WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:03.120 Welcome to men, sex and tantra. 2 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:06.719 Discover where your parents, porn and religion never taught you 3 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:10.439 about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready 4 00:00:10.439 --> 00:00:17.600 to have your mind blown and your world rocked. Okay, 5 00:00:17.800 --> 00:00:20.559 Sparren is hanging in there. Are You's still here with me? 6 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:24.600 And he's like even clapping his hands. It's like I said, 7 00:00:24.600 --> 00:00:27.280 you just reflected back that this is kind of fun 8 00:00:27.320 --> 00:00:29.879 because you're being able to look at where you've come 9 00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:32.719 from and where you are in this process, and there's 10 00:00:32.759 --> 00:00:35.759 a lot of gold down this. So I appreciate you 11 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:42.159 showing up and doing this. And so let's jump back 12 00:00:42.200 --> 00:00:44.000 and then we're gonna jump forward. So back in the 13 00:00:44.200 --> 00:00:46.840 when I'm like you shall shouldn't do this relationship thing. 14 00:00:47.960 --> 00:00:50.119 And one thing we've learned with Tanya is tinya is 15 00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:51.759 typically right about things. 16 00:00:53.960 --> 00:00:55.039 You have a little bit of experience. 17 00:00:55.079 --> 00:01:00.399 I guess whatever, Yeah, yeah, whatever, Tina, fuck that. Okay, 18 00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:04.120 So you went ahead with this relationship anyway, the one 19 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:05.840 that you know you learned how to say no to 20 00:01:05.879 --> 00:01:10.000 me but not no to ye and tell me what happened. 21 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:14.120 Yeah, you mentioned it like three months in about that 22 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:16.159 she did You didn't use this verbiage right in the beginning. 23 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:17.959 But when I got three months in or so, she's like, 24 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:22.840 this woman has a life raft, and I was like, okay, 25 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:24.400 but I need a life raft right now. So we 26 00:01:24.519 --> 00:01:27.959 kind of negotiated that aspect and U because I was 27 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:29.760 going through so much trauma with the kids, and I 28 00:01:29.799 --> 00:01:32.400 was going just getting used to my new new life, 29 00:01:32.519 --> 00:01:35.480 my new normal, And then I knew it wasn't going 30 00:01:35.560 --> 00:01:37.760 to be a permanent thing for a variety of different reasons. 31 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:39.640 How the woman showed up in the world, and how 32 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:41.920 I was showing up around the woman. Like I was 33 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:44.959 talking earlier about, the best version of myself wasn't being 34 00:01:45.079 --> 00:01:47.200 with her, and so I was not showing up really 35 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:48.599 well when I was around her. And I don't blame 36 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:50.920 her for that. I blame myself for that. And so 37 00:01:51.079 --> 00:01:53.480 it it ultimately ended three and a half years later. 38 00:01:54.840 --> 00:01:57.239 It ended. What's a good way. 39 00:01:57.319 --> 00:01:59.159 It wasn't like nuclear, It didn't go blow up, but 40 00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:02.439 it just ied at some point I deserve better, a 41 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:05.400 better life, a better partner, and this doesn't work for me. 42 00:02:05.439 --> 00:02:07.040 And like I said earlier, if it doesn't work for me, 43 00:02:07.079 --> 00:02:09.479 it doesn't work. The relationship doesn't work. And so I 44 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:11.879 had to end it because I was like, I'm becoming 45 00:02:11.879 --> 00:02:13.919 a worse version of myself. And I wouldn't say I 46 00:02:13.960 --> 00:02:15.479 was going back to where I was, but I was 47 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:18.479 just creating new new trauma kind of loops and new 48 00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:20.280 stupid things that I knew were bad. And I was like, 49 00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:21.719 I'm not keep I'm not going to go down this road. 50 00:02:21.719 --> 00:02:23.439 It worked way too or it on all kinds of 51 00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:25.879 different things over my years, and so I ended it. 52 00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:29.879 And now yeah, I'm solo and for like six months 53 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:32.319 or so, and it's it's been different. It's it's like 54 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:34.879 I love it being quiet, which is that was so 55 00:02:34.919 --> 00:02:37.840 fearful when it first started out, being in a quiet space, 56 00:02:37.879 --> 00:02:40.280 being with my own thoughts on my own head, and 57 00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:41.599 and like right now, I down music on and I 58 00:02:41.639 --> 00:02:44.120 have nothing in the backgrounds. There's no even not a 59 00:02:44.120 --> 00:02:47.479 minor distraction. And it's being quiet and living a new 60 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:49.400 life in my own new skin that I like and 61 00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:52.400 improving every day. It feels like I'm not repairing things anymore. 62 00:02:52.400 --> 00:02:55.319 I'm growing now, which is great. Like that for a while, 63 00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:57.319 and so not having to deal with all these traumas 64 00:02:57.319 --> 00:02:59.039 I've kind of it's like, you know, you're trying to 65 00:02:59.080 --> 00:03:02.000 backpack full all your traumas around, and if you don't 66 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:03.400 let them go, you're going to bring them to the 67 00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:06.599 next relationship, You're going to bring in the next business situation. 68 00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:08.000 And so it's nice to kind. 69 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.400 Of, I think, have the backpack at least a lot lighter, 70 00:03:10.439 --> 00:03:12.280 and now I could start feeling with stuff I love. 71 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:13.719 And that's that's way different from me. 72 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:16.879 Yeah, I like that. I like that you said that 73 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:18.800 that you know, a lot of the times when I'm 74 00:03:18.840 --> 00:03:21.280 working with people, of course they come to me because 75 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:23.759 there's a problem, a challenge, right, and so they come 76 00:03:23.800 --> 00:03:27.479 to me with the challenge, and most stay after the 77 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:30.919 challenge because then, like you said, now it's like the 78 00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:33.599 personal growth work. It's like the challenge is over. How 79 00:03:33.599 --> 00:03:36.360 do I make sure I don't ever do that again? Yeah, 80 00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:38.560 And that was me with you. It's like, look, you 81 00:03:38.599 --> 00:03:40.560 still you haven't cleared this. It's just because you left 82 00:03:40.599 --> 00:03:43.000 doesn't mean you're in a position to be in a 83 00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:45.479 relationship because you're going to fall back into the same 84 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:50.159 pattern for sure, and that's normal. That's what we're gonna 85 00:03:50.280 --> 00:03:54.199 that's what we do because it takes time to rebuild 86 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:56.319 the pattern, and we do it best on our own. 87 00:03:56.439 --> 00:03:59.520 So I would almost tell every single person when you 88 00:03:59.560 --> 00:04:03.400 get out of a relationship, it's best to spend time 89 00:04:03.479 --> 00:04:07.520 on your own so you can without the noise. And 90 00:04:07.520 --> 00:04:10.319 we're talking literally and figuratively. We're talking about like, you know, 91 00:04:10.919 --> 00:04:15.560 without somebody else's influence and dynamic, you can get to 92 00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:19.040 where you need to get faster, because once you layer 93 00:04:19.079 --> 00:04:22.759 a dynamic in there, you're walking into the same patterns. 94 00:04:23.079 --> 00:04:25.600 Chances are the person picked you because you were running 95 00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:28.959 those patterns and that's what they were attracted to. That's 96 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:33.480 the interesting thing. People. We're attracted to people that either 97 00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:36.399 are opposite of our trauma bonds or the same as 98 00:04:36.439 --> 00:04:38.839 our trauma bonds. And a lot of people trauma bond together, 99 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:41.959 especially when they get divorced, and the next person they 100 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:45.120 talk to their like you know, whether that's rebound or whatever. 101 00:04:45.199 --> 00:04:49.279 But so even though yes, you did that, I supported 102 00:04:49.319 --> 00:04:52.399 you through that new relationship. At times, I always know 103 00:04:52.439 --> 00:04:54.920 when something's up it's because you like disappear, you won't talk. 104 00:04:54.759 --> 00:04:58.800 About I think I go quite un meditating a lot 105 00:04:58.879 --> 00:04:59.720 by myself. 106 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:01.759 And he goes so all a sudden, I'm like, huh, 107 00:05:01.800 --> 00:05:04.040 I haven't seen a fair and in a while what's 108 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:09.639 going on, you know, but revisiting like how you how 109 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:12.959 how what was being going on with the treatment, you know, 110 00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:16.120 how things were changing, the patterns you were stepping back into, 111 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:20.240 but you were also challenging those you were doing new things. 112 00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:21.199 Yeah, for sure. 113 00:05:21.240 --> 00:05:22.959 The one great thing is you know we were in 114 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:24.759 we were still in touch, we were still coaching, and 115 00:05:24.759 --> 00:05:27.800 you'd say, this is what's going on. Yeah, I'd say, 116 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:30.240 we'll have this conversation. So you started having to say 117 00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:34.120 no and having difficult and like need conversation. Tell me 118 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:37.800 about that, like actually exploring what your needs were for 119 00:05:37.920 --> 00:05:40.480 the point you didn't even know what needs you had before. 120 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:43.639 Yeah, I needed to survive in the last relationship with 121 00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:46.000 the or my marriage, but this relationship. 122 00:05:46.040 --> 00:05:47.560 Yeah, you're very accurate because. 123 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:50.040 Uh, I told myself and also talking to you, is 124 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:52.240 that if I'm going to go into another relationship, it 125 00:05:52.519 --> 00:05:55.000 cannot be like the last relationship. So the needs, wants, 126 00:05:55.000 --> 00:05:59.839 the desires, anything that that angered me and or emotionally 127 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:01.439 felt just distraught. 128 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:02.240 I guess you could put it. 129 00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:04.639 I was going to address and so I did it 130 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:07.720 with the last girlfriend on multiple occasions. And then at 131 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:10.399 some point when you don't see your partner changing and 132 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:12.319 you need them to change, or you need them to 133 00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:15.199 address certain issues in your relationship. You have to make 134 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:18.000 a decision is more important for my sanity to stay 135 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:21.000 in this relationship and just start to eat shit again 136 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:23.720 or step out of it. And so working with you 137 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:25.800 in that regards to helped me understand that I have 138 00:06:25.879 --> 00:06:28.240 to value myself at a higher level if I want 139 00:06:28.279 --> 00:06:29.959 to be a different version of myself. So that was 140 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:33.839 that was going from the survive perspective to thrive. And 141 00:06:33.879 --> 00:06:37.000 so that's when I started because I knew in that 142 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:41.720 relationship she's a lovely person and still lovely, but I 143 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:44.519 knew that ultimately, unless she did her trauma kind of work, 144 00:06:44.600 --> 00:06:45.519 this is never going to work. 145 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:46.120 And she wasn't. 146 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:49.000 And I was like, Okay, we have stuff that I'm 147 00:06:49.000 --> 00:06:51.079 working on my own. You're not doing anything on your side. 148 00:06:51.079 --> 00:06:53.120 I'm like, this is ultimately going to come to a 149 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:55.160 chasm or fork in the road where I get to 150 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:56.879 I'm probably gonna have to step out of it because 151 00:06:56.920 --> 00:06:59.680 you're not doing your work. And so I wanted to 152 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:01.360 get to a point where I could thrive in life 153 00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:03.319 instead of just survived. And so we kind of put 154 00:07:03.319 --> 00:07:07.240 a pattern a pattern timelines together and frameworks some stuff. 155 00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:10.759 And I had that tough conversation multiple times, but it 156 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:11.439 wasn't working. 157 00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:12.759 And it just wasn't working. 158 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:16.120 If your partner is not working on themselves, when either 159 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:17.600 you're having a conflict with it. 160 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:21.720 And you can't get her to move, it's not going 161 00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:23.199 to work. It's just not going to work. 162 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:25.560 And so that I wanted to I wanted to thrive 163 00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:27.360 in the next you know, thirty forty whatever years I 164 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:27.800 have left. 165 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:31.720 Yeah, So, and I think the big thing was like 166 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:34.959 in the situation right now, you wouldn't actually pick her today, 167 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:37.160 So this would not be somebody that you would pick today. 168 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.160 And so that's that's part of it is when we're 169 00:07:40.199 --> 00:07:44.279 going through big growth and challenges and challenges, the chances are, 170 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:47.079 you know, if we're with somebody, we're going to try 171 00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:50.079 to make them change or that work. Women do this 172 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:52.319 all the time too. Like they get with a guy 173 00:07:52.360 --> 00:07:56.480 and like he thought everything was cool, you know, sitting 174 00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:59.759 drinking bud and his wife, beaters shirt, scratching his balls 175 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:03.000 watching football. We're like thinking, that's like what's going to 176 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:05.199 stay that way? Now all of a sudden, she's getting 177 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:07.319 rid of the chair and the football and the way 178 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:14.160 because women want the man to grow. And so every 179 00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.600 guy who's ever listened to my show knows I adore men, 180 00:08:16.839 --> 00:08:20.399 and I hats off to fucking men who want to 181 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:23.319 grow and do the challenging work. It's not as easy 182 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:25.800 for men as it is for women. Women are kind 183 00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:30.000 of designed and built to grow. Yeah, it's men are 184 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:34.200 more emotionally sensitive. They are not as emotionally resilient. They 185 00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:38.039 tick the hits in their childhood and teenagehood way harder, 186 00:08:38.120 --> 00:08:41.639 carry them way longer than a woman ever will. And 187 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:44.360 from the first disappointment of their mother not smiling at 188 00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:47.200 them to their first rejection in school when they have 189 00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:50.679 a crush on somebody, they wear that for a long time. 190 00:08:51.159 --> 00:08:53.799 And so one of the things that I think it's 191 00:08:53.840 --> 00:08:56.440 important to know that as a man, if you are 192 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.559 embark if you are embarking on self growth, if you're embarking, 193 00:09:00.600 --> 00:09:03.639 I don't know if you're wanting to let go of 194 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:06.200 the trauma and all the things that you were raised with. 195 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:10.039 Mass respect, And I tell women all the time, if 196 00:09:10.039 --> 00:09:12.159 you do, know, you got to respect the shit out 197 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:15.320 of a man who is willing to start changing things 198 00:09:15.399 --> 00:09:17.200 because you're not hired wired to do that. 199 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:20.159 I didn't know there's a difference between male and female 200 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:21.039 and that interesting. 201 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:25.799 Yeah. Absolutely, women are just we're built for potential, raising 202 00:09:25.799 --> 00:09:29.879 potential babies. We're raising kids, seeing potential, raising that potential 203 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:34.799 for loving the messy stuff when it happens, because and 204 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:38.120 more emotionally resilient. The way our hormemonnes are set up 205 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:40.960 and stuff. Men are made to stay the course once 206 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:44.639 they get programmed, they're supposed to stay the course. And 207 00:09:44.679 --> 00:09:47.879 that's so that they could leave and go hunting, gathering, 208 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:50.480 leave people they loved all this stuff. The ability to 209 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:54.559 compartmentalize and disconnect used to be helpful. 210 00:09:55.919 --> 00:09:57.240 Yeah, I could see totally. 211 00:09:57.279 --> 00:09:58.879 I can see that programming the wild kind of the 212 00:09:58.919 --> 00:10:01.960 old operating system we worked off of. Yeah, I can 213 00:10:01.960 --> 00:10:03.320 tell you see that, because you need to be able 214 00:10:03.320 --> 00:10:05.759 to departmentalize it. It's like in times of war, it's 215 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:07.519 like you don't start thinking about you didn't wash the 216 00:10:07.559 --> 00:10:08.639 dishes or something like that. 217 00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:10.960 Tribe or whatever. 218 00:10:11.320 --> 00:10:13.200 Right, you know, in the tribe, it used to be that, 219 00:10:13.399 --> 00:10:16.919 you know, the tribe, women gathered together, women raised babies 220 00:10:16.919 --> 00:10:20.159 and people together. So we had our tribe and we 221 00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:22.960 had nurturing and stuff like that, and then the men 222 00:10:23.000 --> 00:10:25.039 would go to the hunting and different things, unless it 223 00:10:25.080 --> 00:10:27.480 was an Amazonian you know, warrior women, warrior tribe, in 224 00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:30.279 which case it might be different. But you know, so 225 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.559 the ability to leave what you love and leave what 226 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:38.360 you value in order to provide right creates a different 227 00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:38.879 kind of. 228 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:42.120 Programming, biochemical reactions. 229 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:45.600 In your brain exactly, exactly. So you know, men that 230 00:10:45.679 --> 00:10:48.519 listen to this show are trying to learn stuff, whether 231 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:51.480 it's to have better sex, and they One of the 232 00:10:51.480 --> 00:10:54.919 things you realized because we did work on sex stuff too, 233 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:59.080 is that better sex isn't necessarily about techniques. 234 00:10:59.639 --> 00:11:04.799 Yeah, for sure, presence soniques you did teach me that 235 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:06.440 I've used, but yeah. 236 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:07.440 I agree, no it is. 237 00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:10.240 Yeah, you show up more for yourself. How do you 238 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:11.240 think you're a better lover? 239 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:13.000 Yeah, for sure. 240 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:15.240 If you're grounded in your own skin and you're comfortable 241 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.120 in your own your body and your own mind and 242 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:21.000 where your in life and where you're going, it doesn't 243 00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:23.679 actually be become that traumatic either if you have to 244 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:25.320 cut someone out of your life in regards to like 245 00:11:25.320 --> 00:11:28.039 a relationship, either a short term relationship or long term, 246 00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:30.600 because you know who you are, it's huge and I 247 00:11:30.600 --> 00:11:32.840 think women feel that when you're in a bedroom with 248 00:11:32.879 --> 00:11:33.759 them as well. 249 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:35.919 Or even like going to the bar ever, I mean, 250 00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:36.240 hagg it. 251 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:39.559 Okay, I'm relatively good looking guy, but I get picked 252 00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:41.559 up on by women and stuff. It's and it's still, 253 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:46.240 I don't say uncomfortable. It's something that's new for me 254 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:48.200 because I've been single for like thirty years and so 255 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:49.919 it's but I don't think it's as much as my 256 00:11:49.960 --> 00:11:52.279 looks as my presence, because I'm comfortable in my own 257 00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:54.440 skin and I walk in and I show that presence, 258 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:56.559 and you show up differently, and I think you could 259 00:11:56.600 --> 00:11:59.360 take it from the boardroom to the bar, to walk 260 00:11:59.519 --> 00:12:00.000 the bedroom. 261 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:06.000 It's like, yeah, so the ability to handle your nervous 262 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:09.360 system because you've learned emotional regulation, you've learned how to 263 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:14.320 be emotional, not not but in a healthy way, and 264 00:12:14.360 --> 00:12:16.919 then getting rid of the stress and anxiety that you 265 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:21.759 were chronically under and being comfortable like that and also like, yeah, 266 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:24.000 you were new. I love the fact that it's like 267 00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:27.399 women are looking at me, you know, because that wasn't 268 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:30.799 the thing that you're young women. There are young women 269 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:33.759 over here, you know, and you know, I like to 270 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:36.559 get I'm always honest with my male clients when they 271 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.679 start dating and stuff, you know, I'll give them their assessment, 272 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:42.399 you know, because if somebody, if a guy says to me, oh, 273 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:43.799 you know, I'm going to go date and I don't 274 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:46.200 know that anybody's going to look at me if a man, 275 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:49.360 if I'm working with a man who is considered not 276 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:53.360 attractive by most standards, and there's a thing, then I'm like, 277 00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:57.200 you're not leading with that, right, But they they will still, 278 00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:00.600 like you said, the presence trumps it. All women will 279 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:05.360 pick men who are you make them laugh, who are safe, 280 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:12.080 feel safe right, and touch their heart over just a 281 00:13:12.120 --> 00:13:12.559 hot guy. 282 00:13:13.039 --> 00:13:13.399 For sure. 283 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.200 Everybody wants to look at hot Everybody's like, that's just 284 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:19.600 the reality of life, is we all like hot men. 285 00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:22.639 Women are just as visual as men are. Let's just 286 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:26.320 call it what it is, hot as hot and nothing 287 00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:29.679 wrong with that. And if that's the only thing you're 288 00:13:29.960 --> 00:13:34.000 looking at, of course you're leaving a lot on the table. 289 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:37.759 In a way. You also have said that you like 290 00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:39.799 you want to be able to talk to somebody. 291 00:13:40.200 --> 00:13:43.720 M I mean like yeah, yeah, for sure, from from 292 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.320 my intelligence or place chip standpoint or anything. I mean, 293 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:50.120 it's like I think You're right, an attractive woman opens 294 00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:53.039 the door. Literally, I'm like, or figured that we could 295 00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:55.080 say that opens the door to a conversation. But if 296 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:57.480 I get in the room and the conversation is dead, 297 00:13:57.720 --> 00:14:02.960 I'm gone there, yeah, like a barn door, We're brain dead. 298 00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:04.960 I'm just like, I can't know. That's why I can't. 299 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:07.519 I haven't tried to and I won't most likely try to. 300 00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:09.840 But a date younger women like in their twenties, and 301 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:11.559 friends are like, you should go to this bar and 302 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.159 do this, And I was like, what are we going 303 00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:14.679 to talk to a twenty five year old about? 304 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:16.360 She might be a super hot, but what am I 305 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:17.240 going to talk to her about? 306 00:14:17.320 --> 00:14:19.440 I have to So for me, if you want to 307 00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:22.639 put a hierarchy on on females, like they got to 308 00:14:22.679 --> 00:14:24.919 be attractive to a certain respect, but they one or 309 00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:26.279 two points up or down, it's not going to be 310 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:30.080 that variable for me. But the the intelligence, they got 311 00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:31.879 to be intellig I love talking to you, it's just 312 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:33.279 you have to have someone that's intelligent. 313 00:14:33.399 --> 00:14:35.200 And if they're not intelligent, what are you going to do? 314 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:36.440 What do you if you go for a hike with 315 00:14:36.480 --> 00:14:38.279 them and you're like, they're staring at the ground and 316 00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:39.240 eating rocks or something. 317 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:41.720 You're just like they're staring at their ass in front 318 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:43.679 of you. You just keep your keep your. 319 00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:46.840 I mean, sex only lasts so long as a percentage 320 00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:50.120 of the day, and it's like no, no way, no way. 321 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:52.919 But yeah, showing up with a different presence physically, and 322 00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:54.799 I'm in good shape too as well, that's that makes 323 00:14:54.799 --> 00:15:00.240 it more confident inspiring. But it shows up differently for women, sure, 324 00:15:00.279 --> 00:15:01.679 I mean they get way more attracted to it, and 325 00:15:01.720 --> 00:15:03.759 it's surprising because I'm still not used to it. I'm 326 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:06.360 comfortable in my own skin, but I'm not comfortable to 327 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:08.159 the physical intention. 328 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:09.799 Yeah, not used to that. 329 00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:12.080 Yeah, the fact that I told you that women were 330 00:15:12.120 --> 00:15:13.639 going to throw themselves at you as soon as you 331 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:15.320 went out there, and you were like yeah, whatever, and 332 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:21.000 then all of a sudden like oh hey. 333 00:15:18.679 --> 00:15:21.200 What the Yeah, this wasn't like when I was nineteen 334 00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:22.480 and one hundred and seventy pounds. 335 00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:25.600 Yeah. It's a different world out there, for sure about 336 00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:29.960 what we all want, what we're looking for, and with 337 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:35.320 that comes responsibility. Yeah, because you could be the kid 338 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:37.360 in the candy store just like oh they should I 339 00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:39.600 don't really care about any consequence here, I'm just doing 340 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:45.000 everything and yet how would that it would serve your ego? 341 00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:48.919 But how would that serve you in general? Do you 342 00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:50.440 think if that's where you were. 343 00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:53.759 Like transactional kind of sex things? Yeah, I don't know. 344 00:15:54.279 --> 00:15:57.840 This all comes back to for me, I don't the 345 00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.600 transactional sex is fine, but it's I don't like to burking. 346 00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:02.679 I want a steak, so I would sit out for 347 00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:06.440 a state my perception of women, and I'd rather wait 348 00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:09.279 for that steak. But I think this all wraps in 349 00:16:09.399 --> 00:16:11.799 for me thinking about this is like once you learn 350 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:14.279 the kind and what the difference between kind and nice is. 351 00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:16.440 Once you get comfortable in your own skin, once you 352 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:20.480 can calm yourself down, you start showing up differently. And 353 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:23.080 like you said, the girl I just broke up with, 354 00:16:23.240 --> 00:16:25.840 I wouldn't date now because I'm a different person than 355 00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:29.240 when we started. So that's once you start to understand 356 00:16:29.240 --> 00:16:31.320 who you are and how to comfort yourself, you start 357 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:33.519 showing up differently, and different women start showing up in 358 00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:36.080 your life at a most likely a lot higher level 359 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.000 than you've ever had in your past. So that's the 360 00:16:38.039 --> 00:16:41.440 part I don't I know the interior results of how 361 00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.200 I feel and now I'm physically showing up, but I 362 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.200 don't see the exterior results. Meaning now I'm seeing the 363 00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:48.960 women show up, and I'm like and business opportunities. Actually 364 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:52.000 everything's getting a lot better because I know. I know 365 00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:54.639 that I'm showing up different in differently in the world, 366 00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:57.440 and my mindset's different and my habits are different, and 367 00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:58.399 everything's changed. 368 00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:00.000 Because I decided to go down this path. It's not easy, 369 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:02.200 but my life is. 370 00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:03.600 A thousand, a million times better than it was when 371 00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:06.079 I was married, like a million. I can't even measure it. 372 00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:09.680 And so like myself myself, just if I didn't have 373 00:17:09.720 --> 00:17:12.119 the material possessis or women anything, I am a lot 374 00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:12.960 better than. 375 00:17:12.839 --> 00:17:13.720 I was I was married. 376 00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:18.640 So just feeling better, just feeling better about life and yourself. 377 00:17:18.680 --> 00:17:21.480 But so the business part is interesting too, right because 378 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:23.880 if you think about it now, like who you are 379 00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:29.160 and how you have relationships with anybody, anybody, everybody, anybody 380 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:32.440 is different, and so how does that help when it 381 00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:34.680 comes to business? I mean, can you like take a 382 00:17:34.720 --> 00:17:36.640 step out, like what what would that have been like 383 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:37.119 knowing that. 384 00:17:37.079 --> 00:17:39.839 When you first Oh shit, man, like if we'd have 385 00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:41.519 done this, I wish we'd have known each other when 386 00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:43.680 I was like a teenager, after deal with a million 387 00:17:43.720 --> 00:17:45.759 different things I dealt with as a child, and none 388 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.079 wrapping these trauma up things earlier because I would be 389 00:17:48.839 --> 00:17:51.400 man from business perspective, million miles ahead. 390 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:53.079 But from a. 391 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:55.720 Business perspective, you start showing up like present day. You 392 00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.000 start showing up differently. In negotiations, you start showing up 393 00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.880 differently and how people want to put you in partnerships, 394 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.359 Like I had a guy that wanted to I'm trying 395 00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:05.599 to buy self storage companies right now. And this guy's 396 00:18:05.640 --> 00:18:08.000 worth like, let's say, ten million dollars and I'm not 397 00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:10.160 worth ten million, and he's done stuff I've not done, 398 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:11.640 and I really wanted to get in the room with him. 399 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:13.720 So I got in the proverbial room with him to 400 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:17.680 help buy a storage company. And the way he negotiated 401 00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:20.759