WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:02.399 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are 2 00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:04.280 solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not 3 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.240 those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. 4 00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:10.960 We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services, 5 00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:14.080 or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, 6 00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:17.039 explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN 7 00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:20.199 Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or comment should 8 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:21.480 be directed to those show hosts. 9 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:39.960 Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. 10 00:00:43.479 --> 00:00:46.560 Hello and welcome to Fearless Fabulous. You. I am your 11 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:52.640 host Melanie Young and Melanie Fabulous on Instagram. I hope 12 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:56.600 you are having a nice start to October twenty twenty 13 00:00:56.600 --> 00:00:59.479 four when this show is airing. Wow October, let's just 14 00:00:59.479 --> 00:01:03.880 talk about the Wow Pow Wow Zow month. It is 15 00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:06.959 when it comes to celebration months. It could kind of 16 00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:09.920 knock you up and make you excited or knock you 17 00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:13.640 down and make you feel stressed. Okay, October is Breast 18 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:18.319 cancer Awareness month. You know I support breast cancer awareness 19 00:01:18.359 --> 00:01:22.640 because I am a survivor diagnosed in two thousand and nine. 20 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:26.319 Knock wood doing Okay, I'll be doing a show on that. 21 00:01:26.519 --> 00:01:29.519 But to all of you who are surviving and thriving, 22 00:01:30.200 --> 00:01:34.519 I give you a hug. It is also strange in 23 00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:36.719 the world of wine and food, a strange month called 24 00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:42.799 sober October where people are not drinking. I'm not sure why, 25 00:01:42.920 --> 00:01:47.480 because I'm a believer in mindful moderation and responsible consumption 26 00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:49.680 of alcohol every day of the week. But if it 27 00:01:49.719 --> 00:01:52.920 makes you feel disciplined for this thirty one days not 28 00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:56.879 to drink in preparation for drinking like crazy during the holidays, 29 00:01:56.959 --> 00:02:00.920 go for it. There's some great non alcohol all alcohol 30 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:04.519 free options out there. It's also come over October because 31 00:02:04.519 --> 00:02:08.080 some folks in the wine business became alarmed that sobriety 32 00:02:08.199 --> 00:02:10.520 was being embraced at a key selling time in the 33 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:13.719 wine business, which also happens to be harvest in the 34 00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:18.039 Northern Hemisphere. Come Over October is to encourage people to 35 00:02:18.199 --> 00:02:22.680 enjoy wine in a social situation with friends. I support that. 36 00:02:22.919 --> 00:02:27.080 I support enjoying wine responsibly with food and with friends. 37 00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:28.800 I try to do that all the time with dinner 38 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:32.000 parties and never drinking and driving always have a lift 39 00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:35.199 or uber, so they're all sorts of things. It's also 40 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:40.800 a Hispanic Heritage Month. Love it. I salute and honor 41 00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:45.599 all Latino, LATINX Hispanic. Just an article on this, there's 42 00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:49.879 many terms. I really respect and honor and appreciate what 43 00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:54.120 people of all backgrounds have brought to the United States. 44 00:02:54.280 --> 00:02:57.400 I really do that did yesterday David and I celebrated 45 00:02:57.479 --> 00:03:02.520 International Taco Day with tacos and I had a cocktail, 46 00:03:02.599 --> 00:03:07.360 a seafood cocktail. There's a lot going on. There's also 47 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:09.759 a little big thing in the country. Well, first of all, 48 00:03:09.960 --> 00:03:14.560 for those who celebrate Lashaunatova, the Jewish high Holy Holidays 49 00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:18.080 starts today today is October two, twenty twenty four. I 50 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:21.280 have a Jewish heritage. My father was more developed than 51 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:24.080 my mother and me, but I honor it. And this 52 00:03:24.120 --> 00:03:29.400 is a very important week to Jews to reflect on 53 00:03:29.479 --> 00:03:32.360 what has been and what will be, and to focus 54 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:35.520 on doing the concept of mitzpah, which is doing a 55 00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:39.240 good deed. The way it goes is God opens a book. 56 00:03:39.240 --> 00:03:40.960 And when I was a little girl, I saw God, 57 00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:43.159 you know, big God up in heaven. He had a 58 00:03:43.159 --> 00:03:45.520 big crown in his head. He opened this giant book 59 00:03:45.800 --> 00:03:48.240 and I was so scared because my mom would say, well, 60 00:03:48.280 --> 00:03:50.960 you know, if you've been bad all year, he's going 61 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:53.840 to write your name in the book, and then he 62 00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:56.240 will close it on young Kapor, and everybody in the 63 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:59.159 boast is going to die. The boy was I scared, 64 00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:01.360 so I ran around to be nice to people all 65 00:04:01.400 --> 00:04:03.360 week so that my name wouldn't be in the book. 66 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:05.840 I'm grown up now, and I still believe in the 67 00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:08.840 concept of mitzvah, not just during this week, but every day. 68 00:04:08.960 --> 00:04:13.960 Try to make someone's life better by saying something nice. 69 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:16.720 And that's what we're going to talk about today, how 70 00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:19.720 not to open your mouth and insert your foot, because 71 00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:21.480 a lot of people are doing that now. A lot 72 00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:24.879 of people just don't know what to say anymore, and 73 00:04:24.920 --> 00:04:27.480 a lot of people are saying just the stupidest things 74 00:04:27.639 --> 00:04:31.120 and sharing just the stupidest things on social media without 75 00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:35.399 fact checking or checking their words. So we're going to 76 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:38.600 talk about that because what you say can be interpreted 77 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:44.240 many ways, and people are uber super sensitive. Now. I mean, 78 00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:46.279 we do have something going on in the United States 79 00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:51.639 called a presidential election. Boy, words can be taken and 80 00:04:51.959 --> 00:04:56.920 shaped and spit out and regurgitated in a lot of ways. 81 00:04:56.920 --> 00:05:00.759 We all saw that in the president debate and the 82 00:05:00.839 --> 00:05:06.240 Vice presidential debate where suddenly, as we know, we were 83 00:05:06.279 --> 00:05:11.279 all afraid of Haitians in Ohio eating pets. Okay, you know, weird. 84 00:05:11.879 --> 00:05:14.480 It was weird, But that's an example of how you 85 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:17.519 got to really watch with just say, because it became 86 00:05:18.920 --> 00:05:23.319 a farce and it became it's not a fact, it's 87 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:26.759 a fallacy, but it became like the news story. And 88 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.639 you don't want something stupid that you say to become 89 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:31.639 You don't want to become the news of all these days. 90 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:33.920 Let me just tell you, but you certainly don't want 91 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:37.519 to become in the news because you said something absolutely insane, 92 00:05:37.800 --> 00:05:42.360 weird and stupid. More importantly, a lot of people are 93 00:05:42.439 --> 00:05:46.199 suffering right now. I just can't stand it. I try 94 00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.160 so hurt every day to wake up and be positive, 95 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.120 but you know, we've got this looming war in the 96 00:05:50.120 --> 00:05:55.639 Middle East. I feel for everybody in that beautiful fertile crescent. 97 00:05:55.800 --> 00:05:59.920 It is beautiful. I feel for everybody. We've got our 98 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:05.000 friends from the Floridas to the Carolinas and southern Appalachian 99 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:09.040 Virginia who've been impacted by Hurricane Helene and tyres hounds 100 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:12.399 have been wiped out. We have friends who are suffering 101 00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:17.519 because they've lost loved ones, they're struggling financially. There's so 102 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:22.120 many reasons, which is why on today's show, we're going 103 00:06:22.199 --> 00:06:28.480 to talk about how to be sensitive and be caring 104 00:06:28.759 --> 00:06:34.839 and use and choose your words carefully so they help 105 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:41.319 heal and don't hurt. And this is important. It's important socially, 106 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:45.319 it's important for people's mental health, it's important for your career, 107 00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:48.399 and in business, it's important if you're dealing with different 108 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:52.639 people from different backgrounds. I just did an article for 109 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:58.399 a wine publication on how to market to multi cultural audiences, 110 00:06:58.439 --> 00:07:00.519 which means people who are not you know, who are 111 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:03.879 from different countries. And one of the things that you know, 112 00:07:03.959 --> 00:07:07.360 one of my resources set is choose your words carefully 113 00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:11.319 because what you think is okay to say in your 114 00:07:11.480 --> 00:07:14.720 language and your country and your culture may not be 115 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:20.680 correct or interpreted well in another country. I could go 116 00:07:20.759 --> 00:07:23.000 on about that. Because we traveled to Italy a lot, 117 00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:27.720 we've seen some of the funniest things. It's just usually interpretations. 118 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:31.800 You know. I know that I introduced my husband as 119 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:34.120 my wife because I got the word confused in Italy 120 00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:36.240 and everybody laughed at me. I know, once I was. 121 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:39.720 I was on lunch in Italy and I used a 122 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:42.120 word that I thought was a good word but actually meant, 123 00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:45.800 you know, woman's vagina, and everybody laughed at meet the table, 124 00:07:45.959 --> 00:07:49.040 and I was under the table with embarrassment. So sometimes 125 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:50.800 it's just you don't know the language. But if you 126 00:07:50.839 --> 00:07:53.199 know the language and it's your language, choose the language 127 00:07:53.240 --> 00:07:56.399 you know, choose your words carefully. So we're going to 128 00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:58.480 start it like this. We're going to start about questions 129 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:01.319 you should probably never ask anybody and what you should 130 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:04.600 ask instead. Okay, and you may have been asked these 131 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:08.079 questions and you know what I'm talking about. Let's start 132 00:08:08.120 --> 00:08:10.879 with eating and drinking. Okay, everybody loves eat and drink. 133 00:08:11.560 --> 00:08:14.399 A lot of people are sensitive about their weight. A 134 00:08:14.439 --> 00:08:16.519 lot of people don't want to hear about your diet. 135 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:18.680 They don't want to hear about oh I'm so fat. 136 00:08:18.759 --> 00:08:20.399 They just want to enjoy your food. So a couple 137 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:23.720 of things. First of all, as I said, it's sober 138 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:26.920 or October, you should never ask someone why aren't you drinking? 139 00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:30.480 It's really none of your business. There are many reasons 140 00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:33.799 people choose not to consume alcohol. They could be religious, 141 00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:36.240 they could be pregnant. There could be health reasons. They 142 00:08:36.279 --> 00:08:39.120 may not want to drink and drive. They may not 143 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:42.720 feel like drinking, they may be embracing sober curiosity, or 144 00:08:42.759 --> 00:08:45.759 maybe they're recovering from a drinking problem. It really is 145 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:49.120 none of your business, and so don't ask. Just say, 146 00:08:49.480 --> 00:08:51.519 I say you're not drinking. A better way to say 147 00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:54.639 it is would you if you do, what would you 148 00:08:54.759 --> 00:08:57.399 like to drink? And let them say I would like 149 00:08:57.879 --> 00:09:01.320 a non alcoholic cocktail or so. And then don't say, oh, 150 00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:04.480 you don't want alcohol, just say sure, let me get 151 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:06.840 it for you. And if you're entertaining at home, always 152 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.879 have no alcohol options. So never ask someone why they're 153 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:12.240 not drinking. People ask me that all the time, and 154 00:09:12.279 --> 00:09:14.399 I drink wine all the time, but there's some days 155 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:17.440 I don't want to drink, or I'm the designated driver 156 00:09:17.559 --> 00:09:19.480 and I don't feel like I need to explain myself. 157 00:09:20.759 --> 00:09:24.039 That's number one. And remember it's sober October this month, 158 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:27.919 so that's a good one. Ah. Don't you hate it 159 00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:30.480 when you go out to dinner and somebody goes, I 160 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:34.360 really shouldn't be eating this, But well, don't say it. 161 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:40.080 Just shut up. And on the flip side, You should 162 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:42.840 not look at somebody and go are you really eating that? 163 00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:46.399 Like maybe they're eating and unfortunately I have done that with 164 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:50.840 my husband. Maybe you know you have a loved one 165 00:09:51.480 --> 00:09:56.200 wink wink who says he wants to lose weight. Wink wink, 166 00:09:56.240 --> 00:09:57.679 And then you go on this big trip and he 167 00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:01.000 loads his plate up with salumi, bacon and everything possible 168 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:04.600 that's high and saturated fat. Well, you love that person. 169 00:10:04.679 --> 00:10:06.799 You could say are you really going to eat that? 170 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:08.960 And that person's gonna be pissed at you and say, 171 00:10:09.000 --> 00:10:11.840 shut the you know what up, I'll do what I want. So, 172 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:16.080 rather than even sounding judgmental, just don't ask are you 173 00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:18.799 really eating that? Let them eat it. It's their body, 174 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:22.559 their choice, their problem if they get sick, same with 175 00:10:22.919 --> 00:10:27.039 should you be eating that? Oh? I hate it when 176 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:30.320 people ask me that, h or drinking that. No, I 177 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:32.399 should not be eating a lot of cheese. It really 178 00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:34.679 upsets my stomach. But damn it, I like cheese and 179 00:10:34.679 --> 00:10:36.519 I'm gonna eat it and don't tell me not to. 180 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:43.200 So don't ask judgmental or perceive judgmental questions about a 181 00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:48.440 person's choice about what they're eating and drinking. Unless and 182 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:53.240 there's always an unless unless you know for a fact 183 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:59.279 that they have a severe health situation or a allergy 184 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:03.759 that could be impacted by what they're eating. Perfect example, 185 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:06.120 if you know a loved one has an allergy to 186 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:09.279 dairy or shellfish or peanuts, and you know for a 187 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:13.879 fact that the dish contains that, you should speak up 188 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:18.000 and say, honey, friend, whoever love you, just want to 189 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:21.279 let you know that that dish I believe contains or 190 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:25.000 may contain, let's check something you're allergic to, and I 191 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:26.399 just want to make sure you know that before you 192 00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:31.240 put it in your mouth, because I care. Same if 193 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:33.480 you know someone has a drinking problem and they're reaching 194 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:38.080 for alcohol or maybe they've had too much to drink, 195 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:41.480 the better thing to say is, you know, I think 196 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:44.000 it's time for us to maybe switch to something else. 197 00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:46.240 I know I need to how about you let's get 198 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:48.039 some water, or just say you know what, I could 199 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:50.200 use some water. Now, how about you let me bring 200 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:52.919 you some and fill up that big glass handed to 201 00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:55.519 them and slowly while they're not paying attention, to move 202 00:11:55.519 --> 00:12:00.159 the drink away. Okay, So if impacts their health or 203 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:03.120 the well being of that person or others, it is okay. 204 00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:05.759 To say something, because you should speak up, but don't 205 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:08.080 be judgmental. If they're just having a good time eating 206 00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:13.360 and drinking, okay, lifestyle. Oh, this happens to me all 207 00:12:13.399 --> 00:12:16.240 the time. So when I was single, people would always 208 00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:20.320 ask how does it feel to be single for so long? Okay, 209 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:24.679 that's rude. It's also rude to say why aren't you married? Like, 210 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:28.480 what's your problem? I don't feel like anyone has to 211 00:12:28.519 --> 00:12:30.679 explain why they're not married, and you're putting people on 212 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.840 the spot. Maybe they don't want to be married, maybe 213 00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:35.519 they never found the right person, maybe they are unlucky 214 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:39.200 in love. It's really none of your business. Why don't 215 00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:42.960 you have children? Or when are you going to have children? 216 00:12:43.159 --> 00:12:46.000 Or when are you starting to plan a family? Get 217 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:48.320 I used to get that all I still get that, 218 00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:50.759 And I'm sixty five and I've been menopausal for like 219 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:52.840 fifteen years and people are still asking me why I 220 00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:55.879 don't have a family or why I didn't have children, 221 00:12:55.960 --> 00:12:57.840 And you know, I don't really want to get into well, 222 00:12:57.960 --> 00:13:00.559 I was forty eight when I got married, and then 223 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:03.600 I got cancer at fifty and then I went into menopause, 224 00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:05.279 and I didn't really want to have children as a 225 00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:09.120 single woman. I could give a whole long winded explanation, 226 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:13.000 but really it's none of your f you know what business, right, 227 00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:19.279 So don't ask people about their lifestyle decisions, whether they're married, 228 00:13:19.320 --> 00:13:21.840 they're single, whether they're dating a man or a woman, 229 00:13:22.559 --> 00:13:27.000 or they're having children they're not having children. I did 230 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:29.559 a piece called not being a mother doesn't make me 231 00:13:29.639 --> 00:13:31.919 any less of a woman. It got picked up by 232 00:13:32.200 --> 00:13:36.240 a zillion Huffington posts and I didn't get paid for 233 00:13:36.279 --> 00:13:38.960 all that, sadly, but it deserve a purpose that you 234 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.399 are wonderful no matter what. You are an amazing woman, 235 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:46.519 whether you're a mother or not. And if you don't 236 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:49.480 want to be a woman, that's your business too. Okay, 237 00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:53.240 So lifestyle and another one. I get this now, why 238 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:56.399 are you still renting? Why aren't you buying a house? Well, 239 00:13:56.440 --> 00:13:59.679 it's none of your business, you know again, none of 240 00:13:59.679 --> 00:14:03.240 your bease, wax. I don't own a house. I had 241 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:06.480 two houses. They were like nooses around my neck. All 242 00:14:06.519 --> 00:14:08.960 I did was seem to repair them. I don't like mortgages. 243 00:14:09.000 --> 00:14:11.080 I could go on and on why I don't own 244 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:14.840 a house, but it's really not anyone's business but my own. 245 00:14:15.159 --> 00:14:17.759 Why I choose to rent. And you shouldn't ask anyone 246 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:21.600 who is still renting why they're not owning. You shouldn't 247 00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:24.240 ask anyone who says they're having financial problems why they 248 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:27.799 don't do a reverse mortgage. If people complain about their money, 249 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:30.799 just let them complain, but don't offer your nine thousand 250 00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:34.720 opinions or say, well, maybe you spend too much, maybe 251 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:37.759 you're not saving enough. People probably know what they're doing wrong, 252 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.320 and frankly, if they know they're having financial problems, they 253 00:14:40.360 --> 00:14:44.080 should see a professional financial advisor and not let you 254 00:14:44.519 --> 00:14:49.840 lay guilt trips on them. I think that's really important 255 00:14:50.279 --> 00:14:52.960 because a lot of times, when you think you're offering 256 00:14:53.559 --> 00:14:57.039 helpful advice and asking helpful questions, you're laying the guilt trip. 257 00:14:57.519 --> 00:14:59.279 And let me tell you, nobody wants to take a 258 00:14:59.320 --> 00:15:02.679 guilt trip. They want to take a vacation. So somebody's 259 00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:05.279 complaining that the vacation costs too much, then don't give 260 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:09.039 them a guilt trip, okay by saying well you shouldn't 261 00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:11.320 have taken it, Why I just spent so much money? 262 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:14.360 You know at that point you spend it. Just let 263 00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:19.480 them bitch and don't say anything. Career are you still 264 00:15:19.480 --> 00:15:21.919 in the same old job, or when are you getting 265 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:24.879 a promotion? Or why do you staying in that job? 266 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:29.240 Or how much money do you make? Or lazy? No? 267 00:15:29.679 --> 00:15:32.320 Can I pick your brain? I love what you do. 268 00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:34.879 Can I pick your brain? I could go on and 269 00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:37.960 on about that. You know, a lot of people may 270 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.799 complain they're at dead end jobs. A lot of people 271 00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:42.600 may say they want to switch jobs. A lot of 272 00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:46.240 people may like their jobs. But it's not your choice 273 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:51.000 to give your opinion or judgment on what they're doing 274 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:54.960 for work unless they ask you for it. If somebody says, 275 00:15:55.080 --> 00:15:56.879 what do you think I could do better than what 276 00:15:56.919 --> 00:16:00.919 I'm doing now? We are considering my talents, then and say, wow, 277 00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:04.960 I'm so impressed you ask me that. I'm honored. I'd 278 00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:07.399 love to help you. If you don't mind, I'll give 279 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:10.919 you some of my own thoughts. You can use them 280 00:16:10.960 --> 00:16:14.399 any way you want. I am sure. My husband is 281 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.279 sick and tired of me talking about the nine million 282 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:19.799 changes I want to make in my life. In fact, 283 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:23.360 he sighs wearily and simply says, just shut up and 284 00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:25.559 write your book, because that's really what you want to 285 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:29.039 be doing. Okay, That's how he handles it. He also, 286 00:16:29.159 --> 00:16:31.679 I noticed puts earplugs in his ears, and half the 287 00:16:31.720 --> 00:16:34.080 time I'm talking to him, he doesn't hear what I'm 288 00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:37.559 saying because he's listening to music. Ever happened to you, Yeah? Right? 289 00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:40.600 So with career, you know a lot of people are 290 00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:42.679 really happy in their career. You may not approve of 291 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:45.519 their career, but if they're happy, I'm so happy that 292 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:48.879 you love your job and career, I'm happy for you. 293 00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:52.279 That's a great line to say. I'm genuinely happy for you. 294 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:56.159 How wonderful that you love your job. I'm happy for you. 295 00:16:56.799 --> 00:16:59.039 It doesn't mean you need to launch into how miserable 296 00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:02.320 you are in your job. It doesn't mean to say, oh, 297 00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:04.319 if you're so happy with your job, can I get 298 00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:06.640 my niece to interview with you. It just simply just 299 00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:13.839 say I'm happy for you. Okay, keep it simple. Okay. 300 00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:15.519 This is some of my big pet peas, and they 301 00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:18.480 all happened to me recently. So my mother, God bless her, 302 00:17:18.680 --> 00:17:24.240 she died. I was her caregiver. It was hard. I've 303 00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:27.680 talked about it on some of the shows here. She 304 00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:31.480 left me her house and I could choose to live 305 00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:33.720 in it or I could choose to sell it. I 306 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:36.519 chose to sell it because, you know, I didn't want 307 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:38.319 to have to deal with all the repairs. I don't 308 00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:40.599 need to explain why I chose to sell it. Again, 309 00:17:41.240 --> 00:17:43.160 a lot of people said, why are you selling the house? 310 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:46.400 And here we go again, I'd have to explain when 311 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:48.200 I'm selling the house. It's really none of your business. 312 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:50.480 I'm choosing to sell the house. And then the worst 313 00:17:50.880 --> 00:17:54.759 is how much would you sell your house for? Well 314 00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:58.200 it's probably public knowledge anyway, but to this day people 315 00:17:58.279 --> 00:18:00.920 still hound me about it. I know what I got 316 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:03.559 for my house, what's it good for your house? Well, 317 00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:06.960 it's like asking me how much money I make, and 318 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:09.640 you know, what's your income or how big is your 319 00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:14.599 portfolio or you know. I don't like probing financial questions. 320 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:18.880 I don't like hearing about others people's financial acumen. Good 321 00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:22.279 for them, but you know, I really think you've got 322 00:18:22.359 --> 00:18:25.319 to be very careful when you talk to people about money, 323 00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:29.839 because everybody has different relationships with money and their own 324 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:33.960 personal finances. And you never want to make someone feel 325 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:39.000 uncomfortable because they're not comfortable talking about their finances. I 326 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:41.839 am a perfect example. I don't like talking about money. 327 00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:43.640 I don't like dealing with money. I don't like being 328 00:18:43.640 --> 00:18:47.039 asked about money, and I don't like it on the table, 329 00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:49.599 and don't ask me. But people still ask me all 330 00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:52.000 the time, And all those people are getting unfriended because 331 00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:57.480 I'm done, don't want to be bothered. So another one. 332 00:18:59.079 --> 00:19:01.680 This one kills me and also has happened to me. 333 00:19:03.079 --> 00:19:06.440 Your physical look. A lot of people love how they look, 334 00:19:06.680 --> 00:19:08.240 a lot of people hate how they look. A lot 335 00:19:08.279 --> 00:19:10.599 of people complain about how they look. If they complain 336 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:13.680 about how they look, it's not for you to agree 337 00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:15.880 and go, yeah, I agree, you're not looking so great 338 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.400 these days. Just shut up and let them complain that. 339 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:22.319 They're not asking you for your opinion, they're just spouting off. 340 00:19:22.839 --> 00:19:27.160 Perfect example. Had I felt bloated today, I said, I'm 341 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.160 so bloated. My husband knows just to shut up and go, yeah, 342 00:19:30.200 --> 00:19:33.680 you gained weight, you should be losing it. We have 343 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:36.839 a packed here at the Young Ransom House that you know, 344 00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:41.480 when we talk about weight, the other person just shuts up. Okay, 345 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:44.680 we know what the situation is. We don't need to 346 00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:47.440 remind each other. We just let it go. But this morning, 347 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:50.279 when I woke up, I realized I started talking about 348 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:53.960 an egg of pain and a bloat, and I said 349 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:56.519 to myself, Wow, I'm starting to sound like my mother. 350 00:19:56.799 --> 00:20:00.000 She did that every morning, and it was annoying because 351 00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:02.480 you didn't know what to do. Agree with her, nod 352 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:05.920 your head, shake your head, offer her medication, and in 353 00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:09.160 the goal of not becoming my mother in my advancing age, 354 00:20:09.240 --> 00:20:11.960 I silently said to myself, Melanie, when I wake up 355 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.880 every morning, I will not talk about my physical feelings 356 00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:17.880 and my physical aches and pains. They're there, but I 357 00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:23.279 don't need to share same with Never ask someone if 358 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:26.720 they've put on weight. They probably have and you don't 359 00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:30.279 need to ask that. And worse, when does your baby do? 360 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:34.359 I remember, I swear to God, there was a period 361 00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:37.240 where I had put on weight, not sure why, but 362 00:20:37.319 --> 00:20:40.519 I know stress was part of it. And I had 363 00:20:40.680 --> 00:20:42.599 what you call the bulge, kind of like what I'm 364 00:20:42.599 --> 00:20:45.720 having right now. And it could be diet, it could 365 00:20:45.720 --> 00:20:48.079 be stressed, it could be hormones, it could be my town. 366 00:20:48.200 --> 00:20:52.559 Whatever it is. You have the muffin top that maybe 367 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:55.319 could be the little bulge that could look like a 368 00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:59.759 baby bump. And literally, somebody came up to me at 369 00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:02.799 a social event and patted my stomach and asked me 370 00:21:02.839 --> 00:21:06.960 when I was due. I was due nowhere except ready 371 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:09.079 to go home. I was ready to do home, to 372 00:21:09.319 --> 00:21:13.000 just put my head under a pillow, and I just said, nah, 373 00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:18.640 just fat. She was embarrassed. I was not really embarrassed 374 00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:21.319 after I said that. But don't make people feel uncomfortable. 375 00:21:21.319 --> 00:21:23.640 I've seen people ask that stupid question all the time, 376 00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:26.680 even if someone's like eight months pregnant. I don't ask 377 00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:29.160 one does your baby do? I always say how are 378 00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:32.519 you doing? What's going on with your life? And let 379 00:21:32.519 --> 00:21:34.559 them talk. Well, if you notice I'm pregnant and I'm 380 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:37.359 having a baby in a month, let them talk about it. 381 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.200 Don't put yourself on the spot or put anybody else 382 00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:46.079 on the spot. Another one, are you really wearing that? Okay, granted, 383 00:21:46.119 --> 00:21:49.640 you probably have a friend or a spouse, some partner 384 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:52.880 who's putting on something really that is not in their 385 00:21:52.920 --> 00:21:56.799 best interest, or maybe it's just something you don't like. 386 00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:01.519 Rather than saying are you really wearing that? Say wow, 387 00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:04.799 that's an interesting outfit. I know interesting is a loaded word, 388 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:09.759 or just don't say anything unless it really is not 389 00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:13.160 a great outfit for them because it's showing muff and 390 00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:16.440 top cellulate, too much boob, too much ass, too much hair, 391 00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:19.960 too tight, probably gonna rip, has a stain in the 392 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:22.680 wrong area, you know what it means. But if somebody 393 00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:26.880 wants to wear purple, green and yellow and black and 394 00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:30.119 brown and one outfit, they do that and Marty girl 395 00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:33.079 all the time, it's considered quite acceptable. If someone wants 396 00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:36.119 to wear sequence during the day. If someone just wants 397 00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:39.680 to wear strongs all the time, moah, don't say are 398 00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:46.440 you really wearing that? Just say nothing. Just don't say anything. 399 00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:50.000 Sometimes nobody really wants your opinion, and if they did, 400 00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:52.599 they'd ask you, like, how do you think I look 401 00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:57.119