Speaker 1: Goody from Hell.
Speaker 2: It's a good friend Clayton, younger brothers Satan reporting for duty.
Speaker 1: New Year, knew me, Same me. Here's Chris.
Speaker 3: I'm Chris and I'm dead and my eternal punishments to
do this podcast where we interview everyone in hell.
Speaker 1: So New Year, New you, No, same me, Same year.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm curious you say that you know your eternal punishment.
We gotta we gotta interview everybody in hell. Can we
get like a current status check on how many people
we have left? I mean we've got to knocked out
at least five, maybe ten percent.
Speaker 3: You would know better than me. Let's say we got
about one hundred and forty or so episodes, Okay, so
let me do the mass. Some of those weren't even
in Hell. Some of those were people like in heaven
and stuff.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna do some rough calculations.
Speaker 2: We got about point zero zero zero zero zero zero
zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero one percent
have been complete. Okay, Hey, we're doing great. We're well
on track. That is, we have plenty of material.
Speaker 1: This show that's got legs. We're gonna be on for forever,
all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, we're gonna be a rolling in the money
because of Patreon. And if you're listening now and you
don't know, we have a Patreon, so go check us
out at from Hell dot com.
Speaker 1: Balls over there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so what you got going on for the year,
like any big plans?
Speaker 2: We talked about it last year, but it was the
first full year of Good Morning from Hell. It's a
big accomplishment. So I thought, I treat myself to a
little vacation.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: I booked a little vac a little trip oh to
where well, I mean, you're not coming, so that's what
you're asking.
Speaker 1: Don't even bother. But I found a nice hotel.
Speaker 2: It was very cheap, very affordable, but it seemed like
it was in a decent part of the Hell.
Speaker 1: It was at the JW Booth.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, man, Yeah, you mean the JW Marriott.
Speaker 1: That's a nice that's what I said.
Speaker 3: No, you said JW Booth, JW Booth, JW Marriott. I
did not know they had a location in Hell. But
that's a nice hotel.
Speaker 2: They like smart home versions, like instead of a full room,
it's kind of like a tiny house.
Speaker 3: Maybe JW Booth. Yeah, like a phone booth kind of thing. Yeah, yeah,
tiny home.
Speaker 2: That's what I assumed. It's JW. Booth, So I assumed
he was part of the JW. Marriott subsidiary R.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean here's the receipt if you want to
take a look at it. Okay, Well, one, this is
not a receipt. You just have a thing written down J.
Lily Booth and you have today. That's not a receipt.
That is just a note you made to yourself. Yeah,
so okay, well then what is it?
Speaker 1: Then? You tell me? I don't know it now. It
says for now, for right now. What does that even mean? Hello? Hello, Hello, Yes?
Speaker 4: Is I you're esteemed podcast guest John Wilkes.
Speaker 1: Booth, John J. W.
Speaker 5: Booth, Oh oh yes, okay, congratulations on having esteemed actor
and savior of the Confederacy John Wilkes Booth on your cast.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, please have a seat, mister John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I know you from somewhere. Where have I
seen you before? It's tip of my tongue. John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 6: Yes, I murdered that Tyrant Abraham Lincoln. Oh, bestly saving
the Confederacy, and that's why you know the United States
as the Confederate States of America.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yes, yes, course, and.
Speaker 7: That's why I'm here in heaven.
Speaker 6: Umm hmm eternally experiencing bliss and peace for my incredible
accomplishments and my incredible acting works.
Speaker 3: Yes, of course you were an actor accomplished You mentioned
being in heaven.
Speaker 7: Yes, there's Confederate flags everywhere.
Speaker 4: Yes, it has to be heaven, right, All my pals
are here, generally.
Speaker 2: Is here, Yeah, he's here, Yeah, all the slave owners
are here.
Speaker 3: Obviously this has to be heaven. Well, okay, what do
you think of heaven so far? John?
Speaker 1: Tell us about your heavenly experience.
Speaker 4: Most of it's pretty cool, except for the demons from
hell Raiser are here, and they're always poking me with
their pins or sending tinier demons into my body to
torture me from the inside.
Speaker 1: Okay, so yeah, yeah, one never gets.
Speaker 4: More than fifteen minutes of sleep, which is strange and
sort of hellish for heaven.
Speaker 1: I'm find Yeah, weird, forced to gnash my.
Speaker 4: Teeth continuously by a hellish demon. That's what I've sort
of found. Interesting thing is that somehow I'm enslaved now.
I assumed when I got here that I would continue
to experience the life that I dreamed of there on earth,
but I'm continuously enslaved by a demon.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 2: Interesting, it's almost as if you're not having a very
heavenly experience.
Speaker 1: It's like you're having the opposite.
Speaker 4: Now that you mention it. The time is meaningless and
the only experience is pain here.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, have you tried filing a complaint?
Speaker 4: Yes, the DMV is our main source for bureaucracy. It's
three thousand miles square feet and the line is longer
than any line anyone's ever seen. So I've stood in
that line for millennium and nothing of a came of it.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Interesting, I didn't have the proper paper where I. Oh,
I finally arrived at the day.
Speaker 2: So you made it all the way through the line
and then they sent you away, is what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, I didn't have the proper identification yet. No,
and they didn't recognize you. Strange, so strange.
Speaker 2: No one has really acclaimed actor from the Booth family
because you had brothers.
Speaker 1: Your father was an actor as well.
Speaker 6: Yes, my hated brother Edwin, who everyone felt was a
more talented actor than me.
Speaker 7: Can you imagine, listen to my voice. Isn't this wonderful
acting right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's heavenly compared to mine. You know, hey,
I can actually for once, I can actually relate to
John Wilkespooth because I got an asshole brother.
Speaker 1: You know, I know what that life is like.
Speaker 7: Right, pretty rough, dude. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing down here.
We uh will wait, we are below, Okay, I see.
Speaker 4: What's I was gonna say, there's no way this is
hell because Frederick Douglas isn't here.
Speaker 2: But then I realized the dots are connecting, aren't they.
Speaker 1: Uh Oh, it's okay, it's okay, you can cry, It's okay,
don't worry about it.
Speaker 7: She's why there's constantinal work.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's why you're just faar assed.
Speaker 1: And it's red, like redder than me even it's all
the spankings. It's all the spankings because you're in hell,
John Wilkespooth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, ah crap, Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: You've been here for like hundreds of years, right, what
was eighteen sixty five to carry the one?
Speaker 7: I know?
Speaker 4: But if you know anything about us, Confederates were really
really able to live in delusion.
Speaker 6: Ah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I.
Speaker 4: Had just convinced myself that all the bad stuff was
just kind of a test, like the test I had
to go through to murder a man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, things like that.
Speaker 1: That's somehow God wanted this pain for me.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're in the bad place. I'm so sorry, John
Wilkes boo. I mean, I'm not sorry because he kind
of deserved it, to be honest.
Speaker 3: So you mentioned you're a slave, now, so how's that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's that like? Bad? Bad, bad bad?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it stinks, these unending fields of I would describe
the plants as like cotton plants, but without cotton, they're
just the thorns.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, you pick thorns.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm to collect one thorn at a time,
but of course invariably I get forty or fifty.
Speaker 1: In my hand thumber. Then I weep and I weep
and I weep. Yeah, very theatrically though.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 8: Yes, there's a lot of dabbing of my eyes with hackkerchiefs.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, So have your views changed at all? Your perspective?
Speaker 4: Well, now that I'm realizing and finally acknowledging to myself
that I am in hades and if I'm real with
you guys, can I be real?
Speaker 7: That's why? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Go ahead, Yeah, you're an actor, san not you used
to being real?
Speaker 7: Right? Exactly? No, that's what you're trying.
Speaker 1: To avoid, is any sort of authenticity? Yes?
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, I think part of me.
Speaker 4: Knew I've been in hell for a long time and
I refuse to acknowledge it. And now that makes me
think that what else might I have been wrong about?
Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting. There's some self reflection, you know. This
is good.
Speaker 2: I think as a performer, this might be beneficial to you.
You're reflecting on your own character, who you are John Wilkspooth.
Speaker 4: But again, the sort of acting that we were train
to do is simply be loud and sort of English.
So when y'all saying introspection, is that some sort of
modern acting technique.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like seeking out the character.
Speaker 2: It's more than just getting on stage and being as
barrel chested loud. Because we have microphones now so we
don't have to be quite as loud. You don't have
to project nearly as much.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Another thing too, is like you were a theater guy,
so you're acting to the back row but like now,
we've got these things called movies.
Speaker 7: Hold on briefly, Matthew Perry was down here, don't worry.
He was sent back up. Yeah, and he.
Speaker 1: Was talking about the sort of moving picture.
Speaker 3: Huh.
Speaker 2: Well, that was nice for Matthew Perry to catch you
up on movies, but he was really more of a
TV guy.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's not fair to Matthew Perry, mostly because he
shouldn't have gone to Hell in the first place, but
it was a mistake, but also because he was more
than just a TV actor.
Speaker 7: He was in the whole nine yards.
Speaker 1: That's a good movie, and the whole ten yards. Thank
you for proving my point.
Speaker 2: So, John Wilkes Booth, what have you been doing for
the last one hundred, one hundred and fifty years or so?
Speaker 4: I've been picking thoughs Oh that's true, okay, and blaming
minorities for my problems.
Speaker 3: M Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were an actor back up on Earth before
you assassinated a Lincoln, which we want to touch on that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's put a bullet in that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you done any other activities while in Hell?
Speaker 8: I do have a side job, which is I'm teaching
at risk demon youth.
Speaker 7: The art of acting.
Speaker 1: They're not into it.
Speaker 7: If I'm being honest. No, not huge fans.
Speaker 4: Of Shakespeare or speaking loudly, which again is the only
dactic technique.
Speaker 7: I'm familiar with. Yeah, right, some broad gesturing.
Speaker 4: There was a very long period where all of them
were interested in something called SoundCloud wraph. I see, yeah,
your little pumps, et cetera.
Speaker 3: So the at risk demon use, does that mean they're
in danger of being good?
Speaker 1: Think that that's what that means.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we want to train them up to be
like senior demons that are like real fucking bad.
Speaker 4: So yeah, exactly, some of them, they start to experience
this thing that I understand.
Speaker 7: All the liberals up there.
Speaker 4: Safe space is what they're always looking for, a place
to express their feelings in regards to I put a
quotes for this healing trauma. Still, there's any such thing
as though we're perhaps driven by some sort of anger
that remains suppressed, and actually our actions are not based
in reality, but based on some sort of lie we've
been telling ourselves. Ha ha, that's ridiculous, that's crazy, that's crazy.
Speaker 8: And that being said, so yes, when that happens, they're
immediately beheaded. But of course they're demons, so the heads
regrass and then usually they become so angry that they
give over to the darkness and they no longer allow
themselves to experience empathy.
Speaker 7: That's what we handle that.
Speaker 1: That's very noble.
Speaker 2: If you didn't take care of those kids, you're looking
out for the next generation of demons.
Speaker 1: Man. For once you did something good, you could argue.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean good in hell, which is bad?
Speaker 1: It gets gigs confusing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I explained to them how people that look different than
us are three fifth the person.
Speaker 7: It's pretty simple.
Speaker 4: We play a lot of short form improv games down
here too.
Speaker 1: That's the only real sort of theater that they're allowed.
Speaker 8: So a lot of zip zips hopping and this game
where I pretend to be your arms.
Speaker 1: You have to respond to what my arms are doing.
Speaker 4: We do that forty to fifty months in a row
without break.
Speaker 7: Things of that nature.
Speaker 1: Cool. Do you do that one? The Fred Schneider gag?
Speaker 7: Hey, Fred Schneider, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one. I'm not gonna know butt on
this one.
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you're kept up with acting. That's great.
Speaker 7: Again.
Speaker 4: Briefly, Matthew Perry was gone, it was a paperwork miscommunication thing.
Oh okay, because he was an addict, So he turns
out wasn't to blame, whereas my actions were exclusively.
Speaker 1: My own decision. Yeah, it's why I'm here.
Speaker 4: But I really love multiicam sitcoms. Oh that's what I've learned.
I like a big broad things of that. Oh yeah,
that's what I've been studying.
Speaker 3: Is well, like a live audience, studio audience reaction at
studio audience, Yeah, getting real kick event.
Speaker 1: I like when they're told to last.
Speaker 7: That makes me feel good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you come from this whole family of actors. So
how did you get into the Confederate because you were
from the north right. Yes, that's true. I hated my
brother and his perceived talent.
Speaker 8: So I decided to do this thing that angsty teenagers
often do, which is completely totally live my life in
direct opposition to the beliefs I.
Speaker 4: Was raised with.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So I really.
Speaker 4: Went one hundred p into believing the truth of the South,
which is that where a given dominion over all things
and all people, and thus le we deserve to Winslay, I.
Speaker 1: See, I see.
Speaker 2: So you've talked a lot about acting and how I
guess great you were at it, But like, let's talk
about what ultimately got.
Speaker 1: You down here with the assassination and whatnot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, says here that you actually started with trying to
abduct Lincoln.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Oh? Interesting, Yeah, that's correct.
Speaker 4: Me and my pals were sitting around in a barn
house he just finished rehearsing a Midsummer Night's Dream, okay, and.
Speaker 7: We started discussing how angry we were at Lincoln. And
somebody said, why re abductive? And we said that's not
possibly so huge?
Speaker 4: How could we possibly And then I said, brilliantly, well,
we'll take off his hat and no one will recognize him.
Speaker 7: Yeah. Yeah, we punch him so hard that he'll fall asleep.
Speaker 3: Huh.
Speaker 4: And then we'll take him to the South and with
any luck, convince him that, hey, you know what, actually
the Southern politics are pretty cool.
Speaker 7: Dude. Again, we say dude a lot. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you tried to abduct link In. I guess
that didn't work because it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 7: No, I said, what we'll do.
Speaker 4: We'll place a pair of large shoes half a block away,
uh huh, and he'll be so desirous of these shoes
for his giant, weird feet.
Speaker 7: He'll run towards the shoes and then we'll tackle him.
But we put the shoes out and he never went out.
Speaker 1: Oh darn, Oh wow, I don't know how that didn't work. Yeah,
foolproof man, sounds like a solid plan.
Speaker 6: There's one nice shoes man polished it along, so the
shoe thing didn't fit the shoe trap.
Speaker 1: Nope.
Speaker 3: Then you're like, I'll just shoot.
Speaker 4: Like all people with great imaginations, I said, I know,
I'll just kill Yeah.
Speaker 2: And so he was kind of on your home turf. Right,
you got him at the theater. Did you feel like
you had the home field advantage a little bit?
Speaker 1: There?
Speaker 4: It was like walking into my living room if every
time you walked into your living room you plan to
kill him.
Speaker 1: Ah see.
Speaker 2: How did you go about sneaking up on the president
of the United States? Was there any sort of like stealthy?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 8: There was a guy standing at the door whose job
was to block it, and I said, brilliantly, Hey, what's
that over there?
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 7: He didn't respond, And then after a while he had
to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 3: Wow, I just went in the door after he went
to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: I see, so I want to hear about what your
thoughts were about Lincoln when you briefly met him. But
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com with co GMFH. All right, so, John Wilkes Booth,
what did you think of Lincoln when you saw him
that night in the theater?
Speaker 4: Can I be real with you, guys, I'm gonna be
real for one So I'm gonna be real.
Speaker 7: Here's the story.
Speaker 4: I walked into the booth and I'm gonna tell you
from behind. Yeah, I was blown away by the charisma
where I.
Speaker 1: Said, oh oh wow, being in his aura, I had
this feeling of this is a great man.
Speaker 7: I admit it.
Speaker 4: I finally acknowledged the fact that when faced with this
person's presence, I thought.
Speaker 1: Hey, maybe this is a mistake. And then I looked
at the stage. Uh huh, and.
Speaker 7: I thought to myself, that should be me down there.
Why are I being celebrated in this moment, and my
rage took over and brought me back to sanity.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, yeah, sure, And then I thought, this is
black people's fault and I killed him.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: And so I heard that Lincoln actually lasted like a
date or something like that after getting shot in the head.
Speaker 4: Yah.
Speaker 1: Did that freak you out at all? Were you like
a little worried? Honestly, even then, I was like, that's
pretty cool. That's like if you shot Dwayne the Rock
Johnson or something.
Speaker 7: Matthew Perry told me about him when he was down.
Speaker 3: Okay, And it was an interesting choice of words you
said when you saw Lincoln. You said you were blown
away by his presence, But I guess it went both ways,
because he was blown away by your present sins too,
So yes, he was.
Speaker 2: I heard you also made a large proclamation while pulling
the trigger. I said the wrong phrase.
Speaker 8: My theater acting took over and it decided to speak
some Latin, which, looking back now even I think was
a little pretentious.
Speaker 7: I mean, who do you think you are?
Speaker 4: Honestly, it's like you think you hit a home run
and you're screaming, I'm the greatest person in the world.
Speaker 7: And it's actually just a pop fly out to set
a field.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 2: Like, what I meant to say was take that your
told piece of crab, uh huh. But then it came
out sick simper turanic. We're talking about dinosaur tyrannus. What
does that mean? I'm sorry, I don't speak Latin.
Speaker 1: It means apparently always to tyrants or something.
Speaker 7: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Man, I was freaking out. I never shot anybody before. Okay.
Speaker 6: At that point, I was like, okay, I didn't really
plan the escape very well.
Speaker 3: Here. Yeah, you just like jumped onto the states, probably
about like twelve feet at least as an actor. Was
that not a little rude to interrupt the performance?
Speaker 7: Totally? Again, I was out of my gorge.
Speaker 4: Dude, I tell you what I honestly, when I I'm trained,
I'm a trained vocalist.
Speaker 7: Yeah, my voice.
Speaker 4: Cracked like I was a twelve year old boy who
just saw Pamela Anderson.
Speaker 7: He was embarrassing.
Speaker 4: I said, six sounded like the Pipoy kid from the Simpsons.
Speaker 1: Matthew Perry told us about the Simpsons when he was
down here. Yeah. Yeah, you spent a lot of time
with Matthew Berry he.
Speaker 7: Did six months down here, the poor guy.
Speaker 1: Wowmer I realized the mistake.
Speaker 2: I know, when you made that jump onto the stage,
did you not break something as well?
Speaker 3: I think you hurt yourself. Oh you broke a leg.
Let's it's fitting. Oh that's lucky though, right, yeah, lucky.
Speaker 7: It would have been to have immediately sprinted away and
kind of bust. That would have been lucky. Have you
guys ever been really hurt.
Speaker 4: This embarrassing thing happens where whatever you really hurt badly,
you immediately announced the injury.
Speaker 1: So what I said was and this.
Speaker 7: Isn't documented, but I said, that's what I immediately yelled, humiliating.
Speaker 2: And I also heard too, like the audience was in
such shock that you spent a good five minutes on
stage wailing about your leg.
Speaker 1: Before you actually ran out the building.
Speaker 7: I said, and I quote aUI aUI A.
Speaker 3: Yeah, trying to do a little monologue.
Speaker 4: I tried to do one that I'd written about how
hard it was to be.
Speaker 3: White now, and then you managed to escape somehow, Yeah, somehow, I.
Speaker 7: Kind of baby crawled out of there.
Speaker 4: I was saying, part of me, part of me, you know,
still trying to be polite for some reason.
Speaker 7: The whole thing's humiliating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah you got tracked down, and.
Speaker 7: Yeah they caught me in a barn?
Speaker 1: A barn?
Speaker 2: What were you doing in this bar? You can act
out a little scene role play, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: Ju I love that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, absolutely so, I'll be me.
Speaker 1: John Wilkes Booth, Okay, who should be? Yeah, castAR roles.
You can direct us as well. John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 4: All right, let's do this like a short form improv scene.
Chris your Kermit the Frog.
Speaker 3: Okay he was there, no, but we're gonna do it
for humor, right, okay, yeah, okay, and then who am I?
Speaker 7: Yes, Clayton, you'll be uh Matthew Perry.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I will be Matthew Perry as a cop,
as one of the bound out there.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, good, This is gonna be a lot of fun. Okay,
I'm not coming out, Copp.
Speaker 7: I've saved the Confederacy. You can kill me. My life's
work is done.
Speaker 1: Come out your hands up. I sorry, I haven't seen
friends in years. Here.
Speaker 3: You beat Kermit the Frog? Okay, we're recasting, yeah yeah, okay, Uh,
could you be any more trapped? It's good.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 7: God damn it.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 7: I really did miscast.
Speaker 4: And I hung out with Perry. It was a lot
like that character. No, Matthew Perry the police officer. I
cannot come out, absolutely not, no.
Speaker 7: Way, dude.
Speaker 1: Uh rib it, miss Piggy. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Uh, I guess if you don't come out, then uh
we'll go in.
Speaker 7: God good, I beg you come on in. Please.
Speaker 2: It's not easy being green. Fuck you guys are nailing
his scene and I'm sucking up. I'm the worst. I'm
the third wheel here.
Speaker 3: God damn it.
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, cut to you. Guys are inside the book.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, Look guys, can I be real
with you? Is this in the scene or is this
this is in the scene.
Speaker 7: This is in the scene.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah yeah. Hey, look I'm in a lot of
pain here and I don't do well with paid.
Speaker 7: This is the deal man.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm a total coward.
Speaker 7: That's why I shot the guy from behind.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm always proclaiming what a hero.
Speaker 8: I am, because I'm actually have very very low self worth,
as do all people who are racist.
Speaker 4: You know the deal, right, Look, Hey, if you just
take me out of here and put me in jail.
Speaker 7: I'll go quietly. Let's just pretend like I'm fighting.
Speaker 3: You on the way out.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you're in a lot of pain, I happen
to have a lot of pain meds.
Speaker 7: Hey, we're gonna have to pull the gun.
Speaker 3: And this just becoming Seinfeld.
Speaker 7: Oh it's hard not to The cross was pretty intense.
Speaker 1: Uh, could you be anymore dead?
Speaker 3: Boom?
Speaker 4: Oh sick sick temper the Confederacy forever my work here,
there's no way this won't totally work.
Speaker 1: And seeing kermit any final words, hurry.
Speaker 7: Ho, I don't pay not bad. There you go.
Speaker 2: It feels like hat on a hat, you know, like
I'm a red guy playing green guy. It's just not working.
I didn't really grasp that character. I don't know you're
an acting coach. What kind of tips you got from me?
John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 4: The fun of short form improv is that we pay
no attention to any sort of comedic theory or reality
at any capacity. You just go out there and say stuff. Okay,
so I thought you did great.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I thought I could have done better.
Speaker 7: I feel like you were a little afraid to get
into the kermit until the end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you just got to stick your hand up
it and like embrace the role. We could try another
scene if we want to do like a different character.
I don't know. I'm like, I'm kind of enjoying this
whole acting thing.
Speaker 7: Well, okay, is there anyone you've always dreamed of playing, like.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like Sean Connery and like he hits
women and I've always.
Speaker 1: Looked up to him for that, you know, say no more?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, By the way, that was next on
the agenda for the Confederacy.
Speaker 3: Oh, hitting women.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was already legal, but to make a situation
where if you hit a woman or a child you
get elected to an official position.
Speaker 2: Okay, up on Earth that you haven't gotten updates except
for what Matthew Perry gave you.
Speaker 1: But you're not far off from where we kind of landed. Hey, right, No,
we're not gonna high five you put those hands down,
John Wilkes Booth. No, we're not high five and over
that give me some no, no skin for you.
Speaker 7: Now, let's just Sean Connery arresting John Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 1: Shall we Oh yeah, yeah, sure, uh freeze, you're under arrested.
Speaker 4: Sean Connery, Why, I can't believe you've made it all
the way to the south, my friend.
Speaker 7: I am an admirer of your acting technique.
Speaker 1: Their names Bond, James Bond.
Speaker 7: Yeah, wow, Well you'll commitment to character profound.
Speaker 2: I know I'm like three levels deep on this character,
but I'm kind of liking it is.
Speaker 1: Matthew Perry still here?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Why would I leave? This is my apartment we traded.
I live in a barn.
Speaker 3: Now we had a whole thing where the girls they
went from the barn and to the main manor now
I live in the barn.
Speaker 4: That was always so funny. How you and the women
were not attracted to each other. I don't know the
whole thing. The tension made me laugh.
Speaker 1: Could there be any more tension between Sean Connery and
John Wilkes Booth? There can only be one Highlander. I
am clearly a man from Spain. Does that work?
Speaker 7: Beautiful?
Speaker 1: And I think you'll illustrating his range as well? Yeah, yeah,
I try a big admirer.
Speaker 7: Yeah, this has been great.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 8: I'd love to invite you to perhaps teach a class
or two for the at risk affected demon youth if possible.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, it's quite the opportunity. I think Chris would
have been kick out of that.
Speaker 3: Can't do it as Matthew Perry, my friend, I wouldn't
have it any other way. Are you good?
Speaker 7: Although I gotta warn you.
Speaker 4: Are you familiar with the films like Stand By Me
and those sort of like Teacher Makes Good with children
who are badly behaved?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: That goodwill hunting kind of thing.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Sure, there's a Sean Connery one. Uh, the Older Man
now Dog?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, and the socks with the inside out. Yeah,
I remember that one.
Speaker 8: It's like that if you never connect with the children. Okay,
so picture the first twenty minutes of those.
Speaker 2: Movies over and them, or just the low point in
the second act, just on repeat.
Speaker 9: Oh yeah, but it's hundreds of children, So you're having
that moment every single day with hundreds of different kids.
Speaker 2: So when you're going in and you're just saying, it's
not your fault, it's not your fault. You're trying to
go in for the hug. Are they just stabbing you?
Speaker 7: Oh, they're stabbing your baby.
Speaker 3: It is your fault is yeah.
Speaker 4: Here in Hell, every child is issued one pen knife
for school yeah, it's true.
Speaker 3: I still have mine for my I guess your legacy
John Wilkes Booth, Besides what you mentioned, what do you
feel like your legacy is?
Speaker 7: Well?
Speaker 8: Up until today, I would have said a hero who
saved the country and thusly the word yeah, But now
I think my legacy is like kind of a pathetic
weirdo who really like thought very highly of himself without
much evidence, and instead of transforming his resentment into a
thing that could help people, he ultimately caused the destruction
of a person who could have gone on to improve
civil rights in untold ways in America.
Speaker 2: John Wilkes Booth, you did it. You've come full circle.
You've learned your.
Speaker 1: Lesson, and now you can move on. You can go
to heaven. You can do that.
Speaker 2: Now you can go on right now. I'm just kidding,
I'm acting. How did I do?
Speaker 7: You got me?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 7: That was beautiful.
Speaker 4: There was a brief moment of hope in my heart
and then you dashed it.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I tried to do a whole Christmas Carol thing.
I'm a great admirer of those films. And oh, you
can move on with your life. You've redeemed yourself and
then I pulled the rug out.
Speaker 7: That's fun.
Speaker 4: We do a version of a Christmas Carol down here,
but at the end he takes money from poor people.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the classic Scrooge. Scrooge two too, Scrooge too furious.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, still scrooging.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, guys, I gotta take off, But do me
a favorite. Tell whoever the presidents of the Confederacy is now?
Speaker 7: I said, what's up?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Did Matthew Perry not break the news to you that
eventually Friends was canceled?
Speaker 7: Yeah we got that news.
Speaker 1: No, No, no, it's something on a broader scale. Uh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Confederacy fell apart pretty fucking swiftly.
Speaker 3: Yeah you're kidding me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was my whole thing.
Speaker 2: You can still see remnants of it in like the
parking lot of the Walmart in the South, but that's
about all.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, at.
Speaker 4: Least there's like the occasional statue or something, right that
people tweet with respect.
Speaker 2: They had their day for you know, about a hundred years.
But no, they recently they started tearing those down.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you guys.
Speaker 4: But certainly the people that follow our edicts and stuff,
they're good guys, right, they're not people who exploit other
people and profuse themselves to be like alphas who sort
of dominate women and other people.
Speaker 7: That they don't like us, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no they do. They actually quite love you. If
it's any consolation that mindset is pretty prominent in the
podcasting space. Not this podcast, but right, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, hey, look, we'll always have podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, well
it's it's been a thing, yeah, John Woks Booth. I
wouldn't say it's a treat, but it's certainly been an episode.
John Wilkes Booth. That's how most people feel when they
see me.
Speaker 7: You're talking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, we got a play to catch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I've got my vacation. Oh yeah yeah, ooh fun.
Speaker 4: Hey I could just do monologues for you guys for
a while if you want, tell you what.
Speaker 7: I'll come with you wherever you go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, go ahead, win outside first, John Wilkes Booth.
We're gonna wrap things up in here, but we'll be
right out there here in a second.
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, all right, you guys have really good pals
of mine. Now see, we'll see you soon.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna go out the other entrance. Chris, we
can just go out the window. Yeah. Yeah, but uh, hey,
if you want to support us, go to our patreon
at good Morning from hell dot com.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we get the Saint hatreon Saint tyr. What is
that six sixty six?
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many options. And hey, do you want
to get recommend by Clayton on LinkedIn? That's the only
way to do it.
Speaker 1: That's right, you might connection on LinkedIn. You gotta pay
for that, that's premium stuff. Yeah, Salvett Clayton. That's that's
Latin for Hail Clayton. Oh yeah, it didn't land, Yeah,
lat okay. All right, see you guys next week.
Speaker 3: Thank you mort Burke for coming on. Tell the people
where they can find you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks guys for having me. That was fun.
Speaker 9: You can find me at mort Burke on Instagram. Specifically,
I'm posting a bunch of sketches lately, so go check
that out. And I got a podcast with Ashley Burch,
my wife, called Rebrand that's a ton of funk, so
please go listen to that. And I got a stand
up special called Spiritually Filthy that you can look up.
Speaker 7: That's on YouTube. And I got another one coming soon
that's gonna be called There's beauty in it all.
Speaker 1: Oh brd, I just.
Speaker 2: The connection that your wife is your co host on
that show. We were talking about your wife and then
your co hosts on your podcast as if they were
two separate entities, and now they're a oh really yeah,
oh yeah, sorry sorry, anyways, if you want to hear
Mortan his wife.
Speaker 9: But I told that whole story about how she wanted
Emmy and she's very busy.
Speaker 2: Well but then you were like, yeah, my wife the
Emmy winner and then my podcast hosts the Emmy winner, And.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, he's just surrounded.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so real quick, tell people what is rebrand if
they haven't had the opportunity to listen for sure, Yes,
we just rebrand anything.
Speaker 9: So we did an episode where we rebranded Ohio, We'll
rebrand Death, will rebrand Snickers. Like it's basically just a
fun excuse to do an entire episode talking about one
specific idea or brand. So we talk about how things
suck and then we talk about how to make them better.
We did an episode where we rebranded Dwayne the Rock
Johnson as a dramatic actor before he did that, like
we like predicted the whole thing. Although that one we
really knew the idea of him working with Paul Thomas
Anderson and him changing his name specifically to Dwayne the.
Speaker 3: Actor John say, yeah, people go look for rebrand wherever
we listen to podcasts, and we might be doing a
collaboration where I, me and Blane comm on, so we'll
probably try and coordinate that. So you might be able
to find me in Blaine. If you go search for
a rebrand of all.
Speaker 1: The episodes, that's going to be one of them. It's
going to be great. We're going to be able to
keep up with you and Ashley Emmy Winner. Yeah yeah,
so yeah, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 3: We're going to go talk about why we're going to hell.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, Thanks, Dad's bye.