Speaker 1: So this is the last of the episodes. I'm going
Speaker 1: to be recording in Florida for a little while. I'm
Speaker 1: still here, but I'm leaving soon, and i just want
Speaker 1: to get something off my chest that I've learned about
Speaker 1: my parents in the last couple of months. It's that
Speaker 1: they're both in their seventies now and they have started
Speaker 1: a certain old person behavior that I have. I've never
Speaker 1: seen them exhibit before.
Speaker 2: Originals.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no. My dad's been on the word
Speaker 1: there's original tips. He's in his thirties. He's into that. No,
Speaker 1: your parents will be normal one day. They'll just be
Speaker 1: normal people with interests and hobbies and and experiences outside
Speaker 1: of their home. And then one day they start to
Speaker 1: spy on their neighbors.
Speaker 2: They start Harriet the Spying Yay, start.
Speaker 1: Harry At the Spy. And my mom started at first
Speaker 1: where she'll just be like, so they have three kids now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I don't care. I've never met them.
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, they have three kids now. When they
Speaker 1: first moved here, they only had that one kid, but
Speaker 1: now they have three kids, and she knows all the
Speaker 1: ages of the kids, and I'm like okay, and then
Speaker 1: I'll catch her just like looking out the window and
Speaker 1: going new car. Huh. And then my dad, who is
Speaker 1: much more like out in the world doing things. Sure,
Speaker 1: Suddenly the other day we're walking in his building complex
Speaker 1: and he'll just put he pointed to an apartment, a
Speaker 1: random apartment of someone we do not know, and he goes,
Speaker 1: they always have packages.
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what do you mean do you suspect
Speaker 1: that will play? And he's like, no, it's just weird.
Speaker 1: Don't you think they always have packages?
Speaker 2: Are the packages like overflowing? Are they blocking?
Speaker 1: Oh? No, Oh, I can't tell you enough. It was
Speaker 1: like two Amazon packages.
Speaker 2: So you need me to be on alert for you
Speaker 2: later if you start spying on your neighbors, I have to.
Speaker 2: I have to cut that off right.
Speaker 1: Away the minute I turned seventy. Look for it. Look
Speaker 1: for it. If I'm just suddenly like so someone has
Speaker 1: a new girlfriend, Nope, cutting off.
Speaker 2: Go to the opera. Go to the opera right now?
Speaker 2: Hey on ball, And this is that aged.
Speaker 1: Well Today's pop culture Today, Erica.
Speaker 2: It's it's the finale of weird, crazy eighties and nineties
Speaker 2: technology month. This month has given us a lot.
Speaker 1: A lot of bleep bloops. We've got a lot of
Speaker 1: bleep they We're gonna have so many bleep bloops.
Speaker 2: So many bleet bloops. But correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: The most satisfying key stroke sound? Did that?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 2: Like every time he pressed a key on the computer,
Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, I want to press that buttony.
Speaker 1: You know what it is is laptops have ruined keystrokes
Speaker 1: for us because they used to have these big, chunky,
Speaker 1: delicious You had to really put some some like weight down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you had to put some elbow grease into hit it,
Speaker 2: and then it get that really that hollow, metallic bunk
Speaker 2: sound on every oh oh fantastic makes me.
Speaker 1: Want to buy a typewriter. Yes, I don't even know type.
Speaker 1: I don't care.
Speaker 2: But before we get to the final movie of this month, Erica,
Speaker 2: we do have a couple of podcast reviews. Shall I
Speaker 2: read the first one?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: All right? This is from Apple Podcasts and it's written
Speaker 2: by Laurie M eighty and Laurie says better than binge worthy.
Speaker 2: I found that aged twel a month ago and have
Speaker 2: been listening NonStop since then. I'm devastated that I've now
Speaker 2: gone through the entirety of the back catalog and wow,
Speaker 2: you've gone through the back catalog in a month. That,
Speaker 2: my friend, that is better than binge worthy. You know
Speaker 2: what golf collapse.
Speaker 1: Is that even mathematically possible? Good gravy?
Speaker 2: You know what I'm hearing. I'm hearing that Lori m
Speaker 2: Medi has a job like the one I used to
Speaker 2: have where I sat in front of a computer all
Speaker 2: day and entered data and the podcast was the thing
Speaker 2: that made me not like throw myself out the third
Speaker 2: story windows from sheer boredom, and that this is what
Speaker 2: I'm feeling a kinship. Okay, so Laura A Medi goes on.
Speaker 2: Paul and Erica have wonderful insights into the movies that
Speaker 2: filled my childhood and adolescence. Like Paul, I was a
Speaker 2: tender hearted child, teen and now adult. So I've been
Speaker 2: able to experience some movies like Fatal Attraction American Psycho
Speaker 2: that I never would have actually watched. Thank you Paul
Speaker 2: for doing the good work for those of us who
Speaker 2: cover our eyes in anticipation when the dramatic music swells.
Speaker 2: That is that is what I'm doing here. I'm making
Speaker 2: my best friend hold my hand and watch all the
Speaker 2: scary parts and tell me about them.
Speaker 1: I have been in movie theaters with Paul will Heeks
Speaker 1: covered his eyes, and I can tell you it's adorable.
Speaker 2: Uh, Laurie, Emiti goes on, I have two movie suggestions
Speaker 2: for you. Number one Rags to Riches, which I found
Speaker 2: after falling in love with Troop Beverly Hills, and I'm
Speaker 2: sure it does an age nearly as well. And number two,
Speaker 2: Dream a Little Dream, which might possibly have been a
Speaker 2: fever dream. Thank you, and happy Pride.
Speaker 1: Happy Pride, Laurie. I loved Dream a Little Dream when
Speaker 1: I was a kid. I cannot. I do not think
Speaker 1: it age as well.
Speaker 2: What's it about?
Speaker 1: Well, the Corries are in it. Okay, it's a nineteen
Speaker 1: eighty nine film, Starry. The Cory's Piper Laurie, Harry, Dean
Speaker 1: Stanton and Jason Robards.
Speaker 2: I'm not non interested. I'll say that right now.
Speaker 1: Here's a blurb. An accident swaps the minds of a married,
Speaker 1: older man, Jason Robards and a teenager Corey Feldman chasing
Speaker 1: his dream girl played by Meredith Salinger.
Speaker 2: Whoa.
Speaker 1: Okay, much information was just given. I think I have,
Speaker 1: just like as a good journalist, seen all the Corey films. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it has both of them.
Speaker 2: It has.
Speaker 1: I only mentioned Feldman, but Haim is in there as well.
Speaker 2: I mean maybe body Swap movie month. There's a there's
Speaker 2: a whole genre of film out there about body swap.
Speaker 1: There's too many.
Speaker 2: Of those, frankly for something that can literally never happen.
Speaker 2: Knock on Wood's too many. Do you want to read
Speaker 2: the next review?
Speaker 1: Sure? This review comes from Podchaser. It was written by
Speaker 1: Dorin Laffer and it reads, Paul and Erica are funny, classy,
Speaker 1: and astute. I could listen to them review an infomercial
Speaker 1: and still be entered.
Speaker 2: Am I like that? Classy is still coming through?
Speaker 1: Classy is still coming through? Honestly, we should do infomercials
Speaker 1: from the nineties. Have you ever watched No, of course
Speaker 1: you didn't. You went outside as a kid. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was an indoor kid, and on Saturday mornings after like
Speaker 1: after the cartoons were done, they would do like fully
Speaker 1: half an hour infomercials where it was like a half
Speaker 1: hour show about like a submersion blender, like what I like,
Speaker 1: how to make mayonnaise with a submersion blender and shit
Speaker 1: like that. I watched so many.
Speaker 2: Of those when there was a kid. I don't think,
Speaker 2: I like. I think. The closest I've come is seeing
Speaker 2: the parodies on SNL like the Bassomatic.
Speaker 1: People think, oh, those must have only been like five
Speaker 1: minute commercials. No, no, no, no no. They were thirty
Speaker 1: minute paid advertisements of one product.
Speaker 2: Were they able to create a story like like did
Speaker 2: it go from A to B? Or do they just
Speaker 2: do like the same thing, the same five minute things
Speaker 2: six times in hopes of catching someone?
Speaker 1: No, they created stories. So basically they do demonstrations and
Speaker 1: then they'd get like a housewife who's like I used
Speaker 1: to not be able to cook, and now woh with this,
Speaker 1: I was able to. And then they go to the
Speaker 1: housewives home and just show her making a meal with
Speaker 1: the thing.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a whole production and they were fantastic.
Speaker 2: Okay, I love the idea. Thank you so much to
Speaker 2: Lori M. Eighty and Dorin Laufer for those reviews. If
Speaker 2: you would like a tote bag, please go ahead email us.
Speaker 2: We'll send it off to you. Erica, what are we
Speaker 2: talking about on this the final Monday of March twenty
Speaker 2: twenty five.
Speaker 1: Today's film is the nineteen eighty three techno thriller war Games.
Speaker 2: Wargames was requested by Nancy Michael, Mary Beth, Kathleen, Nanette, Jay, Ariel, Sabrina, Ben, Shannon, Laurie,
Speaker 2: Camille Stewart, Corina Kelly, Christine, Josephine, Erica Another Christine, Michelle Stacy,
Speaker 2: some people who are anonymous on the internet, and Erica
Speaker 2: our patrons. We had so many, so many submissions for
Speaker 2: this month. We just said I can't decide. We're just
Speaker 2: going to do the two top vote getters. So that
Speaker 2: was Wargames against Flight the Navigator. Wargames won pretty handily.
Speaker 2: It won sixty one percent to thirty nine percent. Michael
Speaker 2: wrote in and like wrote a whole separate email like
Speaker 2: imploring us, like like he's like this this movie changed
Speaker 2: my life, you know, like whoa yeah. He said it
Speaker 2: inspired him to take up a career in computers, which is,
Speaker 2: you know, a good thing to take up in nineteen
Speaker 2: eighty three. So good for you, Michael. But in a
Speaker 2: last ditch effort to drum up votes, a different Michael
Speaker 2: wrote in for Flight of the Navigator and said Flight
Speaker 2: of the Navigator has Sarah Jisica Parker as an intern
Speaker 2: with a food delivery robot named Ralph. She has a
Speaker 2: tough to magenta hair and a frosted lip Ooh and
Speaker 2: I said, well, you know how to make me feel
Speaker 2: really bad about the results of this poll. You know
Speaker 2: how to really make me regret something.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize we were doing a broaderick versus Parker.
Speaker 2: You know what, that would have been a good hook.
Speaker 1: Amazing. Yeah, this month's got like this one hit a
Speaker 1: nerve people. Yeah, people are into bleep bloop.
Speaker 2: Movies, bleep bloop movies. I do love a bleep blop movie.
Speaker 2: I'll say it.
Speaker 1: These were fun movies. And the funny thing too, is
Speaker 1: like I would say, this one is pretty hmmm. I
Speaker 1: don't want to use the word realistic. This one is
Speaker 1: this one hues to some level of reality that I
Speaker 1: can almost understand, like I could almost see happening, but
Speaker 1: like it's so insane, Like it's so bleep bloopy.
Speaker 2: All right, So Wargames was written by Lawrence Lasker and
Speaker 2: Walter F. Parks Erica. I don't know if those names
Speaker 2: sound familiar to you, but those are the exact same
Speaker 2: authors as our previous movie Sneakers.
Speaker 1: Dude, I did not clock that.
Speaker 2: I did not know that until after this was chosen.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, well, I guess we're doing back
Speaker 2: to back Lascar in Parks production.
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Okay, there is there are similarities here, Yep,
Speaker 1: there's an arc.
Speaker 2: Wargames was directed by John Badham and stars Matthew Broderick,
Speaker 2: Ali Sheety, John Wood, and Dabney Coleman.
Speaker 1: War Games was nominated for three Academy Awards Best Original Screenplay,
Speaker 1: which lost to Tender Mercies. I've never seen Tender Mercies,
Speaker 1: nor have I. That doesn't sound I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Tad it doesn't sound like a hoot.
Speaker 1: No, I'm just gonna put that out there. There's no
Speaker 1: way that's a That's a Gene Wilder comedy. Best Cinematography,
Speaker 1: which it lost to Fanny and Alexander. I've seen that one.
Speaker 1: Definitely not a hoot.
Speaker 2: Is that like the eight hour Swedish film it is?
Speaker 1: It's a very long it's I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's eight is it? It might be, but it's
Speaker 1: a very long Bergman film. Yeah. It's a very good
Speaker 1: film and beautifully beautifully filmed. And it was also nominated
Speaker 1: for Best Sound, which it lost to the right stuff.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 1: The fact that this was nominated for cinematography is kind
Speaker 1: of wild actually, now that I think about it, because
Speaker 1: I at no point while I was watching this movie
Speaker 1: was I like, who that shots incredible?
Speaker 2: I don't know, like could could all of the computer graphics,
Speaker 2: which I know are laughable to us now, but like,
Speaker 2: could the could all of that have been something? I
Speaker 2: don't know. It's purely purely hypothetical.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, but that's not cinematography though, that's that's special effects.
Speaker 1: I'd say, right, yeah, production design. Yeah, I that's just interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, is to I would actually now like
Speaker 1: to rewatch this movie with that in mind and look
Speaker 1: at the cinematography, because I clearly I've missed something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because I like thinking back on it, like,
Speaker 2: it's not bad cinematography, it's just not like the attention
Speaker 2: getting it don't feel like Erica. Allegedly, John Lennon was
Speaker 2: interested in playing the role of jaded scientist Stephen Falcon,
Speaker 2: but was assassinated while the script was still in development.
Speaker 1: Well, if you wanted to fucking kick me in the
Speaker 1: balls today, Paul, you've done it. Congratulations.
Speaker 2: I should have warned you. I should have warned you
Speaker 2: about the ovary punt that was coming.
Speaker 1: Holy sh I've never wanted something more that I didn't
Speaker 1: fucking get. That would have been awesome.
Speaker 2: It would have been awesome.
Speaker 1: It would have been fucking awesome. Oh man, now I'm pissed. Well,
Speaker 1: couldn't they have gotten Ringo?
Speaker 2: Then you have said that Ringo's a great actor.
Speaker 1: Ringo's not bad, Like honestly, of the four, if you've
Speaker 1: seen their films, which I have, of the four, Ringo's
Speaker 1: actually the best actor. I think Ringo would have fucking
Speaker 1: nailed this.
Speaker 2: To be fair, John Wood, who plays this role, is
Speaker 2: the thing that lands this entire plane, solely by himself.
Speaker 1: War Games has a ninety four percent critical rating on
Speaker 1: Rotten Tomatoes and a whoa a seventy six percent audience score.
Speaker 1: I did not expect to drop.
Speaker 2: I thought it was going to be high in the
Speaker 2: audience score. It's hard to figure out, like because we're
Speaker 2: so far removed from this, like this is forty years ago. Now,
Speaker 2: this is more than forty years ago this movie came out.
Speaker 2: I don't know that I would give it ninety four
Speaker 2: percent critically speaking, but I but a lot of that
Speaker 2: is just simply because the technology of movies is so different.
Speaker 2: But I think like overall, it injects enough silliness into
Speaker 2: this very deep dark plot that it keeps it light
Speaker 2: and it kind of walks the tight rope and manages
Speaker 2: to make a point I didn't even realize it was
Speaker 2: driving towards pretty well. I would rank it high. I
Speaker 2: would give it a really high critical rating.
Speaker 1: Like the moral of the story is war is futile
Speaker 1: and there are no winners in war, and it's told
Speaker 1: in this very poetic way. Actually, the only slight issue
Speaker 1: is is if you're going into this movie expecting like
Speaker 1: a tight espionage thriller, that is not what you're going
Speaker 1: to get. Yeah, I don't think you've seen these films.
Speaker 1: So have you ever seen like Doctor Strangelove No. Or
Speaker 1: two thousand and one. There's a scene in Doctor Strangelove
Speaker 1: when I can't remember who the characters are. I think
Speaker 1: it's the president and like the head of the military
Speaker 1: are like fighting each other and someone screams, there's no
Speaker 1: fighting in the war room. That's what Doctor Strangelove is.
Speaker 1: That's that. And so there's a lot of that going on.
Speaker 1: I think in this movie where it's like it's a
Speaker 1: little of a parody on top of it's not trying
Speaker 1: to be like Trenchant analysis, it's trying to be kind
Speaker 1: of funny and lighthearted about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's real like like particularly with his parents, because
Speaker 2: at first I was like, what's going on with his parents?
Speaker 2: And I was like, Oh, they're a parody of an
Speaker 2: American white picket fans, purely comic, stupid creations that have
Speaker 2: almost no plot purpose other than to inject a little
Speaker 2: bit of humor, yeah into the plot. And so yeah,
Speaker 2: it's it's interesting. It's a really interesting movie.
Speaker 1: So that's where I think maybe the seventy six percent
Speaker 1: is coming from. Where it's people who maybe came in
Speaker 1: we are going into this thinking they're going to watch
Speaker 1: something that's like really polished, and it's not polished.
Speaker 2: It's shaggy.
Speaker 1: None of it actually makes any sense. No, And I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about the computer stuff. I'm talking about the
Speaker 1: human behavior stuff. None of the human behavior makes any sense.
Speaker 2: Agreed, Agreed. So when did you first see the movie, Erica?
Speaker 1: I thought I had seen this movie. I swore i'd
Speaker 1: seen this movie, But I have seen is another Matthew
Speaker 1: Broderick kind of computery hackery movie called Project x Ah.
Speaker 1: He like helps to free a bunch of monkeys who
Speaker 1: are being experimented on in a lab.
Speaker 2: Okay, I thought that was this.
Speaker 1: Yesterday. It is the first time I've seen this movie,
Speaker 1: how about you, Paul?
Speaker 2: Yesterday? I had never seen this movie. I never even
Speaker 2: heard of this movie. I was not overly aware that
Speaker 2: Ali Sheety had a career prior to The Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2: If you'd asked me, I would have said she had done, like,
Speaker 2: you know, she'd probably been in some things, but had
Speaker 2: no like feature film career prior to The Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2: This is this is pre Breakfast Club Ali Shety.
Speaker 1: And she's amazing.
Speaker 2: Playing a wildly different character.
Speaker 1: I honestly might big takeaway from this is Ali she
Speaker 1: should have been a bigger star than she and she became,
Speaker 1: because she is so watchable like and there's something really
Speaker 1: magnetic about her.
Speaker 2: I wonder if she kind of like is one of
Speaker 2: those character actors in a leading woman's body, because Alison
Speaker 2: in The Breakfast Club is not like the lead like well,
Speaker 2: I mean, they're all this an ensemble cast, but she's
Speaker 2: not like the pretty princess girl.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: That's Molly Ringwald. Yeah, Alison's a little darker, like maybe Ali.
Speaker 2: Sheety herself is like, I don't want to be the
Speaker 2: charming movie star. I want to do something interesting.
Speaker 1: Oh I bet, I bet, and I bet. She was
Speaker 1: offered a bunch of nonsense and the the eighties that
Speaker 1: she was like, can I try something different?
Speaker 2: So Erica. The tagline for wargames is is it a game?
Speaker 2: Or is it?
Speaker 1: Oh? Okay, I'm always so happy when there's a good tagline.
Speaker 2: Such a relief. It's a balm to your soul. It's
Speaker 2: an actual tagline. It makes sense for the movie.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: The answer is both, it is a game, and it's
Speaker 2: also real.
Speaker 1: It's also very fucking much real.
Speaker 2: Should I read the iTunes synopsis?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Okay. A teenager bored by traditional high school subjects like
Speaker 2: biology but fascinated by computers, accidentally taps into the Pentagon's
Speaker 2: top secret computer, the USA's NORAD system. That's not correct,
Speaker 2: That's that's not what happens.
Speaker 1: That's how it happens, and also I don't anyway, keep
Speaker 1: moving on.
Speaker 2: He starts what he innocently believes is a computer game
Speaker 2: called Global Thermonuclear War.
Speaker 1: So much fun you guys so fun. My favorite game
Speaker 1: is it used to be thermonuclear War, Global thermonuclear War.
Speaker 1: Now it's a total annihilation of all the children.
Speaker 2: Are excellent game?
Speaker 1: So fun?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but the quote unquote game is real. The
Speaker 2: Pentagon's best minds cannot shut down or reprogram the supercomputer
Speaker 2: that is readying a missile attack against the USSR, and
Speaker 2: could thereby unleash arm I get in. The teen and
Speaker 2: his girlfriend attempt to aid the helpless Pentagon, and, in
Speaker 2: a frantic race against a ticking doomsday clock, try to
Speaker 2: persuade the computer to end the quote unquote game.
Speaker 1: Love the other game I love playing when thermonuclear war
Speaker 1: isn't isn't available? Is throwing nuns into a river?
Speaker 2: Do you wait them down first?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Of course, yeah, the habit's not heavy enough. Let's give
Speaker 2: them only the strong survive as and if you.
Speaker 1: Get to the next level, it's nuns and orphans.
Speaker 2: Okay, good times, good times?
Speaker 1: What's that? Morphans the idea that someone saw the title
Speaker 1: Global Thermonuclear War and that what fun? What a fun
Speaker 1: game to play?
Speaker 2: Moment happens in the movie, It's like, wait, what I mean?
Speaker 1: I guess he was playing Space Invaders at the beginning
Speaker 1: to sort of sure the idea of like, yeah, we
Speaker 1: know this is far fetched, but James have dumb names,
Speaker 1: you guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Actual synopsis for this movie. Nothing this lighthearted should also
Speaker 1: be this terrifying.
Speaker 2: Uh huh yeah, holy shit.
Speaker 1: I was so on edge the entire time I was
Speaker 1: with me.
Speaker 2: It's a real potent brew that you're not quite expecting.
Speaker 1: No, because it's a dumb movie. I can't tell you enough.
Speaker 1: It's a dumb movie. Guys. This is a dumb movie,
Speaker 1: but like the implications.
Speaker 2: Are there and like not to bring the present day
Speaker 2: into it, but the feeling of unsafety and a lack
Speaker 2: of control. It's like a white knuckling this this is.
Speaker 1: What happens when you have idiots at the helm of everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh, all right, everyone, So that is your intro.
Speaker 2: Stick around. We're gonna come right back after a couple
Speaker 2: of commerci If you don't want to listen to commercials,
Speaker 2: you can head to our patreon patreon dot com slash
Speaker 2: that age Ball podcast. You can sign up for any
Speaker 2: paid here you will get ad free episodes. Note you
Speaker 2: do not want to sign up in the uh in
Speaker 2: the Patreon app. If you sign up within the Patreon app,
Speaker 2: there is now a search charge that Apple podcast or
Speaker 2: that the Apple App Store is putting onto it. So
Speaker 2: sign up on your desktop or something you will not
Speaker 2: be subject to it. Don't go through the app.
Speaker 1: Good to know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, But if you don't want to stick
Speaker 2: off with these commercials, that's cool too. Stick around.
Speaker 3: We'll be right back to go through war games.
Speaker 1: And we're back.
Speaker 2: We open on car headlights, driving through a foggy night.
Speaker 2: The car comes upon an isolated cabin and two men
Speaker 2: get out. Captain Jerry Lawson played by John Spencer, otherwise
Speaker 2: known as Leo McGarry from The West Wing.
Speaker 1: He's so middle aged his entire career. It's the same.
Speaker 2: How old is he?
Speaker 4: Here?
Speaker 2: Is he sixteen? He might be sixteen. He looks forty six.
Speaker 1: He's either sixty or thirty or fifteen. I can't tell.
Speaker 2: I cannot tell. And Lieutenant Steve Phelps played by Michael Madson,
Speaker 2: otherwise known as that guy that is in everything.
Speaker 1: Everything, He's in every Quinton Tarantino movie.
Speaker 2: Hear play this game in the Erica. How many acting
Speaker 2: credits do you think Michael Madson has an imdba.
Speaker 1: Oh good, Okay, one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 2: Three hundred and forty five.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 2: That is like I was a ninety year old who
Speaker 2: was working since I was ten in the studio system,
Speaker 2: churning out eight movies a year. Numbers like wow, is
Speaker 2: in everything well done?
Speaker 1: Michael Madson, I actually like have a note that's like, oh,
Speaker 1: babyface Michael Madson. That's so because I've seen him play
Speaker 1: like ruthless Killers. Yeah, you had to see him play
Speaker 1: like a like a sweet like maybe twenty five year olds.
Speaker 2: I don't even I didn't even recognize him. I was like,
Speaker 2: that guy looks familiar, but it's in that way that
Speaker 2: like every one in the eighties kinds of looks kind
Speaker 2: of looks alike now to our eyes, because they all
Speaker 2: have the same dumb hair cut in the same like.
Speaker 2: All right, So Lawson and Phelps head into the cabin
Speaker 2: and they are quickly led into an entire complex that
Speaker 2: it that's hidden behind the cabin facade, this military complex.
Speaker 1: Behind this facade, they go up to a window, or
Speaker 1: not a window, they go up to a mirror and
Speaker 1: they just flash their badges and then we cut from
Speaker 1: the other side of the mirror and you see the
Speaker 1: entire facility this like all metallic, cavernous, incredible like military
Speaker 1: facility behind this window. It's such a cool shot. Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe now I'm getting that cinematography.
Speaker 2: That's true. That's actually the shot of them walking into
Speaker 2: the cabin too. There's like I was like, is it
Speaker 2: a dust storm or is it fog or I actually
Speaker 2: couldn't tell what the particulate in the atmosphere are supposed
Speaker 2: to be. But it's a very cool shot of them
Speaker 2: walking in and like all this stuff blows in after them.
Speaker 2: So yeah, we're finding that cinematography as we talk, we're
Speaker 2: finding it. Okay, they head down into the nuclear command
Speaker 2: center to start their shift. They will leave two other
Speaker 2: guys and they go into this like sea off room
Speaker 2: that's I guess it's not air type, but it's very
Speaker 2: like pressurized and they are they're isolated. What is the
Speaker 2: farting protocol in a room like this? Do you think?
Speaker 1: I don't know the farting protocol? Paul? But did you
Speaker 1: see the sign that said anyone caught urinating in here
Speaker 1: will be immediately discharged?
Speaker 2: I did not. Anyone caught discharging will be discharged.
Speaker 1: So Okay, here's the thing I do. Have happened often
Speaker 1: enough that someone had to go to Kinko's yeah and
Speaker 1: be like, don't ask why, but I need a sign
Speaker 1: that says this.
Speaker 2: Well. Also, because they say it's a twenty four hour
Speaker 2: shift and they're in this room and I'm like, what
Speaker 2: what is the bathroom protocol? Like, this is the command
Speaker 2: center for if the president decides we need to launch
Speaker 2: our nukes. Yeah, and it requires two people to turn
Speaker 2: the keys, which means it really should be a three
Speaker 2: person team in there so everyone. If someone needs to
Speaker 2: go dump out, they don't have to rush it.
Speaker 1: Well. Also, someone just like feints or something or has
Speaker 1: as a reaction to the tense stress of the situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Almost immediately the command comes through, it's time to
Speaker 2: launch the nukes. It's time to make the donuts. Let's go.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 2: They immediately start going through their routine laws and starts
Speaker 2: to sweat lost ins. Leo McGarry eternally middle aged. He says,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be responsible for the murder of
Speaker 2: twenty million people. He tells Phelps get someone on the phone,
Speaker 2: and Phelps like, that's not the protocol. He's like, get
Speaker 2: someone on the phone before I launch these nukes. I
Speaker 2: can't do it. No one picks up the phone. The
Speaker 2: tension is rising, the music is getting more and more dramatic.
Speaker 2: Phelps gets angry at his superior officer. He's demands that
Speaker 2: he follows orders. The countdown continues. He draws a gun
Speaker 2: on Lawson. He says, get ready, get your hand on
Speaker 2: that key, and the countdown hit zero.
Speaker 1: So tense, so tense. Such a tense scene also slight spoiler.
Speaker 1: We're gonna find out later that Phelps, the older man
Speaker 1: just couldn't do it, and he didn't launch the nukes.
Speaker 1: The younger guy did. And we both know now that
Speaker 1: there was like the younger guy was holding a gun
Speaker 1: to the older guy's head. The should die if no
Speaker 1: one gets shot in the scene we find out later.
Speaker 1: But like, man, how awkward is their friendship going to
Speaker 1: be after this?
Speaker 2: I feel like like we don't know how to resolve this.
Speaker 2: We just have to cut, We just have to cut
Speaker 2: away from this.
Speaker 1: Well, it's also it's a great cut because it feels real.
Speaker 1: We later will find out it's a simulation. Like in
Speaker 1: the next scene we find out it's a simulation. But
Speaker 1: like this seems so real and so terrifying. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: like it's a great beginning to the movie. Like the
Speaker 1: movie just like draws you in immediately, right, And.
Speaker 2: They do such a good because these are such two
Speaker 2: good actors too, that they're like as they're walking in,
Speaker 2: they're chatting about like normal everyday stuff. Like they they
Speaker 2: create this very lived in camaraderie and friendship that is
Speaker 2: destroyed in the space of like ninety seconds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because one guy just can't do can't bring himself
Speaker 1: to do the thing his whole life has been pointing to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, can I say just one thing? The Cuban missile
Speaker 2: crisis was avoided by people refusing to launch nukes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really know what I think about it. Let's
Speaker 1: stop thinking about this right now.
Speaker 2: Stop it, stop it.
Speaker 1: We smash cut to an incongruously happy, cheerful score.
Speaker 2: Think Think John Phillips, SUSA writing a graduation march for
Speaker 2: West Point.
Speaker 1: It's like one guy holding a gun on another going
Speaker 1: launch the dukes, launch the nukes. What the fuck? So
Speaker 1: we headed to NOD the North American Aerospace Defense Command
Speaker 1: For those of you who don't know.
Speaker 2: That, idiots, obviously I knew it.
Speaker 1: I'm not learning it now Inside Norad. Doctor John McKittrick
Speaker 1: played by Dadney Coleman. I'm always so happy to see
Speaker 1: Daphney Coleman. Dadney makes my day every goddamn tom to
Speaker 1: see him. He is debating General Jack Behringer, played by
Speaker 1: an excellent Barry Corbyn. Yeah, this is like, this is
Speaker 1: my favorite performance in the movie.
Speaker 2: It's all really right.
Speaker 1: Like, not not that it's the best, because John Wood
Speaker 1: is the best, but this guy knows exactly how to
Speaker 1: play this character in a way that's funny.
Speaker 2: It's also clear because because you have Dabney Coleman, at
Speaker 2: least this was my experience. I know it's true of everyone,
Speaker 2: but because you have Dabney Coleman, I'm like, I know
Speaker 2: that Dabney Coleman's gonna be wrong. He's gonna be like
Speaker 2: he's not even the villain, but he's just wrong in
Speaker 2: this movie, right, Like, isn't.
Speaker 1: Even really a villain in the movie, Like none of
Speaker 1: these all these people turn out to be very decent
Speaker 1: human beings. Yeah, they're fundamentally wrong and they're bad at
Speaker 1: their jobs, but they're not bad people. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: like none of them are bloodthirsty warmongers. They're just idiots.
Speaker 2: They're just idiots. Whereas like Behringer is like he's not
Speaker 2: foghorn leghorn, but he is foghorn. He's like half foghorn, likehorn.
Speaker 1: It's so close, it is so close, it's really he's
Speaker 1: like he's like smoking cigars and so okay. So McKittrick
Speaker 1: and Barringer are in front of two representatives from the
Speaker 1: President of the United States. We never meet potus in
Speaker 1: this film, So we learn in this scene that the
Speaker 1: scene we just watched was just a simulation, right, that
Speaker 1: didn't actually happen. It's something the military puts its men
Speaker 1: through to see if they've got basically the medal to
Speaker 1: actually launch nukes, and turns out that it wasn't just
Speaker 1: these two guys. It was a whole bunch of other
Speaker 1: others that they were testing as well, and a full
Speaker 1: twenty two percent of them refused to launch the nukes
Speaker 1: when the time came.
Speaker 2: Does this not seem just like cruel and unusual punishment
Speaker 2: to put your soldiers, Like, I understand there has to
Speaker 2: be some order, but like, can you imagine launching them
Speaker 2: and then finding out it was just a test. That's
Speaker 2: hard to come.
Speaker 1: Back from Actually, no, I'd be thrilled. I'd be thrilled
Speaker 1: to find out it was just a test.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I mean like you'd be happy, but like you.
Speaker 1: Would be yeah, But then every single time in the
Speaker 1: future that I was told to launch the nukes, in
Speaker 1: my head, I'd be like, this is probably just a test.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, so I didn't think that much about it.
Speaker 1: And then that would make it okay for me to
Speaker 1: launch the nukes.
Speaker 2: Sure I would.
Speaker 1: By the way, I would never be put in this position.
Speaker 1: This is this is not a job for Erica's.
Speaker 2: I would know, not a job for Erica's, not a
Speaker 2: job for Paul's.
Speaker 1: Erica's would be too like, are we.
Speaker 2: Sure this seems hasty? Guys, why don't we all have
Speaker 2: a Pina Colada and just have a conversation.
Speaker 1: Fucking chill everyone. Yeah. Yeah, So Baron Jared, the military man,
Speaker 1: the general defends his men, saying they'll impose stricter psych
Speaker 1: exams prior to putting them in that situation in the future.
Speaker 1: You know that line from Big Business, Get tougher rats. Yeah,
Speaker 1: He's like, well, just get tougher soldiers. McKittrick, who is
Speaker 1: a scientist First, he's not a military man. He is
Speaker 1: a computer scientist. Scoffed that that head shrink or horseshit
Speaker 1: doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1: He proposes that they take humans out of the decision
Speaker 1: making process altogether and make the responses automated to a
Speaker 1: computer program, so that once the president makes the decision
Speaker 1: as to whether or not to launch the nukes, we
Speaker 1: know it's going to happen for sure. Okay, already fascinating.
Speaker 1: I'm in I'm so into this this conversation that, like,
Speaker 1: I kind of know where this is going because it's
Speaker 1: a movie, you know, like, well, we're probably not going
Speaker 1: to end in war. I like, but ps spoiler for
Speaker 1: Doctor Strangelove that does endure war. I figured that was
Speaker 1: this movie wasn't going to go quite that far, all right.
Speaker 2: So in order to accomplish this, McKittrick introduces WHOPPER, which
Speaker 2: is the War Operation Plan Response, which is a supercomputer
Speaker 2: that continually runs simulations on nuclear war. So he's like, look,
Speaker 2: this computer is constantly going through every different possibility, so
Speaker 2: it always knows what the proper thing to do is
Speaker 2: in any situation. Behringer tries to fight back. It's weird.
Speaker 2: That they don't bring up the Cuban missile crisis because
Speaker 2: I'm like, that happened already. Be like, the Cuban missile
Speaker 2: crisis would have gone off if not for humans questioning
Speaker 2: orders or like waiting for like the exact right thing before.
Speaker 1: But that is interesting, You're right. Maybe they were like,
Speaker 1: that's actually too logical for this movie. Once you heard
Speaker 1: that argument, you'd be.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, yeah, So the decision is made to recommend
Speaker 2: the President put Whopper in charge. Okay, I have to
Speaker 2: take one moment to talk about my favorite performance in
Speaker 2: the movie. There is a man. The character is called
Speaker 2: mister Richter. He's played by a man named Irving Metzman.
Speaker 2: He is like the Whoppers an custodian.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, the nerd, the nerd.
Speaker 2: He I do not mean this as an insult. I
Speaker 2: do not believe this man is acting at all. I
Speaker 2: believe he is actually just an anxious, tiny bit fay
Speaker 2: New York overweight jew in this movie. And like Bereinger
Speaker 2: is so masculine and tough, and Dabney Coleman is being
Speaker 2: Dabney Coleman. But and he is just this guy who's like,
Speaker 2: I like computers.
Speaker 1: It's a terrific performance. He's a character actor. I've seen
Speaker 1: him in a bunch of stuff and he basically always plays.
Speaker 2: This guy and he's perfect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like this like beta male. It's very good. So
Speaker 1: we cut to an arcade in Seattle where David Leichman,
Speaker 1: played by and unbelievably young and charming Matthew Broderick, helps
Speaker 1: to young Matthew Broderick is a teenage boy. He's so
Speaker 1: well cast because A he's a really really good actor,
Speaker 1: like even from the early days, he's a very good actor. B.
Speaker 1: He's handsome enough to be a leading man in a movie,
Speaker 1: but also kind of awkward enough that I believe him
Speaker 1: as a computer nerd.
Speaker 2: The only problem with Matthew Brodrick's casting is that I
Speaker 2: don't believe him as like a bad boy who like
Speaker 2: shrugs off school. That's the thing where I'm like, I
Speaker 2: don't quite buy that part of it. But Ferris Bueller, Yeah,
Speaker 2: but that's like Ferris Bueller is like there's a there's
Speaker 2: an impishness. This is not meant to be ambitious is
Speaker 2: kind of I feel like this movie like he's playing
Speaker 2: at impish, but this movie wants to be Like he
Speaker 2: gets in trouble all the time. He goes to the
Speaker 2: principal's office. This is a kid that gets detention.
Speaker 1: You figured out though, why he's getting in trouble all
Speaker 1: the time. He's doing it on purpose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so he can so he can.
Speaker 1: Find the code. So like once the movie told me that,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, he's not a troublemaker. He's
Speaker 1: doing it so that he can sneak in and get
Speaker 1: the codes that he needs, Like he's a genius. It's
Speaker 1: I really like this before you're right though, Like there
Speaker 1: is something about him that like screams I brush my
Speaker 1: teeth every night and.
Speaker 2: Follow Yeah that's what I mean. Like, like he's also
Speaker 2: a degenerate in some like he is an a moral
Speaker 2: delinquent also in this movie, I don't know that, and
Speaker 2: he gets morals later, but like in the beginning, he
Speaker 2: has no concept of right and wrong.
Speaker 1: The whole movie is underwritten. I think we should actually
Speaker 1: just say that, right, Yeah, every single character is is underwritten.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the only person who creates that character
Speaker 2: is John Wood. At the end, he is able to
Speaker 2: even even though that character is also somewhat underwritten, he
Speaker 2: is able, Like you get him completely you know exactly
Speaker 2: who that person is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just just from a look. But that's an act.
Speaker 1: That's like a superlative actor doing doing that job. Like
Speaker 1: so I I yeah, okay, we'll keep going. But yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the movie is about to get real stupid, y'all. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: So he's in the arcade, he's playing games. He's playing
Speaker 1: Space Invaders. Before school, he notices his classmates are leaving.
Speaker 2: Wait did you think it was Space Invaders?
Speaker 1: I thought it was Space Invader? Which one was he playing?
Speaker 2: I thought it was Asteroids?
Speaker 1: Oh it might have been Asteroids, or.
Speaker 2: It might have been neither one of those. I feel
Speaker 2: like a lot of those games look the same.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it's all like bleep, blooplepleep. It could have
Speaker 1: been Frogger. I don't know. Yeah, there is someone out
Speaker 1: there who loves this movie now deep to their core,
Speaker 1: who is calling us cunts through their phone screen.
Speaker 2: I also initially wrote Asteroids as a S. S T
Speaker 2: E R O. I yes, And I was like, there's
Speaker 2: a whole riff in that.
Speaker 1: That is a I would play as put on that thing.
Speaker 1: We could change to snatch snatchinators, we could do we
Speaker 1: can do a whole a whole like pornographic arcade just
Speaker 1: for adults.
Speaker 2: He can invade my space, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: He can pack my man, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is not a terrible idea. We've had terrible ideas.
Speaker 2: This is not one of solid one.
Speaker 1: If we put an all adult arcade in New York
Speaker 1: City that did pornographic video games, sold cocktails, made it
Speaker 1: into like a young hip happy hour thing in green
Speaker 1: Point Paul.
Speaker 2: Billions billions, We just.
Speaker 1: Pay billions of dollars. Guys don't feel that idea just
Speaker 1: because we're putting it out there hours.
Speaker 2: So we're going to do it.
Speaker 1: We swear we're going to do it.
Speaker 2: I mean that game where you just keep a collecting
Speaker 2: little dots and get longer. That snake, that's just that's just,
Speaker 2: that's just Penisca, the Penis game. It makes itself.
Speaker 1: Street Fighter, and you change none of it because that
Speaker 1: game is already really sexy. Yeah, keep street Fighter exactly
Speaker 1: as it is. What do all the street Fighters, even
Speaker 1: the one that looks like a big green monster.
Speaker 2: What is his name?
Speaker 1: It's like the Brazilian.
Speaker 2: It's the Brazilian one. Yes, And I feel like it
Speaker 2: might be probably I feel like that whole game might
Speaker 2: be problematic.
Speaker 1: But oh yeah, it's definitely problematic. I don't care. I
Speaker 1: don't cur Again, we have computer nerds screaming at us
Speaker 1: right now. We have gamers screaming at us right now. Blanca, Blanca,
Speaker 1: we heart you, Blanca, would Blanca, we see you, We
Speaker 1: would do Blanca would do Hello, Hello Chun yum yummy.
Speaker 2: Yummy, yum yum. I am saying, Kenny, you would be
Speaker 2: boring because they just want to fuck each other.
Speaker 1: Oh but I'd be into that.
Speaker 2: I watch, I mean, I totally watch.
Speaker 1: Honestly, truly, street Fighter might be the sexiest game.
Speaker 2: We haven't even brought up, Kyle.
Speaker 1: We don't have to change a goddamn thing. Okay, back
Speaker 1: to the movie. Back to the movie. So, Okay, David
Speaker 1: goes to school. He goes to the science biology class.
Speaker 1: Teacher is not helping himself. Okay, the teacher is trying
Speaker 1: to talk about asexual reproduction. He's trying to teach them.
Speaker 1: I get it, it's something we need to learn. But man,
Speaker 1: you know what you're saying is funny. You know what
Speaker 1: you're saying is funny. Stop pretending it's not. So. David
Speaker 1: tries to David gets there late after a hilariously bad
Speaker 1: attempt at sneaking in and unseen.
Speaker 2: Just blatantly and frall while the teacher's like, not even
Speaker 2: at the board, he's just like looking at the class,
Speaker 2: just walks in and like acts like he's sneaking. I'm like,
Speaker 2: he can see you.
Speaker 1: He's doing like an old timey like black and white
Speaker 1: movie villain where he's like sneaking into the.
Speaker 2: Roomy versus spy.
Speaker 1: The teacher hates David very clearly. David is a disruption
Speaker 1: in class. He doesn't like him. He gleefully hands it
Speaker 1: is test back with a big giant F on it,
Speaker 1: circled and read. Is this innovation of privacy or we
Speaker 1: allowed to just tell everyone each other's grades?
Speaker 2: I feel like in the eighties when we would get
Speaker 2: papers back, they'd be like, you got an A like
Speaker 2: they would say, I.
Speaker 1: Honestly think, like I remember a couple of times a
Speaker 1: teacher being like, I'm going to give out the top
Speaker 1: grade first, and like I would get the top grade ye,
Speaker 1: and I would have to go up to the front
Speaker 1: of the class and collect my paper with the top
Speaker 1: grade on it. And it was humiliating, Like I know
Speaker 1: it's a good thing to get the top grade, and like, logically,
Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself, but like everyone's looking at me
Speaker 1: now and it sucks and I'm embarrassed and like, stop,
Speaker 1: you're not rewarding good behavior doing this, Like, just let
Speaker 1: me get an A plus in silence, please. I don't
Speaker 1: know why that. And it's not like I was a
Speaker 1: great I mean I was a pretty good student, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't great at everything. So like that was not
Speaker 1: a math class.
Speaker 2: I can tell you don't remember your summer school story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely had to go to summer school at
Speaker 1: some point. I think that honestly scarred me a little
Speaker 1: bit from wanting to try too hard. Oh okay, So
Speaker 1: he gets his test back with the F on it.
Speaker 1: Seated directly in front of him is Jennifer Mack, played
Speaker 1: by the luminous Ali Sheety. She giggles openly with her
Speaker 1: friend while class is going on. She's talking over the
Speaker 1: teacher's lesson. Before long, the teacher' is like, oh, you
Speaker 1: think you're so funny? How about this big fucking F.
Speaker 1: F is for funny, I guess, And he answer her
Speaker 1: paperback and she also got an F. So This teacher
Speaker 1: kind of sucks on a lot of levels.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is the protocol for handing back papers?
Speaker 1: Bully the worst kids?
Speaker 2: Yes, but you think that, like I presumed when he
Speaker 2: snuck in that the rest of the class had received
Speaker 2: their papers and he had it because he was late.
Speaker 2: Oh but then Ali Sheedy has also not received her papers.
Speaker 2: She wasn't late. So did he hand out like? Is
Speaker 2: he just meeting out the p Yes?
Speaker 1: You know what it is is he's a petty bitch.
Speaker 1: He's giving them out at the end of class. But
Speaker 1: he has the f's on standby in case those students
Speaker 1: do something to humiliate him, so he can humiliate ate
Speaker 1: them back. Yeah, it's psychological warfare.
Speaker 2: Is def con one at all times. All right, So
Speaker 2: class continues, the teacher has to bring up, like Erica
Speaker 2: comment non, the concept of asexual reproduction. He wonders aloud,
Speaker 2: who knows where the idea first came up? I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm guessing Egypt for Greece. I feel like it's always
Speaker 2: Egypt for grease when these questions ask are asked.
Speaker 1: It's got to be grease, right, It's got to be
Speaker 1: some scientist looking at a flower going now, how did
Speaker 1: this get reproduced?
Speaker 2: Right? That's got to be what happens, something about athena
Speaker 2: jumping from Zeus's head, parthenogenesis, all that, all right? So
Speaker 2: David under his breath is like his wife, maybe his
Speaker 2: wife came up with a sexual reproduction, right, and all
Speaker 2: the kids around.
Speaker 1: Him laugh sick burn David Jennifer.
Speaker 2: Laughs loudly, which draws the teachers attention. He's like, what's
Speaker 2: so funny? And David, because as Erica pointed out, he
Speaker 2: wants to get sent to the principal's office, just repeats
Speaker 2: his joke full out. You can see this actor playing
Speaker 2: the teacher is a good job because when he says that,
Speaker 2: you can see he has nothing to say back. He
Speaker 2: has been castraighted and his balls have been hung up
Speaker 2: on thet kid. He can't he has to retire. He
Speaker 2: needs a new job now, Like he can never come
Speaker 2: back to this class.
Speaker 1: Nor should he. Frankly, yeah, you can't burn back a
Speaker 1: kid who's burned you. You shouldn't be a high school teacher. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that job is not for the week.
Speaker 2: All right. So he sends David to the principal's office.
Speaker 2: While David is waiting for the principal. He's sitting outside
Speaker 2: the office. He leans over to this desk where a
Speaker 2: computer sits, and he slides out one of those things
Speaker 2: that used to slide out from desk. It's like an
Speaker 2: additional writing surface.
Speaker 1: Oh I love those.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And when we get to the card catalog moment,
Speaker 2: we're gonna have eight minutes. I'm gonna have eight minutes
Speaker 2: on a card catalog. Everyone get ready, hah. He pulls
Speaker 2: this out and he sees like passwords written on it,
Speaker 2: and he in the next password his pencil. It's clear
Speaker 2: he's done this before. It's clear that this is part
Speaker 2: of a routine.
Speaker 1: We cut to after school. David is walking home. Jennifer
Speaker 1: putters up to him on her motorbike and she's she
Speaker 1: apologizes for getting him into trouble, right, She's like, sorry guy.
Speaker 1: He's into the principal's office. He's like, oh, no, big deal.
Speaker 2: Does it not look like ali sheet? He's gonna fall
Speaker 2: off this mo her bike In the scene when she's
Speaker 2: trying to like slowly move it.
Speaker 1: She was not given time to prep No, she was
Speaker 1: not given time to practice. The motorbikes they gave her
Speaker 1: that morning and they were like, do it and she's like.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, it's fine once she's actually going, but when
Speaker 2: she's trying to like do this like go slow and
Speaker 2: talk to David thing, it's it's worrying. It is touch
Speaker 2: and go.
Speaker 1: Also, this is the best take. There are forty.
Speaker 2: Wiping out that bike blooper reel blooperoo.
Speaker 1: Come on, you cowards, give us the blooper reel. I
Speaker 1: need to see it. There is at least one tick
Speaker 1: of Ali sheet he's just hitting Matthew brought up absolutely right.
Speaker 2: There's a couple sext of her hitting the camera like
Speaker 2: going too fast.
Speaker 1: So she offers David a ride home. He takes her
Speaker 1: up on it. They're so cute. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: chemistry here. He clearly has a big giant crush on her,
Speaker 1: because who wouldn't, because she's adorable. She laments that they
Speaker 1: both have to take biology again in summer school because
Speaker 1: they're both clearly failing, but David's like, no, I don't
Speaker 1: think either one of us is going to have to
Speaker 1: go to summer school. And when they get to his house,
Speaker 1: he invites her in and they head up to his room.
Speaker 1: To be clear, Ali, sheety can take Matthew Broadwick in
Speaker 1: a fight easy. We are not supposed to. We do
Speaker 1: not have to feel concerned about Ali Sheety's safety with
Speaker 1: around David at all at all. So they go to
Speaker 1: David's room, which is tricked out with like a ludicrously
Speaker 1: extensive computer system. Where does David get the money for
Speaker 1: all of this? Where does David get the time? Where
Speaker 1: does David get the energy? Where does David get the expertise?
Speaker 1: And it's very hackers, but hackers, like they did do
Speaker 1: a little of the homework to explain how these kids
Speaker 1: are able to do what they're able to do this,
Speaker 1: And you know, I have to say I kind of
Speaker 1: like this version better where they don't explain it at all.
Speaker 1: David is just a like next level computer hacker. But
Speaker 1: like the amount of money that that system must have
Speaker 1: cost in nineteen eighty two when they made this movie.
Speaker 2: Well, that's my question. I'm like, so this kid is
Speaker 2: both of his parents' work, which says kind of middle class. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but he has an on suite bathroom in his room,
Speaker 2: and then can this thousands of dollars in nineteen eighties
Speaker 2: money this computer system? He has multiple like stereos and computers,
Speaker 2: he has his own private landline that goes to this computer, Like, like,
Speaker 2: what is the financial situation here? Is he just stealing
Speaker 2: all of this and his parents are too dumb to
Speaker 2: notice it, which I actually could see as kind of
Speaker 2: being the Explanation's.
Speaker 1: That's honestly the best explanation.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So he shows her how he can hack into the
Speaker 1: school's computer and change their grades. He goes into his
Speaker 1: grades first and he changes the F to a C
Speaker 1: in biology, and then he changes her biograde as well.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that.
Speaker 1: Don't do it. And he's like, what it's not it's
Speaker 1: I do it all the time, don't worry, and she
Speaker 1: forces him to change it back. He changes it back.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm really sorry. She goes okay, no worries,
Speaker 1: and then she leaves. She's a little weirded out, and
Speaker 1: after she's gone without her consent, he goes in anyway
Speaker 1: and changes her grade from an F to an A
Speaker 1: in biology, which.
Speaker 2: Is a like, bro, the smart thing to do is
Speaker 2: what you did first. It's change it to a C.
Speaker 2: He at one point he's like, no one's gonna find out,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, the teacher's gonna know you didn't
Speaker 2: get an A, Like if he gave you an F,
Speaker 2: the teacher'll be like, that's not right, he got an F.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it's way too obvious. But but that's not
Speaker 1: the point. The point is he does it without her consent,
Speaker 1: and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Dude, no, And at this moment in the movie, like
Speaker 2: Ali Shety plays this very seriously, like I thought we
Speaker 2: were headed for was like Ali Sheety's superpower to balance out,
Speaker 2: like David superower with the computers, that she was going
Speaker 2: to be the moral compass of this like dynamic duo,
Speaker 2: Like no, you can't do that. That, by the way,
Speaker 2: is not where the film is heading. Ali Shety is
Speaker 2: going to become wildly less interesting. In the her next scene, she.
Speaker 1: Is I'm gonna jump ahead here clinically stupid, medically stupid.
Speaker 1: She's good. This is the only good decision she makes
Speaker 1: the entire film. And it is a fleeting moment and
Speaker 1: it is gone. Once it is gone, it is gone forever.
Speaker 1: And they changed the characters completely, like you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I don't even know why they put the scene in.
Speaker 1: Why did they bother to put the scene in? Because
Speaker 1: I guess to show that what David's doing matters. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: no one else is reacting to David. It's the only
Speaker 1: time where you see anyone reacting to his like hackerism
Speaker 1: and so like it's it's the only time we get
Speaker 1: someone being like no, no, no, this is wrong and
Speaker 1: there could be consequences. Yeah, I guess that's why it's there.
Speaker 1: But her character just goes one eighty after this.
Speaker 2: All right, So we briefly cut back to Norad and
Speaker 2: we see the Whopper. That's the supercomputer being connected to
Speaker 2: the nuclear command center where Lawson and Phelps were stationed
Speaker 2: in the first scene of the film. So the Whopper
Speaker 2: is now control of the no urination box. At least
Speaker 2: you know, the Whopper is going to urinate in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they could take that signed down.
Speaker 2: Maybe get signed down.
Speaker 1: Maybe post has a return policy.
Speaker 2: Yep. So we cut back to Seattle to David's house
Speaker 2: that night. At dinner, his parents stand around, and when
Speaker 2: I tell you, the parents and both the actors do
Speaker 2: a good job, are like the most dumb, white bread
Speaker 2: suburban parents you could possibly imagine. There is a scene
Speaker 2: there at dinner the father is putting an absolutely unholy
Speaker 2: amount of I can't believe it's not butter on like
Speaker 2: a piece of wonderbread, like untoasted wonderbread. This piece of
Speaker 2: bread in one hand. He picks up his corn on
Speaker 2: the cob, which is being held with those little corn
Speaker 2: on the cob holders that we all had in the eighties,
Speaker 2: those little like mini corns you stuck in.
Speaker 1: We still have those in my house.
Speaker 2: We eat.
Speaker 1: We had corn on the cob the other night with those.
Speaker 2: He takes the corn on the cob, he splats it
Speaker 2: onto the bread. He like tacos the bread around the
Speaker 2: corn to like swirl the corn around to get all
Speaker 2: of that. I can't believe it's not butter off the
Speaker 2: bread onto the corn. Throws the piece of bread onto
Speaker 2: the table.
Speaker 1: That confused me. I was like, is that bread just
Speaker 1: waste now?
Speaker 2: Or this is this is waste on all? This is
Speaker 2: the eighties levels of waste peppers, the corn salts, the
Speaker 2: corn bites it and then finds out the corn is raw.
Speaker 2: Like what is happening at this dinner?
Speaker 1: I've seen the bread someone else showed it to me once.
Speaker 1: It's like a trick quote unquote trick to butter.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, you could just take a
Speaker 2: knife and do it like everyone else does.
Speaker 1: But also the amount of butter.
Speaker 2: This man, it's so much butter. It looks like mayonnaise.
Speaker 1: It's half a tub of I can't believe it's not butter.
Speaker 2: That is not going to be a happy bathroom later.
Speaker 2: Like the stuff that is in that, you can't have
Speaker 2: too much of it, remember anal leakage from the Olestra, Like, I.
Speaker 1: Isn't I think it's still a product, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I don't wanna. I don't want to get
Speaker 1: in trouble. But isn't like margarine supposed to be like
Speaker 1: partially plastic, like probably the same shit plastic is made
Speaker 1: out of. Like just eat the goddamn butter people. And also, yeah,
Speaker 1: raw corn, that's not a thing. You can't just eat
Speaker 1: raw corn.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you can't eat raw corn. It's quite toothsome
Speaker 2: but you can eat it big.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I made it and you kind of cook it in
Speaker 2: like acid and stuff, so it was like civich it.
Speaker 2: So it softens it up a little bit. And it's
Speaker 2: very good.
Speaker 1: This movie is positing, Paul, that's true that you correct
Speaker 1: a chase situation. This is a bitch put raw corn
Speaker 1: on the table and served it to her family.
Speaker 2: Cooked corn is already coming out whole. Can you imagine
Speaker 2: what raw corn covered in? I can't believe it's not
Speaker 2: butter is coming out. That is just a fire hose
Speaker 2: out your ass.
Speaker 1: It won't get to my ass because my teeth will die.
Speaker 1: And once once I try to chew on that it's done.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, now I'm having a dental emergency over all.
Speaker 2: Right, okay, okay, So back to the movie. David sees
Speaker 2: an ad for Proto Vision, which is an upcoming gaming
Speaker 2: system coming out in a few months. He immediately heads
Speaker 2: for his room to set about hacking into the system
Speaker 2: so he can grant himself early access. He's like, new
Speaker 2: games I want to play. He gets their location from
Speaker 2: the ad in Sunnyvale, California, and he sets his computer
Speaker 2: about calling all the different numbers in sunny Vale and
Speaker 2: hopes of eventually connecting to the pro Division computer because
Speaker 2: at that time, I guess computers would actually pick up
Speaker 2: the phone and they emit a certain tone, and then
Speaker 2: David's computer knows that he's connected to a computer and
Speaker 2: not like just a landline of some business or some house.
Speaker 1: So The next day, we're back at the arcade. Jennifer
Speaker 1: approaches David and after her briefcase of morals, she's shrugged
Speaker 1: that off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank god, she's reconsidered.
Speaker 1: And she's like, you know what, actually, would you change
Speaker 1: my grade in biology? I sure would hate to go
Speaker 1: to summer school? And what's Ventura? Had?
Speaker 2: Detective? No, wasn't it ace Ventura? When nature calls?
Speaker 1: It's when nature calls when nature.
Speaker 2: Don't rewrite that. If anyone wants to know what we're
Speaker 2: talking about, go listen to our episode on summer school.
Speaker 2: Erica went to summer school where some guy showed her
Speaker 2: his favorite movie, which was ace Ventura When Nature calls.
Speaker 1: Don't say it's that's some guy, Paul. It's the teacher
Speaker 1: man who taught me geometry or whatever. I was there
Speaker 1: for algebra.
Speaker 2: One of my favorite stories you've ever told in the
Speaker 2: entirety of this podcast, genuinely top notch.
Speaker 1: So David kind of hems and haws a little bit,
Speaker 1: and eventually he confesses to her that he actually already
Speaker 1: did change her grade back, and she takes it very well.
Speaker 1: I was so mad. She was like, oh, good, thank you.
Speaker 1: What did I get? She's like hey, and she's like, excellent,
Speaker 1: love that I've changed personalities completely in the last twenty
Speaker 1: four hours.
Speaker 2: There's this They go back to his house and she
Speaker 2: sees like the setup and she's like, well, isn't calling
Speaker 2: all these numbers expensive? And my three Broderick goes there
Speaker 2: are ways around that, and she goes, you can go
Speaker 2: to jail for that, and he just smiles. He's like,
Speaker 2: only if you're eighteen. This he is a degenerate, has
Speaker 2: no morals.
Speaker 1: He is a sociopath.
Speaker 2: Actually, he also doesn't wash his hands after peeing in
Speaker 2: the bathroom. That's another thing that I noticed.
Speaker 1: There's a couple of gross teenage boy things that happened
Speaker 1: in this. Wee also feel very true tolized. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: cut to later later, way later in the movie. Not
Speaker 1: way later, but later in the movie. She comes over.
Speaker 1: She's been jogging, so she's sweaty, and she goes into
Speaker 1: his en sweet bathroom and she just grabs a random
Speaker 1: cup or glass in there and fills it with water
Speaker 1: and drinks it. PSA for this episode. Don't drink out
Speaker 1: of an unattended glass left alone with a teenage boy.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying he did anything gross in there. But
Speaker 1: he one hundred percent did something gross in there. How
Speaker 1: you think it is. It's just gonna be him like
Speaker 1: spitting his toothpaste out into it whatever and not ring
Speaker 1: the cup. The minute she drank from that cup, I
Speaker 1: was like, nope.
Speaker 2: Well she's dead.
Speaker 1: Now she's dead. I honestly don't know what else happened
Speaker 1: in that scene. I'm gonna learn in real time as
Speaker 1: we're reading this recap.
Speaker 2: All right, So they're back in David's room now, she's
Speaker 2: looking at the computer. He explains that he's trying to
Speaker 2: pirate video games like that, this is his stated purpose here, right. Uh.
Speaker 2: He shows her the different computers program is connected with,
Speaker 2: including a bank and the pan Am reservation system. On
Speaker 2: a lark, he makes reservation for them from Chicago to Paris.
Speaker 1: Why are they going from Chicago when they're living in Seattle?
Speaker 1: What's going on? So?
Speaker 2: Okay, So the movie sets it up with a shot
Speaker 2: of the Seattle space needle. Right, So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: we're in Seattle, like way back in the first in
Speaker 2: the first scene when we come to Seattle, we're in Seattle. Great.
Speaker 2: Then he buys them tickets from Chicago to Paris, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, are they not in Seattle? And then something
Speaker 2: else is about to happen that makes me again believe
Speaker 2: they're not in Seattle, But they are in Seattle.
Speaker 1: Yes, canonically they are definitely in Seattle.
Speaker 2: Can I take a brief moment with you here to
Speaker 2: try to understand a joke? Because I don't, I genuinely
Speaker 2: don't get it. She says, do we really have tickets
Speaker 2: for Paris? And he says, no, we have a reservation though, oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he didn't pay for them yet. This is Oh,
Speaker 1: you don't remember the old days, Paul. No. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: could just make reservations for and then pay for it
Speaker 1: later because there was no system to pay for it.
Speaker 2: Like guess you go and pay when you get there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think you could make a reservation for a flight,
Speaker 1: you had a certain amount of time to go pay
Speaker 1: for it, And I don't think you had to pay
Speaker 1: for it at the airport. I think you had to
Speaker 1: go to like a travel agency or something like that,
Speaker 1: or like an office for pan Am somewhere and pay
Speaker 1: for the ticket. Is that bonkers that that used to
Speaker 1: be the way things were done, But.
Speaker 2: It makes sense. That makes because I was literally like,
Speaker 2: is he trying to make a joke about Like, no,
Speaker 2: we don't have the tickets, we have the reservations, we
Speaker 2: don't physically have the tickets, but like Matthew Broderick doesn't
Speaker 2: say it as a joke. So I was literally like,
Speaker 2: I don't understand. I don't understand the.
Speaker 1: Said like he didn't he didn't pay for the tickets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I'm like, are you planning on
Speaker 2: paying for them? Aren't you stealing it? Whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: So uh. They find a system that won't allow them
Speaker 2: to log on. So David tries to get help by
Speaker 2: typing in help games, and the computer responds with games
Speaker 2: refers to models, simulations, and games which have tactical and
Speaker 2: strategic applications. This convinces David that he's found pro division. Aha.
Speaker 2: He tells the computer to list games, and the following
Speaker 2: list appeers Erica, let me know when you start to
Speaker 2: trip up a Falcons, Maze, Blackjack, Gin, Rummy Hearts, Bridge Checkers, Chess, Poker,
Speaker 2: Fighter Combat, I'm still in.
Speaker 1: I'm still in Paul Street Street Fighter Yeah sure, uh.
Speaker 2: Huh, Gorilla Engagement, Okay.
Speaker 1: Mortal Combat. I'm still in yeah, there could be a
Speaker 1: game called that.
Speaker 2: Sure, desert warfare.
Speaker 1: There literally is a game called that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 1: I'm still in I'm still in.
Speaker 2: Air to ground actions.
Speaker 1: Okay, less and less convinced. That's a game.
Speaker 2: Theater wide tactical warfare.
Speaker 1: Okay, also not really a fun game name.
Speaker 2: Is that like a fancy way of saying risk? I'm
Speaker 2: not sure. Yeah, theater wide biotoxic and chemical warfare.
Speaker 1: Okay, that sounds like a bummer. That sounds a huge
Speaker 1: bummer to play.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and of course global thermonuclear war.
Speaker 1: Once you saw theater wide biotoxic and chemist the warfare,
Speaker 1: you should be like, well, that's a terrible name for
Speaker 1: a game.
Speaker 2: What the fuck are they doing at Proto Vision?
Speaker 1: That should have given you pause to be like, is
Speaker 1: that a first draft of a computer game? What the
Speaker 1: fuck is happening here? So David and Jennifer head for
Speaker 1: I don't know, a computer programming firm I don't know.
Speaker 1: They go talk to adult nerds that David. They get
Speaker 1: there and David tells Jennifer to hang back so that
Speaker 1: she doesn't make them nervous, and she's like what, and
Speaker 1: he's like you'll see. And he goes up to one
Speaker 1: of them and it's okay, it's these two guys, one
Speaker 1: of whom is Eugene from Greece.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: This is where I learned that the actor who played
Speaker 1: Eugene and Greece is perhaps not the most nuanced performer
Speaker 1: of a generation, because it is the exact same performance.
Speaker 2: This is what he does in case you were wondering.
Speaker 2: Because Eugene wasn't a geeky enough geeky enough name, they've
Speaker 2: named him Malvin, not Melvin Malvin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's giving Jerry Lewis on crank. It is the
Speaker 1: most absurd performance. Is like a little two real for
Speaker 1: my taste, honestly, Yeah, very angry and selly guy who's
Speaker 1: like who is prone to like violent fits, but is
Speaker 1: also a computer genius. And that one was less.
Speaker 2: Funny, aged beautifully like.
Speaker 1: A fine wine. So he asked them about the list
Speaker 1: of games that they've printed out, and they tell David
Speaker 1: that they're like, the I don't think this is a
Speaker 1: game company. I think you hacked into the military.
Speaker 2: Okay. He is told that he hacked into the military.
Speaker 2: When that when they said that to him, my jaw
Speaker 2: dropped because now, like, I really wonder why they put
Speaker 2: that in the script, because all you'd have to do
Speaker 2: is have them not say it. And he has the character,
Speaker 2: I mean, has deniability of being like he thinks it's
Speaker 2: this game. He genuinely thinks it's a game. He has
Speaker 2: been warned by people who know better than him that
Speaker 2: this looks like the military.
Speaker 1: I guess the only reason they put this in is
Speaker 1: so that it gives him a reason to think, oh,
Speaker 1: this could be military. Later on, he should have come
Speaker 1: to that conclusion by himself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because he's not stupid.
Speaker 1: He's not stupid. He's actually a genius. Right, you ra
Speaker 1: absolutely right, because now that I think about where this
Speaker 1: is going, this makes no sense that it's in here.
Speaker 2: Yep. So David wonders why it would have checkers in
Speaker 2: chess on it if it's from the military, and they're like, look,
Speaker 2: those games teach basic strategy, so like it makes sense.
Speaker 2: Then they tell him about the idea of a backdoor password.
Speaker 2: I was not expecting Eugene from Greece to make the
Speaker 2: back door euphemism joke about like there's a lady present,
Speaker 2: you're talking about our back doors. I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: okay a lot.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: But the hacker, the other hacker is like, look, I
Speaker 2: always put a backdoor password into any system that I
Speaker 2: create to make sure I can always get in, which
Speaker 2: doesn't fill me with confidence about asking this guy to
Speaker 2: build me a computer system. But whatever they suggest. Looking
Speaker 2: deeper into the guy who created the system, they say
Speaker 2: David should go through Falcon's maze. So that was the
Speaker 2: first game that was listed before, like Poker and all
Speaker 2: of those, and it's the only one that's not like
Speaker 2: a real game or a military strategy.
Speaker 1: We get a montage. We're getting montage and the most
Speaker 1: meat meat.
Speaker 2: It's almost Ross's music from Friends on the score, Like
Speaker 2: it's so close.
Speaker 1: It's a same Pop eight he's montage. Yeah, we're seeing
Speaker 1: David in the librariest as he's coming through microfiche and
Speaker 1: searching the card catalog.
Speaker 2: Every card catalog looked the same, every single one that was.
Speaker 1: The exact Every card catalog I ever went to looked
Speaker 1: exactly like that one.
Speaker 2: It had that it was the same color brown, It
Speaker 2: had the same incredibly satisfying sliding long drawers in and
Speaker 2: out with that gold hook that Oh I can smell it.
Speaker 2: I can smell that card catalog.
Speaker 1: We should go. We should buy one from like an
Speaker 1: antique store and put any and then just I would
Speaker 1: play card catalog all day.
Speaker 2: Oh oh the dream, Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, that would be actually very cool.
Speaker 2: Now that I'm thinking about it. Can we get one
Speaker 2: in repurpose it as a bar or something.
Speaker 1: Yes, you could like put little like passwords and secret
Speaker 1: codes in there for party guests and if you find
Speaker 1: the secret password code, you get a free drink. I
Speaker 1: don't know, justin off top of my head.
Speaker 2: Why does not every escape room have a card catalog?
Speaker 1: Oh? You know what. I have been to escape a
Speaker 1: couple of them that do, though, But they.
Speaker 2: Better have that sliding drawer. It better be a long drawer.
Speaker 1: You best believe they do. Paul. So during the montage,
Speaker 1: David finds out that the maze the game, Falcon's Maze,
Speaker 1: is named for Stephen Falcon, who's an early researcher into
Speaker 1: AI and machine learning. He passed away years ago while
Speaker 1: he was still young. He was like, there's a line here.
Speaker 2: Oh hurt hurts you and your so everyone buckle up.
Speaker 1: This hurt me so much. I was angry.
Speaker 2: I always do something at the television. I was like,
Speaker 2: fuck off.
Speaker 1: He's like. Later, explaining to Jennifer who this person is,
Speaker 1: who Falcon is, She's like, oh, he looks so young
Speaker 1: to have died, and David goes, he's not young. He's
Speaker 1: forty one, and she goes, oh, yeah, forty one is old.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, Irony just said it. I like, just said it
Speaker 1: like it was a thing, and I wanted. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, we should force children into work camps.
Speaker 2: Why are we the ones working? Our bodies are so fragile,
Speaker 2: they are young, and supple I break.
Speaker 1: Them young immediately became a Nazi. The minute she said that,
Speaker 1: I was like, I get it, I get I get
Speaker 1: fascism because that made me angry.
Speaker 2: They also met like they show a picture of young
Speaker 2: John Wood here, Jennifer goes, that's him. Wow, he's amazing
Speaker 2: looking and we love and respect to John Wood? Was
Speaker 2: he okay?
Speaker 1: Also like forty year old John Lennon would have been
Speaker 1: in this role too, And I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: about that. I'm sure that is a weird one to write.
Speaker 1: Agree to her eternal credit, she actually sells it. I
Speaker 1: get it, But I'm like, is he amazing looking? Or
Speaker 1: is he just like a dude.
Speaker 2: Yeah, here's the dude.
Speaker 1: So David is trying to figure out the log on
Speaker 1: to Falcon's maze with no success. Jennifer comes over. They
Speaker 1: have that conversation, which is where they talk about how
Speaker 1: forty one year olds.
Speaker 2: Are just old, and where they personally attack us and
Speaker 2: every listener of this podcast where.
Speaker 1: They tell people over the age of forty to just fucking.
Speaker 2: Die already get on the iceberg.
Speaker 1: A Falcon while he was still alive, turns out to
Speaker 1: have lost his wife and young son, whose name was Joshua,
Speaker 1: in a car crash, and David goes, oh my god,
Speaker 1: could it be that obvious? And he types Joshua in
Speaker 1: and it logs on.
Speaker 2: Okay, So David and Jennifer chat with quote unquote Joshua,
Speaker 2: which we the audience know is really Whopper. So for
Speaker 2: the rest of this movie, Wopper and Joshua are essentially
Speaker 2: one and the same thing. David will keep calling it Joshua,
Speaker 2: the military people will keep calling it Wopper. That's the
Speaker 2: same thing in this movie. They sign on to the computer,
Speaker 2: the computer addresses David as Professor Falcon, right, and they
Speaker 2: start to have this conversation. It's been a long time.
Speaker 2: How are you blah blah blah. Despite the clear warning
Speaker 2: from the hackers that this is probably not pro division
Speaker 2: but instead the military, these two Jabbronis decide they want
Speaker 2: to play a game, and Jabbroni numero uno says, global
Speaker 2: thermonuclear war fun fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, in his defense, Checkers does not sound like fun.
Speaker 2: So I get it.
Speaker 1: But Chess, you get it. Yeah, it's sound like funn either.
Speaker 2: I think it sounds like fun to someone like David.
Speaker 1: Nuclear war sounds like fun to someone.
Speaker 2: Like apparently, so Joshua asks him if he wants to
Speaker 2: play as the US or as Russia, and David chooses Russia,
Speaker 2: and he and Jennifer slurp tab and choose a couple
Speaker 2: of targets for bombing, like Las Vegas and Seattle, the
Speaker 2: city they live in, which is the other reason. I
Speaker 2: was like, are they in Chicago? What is happening?
Speaker 1: I can't tell you enough. All it is is then
Speaker 1: putting in the names of cities they want to bomb
Speaker 1: and then watching the bleep bloops on the screen slowly.
Speaker 2: Yeahink.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is so boring, Like this is genuinely
Speaker 1: so boring. I'm surprised She's not like, I gotta go,
Speaker 1: I got I got friends in the mall to go to,
Speaker 1: Like this is bullshit. So we cut to Norrad headquarters
Speaker 1: in surprise surprise, they're like what now the computer is
Speaker 1: telling us that the Russians are attacking Las Vegas and
Speaker 1: Seattle the fuck. Meanwhile, we cut back to those two
Speaker 1: Jabroni's in Seattle and they're interrupted by David's parents, who
Speaker 1: are angry with him for not securing the trash properly.
Speaker 1: They keep telling him, so he decides to deal with
Speaker 1: his parents. Jennifer like laughs because parents are so funny
Speaker 1: and embarrassing, and she leaves and David turns off his
Speaker 1: computer to go help take out the trash. Meanwhile, the
Speaker 1: computer screens at Norrad just go dark YEP, which terrifies
Speaker 1: the military men even more what just happened. They realize
Speaker 1: that their system has been hacked, that the whole thing
Speaker 1: is a simular, but they don't know who hacked them,
Speaker 1: what their purpose is. They're not pleased, and they're all
Speaker 1: they figured out is that the original hacker is in Seattle, all.
Speaker 2: Right, So we cut to the next day. David comes home.
Speaker 2: His mother's like, you get down here and she's like
Speaker 2: and he's like okay, and he comes down and she's like,
Speaker 2: you passed all of your classes? They got they got
Speaker 2: his report card, and like they are celebrating, not that
Speaker 2: he aced all of his classes, just that he passed that.
Speaker 2: Everyone is thrilled. There's this moment where Matthew Broderick, he
Speaker 2: comes in, goes to see his mother. They go into
Speaker 2: the living room. We've seen We've had the camera on
Speaker 2: Matthew Broderick the whole time. Suddenly he has a yo
Speaker 2: yo in his hand. Oh yeah, he yo yos twice
Speaker 2: and then the yo yo just put just goes away.
Speaker 2: Poor k poor k yo yo po Qua.
Speaker 1: Like the performance when he's yo yo ing is very
Speaker 1: like young and babyish and childish. He's like, yes, like this.
Speaker 1: He does the thing in Ferris Vieler too at the
Speaker 1: end of the movie when he talking to his mom
Speaker 1: and he's like, I love you mommy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: In that movie, it makes sense. He's like manipulating his parents.
Speaker 1: I think that's what they're going for here, but it Doesn'tah,
Speaker 1: it's weird.
Speaker 2: It's a weird moment. I'm like, was there a further
Speaker 2: joke that got cut? With this, I'm look at.
Speaker 1: It, flirting with your mom?
Speaker 2: What is it happening? So they hear in a local
Speaker 2: news report that NORAD was hacked yesterday and that for
Speaker 2: three and a half minutes, the government basically believed that
Speaker 2: World War three was starting, So he starts to sweat.
Speaker 1: Don't you just love how like the news knows everything
Speaker 1: about the military in this scenario, like the amount of
Speaker 1: times has actually probably has happened if we just don't
Speaker 1: know about it. Yeah, thank god, I'm kind of fine
Speaker 1: with that.
Speaker 2: I am fine with that. You want you want to
Speaker 2: know why I could never have been in that bunker
Speaker 2: because I would have been shitting my pants the entire
Speaker 2: time I was in tummy troubles. Forget about it. I
Speaker 2: can't do this. I would develop ibs in that fucking bunker.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. So David starts to sweat. He rushes upstairs
Speaker 2: in time to get a call from Jennifer on his
Speaker 2: private line. Jennifer is also watching the news, and David
Speaker 2: is freaking out right, and Jennifer says, look, just throw
Speaker 2: out the number and don't call it again, Like there's
Speaker 2: no way they could have tracked you that quickly, like
Speaker 2: we were online for like three minutes to stort it out,
Speaker 2: and we're done, Like, now we know opes with that. Okay,
Speaker 2: that really is the military. Whoopsie, Daisy, Let's just go
Speaker 2: about our lives. This is the first hint of clinical stupidity, right,
Speaker 2: This is where like this where you're getting the first,
Speaker 2: the first the first Parsley sprig of stupidity on the
Speaker 2: Jennifer Meal. So David's like, okay, he tries to shut
Speaker 2: everything down. He tries to like pull off like his
Speaker 2: murder board of like possible passwords and all that stuff,
Speaker 2: but Joshua is not so easily deterred. The phone rings,
Speaker 2: and the computer has called David. Because remember the whole
Speaker 2: idea of behind this program that doctor Falcon created was
Speaker 2: that the machine can learn, right, So the machine has
Speaker 2: learned that its friend, doctor Falcon lives at this IP
Speaker 2: address or I don't even know if it was an
Speaker 2: ipaddress at that point. This, at this line, this is
Speaker 2: where doctor Falcon is. David tries to tell the computer
Speaker 2: that doctor Falcon is dead, but it insists that the simulation,
Speaker 2: which has fifty two hours left on it, should continue
Speaker 2: until its objective is achieved. And David's like what's the objective?
Speaker 2: And the computer says, well, you should know you programmed me.
Speaker 2: I love. This computer is a little bit bitchy.
Speaker 1: This computer is so sassy with him. This computer's like, baby,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm here for.
Speaker 2: You know what we're doing here? And David frantically types
Speaker 2: in what is the objective? And the computer says, because
Speaker 2: he set up like a voice module with it, now
Speaker 2: to win the game. And David picks the phone up
Speaker 2: and he unplugs the phone cord and he hugs his
Speaker 2: little dial up to his chest and he sits on
Speaker 2: his bed and.
Speaker 1: Is like, fuck, can you even imagine? I'm so averse
Speaker 1: to being in trouble? I know, I know, Like this
Speaker 1: is giving me hives watching this.
Speaker 2: Do you remember when I told you that I thought
Speaker 2: I was going to go to jail if I pulled
Speaker 2: the fire alarm, Like that is how verse I am
Speaker 2: to getting in trouble.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. I would just run away and never
Speaker 1: come back. Yeah, I just I would take that ticket
Speaker 1: to Paris and disappear into the night.
Speaker 2: All right, Erica, that is about halfway through war games.
Speaker 2: Why don't we take a quick break here, We'll play
Speaker 2: up more ads and we'll come back and we'll take
Speaker 2: everyone through the rest of the film, and.
Speaker 1: We're back the next day. After David realizes row, he
Speaker 1: is immediately picked up by the FBI. Didn't take them
Speaker 1: long to find.
Speaker 2: Him, which is a bit a bit comforting in this
Speaker 2: entire situation. You're like, you know what that happened quickly?
Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Okay. Here's the funny thing, though, we know that David
Speaker 1: is seventeen because he says it earlier in the film.
Speaker 1: The FBI picked David up outside of like a seven
Speaker 1: eleven by himsell he's by himself, and they bring him
Speaker 1: to nor Ad, which is in I want to say
Speaker 1: New Mexico.
Speaker 2: I think Colorado, say later it's in Colorado.
Speaker 1: Okay, So they have kidnapped a teenage boy and without
Speaker 1: his parents, yea, taken him across state lines. I don't
Speaker 1: think that's how anything works. I'm just gonna move gloss
Speaker 1: past that. But that's one of the very few things
Speaker 1: that the government does in this movie that I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's not how government governments, y'all.
Speaker 2: Very questionable.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, also, something the government does not do while that's
Speaker 1: happening there is Chekhov's tour group from Birmingham. So these
Speaker 1: are ostensibly VIPs who are there to just look at
Speaker 1: our top secret nuclear shit at Norad. Right, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be a dick about this, but I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wear Birmingham having like, like, guess the Tuskegee Institute is there.
Speaker 1: But this these people do not seem like college students,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: People seem like a tour group from Birmingham, like they
Speaker 2: just signed.
Speaker 1: Up and it's like wildly different ages on everyone. There's
Speaker 1: teenagers on the trip. There's like an older woman that
Speaker 1: they really with at one point.
Speaker 2: So I thought it was a school trip at one point.
Speaker 2: I'm like, they can't be bringing a high school a
Speaker 2: high school, like I don't know, physics class into Norrad.
Speaker 1: Remember Paul, when you were in high school and we
Speaker 1: and we visited the top secret bunker for the president.
Speaker 2: Yeah, remember that trip? That was so nice?
Speaker 1: Well got to hang out in the top secret bunker?
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Like, do you remember when your junior
Speaker 1: high was taken into Fort Knox and everything, like just
Speaker 1: take one piece, you can take one piece?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Remember when you got a moon rock in elementary school?
Speaker 2: You got to go you got to go to like
Speaker 2: the NASA Museum. You got to take a moon rock.
Speaker 2: Everyone got one.
Speaker 1: Everyone got one. Remember remember when we were all shot
Speaker 1: into space? What? None of this makes sense? Why are
Speaker 1: these people at NORAD?
Speaker 2: Remember if you got a high enough grade on your
Speaker 2: like astrophysics test, you got to go to Area fifty
Speaker 2: one and see the alien ships. That that all happened.
Speaker 1: I can't tell the audience enough how little security there is.
Speaker 1: So someone at NORAD explained to the tour group and
Speaker 1: also to the audience that deaf Con means defense condition,
Speaker 1: right like defense readiness condition.
Speaker 2: I also always thought that deaf Con five was the
Speaker 2: worst one, which is not. Deaf Con five is where
Speaker 2: you want to be. Deaf Con one is when you
Speaker 2: shit your pants.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly good point. So we're currently at deaf
Speaker 1: Con four. We're currently at four specifically because of what
Speaker 1: David pulled.
Speaker 2: Does it feel like there should be more levels between
Speaker 2: the should be fine?
Speaker 1: I would like thirty six deaf Cons like deaf I
Speaker 1: would like to be a deaf Con seventy two.
Speaker 2: That's where I would like to be.
Speaker 1: I would definitely like some more layers because we're I
Speaker 1: feel like we're currently at three, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that's how that's that's how
Speaker 2: my gut feels.
Speaker 1: So not only are we at deaf Con four because
Speaker 1: of what David did, but the Soviets caught on to
Speaker 1: what happened. Yeah, us with our simulation, and now they're
Speaker 1: on alert.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Now now we're in a dick swinging contest with Russia.
Speaker 2: Fantastic cool. Yeah, So we to McKittrick. That's Stabney Coleman.
Speaker 2: He's getting debriefed on the situation, while Baron Jurr, the General,
Speaker 2: is just enjoying the fact that, like the computer had
Speaker 2: to screw up, right, He's like this is great. He's
Speaker 2: like eating red vines or red ones or something like. Yeah,
Speaker 2: basically mocking McKittrick from the sidelines. Just it's funny but
Speaker 2: not appropriate, sir.
Speaker 1: This is seconds from pushing him into a locker, right, He.
Speaker 2: Is like, shut up one hundred percent. So McKittrick is
Speaker 2: convinced that David has to be working with someone else.
Speaker 2: A high school student could not possibly have hacked his
Speaker 2: way into whopper. McKittrick announces, I'm going to take care
Speaker 2: of questioning David, and he goes to meet David in
Speaker 2: the infirmary where he's being held because apparently NORAD does
Speaker 2: not have like jail cells because it's not a secure institution.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that kind of wigged me out. I don't like
Speaker 1: that at all. I'm like, is there not even like
Speaker 1: a fucking office that you could just lock? Yeah, don't
Speaker 1: put this kid in there with like medical equipment.
Speaker 2: If you actually think he's a spy, which you do.
Speaker 2: They're very very capable, they're imaginative.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they think David is an undercover like Russian agent,
Speaker 1: like a sleeper agent.
Speaker 2: So McKittrick takes David out of the infirm rate to
Speaker 2: his office. He's kind of trying to like he's trying
Speaker 2: to be buddy buddy at this point.
Speaker 1: He's trying to play a good cop with David. Right again,
Speaker 1: Like what McKittrick is a scientist at NORAD. He is
Speaker 1: not a cop, he is not an FBI agent, he
Speaker 1: is not a military, he's not trained to interrogate anyone.
Speaker 1: He is a computer guy. None of this is how
Speaker 1: anything works. And he takes the guy who he believes
Speaker 1: is a secret Russian spy into his office, not a
Speaker 1: secure location, not a room for questioning. People, not even
Speaker 1: like a fucking bat, like just empty space. He takes
Speaker 1: him into his office where all of his shit is
Speaker 1: and he's like, don't pay attention to anything that you
Speaker 1: see in here, buddy, I'm gonna question you now. None
Speaker 1: of this is how anything works. So they start to talk.
Speaker 1: Even in US find out that McKittrick was once doctor
Speaker 1: Falcon's assistant. David tells mickkittrick the truth of everything. He's like, look,
Speaker 1: I am just a punk kid who is trying to
Speaker 1: play a game and I connected to the system. And
Speaker 1: the second time I connected the system, I wasn't even
Speaker 1: trying to connect to the system. The system called me.
Speaker 1: And McKittrick is like, that's not supposed to happen. And
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, I know, you're the computer guy. You
Speaker 1: tell me what happened. McKittrick is like, nah, you're definitely
Speaker 1: a Russian spy and David's like, no, it definitely was
Speaker 1: a prank. And McKittrick is like, then, why did you
Speaker 1: buy tickets to Paris? Are you trying to flee to
Speaker 1: a country with no ex tradition And David's like, I
Speaker 1: was trying to impress a girl.
Speaker 2: How has this gone so wrong.
Speaker 1: Before the quote unquote interview can continue, because this is
Speaker 1: all at an impasse, mckckittrick is called away and he
Speaker 1: leaves David the Russian spy, the parent person he believes
Speaker 1: is a Russian spy and super genius in his office unattended.
Speaker 2: That's correct.
Speaker 1: Made me boil. It takes so little to just not
Speaker 1: be this stupid, Like, just don't be this is so stupid. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I will move on.
Speaker 2: So we cut to mckittrick's meeting. He's told that someone
Speaker 2: got into the system and stole the nuclear launch codes.
Speaker 2: This is said so casually. Yea, like someone got into
Speaker 2: the system and they refunded twenty dollars to if a
Speaker 2: person didn't deserve it. Like that's the.
Speaker 1: Someone got into the office fridge and stole all the yogurt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, someone ate my lunch. I had it clearly marked
Speaker 2: in the office fridge and they ate it. Like that's
Speaker 2: how this is said. He's unconcerned. He tells us two
Speaker 2: pieces of information. One the system will not launch unless
Speaker 2: they are at Defcon one, and two he can change
Speaker 2: the launch codes in less than an hour. So I
Speaker 2: think with the implication here because I couldn't quite get
Speaker 2: it the first time time Whopper Slash Joshua stole the codes.
Speaker 2: That's how they. That's how they. That's the thing that
Speaker 2: got into take the nuclear launch codes. McKittrick will then
Speaker 2: change them off screen, So these launch codes that were
Speaker 2: stolen have been changed. That's important for later in the movie.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: This all further convinces them that David must be working
Speaker 2: with someone, and Bhringer takes them to def Con three. Hey,
Speaker 2: you know what, we just found out. The fucking nukes
Speaker 2: can't launch if you're not at def Con one.
Speaker 1: Let's maybe back up to five.
Speaker 2: Let's go back down.
Speaker 1: Def Con should have more levels than the Kidney scale.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying exactly.
Speaker 1: Even the Kinzie scale I think needs more levels. I
Speaker 1: honestly think the Kinsey scale should have like ten. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot on that spectrum of sexual behavior.
Speaker 1: Sure is, let's make deaf Con at least better than
Speaker 1: the Kidsey scale.
Speaker 2: Please.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, back at mckittrick's office, the fucking kid they left
Speaker 1: alone with all the computers does the thing you think
Speaker 1: he's going to do. He logs into the Kittrick's computer
Speaker 1: to speak with Joshua right again to speak with Whopper again.
Speaker 1: He asks the computer if it's still playing the game,
Speaker 1: which it obviously is. It projects and it will now
Speaker 1: be launching the missiles in about twenty eight hours. Joshua
Speaker 1: tells David that it has been trying to reach him,
Speaker 1: but he was unavailable in Seattle. I missed you, friend.
Speaker 1: Where were you? What the fuck is it?
Speaker 2: The movie does not engage at all with how weird
Speaker 2: it is that the AI is like a living thing.
Speaker 1: Missing its friend. Yeah, so Joshua tells David that I
Speaker 1: wasn't able to reach you in Seattle or at your
Speaker 1: classified address, because remember, the computer thinks David is Falcon, right,
Speaker 1: David's like, oh what, I have a classified address? What
Speaker 1: might that be? And Joshua tells him that doctor Robert Hume,
Speaker 1: an alias of doctor Falcon, currently lives on Goose Island
Speaker 1: in Oregon. At that moment, they all bust into the
Speaker 1: office and realize David's fucking with the goddamn computer again,
Speaker 1: and they've taken back to the affirm infirmary to await
Speaker 1: extra like extraction to a real fucking detention center, a
Speaker 1: real facility. Meanwhile, David is shouting, Hey, guys, I think
Speaker 1: doctor Falcon is still alive. We need to call him
Speaker 1: to fix this. Blah blah blah, backdoor blah. He explains
Speaker 1: to them everything the audience now knows. They ignore him completely.
Speaker 1: They're like, shut up, Russian spy, get in the infirmary.
Speaker 2: So he's brought to the infirmary by this swarthy man
Speaker 2: in full military garb.
Speaker 1: Okay, what is this military though? What military is this?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I'm into it.
Speaker 1: The man is wearing a navy blue suit with a white,
Speaker 1: silky sheeny looking ascot like it's got like a metallic
Speaker 1: sheen to it, a jaunty beret.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: He has a porn stash for the ages.
Speaker 2: He looks like a star of the Falcon videos that
Speaker 2: I always dreamed of watching in the eighties.
Speaker 1: He looks like if there was a poor made about
Speaker 1: sodom Hussein. Yeah, Like it's it's like there has to
Speaker 1: be right, there has to be and it's spelled sodom
Speaker 1: sodom hussein porno out there. That's what this guy looks like.
Speaker 1: What is this outfit you're wearing.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to top that. That's perfect sodom Hussein,
Speaker 2: So David's in the infirmary. He immediately starts to plan
Speaker 2: his escape, while sodom Hussein s O d O M
Speaker 2: starts sexually harassing the woman that's like working at her
Speaker 2: at her desk close by the door. David mcgivers his
Speaker 2: way out of the prison using only a couple of scissors,
Speaker 2: a tape recorder, the duct system, and a lot of luck.
Speaker 2: I can't get into like all the different steps, but
Speaker 2: when I tell you that he absolutely should not be
Speaker 2: able to make it out of Nord, please believe me.
Speaker 1: He bleep bloops himself out of is wild.
Speaker 2: He manages to masquerade as a member of Chekhov's Birmingham
Speaker 2: tour group and hops on the departing bus with them,
Speaker 2: and he makes it out of Norad.
Speaker 1: So we cut to David hopping out of like a
Speaker 1: semi right, he's hitchhiking. He then like jury rigs a
Speaker 1: phone call using a top of like a tab from
Speaker 1: like a coke co can, like an aluminum co can.
Speaker 1: But like this scene actually super interested me because I
Speaker 1: actually think that might be a real thing, and I
Speaker 1: just don't know, I think it was. Yeah, he like
Speaker 1: takes the bottom off of the payphone and then like
Speaker 1: tricks it into letting him bypass making a payment because
Speaker 1: he doesn't have any money, so he tries to call
Speaker 1: doctor Robert Hume and doctor Stephen Falcon. There are no
Speaker 1: listenings for either. He calls Jennifer and he's like, I
Speaker 1: need I need your help. I need you to buy
Speaker 1: me a ticket to fly from Colorado to Oregon. I
Speaker 1: need money. And he's like, please, please just help me.
Speaker 1: I need I need your help. She's like fine, So
Speaker 1: somehow she buys him a ticket to Oregon. The movie
Speaker 1: bypasses all of that, right, Yeah. He gets to Oregon
Speaker 1: to go meet with doctor Falcon and she's there to
Speaker 1: meet him. He's like, what are you doing here? And
Speaker 1: she's like, I drove down from Seattle because you're in
Speaker 1: trouble and you need help. And then she looks at
Speaker 1: him sincerely and sincerely asks, hey, David, are you in
Speaker 1: trouble with the FBI because you changed my grade in
Speaker 1: biology from an F to an A. And that is
Speaker 1: the moment David should have been.
Speaker 2: Like, oh no, oh no.
Speaker 1: You need to go back to school. I should not
Speaker 1: have pulled you out of school. I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 1: thought you no, no, no, no, you can't. You need
Speaker 1: to learn things because you are clinically stupid. You were
Speaker 1: with me when we broke into the government, right, you
Speaker 1: saw that part. You were there, you saw you helped
Speaker 1: me almost nuke Las Vegas. But you think the whole
Speaker 1: ass government is after me because I changed your biology.
Speaker 2: Grid, specifically yours, not ours. Are you in trouble for
Speaker 2: changing grades? Maybe? Maybe then maybe.
Speaker 1: He should have put her back on the bus and
Speaker 1: been like, I do not care how attractive you are.
Speaker 1: You need to learn things before we can ever engage
Speaker 1: in a conversation. Again.
Speaker 2: Well, it's funny because I heard the line and I
Speaker 2: was like, why did they have for Why didn't they
Speaker 2: say no? Ali, like you have to do it, like
Speaker 2: you know, that's not the reason.
Speaker 1: It's a joke, make light of the situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's Jennifer making a joke to David because it's
Speaker 2: kind of funny the way she's not it's not like
Speaker 2: a failure as a joke. It just so undercuts the
Speaker 2: character that she says it, like, is it because you
Speaker 2: change my grade? Supposed to be like, oh, you're in
Speaker 2: trouble the FBI, Probably because you change my grade. Right,
Speaker 2: that's a big deal, like something like that, and acause.
Speaker 1: We almost started World War three in your room, I
Speaker 1: literally out loud to my computer. I was watching this,
Speaker 1: and my computer went I was so angry.
Speaker 2: All right. So the two barely make the ferry to
Speaker 2: Goose Island and David explaining that Falcan's still alive and
Speaker 2: he's the only one who understands Joshua and he might
Speaker 2: be able to stop the computer from trying to win
Speaker 2: the game of global thermo nuclear war that they started.
Speaker 2: And Jennifer at first is like, I don't know, and
Speaker 2: then finally she's like no, no. He starts to really
Speaker 2: freak out, and she's like, Okay, I believe you. I
Speaker 2: believe you. They have this this weird moment where like
Speaker 2: they kind of look at each other and they breathe
Speaker 2: into each other's mouths. Can remember that's very hot in movies,
Speaker 2: And you breathe into each other's mouths, and then rather
Speaker 2: than kiss, she like kisses him on the cheek. It's
Speaker 2: a very I can't quite figure out the reason for
Speaker 2: it because it seems like a kiss moment. It's like,
Speaker 2: I believe you, and then I'm like, okay, maybe it's
Speaker 2: because he's so freaked out it read is too weird.
Speaker 1: If she kissed him, Yeah, I think so, because she's
Speaker 1: dumb enough to believe also emotionally intelligent to read the
Speaker 1: room and be like, now is not the time for
Speaker 1: a bake out, Sash, Now is the time to calm
Speaker 1: him down.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I cannot get a read on this character.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, maybe maybe it's her hug him at this point,
Speaker 2: he can just hug him. Okay, I believe you. I'm here, Like,
Speaker 2: we'll figure this out together. We two intrepid teenagers will
Speaker 2: somehow stop global thermer nuclear war. Ah. They arrive on Goose.
Speaker 1: Island, can't even stop a motorbikes, Like, where are the
Speaker 1: breaks on the game?
Speaker 2: Because that was my fault, that was my problem. Are
Speaker 2: their breaks on the game? No, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Trust Jennifer to fix any situation.
Speaker 2: They arrive on Goose Island, they make their way to
Speaker 2: the address that Joshua gave them. As they walk up
Speaker 2: to the address, by the way, this features one of
Speaker 2: our favorite things, which is when the characters are walking
Speaker 2: at dusk and then we just change and suddenly it's
Speaker 2: full daylight, Like, there's what happened? Okay, fine, they see
Speaker 2: a pterodactyl flying through the air. Now, Erica, I am
Speaker 2: at this point so bewildered by this movie and so
Speaker 2: like anything could happen that I'm like, are they about
Speaker 2: to have like a fucking dinosaur?
Speaker 1: Is this a Jurassic Park moment?
Speaker 2: I literally was like, I know, we have a mad
Speaker 2: scientist and I'm like, is this gonna be something like
Speaker 2: he's he has a pet pterodactyl. Because I'm like, it's
Speaker 2: the anything could happen? And they actually got me for
Speaker 2: a second. After wildly underreacting to the pterodactyl, David and
Speaker 2: Jennifer come across doctor Stephen Falcon played by the great
Speaker 2: and good John Wood. He is piloting the pterodactyl, which
Speaker 2: turns out to be a robot.
Speaker 1: What a really fucking realistic looking pterodactyl? Like, yeah, it
Speaker 1: looks fantastic.
Speaker 2: It looks good enough that it made me think this
Speaker 2: is the eighties telling me that this is an actual
Speaker 2: fucking pterodactyl. Like I did buy it. I will admit
Speaker 2: that I might also be clinically stupid for saying this,
Speaker 2: but I will be honest that I did have a moment.
Speaker 1: Okay, I can't look since we're being real, Since we're
Speaker 1: being real. I saw this in the movie, and I
Speaker 1: for my first thought was pterodactyl. Yeah, it looks so
Speaker 1: real that my second thought was even dummer pul. My
Speaker 1: second thought was, are there birds that look like pterodactyl?
Speaker 1: Is there a hawk or something that looks like a pterodactyl?
Speaker 2: Well, I think we would have been helped if they
Speaker 2: had reacted to it, if they were like, what the
Speaker 2: fuck is that? Like like, but they don't. And then
Speaker 2: at one point it like swoops down. They just dive
Speaker 2: to the ground to avoid it. But at no point
Speaker 2: it's either one.
Speaker 1: Of them like, that's a fucking pterodactyl.
Speaker 2: There's this great thing I learned in when I was
Speaker 2: writing more about like you can have your character shoot
Speaker 2: like lightning out of his hands or her hands, right,
Speaker 2: And the thing that tells us the most about the
Speaker 2: story you're telling is how the person next to them
Speaker 2: reacts to them shooting lightning out of their hands.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Right.
Speaker 2: If the person's like holy shit, you just like, okay,
Speaker 2: so that's real. And if the person's like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I can do that too, you know so much more
Speaker 2: about the world that you're inhabiting and this is a pterodactyl.
Speaker 2: Have them react to it?
Speaker 4: Ha ha.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I would have been very sea And
Speaker 1: if Jennifer was like, do birds look like karad Actor?
Speaker 1: I would have been like, Okay, Jennifer, you know what? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see you girls, I.
Speaker 2: See you girl. That is a good question, all right.
Speaker 2: So Falcon is eccentric and stand offish, but when David
Speaker 2: says he came because of Joshua, Falcon stops and he
Speaker 2: allows them into his house. Meanwhile, back at Norad, things
Speaker 2: continue to escalate, and Behinger takes them to deaf Con too.
Speaker 2: You guys, I'm gonna make a number two at deaf
Speaker 2: Con two.
Speaker 1: What what? What are you doing?
Speaker 2: What are you doing?
Speaker 1: Who? By the way, is this the one guy who
Speaker 1: gets I get that? He's also the chairman of the
Speaker 1: Joint Chiefs. They said that at the beginning of the movie,
Speaker 1: which is hilarious because he's such a buffoon. Can we
Speaker 1: get Ronald Reagan on the horn and just make sure
Speaker 1: he's he buys into all of this for a minute
Speaker 1: before we fucking go to deaf Con too.
Speaker 2: I actually wonder if this just based on what I
Speaker 2: know of their politics from their movies. If if the
Speaker 2: fact of like the president being like an absentee president
Speaker 2: with these idiots in charge is meant to just be
Speaker 2: another hit on Ronald Reagan by thee.
Speaker 1: And also the movie could just have not Ronald Reagan, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it could cut to a guy in a white man
Speaker 1: in the White House. But they the movie doesn't do
Speaker 1: that because they show a photo of Ronald Reagan in
Speaker 1: Berenger's office. I think there's a moment that show a
Speaker 1: photo of and I'm like, okay, so we're in the
Speaker 1: world were president. Yeah, it's not a cut to like
Speaker 1: some actor. Bizarre, very bizarre. Meanwhile, back on Goose Island,
Speaker 1: Falcon tells David and Jennifer that there was a time
Speaker 1: when dinosaurs ruled the earth. He's showing them like like
Speaker 1: stop motion, claiming it is Yeah, it's like a like
Speaker 1: a film reel to teach people about dinosaurs, right, that's
Speaker 1: his new obsession. So he starts waxing poetic about the dinosaurs,
Speaker 1: and then he pauses and says until nature decided to
Speaker 1: start again, and then he starts to get real fucking dark.
Speaker 1: And he tells them that and byther itay with a
Speaker 1: very cheerful, middle aged man smile on his face. He's
Speaker 1: confident that when it's time for humans to no longer
Speaker 1: rule the earth, nature will kick us off and like
Speaker 1: start again, probably with bees. Next time. It's probably gonna
Speaker 1: go dinosaurs. You know what eightes? Human beings? Bees is
Speaker 1: the next is the next step? I'm like, I think
Speaker 1: it's cockerroaches. But moving on, David gets very serious with
Speaker 1: Falcon and says, if Joshua sets off a nuclear war,
Speaker 1: it will be his fault. Falcon is unmoved, and he
Speaker 1: says he could never get Joshua to learn the most
Speaker 1: important lesson, which is futility, the futility of war. Jennifer
Speaker 1: is like, huh what, just fucking stop the machine?
Speaker 2: What's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: And Falcon's like, do you play tic tac toe? And
Speaker 1: she's like no, And he's like, why don't you play
Speaker 1: tic tactoe? She goes because it's boring, there's always a tie,
Speaker 1: there's never a winner, like I stopped playing it when
Speaker 1: I was four. Falcon says, exactly, that game is pointless,
Speaker 1: but the war room believes that there are winners in
Speaker 1: nuclear war, so they keep trying to find out who wins.
Speaker 1: Even though they don't, they do not realize that it
Speaker 1: is also pointless. Yeah, movie gets very philosophical when some
Speaker 1: real fucking shit is happening.
Speaker 2: And john Wood is so good in this scene because
Speaker 2: it's like he's giving this air of like your most
Speaker 2: beloved college professor. Yeah, kind of gently telling you the
Speaker 2: truth about something that's really hard to understand. And he's
Speaker 2: teaching them. And the movie earlier says, like, after his
Speaker 2: son died, like he changed, and like it's clear that
Speaker 2: like he he lost the ability to like hope in
Speaker 2: some way after his son and his wife died in
Speaker 2: like that horrible car crash, right, And the movie really
Speaker 2: like trusts john Wood and the audience to get all
Speaker 2: of that because they never highlight it. They never like
Speaker 2: lampshaded at all, which is I liked about it all. Right,
Speaker 2: So if you thought it was dark before, buckle up, everyone,
Speaker 2: get on and get on your night vision goggles. We're
Speaker 2: about to go into that night. Falcon goes on to
Speaker 2: say that extinction is part of the natural order, and
Speaker 2: David's like that's crazy. Falcon says, no, don't worry, I've
Speaker 2: thought ahead. We're only three miles from a main target.
Speaker 2: All we'll see is a moment of bright white light
Speaker 2: and then nothing. We'll be spared the horror of survival.
Speaker 1: Who we're not gonna be in the Walking Debt, don't worry,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be those people who died before that happens.
Speaker 2: Jennifer says, if your son was still alive, you'd call Naurad,
Speaker 2: you'd stop them from doing this, and Falcon says, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe that would buy us a few years, maybe enough
Speaker 2: for you to have your own son that you could
Speaker 2: watch die. But if there's one thing that humanity is
Speaker 2: insisted on, it's planning our own destruction.
Speaker 1: Okay, look, this movie does not age badly.
Speaker 2: No, no, it does not.
Speaker 1: Man, that is some dark ass shit. And then they
Speaker 1: cut to late Matthew Broadwick and they're like, please say
Speaker 1: something funny. It's like, make this okay. David asks what's
Speaker 1: the last thing you cared about, and Falcon looks to
Speaker 1: the side but doesn't answer. The horn of the Last
Speaker 1: Fairy sounds and he offers to let them sleep on
Speaker 1: the floor. He says good night. David and Jennifer are like,
Speaker 1: fuck this noise, and they leave. They go in search
Speaker 1: of a boat so they can get off this fucking island.
Speaker 1: As they wander the beach, Jennifer proposes that they swim
Speaker 1: for it and like it's three miles away and Jennifer.
Speaker 1: Jennifer's like, I could do it.
Speaker 2: I can do it.
Speaker 1: I do aerobics. Yeah, And there's a bit here where
Speaker 1: he's like, I don't want to do it and she's like,
Speaker 1: come on, it's our only hope. I don't want to
Speaker 1: do it, and then he finally admits to her that
Speaker 1: he can't swim. There's all these like callbacks to older movie.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen Butch Cassidy and The Sun Dance Kid. No, Oh,
Speaker 1: you're gonna love that movie. I highly recommend that. That's
Speaker 1: a great movie. Very funny moment in that movie where
Speaker 1: the punchline is I can't swim. There's no way that's
Speaker 1: an accident. They're pulling that in for because it doesn't
Speaker 1: go anywhere. It doesn't let really, I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: just a Butch Cassidy moment. It's actually a Sun Dance
Speaker 1: Kid moment. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Anyway, he says he didn't he didn't know.
Speaker 1: That this was coming. He's like, I always plan to
Speaker 1: learn how to swim someday. But I thought I half time.
Speaker 1: I didn't think the world was going to end by
Speaker 1: the time he was seventeen, and starts to get really emotional,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I thought I had time. I have time.
Speaker 1: I want to learn how to swim. I want to
Speaker 1: be able to be an adult. She tells him that
Speaker 1: she was going to be on local TV and then
Speaker 1: following week with her dance class. She's like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to miss that now because I'll be dead, and the
Speaker 1: two of them are like, like kind of commiserating over
Speaker 1: how fucking horrible this is, and they kiss.
Speaker 4: Now now.
Speaker 1: Honestly, though, Jennifer, I see her point where she's like,
Speaker 1: how many hours do we have left? I have a
Speaker 1: couple of bucket items, like things I want.
Speaker 2: To check dying a virgin, Yeah, thinking about nuclear the
Speaker 2: global nuclear war, and get in me.
Speaker 1: I will teach you how to swim after we fuck twice.
Speaker 1: As they're kissing, a helicopter appears and they flee before
Speaker 1: realizing that it's actually falcon Right. They've actually convinced him
Speaker 1: to save the world. He take he's been turned around.
Speaker 1: He picks him up and they take off for nor Ad.
Speaker 2: We cut back to nor Ad. The computer reports that
Speaker 2: the Soviets have launched missiles. Behreinger announces they're going to
Speaker 2: def Con one, and Whopper recommends a full scale retaliatory strike. Meanwhile,
Speaker 2: Russia is still claiming that they have launched nothing. All right,
Speaker 2: now we've skipped something because we cut outside nor Ad. Jennifer,
Speaker 2: David and Falcon are being driven by a soldier towards
Speaker 2: the Norrad base, which is going into shutdown mode. They
Speaker 2: only have a certain amount of time to get into
Speaker 2: the base before it shut down, which means they have
Speaker 2: contacted somebody to be like, hey, Falcon is coming. And
Speaker 2: this is further backed up because McKittrick has an assistant
Speaker 2: who's in. She's in throughout the movie. I cut her
Speaker 2: out of the recap because she's she's not really plot
Speaker 2: crucial to any point, but she's trying to slow everyone
Speaker 2: down from shutting down the doors so they have time
Speaker 2: to get in. They know he's coming, Just let him
Speaker 2: get there. What is happening?
Speaker 1: None of this is how anything works in any case.
Speaker 2: They get in, they burst into the control room and
Speaker 2: McKittrick immediately walks up to them and Falcon tells him, Look,
Speaker 2: this is a bluff, and McKittrick is like, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about. This is not a bluff. So Falcon
Speaker 2: shouts to Behringer, look, this is a simulation. The computer
Speaker 2: is doing this, and McKittrick consists that there is nothing
Speaker 2: to indicate that. But Falcon walks up to Behringer and
Speaker 2: he tells him, look, are you prepared to completely destroy
Speaker 2: the enemy? And Behinger says yes. And he says, well,
Speaker 2: don't you think they know that? They know that to
Speaker 2: attack is to assure their own destruction. An unprovoked attack,
Speaker 2: particularly one of the scale that the computer is saying
Speaker 2: is happening, which is basically like all the nuclear armament
Speaker 2: of Russia is descending upon America, is essentially what's happening.
Speaker 1: The US is now suddenly completely surrounded by submarines.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all of a sudden, it's like little.
Speaker 1: Bleep bloops coming towards us from the sky and little
Speaker 1: bleep bloops coming at us from the ocean.
Speaker 2: So he says, an unprovoked attack makes no sense. Ride
Speaker 2: it out, Do not respond with a scorched earth counter strike.
Speaker 2: You don't need to. You are listening to a machine,
Speaker 2: don't act like one. John Wood is so good.
Speaker 1: Every actor in this movie is punching so hard above
Speaker 1: the weight of the movie to make all of this work.
Speaker 2: Barringer looks at him and he announces that they're going
Speaker 2: to hold off on the retaliation, do not launch the
Speaker 2: counter strike.
Speaker 1: So the countdown to impact continues. There's a woman they
Speaker 1: keep cutting to this one woman whose job it is
Speaker 1: to do that, which is very funny to me. It's
Speaker 1: like a human being who's like ten seconds to impact,
Speaker 1: nine seconds to impact, Like what if she coughs and
Speaker 1: then she's like seven six six sorry, five hour five? Fuck? Wait?
Speaker 1: How what time?
Speaker 2: Stat?
Speaker 1: Three? Three seconds impact? They hit zero, nothing hits. No
Speaker 1: Soviet missiles. All the guys who are sitting there shooting
Speaker 1: their pants.
Speaker 2: Get not a clean pair of underwear and that in
Speaker 2: that control room.
Speaker 1: Are like, hey, guys, we're alive. Nothing happened. Nothing happened
Speaker 1: at this army base. We're fine. No impact, nothing in
Speaker 1: the sky. We actually you skip something that is actually
Speaker 1: crucial to this moment, Paul. Earlier in the film, it
Speaker 1: looked like a bunch of missiles, the first set of missiles.
Speaker 1: We're going to hit Alaska, right because it's the closest
Speaker 1: to Russia, and so Barreger sends like a bunch of
Speaker 1: like like F sixteen's out to go, like intercept the
Speaker 1: missiles or whatever, and the fighters, the flyers are like
Speaker 1: like Maverick and Goose out there. Yeah, are like, there's
Speaker 1: nothing out here, sir, we don't see anything. And they're like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm seeing it on the computer. There's missiles being launched
Speaker 1: right at you. And they're like, sir, we don't see anything.
Speaker 1: That is a crucial piece of information that should have
Speaker 1: been used to connect the dots at this moment where
Speaker 1: the guys should have been like, oh wait a minute,
Speaker 1: this has actually happened. This happened ten minutes earlier in Alaska,
Speaker 1: so maybe nothing's actually going to hit anywhere else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's much rejoicing. Barringer finally realizes, Okay, everyone's correct, this
Speaker 1: is just a simulation. He calls off all the bombers.
Speaker 1: Everyone stand down, no missiles. We wildly overreacted to some
Speaker 1: bleep bloops over here. We're very sorry.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, Joshua is still trying to win the game of
Speaker 2: global thermonuclear war. It has locked them out of Whopper
Speaker 2: and is trying to decipher the launch code so it
Speaker 2: can launch the missiles and win the game. They determine
Speaker 2: they have five minutes to stop it. Barringer, who now
Speaker 2: is basically like, well, all I can do is bend
Speaker 2: over and kiss my ass goodbye. She pulls out a
Speaker 2: cigar and is like, Hey, McKittrick, I've come to the
Speaker 2: conclusion that your new defense system sucks.
Speaker 1: I really like this performance.
Speaker 2: It's great. David, Jennifer and Falken frantically try to figure out.
Speaker 2: Jennifer's contributing a lot how to get They're trying to
Speaker 2: figure out how to get back into Whopper because the
Speaker 2: military took out the back door pass codes, so Joshua's
Speaker 2: not working anymore, and they need to figure out the
Speaker 2: new passcode to get back into Whopper and to talk
Speaker 2: to Joshua. Right, this whole scene is it's so John
Speaker 2: Wood is so good in this movie. It it becomes
Speaker 2: very clear that he starts to view David as a
Speaker 2: sun figure. He starts to love David because David obviously
Speaker 2: like you know, computer hacking and all that stuff, like
Speaker 2: he's He's the next generation, right, and and it he
Speaker 2: imbus like every look at Matthew Broderick with such like
Speaker 2: love that you're somehow making this Bonker's plot like kind
Speaker 2: of emotional for me, And it's really incredible.
Speaker 1: It's true. I mean it. Also, Matthew Broderick is adorable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he looks like Bambie. So David remembers that Wopper
Speaker 2: is built on games. So he starts trying chess as
Speaker 2: a log on, and poker doesn't work, and then there's
Speaker 2: a logic leap here. I'm not quite sure how he
Speaker 2: makes it, but he says, like the game missing from
Speaker 2: the list is tick tack toe, so that must be
Speaker 2: the log on. Sure types in tic tac toe. This works.
Speaker 2: He starts to play tic tac toe with Joshua, but
Speaker 2: of course it always ends in a tie, and he
Speaker 2: realizes he has to make it play itself so it
Speaker 2: can learn. It can learn futility through tic tac toe.
Speaker 2: So the Whopper starts running Tic Tactoe games against itself.
Speaker 2: It's going into a loop just as it cracks the
Speaker 2: launch codes. So now they're like, fuck, it has the
Speaker 2: launch codes. It can launch the missiles at any moment.
Speaker 2: Our resistance is futile unless it learns from tic tac toe. Right,
Speaker 2: the computer suddenly like sparks and there sparks fire off it,
Speaker 2: and then we see it. The screens come up and
Speaker 2: it starts running simulation after simulation of the game Global
Speaker 2: Thermonuclear War.
Speaker 1: I didn't pause did you pause it all during this?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: To see the different so terrifying, like like it's like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: let's try an Asian attack. Oh okay, let's try this attack.
Speaker 1: I'm like Jesus fucking Christ. And it goes to them
Speaker 1: so fast that you realize these have all been like
Speaker 1: pre programmed in, and I'm like, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: is terrifying.
Speaker 2: It learns that there is no way to win Global
Speaker 2: Thermonuclear War. It takes the lesson of futility from Tic
Speaker 2: tac toe and applies it to Global thermonucular War. All
Speaker 2: the screens go blank, and then the computer greets Professor
Speaker 2: Falcon and says, Global Thermonuclear War is a strange game.
Speaker 2: The only winning move is not to play. Would you
Speaker 2: like a nice game of chess?
Speaker 1: There's so many other ways to learn futility though, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we didn't have to get it to play Tic tac toe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, try to get John Travolta to come out
Speaker 2: of the.
Speaker 1: Closet, try to lose ten pounds after the holidays. Like,
Speaker 1: it's just futile. You tell the computer to try try January.
Speaker 1: It's never gonna work. Yeah, yeah, Thank god David was
Speaker 1: playing as the Russians, right, because if David started playing
Speaker 1: as the US, this would have gone oh badly. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the computer is decided the game is unwinnable. It
Speaker 1: stops playing simulations over everyone is rejoicing. McKittrick shakes Falcon's hand, ruffles,
Speaker 1: he ruffles David's hair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, weird, weird.
Speaker 1: David ruffles his hair back and then kisses Jennifer as
Speaker 1: Barringer takes Norad back up to Deafcon five, moving it
Speaker 1: roll back up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: End of movie, Sweet Dreams.
Speaker 2: Everybody, all right, stick around, We're gonna come right back
Speaker 2: with our random observations and final rankings for war games,
Speaker 2: and we're back Erica. Do you have any last last
Speaker 2: bloops you'd like to bleep about wargames?
Speaker 1: Speaking of bleep bloops, did you notice the eyes of
Speaker 1: the floppy disc? Oh my god, Roderick loads into his
Speaker 1: he needs two hands fucking pizza carton. I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? We're flopping disc to nineteen eighty three.
Speaker 2: It's the size of like a pancake that I hop
Speaker 2: cells is like a giant pancakes, so big.
Speaker 1: There you go, Why is it's so big? Some of
Speaker 1: the like technology in the movie, actually there's I'm we're
Speaker 1: a little too old for this, but also some of
Speaker 1: it still does kind of resonate, Like the drive for
Speaker 1: the floppy disk still kind of looked like the ones
Speaker 1: we used when we were a little bit older, but
Speaker 1: like just smaller. It was very funny.
Speaker 2: I want to I want to give us both a
Speaker 2: little virtual hocke here you met. We're a little too
Speaker 2: young for some of the technology in the movie, but
Speaker 2: some of it resonates. Oh yeah, we're so dewey dewey eyed.
Speaker 1: I just assume I'm old all the time. You're right,
Speaker 1: but I meant to say we're too young.
Speaker 2: There. Jennifer has a line at the end when they're
Speaker 2: trying to figure out it's the final the final thing.
Speaker 2: They're trying to figure out the tic Tactoe thing. Jennifer
Speaker 2: looks at David and she's like, I told you not
Speaker 2: to start playing that game, and I'm like, you, in
Speaker 2: fact didn't you instigated, you fully co side, and granted you,
Speaker 2: you have less blame because you knew less and you
Speaker 2: understand less because, as we've said before, you're medically an idiot.
Speaker 2: But you didn't. You weren't warning him about this the
Speaker 2: whole time.
Speaker 1: Speaking of Jennifer in case, you're like, they haven't built
Speaker 1: enough of a case for me to think she's that stupid.
Speaker 1: You guys, like, come on, you guys.
Speaker 4: Be cool.
Speaker 1: There's a moment earlier in the film when they are
Speaker 1: first playing the war games in his room and they're
Speaker 1: drinking their sucking down tabs. She's reading the screen. She goes,
Speaker 1: what's a tragic story heading? And he goes, trajectory trajectory heading.
Speaker 1: I missed that one tragic tory is what she says.
Speaker 1: She is seventeen, She's not six, She is seventeen, and
Speaker 1: she does not know how to read the word trajectory.
Speaker 2: She's like Sean Connery on Celebrity Jeopardy on.
Speaker 1: Us it el, what is a tragictory heading and he goes,
Speaker 1: it's a trajectory heading where the bombs are gonna hit.
Speaker 1: And he says it in such a way where he
Speaker 1: thinks she should well you're the fact that you're too
Speaker 1: dumb to live is actually pretty charming, and I'm like, no, girl,
Speaker 1: go back to school. Yeah, go back to school right now.
Speaker 2: We talked about the whiplash moment of like Michael Madsen
Speaker 2: holding a gun on John Spencer and then going to
Speaker 2: like the score. But the other thing that accompanies is
Speaker 2: the score that we didn't talk about is the title
Speaker 2: font used in this in this movie, which I cannot
Speaker 2: express to everyone enough is the bricks from Super Mario
Speaker 2: Brothers spelling out words. It looks like you're suddenly in
Speaker 2: like like what's a military comedy like Stripes or Major
Speaker 2: Dad or something like that. It's so incongruous.
Speaker 1: Was that cutting edge technology in nineteen eighty three though?
Speaker 1: Was that like the coolest they could make it?
Speaker 2: Maybe? Like, but when we were kids playing Super Mario
Speaker 2: that looked cool.
Speaker 1: Something about nineteen eighty three that is a positive though,
Speaker 1: is cigarettes were seven dollars a curtain at seven eleven.
Speaker 2: Oh damn.
Speaker 1: I love when people are in like a real seven
Speaker 1: eleven or a real like store in a movie because
Speaker 1: I like pause and I start to look at the
Speaker 1: prices of everything. Yeah, yeah, And that's the one that
Speaker 1: jumped out at me, the most, oh, car ton of cigarettes,
Speaker 1: but like, I don't know what's in a cart and
Speaker 1: a cigarette. I think it's over one hundred cigarettes.
Speaker 2: I thought it was twelve twelve twelve packs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, oh yeah, I think each pack is
Speaker 1: like twenty cigarettes in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh, we're over two hundred cigarettes at this point. Seven
Speaker 1: books back in nineteen eighty three. Smoke them if you
Speaker 1: got them, kids.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Did you notice David has a dog. The dog
Speaker 2: runs up to greet David and Jennifer when they first arrive.
Speaker 2: There's barking, but the dog's mouth ain't moving, just like
Speaker 2: in just like in that Jean Wilder Gilda Radner movie
Speaker 2: Hunted Honeymoon does bark, bark, bark? That dog's not barking.
Speaker 2: That's hilarious.
Speaker 1: There is a scene okay, actually okay. For as clinically
Speaker 1: stupid as Jennifer is, there is good female representation in
Speaker 1: the film, although for the life of me right now,
Speaker 1: I cannot remember the character's name where the actress's name,
Speaker 1: So it's not great female representation. It's Dadney Coleman's assistant.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know what her I think she's just
Speaker 2: missed something. But the actress's name is Juanine Clay okay iguana,
Speaker 2: but I n at the end rather than a.
Speaker 1: She's wonderful the whole throughout the film. She is his assistant,
Speaker 1: but she knows a lot, right, Like he knows how
Speaker 1: how this the computer system works. She understands Wopper better
Speaker 1: than any of the military people. She starts to help
Speaker 1: de escalate the situation. At the end she's helping figure
Speaker 1: out how to like stop it from getting the launch code.
Speaker 1: So she's really savvy with everything.
Speaker 2: So yeah, very competent, more than.
Speaker 1: Your typical like I'll get you coffee assistant.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: There is a weird dynamic I do her and McKittrick
Speaker 1: that I could not figure out. I'm like, are they married?
Speaker 1: Is that the thing? Are they actually like a married
Speaker 1: couple who also work together, or is the idea that
Speaker 1: they've worked together so closely for so long that they
Speaker 1: kind of interact with each other like an old married couple.
Speaker 1: Because there is a moment in the film when he
Speaker 1: has to go like make a presentation and she's helping
Speaker 1: him like straighten his tie and stuff. Again, all very
Speaker 1: like I am a I've worked as an assistant. I
Speaker 1: have never straightened anyone's tie, Like that's your jobs are
Speaker 1: straighten your own goddamn tie. Like she's training his tie,
Speaker 1: she's helping him clean up. And then she holds out
Speaker 1: her hand and he spits his chewing gum in her hand,
Speaker 1: and she's like, all right, you're ready to go. Go
Speaker 1: and he heads off to his meeting. She takes the
Speaker 1: chewing gum, the pre chewed chewing gum, puts pops it
Speaker 1: in her mouth. Yeah, walks away. They didn't have to
Speaker 1: put that in the movie. There was absolutely no need
Speaker 1: to put that in. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Speaker 1: Who are these two people to each other? Who does
Speaker 1: that pre chewed gum? Even if it's been in someone's
Speaker 1: mouth for four seconds? Ye, done, It's done. The gum
Speaker 1: is finished. There's no everlasting gob stopper at this moment
Speaker 1: in time that will make it okay to put that
Speaker 1: in your mouth. It is going to taste like spit all.
Speaker 2: It's gonna taste like I'm gonna I want to escalate
Speaker 2: this just slightly because she hasn't. She has her hand
Speaker 2: out and he says, here, take this, and puts a
Speaker 2: gum in her head. So it's not even like I
Speaker 2: don't even know she was expecting the gum. I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't know what the dynamic is supposed to be.
Speaker 4: There is this like.
Speaker 1: A BDSM situation.
Speaker 2: I know it's very odd, but it's it's funny. It's
Speaker 2: it's funny, like she does it in a way that's funny.
Speaker 1: Well, honestly the way you just said it, because I'm
Speaker 1: remembering it wrong. I'm remembering it as her being like,
Speaker 1: to give me your gum. But if he's the one giving,
Speaker 1: if he's like, she's not planning on it. He's like, here,
Speaker 1: take this, and he hands with her gum. Maybe she's
Speaker 1: making lemonade out of lemons. Sure, he's like, yeah, my
Speaker 1: boss did just put his gross gum in my hand.
Speaker 1: But I'm a chewett. I'm gonna I'm gonna get some
Speaker 1: calories out of this to keep going with my day.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 1: Goddamn weird. There's just too many moments like that in
Speaker 1: this movie where I'm like, what is happening?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel like they're trying to inject comedy into
Speaker 2: a very dark thing, and like it's dark because of
Speaker 2: her and also Dabney Coleman, because again you see Dabney Coleman,
Speaker 2: like that's the bad boss from nine to five, Like
Speaker 2: that's I presume what most people first think of when
Speaker 2: they see him, and like it's such a Dabney Coleman thing,
Speaker 2: Like did he come up with that? It was like, hey,
Speaker 2: let's do this, this will be funny.
Speaker 1: Oh possibly, that's always an improv moment and the actress
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna guess and the shit out of
Speaker 1: this and pop it in my mouth. Maybe it could
Speaker 1: have stayed on the cutting room floor.
Speaker 2: Though, while we're on the topic of female NORAD employees,
Speaker 2: I do want to talk a little bit more about
Speaker 2: we kind of glossed over the sexual harassment moment of
Speaker 2: Sodom Hussein and the woman who is sitting outside the infirmary.
Speaker 2: I presume some sort of medical professional if she's sitting
Speaker 2: outside the infirmary.
Speaker 1: You mean Sodom Hussein, the military man dressed like a
Speaker 1: Belgian bakery owner.
Speaker 2: Ye, the guy that's dressed like the Disney prince who
Speaker 2: doesn't get the princess at the end of the movie.
Speaker 1: Yeahhh yeah, the guy who's seconds away from initiating a
Speaker 1: duel with his glove.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, that guy. So he puts David in the
Speaker 2: infirmary and walks out. We stay with him for a
Speaker 2: minute and he walks over to the woman at the
Speaker 2: desk and she's not immediately put off. That happens like
Speaker 2: later in the scene. You hear that more than see him.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, you want me to leave. He's like, yes,
Speaker 2: I want you to leave. Like good for her. She
Speaker 2: is very like, now I am done, leave me alone.
Speaker 2: But when he walks over, he's like, oh, I heard
Speaker 2: you're good at tennis. And then behind her there's an
Speaker 2: array of tennis trophies on her I didn't notice, And
Speaker 2: I'm like, who's the adult that's good enough at tennis
Speaker 2: that you're apparently entering multiple competitions.
Speaker 1: And and fucking smoking everyone and winning.
Speaker 2: That then brings those trophies into work to display them
Speaker 2: for her coworkers to look at.
Speaker 1: I am going to get a hobby amazing at it.
Speaker 1: You know what, you know what, you know what. I'm
Speaker 1: making it more complicated and it needs to be. You
Speaker 1: can go on Amazon dot com raight by Trophies, fucking
Speaker 1: by Tropes, My forty Bowling trophies and just stick them
Speaker 1: at my desk at work and just wait for someone
Speaker 1: to ask me about them. Guys, that is a free
Speaker 1: thing you can It's not free because those bowling trophies
Speaker 1: will cost me. You know what worth it that? That
Speaker 1: is something you can do right now if you want to,
Speaker 1: if you want to energy yourself at work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and don't limit yourself to bowling. Get weird, get
Speaker 2: badminten trophies, archery arch sure, yeah, get get like I
Speaker 2: don't know ax throwing.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Judo trophies. Yes, a roly poly girl
Speaker 1: like me walked in that office like, I'm actually amazing
Speaker 1: at Judo.
Speaker 2: If you ask me about it, I will kill you
Speaker 2: using my skills.
Speaker 1: Just I just have one more.
Speaker 2: And uh.
Speaker 1: There's like when at the end of the movie, when
Speaker 1: everything's escalating and it's you know, I actually said out
Speaker 1: loud to the screen. I was like, if this fucking
Speaker 1: ends with then unplugged, unplugging, whopper, that's how this movie ends.
Speaker 1: I will burn it. I will burn it to the
Speaker 1: ground right like, And that second someone, I think Barringer says,
Speaker 1: why don't we just unplug the machine? And I'm like, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: I'm getting angry. I'm like, my my brushes up. And
Speaker 1: then McKittrick says, no, we can't. It'll it'll assume that
Speaker 1: we've been bombed and it will definitely set off all
Speaker 1: the bombs. So the movie thought enough ahead to know
Speaker 1: that people in the audience are gonna be like, well,
Speaker 1: they could just unplug the machine. He's like, that's not
Speaker 1: gonna work. You have any other bright ideas? And then
Speaker 1: best line in the movie, Barridger looks at Mikitchen and goes,
Speaker 1: I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought I'd
Speaker 1: do any good well done, never changeinger.
Speaker 2: With the amount of urine that's flowing in that thing,
Speaker 2: maybe that maybe that is the best thing to do.
Speaker 2: Just everyone start pissing on the computer. Just try to
Speaker 2: shut it down with water.
Speaker 1: Paul, How should we rank war games? By the way
Speaker 1: I wrote it in my notes as war games two
Speaker 1: different words, but it's actually the movie is one where
Speaker 1: it's wargames stylized war games war games?
Speaker 2: How should we rank?
Speaker 1: We're games?
Speaker 2: One to ten? Beautiful nostalgic soothing card catalogs ah.
Speaker 1: Someone on YouTube is definitely put a video up for
Speaker 1: us to watch. That's just people opening and closing card catalogs.
Speaker 1: I will find it. Yeah, how about one to ten
Speaker 1: adult arcade games and the new business venture that we're
Speaker 1: one hundred percent going to open.
Speaker 2: Yeah, meat Fighter too, that's what I'm talking about, Mortal
Speaker 2: combat right right.
Speaker 1: Donkey Kong, it already sounds like done. Just donkey Kong,
Speaker 1: we all know what we're talking about. Throw a barrel
Speaker 1: at me, you big brilliant.
Speaker 2: Okay, come on, how about one to ten birds that
Speaker 2: look like pterodactyls.
Speaker 1: Fuck off, Paul, because you know what, I bet there
Speaker 1: is one. I'm gonna google it. I will find it.
Speaker 1: There's some bird right now in Africa that looks exactly
Speaker 1: like a pterodactyl.
Speaker 2: The we're just looking fucking two. Can you've ever seen?
Speaker 1: How about one to ten bleep bloops.
Speaker 2: Bloop, bleep bloop. We should do this one.
Speaker 1: Has been boops, We've done, has had has had a
Speaker 1: moment of bleep bloop?
Speaker 2: Do you want to go? Shall I go first?
Speaker 1: Why don't you bleep bloop this one first?
Speaker 2: All right? Okay, so there's no gay representation in this movie.
Speaker 2: That's fine. We don't even need to say anything else
Speaker 2: about it. There's nothing. I mean, Joshua was obviously queer,
Speaker 2: but I think that goes without saying there is something
Speaker 2: specifically gay about a man or a computer named Joshua
Speaker 2: that refuses to stop playing the game until it's done.
Speaker 2: Like that that I've been at those game nights with
Speaker 2: those people. A female representation, it's mostly a sausage fest.
Speaker 2: Mckittrick's assistant is whose name I can't remember.
Speaker 1: I'm googling it right now because it's bothering me that
Speaker 1: she's the only other really major female role in the movie,
Speaker 1: and I cannot remember this poor woman's name.
Speaker 2: But the fact that neither of us can remember it
Speaker 2: also speaks to how major of a role it actually is.
Speaker 1: Hat Healey hat Heally played by Juan in Clay.
Speaker 2: So that's not great. I would have loved, at least
Speaker 2: if if Jennifer could have had something that she did
Speaker 2: in the movie that actually made her participation necessary, which
Speaker 2: I do think the movie set itself up for with
Speaker 2: like that, that her being like the moral one, and
Speaker 2: like what if she was the one who was able
Speaker 2: to argue Falkan into actually coming back to help like that,
Speaker 2: that would have been the thing that David couldn't do that.
Speaker 1: He needed Jennifer for you're giving her quite a tragictory.
Speaker 2: I love a character on a tragictory. I love a
Speaker 2: character on a promontory. I love a character on a tragictory. Okay,
Speaker 2: racial diversity, so this one's is a little more interesting
Speaker 2: than you might think. Even what we've talked about. There
Speaker 2: are no major characters of color, but the movie is
Speaker 2: populated with people of color throughout the whole thing. Like
Speaker 2: the guy that plays Sandra Bullock's boss and best friend
Speaker 2: and While you Were Sleeping is in this movie. He
Speaker 2: has like five lines.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he's the military guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The woman who does the countdown is a black woman.
Speaker 2: The woman who they play that horrible prank on who's
Speaker 2: part of the tour group where they're like, why do
Speaker 2: you press that button? And she's like, ah, yeah, she's
Speaker 2: a woman of color. Like, So, because this is nineteen
Speaker 2: eighty three, I don't want to award too many points
Speaker 2: for that, but like, it does feel like this movie
Speaker 2: very could have easily been a sea of white faces
Speaker 2: and it isn't.
Speaker 1: That's fair.
Speaker 2: I've seen enough movies from the early eighties now where
Speaker 2: it makes me feel like someone at least was like,
Speaker 2: we have no black people anywhere in this film. Can
Speaker 2: we just get some hiresome day players to come in
Speaker 2: and do this? Like and which is it some? It's something.
Speaker 2: It's not everything, but it's something, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Outside of that, we age horribly and the movie has
Speaker 2: only become more upsetting, terrifying.
Speaker 1: Terrifying my stomach talking about it, honestly.
Speaker 2: But that's not the movie's fault. That's that's the movie
Speaker 2: doing its job right. That's that's what that's the story
Speaker 2: they set out to tell. And I really think that
Speaker 2: John Wood performance is excellent, like like really next level.
Speaker 2: Like I think everyone in the movie is good, but
Speaker 2: like he's he's a whole new level. All the weight
Speaker 2: of the philosophy and the life lessons, it's all on
Speaker 2: him to do what essentially amounts to like three scenes basically,
Speaker 2: and he does it.
Speaker 1: And he has to turn on a dime too, because
Speaker 1: he goes from being totally nihilistic it's being totally like
Speaker 1: bought in.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I'm going to rate this relatively high despite
Speaker 2: it kind of falling down. I think on some of
Speaker 2: our the major things that we talk about, like Jennifer
Speaker 2: is in a lot of the movie, but I want
Speaker 2: to call her like amazing female representation. I'm gonna give
Speaker 2: it you know what, I'm gonna give it a seven.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give it a seven because despite the ways
Speaker 2: that it doesn't age well, there's ways that it does
Speaker 2: age well that I think balance that out, which sometimes
Speaker 2: we don't have. Like sometimes we have these things where
Speaker 2: like there's even if it's just like sins of omission
Speaker 2: or something, then the movie also is a bit of fluff,
Speaker 2: which I love. I love a bit of fluff movie too,
Speaker 2: But you're like, well, there's nothing, there's no ballast on
Speaker 2: this to like balance this out, Whereas this movie has
Speaker 2: a real point, and it's a point that ages beautifully.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to give it a seven out of ten.
Speaker 2: Bleep loops for war games? What do you think?
Speaker 1: You know? Thing? One reason I think at Ages really
Speaker 1: really well is because it's meant for teenage boys to watch. Sure,
Speaker 1: this is not meant for an audience of adults. This
Speaker 1: is meant for an audience of children because it's the
Speaker 1: main character is a teenage boy and the protagonist is
Speaker 1: like a computer hacker, you know, And so it was
Speaker 1: meant for like fourteen year olds to watch in nineteen
Speaker 1: eighty three, and I think the messaging then gets even
Speaker 1: more important and it's educational in like a really good way.
Speaker 1: I always complain when you do those movies that are
Speaker 1: meant for children that they're the messaging is fucking horrible
Speaker 1: because the audience is children and not adults. This movie
Speaker 1: gets it right because the audience it is adults too,
Speaker 1: but it's it's meant for kids to watch. This is
Speaker 1: meant for teenage boys. I think specifically to I like
Speaker 1: that it gets dark, like I do. I actually like
Speaker 1: that it gets dark, that it like it goes there
Speaker 1: and it explains the ramifications of war, and it explains
Speaker 1: the like you can't not care, you have to care, right.
Speaker 1: That is all kind of beautiful. So I think it
Speaker 1: ages really really well in that regard. To me, where
Speaker 1: it really falls down on is the female representation, because
Speaker 1: it's it doesn't pass the Bechtel test. It's got three
Speaker 1: women in it if you include his mom, who has
Speaker 1: one line, and then you have Jennifer, who's this if
Speaker 1: she were not played by Ali, sheety being like like
Speaker 1: a light in in the middle of the movie. If
Speaker 1: she was played by a more dull actress. I would
Speaker 1: hate this role. Like Ali, she's doing a lot of
Speaker 1: work to make this like really watchable. And then you
Speaker 1: have miss Healy Pat Healy, who is great and wonderful,
Speaker 1: but like like you said, she's a small part and
Speaker 1: like she's easily forget. She's so forgettable. And I watched
Speaker 1: this movie yesterday could not remember her name. I cut
Speaker 1: recap yeah, yeah, and so like it. It really falls
Speaker 1: down in that regard. And again, I know the target
Speaker 1: audience was probably teenage boys, so they're gonna put like
Speaker 1: a cute girl in there, and then like a lady
Speaker 1: at the at the a lady at Norrad who sort
Speaker 1: of acts like a surrogate wife to the guy who's
Speaker 1: head of nor Ad. That's not great. And those all
Speaker 1: seem like unconscious choices that the writers made, Like I
Speaker 1: don't think they meant to do any of that. They did, right,
Speaker 1: So every woman in the movie is kind of like
Speaker 1: a mom figure almost except for Jennifer, who's just this
Speaker 1: like that bid girlfriend figure. So that's not great. That's
Speaker 1: that sucks for girls who are fourteen who had to
Speaker 1: watch this movie and didn't get to see themselves on screen.
Speaker 1: But like I said before, like everything else about the
Speaker 1: movie ages so well and the messaging is so good,
Speaker 1: I'm going to stick with you on this. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give it a seven. Okay, we're gonna give it a
Speaker 1: seven out of ten bleep loops. And also, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna give a palette cleanser because this is not my genre.
Speaker 1: I've talked about this in the other films we've talked
Speaker 1: about this month, where I don't have much of a
Speaker 1: poll to be like, the only thing I could say
Speaker 1: is that if this is not your genre of film
Speaker 1: they have, they are so clearly taking from Doctor Strangelove
Speaker 1: in this movie, like it is very clearly, and so
Speaker 1: I would I would suggest if you're kind of into
Speaker 1: classic movies and you've missed Doctor Strangelove, it's I think
Speaker 1: Kubrick's funniest movie, which is not a hard Bart, not
Speaker 1: a hard Bard to clear, funnier than than Eyes Wide Shut,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that. But yeah, I think Doctor Strangelove
Speaker 1: would be a really good, like other film to watch
Speaker 1: along with with this one. So yeah, how about you, Paul.
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to offer a palate cleanser. I think
Speaker 2: this is a good movie. I think it is it's
Speaker 2: it's it's and it has a point and it makes
Speaker 2: its point well. And I admit I was a little
Speaker 2: concerned until John Wood arrived because I was like, I've
Speaker 2: wasn't sure where the plane was landing until suddenly he
Speaker 2: arrived and was like right here, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: we are good here. Like I think, like, these are
Speaker 2: the same writers that did Sneakers, and I think it
Speaker 2: feels to me like watching younger writers learning watching the
Speaker 2: progression between those two movies, because like in Sneakers, it's like, okay,
Speaker 2: we've we've turned down the heat on like how bad
Speaker 2: this is going to be, so we can turn up
Speaker 2: the heat on the comedy because like if it goes bad,
Speaker 2: it's it's not global thermer nuclear war.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, but also there's like a philosophical bent to
Speaker 1: both films too.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, all right, So that is the end of
Speaker 2: our show. Everyone listening can follow us on social media.
Speaker 2: We are on Blue Sky, we are on Threads, we
Speaker 2: are on Instagram. If you want to request movies for
Speaker 2: us to do, you can go on Instagram. That's the
Speaker 2: only place I post the monthly themes and we take
Speaker 2: requests on those themes. We have a tea public shop.
Speaker 2: We would love it if you would a five star
Speaker 2: review on Apple Podcasts or on any podcasting platform that
Speaker 2: you use. If you do that, just like Lori n
Speaker 2: Ady and Dorin Laufer from the top of this episode,
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Speaker 2: have my tote bag please? And yes you can. You
Speaker 2: do not have to wait for us to read it.
Speaker 2: You you can just email and say this is me,
Speaker 2: that's okay. Like it. We're like six seven months behind
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Speaker 1: You want, ask for it.
Speaker 2: You will get zero percent of the tote bags you
Speaker 2: don't ask for. So if you've always thought I don't
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Speaker 2: there's a link there to rate this podcast, slash that
Speaker 2: age Well and you can follow those instructions and it
Speaker 2: will take you through it.
Speaker 1: That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kayola.
Speaker 1: We would end an AI bot. You guys don't know this,
Speaker 1: I'm fully ai huh I don't. I'm not real. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have nowhere to go from that jokes. That's a
Speaker 1: dumb joke.
Speaker 2: That's a real Jennifer joke.
Speaker 1: We would like to thank Nancy, Michael, Mary, Beth, Kathleen, Nnette,
Speaker 1: j Ril, Sabrina, Ben shann and Laurie, Canille Stewart, Corina, Kelly, Christine, Josephine, Erica,
Speaker 1: another Christine, and oh there's more Michelle Stacey and our
Speaker 1: patrons for voting for this movie that I one hundred
Speaker 1: percent thought was Project X yep, but I'm really glad
Speaker 1: I saw it. I think Project That's is even more
Speaker 1: of a bummer because it's about like testing on animals.
Speaker 2: Oh that's if we bare the secret of nim.
Speaker 1: Yeah, memory sirs, that's an even harder one. So thank
Speaker 1: you all for reaching out, letting us know what you
Speaker 1: want to hear. If you want to have a say
Speaker 1: in the topics we discuss, come on, guys, join our Patreon.
Speaker 1: Every patron gets to vote in the exclusive monthly poll
Speaker 1: to determine one of our subjects, one of the films
Speaker 1: we do. For example, We're Games Were Games, So head
Speaker 1: on over to patreon dot com. Slash That Aged Well
Speaker 1: Podcast to find out more. Speaking of which, some tears
Speaker 1: on our Patreon come with a thanks from a podcast character,
Speaker 1: And today we're hearing from the iconic the indomitable Miss Piggy.
Speaker 4: Oh hello, my dearest darlings. I have only a few
Speaker 4: moments to spend with you today. I'm in the midst
Speaker 4: of a whirlwind of appointments to prepare for my appearance
Speaker 4: at the Oscars this year.
Speaker 1: Oh, Piggy, you're going to the Oscars?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Being sure me, little chickadee. I go to the Oscars
Speaker 4: every year, whether they invite me or not, But this
Speaker 4: year I feel that they must, must, must let more
Speaker 4: present the video clip on the substance. Did you know
Speaker 4: that film was based on my experiences in Hollywood? Oh?
Speaker 1: I thought the film was more of like a metaphor
Speaker 1: about female experiences.
Speaker 4: Oh oh, are you one of those women who try
Speaker 4: to erase other women in a vinglorious attempt to lift
Speaker 4: yourself or are you prepared to name another star of
Speaker 4: my stature that has seventeen old bodies with the stuffing
Speaker 4: rapped out shoved into the back of her boudoir.
Speaker 1: Okay, not off the top of my head. We agree.
Speaker 4: The gay film of the year is a meditation on
Speaker 4: more and More alone. But I'm not here to discuss
Speaker 4: to me Moore's performance, even though she ignored all of
Speaker 4: the notes I've painstakingly wrote and shipped to her in
Speaker 4: edible arrangements each and every day of the shoot. No, no, no,
Speaker 4: I am here to thank Carrie for being a patron
Speaker 4: of that agedd well mercy bookou carry. And now I'm
Speaker 4: off I have an appointment to teach to me how
Speaker 4: to cry just the right amount of beautiful tears when
Speaker 4: she wins my her oscar. She keeps thinking she should
Speaker 4: emulate Claire Dane's face when crying, and lord knows that's
Speaker 4: not something anyone wants to see.
Speaker 1: Claire Danes catching strains from Miss Peggy.
Speaker 2: She loves to spray and pray. Have you noticed that
Speaker 2: there's never a visit that goes by without an opinion,
Speaker 2: A hard opinion. Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, someone on the internet wrote, and I think and
Speaker 1: I fully agree, even though I've never seen the show.
Speaker 1: Is they need to have a real Housewives of Beverly
Speaker 1: Hill season that includes Miss Piggy as a character, and
Speaker 1: no one acknowledges the fact that it's a muppet. The
Speaker 1: entire time, not at all.
Speaker 2: It straight perfect, all right, Erica. Any final thoughts on
Speaker 2: war games? War games?
Speaker 1: Hello, Paul, would you like to play a game?
Speaker 2: She ripped the mask off.
Speaker 1: Do you want to keep going about card catalogs?
Speaker 2: No, that's good. I'm good. It may come up again,
Speaker 2: but I can bring it up.
Speaker 1: I just want to give you space.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're I'm holding space for your card catalogs.
Speaker 2: You know you can be a catalog model. I could
Speaker 2: be a card catalog model. Oh my god. Look look
Speaker 2: at how the drawer comes out and you can comb
Speaker 2: through it. You can find the book you want.
Speaker 1: You can do ASMR with just the opening and closing
Speaker 1: the drawers and.
Speaker 2: Like things to exist. I'm going to look for that
Speaker 2: on YouTube tonight.
Speaker 1: I know it does exist because I think people who
Speaker 1: do ASMR are too young to know what a card
Speaker 1: catalog is, and people who know who what a card
Speaker 1: catalog is are like, what the fuck is ASMR?
Speaker 2: Okay, in the adult Arcade with the porno video games,
Speaker 2: to find the video game you want, you have to
Speaker 2: go into the card catalog.
Speaker 1: It's all getting cut from this episode. There's no way
Speaker 1: you're actually gonna put this in. We have lost the thread.
Speaker 2: That's what a card catalog comes in handy, because you
Speaker 2: can go, you can find it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm no longer holding space for your card catalog