You fall, fall off the beam again and you fall
back to the last gold point, which is right here. Boom,
and you take fall damage.
Speaker 5: Three. Starting to hate this thing.
Speaker 2: I have a feeling that was the intent. If you
keep coming back, you'll get more dexterous, just dummer. All right,
let's try this one more time. The big jump of
the little jump.
Speaker 7: It doesn't seem to matter.
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It's a little hop down. You take it so easy.
You hit clang son of a breach s dug your toe,
fall over to the backwards under the infinite void, fall, fall, fall,
and land back on the platform with an additional four
falling damage.
Speaker 5: Oh thinks this must have been designed by elves.
Speaker 2: Uh do you ever want to go to You never
want to the save point? You want to you want
to save point you're just gonna risk.
Speaker 5: It all, just gonna risk it all. Got it?
Speaker 7: I respect it. It's true to moog all.
Speaker 2: Right, comberret a few of his return What do you
want to do?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 7: I feel like I have pretty limited hit points left,
and my best odds of getting more than one bite
at the apple are the chain and the spinny logs
to the uh to the drop off.
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2: Okay, athletics rolled down the chain because you've got like
you got. You've gotta climb down pure strength, pure strength
down or you can jump, or you can climb down
the chain. Your call.
Speaker 7: Uh wait a minute, you said strength.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's an athletics roll to climb down the train,
or you can jump athletics or acrobatics to jump off
of it and try to land on the platform. But
it's a drop, so I mean it's easier, it's easier
to go down the chain.
Speaker 7: I will, I will try to go down the chain.
My bonuses are within one of each other.
Speaker 2: Okay, so give me an athletics role to go down
the chain.
Speaker 7: I got an eleven.
Speaker 2: Yep, it's all you need is a ten.
Speaker 5: You're good. Just average rolls Okay, you.
Speaker 2: Are down on the platform. Okay, you've got the spinny roll.
This is a thirteen to get it because it's a
spinny roll, it's spinny log. You got to get across
this and you will get across it. And the thirteen
counts is getting across and landing on the platform with
the catapult.
Speaker 7: All right, here it goes seventeen bam.
Speaker 2: All right, you're there on the platform.
Speaker 5: You line it.
Speaker 2: You can line the catapult to.
Speaker 7: Wherever you like it to go. H well, I'm aiming
back at the main platform where we started.
Speaker 2: Then okay, uh, you go where you see there's a
device where you pull the lever and you get a
ticket a few seconds to get into the cradle.
Speaker 5: What are you gonna do?
Speaker 7: I guess I'll pull the lever and get into the cradle.
Is there a feature I'm missing here?
Speaker 2: Nope, Just you just use it. Looks like it's just
a chair you sit in, So.
Speaker 7: All right, nobody think too hard about this mental image.
Speaker 2: You fly through the air, arcing up very very very high,
and now give me as you get reach of the edge, here,
give me either athletics or an acrobatics roll to like
land on the edge and.
Speaker 8: Not fall off.
Speaker 7: Acrobatics of fourteen.
Speaker 2: You hit it thirteen when I needed So once you
land there, you land there, like the whole thing glows,
It lights up, blinks blue blue, blue, blue blue, and
then tickets start to come out of the uh right right,
the looking on the ground, like all these like token
tickets come out.
Speaker 7: So I definitely do like the skid across on my
hoofs in one hand like a superhero.
Speaker 6: You just killed yourself for enough tickets to get an
eraser exactly.
Speaker 2: It's like redeemable ethics at the Grand Whimsy gift shop.
Speaker 7: Oh I didn't even know there were tickets there was.
Speaker 5: That was not what this was about.
Speaker 7: Combert will scoop up the tickets, tuck them away, and
then very gently reloosen his tie. That's right. It's a
call back to last episode.
Speaker 5: Mother.
Speaker 2: Well done, sir. Move you just saw how it's done.
Speaker 5: What you're gonna do, baby, gonna try it again?
Speaker 2: Which way you're gonna have? The big jumping, little jump,
little jump, okay, little jump, Jesus fuck, you should fall
hit your forehead bang.
Speaker 6: This is moves well.
Speaker 2: Just one hit point, just death.
Speaker 6: He's eating his way out.
Speaker 7: Just you through the metal.
Speaker 2: Cobert, you hear the others talked about Matt demoning your
bracelet know I you know, work here Dad.
Speaker 7: Do not give a single ship. Caber is basking in
the glory of his accomplishment.
Speaker 2: The rest of you sounds like a bear just got done,
like marathon sex. So give me a shot.
Speaker 5: One more.
Speaker 2: Hey, I not roll above a three here for the
sake of comedy. Here's another, just more damage.
Speaker 5: Another one.
Speaker 2: Oh man, that's gonna take forever.
Speaker 5: Keep me on what you got, so we'll try. We'll
try acrobatics this time. Okay, sorry, fifteen hitos.
Speaker 2: Thirteen you're you're channeling your inner elf works you land
just fine?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 2: Now that'swelve to get across the beam. Now here's the
thing you can you still have to get to this
to activate it, just to like, no, we're getting there. Okay,
So twelve to get across. Except we're not getting there.
Speaker 7: Mood world to nine.
Speaker 2: All right, So you again fall through space and time
and hurt yourself and fall back here. So another three
points of damage.
Speaker 7: I like to imagine he's slowly wearing like a little
crater in that one.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like it's like that. It's like a
training montage and a night's tale. You just see like
hit after hit after hit.
Speaker 7: You know who?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 5: So, except nothing's being learned or achieved.
Speaker 7: No, not at all, not at all. It's more like
a time loop.
Speaker 12: Move calls upon his ancestors stop fucking with Moog. He's
like a total hit points left. Let's see what happens here,
God four damage, Sir, I do want to Kars watching.
Oh I know, I I've never seen his horse at
Chris Cross Applesauce, but I have I.
Speaker 5: Have a fucking plus five athletics. I can't do this.
Speaker 2: Al sir, I have been there. I'm sorry. This tear
is not at you, but I am laughing.
Speaker 5: All right, one more, you got a couple.
Speaker 7: Move got a six.
Speaker 5: That's a natural one.
Speaker 2: All right, Oh, it's a natural one.
Speaker 5: All right? Well you know what?
Speaker 6: Okay, So you know that scene in the Forty Year
Old Virgin where seth Rog is talking about how he
and his friends went to see a girl fucking a
horse and they thought it was gonna be a horse
and it was Yeah, it was just sad. Like we
had actual horse fucking in the last episode. But this
scene reminds me of that scene more because the audience,
I imagine it's just getting sad.
Speaker 5: At this point.
Speaker 7: All right, all right, moog, we've got six him points
at I have six left?
Speaker 5: Oh man.
Speaker 7: Okay, alright.
Speaker 5: Acrobatics. Hey, we're gonna stick with acrobatics.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we do Was this a big jump or
was this a little thing?
Speaker 5: This was the little okay?
Speaker 2: Okay 'ight here, twelve to get across. Nineteen you are across.
Now we'll just roll me to climb up. It's very simple.
It's very easy to climb up the ladder.
Speaker 5: Twenty one. Okay. The last light is a little bit huge.
Was just crushing it now.
Speaker 2: So now come on, bude, you got this. Now, pick
a direction you want to go, and then you got
to get to the catapult. Gonna do the chain, Gonna
do the chain. So athletics to climb down. Ten seventeen
you're there, spinning low. It was thirteen to get across.
Speaker 7: Thirteen to get across.
Speaker 5: What is athletics or acrobatics? Your call?
Speaker 2: What's yeah?
Speaker 5: Twenty five?
Speaker 2: All right, so you line, it's already lined up for you.
So I just got to sit in there and I'm
gonna get away from the edge. You're gonna need one
more role to make sure you stick to the superhero landing.
It's gonna be a teen athletics or acrobatics, all right.
As you fly through the air, you're flying, You're flying,
You're flying. What happens?
Speaker 5: Moog ten.
Speaker 2: With the smug look on his face of satisfaction moved flies,
Lance Pulls is growing hits his head.
Speaker 5: God fuck ship Denny's damn hates this room.
Speaker 2: And you come back to the last gold safe point.
Let's see what happens here?
Speaker 7: Uh that such a good run and then Moo dies.
Speaker 2: You hit okay, so Combert, you watch his Moog hits
and like blinks out, womp wamp and he reappears uh
here back next to you start having because he never
used a save point.
Speaker 9: Uh.
Speaker 2: He reforms like he's back to full health. But all
the all the dignity is left behind.
Speaker 5: So just like look in the eye, like we never
speak of this room.
Speaker 7: America nodded that I had a few pretty.
Speaker 2: Are you guys walk out of the room here having
like what have you successfully completed this the other not?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 2: You walk out into Datta's conveniently enough, you are on
the activities deck where you see your friends looking around, confused,
listening to.
Speaker 9: Our little watches, going never speaking.
Speaker 6: Of it.
Speaker 2: Exactly because Drew never turned his off.
Speaker 7: So move like.
Speaker 2: So they come out to the left. You guys are
standing there to the right, and they come out here.
Speaker 5: Hey, fellas, I don't want to talk about my day.
Do you want to talk about yours?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 3: Excellent.
Speaker 10: Anyway, we've got a lead. We think Matt Damon and
the totally innocent party might be involved with this murder.
Speaker 5: But we don't know where he went. We don't like
him right now, Google gay with killing him. Well, we
don't have to kill him. We just have to question him.
Speaker 10: I mean maybe eventually if it escalates. But I want
to be very clear. We should not be the people
escalating this. We're here to solve a murder, not create
several more murders.
Speaker 5: Move didn't listen to words you said.
Speaker 10: I noticed that nobody is nodding or understanding anything I'm saying.
Speaker 5: You're well just thinking about murdering someone, aren't you.
Speaker 6: We need him to continue to sweat, so murder off
the table for now.
Speaker 5: That's an argument.
Speaker 7: I love the notion of him just trying to talk
about and just getting blank face stairs.
Speaker 5: We're not a murder.
Speaker 2: Hate murder not Now. Maybe you said something about wanting
to go to the theater to look for theater people come.
Speaker 5: To talk, right, Yeah, we need to find Matta.
Speaker 3: You guys want to do this?
Speaker 7: Did John Walks Booth do it?
Speaker 3: We don't know yet.
Speaker 5: What a twist.
Speaker 2: If you guys want to head over to the theater,
that's a good place, Zenny, because we can go there
because we have to sign off after this. So, uh,
it's a good place. That's actually a great place to
leave off of this next episode. So if everybody's cool
with it, I'm gonna put you all over in the
theater map Okay, sure, I am cool. Yeah, okay, cool.
Speaker 9: Boom he's cool because he's naked exactly.
Speaker 2: That is yeah, well you know what it's the uh.
I will say this, when you come back through, when
you leave you clothes behind because of the magic of
the ship, it's a magical boat. You're clothes come with
you just reappear. You are at least you're at least
president enough, so you're not like there are children around,
so you are uh.
Speaker 6: Oh shit, I was going to hit up the like
the costume department. There still can Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: I'm getting there.
Speaker 3: I'm just giving this a segue.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, as you guys come through the portal.
All right, you be on the right side of this map. Here,
there's a halfway some of those Oh oh good, the
dicey Baschet's fantastic. You know your private box is right
up here to the right. The show is ready to start.
Speaker 3: We just had our fail private boxes mate.
Speaker 2: Oh no, so the players, you're ready to start. Automaton
Constable the story of a war forge, a man who
was killed and turned the Wolf Warforce and has to
go back and murder those who took him down. It's
a wonderful story. People love it. He's a law enforcement
policeman who was put into a war forge and yes
to murder the people that are ruining his city. It
is a wonderful story.
Speaker 10: I was sort of hoping that the play within a
play would lead some clues to who our murderer is.
But the sounds fucking awesome.
Speaker 7: Reminds me of a play I once saw called The
Tale of Croke Madame. But I suppose this is an
adaptation that's a real deep literary food cut for everybody.
Speaker 2: You guys go to up there, take your private your
private viewing boxes.
Speaker 3: Drew stop making his culture.
Speaker 2: So the players are going on the stage now, I
would like all of you to give me perception checks.
Speaker 3: Do they have those little goggoles to help you see bet?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was wondering the same thing because I could
use those to look for.
Speaker 2: Every chairs them.
Speaker 5: Yes, we've got a twenty one, got a twenty two.
Speaker 3: Does that add anything to my perception check if I'm
using that?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: Actually it'll give you with advantage.
Speaker 6: George got five?
Speaker 5: Excellent.
Speaker 2: All of you do pretty well. Let me see except
for George. We've got a five? Is that with advantage
with the viewing goggles?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 3: Not using them the wrong way?
Speaker 5: Round?
Speaker 2: Your eyes still sore from penis. So the rest of
you okay. And the other skybox directly north on the map,
across the way from you, the totally innocent party is
enjoying as the heroes of the realm as well, They
too are enjoying their skybox getting ready to watch Automaton Constable.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 2: And that is when they see you looking at them,
They're looking at you and they glower back, and that
is where we're going to leave this episode of the
Dicey Bastards with a stare offf between two competing teams,
and Matt Demon is in that skybox. Oh, here we go,
so on behalf of Well, hey, before we get to that,
does anybody have any questions or anything they want to
say to me or to the audience before we sign off?
Speaker 5: I gotta ask a question to the audience here.
Speaker 2: Again, no answer, We've got the discord.
Speaker 3: How are you doing?
Speaker 5: Did all right join the South far? Come? Mean?
Speaker 2: They ask us questions all the time, so we got
to mentionally you know why I finished just fair to
ask back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 7: I mean I feel like my only real question would be,
holy shit, what.
Speaker 5: The fuck is that behind you?
Speaker 8: Mood just would just stay to them. We never speak
of this episode again.
Speaker 2: On that note, on behalf Oh, Steve Weather, or Rick Walteriery,
Drew Hayes, Emily Kaplin and Robert Revan. I'm MK Gibson.
We've been the Dicey Baszards and you've been great. Thank
you all very much for catching next time. Bye everybody,
Bye bye.
Speaker 13: You've been listening to Dicey Bastards cats see if Orphans
and Dragons. Check us out at Orphans and dragons dot com.
Speaker 5: We look up our.
Speaker 13: Patreon if you want to support us, get secret content,
and hang out on our Discord music by the Door
Call Fall.
Speaker 5: But then we got distracted with your sex Vulltex