Speaker 1: You can hear our programming on speaker dot Com, Spotify, iHeartRadio,
Google podcast, Castbox, dot Fm, Deezer, podcast Addict, and Podchaser. No.
I swear I will sound proof it down there as always.
Thank you for listening to the P three podcast Network.
Speaker 2: I perfectly that.
Speaker 1: You have a thing to do, you have a tradition
to fulfill.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm like, wait, what are we waiting for?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so fortune of the day is give to
the world the best you have and the best will
come back to you.
Speaker 2: So that means this episode needs to be good as shit.
That's the gayest thing I do, and I'm bisexual.
Speaker 4: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, everybody to Dungeon three Theater tonight. Once again,
you have joined us for an episode of Mommy's and
Monsters Mother Knows Best, which wasn't supposed to be a.
Speaker 1: Monster fucker podcast, but somebody decided to instantly fuck that
up and episode one.
Speaker 5: You me.
Speaker 6: I have.
Speaker 2: It's not your fault, you're whitely.
Speaker 1: I of course, am the one and only Babo, the
P three networks hardest working d M and I am
joined by two humanoids, a floppy egg white, a leather
jacket and a feral beast. I mean that's who you
said you were.
Speaker 2: I forgot that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, two humanoids floppy egg white, a leather jacket,
and a far beast. So first and foremost, go ahead, introduce.
You got to introduce yourself. I'm Weed a mom fact.
Let's do this.
Speaker 2: I'm Princess Ivy.
Speaker 6: I play Jasper Fern, the druid of our girl, and
my mom fact is lots of people give her crap
about it, but she really, really really loves the smell
of petuli.
Speaker 2: What patuli? That hippie smell.
Speaker 6: And react, But Jasper really loves the smell of petuli,
and her house smells like petuli.
Speaker 2: It gives her. It gets to her some crap from people,
but she doesn't care. Hi, I'm Moody. I play Ellen.
Speaker 5: Reeves, and my mom fact for the day is that
Ellen has only lost two fights in her life, but
if you ask her the first one, didn't know.
Speaker 2: Why. Maybe she'll get into that at some point.
Speaker 3: That's a later fact. Hello, I am Salmon. I am
playing Anna Jones. I had Moody help me pick my
mom fact of the day. And Anna had did a
lot of odd jobs during high school and college, Okay,
my mom, Liz.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, so bad at this.
Speaker 1: Okay, I will go over as many, don't worry about it.
Speaker 7: Okay, So I'm Liz and I play Violet Charny. And
my mom fact of the day is when she was
in her younger twenties, she practiced being a dominatrix and
horribly failed at it, so she decided it was not
for her.
Speaker 2: And yeah, Brade is just big picturing failing dominate drix.
Imagine me killing that monster only badly.
Speaker 1: So so okay, so you were a fail? Were you
a failed dominatrix because you killed your client? No? Okay,
because I mean accidental.
Speaker 2: Thing that would be pretty bad.
Speaker 7: Yeah, the interms doesn't cover that, so I couldn't have
that happened pretty much?
Speaker 2: Again?
Speaker 8: Did she just said again? I might pass out from
her today. Not gonna lie.
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Trey. I play the Dampler, the half Barbarian.
Speaker 9: And my mom fact of the day is that she
thinks stper polo aerobics is the only good cardio workout
and does it religiously.
Speaker 1: And hey, you never know that today's episode, so.
Speaker 2: You never know.
Speaker 1: You never know what's gonna happen all right, let's time.
We're not depressed.
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know how to do that all right, So.
Speaker 1: Time, you guys were transported from your home just outside
of your home of Kurdsville that I fucked up like
nine times Kurdsville, Wisconsin, and transported to a magical world.
You are not exactly sure what happened, but all you
know is that Jasper produced a rose thorn out of
her pocket and turned into a whip. You guys killed
a halfling's riding dog, and by you guys, I mean
Darla that second damn you guys then killed the halfling
and talked about burying the halfling with his dog because
it wouldn't need to be a very big hole, and
relieved a minotaur of his life by stabbing him in
the with a dildo, a rabbit a rabbit bildo. So
the halfling just died. You guys got information on where
to go to find your children because your children are missing.
You know that you have to go about a mile
up the road and it's the first house on the left.
So last time, you guys, uh so, at the end
of the last session, you guys had just let the
head you know, the halfling had just died of terror,
sheer undiluted terror. What are you guys doing?
Speaker 2: What are we doing after we killed him?
Speaker 1: I mean he died of terror? Yeah, so he he
is laying there dead, a puddle on both sides of
his pants.
Speaker 2: Did he questioned the halfling?
Speaker 1: You did?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't need anything else. We'll bury him. I'm
going to bury him.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get the van started so that we were
ready when these chocolates are done with us.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna throw the dildo in while I
say a nice little phrase, a nice eulogy. This halfling,
he was a fierce dog.
Speaker 3: Yours to throw in the grave, though, I mean, at
this point, you really want to keep it.
Speaker 2: At this point, it's hers.
Speaker 7: Done many things, starless like I would get that name one.
Just halfling he was. He was a very nice you
know what. It's a strong dog riding warrior. And he
died a hero's death. And I'll just throw yes.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a hero.
Speaker 1: I will sign up for the hero.
Speaker 2: You don't want me to face. He's done, all right, shuck.
Speaker 1: The van, all right? So you start the van. It
starts up again, No problem? What what are you doing
with the piece of plexiglass that was the back window
that the half wing removed.
Speaker 2: I'm stuffing it in the back of the van. It's
gonna be a thing that's gonna get fixed.
Speaker 10: Later, Okay, because if you have cock and all that, yeah,
hawk not cock cock.
Speaker 1: C A U L. Yes, yes, right as you guys.
So you guys are heading that mile down the road
to the next to that, to where he said to go. Okay,
So as you guys get closer, you see a village
in the distance. You're only about probably about a quarter
mile away from it. Are you going to drive the
van straight into the village?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, So the village does not mean through the house.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not leaving the van or some random asshole
can come and fuck with it.
Speaker 9: You know, it's a great place that no one's gonna
fuck with the van if I drive it into.
Speaker 2: The building to make a garage. You can't just make
a garage. That's not that's not how construction works. And
you guys allowed to super wise childre Darla. People live
in those houses.
Speaker 9: Because inside the white wedding contracts saying I'm allowed to know,
I mean I'm a good mom, right right, She's not terrible.
Speaker 5: Bella's guide and I mean, yeah, but Bella also has you,
although you make me.
Speaker 2: Questions sometimes too. Listen.
Speaker 11: When it came to parenting, I was the hands on parent.
Jerry was not so dark. So our daughter has made
it this far because of me? Okay, how did I
defend her?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: But it also seemed like she was ready to get
rid of you when we when you guys stopped by
it for the.
Speaker 2: Game before we got into this. Say, here's the thing
about Ella.
Speaker 6: She's going through that transitional period where all kids go
through it.
Speaker 2: Where they hate their parents. And she's sleep at night.
She's developing her own personality. And she doesn't really like
any of my hobbies. And that's understandable. She's her own
person I don't think she likes whatever you need to
say to help you sleep at night.
Speaker 3: I like the thought that this is just a conversation
we have as we're still driving.
Speaker 1: This is definitely as you guys are driving intown. So
you guys, you guys come up and it's and it's
the first house on the left is what they told you.
So you pull up and it actually looks like a
shop kind of kind of like a shop. You see
kind of a bigger window on the front. You do
see there's like mannequins with various types of armor on
and weapons, and one of them has kind of like
rags or not rags, but like farmer clothes on, and
it's holding a hoe a rake. Because people are gonna
make fun of me for saying, ho.
Speaker 7: You're a what you see one like salmon?
Speaker 1: You see one? You see one of the mannequins is
dressed provocatively and in a provocative pose, and it says,
slaves are us for all your labor needs.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I asked whoever owns that place?
Speaker 3: Okay, slavery is illegal apparently not here.
Speaker 2: I don't care here. It's a moral thing. You're not
owning slaves.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what are you guys? You guys have pulled
up outside of this shop.
Speaker 12: I was gonna pick up like a wrench or something
and just kind of look that in the window. You know,
your idea doesn't sound half so bad anymore.
Speaker 3: We could driving the van through the wall if you
hit the slaves.
Speaker 2: We're not driving through a physical wall. We wouldn't be
driving it through the wall. I'd be through You mean
to find out who's slave through a physical barrier. Feel survived?
That's true. This is pretty all right. Remember remember I
can hear you.
Speaker 7: I can hear you.
Speaker 3: If you talk bad about it, it's gonna break. I'm
the one driving, I thought, ok, that's probably.
Speaker 1: For the best. Salmon pulls over, Salmon, I'm sorry, Anna,
Anna pulls over and parks and what what are you
guys doing?
Speaker 2: I'm getting out? Okay, how far did we park from
the store? I parked like right on the side. Cool.
So she's still gonna be kind of looking through the
window trying.
Speaker 1: To think out what's going on. You see a board
like white haired gentleman sitting behind the counter. He looks
like he's very bored. He does have a slim black
collar on his neck.
Speaker 2: Justice one, look, we gotta break this guy out.
Speaker 1: And kind of like pretty good clothes, but you can
definitely tell these aren't high quality. We go, okay.
Speaker 7: Historically they would show slaves naked so that the people
knew what they were getting.
Speaker 2: So you have to make sure they're wearing clothes.
Speaker 5: That's if they're meant for a specific purpose.
Speaker 3: No, actually legit, so they could see they were fit
for breeding like like physically fit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, are you guys entering the shop? What
are you guys doing. I'm going in.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wa, hi, we're going into your store.
Speaker 1: It just kind of gives you the look like, okay,
kind of leaves back. So you guys enter the shop, then.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stay back the kind of observe for a minute.
Speaker 1: So you are going in, but you're kind of hanging
back from the counter. Okay, So you do see like
like I said, it's mannequins, just.
Speaker 2: Knocked my water bummies. She just not She's like a cat.
She's lily coming over here and she's just fo She's.
Speaker 1: The most asshole cat ever you want to talk about
a cat. This one had the ball of yarn and
was batting it back and forth.
Speaker 7: Christy almost jumped over the table after my ball of
yarn the other day.
Speaker 1: There you go play with that, Okay, I know.
Speaker 2: I talked me about I rolled over a nineteen.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you see stacks of hooks and the mannequins,
each stack of books. You see a stack of like
not books, like a binder in front of the mannequins
and a binder in front of each mannequin. So, for example,
say the mannequin was the provocative dress manquin. You see
a binder in front of that one. You see a
binder in front of the one that looks like a
farm worker, a binder in front of the one that
looks like a word.
Speaker 2: Words on them?
Speaker 1: Are you going to I'm going to walk.
Speaker 2: Up to the one with the eucta.
Speaker 1: So it says uh, it says read it though it's
an in Common, which is English Common, as English Common
is universally translated English. Okay, So, okay.
Speaker 2: I'm going to kind of open.
Speaker 1: There are drawings of various slaves and stats next seas running.
Speaker 2: Great in bed butt bites.
Speaker 1: That's officially one of them. Anna comes. Anna comes and
looks over Jasper's shoulder and reads that out loud, great
in bed?
Speaker 2: But what the fuck it's a list of sex lives. Well, yeah,
I kind of figured, but what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Welcome to slaves are us? How can I help you?
Speaker 3: That is the laziest fucking name I've ever heard for
a sore.
Speaker 1: He gives you the look that says he gives you you.
Speaker 2: Guys have no honor in your business? Like, what the
hell can you give.
Speaker 1: You that dead eyed customer service look that everyone you
know in real life paths.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wizard anna slave collar. It's not his choice.
All slaves just boring. I feel like you can't say
that you can and the slaves are us. This is
making me so ugy? Should I pause?
Speaker 1: No? No? No, keep going, keep going. No.
Speaker 2: This is what Bob and I are gonna add.
Speaker 1: It all us.
Speaker 2: Okay, I want to ask the guy question, we ever
tried to run? Really? Yes?
Speaker 1: Really? If if we run, these start shooting electricity through
our bodies.
Speaker 2: That is so suicide. It's a shock collar.
Speaker 1: At you.
Speaker 2: They brought our daughters here, it's not yeah, actually, speaking
of that, thank you, Jasper. Excuse me, sir. We are
looking for.
Speaker 3: Five five young women that were brought here recently.
Speaker 2: I'm assuming I'm assuming they were brought here sometime this
morning or afternoon.
Speaker 1: What time is that in the day right now when
you pulled up, It looks to me about three.
Speaker 2: Okay, so about sometime roughly this morning.
Speaker 3: They were wrongfully taken from us, and we would like to.
Speaker 2: Have them back, have them back.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, like to collect them, and I'm like,
that doesn't sound right.
Speaker 2: None of this sounds right. None of this does sound right.
Speaker 1: So you want to talk to my manager?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, give.
Speaker 1: Me one minute. I'll go grab them. God, I don't
have the right haircut for this.
Speaker 2: Short hairs. I mean, Anna does too, she just doesn't
have that Karen haircut.
Speaker 1: I don't have the right haircut for this. Okay.
Speaker 3: So I was gonna go Karen Mode on them, but
I don't have the right haircut for the.
Speaker 1: So he walks in the back and you hear him say, master,
he that there's a group of women out there that
want to talk.
Speaker 2: I don't like that.
Speaker 1: And the man walked. A man, another man walks out,
and he looks a little younger. He probably looks like
he's in his mid He looks like he's in his
mid thirties. I want to beat his ASSA. Hi, what
can I do for you?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 2: My daughter back?
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm gonna resay what I said
to the gentleman who was in here before.
Speaker 2: We are looking for five young women who were dropped off.
I believe sometime.
Speaker 3: This morning they were wrongfully grabbed and taken here.
Speaker 2: We are here to get them back.
Speaker 1: Okay, so five young little like chanage looking kids.
Speaker 2: Yes, probably wearing all the same freaking.
Speaker 1: Uniform right, they had numbers on their chest.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, belong to us.
Speaker 1: Okay children, I see, Okay. Well, unfortunately that was the
owner of this establishments, uh transaction, and they are not here.
That's what I can do. Here's what I can do.
So they were all sold immediate. Here's how much?
Speaker 2: How much work? So how much did they sell for?
What were they advertised as? Why does okay.
Speaker 1: First and foremost hold on? So because you ask how
fast we work? They are young, they are strong looking,
and one of them almost knocked one of the slavers
unconscious with one hit. Which one was that, oh, she
looked like honestly, she kind of looked like you for it.
Speaker 13: Awesome.
Speaker 1: And one of them tried to slip like a drop
of something into into a glass that somebody was drinking
out of, and they started choking. It was really weird.
And then the two that looked exactly the same, like
just kind of somebody's head and it was and then
the little little one, well, she almost removed somebody's private parts.
Speaker 3: I'm surprised anybody bought them when they came in like that.
Speaker 1: So what I can do is how much did they
sell for?
Speaker 2: I need to know.
Speaker 1: Okay, So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go
in the back and I'm gonna get the sales receipts.
I'm gonna bring them out. Okay. I am deeply sorry
that these people were taking from you.
Speaker 13: You should be honestly, like I said, I just work here.
Why why would you work in a place like this?
I mean, he needs to beat the family. You gotta
have morals.
Speaker 2: There's gotta be other places they could work.
Speaker 1: I mean literally, drive down the road. See how much
many other places that are? Or walk down the road
because he wouldn't know about driving. See how many other
places there are here? This is a small, tiny town.
I'm not a fisherman. Well, they go.
Speaker 11: Somewhere where you can be useful instead of doing something
and moral?
Speaker 1: Where are you from?
Speaker 2: Selling human beings? Is gonna fucking throttle this guy? Well okay,
but I'm not saying it's right, because it's not.
Speaker 7: But at least they have somebody that's nice taking care
of them versus somebody.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, see I don't take care of them.
So there's I just work at the storefront. There is
an entire warehouse in another city. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, okay,
So he walks them back.
Speaker 2: It's important that we know that.
Speaker 1: And he comes out, and he comes out with five
sales receipts.
Speaker 3: They were at least bought by the same person, so
this is easier.
Speaker 1: He sets one down, he sets the other down, he
says the third down, and then he says the two down.
So the two that look the same, which I'm assuming
are twins, because yeah, I'm assuming they were twins or
very minimum, very close cousins that came out wrong. We
also have cousin fucking in this world. I'm kidding. I
am taking that out by so of course. Yeah, I'm
so sorry for Moody right now, hold in your hands, Like,
what the fuck did I get myself into? I'm sorry?
All right, So you guys. So, so he's like, all right,
so here's the sales receipts. The twin soul for twenty
gold each. The lot I mean for young for young No,
because they're fighters. So they're because they were fighters. They
didn't sell for quite as much as you know, maybe
normal young are already broken ones would I'm sorry, they
are hockey players. If you think a hockey player isn't
gonna beat that ship out of everybody, you are wrong.
And so I have known some female hockey players and
they are violent women.
Speaker 2: It's kind of scary, kind of sexy.
Speaker 1: Mean, yeah, I played the fifth and the eighth of
the last comma because you never know who might listen
to this someday. Anyway, Rio Ripley hit me up.
Speaker 2: I like scary women.
Speaker 1: So between sol sold for ten each, the one your
or twenty age, twenty age yours sold for eighteen. Okay,
your sister sold for eleven.
Speaker 10: Dollars, gold your dollars, your your your daughter, Ivy Jasper,
and Darla your Belladonna sold for nineteen.
Speaker 1: All of them say general purpose or made. None of
them say bedroom good because somebody would die.
Speaker 2: Yeah Lauren, Lauren would, but dick off, I taught.
Speaker 7: Her, well, maybe she's the one that day nothing.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, there are children.
Speaker 12: Okay, So what I'm saying is slavery is okay, but
pedophilia is off the table.
Speaker 1: We we So he he guides, He walks you guys outside,
and he points to a barge that's just sitting in
the middle of this bay area that you guys saw
and you actually see that there is a there's a
fire on that bar. You see that bars with the fire.
Anyone who harms a child in a sexual manner is
put on that barge. Fantastic and kept alive.
Speaker 2: One thing I can agree with and kept alive.
Speaker 1: They burn and until they can't heal them. Yeah, they
just burn until that particular cleric runs out of magic
for the day that anyone who harms children, especially in
sexual way, that's this is this so this kingdom? Any
any kind of gestures in a he's like, because you
guys are definitely just looking at your clothes. Y'all are
definitely not from around here.
Speaker 2: What are you je? Where are one kingdom? Sorry?
Speaker 1: What uk?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 12: No?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 7: The the.
Speaker 1: The Olwen Kingdom is to the west of us. Yeah,
to the west of us. It's a giant island. It's
called Olwend. This is uh Lassaria.
Speaker 2: So where did get sold to rules?
Speaker 1: The king is? Well, that's sorry, the lord because they're
not kings. The lord is is oh, I can't remember
which of the sons took over. I apologized, But the
wild Wind family, why does it matter?
Speaker 2: This means nothing?
Speaker 1: To us.
Speaker 2: All I care about is where do we need as
we can get it.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing that the sales receipts have where
they were sold to. So on a note, guys, I'm
gonna let you guys know, I left the sales receipts
because I had physical sales receipts for you guys. I
accidentally did leave them at home. I apologize. I thought
I had them in my backpack. I did not. So
what I will do is next session, I will give
you guys the physical sales receipts. But there are five children,
and there are there are seven kingdoms, but there five kingdoms. Sorry,
there are five children, they are five kingdoms. But the
twins were sold to the same king them, so it'll
be fine.
Speaker 2: So we're going to have to go places.
Speaker 1: You are going to have to go to four separate
places that are essentially some of them are on the
other side of Let me put it this way, and
he pulled, he takes the twins. These two are going
to be the closest. They are actually in the mountains.
They were sold to a group of dwarven miners, So
those are going to be the closest for you. The
miners that they needed somebody to work in their cook tents.
Also learning the life.
Speaker 2: Still learning how to cook five that's something that's not
a good thing. Still we still need to get them.
Well yeah, I still want to go get them. But
I'm happy they're learning how to cook. Have you not
taught them? They never want to be around me? Wonder
why me too? If you find out, let me know.
I have the theories, Violet.
Speaker 1: But all right, so like I said, I will have
all the I will have all the receipts with the
proper names of where you guys. Okay, the baby is
standing on what the hell is that called? The baby
is standing on the ottoman.
Speaker 2: You never have the table side up, so that's new
for her. So she'll probably be all over. She runs
off the couch and jumps.
Speaker 1: She'd be fine.
Speaker 2: Nobody heard Bob said ottoman, And I'm like, empire. Oh
I heard it.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you Samon. Yeah, I'm about to sign you
a corner. You already take my corners out one corner
Taylor's corners outside.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my corner was one.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, I'm about to put you in the table. Yes,
your corner is under the table because you are tiny.
Speaker 2: The twins are in the mountains.
Speaker 1: The twins are in the mountains. To be so, Bellatana
is on the other side of the mountains, in the
Eleven Empire or the Elven Kingdom.
Speaker 2: But let's it, let's be realistic. Oh, never mind, they
probably got shocky collars on.
Speaker 1: Never mind.
Speaker 7: Oh wonder the hockey colors or shot shock collars. And
I wonder if they'll let me keep them after we
get them back.
Speaker 1: So and then.
Speaker 2: Wanted to put a shot collar on your kids. I
get on for Jerry. They get me fun to put
one on you though, Oh please do put. I don't
want to be here anymore.
Speaker 1: L your sister, Your sister is to the far west
in the UK, the u K. Yeah kingdom, yes, and
uh salmon, yeah, sorry, no, she was having over Oh.
Speaker 2: I thought she was trying to craw up Bob's ass.
Speaker 1: Anna, your niece is to the south and the east.
Speaker 2: Amongst so the southeast to the south and the east.
Speaker 12: So to the.
Speaker 1: Southeast, to the southeast.
Speaker 2: There you go to the southeast.
Speaker 1: How about I knocked him in your teeth out and talk,
especially like these.
Speaker 2: Ones over here. I have a wisdom tooth coming in
and it's like impacting on my tooth.
Speaker 1: Back here.
Speaker 2: You might have some teeth food in my purse. If
he knocks him out, we can bloom back in.
Speaker 1: I don't want to blue back in anyway to the southeast,
in the kingdom that is run by a halfling lord.
Speaker 14: Oh, we gotta take care of him back and get
the doo though, you're gonna take it from the grave.
He's so nicely dug and erected for him.
Speaker 1: No, as soon as I said that, I was like,
you know, you know, so, guys, I want to I
want to break. I want to break care for just
a minute. Because I've known Salmon for almost two years now,
a little probably a little play, a little play, a
little under two years I've known Salmon. Salmon has never
been one for a lot of sexual humor, not even
in mind, not even in my D and D game.
But it's literally half sexual humor that I run he
Galactic gaming hashtag ad we are sponsored?
Speaker 2: Are we sponsor?
Speaker 1: We're sponsored? He's offered me plays to record that kind
of time. Halftag sponsor. Halftag blessed this game.
Speaker 2: And it's all sex jokes, so we almost.
Speaker 1: Though we get so many sex jokes out of Salmon
like I'm used to them from from Moody. I'm definitely
used to them from trade.
Speaker 2: Talking about.
Speaker 1: Here is where we play back the entire tape of
every single penis jokes she made during the last session.
Speaker 7: Every time you watch, you're telling every girl to sit
on your face.
Speaker 1: I'm used, I'm I am used to that from you train.
That's what I'm saying. I am used to every short
you know, Ivy, Ivy. I'm used to it from from
Ivy as well, because I have known these two plus years. Okay,
twenty plus you said forty.
Speaker 2: Plusn't that all? It'll It'll be twenty nine years September George.
Speaker 1: And see see I worn't the we're gonna the baby
crying out. I work at a undisclosed grocery store and
I met a guys. It's no longer. It's no longer
slaves are arrested. Just pick a slave anyway, slave racist ones,
racist old ones, Yeah, ye alright, ones will stick it
over your butt.
Speaker 2: Ones that you can stick it up there.
Speaker 1: But I met and I met Liz in the horniest
department in the entire store. Dellylly is the horniest department.
Speaker 2: In that we play with me all today a long
and meat department is the gayest because they're all men.
Speaker 1: Yes, you are correct, it is the it's the hornist
and meat department is the gayest. Okay, now, remembering that
I started a meat department in Escape to Deli, so
you're a gay horny and now I run around the
entire store and I take things from everybody. So now I.
Speaker 2: Of you and you know who.
Speaker 1: No, So anyway, the point is, Simon, Yeah, I have
heard more sex jokes out of you in in two
episodes of this this podcast that I have heard from
you with the two years that I've own you, and
I love it, Daddy.
Speaker 2: Sleet see now that one I did not purpose.
Speaker 1: I know, I know that's okay. But anyway, if I've
ever no, I don't think you have, that's probably for
the best because I love you like a sister. That
would probably make so all right, now I'm we're gonna
go back into character, so the gentleman says, I can't
think my.
Speaker 2: Character is dead, so I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Pretty really, it's okay, It's okay. Actually this is pretty
much perfect because we can close out the show here
because our first episode was over an hour and out
was over an hour and forty five minutes. Cutting it
a little early is not going to be a bad thing.
Speaker 2: So the batteries and the rabbit burried.
Speaker 1: So the very last thing that this gentleman says, all right,
you guys are gonna need one one thing. If you're gonna,
you know, go and get your girls. Say no, ma'am, no, ma'am.
He goes, what's the anime in which God come here?
Speaker 2: Let us show? Yes, I got some good ones.
Speaker 1: So he he walks back into the back and he
comes out with a pair of what looked like bolt cutters,
and he's like, you guys are gonna need these, and
he sets them down. These will cut the collars off
of your girls.
Speaker 2: What if we don't want the callers to cut.
Speaker 1: Off, then your girls will die the minute you take
them more than one hundred feet away from your from
their employer, employee's somewhere. Oh absolutely well from their quote
unquote employee. It's a magic it's a magical effect. They
have a certain range.
Speaker 7: So if we figure out a certain magical effect, we
can keep the collors on and just make it.
Speaker 2: So why would you want their callers to stand the
distance that they can violent Violet and I can force
them to violin with me. We are not leaving the
callers on any of the kids. That is inhumane. They're
learning how to it's torture. Hey, wait, so you're so
cold your family collar.
Speaker 3: No, you're under the assumption at the moment they take
the callers off, they're not going to be able to
cook anymore.
Speaker 7: You'll learn under the assumption that they finally learned a skill,
and I'm never going to get to see them do
it because they're never going to be around me.
Speaker 2: So keep a caller on.
Speaker 5: You know what, maybe you should look internally and realize
that the fact you want to keep the callers.
Speaker 2: On them is why they want to stay away from him.
Speaker 7: I have a caller and be magically tied to my
daughters because I feel like they don't like me, but
they don't hate me enough to let me die of
electricity shots.
Speaker 2: I'm not torturing them, I'm torturing myself. Wait, actually, I
got a question. You mentioned there were gods?
Speaker 1: Is one of them?
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ? Fantastic? I love it here, I'm getting in
the van.
Speaker 5: I say we go find all of our kids and
then we come back and we beat the owner of
this establishment to death.
Speaker 2: Yes, agreed.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He also he also rolls up a piece of
paper and as you, as the last person is walking
out the door, wait, you guys are gonna need this
as well. I'll probably still an He hands you the map.
He's like, now get out, now, get out. Yeah, absolutely no,
you will not. You are banned. You are banned. He
raises his hand and he mutters something and you feel
yourself physically removed from the store.
Speaker 2: Now you won't be able to come back to murder
the owner. Okay, I feel like I needed for that
conversation every day of my life.
Speaker 1: So we are gonna end the session there getting out
of us, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my god, good lord.
This has been done in a mystery theater. A product
of the P three podcast network. You can find my
uh Twitter I'm sorry X account at Falcon Jam. You
can find ye. All of our updates will be for
the podcast will be on my personal X account.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 1: That is at Falcon J. Again, that is at Falcon J.
I don't think anybody here at the table other than
Moody has a don't I have an as, but.
Speaker 2: I upload episodes to my tumbler.
Speaker 5: It's Moody Slam four hundred, which is the same as
pretty much all of my socials and I post a
lot about call of duty there, so go laugh at
my memes or I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna find you.
Speaker 1: Also also follow MARAA j S On Facebook.
Speaker 2: I think it's going to give it to you.
Speaker 1: You're fired. Next episode we will have a new person
playing Darla Dampler because I just fired track.
Speaker 2: Another place I can play all three characters. I'll put
on a different for each one.
Speaker 1: All right, ladies and gentlemen, again, thank you very much.
This has been very interesting episode to say the least,
and we will be back in two weeks with another episode.
So this one should go up in about four days
and we will see you guys next time.
Speaker 2: By hyry, no, they're not