Speaker 1: Made a decision a pace sunny sum on Ihadurasione n.
Speaker 2: SOT. Hello everybody, it's me Stephanie Wilder Taylor again without
Lynette for one more show. She she'll be back soon,
but I am so excited. My guest today is by request,
by special request. I would have had her on anyway,
but you guys were insisting on it. This is my friend, actress,
jewelry company owner, designer. She's amazing. She's really fun and funny.
I don't want to get I don't want to build expectations,
but this is my friend Tamra Mello. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: So I originally was talking about your jewelry company Gray
by Tamra Mellow, which is like so cool. And you
had given me a necklace with a guitar pick for
Xander because I'd been talking about wanting like a dude necklace. Yeah.
He freaking loves that necklace. He wears it all the time.
Speaker 1: That makes me happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then people were wondering where they could get it.
So I was advertising your biz Gray by Tamramello, and
then somebody put it together. They were like, is that
tam Ramello who was on the show Popular and I
was like, yes it is and they were like, please have.
Speaker 1: Her on the show. That's so nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. So we met because we're both
parents at our kids school.
Speaker 1: Yes, but just know this that I stalked Stephanie before
we met at school. Well, we met but didn't know
each other. And then I read her book when I
was getting sober, and when I sent her an Instagram
message because I was obsessed with her book Drunkish, I
realized that we were both speech and debate parents and
had met before. Yes.
Speaker 2: That was so crazy because I was like, of course, yes,
we've met. And then we have like a bunch of
stuff in common. That was very cool. We connected on
a lot of levels. And then ever since then, we've
been going to all the tournaments together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which turn makes it way more fun.
Speaker 2: You know. I get in trouble for saying I told
you that I have to say tournament even though I
really want to say tournament.
Speaker 1: But I say tournament and I stand by it.
Speaker 2: Caylin, do you want to weigh in on this, Yeah,
I say tournament, tournament.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I just think of the Tour de France,
even though it has nothing to it's.
Speaker 2: A tour, you're touring around. That's what a tournament means.
Speaker 1: That's touring too, That's what I touring. Although I have
to say I do like like try to sound fancier
than I am sometimes, And I realized that, Like I
grew up saying ruth, but now I say ruth because
for some reason it sounds more elevated to me, and
I grew up saying apricot, but I now say apricot.
Speaker 2: Oh do you say aunt or aunt?
Speaker 1: It depends on it I'm talking to.
Speaker 2: Kaylin, what do you say? I feel like I say both?
Do you and it does? It depend on who you're
talking to. So if you're a fan, no, it's just random.
Speaker 1: If it's someone from the South, probably aunt.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, Aunt. I think I always say aunt, but
I'm not sure some of the ways that I pronounce words.
I'm not sure if it's an East Coast thing because
my parents are from our New Yorkers and I was
born in New York. But I think there were certain
words that they said that I always said the way
they said it, right. I think I said orange for
a long time until people were making fun of me
and they're like, it's orange or vice? Versa. Well, now
I say orange.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think orange is correct. But you know how
sometimes you you know, everyone does a voice for their dog,
and then sometimes you speak as your dog. So when
my Australian shepherd is baking for an orange, she calls
it an orange. It's so stupid.
Speaker 2: Your dog has an accent the way you personify her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's from Rhode Island.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's hilarious. I have, over the history
of this show, been called out on a lot of mispronunciations,
and I really feel that this goes back to being
a I'm gonna pat myself on the back here. I'm
gonna give myself a good reason. I think when I
was young, I was a big reader, and there were
a lot of words that I just got in my
head are said a certain way because I'd never said
them out loud. I just read them, you know, and
then like the first time I ever said them out loud,
it was wrong, and it was hard to like. The
word a suage. I want to assuage your guilt. I
always thought in my head was pronounced a sewage. Okay, fair, right,
So the first time I said it, I remember somebody
was like, what and I was like a sewage assu
and they're like, no, it's a swage and I felt stupid.
Another time, I pronounced lapel as label and somebody was like,
what like that? But then I very confidently say certain words,
like what was my one salve? Yeah, I think I
was thinking of the word salvo, but I pronounced it
and somebody was like, it's pronounced have there's no l.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem right to me,
and I feel like I might say self. But you know,
I saw a meme recently that said if someone pronounces
a word wrong, it means that they learned it from
reading and that should be applauded. Yes, yes, and I
think it was I follow a librarian page on Instagram
because I'm a super nerd.
Speaker 2: But yeah, oh my god. Okay, so I feel better. Okay,
So let's see. Let I want you your life is
very very interesting, and I want you to start at
the beginning. It don't have to say like, you know,
I was born at this time of day, although you
could if it's pertinent to our to our talk, but
you have had a whole past as a successful working actress.
And then did I mean, take take it away, take
us back to like school before you ever got a job.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I started acting in college, and then I
dropped out of college to pursue an acting career, and
I was very lucky early on.
Speaker 2: I find this so this part of the story is
so interesting that I want to just like pause for
a second, because so you you sign up to go
to cal State Fullerton m hm, and you're like, that's
the only school you applied to.
Speaker 1: I feel like you said, yeah, it was the only
school I applied to. It was twenty minutes from my house.
Speaker 2: And so you were going to live at home?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to live at home. And then
I went to cal State Fullerton for a semester and
very quickly dropped out because I got terrible grades. And
then a short while later I started going to the
community college, Fullerton College, and I joined their drama program
and I learned a shit ton and I loved it.
And then I shortly during that time, I got a
job at a professional theater, and then from that job,
I got an agent. So then I dropped out of
college again and moved to LA and pretty quickly started
working as an actor.
Speaker 2: So what was your very first job.
Speaker 1: My very first job was a Mountain Dew commercial and
it was directed by Mark Pellington, who later went on
to direct a bunch of action films. And yeah, that
was my first job. And then shortly after that, I
did a pilot and then I did another pilot and
that pilot went to series. So I worked on a
series for a couple of years.
Speaker 2: So which series was that.
Speaker 1: It was called Nothing Sacred and it was very strangely.
It was a series about the Catholic Church and we
were on ABC. My character was the first character on
network television to have an abortion. Oh wow, yeah, and
so there was a lot of pushback from that from
what's that? What's that group that protests everything like some sor.
Speaker 2: So the Million Moms or something that one.
Speaker 1: It's something like, well they they hated me too, But
it wasn't. That wasn't until later when I kissed a
girl on television. I had a lot to say about that.
Oh the Christian Coalition, That's who it was, and they
boycotted our show and it was a whole thing. But
you know, we got I think twenty four episodes out
of it, which you know doesn't happen a lot these days.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's a big run. So and I was ABC.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was ABC.
Speaker 2: So did you get famous after that?
Speaker 1: I didn't get famous, but I you know, after the
Abortion show, there was a lot of press around it,
and I really liked it because people would refer to
me as the heroin cheek Tamra mellow oh, and.
Speaker 2: I thought I were you, like super super skinny.
Speaker 1: I think I was just you know, small and vaguely goth, okay,
And so I really loved like the Kate Moss of
it all. And then you know, I floated around for
a while. I did a movie called She's All That.
Speaker 2: And which we all know, you know that movie, right, sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then I would guest star on stuff, and
then I got cast in the show Popular and we
did that for a couple of years.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's not speed through. That was like a big show.
That was was that Ryan Murphy's first show.
Speaker 1: That was Ryan Murphy's first show, okay, and so pre Glee,
pre yeah, I think Glee. No, Glee wasn't right after that,
but Glee was sort of the show that Ryan wanted
Popular to be. Like, we did musical episodes of that show.
Glee was sort of a more polished version of Popular
and not So Popular was sort of a combination of
like high camp and like an earnest teen drama. So
it was it was a weird show.
Speaker 2: So when you first, can you tell us about the
audition for that?
Speaker 1: So I was auditioning for one of the leads in
the show. So the two leads of the show became
Leslie Bib, who she's on White Lotus.
Speaker 2: Now, oh yeah, I just watched her last night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was Leslie Bib and Carly Pope. I
was initially auditioning for the Carly role, and when I
did my network test for that role, I knew going
in that Ryan did not want me.
Speaker 2: For that role. Now what out? Why? Well?
Speaker 1: What later came to light when I asked one of
the other producers why I didn't get the role, she
was sort of hedging, and I said, is it because
I look too ethnic? And she said yes, uh oh, yep, yep,
I wasn't white enough for a lead in a television show.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And if you don't know what I look like, which
you probably don't, I'm half Mexican and then French and Portuguese,
so I'm all of complexed with dark hair and eyes.
So when I test gorgeous, thank you, thank you, Stepanie,
and cute as a button, thank you, great hair, great style.
So when I was network testing for the show, Ryan
didn't want me for it, and I had to do
a scene where I had to cry. It was a
very emotional scene.
Speaker 2: And why did you already know or you just found
this out after I found it out? You thought he
was being a little bit okay, he felt like he
didn't want you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the time, but after this
audition I did because he sat in the back of
the room, behind the other producers staring daggers at me
and very like slowly and sort of sinisterly eating a
bowl of fruit. And I was trying to cry and
I just see this asshole sitting back there eating pineapple.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, yeah, of all the fruit too, when
a monster pineapple. Totally, that's such a fuck you. It
really is, like, I don't care how tart this is
and how my face made, Like you might as well
just eat some lemons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, seriously, they are are the most insidious of all fruits.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so you finished that audition and you're like
that was weird and then you ask your agent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, so you know, I think I was still
just sort of like waiting to hear I did tattle
about the fruit and then was subsequently told that Ryan
Murphy was hypoglycemic, which is a lie.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And so I didn't get the role, and they called
to offer me like the third lead of the show,
and I was mad. I was butt hurt that I
didn't get the actual lead, and so I turned the
role down.
Speaker 2: Whoa.
Speaker 1: And then one of the producers called me to try
to talk me into it, and I asked her, I said,
you know, why did I not get the other role?
And then I said, is it the ethnicity thing? And
she went, yeah, yeah, like she was apologetic about it,
but it was still a.
Speaker 2: Fact, right, So what made you decide to do it anyway? Then?
Speaker 1: You know, honestly, this was the time when everybody was
making like teen movies and teen dramas like we were
on before Felicity, And I think I was just so
tired of that pilot season because it's you know, you
get like five scripts a day and you're running all
over town like, and I was just tired, and so
I said yes, and then we got lucky. You know
that I said yes to the pilot and we shot
the pilot. Brian Robbins directed our pilot.
Speaker 2: Okay, I believe we.
Speaker 1: Have in common and we got a series pickup, so
I made the right choice.
Speaker 2: Okay. Wow. And then so how many episodes was that?
Speaker 1: We shot? Forty eight episodes?
Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, so that was a big run.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's sort of like in those days a season
was twenty four episodes.
Speaker 2: Okay, So it was only two seasons.
Speaker 1: It was only two seasons.
Speaker 2: Did well, right?
Speaker 1: It did?
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: It was sort of like I think what happened for
our second season. I think they didn't really want to
pick us up, but it was the same production company
as Felicity. Oh so they sort of held that over
their heads. This was when the WB was still called
the WB, and they were like, if you want Felicity,
you gotta take Popular and so they did. But then
we didn't get picked up for a third season.
Speaker 2: Okay, but this was the show you that put you
into like pop culture and you feel like you were
recognized a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very strange being on a show. And first
of all, let me say I was in my twenties
when we did the show, but I was playing a
sixteen year old And so it's weird being on a
teen TV show because you go to a mall and
there's all these kids that are really excited to see you,
and with someone who has a lot of anxiety, that
was a tough thing to navigate. You know, you want
to be nice and take pictures and sign autographs like
you can't be an asshole, but having anxiety it makes
it tough.
Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, so have you always had anxiety?
Speaker 1: Probably? I think it gets worse as I get older,
and something that like this is this is a kind
of hard thing to say. But when I stopped acting,
it was shortly after I had had my son. And
what I've always told everyone was that I quit acting
because I wanted to stay home with my son. But
really I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and it really affected
my work. I was at a point where I couldn't
I wasn't good anymore. I I was so out of
my body that I wasn't able to really be a
good actor anymore, and so I stopped acting and shortly
thereafter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Speaker 2: So what were you feeling that was making you feel
like you couldn't work? Did it feel like more of
like did you feel like, oh, the anxiety is getting
so much worse? But then you didn't know what it
was it was.
Speaker 1: I think my mood was so disordered that I would
swing back and forth between like really bad depression where
I couldn't get out of bed and being hypomanic where
I was just flying really high. And what happens in
the end between is that as an actor, I can
only explain it as this. I would go to auditions
and the feedback I would get was, yeah, she was good.
She was good, but essentially not good enough. And so
intellectually I knew how to make choices as an actor,
like and I knew how to make the proper choices,
but emotionally I wasn't feeling those things, if that makes sense. Yeah,
totally there was a piece missing, and yeah, so I
stopped it was it was too much pressure, And it
was the right decision. It was one hundred percent the
right decision because also being an actor just sort of
it's such an inconsistent business. So you're sort of riding
high and everybody wants to work with you. And then
all of a sudden there's nothing, and that's not a
great situation for somebody that has a mood disorder.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I'm not bipolar, but I I
know that I'm glad i'm not, because there are times
when if in our business too, that things happen and
you're like, so I get really excited and like really
high from it kind of, but I know that I
think it's because I'm not bipolar that eventually it just
like it fizzles out and then I'm normal again about it,
you know. And I don't really get too low on
the lows, but you know what I'm saying, Like when
something's exciting, I can get very like can't sleep as well,
and like just excited. But like I said, I have
a lot I know a lot of people with bipolar
and I see that that can if you get triggered,
it's very hard to come down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so for me, it was sort of that anxiety.
If it got too bad, it would topple me over
into mania, right, And so a lot of life now
is just trying to manage the anxiety.
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would so okay, So you're feeling like you're not connecting
in your auditions, right, But how like was there a
moment that you were like, oh, this is really bad,
like I don't want to go on auditions anymore. Was
there a particular audition that was like, oh I acted
crazy or.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there actually was an audition where I acted crazy
where the feedback was that I had crazy eyes, literally
crazy eyes. And it's funny because my husband can tell
when I'm getting manic because my eyes get really big
and he's all he says, it's almost like they're spinning,
and like it's not something that you can control, right,
And so I think it was shortly after that where
I was just like, I can't do it anymore. It's
too hard, it's too anxiety provoking, it's too up and down,
like I just needed to level out.
Speaker 2: My I have a friend who would cry a lot
like I don't. I mean maybe in the in between,
maybe when the mood was just like you described as disordered,
So she would cry like inappropriate, inappropriately, like at work
and you know, like on a first date. Oh no, yeah,
And that's how she could kind of tell. But I
have always heard from my friends with bipolar that's it
sucks because when you're feeling the high, you want to
feel high, like you don't want to be told like, hey,
I think you're in an episode. Like yeah, my friend
would get very defensive and mad if I would try
to tell her. This was a really good friend of mine,
so I'd known her for many years and had been
with her through episodes, so I felt it was my
responsibility to say when her thinking was getting crazy and
say like hey, like in a gentle way, like I
think you might be having an episode, and then she
would get so mad. Yeah. It really kind of ruined
our friendship after a certain point because it was like,
you know, she would get really mean and very different
in an episode and want nothing to you did not
want to hear she would like make all new friends. Yeah,
but she also wasn't tethered to like a marriage. She
didn't have kids, so it was like harder, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 1: She had less at stake. Yeah. Yeah, it took me
a while to really listen to my husband when he would.
Speaker 2: Say that, so he knew something was off.
Speaker 1: Well, once I had the diagnosis, it all made sense
to everybody.
Speaker 2: So what made you get the diagnosis?
Speaker 1: Because I was on antidepressants, which is a terrible thing
for somebody with bipolar to be on because it triggers mania.
I went to the psychiatrist because my libido was low,
and I said, you know, I want to feel like
having sex with my husband more. I think it's the antidepressants.
Speaker 2: I think we all do, right, this is.
Speaker 1: Not a rare problem. And she sort of took one
look at me and went, yeah, your libido is not
a concern of mine. And she said, has anyone ever
told you you could be bipolar? She said this within
ten minutes of meeting me. Wow, And I think I
had the crazy eyes. I was probably speaking really fast,
like pressured speaking is one of the first signs. And
I thought she was crazy. And she had me take
like a test, you know those tests that you take,
like to see if you're an alcoholic. It's the same
thing with bipolar disorder. And I scored nineteen out of twenty. Oh, Like,
I did really well on that test.
Speaker 2: So after that, it was and when you did was
it the same as like when people do take the
are you an alcoholic? Quiz? Were you like rationalizing all
your answers and going, well, everybody talks, I'm like I
just have a lot of energy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seemed completely normal to me. And you know,
you don't really know like how you're supposed to answer,
so you can't really cheat, right, and then you know
the numbers don't lie.
Speaker 2: Right, So did you believe it right away when she
was like, Wow, you've really scored a perfect?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: A plus?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think you know, it's funny. I
had always read books about people with bipolar disorder. I'd
always memoirs, and so I think there was part of
my brain that knew that that was my problem. So yeah,
it didn't come as a huge surprise. So it took
a while to treat. It was like we tried so
many different medications and they make you feel weird, and
finally one started working. And I went to the doctor
and I said I think I'm depressed, and she goes,
you don't seem depressed to me, you seem even. And
I was like, oh God, this is what life feels like,
this is what normal feels like. And I guess, I
guess so, but now I feel fine. I'm on a
different medication and I feel great, and I feel so
even and in my body and honestly, like like nothing's
wrong with I mean, there's plenty wrong with me, but
I feel like the bipolar disorder isn't always at the
forefront of my mind.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I mean it's got to be kind of
a scary feeling for people if you know, all of
us have up and down moods and have anxiety, you know, anxiety.
It's so hard in this day of like there's so
many different things that we're aware of now that could
be wrong with us. Yeah that it's like, oh, no,
I hope it's just alcoholism, right right, Oh, I hope
I am just like ADHD and it's not like I'm
not don't have also have autism or you know, these
things that we discover about ourselves as adults, but at
least if we know what it is like when you
were diagnosed, though, were you like, oh my gosh, I
think I've always had this or were you like, oh, no,
I think this is something that just came on in
the last couple of years.
Speaker 1: No, I think I've always had it. When I was
very young, I would come home from school, like I
at like ten years old, and I would take a
nap for three hours. And that's now I know, not
particularly normal, and or I would, like your friend, I
would cry. I would like be in bed at night
and I would cry and cry and cry, and my
mom would be like, what's wrong with you? She always
thought I was pregnant, always thought I was pregnant.
Speaker 2: My gosh, my husband, who does suffer from depression and
has his whole life, his parents always thought he was
on drugs because he'd be laying in bed, you know,
fully dressed, because he'd come home from work and just
like lay in bed, fully dressed. And his dad once
yanked him out of bed and threw him up against
a wall and because and accused him of being on drugs. Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a weird thing. Like I was either like
in bed crying or I would be up all night,
you know, like doing school work, doing arts and crafts,
reorganizing my closet, And if anybody clocked it, nobody really
did anything about it or necessarily thought it was un usual.
And so, you know, there's this whole nature versus nurture
thing when it comes to mental illness. And probably if
somebody had stepped in earlier, maybe it wouldn't have gotten
as bad as it did. But back then nobody was
looking for things like that. I think we're so hyper
aware and like everything our kids do were like is
that a thing? Like do we need a doctor? Do
we need a therapist? But it wasn't like that back then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't decide if that's a good thing or
a bad thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not sure. I mean, like I sort of
loved the way I grew up, which was like outside
playing with other kids and like come home when the
street lights turn on.
Speaker 2: Same.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, like could I ride in the
back of my dad's al Camino, no problem? Like you know,
nobody wore a seatbelt. Like I was two years old
sitting in the front seat of the car with no
seatbelt on, right, And I survived, So I guess like
that I survived this other thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I think about growing up and the fact
that I probably had a lot of anxiety even as
a kid. Yeah, but it wasn't it. Yeah, it definitely
wasn't tolerated in my.
Speaker 1: Home, right, like knock it off.
Speaker 2: I also am very sure that I was that I
had ad D. Oh really call it ADHD Yeah, because
I mean I see the signs that of I mean,
I know, I mean I have it. But I think
because I was functional in a lot of areas and
I wasn't obviously hyper, which a lot of girls aren't.
But I could not do school work to save my life.
And all I all I did was feel bored or
like I just don't understand everything feels like it's in
another language. I just wasn't capable of sitting and paying
attention in class. But I was just in trouble for it. Yeah,
nobody ever was like, I wonder if your brain works differently.
My mom just was very punitive about it, you know, yeah,
and called me lazy and said that I just wasn't
trying hard enough and I just don't care, And you know,
so I guess in those ways, it's better that we
try to understand our kids.
Speaker 1: I think so. I think so. You know, my husband
always sort of struggled in school. He's so smart, he's
the smartest person I know, but he struggled in school
and was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. And the
same with my son, like really struggled in elementary and
middle school, got good grades because he worked hard, but
was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and it made
such a difference for him you know, but I think,
like in your case, girls are really underdiagnosed because that
hyperactivity component is often missing, so they're not diagnosed as often.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the only problem is that, like cause Sadie has
was diagnosed with ADHD. She suspected it for so long
and then when she was diagnosed, she was I've told
the story on the podcast, but she was. She went
through all the psychological testing and then they were like, yeah,
she scores really high in this area she has it,
And she was like, yes, you know, but I will
say unfortunately, we've tried. Now we're on our like fourth medication.
Not she has not had a good response to medication. Huh,
she's tried. We tried this one that it doesn't really
even matter if I say the name of but it's
like an extended release evance. No, it's but it's called
a story what it's called. She she was fine on
a low dose of it over the summer. Then when
she got to school, she got super irritable, which is
one of the side effects bad like upset, told somebody
to fuck off, like you know, which is just so
not like her. And then so we took her off
that immediately. Then she tried adderall and low dose. Didn't
notice a difference on the low dose, but also didn't
it wasn't aggravated, but also wasn't helping her with schoolwork,
she said. Then we raised the dose and then she
was like, yeah, I'm okay, but it's I don't feel
like I can concentrate any better, which is not good.
Then we raised the dose again and she got like bad,
like bad, irritable, like feeling kind of out out of
her body, like just tense, grinding her teeth. So we
took her back down to five and she was like,
now I feel like I can't even tolerate the five
really yet this is a kid who could drink like
five cups of coffee a day.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 2: So the shrink is just like wants to We're gonna
try another one, okay, but she's like almost scared to
try it, but so far not one of them has
helped her, Like, nothing's helped her feel like, oh I
could focus.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I know. Grayson started out my son on Vivance,
which is sort of like a milder, gentler form of adderall,
and it worked for him, but eventually they moved him
to adderall, and he said it's sort of night and
day that he can focus so much better. But maybe
Vivance is an option for Sadie.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we thought about it, but she felt like because
it's in the same family as adderall and she's done
so poorly on that that she wanted to try a different,
totally different. She's gonna try something called Stratera. Okay, but
she just hasn't tried it yet.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's super frustrating. It's really hard when you know
something's wrong with you but nobody can fix it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure you felt that way, like with the
bipolar with trying different medications and just going well, now
I feel worse, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a long journey, especially when a lot
of those medications are antipsychotics and so you just feel
like a zombie. It's the reason why so many people
with bipolar disorder go off their medication, because you have
a hard time feeling anything right.
Speaker 2: But now you feel better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm finally on something. It's called lamictal and it's
not an antipsychotic. It's actually an anti seizure medication, but
that has these wonderful mood stabilizing effects and it's the
first thing I've ever been on that just made me
feel normal.
Speaker 2: And that must just feel like a relief.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does. And I describe it as like, for
all of these years, I have felt like I was
walking on a tightrope and I was either going to
topple over into depression or slide into mania, and I
just was like white knuckling it, trying to just keep
things even. And this drug has been a miracle for me. Like,
I don't feel like I'm on that tightrope anymore. I
just feel good. I feel good and normal and even are.
Speaker 2: You ever sad that you stopped acting or do you
just feel like that was just a different I mean,
I know you're getting back into it, but like, what
do you feel like, Oh, acting was your identity?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, one hundred percent. And then when I had Gray,
like being a mom sort of became my identity. But
I miss acting a lot. I really really do. It
was my passion. I loved it. I loved you know,
I loved affecting people. I loved making people feel things,
whether it was to make them laugh or to make
them cry. And now that Gray's older, I feel like,
you know, I could dip a toe back in and
because I miss it, I miss it a lot.
Speaker 2: So you're trying. But you also have this amazing jewelry company. Yeah,
I how did that get started?
Speaker 1: Well? I started it shortly after Grayson was born.
Speaker 2: And wait, hold on, let me just we have to
take one more break, so I'm gonna do this real quick. Listen.
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Upwork dot com. Okay, jewelry company.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I started that a couple of years kind
of bright after I stopped acting, because I needed to
make a living and I needed something other than just
being a mom, and so making jewelry sort of fulfill
my creativity and I start.
Speaker 2: Had you always been a jewelry maker? Well?
Speaker 1: Yeah. The weird thing is that when I was like thirteen,
there was there was a couple who lived across the
street from where I grew up, and they had an
import export company and they so they would import things
from India, and so one of my very first jobs
was literally stringing garnets onto silk thread. And then I
went on later to work with them more and like
I would design jewelry for them when I was in
high school.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I always knew that I could do it,
and I just got lucky because I started my company
in the very early days of Etsy, when Etsy was
still just like people making like crocheted wallets or you know,
or slippers. So I was lucky in that that I
started there very early, and I just sort of built
my business from there.
Speaker 2: You know, what's your specialty on there?
Speaker 1: I make bracelets, which is weird because when I started,
I didn't because I have these very like skinny wrists
and I didn't wear a lot of bracelets. But I
started doing them, and I I started making them for men,
and that became a really big seller to me. For me,
and a lot of it's anniversary jewelry. So I make
things where the metal corresponds with the year of the anniversary.
So I use silver, I use bronze, and I use copper.
And that's sort of like how I created a niche
market is doing this anniversary stuff.
Speaker 2: That's so cool. But then you do other stuff too,
you do like I mean, like those guitar pick necklaces.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I arms, Yeah, I do other stuff as well,
but the anniversary stuff tends to be my bread and butter.
Speaker 2: That's so cool and it's very successful.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's I mean, listen, I am lucky. And I
also it's not lost on me that I am a
total cliche of I used to be an actress and
now I sell jewelry on Etsy. But it's worked for me.
And you know, I have a studio at my house
where I work, and it's I make my own hours.
I run stuff by myself, so It's very different from acting,
where I would work seventeen hour days and I had
no control of anything.
Speaker 2: Right, right, it's so hard to I mean, hats off
to working actresses who have like young kids, but we
know I mean as a TV writer when I had
my first daughter, who everybody knows is LB, the idea
of going into a writing job on a show was
so scary to me because even though I really wanted
to keep working, but for me, I was like, you
have no control. It's similar to being the actor on
the show. If you're a writer on a show, they
don't give a shit that you have a kid. So
I was like, I'm not going to be able to
even put my kid in daycare, even if I wanted
to put a baby in daycare, which I didn't want to,
you know, and I understand a lot of women do
not have a choice in that matter, but I felt like, well,
I do have a choice. Like my husband's working right now,
I can afford to take the first year off. For me,
it was more like I don't want to not work, right.
I didn't want to stay home with the baby all day.
Yeah it's so boring, right, But I was like, okay,
but what are my options, Like, if I go to
a job, there's no way, no one's gonna let me
out at six to go pick up the baby from daycare.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, TV doesn't work that way.
Speaker 2: No. So and in fact, even when I was pregnant,
I remember where I was working on this pilot. So
it wasn't even a show. It was in production. It
was a pilot that we were producing. The day that
we shot the pilot that we were live on the
stage and you know whatever, they wanted us to go
back to the edit bay that night, so we didn't.
So we've been at work since let's say eight in
the morning. Now it's like eight thirty at night. Maybe
it was like ten. I mean it was a really
long day. Everybody had to go back. They wanted everybody
to go to edit base so that they could start
editing it immediately. And I was like, I'm not doing it.
I have I'm pregnant. So I was pregnant at the time,
so I had that excuse. Nobody else had that excuse,
and they would not take that excuse for anybody else.
I was like, I'm just not doing it. I'm sorry,
I'm like thirteen weeks pregnant. Yeah, and I'm this is
really hard on my body. But I remember thinking after
I had her, I was like, what's my excuse going
to be? Then I can't They're not going to care
if I say, but I have a kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no one cares. Like shortly after I had Gray,
I did a pilot and it was like, you know,
pilot hours are even worse than regular television hours because
they've got, you know, a finite amount of time to
get this done. And I would be like nursing my
baby and my trailer and then like you know, get
the knock on the door from the ad and like
pull the baby off my boob and like run to
set like it's it's completely insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. So so shortly though, after so when Gray
was a baby, still you were like, I'm not gonna
I can't go on anymore auditions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just you know, I I did a couple
jobs when I was pregnant with him, and then I
did a pilot when he was about three months old,
and then I don't think I did.
Speaker 2: Much after that.
Speaker 1: I maybe did a couple guest stars or something, but
it just it got too much and I'd stopped being good,
like it became too hard to get a job, right?
Speaker 2: What of all of your acting gigs? Though, was like
your favorite?
Speaker 1: Gosh, I don't know, you know, Popular was really fun
because it was such a weird, weird show, and it's
you know, it's nice to play a character for such
a long time because you really get to know that character.
It becomes very easy to play a character that you
know so well. But it was also it was just
such a wild set. And I remember one time we
did an episode where my character was was upset because
some had a lobster at a restaurant in a tank,
and so the whole episode was about me trying to
free the lobster. And so they used a real lobster
on set and it was this giant lobster. And after
we finished, I say, ate it. No, I say. I
was a vegetarian at the time, and I and I said,
what did you guys do with the lobster? And they said,
O don't know. We just took it to the ocean
and released it. And I believed them.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I.
Speaker 1: Totally believed them. And it was months later that someone
was like, no, that lobster died when we were.
Speaker 2: Shooting Oh no, it did.
Speaker 1: It did, But I liked that they lied to me
like I was their child and they said they sent
my dog to live on a farm.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that was a super fun job. I mean
everything's fun. When you're an actor. You're so happy and
even if you're working on like a shitty independent film,
you'll complain about it during the time, but after the fact,
you just idealize it and you're grateful that someone thought
you were good enough to give a job to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so funny. I had this gig writing on
a show. I'm not even gonna say which show it was,
but the guy that I shared in office with we
were so close. I loved him. This was actually, I
think it was right after the show that I got pregnant.
So then I worked on two more pilots and then
that didn't go and then I had a baby and
that was it. So this was toward the end. It
was the best job that I've ever had because I
was a joke writer, so I just did what comes
easy to me. Yeah, So basically we would have to
take these questions and then we would come up with
a joke response for celebrities. So the job involved writing
during the day and then on some weekends, not every weekend,
like every couple of weekends, we would shoot and then
I would My job was to hang out with celebrities
and like pitch them jokes. Fun dream job, but we wrote,
and I didn't have to come into the office every day.
I could come in. I lived like seven minutes from
our offices, but I didn't even have to go in.
I would just I would sit and lay on my
couch and write joke, come up with jokes, sometimes watch
TV in the background, and then go in like a
couple times a week and just put in all my
stuff into a database.
Speaker 1: Amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I complained about that job so much.
I hated it in my mind at the time. Me
and my friend, my other coworker who also looks back
fondly at those days, we would sit and just have
these gripe sessions where we did not like our boss,
like really didn't like our boss and this was so
unfair and like you know, and there were so many
things that were but it's because of the intensity of
the tape days where we had to pitch jokes to
celebrities and we had to or we'd get in trouble
if we didn't pitch the joke that the boss wanted
us to pitch, even if we didn't think it was funny.
But it's so funny because I was making so much money.
I was making Hella residuals h. I would kill I
would do anything to have that job back. Yeah, And
it's like I did not appreciate it at the time.
It taught me a lesson though, in like appreciating things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like being in the now. Well, my manager always
says that actors are unhappy when they're not working, and
they're unhappy when they're working. When you're not working, you
really want to have a job, and then when you
get that job, you become so used to people kissing
your ass. You have this inflated sense of importance, and
you become miserable because you just complain about all the
ways people aren't kissing your ass.
Speaker 2: It's funny. I'm very happy that the TV show that
I hosted that I got that in my mid forties,
which is pretty late to get your own TV show.
And I will say I had such an appreciation for
the fact that like, oh my god, I'm on a set,
like am I dreaming like it was so fun. I
never stopped appreciating that they would. They did kiss my ass,
but I had gone so many years of just being
like a writer on a show and nobody kisses your
ass at all that I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed
every day of it. I every time I was like,
oh my god, pinch me because I'm doing a funny shoot.
I'm doing a funny remote And on the tape days
I would get really nervous, but I was like, oh
my gosh, they brought me samon to my dressing room again,
Like I don't have to even go eat upstairs with them.
With the rest of the crew. They're just like, no, Stephanie,
what would you would you like your usual today? And
when it ended, you know what, I was like, Okay,
it's that will never happen again because this was such
a fluke. Yeah, but like I really, I made sure
to enjoy it while I had it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that comes with age, you know, like
knowing that you need to appreciate When when I first
started acting, I before I became an insufferable jerk, but
I was so wide eyed and like, you know, I
would do a job and like my first job, I
didn't know that, like I thought you had to pay
for stuff. I didn't understand that craft service was free,
and like when it came time for lunch, like you know,
you line up at the catering truck and I wasn't
sure if you had to pay for stuff or not.
So I was very careful about what I was selecting
because I didn't know if I had enough money. Nobody
tells you that stuff, Nobody prepares you for that. They
just assume you know what you're doing, right.
Speaker 2: Right, That's so funny. I can't imagine that you were
ever like insufferable and not appreciating it on some level.
Speaker 1: But I'm sure I had my moments. I'm certain I did,
and I'm certain other people will tell you.
Speaker 2: Did you ever, It's okay, I'll get that later. I
dropped my cap to my water. Did you ever have
like a person, and you don't have to mention the
name if you don't want, but did you ever have
somebody like a co worker, a fellow actor that you
were just like that person's a fucking asshole, huh mahing,
my job difficult, huh or a director or just something
that you were like God, this is not worth it.
These people suck, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I'm sure. I'm sure at the time I felt
that way. I can't think well. Listen breaking news. Ryan
Murphy was not a delight. Initially he hated me. We
later became friends, and then he hated me again. So
that wasn't super great. But pretty much like most other
people that I worked with, were lovely. You know, I
don't I don't really have any major complaints.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm thinking in my mind right now because I'm
making you stay for our Patreon episode, so we I
already have like I already have some topics in mind. Okay,
but I will say that you and I have the
most fun at speech and debates. Tru Tamra is my
fellow judge. People are so tired of hearing about speech
and debate at this point. But we just went to
a speech and debate to the national qualifier and neither
of our kids qualifying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they did pretty bad. It is pretty bad, but
we had a blast. We had the most fun.
Speaker 2: So much fun. Yeah, it's just it's ridiculous. And also
I want to say about Tamra that she is one
of those moms. She's so much like me where we
call ourselves no getters, but we are go getters like
we are, and we're both we both bitch about like
how did we get ourselves involved in this?
Speaker 1: Again?
Speaker 2: Like bitch tamras the mom that's like doing everything.
Speaker 1: Well, no, you are too, We're equally doing everything.
Speaker 2: But we well we bitch about it in the funniest
way because we're just like, oh my god, like how
like we're we're doing this to ourselves.
Speaker 1: We're off always asking for this. No one is asking
for us to like go in and organize every school event,
and if they are, we're gonna complain about it.
Speaker 2: It's so fun, all right, it's been amazing having you.
You should people follow your Do you want them to
follow you your jewelry Instagram? Just go to your jewelry
website promote all the things.
Speaker 1: Okay, you can follow me on Instagram at Tamramello. It's
pretty easy and you'll just find everything else there. Okay
by tam Ramello. Instagram is connected, my webs sites connected.
Speaker 2: Okay, I love it. Your jewelry is beautiful. My kid
loves it. And before we go, I just have a
couple more of our shout outs. We got Ferncandle. That's
our friend Kelsey. She makes delicious Oh my god, tobacco, sage, lavender, sandalwood.
Why not On Instagram she's at Ferncandle. Adam. Adam's a
car broker. He can get you a car. He's so
good at what he does. Adams got a car dot
com oscar. Queer Youth Resource in Vancouver, Washington. They really
need our help, so go to qy RC Vancouver, Wa
dot org. Okay. Also the Get Up Show. It's a podcast.
It's for kids. It's gonna take them from snooze to shoes.
They incorporate yoga and music and jokes and learning. So
check out The Get Up Show. And I believe that's
it for to day. So thanks again, thank you Kaylin
for producing our show. And yeah, hopefully you'll go back
and listen to Patreon with camera. Okay, bye bye. Oh
you're a parent now, let ale