Speaker 1: You are most like Jesus when you're focusing on the
Speaker 1: hurts of somebody else rather than your own. You are
Speaker 1: most like Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of
Speaker 1: somebody else, your child, your wife, your dad, your.
Speaker 2: Client.
Speaker 1: When you're focusing on somebody else's hurts and you steady
Speaker 1: of your own, that's when you're like Jesus. When Jesus
Speaker 1: is on the cross, dying for the sins of all mankind,
Speaker 1: he's not focusing on his pain.
Speaker 2: He's saying, Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing.
Speaker 1: He's still focusing on us, even in the middle of
Speaker 1: his pain. So he says, focus scopos, try to see
Speaker 1: their perspective before you go mouthing off on your hurt,
Speaker 1: your need, those are legitimate, but go ahead and first
Speaker 1: try to focus on their perspective.
Speaker 2: Now, let's just take an example, the people that you
Speaker 2: work with.
Speaker 1: And you have some people who work with, and you
Speaker 1: think that one person, they are so irritating to me.
Speaker 1: I just they every time I get around them, my
Speaker 1: blood starts to boil. I just don't even like being
Speaker 1: around them. And the reason why is you don't scope posts.
Speaker 1: You don't see their circumstance. You don't see their temperament,
Speaker 1: and you don't see their background. The people that you
Speaker 1: work with, the more you understand them, the more patient
Speaker 1: you're going to be. The less you understand the people
Speaker 1: you work with, the more impatient you're gonna be. Why
Speaker 1: because it is human nature when you're working with people
Speaker 1: that you tend we tend to judge how.
Speaker 2: Far people have to go.
Speaker 1: We look at it and go, man, they got a
Speaker 1: long way to go before they start being mature. Instead
Speaker 1: of looking at how far they've come. When you look
Speaker 1: at how far they've come, then you start cutting them
Speaker 1: some slack. And if you scope posts, you actually take
Speaker 1: the time to get to know that jerk and find
Speaker 1: out their temperament, their background, and the things that they're
Speaker 1: going through their pressures, you'd cut them some slack. You go, man,
Speaker 1: If I had a father like that, I'd probably be
Speaker 1: irritating too. If I had gone through all the difficulty
Speaker 1: they went through, if I had experienced that kind of prejudice,
Speaker 1: if I had experienced that kind of bigotry, if I
Speaker 1: had understood the hurt, if I had that hurt in
Speaker 1: my life, I probably wouldn't be as far along as
Speaker 1: they are. Stop looking at how far people have to go,
Speaker 1: and start looking at how far people have come, and
Speaker 1: then you're listening for their hurt and their perspective.
Speaker 2: Now there are two areas.
Speaker 1: The Bible says that you are commanded by God to
Speaker 1: be patient with, to be understanding with, and to be
Speaker 1: considerate of when you're dealing with anybody else. It's in
Speaker 1: Romans chapter fifteen, verse two. We must be considerate of
Speaker 1: the doubts and fears of others.
Speaker 2: Circle doubts and fears.
Speaker 1: Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what
Speaker 1: is for his good and thus build him up in
Speaker 1: the Lord. Anytime somebody does something that you go that
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense, why in the world are they doing that?
Speaker 2: It's almost always a fear.
Speaker 1: And if you just look at their behavior, you're going
Speaker 1: to be quite judgmental. But if you look at their
Speaker 1: fear and you find it out, you're going to be
Speaker 1: a whole lot more understanding. We are to be considerate
Speaker 1: of the doubts and fears of others.
Speaker 2: That'll make you more patient. Here's the problem.
Speaker 1: My fears are perfectly rational and entirely normal. Your fears
Speaker 1: are stupid, they're irrational, they don't make sense.
Speaker 2: Yes, and that's the way we feel my fears.
Speaker 1: There's a legitimate reason why I'm afraid of this, and
Speaker 1: you ought to be afraid too.
Speaker 2: You, on the other hand, your fears nah, and they
Speaker 2: just you just pooh pull them away. Husbands, do you
Speaker 2: pooh pooh the fears of your wife? Honey?
Speaker 1: You shouldn't fear that way. That's very helpful, thank you. Listen,
Speaker 1: all fears are irrational. All fears fears f e A
Speaker 1: R false evidence, appearing real and minor, as irrational as
Speaker 1: yours are. We just have different ways of rationalizing them.
Speaker 1: You know what rationalize means, rational lies. We tell ourselves
Speaker 1: rational lies. He minds are natural, yours are unnatural. Minor
Speaker 1: normal yours are unnormal, minor.
Speaker 2: Legitimate, yours are illegit.
Speaker 1: No, we must be considerate of the doubts and fears
Speaker 1: of each other.
Speaker 2: And when you do that.
Speaker 1: The conflict is to go down in your marriage, and
Speaker 1: the conflict's going to go down with your kids, and
Speaker 1: the conflict's going to go down with the people you
Speaker 1: work with and your customers and your clients. Okay, number five,
Speaker 1: the fifth step, after I've I've admitted my faults, and
Speaker 1: I've listened for your hurts and perspective. Now I speak
Speaker 1: the truth tactfully. Speak the truth tactfully. The truth sets
Speaker 1: you free. But you've got to say it with love.
Speaker 1: You've got to say it with kindness. You've got to
Speaker 1: say it with tact People say, well, I just tell
Speaker 1: it like it is. That's called being rude. Don't be
Speaker 1: proud of that. Don't ever be proud. Well, I just
Speaker 1: tell it like it. It means you're a jerk. It
Speaker 1: means you don't really care about other people. You just
Speaker 1: want to get it off your chest.
Speaker 2: Speak the truth.
Speaker 1: The Bible says this, look up here on the screen
Speaker 1: Phesians four fifteen. Speak the truth what in love? The
Speaker 1: truth is not enough. It's not just what you say,
Speaker 1: it's how you say it. And if you say it offensively,
Speaker 1: it will be received defensively. You must always speak truth
Speaker 1: to your children in love.
Speaker 2: Parents.
Speaker 1: The moment you start yelling at your kids, they're not
Speaker 1: listening to a word you say. All they're hearing is
Speaker 1: the emotion, and they will remember the emotion and will
Speaker 1: not remember the words. It doesn't work. You are never
Speaker 1: persuasive when you are abrasive. Now, the Bible says in
Speaker 1: Proverbs twelve, verse eighteen, reckless words pierce like a sword,
Speaker 1: but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Now, what's
Speaker 1: you say in there in a conflict? Foolish words hurt
Speaker 1: and wise words heal. And it's your choice. You never
Speaker 1: get your point across by being cross. It's all in
Speaker 1: the way you say it. Yesterday I was abducted by
Speaker 1: a group of young men in our church who took
Speaker 1: me to San Diego to Comic Con, and it was
Speaker 1: a blast. I wanted to go as Batman, but Kay
Speaker 1: wouldn't let me. And everybody there were one hundred thousand
Speaker 1: people at Comic Con, and I mean everybody's there. I
Speaker 1: mean all of the superheroes are there, and all the
Speaker 1: great TV shows and all the science fiction and all
Speaker 1: the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Star Wars and
Speaker 1: Star Trek, and one hundred thousand people are at this place,
Speaker 1: and about ten percent of them were dressed up, and
Speaker 1: it was just a lot of fun. But as one
Speaker 1: hundred thousand people are going into the convention center in
Speaker 1: San Diego, there are two guys, obviously Christians, standing there
Speaker 1: with giant yellow signs with frowns on their faces, clearly
Speaker 1: not enjoying it, not saying a word to anybody, just
Speaker 1: standing there looking angry. And they were what I call
Speaker 1: turn or burn, you'll die and fry while we go
Speaker 1: to the sky signs.
Speaker 2: Okay, one of them said repent.
Speaker 1: It was something like repent or go to hell, you know,
Speaker 1: something like that. And the other one said, believe on
Speaker 1: the Lord Jesus Christ and you'll be saved. Now, the
Speaker 1: fact is both of those are true, but they were
Speaker 1: not speaking the truth in love. It's true I do
Speaker 1: need to repent, and it is true I do need
Speaker 1: to accept what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you nobody got saved yesterday from those signs,
Speaker 1: not one single person. Why because they were speaking the truth,
Speaker 1: but they were not speaking the truth in love.
Speaker 2: Does this make sense?
Speaker 1: It's not just what you said, it's how you say it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you watch these preachers on TV, and you know
Speaker 1: they got an anger management issue, and they're not They're
Speaker 1: out of whack with their wife at home, and then
Speaker 1: they're angry at their wife and then they're coming.
Speaker 2: To church every weekend and spiritually.
Speaker 1: Vomiting on everybody else by, and they feel really good,
Speaker 1: But everybody else goes home feel a little sticky.
Speaker 2: You know, I just gotta ugh.
Speaker 1: I mean, you take the truth of God's word, but
Speaker 1: you wrap it in love. For instance, the Bible says
Speaker 1: in Romans three twenty three, all of sinned and fallen
Speaker 1: short of the glory of God. Now, I could teach
Speaker 1: that truth to you two different ways, all of us.
Speaker 1: I could shout it to you in anger. I could
Speaker 1: say it like this, all of sin and all have
Speaker 1: come short of the glory of God, and you'd go home.
Speaker 2: Go Rick yelled at me. I don't like that, okay.
Speaker 1: Is that the way Jesus would quote Romans three twenty three,
Speaker 1: shouting like you was happy.
Speaker 2: Like we're all going to hell in a handbag? It's true?
Speaker 1: Or I don't think so. I think Jesus would say
Speaker 1: it like this kind of matter of factly. I think
Speaker 1: he said with a broken heart. I think he would
Speaker 1: look out at the world and go, all of sin.
Speaker 1: You know, everybody's wanted, everybody's messed up, nobody bats a thousand,
Speaker 1: We've all sinned, everybody comes short of the glory of God.
Speaker 2: I don't measure up.
Speaker 1: To my own standards much as God's. I think that's
Speaker 1: the way he said. You see the difference. See the
Speaker 1: difference in that.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: The Bible says in Ephesians for twenty nine, do not
Speaker 1: use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that
Speaker 1: build up and provide what is needed. That's one of
Speaker 1: the greatest verses on parenting you can ever learn. Fact
Speaker 1: in your marriage to your center. Your spouse is a center.
Speaker 1: Two imperfect people cannot make a perfect relationship. So you're
Speaker 1: gonna have conflict. You are going to fight, You're going
Speaker 1: to argue, You're gonna have conflict the rest of your marriage.
Speaker 1: Now the question is are you going to fight fair
Speaker 1: or not? And what you need to do is you
Speaker 1: need to establish some ground rules so you don't destroy
Speaker 1: yourselves in the inevitable conflict of life. And you need
Speaker 1: to take some words that are inflammatory and say, sorry,
Speaker 1: these are off limits. We're just not going to use
Speaker 1: these words. There's certain words that you can use that
Speaker 1: trigger your spouse and enrage them. And there's certain words
Speaker 1: your spouse uses and you that can trigger you into
Speaker 1: rage or depression. They need to not use it. You
Speaker 1: need to take them off and say fighting fair. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna use these words in our marriage. One of
Speaker 1: them is the threat of divorce. You're not gonna say, well,
Speaker 1: then we'll get a divorce. You need to take that
Speaker 1: one off the table. You need to close the escape
Speaker 1: patch of your marriage. You need to lock it with
Speaker 1: the key and throw the keyed away and say, we're
Speaker 1: gonna make this marriage work. If it kills us, okay,
Speaker 1: it may, but it will keep.
Speaker 2: You going further.
Speaker 1: During the Cold War between the communists East and the
Speaker 1: capitalist West, between the Soviet Union and its allies and
Speaker 1: the United States and its allies. Even in the height
Speaker 1: of the Cold War from the nineteen fifties on about
Speaker 1: when the Berlin Wall fell, and I think it was
Speaker 1: eighty nine, even in the worst moments of the Cold War,
Speaker 1: both sides agree that some weapons were off limits. We
Speaker 1: called them WMD's weapons of mass destruction, and we said
Speaker 1: we may fight, we.
Speaker 2: May argue, we may have conflict, but.
Speaker 1: We're not going to use the big one. Neither side
Speaker 1: is going to drop the atomic bomb because of what
Speaker 1: was called mad m a D mutually assured destruction, and
Speaker 1: both the Soviet Union and America and our allies all
Speaker 1: knew that if one atomic bomb was dropped, it was
Speaker 1: over for the world.
Speaker 2: This was going to destroy the whole place.
Speaker 1: You need to ban the weapons of mass destruction from
Speaker 1: your marriage. There are certain words you just need to
Speaker 1: those are off limits. We're not going to use them,
Speaker 1: and you need to make a list of them. And
Speaker 1: you need to agree and say, we may be so
Speaker 1: mad and so upset, but we're just not going to
Speaker 1: use these words. Do not use harmful. You need to
Speaker 1: learn to fight fair. Now that leads me to the
Speaker 1: sixth step. Write this down. Fix the problem, not the blame.
Speaker 1: This is the sixth key to resolving conflict and restoring
Speaker 1: a relationship.
Speaker 2: Like I said, this is.
Speaker 1: Worth thousands of dollars of counseling what I'm giving you.
Speaker 2: Fix the problem, not the blame.
Speaker 1: You need to learn to attack the issue, not each other.
Speaker 1: You need to realize that you're both on the same team.
Speaker 1: Anytime you're busy fixing the blame, you are wasting energy
Speaker 1: not fixing the problem.
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. You know we love hearing
Speaker 3: how Daily Hope is encouraging people. We receive messages all
Speaker 3: the time from listeners and viewers sharing how their faith
Speaker 3: has grown through our messages, devotionals, and the right now,
Speaker 3: I'd love for you to hear this quick story about
Speaker 3: how Daily Hope is making a difference in the lives
Speaker 3: of others just like you.
Speaker 4: Daily Hope's a daily reminder of God speaking to me
Speaker 4: on whatever subject Pastor Rick is talking about that day,
Speaker 4: whether it's something that I need to do or something
Speaker 4: that I need to focus on, or just reminders. Sometimes
Speaker 4: they're just the reminders of God's faithfulness to me. And
Speaker 4: if I don't start my day that way, my day goes.
Speaker 4: We're right in the dumpster. All the little things of
Speaker 4: the world just consume me. But if I start it
Speaker 4: with Daily Hope and a reminder where I'm a child
Speaker 4: of God and where God has me, then I can
Speaker 4: deal with those things. I'm not going into battle without
Speaker 4: the tools that I need to win the battle. There's
Speaker 4: times that Daily Hope just prompts me to read it,
Speaker 4: and then next thing, I'm on the way to work
Speaker 4: and God's talking to me, and I put it on
Speaker 4: my phone and listen to it going to work, Because
Speaker 4: sometimes you just need to hear it. You need to
Speaker 4: read it, and you need to hear it, and it
Speaker 4: just settles into me a little bit better, and eviably,
Speaker 4: when I get to work, I have three guys that
Speaker 4: work for me, and we get into these discussions and
Speaker 4: I keep telling them, guys. Pastor Rick was talking about
Speaker 4: that in Daily Hope this morning. You need to read
Speaker 4: Daily Hope every day. You just it needs to be
Speaker 4: part of your life every single day.
Speaker 5: Would you like to sign up for Pastor Rick's email devotional.
Speaker 5: You can just scan the QR code or go to
Speaker 5: dailyhopetv dot com.
Speaker 1: Now, God is very very specific about the kind of
Speaker 1: words that are out of bounce. And you don't say,
Speaker 1: but you did this, but you did that, But you
Speaker 1: did this, but you did that, but you did this,
Speaker 1: but you did that. That blame game is a waste
Speaker 1: of time. Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem.
Speaker 1: You got a problem with sex in your marriage. You
Speaker 1: got a problem with finances in your marriage. You got
Speaker 1: a problem with in laws in your marriage. You've got
Speaker 1: a problem with children in your marriage. You got a
Speaker 1: problem with work schedule in your marriage. Stop fixing the
Speaker 1: blame and start fixing the problem. Now, God is very
Speaker 1: specific about the kind of words that are out of bounce.
Speaker 1: Colossians three eight is just one example. I could give
Speaker 1: you dozens. I don't have time to do this. Let
Speaker 1: me just give you one. You must rid yourself of
Speaker 1: these WMDs, these weapons of mass destruction, of all such
Speaker 1: things as these angry rage, malice, slander, and filthy language
Speaker 1: from your lips. Okay, he says, in your marriage and
Speaker 1: in your relationships, no angry rage. In other words, you
Speaker 1: should never try to intimidate anybody with anger. You never
Speaker 1: make threats. That doesn't work. You don't intimidate with anger
Speaker 1: and threats. Malice means you say things that are intentionally
Speaker 1: designed to hurt, like you're just like your mother, or
Speaker 1: you're just like or labeling or belittling or psychologizing.
Speaker 2: Well, now I know why you did that. No, you don't.
Speaker 1: You can't even figure out your own motivation. How in
Speaker 1: the world would you figure out the motivation of anybody else.
Speaker 1: There's no way you can know anybody else with motivation
Speaker 1: because you don't even know.
Speaker 2: Your own half the time. And then no slander.
Speaker 1: That means no insults, no insults, no belittling.
Speaker 2: No labeling. Fix the problem, not the blame.
Speaker 1: Finally, number seven, the seventh step is focus on reconciliation.
Speaker 1: Not resolution. Focus on reconciliation not resolution. There's a big difference.
Speaker 1: Reconciliation means re establishing the relationship. That's what it means,
Speaker 1: re establishing the relationship. We bury the hatchet doesn't mean
Speaker 1: we remarry if you're with an ex, it just means
Speaker 1: we're at peace with each other. I'm not holding on
Speaker 1: to any hurt. You're not holding any hurt. It's we
Speaker 1: bury the hatchet, reconciliation, re establish relationship. Resolution means we
Speaker 1: resolve every disagreement, and that ain't going to happen because
Speaker 1: the truth is, there's some things in your marriage and
Speaker 1: some things in your friendship and with other people you're
Speaker 1: just never going to agree on because we're all different.
Speaker 1: But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That's called maturity,
Speaker 1: that's called wisdom, that's called Christ's likeness, being like Christ.
Speaker 1: To disagree without being disagreeable. We can have unity without uniformity.
Speaker 1: We can walk hand in hand together without seeing eye
Speaker 1: to eye. Can and I don't see et ee on
Speaker 1: a lot of different things, but we walk hand in
Speaker 1: hand and we're now coming up this next year will
Speaker 1: be our fortieth year of marriage.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: You can have reconciliation without resolution. And here's what I've
Speaker 1: learned from counseling marriages. If you focus on restoring the relationship,
Speaker 1: oftentimes the issue becomes insignificant. How many of your biggest
Speaker 1: arguments were over the smallest things and they weren't really
Speaker 1: about that. And you need to get back to focusing
Speaker 1: on the relationship. Now, let me wrap it up. Here's
Speaker 1: my challenge to you, as your pastor who loves you.
Speaker 1: Our world is filled with conflict. I mean it's just
Speaker 1: pick up the newspaper. It's everywhere. And in a world
Speaker 1: where there is constant conflict, wars, division, argumentation, stress between people,
Speaker 1: where there are prejudices and racism and clashes, where we
Speaker 1: have everything from violence and tribalism and terrorism and people
Speaker 1: getting in each other's face and partisanism and people attacking
Speaker 1: each other constantly.
Speaker 2: And as a.
Speaker 1: Result, we have broken relationships. We have a broken economy,
Speaker 1: we have a broken government, we have broken marriages, and
Speaker 1: we have broken lives and broken hearts. My challenge to
Speaker 1: you as your pastor is that you you you will
Speaker 1: commit to becoming an agent of reconciliation in a world
Speaker 1: filled with conflict, that you will become a bridge builder,
Speaker 1: not a wall builder, that you will look for ways
Speaker 1: to bring people together rather than tear them up. Let
Speaker 1: me show you what the Bible says. Last verse on
Speaker 1: the screen two Corinthians five eighteen to twenty says this
Speaker 1: God has restored our relationship with him. In other words,
Speaker 1: God made us his friends. We were estranged, we were unreconciled.
Speaker 1: And God has reconciled us to himself through Christ. Jesus
Speaker 1: died for our sins, and he says, and now He
Speaker 1: has given us this ministry.
Speaker 2: Of restoring relationships.
Speaker 1: Your ministry if you are a Christian, if you're a
Speaker 1: follower of Christ, if you claim to be a man
Speaker 1: of God, a woman of God, your ministry is the
Speaker 1: ministry of restoring relationships. Your ministry is the ministry of reconciliation.
Speaker 1: Your ministry is doing everything I just taught you how
Speaker 1: to do. God was in Christ restoring his relationship with humanity.
Speaker 1: He was reconciling us to himself.
Speaker 2: He did not.
Speaker 1: Hold people's faults against them, and you shouldn't either. And
Speaker 1: He has given us this message. What is the message
Speaker 1: the message of restored relationships? To tell others, Jesus Christ
Speaker 1: loves you so much. He'd rather die than live without you.
Speaker 1: He has broken down the barrier and the wall, and
Speaker 1: he wants you to be reconciled to him. God wants
Speaker 1: a relationship with you, and then he wants to give
Speaker 1: you that relationship to others. The message of restored relationships
Speaker 1: to tell others, we are Christ representatives. We beg you
Speaker 1: on behalf of Christ to become reunited with God.
Speaker 2: That's what it means to be a witness.
Speaker 1: It means to God in society and say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: God's done everything to put you back in fellowship with him.
Speaker 1: He's already paid for all your sins. You don't have
Speaker 1: to be his enemy. He's not mad at you, he's
Speaker 1: mad about you. Be reckoned, stiled the God and be
Speaker 1: at peace with God, and then spread that peace.
Speaker 2: With everybody else. And if you do that, the Bible.
Speaker 1: Says this, God blesses those. God blesses those who are peacemakers.
Speaker 1: They will be called the children of God. It's a
Speaker 1: bow our heads. Do you need to plan a peace
Speaker 1: conference this week? Do you need to pick up the
Speaker 1: phone and a relationship that's been starved or strangled, or
Speaker 1: strained or even deeply broken and take these steps. It
Speaker 1: takes courage. Tell God, I want to be a peacemaker
Speaker 1: this week. I want my prayers answered, I want happiness.
Speaker 1: I want to be in.
Speaker 2: Fellowship with you.
Speaker 1: So I want to restore the relationships that have been broken.
Speaker 2: And God, I'm scared to death. Just tell him that
Speaker 2: help me.
Speaker 1: You need to make a peace plan for your home
Speaker 1: and make a list of the WMDs you go these
Speaker 1: are off limits for us. We just let's agree that
Speaker 1: we're never going to use these words again in our marriage.
Speaker 1: Maybe you've never made peace with God, and if you're
Speaker 1: at war with God and you've never received Jesus Christ
Speaker 1: as your savior, you need the peace of God so
Speaker 1: you can have the peace of God. Say in your heart,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, I admit that I've made many mistakes and
Speaker 1: I need your forgiveness. And the biggest mistake is I've
Speaker 1: tried to run my life without you. I've tried to
Speaker 1: pretend like I was God. And I'm sorry, and I
Speaker 1: humbly ask you, Jesus, to save me, and I ask
Speaker 1: you to come into my life fill me with your
Speaker 1: peace and your love so I can share your peace and.
Speaker 2: Love with others.
Speaker 1: Fathers, Pastor, I pray for these people, these dear people,
Speaker 1: that we would become agents of reconciliation in a world
Speaker 1: of conflict and where there is strife, that we might
Speaker 1: bring peace. And I pray this, giving you the glory
Speaker 1: and asking for you to give us the courage and love.
Speaker 1: I pray this blessing in the name of the Father
Speaker 1: and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2: Amen.