WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:06.799 You are most like Jesus when you're focusing on the 2 00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:10.720 hurts of somebody else rather than your own. You are 3 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:14.800 most like Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of 4 00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:19.039 somebody else, your child, your wife, your dad, your. 5 00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:20.920 Client. 6 00:00:21.480 --> 00:00:23.640 When you're focusing on somebody else's hurts and you steady 7 00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:27.160 of your own, that's when you're like Jesus. When Jesus 8 00:00:27.239 --> 00:00:30.320 is on the cross, dying for the sins of all mankind, 9 00:00:30.519 --> 00:00:32.240 he's not focusing on his pain. 10 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.520 He's saying, Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. 11 00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:41.159 He's still focusing on us, even in the middle of 12 00:00:41.320 --> 00:00:47.280 his pain. So he says, focus scopos, try to see 13 00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:51.039 their perspective before you go mouthing off on your hurt, 14 00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:54.399 your need, those are legitimate, but go ahead and first 15 00:00:54.399 --> 00:00:56.719 try to focus on their perspective. 16 00:00:57.240 --> 00:01:00.039 Now, let's just take an example, the people that you 17 00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:00.439 work with. 18 00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:01.880 And you have some people who work with, and you 19 00:01:01.880 --> 00:01:04.120 think that one person, they are so irritating to me. 20 00:01:05.480 --> 00:01:07.799 I just they every time I get around them, my 21 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:10.879 blood starts to boil. I just don't even like being 22 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:15.040 around them. And the reason why is you don't scope posts. 23 00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:19.519 You don't see their circumstance. You don't see their temperament, 24 00:01:19.719 --> 00:01:22.959 and you don't see their background. The people that you 25 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:27.159 work with, the more you understand them, the more patient 26 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:30.719 you're going to be. The less you understand the people 27 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:34.079 you work with, the more impatient you're gonna be. Why 28 00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:36.959 because it is human nature when you're working with people 29 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:40.319 that you tend we tend to judge how. 30 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:41.719 Far people have to go. 31 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:43.760 We look at it and go, man, they got a 32 00:01:43.799 --> 00:01:47.439 long way to go before they start being mature. Instead 33 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:51.560 of looking at how far they've come. When you look 34 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:54.840 at how far they've come, then you start cutting them 35 00:01:54.840 --> 00:01:58.560 some slack. And if you scope posts, you actually take 36 00:01:58.599 --> 00:02:01.120 the time to get to know that jerk and find 37 00:02:01.159 --> 00:02:06.599 out their temperament, their background, and the things that they're 38 00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:10.039 going through their pressures, you'd cut them some slack. You go, man, 39 00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:12.199 If I had a father like that, I'd probably be 40 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:16.120 irritating too. If I had gone through all the difficulty 41 00:02:16.199 --> 00:02:19.599 they went through, if I had experienced that kind of prejudice, 42 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:22.479 if I had experienced that kind of bigotry, if I 43 00:02:22.479 --> 00:02:24.919 had understood the hurt, if I had that hurt in 44 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:27.039 my life, I probably wouldn't be as far along as 45 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:31.840 they are. Stop looking at how far people have to go, 46 00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:36.400 and start looking at how far people have come, and 47 00:02:36.439 --> 00:02:39.560 then you're listening for their hurt and their perspective. 48 00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:42.120 Now there are two areas. 49 00:02:42.199 --> 00:02:47.159 The Bible says that you are commanded by God to 50 00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:50.800 be patient with, to be understanding with, and to be 51 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:54.319 considerate of when you're dealing with anybody else. It's in 52 00:02:54.439 --> 00:03:02.000 Romans chapter fifteen, verse two. We must be considerate of 53 00:03:02.039 --> 00:03:04.680 the doubts and fears of others. 54 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:06.800 Circle doubts and fears. 55 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:11.840 Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what 56 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:14.759 is for his good and thus build him up in 57 00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:19.520 the Lord. Anytime somebody does something that you go that 58 00:03:19.560 --> 00:03:23.879 doesn't make sense, why in the world are they doing that? 59 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:27.719 It's almost always a fear. 60 00:03:29.400 --> 00:03:32.000 And if you just look at their behavior, you're going 61 00:03:32.080 --> 00:03:35.240 to be quite judgmental. But if you look at their 62 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:37.319 fear and you find it out, you're going to be 63 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:40.759 a whole lot more understanding. We are to be considerate 64 00:03:40.840 --> 00:03:43.360 of the doubts and fears of others. 65 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:47.159 That'll make you more patient. Here's the problem. 66 00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:55.159 My fears are perfectly rational and entirely normal. Your fears 67 00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:59.879 are stupid, they're irrational, they don't make sense. 68 00:04:00.039 --> 00:04:03.919 Yes, and that's the way we feel my fears. 69 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:07.439 There's a legitimate reason why I'm afraid of this, and 70 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:09.560 you ought to be afraid too. 71 00:04:09.919 --> 00:04:12.840 You, on the other hand, your fears nah, and they 72 00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.520 just you just pooh pull them away. Husbands, do you 73 00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:18.879 pooh pooh the fears of your wife? Honey? 74 00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:25.399 You shouldn't fear that way. That's very helpful, thank you. Listen, 75 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:30.639 all fears are irrational. All fears fears f e A 76 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:35.360 R false evidence, appearing real and minor, as irrational as 77 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:38.839 yours are. We just have different ways of rationalizing them. 78 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.560 You know what rationalize means, rational lies. We tell ourselves 79 00:04:42.839 --> 00:04:47.720 rational lies. He minds are natural, yours are unnatural. Minor 80 00:04:47.720 --> 00:04:49.639 normal yours are unnormal, minor. 81 00:04:49.480 --> 00:04:50.639 Legitimate, yours are illegit. 82 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:56.360 No, we must be considerate of the doubts and fears 83 00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:56.959 of each other. 84 00:04:57.079 --> 00:04:58.199 And when you do that. 85 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:02.600 The conflict is to go down in your marriage, and 86 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:05.439 the conflict's going to go down with your kids, and 87 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:07.600 the conflict's going to go down with the people you 88 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:12.600 work with and your customers and your clients. Okay, number five, 89 00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:17.240 the fifth step, after I've I've admitted my faults, and 90 00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:21.360 I've listened for your hurts and perspective. Now I speak 91 00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:28.399 the truth tactfully. Speak the truth tactfully. The truth sets 92 00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.079 you free. But you've got to say it with love. 93 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:33.040 You've got to say it with kindness. You've got to 94 00:05:33.079 --> 00:05:36.040 say it with tact People say, well, I just tell 95 00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:40.480 it like it is. That's called being rude. Don't be 96 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:43.680 proud of that. Don't ever be proud. Well, I just 97 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:46.480 tell it like it. It means you're a jerk. It 98 00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:48.560 means you don't really care about other people. You just 99 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:49.959 want to get it off your chest. 100 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:52.199 Speak the truth. 101 00:05:52.680 --> 00:05:54.279 The Bible says this, look up here on the screen 102 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:59.879 Phesians four fifteen. Speak the truth what in love? The 103 00:06:00.199 --> 00:06:02.879 truth is not enough. It's not just what you say, 104 00:06:03.079 --> 00:06:05.879 it's how you say it. And if you say it offensively, 105 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:10.399 it will be received defensively. You must always speak truth 106 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:12.079 to your children in love. 107 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:13.160 Parents. 108 00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:16.240 The moment you start yelling at your kids, they're not 109 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:19.560 listening to a word you say. All they're hearing is 110 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:23.360 the emotion, and they will remember the emotion and will 111 00:06:23.399 --> 00:06:28.920 not remember the words. It doesn't work. You are never 112 00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:33.240 persuasive when you are abrasive. Now, the Bible says in 113 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:40.319 Proverbs twelve, verse eighteen, reckless words pierce like a sword, 114 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:45.240 but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Now, what's 115 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:49.439 you say in there in a conflict? Foolish words hurt 116 00:06:49.959 --> 00:06:54.519 and wise words heal. And it's your choice. You never 117 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.199 get your point across by being cross. It's all in 118 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:05.079 the way you say it. Yesterday I was abducted by 119 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:08.279 a group of young men in our church who took 120 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:14.000 me to San Diego to Comic Con, and it was 121 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:16.959 a blast. I wanted to go as Batman, but Kay 122 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:21.079 wouldn't let me. And everybody there were one hundred thousand 123 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:24.720 people at Comic Con, and I mean everybody's there. I 124 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:27.560 mean all of the superheroes are there, and all the 125 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:30.319 great TV shows and all the science fiction and all 126 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:33.160 the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Star Wars and 127 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:37.560 Star Trek, and one hundred thousand people are at this place, 128 00:07:37.600 --> 00:07:40.639 and about ten percent of them were dressed up, and 129 00:07:40.839 --> 00:07:44.600 it was just a lot of fun. But as one 130 00:07:44.680 --> 00:07:47.399 hundred thousand people are going into the convention center in 131 00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:52.800 San Diego, there are two guys, obviously Christians, standing there 132 00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:58.879 with giant yellow signs with frowns on their faces, clearly 133 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:02.240 not enjoying it, not saying a word to anybody, just 134 00:08:02.279 --> 00:08:05.639 standing there looking angry. And they were what I call 135 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:08.079 turn or burn, you'll die and fry while we go 136 00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:09.360 to the sky signs. 137 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:15.839 Okay, one of them said repent. 138 00:08:16.839 --> 00:08:18.920 It was something like repent or go to hell, you know, 139 00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:23.240 something like that. And the other one said, believe on 140 00:08:23.279 --> 00:08:27.279 the Lord Jesus Christ and you'll be saved. Now, the 141 00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:30.839 fact is both of those are true, but they were 142 00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:34.879 not speaking the truth in love. It's true I do 143 00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:37.600 need to repent, and it is true I do need 144 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:40.480 to accept what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross. 145 00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:45.440 I guarantee you nobody got saved yesterday from those signs, 146 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:52.120 not one single person. Why because they were speaking the truth, 147 00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:55.240 but they were not speaking the truth in love. 148 00:08:56.600 --> 00:08:57.480 Does this make sense? 149 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:01.879 It's not just what you said, it's how you say it. 150 00:09:02.519 --> 00:09:05.720 Sometimes you watch these preachers on TV, and you know 151 00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:10.519 they got an anger management issue, and they're not They're 152 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:12.879 out of whack with their wife at home, and then 153 00:09:12.919 --> 00:09:15.720 they're angry at their wife and then they're coming. 154 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:18.200 To church every weekend and spiritually. 155 00:09:17.639 --> 00:09:23.279 Vomiting on everybody else by, and they feel really good, 156 00:09:23.320 --> 00:09:25.320 But everybody else goes home feel a little sticky. 157 00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:26.679 You know, I just gotta ugh. 158 00:09:28.919 --> 00:09:31.759 I mean, you take the truth of God's word, but 159 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:34.519 you wrap it in love. For instance, the Bible says 160 00:09:34.519 --> 00:09:37.600 in Romans three twenty three, all of sinned and fallen 161 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:40.759 short of the glory of God. Now, I could teach 162 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:43.039 that truth to you two different ways, all of us. 163 00:09:43.240 --> 00:09:45.919 I could shout it to you in anger. I could 164 00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:49.039 say it like this, all of sin and all have 165 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:52.639 come short of the glory of God, and you'd go home. 166 00:09:52.639 --> 00:10:01.639 Go Rick yelled at me. I don't like that, okay. 167 00:10:02.279 --> 00:10:05.039 Is that the way Jesus would quote Romans three twenty three, 168 00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:07.320 shouting like you was happy. 169 00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:11.919 Like we're all going to hell in a handbag? It's true? 170 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:14.759 Or I don't think so. I think Jesus would say 171 00:10:14.759 --> 00:10:19.519 it like this kind of matter of factly. I think 172 00:10:19.559 --> 00:10:22.639 he said with a broken heart. I think he would 173 00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:28.320 look out at the world and go, all of sin. 174 00:10:29.320 --> 00:10:35.120 You know, everybody's wanted, everybody's messed up, nobody bats a thousand, 175 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:41.799 We've all sinned, everybody comes short of the glory of God. 176 00:10:42.360 --> 00:10:43.279 I don't measure up. 177 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:47.440 To my own standards much as God's. I think that's 178 00:10:47.480 --> 00:10:52.399 the way he said. You see the difference. See the 179 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:53.240 difference in that. 180 00:10:54.039 --> 00:10:54.320 Now. 181 00:10:54.600 --> 00:10:58.200 The Bible says in Ephesians for twenty nine, do not 182 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:04.639 use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that 183 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:08.000 build up and provide what is needed. That's one of 184 00:11:08.039 --> 00:11:11.440 the greatest verses on parenting you can ever learn. Fact 185 00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:17.879 in your marriage to your center. Your spouse is a center. 186 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:20.799 Two imperfect people cannot make a perfect relationship. So you're 187 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:23.279 gonna have conflict. You are going to fight, You're going 188 00:11:23.320 --> 00:11:26.600 to argue, You're gonna have conflict the rest of your marriage. 189 00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:29.440 Now the question is are you going to fight fair 190 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.080 or not? And what you need to do is you 191 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.320 need to establish some ground rules so you don't destroy 192 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.159 yourselves in the inevitable conflict of life. And you need 193 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:44.960 to take some words that are inflammatory and say, sorry, 194 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:47.840 these are off limits. We're just not going to use 195 00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:53.679 these words. There's certain words that you can use that 196 00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:59.039 trigger your spouse and enrage them. And there's certain words 197 00:11:59.039 --> 00:12:02.279 your spouse uses and you that can trigger you into 198 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:05.720 rage or depression. They need to not use it. You 199 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:08.759 need to take them off and say fighting fair. We're 200 00:12:08.799 --> 00:12:11.679 not gonna use these words in our marriage. One of 201 00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:16.080 them is the threat of divorce. You're not gonna say, well, 202 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:18.519 then we'll get a divorce. You need to take that 203 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:21.559 one off the table. You need to close the escape 204 00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:24.120 patch of your marriage. You need to lock it with 205 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:26.919 the key and throw the keyed away and say, we're 206 00:12:26.919 --> 00:12:31.200 gonna make this marriage work. If it kills us, okay, 207 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:33.399 it may, but it will keep. 208 00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:34.559 You going further. 209 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:41.759 During the Cold War between the communists East and the 210 00:12:41.879 --> 00:12:45.759 capitalist West, between the Soviet Union and its allies and 211 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:48.080 the United States and its allies. Even in the height 212 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:50.519 of the Cold War from the nineteen fifties on about 213 00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:53.440 when the Berlin Wall fell, and I think it was 214 00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:58.159 eighty nine, even in the worst moments of the Cold War, 215 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:03.559 both sides agree that some weapons were off limits. We 216 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:09.320 called them WMD's weapons of mass destruction, and we said 217 00:13:09.519 --> 00:13:10.679 we may fight, we. 218 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:12.840 May argue, we may have conflict, but. 219 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:16.039 We're not going to use the big one. Neither side 220 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:19.679 is going to drop the atomic bomb because of what 221 00:13:19.799 --> 00:13:24.039 was called mad m a D mutually assured destruction, and 222 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:27.679 both the Soviet Union and America and our allies all 223 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:31.519 knew that if one atomic bomb was dropped, it was 224 00:13:31.559 --> 00:13:32.399 over for the world. 225 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:35.039 This was going to destroy the whole place. 226 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:40.440 You need to ban the weapons of mass destruction from 227 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:44.039 your marriage. There are certain words you just need to 228 00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:46.279 those are off limits. We're not going to use them, 229 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:48.120 and you need to make a list of them. And 230 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:50.320 you need to agree and say, we may be so 231 00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:55.559 mad and so upset, but we're just not going to 232 00:13:55.720 --> 00:14:00.720 use these words. Do not use harmful. You need to 233 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:05.639 learn to fight fair. Now that leads me to the 234 00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:10.759 sixth step. Write this down. Fix the problem, not the blame. 235 00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:15.679 This is the sixth key to resolving conflict and restoring 236 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:16.279 a relationship. 237 00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:17.480 Like I said, this is. 238 00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:21.200 Worth thousands of dollars of counseling what I'm giving you. 239 00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:23.639 Fix the problem, not the blame. 240 00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:28.679 You need to learn to attack the issue, not each other. 241 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:32.360 You need to realize that you're both on the same team. 242 00:14:32.879 --> 00:14:37.000 Anytime you're busy fixing the blame, you are wasting energy 243 00:14:37.320 --> 00:14:45.320 not fixing the problem. 244 00:14:45.399 --> 00:14:48.600 Thanks for joining us today. You know we love hearing 245 00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:52.639 how Daily Hope is encouraging people. We receive messages all 246 00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:56.559 the time from listeners and viewers sharing how their faith 247 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:01.759 has grown through our messages, devotionals, and the right now, 248 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:04.080 I'd love for you to hear this quick story about 249 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:06.600 how Daily Hope is making a difference in the lives 250 00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:08.039 of others just like you. 251 00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:12.919 Daily Hope's a daily reminder of God speaking to me 252 00:15:13.320 --> 00:15:16.840 on whatever subject Pastor Rick is talking about that day, 253 00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:20.360 whether it's something that I need to do or something 254 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:22.960 that I need to focus on, or just reminders. Sometimes 255 00:15:23.000 --> 00:15:26.559 they're just the reminders of God's faithfulness to me. And 256 00:15:26.639 --> 00:15:29.559 if I don't start my day that way, my day goes. 257 00:15:29.559 --> 00:15:31.799 We're right in the dumpster. All the little things of 258 00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:34.919 the world just consume me. But if I start it 259 00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:38.120 with Daily Hope and a reminder where I'm a child 260 00:15:38.120 --> 00:15:41.120 of God and where God has me, then I can 261 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:44.600 deal with those things. I'm not going into battle without 262 00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:46.879 the tools that I need to win the battle. There's 263 00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:51.879 times that Daily Hope just prompts me to read it, 264 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:54.360 and then next thing, I'm on the way to work 265 00:15:54.360 --> 00:15:55.960 and God's talking to me, and I put it on 266 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.440 my phone and listen to it going to work, Because 267 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:00.759 sometimes you just need to hear it. You need to 268 00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:02.759 read it, and you need to hear it, and it 269 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.200 just settles into me a little bit better, and eviably, 270 00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:08.120 when I get to work, I have three guys that 271 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:11.039 work for me, and we get into these discussions and 272 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:13.960 I keep telling them, guys. Pastor Rick was talking about 273 00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:15.919 that in Daily Hope this morning. You need to read 274 00:16:16.039 --> 00:16:18.879 Daily Hope every day. You just it needs to be 275 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.039 part of your life every single day. 276 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:26.600 Would you like to sign up for Pastor Rick's email devotional. 277 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:29.759 You can just scan the QR code or go to 278 00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:34.000 dailyhopetv dot com. 279 00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:36.879 Now, God is very very specific about the kind of 280 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:39.240 words that are out of bounce. And you don't say, 281 00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:40.840 but you did this, but you did that, But you 282 00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:42.399 did this, but you did that, but you did this, 283 00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:45.000 but you did that. That blame game is a waste 284 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:50.240 of time. Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem. 285 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:54.399 You got a problem with sex in your marriage. You 286 00:16:54.480 --> 00:16:57.440 got a problem with finances in your marriage. You got 287 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:00.200 a problem with in laws in your marriage. You've got 288 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:02.960 a problem with children in your marriage. You got a 289 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:06.160 problem with work schedule in your marriage. Stop fixing the 290 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:13.759 blame and start fixing the problem. Now, God is very 291 00:17:13.799 --> 00:17:16.200 specific about the kind of words that are out of bounce. 292 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.519 Colossians three eight is just one example. I could give 293 00:17:19.559 --> 00:17:21.160 you dozens. I don't have time to do this. Let 294 00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:25.599 me just give you one. You must rid yourself of 295 00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:29.160 these WMDs, these weapons of mass destruction, of all such 296 00:17:29.240 --> 00:17:37.279 things as these angry rage, malice, slander, and filthy language 297 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:41.480 from your lips. Okay, he says, in your marriage and 298 00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:45.000 in your relationships, no angry rage. In other words, you 299 00:17:45.039 --> 00:17:48.319 should never try to intimidate anybody with anger. You never 300 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:51.839 make threats. That doesn't work. You don't intimidate with anger 301 00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:55.680 and threats. Malice means you say things that are intentionally 302 00:17:55.720 --> 00:18:01.000 designed to hurt, like you're just like your mother, or 303 00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:07.400 you're just like or labeling or belittling or psychologizing. 304 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:10.960 Well, now I know why you did that. No, you don't. 305 00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:13.960 You can't even figure out your own motivation. How in 306 00:18:13.960 --> 00:18:16.279 the world would you figure out the motivation of anybody else. 307 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:19.119 There's no way you can know anybody else with motivation 308 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:20.160 because you don't even know. 309 00:18:20.119 --> 00:18:23.279 Your own half the time. And then no slander. 310 00:18:23.440 --> 00:18:29.599 That means no insults, no insults, no belittling. 311 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:32.759 No labeling. Fix the problem, not the blame. 312 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:37.720 Finally, number seven, the seventh step is focus on reconciliation. 313 00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:47.400 Not resolution. Focus on reconciliation not resolution. There's a big difference. 314 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:54.319 Reconciliation means re establishing the relationship. That's what it means, 315 00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:59.559 re establishing the relationship. We bury the hatchet doesn't mean 316 00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:03.519 we remarry if you're with an ex, it just means 317 00:19:04.279 --> 00:19:06.960 we're at peace with each other. I'm not holding on 318 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:10.839 to any hurt. You're not holding any hurt. It's we 319 00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:16.720 bury the hatchet, reconciliation, re establish relationship. Resolution means we 320 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:21.720 resolve every disagreement, and that ain't going to happen because 321 00:19:21.720 --> 00:19:24.160 the truth is, there's some things in your marriage and 322 00:19:24.279 --> 00:19:26.440 some things in your friendship and with other people you're 323 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:28.880 just never going to agree on because we're all different. 324 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:34.880 But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That's called maturity, 325 00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:39.480 that's called wisdom, that's called Christ's likeness, being like Christ. 326 00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:48.160 To disagree without being disagreeable. We can have unity without uniformity. 327 00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:53.200 We can walk hand in hand together without seeing eye 328 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:55.920 to eye. Can and I don't see et ee on 329 00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.599 a lot of different things, but we walk hand in 330 00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:01.640 hand and we're now coming up this next year will 331 00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:04.839 be our fortieth year of marriage. 332 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:05.519 All right. 333 00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:14.640 You can have reconciliation without resolution. And here's what I've 334 00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:19.920 learned from counseling marriages. If you focus on restoring the relationship, 335 00:20:20.599 --> 00:20:25.799 oftentimes the issue becomes insignificant. How many of your biggest 336 00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:30.720 arguments were over the smallest things and they weren't really 337 00:20:30.799 --> 00:20:34.319 about that. And you need to get back to focusing 338 00:20:34.519 --> 00:20:36.640 on the relationship. Now, let me wrap it up. Here's 339 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.799 my challenge to you, as your pastor who loves you. 340 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:45.319 Our world is filled with conflict. I mean it's just 341 00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:49.559 pick up the newspaper. It's everywhere. And in a world 342 00:20:50.119 --> 00:21:00.400 where there is constant conflict, wars, division, argumentation, stress between people, 343 00:21:00.839 --> 00:21:06.799 where there are prejudices and racism and clashes, where we 344 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:13.880 have everything from violence and tribalism and terrorism and people 345 00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:18.039 getting in each other's face and partisanism and people attacking 346 00:21:18.119 --> 00:21:19.599 each other constantly. 347 00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:20.640 And as a. 348 00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:26.319 Result, we have broken relationships. We have a broken economy, 349 00:21:26.839 --> 00:21:31.839 we have a broken government, we have broken marriages, and 350 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:38.079 we have broken lives and broken hearts. My challenge to 351 00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:45.200 you as your pastor is that you you you will 352 00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:50.559 commit to becoming an agent of reconciliation in a world 353 00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:55.440 filled with conflict, that you will become a bridge builder, 354 00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:59.359 not a wall builder, that you will look for ways 355 00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:03.000 to bring people together rather than tear them up. Let 356 00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:05.079 me show you what the Bible says. Last verse on 357 00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:08.359 the screen two Corinthians five eighteen to twenty says this 358 00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:13.559 God has restored our relationship with him. In other words, 359 00:22:13.640 --> 00:22:18.400 God made us his friends. We were estranged, we were unreconciled. 360 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:23.759 And God has reconciled us to himself through Christ. Jesus 361 00:22:23.799 --> 00:22:27.200 died for our sins, and he says, and now He 362 00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:30.599 has given us this ministry. 363 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:33.400 Of restoring relationships. 364 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:36.519 Your ministry if you are a Christian, if you're a 365 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:38.960 follower of Christ, if you claim to be a man 366 00:22:39.039 --> 00:22:43.279 of God, a woman of God, your ministry is the 367 00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:47.640 ministry of restoring relationships. Your ministry is the ministry of reconciliation. 368 00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:50.440 Your ministry is doing everything I just taught you how 369 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:57.000 to do. God was in Christ restoring his relationship with humanity. 370 00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:00.079 He was reconciling us to himself. 371 00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:00.759 He did not. 372 00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:06.680 Hold people's faults against them, and you shouldn't either. And 373 00:23:06.759 --> 00:23:10.039 He has given us this message. What is the message 374 00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:15.880 the message of restored relationships? To tell others, Jesus Christ 375 00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:18.359 loves you so much. He'd rather die than live without you. 376 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.440 He has broken down the barrier and the wall, and 377 00:23:22.519 --> 00:23:25.319 he wants you to be reconciled to him. God wants 378 00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:28.039 a relationship with you, and then he wants to give 379 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:32.400 you that relationship to others. The message of restored relationships 380 00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:37.640 to tell others, we are Christ representatives. We beg you 381 00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:42.599 on behalf of Christ to become reunited with God. 382 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:44.440 That's what it means to be a witness. 383 00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:47.480 It means to God in society and say, hey, man, 384 00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.880 God's done everything to put you back in fellowship with him. 385 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:55.960 He's already paid for all your sins. You don't have 386 00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:58.359 to be his enemy. He's not mad at you, he's 387 00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:01.920 mad about you. Be reckoned, stiled the God and be 388 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:05.759 at peace with God, and then spread that peace. 389 00:24:05.799 --> 00:24:10.079 With everybody else. And if you do that, the Bible. 390 00:24:09.799 --> 00:24:17.359 Says this, God blesses those. God blesses those who are peacemakers. 391 00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:22.759 They will be called the children of God. It's a 392 00:24:22.759 --> 00:24:31.880 bow our heads. Do you need to plan a peace 393 00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:37.119 conference this week? Do you need to pick up the 394 00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:41.759 phone and a relationship that's been starved or strangled, or 395 00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:47.960 strained or even deeply broken and take these steps. It 396 00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:54.079 takes courage. Tell God, I want to be a peacemaker 397 00:24:54.119 --> 00:24:58.480 this week. I want my prayers answered, I want happiness. 398 00:24:58.799 --> 00:24:59.519 I want to be in. 399 00:24:59.480 --> 00:25:00.400 Fellowship with you. 400 00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:03.799 So I want to restore the relationships that have been broken. 401 00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:07.240