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Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I am Chris and I'm dead

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and my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where

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we interview everyone in Hell, and I'm joined by my

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co hosts. Oh oh yeah, I just saw something terrible, Chris.

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This is Clayton.

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Speaker 2: Hey, how's it going? Goodness here? Oh god, I'm scarred

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for life, Chris. I'm scarred for the afterlife. I did

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what what happened?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So Hell's a big place.

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Speaker 3: I don't know this.

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Speaker 2: I don't let you out, but believe me, beyond these

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four walls, it's a massive, massive place. And you've shown

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me pictures of things that could you. I don't let

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you out all that much, but yeah, no, it's it's huge.

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So anyways, you know, I have certain privileges as a demon,

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as Satan's younger brother. Yeah, and so sometimes I just

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take the keys and I just go around and I

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just explore and I just open up random doors. We

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got some real back room shit going on out there,

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some red rooms, just some weird stuff, you know.

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Speaker 4: I just like opening doors here and there. Yeah, it's

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always weird, kind of.

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Speaker 1: Like an MMO RPG or something. Yeah, yeah, but it's like.

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Speaker 2: It's real life and I'm exploring and sometimes I get

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lonely and I think maybe I should bring Chris along it,

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and then I'm like, nah, he shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Be here for this. This is too much fun. Uh huh.

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I found the worst room I could have encountered in hell.

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Speaker 2: I think that this is legitimately the worst place I've

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ever been to, and it has shaken me to my core.

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Speaker 1: That's actually saying a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, basically it was called the Cumjin Oh, and I

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didn't know what to expect in there. I was thinking,

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maybe this is some sort of like masturbatory office or

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something of the sort. Was it labeled yet on the

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door in black spray paint and Stincil just said cum

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Gin And it was just a normal door. And I

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opened it up and it was sticky, very sticky, and

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the door it was really slow, and at first when

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I entered, the lights weren't on and it just was

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just kind of like a cave, like it was like dripping.

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It was really warm and like kind of like musky,

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and the smell of the smell kind of like bleach,

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kind of a bleachy smell. Yeah, it's like like a

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chlorine ha. And so I go in and I turn

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on the lights, and I noticed that my feet are

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sticking to the ground, hand is sticking to the light switch.

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I think I found the place that when people on

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Earth masturbate, that's just where all the dead seamen goes.

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Speaker 1: It's just everywhere.

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Speaker 2: It's all of the collective spunk from human history and

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animal kind. Oh my god, all in one room, all

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in one massive I mean like arena size room.

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Speaker 1: Hey would imagine. Yeah, it was terrible.

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Speaker 2: So I guess it's like little sperms go to Hell. Yeah,

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I mean they're not baptized, so they got to go somewhere.

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And so it's just a room, just a huge slip

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and slide room of just hot man gravy.

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Speaker 4: What a solution for that be for someone to jerk

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off into some holy water.

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Speaker 2: If you want your come to go to heaven, then yes,

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using some sort of holy water based lubricant will typically work.

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Otherwise it's come down here to the cumjin. How does

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it collect? Is there a pool? I was there and

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I was just I was I was gobsmacked or come smacked, comsmacked,

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and I just couldn't figure out what I was seeing with.

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Speaker 1: My own eyes. Huh.

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Speaker 2: And every now and then there would just be new

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dribbles that would appear out of nowhere to add.

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Speaker 1: To the mounds.

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Speaker 2: And it's just piles of still wet but still kind

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of dry, gungk on the walls, in the corners, just everywhere,

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just white gray, somewhat yellow, transparenty.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, Chris, it was terrible.

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Speaker 4: Oh man, I think I found you a new bedroom, Chris.

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Speaker 1: I think we're gonna move you in tomorrow. The coum

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that's there, is it organizing anyway? Did you see the line?

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I saw no rhyme or reason.

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Speaker 2: There was just chaos and cum It was just everywhere,

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no organizational system, Like they just didn't know what to

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do with it, so they just designated this spot and

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it just all goes there.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if there's people who have near death experiences

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on Earth and they say they saw a white light

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and it was actually just the Cumjin, like that's where

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they were looking into.

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Speaker 2: You know what, You might have something there, because I

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did see footprints and like a couple of stuck shoes

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in the ground from people who had the misfortune of

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ending up there.

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Speaker 4: So maybe they spawned into Hell when the cum Gin.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Man, we're gonna have to do some

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more exploring.

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Speaker 2: But if luckily you're gonna be moving in there, we'll

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report back onto it, or we won't because this is horrifying.

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Speaker 1: Stay tuned for more cum gin up.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, anyways, Uh got an episode today? Huh yeah?

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Speaker 1: So who are we interviewing today? Uh?

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Speaker 2: It's end of June, right, yeah, we got We got

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fourth of July coming up. And I think, like you know,

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whenever we do these holiday episodes, they seem to perform.

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Speaker 1: Well, do we have like a founding father?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: I think we.

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Speaker 1: Tapped out on those guys.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 2: It's like Hamilton. No, Hamilton, he's overplayed. He had the

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whole Broadway thing. Nobody cares about him unless we did Lin, Manuel, Miranda.

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He's gonna be ending up here soon.

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Speaker 1: Jefferson.

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Speaker 2: No, no, no, well William did Jefferson sooner or later.

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We did Washington, we did Franklin. We do not that

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guy who makes beer. Who makes beer, that's a good one,

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but uh no, no, no, uh, Aniser Bush he's not available.

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Speaker 1: Also not a founding father.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, okay, well you know what, I have someone

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here that I could probably get in on such short notice.

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They're a pretty significant figure. I'm sure you've enjoyed their

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work before. I have them listed here as Wow, they're

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the inventor of fireworks, so that's not the fourth of July, right, Yeah, they're.

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Speaker 1: A big deal, right yeah.

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Speaker 2: Okay, hold on, let me payge them, let me make

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some calls quick and uh okay, yeah they're right outside.

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Oh wait, hold on, they need assistance getting in. Chris,

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can you go to the door and can you can you?

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Can you go help them in? And I know what

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they Yeah, okay, okay, all right, welcoming to good word

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for now. It's the inventor of fireworks. Hello, what the

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hell's up? Mother bugger ship? I dropped my spoen there?

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Can you pick that thing up on my right arm?

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Speaker 3: I just dropped. That's all disconnected. I'm a big pile

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of just appendages and ship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah you have like a bucket or yeah, he is

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just all over the place. There's a wheelbar over there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, put my right side in the wheelbarrow.

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Speaker 5: Put my left side in the basket over there, please

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and I and then we'll make this work.

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Speaker 2: Okay, audience at home, Sorry, this is an audio podcast,

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but to your pieces literally.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I just dropped my peek. Mind. It can

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be hard to talk. Let me put the thing back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, those back in.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: So I didn't catch your name. What was your name?

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Speaker 5: My name is Chris Blaine. I've got a lot in

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common you too, Okay, Chris Blaine.

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Speaker 1: You know Chris Blaine.

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Speaker 3: It's a mix of Chris Angel and David Blaine.

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Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah, that's why I figured y'all would really relate

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to that name. I get the Chris part. I don't understand.

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I'm Clayton. No, I know that, Clayton.

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Speaker 5: I just know that you're a huge even blame from

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That's what I'm saying, right.

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Speaker 3: I didn't mean to insinuate anything else besides that.

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Speaker 1: That's it, Okay, Chris Blaine. Cool, I know.

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Speaker 5: You introduced me as the fucking inventor of fireworks. Now,

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I am a connoissewer. I do deal with the things

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I did when I was alive, But goddamn, I have

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to give credit where credit is due to the three

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thousand year old Chinese man who actually invented fireworks.

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Speaker 3: That was not me.

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Speaker 1: I did not know.

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Speaker 5: We were not alive in the corporal realm at the

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same time. So you got that a little bit wrong

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in my autobiography. I probably read that off Wikipedia or

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something like that. It was the Google AI that thing.

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It's taken a while to fucking update here and the

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hell I get it. Yeah, it's a little off service

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a spot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna see. It does not appear that

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you are from China. You seem to be from America.

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Speaker 1: American born and raised. Okay, which is the fourth of

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July episode. You thought you invited the three thousand year

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old Chinese man?

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Speaker 4: Oh god, where did you get blackcasts?

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Speaker 1: Is so loud? That's right.

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Speaker 3: I fart those every couple of minutes.

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Speaker 5: All sorts of things wrong with me, Like I said,

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out of my disembodied ask that's a city right.

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Speaker 1: Next to Oh that is that where they came from? Okay,

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all right, it looks like at least one or two

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of these parts aren't yours, because it looks like there

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is an arm or two that appears Asian.

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Speaker 5: I took a lot of people with me.

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Speaker 2: I kind of want to get into that. Why are

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you so many different body parts? Was this from all

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one event or did you lose them over time?

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Speaker 5: The answer is a little bit of both. I mean

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I've had so many closed calls over the years. I

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should have been dead a long time ago. I kind

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of see this as a lucky thing that I lasted

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as long as I did, being the premier firework magician

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in a world. That's the thing that I maybe didn't

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say that when I first came out. I'm a firework magician,

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you know how David Blaine, he calls himself a magician.

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But people are like, is that really magic to just

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like freeze yourself in ice for three weeks or something,

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and yeah, or stay awake for a year or whatever

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he does.

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Speaker 1: I'm the same thing, but with fireworks.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I certainly hold the world record for most black

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cats stuffed up my ass basically name of firework.

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Speaker 3: I have stuffed the most up my ass.

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Speaker 5: Dragons, eggs, barrage, barricade, the diamond sun, mines of Mars,

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all of them.

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Speaker 3: I have the world record up my ass for all

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of them.

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Speaker 1: Prestigious.

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Speaker 3: Yes, So obviously some people like, is that magic? It

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is magic.

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Speaker 5: I am the premiere world's best firework magician. Chris Blaine,

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You're at your service, ask me anything.

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Speaker 2: And so, Chris Blaine, when you say that you are

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a performer and that you're firework magician. Yeah, what kind

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of venues are we talking? Where are you performing these apps?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Well I started out in humble beginnings in my friend

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Kurt's backyard. So Kurt's kind of an outcast of the community.

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So really I only get at least one or two

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people to my shows when I was doing them, but

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I had good word of mouth. Those two people told

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two people. So my next show, I got four people

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at my show. I double wow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, damn oh, you know that was for my big

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That's more.

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Speaker 4: People than listen to our podcast probably.

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Speaker 3: Hell yeah. Those four people saw me get a back

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tattoo with a Roman candle. Full back tattoo.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you've got a tattoo with a Roman candle.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it's dangerous and I don't recommend it.

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Speaker 5: And I was cauterizing the wound with you know how

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sometimes you bleed once you put the ink, and I

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was using the ink from the Wildcat, you know.

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Speaker 3: Basically, I soak all of the.

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Speaker 1: Ink off of the Wildcat packaging.

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Speaker 5: You know, it takes a couple of weeks. Then I

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have a nice little bowl of ink. Then I use

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a Roman fucking candle and a fucking electric toothbrush. And

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it's a long, complicated thing, and all of a sudden

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next thing, I know, I have a fucking back tattoo

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of the statue of Liberty stuffing, yes, you guess it,

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three tons.

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Speaker 3: Of black cats up her asshole.

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Speaker 5: And I don't know if you remember when David Copperfield

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made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Was my magnum opus

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I've been working towards. Which is how I died, was

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me stuffing three tons of black cats up the statue

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of Liberty's asshole and then lighten her off while being inside.

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Speaker 3: That's a whole while.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so the black cats are up the statue of Liberty, and.

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Speaker 5: I have a mini statue of Liberty in my asshole

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too while I got inside.

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Speaker 3: Oh oh, this is fireworks magic inception. Baby wow, it's.

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Speaker 2: A turduckin yes, So then like if I moved the

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skin around, I can see this, this imagery of the

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statue of Liberty. That's very wow, more detailed than I expected.

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They actually did a pretty good job.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, they had to be jigsaw back together, I

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think buying the actual jigsaw from saw when I got here, And.

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Speaker 2: So did you have like an assistant that was, for

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lack of a better term, taking back shots with that

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Roman candle on your back.

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Speaker 5: Yes, his name was Kurt, the guy I started with. Oh,

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like I said, not many people like Kurt. But I'm

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stuck by Kurt's.

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Speaker 1: Side and he's stuck by your backside.

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Speaker 3: He stuck a lot of shit on my back. Yes, exactly.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, we got a lot of information there. I'm

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so curious about Kurt. I'm so curious about the Statue

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of Liberty. Uh huh your magnum opus, you said, is

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that how you ended up ultimately passing away?

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Speaker 1: Was the Statue Liberty Act?

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Speaker 3: The answer is.

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Speaker 5: Yes, so obviously when you're doing what someone would call

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psychotic firework magic like me, sochotic firework magic like things

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that basically should obviously kill you. It's just like Willie,

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he was just like, that's clearly gonna kill you if

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you're in the Statue of Liberties, fucking asshole filled with

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black cats three tons. But I take a lot of precautions,

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just like I'm sure David Blaine. It's like, it looks

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crazy to be frozen in the black of ice, but

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he does baby steps over years and he trains for

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this shit.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: That's me, So I should have known better, but I

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kind of did some miscalculations. I also didn't realize just

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how much toxic material the French put into that Statue

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of Liberty. You know, they really fucked me. So I

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really was breathing and all that shit in you know. Yeah,

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I also put a whole bunch of blue and white

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powder in the assholes.

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Speaker 3: Because I wanted to look. Actually was farting red, white

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and blue for the fourth of July.

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Speaker 1: Where would the red come from?

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Speaker 3: Though, well, unfortunately it came from my blood.

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Speaker 5: Just be exploding, but it was going to be a

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bunch of dye, like I just blended in with the

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red die forgot to mention the red diver.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, it was just me.

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Speaker 5: I was the red exploding out of the Statue of

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Liberty's butthole.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I would have probably.

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Speaker 5: Survived that, but I breathed in too much of the

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green from her ass the too much light, and the

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blue from the powder, and then the black cat three tons.

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I really should have just stuck with about a ton

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and a half. Yeah, that extra ton and a half

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really didn't do much for me, so kill me.

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Speaker 2: So for a moment there though, it looked like the

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Statue of Liberty was just shitting blood. And then it

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just kind of turned into a Ti Die technicolor turd

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of explosions.

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Speaker 3: Well an American turn it was rede Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Sure, as it should be naturally.

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I guess in a way you made yourself disappear. No,

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I'm a magician.

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Speaker 5: Wow.

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Speaker 3: I didn't think about it like that.

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Speaker 5: Shut Wow, God damn it. That should have been my plan.

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B is, like, all right, if I die, at least

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have somebody come out and go.

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Speaker 3: That was the plan.

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Speaker 4: That was Kurt not there for your big final act.

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Speaker 5: H Kurt Loves. How do I put this methamphetamines? Oh

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he's doing uppers downers. So you never really know what

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you're gonna get on any given second with Kurt, you

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know whether he's up or down, and at that moment

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he was passed out oron Ellis Island.

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Speaker 3: It sucks. We never really got to.

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Speaker 1: Say goodbye and right when you need it. Yeah, have

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you spoken to Kurt since? Is he dead or alive?

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Or surely he's dead?

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Speaker 2: I mean if he lives the same kind of lifestyle

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you do and he's got meth in his system.

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Speaker 5: You know, I don't think Kirk can down. I assume

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kurk do things that I would never do. And I'm

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the fucking Chris Blaine of fireworks.

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Speaker 3: Man.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy, he's.

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Speaker 5: Like the Keith Richards of the trailer park. Really, no

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matter what, Kirk will be there. You don't like to

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see Kurt. Not many people do.

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Speaker 3: He's got he's runnings with the laws. I just known

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00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,600
him since I was one years old. What do you

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00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,320
want from me? Man? You want me to fucking kick

348
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Kirk to the curb?

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Speaker 1: No, of course, not no, no, no, And that would

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be challenging with your leg's not being attached anyway, exactly.

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Speaker 3: Well, in my current state, I'm not going fucking anywhere.

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I hope you can become friends.

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Speaker 1: You're stuck with me, Clayton and Chris. It's us Chris Blaine, Yes, Chris.

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He said that Kurt had some run ins with the law.

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Did you ever have any run ins with the law?

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I mean, because fireworks, I have run ins with the law.

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Speaker 5: You know, like fireworks are a touchy subject in America, right,

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some places that are illegal.

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Speaker 3: What.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, sometimes that's kind of how you make your living

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00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,399
as a fireworks kind of sewer. You go to the

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nearest place where fireworks are illegal, you go right across

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that state border to work they are, and you're the

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00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,480
fucking man, all right, you are.

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Speaker 3: The man of that town. Yeah, you know where you

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00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:05,600
can get fireworks?

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00:14:05,639 --> 00:14:07,720
Speaker 5: Oh that guy that weird stand, you know with his

368
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,120
fucking pass out friend Kurt on the side of the road.

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00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,200
You know. So that's kind of where I got my

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starts in one of those stands you ever seen, like

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00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,759
good Fellows and shit. I was like one of those

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00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:18,559
mafia guys. Yeah, I had a territory. You don't fucking

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00:14:18,639 --> 00:14:21,080
sell black cats in my fucking territory without waking up

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00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,759
with a bunch of black cats in your mouth, or

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00:14:22,759 --> 00:14:24,919
a horse head fill of black cats in your bed

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00:14:25,039 --> 00:14:25,399
or something.

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00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:27,799
Speaker 1: Oh I thought you're gonna say, a cat's head in

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00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,200
your bed.

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00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 3: God, I always forget that black cats are named after

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00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:31,039
actual animal.

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00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,000
Speaker 1: Yeah they are, right.

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00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, you really like stuffing fireworks into things.

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00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,720
Speaker 5: That is what I'm all about. Basically, anyone can put

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00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:41,720
one fucking bottle rocket coming out of your asshole. Okay,

385
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:43,120
you think I'm impressed with that shit.

386
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,639
Speaker 1: Well, that impressed you little.

387
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:48,039
Speaker 2: It is funny seeing like when they should naturally release

388
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,519
the bottle rocket, they clinched their ass tighter, which holds

389
00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:54,480
the bottle rocket, which causes the sparks. It's funny to

390
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,120
continue to Yeah, it's good, it's fun, it's entertainment.

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00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,879
Speaker 5: One of the funniest things you could possibly see is

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00:14:58,879 --> 00:15:01,240
someone putting a fire work of any kind in their

393
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,759
buttle and having a two doc Now, imagine that person

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00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:06,000
and how cool you think they are. Imagine someone right

395
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,720
next to that person and like, guess what, I got

396
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,039
two fireworks in my asshole.

397
00:15:09,679 --> 00:15:11,480
Speaker 3: God damn, that guy's twice as cool.

398
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,679
Speaker 5: And then you imagine, right next to that person, someone

399
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,200
would double that. It's like you were just cooler and cooler.

400
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,360
The more fireworks you're having, your asshole exponentially. Yeah, if

401
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,480
you were just stuffed to maximum capacity like me, you

402
00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:22,879
can't get cooler than fucking that.

403
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,279
Speaker 1: Did you ever accidentally put the firework in backward.

404
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,519
Speaker 3: So loutly, yes, absolut fuckingly.

405
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,679
Speaker 5: That actually kind of helped me the first time I

406
00:15:32,679 --> 00:15:35,519
did that, because it made my asshole like four feet

407
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,759
deeper than most peoples it went all the way up.

408
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,559
My coling goes up to my throat. Oh, because I've

409
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,039
like created so much room. There's been so many explosions

410
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,200
inside there that are just as like expanded.

411
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Speaker 1: It's like a cheat code.

412
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 2: At that point, you like unlocked a new level of

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00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:51,600
being able to show fireworks up your own ass, kind

414
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,600
of like the end of the Grinch.

415
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Speaker 3: No one will ever break my record.

416
00:15:54,159 --> 00:15:57,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, my asshole gained three sizes that day or whatever.

417
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:58,200
Speaker 3: The fuck?

418
00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,000
Speaker 1: Wow, that's crazy, it was crazy.

419
00:16:00,279 --> 00:16:02,039
Speaker 3: Y'all want to hear my morning routine?

420
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,080
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well, before we get into that, Chris Blaine,

421
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,759
I did want to take a moment for our sponsor.

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have another really fun segment Chris Blaine.

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00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,920
Speaker 1: One thing that we do here on this show is

456
00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:31,000
we roast people who support us.

457
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,359
Speaker 5: You barbecue them, well, you eat them. And I figured

458
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,960
it light way Kenny Rogers.

459
00:17:36,079 --> 00:17:38,559
Speaker 1: People who go to good Morning from Hell dot com

460
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:41,599
and support us on our hatreon, they can submit to

461
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:46,680
get roasted, like Jeffrey Ross. Yeah, you're the Jeffrey Ross

462
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,200
of Hell. Sure, I don't know.

463
00:17:48,519 --> 00:17:50,039
Speaker 2: Can you google that to make sure if that's not a

464
00:17:50,079 --> 00:17:52,160
guy that's like canceled before we agreeeded that.

465
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's the roastmass from General.

466
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 1: Whoa oh yeah.

467
00:17:56,519 --> 00:17:59,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, sure sure, sure, sure yeah yeah.

468
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 2: This is how we make our money, which I want

469
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,799
to put a pin in how you make your money

470
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:04,640
because I'm so curious how much money there is in

471
00:18:04,759 --> 00:18:06,000
Psycho Firework Magic.

472
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,279
Speaker 5: I know this isn't a comedy podcast, but I figured

473
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:11,079
y'all would know about a comedian Roastmaster General.

474
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 1: We'll put a black cat instead of a pen.

475
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,799
Speaker 3: Yes that's what you're used to.

476
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, anyways, we're gonna get into the roast.

477
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,920
Speaker 2: Feel free to chime in, Chris Plaine please, Okay, so

478
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,319
this is from Casey. I love making people laugh, even

479
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,279
at my own expense, I'm awkward, clumsy, and down for

480
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,480
just about anything. Oh okay, as far as hobbies.

481
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: Hanging out with her Sunshine band sorry.

482
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:37,599
Speaker 2: Casey and the Sunshine, Yes, gotcha, case Roasty Casey.

483
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 1: It's a seventy year old band.

484
00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 4: Casey works as a security guard at a bowling alley.

485
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 3: Cool.

486
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 4: You might have run into her before, Actually, Chris.

487
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,119
Speaker 1: Plaine, this sounds awesome. Yeah.

488
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,839
Speaker 2: They train in MMA and play video games yes, Fortnite ha.

489
00:18:51,079 --> 00:18:53,799
They love going to the beach to bodyboard and play

490
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,599
a handful of instruments. It's a pretty complex person. What

491
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,079
kind of bowling alley do you need to have security?

492
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:03,359
Are people stealing the shoes? Are you pinning them on

493
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:05,720
the lanes with your MMA fighting style?

494
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,759
Speaker 5: I get it because bowling alleys are a source of

495
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,240
hoodlums where I come from. It's like Nickel Pitcher beer

496
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,400
night over at the bowling alley. You're like four games

497
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,240
deep and get into some fight about you're over the line.

498
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,640
You see big Lebowski. You know that kind of shit? Yeah,

499
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,160
someone pulls a gun on someone and turn them and play.

500
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,839
I mean, you know, anything gonna happen in the fucking

501
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,000
bowling alley if you got pictures flowing for sure.

502
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,319
Speaker 1: A lot of cigarette burns on the arms for these folks.

503
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

504
00:19:30,039 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 2: As far as embarrassing stories and confessions, they said they

505
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,880
once made a TikTok about a dream they had with

506
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,359
Demmy Lovado. I really don't know what I was thinking

507
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,759
and immediately deleted it because it was so embarrassing. Some

508
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,759
people I knew saw it and they never let me

509
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:44,480
live it down. No, I've ever tell people about your

510
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:47,400
dreams ever. Also, don't post things on the internet, like,

511
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,960
don't go on the internet talking about cumjin's and stuff

512
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,640
like that, because you know, if you're gonna try to

513
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,480
become something later down the road, people are gonna remember that.

514
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:55,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, or at the.

515
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 5: Very least do it under a pseudonym. Unfortunately, Clayton here

516
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:00,279
as fuck, you know.

517
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,279
Speaker 2: So Yeah, Chris though, I mean, Chris is all these

518
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,319
terrible things on this show, and this is just going

519
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,200
to carry on with him.

520
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,759
Speaker 4: Well, thankfully, there's a lot of chris Is like Chris Blaine.

521
00:20:08,519 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 3: Thank goodness.

522
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 1: Well, don't mention the last name. Oh sorry, I have

523
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:14,759
a question too about this person. So they practice MMA

524
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,640
in their spare time. Is that just getting beat up?

525
00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:18,359
They just get beat up all the time. Is that

526
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,680
what practicing Mma is Casey.

527
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 2: Might be the one that's doing the beating. If they're

528
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,200
out there doing bodyboarding, then they've probably got a good core.

529
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,240
I'm sure that Casey's pretty strong and being a Bowl

530
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,200
Alley security guard, they probably know how to tumble, you know,

531
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,720
m she could probably rip your dick off, Chris, if

532
00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:35,880
I'm being quite honest.

533
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,599
Speaker 1: If it wasn't already off, that's very true. Good point. Okay,

534
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,000
moving on.

535
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 5: I don't know, Casey sounds like a turkey to me.

536
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,119
That's a bowling reference.

537
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,759
Speaker 3: Oh my god, roasting.

538
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: Or ass got her? Okay, moving on to Java.

539
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:50,599
Speaker 2: Java is a teenager who loves Pokemon, D and D

540
00:20:50,759 --> 00:20:53,480
and anything else nerdy. Oh, I have a lot of

541
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:56,599
social troubles at school for being the fat gay nerd

542
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,440
and want to see if you guys can be more

543
00:20:58,559 --> 00:21:01,559
cruel than kids in middle school aka the ninth three

544
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,799
of Hell after Florida.

545
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 1: That's impossible. No one is meaner than kids in middle school.

546
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 3: So oh yeah, they're saying themselves.

547
00:21:08,799 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 2: Oh man, they said, don't hold back, but I really

548
00:21:11,319 --> 00:21:12,799
kind of want to their Java.

549
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,599
Speaker 1: I mean, those think you got a rough already. Let

550
00:21:14,599 --> 00:21:14,880
me see.

551
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,799
Speaker 2: As far as hobbies, they say, I'm currently looking for

552
00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:20,119
a job and do odd jobs like snow shoveling and mowing.

553
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:24,039
Hobbies include playing Pokemon, collecting and trading Pokemon cards, playing

554
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,240
D and D, playing with my cat and dogs. So

555
00:21:26,279 --> 00:21:28,160
do you play Pokemon and D and D with your

556
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,319
cats and dogs? That's my interpretation. You got to catch

557
00:21:31,319 --> 00:21:33,920
some new friends then If that's the case, gott to

558
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,279
catch them all, or at least at least one or two.

559
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:36,599
Speaker 3: Yeah.

560
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 2: Oh man, I just can't imagine that Java is not

561
00:21:39,319 --> 00:21:42,160
listening to this from the inside of a locker right now.

562
00:21:43,079 --> 00:21:45,480
Moving on, Java says that they are non binary and

563
00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:47,319
that they're in a gay theater group. They are trying

564
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,559
to collect all the rares. Yeah yeah, all the shinies,

565
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:52,839
the shiny Pokemon.

566
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: Yeah okay.

567
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 2: And then, as far as an embarrassing story, Java says

568
00:21:56,279 --> 00:21:58,920
that they were in a theater class with some other

569
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,319
people and that they were thinking about doing a sketch

570
00:22:02,319 --> 00:22:05,519
about periods, but then Java didn't know what periods were,

571
00:22:05,599 --> 00:22:08,200
and then everyone had to explain to Java what a

572
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:08,759
period is.

573
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,039
Speaker 1: And you know, those middle school kids smelled blood in

574
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:13,480
the water. It's not bad. Chris that's not bad. Well, hey,

575
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,119
coffee person, guess what. I don't think.

576
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,319
Speaker 3: Your fat or gay are nerdy enough.

577
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 5: Okay, if you're ever fucking taking a fuse from a

578
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,000
bone shaker in your.

579
00:22:22,839 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 2: Asshole, Chris plain, I do have to remind you that

580
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,559
this is I don't want to call them a child,

581
00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:27,839
but they are in high school.

582
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,839
Speaker 1: But you didn't tell me that. I just want you

583
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:30,359
to be aware.

584
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 5: Well, this is all under the assumption that might people

585
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,799
work twenty one and up.

586
00:22:33,839 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, boom roasted super duper. Thank you guys for

587
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,759
writing in to get roasted, Casey and Java. If you

588
00:22:39,799 --> 00:22:41,559
guys want to get roasted, you can sign up for

589
00:22:41,599 --> 00:22:43,720
our patreon. We have a submission for him for all

590
00:22:43,799 --> 00:22:46,359
patrons for them to get roasted. We do those sporadically,

591
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,000
and we also do some shout outs here and there.

592
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:48,599
Speaker 1: But yeah, thank you.

593
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,279
Speaker 2: That means that you guys supported the show, and that

594
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:51,839
must be really hard when you're in high school, you

595
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,839
don't have a job and you're getting taught what a

596
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,559
period is by all of your classmates.

597
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:56,319
Speaker 3: Yeah. Fuck that.

598
00:22:56,559 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 1: Good morning from hell dot com. If anyone's interested, that's right.

599
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 4: Okay, So Psycho Firework magic.

600
00:23:01,559 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 1: Tell us about a day in your life or what

601
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:03,960
was your life?

602
00:23:04,039 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 5: I wake up, huh after a long night because obviously,

603
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,359
if you're into fireworks, you're a night out. That makes

604
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,559
sense because that's when you can see the fucking things,

605
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:13,400
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, Otherwise we're just kind

606
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,160
of squint and you're like, oh, I think that was cool,

607
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,559
but it's like fucking brightest shit out here. So anyway,

608
00:23:17,599 --> 00:23:20,640
I wake up usually around one PM. I take all

609
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,519
the pallor out of a warhawk and I brush my

610
00:23:22,559 --> 00:23:24,319
teeth with it, okay, and then I do a couple

611
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,480
of lines of the same shit.

612
00:23:25,559 --> 00:23:27,519
Speaker 3: Then I put the rest in my pickle juice.

613
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: U Huh. Kurt starts his mornings with a couple of

614
00:23:29,759 --> 00:23:30,240
lines too.

615
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, he also sprinkles in the real shit in there too.

616
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,519
But we love Kurt. He's gonna live till he's one

617
00:23:35,559 --> 00:23:37,839
hundred and fifty. At least you like bacon, You like

618
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,839
eating breakfast and shit.

619
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 5: I used to and I was able to you ever

620
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,279
hear about the sky bacon crackling comet sky bacon. That's

621
00:23:44,279 --> 00:23:46,720
a brand sky bacon. I have my bacon with a

622
00:23:46,839 --> 00:23:48,880
side of the sky bacon. Crack with common.

623
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 4: Oh skybeeait's a fireworks.

624
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,640
Speaker 3: I'm eating fireworks in the morning.

625
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 4: Okay, god, okay, got it.

626
00:23:53,039 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 1: That's good.

627
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,759
Speaker 3: If you want to live your art, you gotta be

628
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,680
your art. How do you be? You are what you eat?

629
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,519
You ever heard that shit? Yeah? Yeah?

630
00:23:59,559 --> 00:24:01,079
Speaker 1: Fuck it? Yeah, dude, you took that literally?

631
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 3: Huh? I took it as literally as fuck.

632
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,279
Speaker 5: And I'm at least seven percent fireworks last time I

633
00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:06,880
took a physical is what they told me. And I'm

634
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,000
pretty sure that's more than most people. I am highly flammable.

635
00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:11,880
I do not go to the gas stations and stuff.

636
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,599
Speaker 1: Judging by this wheelbarrow, I would say way more than

637
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,079
seven percent exactly.

638
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 3: I take that as a compliment.

639
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,559
Speaker 5: And then I take a shower in Dragon's Eggs. Artillery

640
00:24:19,599 --> 00:24:21,240
sales Okay, yeah, are they lit?

641
00:24:21,319 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 3: Or are these like? No? No, no, no no. I like

642
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,920
the text sh ah, it's a dust shower.

643
00:24:25,039 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: Fire is Nature's cleanser.

644
00:24:27,039 --> 00:24:29,079
Speaker 3: I'm a big survivor fan too. And then that show

645
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,039
Fire is Your Life.

646
00:24:30,079 --> 00:24:32,039
Speaker 2: You know how when you go to a fireworks stand

647
00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:34,240
and they'll say something like buy one.

648
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,039
Speaker 4: Get five free. Yes, do you like take advantage of

649
00:24:37,039 --> 00:24:37,440
those sales?

650
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,799
Speaker 2: Because that can't be sustainable for a business, right, Well,

651
00:24:40,799 --> 00:24:41,559
it's a little bit.

652
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,599
Speaker 5: Of voodoo math really, if you're asking me, I mean,

653
00:24:43,599 --> 00:24:46,359
the firework economy is actually booming.

654
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:47,559
Speaker 1: They're hotter than that. It's good.

655
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,559
Speaker 5: That's a good I don't remember during the pandemic when

656
00:24:50,599 --> 00:24:53,279
everyone was like I hear fireworks twenty four to seven. Yeah,

657
00:24:53,279 --> 00:24:55,319
oh yeah, that was like a thing that went around

658
00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:57,240
and I was like, why is everyone having fireworks? Well,

659
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,720
basically business has been booming ever since that moment. People

660
00:24:59,759 --> 00:25:02,079
fuck love fireworks and that's never gonna slow down. In

661
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,799
terms of what you're talking about. The deals and shit,

662
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,720
a fucking black cat is like a fraction of a penny,

663
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:09,880
So basically they're already selling them, probably five for a dollar.

664
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,960
But then if you say, oh, buy one, get four free,

665
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,799
you just feel like you got some shit for free,

666
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,759
when really you didn't get fucking anything for free.

667
00:25:15,839 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a sales tactic.

668
00:25:17,039 --> 00:25:19,759
Speaker 5: Okay, same things they do, like we dispursederies and stuff.

669
00:25:19,799 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 3: Oh, all these good deals, but really, yeah, it's already

670
00:25:22,519 --> 00:25:22,880
baked in.

671
00:25:23,079 --> 00:25:26,039
Speaker 1: So Chris Blaine, Yes, Chris, what are your thoughts on explosives?

672
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,480
Do those count as fireworks? Like at what point does

673
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,200
something become a firework and what point does it become

674
00:25:31,319 --> 00:25:31,880
a bomb?

675
00:25:32,039 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 3: That's a very good question, huh.

676
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 5: There's a discussion in the firework community, similar to like

677
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,039
in the NBA, like is Michael Jordan or Lebron James.

678
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,039
Speaker 3: The best basketball player of our time?

679
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,319
Speaker 5: People will point like, all right, what's the best fireworks

680
00:25:44,319 --> 00:25:47,039
show of all time? Everyone has their favorites, But the

681
00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:50,880
San Diego fireworks show from about twenty and eleven or so,

682
00:25:51,079 --> 00:25:52,799
y' all know what I'm talking about.

683
00:25:52,599 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 4: Is where they set up all of them at once.

684
00:25:54,839 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 1: Yeah.

685
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, the entire fireworks show got set off at once.

686
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,160
So some people are like, that is clearly the best

687
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,799
fireworks show of all time. Just boom, one, big explosion,

688
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,680
everything it was blow you're fucking low, give it to

689
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:09,680
me in one second, all at once explosion.

690
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,319
Speaker 3: And then some people like, is that really a fireworks show?

691
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 5: I mean, that's just basically a big bomb that went off,

692
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,079
and it was kind of dangerous and it's really not

693
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,519
much to look at, and it's not as.

694
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 3: Cool as ooo boo booh like one afternoett music going on.

695
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,279
Speaker 5: But some people like they're really adrenaline junkies, like I

696
00:26:25,319 --> 00:26:27,920
am look at that fucking San Diego thing go.

697
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll ever see a better firework

698
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:30,400
show than that.

699
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, every fucking one once. That sounds awesome. Would you

700
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:38,440
consider as far as like a competitor, Timothy McVay, would

701
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,559
you consider them a fireworks explicive?

702
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:40,799
Speaker 3: Yeah?

703
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on, Timothy McVeigh. I actually want

704
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:43,920
to hear your take on this.

705
00:26:44,039 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: That's a great question.

706
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 5: You know, I'd never really considered that, Timothy mcveay. You

707
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,920
can see the flip side saying, you know, he was

708
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,440
just giving a personal fireworks show to all of those

709
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,279
individuals in the federal government.

710
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,559
Speaker 1: Well, huh, maybe he is.

711
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 3: One of the founding fathers of.

712
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 5: Well you know how there's like close up match.

713
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 3: Like David Blade was been close up magic. It's like

714
00:27:01,759 --> 00:27:04,000
close some fireworks show. Timoth Evan Fay is like the

715
00:27:04,079 --> 00:27:06,160
David Blaine of close up firework.

716
00:27:05,759 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 5: Magic, even though interesting, the Chris Angel David Blaane of

717
00:27:09,079 --> 00:27:11,640
mainly the subgenre of where you've sticking up your asshole.

718
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,559
I don't think he was a into that, but I

719
00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:15,160
have never thought about it like that, and I think

720
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,200
I agree with you, Chris.

721
00:27:16,279 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 2: That's an interesting interpretation that you guys both collectively came

722
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:20,640
up together.

723
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: With God Bless American and God Bless him.

724
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,519
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well you know, uh, you know, I

725
00:27:26,559 --> 00:27:28,720
do have to ask though in your time as being

726
00:27:28,759 --> 00:27:31,359
a quote psycho firework magician.

727
00:27:31,559 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 3: That's a term other people use.

728
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,519
Speaker 5: I don't think it's psycho, but you know, I understand

729
00:27:34,559 --> 00:27:35,920
how it seems that was sure.

730
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: Timothy McVay said the same. Yeah, did you have.

731
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 2: Run ins with the law where you ever considered like

732
00:27:41,039 --> 00:27:42,160
a threat to the government.

733
00:27:42,279 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 3: Oh?

734
00:27:42,599 --> 00:27:45,079
Speaker 5: Yes, it is illegal in many states. But I've shot

735
00:27:45,079 --> 00:27:47,200
off fireworks out of my asshole out of every single

736
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,079
state in the Union.

737
00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 3: So I have broken law multiple times.

738
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 5: I've gotten caught, paid my time, okay, and I feel

739
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,039
like I've did my service by evangelizing to the people

740
00:27:56,079 --> 00:27:58,559
on the inside about different orfices that they could safely

741
00:27:58,559 --> 00:28:01,440
stick up fireworks and stuff. So I've done community service

742
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,119
for this. I've paid my dues. But sure, yes, I

743
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,319
am seen as a very dangerous individual in many states.

744
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 3: I don't think it's warrant it.

745
00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:10,559
Speaker 5: All I'm doing is trying to basically entertain people, as

746
00:28:10,599 --> 00:28:12,720
you guys can see, but it is highly dangerous and

747
00:28:12,759 --> 00:28:15,039
you know how there's like warning signs, like you can

748
00:28:15,079 --> 00:28:17,440
be filmed here for a music video shoot or something.

749
00:28:17,519 --> 00:28:19,440
You know, anytime I'm doing a show, I'd like to

750
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,319
go around the town and just say it is not

751
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,960
safe to be here this weekend, in the entire town.

752
00:28:24,079 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: Basically anywhere you're at, it's not safe to be You're

753
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,559
kind of giving like a blankets bomb thread of sorts. Well, right,

754
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,440
but I say.

755
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:31,799
Speaker 3: It's not safe.

756
00:28:31,799 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 5: I'm giving them a warning, though I wouldn't just do

757
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,640
it without the warning. At least twelve hours before I'm

758
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,160
putting on a show. I'm blanketing the town with my

759
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,279
propaganda that they know what's up. So if they want

760
00:28:41,279 --> 00:28:43,400
to get out and be safe, I've given that opportunity.

761
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,160
So I'm not doing anything I have to see as

762
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,519
like dangerous to other people, even though people have gotten

763
00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:49,759
badly hurt and I have destroyed a lot of property

764
00:28:49,799 --> 00:28:52,000
and I do regret about eight percent of that.

765
00:28:52,279 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 2: I can see how you think what you're doing isn't wrong.

766
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,119
Chris Blaine, thank you.

767
00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 1: So do you have any plans for the fourth of

768
00:28:58,359 --> 00:29:01,440
July down here in Hell? Yeah? What are your big plans?

769
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 3: Well?

770
00:29:01,759 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 5: I love how hot it is down here. You go

771
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,799
that nice open flame, and so I was thinking about

772
00:29:05,839 --> 00:29:08,440
stuff and a bunch of diamond sun fountains into some

773
00:29:08,559 --> 00:29:11,519
raw ham doing a reverse rotissery for everyone down here

774
00:29:11,519 --> 00:29:11,960
in Hell.

775
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: And those fireworks any sort of weird adjective combined with

776
00:29:15,079 --> 00:29:16,640
weird now, and I just imagine.

777
00:29:16,359 --> 00:29:17,279
Speaker 1: It's some sort of firework.

778
00:29:17,279 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 5: It's a firework, a diamond sun fountain, you know, it

779
00:29:19,279 --> 00:29:21,400
kind of shoots like a little volcano kind of, And

780
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,960
just imagine it inside of a turkey or a big

781
00:29:24,079 --> 00:29:26,799
raw ham, and you're kind of like emblazoning it. It's

782
00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:29,759
cooking from the inside as opposed to having fire and

783
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,599
toasted from the outside end. You're setting off the firework

784
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,440
volcano inside of it and then roasting it from the

785
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:34,920
inside out.

786
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 3: Okay, reverse rotissery.

787
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 2: That sounds delicious, and you don't need to worry about

788
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:42,160
the seasoning because it's got like gunpowder and diamond Yeah probably, yeah, yeah,

789
00:29:42,319 --> 00:29:45,000
what is your official job down here in Hell?

790
00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 5: I gotta be honest, life's been a little more difficult

791
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,279
now that I'm in one to through.

792
00:29:50,799 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 3: Forty five parts here.

793
00:29:52,039 --> 00:29:55,039
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, like that's been the biggest thing. But honestly,

794
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:59,000
in a weird way. Yeah, I've been reinvigorated with creativity,

795
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:02,480
Like I can take my arm, hold my heart. Yeah,

796
00:30:02,519 --> 00:30:05,519
while it's still beating, stuff a fucking bulk and sparkle

797
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,559
into that thing, and I'm getting more into my art

798
00:30:07,599 --> 00:30:07,839
for me.

799
00:30:08,119 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's very off on guard. Yeah, you'd be

800
00:30:10,759 --> 00:30:13,079
really good at to solve the magician in half trick.

801
00:30:13,319 --> 00:30:15,559
Speaker 5: No one really believes that for me anymore. Yeah, they

802
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:16,920
kind of look at me. They go, all right, well

803
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,079
you're in forty five pieces. But I have been busking

804
00:30:19,079 --> 00:30:20,519
a lot down into the highway to hell.

805
00:30:20,559 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 3: You've ever gone down that road? Yeah, yeah, of course,

806
00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:24,519
of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, Well busk and I work

807
00:30:24,559 --> 00:30:25,039
on my art.

808
00:30:25,079 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 1: What is busking on the highway light?

809
00:30:27,119 --> 00:30:28,799
Speaker 3: Someone comes up? I have a firework cam?

810
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:29,759
Speaker 1: Okay, right, sure.

811
00:30:29,839 --> 00:30:30,559
Speaker 3: Honestly I put a.

812
00:30:30,519 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 5: Couple of my own dollars in there at the beginning,

813
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,440
so people know that's what you're socially expected to do.

814
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 3: If you're gonna sit here and watch me.

815
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,799
Speaker 5: Stuff fucking a black cat at my ass for the

816
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:40,440
billion time, I want you to know, like, give me

817
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,000
a little Yeah, I gotta eat sure, Hell, I gotta

818
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,200
pay for this fucking reverse for tissery here on July

819
00:30:45,279 --> 00:30:47,200
fourth and stuff like that. I'm basically kind of becoming

820
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,279
the Timothy McVay of hell, close up fireworks magic for people.

821
00:30:50,519 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: Would I think the Timothy Bay of Hell. But I

822
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:55,519
see what you're going for, all right.

823
00:30:58,319 --> 00:31:00,079
Speaker 3: That's kind of what I see myself as these days.

824
00:31:00,119 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: With it being fourth to like upcoming. I think it

825
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,200
would be great if we could set you off.

826
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,279
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you're.

827
00:31:07,119 --> 00:31:10,759
Speaker 1: Talking about the cumjin again, Chris. No, no, the fireworks

828
00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:13,279
that are clicking. Oh yeah, dude, my kumjin.

829
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 5: It's like forty five percent dragging egg gunpowder at this point,

830
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,000
so mine would be highly flammable, just so you know, you.

831
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,559
Speaker 2: Know, maybe Chris is onto something though, like that can

832
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:25,200
be the fuse. Oh my god, your snail trail, that's perfect.

833
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 5: Okay, word, hell, here's now unlimited time here, right of course,

834
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:28,480
of course.

835
00:31:28,559 --> 00:31:31,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's about a thirty minute podcast, so yeah, yeah,

836
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,359
thirty minute podcasts. Okay, but shit, Okay, this might sound.

837
00:31:35,119 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 5: Weird, but I'm gonna go to the cumjin jerk off

838
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,680
a couple of times, okay, sure, and I'm gonna make

839
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,319
a long row of it all the way down here. Okay, uh,

840
00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:44,279
and I'm gonna put the entire you know, fuck it,

841
00:31:44,279 --> 00:31:46,000
it's almost fourth of July. We're wanula, just blow our

842
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,640
whole load here of the cumsin today on this podcast.

843
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: You say, yes, please, let's make it snow, you know, yeah,

844
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,799
snow on the fore?

845
00:31:56,599 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 5: Whoa snow?

846
00:31:58,559 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: Fucking gunpowder? Come no, baby? I like the way you

847
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,119
fucking Clayton. All right, Well it sounds like we've got

848
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,720
our night planned. Yeah.

849
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 2: So the logistics are, he's gonna start jerking it here

850
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,839
all the way to the cumsin. He's gonna bring all

851
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,839
this Fireworkso okay, I just got one out. Bring all

852
00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:17,079
of your fireworks to the cumsin. We'll come back to

853
00:32:17,119 --> 00:32:20,400
the studio, will light the snail trail. It's gonna lead

854
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,200
to the cumsin, and it's gonna explode in a glorious

855
00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:24,480
white hot shower.

856
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 3: All right, I'm sorry, just rubbed another one.

857
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,839
Speaker 1: All right, we got it. I made a detonator out

858
00:32:28,839 --> 00:32:31,200
of my scroup. This is weird to see because watching

859
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,880
you jerk off is just the hand and a penis.

860
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,119
Speaker 5: Yeah, is my leg taking my hand and then rubbing

861
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,079
it together, optim dick. It's like a rude Goldberg machine

862
00:32:39,079 --> 00:32:41,119
to fucking make me jack off these days.

863
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,279
Speaker 3: Anyway, I got enough fuel here, so you let me

864
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,279
know when we go boom.

865
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,839
Speaker 2: All right, awesome, awesome, Well we're gonna go do that.

866
00:32:47,079 --> 00:32:49,240
Thank you for everyone for listening. I know you feel

867
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,119
happy that you listen to this episode. Hey, thank you

868
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:55,119
to our sponsors for this episode, big shout out. If

869
00:32:55,119 --> 00:32:57,839
you want to financially support this show after listening to

870
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,759
this episode, you can go to good Morning from Hell

871
00:32:59,799 --> 00:33:02,880
dot or just subscribe and tell your friends that does

872
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,720
a lot. This would be a good first episode to

873
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,319
introduce them to. I have to say.

874
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:10,599
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I agree. Thank you, Chris Blaine. I'll help you wave.

875
00:33:10,799 --> 00:33:13,839
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, Yeah, yeah, my hands backwards. Okay, there

876
00:33:13,839 --> 00:33:14,960
you go again, waving hand.

877
00:33:15,079 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 1: Bye, Hoyton.

878
00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:18,119
Speaker 4: I just remember on the fourth of July. You know

879
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,279
how we'll be celebrating.

880
00:33:19,359 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 5: We're gonna stuck a phantom midnight howel or into a turkey,

881
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,759
make a fucking thanksgivin Rosha up than this motherfucker.

882
00:33:24,839 --> 00:33:26,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, celebrate with us this fourth of July.

883
00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: Mega banger right up your nick hole? All right, see later.

884
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,799
Thank you Ryan Haley for coming on the show once again.

885
00:33:34,079 --> 00:33:35,799
Where can people find more of you.

886
00:33:36,119 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 3: That's a great question, Chris, Ryan Shorts. I'm releasing what

887
00:33:39,759 --> 00:33:41,160
I think are funny.

888
00:33:40,839 --> 00:33:45,319
Speaker 5: Videos every once in a while, usually every week or so.

889
00:33:45,519 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 3: Ryan Shorts on YouTube, Ryan Shorts on Instagram. I'm like shorts,

890
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,559
you wear video shorts. I'm also on Twitch, usually every

891
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,359
on Wednesday night or Tuesday night. I'm doing it at

892
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,039
least once a week, but my times are inconsistent. Anyway,

893
00:33:58,079 --> 00:34:00,319
that's at Ryan plus experience on Twitch. I think that's

894
00:34:00,319 --> 00:34:01,000
everywhere I'm at.

895
00:34:01,119 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 2: I encourage our audience to go follow Ryan because his

896
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:10,440
videos are like vice levels of like journalistic, like documentary. Shit,

897
00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:12,880
you went too a Juggalo thing and we'll talk about

898
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,280
this in our post show, and I was riveted. I

899
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,119
have no interest in ever going to one of those,

900
00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:20,280
but seeing your first hand account of the Juggalo what was.

901
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,559
Speaker 3: It called Gathering of the Juggalos, Baby, Gathering.

902
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 4: Of the Juggalos. Good stuff. So please go follow Ryan.

903
00:34:25,559 --> 00:34:28,320
Speaker 1: Please go. You also make amazing music videos.

904
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 3: Oh appreciate that. I'm trying to make more music. Yeah, yeah,

905
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:32,039
that's another thing I'm kind of doing.

906
00:34:32,079 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: They're very funny. Well, Ryan has crazy stories, so we're

907
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,880
gonna go talk to those, and while we're going to hell,

908
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,000
we'll see y'all next week.

909
00:34:38,039 --> 00:34:39,679
Speaker 5: See next week. Thanks a lot for having me all

910
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,840
this is great. I'm glad y'all still kicking acid.

911
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: Hell oh thanks man.

912
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 3: Bye,