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<v Speaker 1>Hi everyone. I'm Stephanie Wilder Taylor and this is Drunkish.

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<v Speaker 1>I wrote a book called Drunkish where I told my

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<v Speaker 1>sobriety story. Because well, I love to overshare. Now I

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<v Speaker 1>have a podcast so we can hear other people's stories.

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<v Speaker 1>Please follow the show so it will automatically land in

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<v Speaker 1>your podcast feed every week. Be so helpful to me.

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<v Speaker 1>And also if you could give me a quick rating

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<v Speaker 1>and or review, I will be your best friend. Now

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<v Speaker 1>with me today is Rob Shulty. He is a podcast producer,

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<v Speaker 1>but also he has a long running podcast of his own,

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<v Speaker 1>all about vander Pump Rules and it's called vander Pump Robs.

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<v Speaker 1>You can find that on your podcast feed as well.

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<v Speaker 1>And he's so honest and warm and a great talker.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think you will love this episode. So let's go.

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<v Speaker 1>Rob Shualty, Welcome to Drunkish.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, thank you for reaching out. I'm so excited.

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<v Speaker 1>First of all, I love having guys on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Really okay, well yeah, I guess it has been skewed

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<v Speaker 2>with more lady. I've been listening for a while now,

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<v Speaker 2>it's been It's exciting, you know, You've had a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of my friends on Meredith and Alison, and so it's

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<v Speaker 2>been yeah and so having I don't know. I like

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<v Speaker 2>the I like the podcasts, like the book. I'm happy

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<v Speaker 2>to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh thank you. I have had an abundance of sober moms,

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<v Speaker 1>which I guess just because that's like my people. But

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<v Speaker 1>I find it really interesting, Like when I go to meetings,

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<v Speaker 1>I really love like hearing men's stories too. I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's I think it's the feelings are all kind of

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<v Speaker 1>the same. You know, the experience might be different, but

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<v Speaker 1>all the like addiction people seem to have a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of the same basic feelings.

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<v Speaker 2>I've you know, I've got three years under my belt

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm feeling the same thing right, Like there's always

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<v Speaker 2>this like base level of like our stories may fluctuate

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<v Speaker 2>a few different points one way or the other, but

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<v Speaker 2>there's like a consistency that's like I can relate to

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<v Speaker 2>you on a bunch of different things, no matter who's sharing.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember early in sobriety hearing people's stories and this

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<v Speaker 1>was this would be a lot more true for men,

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<v Speaker 1>but about just really low bottoms, you know, going to rehab,

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<v Speaker 1>like twenty seven times, and then just telling my person

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<v Speaker 1>who is like helping me with my sobriety, and just

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<v Speaker 1>going like, I just don't think like this is me,

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<v Speaker 1>Like these people aren't me. And I remember really understanding

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<v Speaker 1>the look for the similarities, stop trying to stop trying

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<v Speaker 1>to make yourself different, and start trying to look for

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<v Speaker 1>the things that you relate to. And then when I

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<v Speaker 1>did that, I was like, oh, yeah, underneath it, it's

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<v Speaker 1>the same feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>I still struggle with that quite frankly. And I also

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<v Speaker 2>struggle with not comparing my timeline with other people's timeline too,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I always have to like keep myself in check

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<v Speaker 2>with that sort of stuff. And but every time I

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<v Speaker 2>do remember, or like talk to a friend of mine

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<v Speaker 2>who's going through something, you know, in the program or whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>it is sort of thing where it's like, well, remember,

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<v Speaker 2>you probably have a lot more in common than not, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>in a lot of ways, and.

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<v Speaker 1>Well check me back and tell me, like tell me

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself. Where'd you grow up.

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<v Speaker 2>I grew up in like a suburb of Kansas City,

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<v Speaker 2>and I mean k Kansas, Missouri actually, and so I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have a lot of exposure to the world. And

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<v Speaker 2>this isn't like cliche Middle America. It's just like my

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<v Speaker 2>family's family grew up right around that same area, and

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<v Speaker 2>then there's like no extended family, right, So all I

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<v Speaker 2>knew was what my family knew, and it was if

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<v Speaker 2>it wasn't like Kansas City, the city, it was the

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<v Speaker 2>family farm outside of this city, and I rarely went

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<v Speaker 2>to that, and so all I all I knew was

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<v Speaker 2>that it would it didn't seem possible to ever live

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<v Speaker 2>or exist outside of Missouri or Kansas growing up. And

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<v Speaker 2>my dad owned a bar, which was a big part

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<v Speaker 2>of my lifestyle, and and that just like bar culture

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<v Speaker 2>was always around. Drinks were always at the party. But

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<v Speaker 2>I never really like I don't want to like jump

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<v Speaker 2>too far, but like that never was like a thing, right.

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<v Speaker 2>My dad was never like really drinking around me at all.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I think the most I'd ever seen my dad

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<v Speaker 2>drink like occasionally was like two beers and then fall

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<v Speaker 2>asleep on the recliner right when we were like watching tvars.

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<v Speaker 2>But my brother was technically my half brother, but I

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<v Speaker 2>grew up with him my whole life. He had what

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<v Speaker 2>was told to me as an extreme drug addiction. Now

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<v Speaker 2>come to find he was more of an alcoholic who

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<v Speaker 2>dabbled in doing drugs and actually died because of an

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<v Speaker 2>alcohol related incident when I was in college at the

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<v Speaker 2>University of Kansa, and that did not teach me not

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<v Speaker 2>to drink alcohol. It actually taught me. I drink more

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<v Speaker 2>after that.

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<v Speaker 1>Really.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I was very I think I was just

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<v Speaker 2>closed off to the world, like I had no perspective.

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<v Speaker 2>I did not ever put myself in anyone else's shoes.

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<v Speaker 2>I just was never taught that sort of thing. I was,

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<v Speaker 2>I would say, not like close minded, but just uneducated

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<v Speaker 2>on the ways of the world. And so it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>all right, I'll go to college because I'm supposed to

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<v Speaker 2>go to college, and I couldn't get into any schools really,

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<v Speaker 2>and so I went to community college and then I

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<v Speaker 2>finally moved out was when I got accepted to the

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<v Speaker 2>University of Kansas and that just became like partying because

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<v Speaker 2>I like was desperately afraid of getting into trouble. Big

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<v Speaker 2>quote fingers. I did not party hard in high school.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I drank once in high school.

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<v Speaker 1>Just to say this on your podcast, Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, yeah, I I like my friends had a

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<v Speaker 2>kegger and I drank too much because it was the

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<v Speaker 2>first time I'd ever drank. I think I made embarrassing

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<v Speaker 2>phone calls or something. I got egged on by the

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<v Speaker 2>boys to like, oh, you should do this or that,

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<v Speaker 2>like I don't really remember it. And then of course

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<v Speaker 2>all of our parents found out, and then I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I got in trouble. I'll never do that again. And

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<v Speaker 2>then but my dad was very strict because I think

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<v Speaker 2>my brother was such a like loose cannon kid. Was

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<v Speaker 2>he older than you, there's about six years older than me, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>and he like didn't he like he clocked my dad

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<v Speaker 2>and I have a very complicated My dad is no

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<v Speaker 2>longer with us either. I had a very complicated relationship

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<v Speaker 2>with him towards the end of his life, and I

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<v Speaker 2>started like seeing things from my brother's perspective. Older I

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<v Speaker 2>got and I, you know, I struggle with this because

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<v Speaker 2>I know, you know, your parents do the best they

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<v Speaker 2>can for the most part. But like, I really suffered

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<v Speaker 2>from his strictness because he couldn't quote control my brother

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<v Speaker 2>in any sort of way.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't think our parents do the best they can.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, maybe maybe I'm giving a little bit more than

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<v Speaker 2>I than I need to. But like, I just think

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<v Speaker 2>that this is a world where I was really afraid

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<v Speaker 2>of getting into trouble, and I don't know exactly what

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<v Speaker 2>that is, partially because I think my family was Catholic,

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<v Speaker 2>but like Catholic on paper, not like we didn't really

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<v Speaker 2>go to Mass or church that often, especially after my

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<v Speaker 2>parents got divorced. But then when I went to college, though,

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<v Speaker 2>it was like, oh, I can do whatever I want,

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<v Speaker 2>and the Levy broke and I was like partying all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, drinking a lot. I didn't do a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of drugs at that point in time. I smoked a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of pot in like my early years of college.

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<v Speaker 2>But then once I graduated, there was nothing to do.

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<v Speaker 2>It was the two thousand and eight two thousand and

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<v Speaker 2>nine recession. I had to work at like bars and

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<v Speaker 2>bagel shops and struggle to get nine hours a week

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes at some places.

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<v Speaker 1>And you were still in Jasuri at that point.

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<v Speaker 2>I was in Kansas, but yeah, I was just living

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<v Speaker 2>in the college town at that point, and that's just

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<v Speaker 2>like you're in this town where you also are like

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<v Speaker 2>there's a music scene and an art scene, but it's

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<v Speaker 2>all kind of a facade for those of us who

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<v Speaker 2>were never able to like escape college life at that point,

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<v Speaker 2>and everyone who worked at a bar is just exchanging

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<v Speaker 2>the money with the other people that work at bars,

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<v Speaker 2>and no one's really getting anywhere in life. And it's

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<v Speaker 2>like this false sense of if you're in a band

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<v Speaker 2>or you're an artist of some sort, like I'm actually

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<v Speaker 2>above it all because I don't need things like paychecks

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<v Speaker 2>to pay the rent. But it's all from my perspective,

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<v Speaker 2>it was all just a big now that I've had

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<v Speaker 2>years past, than kind of a ruse to explain away

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<v Speaker 2>wanting to drink a lot and go out every night

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<v Speaker 2>of the work.

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<v Speaker 1>So I wonder if I mean, I feel like that's

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<v Speaker 1>true for a lot of people, because when I was

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't go to college, but I did to have

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<v Speaker 1>some years that I should have been in college where

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<v Speaker 1>I was just waiting tables and doing stand up and

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<v Speaker 1>definitely never would have occurred to me that I needed

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<v Speaker 1>to quit drinking or that I was going nowhere. It

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<v Speaker 1>was like, I'm a comedian, That's what we do. I

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<v Speaker 1>was hanging out in comedy clubs, drinking a lot, lacking

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<v Speaker 1>out even but I would always chalk it up to

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm an artist. I'm fun.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm an artist. I'm having fun. What else am I

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<v Speaker 2>gonna do?

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<v Speaker 1>Right?

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<v Speaker 2>Like that was mine Like living in a relatively small

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<v Speaker 2>college town, especially in the summers when half the students

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<v Speaker 2>go away, Like what else are we going to do? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>you know there's two things to do, eat drink and

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<v Speaker 2>do drunk. I guess three do drugs. Right, there's like

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<v Speaker 2>not going to the movies every single night. Right, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not spending that much. If I could spend money on

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<v Speaker 2>the movies, I could spend money on drinking. Right, that's

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<v Speaker 2>what I needed to do. That was more fun.

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<v Speaker 1>We're entertaining, for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I might be able to meet people, right, I

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<v Speaker 2>might be able to make out. I might be able

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<v Speaker 2>to you know, there's all those sorts of little things

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<v Speaker 2>like can't do that at the movies, can't do that

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<v Speaker 2>at the culvers, Like but you don't like those aren't

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<v Speaker 2>like the active thoughts either, right, Like that's the it's

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<v Speaker 2>just like this is just accepted. Everyone's going to the

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<v Speaker 2>bar tonight every and if they're not, like sucks to

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<v Speaker 2>be them, Like must be lame sitting at home like

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<v Speaker 2>enjoying yourself reading or whatever. But it was. It was

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<v Speaker 2>really tough, and it was it took a toll, Like

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<v Speaker 2>I still like don't have a lot of memories, like

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<v Speaker 2>strong memories from about two thousand and eight to two

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<v Speaker 2>thousand and twelve or thirteen, and that's still years before

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<v Speaker 2>I actually like got completely sober.

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<v Speaker 1>So what happened? So what'd you decide to do?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? I, uh, luckily was given the opportunity because I

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<v Speaker 2>was a really good drunk in the sense that like

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't have to drink, but when I did drink,

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<v Speaker 2>I drink a lot. Because I'm also the person that's

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<v Speaker 2>like if you go to a restaurant and you put

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<v Speaker 2>a cup of water in front of me, like that

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<v Speaker 2>is getting refilled throughout the night, right, So it doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>matter what it was, I am consuming it. And so

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<v Speaker 2>I was given the opportunity to manage a coffee to

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<v Speaker 2>manage a coffee shop, and I was like, cool, because

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<v Speaker 2>I have got to get out of the bar and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm done working until three or four in the morning.

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<v Speaker 2>As much as I liked partying, like I was not

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<v Speaker 2>making the money to also put up with that and

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<v Speaker 2>all of the sort of like low paying that came

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<v Speaker 2>with it, And I had like established in my life.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, Okay, well this is where I'm going to be.

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<v Speaker 2>I need to get a job that at least pays

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<v Speaker 2>me a little bit better. And so having this opportunity,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like, well, a coffee shop's kind of like a bar,

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<v Speaker 2>except opposite hours, and that'll train me to like work,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, regular hours and be up at regular hours

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<v Speaker 2>and I have some responsibility and I get paid a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more money.

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<v Speaker 1>Is it weird that me, at the age that I

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<v Speaker 1>am now, which is quite a bit older than you,

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<v Speaker 1>Is it weird that I'm like, oh, managing a coffee

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<v Speaker 1>shop like that sounds really cool. Nobody you asked me

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<v Speaker 1>to manage anything. I've never been the boss in my

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<v Speaker 1>entire life, and I'm kind of mad about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, let me tell you. It felt like I struck

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<v Speaker 2>gold because I was like, wow, I was like a

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<v Speaker 2>manager at this music venue.

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<v Speaker 1>I was so jealous. You had keys.

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<v Speaker 2>I had keys because no one wanted to work till

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<v Speaker 2>three in the morning and then come in at nine

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<v Speaker 2>am to then count all of the money that you

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<v Speaker 2>fucked up the count on the night before because you

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<v Speaker 2>were all drinking booze. Right right, So, but I was

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<v Speaker 2>stuck until this coffee shop thing, and then luckily, I

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<v Speaker 2>like something kicked me in the ass to be like,

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<v Speaker 2>just don't be the guy who goes out drinking all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, right, just your responsibility. Now you've got a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more free time. They had read they had

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<v Speaker 2>built a new library into that had a whole music

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<v Speaker 2>studio in the bottom of it that like no one

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<v Speaker 2>was using. And so I was really getting into podcasting

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<v Speaker 2>at the time. This would have been a Brown twenty fourteen,

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<v Speaker 2>and the one of the guys who I believe he

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<v Speaker 2>mixed and mastered one of the first like get Up

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<v Speaker 2>Kids albums.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh very cool, huh.

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<v Speaker 2>Was the guy who was running this studio or the library,

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<v Speaker 2>and he taught me how to do everything, like I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't have even told you how to where to plug

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<v Speaker 2>the microphone in, right. So I was just like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I am doing something. I am making something, even if

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<v Speaker 2>I'm still just a you know, service industry person, which

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing wrong with that, but if if I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>happy with where I'm at in my career, I can

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<v Speaker 2>be happy with a new task. And in doing so,

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<v Speaker 2>I my girlfriend was had already moved to new York

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<v Speaker 2>and we had like broken up. She's moved to New

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<v Speaker 2>York for a job, but we luckily stayed in contact

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<v Speaker 2>after the weirdness went away from that and she was

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<v Speaker 2>in a women's only like radio list Serve and someone knew,

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<v Speaker 2>comedy writer Mike Sachs, who was looking for someone to

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<v Speaker 2>help with his podcast, and Mike and I were emailing.

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<v Speaker 2>He called me. He's like, look, I don't have any

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<v Speaker 2>money to pay you, but I've published a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>books and if you are looking to move to New York,

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<v Speaker 2>I will write you any letter you need for a job.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, well, that is what I need

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<v Speaker 2>because I have no resume in this world. And I

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<v Speaker 2>took the plunge and after a few years ended up

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<v Speaker 2>moving to New York to get into the podcast industry,

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<v Speaker 2>which and then I was kind of on the straight

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<v Speaker 2>and narrow for a while. This was like the boom,

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<v Speaker 2>This was like the gimlet was happening. Spotify hadn't bought

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<v Speaker 2>every major podcaster at this point.

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<v Speaker 1>I started doing a podcast in twenty fourteen. Okay, well,

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<v Speaker 1>so my partner for a podcast that I still do

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<v Speaker 1>called for crying out loud Lynette Corolla had started a

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<v Speaker 1>Adam Carolla was doing his podcast, and then she got

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<v Speaker 1>a podcast for being his wife, but then I became

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<v Speaker 1>her partner and ever since then, So I and I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know what a podcast was. I was approached by

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<v Speaker 1>the producer and I was like, I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>that is, and she's like, it's like a radio show

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<v Speaker 1>but it's on the internet. And I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>that sounds very cool because I love.

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<v Speaker 2>Radio and you can edit it if you'd like, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't have to be live. And I loved it

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<v Speaker 2>too because my degree was in theater and like script analysis,

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<v Speaker 2>and I knew, like, well, I'm not really getting a

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<v Speaker 2>job in that, Like I don't know how, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I live in Kansas, you know. But I loved like

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<v Speaker 2>script analysis, I loved anthropology, loved acting, I loved performing.

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<v Speaker 2>I was the kid where Actually I think I heard

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<v Speaker 2>John Gabers say this on a podcast once, like the

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00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:10.920
<v Speaker 2>first time he hit a stage and a spotlight went

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<v Speaker 2>on him, it was like, uh, oh, I know, I

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<v Speaker 2>like this, yeah, and that is kind of like me.

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<v Speaker 2>But I always kind of had like which I'm getting

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<v Speaker 2>over in my years, but like I always kind of

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<v Speaker 2>had body image issues and so like radio and audio

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<v Speaker 2>was like perfect for me because I could that little

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<v Speaker 2>like twinge of discomfort could go away because it's just me.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just my voice and my personality. And so when

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<v Speaker 2>I got to New York, I was able to like

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<v Speaker 2>hustle really hard, and like I worked with like finance

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<v Speaker 2>bros who wanted like fifteen minute podcasts for their newsletters

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00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:51.480
<v Speaker 2>or whatnot, and I could like make my rent through

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00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:55.480
<v Speaker 2>these like little like micro podcasts and stuff until I

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<v Speaker 2>had enough of a resume to apply for a place

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<v Speaker 2>like serious XM. And in doing so, I didn't drink

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<v Speaker 2>very much in New York. Like when I did, it

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<v Speaker 2>was like at radio club meetings and we'd go out

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<v Speaker 2>afterwards and I'd be celebrating and it would kind of

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<v Speaker 2>be this like new thing where I'm like I'm with

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<v Speaker 2>new people, So I kind of got to be on

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<v Speaker 2>my best behavior a little bit because they don't know

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00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:24.400
<v Speaker 2>drunken mess Rob who had to like wake up and apologize,

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<v Speaker 2>like I don't remember what I did? Was I okay,

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<v Speaker 2>you know that we know that song, but like so

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you're kind of on your best behavior, and

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<v Speaker 2>then you meet a couple of the dudes or whoever

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00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:40.000
<v Speaker 2>that like to tie one on too, and then you're like, Okay,

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00:19:40.240 --> 00:19:43.839
<v Speaker 2>now I've got I've got some people to like hang

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00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:46.839
<v Speaker 2>out with that we don't have to necessarily talk business

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00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:51.279
<v Speaker 2>or we can specifically be like, hey, you want to

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00:19:51.319 --> 00:19:54.599
<v Speaker 2>go talk about projects at this bar, which then just

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00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:58.039
<v Speaker 2>devolves into just like drinking too much whiskey together and

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00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.720
<v Speaker 2>dane uriously trying to get home at wee hours of

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00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:09.759
<v Speaker 2>the night in New York City. And I kept it

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<v Speaker 2>together for the most part. I will say, like it

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00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:16.079
<v Speaker 2>would happen. Those things would happen. I never got mugged,

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<v Speaker 2>I never caused a scene, I never had anything too

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00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.160
<v Speaker 2>terribly em nothing like maybe the most embarrassing things that

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00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.400
<v Speaker 2>would happen to me when I'm like circling the drain

347
00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:31.599
<v Speaker 2>in Kansas was really happening in New York. And I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not exactly sure what that was, but I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>because I had like an extra guard up, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I think I was like, I'm still new and

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<v Speaker 2>I can't I can't fuck this up yet. And then

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<v Speaker 2>COVID hit a couple of years later, and I found

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<v Speaker 2>myself drinking every single during long Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so you were lockdown in New York.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Brooklyn, yep.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's when things got bad.

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<v Speaker 2>They got really bad, like not like.

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<v Speaker 1>And you were with your girlfriend at that time, with.

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<v Speaker 2>My girlfriend with our dog.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's her drinking.

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<v Speaker 2>Barely drinks, barely ever drank throughout the entire time we've

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<v Speaker 2>ever even been together. She's like the occasional I'll have

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<v Speaker 2>a beer when we go to a show sort of person.

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<v Speaker 1>She just likes addicts though I guess so, like did

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<v Speaker 1>she was she upset about it?

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<v Speaker 2>No, because I never really did anything like I guess

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<v Speaker 2>I hit it, you know what I mean, Because I

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't like drink during the work day, but I would

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<v Speaker 2>always go buy a bottle and she'd go to sleep,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'd play video games or watch movies and then

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<v Speaker 2>just poor drink, poor a drink. The liquor store was

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<v Speaker 2>directly below our apartment. Oh, of course, they're essential workers.

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<v Speaker 2>And I would just go there and kick it up

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<v Speaker 2>a notch. And I think this is kind of became

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<v Speaker 2>a thing where I would binge in Kansas round these

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<v Speaker 2>like events before lockdown, just kind of be a party

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<v Speaker 2>guy or just like I this is my excuse, whatever

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<v Speaker 2>the excuse was to drink more than everyone else. And

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<v Speaker 2>now it's like, well, I have no one to like

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<v Speaker 2>to party with except for myself. I'm bored. I'm depressed

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<v Speaker 2>because I'm drinking. I'm a depressive because it runs in

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<v Speaker 2>the family. I'm a people pleaser because I hate something

383
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<v Speaker 2>about myself and I can't figure out what that is.

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<v Speaker 2>But I can just have a drink and no one's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna say anything different. If it's at night and no

386
00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:50.839
<v Speaker 2>one's around, I think it's no big deal until I

387
00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:57.759
<v Speaker 2>realized right as lockdown was lifting, I applied for a

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<v Speaker 2>job in California, got the job, they moved me out,

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00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:09.079
<v Speaker 2>and I had I celebrated way too hard after being

390
00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:12.200
<v Speaker 2>there for a few months, and I remember, and I

391
00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:14.000
<v Speaker 2>can walk through that story, but just to jump to

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<v Speaker 2>the end of it, I remember like waking up, gasping,

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<v Speaker 2>not knowing how I got home, how I did anything,

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00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:23.839
<v Speaker 2>and like staring at myself in the mirror and going,

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<v Speaker 2>you are going to fuck this up. This is the

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00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:33.039
<v Speaker 2>biggest opportunity in your entire life, and you are headed

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<v Speaker 2>towards a path where you think you're untouchable and you

398
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:41.799
<v Speaker 2>are going to lose it all. And I called the

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00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:45.519
<v Speaker 2>only person I knew who was sober, and they walked

400
00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:47.680
<v Speaker 2>me through what I needed to do. But it was

401
00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:51.480
<v Speaker 2>I'd never had Like I feel like I almost died

402
00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:55.119
<v Speaker 2>because of the gasp of waking up at this event.

403
00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:58.160
<v Speaker 2>Like I felt like maybe I wasn't breathing or something.

404
00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:00.720
<v Speaker 1>So I was scared. Was your girlfriend and had she

405
00:24:00.759 --> 00:24:01.440
<v Speaker 1>moved out with you?

406
00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:04.839
<v Speaker 2>Oh? Yeah? And she picked me up from where I was.

407
00:24:05.559 --> 00:24:07.640
<v Speaker 1>So you went out by yourself or with like new

408
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:12.279
<v Speaker 1>co workers? Tell me the story. I love a good

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<v Speaker 1>bottom story.

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00:24:13.640 --> 00:24:20.720
<v Speaker 2>Oh, my buddy, Peter Madrigal from vander Pump Rules, okay,

411
00:24:21.400 --> 00:24:25.640
<v Speaker 2>asked me to go for a brunch hang on a Sunday.

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<v Speaker 1>So, what was the job that you came out for.

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00:24:28.279 --> 00:24:30.279
<v Speaker 1>Did it have something to do with vander Pump Rules,

414
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:32.519
<v Speaker 1>because something that we haven't not talked about yet is

415
00:24:32.519 --> 00:24:35.759
<v Speaker 1>that you do a podcast about vander Pump Yeah, yeah,

416
00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:38.599
<v Speaker 1>vander Pump Rules. You're friends with a lot of these guys.

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00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:44.160
<v Speaker 1>Where you were? I? Okay? So, Peter, yeah, I I

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<v Speaker 1>What was the job?

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<v Speaker 2>So? I came out for a job working at Team Coco.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was producing a podcast for Rob low his podcast.

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00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Literally that was my job. I was like the main producer.

422
00:24:57.039 --> 00:24:58.039
<v Speaker 1>Didn't that just start?

423
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:01.039
<v Speaker 2>No, it's been round for a few years, but I

424
00:25:01.079 --> 00:25:03.480
<v Speaker 2>think I think it's gone through some iterations. Right, So

425
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:05.920
<v Speaker 2>they're doing like video and stuff now, but I haven't

426
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:08.160
<v Speaker 2>been with them for a couple of years. Okay, But

427
00:25:08.240 --> 00:25:11.359
<v Speaker 2>I think this is informative because Rob is famously.

428
00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:13.240
<v Speaker 1>Sober, very famously sober.

429
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:16.640
<v Speaker 2>And that comes up so much on the podcast, and

430
00:25:16.759 --> 00:25:19.680
<v Speaker 2>I am like, oh, so this is such a great

431
00:25:19.720 --> 00:25:22.720
<v Speaker 2>story for someone to have a redemption whatever, you know.

432
00:25:23.519 --> 00:25:27.000
<v Speaker 2>But like when I trace my step back, it's like, oh,

433
00:25:27.319 --> 00:25:30.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm being fed these things like you have a problem

434
00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:34.440
<v Speaker 2>and I don't even realize it, right, Like I'm I'm

435
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:38.000
<v Speaker 2>like in maybe not internalizing, but like once I decided,

436
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:39.440
<v Speaker 2>and I'll tell you this story, but like once I

437
00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:42.200
<v Speaker 2>decided to get sober, I was like, oh, I have

438
00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:45.480
<v Speaker 2>all this evidence of all of these people talking about

439
00:25:45.880 --> 00:25:48.359
<v Speaker 2>the problems they have. Oh yeah, that's kind of like me.

440
00:25:48.920 --> 00:25:53.359
<v Speaker 2>That's kind of like me too. This Oh okay, maybe

441
00:25:53.559 --> 00:25:56.000
<v Speaker 2>maybe this was the job I needed at the time,

442
00:25:57.799 --> 00:26:01.480
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, I was. I do this Vanderpump podcast for fun, right,

443
00:26:01.960 --> 00:26:05.480
<v Speaker 2>and I've had a moderate amount of success with it.

444
00:26:05.519 --> 00:26:08.599
<v Speaker 2>I have this big project that's tied at the podcast

445
00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:11.119
<v Speaker 2>that I can. I'll come back on the pod and

446
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:16.119
<v Speaker 2>talk about that soon, but it is it was a hobby.

447
00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:17.960
<v Speaker 2>It was a fun thing for me to do. But

448
00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:21.160
<v Speaker 2>I met Peter because of the podcast, and he was like,

449
00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:24.400
<v Speaker 2>when you get to La, let's hang out. And I

450
00:26:24.440 --> 00:26:26.839
<v Speaker 2>went to a barbecue with him where I got really

451
00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:30.720
<v Speaker 2>fucked up at and not dangerous, but you know, just

452
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:36.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm partying. I'm in La, I'm with Peter Peter Madrigal, Like,

453
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:42.000
<v Speaker 2>what what is going on here? And then he invites

454
00:26:42.039 --> 00:26:45.359
<v Speaker 2>me to get brunch. I've been there for about two months,

455
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:51.359
<v Speaker 2>three months maybe, and we go to Pump and we

456
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:57.079
<v Speaker 2>get bottomless mimosas and I specifically remember ordering avocado toast

457
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:01.559
<v Speaker 2>and I can't eat onions and it was loaded with onions,

458
00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:04.720
<v Speaker 2>so I like was politely just like eating the crust

459
00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:09.599
<v Speaker 2>of the toast and drinking a lot of bottomless mimosas.

460
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:12.759
<v Speaker 2>And then Peter was like, let's go to the cigar

461
00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:16.400
<v Speaker 2>bar down the street. Okay, go to a cigar bar

462
00:27:16.519 --> 00:27:21.160
<v Speaker 2>where we just he just orders me like tequila shots,

463
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:24.480
<v Speaker 2>and so we just start sipping tequila, taking shots every

464
00:27:24.519 --> 00:27:28.400
<v Speaker 2>now and again, smoking cigars, which I don't do like

465
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:31.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm not a cigar guy. I don't know what that

466
00:27:31.400 --> 00:27:35.079
<v Speaker 2>I mean, but you know, six mimosas and three tequila

467
00:27:35.119 --> 00:27:37.880
<v Speaker 2>shots later, I'm a cigar guy, you know.

468
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:40.839
<v Speaker 1>And I have a friend who told me so. I

469
00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:45.319
<v Speaker 1>did a bunch of coke when I was like nineteen,

470
00:27:45.799 --> 00:27:49.519
<v Speaker 1>from the age of nineteen to like literally for like

471
00:27:49.559 --> 00:27:52.400
<v Speaker 1>six months, and I saw the writing on the wall.

472
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm going to be a cocore if

473
00:27:55.720 --> 00:27:58.480
<v Speaker 1>I continue to like do cocaine. I got to quit

474
00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:01.759
<v Speaker 1>doing cocaine. I quit. I think I did it one

475
00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:04.519
<v Speaker 1>more time because somebody offered it to me. But I

476
00:28:04.519 --> 00:28:06.519
<v Speaker 1>have a friend when I was doing stand up. I

477
00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:10.480
<v Speaker 1>have a friend who told me many years later so

478
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:13.559
<v Speaker 1>that every single time I got drunk with him, I

479
00:28:13.640 --> 00:28:16.799
<v Speaker 1>tried to buy cocaine off a stranger. And I was like,

480
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:19.720
<v Speaker 1>I know, I never did it again, so apparently I

481
00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:23.119
<v Speaker 1>never nobody ever had it to sell me. But I

482
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:26.240
<v Speaker 1>don't remember that, but he swears. I was like, I'm

483
00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:29.039
<v Speaker 1>sure I didn't, And he's like, every single time you

484
00:28:29.079 --> 00:28:31.400
<v Speaker 1>got drunk, you tried to find somebody to sell you cocaine.

485
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:37.000
<v Speaker 2>I will say, like towards my last few years, in Kansas,

486
00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:41.720
<v Speaker 2>like someone started having the co cocup, and let me

487
00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:45.200
<v Speaker 2>tell you, cocain Kansas is not cocaine. Other places it

488
00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:49.680
<v Speaker 2>is fine. I guess I didn't really have much to

489
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:52.880
<v Speaker 2>compare it to, right, but I really liked it. And

490
00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:55.039
<v Speaker 2>there was also a point in time, not to backtrack

491
00:28:55.079 --> 00:28:57.680
<v Speaker 2>too far, that like I was going through a breakup

492
00:28:57.720 --> 00:29:01.079
<v Speaker 2>and so depressed, and this Ta that I was friends with,

493
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.440
<v Speaker 2>he was also going through a breakup and he was depressed,

494
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:11.480
<v Speaker 2>and he got a prescription to Adderall and I loved Adderall.

495
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:13.599
<v Speaker 2>But then he moved away and I did not, and

496
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:17.319
<v Speaker 2>I said, I'm not going to seek this out because

497
00:29:18.279 --> 00:29:23.079
<v Speaker 2>I loved it, and he just wanted someone to drink with,

498
00:29:23.279 --> 00:29:26.000
<v Speaker 2>and oh, yeah, here, have one, have one, stay hang out.

499
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:30.079
<v Speaker 2>Let's let's be friends, you know. And so I do

500
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.079
<v Speaker 2>know that I like that a lot as well. And

501
00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:39.000
<v Speaker 2>luckily I never got into that in New York or LA,

502
00:29:39.799 --> 00:29:44.079
<v Speaker 2>because I would be dead, literally, like I just know

503
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:47.119
<v Speaker 2>I would be dead, especially with fentanyl and everything else.

504
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:49.839
<v Speaker 2>Like I I would drink too much and not give

505
00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:53.799
<v Speaker 2>a shit about anything else. And so Peter and I

506
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:58.119
<v Speaker 2>are having cigars, and that's about the last thing I

507
00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:05.319
<v Speaker 2>remember but apparent we went to another bar around West Hollywood.

508
00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:08.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, We're like we were having a ball,

509
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:16.000
<v Speaker 2>like I'm told, yeah, and then we go home or

510
00:30:16.039 --> 00:30:19.240
<v Speaker 2>go go to his place, and I this is where

511
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:23.680
<v Speaker 2>I only have like flashes of memory, but like I

512
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:30.039
<v Speaker 2>remember falling down. Peter and his brother like picking me

513
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:32.599
<v Speaker 2>up and being like, yo, dude, we called your girlfriend.

514
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:35.559
<v Speaker 2>She's here. And they told me later on that what

515
00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:37.400
<v Speaker 2>they had to do was they pulled my phone and

516
00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:41.599
<v Speaker 2>like did the facial recognition. Luckily they knew my girlfriend's

517
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:44.400
<v Speaker 2>name and like found her and called her. And let

518
00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:47.759
<v Speaker 2>me tell you this, It's eight o'clock at night, Like

519
00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:52.559
<v Speaker 2>it is not this is this is not like the

520
00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:55.160
<v Speaker 2>four in the morning or something. We've been drinking all day.

521
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.440
<v Speaker 2>It's like, yeah, we had started like maybe eleven am.

522
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:03.559
<v Speaker 2>And uh, she comes and picks me up. They carry

523
00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:05.599
<v Speaker 2>me in the car, the dogs in the back seat,

524
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.400
<v Speaker 2>because he can't be left alone, especially in a new apartment.

525
00:31:09.720 --> 00:31:10.480
<v Speaker 1>She stops.

526
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:13.880
<v Speaker 2>I remember like hitting my head on the passenger side

527
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:16.400
<v Speaker 2>window more than once because I can't keep my head up.

528
00:31:16.799 --> 00:31:20.119
<v Speaker 2>She's at like some gas station, like buying gatorades or

529
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:23.920
<v Speaker 2>something maybe to keep me hydrated. I mean, bless her heart,

530
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.319
<v Speaker 2>because like I don't know if I could have had

531
00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:32.119
<v Speaker 2>the patience for dealing with such a pathetic, you know

532
00:31:32.279 --> 00:31:36.000
<v Speaker 2>person here. And then, like I said, I woke up

533
00:31:36.119 --> 00:31:41.759
<v Speaker 2>gasping in the next morning, not knowing how I got home.

534
00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:46.319
<v Speaker 2>The washing machine is running, So I have a feeling

535
00:31:46.440 --> 00:31:51.480
<v Speaker 2>someone washed my clothes for some reason the night before,

536
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:55.039
<v Speaker 2>any number of reasons. Quite frankly, I know, I'm.

537
00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Hoping it's not the worst case scenario.

538
00:31:56.799 --> 00:31:59.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm hoping it's not the worst. And guess what, I

539
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:04.039
<v Speaker 2>never asked, but I have a feeling that I'm sure

540
00:32:04.039 --> 00:32:05.200
<v Speaker 2>I just puked on myself.

541
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:07.920
<v Speaker 1>But let's tell that.

542
00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:13.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what. You know what, even if it is worse,

543
00:32:13.319 --> 00:32:15.839
<v Speaker 2>it's never happening again, as as much as I can

544
00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:20.400
<v Speaker 2>hope for. Uh, the I hop on the call and

545
00:32:20.440 --> 00:32:25.359
<v Speaker 2>I called my friend John DeVore, who I'm just gonna plug.

546
00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:29.119
<v Speaker 2>His book. It's called Theater Kids. It's a story of

547
00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:33.640
<v Speaker 2>him being a drunk idiot, and it's one of the

548
00:32:34.039 --> 00:32:36.920
<v Speaker 2>one of the best books I've memoirs I've read about

549
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:40.119
<v Speaker 2>that And my favorite part is because it's not your

550
00:32:41.359 --> 00:32:43.519
<v Speaker 2>cookie cutter story. I'll just put it that way. I

551
00:32:43.519 --> 00:32:46.160
<v Speaker 2>think it ends in a very unique way for a

552
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:47.400
<v Speaker 2>drunk person memoir.

553
00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:50.839
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm writing, I'm writing it down John DeVore.

554
00:32:51.319 --> 00:32:54.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, John DeVore, Theater kids, and it's the theater with

555
00:32:54.839 --> 00:32:55.440
<v Speaker 2>an R E.

556
00:32:55.599 --> 00:32:56.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, okay.

557
00:32:58.279 --> 00:33:02.880
<v Speaker 2>Uh. And I was like, John, I don't know what

558
00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:05.319
<v Speaker 2>to do. I don't know what's going on. I have

559
00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:09.759
<v Speaker 2>an issue, and of course I'm like probably still drunk, right,

560
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:15.200
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm chaotic, panicking. And I was like, I guess

561
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:17.640
<v Speaker 2>I need you to like be my sponsor or something.

562
00:33:18.039 --> 00:33:20.920
<v Speaker 2>He was like, well, I can't do that because you're

563
00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:25.400
<v Speaker 2>my friend. He was like, but and he gave me

564
00:33:25.559 --> 00:33:30.240
<v Speaker 2>what I've learned is a very good line. He's like,

565
00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:32.559
<v Speaker 2>you might not be an alcoholic, but why don't you

566
00:33:32.599 --> 00:33:36.440
<v Speaker 2>go to a meeting and listen to some other people talk.

567
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:43.119
<v Speaker 2>I was an alcoholic, very much was an alcoholic. And

568
00:33:43.319 --> 00:33:44.240
<v Speaker 2>I think that's such.

569
00:33:44.079 --> 00:33:49.839
<v Speaker 1>Good advice though, because I think that when when you're

570
00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:52.680
<v Speaker 1>not sure if you're an alcoholic, right, and I know

571
00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:54.920
<v Speaker 1>plenty of people who are like, oh god, I knew

572
00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:57.079
<v Speaker 1>I was an alcoholic. I just didn't know how to

573
00:33:57.119 --> 00:34:00.640
<v Speaker 1>get sober. But when you're somebody and me like you

574
00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:03.759
<v Speaker 1>because you'd gone through periods, it sounds like that you

575
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:07.160
<v Speaker 1>weren't out of control, and then it's like you, I

576
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:09.559
<v Speaker 1>relate to you a lot because to me, I was

577
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:12.800
<v Speaker 1>never like every single day just getting hammered, but it

578
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:15.880
<v Speaker 1>was always but when I did, it seemed pretty bad,

579
00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:20.440
<v Speaker 1>and I couldn't predict when those times would be, you know,

580
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:22.760
<v Speaker 1>and I always wanted to. It's like, oh, I just

581
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:25.320
<v Speaker 1>want to not get fucked up because this is kind

582
00:34:25.360 --> 00:34:29.440
<v Speaker 1>of like a nice evening with my husband's friends or whatever.

583
00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:31.360
<v Speaker 1>And then it's like, oh, that night I had to

584
00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:33.679
<v Speaker 1>like get too drunk. I didn't mean to. I never

585
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:36.960
<v Speaker 1>meant to. But when I first got sober. You know,

586
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:41.119
<v Speaker 1>if somebody I felt like people that were alcoholics that

587
00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:44.119
<v Speaker 1>went to like twelve step meetings, I thought they were

588
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:48.039
<v Speaker 1>all just trying to get everybody else to be alcoholics.

589
00:34:48.280 --> 00:34:50.639
<v Speaker 1>So it wouldn't have worked very well for me. If

590
00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:54.079
<v Speaker 1>people were like, well, you definitely are an alcoholic, you

591
00:34:54.119 --> 00:34:57.039
<v Speaker 1>belong here. I think that would have freaked me out.

592
00:34:57.199 --> 00:34:59.920
<v Speaker 1>The fact that people were very much like you're like

593
00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:03.039
<v Speaker 1>John's and going like hey, I don't know, like but

594
00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:04.760
<v Speaker 1>maybe it should just come to a meeting and like

595
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:07.159
<v Speaker 1>check it out and like can't hurt. I had a

596
00:35:07.159 --> 00:35:10.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of that. Yeah, yeah, so I and I really

597
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:12.840
<v Speaker 1>wanted to quit drinking. Don't get me wrong. I was

598
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:16.159
<v Speaker 1>desperate to quit drinking, but I just wasn't wanting the

599
00:35:16.239 --> 00:35:17.159
<v Speaker 1>label right away.

600
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:23.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And that's similar to me too, because I I

601
00:35:23.320 --> 00:35:26.280
<v Speaker 2>knew at that point I needed to stop, like because

602
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:29.079
<v Speaker 2>I was also you know, in a state at the

603
00:35:29.119 --> 00:35:31.920
<v Speaker 2>point in time where I could go buy weed legally,

604
00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:36.239
<v Speaker 2>and I spent a lot of money on pot, like

605
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.639
<v Speaker 2>a lot, because as I learned through the program, Like,

606
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:41.280
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of things I was trying to numb,

607
00:35:41.679 --> 00:35:46.159
<v Speaker 2>you know, there was just just stuff I'd never faced

608
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:51.159
<v Speaker 2>myself and realized I was distracting. But like much like

609
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:54.960
<v Speaker 2>at my example with the glass of water at a restaurant,

610
00:35:55.599 --> 00:36:01.880
<v Speaker 2>like if I'd go buy a ten pack joint combo thing,

611
00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:05.760
<v Speaker 2>right like, it would be one after the other after

612
00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:09.119
<v Speaker 2>the other. So there was something about consumption for me.

613
00:36:09.320 --> 00:36:11.760
<v Speaker 2>There was something about not being able to stop and

614
00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:14.719
<v Speaker 2>just keep that high or keep that drunk, or keep

615
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:20.440
<v Speaker 2>that whatever going. And and I don't know why, right like,

616
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:23.800
<v Speaker 2>and I may never know exactly why besides the things

617
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:28.400
<v Speaker 2>that I didn't like about myself, but it was so

618
00:36:28.519 --> 00:36:33.360
<v Speaker 2>much easier to just be stoned all day, because stoned

619
00:36:33.360 --> 00:36:36.000
<v Speaker 2>all day is not drunk all day. There's the there's

620
00:36:36.039 --> 00:36:40.159
<v Speaker 2>also that that I learned, like I could operate pretty

621
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:43.559
<v Speaker 2>well stone. I mean, I'm sure everyone fucking knew, but

622
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:46.159
<v Speaker 2>like I could still get my work done and I

623
00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:49.519
<v Speaker 2>could focus and I could do this. But it is

624
00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:54.719
<v Speaker 2>I mean, but the booze was the thing where it's

625
00:36:54.760 --> 00:37:02.480
<v Speaker 2>like socially acceptable to go out and party, but I

626
00:37:02.519 --> 00:37:05.679
<v Speaker 2>never knew how to have two. I never knew how

627
00:37:05.719 --> 00:37:10.360
<v Speaker 2>to have just three, right like yeah, same he It

628
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:14.159
<v Speaker 2>was not why the hell am I drinking if I'm

629
00:37:14.239 --> 00:37:18.320
<v Speaker 2>not going to have fun drinking, which ultimately, of course

630
00:37:18.360 --> 00:37:21.280
<v Speaker 2>ended up not being fun, but it was really fun

631
00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:25.760
<v Speaker 2>as it was happening, and all of my inhibitions went

632
00:37:25.800 --> 00:37:30.519
<v Speaker 2>to the wind, and I just it didn't make sense

633
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:33.800
<v Speaker 2>to me why anyone would go have a glass of wine,

634
00:37:34.079 --> 00:37:36.079
<v Speaker 2>and then why would you even choose wine if you're

635
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:40.960
<v Speaker 2>gonna have one drink? Like what like? And I still

636
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:46.679
<v Speaker 2>don't understand it. I really don't, Like I won't do

637
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:50.280
<v Speaker 2>it myself, but like, I don't get what the point is.

638
00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:54.199
<v Speaker 2>I've never been able to figure that out. And I

639
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:56.360
<v Speaker 2>people will tell me. I still just don't get it.

640
00:37:56.639 --> 00:37:58.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't get it either, certainly not for the taste.

641
00:37:59.079 --> 00:38:03.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean, yeah, you know, I could disguise drinks martinis

642
00:38:03.960 --> 00:38:07.079
<v Speaker 1>and have you know, sour apple martinis or what have you.

643
00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:09.960
<v Speaker 1>But I wasn't going to drink that, like unless it

644
00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:12.960
<v Speaker 1>had alcohol in it, Like, I'm not gonna like it

645
00:38:13.039 --> 00:38:16.000
<v Speaker 1>wasn't for the taste, So why would I have one? Yeah,

646
00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:17.880
<v Speaker 1>that's not going to make me buzzed. It's not going

647
00:38:17.960 --> 00:38:19.800
<v Speaker 1>to give me the feeling I want. So why would

648
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:23.239
<v Speaker 1>I bother doing something that doesn't taste good?

649
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:26.159
<v Speaker 2>And don't even try and give me tell me about

650
00:38:26.239 --> 00:38:31.599
<v Speaker 2>Tannin's Like, I'm not here to listen anything about why

651
00:38:31.679 --> 00:38:34.920
<v Speaker 2>it's good. I don't care. If I'm not buzzed, it

652
00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:37.719
<v Speaker 2>does not matter. And I do not care if you

653
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:42.559
<v Speaker 2>are offering me top shelf anything or the gutter that

654
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:47.239
<v Speaker 2>it's all doing the same thing. It does not matter. Otherwise.

655
00:38:47.719 --> 00:38:50.960
<v Speaker 1>So you go to a meeting at the advice of

656
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:56.159
<v Speaker 1>John and do you hear what does anything resonate? Are

657
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:59.440
<v Speaker 1>you like, Ah, this doesn't really apply to me. What happens?

658
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:01.880
<v Speaker 1>Did you stay sober from that point? Was that three

659
00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:02.440
<v Speaker 1>years ago?

660
00:39:03.159 --> 00:39:05.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. From that point I stayed. I have stayed sober.

661
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:10.199
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but here is a long time by the way, congratulations, Well.

662
00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:14.199
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate that. Thank you. I but I still like

663
00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:16.800
<v Speaker 2>fought and I still do kind of like push back

664
00:39:16.920 --> 00:39:19.639
<v Speaker 2>at AA a little bit. You know, I think it

665
00:39:19.719 --> 00:39:24.840
<v Speaker 2>is at its core a good system, but I don't

666
00:39:24.840 --> 00:39:26.519
<v Speaker 2>think it's a system that works for everyone.

667
00:39:27.159 --> 00:39:30.320
<v Speaker 1>And fully agree, Yeah, but it is.

668
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:33.400
<v Speaker 2>A great starting point if you need camaraderie, if you

669
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:36.840
<v Speaker 2>need people, if you need a place to go, it

670
00:39:36.920 --> 00:39:39.599
<v Speaker 2>is a place to go with other people who are struggling.

671
00:39:42.360 --> 00:39:45.760
<v Speaker 2>I pushed back a lot because to me, it was like,

672
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I'll stay sober, I'll go to these meetings, I will

673
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:55.280
<v Speaker 2>be honest, I will talk about my problems anything that

674
00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:58.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm struggling with. But I almost treated it more like

675
00:39:58.679 --> 00:40:03.960
<v Speaker 2>a therapy session. And then I did actually working any

676
00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:09.599
<v Speaker 2>of the actual program they try and do getting a sponsor,

677
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:13.199
<v Speaker 2>you know, trying figuring all of that out. Not for

678
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:16.239
<v Speaker 2>me for like three months, Like I would just I

679
00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:19.199
<v Speaker 2>would go to the meeting and I would listen and

680
00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I would share when I have a particularly bad day,

681
00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:23.320
<v Speaker 2>I would share longer.

682
00:40:23.480 --> 00:40:28.760
<v Speaker 1>Right, But that's pretty good. Only that was for three months.

683
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:31.079
<v Speaker 1>That's relatively people do.

684
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:34.880
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Okay, well, but you know, here's the thing. I'm

685
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:39.679
<v Speaker 2>comparing myself to the other story. I wanted to get,

686
00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:42.360
<v Speaker 2>but I also didn't because I also wanted that loophole.

687
00:40:42.480 --> 00:40:45.800
<v Speaker 1>But now looking back, You're like, I wasn't working hard enough.

688
00:40:46.519 --> 00:40:49.239
<v Speaker 2>Well yeah, yeah, because there's also like that thing in

689
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:51.079
<v Speaker 2>my head where I'm was like, well, you know, maybe

690
00:40:51.239 --> 00:40:54.519
<v Speaker 2>maybe i'll drink again, you know, like maybe this is

691
00:40:54.559 --> 00:40:57.159
<v Speaker 2>what I need right now, and maybe in five years

692
00:40:57.199 --> 00:41:00.519
<v Speaker 2>i'll drink again. Is you know, maybe I'm not now alcoholic.

693
00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:02.960
<v Speaker 2>So I like it was kind of straddling that line.

694
00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:04.599
<v Speaker 2>I was like, right now, I know I don't want

695
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:08.199
<v Speaker 2>to drink, and I'm going to keep doing that until

696
00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:10.079
<v Speaker 2>the day that I'm like, hey, maybe i'll drink again,

697
00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:13.639
<v Speaker 2>right And luckily I don't think that way anymore. But

698
00:41:13.679 --> 00:41:16.880
<v Speaker 2>that's how it was for a good amount of time

699
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:20.079
<v Speaker 2>when I was first going to AA meetings, and then

700
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:24.000
<v Speaker 2>one day I was sharing about I think I told

701
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:26.760
<v Speaker 2>this story about how I was like one semester left

702
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:29.480
<v Speaker 2>in college and had to do like a couple of credits,

703
00:41:29.519 --> 00:41:31.199
<v Speaker 2>so I had to like act in some one act

704
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:33.639
<v Speaker 2>plays and like at this point, I was like beyond

705
00:41:33.760 --> 00:41:36.280
<v Speaker 2>the like acting part of theater and film. I was

706
00:41:36.360 --> 00:41:39.280
<v Speaker 2>just like doing script stuff. But I was like, oh,

707
00:41:39.320 --> 00:41:41.119
<v Speaker 2>I have to get like these three credits, so I

708
00:41:41.159 --> 00:41:44.119
<v Speaker 2>have to like act in a one act for someone.

709
00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:50.079
<v Speaker 2>And I did not care. I memorized the lines, you know,

710
00:41:50.920 --> 00:41:52.920
<v Speaker 2>but I was still going out partying, and there was

711
00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:55.800
<v Speaker 2>like one night where I partied really hard, fell down

712
00:41:55.840 --> 00:41:58.760
<v Speaker 2>the steps and then like I guess I cut my

713
00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:01.960
<v Speaker 2>arm open on a coffee and I because I just

714
00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:03.599
<v Speaker 2>like woke up to my alarm the next day and

715
00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:05.320
<v Speaker 2>it's like still drunk, but I have to go to

716
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:09.239
<v Speaker 2>this rehearsal for this thing, and to me in my head,

717
00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, this is the best performance I've ever given

718
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:17.039
<v Speaker 2>for this drunk brother eating cold ravioli out of the

719
00:42:17.119 --> 00:42:20.880
<v Speaker 2>can because it was it was cool, like I would

720
00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:23.719
<v Speaker 2>do this, not eat at all, putting the pieces together.

721
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:28.000
<v Speaker 2>And then afterwards the person the director was like, okay, great,

722
00:42:28.280 --> 00:42:30.719
<v Speaker 2>you can leave now, and I left and as I'm

723
00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:33.480
<v Speaker 2>like walking out the hallway, there's like all this dried

724
00:42:33.519 --> 00:42:36.559
<v Speaker 2>blood on my arm and on my shirt and like

725
00:42:37.320 --> 00:42:40.599
<v Speaker 2>ID like a stain on my face, probably maybe from

726
00:42:40.599 --> 00:42:43.800
<v Speaker 2>the ravioli but like this person I could tell was

727
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:47.400
<v Speaker 2>like a student. It's like a graduate student directing this

728
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:51.199
<v Speaker 2>like god, damn it, just I need to finish this play.

729
00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:53.800
<v Speaker 2>I can tell they're just like this kid is a

730
00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:57.519
<v Speaker 2>fuck up. So anyway, I'm like telling this story and

731
00:42:57.599 --> 00:42:59.760
<v Speaker 2>like relating it back to It's around the time I

732
00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:03.840
<v Speaker 2>had got dumped, and I was just like really using

733
00:43:03.920 --> 00:43:09.000
<v Speaker 2>every excuse to like give myself permission to drink. I mean,

734
00:43:09.000 --> 00:43:11.039
<v Speaker 2>I talked about when my brother died, like that was

735
00:43:11.079 --> 00:43:13.280
<v Speaker 2>really sad, and I was like, ah, he died because

736
00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:17.280
<v Speaker 2>of booze, but this like I get like a free pass,

737
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:20.239
<v Speaker 2>like if I get really fucked up, Oh, don't worry.

738
00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:24.559
<v Speaker 2>His brother died right right right. So selfish, just so

739
00:43:24.800 --> 00:43:29.079
<v Speaker 2>incredibly selfish. And so I would talk about that in

740
00:43:29.119 --> 00:43:31.280
<v Speaker 2>the meeting. I would talk about getting dumped and having

741
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:35.039
<v Speaker 2>these reasons and then not feeling valued and this, uh,

742
00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:37.800
<v Speaker 2>this guy came up to me and he was like afterwards,

743
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.039
<v Speaker 2>he'd never I'd never seen him at this meeting before,

744
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.679
<v Speaker 2>but he like stayed outside until I left, and he

745
00:43:43.800 --> 00:43:48.679
<v Speaker 2>was like, dude, do you have a sponsor? Even I

746
00:43:48.760 --> 00:43:51.360
<v Speaker 2>was like no, I don't know if I really need one.

747
00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:53.119
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure if I'm ready for that or anything.

748
00:43:53.119 --> 00:43:57.039
<v Speaker 2>He was like, well, why don't we do this, Like

749
00:43:57.039 --> 00:43:59.119
<v Speaker 2>why don't you get like a tempt sponsor? And I'm

750
00:43:59.119 --> 00:44:01.960
<v Speaker 2>happy to be, like, you're imp sponsor because like I

751
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:03.440
<v Speaker 2>think there's like a couple of things that are like

752
00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:06.559
<v Speaker 2>easier to talk about one on one rather than like

753
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:10.159
<v Speaker 2>coming to these meetings and just like verbal vomiting and dumping.

754
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:12.760
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, yeah, that sounds that sounds good

755
00:44:12.800 --> 00:44:15.760
<v Speaker 2>of course, much like with John, like that guy becomes

756
00:44:15.800 --> 00:44:20.199
<v Speaker 2>my sponsor, you know, and and you know, we ebb

757
00:44:20.239 --> 00:44:22.199
<v Speaker 2>and flow on when we talk these days because I

758
00:44:22.280 --> 00:44:26.400
<v Speaker 2>moved away, But like that's exactly like sort of like

759
00:44:26.440 --> 00:44:28.880
<v Speaker 2>it almost feels like a trick, but it's not a

760
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:32.519
<v Speaker 2>trick because they know what you need to hear at

761
00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:35.800
<v Speaker 2>that moment to like get the best out of the

762
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:39.599
<v Speaker 2>potential that you could be doing. Yeah, and and he

763
00:44:39.719 --> 00:44:42.440
<v Speaker 2>really helped me work through all the steps. And that's

764
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:46.599
<v Speaker 2>when I realized that like even if I don't like

765
00:44:47.519 --> 00:44:52.320
<v Speaker 2>quote believe in God or whatever, like my higher powers, whatever,

766
00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.199
<v Speaker 2>I need my higher power to be and I don't

767
00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:58.000
<v Speaker 2>have to like buy into a lot of things with AA.

768
00:44:58.320 --> 00:45:00.400
<v Speaker 2>But like if I look at it as like a

769
00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:03.119
<v Speaker 2>a worksheet or like like a way that I can

770
00:45:03.880 --> 00:45:06.960
<v Speaker 2>wrap my head around it, Like I can kind of

771
00:45:07.559 --> 00:45:11.960
<v Speaker 2>ignore some of the more like holier than thou aspects

772
00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:16.440
<v Speaker 2>of it and still stay sober and keep myself in

773
00:45:16.519 --> 00:45:20.199
<v Speaker 2>check when I'm trying to, like I don't know, control

774
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:25.760
<v Speaker 2>others or play god or something like that. So that's

775
00:45:25.800 --> 00:45:28.039
<v Speaker 2>that's kind of where I have I've been. And then

776
00:45:28.039 --> 00:45:30.679
<v Speaker 2>I met one of my to this day, one of

777
00:45:30.679 --> 00:45:34.880
<v Speaker 2>my best friends in the program because I was wearing

778
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:38.599
<v Speaker 2>a Tom Tom shirt I bought during COVID and he

779
00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:41.039
<v Speaker 2>was like, is that like from Vanderpofe Rules And I

780
00:45:41.119 --> 00:45:44.119
<v Speaker 2>was like yeah, and he's like, I've also got a

781
00:45:44.159 --> 00:45:49.320
<v Speaker 2>reality TV podcast and just kind of like hit it off. Yeah,

782
00:45:49.320 --> 00:45:52.119
<v Speaker 2>but I will keep that anonymous.

783
00:45:52.239 --> 00:45:55.719
<v Speaker 1>Sure, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, but it's been great.

784
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:58.079
<v Speaker 2>And so it's like, not only did I have a

785
00:45:58.119 --> 00:46:02.960
<v Speaker 2>friend who has a same hobbies as me, he also

786
00:46:05.159 --> 00:46:07.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, we can call each other if we're having

787
00:46:07.400 --> 00:46:10.159
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of an issue with meetings or whatnot.

788
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:15.119
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, I just I really relate to you.

789
00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:18.239
<v Speaker 1>I have the same thing. And I've been going, you know,

790
00:46:18.440 --> 00:46:21.440
<v Speaker 1>sixteen years, I've been sober but I do feel the

791
00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:24.599
<v Speaker 1>same way. I'm not like a I mean, I have

792
00:46:24.679 --> 00:46:26.880
<v Speaker 1>a regular meeting that I go to every week, and

793
00:46:27.239 --> 00:46:30.400
<v Speaker 1>then I have or probably well one that I go

794
00:46:30.480 --> 00:46:33.000
<v Speaker 1>to every single week. I have a commitment, but then

795
00:46:33.039 --> 00:46:35.840
<v Speaker 1>and then I have a one or two that I

796
00:46:35.920 --> 00:46:40.519
<v Speaker 1>might catch as catch can, but I don't. I've still

797
00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:46.639
<v Speaker 1>not a god person. It's not I mean, and but

798
00:46:46.880 --> 00:46:49.920
<v Speaker 1>I also feel the exact same way that there's a framework.

799
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:54.360
<v Speaker 1>There's a way of looking at situations which used to

800
00:46:54.360 --> 00:46:58.320
<v Speaker 1>baffle us. There's a way of looking at like my

801
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:02.679
<v Speaker 1>own behavior that I really couldn't do before. And there's

802
00:47:02.719 --> 00:47:06.719
<v Speaker 1>a way of like looking at my childhood which was

803
00:47:06.760 --> 00:47:11.159
<v Speaker 1>like pretty chaotic in my relationships with my mother and stepfather.

804
00:47:11.679 --> 00:47:15.519
<v Speaker 1>And I was very defensive and you couldn't tell me anything.

805
00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:17.519
<v Speaker 1>I just thought you were trying to attack me. I

806
00:47:17.519 --> 00:47:21.719
<v Speaker 1>couldn't take any criticism, and it was very hard, like

807
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:25.559
<v Speaker 1>with my husband, you know, I mean, he I mean,

808
00:47:25.559 --> 00:47:29.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying I'm one hundred percent better. I still

809
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:32.400
<v Speaker 1>it's I'm still hard to talk to, I'm still hard

810
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:36.840
<v Speaker 1>to criticize, but I'm better at it. I don't immediately

811
00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:39.760
<v Speaker 1>go like, oh my god, you're you're leaving me and

812
00:47:40.119 --> 00:47:42.320
<v Speaker 1>you hate me, and well why are you even with me?

813
00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:42.559
<v Speaker 2>Then?

814
00:47:43.079 --> 00:47:45.719
<v Speaker 1>But I have had so many fights with him, you

815
00:47:45.760 --> 00:47:48.320
<v Speaker 1>know when I was drinking, where I would go, well,

816
00:47:48.360 --> 00:47:50.360
<v Speaker 1>then why are you with me? Why do you even

817
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:53.199
<v Speaker 1>like me? If I'm so horrible, like I go from

818
00:47:53.719 --> 00:47:55.519
<v Speaker 1>I would go from zero to one hundred. And it

819
00:47:55.599 --> 00:47:59.559
<v Speaker 1>was all like a protection, you know, like I either

820
00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:02.480
<v Speaker 1>have to be perfect or I'm the shittiest. And I

821
00:48:03.280 --> 00:48:09.440
<v Speaker 1>do believe that the that twelve steps helped me deal

822
00:48:09.559 --> 00:48:12.480
<v Speaker 1>with some a lot of unresolved I guess I'm just

823
00:48:12.519 --> 00:48:14.599
<v Speaker 1>relating to what you're saying, but it doesn't know I'm

824
00:48:14.639 --> 00:48:16.559
<v Speaker 1>right there, meaning that I like get on my knees

825
00:48:16.599 --> 00:48:19.039
<v Speaker 1>and do prayers or that you have to. And whenever

826
00:48:19.119 --> 00:48:20.960
<v Speaker 1>people say to me like, oh I don't want to

827
00:48:21.000 --> 00:48:23.320
<v Speaker 1>do that because like it's a religious thing, I go,

828
00:48:23.599 --> 00:48:26.719
<v Speaker 1>it's really not. You don't have to do anything. Yeah.

829
00:48:27.239 --> 00:48:29.679
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that was the big thing for me too, Like

830
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:32.920
<v Speaker 2>someone put it in my sponsor to put it in

831
00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:38.199
<v Speaker 2>the framework of like, look, man, I was raised Jewish

832
00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:41.840
<v Speaker 2>and I go to these meetings where sometimes they're ending

833
00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:44.719
<v Speaker 2>with like the Lord's prayer. Yeah, like he's like, this

834
00:48:44.800 --> 00:48:49.400
<v Speaker 2>is not something that I do, and I just like

835
00:48:49.519 --> 00:48:53.360
<v Speaker 2>kind of compartmentalize those things because like, to me, a

836
00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:57.400
<v Speaker 2>higher power could mean like the energy I get from

837
00:48:57.440 --> 00:49:00.519
<v Speaker 2>just like when I feel good after going to a meeting, right, Like,

838
00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:03.480
<v Speaker 2>it's just like that's something that's out of my control

839
00:49:03.960 --> 00:49:07.039
<v Speaker 2>but made me feel a certain way. So like if

840
00:49:07.079 --> 00:49:09.519
<v Speaker 2>you need to put in any sort of framework like that,

841
00:49:09.559 --> 00:49:12.679
<v Speaker 2>He's like that at least like keeps you from like

842
00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:17.440
<v Speaker 2>convincing yourself that you could have another drink. He's like,

843
00:49:17.559 --> 00:49:20.159
<v Speaker 2>do what you gotta do. But it is that framework.

844
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:23.000
<v Speaker 2>And let me tell you, I'm getting ready to move

845
00:49:23.079 --> 00:49:27.079
<v Speaker 2>back to Los Angeles, but I moved out near Joshua

846
00:49:27.159 --> 00:49:31.159
<v Speaker 2>Tree and going to meetings in the middle of the

847
00:49:31.239 --> 00:49:35.880
<v Speaker 2>desert that like have been going on for twenty plus

848
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:41.960
<v Speaker 2>years and it's the same like five people and like

849
00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:47.079
<v Speaker 2>then being the new guy who's like maybe the closest

850
00:49:47.079 --> 00:49:49.159
<v Speaker 2>to my age is ten years older than me. Right,

851
00:49:50.079 --> 00:49:54.800
<v Speaker 2>that gave me perspective on how different meetings could work,

852
00:49:54.840 --> 00:49:56.920
<v Speaker 2>because I went to a handful of different LA meetings

853
00:49:56.920 --> 00:50:01.039
<v Speaker 2>as well. But I mean amount of people there who

854
00:50:01.039 --> 00:50:05.559
<v Speaker 2>will say something, well, I will say are very much

855
00:50:05.639 --> 00:50:09.280
<v Speaker 2>not religious, but are like but the program fucking works

856
00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:13.920
<v Speaker 2>for me, brother, you know, or something like, I realized

857
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:18.320
<v Speaker 2>that there are no hard and fast rules. But these concepts,

858
00:50:18.920 --> 00:50:23.400
<v Speaker 2>the concepts have helped so many people. And unfortunately, like

859
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:27.039
<v Speaker 2>someone in the in the meeting I go to out

860
00:50:27.039 --> 00:50:31.199
<v Speaker 2>here recently passed away and he had a very good life.

861
00:50:31.320 --> 00:50:36.639
<v Speaker 2>He was up there, he like started this meeting. He's

862
00:50:37.000 --> 00:50:40.199
<v Speaker 2>been like a pillar of the small community out here.

863
00:50:40.960 --> 00:50:45.000
<v Speaker 2>And when I went and visited him in the hospital,

864
00:50:46.480 --> 00:50:52.519
<v Speaker 2>we spent an hour just like talking about you know,

865
00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:56.079
<v Speaker 2>like essentially one day at a time. But how He's like,

866
00:50:57.559 --> 00:51:01.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm in a fucking hospital bed, rob, I could be

867
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:08.239
<v Speaker 2>pissed that I'm dying every single day. He's like, but

868
00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:11.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I'm gonna die fucking tonight in

869
00:51:11.400 --> 00:51:14.400
<v Speaker 2>my sleep, or if I'm gonna die in six months.

870
00:51:15.079 --> 00:51:18.760
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. So I'm not gonna spend every single

871
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:22.440
<v Speaker 2>day pissed off that I'm gonna die, or that I'm

872
00:51:22.519 --> 00:51:25.239
<v Speaker 2>worried that I'm gonna die or I didn't do this

873
00:51:25.400 --> 00:51:29.599
<v Speaker 2>last thing. It's like, I'm gonna do my best to

874
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:33.679
<v Speaker 2>have a good day and then if I get another

875
00:51:33.800 --> 00:51:39.800
<v Speaker 2>good day, that's gonna be great. And I recently shared

876
00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:42.760
<v Speaker 2>that conversation after he passed away, because it hit me

877
00:51:42.840 --> 00:51:46.039
<v Speaker 2>so hard that like, because I do I worry about

878
00:51:46.039 --> 00:51:48.599
<v Speaker 2>the bullshit and I'm moving and it's annoying and it's

879
00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:51.519
<v Speaker 2>like so stressful and chaotic and that could but that

880
00:51:51.559 --> 00:51:53.840
<v Speaker 2>could be anything. It doesn't have to be because I'm

881
00:51:53.840 --> 00:52:01.440
<v Speaker 2>moving and and someone and also shared with me later like, yeah,

882
00:52:01.480 --> 00:52:03.079
<v Speaker 2>we don't know when we're going to die. You can't

883
00:52:03.119 --> 00:52:05.679
<v Speaker 2>control when you're going to die. Like that's a control

884
00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:07.840
<v Speaker 2>thing too, And it's like do you want to find

885
00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:10.199
<v Speaker 2>out you're dying and then be like God, damn, I

886
00:52:10.239 --> 00:52:13.039
<v Speaker 2>was pissed all day long, and your last day alive

887
00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:17.519
<v Speaker 2>was being pissed off. Like that sucks, you know, Like

888
00:52:17.679 --> 00:52:19.800
<v Speaker 2>or if you decide to drink your last day alive,

889
00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:21.920
<v Speaker 2>is you going like, well, I fucking picked up the

890
00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:24.760
<v Speaker 2>bottle again, woe is me? Tears and my beers, you know,

891
00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:28.079
<v Speaker 2>and like that these are just things that I get

892
00:52:28.119 --> 00:52:30.440
<v Speaker 2>from these meetings that i'm and like the people that

893
00:52:30.480 --> 00:52:33.960
<v Speaker 2>I meet that I'm just like so like it really

894
00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:38.800
<v Speaker 2>resets me when I'm like not when I forget to

895
00:52:39.039 --> 00:52:42.239
<v Speaker 2>like one minute, one hour, one day, whatever, it is

896
00:52:42.320 --> 00:52:45.159
<v Speaker 2>when I get really worked up because I've been worked

897
00:52:45.239 --> 00:52:50.079
<v Speaker 2>up recently because of this, you know, living surrounded by

898
00:52:50.119 --> 00:52:53.320
<v Speaker 2>boxes and a dog, you know, yeah, and my girlfriend

899
00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:55.480
<v Speaker 2>and why and.

900
00:52:55.480 --> 00:52:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Joshua Tree in the first place.

901
00:52:58.679 --> 00:53:03.239
<v Speaker 2>I well, I mean just circumstances of I moved to

902
00:53:03.360 --> 00:53:06.400
<v Speaker 2>LA for the job and then they barely had me

903
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:09.360
<v Speaker 2>ever go into an office. So I was like, and

904
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:13.119
<v Speaker 2>we went through three management companies in one year of

905
00:53:13.159 --> 00:53:15.719
<v Speaker 2>having an apartment in LA, and I was like, I

906
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:17.960
<v Speaker 2>think they're going to raise our rent. Maybe we should

907
00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:22.079
<v Speaker 2>just go. Interest rates are lower than they've ever been.

908
00:53:22.199 --> 00:53:24.800
<v Speaker 2>Let's see if we can buy a house, honey. And

909
00:53:24.840 --> 00:53:28.519
<v Speaker 2>we loved vacationing in Joshua Tree. Well, living in it

910
00:53:28.559 --> 00:53:31.719
<v Speaker 2>is not the same. And so we were like, we'll

911
00:53:31.719 --> 00:53:34.800
<v Speaker 2>give ourselves five years and we made and we made

912
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:40.599
<v Speaker 2>it three. So we realize, uh, you know, it wasn't

913
00:53:40.599 --> 00:53:43.000
<v Speaker 2>for us. And then shortly after I moved out here,

914
00:53:43.039 --> 00:53:44.679
<v Speaker 2>they were like, actually, we want you to drive in

915
00:53:46.039 --> 00:53:47.920
<v Speaker 2>two or three days a week to the office. And

916
00:53:47.960 --> 00:53:51.199
<v Speaker 2>I was like, what, I can't. I can't do that.

917
00:53:51.320 --> 00:53:54.920
<v Speaker 2>And then I got a different job, so okay, And

918
00:53:54.960 --> 00:53:57.079
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't Conan. It wasn't Conan. I'll tell you this,

919
00:53:57.079 --> 00:54:01.599
<v Speaker 2>this is like serious XM bought that network and then

920
00:54:02.239 --> 00:54:05.679
<v Speaker 2>rules started changing because got.

921
00:54:05.559 --> 00:54:11.320
<v Speaker 1>It, got it all right, Well tell us the podcast,

922
00:54:11.400 --> 00:54:15.800
<v Speaker 1>tell promote, promote away, Hey, I appreciate it. Robs is

923
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:17.960
<v Speaker 1>the Yes.

924
00:54:17.840 --> 00:54:19.079
<v Speaker 2>That is the podcast.

925
00:54:19.239 --> 00:54:21.880
<v Speaker 1>Now why is it to Robs or is it?

926
00:54:22.920 --> 00:54:26.599
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's just it's vander Pump r O B S.

927
00:54:26.760 --> 00:54:30.440
<v Speaker 2>And then I'll have usually my co host is Kate Shapiro,

928
00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:35.360
<v Speaker 2>very incredible writer. I used to produce a Star Trek

929
00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:40.559
<v Speaker 2>podcast where the hosts would call me producer Robs because

930
00:54:40.599 --> 00:54:46.480
<v Speaker 2>of Rob Shualty. And they on tour one day said like,

931
00:54:46.639 --> 00:54:48.880
<v Speaker 2>if you ever do a show like ours but it's

932
00:54:48.960 --> 00:54:52.079
<v Speaker 2>vander Pump, you should call it vander Pump Robs and

933
00:54:52.199 --> 00:54:54.320
<v Speaker 2>like I was like, hey, I'll honor you guys with

934
00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:57.920
<v Speaker 2>that when I make the show. And uh so the

935
00:54:58.000 --> 00:55:00.440
<v Speaker 2>vander Pump Robs wherever you get your podcas it's not

936
00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:04.599
<v Speaker 2>Patreon as well, And I will say the fun thing

937
00:55:04.679 --> 00:55:07.639
<v Speaker 2>I've been doing this summer with my friend Molly McLear

938
00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:12.039
<v Speaker 2>is a yeah, We've been doing a show called have

939
00:55:12.280 --> 00:55:17.280
<v Speaker 2>Zi's where while her show trend Lightly is on a hiatus,

940
00:55:17.599 --> 00:55:21.920
<v Speaker 2>we're filling that time with have Zi's, which Molly brings

941
00:55:21.960 --> 00:55:25.400
<v Speaker 2>a topic, I bring a topic, and we just each

942
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:28.039
<v Speaker 2>share one thing we want the other one to hear about.

943
00:55:28.760 --> 00:55:32.039
<v Speaker 2>So those are the two projects I'm promoting right now.

944
00:55:32.079 --> 00:55:35.199
<v Speaker 2>And I'm really really happy that we were able to

945
00:55:35.199 --> 00:55:39.760
<v Speaker 2>connect because I do really like your podcasts and this

946
00:55:39.800 --> 00:55:41.840
<v Speaker 2>has been a blest being able to share my story

947
00:55:41.880 --> 00:55:42.119
<v Speaker 2>with you.

948
00:55:42.280 --> 00:55:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much. Well, everybody that was Rob Shulty

949
00:55:45.519 --> 00:55:48.519
<v Speaker 1>and go check out his podcast, give him a download.

950
00:55:49.039 --> 00:55:52.599
<v Speaker 1>Why not follow him on Instagram, which is also vander

951
00:55:52.599 --> 00:55:56.559
<v Speaker 1>pump Rob's I believe is the is the Instagram great?

952
00:55:56.639 --> 00:55:57.960
<v Speaker 1>Need some followers.

953
00:55:58.280 --> 00:56:00.760
<v Speaker 2>I know I'm not good at social media, but I

954
00:56:00.840 --> 00:56:03.039
<v Speaker 2>would love some followers.

955
00:56:03.119 --> 00:56:05.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, all right, everybody, Thank you so much and I

956
00:56:05.840 --> 00:56:07.239
<v Speaker 1>will see you next week.

957
00:56:07.440 --> 00:56:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Bye. Sorry, Line and it's gutting dealing. Line is doing

958
00:56:14.239 --> 00:56:25.719
<v Speaker 2>is going again? My dart It time you got