Speaker 1: You show where limits get torched and possibility takes the mic.
Speaker 1: I'm lea rowing human in permanent beta, neurostrategist, mom to
Speaker 1: three amazing humans, married to one legendary soul, and your
Speaker 1: no fluff permission slate to stop waiting. Every week, we
Speaker 1: rewire brain patterns, smash hand me down mindsets, and dive
Speaker 1: into the daring identity shifting conversations most people got ready
Speaker 1: to turn potential into proof. Grab your pen. Your next
Speaker 1: chapter starts now. Hello, my beautiful friend, how are you?
Speaker 1: I am so glad that you're tuning in to this
Speaker 1: conversation today. I really do. I think about you, and
Speaker 1: you know who you are. I think about you listening
Speaker 1: this on your walk. I think about you listening to
Speaker 1: this as you're folding laundry, as you're untangling fishing line.
Speaker 1: And so it gives me a lot of delight to
Speaker 1: know that, even though I'm here in my room by myself,
Speaker 1: I really do envision each and every one of you
Speaker 1: listening to this, and I honor that. I honor that,
Speaker 1: with so many different distractions out there that you could
Speaker 1: be doing, you taking a minute too really think about
Speaker 1: this work in a way that impacts your ability to
Speaker 1: lead and your ability to be influential in your life
Speaker 1: is something that I just want to acknowledge and appreciate.
Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you. We are going to end
Speaker 1: this series with what I am calling a manifesto. Most
Speaker 1: of us have never written one, right. We've for sure
Speaker 1: written goals, we've written affirmations, we have written the things
Speaker 1: that we maybe wish were true, but almost none of
Speaker 1: us have stopped and named, clearly, without apologizing, without softening
Speaker 1: for anyone else, the actual things that we believe. And
Speaker 1: so today I'm going to do that. I'm going to
Speaker 1: do that on this podcast with you. I'm going to
Speaker 1: name five things that I have come to believe about
Speaker 1: worth after twenty plus years of doing this work, over
Speaker 1: fifty years of living this work. Not in the books,
Speaker 1: not the things that I read in a course or
Speaker 1: in a program, not the things my favorite teachers or
Speaker 1: mentors have shared with me, but the five things that
Speaker 1: that I've survived, right, the ones that are still standing
Speaker 1: after thousands of conversations and hundreds of breakdowns and my
Speaker 1: own like slow, hard, ongoing daily practice of returning home
Speaker 1: to myself. And then the second half of the episode,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a practice. I'm going to
Speaker 1: give you three quiet questions, right, something that you can
Speaker 1: carry from this conversation into the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: So this is the close of the May series, so
Speaker 1: I want to close it in the way that it deserves.
Speaker 1: But before I start, I do want to say something
Speaker 1: about why a manifesto I because the word kind of
Speaker 1: feels big. One of my favorite books as a side
Speaker 1: is The Motivational Manifesto by Brendan Burchard. It's a It's
Speaker 1: a fantastic read if you haven't if you haven't read it,
Speaker 1: but I really want to break down the word a
Speaker 1: little bit because it does feel It feels really expansive,
Speaker 1: it feels very public. It feels like something that you
Speaker 1: do when you have all the answers. And I really
Speaker 1: want to be clear with you, I do not. I
Speaker 1: do not have all the answers. I have answers that
Speaker 1: I've lived, and there is a difference. I believe this,
Speaker 1: and I've said this many times on a podcast. I
Speaker 1: believe that the only thing that we're ever a master
Speaker 1: at is our own experience, Okay, And so a manifesto
Speaker 1: is not a list of all the things that you
Speaker 1: have proven, but rather it is a list of things
Speaker 1: that you are willing to stand on. And the willingness
Speaker 1: is the whole point. It's the whole point. So maybe
Speaker 1: you write one today, and most of us right might
Speaker 1: not write one because we're afraid to be wrong. We're
Speaker 1: afraid that if we name what we believe and we
Speaker 1: change it later, that will be exposed as a fraud
Speaker 1: or as a liar. So we kind of keep our
Speaker 1: beliefs very vague, very safe. We keep them flexible, we
Speaker 1: keep them deniable, We allow ourselves to excuse ourselves out
Speaker 1: of them, and the cost of that is it's a
Speaker 1: quiet cost, but it's something of never naming what we
Speaker 1: actually believe. And when we don't do that, we never
Speaker 1: get to fully live from anything. Okay. So my hope
Speaker 1: is that this is an invitation, maybe encouraging for you
Speaker 1: to write a manifesto of yourself, and maybe you hashtag
Speaker 1: and find me and put hashtag manifesto, and if you'd
Speaker 1: be willing to share some parts of your manifesto with
Speaker 1: me on any topic that you want to, this is
Speaker 1: just the topic around worth this this month, and and courage.
Speaker 1: I would love that. Okay, So I'm going to name
Speaker 1: what I stand on, and I'm going to invite you
Speaker 1: to start naming what you stand on to so number one,
Speaker 1: number one. And I know this is not going to
Speaker 1: surprise you because I've kind of led up to it
Speaker 1: this entire in this entire series. But worth is not earned,
Speaker 1: Oh you guys, It is not earned. It was given
Speaker 1: to you the moment that you arrived. No human is
Speaker 1: qualified to revoke it, including you. Okay, you are not
Speaker 1: responsible for it. You did not give yourself to it,
Speaker 1: and so therefore it is not upon you to take
Speaker 1: it away. Okay. It is the foundation. If you do
Speaker 1: not believe this one, none of the other four will
Speaker 1: hold Okay. And this is what I have come to
Speaker 1: know after twenty plus years of city with people in
Speaker 1: their hardest moments. The single biggest source of suffering in
Speaker 1: a human life is the belief that worth is something
Speaker 1: you have to qualify for right, that you have to
Speaker 1: be useful enough, productive enough, beautiful enough, agreeable enough, successful enough,
Speaker 1: healed enough, smart enough, athletic enough, religious enough. I could
Speaker 1: go on and on and on with the enoughs any
Speaker 1: enough to be worthy of the life that you are living.
Speaker 1: And I do not believe that but I did, and
Speaker 1: I haven't believed it for a long time, but I had,
Speaker 1: and I am willing to stand on the opposite, which
Speaker 1: is that your worth was settled before you ever opened
Speaker 1: your eyes. It is not in question. It is not
Speaker 1: on trial, nor has it ever been on trial. And
Speaker 1: here's the part that is probably the hardest to accept,
Speaker 1: which I alluded to at the very beginning. You cannot
Speaker 1: revoke it, yeah, and nor can anyone else, even when
Speaker 1: you're at your worst, even when you have done the
Speaker 1: very thing that you are the most ashamed of. Right,
Speaker 1: even when you have failed every test that you set
Speaker 1: for yourself, even if you damaged relationships that you were in,
Speaker 1: you cannot, not with any amount of self critique, become unworthy. Right.
Speaker 1: It is not a thing that you have the power
Speaker 1: to undo, because it was never a thing that you
Speaker 1: had the power to grant. And that is what we
Speaker 1: explored an episode one, that there is a payoff to
Speaker 1: staying unworthy, and the payoff is that we get to
Speaker 1: keep that question open. And as long as we are
Speaker 1: still asking whether we are worthy, we never have to
Speaker 1: risk living as if we are. And the manifesto says,
Speaker 1: stop asking, stop asking, if you are right. The question
Speaker 1: is not yours to answer. It was answered before you
Speaker 1: got here, and now the question is now that you are,
Speaker 1: what are you capable of? But we have to know
Speaker 1: that there's a cost and a payoff. So if you
Speaker 1: miss that episode, I invite you to go back, go
Speaker 1: back and revisit it. Belief too. Your body has been
Speaker 1: telling you the truth your whole life, your whole life, right.
Speaker 1: You don't need to master it, Okay, you just need
Speaker 1: to stop overwriting it. Okay. I'm not a somatic teacher.
Speaker 1: Do I know enough about the metaphysics of the morphogenic fields? Yes?
Speaker 1: I do, right, but that is not what I'm teaching
Speaker 1: in this episode. Okay. I have lived long enough to know,
Speaker 1: and you have lived long enough to know that something
Speaker 1: in us has been telling us things. Our minds have
Speaker 1: refused to hear. Right, the decision that on paper was
Speaker 1: the right one, but every cell in your being was
Speaker 1: shouting no. The relationship that you stayed in for years
Speaker 1: longer than your body wanted you to, The job that
Speaker 1: you took because it looked good and your stomach was
Speaker 1: haywire from the first interview, The job that you stayed
Speaker 1: in for fifteen years longer excusing yourself out of it,
Speaker 1: because even though you didn't love the job, you loved
Speaker 1: what enabled you to do and all of that nonsense.
Speaker 1: The yes that you dave that immediately felt like a lie.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I'd love to do that. No, No, I
Speaker 1: would not. Okay, your body knew, it's always known. It's
Speaker 1: always known. But your mind. It's trained you to be polite,
Speaker 1: it's trained you to be agreeable. It's trained you to perform,
Speaker 1: it's trained you to ask permission, it's trained you to
Speaker 1: be nice. That mind over rode your body, over roade.
Speaker 1: Your body's fighting for you to have its own back,
Speaker 1: to allow yourself to have peace and comfort instead of
Speaker 1: sacrificing your peace and your comfort for everyone else's benefit. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to ask you to become an expert
Speaker 1: in your own nervous system. I'm not I'm not going
Speaker 1: to ask you to memorize anatomy. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: ask you to add in another thing to your already
Speaker 1: full plate. I'm just asking you to stop overwriting it. Okay,
Speaker 1: that is the whole practice. Notice what you already feel,
Speaker 1: Trust that it is coming from you. Let it speak
Speaker 1: a little sooner. This week than it did last week.
Speaker 1: That is enough. That is the work, and that is
Speaker 1: what we explored in episode two. We called that episode
Speaker 1: I think it was the tell. Right. The tell is
Speaker 1: not a diagnosis. It is an acknowledgement. It is something
Speaker 1: in you knows. Please stop arguing with it. Every time
Speaker 1: you allow yourself to let your body tell, you begin
Speaker 1: to trust it. You begin to trust you. You begin
Speaker 1: to then have more confidence not just you your ability,
Speaker 1: but in the capacity of you, because you know that
Speaker 1: whenever there's an answer that's required, they'll trust yourself to
Speaker 1: have it. Okay. That's belief number two. Belief number three,
Speaker 1: There is a version of you that exists before the
Speaker 1: performance begins and everything. Okay, That self is not lost.
Speaker 1: It does not require your attention. It requires your absence
Speaker 1: as observer. Okay. And I know that was a big mouthful,
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to figure out how to condense it.
Speaker 1: But this is the one that I am most certain of.
Speaker 1: It is the one that nobody talks about because nobody
Speaker 1: can sell it to you. Okay, there is a self
Speaker 1: that exists before you reach for your phone, right before
Speaker 1: you decide what to share, before the internal narrator starts
Speaker 1: shaping the moment for some imagined future audience before you
Speaker 1: walk into any room, before you have a conversation. That
Speaker 1: self is not profound, it's not quotable. It does not
Speaker 1: have a I have a posture. It doesn't have a look,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have an image, it doesn't have a perception.
Speaker 1: It's just you, without commentary, in a moment. And it's
Speaker 1: been waiting your whole life for you to come and
Speaker 1: find it. And I called and I've been calling this
Speaker 1: the unwitnessed self, and I introduced it into in the
Speaker 1: episode three of the series. Okay, I built a whole
Speaker 1: episode around the parallel from physics called the observer effect. Okay,
Speaker 1: and the observer effect basically states that what is watched
Speaker 1: changes because it's watched. Okay, the minute you see it,
Speaker 1: it changes. Okay, that that your private self is the wave. Okay,
Speaker 1: and your public self is the particle right the minute that,
Speaker 1: the minute that that particle in a sea of ocean
Speaker 1: is saw right, it turns wave. It was just a particle.
Speaker 1: The observer effect makes a wave out of that particle. Okay.
Speaker 1: Most of us have lived so long as particles, Okay,
Speaker 1: And I believe this not as a metaphor, but as
Speaker 1: the deepest, quietest, truest thing that I have come to
Speaker 1: ever know about being a human. And I believe the
Speaker 1: relationship with that self, right, the unwitnessed one, the one
Speaker 1: that's not performing, the one that is not evaluating everything
Speaker 1: that is spoken and everything that is posted and everything
Speaker 1: that is that is brought forward to be observed, okay,
Speaker 1: is the most important relationship in your life. You just you, Okay.
Speaker 1: It's the most important relationship in your life. Not your partner,
Speaker 1: not your children, not your team, not the audience that
Speaker 1: you that you speak to. It's it's the one with
Speaker 1: the version of you exists when nobody is watching, including you,
Speaker 1: including you. The minute you watch you, it changes the
Speaker 1: experience of you. The minute you realize and I mentioned
Speaker 1: this in the episode, the minute you realize that that
Speaker 1: you're crying, it changes the experience of you crying. The
Speaker 1: minute it you realize that you're laughing, it changes that experience.
Speaker 1: The minute that you realize that you're dancing, it changes
Speaker 1: the experience. You're no longer dancing with abandonment, right, You're
Speaker 1: dancing observing yourself dancing, okay, And every act of remembering
Speaker 1: it you before, the observed you. Every moment, every minute
Speaker 1: you spend in your own presence without narrating yourself is
Speaker 1: a quiet, world changing thing. Not because the world will
Speaker 1: see it, but because you will. And every time you
Speaker 1: invite that you into to experience that, you allow the
Speaker 1: world to see it too. That is belief three, Okay,
Speaker 1: believe for the awakening right is the door. What you
Speaker 1: do on Tuesday is the room, meaning the life that
Speaker 1: you actually want is built. And when I'm calling the
Speaker 1: uncollapsed choices, nobody will ever see you make. Okay, So
Speaker 1: personal development conferences, books, podcasts, they sell the awakening right,
Speaker 1: the retreat, the breakthrough, the crack open, the moment that
Speaker 1: you finally see what you've been doing. Okay, that the
Speaker 1: aha moments? Right, And I love those moments, right, and
Speaker 1: I've built parts of my life on them, so they're
Speaker 1: not nothing. But I have come to believe, deeply, deeply
Speaker 1: that the awakening is the easy part. It is the
Speaker 1: work is what happens after the Tuesday, after the Wednesday,
Speaker 1: after the Thursday, after the hundred small, ordinary, unphotographable choices
Speaker 1: that you make in the weeks and the months that
Speaker 1: follow the breakthrough, right, that's where the work begins, that
Speaker 1: half second pause before you answer the conversation, that you
Speaker 1: do not collapse into the old version of yourself, even
Speaker 1: though it would be easier, even though it's way more familiar,
Speaker 1: even though you're way more practiced at being who you've been.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of courage to choose the future
Speaker 1: of you, as opposed to just continuing to rinse and
Speaker 1: repeat that old version of you. The practice is not
Speaker 1: collapsing back into that past version of you, but to
Speaker 1: stay steady and present in this version of you in
Speaker 1: those little practices. In those little practices, you begin to
Speaker 1: create and collect evidence of your awesomeness right of you,
Speaker 1: living uncollapsed, uncollapsing into the quote unquote unworthy self that
Speaker 1: you have been living. So what else does this look like?
Speaker 1: It looks like it looks like the email that you
Speaker 1: do not send, because you realize in the second before
Speaker 1: you hit send that it was written either by a
Speaker 1: self who was trying to be pleasing, accommodating, or riddled
Speaker 1: in in judgment and frustration and annoyance, and rather you
Speaker 1: send one that is true, one that is kind, one
Speaker 1: that is real, living living uncollapsed is not is not
Speaker 1: a personality, it's not a brand. It's not something that
Speaker 1: you can really post about. It's it's so small, but don't,
Speaker 1: but don't mistakes very private returns to yourself over and
Speaker 1: over and over across the rest of your life. I
Speaker 1: believe that is where the real life is built. It's
Speaker 1: not built in the breakthrough. It's in the choices that
Speaker 1: nobody will ever see you make but you. And that
Speaker 1: is the point. That is the point, because when you
Speaker 1: learn how to source yourself, you won't you won't need
Speaker 1: anyone to source it for you. That is a level
Speaker 1: of freedom that I think most of us aspire to
Speaker 1: get to. And that's what we explored an episode for.
Speaker 1: I think it was like the Tuesday After is the
Speaker 1: Work or something like that. But that is the work,
Speaker 1: That is the work. And the last one belief number
Speaker 1: five is you were never broken. You were never broken.
Speaker 1: One of the books that I wrote was no One
Speaker 1: is coming to save You. And that's because you never
Speaker 1: needed to be saved. The only thing that ever needed
Speaker 1: to be fixed about any of us is the thought
Speaker 1: that we needed fixed in the first place. So no
Speaker 1: one is coming to save you, because no one ever
Speaker 1: needed to you were never broken. I like to say
Speaker 1: that rather, rather we were brilliantly adapted. Okay, And the
Speaker 1: work of a human life is not to fix yourself.
Speaker 1: It is to stop performing the self that you built
Speaker 1: to be chosen, that you built to be liked, that
Speaker 1: you built to be loved, that you built so that
Speaker 1: you wouldn't be abandoned, that you built for everybody else's benefit.
Speaker 1: And rather, come home, come home to the one that
Speaker 1: has been here the whole time. Because here's what I
Speaker 1: have come to know. Almost everything I used to call
Speaker 1: my flaws was not a flaw. It was an adaptation.
Speaker 1: It was the brilliant, creative, often heart breaking response of
Speaker 1: of me, a young child trying to stay safe in
Speaker 1: a world that did not always feel safe. It was
Speaker 1: a part of me that learned to read the room
Speaker 1: right before I could read words, The part of me
Speaker 1: that learned to over deliver before anyone asked. The part
Speaker 1: of me that learned to make myself really, really small
Speaker 1: or really big, depending on who needed me to be what.
Speaker 1: It was the part of me that made myself be
Speaker 1: very useful, make myself entertaining right, make myself be accommodating,
Speaker 1: depending on whatever the room needed, that part of me
Speaker 1: was not broken, That part of me kept me alive.
Speaker 1: And I do not believe the work of a human
Speaker 1: life is to fix that part. I believe the work
Speaker 1: is to thank it, to say thank you, thank you, Leah,
Speaker 1: thank you for getting me here. You did the impossible,
Speaker 1: you got me here. Let me take it, let me
Speaker 1: take it right. And then slowly the work then becomes
Speaker 1: to stop reaching for that adaptation when you do not
Speaker 1: need it anymore, just out performing this self that you
Speaker 1: built to be chosen, that you built for your bother
Speaker 1: to come back to validate your existence, and rather to
Speaker 1: come home to this beautiful self that has been here
Speaker 1: the whole time, waiting very patiently right for you to
Speaker 1: acknowledge it. Right. That is, that is the whole work,
Speaker 1: That is the entire arc of a real life, right,
Speaker 1: just returning, just returning without fixing. So those are the five.
Speaker 1: That is the manifesto. I would love, I would love,
Speaker 1: I would love to know yours right to recap, and
Speaker 1: then I'll give you the questions to recap worth not earned. Okay,
Speaker 1: your body, there's a tell trust it. There is a
Speaker 1: self that exists before the performance. Find her, find him,
Speaker 1: get to know them, get to know them. The work
Speaker 1: happens on a Tuesday, and you're never broken. Ever, you
Speaker 1: have brilliantly adapted, and that adaptation is no longer required,
Speaker 1: Thank it and let it go right. So those are
Speaker 1: the five beliefs. These are the three questions that I
Speaker 1: imagine when I was thinking about this outline, and as
Speaker 1: I was thinking about what these questions could be, I
Speaker 1: imagined you hitting pause in writing them down or listening
Speaker 1: to the whole thing, and then at the end writing
Speaker 1: them down. Either way. I think if you allow yourself
Speaker 1: to answer these questions, either at the start or the
Speaker 1: end as you book end your day, your way will
Speaker 1: help you step into the capacity of you in the
Speaker 1: very best way that you possibly can. So the first question,
Speaker 1: and I alluded to it at the very beginning, is
Speaker 1: what does the already worthy self do today? Right? How? Right? Right?
Speaker 1: What does that already worthy self do today? Not how
Speaker 1: do I become worthy? Not how do I prove it?
Speaker 1: But what does the version of me, the one who's
Speaker 1: worth is not in question, actually do today? What does
Speaker 1: that self say yes to? What does that self say
Speaker 1: no to? What does that self spend the morning, on
Speaker 1: the afternoon on the evening on right the question and
Speaker 1: sets the lens for the entire day. Okay, number two,
Speaker 1: what is my body trying to tell me? You will
Speaker 1: know when to ask it. There will be a meeting
Speaker 1: where your jaw is tight, or a conversation where you
Speaker 1: kind of said yes, right and you felt a tightness
Speaker 1: that you couldn't name, or a decision that you're about
Speaker 1: to make, but something in you is shouting. That is
Speaker 1: the moment. Right, stop and ask the question. Right, you
Speaker 1: don't again, You don't need to understand the morphage nature
Speaker 1: of the metaphysical science. You just need to pay attention.
Speaker 1: Just pay attention. That is That is enough. And the
Speaker 1: third question is what is one minute that I will
Speaker 1: not narrate, that I will not narrate for myself, that
Speaker 1: I won't experience in order to share it, Experience it
Speaker 1: in order to create a word of the day from
Speaker 1: experience it in a way that I can create a podcast.
Speaker 1: Right in your way, can you experience yourself without narrating
Speaker 1: it and just be one minute stand at a window,
Speaker 1: walk down a street, drink a cup of coffee without
Speaker 1: noticing how hot it is or the smell of it. Right,
Speaker 1: do not make it mean anything, do not post it,
Speaker 1: do not journal it. Just a minute in your own presence,
Speaker 1: without measurement, without performance. That is the whole practice. Three
Speaker 1: questions right a morning lens in the morning that offers
Speaker 1: up to me, what does be already worthy of my
Speaker 1: what does the already worthy self do today? The midday check?
Speaker 1: And what is my body telling me? And the one
Speaker 1: minute where you can just sit and that belongs to you,
Speaker 1: nothing else to you. So that is the close of
Speaker 1: this May series, right five episodes. My hope is one
Speaker 1: full arc and I hope what I hope is you
Speaker 1: carry from it, not not just a memory of how
Speaker 1: these conversations sounded, but I hope what you carry is
Speaker 1: a very quiet, durable practice that you can take with
Speaker 1: you as we move into next month's topic, which is
Speaker 1: going to be around relationships. So I hope that you'll
Speaker 1: join me next month. This has been a fun series.
Speaker 1: I've heard from so many of you in this series,
Speaker 1: and I and I always love it when you reach out,
Speaker 1: when you share things that you've learned, things that you're
Speaker 1: not just learning, but you're actually applying into your life,
Speaker 1: into the experiences of the way that you show up
Speaker 1: in the world, So have a beautiful one, my friends,
Speaker 1: and I will see you next month on the show.
Speaker 1: Take care, everybody, Bye bye. If this episode cracked something
Speaker 1: open good let it and then head to lea rollincoaching
Speaker 1: dot com rab the tools to rewire the story and
Speaker 1: read plain your future It is yours. And then share
Speaker 1: this with someone who's still waiting to be chosen, still
Speaker 1: waiting for permission, and remind them they don't need a breakthrough,
Speaker 1: that they are the breakthrough. Until next time, my beautiful friends,
Speaker 1: invest in you and keep becoming