Speaker 1: Welcome to men, sex and tantra.
Speaker 2: Discover where your parents, porn and religion never taught you
Speaker 2: about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready
Speaker 2: to have your mind blown and your world rocked. Okay,
Speaker 2: Sparren is hanging in there. Are You's still here with me?
Speaker 2: And he's like even clapping his hands. It's like I said,
Speaker 2: you just reflected back that this is kind of fun
Speaker 2: because you're being able to look at where you've come
Speaker 2: from and where you are in this process, and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of gold down this. So I appreciate you
Speaker 2: showing up and doing this. And so let's jump back
Speaker 2: and then we're gonna jump forward. So back in the
Speaker 2: when I'm like you shall shouldn't do this relationship thing.
Speaker 2: And one thing we've learned with Tanya is tinya is
Speaker 2: typically right about things.
Speaker 1: You have a little bit of experience.
Speaker 2: I guess whatever, Yeah, yeah, whatever, Tina, fuck that. Okay,
Speaker 2: So you went ahead with this relationship anyway, the one
Speaker 2: that you know you learned how to say no to
Speaker 2: me but not no to ye and tell me what happened.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you mentioned it like three months in about that
Speaker 3: she did You didn't use this verbiage right in the beginning.
Speaker 3: But when I got three months in or so, she's like,
Speaker 3: this woman has a life raft, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: but I need a life raft right now. So we
Speaker 3: kind of negotiated that aspect and U because I was
Speaker 3: going through so much trauma with the kids, and I
Speaker 3: was going just getting used to my new new life,
Speaker 3: my new normal, And then I knew it wasn't going
Speaker 3: to be a permanent thing for a variety of different reasons.
Speaker 3: How the woman showed up in the world, and how
Speaker 3: I was showing up around the woman. Like I was
Speaker 3: talking earlier about, the best version of myself wasn't being
Speaker 3: with her, and so I was not showing up really
Speaker 3: well when I was around her. And I don't blame
Speaker 3: her for that. I blame myself for that. And so
Speaker 3: it it ultimately ended three and a half years later.
Speaker 1: It ended. What's a good way.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like nuclear, It didn't go blow up, but
Speaker 3: it just ied at some point I deserve better, a
Speaker 3: better life, a better partner, and this doesn't work for me.
Speaker 3: And like I said earlier, if it doesn't work for me,
Speaker 3: it doesn't work. The relationship doesn't work. And so I
Speaker 3: had to end it because I was like, I'm becoming
Speaker 3: a worse version of myself. And I wouldn't say I
Speaker 3: was going back to where I was, but I was
Speaker 3: just creating new new trauma kind of loops and new
Speaker 3: stupid things that I knew were bad. And I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm not keep I'm not going to go down this road.
Speaker 3: It worked way too or it on all kinds of
Speaker 3: different things over my years, and so I ended it.
Speaker 3: And now yeah, I'm solo and for like six months
Speaker 3: or so, and it's it's been different. It's it's like
Speaker 3: I love it being quiet, which is that was so
Speaker 3: fearful when it first started out, being in a quiet space,
Speaker 3: being with my own thoughts on my own head, and
Speaker 3: and like right now, I down music on and I
Speaker 3: have nothing in the backgrounds. There's no even not a
Speaker 3: minor distraction. And it's being quiet and living a new
Speaker 3: life in my own new skin that I like and
Speaker 3: improving every day. It feels like I'm not repairing things anymore.
Speaker 3: I'm growing now, which is great. Like that for a while,
Speaker 3: and so not having to deal with all these traumas
Speaker 3: I've kind of it's like, you know, you're trying to
Speaker 3: backpack full all your traumas around, and if you don't
Speaker 3: let them go, you're going to bring them to the
Speaker 3: next relationship, You're going to bring in the next business situation.
Speaker 1: And so it's nice to kind.
Speaker 3: Of, I think, have the backpack at least a lot lighter,
Speaker 3: and now I could start feeling with stuff I love.
Speaker 1: And that's that's way different from me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. I like that you said that
Speaker 2: that you know, a lot of the times when I'm
Speaker 2: working with people, of course they come to me because
Speaker 2: there's a problem, a challenge, right, and so they come
Speaker 2: to me with the challenge, and most stay after the
Speaker 2: challenge because then, like you said, now it's like the
Speaker 2: personal growth work. It's like the challenge is over. How
Speaker 2: do I make sure I don't ever do that again? Yeah,
Speaker 2: And that was me with you. It's like, look, you
Speaker 2: still you haven't cleared this. It's just because you left
Speaker 2: doesn't mean you're in a position to be in a
Speaker 2: relationship because you're going to fall back into the same
Speaker 2: pattern for sure, and that's normal. That's what we're gonna
Speaker 2: that's what we do because it takes time to rebuild
Speaker 2: the pattern, and we do it best on our own.
Speaker 2: So I would almost tell every single person when you
Speaker 2: get out of a relationship, it's best to spend time
Speaker 2: on your own so you can without the noise. And
Speaker 2: we're talking literally and figuratively. We're talking about like, you know,
Speaker 2: without somebody else's influence and dynamic, you can get to
Speaker 2: where you need to get faster, because once you layer
Speaker 2: a dynamic in there, you're walking into the same patterns.
Speaker 2: Chances are the person picked you because you were running
Speaker 2: those patterns and that's what they were attracted to. That's
Speaker 2: the interesting thing. People. We're attracted to people that either
Speaker 2: are opposite of our trauma bonds or the same as
Speaker 2: our trauma bonds. And a lot of people trauma bond together,
Speaker 2: especially when they get divorced, and the next person they
Speaker 2: talk to their like you know, whether that's rebound or whatever.
Speaker 2: But so even though yes, you did that, I supported
Speaker 2: you through that new relationship. At times, I always know
Speaker 2: when something's up it's because you like disappear, you won't talk.
Speaker 1: About I think I go quite un meditating a lot
Speaker 1: by myself.
Speaker 2: And he goes so all a sudden, I'm like, huh,
Speaker 2: I haven't seen a fair and in a while what's
Speaker 2: going on, you know, but revisiting like how you how
Speaker 2: how what was being going on with the treatment, you know,
Speaker 2: how things were changing, the patterns you were stepping back into,
Speaker 2: but you were also challenging those you were doing new things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: The one great thing is you know we were in
Speaker 2: we were still in touch, we were still coaching, and
Speaker 2: you'd say, this is what's going on. Yeah, I'd say,
Speaker 2: we'll have this conversation. So you started having to say
Speaker 2: no and having difficult and like need conversation. Tell me
Speaker 2: about that, like actually exploring what your needs were for
Speaker 2: the point you didn't even know what needs you had before.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I needed to survive in the last relationship with
Speaker 3: the or my marriage, but this relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're very accurate because.
Speaker 3: Uh, I told myself and also talking to you, is
Speaker 3: that if I'm going to go into another relationship, it
Speaker 3: cannot be like the last relationship. So the needs, wants,
Speaker 3: the desires, anything that that angered me and or emotionally
Speaker 3: felt just distraught.
Speaker 1: I guess you could put it.
Speaker 3: I was going to address and so I did it
Speaker 3: with the last girlfriend on multiple occasions. And then at
Speaker 3: some point when you don't see your partner changing and
Speaker 3: you need them to change, or you need them to
Speaker 3: address certain issues in your relationship. You have to make
Speaker 3: a decision is more important for my sanity to stay
Speaker 3: in this relationship and just start to eat shit again
Speaker 3: or step out of it. And so working with you
Speaker 3: in that regards to helped me understand that I have
Speaker 3: to value myself at a higher level if I want
Speaker 3: to be a different version of myself. So that was
Speaker 3: that was going from the survive perspective to thrive. And
Speaker 3: so that's when I started because I knew in that
Speaker 3: relationship she's a lovely person and still lovely, but I
Speaker 3: knew that ultimately, unless she did her trauma kind of work,
Speaker 3: this is never going to work.
Speaker 1: And she wasn't.
Speaker 3: And I was like, Okay, we have stuff that I'm
Speaker 3: working on my own. You're not doing anything on your side.
Speaker 3: I'm like, this is ultimately going to come to a
Speaker 3: chasm or fork in the road where I get to
Speaker 3: I'm probably gonna have to step out of it because
Speaker 3: you're not doing your work. And so I wanted to
Speaker 3: get to a point where I could thrive in life
Speaker 3: instead of just survived. And so we kind of put
Speaker 3: a pattern a pattern timelines together and frameworks some stuff.
Speaker 3: And I had that tough conversation multiple times, but it
Speaker 3: wasn't working.
Speaker 1: And it just wasn't working.
Speaker 3: If your partner is not working on themselves, when either
Speaker 3: you're having a conflict with it.
Speaker 1: And you can't get her to move, it's not going
Speaker 1: to work. It's just not going to work.
Speaker 3: And so that I wanted to I wanted to thrive
Speaker 3: in the next you know, thirty forty whatever years I
Speaker 3: have left.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, and I think the big thing was like
Speaker 2: in the situation right now, you wouldn't actually pick her today,
Speaker 2: So this would not be somebody that you would pick today.
Speaker 2: And so that's that's part of it is when we're
Speaker 2: going through big growth and challenges and challenges, the chances are,
Speaker 2: you know, if we're with somebody, we're going to try
Speaker 2: to make them change or that work. Women do this
Speaker 2: all the time too. Like they get with a guy
Speaker 2: and like he thought everything was cool, you know, sitting
Speaker 2: drinking bud and his wife, beaters shirt, scratching his balls
Speaker 2: watching football. We're like thinking, that's like what's going to
Speaker 2: stay that way? Now all of a sudden, she's getting
Speaker 2: rid of the chair and the football and the way
Speaker 2: because women want the man to grow. And so every
Speaker 2: guy who's ever listened to my show knows I adore men,
Speaker 2: and I hats off to fucking men who want to
Speaker 2: grow and do the challenging work. It's not as easy
Speaker 2: for men as it is for women. Women are kind
Speaker 2: of designed and built to grow. Yeah, it's men are
Speaker 2: more emotionally sensitive. They are not as emotionally resilient. They
Speaker 2: tick the hits in their childhood and teenagehood way harder,
Speaker 2: carry them way longer than a woman ever will. And
Speaker 2: from the first disappointment of their mother not smiling at
Speaker 2: them to their first rejection in school when they have
Speaker 2: a crush on somebody, they wear that for a long time.
Speaker 2: And so one of the things that I think it's
Speaker 2: important to know that as a man, if you are
Speaker 2: embark if you are embarking on self growth, if you're embarking,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you're wanting to let go of
Speaker 2: the trauma and all the things that you were raised with.
Speaker 2: Mass respect, And I tell women all the time, if
Speaker 2: you do, know, you got to respect the shit out
Speaker 2: of a man who is willing to start changing things
Speaker 2: because you're not hired wired to do that.
Speaker 1: I didn't know there's a difference between male and female
Speaker 1: and that interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, women are just we're built for potential, raising
Speaker 2: potential babies. We're raising kids, seeing potential, raising that potential
Speaker 2: for loving the messy stuff when it happens, because and
Speaker 2: more emotionally resilient. The way our hormemonnes are set up
Speaker 2: and stuff. Men are made to stay the course once
Speaker 2: they get programmed, they're supposed to stay the course. And
Speaker 2: that's so that they could leave and go hunting, gathering,
Speaker 2: leave people they loved all this stuff. The ability to
Speaker 2: compartmentalize and disconnect used to be helpful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see totally.
Speaker 3: I can see that programming the wild kind of the
Speaker 3: old operating system we worked off of. Yeah, I can
Speaker 3: tell you see that, because you need to be able
Speaker 3: to departmentalize it. It's like in times of war, it's
Speaker 3: like you don't start thinking about you didn't wash the
Speaker 3: dishes or something like that.
Speaker 1: Tribe or whatever.
Speaker 2: Right, you know, in the tribe, it used to be that,
Speaker 2: you know, the tribe, women gathered together, women raised babies
Speaker 2: and people together. So we had our tribe and we
Speaker 2: had nurturing and stuff like that, and then the men
Speaker 2: would go to the hunting and different things, unless it
Speaker 2: was an Amazonian you know, warrior women, warrior tribe, in
Speaker 2: which case it might be different. But you know, so
Speaker 2: the ability to leave what you love and leave what
Speaker 2: you value in order to provide right creates a different
Speaker 2: kind of.
Speaker 1: Programming, biochemical reactions.
Speaker 2: In your brain exactly, exactly. So you know, men that
Speaker 2: listen to this show are trying to learn stuff, whether
Speaker 2: it's to have better sex, and they One of the
Speaker 2: things you realized because we did work on sex stuff too,
Speaker 2: is that better sex isn't necessarily about techniques.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, presence soniques you did teach me that
Speaker 3: I've used, but yeah.
Speaker 1: I agree, no it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you show up more for yourself. How do you
Speaker 2: think you're a better lover?
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3: If you're grounded in your own skin and you're comfortable
Speaker 3: in your own your body and your own mind and
Speaker 3: where your in life and where you're going, it doesn't
Speaker 3: actually be become that traumatic either if you have to
Speaker 3: cut someone out of your life in regards to like
Speaker 3: a relationship, either a short term relationship or long term,
Speaker 3: because you know who you are, it's huge and I
Speaker 3: think women feel that when you're in a bedroom with
Speaker 3: them as well.
Speaker 1: Or even like going to the bar ever, I mean,
Speaker 1: hagg it.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm relatively good looking guy, but I get picked
Speaker 3: up on by women and stuff. It's and it's still,
Speaker 3: I don't say uncomfortable. It's something that's new for me
Speaker 3: because I've been single for like thirty years and so
Speaker 3: it's but I don't think it's as much as my
Speaker 3: looks as my presence, because I'm comfortable in my own
Speaker 3: skin and I walk in and I show that presence,
Speaker 3: and you show up differently, and I think you could
Speaker 3: take it from the boardroom to the bar, to walk
Speaker 3: the bedroom.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, so the ability to handle your nervous
Speaker 2: system because you've learned emotional regulation, you've learned how to
Speaker 2: be emotional, not not but in a healthy way, and
Speaker 2: then getting rid of the stress and anxiety that you
Speaker 2: were chronically under and being comfortable like that and also like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you were new. I love the fact that it's like
Speaker 2: women are looking at me, you know, because that wasn't
Speaker 2: the thing that you're young women. There are young women
Speaker 2: over here, you know, and you know, I like to
Speaker 2: get I'm always honest with my male clients when they
Speaker 2: start dating and stuff, you know, I'll give them their assessment,
Speaker 2: you know, because if somebody, if a guy says to me, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm going to go date and I don't
Speaker 2: know that anybody's going to look at me if a man,
Speaker 2: if I'm working with a man who is considered not
Speaker 2: attractive by most standards, and there's a thing, then I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're not leading with that, right, But they they will still,
Speaker 2: like you said, the presence trumps it. All women will
Speaker 2: pick men who are you make them laugh, who are safe,
Speaker 2: feel safe right, and touch their heart over just a
Speaker 2: hot guy.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 2: Everybody wants to look at hot Everybody's like, that's just
Speaker 2: the reality of life, is we all like hot men.
Speaker 2: Women are just as visual as men are. Let's just
Speaker 2: call it what it is, hot as hot and nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with that. And if that's the only thing you're
Speaker 2: looking at, of course you're leaving a lot on the table.
Speaker 2: In a way. You also have said that you like
Speaker 2: you want to be able to talk to somebody.
Speaker 3: M I mean like yeah, yeah, for sure, from from
Speaker 3: my intelligence or place chip standpoint or anything. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's like I think You're right, an attractive woman opens
Speaker 3: the door. Literally, I'm like, or figured that we could
Speaker 3: say that opens the door to a conversation. But if
Speaker 3: I get in the room and the conversation is dead,
Speaker 3: I'm gone there, yeah, like a barn door, We're brain dead.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I can't know. That's why I can't.
Speaker 3: I haven't tried to and I won't most likely try to.
Speaker 3: But a date younger women like in their twenties, and
Speaker 3: friends are like, you should go to this bar and
Speaker 3: do this, And I was like, what are we going
Speaker 3: to talk to a twenty five year old about?
Speaker 1: She might be a super hot, but what am I
Speaker 1: going to talk to her about?
Speaker 3: I have to So for me, if you want to
Speaker 3: put a hierarchy on on females, like they got to
Speaker 3: be attractive to a certain respect, but they one or
Speaker 3: two points up or down, it's not going to be
Speaker 3: that variable for me. But the the intelligence, they got
Speaker 3: to be intellig I love talking to you, it's just
Speaker 3: you have to have someone that's intelligent.
Speaker 1: And if they're not intelligent, what are you going to do?
Speaker 1: What do you if you go for a hike with
Speaker 1: them and you're like, they're staring at the ground and
Speaker 1: eating rocks or something.
Speaker 2: You're just like they're staring at their ass in front
Speaker 2: of you. You just keep your keep your.
Speaker 1: I mean, sex only lasts so long as a percentage
Speaker 1: of the day, and it's like no, no way, no way.
Speaker 3: But yeah, showing up with a different presence physically, and
Speaker 3: I'm in good shape too as well, that's that makes
Speaker 3: it more confident inspiring. But it shows up differently for women, sure,
Speaker 3: I mean they get way more attracted to it, and
Speaker 3: it's surprising because I'm still not used to it. I'm
Speaker 3: comfortable in my own skin, but I'm not comfortable to
Speaker 3: the physical intention.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not used to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the fact that I told you that women were
Speaker 2: going to throw themselves at you as soon as you
Speaker 2: went out there, and you were like yeah, whatever, and
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden like oh hey.
Speaker 1: What the Yeah, this wasn't like when I was nineteen
Speaker 1: and one hundred and seventy pounds.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's a different world out there, for sure about
Speaker 2: what we all want, what we're looking for, and with
Speaker 2: that comes responsibility. Yeah, because you could be the kid
Speaker 2: in the candy store just like oh they should I
Speaker 2: don't really care about any consequence here, I'm just doing
Speaker 2: everything and yet how would that it would serve your ego?
Speaker 2: But how would that serve you in general? Do you
Speaker 2: think if that's where you were.
Speaker 1: Like transactional kind of sex things? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: This all comes back to for me, I don't the
Speaker 3: transactional sex is fine, but it's I don't like to burking.
Speaker 3: I want a steak, so I would sit out for
Speaker 3: a state my perception of women, and I'd rather wait
Speaker 3: for that steak. But I think this all wraps in
Speaker 3: for me thinking about this is like once you learn
Speaker 3: the kind and what the difference between kind and nice is.
Speaker 3: Once you get comfortable in your own skin, once you
Speaker 3: can calm yourself down, you start showing up differently. And
Speaker 3: like you said, the girl I just broke up with,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't date now because I'm a different person than
Speaker 3: when we started. So that's once you start to understand
Speaker 3: who you are and how to comfort yourself, you start
Speaker 3: showing up differently, and different women start showing up in
Speaker 3: your life at a most likely a lot higher level
Speaker 3: than you've ever had in your past. So that's the
Speaker 3: part I don't I know the interior results of how
Speaker 3: I feel and now I'm physically showing up, but I
Speaker 3: don't see the exterior results. Meaning now I'm seeing the
Speaker 3: women show up, and I'm like and business opportunities. Actually
Speaker 3: everything's getting a lot better because I know. I know
Speaker 3: that I'm showing up different in differently in the world,
Speaker 3: and my mindset's different and my habits are different, and
Speaker 3: everything's changed.
Speaker 1: Because I decided to go down this path. It's not easy,
Speaker 1: but my life is.
Speaker 3: A thousand, a million times better than it was when
Speaker 3: I was married, like a million. I can't even measure it.
Speaker 3: And so like myself myself, just if I didn't have
Speaker 3: the material possessis or women anything, I am a lot
Speaker 3: better than.
Speaker 1: I was I was married.
Speaker 2: So just feeling better, just feeling better about life and yourself.
Speaker 2: But so the business part is interesting too, right because
Speaker 2: if you think about it now, like who you are
Speaker 2: and how you have relationships with anybody, anybody, everybody, anybody
Speaker 2: is different, and so how does that help when it
Speaker 2: comes to business? I mean, can you like take a
Speaker 2: step out, like what what would that have been like
Speaker 2: knowing that.
Speaker 3: When you first Oh shit, man, like if we'd have
Speaker 3: done this, I wish we'd have known each other when
Speaker 3: I was like a teenager, after deal with a million
Speaker 3: different things I dealt with as a child, and none
Speaker 3: wrapping these trauma up things earlier because I would be
Speaker 3: man from business perspective, million miles ahead.
Speaker 1: But from a.
Speaker 3: Business perspective, you start showing up like present day. You
Speaker 3: start showing up differently. In negotiations, you start showing up
Speaker 3: differently and how people want to put you in partnerships,
Speaker 3: Like I had a guy that wanted to I'm trying
Speaker 3: to buy self storage companies right now. And this guy's
Speaker 3: worth like, let's say, ten million dollars and I'm not
Speaker 3: worth ten million, and he's done stuff I've not done,
Speaker 3: and I really wanted to get in the room with him.
Speaker 3: So I got in the proverbial room with him to
Speaker 3: help buy a storage company. And the way he negotiated
Speaker 3: it was not advantageous for me. But in the past
Speaker 3: I would have sacrificed and literally eaten shit because I
Speaker 3: wanted to learn. But now I'm like, no way. I
Speaker 3: know my value, I know my strengths, and I know
Speaker 3: there's more opportunities. It's like when you're in a relationship
Speaker 3: like the girl I just broke up with I thought
Speaker 3: there was only one woman, you know, that was going
Speaker 3: to love me, because I just went from a terrible relationship.
Speaker 3: So you start taking these things you learned in an
Speaker 3: intimate relationship and applying in the business and knowing that
Speaker 3: there's always another business opportunity, there's always another relationship. If
Speaker 3: this doesn't fit me, it doesn't fit me, and go
Speaker 3: to the next one. And so I showed up differently,
Speaker 3: and I look at business opportunities differently because I don't
Speaker 3: feel a sense of scarcity. I know there's a lot,
Speaker 3: there's a plethora of stuff out there's a plethoro of
Speaker 3: women out there. This woman doesn't work, or this business
Speaker 3: doesn't work. It doesn't work, so move on to the
Speaker 3: next one. Because it's like, what was the guy I
Speaker 3: can't remember his name, the Virgin Airlines, rich Richard Branson,
Speaker 3: and he says, like businesses are business opportunities. Like buses.
Speaker 3: You know one will leave and one will definitely be
Speaker 3: coming right down right around the corners. Just sit and
Speaker 3: wait for the next one. And so it's same with
Speaker 3: women and same with business, and same with everything. There's
Speaker 3: always another opportunity, but your time is not You don't
Speaker 3: know how much more time. So sitting around and waiting
Speaker 3: for the perfect opportunity to get out of a situation
Speaker 3: doesn't work. It's not it's not healthy. It's not healthy
Speaker 3: to step into it. You have to step into the pain.
Speaker 3: It's not it's not fun like you're saying it's I
Speaker 3: didn't know there's a difference between men and women.
Speaker 1: But the the it was hard. It's super hard. But
Speaker 1: I mean the better you get it doing the harder things,
Speaker 1: the better your life is going to be.
Speaker 2: Well. I think one of the things that has always
Speaker 2: worked well for me in life is that I'm not
Speaker 2: afraid of being uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: You know if it's my own discomfort, or you know
Speaker 2: that I've got to say something to somebody else that's
Speaker 2: going to be on comfortable or whatever, until like, I
Speaker 2: just got to experience discomfort that I haven't experienced in
Speaker 2: a long long time. I don't know if you I've
Speaker 2: said this on the Lap with the last guest, but
Speaker 2: I one of my goals this year was to make
Speaker 2: a music album.
Speaker 1: Okay you mentioned that your last time, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Exactly, And I just shared my the first song I
Speaker 2: created out into the few people, and it scared the
Speaker 2: fuck out of me. I was so surprised. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you. I like, oh my god, I
Speaker 2: don't what if I have not had that feeling about anything,
Speaker 2: you know, when I put out books or i'm speeches
Speaker 2: or whatever the hell I'm doing, I'm just hear it whatever.
Speaker 2: And so it's been a while since I which I
Speaker 2: was like curious, like what does this mean? Why am I?
Speaker 2: That was so an interesting, like fascinating. But that makes
Speaker 2: me that.
Speaker 3: They call that growth in my industry. You see, that's
Speaker 3: what an opportunity growing is. And I'm just glad you're
Speaker 3: on your podcast to talk about.
Speaker 2: God, you know what, Thank you, Sar. And I don't
Speaker 2: I think you're the way you're laying that out for me.
Speaker 2: You're laying that down for me is something that I
Speaker 2: find really growth. So I should probably write that. Should
Speaker 2: I put that in my notebook?
Speaker 1: There's something l seventeen letters.
Speaker 2: It's going to grow awesome, And so that growth thing,
Speaker 2: what should I do? Tell me? Give me some tangible steps,
Speaker 2: because this is how we're going to end this, So
Speaker 2: give me.
Speaker 1: I should have not opened my mouth. That's what happens.
Speaker 2: Lean into the uncomfort the discomfort that I'm feeling for growth,
Speaker 2: What should I do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's great, you get comfortable getting uncomfortable about what
Speaker 3: I do. If I was in your shoes, I would
Speaker 3: write down the emotional what your emotional feeling right then
Speaker 3: and kind of sit with that and be like, why
Speaker 3: is this feeling?
Speaker 1: Is it excitement? Is it fear? Is it anxiety?
Speaker 3: And kind of sit with each one of those words,
Speaker 3: and is it something from the past or is it
Speaker 3: something that's exciting you because an opportunity to grow there
Speaker 3: and that that's just because I'm thinking about same thing,
Speaker 3: which is I want to do a five minute stand
Speaker 3: up comedy thing and I haven't set it out yet.
Speaker 3: I'm like, or it, So I'm like and I'm super sarcastic,
Speaker 3: so I don't think it'll be hard. But it's one
Speaker 3: of those things where my stomach goes, oh shit, Like
Speaker 3: buying self storage doesn't do that, Buying companies, building these
Speaker 3: other properties I'm building.
Speaker 1: And dating, none of that gets me scared per se,
Speaker 1: but this kind of gets me like.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that I bombed my first comedy to
Speaker 2: be fucking hard and you know how funny I am?
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: Shit bomb the fuck out of it. It was devastating,
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna do it again. I have a friend
Speaker 2: who does stand up when I've worked on a three
Speaker 2: minute stet, so we'll we'll have to have some fun together. Okay,
Speaker 2: lean into this, guys. You got to lean into the discomfort,
Speaker 2: whether it's your emotion, something you're avoiding, whatever it is,
Speaker 2: and you'll find out that people who are successful, like Farrien,
Speaker 2: I would put him in success category for sure myself.
Speaker 2: People that are successful learn how to deal with their
Speaker 2: emotion a landscape, and their ability to feel the feelings
Speaker 2: that are scary and uncomfortable instead of distract from them.
Speaker 2: Instead of you know, run from them, avoid them whatever
Speaker 2: the hell is happening here, you learn to lean into
Speaker 2: it because you figure out that even though it feels
Speaker 2: like it might kill you. And I know that most
Speaker 2: men I've talked to, and I'm talking about like X
Speaker 2: you know, special ops, marine guys and all sorts of
Speaker 2: things are scared that when they break open that feeling,
Speaker 2: it'll never stop and they'll be devastated by that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, especially if you're going about with the wrong
Speaker 1: person or wrong partner.
Speaker 2: It's very challenging, absolutely and it's not that people won't
Speaker 2: take advantage of that. Yes, can you be emasculated by
Speaker 2: somebody 'or with when they ask you to show up
Speaker 2: emotionally and you do and they're toxic and don't know
Speaker 2: how to handle it. Yes, that's horrible. You should hear
Speaker 2: what I tell women that do that to men. If
Speaker 2: you want to hear me tough with man, you should
Speaker 2: hear what I am with women who know better. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: The women are always like, oh, we're couples with Tanya,
Speaker 2: she's gonna like and then I look at the woman
Speaker 2: and I'm like, that ship's got to stop now, and
Speaker 2: she's like, wait, hold up, the guys'll be me. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So women have more ability to handle more stuff. So
Speaker 2: I make women way more accountable and a lot of
Speaker 2: the ship that's going on. And uh, but yes, the
Speaker 2: it's always going to be about not distraction. It's always
Speaker 2: going to be about showing up for what's actually really
Speaker 2: happening inside of you. And if you don't feel anything,
Speaker 2: you're not alone. It's not that you're stoic or devoid
Speaker 2: of those feelings. Is you've become really good at distracting
Speaker 2: your self. Thanks Baron, I really appreciate being on.
Speaker 3: You're awesome, always fun, Tanya, thank you for the Opportunity's
Speaker 3: fun to chat with the funnesty of your smile and face.
Speaker 1: I know nobody else gets to see it right now,
Speaker 1: but whatever, it's good time. I appreciate it
Speaker 2: And gentlemen, we'll be back.