Speaker 1: Gony gather row Dirty Conny did the gain he.
Speaker 2: Join the questing is uncharted.
Speaker 3: Join the Icy bast Six writers face off by a
roll of the dice Tale.
Speaker 4: Fight Dirty leave.
Speaker 3: Nothing behind but figerpits and a tall tale stealing cart
breaking fats with plenty of time, Take kill and.
Speaker 1: Icy never.
Speaker 4: Bastards.
Speaker 2: Ten pis always.
Speaker 1: Icy and you know the camp be tasting Bastards.
Speaker 5: Come on and join Itenticing.
Speaker 2: Baster Hey, they're a and Devians Junior Adventures and friends.
Welcome to the next episodes of Authors and Dragons Presents
the Dicey Bassards. I'm Gibbie MK Gibson, your host, dungeon
master and author of such books as the Shadow Master
series and the Techno Answer Series. Who do I have
with you today? Well, we have a full cast that
is completely wide awake and alert, aren't we gang. Let's
start with Robert Bevin. Bob, how you doing.
Speaker 6: I'm completely alert and wide awake. Hello friends. Robert pepn here,
author of The Camera the Creature series of comedy fantasy
novels of short stories. In this game, I played the
role of Chorcerer, the Sorcerer, The Sorcerer with the more
Serwer that's all I got to me.
Speaker 2: Oh fantastic. Drew Hayes, coming in low but coming in hot?
How you doing, sir?
Speaker 7: I'm tired and ready to rack. I am Drew Hayes,
author of books such as Superpowers, n PCs for at
the Vampire Accountant, five Minutes Sherlock, and my newest series,
Rover Powered, which is available in ebook, audio and print
right now. Oh, and I play Kabert the Horse Guy.
Speaker 2: Did I miss mister Walterery?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: I did, because I just see him and Robert Beverer
think the same person. Rick, Sorry about that? How doing?
Speaker 4: But I'm apparently more weak than you since I still
remember the g comes before h.
Speaker 2: But I explained myself. Just go with it.
Speaker 4: MM likely story all right? Anyway. My name is Rick
Walterieri and I play moog Fish Eater In real life.
I write several things, including The Tomb of Bill, the
High Moon series and tells It a Crypto Hunter, and
my latest Time Chaser is just about done hopefully soon.
Speaker 2: Mss Kaplan. How are you hi?
Speaker 8: It's Emily. I write books under E. M. Kaplan, like
the Josie Tucker Mystery series, and I play Claudia the rogue,
but also, thanks to sporadic insomnia, had three hours of
sleep last night, so I am also prime to make
some terrible decisions.
Speaker 2: I was at a convention this past weekend. Someone came
by the table space I was sharing with false af books.
This one was like, I'm looking for like a cozy
murder mystery kind of thing, and I turned to John say,
I forgot to bring cobbys. I pointed up in your direction.
Speaker 8: Awesome, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: You're very welcome. I'm looking out for my friends. Speaking
of looking out for my friends, mister Steve Weather or
it is late there in jolly old England. How you doing, sir?
Speaker 1: I'm doing okay, Gabe, I can say out of both guys,
hid there, I'm Steve Weverell, and I he'lp you playing
Stan Dandy Liver, a man currently looking once again at
an unconscious dau Serer. It's a it's a wait job,
but somebody's got to do it in real life. I
write books. I trust your Google skills, listener. I'm not
going to patronize you. Find out for yourself.
Speaker 2: Trust your Google skills, all right. Before we get in
the game, take a quick, quick, quick, moment to remind
everybody listening that if you're not part of the Indian family,
then you're missing the frick out. Head over to patreon
dot com slash Authors and Dragons check out the various
tears and perks where you can join for five bucks
a month. Be part of our discord, hang on the
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hit the subscribe, hit all the buttons, and all the kids.
So you to do just help us out. It means
more than you know, and of course share with all
your friends.
Speaker 1: Now, if you're not part of the A and D family,
you're missing out and all that sweet A and D incest.
Speaker 6: You're gonna say. If you're not part of the idea
of family, you're part of the problem.
Speaker 2: That's good. Oh, someone take a note of that. That's good.
We're keeping that all right. With a shilling out of
the way, let's get into it. Greetings all, this is
Connie stands conscious. How are you fans? Friends? I really
need to ask you something. Come on, lean into the
mic here lead it. Why Why do you like these idiots?
It's clear that the guys Dice Scotts hate them. In
the last episode, stand Claudia Mood put on a grand
display of it up to two as they spend but
most of the time climbing in out or falling into
large piles of pool, and our beloved George were played
keep away with one of the slowest monsters in the
goddamn manual had lost, but somehow they managed to escape
the sinagrove discover the ruins of East Cherry. A short
rest later had them back in tiptop shape just to
discover a hole in the ground. A few fingering fingering
the whole jokes later, the dicey bastards made up their
mind to climb down into that hole. Within a display
of athletic prowess on par with Stephen Hawkins facing a
flight of stairs, the majority succumbed to gravity and fell
down the hole. Once again. Jorcer was knocked the fuck
out and is on death's door. And that's where we
pick up. But wait, what happened to our lost druid.
Let's check it with him first, all right? Uh, cobat
the expedients who kind of wandered off in the middle
of the last battle. Give me a favor, give me
give me three nature rolls, Nature or survival? Would pick
one the YOUU feeld war comfort with nature or survival?
Speaker 7: Oh, survival by a country mile on that one, because
I have a zero for nature.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not quite a country mile, you know.
Speaker 2: I give me two survivals and one nature. I want
to see what happens.
Speaker 7: I should have kept my mouth shut. First survival is a.
Speaker 2: Twenty three good, very very good.
Speaker 7: Second survival is a respectable tad that's average. Okay, give
me one nature and nature is a sly.
Speaker 2: Shit all right? I know, I want to put you
on the map. Fantastic.
Speaker 7: So, after getting lost and negotiating a settlement between two
warring squirrel crime families, Cabert kind of meanders back into
what he considers his side job.
Speaker 2: Okay, Cabert, you managed to wander through the forest. Your
friends are missing, but thanks to survival roles, you avoided danger.
Speaker 7: And friends is a strong word.
Speaker 2: The people you are contracted to obligations and contractions to
follow these people around to keep them out of trouble. So,
thanks to the nature survival rules, you picked up their
tracks and you followed, and you follow them into what
appears to be the ruins of East Cherry. That's a
it's a city that's much like West Cherry, but it's
been burned down and it's shitty. And now this is
an old, overgrown town center where you're at on the map.
Ahead of you, uh, Cobert is what looks like an
old well with a uh several corpses of uh well,
all types of skeletons and dead things, a big tree
growing out out of it. It's freaky as ship. The
night has descended. Uh And every swooping you hear giggles
of children nearby.
Speaker 7: Creepy uh as.
Speaker 2: Give me a quick perception check.
Speaker 7: Cobert gets a nine, well.
Speaker 2: Slightly below average.
Speaker 4: So you're you.
Speaker 2: There is something ahead of you like you. There's all
you see is the rope. There's a rope tied to
a tree. That's as far as you get.
Speaker 7: Mmm, boy, this this really feels like someone else's problem.
I'm pulling up my wild shape options real quick.
Speaker 1: I remember you are now say you can transform it
to someone who gives a ship.
Speaker 2: The team did get a short rest during their last game,
so technically you would have had had time as well.
That helps you at all. Please take give yourself all
the benefits of a short rest.
Speaker 7: Uh you know what, I believe that can be helpful
for druids. I was actually okay on wild shapes, but
I do get them back up short rest, So good
to know, all right, Well, seeing as there is very
clearly some creepy shit going on, and I have been
separated from the fleshy meat tanks who are supposed to.
Speaker 2: You have followed their trails. That's what That's one of
the nature checks for four.
Speaker 8: So yeah, you actually may be able to smell us at.
Speaker 1: This point of footprints.
Speaker 7: Weirdly enough, that's kind of where I was heading. I'm
trying to see which of my forms have a sense
of smell.
Speaker 2: Well, you also have a sense of sight, and there's
like there are literally shit cake footprints leading this direction.
It wasn't that hard to follow because those people spend
so much time in and out of the compost piles
of like shambling moundshit.
Speaker 1: Turning into something with a better sense of smell might.
Speaker 2: Be detriment, actually detrimental. You will take constitution saving throws,
wisdom saves.
Speaker 7: All right, Well, I'm I'm gonna go with what I
considered to be an underrated classic because you know, it
might only be a c R one half, but it
can rip the face and genitals off a human being.
So I'm gonna go epe okay like that. That really
puts shit in perspective, Like challenge one half for a
creature that could rip our fucking arms off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't. I can never see a monkey now
without you know, that's the first thing. I think it's
really ruined.
Speaker 2: A oh yeah, all right, control of that your control
of that monkey on the on.
Speaker 7: The eighth thing. Has anybody watched Chimp Crazy?
Speaker 2: Oh Natural twenty fantastic? So I've heard great things about
it based on the timing. Wise, there is a rope
attached to this tree that was tied off by actually
someone competent, goes down into that hole. You and you
both smell more poop from that hole, and you hear
what sounds like idiots falling on top of each other
and someone going gorcer or no, no.
Speaker 7: Man, am I glad I picked something with a climb speed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was gonna let you fall on Georcier
and let him get the dead.
Speaker 6: So did you imagine a centaur trying to lower itself on.
Speaker 4: I wanted to see that.
Speaker 2: I was gonna make the difficulties so hard because it's
all upper body strength. Baby.
Speaker 7: Oh no, he has no upper body strengths. That horse
would have been.
Speaker 2: It would have been two failed death days on georcer
had you land on him.
Speaker 7: So all right, good, good choice with the ape while
while my ape begins to climb down the hole using
his climb speed, I will mentioned that, Yeah, Chimp Crazy
is a like a semidocumentary. I think it's on Max.
They go into like some famous chimp stories like Travis
the guy or the chimp who like, uh ripped that
woman's face off. Yeah, and uh, but it's also I
think the story of Again I've gotten this second hand,
so my understanding is it's about a lady who like
worked at like a chimp study place and then they
got shut down, and then she just took one of
the chimps that she'd bonded with and lit out of their.
Speaker 1: Oh I think I've seen some documentary footage of what happened.
Speaker 4: Probably just as important. Do we realize this is cabert
or do we think this is a killer?
Speaker 2: I was about to as once the monkey once the
monkey talk had done this. Okay, so move you are
laying flat on your back, George, or give me a
best saving throw.
Speaker 1: It'd be great if every time Kap changed into an animal,
he still had that hat on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be better for just just ro D twenty.
Speaker 7: If we get an enchanted item option, that might be
a fun choice. I get to keep the hat in
vest every time.
Speaker 8: Maybe I can make you one.
Speaker 7: Might take hip on that.
Speaker 2: What'd you get?
Speaker 6: I don't know? Here it goes? Oh fuck?
Speaker 2: What was it?
Speaker 6: Natural? One?
Speaker 2: Two failed death saves? Okay, the rest of your party
with what little moonlight's wing down from that hole and
a little bit of the ambient light from down in
this cave. Jorser is looking as grim as fuck.
Speaker 1: I will I have healing words. Okay, I'm gonna use Yeah,
I'm gonna use healing words on Josra.
Speaker 8: Okay, did you just notice he was dead?
Speaker 1: Well, you know, you've got to give people a chance
to pull themselves up by their bootlaces.
Speaker 7: I did fresh at sunrise.
Speaker 1: That's what my healing words gotta be. Actually, he's just
gonna smack Gayser in the face and a couple of
times they're gonna come on, Jawecer, you need to stop
pulling your own weight.
Speaker 2: All right, so give me your roll so much, so
many hit points, Georcer gets back.
Speaker 1: It's a D four I believe so.
Speaker 2: Free all right, George, you are conscious?
Speaker 1: Slap slap slap.
Speaker 7: I like to imagine like Georser just letting out a
death rattle and that dross dance attention and the healing word.
It's oh ship.
Speaker 2: Oh and Georger did, if I remember correctly, he did
uh put on a moomo. He took time running.
Speaker 1: Meant to ask what outfit did we land on?
Speaker 8: Literally?
Speaker 1: What designed is the move?
Speaker 4: Move?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 8: Probably ship?
Speaker 1: Is it floral print?
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, because they all have a print? I got you,
all right.
Speaker 6: I imagining it was like a turkoid with like yellow
flowers on it.
Speaker 2: Oh, so, like like a March Simpson's curtains kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Now we're talking, all right.
Speaker 6: Ah, Now that I'm awake, I'm gonna pull my weight.
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh no, that's not what I meant.
Speaker 4: I think I'm gonna get up and move out of
the way.
Speaker 7: But as soon as you said poll, you should have
seen it coming.
Speaker 2: I'll stand the two of you up asume mood you'd
like to stand back up as well. Yep, all right,
so you are down in this game, and I told
you last time. There is noise that sounds like uh
something the children's laughter to the northeast and to the southeast,
different sounds might be a slight snoring sound.
Speaker 1: So before we make a decision, Stan will say, reasonably,
dah a monkey.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, now that you look up, I was gonna
everybody's that chances of perception check. There is a monkey
climbing down the hole.
Speaker 4: Everybody, stay very still. I've had some.
Speaker 1: Really really horrible thing stand will cover as genitals about monkeys.
Not as cute and hilarious as you'd initially think. It's
not even wearing an amusing hat.
Speaker 4: Ever, be very calm. We're gonna check his spells see
if he has anything that can shock the monkey.
Speaker 7: I don't know if you've seen the images that D
and D uses on their site, but like the ape
they have for the monster, looks like an ape who's
coming to steal some fucking genitals and faces. Now I'm
gonna I'm gonna put it in the group chat. I
don't think it'll show up on the uh on the
stream for folks, which actually is probably good because it's
probably copyrighted. Yeah, oh no, okay, that didn't work. I'll
put it in the slack.
Speaker 6: In chare's my in the window? Before it wasn't clear.
I also have my hands on my genitals.
Speaker 1: It turns out to be pretty pressy.
Speaker 7: Tell me that guy's not coming for your fucking face.
Speaker 8: Am That guy looks like the cover of a Tarzan novel.
Speaker 1: I've been looking at The New D and D and
everybody in it looks like a total wimp.
Speaker 4: Why does his.
Speaker 1: Ape look so badass? Old Warrior looks like he's about
to serve me a latte, but it's ape.
Speaker 2: Listen, the new the New D and D people are
never gonna leave their their their version of their fantasy
Starbucks and even go fight this monkey, So I'm not
even worried about it.
Speaker 8: He's gonna sing the nuclear.
Speaker 7: Powered Oh oh, He's just gonna sling other people's faces.
That's his ambunition, all right.
Speaker 2: Well, you guys see how adorable? Are you, Kabert are
you that? Are you adorable? Are your scary as ship?
Speaker 4: Gimbe?
Speaker 1: We've made our feelings on monkeys pretty clear.
Speaker 2: Well, then you know what, guys, there's a creature coming
for you. Do something about it?
Speaker 1: Going to back off? Is it not making any is
it being threatening?
Speaker 2: It looks like the picture that I just sent us.
Speaker 4: How far away is it?
Speaker 2: It's you, guys, fell forty feet he started climbing down,
so he's at least thirty feet away and coming at you.
Speaker 4: All right, right, Frost, can you tackle?
Speaker 2: Don't antagonize the market? Does a fourteen hit you drew?
Speaker 7: Uh in a form?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 7: Yes it does?
Speaker 2: All right, so you take seven cold damage? All right?
Speaker 7: Are they under me?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Directly? Yeah, at least at least Stand and Claudia
are But to get a face full of ape.
Speaker 8: If you fling pooh, We're already covered with pooh.
Speaker 9: So we wouldn't even notice we haven't natural I'm going
to I'm going to let go drop into them, and
then after I have taken the fall damage in my
wild shaped form, I'm going to shift back to horse.
Speaker 7: Sounds and you can calculate how that impacts them how you.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you're going thirty feet, so three D six
on you, so that would be three D six That
is twelve damage to you. I'm gonna give it half
to them because they break your fall. So both stand
and Claudia takes six dims perfect.
Speaker 7: That knocks me out of wild shape.
Speaker 1: So Gibby explain to me what I'm looking up at
right now?
Speaker 2: So okay for listeners at home, stands like he's he's
sitting there, looks over Claude. She's like, I don't know
the fu's going on dwors or hand on cock as usual.
Moove says, I'm enough of this shit. Points of finger
glowing beam of blue light shoots up the rope, freezes
the monkey monkey. Then let's go over the rope. Stand.
You look up and see monkey Padanka dunk coming down
in your face. It's got no pants with balls are
out and it lands on you and Emily, simultaneously knocking
you both prone. You both take six points of bludgeoning damage.
Speaker 1: Monkey damage.
Speaker 2: Take six points of monkey damage. And then and then
the monkey form disappears, and now there's a horseman standing.
Go over you, Drew. You can decide which direction your
penis is facing Claudia.
Speaker 1: Don't see the monkey testicles morph into horse testicles like
some bad AI video.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I kind actually that kind of is what happens.
So they hit you in the.
Speaker 1: Should I put myself down for some psychological damage, Darrow?
Speaker 2: If that's you know what, I love the role place
you go with a buddy.
Speaker 8: Claudia grew Claudia grew up in a circus. She's horrified,
but she's she's okay.
Speaker 1: I'll give myself what evity. Opposite of inspiration is.
Speaker 2: Depression.
Speaker 6: Yeah, say we got to worry about I mean, like
the difference between a monkey dick and a horse dick phenomenal.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're lucky to keep both eyes.
Speaker 2: Well, you are now standing over top of both of them.
So like I said, you'd be pointing towards stand you
could be pointing. You know, you can be north or
south your call. But like both, both people on the
ground are getting an eye full of a Cobert chuck.
Speaker 7: Kubert will brush off his vest, adjust his hat straight
in his tie, and say, in the future, if you
see a random solo animal but does not fit the environment,
let's just maybe give me a chance to.
Speaker 4: Wave that advice is one going to get us killed?
Speaker 7: I will. I will clap my hoofs once and then
slowly step away from stand and claude, feeling my point
has been made fair enough, I don't know.
Speaker 8: I think that was a fantastic entrance.
Speaker 1: Sorry about that, old boy. I thought you were a monkey,
and to be fair, you were.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 7: I got separated from you all, and the woods can
be dangerous. That's why I don't like spending too long.
Speaker 4: Next time, party leader, don't order us to attack.
Speaker 1: I distinctly remember saying cover your gentleties now in yours
as well. That might seem like an attack option, but
you're actually you're entirely correct.
Speaker 7: I should have I had the exact right reaction upon
seeing an aid. Those things are monsters.
Speaker 1: Considering my inc you ride, I should have tempered by
the language. Yeah, I hope we've all learned some lessons
today and with growing as a group.
Speaker 7: All right, Oh no, I feel like next time I
get into a fight in the ape form, I have
to go for genitals and faces now, so give me
you know, that's that's for warning. Figure out what you
want me to roll for those?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 4: Well, now that we're all alive and friends again, Let's
go kill some kids. All right.
Speaker 2: So you guys are standing in a very very very
large underground cabinous area. There seems to be this bio
bio illuminus and liking uh, lightening the place. Up There
are what appears to be like the downs animal remains
of very large animals that have been stripped to the bone.
There seems to be a small fresh water pond h
in the in the very center. There's a passage to you,
like I said to your northeast, and.
Speaker 1: Now we had I will remind the crew, remember, guys,
healthy children, healthy payday. Let's try and keep a child
murder as our plan not profitable. Now, somebody out there
is snoring. I would say, let's be stealthy. That hasn't
worked out for us, So let's walk normally towards that sound.
Speaker 2: We go to the snoring sound.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm just putting this to the group. Okay, anyone
has a better idea.
Speaker 7: Man as well, we're down here, alright.
Speaker 4: We'g okay with that. If we find sleeping thing and
stab that, well, let's see where the situation takes is.
Speaker 1: We might not have to stab anything.
Speaker 2: So you guys are walking normally, and you guys are
going to the southeast. Correct, Yes, yeah, all right, so
you're moving this direction around the fresh water around.
Speaker 1: I realized the center is probably not the most stealthy
of animals.
Speaker 2: Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop.
Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, yeah, Hey, I got I gotta plus too
in stealth.
Speaker 1: He's a horse, but he's wearing slippers.
Speaker 7: I've got better stealth than I do nature.
Speaker 4: Cabas like.
Speaker 1: He's a pretty well turned out dude. You might have
some pretty decent footwear for a.
Speaker 8: Horse, like spats.
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, that's cannon.
Speaker 7: Now absolute fan art community. You heard it.
Speaker 2: As you guys come around the corner of this, the
stone passageway leads up and appears to be a sheer
rock wall with about a twelve foot rise and a
plateau above you what appears to be a living area
in there. So it's a little hard to see from
your angle. I mean, obviously you can see on the map,
but you have about it. Like I said, about a
twelve foot sheer wall. There's some cracks or some holes,
but little fancy parkring. You might be able to work
your way around some of the rock formations, but they
want to get up there. Give me a figure out.
You're gonna geup there?
Speaker 8: Damn if only we had an ape.
Speaker 1: How high up is this rock formation?
Speaker 4: Approx? Me twelve feet.
Speaker 2: Now here's the thing. Uh, this one right here, that's
a five foot section over there. This is about an
eight foot section over here, and this very lip is
about twelve foot.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we can it was sensible out of this,
we could probably use it badly phrased Drew, don't take offense.
Use Cobert as a stepping zone onto the eight foot
I mean we'd effectively be mounting a horse, and then
you're just kind of stepping up, you know, but.
Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty much, I mean, or you get this is
like I said, this is about five foot. He's tall
at twelve, so yeah, it's that's seven feet there. There'd
be more of a Your fingertips would just get to
the cover if you stood on his back, so you uh.
Speaker 4: I don't be eight feet?
Speaker 1: But does anybody else have a rope available?
Speaker 4: We'll sort of forgot his rope.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 8: I don't have a rope, but I have two working hips.
I could try to climb instead of stand.
Speaker 2: Uh give me, Uh, Well, look at you. If your work,
give me, give me an acrobatics rolled a park, wore
your way up there?
Speaker 8: All right, no wami, let's go.
Speaker 2: Wow ten. Well you got up to to this five
food section pretty easy. That's it.
Speaker 7: I uh, I'm gonna go ahead and uh just misty
step to the top here. Sounds great that I will
take the fifty feet of rope I have out of
my uh bag and then start looking for a place
to tie it off.
Speaker 1: Stem, who was about to use Cabert as a stepping son,
just flat on.
Speaker 5: His face once again.
Speaker 8: Goddamn missy.
Speaker 2: Step all right, Cabert. Once you're at the top of
the Once you're at the top of this large area,
there seems to be a table of food set out,
three beds of various sizes, a treasure chest to the
southwest or seas in the southeast, potion table, a table
with all kinds of instruments, a table with a shitload
of those masks you've seen kids, a magical symbol in
the center, and one of those hottest fuck ovens that
you guys saw before that was in sleepy jeans in
the you guys stayed in so oh in a mountain
of a literal mountain of cocaine. There is what appears
to because if that if you are a five foot creature,
that is five ten feet twenty feet of cocaine.
Speaker 7: Nicely, we had some sort of statue inspiration. It's not
saving for the metaverse A and D. Anything nearby that
looks like a good spot to tie a rope.
Speaker 2: To, well, there are some very large tables. There's a
very large bed there are I mean, look around. There's
the very hot oven that looks to be cemented on
the wall. The very large beds over to this section
over here seems to be well five fifty about twenty
five feet tall, so it is heavy as fuck.
Speaker 7: Uh okay, but it is also too far there we go, Okay,
the table should.
Speaker 2: Work the table. It's a very large table as well, So.
Speaker 7: All right, I will tie the rope to the table.
Is that a sleight of hand or survival?
Speaker 2: I would like a sleight of hand? Roll to see
how well you tie that? Not twenty twenty one, well done,
nicely done. It's better than stands natural one in the
last episode.
Speaker 1: Well, he's just twenty times bad.
Speaker 7: And twenty one times thank you. We'll run the rope
just down here. It's fifty feet of rope, so even
with the distance that has to cover, going the extra
twelve down should be fine.
Speaker 4: All right, Moogle find him up first.
Speaker 7: This is literally what Kabert is for and that utility.
Speaker 2: Baby, give me an athletics roll with your one hand twelve.
It takes a little while and it's not graceful because
of the one handedness, but you get up there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll follow up too.
Speaker 6: Okay, since there's a role involved, I'm just missy stepping.
Speaker 2: I don't blame you.
Speaker 6: I've got all I've got three hip points.
Speaker 1: Did you say this is twelve foot? Yes, Gibby, I'm
I'm not an in shape man at all, but even
I can crack climb fucking twelve foot with a rope.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, give me an athletics, Give me an
athletics climb.
Speaker 1: The point, the point I'm saying is maybe we skipped
the athletics role for the seasoned adventures.
Speaker 2: You've seen too many seasons, mister no hips so likes.
Speaker 7: A lot of cred that we haven't necessarily, I haven't
earned a seventeen.
Speaker 2: Well done, sir, that's well done, you you spry thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna roll. You wanted an athletics, I do, yes,
I did usually get all sixteen.
Speaker 2: Look at you got up there, did you? And take
your gig A little bit of day no echination.
Speaker 1: Fantastic. After over a century of being a rogue in
a fantasy world and facing all kinds of tyrants, I
can do something that a midle age fat man from
the real world can do.
Speaker 2: Hooray. You know we're gonna test that there the next
d a d CO. We're gonna put a twelve foot
thing and give you a rope. Just say get over it.
Speaker 6: But I'm gonna miss this step.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what he did. Okay. So you are at
the top there, and this what appears to be, like
I said, a large living area. There is a like
there's a lot of food laid out. It's very nice,
magical circle some kind down here, tables with potions, tables
with little magical artifacts, tables with a lot of those
masks we've seen the kids wearing, and a treasure chest
to the southeast, and food that's still on the grill
over here.
Speaker 6: Is that grill running hot?
Speaker 7: It is.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna rub some cocaine on a steak and cook
it up, all right?
Speaker 2: So all right, so there's a big amount of cocaine
right here, just like Tolkien would have written.
Speaker 4: I don't know how.
Speaker 7: I didn't see that coming, but I did.
Speaker 1: See that delice of fantasy beef.
Speaker 7: I mean, I don't know. I feel like cocaine on
a steak is some more George R. R.
Speaker 1: Mark Yeah, probably. All right, We're in a real Goldilock
situation here, and because I.
Speaker 7: Love the video is so demonetized.
Speaker 1: Because I learned nothing from that story at all, and
will say, okay, everybody, let's rogue up. Fill your boots.
Speaker 8: I think that means steal stuff.
Speaker 1: So I'm in, wait, what the hell.
Speaker 4: The bed?
Speaker 2: She'd sit back and this? Uh uh? What's maybe one thing?
Speaker 7: I picked? The table?
Speaker 2: Does anybody? Okay? So all the Fay based people that
would be abare death.
Speaker 7: Album, Yeah, I'm like ninety percent sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so give me an Arconnor roll with advantage? Dude,
you being a Fay or having a Fay ancestry.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm double check or history? So yes, creature type
you are Fain? Okay? Sorry?
Speaker 2: What was the role either ur Connor or history? What
are you fare more comfortable with both? In intelligence? So
oh not twenty not twenty sir. You are staring at
what's known as an annas hag. They are renowned for
stealing children, doing all types of like dark dark, witch
of the woods type of thing. Uh, and Game Gam
sits up and looks at you.
Speaker 1: Stan will say, somebody's been sleeping in their own bed.
Speaker 4: You know it will give me all the credit in
the world for not going for the obvious enis egg Joe.
Speaker 2: Yes, I I tried not to, but I'm glad someone did.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 2: Gamgam gets out of bed. All right, are you going
to sit down? Are you just going to stand there?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 7: This is probably the person who's corrupting the children. She's
an annas hag, dark deeds, magic, et cetera.
Speaker 4: Before before we do anything hasty, let's let us give
her a chance to perhaps bribe us to look other way.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's exactly what I'm doing. Dary here, please have
a seat. There's food on the table. My sisters will
be along shortly.
Speaker 1: Well, sorry to get you out of bed by you
know what has been corrupting the children into child soldiers,
which will inevitably die when they face more sophisticated for us.
Speaker 2: Come over, here, have a seat, have a seat. You know,
we can either fight or we canna eat your call.
Speaker 4: We'll go in hop on a seat. We wanted to
hear the offer.
Speaker 7: I'm I'm going to cast an offensive spell here at
a moment. I'm just looking up a few things.
Speaker 6: Okay, No, I need you guys. I need you guys
to have this conversation for eight hours and I'm going
to eat and take a break.
Speaker 2: So you are you still getting the cocaine from over
here and putting it on the steak?
Speaker 9: Uh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, go for you.
Speaker 2: Yes, she did, and she doesn't stop you at all.
Speaker 7: I would highly recommend not eating the food at a
dark magic user's table.
Speaker 2: And she sees you and she says, dairy. I am
too tired to give a shit about that right now.
I mean you at this moment, until you bring me harm,
I mean you, no harm.
Speaker 1: Well, we already really have your way.
Speaker 2: I'm not in the fay realm right now. I'm independent, mooks.
Speaker 6: Well, you know, while while the steak's cooking, I guess
I'll take that that hatchet and chop up some potatoes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're right there, gues, I go for it. There's
awesome that.
Speaker 4: Offers this, we should listen to Hag because some of
some of children are no doubt elves, and Hag greater
is well high run food chain the elf.
Speaker 1: I can't help thinking mood that your decision making has
been somewhat influenced by your innate prejudice.
Speaker 2: There's a flash of light and the portal and another
hag shows up, uh Gabert, you recognize this as a
nighthag one that infiltrates dreams.
Speaker 7: Not a nighthag one who infiltrates dreams. Again, the more
of these who gather, the stronger they'll be. I'm gonna
go and summon my hawk spirit. It's not an offensive gesture,
but it's just a little guardian spirit guy.
Speaker 2: And then a third one comes in and it is
what you're known as a green hag. Also basically, they're
all hags of all types. They all have various powers
off from the fay realm. And the green Hag looks
at Stand and goes, hey, baby, are we roll in
the hay later?
Speaker 4: I know you like me?
Speaker 8: Do you know her?
Speaker 4: Stand, Clodia.
Speaker 1: I've had an adventurous life and a failing memory. I
may have known you for all I.
Speaker 2: Know, Claudia, give me a give me a history roll.
Speaker 8: Oh jeez, she knows squat.
Speaker 7: Okay, I'm going to stand behind the murder bear girl.
Speaker 2: She sounds a shipload like pink reata, Oh.
Speaker 8: Pink reta. No wonder if there's a pile of cocaine here?
Speaker 6: Ah?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: And then the other one goes over here she's like
and who. Her voice sounds remarkably like sleepy. James starts
working on the grill and standing next to George, starts cooking.
Do you need anything help here, dear? Because I can.
I can work this grill. What do you what do
you need there, mister georcer?
Speaker 4: What do you need?
Speaker 2: It's my grill. So I'm just saying, you know, did
you did you put the seasoning on?
Speaker 6: What kind of marina?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, besides that, but that you had the oh
my god, marinate. And she starts sprinkling some herbs and
seasoning on there. So the three hags down, No, and
they you know, they invite you all to sit around
the table and have a meal.
Speaker 8: Okay, so these pitches seem really cool. Are we sure
that they're bad? Maybe it's the kids who are evil.
Speaker 2: Oh no, there are ours, the ANDAs.
Speaker 8: Hack I mean the original kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Gam Gam raises so well that let me guess
you guys are adventurers and you've got some call about
something attacking the town with the children correct.
Speaker 4: More or less?
Speaker 1: Well, yes, children attacking people. Child soldiers, yes.
Speaker 2: Well, no, they're child labor. Okay, who do you think
picks all the cherries? And the cherry grew back when
we used to run East Cherry, my sisters and I,
we came from the Faye Wild. We formed this town.
We had everything going then a bunch of adventures coming
to try to stop us. So we faked the We
faked the whole curse thing. The children do work for us, yes,
and they go a little bit crazy whenever the adults
are acting up. Then when the entire operations set started burning,
was going down. We burned down the East Cherry. We
moved to West Cherry.
Speaker 1: Uh okay, I'm hearing child labor but with knives, so
child soldier. Also, you burnt down a fucking town.
Speaker 2: No, but no one died in the town, dearie, because
the mayor me I'm the mayor of the town, just
moved operations over here. House. Do you think we sell
magic items and cocaine to the and distributed to the
rest of this place. Children make excellent mules. They are
excellent workers.
Speaker 1: You're speaking of a very reasonable time. But all I'm
hearing is awesome child drug trafficking and child soldiers.
Speaker 2: So I will say this, Drew you. You, being the
fay person, knows that these three ladies at this table
would obliterate you all.
Speaker 6: So it makes an excellent mule.
Speaker 7: That was why I was rare to go when there
was one. Now that there's three, you've noticed I have
edged for the running away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, oh I saw you. It's it's fair. But
like mood sitting there, Santy, are you sitting the table
with them?
Speaker 1: Kibby, what do you want me to do here? Yeah?
Child soldiers, child drug trafficking, burning down to town.
Speaker 2: Well here's the thing, Dari. You all could fight us.
You will lose, or you just go back to the
adventuring Guild and say that the thing is dealt with
the children. Not all the children are under control here,
and this is the truth. The ones who are more
up at the unruly, we have them wear the masks.
It puts them, it makes them more more controllable. Yes,
we do sell the.
Speaker 1: The so the ones with behavioral problems, you give them
combative magical advantages.
Speaker 2: They protect the town from outsiders.
Speaker 1: Dear, why are you using children? You're a powerful magic user.
Speaker 2: Why are you using child?
Speaker 1: You don't understand clearly, Oh, I understand the ways of
the fae normally fay and lost children not a great company,
lost pretty some of them fucking dead.
Speaker 2: Say yeah, whose fault is that? Mister, mister mister stan
I believe your name is.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry, you're trying to do a moral one
eighty on me. They tried to kill us dead. Why
did they try to kill it?
Speaker 2: Children from one hundred yards away?
Speaker 4: Children to go again, point out to fancy fancy no
longer health health if you were cold. We come here
not out of goodness of heart, but because coin purses light.
If a nice hug make corn pushes less less light,
that's the problem.
Speaker 1: Move. I'm gonna have to disagree with you, marmild.
Speaker 2: Just go back to the adventuring guild. Say the problem
is dealt with and or you just walk regardless. Okay,
one of you, whoever you the the You look like
an elf, but you don't talk like one. Elf, go
did you you look like one? But I know you're not.
Speaker 4: Doing.
Speaker 6: All I want is a cocaine steak.
Speaker 2: How do you like your cocaine steak? Medium, rare or
well fast?
Speaker 8: Buddy?
Speaker 6: If it all cooked, I'm gonna start chanting.
Speaker 7: You're good, You're good to his hands on site for
one thing, and one things.
Speaker 1: Might get on.
Speaker 2: Borrow would like to let you walk out of here
with over two thousand gold, several magic items, and you're
going your merry way.
Speaker 1: Sure, if you can just include that deal to all
the children you've brainwashed into murders that we can return
to their family, will be on our way.
Speaker 2: What kind of magic the family helps? Who do you
think gives us the kids? Do you think the adults
aren't in on this?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Well, you know I'm not a big fan of slavery either,
So fucking will take the kids.
Speaker 2: They send the kid. Every adult in West Cherry used
to be a kid in East Cherry who used to pick,
and we all move on. It's part of the thing
that it's a right of passage. Once they reach a
certain age, they're no longer kids to us, and they
become the adults of the town and their kids then move,
they pick the cherries, We sell the cherries at reasonable rates.
We bring in old potions, we turn it into cocaine.
We manufacture all types of magic items and supply the area.
We're actually a very viable thing. This isn't like the
old days of the fay realm, where you eat food,
you make you dance and do it crazy. No, we
are entrepreneurs, aren't we, sisters?
Speaker 6: Oh yes, and we.
Speaker 4: Also not point out that their operations seem much better
than run down brothel in shitty town.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's it's a fine business model. You can
do that when you don't have to pay your staff.
Speaker 8: Guys, I don't. I don't have a moral compass. Can
you tell me if we're supposed to knock Stan unconscious?
Speaker 4: We'll get back to you on that.
Speaker 2: So we have I said that, let me seem actually
I'll give you. I'll tell you what's in. I'll even
tell you what we can do. I have two thy
six hundred gold, a plus one acts, a flying carpet,
a bag of holding, and three magic clothing items. See,
we actually tailor as well. We're trying to expand our
business with experimental clothing magic. All you need to do
is go out and wear it around to give us,
give us like you know, your be a beta tester
for us for these for these items. And uh yeah,
each me and my sisters we love to make magic
items and sell them out of profit. You know. The
children like, no children gets hurt in our town except
for people like you. And once they reach once they
reach sixteen, they become just adults of the town. And
then the next kids come along. You know what, go
check how.
Speaker 1: Auld they raiding the town?
Speaker 7: You have a nine Yeah, give me, I'm gonna cast
a long stratter on myself.
Speaker 2: If you want to go here, you know what you
can do. You can go, okay, go out to the
main section, go back to the to the north. You'll
hear the kids are just having a party in there.
The kids are have free will now, so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, unsupervised kids will get up to.
Speaker 2: Sometimes they have They get a little more remonnxious and
run into the town. No one really gets hurt, and
they do a little vandalism, hooliganism. It happens there were
we're fine to see the masks or she points to
the masks over here. We're fine tuning the process, you know.
Speaker 4: Understand, mook was once or child moo committed or child atrocities.
Speaker 6: Yeah, me was.
Speaker 1: Horribly abused as a child, which you might say developed.
Speaker 2: Would you, as she starts speaking to you in orchish
uh part of me, sir, would you I see that
you are you claim to be an orca? That is fantastic.
Would you like to be an orc again?
Speaker 4: Actually, as a matter of fact, I would. And if
anybody who does speak or you noticed, Mook gets all
whole hell of a lot more eloquent.
Speaker 2: I speak everything, So I mean it would be a
little more of a difficult process. We would have to
like so, how did you end up in this particular form?
Speaker 7: Well, I'm going to lean forward to Claudia. I think
Moog is about to be on the hag side very quickly.
Speaker 8: It's okay, So either we have to knock Stan unconscious
or I need to go blow up the stove.
Speaker 7: Listen.
Speaker 6: As a parent mind sorcerer, I have telepathic speech. I
would like to send a message.
Speaker 2: It's Missy said for the mind, don't worry about it
stands very confusing. I just fucking stand at this point,
all right.
Speaker 6: I just want to tell us stand telepathically, we take
them up on their offer. We arm ourselves with some
gold and magic items ship and we come back for
him later.
Speaker 7: I was I'm gonna kind of wisper to Claudia. I
think getting out safely and considering her options might be.
Speaker 2: Anybody wants to go check on the children, They're perfectly fine.
You you and moral. We just go out to the
main section, go to the northeast. They have a big
party in there. The kids are great, they are protected,
they are well fed.
Speaker 6: I'd like to message Stan also, this cocaine steak is amazing.
Speaker 2: Actually so uh.
Speaker 1: Telepaphaly stands mouthful stuff towards sleepy.
Speaker 2: Jane comes over next to you yours her and asks
if she can try some of that steak because she
hasn't really rubbed the done a cocaine rub in a while, so.
Speaker 1: Ingredients are right there all this time.
Speaker 2: Well it's like what it was like. One was like, huh,
I've never really and then she starts tearing into like
she get two thumbs up from the night hag. She's like,
by the way, sorry about those dreams, honey. You know
the whole you being chased by time and your father
all that stuff.
Speaker 4: My mistake.
Speaker 2: You know because you reckon it when you have dream Yeah,
there was the one episode where you guys stayed at
Sleepy Jane's in and you had you failed your role,
had a dream you told us about a horrible night. Remember,
your father is chasing with time an hour glass, and
you saw this creature in your dreams.
Speaker 1: And that's why you need the cocaine steak.
Speaker 2: I'm hump ankum quats.
Speaker 8: Yes, Cobert, do you want to go look at the kids?
Speaker 2: She goes over to the pik Greta pick Rita, who
is now in her green hagform, goes over, gets like
a scoopful of cocaine. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Okay,
all right, so okay, so here she walks over to
the chest and she brings out She pulls out three items.
Who would like to try these on? We have the
safety pants, the flash pants, and the boots of walking
all over you.
Speaker 7: I will go check on the children and make sure
they're sick.
Speaker 8: Alaudia, we'll go with Cobert too.
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, I'm gonna wild shape in the ape form
to climb on.
Speaker 4: Mo kind of like boots of walking all over you.
Speaker 6: I could probably do with some safety pants all right.
Speaker 2: So uh for for moog, if you would like the
boots of walking all over you, go to the items
manager and you're dand beyond and just say boots of
walking all over you. There should be a homebrewed item
right there you can check out say anything with grocer.
Just type go to the home go to the items manager.
Type in safety pants. Oh you said flash pants are
safety pants?
Speaker 6: Nice of safety pants?
Speaker 2: Okay, now I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 1: It's the safety pants I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Immediately, and the second and the check and the chat
men you the second one there, grocer and the zencaster chat.
You will see a link there for the safety pants.
And yes, it's exactly what you guys are singing.
Speaker 1: Well, you can pants if you want to, but you're
gonna have to leave your friends behind because your friends
are gonna check on the welfare of some kidnapped children.
Speaker 2: There is something in the item of description to that effect. Yes,
all right, so you two want to go check on
the children? Correct? I grab YouTube?
Speaker 7: That is what we're saying.
Speaker 2: Oh do you guys want do you literally mean to
walk that direction? I'll put you on that map.
Speaker 7: We want to walk out of this room?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be whipped them, but I'm gonna
be open if I'm gonna say to the Hag, Okay,
if these children not be exploited for horrible reasons, then
we'll as you say, we'll go, We'll.
Speaker 4: Go check out.
Speaker 2: I will put you guys. So you guys are just
leaving this area. You're not actually going check on the children.
Speaker 7: Okay, Well we're leaving the area for right now. I
think we're probably gonna talk once we're out of there.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna for the sake of this thing, you
guys are off this map because I have two party
things going on. So the boots of walking all over
you and the safety pants now they're so the flash
pants if any want to try the flash pants.
Speaker 1: No, I'm being vaguely mission orientated.
Speaker 7: Okay, I I feel like I just know enough ship
as a centaur not to take items from hags, and
Claudia has.
Speaker 8: Been cursed enough times to feel like something is going on.
Speaker 4: It can't get much worse.
Speaker 1: Yes, Stan's going a little bit.
Speaker 2: We can fix that, mister, move. I think we I
think we could do that if you want. It might
take some time, though, So you you guys are no
longer in ear shot, So she's going to talk to
mister brute. Now do you if you guys are willing to,
I'll forego a fight and just leave and let the
Adventuring Guild know that the thing is. Things are taken
care of in in West Cherry. Now you guys here
can go on your marry away. We'll give you the
two six hundred gold a plus one X and a
one small flying carpet and a bag of holding we'll
throw in all this. Do you just walk away because
with your friends not here, we will crush you.
Speaker 4: Move. We'ren't hotly enough wearing boots of walking, so moog
okay with that.
Speaker 2: All right, now, I will ask one more favor for
all this. One of you is going to have to
take one of these masks. You don't have to wear it,
but you have to attune to it, and I want
you're going to have to create a bond with me,
so you're you're test marketing our products. So we have
to create a bond so we can like be in touch.
Speaker 8: Okay from any other room, Claudie' says mask.
Speaker 2: There's there's a whole there's a whole table those child masks.
Speaker 4: So you want stick Sticky Wizard or should move take? Uh?
Speaker 2: I'll take both of you want? It doesn't matter to me.
Speaker 4: Well do other than a tuning with the masks do? Uh?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 2: Okay, So now for the legalies of this for the
for the players. If you if you take the mask
one of you or whatever, your next level up, you
have to level up in Warlock. If it's you have
to multi class into Warlock with a Fay patron as
the does the build.
Speaker 4: I see if I'm not sure if that'll give me
any additional powers?
Speaker 2: Uh, well, you're you will get access to actually a
lot because once if you level up enough, there's a
lot of cool Warlock things, new spells. You will be
able to do the Aldritch Blasts, Aldridge invocations over time,
and you automatically gain access to I think once you
reach the Fay ancestry, you get access to certain magics
such as me Step and a few others. The ones
that the the your particular path of the elders Knight
do not provide this.
Speaker 4: This might help move on his path to revenge. Willing
to sell out morals.
Speaker 2: Okay, so she will give you as application that Moog
had morals, So she will give you a mask and uh,
this mask is no longer like a she little her
hand waves over. It doesn't do with the kids mask
to which allows a once a day misty step and
once a day Uh what's it called magic missile? No,
this is now a bond. So once on your next
level up you will you will multi class into warlock.
If your what's it called is not enough your charism
or whatever the modifier happens to be, you will be
you will. It'll bump you up to the minimum threshold
of thirteen.
Speaker 4: If you don't have a thirteen charisma, oh I died,
I don't even have close to a thirteen thirteen charisma
will make move downright likable.
Speaker 2: It will bump you up to your to the minimum modifier.
So it's like a temporary modify fire because of this mask.
It is in your possession, but account we'll take up
one of your tunemin slots.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe Google take the masks, maybe your stuff stuff
it into his backpack so uh you know, so it
doesn't cause him comfortable questions.
Speaker 2: Well, it's one of those like that's that's the deal.
If you're going to walk out of you Okay, mister,
mister the sorcer, but you also like.
Speaker 6: To you Uh, I was thinking about it. That's a
nice natural synergy with sorcerer.
Speaker 2: Sword locks are a great blend. Yes they are, Yeah
they are.
Speaker 6: And it's just one level, right, yes.
Speaker 2: The minimum one level. You can you can on your
next level. You can choose with you where you want
to go after that, because we do mild sip leveling. Okay,
exact same deal. You're you're already, since you're a sorcer,
you're already karisma based things, so you don't you don't
get a modifier to yours.
Speaker 6: That's unfortunate.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that, but uh, all right, you know what.
I'll even sweeten the deal. She puts her hands over
the mask again. Each of you have a bonus once
a day, Misty step just because once a day bonus,
Missy Stepp, just for being attuned to this mask.
Speaker 4: But you have to attune to really handy for one
handed guy who can't.
Speaker 6: Climb right, also handy for o guy whose hands are
generally occupied.
Speaker 2: All right, So because the rest, now I assume you'll
be able to talk the rest of your party into
naut Now, if your party does decide the three that
walked off. If they decide to attack us, it will
not go well for them. Just throwing it out there
and since and also you know the the the the
ands hag. Here's like, I'm the mayor of the town. So, uh,
everything you've reported back, it just comes to me anyway,
So I will put out a seasoned assist. You know,
you just tell the Venturing Guild of taken care of.
You will tell that the that the the hag menace
in the east Chairry is taken care of, and we
will go about our business. And when the day comes
that this operational longer works, will become North Cherry or
South Cherry.
Speaker 4: We have wond request that you've mayor yes, maybe maybe
declare a special day for great heroes who's solved mystery.
Speaker 2: You know what, come back next year and you will
have a special day. You'll have a special day. We'll
have a parade sold.
Speaker 7: All right.
Speaker 2: Would you like to walk back to the town or
you would like to get the teleportation circle back to
the Uh? You want to walk through the grove all
the way back again and avoiding on the shambling stuff,
or you just want to take the teleportation circle back
to the town into my uh my manner and stay
the night and the uh you can stay, then.
Speaker 4: We should probably go. We should probably go find friends
and make sure they're not doing anything stupid.
Speaker 2: All right, but she does reach out to shake your
hand and to make this a binding deal, right.
Speaker 4: Shake it with Isn't that sheds a tear as he
reaches out with his left hand.
Speaker 2: She'll shake your stump and I'll make it binding. She
just needs contact. So do you agree to these terms?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 7: Terms?
Speaker 4: Uh, you feel But what we do get the gold?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get all the tool they have like basically
bought your services enjoys her the same thing.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 2: There, the nightmare Hag reaches out to you and shakes
your hand. So upon your next upon your next level up,
you all will become level one warlocks. You will add
you will multi class into warlock the Faye based one.
And because your friends are not here, they also hands
you over a sack with twenty six hundred gold a
plus one axe one flying carpet that is the small kind,
so it has a two hundred pound capacity and a
speed of eighty feet around. If you exceed that, it
will not fly. So basically one one person or and
if you try to go to they better be tiny.
Speaker 4: What kind of acts Just a hand axe, just a.
Speaker 2: One hand plus one hand axe and a bag of
holding and an extra pants called the flash pants.
Speaker 6: Rick, are you writing all this down? I'm a.
Speaker 4: Bag of holding and flash pants.
Speaker 2: And for the main purposes of this, you now have
the money you need to book the passage to do
your actual main quest. The whole point of the going
to this area was get money to go on your quest.
Speaker 5: And now you have it, well, some might say give
it it. The whole point of god to this area
was also to you know, maybe rescue the Dean slave children.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean you still have time.
Speaker 7: I think that's what our cutaway will be about.
Speaker 2: Okay, So while these folks are here, I'm gonna go
back to We're gonna put you guys. You guys are here,
and let's put uh, let's go back to this map
here where you guys are back in the central area.
Moog and Georger, you're down here. The second you three
are back into this location here, I'll even put you
on the side so that your conversations are to yourselves.
Speaker 8: So do you want to check on the kids.
Speaker 7: I feel like it's a I think we should just
get back to the adventuring guilt. They we will, and
we should run this up because we are frankly well
outside of our weight class right now with three hags.
Most important thing is making sure that the people who
can do something find out. Oh. Also, Mog is almost
certainly betraying us.
Speaker 1: The sort of sound like his style.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's like the minute they offered that he was sold.
So just let's not trust Moog in general at all,
if possible. And uh yeah, and and yeah, I think
I think information dissemination is the best part of Valerie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, unfortunately we don't stand a chance against those but.
Speaker 7: Well they're not hurting the kids at least, so we
can we can, we can move off. I yes, psychologically
I understand.
Speaker 1: I was, of course.
Speaker 7: Uh oh, look we've got company.
Speaker 6: This kid.
Speaker 2: This kid wanders of the hal like, hey, dude, what's
going on?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 7: Hanging out?
Speaker 8: How are you?
Speaker 6: How do you do?
Speaker 7: Fellow kids?
Speaker 1: How old are you?
Speaker 4: See?
Speaker 2: I turn fifteen in the spring.
Speaker 1: Yeah dude, Uh do your parents now you're here?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well who are your parents?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 2: The Tanners?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Jill and Susan Tanner.
Speaker 1: They why did the town look so distraught? I thought,
perhaps it's because all that children to be co opted
in some sort of vince.
Speaker 2: No, okay, so some of the parents get a little
upp andy, so we just run into town. We put
we play pranks on from time, but not all the
kids do it, you know, and it's kind of a
game we kind of do, especially whatever like newc.
Speaker 1: It's a game or do you think they're being It's
a big.
Speaker 2: Show whenever people like you show up in the town.
You know, people, I'm going to write the job. I'm
gonna right the wrongs arm so justice. Look at my hat.
People like you guys show up like we have to
every town and the yes if we're not dude, I'm
not a slave.
Speaker 5: Dude, No, you have free will with your fifteen year
old brain.
Speaker 7: Old people, Am I right?
Speaker 6: Sorry?
Speaker 2: You're one hundred and eight and you're all you're you're
you're about.
Speaker 4: To be dust.
Speaker 1: Fam Let me lay down the ridge.
Speaker 2: Oh this is so skimvity.
Speaker 1: You're being skibbitty enslaved by very powerful beings.
Speaker 2: That you probably can't say it is hell oh cool?
Speaker 1: Do you have like whatever the fay equivalent of Nintendo
is wonderful.
Speaker 7: I'm a thousand percent picturing the Foot Clan hide out
from the nineteen ninety teenage shooting Ninja Turtles.
Speaker 1: Gibby, You'll try really fucking hot here there. But what
do you want me to do?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 2: Whatever you want to do. Do you want to go
check on the kildn Uh yeah.
Speaker 1: I want the kids to be inslaved by really powerful being.
Speaker 2: Okay, another, I'm glad to see you. Someone's got morals.
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to make that.
Speaker 1: I was very upfront about what my character is.
Speaker 2: Another I understand.
Speaker 8: Another option stand is I could shoot this kid.
Speaker 2: Well, that's not shoot the kid.
Speaker 1: This really would be a self defense seas he just
kind of standing.
Speaker 2: Did you like women? Hey lady, did you say you're
gonna shoot me?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 8: Your photo?
Speaker 2: How about that high five? That's awesome? I like that
doing me hanging bill, leave me hanging.
Speaker 4: Them?
Speaker 2: Yeah cool? Yeah, all right, I gonna go back hang
on on my friends and like that. We gotta we
gotta straight because the sun goes down. We gotta be
you gotta be in bed in a couple of hours.
But yeah, you just come back to chuck our area.
It's Awesome, he just goes right back out and the.
Speaker 7: Radical What.
Speaker 1: If he's so radical? Why did they shoot us and
nearly kill Jeuser when we just walked into a glade?
Speaker 7: Ye?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Dan, you're square.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm olded out of touch, but I don't know
if sending mass children to shoot strangers is just a
harmless prank.
Speaker 7: Well, given that it seems like it's been going on
for generations, we're clearly dealing with long term indoctrination. I
don't even think anyone here realizes that.
Speaker 4: I went to a Catholic school for a couple of years.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 7: So.
Speaker 8: So the kids who were shot by somebody and turned
into pulverized are they actually dead?
Speaker 7: Oh yeah?
Speaker 2: Or the ones you killed? Yes?
Speaker 1: The new revelation that the children are here with their
parents' permission. So I don't know why the town with
the frea cocaine was was even sad? Why are we
even here? Who even complained?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 7: Give me, I'm trying to either way, this feels like
something that's out of our league.
Speaker 2: You're trying to give me like a combination of insight
and history if.
Speaker 1: You like, Well, I know, I know as much as
it's revealed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, the only person that's ever seemed to care
was the sheriff.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 2: Everyone else seemed to be kind of cool that there
are shop set up during the day and everything like that.
Speaker 1: So that's not what you said, Gibby. You said everybody
looked fulln.
Speaker 2: And uh, well because the kids attack.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but if they were the kids, then they know
what's going on.
Speaker 2: Decorating the sign or these these hags are trying to
like buy you off because they don't want you to
call the bigger popo, like exactly what Cobert has said.
Speaker 1: I know that there's not really anything we can do here.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, we can go to the Adventurers Guild and
actually run this ship up the line.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, given that most of our party is on
board with not so, I guess speaker, do we split
the party? Now?
Speaker 4: What do we do?
Speaker 2: That's you know what, that's an excellent question, and maybe
we have to come back to that next time. We
have reached that hour mark.
Speaker 7: Ah, the party divided, we'll.
Speaker 2: Be no ambiguity down the line.
Speaker 4: Where what has it been?
Speaker 7: Does everybody have their next character in mind? I do,
It's just to make Steve mad. It's a rogue who
only casts spell the world's greatest rogue.
Speaker 1: Well, Rick, if you're gonna die on a hill, I guess.
Speaker 7: Enslavement is what I'm willing to go down on.
Speaker 2: But here's the thing. Would you guys like to go
check on the children one more time? It might actually change.
It might well not change, but it might reinforce my opinions.
Speaker 1: I'm sure to have some great, great time.
Speaker 7: I feel like we've got the gist of things here,
the skulls in the corner.
Speaker 2: One more how about I want to show you one
more map? How about that.
Speaker 8: Claudie wants to see Yeah, okay.
Speaker 7: Give you clearly worked hard on this map. We're going
to see it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want you all to see it. So, just
just for my notification, the other guys are unaware of
this just yet. So all right, you guys come into
this area which is set up with like all these
bunks and the kids, and they've clearly have like their
little uh uh never land. Oh I'm so sorry. I
thought I pulled you guys up here. My mistake, my mistake. Okay,
So the northeast there you go. All right, you guys
come up here, and like I said, it looks like
you know, there's a bunch for the kids. There's food,
there's table. It's kind of like Peter Pan and never
Land and all that crap. But at the top, up here,
behind this row of porculosis, are these children without masks
and a very hot oven, ready to go at a
moment's notice.
Speaker 4: Oh so they're well fed. Okay, they are well fed.
Speaker 1: Indeed, Well, I guess we'll discover the the obvious and
horrifying implications of this on the next episode, on.
Speaker 8: The next episode of What the hell kind of steak?
Speaker 7: Was that?
Speaker 2: Well, what's funny you should ask? Because you had two options,
go down south and talk to the people in the
snoring or go up north and talk and listen. You
heard the kids, and you opted that. So we got
to the negotiation table first, SOT.
Speaker 1: And I noticed the kids have an ample supply of cocaine,
so at least that being like.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing you could have if you had,
guys had not made it so much noise, you would
have snuck in a little bit. But you made a
lot of noise, so they knew you were coming. She
had time to call her sisters. So with that said,
does anybody having like to say to the audience, our
family and our friends out there before we sign off
for this episode.
Speaker 8: God damn it.
Speaker 6: Got paid.
Speaker 7: If you see an ape that looks like the one
from the d and d uh images, run the fuck.
Speaker 6: The other way.
Speaker 2: Garter genitals.
Speaker 7: Guard your genitals as you run.
Speaker 2: All right, everybody, we've been the Dicey Bastards and you've
been great on behalf of Steve whether Emily Captain, Rick Waalteriery,
Robert Bevan, I'm kay Gibson, see you all later. Bye everybody,
Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Bye for my our friends.
Speaker 10: Dicey Bastards is brought to you by Orphas and Dragons,
the Channel by Geeks full geeks. If you'd like to
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Speaker 6: I'm gonna rub some cocaine on a steak and cook
it up.