Speaker 1: Look up with come all the things on.
Speaker 2: The bottom.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, is you You're my favorite views? But that's
Speaker 1: nothing and we are back.
Speaker 3: Welcome back, bumble bitches.
Speaker 1: We are doing another zoom call with a couple. We
Speaker 1: have Joey and Ryan, and we are trying to start
Speaker 1: doing this on a semi regular basis. We want to
Speaker 1: actually talk to people because it's one thing to read
Speaker 1: an email. It's another to have a conversation and hear
Speaker 1: what's going on in real time here, dialogue, election, yeah,
Speaker 1: all of the good stuff. Right, So this is something
Speaker 1: that we're trying to start doing on a regular basis.
Speaker 1: If you guys are looking to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: Peaches and I and you've got relationship troubles and you
Speaker 1: want to try to work through that stuff and you're
Speaker 1: both willing to get on a call, you can send
Speaker 1: me an email Chris at Tobbetter dot com. I'll vet
Speaker 1: you and then we will go from there. Do you
Speaker 1: have anything you want to say before I bring them
Speaker 1: on the line. No, that was great, all right, bring
Speaker 1: them on un mute. How are you guys doing this morning?
Speaker 4: Fantastic?
Speaker 5: We're doing good.
Speaker 1: So why don't you tell us what you guys got
Speaker 1: going on.
Speaker 5: Well, Joey and I have been together. Oh how long
Speaker 5: has it been now? We originally met.
Speaker 6: In twenty three, Yeah, and it was right after I
Speaker 6: had just separated from my ex husband. We dated for
Speaker 6: a while, took a break for a while, and got
Speaker 6: back and we've been steady since.
Speaker 1: Defined Like, because you said it was right after you
Speaker 1: got divorced, is this why are we talking like a
Speaker 1: couple of days? Were talking a couple of months?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: What did that look like?
Speaker 5: It was a couple of months after our separation.
Speaker 6: The divorce took a while, like to get it actually
Speaker 6: legalized because of issues on my ex's end. That doesn't word,
Speaker 6: But yeah, we were We were fully separated for a
Speaker 6: couple of months before I had met Joey, And like
Speaker 6: I said, we dated for I think it was about
Speaker 6: nine months and then we broke up for a while
Speaker 6: and ended up getting back together in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: What was the poss breakup?
Speaker 6: The biggest thing of it was a disagreement about drinking,
Speaker 6: which is still to this day can be one of
Speaker 6: our biggest fights. We're doing a lot better about it
Speaker 6: actually since I first emailed you.
Speaker 1: Okay, we have found new.
Speaker 6: Grounds with it, but back then it was about drinking,
Speaker 6: and both of us were drinking much heavier.
Speaker 5: It was we were both going through different emotional things.
Speaker 6: I had a you know, we all had We had
Speaker 6: our own issues that aren't necessarily relevant, but we were
Speaker 6: both drinking heavily.
Speaker 5: I was wanting to stop.
Speaker 6: He wasn't necessarily and we just had a disagreement with
Speaker 6: if like where we stood on it, and it was
Speaker 6: causing a lot of stress in the relationship, so we
Speaker 6: ultimately just decided.
Speaker 4: To end it.
Speaker 1: You said that it wasn't really relevant to anything. If
Speaker 1: you guys were drinking to escape or to numb, it's
Speaker 1: relevant to everything.
Speaker 4: Yes, So I just meant.
Speaker 6: I didn't know if you guys wanted to hear the
Speaker 6: specifics because like I had just after my divorce, I
Speaker 6: also went through a trauma an essay, and so I
Speaker 6: wasn't sure how much of that we were we wanted
Speaker 6: on there.
Speaker 1: So obviously we don't need to do the details of
Speaker 1: the essay, but these these kind of things are important, right.
Speaker 1: Trauma big, that's a big trauma, Like that's that's life
Speaker 1: changing trauma.
Speaker 3: So that's that's made different you on the end of
Speaker 3: the on the other side.
Speaker 1: Of that, right, So that's definitely prevalent information, but the
Speaker 1: drinking is still an escapism at that point. You're self medicating, right, Like,
Speaker 1: There's a lot of conversation that can go around that,
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to have background before we got
Speaker 1: too far into things so that as we move, I
Speaker 1: know why the things are a thing.
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I would definitely say I was self medicating.
Speaker 6: I was going to therapy about it and honest with
Speaker 6: them about it, and I knew what I was doing,
Speaker 6: but I couldn't always stop it type of thing.
Speaker 5: Addiction does run in both of our families. I don't know,
Speaker 5: if you want to touch in on your end of things.
Speaker 7: I mean, yeah, I guess for me, like it was
Speaker 7: definitely the drinking in it, Like when I look back,
Speaker 7: like most of my problems revolve around drinking, which is
Speaker 7: why I recently I've been like, Okay, let's put a
Speaker 7: holt on this, you know, And I was just adamant,
Speaker 7: you know, like I went through some things that year
Speaker 7: before as well. In my past relationship, I actually got
Speaker 7: pregnant the whole time, told me it was mine and
Speaker 7: then come to find out, no, it was not well,
Speaker 7: and there's a lot of fighting and like manipulation during
Speaker 7: the pregnancy and everything like that.
Speaker 4: Like it was with a terrible situation, okay. And then
Speaker 4: I ended up moving.
Speaker 7: Halfway across the state after that, which is where I
Speaker 7: met her in my hometown.
Speaker 6: So we both were definitely drinking to deal with the
Speaker 6: things that we had endured recently, and we were just
Speaker 6: in a disagreeance about it at the time.
Speaker 1: You know, Okay. And when you emailed us originally, you
Speaker 1: said that the drinking was still a thing, and you
Speaker 1: just said, that's that's eased up. So are you guys,
Speaker 1: have you both agreed to not drink anymore or what's
Speaker 1: that look like? Now?
Speaker 4: This is very.
Speaker 7: Recent, like as of last weekend type of thing. Like
Speaker 7: at least for me, I said, Hey, I still want
Speaker 7: to drink on like events, but I don't want to
Speaker 7: be drinking the way that I am.
Speaker 4: It's not healthy and I don't want my kids to
Speaker 4: see that.
Speaker 1: Okay, good for me.
Speaker 6: I've always I've kind of gone back and forth with
Speaker 6: taking long months of sobriety from alcohol. We both do
Speaker 6: smoke as well, but I've taken several long breaks just because,
Speaker 6: like I said addiction is in both of our families,
Speaker 6: and I kind of saw my turning into the addiction
Speaker 6: that I've seen growing up, and I didn't like the way.
Speaker 6: I didn't like the way that that was going, and
Speaker 6: so I have tried taking breaks to make sure that
Speaker 6: I do have control over over it.
Speaker 4: And if I ever feel like I.
Speaker 5: Start to lose that control again, is when I pause.
Speaker 6: And I realize that like drink, stopping drinking altogether would
Speaker 6: be obviously the most ideal, but we also both like
Speaker 6: our both of our families and our friends drink. And
Speaker 6: that's why like we lean towards like just trying to
Speaker 6: keep it to social events. That way we can still
Speaker 6: feel a part of that circle, because like when I
Speaker 6: am sober, I often get invited to less events like
Speaker 6: with other people because they don't want to invite me
Speaker 6: and make me feel uncomfortable with them drinking. And so
Speaker 6: if we can still if we feel like we still
Speaker 6: have some days and like holidays or like if we
Speaker 6: go on a vacation or something where we're allowed to,
Speaker 6: we don't feel like we're as left out, if that
Speaker 6: makes sense, or at least that's how I feel.
Speaker 3: That does make sense. Just a perspective.
Speaker 2: If your circles require you to drink to be in
Speaker 2: that circle, there needs to be reevaluations happening.
Speaker 5: And I don't think I don't think it's that they
Speaker 5: require me to drink.
Speaker 6: They're more afraid of making me feel uncomfortable about the
Speaker 6: fact that I'm sober and that they aren't like.
Speaker 5: It's not that they want me to be drinking with them.
Speaker 3: No, I understand. But you just said you'll get invited
Speaker 3: less because of that.
Speaker 2: So there is some type of requirement there, either to
Speaker 2: make them feel more comfortable or to make you feel
Speaker 2: more comfortable.
Speaker 3: Okay, you said that you will continue to drink in
Speaker 3: order to be in social circles.
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: This sounds like a soft excuse to continue to do
Speaker 2: something that you guys don't really want to give up.
Speaker 1: I have a couple of things on this too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So you guys, you said you got you guys got kids.
Speaker 1: You told me in the email that you have twins.
Speaker 1: You got a boy and a girl, and then you
Speaker 1: got a five year old from your previous situation. Is there?
Speaker 1: How old are your twins?
Speaker 5: They're one? Okay, almost like one and a half.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you guys are fully everybody knows about alcohol Anonymous, right,
Speaker 1: this is the gold standard for getting off of alcohol.
Speaker 1: Are you familiar with the phrase alan on? Yeah, okay, I've.
Speaker 4: Been in and out of meetings since I was in
Speaker 4: my teens.
Speaker 5: Okay, and say they might need to hear a little
Speaker 5: bit more about your backstory too.
Speaker 4: I mean, I just didn't know what they wanted to know.
Speaker 1: So the reason the don't want to get too much
Speaker 1: in the one Before you get into that, though, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to point out because you said that you
Speaker 1: didn't want your kids to see you in that aspect.
Speaker 1: The family members, especially children is so prevalent that in
Speaker 1: Florida you can go to ALAN nine meetings while in
Speaker 1: school if your parents are alcoholics. The trickle down effect
Speaker 1: of parents who cannot maintain themselves or can't completely quit drinking,
Speaker 1: if they're an addict, or whatever the case may be,
Speaker 1: is so prevalent that we now have it in our
Speaker 1: school systems in America to give children some sort of
Speaker 1: support group for drunk parents. It's just something that I
Speaker 1: want you guys to have in the back of your
Speaker 1: mind when you're drinking. Socially. I have we both have
Speaker 1: been alcoholics, and I will do a three drink minimum
Speaker 1: maximum when I go out and do things, but most
Speaker 1: of the time it's a single drink and then I'm good.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be belligerent. It's a social thing.
Speaker 1: If I've got one in my hand and I'm not
Speaker 1: really drinking it, nobody's going to offer me another one.
Speaker 1: It allows me to look like I'm partaking. It's just
Speaker 1: a perception is reality. If people think you're putting them
Speaker 1: back and your drink always looks full, it looks like
Speaker 1: you just got a new drink.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: The other thing was is you said that you go,
Speaker 1: you drink and then you don't, and then you drink
Speaker 1: and then you don't. When you diet, people who diet
Speaker 1: that have the on and off diets are normally forty
Speaker 1: percent heavier than people who just eat healthy because you
Speaker 1: go through cycles of eating very clean and trying to
Speaker 1: take care of your body, and then the complete opposite
Speaker 1: because you're no longer on a diet. And it's the
Speaker 1: same thing with the drinking. You're going to get to
Speaker 1: a point where your mind is getting healthy again, and
Speaker 1: then you start putting a depressant, which is alcohol in
Speaker 1: your brain and it creates it this vicious cycle of
Speaker 1: ebb and flow. And the other thing that I had
Speaker 1: wrote down was also the drinking because someone else is
Speaker 1: an issue for them. You covered that though, so I
Speaker 1: don't have to get into that. Why were you in
Speaker 1: meetings off and on since a teenager? Have you been
Speaker 1: an alcoholic the entire time? Or is this also because
Speaker 1: of alan Non type things?
Speaker 4: No, I've always kind of had my own issues.
Speaker 7: But at the same time, like if I would have
Speaker 7: known about alan On, I probably would have been.
Speaker 4: In that one too.
Speaker 7: Both my biological parents, which I don't have communication with anymore.
Speaker 7: We're both mathematics and that's why we're not in their
Speaker 7: lives anymore. I also have a twin sister and it
Speaker 7: gave her down syndrome from being in the room.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 7: I got thetoo. I got the addict part of it.
Speaker 7: That's the unfortunate way that worked. It's not an excuse.
Speaker 7: It's the cars we were dealt, you know. And now
Speaker 7: that I'm kind of realizing it, and I'm just like, dude,
Speaker 7: I don't want my kids to see this all the time.
Speaker 7: Like in my mind, I'm not sloppy, but I'm also
Speaker 7: using something to make myself feel different every day. I
Speaker 7: don't want them to think that that stuff's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's not. And that's exactly what you're doing.
Speaker 1: You're using things as an escapism. You might not feel
Speaker 1: that you're sloppy, but you were a different person when
Speaker 1: you've had two drinks, then when you're not, and if
Speaker 1: you've had three or four drinks or five or six,
Speaker 1: like you're a very different person. And kids very they're
Speaker 1: very perceptive. They know that, like Mom's not normal mom
Speaker 1: before she's had a cup of coffee. Like they they
Speaker 1: have to adjust their little universe around our big universe
Speaker 1: because we get to dictate everything that goes on in
Speaker 1: their life. If they can't go outside side and play
Speaker 1: because we said so, they have to follow that rule.
Speaker 1: So like they're powerless. There you go. I don't have
Speaker 1: say anything else. That was it. They're powerless. So it's
Speaker 1: important to remember that.
Speaker 7: And I think that's what's kind of my big eye
Speaker 7: opener was that, And like I want to see.
Speaker 4: All the little moments there you go.
Speaker 7: I don't want to miss them or forget about them,
Speaker 7: because like, yeah, I saw it and I was there
Speaker 7: for it, but I wasn't mentally there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 7: I don't want that. That's kind of a disgusting feeling
Speaker 7: for me.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 7: I've had a lot of like I guess come to
Speaker 7: Jesus moments in the last couple of weeks. Literally like
Speaker 7: never been the type to open the Bible. One day,
Speaker 7: I was just like, let's read the Bible. Like, and
Speaker 7: I don't know, maybe this is just like me, like
Speaker 7: I need help. I don't know what I'm looking for,
Speaker 7: but I know I'm not feeling okay, and like, let's
Speaker 7: work on this, let's fix this. And luckily I have
Speaker 7: a super supportive partner in person who's always down.
Speaker 4: To do that.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 7: He kind of recently was like, you should keep listening
Speaker 7: to the two be better because like she told me
Speaker 7: about you guys years ago, and I just kind of
Speaker 7: never did, Like I would. I work ten hour days,
Speaker 7: I usually just listen to music, you know. And then
Speaker 7: I started putting on the podcast.
Speaker 4: And was like hey, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: I started listening to the Voice of the Broke and.
Speaker 7: It was like, ohh so, I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 7: for me, it's been super helpful lately and it's kind
Speaker 7: of opened my eyes to a lot of different things.
Speaker 7: And I think I've just been doing a lot of
Speaker 7: self reflecting lately and not liking what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Good, it's where growth happens.
Speaker 3: It is where growth happens.
Speaker 1: You got anything over there? You want to move on
Speaker 1: to the next thing.
Speaker 3: The last thing that I wanted to touch on.
Speaker 2: It says a lot about the people in your life
Speaker 2: if they decide to invite you less because you are
Speaker 2: setting a standard for you in your life. And I
Speaker 2: don't know if I feel like it's a control thing
Speaker 2: for them or if they feel like you're going to
Speaker 2: be a Debbie downer because you're not drinking and having
Speaker 2: fun the way that they are.
Speaker 3: There is a level of right. I smoke.
Speaker 2: I will invite people who don't smoke to come over
Speaker 2: and hang out if we're doing a group gathering right,
Speaker 2: like a barbecue for example. If somebody tells me that
Speaker 2: they're not doing something, I trust you to be an
Speaker 2: adult and not do that thing. I'm not going to
Speaker 2: tiptoe around it or worry about like exposure and all
Speaker 2: those kinds of things. And as a friend, right, if
Speaker 2: you've told me like, Hey, I'm going to cut back
Speaker 2: on my drinking, and I invite you out and I
Speaker 2: see you with a drink. We're having a conversation about
Speaker 2: that because you just know that thing what's going on?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know if it makes a difference, But
Speaker 6: in those cases where I'm getting invited out less, it's
Speaker 6: most of the time family.
Speaker 5: My friends aren't like that.
Speaker 6: I have very few friends because of it, because I'll
Speaker 6: be choosing to not have bad friends. But it is
Speaker 6: most of the time family. I think that makes me
Speaker 6: feel like I'm invited less.
Speaker 2: I would have an even higher standard for the family then, right,
Speaker 2: family is supposed to be this elevated.
Speaker 3: I got your back no matter what I don't know.
Speaker 2: I still stand on the hill of they should trust
Speaker 2: you to be an adult and just because you don't
Speaker 2: want to drink doesn't mean that you should miss out
Speaker 2: on family memories. I would really reevaluate what I'm willing
Speaker 2: to do and give of of myself to have those
Speaker 2: people in my life. And I'm not saying drinking is
Speaker 2: a bad thing. I'm an alcoholic. I don't drink for
Speaker 2: a reason. And if I felt like in any sort
Speaker 2: of way that that was something I had to do
Speaker 2: to be socially acceptable, to be in the invited to
Speaker 2: those situations.
Speaker 3: That says a lot about the people you're trying to
Speaker 3: be around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your your choice to abstain from drinking holds a
Speaker 1: mirror up to their actions, which is probably why they're
Speaker 1: not inviting you, especially if they're your older relatives, because
Speaker 1: they look at their life and be like, damn, this
Speaker 1: is what I've been doing my whole fucking life, and
Speaker 1: here forty years she's out here not doing this and
Speaker 1: trying to grow and evolve, and they've got a good
Speaker 1: marriage and and blah blah blah blah blah. Like it is. Ah,
Speaker 1: it's just one of those things. I guess, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't want to keep harping on this. I know
Speaker 1: this is a very prevalent thing with you guys right now,
Speaker 1: but this conversation is definitely going to help people out
Speaker 1: there who are currently struggling with this.
Speaker 7: So and I think a lot more people struggle with
Speaker 7: it than they realize, because like I didn't even realize.
Speaker 4: I was struggling with it and I was drinking every day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because most people don't think it's a problem put
Speaker 1: the kids to bed and helping make the dinner and
Speaker 1: clean the house.
Speaker 4: And do the things. What's the issue? Like, there's still
Speaker 4: issues with it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I think that took me at least a
Speaker 7: long time to realize.
Speaker 1: But she realized it, and then you know, that's that's where,
Speaker 1: like I said, that's where change happens. You gotta you know,
Speaker 1: when we realize that this is just not the way
Speaker 1: that we want to live our life, it takes something
Speaker 1: to it's a catalyst.
Speaker 7: Oh, you've had a quote the other day and she
Speaker 7: even I heard it and then she like sent it
Speaker 7: to me the same day too, and I was.
Speaker 4: Like, yes, oh, what was that one?
Speaker 5: I can go look at the quote. I can.
Speaker 4: It was a good one.
Speaker 6: It was on one of the lives on Patriot with
Speaker 6: Patreon the other day.
Speaker 7: I heard it in like a different I think I
Speaker 7: heard it on the Voice of the Broken, but we
Speaker 7: heard it the fan day on different things.
Speaker 1: Is it that if you always do what you've always done,
Speaker 1: you always get what you've always got?
Speaker 4: It was right before that.
Speaker 3: I think that was the one.
Speaker 4: I really like that. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 6: I attend him that one, and you only changed once
Speaker 6: the discomfort of staying the same is greater than the
Speaker 6: discomfort of changing.
Speaker 4: And I was like, damn, very accurate, you know.
Speaker 1: All right, so what else are you guys dealing with? Like,
Speaker 1: let's let's get into the bread and butter of all this.
Speaker 1: Now that we understand that there's a history of addiction communication,
Speaker 1: can you give us some examples of where the communications struggle.
Speaker 4: Line would be? I hold it in.
Speaker 1: Then you don't communicate, right, Well.
Speaker 7: I will normally want it to a point of like
Speaker 7: now I'm frustrated about it, Now I'm annoyed or whatever.
Speaker 3: Like that's still not communicating, that's erupting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I interrupted you because that's it's furthering it.
Speaker 3: That doesn't change your point.
Speaker 2: If you are holding things into a point where you
Speaker 2: only say something when you're frustrated, there is lack of
Speaker 2: communication going on. Conversations don't get resolved in conflict.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also think that when when you get to
Speaker 1: the point where you're frustrated and like now you're already
Speaker 1: in a conversation and you start bringing up the things
Speaker 1: that you've been holding onto, the thing that originally started
Speaker 1: the argument is never going to get resolved because now
Speaker 1: you're arguing for different things because you're both hurt because
Speaker 1: you've been holding back and there's no real discussion, and
Speaker 1: if something bothers you in the moment, if you're like, hey, you,
Speaker 1: that just happened and I didn't like it, or I
Speaker 1: didn't like the way that made me feel, or can
Speaker 1: you rephrase that statement please, because I didn't like it, whatever,
Speaker 1: and you just deal with it in the moment. Those
Speaker 1: really quick interactions makes it so that nothing ever snowballs
Speaker 1: because there's nothing in there for it to snowball. There's
Speaker 1: never any type of resentment or frustration build up. And
Speaker 1: you know, we get programmed to shut the fuck up,
Speaker 1: like we don't want to argue with people, and it
Speaker 1: starts with your parents. You're not allowed to talk back.
Speaker 1: You do this because I fucking said so, Like, there's.
Speaker 3: Not h're an inconvenience to me.
Speaker 1: Right, there's not an opportunity for you to have real
Speaker 1: discussions when you realize that your partner's not not your parents,
Speaker 1: your partner's not there to punish. You shouldn't be in
Speaker 1: a relationship where you're being punished. It's okay to be
Speaker 1: open and honest about something that happened when it happened
Speaker 1: without being attacked, Like if she says something to you
Speaker 1: and it hurt your feelings and like listen, you fucking bitch,
Speaker 1: Like that's definitely not the way to handle it. But
Speaker 1: if you're like, whoa, I didn't deserve that, like that
Speaker 1: fucking hurt, that's a very different conversation because now they're
Speaker 1: going from defensive fuck you to oh my god, I
Speaker 1: didn't mean to hurt you, and now we're having like
Speaker 1: healthy conversations. So don't ever hold that shit in, guy, Ever,
Speaker 1: don't ever hold.
Speaker 7: That clarified a little more on that part because like
Speaker 7: we communicate very well, like when there's an issue, we
Speaker 7: do bring it up very quickly. I meant more so
Speaker 7: like internally with like, hey, I'm dealing with this today,
Speaker 7: I stuff all of my stuff and instead of talking
Speaker 7: to my person about it.
Speaker 6: Why he has a hard time with communicating when he's struggling, especially,
Speaker 6: and I'll notice it a lot sooner than he's willing
Speaker 6: to talk about it.
Speaker 4: That's more so what I'm I'm so star clarified on.
Speaker 6: That, And I say, we don't when we fight, we
Speaker 6: don't have explosive fights. Were every now and then our
Speaker 6: voices get elevated, but especially me, I constantly kind of
Speaker 6: keep the reminders there to make sure that we're talking
Speaker 6: in a calm tone, even to each other, because that
Speaker 6: normally affects me and like my emotions if even like
Speaker 6: his tone is wrong, and we do voice things very
Speaker 6: well when we're in a fight. I do think he
Speaker 6: was just meaning that he has a hard time with
Speaker 6: communicating to me when he's going through something like he's
Speaker 6: told me that like he has to be strong, he
Speaker 6: can't have those feelings type of thing.
Speaker 2: So you said that you notice before he says something
Speaker 2: I can't remember you phrased that.
Speaker 3: Do you comment on that? Do you broch that conversation
Speaker 3: or you just wait until he says something.
Speaker 6: I feel like I'll ask and like try to check in,
Speaker 6: But I also know not to kind of poke the
Speaker 6: bear and not to sit in pester and pester and
Speaker 6: pester until I try to give.
Speaker 5: Him his space with it.
Speaker 6: I don't always do the best with that, especially if
Speaker 6: I've noticed a significant change like before, like if it
Speaker 6: was like whether it be like him drinking more or
Speaker 6: just him being easier to anger with things or easier
Speaker 6: to get like frustrated with me or with the kids,
Speaker 6: or at work that was I would notice it with
Speaker 6: little things like that, and so I be like, hey,
Speaker 6: are you good, and he'd be like, yeah, I'm fine,
Speaker 6: and then he would just like he's saying, you could
Speaker 6: just kind of shove it down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay. So I have a lot of thoughts on this.
Speaker 2: The first thing that comes to my mind. You will
Speaker 2: never be able to tell your woman what's going on
Speaker 2: inside of you if you're not honest with yourself about
Speaker 2: what's going on side of you. Like my husband said,
Speaker 2: there is a narrative in the world that men have
Speaker 2: to carry the world on their shoulders and you have
Speaker 2: to bear through it, and you can't feel these feelings
Speaker 2: because if you feel these feelings, you're a bitch or
Speaker 2: whatever the case may be. Stop lying to yourself first
Speaker 2: and acknowledge that you have these emotions. Not only that
Speaker 2: you have these emotions or these feelings or the burnout
Speaker 2: or fill in the blank. It's human to feel this way.
Speaker 2: You're not a burden to your woman, You're not failing.
Speaker 2: You are not less of a man because of these things.
Speaker 2: And this is me just making things up. I'm not
Speaker 2: saying that you think or feel these things, but I'm
Speaker 2: just throwing things into the hat. And when it comes
Speaker 2: to communicating, if you are are still an the throes
Speaker 2: of the hurricane and you can't even tell what category
Speaker 2: it is yet, and your woman comes to you and says,
Speaker 2: I sense the disturbance in the force. What's going on?
Speaker 2: Instead of saying I'm fine or nothing, I'm not really
Speaker 2: sure yet. I just know that I'm not okay. I
Speaker 2: love that you can see that I'm not okay. But
Speaker 2: then we can come back and have a conversation once
Speaker 2: I work through that. And for Ryane, the pestering and
Speaker 2: digging and like trying to see what's going on, especially
Speaker 2: in massive earthquakes, we can say, where you know, like
Speaker 2: things have fallen off the wall, this isn't just a
Speaker 2: little He's going through something today. As human beings, when
Speaker 2: we have a lack of information, our imagination will start
Speaker 2: to fill in the blanks because we like stability, and
Speaker 2: that will lean into you instead of saying I'm fine,
Speaker 2: saying I am kind of going through something, but I'm
Speaker 2: not really sure what it is yet. That gives her
Speaker 2: more information for her to build stability around.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 2: Guys's universes are interleasd We're two separate people going to
Speaker 2: through two separate things, But your guys's spirits are in
Speaker 2: her last we can say, and that's how she's able
Speaker 2: to feel and tell those kinds of things, and vice versa.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that you're able to pick up on her
Speaker 2: energies and tell when she's having a bad day. Keeping
Speaker 2: each other's universes stable, keeping yourself stable, I would say,
Speaker 2: is like the biggest brick of the foundation. And it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be massive, long drawn out conversations.
Speaker 3: That's the end of my ted talk.
Speaker 1: I have a couple of things, and it's I guess
Speaker 1: I just have a story or an analogy metaphor. I
Speaker 1: don't know which one is. Which women are natural healers right,
Speaker 1: Like there's a whole lot of nourishment and like motherly
Speaker 1: love that women just innately have in them. It's part
Speaker 1: of their DNA. Men are protectors, were providers, were supposed
Speaker 1: to go out and battle and do all the manshit
Speaker 1: that men are supposed to do. But when you get married,
Speaker 1: you have your own personal witch, You got your own herbalist,
Speaker 1: you got your own person to nurture you and this
Speaker 1: doesn't like, oh my god, I got a paper cut, right,
Speaker 1: But when I'm having a bad day and I am angry,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you like I'm fucking angry today. I
Speaker 1: don't know why, but I am so that you know
Speaker 1: what's going on. I can't I can't go to battle
Speaker 1: and just stay in the fight all the fucking time.
Speaker 1: Like my armor's gonna need to get repaired. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: to fucking sit down at some point and catch my breath.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to sleep at some point. I gotta
Speaker 1: fucking eat, And at some point I'm a fucking not
Speaker 1: at you, like I'm coming back to the sideline. We
Speaker 1: need the pit stop. Armors gotta get changed, I gotta
Speaker 1: get fed, gotta get a nap. And while I'm doing that,
Speaker 1: you gotta hold my shield. You holding my shield is
Speaker 1: me going fuck my boss. Our finances are a little
Speaker 1: tight for the next seven days until I get paid again.
Speaker 1: This is the kids have been a lot for me
Speaker 1: this week, and like I need a break. This is
Speaker 1: all of the fucked up things that's going on in
Speaker 1: my life that instead of just letting it sit without
Speaker 1: you knowing what's going on, it's just me giving you
Speaker 1: those things, and I don't expect you to do anything
Speaker 1: about it. I don't expect you to solve anything. I
Speaker 1: just want you to know where I am so that
Speaker 1: in the event that's something major pops off, you can't
Speaker 1: be like I didn't see it coming. If I tell
Speaker 1: you in the morning, I woke up angry today, and
Speaker 1: you're like, I want to go to somewhere, and you
Speaker 1: drag me out in public and I get into something,
Speaker 1: you know, get into it with somebody, Like there's not
Speaker 1: a you didn't know this wasn't going to happen situation
Speaker 1: because I told you I was angry in the morning.
Speaker 1: There's just a whole lot of information that's got to
Speaker 1: be passed between two people. And like the idea of
Speaker 1: not being able to talk to your woman because we're
Speaker 1: supposed to be not vulnerable and it's weak shit and
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. Like I look at my
Speaker 1: wife as an extension of me. You are my therapist,
Speaker 1: you are my witch, You are my crazy bog lady
Speaker 1: that's making tinctures when I'm starting to get sick. There's
Speaker 1: a whole lot of expectations that come into being a wife, like,
Speaker 1: I expect you to lead those roles just the way
Speaker 1: that I lead mine. So like, if she doesn't know
Speaker 1: that I'm getting sick, how the fuck is she going
Speaker 1: to make that tincture? Right? And then if I am sick?
Speaker 1: Now what? So you guys need to understand that being
Speaker 1: vulnerable is not a weakness unless it's used, or unless
Speaker 1: it's given to somebody who's going to manipulate you or
Speaker 1: is going to take that information and somehow turn it
Speaker 1: into malicious intent. And if you're in a relationship where
Speaker 1: those things are happening, you have a much bigger problem
Speaker 1: than not having a conversation.
Speaker 7: So I'm very thankful we don't have that problem. I think,
Speaker 7: to me, problem I just don't know how to word
Speaker 7: things in a proper way, and I don't want her
Speaker 7: to feel the stressed and I'm feeling it's easier for me.
Speaker 4: To feel distress and for her to feel the stress.
Speaker 4: She's watching three kids.
Speaker 1: All what do you mean you can't What do you
Speaker 1: mean you can't you can't explain, you don't have the words?
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 7: I guess sometimes like oh no, Like, hey, I'm stressed out,
Speaker 7: I'm feeling this O or the other.
Speaker 4: I don't really know.
Speaker 7: How to convey it in the proper way to her
Speaker 7: to where it doesn't just come out of a big
Speaker 7: ball of yoh.
Speaker 3: You just did it to us, right, I'm stressed out.
Speaker 1: You literally just did it for us. Like it's this
Speaker 1: is a mental block for you. You don't have to
Speaker 1: have the correct words. Sometimes you just got to get
Speaker 1: the vibe out there and be like, do you understand
Speaker 1: where I'm coming from? And even if she says no,
Speaker 1: but I can tell you're not okay. At least now
Speaker 1: she knows, Hey, I love you and we're good. But
Speaker 1: you know, now you know where I'm at, and you
Speaker 1: can go about your life. Like again, this is a
Speaker 1: data exchange. You guys have to know what's going on.
Speaker 1: And in the event that she can make your life
Speaker 1: just a little bit easier because she knows she's that
Speaker 1: you're stressed out, or maybe she you know that she's
Speaker 1: stressed out. Maybe you can do the laundry tonight or
Speaker 1: whatever like that. That kind of shit. Love makes requests
Speaker 1: not demands kind of thing like it allows you to
Speaker 1: serve each other without having to be asked. That's the
Speaker 1: greatest thing of servitude, right, Like we're doing for each
Speaker 1: other because we love each other, not because we're obligated
Speaker 1: to do so that changes the marriage.
Speaker 2: So is it is it hard to find the phrasing
Speaker 2: because you're worried about how she's going to receive it.
Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, I believe, I'll kay.
Speaker 7: That's probably the main reason is I don't want her
Speaker 7: to perceive it wrong or like think that my stre
Speaker 7: stress is caused by her or anything she does, because
Speaker 7: she'll overthink it sometimes too, Okay.
Speaker 4: So and so I don't want to like hurt her
Speaker 4: feelings in the moment, you know.
Speaker 2: So that that gives me data that when you are
Speaker 2: going and trying to vent the steam a little bit
Speaker 2: with what's going on inside of you, she may take
Speaker 2: it personally and now she's trying to fix it, solve it,
Speaker 2: getting anxious those kinds of things. M Do you recognize
Speaker 2: that you do that?
Speaker 6: Ryan?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I actually I commented on a YouTube video a few
Speaker 6: months ago.
Speaker 5: On because you guys had kind of touched base on.
Speaker 6: I think it was on one of the ones you
Speaker 6: did with Belle about how to be there without taking
Speaker 6: it on as my own because like, if he comes
Speaker 6: to me and tells me that, like, the finances are
Speaker 6: stressing him out, and I'm the one that does most
Speaker 6: of the shopping. How do I not take that as like, Okay,
Speaker 6: I need to fix something, I need to change something,
Speaker 6: and not just as him like venting.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: So that tells me that you've had a lot of
Speaker 2: people in your life be super passive, aggressive and shitty
Speaker 2: and not direct about what's going on. And it may
Speaker 2: be this family that may I'm gonna keep saying like
Speaker 2: high keyp pressuring you to continue to drink to hang
Speaker 2: out with them. If your man needed you to stop
Speaker 2: doing something, he would say, I need you to spend
Speaker 2: one hundred dollars less this week and that will help
Speaker 2: my stress levels. Right, you have to trust that he
Speaker 2: will tell you these things or he has proven himself
Speaker 2: to be this kind of person who is passive aggressive
Speaker 2: and and will use I'm so stressed out about finances
Speaker 2: as an indirect way to criticize you.
Speaker 5: No, it's not with anything that he does, so.
Speaker 2: You recognize it's a story you're telling yourself. So in
Speaker 2: those moments, right, if he comes to you and says
Speaker 2: I'm stressed out about X, Y and Z, you have
Speaker 2: to check yourself first and foremost, this isn't about me.
Speaker 2: My man's stressed out right now, and then just continue probing.
Speaker 2: My husband will tell me I'm angry. Did you wake
Speaker 2: up feeling that way? Did something trigger it today?
Speaker 5: Is it me?
Speaker 2: It is very okay to ask your man did I
Speaker 2: do something? And then again you have to trust that
Speaker 2: he's going to be honest with you. And if he
Speaker 2: is honest with you, yeah, you spent an extra eighty
Speaker 2: bucks and you didn't tell me, whatever the case may be,
Speaker 2: there's going to be guilt shame, right, those are all
Speaker 2: things that we're taught. But then there has to be
Speaker 2: a level of I'm sorry, I'll be more diligent with
Speaker 2: the finances, and then that's the end of the conversation.
Speaker 2: There's no punishment, there's no consequences in moments where we
Speaker 2: sat down and you guys said, we are prepared to
Speaker 2: get offended all these kinds of things, and we recognize
Speaker 2: that's a trigger inside of us to work on something.
Speaker 2: If your man's coming to you and he's just expressing
Speaker 2: himself with his life and it hits something inside of
Speaker 2: you that could be a childhood trauma that you have
Speaker 2: to work on or a previous relationship abuse that's still
Speaker 2: kind of non at the strings inside of you, And
Speaker 2: I will be remiss if I don't say that. There
Speaker 2: has to be a level of recognition that you have
Speaker 2: trained your man that he can't come to you and
Speaker 2: be honest because of the way that you react emotionally.
Speaker 2: And that's another thing that needs to be kept in
Speaker 2: the forefront of our emotion can lie to us. Our
Speaker 2: motions are something that we have to ride the wave
Speaker 2: of and then once we get back to the shore,
Speaker 2: are we still us after that emotion.
Speaker 3: I have nothing else on that.
Speaker 1: I just want to touch on the finance thing, like
Speaker 1: on the grocery example, because you say you buy the
Speaker 1: groceries and there could be a stress there and you
Speaker 1: don't know how to take it. If I come to
Speaker 1: my wife and I'm like, hey, we're fucked up financially
Speaker 1: for the next couple days and we can't door dash
Speaker 1: if I have to get involved in the meal prepping,
Speaker 1: Like if she comes back and goes groceries for the
Speaker 1: weakest three hundred bucks and I think that that's not acceptable,
Speaker 1: We'll have a discussion. You got two hundred you can
Speaker 1: spend or one hundred and fifty bucks, whatever the case
Speaker 1: may be. But you need to understand that this isn't
Speaker 1: about what you've done. This is about what we need
Speaker 1: to do moving forward to get back on track. Because
Speaker 1: what's done is done. The stress of the finances is
Speaker 1: already here. You can feed a family of four for
Speaker 1: five or six bucks. I've been porous, fuck like, I
Speaker 1: have stretched the fuck out of a dollar. Sometimes it
Speaker 1: means you got to go to save a lot, right,
Speaker 1: or you have to look for dent things. But you
Speaker 1: you can really stretch a meal and get creative, like
Speaker 1: spam and some biscuits goes a long fucking way with
Speaker 1: some frozen vegetables, Like it's really sometimes we got to
Speaker 1: eat ramen with some fucking Cheetos in it. We're gonna
Speaker 1: we're gonna struggle for the next two weeks, but once
Speaker 1: we get on topic and we'll be on top again.
Speaker 1: And this is the sacrifices that we have to make
Speaker 1: to make sure that we're okay. The conversation should never
Speaker 1: be about what's already done. It's about what needs to
Speaker 1: happen moving forward so that we can maintain homeostasis. Because
Speaker 1: what's done is done. You can't. You can't. What do
Speaker 1: you get me mad about the fact you got food refrigerator?
Speaker 1: The fuck? Yeah, that's a real bad problem to have,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, yeah, it's all perspective.
Speaker 6: And it definitely I definitely think I'll have to keep
Speaker 6: that in mind because the how we had told you
Speaker 6: at the beginning of the call that a lot of
Speaker 6: stuff has changed even since I first sent you the
Speaker 6: first email, is that we recently we had just sat
Speaker 6: down and like rebudgeted everything, figured everything out, figured out
Speaker 6: savings and how to be able to put money aside
Speaker 6: for the wedding and everything like that, and then Joey
Speaker 6: got laid off from his job this week, and so
Speaker 6: now we kind of have to reevaluate everything, and there's
Speaker 6: some hurdles in the way of just trying to move
Speaker 6: on to the next step that we have to deal
Speaker 6: with first, but that involves needing money to take care
Speaker 6: of them. So we feel like we just kind of
Speaker 6: got hit with a big kind of like kickback, like
Speaker 6: two steps forward, two steps or one step forward two
Speaker 6: steps back, you know, like we finally just for finding
Speaker 6: our footing, and then the world said, no.
Speaker 3: Now the world's testing you to make sure that you
Speaker 3: have your footing.
Speaker 7: Right, and I think it's like we've handled much worse
Speaker 7: and much crazier.
Speaker 4: We'll be okay. We just have to remind each other
Speaker 4: that we will be okay.
Speaker 7: I'm not having to fix the problem, You're not having
Speaker 7: to fix the problem. Together, we will fix the problem.
Speaker 7: I think we remind each other of that everything's finn likely.
Speaker 7: I'm a licensed plumber, will get work again, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 7: everybody's got a poop and drink water, you know, So
Speaker 7: why aren't you opening your own business financially? I'm actually
Speaker 7: working on fixing my credit that way I can open
Speaker 7: up in business eventually.
Speaker 4: I know all of like the pricing, the work.
Speaker 7: All of that, I just don't know the business side
Speaker 7: of it, which I and me and her talked about it.
Speaker 7: I talked to friends that have done businesses, and we
Speaker 7: think we might. It's something I want to do once
Speaker 7: I get my commercial license.
Speaker 4: Right now, I just have my residential license.
Speaker 1: Okay, So residential goes a long way. Everybody's toilets get
Speaker 1: fucked up. Like I had to pay somebody to come
Speaker 1: out here and change out of garbage disposed yesterday because
Speaker 1: didn't fel like doing it. And it's the easiest job.
Speaker 1: It took him five minutes. He made a hundred bucks
Speaker 1: off of us because I didn't feel like fucking doing
Speaker 1: the shit. But he's also a friend, so he probably
Speaker 1: could have charged me more, and he did. Whatever. If
Speaker 1: you're a licensed plumber and you know how to quote
Speaker 1: a job, which I'm assuming you do, because you have
Speaker 1: to go out and fucking quote jobs, it's normal shit
Speaker 1: for people. You need to figure out how much your
Speaker 1: commercial license, how much insurance is, and beyond that, there's
Speaker 1: no real expense. If you've been doing this trade, you
Speaker 1: already have your tools. The next thing that you're going
Speaker 1: to spend money on is marketing and trying to build
Speaker 1: a brand for yourself, which is word of mouth and
Speaker 1: undercutting your competitors. If you've been working doing jobs that
Speaker 1: are three to five hundred dollars a piece and you're
Speaker 1: only making fifteen or twenty dollars or twenty five dollars
Speaker 1: an hour doing those jobs and it's taking you four hours,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of money that's going to a
Speaker 1: company that would go to your pocket otherwise, and you
Speaker 1: just keep reinvesting in yourself. People think that you need
Speaker 1: a whole lot of money to start a business. And
Speaker 1: if you have a trade and you have your tools,
Speaker 1: starting a business is easy and it's not expensive. And
Speaker 1: by not expensive, I mean you might have to spend
Speaker 1: a little money to get things going. But like I've
Speaker 1: opened businesses for less than ten grand, and that's with
Speaker 1: having to buy shit. I've opened tattoo studios for less
Speaker 1: than twenty So there's ways to make the money work,
Speaker 1: and like doing things a little bit at a time
Speaker 1: while still doing jobs. You can stick your ass on marketplace,
Speaker 1: licensed plumber, residential. I will be any price you're given
Speaker 1: and then go beat the price. Like if somebody again
Speaker 1: like you just you're going to keep one hundred percent
Speaker 1: of what you make at that point versus making your
Speaker 1: hourly rate. Something to think about, it is.
Speaker 7: I mean, it is something that we have talked about
Speaker 7: because I would also need her help on that front
Speaker 7: and on the office side, because I don't know how
Speaker 7: to do paperwork.
Speaker 4: I'm not very I can.
Speaker 7: Figure it out, but it'll take me a lot longer
Speaker 7: than it'll take her figure it out. Yeah, I can
Speaker 7: do the work, you know, I need some help on
Speaker 7: the paperwork, and I'm trying to fix a lot of
Speaker 7: my my past right now.
Speaker 1: You can do all that while still working.
Speaker 7: No, absolutely, and like you need to work in order
Speaker 7: to fix it because a lot of it's financial.
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, that is something I definitely want to do.
Speaker 7: We moved to a new area in the last year,
Speaker 7: so I'm I'm kind of learning the people and.
Speaker 4: The area. So to say, where we used to live,
Speaker 4: I had a lot more connections.
Speaker 1: You seem like a very positive person, like you've been
Speaker 1: smiling this entire time, but you're you're also making a
Speaker 1: whole lot of excuses. Yeah, and that's just the honesty.
Speaker 1: The difference between an entrepreneur and non entrepreneurs, and an
Speaker 1: entrepreneur cares enough to actually take the steps to do
Speaker 1: the shit where most people are too afraid to ever
Speaker 1: try because what if they fail, You're already failing by
Speaker 1: not doing the thing. The difference between working as a
Speaker 1: plumber could be seventy thousand dollars a year versus three
Speaker 1: or four hundred thousand dollars a year working for yourself
Speaker 1: and for people who have real money problems, being an
Speaker 1: employee is never going to fix your problems. And I
Speaker 1: understand that not everybody wants to be an entrepreneur. There
Speaker 1: have been times in my life where I've looked at
Speaker 1: my wife and I've been like, damn, I wish I
Speaker 1: could go back to working a forty hour work. We
Speaker 1: can turn my fucking phone off and not having to
Speaker 1: deal with this shit. But there's also times where my
Speaker 1: phone has gone off and we've made two thousand dollars
Speaker 1: in twenty five minutes. So, like, you really have to
Speaker 1: think about what you're doing and the importance of building
Speaker 1: yourself for longevity. Right now, you guys look fairly young.
Speaker 1: I would bet that you're both under thirty. Yeah, he's thirty.
Speaker 4: Okay, nailed that. Nailed it.
Speaker 1: So you're at a point right now where you need
Speaker 1: to be getting your ROTIRA set up. You need to
Speaker 1: be paying into your Social Security, you need to be
Speaker 1: setting up mutual funds. You need to be setting up
Speaker 1: PROSS for your kids. There's a whole lot of things
Speaker 1: that could be coming up because you have about thirty
Speaker 1: years given give or take whether or not your body's
Speaker 1: gonna last that long to be able to work into
Speaker 1: the work force, to actually be able to retire, and
Speaker 1: if you can turn that thirty years into the next
Speaker 1: ten years and have your business up and running with
Speaker 1: eight to ten employees, and all you got to do
Speaker 1: is quote jobs. Your body's now preserved and you guys
Speaker 1: get to go on vacation and your kids get to
Speaker 1: have a dope fucking life. And like again, I understand
Speaker 1: that running a business isn't for everyone, but there needs
Speaker 1: to be less excuses, more information, and at least, at
Speaker 1: the very least, find out what it's going to cost
Speaker 1: to get your commercial license and see if you need
Speaker 1: tools and if you need to buy tools.
Speaker 4: Right now, which sorry, I did not mean to cut
Speaker 4: you off.
Speaker 1: You said, it's just time right now.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so you have to have in the state of Washington,
Speaker 7: you have to have x amount of commercial plumbing hours
Speaker 7: in order to take the test.
Speaker 5: Okay, so he has to work for somebody else.
Speaker 6: They're at jobs for a certain amount of hours before
Speaker 6: he's allowed to test for his license.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you open your business doing residential and when
Speaker 1: you subcontract for a company that's doing commercial, you go
Speaker 1: work for them, get your hours, and then you go
Speaker 1: open your own. Shit. Perfect simple. Next, I'll do the
Speaker 1: business thing all day long. I definitely don't want to
Speaker 1: get caught up on that. I just anytime somebody tells
Speaker 1: me they're working for somebody else, I always think you're
Speaker 1: working for the wrong boss. And it's a big problem
Speaker 1: for me because but again I understand that not everybody's
Speaker 1: meant to be a business owner. It is what it is.
Speaker 1: What else you guys got after.
Speaker 4: The communication went out there, this is.
Speaker 6: Your kind of now, I think that, well, we kind
Speaker 6: of just touched on a lot of the financial stuff
Speaker 6: because that was one of the things that we had
Speaker 6: originally said was because we do only have the one
Speaker 6: income I'm currently I've been in the process for the
Speaker 6: last two years to try to get on the on
Speaker 6: state disability after I got diagnosed with Eller's dan loew
Speaker 6: syndrome and so that and you're not allowed to work
Speaker 6: because I have a lawyer and he told me that
Speaker 6: it would get me denied.
Speaker 5: They have denied me several times. But we were finally just.
Speaker 6: In front of a judge that were kind of waiting
Speaker 6: once again to see if they think that I'm disabled enough.
Speaker 6: Essentially is the way that it was worded to me.
Speaker 6: They had a job expert evaluate and he's he told
Speaker 6: the judge that I was due to my condition, I'm
Speaker 6: not really compliant with work that like any type of
Speaker 6: like typical job that somebody would normally have, And so
Speaker 6: it's I think that's why it's a big stressor on me,
Speaker 6: knowing that I can't do anything to kind of help
Speaker 6: financially and that all I can do is hear at
Speaker 6: the house and just the best way to kind of
Speaker 6: make it work with it being like that because I
Speaker 6: always used to work before my health got bad type
Speaker 6: of thing, and that's a big toll on me too.
Speaker 4: Sorry my voice you're crying.
Speaker 5: It's okay, not crying yet, just the voice cracking.
Speaker 2: One of the biggest detriments that you can ever do
Speaker 2: to yourself is compare you to your past in any
Speaker 2: shape or form, right, And that's even hard for me
Speaker 2: for a very long time. This is just an example.
Speaker 2: I thought I was going to be this world renowned
Speaker 2: saxophone player.
Speaker 6: And.
Speaker 3: It was my fifth grade until I graduated high school.
Speaker 3: That was my career.
Speaker 2: I had early mornings, late nights, and then I became
Speaker 2: a mom and my whole life change. And that's one
Speaker 2: of those things where can I still play my saxophone?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Do I now have the time to build the career
Speaker 2: that I wanted in my mind, No, I don't. There
Speaker 2: is a morning that has to happen within you for
Speaker 2: the things that you used to be able to do,
Speaker 2: because that's not who you are now. I can't remember
Speaker 2: how you phrased it, but I'm remembering it as I
Speaker 2: just cleaned the house, and I just cook and I
Speaker 2: just take care of the kids. Joey, how much harder
Speaker 2: would your life be if you had three children and
Speaker 2: not your woman next to you?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: I tell her every day I couldn't do.
Speaker 3: Her job right, And that's the truth, superwoman.
Speaker 4: In my mind, I can't tell her that all the time.
Speaker 4: She remembers that because she is not a chance.
Speaker 2: Right, And I'm getting goosebumps. I believe your man when
Speaker 2: he says that, so you also have to believe him, right.
Speaker 5: And I do.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I just know how hard, how much like how
Speaker 6: hard it is on him to have like the financial
Speaker 6: told too of if he misses a day of work
Speaker 6: that he could get fired, you know type of thing.
Speaker 6: Or because he switched, he changed jobs in order to
Speaker 6: be happier at home, and because of that he got
Speaker 6: laid off, and like he tells me that that affects him,
Speaker 6: and again I'm just taking his stress on his mind.
Speaker 4: I was just do that.
Speaker 2: You're not eating from his plate, right, So I'm going
Speaker 2: to do a dinner analogy. You eat from your own plate,
Speaker 2: and he's eating from his own plate. And some nights,
Speaker 2: you guys just want different things. So he could have
Speaker 2: a steak and you can have cheese pizza, and he
Speaker 2: might be complaining about his steak.
Speaker 3: This is the worst thing ever.
Speaker 2: You might try to share your peats and all those
Speaker 2: kinds of things, but you're not going to.
Speaker 3: Take his state off.
Speaker 2: Stake off the plate here and that it's this absolutely
Speaker 2: awful thing, and then continue to consume it yourself. We
Speaker 2: can offer different solutions, and that can look like would
Speaker 2: you I don't know, do you want a martini when
Speaker 2: you walk.
Speaker 3: Through the door.
Speaker 2: I know we just had a whole conversation about drinking.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I was the first that came
Speaker 2: in my mind. Get him a fresh, warm towel for
Speaker 2: him before he gets out of the shower. There are
Speaker 2: other ways that you can make his life easier without
Speaker 2: taking on the stress of the finances and circling back
Speaker 2: to grieving the past version of you that you're comparing
Speaker 2: yourself to You're an amazing woman. You have overcome and
Speaker 2: accomplished so many things in your life. And to take
Speaker 2: away from who you are now, to compare you to
Speaker 2: who you were before, is you're spitting on your trophy
Speaker 2: of all the things you've overcome. And I would say,
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that this all boils down to your self worth.
Speaker 2: You need to work on loving yourself a little bit
Speaker 2: more and recon no matter what you do, you're putting
Speaker 2: your whole ass into this thing, and you're putting all
Speaker 2: of your joy and pride and tears into it, and
Speaker 2: those things fucking matter the way that those things show up.
Speaker 2: Money isn't the only valuable thing of input versus output.
Speaker 2: You have a happy home, your children are taken care of.
Speaker 2: Your husband's coming home to a nice home. I would
Speaker 2: love to think that he's coming home to peace. Right,
Speaker 2: You guys said you have really good communication and all
Speaker 2: those other kinds of things. You are providing so much
Speaker 2: more by not working than you could working. And now
Speaker 2: like looking at the alternative, right, the idea of this
Speaker 2: thing is absolutely amazing. If only I could work, if
Speaker 2: only I could do that kind of thing. Now you're
Speaker 2: forty to sixty hours away from the house. Somebody else
Speaker 2: is watching your children, raising them, and now they're coming
Speaker 2: home with whatever stupid internet brain rot. The other kids
Speaker 2: are watching because their parents don't supervise them. You're door
Speaker 2: dashing more, there's less family meals. You're coming home stressed
Speaker 2: out and word vomiting on him. Now, it's the duality
Speaker 2: of things needs to be brought and prove perspective as well.
Speaker 2: We can't just fantasize about how great it would be.
Speaker 2: We also have to think about how it would remove
Speaker 2: you from what you're doing in the moment, and I
Speaker 2: think that that may help you see what you're actually providing.
Speaker 3: I hope all that made sense. There's a lot.
Speaker 1: I have something I want to hit on, but I
Speaker 1: just thought about something that has nothing to do with this,
Speaker 1: and I thought about it yesterday. I forgot to send
Speaker 1: a message on you two seconds.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, While you're doing that, I'm now going
Speaker 2: to jump onto the whole train of right women have been.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to say since the DNA time, because
Speaker 2: we don't have any prehistoric anything of women being told
Speaker 2: that they have to be anorexic, thin or fill in
Speaker 2: the blank to be beautiful. Since media and marketing has
Speaker 2: become a thing for humanity, we have been sold that
Speaker 2: women need to be a certain way, This is how
Speaker 2: you provide value, and all those kinds of things.
Speaker 3: One of my.
Speaker 2: Massive catalysts in my life was recognizing that I deem
Speaker 2: what's valuable in my life. Society doesn't tell me what's
Speaker 2: valuable in my life. I will take waking my children
Speaker 2: up every single day with rubbing their back and did
Speaker 2: you sleep good?
Speaker 3: I have breakfast already.
Speaker 2: Now we get to go to the water park or
Speaker 2: whatever the case may be, any day over anything else. Right,
Speaker 2: And now going into the husband aspect of things, My
Speaker 2: husband's a grown ass man. He can decide how much
Speaker 2: he can take on, what's too stressful, all of those
Speaker 2: kinds of things. If he needs help, I trust that
Speaker 2: he will ask me for help. Otherwise, damn, babe, that sucks.
Speaker 2: What can I do as your wife? And then that's
Speaker 2: where that ends. There is no trying to rush and
Speaker 2: problem solve things, or trying to change your life to
Speaker 2: make his life a little bit easier. The goal is
Speaker 2: to be his one true main constant in life. Right,
Speaker 2: man's lost his job battling with alcoholism, family matters, trauma,
Speaker 2: all of those kinds of things, and every day he
Speaker 2: gets to come home to you, and there is a
Speaker 2: right yep.
Speaker 3: And there is a level of.
Speaker 2: He leans on you to be okay, but he doesn't
Speaker 2: lean on you to fix his life. I'm gonna ask
Speaker 2: you a question, how are you because in the beginning
Speaker 2: of this he said, I am almost everybody in your
Speaker 2: guys' lives looks at your relationship as an example and
Speaker 2: says like, you guys are goals, power couple, whatever the
Speaker 2: case may be. Are you somebody that people have also
Speaker 2: come to to fix their lives? Have you been the
Speaker 2: doctor phil, the problem solver all of those kinds of things.
Speaker 5: I mean, I definitely would say I used to be.
Speaker 6: I'm definitely like I still am obviously there for like
Speaker 6: my best friends and everything. But when I was younger,
Speaker 6: I definitely like there was always problems in the household,
Speaker 6: growing up a very angry stepdad in the house, and
Speaker 6: it was always kind of I always felt like I
Speaker 6: needed to make sure that I was being my best yeah,
Speaker 6: sure that it didn't disrupt the house any further, you know.
Speaker 6: And then I've always struggled with the reason I have
Speaker 6: so few friends now is because I've always struggled with
Speaker 6: the boundaries in friendships and giving too much of myself
Speaker 6: to my friends and was often taken advantage of because
Speaker 6: of that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, found all the wrong types of friends.
Speaker 6: Yep, if you all, Yeah definitely felt like I had
Speaker 6: to have been the problem at some point because I
Speaker 6: just had repeated bad friendship after bad friendship that were
Speaker 6: affecting me worse than breakups when you know, because I
Speaker 6: was giving too much of myself to them without getting
Speaker 6: anything in return.
Speaker 2: And that speaks more to what you allow to filter in.
Speaker 2: Then you're worth as a person right now now, speaking
Speaker 2: in like universal patterns, I believe if you are meant
Speaker 2: to learn a lesson, for example, have better friends. If
Speaker 2: you're keep harping on I'm the problem, it's me, I'm
Speaker 2: the issue. Blah blah blah blah blah. These people are perfect.
Speaker 2: They're leaving me because I deserve to not have any friends.
Speaker 2: You're ignoring the human patterns that the universe is trying
Speaker 2: to show you of what you don't want in the relationship.
Speaker 2: Right Our minds are really good at We see it
Speaker 2: in the divorced kids all the time. My parents broke
Speaker 2: up because of me. Our minds have a real do
Speaker 2: a really good job of making us the problem, the
Speaker 2: common denominator and things. And when you remove that perspective
Speaker 2: of I'm being punished or fill in the blank for
Speaker 2: bullyer abuser was right, I'm not worth anything. And now
Speaker 2: these repeated failed friendships is proof of that. I can't
Speaker 2: remember where I was going with that.
Speaker 3: Damn it. I can't believe I lost that.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is where I'm going with it,
Speaker 2: but it makes sense going back to the stories that
Speaker 2: we tell ourselves. Right, we get to decide how we
Speaker 2: category the quote unquote evidence that life presents to us,
Speaker 2: and we get to decide whether something is truth or
Speaker 2: a lie about us. And if the truth about you
Speaker 2: is that you are a patient person and people find
Speaker 2: sanctuary in you, and you are you control your anger
Speaker 2: and moments, and you react or you respawn versus reacting
Speaker 2: all those kinds of things, then somebody telling you that
Speaker 2: you're selfish and you're a piece of shit or whatever
Speaker 2: the case may be, that is just their projection of you.
Speaker 3: Because you know the truth of you, right, then that's
Speaker 3: the end of it. I can't remember I was going
Speaker 3: with all of that.
Speaker 1: I'm just glad it wasn't me that made you lose
Speaker 1: your train of thought this time. Oh yeah, sick me too,
Speaker 1: Go me, I have I do have something I want
Speaker 1: to get into, but I'm gonna wait until we're done
Speaker 1: with this and it'll be a final thought for the episode,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to keep harping on the business
Speaker 1: and money side of things when we can be addressing
Speaker 1: other things. So, is there anything else that you guys
Speaker 1: want to get into. I mean, this has been I
Speaker 1: feel like it's been a semi productive call. You guys
Speaker 1: didn't really have a whole lot of things going on
Speaker 1: that you wanted to get into. We just felt like
Speaker 1: a lot of this would be good information for people.
Speaker 5: So can I bring up the.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna bring it up. Okay, you can.
Speaker 1: I mean you can ask him, just be vocal, honest
Speaker 1: about it, and if we have to cut this out,
Speaker 1: we can cut this out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So a lot of the time, when like we're having
Speaker 6: a discussion or like if I try to bring something
Speaker 6: up to him as like either hey, this is an issue,
Speaker 6: or hey we could be doing this better or anything
Speaker 6: like that, or even just like if I try to
Speaker 6: give him just any type of advice, even if like
Speaker 6: I could be saying something that you said directly and
Speaker 6: he doesn't normally perceive it very well. But the second
Speaker 6: that a guy or a man tells him something, it's
Speaker 6: all of a sudden he's like, it's a good idea.
Speaker 6: He's able to take it in and he we both
Speaker 6: acknowledged this. He knows that it's something that he does.
Speaker 6: Like I could be telling him. I don't know, I
Speaker 6: can't think of an example right now, but I could
Speaker 6: be telling him one thing repeatedly, being like, hey, I
Speaker 6: think this is a good idea, And the second he
Speaker 6: hears it come from like his cousin or his friend
Speaker 6: or from off of your podcast from Chris, he perceives
Speaker 6: it a lot better and he all of a sudden
Speaker 6: is able to kind of accept that. And that's one
Speaker 6: of the most frustrating things for me. And I don't
Speaker 6: know who's on the necessarily like right or wrong end
Speaker 6: of that.
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'm pushing too hard in it
Speaker 5: or what it is.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, I know you got some shit to say
Speaker 1: about this, because this is this was an US thing
Speaker 1: for a while.
Speaker 2: I'm just at a point where I was like, I
Speaker 2: told you so, yeah, right, like where I'm at right now,
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is and it frustrates the
Speaker 2: fuck out of me. There is just to a point
Speaker 2: now where I look at my husband I was like,
Speaker 2: I've been telling you that for months, and it fucking
Speaker 2: sucks that you decide to listen to somebody else saying it,
Speaker 2: But it is what it is.
Speaker 1: So being that I'm on the opposite side of that,
Speaker 1: it's not that I needed to hear somebody else say
Speaker 1: it to get it. It's that I needed time for
Speaker 1: to sink in. And most of the time, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be told what to do. I want I
Speaker 1: want things to feel like my own idea. And if
Speaker 1: if I'm being told I need to do something, there's
Speaker 1: a natural resistance in me to do the shit unless
Speaker 1: it's coming from like somebody that is a mentor or
Speaker 1: somebody that I like, highly respect that I views higher
Speaker 1: than I am somehow, Like there's people in our lives
Speaker 1: that I think is doing better in life than us,
Speaker 1: And if they say something to me, whether I disagree
Speaker 1: with it or not, I'm fucking honed in because I'm
Speaker 1: going to learn something from it, but there's a whole
Speaker 1: lot of Sometimes I need to feel like I came
Speaker 1: to it on my own. Sometimes you'll say some shit
Speaker 1: and it'll the seed will be planted and all of
Speaker 1: the other people saying the shit, and the time that
Speaker 1: has to go by is what's going to give me
Speaker 1: that seedling for me to see that this is a
Speaker 1: viable idea. It's never one thing, it's a multitude of things.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just don't like the idea. This song that
Speaker 1: we listen to that I was like, I can't fucking
Speaker 1: stand this chick's voice, and at the first time you
Speaker 1: showed me the song, couldn't stand it. I've gotten over
Speaker 1: the fact that I don't like her voice because I
Speaker 1: really like the story of the song. And now I
Speaker 1: listen to the song. It's a staple of our playlists.
Speaker 1: But it took me time to get there. It's no
Speaker 1: different than hearing something. I need to feel like I've
Speaker 1: come to it on my own and I need to
Speaker 1: understand it from my own perspective and not somebody else.
Speaker 1: Is for me to like, really get it. And there's
Speaker 1: been times that people that I admire or that I
Speaker 1: view as mentors have said something to me and I've
Speaker 1: come to you and I've talked about it, and whether
Speaker 1: we've implemented it or not, you know, as a whole
Speaker 1: other story. But like, sometimes I need to collect enough
Speaker 1: data so that I feel like I'm making the right choice.
Speaker 1: That's the burden of leadership.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: If I take something that somebody tells me and just
Speaker 1: run with it all the time, I'm not leading, I'm following. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So there's a lot that goes into that Psychologically. That's
Speaker 1: a fucking mess for people. And it's something that I
Speaker 1: still struggle with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, real shit, there's times where I just won't say
Speaker 2: anything and I'll just let you struggle because I know
Speaker 2: you won't hear me.
Speaker 1: I always hear you, I just don't always listen.
Speaker 3: And you're going to struggle anyway.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I still need that though. That's the planting
Speaker 1: of the seed. Those seeds have to get planted because
Speaker 1: otherwise I'm going to hear it six months from now
Speaker 1: and it's not gonna matter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's a level of how many times am
Speaker 2: I going to be ignored for me to continue to
Speaker 2: waste my breath?
Speaker 1: What makes you think is ignoring you? Because that do
Speaker 1: it right away.
Speaker 2: Because the credit's given to somebody else. If I'm trying
Speaker 2: to have a conversation and three and four other people
Speaker 2: say something, you're like, oh, I heard this great thing
Speaker 2: today from so and so, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: said that six months ago, and you told me it
Speaker 2: was garbage, Like what changed exactly? That?
Speaker 4: Exactly?
Speaker 5: Pages? Exactly me too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it just takes time for me to
Speaker 1: get there. Sometimes it could be just be a man thing.
Speaker 7: I think that's kind of where I'm at with it,
Speaker 7: as it needs. I need to hear it a couple
Speaker 7: different times. I need to because it's kind of like
Speaker 7: if I take like you're saying, if I take one
Speaker 7: person's idea and run with it, like, that's not a
Speaker 7: very educated decision. Now, if I hear it from three
Speaker 7: different people, I'm a little more likely to do it.
Speaker 1: It's also a matter of the way it's delivered. You guys,
Speaker 1: can we can all say the same thing in different verbiage.
Speaker 7: Sometimes for me, I will quit listening if it's not
Speaker 7: delivered right in the first two words.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the delivery matters more than what's being stated. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like that any conversation, But.
Speaker 3: I just live with it. That's my answer.
Speaker 2: I pick and choose what I want to say, and
Speaker 2: then when it turns out that I'm right, I was right, dope,
Speaker 2: I give myself a high five. I know I know
Speaker 2: my knowledge, I know my wisdom, and I don't need
Speaker 2: the validation of the people around me, including my husband,
Speaker 2: to know that I'm intellectual. And if he happens to
Speaker 2: listen to somebody else, I'm glad you heard that voice.
Speaker 1: There's also a level of I need your undivided attention
Speaker 1: in these conversations too.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You know, if I'm doing three things and you're talking
Speaker 1: to me about something, there's a very strong possibility that
Speaker 1: I'm not going to remember it anyways. So there's a
Speaker 1: lot that goes into that. It's definitely a failure to communicate.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's a failure. There's a whole lot. This is
Speaker 1: just this is one of those things that it's not
Speaker 1: a black and white. There's so many variables that go
Speaker 1: into all of that that it's really hard to say,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you don't get mad about it anymore,
Speaker 1: because you did at one point. You would get pretty
Speaker 1: frustrated with me about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't mean I don't means I cope with
Speaker 3: it differently.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well then I appreciate you not taking that out
Speaker 1: on me. How about that you're welcome?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, and that's a selfish thing on my
Speaker 3: part because I want my life to be good.
Speaker 1: Yeah it, guys said it's because we evolve at different rates.
Speaker 1: Someone said that I told you so, is so real.
Speaker 1: I just roll my eyes and giggle. Now I swear
Speaker 1: it's the difference in divine women and divine men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I do think that. I mean, if
Speaker 1: his situation comes it comes from it being directly by men,
Speaker 1: it's looking it's because he's looking for guidance from men.
Speaker 1: My situation is, is I need to I believe that
Speaker 1: I need to feel like I came to it on
Speaker 1: my own, or it needs to make enough sense to
Speaker 1: me to feel like I can connect the dots on
Speaker 1: my own so that I don't feel like I'm being
Speaker 1: told what to do. I have a real fucking problem
Speaker 1: with authority.
Speaker 3: Yes you do.
Speaker 1: So you guys got anything else? Because if not, we
Speaker 1: can go ahead and start wrapping up. We're at the
Speaker 1: hour mark and I have a something I want to
Speaker 1: get into.
Speaker 4: I think we covered most of it. I mean, now
Speaker 4: we know we got Mark.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead, well outro real quick. Well, no,
Speaker 1: let's we want outro. What we're gonna say our goodbyes
Speaker 1: to you guys. I'm just gonna mute. You can stay
Speaker 1: on so that you can hear it in retime, real
Speaker 1: time versus the delay. But you know, I would like
Speaker 1: to thank you guys. We would like to thank you
Speaker 1: guys for trusting us with the zoom call. Your relationship is,
Speaker 1: you know, should be one of the most sacred things
Speaker 1: to you, guys, and putting it into somebody else's hands
Speaker 1: for opinions and advice is a vulnerable thing and we
Speaker 1: don't take that lightly. So thank you guys for that.
Speaker 4: Absolutely. Hopefully it wasn't time for you guys.
Speaker 1: No, this was an easy one today.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we appreciate you guys for listening to us and
Speaker 6: helping out awesome.
Speaker 2: If you guys have any further questions, you can always
Speaker 2: email us. If you're in the discord, you can add us.
Speaker 2: I truly hope that our conversation is here today make
Speaker 2: your great relationship an even better one.
Speaker 4: I think you will.
Speaker 3: Good.
Speaker 1: All right, so Jenny said to you in the last
Speaker 1: three years. The amount of time my intuition has been
Speaker 1: ignored is so frustrating. I just stopped trying to get
Speaker 1: anyone to listen. Now, I just telp peoples. That's what
Speaker 1: we do, all right. And then then she'll get a
Speaker 1: text with me like three weeks there and be like,
Speaker 1: I was right, I want to I want to talk
Speaker 1: about this, the money thing a little bit. The whole
Speaker 1: time that you were going back and forth with them
Speaker 1: on all of this, I was going down a rabbit hole,
Speaker 1: which brought me to Trevor in the fact that he
Speaker 1: still has your dirt bike and it hasn't been sold yet.
Speaker 1: And this is where this whole whole thought process came from,
Speaker 1: because I was trying to work through things there. I'm
Speaker 1: a hustler, guys. I have been on my own since
Speaker 1: I was thirteen years old, and other than a couple
Speaker 1: of times where I've had to start over from scratch,
Speaker 1: I've never really truly been broke like. I've had stints
Speaker 1: in my life where I was bummed, like I truly
Speaker 1: didn't have any money, But you know, one of them
Speaker 1: was because I had just spent a year and a
Speaker 1: half in County jail. And then the next time was
Speaker 1: because I just did a three year bid. Like, there's
Speaker 1: been times where I've had to start over and I
Speaker 1: was homeless and like I didn't have anyone to fall
Speaker 1: back on. But when you find yourself in a position
Speaker 1: where you don't have shit, your willingness to hustle and
Speaker 1: do things to make real money changes. So, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I could take this off to you. So the the
Speaker 1: idea of, like, if something came up in life and
Speaker 1: we were financially strapped for cash, there's a whole lot
Speaker 1: of things that I just inherently know what to do
Speaker 1: to make our life a little bit better. And like,
Speaker 1: if you were like the couple was, if you had
Speaker 1: some sort of di ability and you were unable to work,
Speaker 1: and I had a record that would allow me to
Speaker 1: door dash, I could set up a door dash account
Speaker 1: and you can make those deliveries while I'm at work
Speaker 1: and there's extra income. You can get on things like
Speaker 1: freecycle dot com or freetrader dot com and go pick
Speaker 1: up couches and steam clean them shits. You buy a
Speaker 1: one time steam cleaner, properly clean and deodorize that free
Speaker 1: couch and stick it up on Facebook. Marketplace for a
Speaker 1: couple hundred bucks, and like, you can really do a
Speaker 1: whole lot flipping things, Like it's no different than selling drugs.
Speaker 1: And I know that that's a poor analogy for a
Speaker 1: lot of people, but like that was my childhood. I
Speaker 1: sold dope, Like that was how I made my money
Speaker 1: as a kid, And that mentality has transferred over into
Speaker 1: everything that I do in life, because there's always a
Speaker 1: way to make money. And this is gonna sound really arrogant,
Speaker 1: making money to me has always been easy because I
Speaker 1: always have that whatever it takes mindset. So you can
Speaker 1: do things like the free cycle, free trader or whatever
Speaker 1: it is. You can buy things on Facebook marketplace and
Speaker 1: flip it. You can collect scrap metal, you can go
Speaker 1: around and dig through people's garbage if that's what it takes.
Speaker 1: You could go to the thrift store and sell things
Speaker 1: on eBay that you find at the thrip store. There's
Speaker 1: a whole lot of things that you can do. There's
Speaker 1: even times where you see these things on TikTok where
Speaker 1: people are like, I found a coupon that lets me
Speaker 1: buy this thing for a penny, and they go to
Speaker 1: home depot and buy it for a penny. This is illegal,
Speaker 1: so I'm not telling you to fucking do this, But
Speaker 1: home Depot has a no receipt return policy. So if
Speaker 1: you can go to a home depot and buy a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of shit for a penny and leave with
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars worth of stuff, you can go to
Speaker 1: a different home depot and return that shit, and even
Speaker 1: if they give you store credit, you can then go
Speaker 1: buy something with that store credit, get a receipt, and
Speaker 1: go back to the other home depot and return that
Speaker 1: motherfucker because you got a receipt. Now, it's a hustler's mentality.
Speaker 1: How far are you willing to go to make the
Speaker 1: money to do the thing? So I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: you guys should be doing illegal things. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that there's always a way to make money if you're
Speaker 1: willing to do the thing to make the money, and
Speaker 1: how how broke are you willing to live to be
Speaker 1: able to get to the point that you're trying to go.
Speaker 1: We have Open Business Is where we have put every
Speaker 1: last fucking dime into that thing, and it's been a
Speaker 1: huge fucking risk, but we've made it work because we're
Speaker 1: willing to not eat for three days, right, little fast, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's good for you. Water fast, Let's go,
Speaker 1: And all we need is a bag of limits for
Speaker 1: that airbatic in the water. Let's run the shit. But
Speaker 1: we're willing to suffer to get to where we're trying
Speaker 1: to go. And most people aren't willing to do that
Speaker 1: because they get caught up in the creature comforts of things.
Speaker 1: And I view that as a lack of societal knowledge
Speaker 1: because we're expecting people to take care of us. First,
Speaker 1: it's our parents, then we depend on the government. Like,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of arrogance in that. I don't
Speaker 1: fucking need nobody, right, I want you in my life.
Speaker 1: I don't need you here. There's a difference in that,
Speaker 1: And the want is so much better than the need
Speaker 1: because you're not I'm not a dependent, right, Like, we're
Speaker 1: running this motherfucker together by choice. It's powerful. So and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get really hard into all of that,
Speaker 1: but it's one of those things that I think is
Speaker 1: super important to remember. And if you have any type
Speaker 1: of technical ability, you can find things that are broken
Speaker 1: and repair that shit. Yeah, if you have a you know,
Speaker 1: a welding background, you can fabricate custom furniture. At one point,
Speaker 1: we bought a whiskey cabinet for like thirteen thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: like we bought We bought a really crazy expensive poker
Speaker 1: table that was custom built, and it was heavy as
Speaker 1: fuck out of all steel. It's people who have money
Speaker 1: is going to spend that money on dumb shit. That's
Speaker 1: just the way that it is. And the more skills
Speaker 1: you have to be able to create and do cool things,
Speaker 1: people are gonna want those cool things, especially if they're
Speaker 1: one offs. You just then have to find a way
Speaker 1: to market and brand yourself. Sometimes that means you're doing
Speaker 1: things for less than what you would normally do them
Speaker 1: for until you can build a name. And that's normal shit.
Speaker 1: Jesse James didn't wake up one day and start building
Speaker 1: motorcycles and charging two hundred thousand dollars for it. Like
Speaker 1: it took him time to get to that point.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So came across a chick.
Speaker 2: All she makes is little tiny swimming pools to put
Speaker 2: your keys in, and she was finally able to quit
Speaker 2: her job because of.
Speaker 1: It selling swimming pools to put her keys in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like little tiny like trades lay swimming pool trays.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she retired on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, able to put her job because of it. Wild yep, wild.
Speaker 1: It's crazy at right. I would have never thought that, Like,
Speaker 1: that's not something I would have ever thought to do.
Speaker 1: We have somebody in our community that's talking about building
Speaker 1: an app, and like the thing that he's talking about building,
Speaker 1: I was like, I would never buy that, Like, that's
Speaker 1: not something I would use. There's other apps out there
Speaker 1: that are free that I can kind of do the
Speaker 1: same thing for And I was like, but if you
Speaker 1: can market this, it'll sell. Yeah. You can buy a
Speaker 1: three D printer fairly cheap. Now, filament's fairly cheap, and
Speaker 1: you can print if you know how to use a
Speaker 1: CAD program. You can make STL files and sell those
Speaker 1: STL files and people will buy them, especially if there's
Speaker 1: things that you can print that fixes uh, that creates
Speaker 1: a need, right, or you can take it to Etsy
Speaker 1: and sell that shit on Etsy. Yeah, those little dragon
Speaker 1: toys that we buy for the kids off Etsy that
Speaker 1: are like ten fifteen bucks. We could three D print those.
Speaker 1: It's not fucking hard, but I don't want to put
Speaker 1: them together right time. Consuming those people are printing it
Speaker 1: doing it real quick because they've got the experience and
Speaker 1: snapping the shit together and then reselling it. It takes
Speaker 1: them like two dollars worth of filament plus the shipping costs.
Speaker 1: Like it's a no brainer. They're making money. It all
Speaker 1: really does come down to how hard do you want
Speaker 1: to hustle and how bad do you want to make
Speaker 1: this thing work? Yeah, so, vinyl cutters are not super expensive.
Speaker 1: You can make stickers for car clubs, you can make
Speaker 1: tumblers like pe.
Speaker 3: People are willing to spend money on dopamine hits.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 3: We walked into five Below yesterday or the day before.
Speaker 2: The children wanted to spend their allowance money and I
Speaker 2: almost spent five dollars on a little tiny key chain
Speaker 2: that had two tomatoes and a ravioli on it.
Speaker 1: She came home with the Master of the Universe miniatures
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people, you're right. So, and even with the kids
Speaker 1: only at seven and eight years old, they worked. They
Speaker 1: wanted to go to five Below. So they were like,
Speaker 1: what chores can we do to make five bucks? And
Speaker 1: they ran around the house all morning until they made
Speaker 1: that five dollars And then you guys went and It
Speaker 1: gave you guys something to do. It kept them occupied
Speaker 1: all fucking day.
Speaker 2: They did their own laundry, They swept the front porch
Speaker 2: for me, they put the dishes away.
Speaker 1: Taught them responsibility, They got turned a paycheck, and then
Speaker 1: you took them somewhere to spend their money. It's a
Speaker 1: lot that goes into that shit.
Speaker 2: So our daughter got to feel the heartbreak of not
Speaker 2: having enough money. Yeah, she had three separate things. She
Speaker 2: had five dollars and like two of the things combined
Speaker 2: was five bucks.
Speaker 3: And then one of the.
Speaker 2: Things was six dollars by itself, and it was this
Speaker 2: little like strawberry shortcake neck pillow for like airplanes, and she.
Speaker 3: Goes, it's six dollars. I only have five.
Speaker 2: And then she looked at me like the dry snitch
Speaker 2: and shit, hoping that I would offer, and I'd be like,
Speaker 2: you gotta.
Speaker 3: Put something back.
Speaker 1: That sucks good.
Speaker 2: What are you gonna do? And she was like can you?
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, it's fun damn let her
Speaker 2: finish the sentence.
Speaker 3: Nope. I was nice.
Speaker 2: Once one time she had no money in her allowance
Speaker 2: and she was like, can you buy this thing for me?
Speaker 2: And now every time she asks me if I can
Speaker 2: chip in money, and like I saw what I did,
Speaker 2: I'm learning from my lesson.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I know that there are people out
Speaker 1: there who hate America right and and though today's the
Speaker 1: fourth of July, Happy fourth of July.
Speaker 3: Everyone stay safe today, guys.
Speaker 1: I hate our government. Fuck our government, both sides, like
Speaker 1: I don't think that they they're representative of the people period.
Speaker 1: But I love our country and I love the opportunity
Speaker 1: that we have here. And if we didn't have the
Speaker 1: opportunity we have, we wouldn't have the migration that we've
Speaker 1: had over the last fifty years. We have more opportunity
Speaker 1: to hustle and make it in this country than anywhere
Speaker 1: else in the world, which is why so many people
Speaker 1: come over here and end up making generational wealth the
Speaker 1: first you know, first two generations they're here. There's no
Speaker 1: reason that you can't do it here if you just
Speaker 1: are willing to get creative and you're willing to provide
Speaker 1: something that fills a need in people. People didn't need them.
Speaker 1: Swimming pool fucking key chain holders. No, I would never
Speaker 1: buy that, but you know what I did by actually
Speaker 1: I didn't because somebody made it for us. We have
Speaker 1: that metal key chain holder with the magnets, but I
Speaker 1: was looking for one of those. When that came in
Speaker 1: the mail, somebody's like, I heard you talking about this
Speaker 1: on the podcast, so we made you one. I was like,
Speaker 1: fucking sweet, and I mounted that bitch by the door,
Speaker 1: and that's where all of our fucking keys are. Before that,
Speaker 1: I had to walk through the house to get to
Speaker 1: the fridge to stick my keys on the fridge because
Speaker 1: otherwise I lose my keys. I have a brain injury. Like,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of I forgot where I sat shit,
Speaker 1: So there's a whole lot of needs being filled. And
Speaker 1: if you have a laser engraver that can print on
Speaker 1: top of metal, you could do people's last names with
Speaker 1: a cool design or mushroom stuff. I would buy that right, Like,
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of it's just a matter of
Speaker 1: getting creative and then finding a way to market. Somebody
Speaker 1: in the Chata minute ago was like, I know somebody
Speaker 1: that makes uses their art to make coloring books and
Speaker 1: sells them on Amazon. That's an easy way to make money.
Speaker 1: You can make adult coloring books, you can make flash books.
Speaker 1: If you know how to draw, you do your tattoo
Speaker 1: bule designs and a flashbook and sell that shit on
Speaker 1: Amazon as tattoo flash or reach out to tattoo supply companies.
Speaker 1: People still buy that shit. It's not as much as
Speaker 1: they used to. That used to be a really big industry.
Speaker 3: But market to parents and kids, you're gonna hit double
Speaker 3: the market.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: If I was making coloring books, I'd make a pluthor
Speaker 2: of coloring books, kid coloring books, fairy world coloring books,
Speaker 2: nature animals only, mosaics. I might be talking myself into
Speaker 2: something here.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, when you think about it, you could
Speaker 1: actually make themed coloring books too that tell a story right,
Speaker 1: and it would just be I mean, people wouldn't get
Speaker 1: it unless they got it, and when they caught it,
Speaker 1: they go, oh my god, this is a story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that'd be really cool. But I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know how you get your Mama's on Amazon,
Speaker 2: but I know you fucking can a lot of the
Speaker 2: things that I buy from Amazon now are coming from
Speaker 2: people who have their shops on Amazon. It's not Amazon itself.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The problem with that is I think that you
Speaker 1: have to have product in order, like on hand to
Speaker 1: put it up and sell it. But see, even even
Speaker 1: with Taylor and her mala beads, like real shit, your
Speaker 1: malas are expensive. Yeah, they're real stone, they're handmade. Most
Speaker 1: people ain't going to send two hundred dollars on all beads.
Speaker 1: Most people will be like, sixty bucks is a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it depends on what you're getting. So, like you're
Speaker 1: paying for custom order shit, it's a very different thing.
Speaker 1: So now you're marketing to a different market of people.
Speaker 1: If you were selling your mala's for eighty ninety dollars,
Speaker 1: you'd sell a whole lot more of them than you
Speaker 1: do it two hundred dollars apiece because you have a
Speaker 1: niche market at two hundred dollars apiece. So again, that's
Speaker 1: one of those things that you just have to try
Speaker 1: to figure out how to make that work. There's people
Speaker 1: that are like Homestead said, she used to sell her
Speaker 1: soaps on Amazon. It's a lot.
Speaker 3: That is a lot.
Speaker 1: It's a lot. I'm done. I'm ready to wrap up.
Speaker 1: I just I wanted to throw that out there. I
Speaker 1: know that there's'll be a whole lot of people out
Speaker 1: there that got mad that I said. It's easy to
Speaker 1: make money because they're financially struggling. But I ain't never
Speaker 1: had that problem because I'm willing to do what you ain't.
Speaker 1: I'm willing to do a whole lot of shit to
Speaker 1: make sure that my family's good. I'm going to do
Speaker 1: illegal shit like I'm willing to do a whole lot
Speaker 1: and give a fuck. I'd rather say I tried than
Speaker 1: I didn't. You know, get anyone add on? No, No,
Speaker 1: All right, guys. As always, remember you are the author
Speaker 1: of your own life. Grab a pen and will see
Speaker 1: you won the next one. Bye, Ryan, Joey, Have a
Speaker 1: good day, guys,