Speaker 1: Ah, good morning from Hell. It's another beautiful day out
in Hell. There's fresh lava on the grass, and Chris
is here with my coffee. Kim car you Chris here,
give me here, give me, give me a hug. Chris,
it's so good to see you.
Speaker 2: Why okay, can you give me?
Speaker 1: Give me that coffee? There you go, it's filled in
your face.
Speaker 3: What a beautiful day in Hell.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So, for those of you who may have never listened
to this podcast for I'm Chris. I died fairly recently
and I was sent to Hell and my eternal punishment
is to do this podcast with my co host, the
vice president of Hell, Clayton.
Speaker 3: Four more years?
Speaker 2: Am I right? Four more years?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 4: I got a couple of questions from the audience that
they sent in. Let's hear it all right, So this
is from hotmail from.
Speaker 1: VEYLO v A l O. Let me see your veil. Yeah,
lots of it's it's a song. I'm parodying it. I'm
we're replacing the real words with the person's name. Continue
with the question.
Speaker 4: Sorry, yeap hi, I'm a fourteen year old demon and
my horn is constantly hard.
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for me.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a that's a rough one. Yeah, you're going
through a lot of changes. You're feeling a lot of
things in your body right now.
Speaker 3: We've all been there.
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing, you know, everybody's looking at your hard horn.
So I would recommend getting like a hat or something.
You know, sometimes it happens when you're in demon class
and and you kind of fall asleep and you wake
up and your your horns are hard, So like wearing
a nice hat to cover that up. Maybe maybe putting
your textbook on top of your head to.
Speaker 3: Kind of to squash your back back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, find a way to like cover it with your backpack.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I'll tell you what though, uh velo, Like, uh,
you're gonna miss these days. You know, someday you're gonna
you're gonna be an old demon, you know, up in
your six thousandth year of life, and uh, and you're
gonna miss those hard horns.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: It's you're gonna have soft, floppy horns and they're just
gonna be hanging down to your shoulders and you're getting
You're gonna missed the days when you used to get
random hard horns.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So yeah, do you have a soft horn problem.
I mean I haven't.
Speaker 1: No, No, I'm stiff as a stiff as a diamond.
My horns, my horns couldn't be harder. But now there
there's other people. But you know this is not from
personal experience, but you know there's there. They're medicines to
solve these problems.
Speaker 2: Yeah, medicine like what.
Speaker 3: Oh we got uh, we got we got diagra?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, is that a.
Speaker 3: Bit of a stretch. That joke was No, that's the
Chris bar.
Speaker 2: No, No, that's it was. It was it's a low bar.
So you're good.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, So so diagra does it? Is it like
rigor mortis? So it kills you and makes you hard
or that's right?
Speaker 3: Yea, yeah, it makes you stiff like a corpse.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, contacts your your doctor if you are
dead for more than forty eight hours. I don't know
how you're gonna do that.
Speaker 3: Because you're dead. But you know we got we also
got horny goat weed.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that makes sense because goats have horns, and.
Speaker 3: Right horn it's in the name horny.
Speaker 2: That's that's a freebie.
Speaker 1: Whoa whoa yo, dogging mister criticism over here, all right,
we a questioned from Dorian. Is there a question? Hey,
can I get comedy classes from Krista Maris? Is that
the question?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 4: Because they're all sold out? Right, I've found this from Dorian.
I found myself the owner of at least thirteen other
people's souls. How do I donate them to the Claytonist
Party to aid in your endeavor to become the one
true president of Hell Hell Clayton.
Speaker 3: Wow, Dorian, thank you. That's that's so nice.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's there's so many places that you could
take your souls to. You know, you can go to
the Church of Scientology, you could God forbid God, you know,
you could take him. But you know what, it sounds
like you hit the black pot with your thirteen souls.
So it's very simple to get.
Speaker 2: Them down to Hell.
Speaker 3: All I gotta do as you go to your local
know U P S.
Speaker 1: FedEx, and then and then you pick up just one
of those envelopes, okay, and then you're gonna you're gonna
want to seal the souls into a plastic baggie and
you're gonna want to put a lot of packing peanuts.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: Soles are very fragile packing peanuts. You're gonna put in
the package, and then you're gonna seal it up. And
then you're gonna light a black candle and draw a
pentagram from the bone dust of an old rabbit or
or other small woodland creature. Uh. And you're gonna make
a pentagram, and then you're gonna put it in the middle.
You're gonna light it on fire, and then you're gonna
do the sacred chant.
Speaker 2: The sacred chant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a well, it's stairway to Heaven backwards. It's
it's easy, it's easy. It's express delivery, very cheap. Rabbit
because it's it's you know, you gotta you gotta sacrifice a.
Speaker 2: Cute little animal.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, rabbits, cats, dogs, hedgehogs.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna just keep naming off.
Speaker 2: You cut me off, Chris. Uh.
Speaker 1: Crabs, crabs No, no, no, sorry, I was looking at
my crabs on my I looked down between my legs.
Speaker 3: Oh, crabs. Got crabs again, they're back.
Speaker 2: Okay, who do we have for our guests this week?
Speaker 1: Well, you know we got we got a couple of
old school celebrities. You know, they're they're part of the
old guard. You know, you got your modern celebrities, you know,
your big heart hot shots. You know you got your
your Wesley Snipes and your and your Jared Leto's and
your your Walter Goggins.
Speaker 4: What but these are this is this is the old school.
That was your that was your A list.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's the that's the Tell's top tier celebrities.
There are biggest draws anytime they come out with the
movie Who's as you know, it's not important, all right,
So we're gonna choose our guests. Uh, it's it's Jimmy
Stewart and Grace Kelly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, guys.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, what a pleasure. Thanks for having guys.
Speaker 6: Thank you for such colorful and introduction.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I don't know, well half those were are
just said, but it sounded like real ice paper.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: Okay, so these are these are like the biggest celebrities
from like the fifties and six right.
Speaker 5: Wow, so yes, yeah, I mean my career started a
few decades before that, but okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So Jimmy, do you want to go by James
or Jimmy Stewart?
Speaker 2: Which do you prefer?
Speaker 5: Call me Tom?
Speaker 1: Tom?
Speaker 5: That's a that's an old. That's an old Hollywood joke.
You can call me Jimmy.
Speaker 6: Jimmy, are so full of quips?
Speaker 4: Oh thanks, Grace, Uh yeah, so Jimmy. Yeah, mister Smith
goes to Washington. It's a wonderful life. Rear window and Grace.
You were in rear window with Jimmy, dial Infmurderer.
Speaker 6: Anywhere a woman was needed, I was there.
Speaker 5: Was that you.
Speaker 6: Something of a fashion?
Speaker 5: Yes, you know, they just put them, put them in
front of me like a revolving door. Women. Yeah, I
could tell one blonde from the next. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Is that how it worked in the fifties.
Speaker 5: But I had I had a wonderful time, filled me
with grace.
Speaker 6: Oh yes, as long as the director advise that we
do not tell mister Stewart our name or cup size. No,
it would be fine.
Speaker 5: No eye contact.
Speaker 6: But he jokes, he jokes. Jimmy and I were often
paid throughout this time period.
Speaker 3: Well, you guys worked with Hitchcock. Tell us about that.
Speaker 6: Yes, hitch and I we were fast friends. Dial Ampa
Murder one of my first pictures with hitch Oh.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a genius, that's for sortain. I don't
think he did anything wrong on set. No, nothing, not
a thing.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 5: I mean sometimes you gotta crack the whip to get
the most out of your actors. I can tell you
that much.
Speaker 6: Oh. Yes, he's known now for some of his unorthodox methods.
But what most people don't know is that I advised
him in many of those regards.
Speaker 1: Oh really, you were like an assistant director or a
co director of sorts.
Speaker 6: Oh no, a woman was allowed to hold such a title.
What a humor. When Hitch would lament to me, I
would say, you know what, if she doesn't want to abide,
maybe you throw the birds.
Speaker 2: At her, very birds.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I'll tell you as much. I told al
to his face. I said, if I could have been
there on set to throw a bird at Tippy, I wata.
Speaker 2: Oh you're talking about the movie The Birds. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: We weren't in it. But if we could have could
have been there to see see her get pegged with
those birds, I get it again? Or over the time
my life?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Oh, but we were in so many fashionable pictures together,
won't we, Jimmy.
Speaker 5: Oh absolutely, yes, we're window. Now, we're real window. They
mentioned a bunch but at the top, I oh, rope.
I was in rope and birdigal.
Speaker 1: You know, we have the the entertainment industry down here
in Hell. And I hear that you guys are making
a sequel to Rear Windows.
Speaker 5: That is that true? Well, yeah, that's part of the
reason we wanted to come on the show. We want
to they're finally doing it. They're getting the gang back together.
Tell us about your new picture.
Speaker 6: Oh, Hitch called us up and he said, here's a
gas for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, rear window too, front window. Ah yeah, So it's
without saying too much, it's basically the same premise of
the first one, except it's the windows on the other side.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's the front. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well what about like is there is there still gonna
be like a wife killed or something or Oh.
Speaker 6: Hitch wanted to go big with this one. He wanted
to go big time. He said, double the wives dead
two dead ladies.
Speaker 2: Oh not just one?
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, no, we doubled it for this one. Wow,
going big.
Speaker 4: Well that makes sense that the sequel you always gotta
go bigger and more death, more.
Speaker 6: Dead wives, more windows, more everything, more nineteen fifties man, body,
because if you if you're familiar with Weer Window, you
see quite a bit of Jimmy Stewart's excellent physique.
Speaker 5: Wow, I was in the best shape of my life
during that movie. You can just take one look at
it and see.
Speaker 6: One one hundred and five pounds of pure Hollywood charisma.
Speaker 5: Sick and hanging off my bones. That was a heart throb.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Hollywood heart throbs were definitely saggier.
Speaker 6: Jimmy. As as impressive as your physique was, it did
become quite a bit of a problem come war time.
Speaker 5: Well yeah, well, I mean before then I was too small.
I had to gain some weight. I had to put
on five ten pounds just to get into the war,
which war all of them? Oh okay, well this is
the biggest war, the big one.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 5: I was a pilot at World War Two. Oh okay, yeah, Oh.
Speaker 6: What fun we had, Jimmy soaring over the skies. You
and the jet me painted on the side, go so grace.
Speaker 3: You weren't actually with them, or you were?
Speaker 1: You were you were like one of the paintings on
the side of the planes.
Speaker 6: Yeah. So to raise morale and earn some money, State
side MGM sold my likeness to the war effort.
Speaker 5: Well got to do their part.
Speaker 6: And I was no exception, except there was a little
bit of a snaffoo and some of my images got
sold to the Nazi side.
Speaker 5: Oh you have seen the look on my face when
I'm blitzing through the clouds, I see some Nazi plane
coming through through the through the sidebrew mirror. There it's
got Grace looking back at me.
Speaker 6: And them pretty as a picture, getting my tits blown off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're what, just like a Nazi I guess you.
Speaker 5: Are a blonde haired wah is perfect.
Speaker 6: Yeah, except when I'm not, as any man would rightly
point out, well, she speaks up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sho.
Speaker 4: So you were just like what all over Nazi like
propaganda and tanks and stuff.
Speaker 6: Oh, Chris, if you could have seen it, I was
the biggest star and douzeled off. My picture was pasted
all over the walls. Sure, the walls were getting torn
down in the blitz creak, but I was there, Chris,
every side of the tank, every bomber. You could see
Grace in the skies.
Speaker 1: Sure you're very proud of that. I mean it's you're
you're fighting for the wrong side.
Speaker 6: Yeah, technically that Nazi money paid for eight MGM pictures
that fall.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I would keep that to yourself, starting to
figure out why you ended up down here, Grace.
Speaker 6: What are you talking about? Don't forget that. Jimmy and
I also did a part. Most people don't know this,
but we were spies serving for America.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, see what happened is they saw a rare
window which actually came out about fifteen years later. The
descripts have been descript has been written. We were attached.
Speaker 6: Oh, it was circulating the town like Judy Garland on
a waterbed.
Speaker 5: And so it was actually OL's idea, it was. It
was actually Al's idea. He said, well, if you guys
are going to be spies in this movie, you should
go be spies in the war.
Speaker 1: It was just like, was this some sort of like
method acting like you were training up for the part.
Speaker 5: Or or why wow? It was like an actor's boot camp.
I guess, oh, wow.
Speaker 3: You're actually on the front lines though.
Speaker 5: Well I wasn't. I was in a tower about eighteen
miles away from the front line with the binoculars. Oh,
Grace was going through the ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, tell us about that, Grace, Yeah, I was.
Speaker 6: Jimmy was in the tower. We were on the comps.
He was spotting the Japanese for me, and I was
shiving him one by the one, dozens by the dozens.
I was killing Dilla out there on the battlefield. You
should have seen it.
Speaker 5: I twisted my ankle, you see, right before where it started.
Speaker 4: So I was confined to a wheelchair for most of Yes,
you actually became the character from ru Winda.
Speaker 5: That's nice. Well, I was purely coincidental, but it helped.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So did you ever leave the watch tower?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you see because one of the one of the
bad guys, enemy soldiers, I guess in this case, the Japanese. Yeah,
I could couldn't tell what with you the front lines were.
You know, it was a it was a whirlwind. But
uh but so one of them got through and I
tried to stop, and Buddy held me out the side
of the tower.
Speaker 6: He was trying to put old Jimmy into a Chicago overcoat,
and I said, I won't do it. I won't do it.
So I doubled back and I put two bullets in
his computer, one by one.
Speaker 5: Did they have computers back then? I think she means
the brain.
Speaker 1: Oh oh right, I just didn't know what that was
a common uh, saying, but moving on, you were fighting
in the Pacific all the whole time.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 5: Then I had us fly on which why and watch why?
Speaker 6: We went from the Hollywood Theatre to the Pacific Theater.
Chris and I don't regret any single moment of it,
and rear window. The script prepared us for those days.
Jimmy all of the time he spent method acting preparing
for the peeping that he was going to do.
Speaker 5: Well, I said, I sent you off to the Japanese there,
I said, well, I've been to the Chinese one before.
Speaker 2: That's a very famous theater.
Speaker 1: So yeah, So what other kind of stuff did you
guys participate in during the war.
Speaker 6: Oh well, you'll be to know this that during one
of my many missions under cover, I got a personal
audience with Joseph Goebels. He was making one of his pictures,
and of course he wanted me to be in it,
And who was I a trained Thespian to turn down
such a role, So of course I oblige. During that
time I learned that the Fiera himself would be at
a theater on Munich Main Street during an exact time
that Jimmy would be in town.
Speaker 5: Oh, Yeah, I was always there doing charity events for
in Germany.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he was raising the spirits of the troops.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. The troops are troops, and I'm
just trying to be warm.
Speaker 2: You always want to support the troops, but Nazis? Do
you really want to support the Nazis?
Speaker 5: Let me let me share my morality here. I figured
if I could do it, the least I could do
and try and put a bullet between Hitler's eyes.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I get it. Yeah, that's part of your
undercover mission.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so how did that go? Was? It's a very
I mean, it didn't work out like we wanted to.
I went to the theater and I got I got
him alone in the men's room and and I'm about
to pull the trigger, and he tells me he's got
these dogs, these shepherds, and he loves them. And you
know what, I immediately thought of my dogs back home. Oh,
and I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 3: You let Hitler live because of dogs, because.
Speaker 5: He showed me a picture of his little guy, Brutus,
and I just I couldn't make Brutus an orphan.
Speaker 2: So you let Hitler go because you're a dog.
Speaker 5: Well, I don't think of it as letting him go.
I think of it more as keeping Brutus's daddy in
the world.
Speaker 2: Well, uh, I don't know if that like necessarily evens out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, listen, we all make mistakes. We all make mistakes.
I had to live with that for the rest of
my life.
Speaker 2: Show us.
Speaker 6: Some might consider it a war crime.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it, that's it, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So going back to your movie career, Jimmy, I mean,
one of a movie that's super popular even nowadays is
It's a Wonderful Life.
Speaker 2: It's that famous Christmas movie you were in.
Speaker 4: Oh ah yeah, where you kind of like an angel
comes down to earth to help you through a hard
time and then you help the angel get its wings.
Since you're now dead and in hell, have you stayed
in touch with that angel?
Speaker 5: Well no, because that was an actor, that was an
actual angel. We weren't able to start casting angels in
our Hollywood pictures. Don't about the seventies.
Speaker 1: Oh what kind of famous angels are in the in
the movie industry that you know of?
Speaker 5: Oh, well, Grace has met a couple of them.
Speaker 6: I'm sure John Travolta phenomenon.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's real. No, you're thinking Michael, Michael, but
there was also an angel and phenomenon. That's how I
did all the things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those are visual effects.
Speaker 6: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well and then also what like Nick Cage, he's an angel, right,
there's a whole city.
Speaker 2: Of him in that one movie.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, he is ben Affleck Yeah oh yeah. And
then and then if everyone knows Charlie's angels.
Speaker 5: All three alose beautiful ladies were angels. But no, let
me tell you, let me tell you something about it's
a wonderful lie. That movie came out and it wasn't
a big success, and and and here's the worst thing.
The whole reason I'm down here has nothing to do
with Adolph. No. No, the whole reason I'm down here
is because up there got pretty offended with the portrayal
of the angels.
Speaker 1: Oh oh wow, they get a little sencident, little touch
you what we're wrong?
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, I guess you guys would know better
than I do. But they just didn't appreciate showing I'm
like a homeless transiend, I guess.
Speaker 2: Oh the angel, making the angel kind of a dummy?
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, like showing him as a real goofball.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well they have a stiller saying.
Speaker 1: You know, like in that movie they talk about it
every time a bell rings and angel gets its wings,
but down here it's every time and ask far to
a demon gets its horns?
Speaker 6: Do you know what that's saying? Originated from a saying
that we used often on set Hitch and Eye, which
was every time a bell rings, Gracie gets her pills.
Speaker 4: Yes, I want to follow up with that, But what
happens if someone like I don't know, goes to fart
and then accidentally takes the shit like an accidental shit?
Speaker 2: What happens then?
Speaker 5: A shart?
Speaker 2: A shark a shart?
Speaker 1: Yes, that gives us both horns, a tail and a
steak dinner down a diyeop.
Speaker 6: From nineteen forty nine to nineteen sixty two, I wasn't
contractually allowed to fought. No, most people don't know that.
Speaker 2: So what did you do when you needed to?
Speaker 6: That's why I wore the billowy dresses. Oh well, Billy,
Jimmy and I had a tube system worked out because
you know that set from ry Window was an actual
practical pumpman set that they made.
Speaker 5: Loft there for eight wakes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so if I.
Speaker 6: Felt a little bit of a chamber weaver coming on,
Jimmy and I would run a tube from my anus
down to his mouth.
Speaker 5: I'd take the fart, I'd take it. That's how close
we were.
Speaker 4: The hitch was never the wiser follow up question, Grace.
You mentioned earlier that you said something about pills.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what kind of pills are we talking here? Oh?
Speaker 6: The best of pills, my friends. You know, actresses of
the era were held to a very high standard. Okay,
And Hitch he didn't let any of his girls off
the hook. I was on a regular slew of hoppers,
choppers and poppers, uppers and goozles and whizzlewumps and who's
the what's it's.
Speaker 3: It sounds like a Doctor Seuss book of some sort.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that wasn't an hour of the day that I
wasn't ready to perform, and perform I did. Jimmy even
threw a couple in there if he saw my performance
lagging a little.
Speaker 5: Oh how I tore a phrase called a sleep on
your fate, which.
Speaker 6: I was many a time.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize pill popping was such a big deal, Becket.
Speaker 5: Then, Oh, wh I was the only day.
Speaker 6: Yeah, generally you knew how many pills you were going
to take on set any day given the number of
page count. So for example, if we were filming forty
two pages in a day, well that would be sixty
eight pills.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a lot of pages. Then pills two pages. Jesus.
Speaker 6: Those were the times. Well most people don't actually know this,
but there were some unreleased movies that Jimmy and I
were in together.
Speaker 5: Oh never saw the.
Speaker 6: Light of day.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, a lot of wasted effort there. Yeah, like
what well some of my favorite pictures that way.
Speaker 6: Did Bonyard Beauties.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was one of the Boneyard beauties. There was
a He's got it, It's just about right, that's what
it was called what too much?
Speaker 6: It was?
Speaker 5: It was a man who knew who knew too much?
But there's a sequel called No, He's got it?
Speaker 6: Nothing else to be said? He's got It's nothing else
to be said.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was three and a half minutes long, one
of my favorite pictures I ever worked on.
Speaker 6: One hundred and nine pills for the day.
Speaker 5: Well, hey, Chris and Clayton, I got a question for you.
Oh yeah, Well, well, what exactly is a podcast? Because
because I've done a bunch of radio plays in my day,
but I've never heard about podcasts before.
Speaker 1: Well, it's when you take two people who aren't really
talented and don't really have any skills, and then they
get a bunch of radio equipment and then they talk
and then people listen to it for some reason.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like, you know how everyone back in
the day would be like, oh, I want to write
that book. Now everyone's like, I really want to make
that podcast.
Speaker 2: That's the kind of modern you know book writing is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's also a tool for finding flaws in
the judicial system and learning about how murderers are walking
amongst us every day. That's that's another thing that podcasts too.
Speaker 6: I get it so kind of like those radio transmissions
that said we just want the depression to end.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly like that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, a whole ris.
Speaker 6: Oh, Jimmy, it's so wonderful to be together again.
Speaker 5: Well, it's great. I'm just glad I remember your name.
Speaker 2: So have you all kept up with movies? Have y'all
seen anything recently?
Speaker 6: Every year when we get a free day out of hell,
we love to go to the Pictures Show and see
what's playing at the multiplex.
Speaker 2: You get a free day out of hell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Christ most people are privy to that. Did you
not get yours?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, we'll look into it. I guess I don't
think you will. No, I won't look into it. You're
absolutely right, you're not gonna get a free day. Anyways,
continue on, Grace. What kind of movies did you watch?
What's What's What's new? What's what's at the theater? Oh?
Speaker 6: I just saw this delightful little picture the other day.
Speaker 4: What was it?
Speaker 6: I believe it was Bad Boys three?
Speaker 2: Oh for live? What it's for live?
Speaker 5: That's a that's a subtitle, l FO.
Speaker 6: If you ask me, it's a bit hyperbolic. But you know,
to each his own.
Speaker 2: So you' all like new movies.
Speaker 5: I love any kind of mover that hearkens back to
the days when I was working in films. You know,
those classic pictures with character and story. The new Lion
King comes to mind, that, the new linking well, all
the animals that can emode.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I.
Speaker 5: Really that's the kind of thing that Hitchcock would really
be into.
Speaker 6: Oh, but he would have had real lines up there
in my head right between that Jaws.
Speaker 5: It's a how can we get a young lady on
this picture?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: And how can we put her in danger?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So what is what is Hitchcock up to? Now?
Is he in Hell?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 1: So, like you know how in most of his movies
you can kind of see him walking around the background,
and you know he would do all those cameos and stuff.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, like he was like known for his
like the Hitchcock cameo thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Know he's still doing that. Yeah, he's just on cameo.
He's just on cameo. Yeah. Well, you pay him like
thirty bucks and he'll say happy Birthday or some bullshit.
Speaker 2: Oh, is it available on Earth? Only in Hell in Heaven?
Speaker 3: It's only in Hell and Heaven.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay, so you're lucky, Chris.
Speaker 1: You know you're in Hell, but you get you get
to get a cool cameo from Alfred Hitchcock.
Speaker 6: Chris Clayton, tell me, did hitch make it to Heaven?
Speaker 3: Oh? Absolutely not No, No, he's definitely down in hell.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Well I haven't meet him. Where could hitch be hiding?
Speaker 1: He's with the foot fetishists. Yeah, he's keeping the spot
warm for Tarantino.
Speaker 6: Oh, Jimmy and I had so many wonderful times together.
Remember that time we were shooting that picture on the Riviera.
Oh it was beautiful, and that stunt coordinator went overboard,
and then Hitch told everyone to be quiet and we
cover it up. I never said the thing when the
seafood after. Oh, those were the.
Speaker 5: Days, amazing time. I think the best part of our
lives is that with how all these amazing star is
from films we were on.
Speaker 6: The time that we drove that stunt car into that
little Malaysian boy.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, he had it coming. What was he doing
in the middle of a roll?
Speaker 6: The car barely took a dent. The show must go on,
you know. I think that's something that Hollywood loses now today.
The show must go on. And Jimmy and I and
boy did we ever?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Is that the biggest difference between like the movie industry
today and back then?
Speaker 5: Disposability? I guess yeah. No, I mean human life was
was was nothing on set back then?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you could get anyone.
Speaker 2: What's the movie that had the most real world deaths
in it?
Speaker 5: Oh? I was one. What's a Wonderful Wife? We had
one hundred and fifty two deaths on that fell on that.
Speaker 3: It's a small massacre. What happened?
Speaker 5: We shot into it the snow machine, haywire. Most of
why you're sitting on screen as ashes of all the people.
Oh my god, wow, Copra Hattas Wise.
Speaker 1: That sounds like it's a wonderful life. More like it's
a terrible death.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Great, it's something that that Jimmy and I just don't care.
When I was all the special effects in the.
Speaker 1: Pictures, well, I actually was gonna ask you, Grace, you know, like,
what do you think about if they brought you guys,
like back to life, you know, through CGI, How would
you feel about that?
Speaker 6: Well? I could see that happening, except you know, I
already retired from acting at the ripe old age of
twenty seven.
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, didn't you marry like a prince or something?
Speaker 6: Why? Yes, I did. I became the princess of Monaco.
Speaker 3: I don't even know where Monco is.
Speaker 6: Where is that over there?
Speaker 3: But you know, do you know where?
Speaker 2: Wait? Wait, Grace, do you know where it is?
Speaker 1: Here?
Speaker 3: I got a map here, here's a map point to Monaco.
Speaker 6: I kept both it somewhere near for France.
Speaker 2: So you're the queen of it.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm the queen and there are my subjects. Of
course I've I've long passed, and they still worship me.
Then I'm held in a very high regard, very high regard.
Speaker 5: I'm held pretty high regard in Indiana.
Speaker 2: Indiana.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I got a statue somewhere out there. I think.
So we're both better, Mark, I guess yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean you're not like a king or a prince
or anything, though, Jimmy.
Speaker 3: But it's a nice statue, though, Chris.
Speaker 2: It's a really nice statue.
Speaker 4: So what would you guys say is the biggest difference
between the nineteen fifties and Hell.
Speaker 5: There's a lot more blenders?
Speaker 6: Yeah, the landscaping, for sure.
Speaker 2: Which one has more blenders? The fifties or hell?
Speaker 5: Oh, there are blenders everywhere down here in Hell.
Speaker 6: Oh, you can blend your blender.
Speaker 5: I was a luxury item back in the fifties.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah. If a woman was getting married, her dowry
was a blender.
Speaker 5: You know she was worth it. I hope. Socially, I
feel like everything's pretty much the same.
Speaker 1: But whenever they refer to the red scare down here,
it's it's normally it's related to of.
Speaker 6: Course, Mccauthy's and Jimmy and I exposed many Communist sympathizers
during that period.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I couldn't stop pointing my fingers, even.
Speaker 6: Some that maybe were a little bit of a miss Jimmy.
Speaker 5: Well, no, but they were. There are trouble. You gotta
find a way to get rid of them somehow.
Speaker 3: Who did you blow the whistle on?
Speaker 1: Who are we talking here, Carrie Grant, Carry Gret Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6: Jimmy did try to take Carry down at way.
Speaker 5: Well, I see, because there are only a handful of
actors that are more famous than I was. I want
the most famous actors of all time.
Speaker 6: Jimmy, he you know, he tried to turn in plot Gable,
he tried to turn in Rock Hudson. He tried to
turn and carry Grant.
Speaker 5: Gary Cooper, Yeah, a close friend.
Speaker 6: Eventually, you know, Jimmy, you point one finger forward, you
point three fingers back, and so eventually the American Gestapo,
well they started they started looking around, sniffing around Jimmy's home.
Speaker 5: Well right fully saw I was a Communist. Well, yeah,
that's how I got all the papers to plant on ground.
Oh yeah, there were mine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, he's known for to catch a thief,
but you know you're trying to catch a communist, right yeah?
Speaker 5: Hyeah? So go to why to put it so eloquent?
Speaker 4: The movie that you were in, Grace, I don't know
if you remember it. You were in that movie with
Carry Grant.
Speaker 3: She I think she's felling.
Speaker 5: Honestly, Let me pop some more pills in her mouth
and see if I can get aroused.
Speaker 6: I don't remember much of you know, March nineteen fifty
nine and onward. Okay, Jimmy and I, we just want
one more starring feature. We just want one more big
blowout at the box office. That's all we can ask for.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, that's why we're really putting all our eggs
in front window.
Speaker 6: Is there anything you gentlemen do can do to help
us with promotion?
Speaker 1: I mean, you know you're on the podcast and is
held number one podcast, So yeah, there's that. Nuh, we're
getting a batch of fresh souls coming down.
Speaker 6: Oh geez, Jimmy, put the shirt back on. Okay, you
don't need to. You don't need to woo all the
ladies here with your extraordinary physique.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 5: I like how you can't see any muscula chare anywhere.
Speaker 6: Stop tenting me, Jimmy, I'm a married princess.
Speaker 5: Our one America's Perfect Man Body Physique magazine eighteen years
were all.
Speaker 6: It was before cameras or mirrors had been invented.
Speaker 4: Well, our audience is listening only so they can just
have to imagine the.
Speaker 1: Pale, almost invisible skin covering up your veins and muscles.
Speaker 2: Jimmy, why don't you give us a shake so they
can hear it all?
Speaker 5: Right here?
Speaker 1: You are go?
Speaker 6: Oh, listen to that. Listen to that. Though most people
don't know this, but the story of Captain America that
was inspired by Jimmy's efforts to join the war.
Speaker 5: Yeah, only the first part nevergotless serrum though turned it down.
Speaker 6: Oh, Jimmy, people don't know about this secret government seerum
that you were supposed to take to become a super
soldier in the Second World War.
Speaker 5: Yeah. As soon as they told me, I was gonna
make my doubts lullbager, I said, keep that in jung
away from me. That's not the only movie that's based
on me. By one.
Speaker 6: If I can't wrap my belt under my nipples, I
don't want it.
Speaker 2: So, Yeah, what are the other movies that are based
off you.
Speaker 5: Well, I almost sued over it. But that thin man
from Pan's Labyrinth, that's me one for one, which one?
The guy want the eyes on his und because he.
Speaker 6: Was always watching hence to your window. Put the eyes
on the hand.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, look at that guy. And I said, there's
a cuity right there.
Speaker 1: All right, Graace, Jimmy, where can the guys? Where can
everybody see your next movie?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Front Window? Where can our audience watch it? Well?
Speaker 5: I just got the word down. It's premiering exclusively on Quibbe.
Speaker 6: Enter the code for one. Nazi scalp.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, that's ez.
Speaker 6: I s c a LP Nazi scalp.
Speaker 5: Don't let this one get a y all right, Well
you heard it here first Front Window premiering on Quibi.
Speaker 3: Jimmy and care Grace. Guys, thank you so much for
joining us.
Speaker 6: Thanks, it's been a master blast. I'm gonna go take
some hooch down these pills. Thank you fellas for having
us in your pindrum.
Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am, Well, Chris, I would say that this we
can dial F for finished.
Speaker 3: That's what this episode has done.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Uh, everyone, to make sure you hit the little ellipses.
Wherever you're listening to this or if you're your computer,
to hit the share button and post it on social media.
Speaker 2: Tell your friends spread the word. Uh, so we can
keep making it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Well hel Clayton, Oh hil Clinton, Oh God, Jimmy,
heading know you're here, so thin.
Speaker 5: Hey, guys, thanks for listening. This is Blaine. Uh.
Speaker 1: We're gonna give a shout out to James and Elise
Williams from Fun how us for joining us.
Speaker 5: Thank you, guys, thank you for having me.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: Longtime listeners. You might recognize their impersonations from the Beatles episode.
Speaker 5: Well, I hope not.
Speaker 3: Such range on YouTube.
Speaker 5: What would that say about us as impressionists.
Speaker 3: I always convinced that Paul was a man the entire time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, never knew it was a lease.
Speaker 5: Oh no.
Speaker 2: Where can people find you, guys on like social media? Twitter?
Speaker 5: You can follow me on Twitter at James Williams, at last.
Speaker 6: Williams, and of course we're at fun House YouTube dot
complash Funhouse.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks guys, Thank you.
Speaker 3: Next time as.
Speaker 5: Something that's probably not relevant.
Speaker 2: All right, let's keep this free going.
Speaker 4: Yeah, keep maybe a movie star from the thirties I
would say, Buster Keaton, it would be really funny to
have a silent film star.
Speaker 5: This is yeah, this is my Buster keeping impression. What
did you think?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Thanks guys, all right, thank you