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Speaker 1: Made a decision a pace sunny sum on Ihadurasione n.

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Speaker 2: SOT. Hello everybody, it's me Stephanie Wilder Taylor again without

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Lynette for one more show. She she'll be back soon,

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but I am so excited. My guest today is by request,

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by special request. I would have had her on anyway,

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but you guys were insisting on it. This is my friend, actress,

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jewelry company owner, designer. She's amazing. She's really fun and funny.

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I don't want to get I don't want to build expectations,

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but this is my friend Tamra Mello. Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: So I originally was talking about your jewelry company Gray

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by Tamra Mellow, which is like so cool. And you

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had given me a necklace with a guitar pick for

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Xander because I'd been talking about wanting like a dude necklace. Yeah.

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He freaking loves that necklace. He wears it all the time.

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Speaker 1: That makes me happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And then people were wondering where they could get it.

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So I was advertising your biz Gray by Tamramello, and

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then somebody put it together. They were like, is that

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tam Ramello who was on the show Popular and I

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was like, yes it is and they were like, please have.

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Speaker 1: Her on the show. That's so nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. So we met because we're both

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parents at our kids school.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but just know this that I stalked Stephanie before

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we met at school. Well, we met but didn't know

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each other. And then I read her book when I

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was getting sober, and when I sent her an Instagram

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message because I was obsessed with her book Drunkish, I

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realized that we were both speech and debate parents and

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had met before. Yes.

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Speaker 2: That was so crazy because I was like, of course, yes,

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we've met. And then we have like a bunch of

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stuff in common. That was very cool. We connected on

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a lot of levels. And then ever since then, we've

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been going to all the tournaments together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which turn makes it way more fun.

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Speaker 2: You know. I get in trouble for saying I told

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you that I have to say tournament even though I

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really want to say tournament.

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Speaker 1: But I say tournament and I stand by it.

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Speaker 2: Caylin, do you want to weigh in on this, Yeah,

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I say tournament, tournament.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I just think of the Tour de France,

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even though it has nothing to it's.

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Speaker 2: A tour, you're touring around. That's what a tournament means.

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Speaker 1: That's touring too, That's what I touring. Although I have

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to say I do like like try to sound fancier

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than I am sometimes, And I realized that, Like I

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grew up saying ruth, but now I say ruth because

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for some reason it sounds more elevated to me, and

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I grew up saying apricot, but I now say apricot.

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Speaker 2: Oh do you say aunt or aunt?

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Speaker 1: It depends on it I'm talking to.

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Speaker 2: Kaylin, what do you say? I feel like I say both?

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Do you and it does? It depend on who you're

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talking to. So if you're a fan, no, it's just random.

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Speaker 1: If it's someone from the South, probably aunt.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, Aunt. I think I always say aunt, but

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I'm not sure some of the ways that I pronounce words.

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I'm not sure if it's an East Coast thing because

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my parents are from our New Yorkers and I was

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born in New York. But I think there were certain

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words that they said that I always said the way

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they said it, right. I think I said orange for

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a long time until people were making fun of me

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and they're like, it's orange or vice? Versa. Well, now

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I say orange.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think orange is correct. But you know how

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sometimes you you know, everyone does a voice for their dog,

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and then sometimes you speak as your dog. So when

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my Australian shepherd is baking for an orange, she calls

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it an orange. It's so stupid.

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Speaker 2: Your dog has an accent the way you personify her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's from Rhode Island.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's hilarious. I have, over the history

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of this show, been called out on a lot of mispronunciations,

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and I really feel that this goes back to being

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a I'm gonna pat myself on the back here. I'm

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gonna give myself a good reason. I think when I

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was young, I was a big reader, and there were

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a lot of words that I just got in my

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head are said a certain way because I'd never said

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them out loud. I just read them, you know, and

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then like the first time I ever said them out loud,

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it was wrong, and it was hard to like. The

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word a suage. I want to assuage your guilt. I

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always thought in my head was pronounced a sewage. Okay, fair, right,

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So the first time I said it, I remember somebody

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was like, what and I was like a sewage assu

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and they're like, no, it's a swage and I felt stupid.

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Another time, I pronounced lapel as label and somebody was like,

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what like that? But then I very confidently say certain words,

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like what was my one salve? Yeah, I think I

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was thinking of the word salvo, but I pronounced it

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and somebody was like, it's pronounced have there's no l.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. That doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem right to me,

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and I feel like I might say self. But you know,

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I saw a meme recently that said if someone pronounces

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a word wrong, it means that they learned it from

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reading and that should be applauded. Yes, yes, and I

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think it was I follow a librarian page on Instagram

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because I'm a super nerd.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, oh my god. Okay, so I feel better. Okay,

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So let's see. Let I want you your life is

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very very interesting, and I want you to start at

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the beginning. It don't have to say like, you know,

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I was born at this time of day, although you

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could if it's pertinent to our to our talk, but

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you have had a whole past as a successful working actress.

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And then did I mean, take take it away, take

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us back to like school before you ever got a job.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I started acting in college, and then I

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dropped out of college to pursue an acting career, and

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I was very lucky early on.

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Speaker 2: I find this so this part of the story is

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so interesting that I want to just like pause for

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a second, because so you you sign up to go

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to cal State Fullerton m hm, and you're like, that's

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the only school you applied to.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you said, yeah, it was the only

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school I applied to. It was twenty minutes from my house.

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Speaker 2: And so you were going to live at home?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to live at home. And then

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I went to cal State Fullerton for a semester and

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very quickly dropped out because I got terrible grades. And

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then a short while later I started going to the

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community college, Fullerton College, and I joined their drama program

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and I learned a shit ton and I loved it.

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And then I shortly during that time, I got a

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job at a professional theater, and then from that job,

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I got an agent. So then I dropped out of

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college again and moved to LA and pretty quickly started

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working as an actor.

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Speaker 2: So what was your very first job.

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Speaker 1: My very first job was a Mountain Dew commercial and

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it was directed by Mark Pellington, who later went on

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to direct a bunch of action films. And yeah, that

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was my first job. And then shortly after that, I

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did a pilot and then I did another pilot and

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that pilot went to series. So I worked on a

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series for a couple of years.

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Speaker 2: So which series was that.

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Speaker 1: It was called Nothing Sacred and it was very strangely.

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It was a series about the Catholic Church and we

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were on ABC. My character was the first character on

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network television to have an abortion. Oh wow, yeah, and

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so there was a lot of pushback from that from

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what's that? What's that group that protests everything like some sor.

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Speaker 2: So the Million Moms or something that one.

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Speaker 1: It's something like, well they they hated me too, But

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it wasn't. That wasn't until later when I kissed a

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girl on television. I had a lot to say about that.

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Oh the Christian Coalition, That's who it was, and they

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boycotted our show and it was a whole thing. But

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you know, we got I think twenty four episodes out

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of it, which you know doesn't happen a lot these days.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's a big run. So and I was ABC.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was ABC.

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Speaker 2: So did you get famous after that?

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Speaker 1: I didn't get famous, but I you know, after the

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Abortion show, there was a lot of press around it,

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and I really liked it because people would refer to

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me as the heroin cheek Tamra mellow oh, and.

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Speaker 2: I thought I were you, like super super skinny.

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Speaker 1: I think I was just you know, small and vaguely goth, okay,

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And so I really loved like the Kate Moss of

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it all. And then you know, I floated around for

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a while. I did a movie called She's All That.

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Speaker 2: And which we all know, you know that movie, right, sure?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then I would guest star on stuff, and

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then I got cast in the show Popular and we

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did that for a couple of years.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's not speed through. That was like a big show.

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That was was that Ryan Murphy's first show.

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Speaker 1: That was Ryan Murphy's first show, okay, and so pre Glee,

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pre yeah, I think Glee. No, Glee wasn't right after that,

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but Glee was sort of the show that Ryan wanted

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Popular to be. Like, we did musical episodes of that show.

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Glee was sort of a more polished version of Popular

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and not So Popular was sort of a combination of

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like high camp and like an earnest teen drama. So

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it was it was a weird show.

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Speaker 2: So when you first, can you tell us about the

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audition for that?

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Speaker 1: So I was auditioning for one of the leads in

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the show. So the two leads of the show became

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Leslie Bib, who she's on White Lotus.

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Speaker 2: Now, oh yeah, I just watched her last night.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was Leslie Bib and Carly Pope. I

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was initially auditioning for the Carly role, and when I

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did my network test for that role, I knew going

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in that Ryan did not want me.

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Speaker 2: For that role. Now what out? Why? Well?

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Speaker 1: What later came to light when I asked one of

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the other producers why I didn't get the role, she

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was sort of hedging, and I said, is it because

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I look too ethnic? And she said yes, uh oh, yep, yep,

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I wasn't white enough for a lead in a television show.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: And if you don't know what I look like, which

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you probably don't, I'm half Mexican and then French and Portuguese,

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so I'm all of complexed with dark hair and eyes.

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So when I test gorgeous, thank you, thank you, Stepanie,

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and cute as a button, thank you, great hair, great style.

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So when I was network testing for the show, Ryan

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didn't want me for it, and I had to do

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a scene where I had to cry. It was a

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very emotional scene.

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Speaker 2: And why did you already know or you just found

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this out after I found it out? You thought he

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was being a little bit okay, he felt like he

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didn't want you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the time, but after this

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audition I did because he sat in the back of

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the room, behind the other producers staring daggers at me

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and very like slowly and sort of sinisterly eating a

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bowl of fruit. And I was trying to cry and

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I just see this asshole sitting back there eating pineapple.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, yeah, of all the fruit too, when

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a monster pineapple. Totally, that's such a fuck you. It

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really is, like, I don't care how tart this is

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and how my face made, Like you might as well

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just eat some lemons.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, seriously, they are are the most insidious of all fruits.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so you finished that audition and you're like

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that was weird and then you ask your agent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, so you know, I think I was still

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just sort of like waiting to hear I did tattle

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about the fruit and then was subsequently told that Ryan

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Murphy was hypoglycemic, which is a lie.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: And so I didn't get the role, and they called

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to offer me like the third lead of the show,

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and I was mad. I was butt hurt that I

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didn't get the actual lead, and so I turned the

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role down.

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Speaker 2: Whoa.

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Speaker 1: And then one of the producers called me to try

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to talk me into it, and I asked her, I said,

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00:14:34,679 --> 00:14:37,360
you know, why did I not get the other role?

242
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And then I said, is it the ethnicity thing? And

243
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she went, yeah, yeah, like she was apologetic about it,

244
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but it was still a.

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Speaker 2: Fact, right, So what made you decide to do it anyway? Then?

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Speaker 1: You know, honestly, this was the time when everybody was

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making like teen movies and teen dramas like we were

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on before Felicity, And I think I was just so

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tired of that pilot season because it's you know, you

250
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get like five scripts a day and you're running all

251
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over town like, and I was just tired, and so

252
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I said yes, and then we got lucky. You know

253
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that I said yes to the pilot and we shot

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the pilot. Brian Robbins directed our pilot.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I believe we.

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Speaker 1: Have in common and we got a series pickup, so

257
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I made the right choice.

258
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Speaker 2: Okay. Wow. And then so how many episodes was that?

259
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Speaker 1: We shot? Forty eight episodes?

260
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Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, so that was a big run.

261
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's sort of like in those days a season

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was twenty four episodes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So it was only two seasons.

264
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Speaker 1: It was only two seasons.

265
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Speaker 2: Did well, right?

266
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Speaker 1: It did?

267
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Speaker 2: Okay, Okay.

268
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Speaker 1: It was sort of like I think what happened for

269
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our second season. I think they didn't really want to

270
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pick us up, but it was the same production company

271
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as Felicity. Oh so they sort of held that over

272
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their heads. This was when the WB was still called

273
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the WB, and they were like, if you want Felicity,

274
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you gotta take Popular and so they did. But then

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we didn't get picked up for a third season.

276
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Speaker 2: Okay, but this was the show you that put you

277
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into like pop culture and you feel like you were

278
00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:28,720
recognized a lot. Yeah.

279
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very strange being on a show. And first

280
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,360
of all, let me say I was in my twenties

281
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:36,639
when we did the show, but I was playing a

282
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sixteen year old And so it's weird being on a

283
00:16:40,879 --> 00:16:45,120
teen TV show because you go to a mall and

284
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there's all these kids that are really excited to see you,

285
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:53,240
and with someone who has a lot of anxiety, that

286
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,480
was a tough thing to navigate. You know, you want

287
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,679
to be nice and take pictures and sign autographs like

288
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:05,319
you can't be an asshole, but having anxiety it makes

289
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:05,720
it tough.

290
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, so have you always had anxiety?

291
00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:15,400
Speaker 1: Probably? I think it gets worse as I get older,

292
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:24,880
and something that like this is this is a kind

293
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:29,400
of hard thing to say. But when I stopped acting,

294
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,799
it was shortly after I had had my son. And

295
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:40,000
what I've always told everyone was that I quit acting

296
00:17:40,039 --> 00:17:43,359
because I wanted to stay home with my son. But

297
00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:49,839
really I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and it really affected

298
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,599
my work. I was at a point where I couldn't

299
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:59,000
I wasn't good anymore. I I was so out of

300
00:17:59,039 --> 00:18:03,000
my body that I wasn't able to really be a

301
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:09,400
good actor anymore, and so I stopped acting and shortly

302
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,759
thereafter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

303
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:16,480
Speaker 2: So what were you feeling that was making you feel

304
00:18:16,519 --> 00:18:21,440
like you couldn't work? Did it feel like more of

305
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,440
like did you feel like, oh, the anxiety is getting

306
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,079
so much worse? But then you didn't know what it

307
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,319
was it was.

308
00:18:28,799 --> 00:18:31,920
Speaker 1: I think my mood was so disordered that I would

309
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,640
swing back and forth between like really bad depression where

310
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:41,480
I couldn't get out of bed and being hypomanic where

311
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I was just flying really high. And what happens in

312
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,799
the end between is that as an actor, I can

313
00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:53,920
only explain it as this. I would go to auditions

314
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:58,680
and the feedback I would get was, yeah, she was good.

315
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:04,079
She was good, but essentially not good enough. And so

316
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,759
intellectually I knew how to make choices as an actor,

317
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:12,640
like and I knew how to make the proper choices,

318
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:17,799
but emotionally I wasn't feeling those things, if that makes sense. Yeah,

319
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:23,759
totally there was a piece missing, and yeah, so I

320
00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:29,640
stopped it was it was too much pressure, And it

321
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,200
was the right decision. It was one hundred percent the

322
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:36,440
right decision because also being an actor just sort of

323
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,400
it's such an inconsistent business. So you're sort of riding

324
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,759
high and everybody wants to work with you. And then

325
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,799
all of a sudden there's nothing, and that's not a

326
00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:49,559
great situation for somebody that has a mood disorder.

327
00:19:50,519 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I'm not bipolar, but I I

328
00:19:56,559 --> 00:19:59,960
know that I'm glad i'm not, because there are times

329
00:20:00,079 --> 00:20:05,240
when if in our business too, that things happen and

330
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:08,680
you're like, so I get really excited and like really

331
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,920
high from it kind of, but I know that I

332
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,480
think it's because I'm not bipolar that eventually it just

333
00:20:14,519 --> 00:20:19,000
like it fizzles out and then I'm normal again about it,

334
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:22,400
you know. And I don't really get too low on

335
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,640
the lows, but you know what I'm saying, Like when

336
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:30,039
something's exciting, I can get very like can't sleep as well,

337
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,680
and like just excited. But like I said, I have

338
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,200
a lot I know a lot of people with bipolar

339
00:20:36,559 --> 00:20:39,200
and I see that that can if you get triggered,

340
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:41,799
it's very hard to come down.

341
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so for me, it was sort of that anxiety.

342
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,079
If it got too bad, it would topple me over

343
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:53,519
into mania, right, And so a lot of life now

344
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,160
is just trying to manage the anxiety.

345
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 2: Let me take a little break for an ad and

346
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would so okay, So you're feeling like you're not connecting

386
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:26,000
in your auditions, right, But how like was there a

387
00:23:26,079 --> 00:23:28,400
moment that you were like, oh, this is really bad,

388
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,400
like I don't want to go on auditions anymore. Was

389
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,200
there a particular audition that was like, oh I acted

390
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,160
crazy or.

391
00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, there actually was an audition where I acted crazy

392
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:45,400
where the feedback was that I had crazy eyes, literally

393
00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:49,759
crazy eyes. And it's funny because my husband can tell

394
00:23:49,759 --> 00:23:52,519
when I'm getting manic because my eyes get really big

395
00:23:52,559 --> 00:23:54,759
and he's all he says, it's almost like they're spinning,

396
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,799
and like it's not something that you can control, right,

397
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,279
And so I think it was shortly after that where

398
00:24:03,279 --> 00:24:05,599
I was just like, I can't do it anymore. It's

399
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:10,960
too hard, it's too anxiety provoking, it's too up and down,

400
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,960
like I just needed to level out.

401
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: My I have a friend who would cry a lot

402
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:24,519
like I don't. I mean maybe in the in between,

403
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,839
maybe when the mood was just like you described as disordered,

404
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,480
So she would cry like inappropriate, inappropriately, like at work

405
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,119
and you know, like on a first date. Oh no, yeah,

406
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,400
And that's how she could kind of tell. But I

407
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:43,440
have always heard from my friends with bipolar that's it

408
00:24:43,599 --> 00:24:46,799
sucks because when you're feeling the high, you want to

409
00:24:46,839 --> 00:24:49,799
feel high, like you don't want to be told like, hey,

410
00:24:49,839 --> 00:24:53,119
I think you're in an episode. Like yeah, my friend

411
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,640
would get very defensive and mad if I would try

412
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,400
to tell her. This was a really good friend of mine,

413
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,839
so I'd known her for many years and had been

414
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,920
with her through episodes, so I felt it was my

415
00:25:04,039 --> 00:25:09,319
responsibility to say when her thinking was getting crazy and

416
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,440
say like hey, like in a gentle way, like I

417
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,559
think you might be having an episode, and then she

418
00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:19,079
would get so mad. Yeah. It really kind of ruined

419
00:25:19,079 --> 00:25:21,960
our friendship after a certain point because it was like,

420
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,880
you know, she would get really mean and very different

421
00:25:28,279 --> 00:25:31,400
in an episode and want nothing to you did not

422
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,599
want to hear she would like make all new friends. Yeah,

423
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,680
but she also wasn't tethered to like a marriage. She

424
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:41,039
didn't have kids, so it was like harder, you know

425
00:25:41,079 --> 00:25:41,519
what I mean.

426
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 1: She had less at stake. Yeah. Yeah, it took me

427
00:25:46,799 --> 00:25:52,400
a while to really listen to my husband when he would.

428
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 2: Say that, so he knew something was off.

429
00:25:56,319 --> 00:25:59,319
Speaker 1: Well, once I had the diagnosis, it all made sense

430
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:00,000
to everybody.

431
00:26:00,039 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 2: So what made you get the diagnosis?

432
00:26:02,039 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: Because I was on antidepressants, which is a terrible thing

433
00:26:08,519 --> 00:26:12,400
for somebody with bipolar to be on because it triggers mania.

434
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:18,720
I went to the psychiatrist because my libido was low,

435
00:26:19,039 --> 00:26:21,880
and I said, you know, I want to feel like

436
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,680
having sex with my husband more. I think it's the antidepressants.

437
00:26:25,839 --> 00:26:29,839
Speaker 2: I think we all do, right, this is.

438
00:26:29,799 --> 00:26:33,799
Speaker 1: Not a rare problem. And she sort of took one

439
00:26:33,839 --> 00:26:39,240
look at me and went, yeah, your libido is not

440
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:44,079
a concern of mine. And she said, has anyone ever

441
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,000
told you you could be bipolar? She said this within

442
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,599
ten minutes of meeting me. Wow, And I think I

443
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,119
had the crazy eyes. I was probably speaking really fast,

444
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:58,119
like pressured speaking is one of the first signs. And

445
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,880
I thought she was crazy. And she had me take

446
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,559
like a test, you know those tests that you take,

447
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,039
like to see if you're an alcoholic. It's the same

448
00:27:07,079 --> 00:27:12,519
thing with bipolar disorder. And I scored nineteen out of twenty. Oh, Like,

449
00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:14,200
I did really well on that test.

450
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 2: So after that, it was and when you did was

451
00:27:19,519 --> 00:27:21,400
it the same as like when people do take the

452
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,160
are you an alcoholic? Quiz? Were you like rationalizing all

453
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,400
your answers and going, well, everybody talks, I'm like I

454
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:28,960
just have a lot of energy. Yeah.

455
00:27:29,079 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seemed completely normal to me. And you know,

456
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,359
you don't really know like how you're supposed to answer,

457
00:27:36,519 --> 00:27:39,720
so you can't really cheat, right, and then you know

458
00:27:39,799 --> 00:27:40,960
the numbers don't lie.

459
00:27:41,599 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 2: Right, So did you believe it right away when she

460
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,920
was like, Wow, you've really scored a perfect?

461
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: Yeah?

462
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 2: A plus?

463
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think you know, it's funny. I

464
00:27:54,319 --> 00:27:59,559
had always read books about people with bipolar disorder. I'd

465
00:27:59,559 --> 00:28:02,799
always memoirs, and so I think there was part of

466
00:28:02,839 --> 00:28:07,240
my brain that knew that that was my problem. So yeah,

467
00:28:07,279 --> 00:28:11,519
it didn't come as a huge surprise. So it took

468
00:28:11,519 --> 00:28:14,319
a while to treat. It was like we tried so

469
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,960
many different medications and they make you feel weird, and

470
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,440
finally one started working. And I went to the doctor

471
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,359
and I said I think I'm depressed, and she goes,

472
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,079
you don't seem depressed to me, you seem even. And

473
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,359
I was like, oh God, this is what life feels like,

474
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,359
this is what normal feels like. And I guess, I

475
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,680
guess so, but now I feel fine. I'm on a

476
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,519
different medication and I feel great, and I feel so

477
00:28:45,799 --> 00:28:52,200
even and in my body and honestly, like like nothing's

478
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,839
wrong with I mean, there's plenty wrong with me, but

479
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,359
I feel like the bipolar disorder isn't always at the

480
00:28:58,400 --> 00:28:59,519
forefront of my mind.

481
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,079
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I mean it's got to be kind of

482
00:29:03,119 --> 00:29:07,160
a scary feeling for people if you know, all of

483
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:12,079
us have up and down moods and have anxiety, you know, anxiety.

484
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,680
It's so hard in this day of like there's so

485
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,319
many different things that we're aware of now that could

486
00:29:17,359 --> 00:29:20,000
be wrong with us. Yeah that it's like, oh, no,

487
00:29:20,279 --> 00:29:24,799
I hope it's just alcoholism, right right, Oh, I hope

488
00:29:24,839 --> 00:29:27,720
I am just like ADHD and it's not like I'm

489
00:29:27,759 --> 00:29:31,240
not don't have also have autism or you know, these

490
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,599
things that we discover about ourselves as adults, but at

491
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,960
least if we know what it is like when you

492
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,440
were diagnosed, though, were you like, oh my gosh, I

493
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,640
think I've always had this or were you like, oh, no,

494
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,880
I think this is something that just came on in

495
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,079
the last couple of years.

496
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: No, I think I've always had it. When I was

497
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,920
very young, I would come home from school, like I

498
00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:57,160
at like ten years old, and I would take a

499
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:01,279
nap for three hours. And that's now I know, not

500
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:06,200
particularly normal, and or I would, like your friend, I

501
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,000
would cry. I would like be in bed at night

502
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,799
and I would cry and cry and cry, and my

503
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,839
mom would be like, what's wrong with you? She always

504
00:30:13,839 --> 00:30:18,359
thought I was pregnant, always thought I was pregnant.

505
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: My gosh, my husband, who does suffer from depression and

506
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,119
has his whole life, his parents always thought he was

507
00:30:25,119 --> 00:30:28,079
on drugs because he'd be laying in bed, you know,

508
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,440
fully dressed, because he'd come home from work and just

509
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,839
like lay in bed, fully dressed. And his dad once

510
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,720
yanked him out of bed and threw him up against

511
00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:39,680
a wall and because and accused him of being on drugs. Wow.

512
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a weird thing. Like I was either like

513
00:30:44,559 --> 00:30:47,160
in bed crying or I would be up all night,

514
00:30:47,799 --> 00:30:51,039
you know, like doing school work, doing arts and crafts,

515
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:57,240
reorganizing my closet, And if anybody clocked it, nobody really

516
00:30:57,319 --> 00:31:00,519
did anything about it or necessarily thought it was un usual.

517
00:31:01,279 --> 00:31:05,319
And so, you know, there's this whole nature versus nurture

518
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,039
thing when it comes to mental illness. And probably if

519
00:31:09,079 --> 00:31:13,759
somebody had stepped in earlier, maybe it wouldn't have gotten

520
00:31:13,799 --> 00:31:16,920
as bad as it did. But back then nobody was

521
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,599
looking for things like that. I think we're so hyper

522
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,759
aware and like everything our kids do were like is

523
00:31:21,799 --> 00:31:24,200
that a thing? Like do we need a doctor? Do

524
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,440
we need a therapist? But it wasn't like that back then.

525
00:31:27,799 --> 00:31:30,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't decide if that's a good thing or

526
00:31:30,839 --> 00:31:31,400
a bad thing.

527
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,039
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not sure. I mean, like I sort of

528
00:31:35,119 --> 00:31:37,720
loved the way I grew up, which was like outside

529
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,960
playing with other kids and like come home when the

530
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,000
street lights turn on.

531
00:31:42,799 --> 00:31:43,039
Speaker 2: Same.

532
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, like could I ride in the

533
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:52,319
back of my dad's al Camino, no problem? Like you know,

534
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,440
nobody wore a seatbelt. Like I was two years old

535
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,960
sitting in the front seat of the car with no

536
00:31:57,039 --> 00:32:01,640
seatbelt on, right, And I survived, So I guess like

537
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,920
that I survived this other thing.

538
00:32:06,079 --> 00:32:10,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I think about growing up and the fact

539
00:32:10,319 --> 00:32:13,920
that I probably had a lot of anxiety even as

540
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:19,799
a kid. Yeah, but it wasn't it. Yeah, it definitely

541
00:32:19,839 --> 00:32:22,119
wasn't tolerated in my.

542
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: Home, right, like knock it off.

543
00:32:24,599 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 2: I also am very sure that I was that I

544
00:32:27,519 --> 00:32:32,039
had ad D. Oh really call it ADHD Yeah, because

545
00:32:32,039 --> 00:32:34,480
I mean I see the signs that of I mean,

546
00:32:34,519 --> 00:32:37,160
I know, I mean I have it. But I think

547
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,960
because I was functional in a lot of areas and

548
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,160
I wasn't obviously hyper, which a lot of girls aren't.

549
00:32:43,759 --> 00:32:46,880
But I could not do school work to save my life.

550
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:52,079
And all I all I did was feel bored or

551
00:32:52,119 --> 00:32:54,559
like I just don't understand everything feels like it's in

552
00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:57,839
another language. I just wasn't capable of sitting and paying

553
00:32:57,839 --> 00:33:02,000
attention in class. But I was just in trouble for it. Yeah,

554
00:33:02,039 --> 00:33:04,759
nobody ever was like, I wonder if your brain works differently.

555
00:33:05,079 --> 00:33:09,079
My mom just was very punitive about it, you know, yeah,

556
00:33:09,119 --> 00:33:11,319
and called me lazy and said that I just wasn't

557
00:33:11,319 --> 00:33:14,160
trying hard enough and I just don't care, And you know,

558
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,920
so I guess in those ways, it's better that we

559
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,000
try to understand our kids.

560
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,559
Speaker 1: I think so. I think so. You know, my husband

561
00:33:23,519 --> 00:33:27,240
always sort of struggled in school. He's so smart, he's

562
00:33:27,279 --> 00:33:31,319
the smartest person I know, but he struggled in school

563
00:33:31,799 --> 00:33:38,160
and was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. And the

564
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:41,880
same with my son, like really struggled in elementary and

565
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:46,079
middle school, got good grades because he worked hard, but

566
00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:49,839
was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and it made

567
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,519
such a difference for him you know, but I think,

568
00:33:53,759 --> 00:33:58,559
like in your case, girls are really underdiagnosed because that

569
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:05,119
hyperactivity component is often missing, so they're not diagnosed as often.

570
00:34:05,279 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, the only problem is that, like cause Sadie has

571
00:34:09,519 --> 00:34:13,800
was diagnosed with ADHD. She suspected it for so long

572
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,599
and then when she was diagnosed, she was I've told

573
00:34:16,599 --> 00:34:18,840
the story on the podcast, but she was. She went

574
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,719
through all the psychological testing and then they were like, yeah,

575
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,519
she scores really high in this area she has it,

576
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,320
And she was like, yes, you know, but I will

577
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:33,280
say unfortunately, we've tried. Now we're on our like fourth medication.

578
00:34:34,079 --> 00:34:38,800
Not she has not had a good response to medication. Huh,

579
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,360
she's tried. We tried this one that it doesn't really

580
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,039
even matter if I say the name of but it's

581
00:34:44,039 --> 00:34:48,960
like an extended release evance. No, it's but it's called

582
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:53,719
a story what it's called. She she was fine on

583
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,320
a low dose of it over the summer. Then when

584
00:34:56,320 --> 00:35:00,519
she got to school, she got super irritable, which is

585
00:35:00,559 --> 00:35:05,400
one of the side effects bad like upset, told somebody

586
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,119
to fuck off, like you know, which is just so

587
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,199
not like her. And then so we took her off

588
00:35:11,199 --> 00:35:18,320
that immediately. Then she tried adderall and low dose. Didn't

589
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,159
notice a difference on the low dose, but also didn't

590
00:35:21,679 --> 00:35:25,320
it wasn't aggravated, but also wasn't helping her with schoolwork,

591
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,480
she said. Then we raised the dose and then she

592
00:35:28,679 --> 00:35:32,199
was like, yeah, I'm okay, but it's I don't feel

593
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,079
like I can concentrate any better, which is not good.

594
00:35:35,519 --> 00:35:39,320
Then we raised the dose again and she got like bad,

595
00:35:39,599 --> 00:35:43,519
like bad, irritable, like feeling kind of out out of

596
00:35:43,559 --> 00:35:47,519
her body, like just tense, grinding her teeth. So we

597
00:35:47,639 --> 00:35:50,280
took her back down to five and she was like,

598
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,239
now I feel like I can't even tolerate the five

599
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,039
really yet this is a kid who could drink like

600
00:35:55,079 --> 00:35:56,199
five cups of coffee a day.

601
00:35:56,519 --> 00:35:57,079
Speaker 1: Huh.

602
00:35:57,119 --> 00:36:02,199
Speaker 2: So the shrink is just like wants to We're gonna

603
00:36:02,199 --> 00:36:05,360
try another one, okay, but she's like almost scared to

604
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,239
try it, but so far not one of them has

605
00:36:08,519 --> 00:36:11,159
helped her, Like, nothing's helped her feel like, oh I

606
00:36:11,159 --> 00:36:11,800
could focus.

607
00:36:12,159 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I know. Grayson started out my son on Vivance,

608
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:22,960
which is sort of like a milder, gentler form of adderall,

609
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:29,360
and it worked for him, but eventually they moved him

610
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,840
to adderall, and he said it's sort of night and

611
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:36,480
day that he can focus so much better. But maybe

612
00:36:36,559 --> 00:36:40,000
Vivance is an option for Sadie.

613
00:36:40,199 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, we thought about it, but she felt like because

614
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,000
it's in the same family as adderall and she's done

615
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:48,760
so poorly on that that she wanted to try a different,

616
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:53,000
totally different. She's gonna try something called Stratera. Okay, but

617
00:36:53,079 --> 00:36:54,400
she just hasn't tried it yet.

618
00:36:54,519 --> 00:36:58,599
Speaker 1: Okay, that's super frustrating. It's really hard when you know

619
00:36:58,679 --> 00:37:01,199
something's wrong with you but nobody can fix it.

620
00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:05,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure you felt that way, like with the

621
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,199
bipolar with trying different medications and just going well, now

622
00:37:08,199 --> 00:37:10,119
I feel worse, thank you. Yeah.

623
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a long journey, especially when a lot

624
00:37:13,159 --> 00:37:16,920
of those medications are antipsychotics and so you just feel

625
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,960
like a zombie. It's the reason why so many people

626
00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:23,800
with bipolar disorder go off their medication, because you have

627
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,760
a hard time feeling anything right.

628
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 2: But now you feel better.

629
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm finally on something. It's called lamictal and it's

630
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:36,920
not an antipsychotic. It's actually an anti seizure medication, but

631
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:41,639
that has these wonderful mood stabilizing effects and it's the

632
00:37:41,679 --> 00:37:43,599
first thing I've ever been on that just made me

633
00:37:43,599 --> 00:37:44,599
feel normal.

634
00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 2: And that must just feel like a relief.

635
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does. And I describe it as like, for

636
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,320
all of these years, I have felt like I was

637
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,239
walking on a tightrope and I was either going to

638
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:00,400
topple over into depression or slide into mania, and I

639
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,639
just was like white knuckling it, trying to just keep

640
00:38:03,639 --> 00:38:07,199
things even. And this drug has been a miracle for me. Like,

641
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,639
I don't feel like I'm on that tightrope anymore. I

642
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:15,079
just feel good. I feel good and normal and even are.

643
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: You ever sad that you stopped acting or do you

644
00:38:17,559 --> 00:38:19,800
just feel like that was just a different I mean,

645
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,280
I know you're getting back into it, but like, what

646
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,639
do you feel like, Oh, acting was your identity?

647
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:30,599
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, one hundred percent. And then when I had Gray,

648
00:38:32,079 --> 00:38:35,440
like being a mom sort of became my identity. But

649
00:38:35,519 --> 00:38:38,440
I miss acting a lot. I really really do. It

650
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:42,480
was my passion. I loved it. I loved you know,

651
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:46,239
I loved affecting people. I loved making people feel things,

652
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,039
whether it was to make them laugh or to make

653
00:38:48,079 --> 00:38:52,800
them cry. And now that Gray's older, I feel like,

654
00:38:53,519 --> 00:38:56,159
you know, I could dip a toe back in and

655
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,280
because I miss it, I miss it a lot.

656
00:38:59,119 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 2: So you're trying. But you also have this amazing jewelry company. Yeah,

657
00:39:04,519 --> 00:39:05,679
I how did that get started?

658
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: Well? I started it shortly after Grayson was born.

659
00:39:08,559 --> 00:39:11,519
Speaker 2: And wait, hold on, let me just we have to

660
00:39:11,519 --> 00:39:15,960
take one more break, so I'm gonna do this real quick. Listen.

661
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,000
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662
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663
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664
00:39:27,559 --> 00:39:30,760
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668
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669
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:49,960
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675
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:12,119
Upwork dot com. Okay, jewelry company.

676
00:40:12,199 --> 00:40:15,119
Speaker 1: Okay, So I started that a couple of years kind

677
00:40:15,159 --> 00:40:19,440
of bright after I stopped acting, because I needed to

678
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:23,320
make a living and I needed something other than just

679
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,800
being a mom, and so making jewelry sort of fulfill

680
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,519
my creativity and I start.

681
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,559
Speaker 2: Had you always been a jewelry maker? Well?

682
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. The weird thing is that when I was like thirteen,

683
00:40:35,679 --> 00:40:38,559
there was there was a couple who lived across the

684
00:40:38,559 --> 00:40:42,639
street from where I grew up, and they had an

685
00:40:42,679 --> 00:40:48,400
import export company and they so they would import things

686
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,960
from India, and so one of my very first jobs

687
00:40:52,119 --> 00:40:57,360
was literally stringing garnets onto silk thread. And then I

688
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,400
went on later to work with them more and like

689
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,280
I would design jewelry for them when I was in

690
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:01,880
high school.

691
00:41:02,159 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

692
00:41:03,079 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I always knew that I could do it,

693
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,840
and I just got lucky because I started my company

694
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,400
in the very early days of Etsy, when Etsy was

695
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:18,159
still just like people making like crocheted wallets or you know,

696
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:23,440
or slippers. So I was lucky in that that I

697
00:41:24,159 --> 00:41:27,039
started there very early, and I just sort of built

698
00:41:27,079 --> 00:41:28,119
my business from there.

699
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,599
Speaker 2: You know, what's your specialty on there?

700
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:37,039
Speaker 1: I make bracelets, which is weird because when I started,

701
00:41:37,119 --> 00:41:41,480
I didn't because I have these very like skinny wrists

702
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,679
and I didn't wear a lot of bracelets. But I

703
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:51,679
started doing them, and I I started making them for men,

704
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,880
and that became a really big seller to me. For me,

705
00:41:55,559 --> 00:41:59,000
and a lot of it's anniversary jewelry. So I make

706
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:03,039
things where the metal corresponds with the year of the anniversary.

707
00:42:03,119 --> 00:42:06,760
So I use silver, I use bronze, and I use copper.

708
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:11,800
And that's sort of like how I created a niche

709
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,920
market is doing this anniversary stuff.

710
00:42:14,639 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 2: That's so cool. But then you do other stuff too,

711
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,360
you do like I mean, like those guitar pick necklaces.

712
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:25,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, I arms, Yeah, I do other stuff as well,

713
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,719
but the anniversary stuff tends to be my bread and butter.

714
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 2: That's so cool and it's very successful.

715
00:42:31,639 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 1: Yeah it's I mean, listen, I am lucky. And I

716
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,000
also it's not lost on me that I am a

717
00:42:38,079 --> 00:42:41,440
total cliche of I used to be an actress and

718
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:46,440
now I sell jewelry on Etsy. But it's worked for me.

719
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,519
And you know, I have a studio at my house

720
00:42:49,599 --> 00:42:53,920
where I work, and it's I make my own hours.

721
00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:57,559
I run stuff by myself, so It's very different from acting,

722
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,159
where I would work seventeen hour days and I had

723
00:43:00,199 --> 00:43:01,639
no control of anything.

724
00:43:01,559 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 2: Right, right, it's so hard to I mean, hats off

725
00:43:06,119 --> 00:43:09,719
to working actresses who have like young kids, but we

726
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,760
know I mean as a TV writer when I had

727
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:19,840
my first daughter, who everybody knows is LB, the idea

728
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,039
of going into a writing job on a show was

729
00:43:23,079 --> 00:43:25,679
so scary to me because even though I really wanted

730
00:43:25,679 --> 00:43:28,400
to keep working, but for me, I was like, you

731
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,440
have no control. It's similar to being the actor on

732
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,159
the show. If you're a writer on a show, they

733
00:43:33,159 --> 00:43:35,920
don't give a shit that you have a kid. So

734
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,679
I was like, I'm not going to be able to

735
00:43:38,079 --> 00:43:40,519
even put my kid in daycare, even if I wanted

736
00:43:40,519 --> 00:43:42,880
to put a baby in daycare, which I didn't want to,

737
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,800
you know, and I understand a lot of women do

738
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:49,239
not have a choice in that matter, but I felt like, well,

739
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,960
I do have a choice. Like my husband's working right now,

740
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,599
I can afford to take the first year off. For me,

741
00:43:55,679 --> 00:43:59,239
it was more like I don't want to not work, right.

742
00:43:59,519 --> 00:44:01,559
I didn't want to stay home with the baby all day.

743
00:44:01,679 --> 00:44:05,039
Yeah it's so boring, right, But I was like, okay,

744
00:44:05,079 --> 00:44:07,079
but what are my options, Like, if I go to

745
00:44:07,159 --> 00:44:10,079
a job, there's no way, no one's gonna let me

746
00:44:10,159 --> 00:44:12,280
out at six to go pick up the baby from daycare.

747
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, TV doesn't work that way.

748
00:44:14,079 --> 00:44:18,159
Speaker 2: No. So and in fact, even when I was pregnant,

749
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:22,599
I remember where I was working on this pilot. So

750
00:44:22,679 --> 00:44:26,039
it wasn't even a show. It was in production. It

751
00:44:26,119 --> 00:44:28,679
was a pilot that we were producing. The day that

752
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,119
we shot the pilot that we were live on the

753
00:44:31,159 --> 00:44:34,639
stage and you know whatever, they wanted us to go

754
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:38,119
back to the edit bay that night, so we didn't.

755
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:39,920
So we've been at work since let's say eight in

756
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:43,719
the morning. Now it's like eight thirty at night. Maybe

757
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,800
it was like ten. I mean it was a really

758
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,079
long day. Everybody had to go back. They wanted everybody

759
00:44:49,119 --> 00:44:52,239
to go to edit base so that they could start

760
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,639
editing it immediately. And I was like, I'm not doing it.

761
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,679
I have I'm pregnant. So I was pregnant at the time,

762
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:02,039
so I had that excuse. Nobody else had that excuse,

763
00:45:02,119 --> 00:45:04,679
and they would not take that excuse for anybody else.

764
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,679
I was like, I'm just not doing it. I'm sorry,

765
00:45:06,679 --> 00:45:09,400
I'm like thirteen weeks pregnant. Yeah, and I'm this is

766
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:14,440
really hard on my body. But I remember thinking after

767
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,880
I had her, I was like, what's my excuse going

768
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,639
to be? Then I can't They're not going to care

769
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,000
if I say, but I have a kid.

770
00:45:20,159 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, no one cares. Like shortly after I had Gray,

771
00:45:25,119 --> 00:45:27,760
I did a pilot and it was like, you know,

772
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,280
pilot hours are even worse than regular television hours because

773
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,639
they've got, you know, a finite amount of time to

774
00:45:34,639 --> 00:45:37,559
get this done. And I would be like nursing my

775
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,320
baby and my trailer and then like you know, get

776
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,119
the knock on the door from the ad and like

777
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,320
pull the baby off my boob and like run to

778
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,559
set like it's it's completely insane.

779
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. So so shortly though, after so when Gray

780
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,079
was a baby, still you were like, I'm not gonna

781
00:45:56,159 --> 00:45:58,280
I can't go on anymore auditions.

782
00:45:58,519 --> 00:46:00,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just you know, I I did a couple

783
00:46:00,679 --> 00:46:03,840
jobs when I was pregnant with him, and then I

784
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,800
did a pilot when he was about three months old,

785
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,519
and then I don't think I did.

786
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:13,039
Speaker 2: Much after that.

787
00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:15,159
Speaker 1: I maybe did a couple guest stars or something, but

788
00:46:15,199 --> 00:46:18,119
it just it got too much and I'd stopped being good,

789
00:46:18,639 --> 00:46:21,280
like it became too hard to get a job, right?

790
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 2: What of all of your acting gigs? Though, was like

791
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:26,440
your favorite?

792
00:46:27,679 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: Gosh, I don't know, you know, Popular was really fun

793
00:46:31,639 --> 00:46:37,320
because it was such a weird, weird show, and it's

794
00:46:37,559 --> 00:46:39,480
you know, it's nice to play a character for such

795
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:44,719
a long time because you really get to know that character.

796
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:46,760
It becomes very easy to play a character that you

797
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,280
know so well. But it was also it was just

798
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,920
such a wild set. And I remember one time we

799
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:59,440
did an episode where my character was was upset because

800
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,039
some had a lobster at a restaurant in a tank,

801
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:06,320
and so the whole episode was about me trying to

802
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,760
free the lobster. And so they used a real lobster

803
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,960
on set and it was this giant lobster. And after

804
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:16,599
we finished, I say, ate it. No, I say. I

805
00:47:17,039 --> 00:47:19,920
was a vegetarian at the time, and I and I said,

806
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,360
what did you guys do with the lobster? And they said,

807
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:24,840
O don't know. We just took it to the ocean

808
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,360
and released it. And I believed them.

809
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,519
Speaker 2: Oh no, I.

810
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 1: Totally believed them. And it was months later that someone

811
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,360
was like, no, that lobster died when we were.

812
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 2: Shooting Oh no, it did.

813
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: It did, But I liked that they lied to me

814
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,880
like I was their child and they said they sent

815
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,280
my dog to live on a farm.

816
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

817
00:47:47,039 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 1: But yeah, that was a super fun job. I mean

818
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,679
everything's fun. When you're an actor. You're so happy and

819
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:57,559
even if you're working on like a shitty independent film,

820
00:47:57,599 --> 00:48:01,039
you'll complain about it during the time, but after the fact,

821
00:48:01,119 --> 00:48:04,880
you just idealize it and you're grateful that someone thought

822
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:06,519
you were good enough to give a job to.

823
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so funny. I had this gig writing on

824
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,440
a show. I'm not even gonna say which show it was,

825
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:18,320
but the guy that I shared in office with we

826
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:22,000
were so close. I loved him. This was actually, I

827
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,480
think it was right after the show that I got pregnant.

828
00:48:24,519 --> 00:48:29,639
So then I worked on two more pilots and then

829
00:48:30,079 --> 00:48:31,880
that didn't go and then I had a baby and

830
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:35,159
that was it. So this was toward the end. It

831
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,519
was the best job that I've ever had because I

832
00:48:38,559 --> 00:48:42,159
was a joke writer, so I just did what comes

833
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:45,960
easy to me. Yeah, So basically we would have to

834
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,639
take these questions and then we would come up with

835
00:48:48,679 --> 00:48:53,199
a joke response for celebrities. So the job involved writing

836
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:58,199
during the day and then on some weekends, not every weekend,

837
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,360
like every couple of weekends, we would shoot and then

838
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,559
I would My job was to hang out with celebrities

839
00:49:02,599 --> 00:49:07,920
and like pitch them jokes. Fun dream job, but we wrote,

840
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:10,800
and I didn't have to come into the office every day.

841
00:49:11,039 --> 00:49:14,760
I could come in. I lived like seven minutes from

842
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:16,840
our offices, but I didn't even have to go in.

843
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,719
I would just I would sit and lay on my

844
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,159
couch and write joke, come up with jokes, sometimes watch

845
00:49:21,199 --> 00:49:24,239
TV in the background, and then go in like a

846
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:26,880
couple times a week and just put in all my

847
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:28,079
stuff into a database.

848
00:49:28,199 --> 00:49:28,679
Speaker 1: Amazing.

849
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,079
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I complained about that job so much.

850
00:49:33,639 --> 00:49:36,280
I hated it in my mind at the time. Me

851
00:49:36,519 --> 00:49:39,079
and my friend, my other coworker who also looks back

852
00:49:39,119 --> 00:49:43,480
fondly at those days, we would sit and just have

853
00:49:43,559 --> 00:49:47,000
these gripe sessions where we did not like our boss,

854
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,159
like really didn't like our boss and this was so

855
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,840
unfair and like you know, and there were so many

856
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,679
things that were but it's because of the intensity of

857
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,920
the tape days where we had to pitch jokes to

858
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,960
celebrities and we had to or we'd get in trouble

859
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:03,920
if we didn't pitch the joke that the boss wanted

860
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,960
us to pitch, even if we didn't think it was funny.

861
00:50:06,519 --> 00:50:09,199
But it's so funny because I was making so much money.

862
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:14,199
I was making Hella residuals h. I would kill I

863
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:16,639
would do anything to have that job back. Yeah, And

864
00:50:16,679 --> 00:50:19,039
it's like I did not appreciate it at the time.

865
00:50:19,159 --> 00:50:21,599
It taught me a lesson though, in like appreciating things.

866
00:50:21,679 --> 00:50:24,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, like being in the now. Well, my manager always

867
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:30,239
says that actors are unhappy when they're not working, and

868
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:34,320
they're unhappy when they're working. When you're not working, you

869
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,119
really want to have a job, and then when you

870
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:39,280
get that job, you become so used to people kissing

871
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:43,760
your ass. You have this inflated sense of importance, and

872
00:50:44,119 --> 00:50:47,039
you become miserable because you just complain about all the

873
00:50:47,079 --> 00:50:48,840
ways people aren't kissing your ass.

874
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,079
Speaker 2: It's funny. I'm very happy that the TV show that

875
00:50:54,119 --> 00:50:56,960
I hosted that I got that in my mid forties,

876
00:50:57,199 --> 00:51:01,559
which is pretty late to get your own TV show.

877
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:06,519
And I will say I had such an appreciation for

878
00:51:06,559 --> 00:51:10,320
the fact that like, oh my god, I'm on a set,

879
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,719
like am I dreaming like it was so fun. I

880
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:16,639
never stopped appreciating that they would. They did kiss my ass,

881
00:51:16,679 --> 00:51:19,360
but I had gone so many years of just being

882
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,880
like a writer on a show and nobody kisses your

883
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:26,960
ass at all that I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed

884
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,639
every day of it. I every time I was like,

885
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:35,400
oh my god, pinch me because I'm doing a funny shoot.

886
00:51:35,519 --> 00:51:38,239
I'm doing a funny remote And on the tape days

887
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:41,039
I would get really nervous, but I was like, oh

888
00:51:41,079 --> 00:51:43,760
my gosh, they brought me samon to my dressing room again,

889
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:46,760
Like I don't have to even go eat upstairs with them.

890
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:49,920
With the rest of the crew. They're just like, no, Stephanie,

891
00:51:50,079 --> 00:51:52,360
what would you would you like your usual today? And

892
00:51:53,159 --> 00:51:55,800
when it ended, you know what, I was like, Okay,

893
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,480
it's that will never happen again because this was such

894
00:51:58,519 --> 00:52:01,880
a fluke. Yeah, but like I really, I made sure

895
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:03,480
to enjoy it while I had it.

896
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,559
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that comes with age, you know, like

897
00:52:07,639 --> 00:52:10,960
knowing that you need to appreciate When when I first

898
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:17,199
started acting, I before I became an insufferable jerk, but

899
00:52:18,039 --> 00:52:21,480
I was so wide eyed and like, you know, I

900
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:26,719
would do a job and like my first job, I

901
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,039
didn't know that, like I thought you had to pay

902
00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:32,119
for stuff. I didn't understand that craft service was free,

903
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,360
and like when it came time for lunch, like you know,

904
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,920
you line up at the catering truck and I wasn't

905
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,920
sure if you had to pay for stuff or not.

906
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,360
So I was very careful about what I was selecting

907
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:45,719
because I didn't know if I had enough money. Nobody

908
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,400
tells you that stuff, Nobody prepares you for that. They

909
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,480
just assume you know what you're doing, right.

910
00:52:50,559 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 2: Right, That's so funny. I can't imagine that you were

911
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,280
ever like insufferable and not appreciating it on some level.

912
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:03,159
Speaker 1: But I'm sure I had my moments. I'm certain I did,

913
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:05,880
and I'm certain other people will tell you.

914
00:53:06,599 --> 00:53:11,039
Speaker 2: Did you ever, It's okay, I'll get that later. I

915
00:53:11,119 --> 00:53:13,719
dropped my cap to my water. Did you ever have

916
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,119
like a person, and you don't have to mention the

917
00:53:17,199 --> 00:53:18,880
name if you don't want, but did you ever have

918
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,679
somebody like a co worker, a fellow actor that you

919
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,000
were just like that person's a fucking asshole, huh mahing,

920
00:53:25,079 --> 00:53:30,760
my job difficult, huh or a director or just something

921
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,000
that you were like God, this is not worth it.

922
00:53:33,119 --> 00:53:35,119
These people suck, you.

923
00:53:35,119 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: Know, I'm sure. I'm sure at the time I felt

924
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:45,320
that way. I can't think well. Listen breaking news. Ryan

925
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:52,159
Murphy was not a delight. Initially he hated me. We

926
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:58,000
later became friends, and then he hated me again. So

927
00:53:58,119 --> 00:54:01,800
that wasn't super great. But pretty much like most other

928
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:06,559
people that I worked with, were lovely. You know, I

929
00:54:06,559 --> 00:54:10,719
don't I don't really have any major complaints.

930
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,159
Speaker 2: I'm I'm thinking in my mind right now because I'm

931
00:54:13,199 --> 00:54:18,519
making you stay for our Patreon episode, so we I

932
00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:21,559
already have like I already have some topics in mind. Okay,

933
00:54:21,599 --> 00:54:25,639
but I will say that you and I have the

934
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:28,440
most fun at speech and debates. Tru Tamra is my

935
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:32,079
fellow judge. People are so tired of hearing about speech

936
00:54:32,079 --> 00:54:35,360
and debate at this point. But we just went to

937
00:54:35,599 --> 00:54:39,440
a speech and debate to the national qualifier and neither

938
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:40,480
of our kids qualifying.

939
00:54:40,599 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, they did pretty bad. It is pretty bad, but

940
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:46,920
we had a blast. We had the most fun.

941
00:54:48,039 --> 00:54:51,719
Speaker 2: So much fun. Yeah, it's just it's ridiculous. And also

942
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,840
I want to say about Tamra that she is one

943
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,840
of those moms. She's so much like me where we

944
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,880
call ourselves no getters, but we are go getters like

945
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,679
we are, and we're both we both bitch about like

946
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,760
how did we get ourselves involved in this?

947
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:07,159
Speaker 1: Again?

948
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 2: Like bitch tamras the mom that's like doing everything.

949
00:55:11,199 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 1: Well, no, you are too, We're equally doing everything.

950
00:55:14,599 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 2: But we well we bitch about it in the funniest

951
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,840
way because we're just like, oh my god, like how

952
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,480
like we're we're doing this to ourselves.

953
00:55:22,599 --> 00:55:26,079
Speaker 1: We're off always asking for this. No one is asking

954
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:29,280
for us to like go in and organize every school event,

955
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:35,400
and if they are, we're gonna complain about it.

956
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:39,320
Speaker 2: It's so fun, all right, it's been amazing having you.

957
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:42,360
You should people follow your Do you want them to

958
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:46,159
follow you your jewelry Instagram? Just go to your jewelry

959
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:48,079
website promote all the things.

960
00:55:48,199 --> 00:55:52,239
Speaker 1: Okay, you can follow me on Instagram at Tamramello. It's

961
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:56,679
pretty easy and you'll just find everything else there. Okay

962
00:55:56,760 --> 00:56:00,920
by tam Ramello. Instagram is connected, my webs sites connected.

963
00:56:01,639 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 2: Okay, I love it. Your jewelry is beautiful. My kid

964
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,039
loves it. And before we go, I just have a

965
00:56:08,079 --> 00:56:12,079
couple more of our shout outs. We got Ferncandle. That's

966
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:17,840
our friend Kelsey. She makes delicious Oh my god, tobacco, sage, lavender, sandalwood.

967
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:24,039
Why not On Instagram she's at Ferncandle. Adam. Adam's a

968
00:56:24,079 --> 00:56:26,440
car broker. He can get you a car. He's so

969
00:56:26,559 --> 00:56:29,440
good at what he does. Adams got a car dot

970
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:36,239
com oscar. Queer Youth Resource in Vancouver, Washington. They really

971
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:41,440
need our help, so go to qy RC Vancouver, Wa

972
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:46,519
dot org. Okay. Also the Get Up Show. It's a podcast.

973
00:56:46,519 --> 00:56:50,400
It's for kids. It's gonna take them from snooze to shoes.

974
00:56:51,239 --> 00:56:54,679
They incorporate yoga and music and jokes and learning. So

975
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:59,519
check out The Get Up Show. And I believe that's

976
00:56:59,559 --> 00:57:02,719
it for to day. So thanks again, thank you Kaylin

977
00:57:03,679 --> 00:57:08,320
for producing our show. And yeah, hopefully you'll go back

978
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:14,800
and listen to Patreon with camera. Okay, bye bye. Oh

979
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:24,639
you're a parent now, let ale