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<v Speaker 1>Us will studious. Welcome to the Stillness Journal. I'm Maya,

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<v Speaker 1>and today I want to talk about wonder the kind

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<v Speaker 1>that gets quiet as we grow older, the kind that,

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<v Speaker 1>if we are honest, we have been missing for a while.

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<v Speaker 1>Not the loud wonder of fireworks or first love, the

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<v Speaker 1>quieter one, the one that lives in the way light

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<v Speaker 1>falls through a window at a particular hour, in the

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<v Speaker 1>way a child looks at a beetle on the sidewalk,

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<v Speaker 1>In the way your breath feels when it has been

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<v Speaker 1>deep and slow and you suddenly notice you are still here.

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<v Speaker 1>If there is a part of you that has been

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<v Speaker 1>feeling a little flat lately, a part that notices the

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<v Speaker 1>days are passing without much texture, a part that watches

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<v Speaker 1>other people seem to find joy in small things and

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<v Speaker 1>wonders where yours went. This practice is for that part,

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<v Speaker 1>the part that has been moving through life on autopilot,

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<v Speaker 1>the part that has been doing all the right things

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<v Speaker 1>but feels like the color has drained out of them,

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<v Speaker 1>the part that misses something but cannot quite name what

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<v Speaker 1>it is. We live in a world that has in

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<v Speaker 1>many ways explained wonder away. We know how stars work,

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<v Speaker 1>we know why leaves change. We know the science of

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<v Speaker 1>almost everything beautiful, and somewhere in the process of explaining

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<v Speaker 1>it all, we lost the part of us that was

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to stand in front of it and feel amazed.

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<v Speaker 1>We traded wonder for knowing, and knowing is useful, but

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<v Speaker 1>it is not the same thing, and the cost of

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<v Speaker 1>the trade, I think, has been larger than we realized

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<v Speaker 1>that your capacity for wonder is not gone. It has

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<v Speaker 1>only gone quiet. It is still in you, underneath the

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<v Speaker 1>layers of efficiency and productivity and getting things done. It

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<v Speaker 1>is the part of you that pauses sometimes when you

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<v Speaker 1>did not expect to, the part that gets unexpectedly moved

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<v Speaker 1>by a piece of music, The part that watches someone

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<v Speaker 1>you love sleep and feels a strange tenderness you cannot

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<v Speaker 1>quite justify. That part is still alive. It has been

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<v Speaker 1>waiting patiently for you to remember it. Wonder is a

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<v Speaker 1>strange thing. It does not announce itself. It does not perform.

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<v Speaker 1>It is, in fact, almost the opposite of performance. It

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<v Speaker 1>is the feeling you get when the performing part of

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<v Speaker 1>you finally let's go, when you stop trying to be

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<v Speaker 1>impressive or impressive to yourself, and you let the moment

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<v Speaker 1>be what it is. Wonder is what remains in you

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<v Speaker 1>when the striving stops. It is the soft residue of

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<v Speaker 1>being truly present. And I think we have been taught

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<v Speaker 1>without realizing it, that presence is not productive, that if

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<v Speaker 1>we are not doing something with a moment, we are

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<v Speaker 1>wasting it. That pausing to notice is somehow indulgent or lazy,

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<v Speaker 1>or self indulgent. And so we have built lives that

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<v Speaker 1>move us through our days without ever really arriving at them.

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<v Speaker 1>We check the boxes, we attend the meetings, we make

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<v Speaker 1>the meals, we answer the messages, and the wonder if

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<v Speaker 1>it tried to surface, found no room, so it went quiet.

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<v Speaker 1>Settle in if you can, let the body find a

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<v Speaker 1>place where it does not have to produce, Let the

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<v Speaker 1>eyes soften, let the breath go slow. You are not

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<v Speaker 1>here to understand wonder. You are not here to analyze it.

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<v Speaker 1>You are here to let it back in, to remember

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<v Speaker 1>what it felt like before you had a name for it,

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<v Speaker 1>To let the small things in your day become large again.

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes we lose wonder because we lose time

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<v Speaker 1>nine clock time. We have plenty of that, we lose

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<v Speaker 1>inner time, the kind of time where you can stand

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<v Speaker 1>in a garden for ten minutes and watch a bee

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<v Speaker 1>move between flowers, The kind of time where you can

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<v Speaker 1>hear the rain and not need to do anything about it.

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<v Speaker 1>The kind of time where you can sit with someone

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<v Speaker 1>you love and not need to fill the silence. That

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<v Speaker 1>kind of time has become rare, and without it, Wonder

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<v Speaker 1>has nowhere to land. And I do not think this

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<v Speaker 1>is our fault exactly. I think it is the season.

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<v Speaker 1>I think the world is loud right now. I think

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<v Speaker 1>there is a lot to be afraid of. I think

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<v Speaker 1>there is a lot to keep up with. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think the nervous system, in the face of that loudness

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<v Speaker 1>does what nervous systems do. It goes into a kind

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<v Speaker 1>of survival mode. It narrows, It focuses on what is

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<v Speaker 1>urgent and lets what is beautiful go by. That narrowing

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<v Speaker 1>is not a moral failure. It is a body trying

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<v Speaker 1>to keep you safe, and it worked for a while.

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<v Speaker 1>But it has cost, and one of the costs is wonder.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to invite you, in this moment to notice

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<v Speaker 1>that the narrowing is not in itself permanent. The nervous

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<v Speaker 1>system can widen again It does it naturally when the

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<v Speaker 1>conditions are safe, when the room is quiet, when the

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<v Speaker 1>breath is when you are with someone who is not

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<v Speaker 1>asking anything of you, when nothing is on fire. The

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<v Speaker 1>widening is already in you, You've just been too busy

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<v Speaker 1>to notice it. And when the widening happens, wonder is

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<v Speaker 1>what comes to the door. Wonder is the first guest,

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<v Speaker 1>before gratitude, before joy, before peace. Wonder arrives first because

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<v Speaker 1>wonder is the act of noticing that something is here

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<v Speaker 1>at all, that anything, that the world is full of

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<v Speaker 1>things and you are inside it, and you get to

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<v Speaker 1>perceive that by itself is remarkable. It has always been remarkable.

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<v Speaker 1>We just stopped noticing. Notice gently that wonder is not

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<v Speaker 1>the same as happiness. You can feel wonder and be

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<v Speaker 1>grieving at the same time. You can feel wonder and

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<v Speaker 1>be afraid. You can feel wonder in the middle of

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<v Speaker 1>a heart season, because wonder is not about the season.

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<v Speaker 1>It is about the capacity. It is about the part

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<v Speaker 1>of you that is still awake enough to be moved

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<v Speaker 1>by being alive. That part does not require your life

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<v Speaker 1>to be good. It only requires your to be present.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to say something to the part of you

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<v Speaker 1>that thinks wonder is knife. The part that is grown

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<v Speaker 1>up and become serious and learned that the world is complicated,

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<v Speaker 1>and decided that wide eyed amazement is a thing for

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<v Speaker 1>children and people who have not yet been hurt. That

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<v Speaker 1>part is not wrong exactly. It learned someone that if

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<v Speaker 1>you were too soft, you would be wounded, that if

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<v Speaker 1>you were too open, you would be taken from that

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<v Speaker 1>Wonder was a kind of vulnerability, and vulnerability was dangerous.

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<v Speaker 1>And that part has been working very hard for a

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<v Speaker 1>very long time to keep you safe. It built a

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<v Speaker 1>kind of armor. It learned to look at everything from

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<v Speaker 1>a small, professional distance. It stopped letting things in. And

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<v Speaker 1>I want to think it, and I want to tell

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<v Speaker 1>it gently that the armor is no longer required. That

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<v Speaker 1>you are older now and wiser, and you can let

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<v Speaker 1>the armor down in safe places, that wonder, in small doses,

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<v Speaker 1>in safe rooms with safe people, will not destroy you.

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<v Speaker 1>That it might in fact be the thing that saves you.

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<v Speaker 1>There are very small doors through which wonder comes back.

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<v Speaker 1>None of them require you to do anything dramatic. None

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<v Speaker 1>of them require you to take a trip, or change

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<v Speaker 1>your life, or even leave your house. They are all

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<v Speaker 1>right here in the day you're already having. They are

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<v Speaker 1>things like the way steam rises from a cup of

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<v Speaker 1>tea and crawls and disappears. The way a stranger on

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<v Speaker 1>the sidewalk smiles at a baby, and the baby smiles back,

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<v Speaker 1>and the stranger looks lighter for a moment. The way

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<v Speaker 1>the light in your kitchen at four in the afternoon

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<v Speaker 1>has a particular gold to it that does not exist

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<v Speaker 1>at any other hour. The way your dog are your cat,

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<v Speaker 1>or the bird outside your window has a small daily

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<v Speaker 1>life that you get to witness without being responsible for it.

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<v Speaker 1>Wonder lives in noticing that is all it is. Wonder

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<v Speaker 1>is the feeling that arises when you let something be

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<v Speaker 1>more than it is useful for, When you let a

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<v Speaker 1>leaf be a leaf and not a thing to rake,

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<v Speaker 1>When you let a sunset be a sunset and not

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<v Speaker 1>a thing to photograph, when you let a person be

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<v Speaker 1>a whole person and not a problem to solve or

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<v Speaker 1>a roll to fill. Wonder is what happens when you

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<v Speaker 1>stop instrumentalizing the world, when you stop asking what everything

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<v Speaker 1>is for, when you let things and people and moments

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<v Speaker 1>simply be. And I think this is a practice, not

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<v Speaker 1>a permanent state. You will not feel wonder all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>You will feel it and flashes. A flash while you

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<v Speaker 1>are washing dishes, a flash while you are driving somewhere ordinary,

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<v Speaker 1>a flash while you are sitting in a waiting room.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you let the flash arrive instead of pushing

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<v Speaker 1>past it, it will stay day a little longer, it

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<v Speaker 1>will open up a little wider, and by the end

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<v Speaker 1>of the flash, you will feel briefly that you are

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<v Speaker 1>in the right place, that you have always been in

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<v Speaker 1>the right place, that the world, in its strange and

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<v Speaker 1>ordinary way, has been holding you this whole time. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to leave you with a small practice for the

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<v Speaker 1>week ahead. Three times a day, when you notice yourself

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<v Speaker 1>moving quickly through a moment, pause just for a breath,

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<v Speaker 1>and ask what is here that I have been not seeing?

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<v Speaker 1>What is in front of me right now? That is

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<v Speaker 1>more than what it is for the cup of coffee,

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<v Speaker 1>the face of the person next to me, the sound

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<v Speaker 1>of the room, the fact that I am in this

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<v Speaker 1>room at all. Let the moment be larger than its function.

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<v Speaker 1>Let yourself be in it instead of past it. You

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<v Speaker 1>do not have to do this practice for long. You

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<v Speaker 1>can do it for three breaths. You can do it

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<v Speaker 1>while you are brushing your teeth, while you are waiting

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<v Speaker 1>for the microwave. The point is not the duration. The

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<v Speaker 1>POI is the remembering. The POI is letting the small

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<v Speaker 1>world back in. The POI is letting wonder, which has

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<v Speaker 1>been patient, finally find you again as you go through

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of your day. I want you to carry

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<v Speaker 1>this with you. Wonder is not naive. Wonder is not

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<v Speaker 1>a luxury. Wonder is the most adult and the most

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<v Speaker 1>honest response to being alive. It is what happens when

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<v Speaker 1>you stop pretending that you have seen everything. It is

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<v Speaker 1>what happens when you let the world surprise you again.

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<v Speaker 1>And it has been waiting for you, quietly, patiently, in

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<v Speaker 1>the ordinary light, in the small sounds, in the breath

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<v Speaker 1>you are breathing right now. Thank you for being here today,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for letting wonder back in, even for a

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<v Speaker 1>few minutes. I will be here next time with another

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<v Speaker 1>Stillness Journal. Until then, let the small things be large,

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<v Speaker 1>let the ordinary be extraordinary, and let yourself be moved

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<v Speaker 1>again by being here. This has been the Stillness Journal,

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<v Speaker 1>extended with maya chen a gentle voice for the part

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<v Speaker 1>of you that is remembering how to feel amazed,