WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.439 --> 00:00:06.360 Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren. 2 00:00:06.519 --> 00:00:09.160 We are so glad you're here with us today. We're 3 00:00:09.160 --> 00:00:12.199 going to continue our series called The Keys to a 4 00:00:12.279 --> 00:00:13.160 Blessed Life. 5 00:00:13.240 --> 00:00:13.320 Now. 6 00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:17.199 In these messages, Rick walks through Jesus' Sermon on the 7 00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:20.280 Mount and shows us how to live a truly hopeful 8 00:00:20.440 --> 00:00:23.640 and purpose filled life. So let's see what God has 9 00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:26.839 for us today with part one of how to Reconcile 10 00:00:26.920 --> 00:00:27.960 a relationship. 11 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:31.800 One of the most important life skills that you have 12 00:00:31.879 --> 00:00:37.079 to learn in life. You must learn this is conflict resolution, 13 00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:41.399 how to resolve a conflict and how to restore or 14 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:45.600 reconcile a strained or broken relationship. If you don't learn 15 00:00:45.640 --> 00:00:47.520 this one, you're going to spend a lot of your 16 00:00:47.520 --> 00:00:53.679 life miserable. Because we're imperfect people. We're all different, and 17 00:00:53.719 --> 00:00:56.320 so we have conflict almost every day of our lives. 18 00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:02.520 If you run from conflict, if you try to get 19 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:05.079 away from it, it's not going to work, and you're 20 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:08.640 going to be miserable and unhappy much of your life. Now, 21 00:01:09.120 --> 00:01:12.719 this is an important skill you have to use. How 22 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:16.359 to resolve a conflict at work. You got to know 23 00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:19.599 how to resolve a conflict in your marriage. You got 24 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:21.560 to know how to resolve a conflict of your parent, 25 00:01:21.599 --> 00:01:27.000 with children, with friends, in the community, at church, in 26 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:29.599 a small group, literally everywhere. 27 00:01:31.079 --> 00:01:37.120 Here's the problem. Nobody taught you how to do it. Nobody. 28 00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:40.280 You certainly didn't learn it from your parents. The truth 29 00:01:40.359 --> 00:01:42.480 is they might not have even been a very good 30 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:48.719 model of conflict resolution because nobody taught them. You never 31 00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:52.280 had a class in school on how do you resolve conflict? 32 00:01:53.480 --> 00:01:57.000 How do you work it out? You didn't ever take 33 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:01.200 a class on how do you restore a broken relationship? 34 00:02:01.319 --> 00:02:03.840 And yet this is one of the most important skills 35 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:10.680 to your happiness in life. But since you're here today, 36 00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:14.039 you picked a good week to come to church, and 37 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:18.520 I highly recommend that you take notes because what we're 38 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:21.919 going to look at today are the seven steps of 39 00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:26.560 how to resolve a conflict and restore a broken relationship. 40 00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:29.319 You may not need this now, but you are going 41 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:31.400 to need it at some point in your life. 42 00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:33.680 So take notes, and you're. 43 00:02:33.479 --> 00:02:36.479 Going to need to pass it on to friends, to 44 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:41.520 co workers, to your own children, because nobody's teaching them 45 00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:45.639 how to resolve conflict either. Now we've been in this 46 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:49.599 series on the eight Beatitudes of Jesus. Jesus says there 47 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:53.199 are eight conditions for being blessed by God. It's the 48 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:56.680 first ten or twelve verses of the Sermon on the Mountain, 49 00:02:57.599 --> 00:03:01.000 and Jesus says, if you do these eight things, you 50 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:05.080 will have God's blessing on your life, on your relationships, 51 00:03:05.479 --> 00:03:08.520 on your finances, on your time, on your health, on 52 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:12.719 all these different areas. Blessings come from these things. And 53 00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:16.319 when we come to Matthew chapter five, verse nine, we 54 00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:19.520 come to the next to the last beatitude, and it 55 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:27.560 says this God blesses those who are peacemakers. Peacemakers, for 56 00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:33.000 they peacemakers will be called the children of God. 57 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:34.560 The mark that you. 58 00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:37.439 Are really a child of God, the proof that you 59 00:03:37.479 --> 00:03:38.919 are on your way to heve. And one of the 60 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:43.479 characteristics of a true believer is you're a peacemaker. Now, 61 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:46.120 let me just start by telling you what peacemaking is not. 62 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:49.840 You might write these down. It's not avoiding, and it's 63 00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:55.199 not appeasing. It's not avoiding and it's not appeasing. It 64 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:57.919 means some people they will lie. I keep peace in 65 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:01.319 my marriage. I just don't rock the boat. I sweep 66 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:04.680 everything on the rug. I swallow it, I grin and 67 00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:10.680 bear it. That's not peacemaking. That's cowardice. That doesn't help 68 00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:15.599 at all. So peacemaking is not running or avoiding running 69 00:04:15.639 --> 00:04:19.839 from the problem. It's not appeasing. Appeasing means I always 70 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:24.279 give in, they always get their way. It's peace at 71 00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:30.439 any price. Appeasement is not peacemaking. That's called codependency. Jesus 72 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:36.000 Christ never ran from a legitimate conflict. He knew how 73 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:38.560 to deal with it face on, and how to resolve 74 00:04:38.600 --> 00:04:41.600 it and how to restore a relationship. Now, the Bible 75 00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:44.759 says God blesses those who are peacemakers. Do we need 76 00:04:44.839 --> 00:04:49.920 peacemakers in our world today? We definitely need this message, 77 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:54.319 not just in the world, but in our own personal lives. Now, 78 00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:57.000 what I want to do this weekend is teach you 79 00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:01.000 what you've never been taught before school or anywhere else, 80 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:04.360 and that is the seven steps according to God for 81 00:05:05.240 --> 00:05:09.360 resolving a conflict and restoring a broken relationship. That doesn't 82 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:11.560 mean you get back with your ex It means that 83 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:15.079 you bury the hatchet. It means you make peace, that 84 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:18.480 it's no longer resentment there now before we go into 85 00:05:18.519 --> 00:05:21.920 these steps. I want to just quickly mention three reasons 86 00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:25.439 why this oughto matter to you, because you don't realize 87 00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:30.959 how much unresolved conflict messes up your life. Some of 88 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:33.800 you have been in a conflict to somebody for weeks 89 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:41.279 or months, or years or even decades, and you just said, well, 90 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:43.319 I'm just gonna let it slide. I've been out of 91 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:47.279 fellowship with my dad since who knows when, or my mom, 92 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:50.319 or my brother or my sister, and you just let 93 00:05:50.360 --> 00:05:53.759 it slide, not realizing the damage it. 94 00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:56.120 Actually does to your life. 95 00:05:56.439 --> 00:05:59.399 The Bible says that when you don't resolve a conflict, 96 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:02.360 when you just let it lay out there, pretend like 97 00:06:02.399 --> 00:06:04.120 it's not happening, you try to get on with your 98 00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:07.680 life without ending that conflict, three things happen. 99 00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:09.680 Write these down. Number one. 100 00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:15.040 The first problem with unresolved conflict, it blocks my fellowship 101 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:20.720 with God. It blocks my fellowship with God. You cannot 102 00:06:20.759 --> 00:06:24.959 be right with God and wrong with other people. The 103 00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:28.680 horizontal and vertical relationships in your life come together at 104 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:32.199 an intersection, and God says, I can't be right with 105 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:34.199 God and wrong with you. 106 00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:37.199 What That's exactly what he says. 107 00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:40.240 God says that I can't claim to be close to 108 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:44.319 God if I'm distant from somebody in my life that 109 00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:47.560 I've got a conflict with. It is an amazing thing. Now, 110 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:51.160 the Bible says this in First John chapter four. You 111 00:06:51.199 --> 00:06:55.519 can't love God whom you've never seen if you don't 112 00:06:55.560 --> 00:06:59.040 love the people you do see to claim that you 113 00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:02.560 love God, well, hating others makes you a liar. 114 00:07:02.759 --> 00:07:03.600 That's pretty clear. 115 00:07:04.519 --> 00:07:07.560 He's saying, I can't say me and God we're like 116 00:07:07.639 --> 00:07:11.519 this when you and me are like this stand off 117 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.240 in conflict with each other. Number two, it not only 118 00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:19.000 blocks my fellowship with God, it blocks my prayers. It 119 00:07:19.079 --> 00:07:22.639 keeps my prayers from being answered. Did you know that 120 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:27.040 when you're out of whack in relationships, the Bible says, 121 00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:31.000 God cannot hear your prayers. They are connected together. 122 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:31.319 Why? 123 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:34.120 Because God is love and the number one thing God 124 00:07:34.120 --> 00:07:36.360 wants you to learn on this planet while you're here 125 00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:38.560 is to learn how to love. And if you're in 126 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:45.160 conflict with people, you certainly aren't loving them at that moment. Now, guys, 127 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:48.879 let me just point out something that's a little scary 128 00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:51.800 for those of us who are husbands. First Peter, Chapter three, 129 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:57.879 verse seven husbands. Be considerate of your wives and treat 130 00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:04.680 them with respect so that nothing hinders your prayers. Are 131 00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:07.920 you telling me, Rick that if I'm out of fellowship 132 00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:10.319 with my wife and I'm not treating or the respect, 133 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:12.920 God is not hearing my prayers. That's exactly what I'm 134 00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:16.600 telling you, because that's what the Bible says. There is 135 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:20.680 a connection between the horizontal and vertical relationships. Love God 136 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:22.959 with all your heart, and love your neighbors yourself. There's 137 00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:25.759 a third reason why you need to resolve conflict is 138 00:08:25.800 --> 00:08:27.680 because it blocks my happiness. 139 00:08:28.759 --> 00:08:30.560 Now you know this in personal experience. 140 00:08:31.160 --> 00:08:33.720 You can be the most famous and wealthiest celebrity on 141 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:39.320 the planet, and if your relationship stink, life stinks. You 142 00:08:39.320 --> 00:08:41.840 can accomplish all kinds of things and get your picture 143 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:44.360 on the cover of Time magazine and be awarded all 144 00:08:44.440 --> 00:08:48.000 kinds of awards for your accomplishments. But if your marriage 145 00:08:48.120 --> 00:08:51.000 isn't working, or you're out of harmony with your kids, 146 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:54.080 or you don't really have any close friends, or you're 147 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:57.120 out of fellowship with your own family, it doesn't matter 148 00:08:57.120 --> 00:09:00.159 how much money you make. You know you can go 149 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:03.600 on a family vacation to bora bora or Tahiti. And 150 00:09:03.639 --> 00:09:05.320 if you have a bunch of arguments there, it doesn't 151 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:07.679 matter how beautiful it is. It's not a happy time. 152 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:10.600 It's just not happy. 153 00:09:11.399 --> 00:09:11.639 Now. 154 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:15.159 The Bible says this in James chapter three, verse eighteen. 155 00:09:16.519 --> 00:09:21.399 Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and 156 00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:25.960 reap a harvest of goodness. I want God's goodness in 157 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:26.480 your life. 158 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:28.720 How do you do that? You plant seeds of peace. 159 00:09:29.039 --> 00:09:31.440 We're gonna look at the seven seeds of peace that 160 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:32.320 you can plant. 161 00:09:32.600 --> 00:09:32.759 Now. 162 00:09:32.799 --> 00:09:36.000 This is the law of sowing and reaping, or planting 163 00:09:36.000 --> 00:09:39.919 and harvesting. It's one of the universal laws in all 164 00:09:39.960 --> 00:09:44.120 of the universe. God designed the universe that what you sow, 165 00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:46.519 you reap. Now, this is true for good or bad. 166 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:49.120 If you sow gossip, people going to gossip about you. 167 00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:52.360 If you sow anger in your children, they're going to 168 00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:54.639 be angry at you. If you sow bitterness, you're gonna 169 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.000 get bitterness back. If you sow resentment, you get resent 170 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:59.440 in the back. Works good either way. If you're generous 171 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:02.440 with people, people will be generous with you. If you're 172 00:10:02.519 --> 00:10:04.840 kind with people, people will be kind to you. If 173 00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:07.200 you're generous with praise, people will be generous with praise. 174 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:10.320 But here's the interesting thing about sewing and reaping. You 175 00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:12.639 don't get back exactly what you put out. You get 176 00:10:12.679 --> 00:10:16.519 back more of the same. If you plant one kernel 177 00:10:16.519 --> 00:10:18.480 of corn, you don't get one kernel of corn back. 178 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:20.720 You get a stalk with thousands of kernels of corn. 179 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:22.759 If you plant one tomato seed, you don't get one 180 00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:26.000 tomato seed back, you get dozens of tomatoes and thousands 181 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:31.559 of seeds. So whatever you plant, if you plant conflict, 182 00:10:32.120 --> 00:10:35.360 you're gonna reap more conflict than you can imagine. And 183 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:38.799 if you plant jealousy, you'll get that back. On the 184 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:41.919 other hand, if you learn how to plant seeds of peace, 185 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:43.759 which I'm going to teach you how to do today, 186 00:10:44.759 --> 00:10:46.840 your life's going to be a lot of peace. Okay, 187 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:50.879 let's look at these seven steps to resolving conflict, and 188 00:10:50.919 --> 00:10:52.279 you can use this in. 189 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:53.879 Any area of your life. 190 00:10:53.960 --> 00:10:57.399 Number One, you want to be a peacemaker, make the 191 00:10:57.440 --> 00:11:02.559 first move. You make the first move. You don't wait 192 00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:06.320 on somebody else. You take the initiative. Now I know 193 00:11:06.360 --> 00:11:09.960 what you're thinking. Anything, well, you know it's all their fault. 194 00:11:10.360 --> 00:11:12.279 And when they come to me, then I'll be glad. 195 00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:15.399 To face the conflict and deal with it. No, God says, 196 00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:18.559 he expects you to make the first step. That's what's 197 00:11:18.600 --> 00:11:22.159 called being a peace maker. Not a peace keeper, but 198 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:27.639 a peace maker. Now listen, God says, reconciliation in your relationships, 199 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:31.200 having harmony in your relationships is so important. God says, 200 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:35.879 it's more important than worship. It's more important than you 201 00:11:36.039 --> 00:11:42.720 coming to church. Don't everybody leave it once. But if 202 00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:45.639 you've got somebody that you're out of whack with right now, 203 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:49.399 there's something more important than actually you listening to me. 204 00:11:50.679 --> 00:11:53.799 Here's what Jesus said in Matthew chapter five, verse twenty three. 205 00:11:53.879 --> 00:11:56.080 This is still in the Sermon on the Mount verse 206 00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:58.919 twenty three and twenty four. If you're standing before the 207 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:02.840 altar in the temple and you're giving an offering to 208 00:12:02.879 --> 00:12:08.000 God and you suddenly remember somebody has something against you. 209 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:09.919 It doesn't matter if you've got something against them or 210 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:13.840 they got something against you. You leave your offering there 211 00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:20.360 beside the altar, go at once, and first be reconciled. 212 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:23.320 Circle the phrase, first be reconciled. That's to be the 213 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:27.360 top priority in your life. First be reconciled to that person. 214 00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:30.919 Then come and offer your gift to God. Now, this 215 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:31.960 is Jesus talking. 216 00:12:32.440 --> 00:12:33.480 So if you. 217 00:12:33.559 --> 00:12:36.960 Leave during the offering today, we'll know why you're leaving. Okay, 218 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:39.879 you got something to go work out with somebody else. 219 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:40.960 But notice it says. 220 00:12:40.919 --> 00:12:47.480 Leave your offering. Guy, I said, leave your offering there. 221 00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:51.320 Besides the alter, go at once and be reconciled that person. Now, 222 00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.480 how many of you have ever had an argument with 223 00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:58.039 somebody on the way to church in the car, get 224 00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:01.879 to see your hands. Yeah, most us. I've had it many, many, 225 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.480 many times. And the Bible says it would actually be 226 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:08.039 better for you to sit in the car and work 227 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:10.159 out that disagreement than for you to come in and 228 00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:15.840 hear me teach. It's that important. It's that important. Reconciliation 229 00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:18.879 takes priority. And when he says when do you do it, 230 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:21.240 you do it at once. He says it once. You 231 00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:25.399 don't procrastinate, you don't postpone, you don't delay, you don't 232 00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:26.399 make excuses. 233 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:28.399 Now again, you have. 234 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:31.120 Some relationship conflicts in your life that have gone on 235 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:34.840 for months or years or longer. God says, don't do that. 236 00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:39.120 You don't realize how much it's hurting you spiritually. Now 237 00:13:39.159 --> 00:13:43.000 it doesn't matter whether you are the offended person or 238 00:13:43.039 --> 00:13:45.639 you are the offender, or it's a little of both. 239 00:13:45.799 --> 00:13:49.639 God says, you make the first move. It's always your move. Now, 240 00:13:49.879 --> 00:13:52.799 I have to admit early in my marriage, I didn't 241 00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:56.519 get this. I didn't understand it. I ran from conflict 242 00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:59.039 all the time. I never did one. There was a 243 00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:04.480 guy in them in the musical Oliver called the artful Dodger. 244 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:05.919 That was me. 245 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:08.480 And Kay would throw an issue at me and I'd 246 00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:10.720 duck and I'd dodge, and she'd throw another issue and 247 00:14:10.759 --> 00:14:13.720 I'd duck and dodge because I did not want to 248 00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:17.679 get into any kind of conflict. You know, in every marriage, 249 00:14:17.720 --> 00:14:21.639 there are skunks and there are turtles. Skunks, when they 250 00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:26.600 get upset, they stink the place up. If you're a skunk, 251 00:14:26.679 --> 00:14:31.039 you let everybody know when you're unhappy. Turtles, on the 252 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:35.240 other hand, pull into a shell and hide when there 253 00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:43.960 is conflict. Now, skunks always marry turtles always, So I'm 254 00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:46.360 not telling you which ones which in your marriage. But 255 00:14:46.919 --> 00:14:50.240 want to use the skunk and want to use the turtle, 256 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:54.360 and it's hiding and hurling. That's what we do together. 257 00:14:56.360 --> 00:15:01.000 Conflict is never resolved accidentally. It just doesn't happen intentional. 258 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:06.559 You gotta make the move. Conflict never resolves itself. Now 259 00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:09.919 you've heard the expression time heals all things. 260 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:15.720 That's a bunch of baloney. That's not true. Time heals nothing. 261 00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:19.120 If you've got answering, so I think I'll just wait 262 00:15:19.159 --> 00:15:21.960 for it to get better, it's not gonna get better. 263 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:22.919 It's gonna get worse. 264 00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:26.120 If you get shot in the side and you're bleeding 265 00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:28.799 to death, you think time heals everything. I think I'll 266 00:15:28.840 --> 00:15:32.000 just wait this one out. No, when you have a wound, 267 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:37.360 it gets worse. It festers, it gets pussy, it gets infected. 268 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:41.759 Time has never healed anything in your life. It only 269 00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:45.919 makes it worse. And if you hold onto resentment and bitterness. 270 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:46.559 It doesn't get better. 271 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:50.279 It gets worse over the years, and you get more hardened, 272 00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:53.679 and your heart gets harder and hard If time healed everything, 273 00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:54.960 you'd never need to. 274 00:15:54.879 --> 00:15:56.639 Go to a doctor. You could just go sit in 275 00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:57.639 the waiting room. 276 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:01.519 To say, well, you know, I don't need to see 277 00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:03.279 the doctor. I'll be here twelve hours and my flu 278 00:16:03.320 --> 00:16:08.000 will be gone, or my back will automatically heals us out. 279 00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:12.399 Time heals nothing, And the more you put it off 280 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:16.159 the worse the problem gets. Now, I want you to 281 00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:19.480 write this down. The only way to resolve a conflict 282 00:16:19.559 --> 00:16:20.200 is to face it. 283 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:21.679 Write that down. 284 00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:26.039 The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it. 285 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:28.960 You can't go around it, over it, underneath it, behind it. 286 00:16:29.240 --> 00:16:32.279 You've got to go through it. And I'm going to 287 00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:35.399 teach you how to do this with the minimal amount 288 00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:38.759 of pain. You have to make the decision. I'm going 289 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:41.519 to resolve the issue. 290 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.320 Now. What causes us. 291 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:46.960 To postpone and procrastinate over issues that we know when 292 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:49.080 we're out of whack with somebody at work or at home, 293 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:52.120 or in our family, whatever. Well, the answer is one word. 294 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:52.960 It is fear. 295 00:16:54.440 --> 00:16:54.720 Fear. 296 00:16:54.759 --> 00:17:01.200 We're always afraid of conflict. I've seen very masculine, manly 297 00:17:01.399 --> 00:17:05.359 marines who would die in a battlefield shrink in terror 298 00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:08.480 when their wife says four words, we need to talk. 299 00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:12.920 Those four words put the fear of God in every 300 00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:19.319 human male. We need to talk because people don't like conflict. Now, 301 00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:22.279 this fear of conflict is as old as the first couple, 302 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:24.960 Adam and Eve. Adam and he disobeyed God. They got 303 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:25.960 out of fellowship with God. 304 00:17:25.960 --> 00:17:27.880 That were out of whack with him. And here's what 305 00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:28.559 the Bible says. 306 00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:32.240 In Genesis three, Adam said to God, I heard you 307 00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:36.000 in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, 308 00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:39.319 and so I hid. Now, notice he says, I'm afraid 309 00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:42.480 because I was naked. What's he talking about. I feel vulnerable, 310 00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:46.400 I feel exposed. I'm not covered up. So I was 311 00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:49.799 afraid and I hid. And men have been hiding from women, 312 00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:54.880 and women have been hiding from men ever since. In relationships, 313 00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:57.680 we hide and we hurl, and we're afraid. 314 00:17:59.000 --> 00:17:59.960 What is it that we're afraid. 315 00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:05.400 We're afraid of vulnerability, we're afraid of being exposed. And 316 00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:08.440 that does three things. It makes you distant, It makes 317 00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:12.480 you demanding, and it makes you defensive. First, when you're 318 00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:17.559 afraid in a relationship, you get defensive and somebody brings 319 00:18:17.559 --> 00:18:20.519 something up, and then you get defensive about it, and 320 00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:24.160 you're afraid to reveal your true self and you get distant. 321 00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:27.839 And what happens is we withdraw and we hide, and 322 00:18:27.880 --> 00:18:31.799 we build walls. We become distant, and then we become demanding. 323 00:18:32.359 --> 00:18:35.119 The more insecure you are, the more you try to 324 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:38.680 control things in your life. And the most controlling people 325 00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:42.000 of the most insecure people, and the more insecure you 326 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:46.599 are in a relationship, the more demanding and defensive and 327 00:18:46.680 --> 00:18:49.119 distant you can become because you don't want to let 328 00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:52.920 get close to you. Some people think I've talked to 329 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:55.559 some singles if adults who think, you know, the worst 330 00:18:55.559 --> 00:18:57.559 thing in my life is that I didn't get married. No, 331 00:18:57.759 --> 00:19:00.279 that is not the worst thing in your life. A 332 00:19:00.359 --> 00:19:03.720 far worst thing would be to get married and then 333 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:06.720 live in emotional distance from the person you're married. 334 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:08.799 To the rest of your life. 335 00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:11.039 And we see it all the time when the very 336 00:19:11.079 --> 00:19:15.200 person you're supposed to be one with you're sharing, holding 337 00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:18.720 back secrets from and you can't reveal the true you, 338 00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:21.000 and you've been married to him for twenty years, you 339 00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:24.759 still can't be honest, can't be open, can't be vulnerable. 340 00:19:24.920 --> 00:19:26.480 That was what fear does. 341 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:30.480 Fear keeps us from connecting at a deep level. What 342 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:33.799 is it that I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of your rejection. 343 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:38.240 I'm afraid you're going to misunderstand me. I'm afraid that 344 00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:40.440 I might say something in a conflict that you're going 345 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:44.119 to come back and use against me later on. And 346 00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:46.880 it keeps us from disconnecting at a real level. Why 347 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:49.079 am I afraid to tell you what I'm really feeling 348 00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:54.319 about this problem? Because I'm all I've gotten. You don't 349 00:19:54.359 --> 00:19:59.039 like me, That's it. Where do you find the courage 350 00:19:59.319 --> 00:20:02.559 to make the first move? You keep waiting on somebody 351 00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:06.960 else resolve the conflict. They're waiting on you and peacemakers. 352 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:07.200 Take the issue. 353 00:20:07.319 --> 00:20:09.839 Where do you get the courage to deal with your 354 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:13.720 dad or your mom, or your brother or your sister 355 00:20:13.880 --> 00:20:15.960 or a child, or your husband or your wife, or 356 00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:18.119 an ex or something. Where do you get that courage? 357 00:20:18.440 --> 00:20:22.319 It's only one place, the Holy Spirit. 358 00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:32.160 You know, people are being transformed by these messages. In fact, 359 00:20:32.200 --> 00:20:35.359 here's Rick with a letter from one of our listeners today. 360 00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:37.839 I've got a quick note from a listener in Minneapolis. 361 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.200 His name is Bill, and Bill wrote to me, Rick, 362 00:20:40.519 --> 00:20:42.599 I want to let you know that I prayed with 363 00:20:42.720 --> 00:20:45.319 you this morning, accepting God into my life. 364 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:47.039 Wow. That's great. 365 00:20:47.480 --> 00:20:49.759 Daily hope has become the way that I start each 366 00:20:49.839 --> 00:20:53.920 day listening to your podcast. So much has changed in 367 00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:56.839 my life over the past year. I had a job loss, 368 00:20:56.839 --> 00:20:59.440 I had a transition, I had a divorce, my dad 369 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:04.720 passed away cancer, and my faith all in the same year. 370 00:21:05.720 --> 00:21:07.279 I'm so thankful for all that you do. 371 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:07.519 Well. 372 00:21:07.559 --> 00:21:10.000 Bill, I want to tell you, I know you've been 373 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:12.720 going through some really tough times this past year, but 374 00:21:12.759 --> 00:21:15.960 there's no greater news than hearing that you've accepted Jesus 375 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:18.000 into your life. And the fact that God used the 376 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:20.640 Daily Hope podcast to lead you. 377 00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:22.440 To Him is such a blessing. 378 00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:24.920 And I want you to know that as you continue 379 00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:28.240 to study God's word every day, you're going to find 380 00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:31.359 that your faith is growing and you'll see God actively 381 00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:34.519 working in your life. And I really am as excited 382 00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:37.160 to think about what the next year is going to bring. 383 00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:40.039 Year two in your life will be very different than 384 00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:43.559 the last year. And to the rest of you, all 385 00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:46.319 of our Daily Hope listeners, I just want to thank 386 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:49.119 you because we're able to provide the Daily Hope Podcast 387 00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:53.960 the people like Bill because of your generous support. Thank you, 388 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:56.039 thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you 389 00:21:56.119 --> 00:21:59.319 for helping us share the good news all around the world. 390 00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:02.759 You and imagine what it's going to be to get 391 00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:04.680 to heaven and see all these people who came to 392 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:06.720 know Christ because of your giving. 393 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:10.200 God Bless you, hey, friends. I just wanted to remind 394 00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:13.240 you that our June matching grant is coming to an end. 395 00:22:13.559 --> 00:22:16.720 So if you've been thinking about supporting the mission of 396 00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:20.359 Daily Hope to bring biblical hope and encouragement to people 397 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.640 all around the world, now is a great time because 398 00:22:23.640 --> 00:22:27.240 your gift will be doubled up to fifty thousand dollars. 399 00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:30.799 Go to Pastorick dot com or text the word hope 400 00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:35.119 to seven oh three oh nine. Again, that's Pastorick dot com. 401 00:22:35.240 --> 00:22:38.119