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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Skin and Soul. I'm Gwenhemkarsley, a transformational body,

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<v Speaker 1>sex and Soul coach, and I'm inviting you on a bold,

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<v Speaker 1>unfiltered journey into the heart of our humanity through the

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<v Speaker 1>lens of Arrows. This is where we strip away the shame,

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<v Speaker 1>dive into the unspoken, and embrace the wild.

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<v Speaker 2>Raw truth of our desires.

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<v Speaker 1>Together we'll crack open the taboo and cover our deepest

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<v Speaker 1>intimacies and awaken the pulse of our sexual essence. Because

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<v Speaker 1>real transformation it's messy, it's thrilling, and it's oh so delicious.

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<v Speaker 1>Buckle up, loves, Skin and Soul. Beyond the Pale starts

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<v Speaker 1>in three two one.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's go Hello and welcome. I'm Gwenhem. I'm your host

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<v Speaker 3>of Skin and Soul Beyond the Pale, where we get

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<v Speaker 3>to talk about what it means to be profound, the

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<v Speaker 3>humans through the lens of arrows, and the myths and

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<v Speaker 3>the guck of it all. And today I am joined

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<v Speaker 3>by Jenny White, who has an incredible story. She's a

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<v Speaker 3>retired registered nurse whose careers span more than thirty years

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<v Speaker 3>in ICUs in trauma unit surgery, public health and long

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<v Speaker 3>term care and in the midst of her career, she

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<v Speaker 3>became the patient life threatening brain tumor left her in

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<v Speaker 3>a coma. When she awoke, she could no longer remember

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<v Speaker 3>her husband, had lost many memories, and had to relearn

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<v Speaker 3>how to walk, how to talk, and essentially rebuild and

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<v Speaker 3>reinvent her life. And along the way she did discover

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<v Speaker 3>this beautiful spark of being a talented writer and has

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<v Speaker 3>her debut novel, a medical thriller, The Triggering Scent, which

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<v Speaker 3>actually draws on her years and expertise in healthcare and

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<v Speaker 3>her own lived experience. So welcome, Welcome, Jenny.

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<v Speaker 2>Thanks very much for having me.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this is a pleasure. I just want to give

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<v Speaker 3>people context around where you came from before we dive in,

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<v Speaker 3>So just giving people just an idea.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So I lived been in Ontario, Canada, and I

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<v Speaker 2>became a nurse at the right page of twenty one

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<v Speaker 2>and went back to school a couple of times to

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<v Speaker 2>upgrade to do different things like ice you training, and

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<v Speaker 2>then degrees and master's degrees and all that kind of

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<v Speaker 2>stuff that I needed for administration. So I raised five

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<v Speaker 2>kids and it's been quite a journey. You know. Being

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<v Speaker 2>a nurse was sort of all consuming. So I had

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<v Speaker 2>a great partner who helped raise the kids, and between

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<v Speaker 2>us we both worked shift and we just managed to

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<v Speaker 2>navigate and do what we needed to do.

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<v Speaker 3>And at what point did you get the brain tumor

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<v Speaker 3>in your life in your career?

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<v Speaker 2>So actually I recently had the brain tumor. So I

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<v Speaker 2>was actually retired as a nurse and enjoying retirement very much,

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<v Speaker 2>doing the things that you always hope you're going to do,

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<v Speaker 2>like travel the world and you know, do the things

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<v Speaker 2>that you've always wanted to but didn't have the time

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<v Speaker 2>to do. So it was actually just a little over

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<v Speaker 2>two years ago that I had brain surgery and I

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<v Speaker 2>just wasn't feeling well. One day, the nurse inside of

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<v Speaker 2>me said you might be having a stroke. You better

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<v Speaker 2>get checked, and so I got myself to emerge, and

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<v Speaker 2>sure enough, they did the scans. Took it very seriously

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<v Speaker 2>and they said, well, the good news is you're not

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<v Speaker 2>having a stroke. The bad news is you've got a

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<v Speaker 2>large brain tumor and it's going to kill you sooner

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<v Speaker 2>than later. So that was the turning point of life

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<v Speaker 2>where everything just kind of went upside down and backwards,

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<v Speaker 2>and we just took one day at a time and

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<v Speaker 2>went forwards.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and then from my understanding, you woke up and

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<v Speaker 3>you couldn't remember anything anymore. So the man next to

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<v Speaker 3>you is no longer familiar. What was that experience like?

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<v Speaker 2>Well it was at the time, it didn't really register

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<v Speaker 2>on me. I just remember thinking, gee, I wonder who

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<v Speaker 2>that is. And you know, the nurses and the doctors

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<v Speaker 2>were asking me, who is this?

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<v Speaker 3>Who is this?

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, no idea. And I think I broke

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<v Speaker 2>his heart that day actually, when he realized that I

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<v Speaker 2>had no idea who he was. And I was actually

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<v Speaker 2>tied to the bed because when I was coming out

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<v Speaker 2>of my coma, I got quite combative. You know, there's

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<v Speaker 2>a saying that nurses make the worst patience. Well, I

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<v Speaker 2>kept that myth alive, and I apparently was trying to

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<v Speaker 2>rip off bandages and rip out ivs and all the

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<v Speaker 2>things that I shouldn't be doing. So they had to

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<v Speaker 2>protect me, so they tied me to the bed. But

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<v Speaker 2>when I woke up, I remember thinking, oh, this is bad. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, when you wake up, and you know, we spend

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<v Speaker 3>so much of our time in our life being identified

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<v Speaker 3>with one person as as we are, we build this

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<v Speaker 3>person and then you wake up and have no idea

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<v Speaker 3>who that person is anymore. Yeah, what was that experience like?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I remembered the nurse asking me what my name was,

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<v Speaker 2>and I didn't have a clue. I was thinking and

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<v Speaker 2>thinking and trying to come up with a name, but

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<v Speaker 2>there was just nothing there. So I attempted to say something,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the nurse said to me, she said, dear,

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<v Speaker 2>you're just making sound. You're not speaking. We can't understand.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't panic. You know, it is expected sometimes and

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<v Speaker 2>it should improve shortly. But that was another realization that, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I've got a problem here. I can't I don't identify

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<v Speaker 2>who people are. I don't know my name. I oddly

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<v Speaker 2>I knew I was in an intensive carry in it.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess the nurse inside of me was so familiar

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<v Speaker 2>with that environment. You know, I recognize the smells and

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<v Speaker 2>I recognize the sounds and the monitors and the activity.

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<v Speaker 2>So that didn't freak me out at all. I remember

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<v Speaker 2>just kind of waking up going, yeah, I think I've

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<v Speaker 2>got some issues here.

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<v Speaker 3>And did you find yourself as you started to? I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>which is crazy because it's only two years ago. Really

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<v Speaker 3>to be able to relearn. I just have to address that.

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<v Speaker 3>Relearning how to walk and talk and create ate a

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<v Speaker 3>whole new life from that point is a miracle and

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<v Speaker 3>to itself. So when you think about who you were,

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<v Speaker 3>if you do remember who you were before, now.

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<v Speaker 2>Well it's funny. Memories are starting to come back. And

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<v Speaker 2>they told me it would probably take about a decade

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<v Speaker 2>before more and more memories kind of we're triggered. But

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<v Speaker 2>one of the interesting things was, you know, my immediate

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<v Speaker 2>focus was on relearning how to walk and talk, because

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<v Speaker 2>those were two key things that I thought I should

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<v Speaker 2>still be able to do. So I went under extensive

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<v Speaker 2>physiotherapy and then speech therapy. The walking came back first.

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<v Speaker 2>I was able to get the muscle memories to kick in.

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<v Speaker 2>The speech was tougher. And when I was working with

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<v Speaker 2>the speech therapist, he said to me one day, he said,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, things are just not moving along as well

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<v Speaker 2>as I had hoped. He said, do you think you

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<v Speaker 2>could try writing words down? And you know, my brain

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<v Speaker 2>was working. I knew what I wanted to say, I

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<v Speaker 2>just couldn't say it. So I tried writing words, and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, simple words first, like hungry, tired, you know

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<v Speaker 2>those kinds of words, and they were actually the words

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<v Speaker 2>that I wanted. So that was like a key discovery

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<v Speaker 2>that I now could communicate with people via writing what

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to say. But it also helped rewire my brain.

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<v Speaker 2>So as I did a little bit more every day,

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<v Speaker 2>I started to realize that, okay, things were starting to

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<v Speaker 2>make sense. And then we worked more on like phonics

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<v Speaker 2>and going back to like you know, kindergarten where you're

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<v Speaker 2>learning how to speak, and between the two things, I

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<v Speaker 2>was able to get my speech back. As you can see,

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<v Speaker 2>it's it's not too bad right now.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna say it's pretty impeccable. I wouldn't at all.

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<v Speaker 2>Well. I know, it's funny because there are days still

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<v Speaker 2>to this day when I wake up in the morning

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<v Speaker 2>and I have trouble with speech. So if I'm overtired,

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<v Speaker 2>or if you know, something else is going on where

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not feeling well, sometimes my brain just goes on

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<v Speaker 2>vacation for a bit and I can't get the words

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<v Speaker 2>out again, and then you know, it might be a

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<v Speaker 2>day or two and then they're back. Every day's an adventure.

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<v Speaker 3>Every day's an adventure. And then how did you end

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<v Speaker 3>up meeting the people in your life. So you know,

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<v Speaker 3>you didn't recognize your husband, how about your children, your friends?

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<v Speaker 2>No, No, I played well, I didn't really play dumb

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<v Speaker 2>because I was dumb. Really. They thought that I was

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<v Speaker 2>responding to them normally, but I really didn't know who

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<v Speaker 2>they were. So I remember my husband telling me about

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<v Speaker 2>the kids, what their names were, where they live, because

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<v Speaker 2>they're all adults now, and the fact that I had grandchildren,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, we started pulling out picture books and

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<v Speaker 2>photographs and things and going through them, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it took time for me to say, oh, yeah, that's Michelle,

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<v Speaker 2>and oh yeah that's Craig, and you know, kind of

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<v Speaker 2>working it through that way. But I still have a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of memory loss. Perfect example, we went to a

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<v Speaker 2>family wedding not too long ago and had a great time,

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<v Speaker 2>and I remember looking at people going, I know you,

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<v Speaker 2>but I don't know you. I recognize them, but I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't put a name to them. I couldn't put an

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<v Speaker 2>occupation to them, or where I knew them from, or

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<v Speaker 2>how I was related to them. But I just kind

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<v Speaker 2>of played along like, oh, yeah, everything's fine. Well after

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<v Speaker 2>the wedding, I realized I couldn't remember my own wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>So then, you know, I kind of lost it and

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<v Speaker 2>my husband, you know, took me in his arms and

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<v Speaker 2>he started talking to me about our wedding twenty years

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<v Speaker 2>ago and who was there and what I wore and

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<v Speaker 2>where it was and you know, it's an odd experience.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. I was gonna say so when he you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I actually my first question is did people recognize your

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<v Speaker 3>personality or did everybody think, oh, this is a completely

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<v Speaker 3>different person or something, or did they just meet you?

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<v Speaker 3>And that it depends.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it depends on who you talk to. Like, all

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<v Speaker 2>of the family knew that I struggled, and they didn't

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<v Speaker 2>emphasize that at all. The people who were, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>not necessarily close to me, but who I had known

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<v Speaker 2>at some point were just very you know, calming and

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<v Speaker 2>sort of saying, oh, my name's so and so and

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<v Speaker 2>this is what I do and here's how we're related.

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<v Speaker 2>And that kind of helped. But it it makes you

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<v Speaker 2>feel very vulnerable because you just feel lost. You feel really,

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<v Speaker 2>really lost.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I would think also there's an element of you know, again,

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<v Speaker 3>we spend so much of our lives becoming someone, and

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<v Speaker 3>I wonder how many of the masks fall off than

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<v Speaker 3>just naturally, and you end up being an essence of yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know if that was your experience, but I think,

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<v Speaker 3>like what is left over? What's the part if you

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<v Speaker 3>believe in a soul or an essence within you that's continual,

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<v Speaker 3>and what part of you is personality? You know, that's

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<v Speaker 3>part part of the brain, And what part of you

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<v Speaker 3>is is you now?

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<v Speaker 2>People tell me that my personality has changed a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit somewhat is the terms that they use. They don't

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<v Speaker 2>specify how my personality has changed, but I know that

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<v Speaker 2>I'm different, mainly because I can't remember who I was before.

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<v Speaker 2>So when I was lying in bed in the hospital recovering,

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<v Speaker 2>I remember thinking, well, okay, yes, I have a problem here.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have my memories and I'm not able to

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<v Speaker 2>speak at the time, so I thought I can't go back,

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<v Speaker 2>so I can only go forward. And I was so

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<v Speaker 2>grateful for being alive because the surgery that I have

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<v Speaker 2>was quite critical and dangerous, and you know, I had

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<v Speaker 2>talked with the doctors. They fully expected me to die

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<v Speaker 2>as well. In fact, it took a while to find

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<v Speaker 2>a neurosurgeon who was willing to give it a go.

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<v Speaker 2>Because surgeons, especially in Canada, you know, they live and

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<v Speaker 2>die by statistics, so they don't want people passing away

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<v Speaker 2>on their operating table, right because it makes them look

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<v Speaker 2>bad or incompetent. With brain tumors, real estate is everything,

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<v Speaker 2>and mine was just in a really bad spot. It

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<v Speaker 2>was strangling some arteries, so the likelihood things could go

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<v Speaker 2>very wrong was quite apparent. And so, you know, even

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<v Speaker 2>going into the surgery, I had those chats with the

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<v Speaker 2>family and I told them, you know, nurses know too much,

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<v Speaker 2>and I told them that I fully expected not to survive.

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<v Speaker 2>And I did all the things you do, like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>prep for your funeral and write your obituary and all

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<v Speaker 2>those kinds of things that you don't really think about,

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<v Speaker 2>but I did, and you know, I think that prepared

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<v Speaker 2>me for the surgery. So when the surgery day came,

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<v Speaker 2>I was ready to go. It was like now or

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<v Speaker 2>never kind of thing, because if we didn't do the surgery,

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<v Speaker 2>I was sure to die. So this was a glimpse

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<v Speaker 2>of hope. And when I woke up, even with my challenges,

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<v Speaker 2>I was just so grateful for being alive that I thought, okay, well,

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<v Speaker 2>clearly I've been given a second chance. So I've got

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<v Speaker 2>a blank slate, so instead of really mourning my old self,

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<v Speaker 2>I just thought, Okay, this is a this is time

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<v Speaker 2>to just reinvent and go forward.

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<v Speaker 3>Amazing. So how did your husband meet this new woman

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<v Speaker 3>that would eventually.

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<v Speaker 2>Show Well, you know, he I think he's had it

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<v Speaker 2>worse than I have had it because in many ways,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, he's still living in the past with the

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<v Speaker 2>old me. So when you talk to him about it,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, he don't say a lot because he's a guy.

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<v Speaker 2>But when I do get him to chat a bit,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, he'll say, I kind of wish I had

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<v Speaker 2>the old Jenny back because I'm still struggling to figure

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<v Speaker 2>out the new Jenny. And I am too, And he's

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<v Speaker 2>got thirty years of memories and I have very very

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<v Speaker 2>limited ones. So you know, he'll say to me, do

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<v Speaker 2>you remember doing this? No? Do you remember so No?

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, all you can do is is get help,

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, we kind of there was a point

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<v Speaker 2>where we had a conversation, is it time to go

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<v Speaker 2>our separate ways? Because we're different people. I'm a different

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<v Speaker 2>person now and we're more like roommates than we are

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<v Speaker 2>a married couple. So we laugh about it now that

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<v Speaker 2>you know, after twenty years of marriage, we're dating again

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<v Speaker 2>because we're trying to reinvent new memories going forward as

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<v Speaker 2>opposed to working with what we had in the past.

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<v Speaker 3>That's really beautiful that you can do that. That's so

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<v Speaker 3>now you're I don't know, I think that's a without

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<v Speaker 3>over romanticizing it, because I think there must be a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of challenges along the way, having to meet somebody

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<v Speaker 3>new and looking at your husband knowing he's your husband

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<v Speaker 3>and he's a stranger, which waking up and having to

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<v Speaker 3>reconnect and do it consciously. I think most people don't

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<v Speaker 3>even think about doing in their relationships. So in a

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<v Speaker 3>strange way, from the outside, it looks like, wow, you

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<v Speaker 3>actually get this opportunity to reinvent, reignite if it's meant.

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<v Speaker 2>To be well exactly, you know, And as you said,

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<v Speaker 2>people think, you know, oh, what a great thing you

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<v Speaker 2>know that you can have like a you can have

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<v Speaker 2>a new affair with your husband. Well, that's one way

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<v Speaker 2>of looking at it, But when you're in the shoes

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<v Speaker 2>of trying to do it's it's very daunting. It's you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you feel lost, you feel vulnerable, you feel angry, you

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<v Speaker 2>feel you question whether you're doing the right thing, but

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<v Speaker 2>you know the fact that he's stuck with me through

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<v Speaker 2>through it all and helped me. I mean, he was

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<v Speaker 2>the one who made my meals and did my laundry

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<v Speaker 2>for me for almost a year before I was able

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<v Speaker 2>to pick those tasks up again. You know, I have

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<v Speaker 2>to give him credit for that. A lot of people

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't have survived the marriage.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so he was very loyal. So what was it

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<v Speaker 3>like coming and meeting your body again as a woman,

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<v Speaker 3>just even feeling back into this strange body that you

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<v Speaker 3>no longer remembered.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, I find my emotions are different. I

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<v Speaker 2>almost feel somewhat flat most of the time, almost like

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<v Speaker 2>I don't really have you know, huge joy or huge sadness.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sort of in the middle, just kind of existing.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, I've been told that that's not uncommon

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<v Speaker 2>with brain injuries and brain surgery. Because of where my

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<v Speaker 2>tumor was, they kind of had to dig a little

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<v Speaker 2>to get at it. And as a result, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>brains don't like to be touched, they don't like air

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<v Speaker 2>to be exposed to that, and it does you're never

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<v Speaker 2>the same.

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<v Speaker 3>There's a saying in.

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<v Speaker 2>Neurosurgery that air to the brain, you're never the same,

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00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:34.720
<v Speaker 2>and that is so true. I find that I'm just different.

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00:17:35.799 --> 00:17:37.440
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to describe, but it's different.

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00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:42.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So it sounds like you just have a little

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00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:44.839
<v Speaker 3>bit of removal from your emotions. How about the sensations

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<v Speaker 3>in your body, the experience of being alive?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, like I said, I'm very grateful to

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00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:59.079
<v Speaker 2>be alive. Why try and live every day doing something positive.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I've become much closer to my spiritual side

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<v Speaker 2>and that I know that it wasn't just the doctors

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00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:10.799
<v Speaker 2>keeping me alive. I know that, you know, there was

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00:18:11.799 --> 00:18:15.759
<v Speaker 2>a bigger force there keeping me going and giving me

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00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:19.759
<v Speaker 2>really this opportunity to continue to serve, you know, when

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<v Speaker 2>you think about it. I was a nurse for thirty

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00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:25.960
<v Speaker 2>three years, and in that time I obviously worked with

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people and help them get through crises,

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00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:34.160
<v Speaker 2>and once I became the patient, it was a very different,

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00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:38.960
<v Speaker 2>humbling experience. I used to think I would understand when

323
00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:42.279
<v Speaker 2>people were on a ventilator and you know, couldn't do

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00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:45.400
<v Speaker 2>anything for themselves, and I used to talk to them

325
00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:48.960
<v Speaker 2>as their nurse and caregiver, and then to be on

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<v Speaker 2>the other side where I know I'm on a ventilator

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<v Speaker 2>and I can hear voices of people talking to me

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<v Speaker 2>and telling me what they're going to do, but not

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00:18:56.279 --> 00:19:00.680
<v Speaker 2>being able to do anything about it. It's shocking. It's

330
00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:04.519
<v Speaker 2>really an insight, which I think you saw probably in

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00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:08.480
<v Speaker 2>the book. What I did was I took what I

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00:19:08.599 --> 00:19:12.160
<v Speaker 2>was experiencing and I put it into my character, so

333
00:19:12.279 --> 00:19:16.519
<v Speaker 2>I was able to express my emotions through the character.

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00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:19.480
<v Speaker 2>So I think that was kind of a unique way

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00:19:19.519 --> 00:19:20.880
<v Speaker 2>to heal. But it helped.

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00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:24.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it was I wanted to say, it was

337
00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:26.880
<v Speaker 3>obvious and knowing your story and then reading the book

338
00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:30.160
<v Speaker 3>and looking into the character, we got a really good

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00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:34.359
<v Speaker 3>insight on what it must be like to not recognize

340
00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:37.240
<v Speaker 3>and not know what it's like just relearning what it

341
00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:39.359
<v Speaker 3>is to be in a body and not be what

342
00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:43.400
<v Speaker 3>other people expect and trying to grasp onto the life

343
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:45.799
<v Speaker 3>that you sort of had. And like I said, two

344
00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:50.119
<v Speaker 3>years is not a long time to have heard whatsoever.

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00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:52.880
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I'm looking at you not short of a

346
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:58.279
<v Speaker 3>miracle and just thinking about even being in a bed

347
00:19:58.599 --> 00:20:02.160
<v Speaker 3>and you're saying, you know you're lying there helpless, you're

348
00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.640
<v Speaker 3>strapped down because I guess you you know, I think

349
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:06.279
<v Speaker 3>a lot of patients want to pull out.

350
00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:11.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah you have that urge, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

351
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<v Speaker 3>I think it's one of my biggest nightmares, absolutely completely,

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<v Speaker 3>And I was thinking, you know, it makes me think

353
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<v Speaker 3>of a lot of coma patients, you know, as you

354
00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:25.319
<v Speaker 3>can hear them, and that we take for granted that

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00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:29.279
<v Speaker 3>people know that there's that there's someone there, or that

356
00:20:29.319 --> 00:20:31.279
<v Speaker 3>you can hear the voices even if you're not so

357
00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:35.200
<v Speaker 3>you can hear the tones, and understanding that you also

358
00:20:35.319 --> 00:20:38.440
<v Speaker 3>came from such a long time of being in the

359
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:40.880
<v Speaker 3>medical industry. Industry. I don't know how much of it

360
00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:42.960
<v Speaker 3>is true, but I have a suspicion that there's a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of true.

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<v Speaker 1>Stories in there which we can go, oh god, yeah,

363
00:20:48.119 --> 00:20:51.880
<v Speaker 1>you know what pilots go through, right, like, yes, exactly,

364
00:20:51.960 --> 00:20:52.599
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to know.

365
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, for sure. You know, writing was something that

366
00:20:58.759 --> 00:21:02.799
<v Speaker 2>really helped me wire my brain. I knew as a

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<v Speaker 2>nurse that even though your brain cells don't regenerate, you

368
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:11.559
<v Speaker 2>can reroot traffic for lack of a better analogy, in

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<v Speaker 2>your brain. So I deliberately took the effort to every

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<v Speaker 2>day try writing something, even if it was just a

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00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:23.960
<v Speaker 2>couple of words, because that encouraged pathways to be built

372
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.079
<v Speaker 2>so that other parts of my brain could take over

373
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:31.079
<v Speaker 2>what I was missing. They tell you, they showed me

374
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<v Speaker 2>images of I did have a stroke during the surgery,

375
00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:38.119
<v Speaker 2>which is you know, which wasn't unexpected. It was a

376
00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:41.000
<v Speaker 2>small one, which was a blessing, but it was just

377
00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.960
<v Speaker 2>enough to annoy my speech center that it didn't want

378
00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:47.119
<v Speaker 2>to play anymore. So I had to figure out a

379
00:21:47.160 --> 00:21:48.519
<v Speaker 2>way to make that happen.

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00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:53.079
<v Speaker 3>I'm flabbering asked to buy your story. So my my

381
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:55.400
<v Speaker 3>mother's had a few strokes now, I mean she's got

382
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:59.440
<v Speaker 3>what we would call vascular dementia, and so it's really

383
00:21:59.720 --> 00:22:05.119
<v Speaker 3>so watching her I'm going to say slowly to grade

384
00:22:05.240 --> 00:22:09.720
<v Speaker 3>in factity to be her fully herself. But it's really

385
00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:14.400
<v Speaker 3>been a slow journey and it's amazing to watch her

386
00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:18.240
<v Speaker 3>kick into other parts of her brain. She's really really clever.

387
00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:21.440
<v Speaker 3>And what it for me, what it teaches us, is

388
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:28.000
<v Speaker 3>that we have that capacity to reroot our just our experience,

389
00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:31.839
<v Speaker 3>and that's without having any injuries or without having any

390
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:39.839
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to say, major events, somebody milling in our brains.

391
00:22:38.279 --> 00:22:42.200
<v Speaker 2>Right right, Yeah, so.

392
00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:46.640
<v Speaker 3>Good, No, no, no, go on, I was just gonna.

393
00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:47.960
<v Speaker 2>I was just going to tell you a little bit

394
00:22:47.960 --> 00:22:51.440
<v Speaker 2>about the writing journey and how that helped in that

395
00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:55.759
<v Speaker 2>when I realized I could write some words down, I

396
00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:59.680
<v Speaker 2>kind of vacillated between being upright for twenty minutes and

397
00:22:59.720 --> 00:23:03.680
<v Speaker 2>then sleep for another four hours. So in those times

398
00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:07.920
<v Speaker 2>when I was kind of awake, I would practice doing things,

399
00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:12.519
<v Speaker 2>and I started creating stories about kids in my brain.

400
00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.400
<v Speaker 2>And I think it was because I couldn't remember my

401
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:18.960
<v Speaker 2>childhood particularly. I remember lying in bed thinking, yeah, I

402
00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:21.480
<v Speaker 2>wonder what I was like as a kid, And so

403
00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:24.000
<v Speaker 2>I kind of gave myself permission to go back to

404
00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:26.640
<v Speaker 2>being a five year old again, and I said, Okay,

405
00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:28.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm five. What would I be doing if I were

406
00:23:28.680 --> 00:23:32.039
<v Speaker 2>five years old? And in my brain, I was thinking, Wow,

407
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:36.400
<v Speaker 2>I'd be creating adventures. I'd be creating imaginary friends. I'd

408
00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:39.559
<v Speaker 2>be playing with my dog, I'd be skipping, I'd be reading.

409
00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:43.720
<v Speaker 2>I'd be doing these things. And so I started crafting

410
00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:49.720
<v Speaker 2>children's stories because they were short, they were simple, and

411
00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:53.279
<v Speaker 2>I could remember them. And so on those twenty minute

412
00:23:53.359 --> 00:23:56.200
<v Speaker 2>or half hour periods when I was awake, I would

413
00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:59.640
<v Speaker 2>just jot down like an outline of a story, and

414
00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:03.079
<v Speaker 2>so that's kind of how the process works. So I

415
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:06.559
<v Speaker 2>started with kids' stories just because they were simple and

416
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:14.880
<v Speaker 2>clear and didn't use big words, and it evolved into novels.

417
00:24:15.960 --> 00:24:19.400
<v Speaker 3>And when so in your childhood, though, you came from

418
00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:23.119
<v Speaker 3>quite a traumatic childhood, which you also don't remember, so

419
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:25.559
<v Speaker 3>I think it's really interesting then you started writing these

420
00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:29.160
<v Speaker 3>children's books, and are they I have no idea what

421
00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:31.960
<v Speaker 3>type of child's books they are, what kind of adventures

422
00:24:31.960 --> 00:24:34.000
<v Speaker 3>they are, but it feels very much like it's a

423
00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:37.400
<v Speaker 3>rewriting of the adventures that you may have wanted to have.

424
00:24:37.559 --> 00:24:39.200
<v Speaker 3>Is that yes?

425
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:42.079
<v Speaker 2>Yes, So that was one thing I was thinking, you know,

426
00:24:42.119 --> 00:24:44.519
<v Speaker 2>what would a kid be doing? And so, you know,

427
00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:46.720
<v Speaker 2>you'd go to the zoo, you'd go to the fire hall,

428
00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:49.319
<v Speaker 2>you'd go to the farmer's market, you know, things that

429
00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:53.039
<v Speaker 2>we take for granted. But it helped me get on

430
00:24:53.079 --> 00:24:55.960
<v Speaker 2>the computer and start exploring again. I actually had to

431
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:03.319
<v Speaker 2>learn about fruits and about and about aquariums and about

432
00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:06.400
<v Speaker 2>farms because I was thinking, okay, what animals would be

433
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:08.119
<v Speaker 2>on a farm, and I couldn't come up with anything.

434
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:10.440
<v Speaker 2>So I go to my computer, I type in farm

435
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:13.599
<v Speaker 2>and of course all the animals came up, and as

436
00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:16.640
<v Speaker 2>I looked at pictures, I had to figure out what

437
00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:18.960
<v Speaker 2>I thought the animals were, and then i'd looked below

438
00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.400
<v Speaker 2>to see what the caption was, and oh, yeah that

439
00:25:22.519 --> 00:25:24.240
<v Speaker 2>is a horse, and oh yeah that is a cow.

440
00:25:24.839 --> 00:25:27.559
<v Speaker 2>So that was kind of how I prompted my memories

441
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:28.279
<v Speaker 2>to come back.

442
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:32.279
<v Speaker 3>And when your memories came back as a child, were

443
00:25:32.279 --> 00:25:34.839
<v Speaker 3>you surprised by them? Were you detached by them?

444
00:25:36.359 --> 00:25:39.759
<v Speaker 2>Well? I had been told. My husband had sat me

445
00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:42.759
<v Speaker 2>down and kind of we had walked through some of

446
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:47.519
<v Speaker 2>the things that had happened in my childhood, and as

447
00:25:47.559 --> 00:25:50.480
<v Speaker 2>a result, I ended up putting some of them into

448
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:54.920
<v Speaker 2>the book. But I'm kind of detached from them, as in,

449
00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:59.680
<v Speaker 2>it's like someone's telling me facts, but the facts don't

450
00:25:59.720 --> 00:26:04.119
<v Speaker 2>mean anything to me. They don't elicit an emotional response

451
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:06.799
<v Speaker 2>from me. It's like, oh okay, yeah, right.

452
00:26:07.880 --> 00:26:09.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, which I find is really interesting when you think

453
00:26:09.799 --> 00:26:13.160
<v Speaker 3>of maybe you grieved it in your previous life, that

454
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:15.240
<v Speaker 3>there was more aggrieving going on there, because when I

455
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.720
<v Speaker 3>look at you today, there is even though you say, oh,

456
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:21.000
<v Speaker 3>you don't have like as much joy or as much

457
00:26:21.519 --> 00:26:25.240
<v Speaker 3>bigger emotions. I see somebody that is filled with light.

458
00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:30.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, I feel that that has come. I feel like

459
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:35.599
<v Speaker 2>it's starting to evolve more and more, and as I'm

460
00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:41.559
<v Speaker 2>finding joy with writing and with just exploring that industry

461
00:26:41.559 --> 00:26:45.559
<v Speaker 2>and learning something new and trying something new, that is

462
00:26:45.720 --> 00:26:49.440
<v Speaker 2>joyful for me. And I'm in a position where, you know,

463
00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:52.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm retired, I have a pension, my husband has a pension.

464
00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.880
<v Speaker 2>We're secure financially. I don't need to worry about going

465
00:26:55.880 --> 00:26:58.759
<v Speaker 2>out and getting a job. I can play, so I

466
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:03.359
<v Speaker 2>have that definite advantage of just being able to explore,

467
00:27:04.119 --> 00:27:07.200
<v Speaker 2>try if if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, I'll

468
00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:10.200
<v Speaker 2>go try something else. But I'm having fun. So as

469
00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:13.000
<v Speaker 2>long as I'm having fun, that's all I care about.

470
00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:16.720
<v Speaker 3>And do you think that the old version if you

471
00:27:16.759 --> 00:27:20.480
<v Speaker 3>were from your your husband or your children, because you

472
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:22.880
<v Speaker 3>are so curious as a person, do you think you

473
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:27.559
<v Speaker 3>were always curious as a person? I always love.

474
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:32.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think I was, And I always enjoyed change.

475
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:35.960
<v Speaker 2>I always enjoyed adventure, and I certainly got it. So

476
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:38.759
<v Speaker 2>I think I was kind of hardwired right from the

477
00:27:38.839 --> 00:27:45.240
<v Speaker 2>get go to to be empathetic, to try new things,

478
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:52.720
<v Speaker 2>to not be worried about boundaries, to just try new things.

479
00:27:53.880 --> 00:27:57.440
<v Speaker 3>And in so one thing that I wanted to shift

480
00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:00.000
<v Speaker 3>to a little bit was your experience as an earth

481
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:04.000
<v Speaker 3>and in healthcare, because I do think that there's there's

482
00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:06.359
<v Speaker 3>huge problems, particularly in Canada. I don't know if it's

483
00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:09.359
<v Speaker 3>unique to Canada. I certainly don't think it is. Uh,

484
00:28:09.559 --> 00:28:15.240
<v Speaker 3>And how your care was in in the surgery, the

485
00:28:15.319 --> 00:28:18.960
<v Speaker 3>most care and sad on and that you've been an

486
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:23.759
<v Speaker 3>advocate as well for long term care and your experience

487
00:28:23.839 --> 00:28:26.039
<v Speaker 3>and that because I think there's a huge gap that

488
00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:28.000
<v Speaker 3>happened there. Yeah, and we're not.

489
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:33.079
<v Speaker 2>Taking this absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And actually my second book

490
00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.480
<v Speaker 2>is I put my character Abby into a long term

491
00:28:37.519 --> 00:28:41.519
<v Speaker 2>care home and kind of create a thriller story around

492
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:43.200
<v Speaker 2>that some of the things that I saw as a

493
00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:48.720
<v Speaker 2>director of nursing. But to write, healthcare worldwide really is

494
00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:53.440
<v Speaker 2>in crisis. You know, nurses in some countries are not

495
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:56.960
<v Speaker 2>well respected and not well paid. And what people need

496
00:28:57.000 --> 00:29:01.599
<v Speaker 2>to really understand is is the nurses really your gatekeeper

497
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:05.720
<v Speaker 2>to good healthcare. They're the ones who see and hear

498
00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:11.119
<v Speaker 2>and act, and they're highly skilled, and they're knowledgeable, and

499
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:16.039
<v Speaker 2>they're empathetic and they look at the whole person versus

500
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:19.920
<v Speaker 2>a say a physician who you know, looks at a problem,

501
00:29:20.039 --> 00:29:23.160
<v Speaker 2>identifies the problem, fixes the problem, and then you're gone.

502
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:28.200
<v Speaker 2>Whereas a nurse, she's looking at the whole person. You're emotional,

503
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:31.640
<v Speaker 2>you're spiritual, your family, you know, all of the other

504
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:35.359
<v Speaker 2>pieces that make up a human being. So when you

505
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:39.599
<v Speaker 2>become the patient, it's an interesting experience. I have to say,

506
00:29:39.880 --> 00:29:43.599
<v Speaker 2>the staff where I was at my hospital were fabulous.

507
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:48.480
<v Speaker 2>They took good care of me, and you know, we

508
00:29:49.079 --> 00:29:53.839
<v Speaker 2>have a well, what's the word I want see, here's

509
00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:58.599
<v Speaker 2>one of my challenges in healthcare. We protect each other.

510
00:29:58.880 --> 00:30:02.200
<v Speaker 2>So if you're a nurse and you're become a patient,

511
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:04.759
<v Speaker 2>you know, you're sort of looked after with a gold glove.

512
00:30:05.400 --> 00:30:08.319
<v Speaker 2>And I remember as they were putting me out in

513
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:12.119
<v Speaker 2>the operating room under anesthesia, they were making me laugh

514
00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:15.920
<v Speaker 2>and I just thought, oh, what a blessful thing that

515
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.839
<v Speaker 2>they were doing for me, because my last thing that

516
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:24.519
<v Speaker 2>I might remember forever was being you know, laughing and

517
00:30:24.799 --> 00:30:29.200
<v Speaker 2>feeling content and okay in their hands. So that was

518
00:30:29.240 --> 00:30:34.119
<v Speaker 2>a huge thing. But there's so many other challenges with healthcare,

519
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:39.160
<v Speaker 2>things like tight budgets and short supplies and you know,

520
00:30:39.240 --> 00:30:42.359
<v Speaker 2>not having the tools that you need. Violence in the

521
00:30:42.359 --> 00:30:44.920
<v Speaker 2>workplace is huge. I mean when I was a nurse,

522
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:47.359
<v Speaker 2>I used to get kicked and punched and bitten and

523
00:30:47.400 --> 00:30:50.000
<v Speaker 2>things thrown at me and all kinds of things. But

524
00:30:50.079 --> 00:30:52.720
<v Speaker 2>it's getting worse now. I mean, nurses are actually being

525
00:30:52.839 --> 00:30:59.680
<v Speaker 2>killed in some cases where unhappy families are coming back

526
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:03.759
<v Speaker 2>for revenge. And you know, it's not it's not fair,

527
00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:09.599
<v Speaker 2>and it's incredibly traumatic for people, and there's they've got

528
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:11.359
<v Speaker 2>to fix it. They really got to fix it.

529
00:31:12.119 --> 00:31:14.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. It's something that I've noticed in healthcare is that

530
00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:19.000
<v Speaker 3>there's often an understaffing and I just I didn't realize

531
00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:21.039
<v Speaker 3>until your book of how much a nurse. I mean,

532
00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:23.920
<v Speaker 3>I've always known that nurses do a lot, but just

533
00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:27.559
<v Speaker 3>being able to monitor everything that's going on, it's, uh,

534
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:31.039
<v Speaker 3>it was eye opening. And and I would agree me

535
00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:35.000
<v Speaker 3>just watching a lot of nurses get I know it

536
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:37.359
<v Speaker 3>from my own mother. She attacks people, right, so, I

537
00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:39.880
<v Speaker 3>mean as part of her illness, and it's it's a

538
00:31:39.960 --> 00:31:45.759
<v Speaker 3>real thing, and there aren't enough resources. And I think

539
00:31:45.799 --> 00:31:48.960
<v Speaker 3>it's scary that we're not taking care of our elderly.

540
00:31:50.039 --> 00:31:52.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, And and writing these books is giving me

541
00:31:52.279 --> 00:31:56.799
<v Speaker 2>an opportunity to highlight some of the challenges in healthcare,

542
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:01.079
<v Speaker 2>Like you said, you know, just these processes people dementia,

543
00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:04.200
<v Speaker 2>people don't understand what they're doing, and it's still the

544
00:32:04.279 --> 00:32:08.119
<v Speaker 2>nurse who's their caregiver, who takes the breunt of it.

545
00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:13.000
<v Speaker 2>And you know, it's it's just really unfortunate. And I

546
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:16.200
<v Speaker 2>think it's a way that I can highlight some of

547
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:19.400
<v Speaker 2>the challenges and make people aware of some of the

548
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.440
<v Speaker 2>things that could be fixed that just need to be

549
00:32:22.519 --> 00:32:27.640
<v Speaker 2>brought to light. That there has to be discussion and

550
00:32:28.039 --> 00:32:31.400
<v Speaker 2>interest in the public to make change. And when you

551
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:35.920
<v Speaker 2>start putting things out in print where people are reading

552
00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:39.839
<v Speaker 2>them and going, gee, I wonder if that really happens, Well,

553
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:40.200
<v Speaker 2>that's it.

554
00:32:40.279 --> 00:32:42.039
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I don't want to ruin any of it,

555
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:44.359
<v Speaker 3>but I'm just sitting there going, oh, yeah, it's like

556
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:46.759
<v Speaker 3>I said, it's like the pilot with there's things you

557
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:52.039
<v Speaker 3>just you don't want to know to know, Yeah, what happens,

558
00:32:52.039 --> 00:32:54.119
<v Speaker 3>how the scalpel gets left in. I'm not saying that's

559
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:56.720
<v Speaker 3>not in the book, by the way, but I've heard

560
00:32:56.759 --> 00:32:59.119
<v Speaker 3>of it, right, I've heard of yeah, you know, people

561
00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:01.839
<v Speaker 3>getting there there their organs sewn in and so on.

562
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:05.039
<v Speaker 3>So I think that's one of the highlights of just

563
00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:09.680
<v Speaker 3>reading how much nurses do and how much and you

564
00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:13.240
<v Speaker 3>had so much understanding around it. So and then moving

565
00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:16.319
<v Speaker 3>into writing, which now you're bringing it into the story

566
00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:19.599
<v Speaker 3>in so, I just want to bring in your experience

567
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:23.559
<v Speaker 3>again of be coming back alive into your body. Yeah,

568
00:33:23.599 --> 00:33:27.359
<v Speaker 3>you know, you spent your life caring for other people.

569
00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:31.039
<v Speaker 3>What was it like then being on the opposite, the

570
00:33:31.079 --> 00:33:34.559
<v Speaker 3>opposite side of people coming and caring for you, caring

571
00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:36.200
<v Speaker 3>for you? See I can't speak either.

572
00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:41.880
<v Speaker 2>Oh that's okay. Well, in some ways it was really annoying,

573
00:33:43.480 --> 00:33:47.079
<v Speaker 2>you know. So perfect example. So I'm in a too

574
00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:49.480
<v Speaker 2>bad room because the hospital that I was in didn't

575
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:52.279
<v Speaker 2>have private rooms, and I think everybody who has brain

576
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:54.400
<v Speaker 2>surgery should have a private room just so you could

577
00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:57.000
<v Speaker 2>turn off the lights, close the door and be quiet.

578
00:33:57.960 --> 00:34:01.920
<v Speaker 2>So I had a relative healthy roommate beside me who

579
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:04.599
<v Speaker 2>had lots of visitors, and they were very loud and

580
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:08.480
<v Speaker 2>boyish and joyful, and I was like, oh, please go away.

581
00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:13.039
<v Speaker 2>My head was just exploding. And every time I felt

582
00:34:13.079 --> 00:34:15.159
<v Speaker 2>like I went to sleep, I felt like I was

583
00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:19.320
<v Speaker 2>being woken up every other minute to have procedures done,

584
00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:24.800
<v Speaker 2>tests done, vitals done, dressings change, and it just felt

585
00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:29.119
<v Speaker 2>like a never ending cycle of awake, a sleep, awake, asleep,

586
00:34:29.719 --> 00:34:31.599
<v Speaker 2>and it was it was tough.

587
00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:35.079
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I always feel bad for even just babies, right,

588
00:34:35.079 --> 00:34:38.840
<v Speaker 3>they're just always yanking them every five minutes. Oh, you're

589
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:41.320
<v Speaker 3>just thinking like, please leave me alone, just let me

590
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:42.800
<v Speaker 3>sleep and be in peace.

591
00:34:43.480 --> 00:34:46.400
<v Speaker 2>Exactly because you're just so tired and you just feel

592
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:49.719
<v Speaker 2>so unwell that you just really want to curl up

593
00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:51.880
<v Speaker 2>under a blanket and just go to sleep and not

594
00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:53.199
<v Speaker 2>wake up for quite a while.

595
00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:57.679
<v Speaker 3>So then what changed in your relationship with let's say,

596
00:34:57.760 --> 00:35:00.480
<v Speaker 3>just even touch and being touched.

597
00:35:01.840 --> 00:35:05.719
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, interestingly, I didn't really have any changes

598
00:35:05.719 --> 00:35:11.400
<v Speaker 2>in that department. You know, everything felt the same. My

599
00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:14.159
<v Speaker 2>biggest challenge was when my legs didn't want to do

600
00:35:14.199 --> 00:35:17.519
<v Speaker 2>what I wanted them to do, and that was scary.

601
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:20.599
<v Speaker 2>So you know, you don't really think about walking, but

602
00:35:20.639 --> 00:35:23.960
<v Speaker 2>there's probably about thirty different muscle groups that are used

603
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:27.480
<v Speaker 2>to walk a step, and I couldn't get my foot

604
00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:30.079
<v Speaker 2>to go in the direction that I wanted it to go.

605
00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:34.199
<v Speaker 2>So I was being man handled for lack of a

606
00:35:34.199 --> 00:35:36.760
<v Speaker 2>better word, only because they needed to get me up

607
00:35:36.760 --> 00:35:40.320
<v Speaker 2>and moving, and so I remember kind of being dragged

608
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:44.199
<v Speaker 2>or put the floor holding onto a walker, and I

609
00:35:44.239 --> 00:35:46.239
<v Speaker 2>had a nurse on either side of me and my

610
00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:50.639
<v Speaker 2>husband pulling the ivy pole behind me and just kind

611
00:35:50.639 --> 00:35:55.679
<v Speaker 2>of being forced down the hall. So that didn't feel

612
00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:58.400
<v Speaker 2>good because I couldn't do what I wanted to do,

613
00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:03.480
<v Speaker 2>which was to walk. Another example, they took me to

614
00:36:03.559 --> 00:36:06.920
<v Speaker 2>the sink to brush my teeth because I beat at

615
00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:09.599
<v Speaker 2>a coma for four days and I'm sure I needed

616
00:36:09.639 --> 00:36:12.599
<v Speaker 2>to brush my teeth. And they got me to the

617
00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:16.519
<v Speaker 2>sink and I remember looking at the toothbrush and the

618
00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:20.719
<v Speaker 2>toothpaste and thinking, okay, those probably are what I need

619
00:36:20.719 --> 00:36:24.480
<v Speaker 2>to brush my teeth. And the therapist said to me,

620
00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:26.360
<v Speaker 2>she said, okay, go ahead and brush your teeth. And

621
00:36:26.360 --> 00:36:29.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm looking at her like what And she said, you know,

622
00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:32.360
<v Speaker 2>pick up your toothbrush. And I'm thinking, okay, which one

623
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:37.239
<v Speaker 2>of these is the toothbrush? So I didn't do anything.

624
00:36:37.320 --> 00:36:40.159
<v Speaker 2>So she picked up my toothbrush put it in my hand,

625
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:43.480
<v Speaker 2>which felt really awkward because it isn't normally how I

626
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:46.400
<v Speaker 2>hold my toothbrush. And then she said, okay, now put

627
00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:49.880
<v Speaker 2>your toothpaste on. And again I picked up what I

628
00:36:50.119 --> 00:36:51.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, the only other thing that was there, which

629
00:36:51.880 --> 00:36:54.280
<v Speaker 2>was the toothpaste, but I couldn't figure out how to

630
00:36:54.320 --> 00:36:57.880
<v Speaker 2>get the cap off. So even something as simple as

631
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:04.760
<v Speaker 2>brushing your teeth was like a major accomplishment. And you know,

632
00:37:04.800 --> 00:37:06.760
<v Speaker 2>the five minutes that it took to brush my teeth

633
00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:09.920
<v Speaker 2>felt like three hours. By the time I was done,

634
00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:11.480
<v Speaker 2>I was absolutely exhausted.

635
00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:14.239
<v Speaker 3>So how long did it take you then to go

636
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.760
<v Speaker 3>from because like I said, two years is not a

637
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:19.239
<v Speaker 3>long time to be able to be walking and talking

638
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:25.960
<v Speaker 3>to getting up and having control over your body and

639
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:27.280
<v Speaker 3>feeling into your body.

640
00:37:28.320 --> 00:37:31.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so the first month I was pretty much just

641
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:34.920
<v Speaker 2>doing straight physiotherapy, and I was able to get up

642
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:38.559
<v Speaker 2>and wander around with a walker after about a month

643
00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:41.639
<v Speaker 2>on my own without falling over. Balance was an issue

644
00:37:41.639 --> 00:37:45.400
<v Speaker 2>as well, So between the two things, I finally got

645
00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:48.519
<v Speaker 2>that under control, and that was probably just related to

646
00:37:48.559 --> 00:37:53.639
<v Speaker 2>the swelling going down in my head. Speech took longer.

647
00:37:53.719 --> 00:37:56.559
<v Speaker 2>It took more like three months before I could really

648
00:37:56.880 --> 00:37:59.960
<v Speaker 2>start to express And as I said, now that I

649
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:03.119
<v Speaker 2>I had a communication method, I felt a little better

650
00:38:03.159 --> 00:38:06.880
<v Speaker 2>about not being able to speak. So I just had

651
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:11.000
<v Speaker 2>to work at it. In terms of self care, like

652
00:38:11.119 --> 00:38:13.400
<v Speaker 2>taking a shower, that kind of thing, it was probably

653
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:17.159
<v Speaker 2>around the three month period when I wasn't falling over

654
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:20.679
<v Speaker 2>anymore and I was safe to be able to be

655
00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:24.000
<v Speaker 2>in the shower by myself. So yeah, it was kind

656
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:28.119
<v Speaker 2>of along those timelines. And then once I started getting

657
00:38:28.199 --> 00:38:33.639
<v Speaker 2>speech back and started to have some stamina in terms

658
00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:36.440
<v Speaker 2>of staying awake longer than twenty minutes or half an hour,

659
00:38:37.159 --> 00:38:40.599
<v Speaker 2>then I was able to get on the computer and

660
00:38:40.679 --> 00:38:43.760
<v Speaker 2>play a little bit and figure out what I wanted

661
00:38:43.760 --> 00:38:46.840
<v Speaker 2>to do and get some courses behind me and that

662
00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:50.119
<v Speaker 2>kind of thing. So it was a slow process, but

663
00:38:50.239 --> 00:38:55.079
<v Speaker 2>once I learned the art of writing from the courses

664
00:38:55.079 --> 00:38:59.199
<v Speaker 2>that I took and I got the outline sort of navigated,

665
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:01.239
<v Speaker 2>then it kind of wrote itself fairly quickly.

666
00:39:01.719 --> 00:39:03.679
<v Speaker 3>And were you doing it on the computer because I

667
00:39:03.719 --> 00:39:08.039
<v Speaker 3>was just watching something recently talking about how handwriting lights

668
00:39:08.119 --> 00:39:11.039
<v Speaker 3>up your entire brain, which really gets its work.

669
00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:19.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So I wrote out in long form the the outline,

670
00:39:19.559 --> 00:39:22.519
<v Speaker 2>and then what I would do is I would take

671
00:39:22.559 --> 00:39:27.519
<v Speaker 2>a chapter and I would start to type, and that

672
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:30.639
<v Speaker 2>helped as well. But there were you know, thank Heavens

673
00:39:30.679 --> 00:39:35.000
<v Speaker 2>for spell check, because my words were all jumbled and

674
00:39:35.119 --> 00:39:37.719
<v Speaker 2>the letters were in the wrong place. But you know,

675
00:39:38.119 --> 00:39:42.400
<v Speaker 2>the computer helped sort that out. But yeah, that's kind

676
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:43.039
<v Speaker 2>of how it worked.

677
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:50.800
<v Speaker 3>Beautiful. Thank you. What do you think brought joy back

678
00:39:50.840 --> 00:39:53.559
<v Speaker 3>into your life or what brought Yeah, what brought pleasure

679
00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:54.480
<v Speaker 3>back into your life?

680
00:39:55.079 --> 00:39:59.280
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, I was so determined to come out

681
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:04.159
<v Speaker 2>of this in a positive way that every day I

682
00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:09.280
<v Speaker 2>worked at improving and trying new things. So once I

683
00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:14.079
<v Speaker 2>realized that I could write, that brought me joy. It

684
00:40:14.119 --> 00:40:18.000
<v Speaker 2>brought me a sense of accomplishment, and it brought me

685
00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:20.760
<v Speaker 2>a sense that, Okay, things are going to be okay

686
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:25.960
<v Speaker 2>because you're making sense, you're moving forward. I don't know

687
00:40:25.960 --> 00:40:29.039
<v Speaker 2>what it's going to look like yet, but I felt

688
00:40:29.039 --> 00:40:32.320
<v Speaker 2>like I was accomplishing something and that brought a lot

689
00:40:32.360 --> 00:40:35.199
<v Speaker 2>of self esteem back to me. I have to admit.

690
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:38.599
<v Speaker 2>I mean physically, I looked horrible. I had this massive

691
00:40:38.679 --> 00:40:43.960
<v Speaker 2>scar over my head. I was bald. I have a

692
00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:46.920
<v Speaker 2>hole in my head where my skull has been removed

693
00:40:46.920 --> 00:40:51.440
<v Speaker 2>and they can't put back. So I'm deformed, for lack

694
00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:53.880
<v Speaker 2>of a better word. So that's why my hair is

695
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:56.280
<v Speaker 2>the way it is. It covers the scars, it covers

696
00:40:56.320 --> 00:41:02.639
<v Speaker 2>the hole. But I'm conscious now of what's important, so

697
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:05.599
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't really matter what you look like, it's more

698
00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:11.360
<v Speaker 2>important that you find a purpose. And when I found

699
00:41:11.400 --> 00:41:15.599
<v Speaker 2>a purpose, that brought me joy because, as I said before,

700
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:17.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, I want to find a way to serve.

701
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:23.159
<v Speaker 2>So my kids' books are in libraries and daycares and

702
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:28.400
<v Speaker 2>they're helping kids learn to read. My medical thrillers are entertaining,

703
00:41:28.599 --> 00:41:32.280
<v Speaker 2>and it's giving me a way to highlight some issues

704
00:41:32.280 --> 00:41:35.760
<v Speaker 2>that I think are important. So between the two, I

705
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:37.840
<v Speaker 2>feel like I've got a bit of a purpose now.

706
00:41:38.280 --> 00:41:41.719
<v Speaker 2>And I share my story to share hope with people

707
00:41:42.440 --> 00:41:49.280
<v Speaker 2>that if you're stuck in bad circumstances, they're temporary and

708
00:41:49.559 --> 00:41:53.119
<v Speaker 2>you have the power to make change. And so, you know,

709
00:41:53.199 --> 00:41:54.800
<v Speaker 2>I sort of say to people, look, if I could

710
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:57.239
<v Speaker 2>go from a coma to a best selling author, you

711
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.760
<v Speaker 2>can get whatever it is you need to chasege done.

712
00:42:01.119 --> 00:42:04.119
<v Speaker 2>You just have to kind of have a path. I

713
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:09.239
<v Speaker 2>had support from my friends, my family, my church, and

714
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:11.719
<v Speaker 2>you know, I just one foot in front of the

715
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:13.239
<v Speaker 2>other day by day.

716
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:16.719
<v Speaker 3>And how about your children, So what is your relationship

717
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:18.239
<v Speaker 3>like with your children these days?

718
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:22.159
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's different. You know, It's not like I'm their

719
00:42:22.199 --> 00:42:25.719
<v Speaker 2>mother and they're my kids. It's more like we're friends

720
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:31.880
<v Speaker 2>and coexisting adults. Perfect example, my son came for dinner

721
00:42:31.920 --> 00:42:34.960
<v Speaker 2>not too long ago, and of course I served dinner

722
00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:37.199
<v Speaker 2>and he looks at me. He goes, Mom, I don't

723
00:42:37.239 --> 00:42:40.519
<v Speaker 2>eat this, and it was like, oh yeah, like I

724
00:42:40.559 --> 00:42:43.039
<v Speaker 2>totally forgot. So you got to write me a list

725
00:42:43.079 --> 00:42:45.039
<v Speaker 2>of what you'll eat, what you won't to eat, so

726
00:42:45.079 --> 00:42:48.440
<v Speaker 2>that I can remember because I always forget what he

727
00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:49.960
<v Speaker 2>doesn't like. It's so funny.

728
00:42:50.599 --> 00:42:53.880
<v Speaker 3>So that must be pretty hard on them to have

729
00:42:53.920 --> 00:42:56.239
<v Speaker 3>a mom that is not Yeah, that is not the

730
00:42:56.239 --> 00:42:57.039
<v Speaker 3>same person.

731
00:42:57.800 --> 00:42:59.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I think it is. I think it is,

732
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:01.960
<v Speaker 2>but I try. As I said to them, I said,

733
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:03.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, we're just gonna have to make new memories.

734
00:43:05.239 --> 00:43:10.239
<v Speaker 2>Just pretend like you know, I've parachuted in and we're

735
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:11.519
<v Speaker 2>just gonna have to go forward.

736
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:14.920
<v Speaker 3>I love that you have such a positive attitude where

737
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:21.000
<v Speaker 3>most people would cave in. Honestly, marriages would be disintegrating,

738
00:43:21.119 --> 00:43:23.800
<v Speaker 3>and you walked into everything and just said, okay, let's go,

739
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:27.960
<v Speaker 3>let's try, let's let's forward, let's not get stuck in

740
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.559
<v Speaker 3>what's backwards. So these will be interesting questions for you

741
00:43:30.599 --> 00:43:34.719
<v Speaker 3>to answer since they're coming from a very new place. Yes,

742
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:39.880
<v Speaker 3>my ten questions that I always asked, So, okay, it's interesting. Yeah,

743
00:43:40.159 --> 00:43:43.280
<v Speaker 3>what is what is one truth your body has always

744
00:43:43.320 --> 00:43:45.320
<v Speaker 3>known that your mind took years to catch up to.

745
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:53.159
<v Speaker 2>Oh goodness, I don't know. How's that for an answer?

746
00:43:54.599 --> 00:43:59.360
<v Speaker 2>I guess that you know, as long as you're young

747
00:43:59.400 --> 00:44:02.320
<v Speaker 2>at heart, bodies young, and as long as you stay active,

748
00:44:02.360 --> 00:44:02.920
<v Speaker 2>you're active.

749
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:09.679
<v Speaker 3>Thank you. What is the most intimate moment you've ever

750
00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:11.639
<v Speaker 3>had that had nothing to do with sex?

751
00:44:13.079 --> 00:44:16.400
<v Speaker 2>I think just being grateful I was alive and just

752
00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:18.880
<v Speaker 2>giving the universe gratitude for that.

753
00:44:19.719 --> 00:44:23.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and being reacquainted with yourself again. Yeah.

754
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:25.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely.

755
00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:30.840
<v Speaker 3>If you could be remembered for one sensation you gave someone,

756
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:31.559
<v Speaker 3>what would it be?

757
00:44:32.840 --> 00:44:36.079
<v Speaker 2>I hope. Hope is the word that I give to

758
00:44:36.159 --> 00:44:39.960
<v Speaker 2>people that as long as you're willing to try and

759
00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:43.519
<v Speaker 2>put one foot in front of the other, you know

760
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:47.639
<v Speaker 2>you could accomplish anything. My physiotherapist said to me when

761
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:53.840
<v Speaker 2>I was having my rehab, She said, baby steps will

762
00:44:53.960 --> 00:44:56.400
<v Speaker 2>take you all the way to the top of Mount Everest,

763
00:44:57.239 --> 00:44:58.239
<v Speaker 2>just keep going.

764
00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:04.960
<v Speaker 3>Thank you. If pleasure were a language, what would your

765
00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:05.840
<v Speaker 3>first word be?

766
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:08.760
<v Speaker 2>Comfort?

767
00:45:10.079 --> 00:45:14.760
<v Speaker 3>Yes? If your erotic life had a title like a

768
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.599
<v Speaker 3>novel or a film, what would it be called.

769
00:45:18.760 --> 00:45:26.239
<v Speaker 2>Oh goodness, we're gonna have to think about that one.

770
00:45:26.679 --> 00:45:27.800
<v Speaker 3>Shall we come back to it?

771
00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:28.880
<v Speaker 2>Well? Keep it?

772
00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:34.400
<v Speaker 3>Okay? What is one thing that you've never said out loud,

773
00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:36.719
<v Speaker 3>or at least in your recent new life that you

774
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:37.920
<v Speaker 3>wish someone would.

775
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:41.280
<v Speaker 2>Ask you about what it's like to be in a coma.

776
00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:45.559
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that was one of my questions. I was thinking, well,

777
00:45:45.559 --> 00:45:47.199
<v Speaker 3>we might get there before we go if we have

778
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:51.079
<v Speaker 3>a moment. Okay, what part of your erotic self are

779
00:45:51.079 --> 00:45:52.800
<v Speaker 3>you still afraid to bring to the light?

780
00:45:54.039 --> 00:45:59.559
<v Speaker 2>My goodness, these are tough questions. I think experimenting with

781
00:45:59.679 --> 00:46:01.400
<v Speaker 2>kissing again would be interesting.

782
00:46:03.119 --> 00:46:06.800
<v Speaker 3>Kissing is an art, honestly, it's and it's edity. But

783
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:09.239
<v Speaker 3>I think we underray kissing about kissing.

784
00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:11.639
<v Speaker 2>I think so too, right?

785
00:46:13.760 --> 00:46:16.320
<v Speaker 3>What dies in you when you pretend? And what comes

786
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:17.679
<v Speaker 3>alive in you when you don't?

787
00:46:19.320 --> 00:46:26.320
<v Speaker 2>It dies in me when I'm not truthful. I feel

788
00:46:26.360 --> 00:46:31.039
<v Speaker 2>like a fraud, I guess. And what was the second

789
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:31.400
<v Speaker 2>part of the.

790
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:34.480
<v Speaker 3>Question, And what comes alive when you don't pretend?

791
00:46:35.880 --> 00:46:39.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh? I think my my personality comes out when I

792
00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:45.679
<v Speaker 2>don't pretend. I think I'm a bit of a risk taker.

793
00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:50.199
<v Speaker 3>Perhaps, well, and this isn't a question I normally ask someone,

794
00:46:50.239 --> 00:46:53.559
<v Speaker 3>but because of your experience, what is your favorite part

795
00:46:53.599 --> 00:46:54.840
<v Speaker 3>about your personality?

796
00:46:55.840 --> 00:46:58.840
<v Speaker 2>My willingness to try new things. I know a lot

797
00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:02.199
<v Speaker 2>of people are really scared of change and feel very

798
00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:05.440
<v Speaker 2>uncomfortable when they're kind of pushed into a corner and

799
00:47:05.519 --> 00:47:08.880
<v Speaker 2>don't have a plan. I'm kind of the opposite. And

800
00:47:08.920 --> 00:47:12.679
<v Speaker 2>maybe that's why I did okay with the surgery, is that,

801
00:47:12.840 --> 00:47:16.639
<v Speaker 2>you know, my my options were limited, and I chose

802
00:47:16.679 --> 00:47:20.199
<v Speaker 2>to want to try and survive, and so I took

803
00:47:20.239 --> 00:47:23.800
<v Speaker 2>the risk that you know, the neurosurgeon who said yes,

804
00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:27.239
<v Speaker 2>was going to do his best. But as I highlighted

805
00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:30.440
<v Speaker 2>in the novel, sometimes that isn't always what happens.

806
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:33.960
<v Speaker 3>No it's not. But we like your neurosearch and I

807
00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:36.840
<v Speaker 3>hope yes we do.

808
00:47:37.000 --> 00:47:38.800
<v Speaker 2>I can't remember his name, but yes, I.

809
00:47:41.519 --> 00:47:44.480
<v Speaker 3>Finish this sentence. When I leave this life, I want

810
00:47:44.519 --> 00:47:45.199
<v Speaker 3>my skin to.

811
00:47:45.239 --> 00:47:50.559
<v Speaker 2>Remember, Oh, a soft touch.

812
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:56.360
<v Speaker 3>Thank you. If the soul has a scent, what does

813
00:47:56.400 --> 00:48:00.320
<v Speaker 3>your smell like today?

814
00:48:00.519 --> 00:48:11.559
<v Speaker 2>So? M hm flowers, mhm, specific flowers or any flowers,

815
00:48:12.679 --> 00:48:14.639
<v Speaker 2>just any flowers. I love flowers.

816
00:48:16.199 --> 00:48:18.199
<v Speaker 3>And now we get to go back and circle back.

817
00:48:18.239 --> 00:48:21.000
<v Speaker 3>If your erotic life had a title like a film

818
00:48:21.079 --> 00:48:22.920
<v Speaker 3>or a novel what might.

819
00:48:22.840 --> 00:48:32.559
<v Speaker 2>Oh my goodness hidden Jenny Ooh.

820
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:38.280
<v Speaker 3>I love it and too funny. I would love to

821
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:42.679
<v Speaker 3>know what your experience was as being in a coma.

822
00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:49.519
<v Speaker 2>Well, it was interesting. So as a nurse, I knew

823
00:48:49.559 --> 00:48:52.760
<v Speaker 2>that they were going to be giving me specific drugs

824
00:48:53.159 --> 00:48:56.400
<v Speaker 2>to deal with the trauma in my head. So I

825
00:48:56.480 --> 00:48:59.039
<v Speaker 2>knew there were drugs to reduce this swelling. I knew

826
00:48:59.039 --> 00:49:02.960
<v Speaker 2>there were drugs to kind of take away the anxiety

827
00:49:03.320 --> 00:49:08.400
<v Speaker 2>and the fear. And I remember no fear at all.

828
00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:16.039
<v Speaker 2>I remember specific voices. I remember being turned and realizing

829
00:49:16.119 --> 00:49:21.239
<v Speaker 2>I was being turned, but not being able to help

830
00:49:21.519 --> 00:49:27.960
<v Speaker 2>or to or to move. But I remember the feeling

831
00:49:28.119 --> 00:49:31.280
<v Speaker 2>of being turned on my side and back again, which

832
00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:34.880
<v Speaker 2>the nurses do right to keep you from getting bed sores.

833
00:49:35.639 --> 00:49:38.760
<v Speaker 2>And the only other thing that I really remember is

834
00:49:38.920 --> 00:49:45.320
<v Speaker 2>being cold all the time, because you know, they don't

835
00:49:45.320 --> 00:49:47.239
<v Speaker 2>put heavy blankets on you when you're in that I

836
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:50.360
<v Speaker 2>see you because they're monitoring all the different things, and

837
00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:52.679
<v Speaker 2>since they had to tie me down, I guess I

838
00:49:52.760 --> 00:49:55.960
<v Speaker 2>was particularly bad at that. But you just have a

839
00:49:56.039 --> 00:49:59.960
<v Speaker 2>light down on and it's not even tied behind your name,

840
00:50:00.760 --> 00:50:03.960
<v Speaker 2>and you're just cold all the time. I Actually, when

841
00:50:03.960 --> 00:50:05.800
<v Speaker 2>I woke up, I actually thought I might be dead

842
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:09.480
<v Speaker 2>because I was so cold. I thought, oh, maybe I

843
00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:13.079
<v Speaker 2>am dead, you know. And I remember looking around thinking, no, no, no,

844
00:50:13.239 --> 00:50:16.840
<v Speaker 2>I recognize this and this and this. So that's what

845
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:18.840
<v Speaker 2>it was like for me to be in a coma.

846
00:50:19.159 --> 00:50:21.440
<v Speaker 3>So when you say you were looking around, you could

847
00:50:21.480 --> 00:50:23.639
<v Speaker 3>see around you even though your eyes were closed.

848
00:50:24.639 --> 00:50:26.840
<v Speaker 2>No, no, it wasn't until I woke up that I

849
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:27.239
<v Speaker 2>saw that.

850
00:50:28.199 --> 00:50:30.199
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And do you remember dreaming?

851
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:33.880
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't not at all. I know some people

852
00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:38.960
<v Speaker 2>have very different experiences, but no, not for me. And

853
00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:41.239
<v Speaker 2>I didn't, you know, and I didn't visit the other

854
00:50:41.400 --> 00:50:44.800
<v Speaker 2>side y as some people do. Like some people float.

855
00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:48.199
<v Speaker 2>I've heard people talk about how they float above themselves.

856
00:50:48.599 --> 00:50:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't remember that at all. I might have, but

857
00:50:51.360 --> 00:50:52.199
<v Speaker 2>I don't remember it.

858
00:50:52.679 --> 00:50:56.079
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, Thank you for that. I love you have

859
00:50:56.239 --> 00:50:59.559
<v Speaker 3>such a spark in you, and I've just loved reading

860
00:50:59.559 --> 00:51:01.599
<v Speaker 3>your books. I want to make sure I send everybody

861
00:51:02.239 --> 00:51:05.760
<v Speaker 3>to your site, which is Jenny White dot Ca, to

862
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:08.320
<v Speaker 3>go and take a look at at your journey and

863
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:11.400
<v Speaker 3>the books. I believe you have two more coming. You

864
00:51:11.440 --> 00:51:14.039
<v Speaker 3>have one of the publishers, one that you're writing, so

865
00:51:14.079 --> 00:51:18.599
<v Speaker 3>you're a prolific writer now and I look forward to

866
00:51:18.639 --> 00:51:22.000
<v Speaker 3>hearing more stories. And if there's any pearls of wisdom

867
00:51:22.039 --> 00:51:26.440
<v Speaker 3>that you want to share with us before we leave today.

868
00:51:27.199 --> 00:51:29.559
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think the main pearl of wisdom that I

869
00:51:29.559 --> 00:51:32.800
<v Speaker 2>want to leave with people is possibilities. Is hope and

870
00:51:32.920 --> 00:51:36.760
<v Speaker 2>possibilities that every day you're alive, you are in control,

871
00:51:36.840 --> 00:51:39.480
<v Speaker 2>even though you may not feel like you're in control,

872
00:51:40.039 --> 00:51:44.280
<v Speaker 2>and that the ability to change is possible and it

873
00:51:44.320 --> 00:51:46.760
<v Speaker 2>doesn't have to be a dramatic change like what I

874
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:51.679
<v Speaker 2>went through, But you have the power to be in

875
00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:55.119
<v Speaker 2>control of your own life and existence. And it's okay

876
00:51:55.119 --> 00:51:58.199
<v Speaker 2>to ask for help, it's okay to explore. And I

877
00:51:58.239 --> 00:52:01.880
<v Speaker 2>think as a society we need to challenge what we

878
00:52:02.079 --> 00:52:05.559
<v Speaker 2>think is the norm. So, for example, people will look

879
00:52:05.559 --> 00:52:07.480
<v Speaker 2>at me and go, oh, you're senior. You know you

880
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:09.519
<v Speaker 2>should be relaxed, you should have your feet up and

881
00:52:09.559 --> 00:52:12.440
<v Speaker 2>begininning or something, and It's like, no, no, no, no,

882
00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:14.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm not done yet. I've still got things to do.

883
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:18.559
<v Speaker 2>So you know, I'm challenging that myth of slowing down

884
00:52:18.840 --> 00:52:24.119
<v Speaker 2>and being incapacitated. I have no plans for that at all. No.

885
00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:28.079
<v Speaker 3>I love that you have a reinvention. Now, I'm going

886
00:52:28.159 --> 00:52:31.480
<v Speaker 3>to say later in life, whether we call it golden ears,

887
00:52:31.519 --> 00:52:34.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm not sure I like that term. But that's something

888
00:52:34.440 --> 00:52:37.400
<v Speaker 3>that's always given me hope because when I was growing up,

889
00:52:37.440 --> 00:52:39.800
<v Speaker 3>it was your life was done at I don't know,

890
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:43.480
<v Speaker 3>forty fifty whatever, it was, right, you were finished, go

891
00:52:43.519 --> 00:52:45.760
<v Speaker 3>and go and pack it up. And now people are

892
00:52:45.920 --> 00:52:51.960
<v Speaker 3>reinventing themselves and doing so many things and courting again,

893
00:52:52.880 --> 00:52:56.400
<v Speaker 3>learning how to kiss again, learning to create like new

894
00:52:56.519 --> 00:53:00.760
<v Speaker 3>hobbies and you know, for you creating new wire patterns.

895
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:06.159
<v Speaker 3>So thank you, thank you for sharing. Yes my pleasure,

896
00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:10.440
<v Speaker 3>So everyone, thank you for joining us today. I will

897
00:53:10.440 --> 00:53:12.559
<v Speaker 3>see you again next week and again if you want

898
00:53:12.559 --> 00:53:15.480
<v Speaker 3>to read her latest book, The Triggering Scent, and you

899
00:53:15.519 --> 00:53:18.960
<v Speaker 3>can also go to Jennywaite dot ca. A thank you

900
00:53:19.199 --> 00:53:21.280
<v Speaker 3>and good night or good morning wherever you are.

901
00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:26.800
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for listening to Skin and Soul with me, Gwenham.

902
00:53:26.960 --> 00:53:30.400
<v Speaker 1>Join me Fridays at ten ampst on Transformation Talk Radio.

903
00:53:30.519 --> 00:53:32.000
<v Speaker 3>Catch the podcast.

904
00:53:31.519 --> 00:53:34.159
<v Speaker 1>Anytime on your favorite platforms. You can follow me on

905
00:53:34.239 --> 00:53:37.920
<v Speaker 1>Instagram at louvology. Ready to Take the Next Step book

906
00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:51.719
<v Speaker 1>A compatibility call with me at Gwenhemcarsley dot com