Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.
Speaker 1: We are so glad you're here with us today. We're
Speaker 1: going to continue our series called The Keys to a
Speaker 1: Blessed Life.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: In these messages, Rick walks through Jesus' Sermon on the
Speaker 1: Mount and shows us how to live a truly hopeful
Speaker 1: and purpose filled life. So let's see what God has
Speaker 1: for us today with part one of how to Reconcile
Speaker 1: a relationship.
Speaker 3: One of the most important life skills that you have
Speaker 3: to learn in life. You must learn this is conflict resolution,
Speaker 3: how to resolve a conflict and how to restore or
Speaker 3: reconcile a strained or broken relationship. If you don't learn
Speaker 3: this one, you're going to spend a lot of your
Speaker 3: life miserable. Because we're imperfect people. We're all different, and
Speaker 3: so we have conflict almost every day of our lives.
Speaker 3: If you run from conflict, if you try to get
Speaker 3: away from it, it's not going to work, and you're
Speaker 3: going to be miserable and unhappy much of your life. Now,
Speaker 3: this is an important skill you have to use. How
Speaker 3: to resolve a conflict at work. You got to know
Speaker 3: how to resolve a conflict in your marriage. You got
Speaker 3: to know how to resolve a conflict of your parent,
Speaker 3: with children, with friends, in the community, at church, in
Speaker 3: a small group, literally everywhere.
Speaker 2: Here's the problem. Nobody taught you how to do it. Nobody.
Speaker 3: You certainly didn't learn it from your parents. The truth
Speaker 3: is they might not have even been a very good
Speaker 3: model of conflict resolution because nobody taught them. You never
Speaker 3: had a class in school on how do you resolve conflict?
Speaker 3: How do you work it out? You didn't ever take
Speaker 3: a class on how do you restore a broken relationship?
Speaker 3: And yet this is one of the most important skills
Speaker 3: to your happiness in life. But since you're here today,
Speaker 3: you picked a good week to come to church, and
Speaker 3: I highly recommend that you take notes because what we're
Speaker 3: going to look at today are the seven steps of
Speaker 3: how to resolve a conflict and restore a broken relationship.
Speaker 3: You may not need this now, but you are going
Speaker 3: to need it at some point in your life.
Speaker 2: So take notes, and you're.
Speaker 3: Going to need to pass it on to friends, to
Speaker 3: co workers, to your own children, because nobody's teaching them
Speaker 3: how to resolve conflict either. Now we've been in this
Speaker 3: series on the eight Beatitudes of Jesus. Jesus says there
Speaker 3: are eight conditions for being blessed by God. It's the
Speaker 3: first ten or twelve verses of the Sermon on the Mountain,
Speaker 3: and Jesus says, if you do these eight things, you
Speaker 3: will have God's blessing on your life, on your relationships,
Speaker 3: on your finances, on your time, on your health, on
Speaker 3: all these different areas. Blessings come from these things. And
Speaker 3: when we come to Matthew chapter five, verse nine, we
Speaker 3: come to the next to the last beatitude, and it
Speaker 3: says this God blesses those who are peacemakers. Peacemakers, for
Speaker 3: they peacemakers will be called the children of God.
Speaker 2: The mark that you.
Speaker 3: Are really a child of God, the proof that you
Speaker 3: are on your way to heve. And one of the
Speaker 3: characteristics of a true believer is you're a peacemaker. Now,
Speaker 3: let me just start by telling you what peacemaking is not.
Speaker 3: You might write these down. It's not avoiding, and it's
Speaker 3: not appeasing. It's not avoiding and it's not appeasing. It
Speaker 3: means some people they will lie. I keep peace in
Speaker 3: my marriage. I just don't rock the boat. I sweep
Speaker 3: everything on the rug. I swallow it, I grin and
Speaker 3: bear it. That's not peacemaking. That's cowardice. That doesn't help
Speaker 3: at all. So peacemaking is not running or avoiding running
Speaker 3: from the problem. It's not appeasing. Appeasing means I always
Speaker 3: give in, they always get their way. It's peace at
Speaker 3: any price. Appeasement is not peacemaking. That's called codependency. Jesus
Speaker 3: Christ never ran from a legitimate conflict. He knew how
Speaker 3: to deal with it face on, and how to resolve
Speaker 3: it and how to restore a relationship. Now, the Bible
Speaker 3: says God blesses those who are peacemakers. Do we need
Speaker 3: peacemakers in our world today? We definitely need this message,
Speaker 3: not just in the world, but in our own personal lives. Now,
Speaker 3: what I want to do this weekend is teach you
Speaker 3: what you've never been taught before school or anywhere else,
Speaker 3: and that is the seven steps according to God for
Speaker 3: resolving a conflict and restoring a broken relationship. That doesn't
Speaker 3: mean you get back with your ex It means that
Speaker 3: you bury the hatchet. It means you make peace, that
Speaker 3: it's no longer resentment there now before we go into
Speaker 3: these steps. I want to just quickly mention three reasons
Speaker 3: why this oughto matter to you, because you don't realize
Speaker 3: how much unresolved conflict messes up your life. Some of
Speaker 3: you have been in a conflict to somebody for weeks
Speaker 3: or months, or years or even decades, and you just said, well,
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna let it slide. I've been out of
Speaker 3: fellowship with my dad since who knows when, or my mom,
Speaker 3: or my brother or my sister, and you just let
Speaker 3: it slide, not realizing the damage it.
Speaker 2: Actually does to your life.
Speaker 3: The Bible says that when you don't resolve a conflict,
Speaker 3: when you just let it lay out there, pretend like
Speaker 3: it's not happening, you try to get on with your
Speaker 3: life without ending that conflict, three things happen.
Speaker 2: Write these down. Number one.
Speaker 3: The first problem with unresolved conflict, it blocks my fellowship
Speaker 3: with God. It blocks my fellowship with God. You cannot
Speaker 3: be right with God and wrong with other people. The
Speaker 3: horizontal and vertical relationships in your life come together at
Speaker 3: an intersection, and God says, I can't be right with
Speaker 3: God and wrong with you.
Speaker 2: What That's exactly what he says.
Speaker 3: God says that I can't claim to be close to
Speaker 3: God if I'm distant from somebody in my life that
Speaker 3: I've got a conflict with. It is an amazing thing. Now,
Speaker 3: the Bible says this in First John chapter four. You
Speaker 3: can't love God whom you've never seen if you don't
Speaker 3: love the people you do see to claim that you
Speaker 3: love God, well, hating others makes you a liar.
Speaker 2: That's pretty clear.
Speaker 3: He's saying, I can't say me and God we're like
Speaker 3: this when you and me are like this stand off
Speaker 3: in conflict with each other. Number two, it not only
Speaker 3: blocks my fellowship with God, it blocks my prayers. It
Speaker 3: keeps my prayers from being answered. Did you know that
Speaker 3: when you're out of whack in relationships, the Bible says,
Speaker 3: God cannot hear your prayers. They are connected together.
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 3: Because God is love and the number one thing God
Speaker 3: wants you to learn on this planet while you're here
Speaker 3: is to learn how to love. And if you're in
Speaker 3: conflict with people, you certainly aren't loving them at that moment. Now, guys,
Speaker 3: let me just point out something that's a little scary
Speaker 3: for those of us who are husbands. First Peter, Chapter three,
Speaker 3: verse seven husbands. Be considerate of your wives and treat
Speaker 3: them with respect so that nothing hinders your prayers. Are
Speaker 3: you telling me, Rick that if I'm out of fellowship
Speaker 3: with my wife and I'm not treating or the respect,
Speaker 3: God is not hearing my prayers. That's exactly what I'm
Speaker 3: telling you, because that's what the Bible says. There is
Speaker 3: a connection between the horizontal and vertical relationships. Love God
Speaker 3: with all your heart, and love your neighbors yourself. There's
Speaker 3: a third reason why you need to resolve conflict is
Speaker 3: because it blocks my happiness.
Speaker 2: Now you know this in personal experience.
Speaker 3: You can be the most famous and wealthiest celebrity on
Speaker 3: the planet, and if your relationship stink, life stinks. You
Speaker 3: can accomplish all kinds of things and get your picture
Speaker 3: on the cover of Time magazine and be awarded all
Speaker 3: kinds of awards for your accomplishments. But if your marriage
Speaker 3: isn't working, or you're out of harmony with your kids,
Speaker 3: or you don't really have any close friends, or you're
Speaker 3: out of fellowship with your own family, it doesn't matter
Speaker 3: how much money you make. You know you can go
Speaker 3: on a family vacation to bora bora or Tahiti. And
Speaker 3: if you have a bunch of arguments there, it doesn't
Speaker 3: matter how beautiful it is. It's not a happy time.
Speaker 3: It's just not happy.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: The Bible says this in James chapter three, verse eighteen.
Speaker 3: Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and
Speaker 3: reap a harvest of goodness. I want God's goodness in
Speaker 3: your life.
Speaker 2: How do you do that? You plant seeds of peace.
Speaker 3: We're gonna look at the seven seeds of peace that
Speaker 3: you can plant.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: This is the law of sowing and reaping, or planting
Speaker 3: and harvesting. It's one of the universal laws in all
Speaker 3: of the universe. God designed the universe that what you sow,
Speaker 3: you reap. Now, this is true for good or bad.
Speaker 3: If you sow gossip, people going to gossip about you.
Speaker 3: If you sow anger in your children, they're going to
Speaker 3: be angry at you. If you sow bitterness, you're gonna
Speaker 3: get bitterness back. If you sow resentment, you get resent
Speaker 3: in the back. Works good either way. If you're generous
Speaker 3: with people, people will be generous with you. If you're
Speaker 3: kind with people, people will be kind to you. If
Speaker 3: you're generous with praise, people will be generous with praise.
Speaker 3: But here's the interesting thing about sewing and reaping. You
Speaker 3: don't get back exactly what you put out. You get
Speaker 3: back more of the same. If you plant one kernel
Speaker 3: of corn, you don't get one kernel of corn back.
Speaker 3: You get a stalk with thousands of kernels of corn.
Speaker 3: If you plant one tomato seed, you don't get one
Speaker 3: tomato seed back, you get dozens of tomatoes and thousands
Speaker 3: of seeds. So whatever you plant, if you plant conflict,
Speaker 3: you're gonna reap more conflict than you can imagine. And
Speaker 3: if you plant jealousy, you'll get that back. On the
Speaker 3: other hand, if you learn how to plant seeds of peace,
Speaker 3: which I'm going to teach you how to do today,
Speaker 3: your life's going to be a lot of peace. Okay,
Speaker 3: let's look at these seven steps to resolving conflict, and
Speaker 3: you can use this in.
Speaker 2: Any area of your life.
Speaker 3: Number One, you want to be a peacemaker, make the
Speaker 3: first move. You make the first move. You don't wait
Speaker 3: on somebody else. You take the initiative. Now I know
Speaker 3: what you're thinking. Anything, well, you know it's all their fault.
Speaker 3: And when they come to me, then I'll be glad.
Speaker 3: To face the conflict and deal with it. No, God says,
Speaker 3: he expects you to make the first step. That's what's
Speaker 3: called being a peace maker. Not a peace keeper, but
Speaker 3: a peace maker. Now listen, God says, reconciliation in your relationships,
Speaker 3: having harmony in your relationships is so important. God says,
Speaker 3: it's more important than worship. It's more important than you
Speaker 3: coming to church. Don't everybody leave it once. But if
Speaker 3: you've got somebody that you're out of whack with right now,
Speaker 3: there's something more important than actually you listening to me.
Speaker 3: Here's what Jesus said in Matthew chapter five, verse twenty three.
Speaker 3: This is still in the Sermon on the Mount verse
Speaker 3: twenty three and twenty four. If you're standing before the
Speaker 3: altar in the temple and you're giving an offering to
Speaker 3: God and you suddenly remember somebody has something against you.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter if you've got something against them or
Speaker 3: they got something against you. You leave your offering there
Speaker 3: beside the altar, go at once, and first be reconciled.
Speaker 3: Circle the phrase, first be reconciled. That's to be the
Speaker 3: top priority in your life. First be reconciled to that person.
Speaker 3: Then come and offer your gift to God. Now, this
Speaker 3: is Jesus talking.
Speaker 2: So if you.
Speaker 3: Leave during the offering today, we'll know why you're leaving. Okay,
Speaker 3: you got something to go work out with somebody else.
Speaker 2: But notice it says.
Speaker 3: Leave your offering. Guy, I said, leave your offering there.
Speaker 3: Besides the alter, go at once and be reconciled that person. Now,
Speaker 3: how many of you have ever had an argument with
Speaker 3: somebody on the way to church in the car, get
Speaker 3: to see your hands. Yeah, most us. I've had it many, many,
Speaker 3: many times. And the Bible says it would actually be
Speaker 3: better for you to sit in the car and work
Speaker 3: out that disagreement than for you to come in and
Speaker 3: hear me teach. It's that important. It's that important. Reconciliation
Speaker 3: takes priority. And when he says when do you do it,
Speaker 3: you do it at once. He says it once. You
Speaker 3: don't procrastinate, you don't postpone, you don't delay, you don't
Speaker 3: make excuses.
Speaker 2: Now again, you have.
Speaker 3: Some relationship conflicts in your life that have gone on
Speaker 3: for months or years or longer. God says, don't do that.
Speaker 3: You don't realize how much it's hurting you spiritually. Now
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter whether you are the offended person or
Speaker 3: you are the offender, or it's a little of both.
Speaker 3: God says, you make the first move. It's always your move. Now,
Speaker 3: I have to admit early in my marriage, I didn't
Speaker 3: get this. I didn't understand it. I ran from conflict
Speaker 3: all the time. I never did one. There was a
Speaker 3: guy in them in the musical Oliver called the artful Dodger.
Speaker 2: That was me.
Speaker 3: And Kay would throw an issue at me and I'd
Speaker 3: duck and I'd dodge, and she'd throw another issue and
Speaker 3: I'd duck and dodge because I did not want to
Speaker 3: get into any kind of conflict. You know, in every marriage,
Speaker 3: there are skunks and there are turtles. Skunks, when they
Speaker 3: get upset, they stink the place up. If you're a skunk,
Speaker 3: you let everybody know when you're unhappy. Turtles, on the
Speaker 3: other hand, pull into a shell and hide when there
Speaker 3: is conflict. Now, skunks always marry turtles always, So I'm
Speaker 3: not telling you which ones which in your marriage. But
Speaker 3: want to use the skunk and want to use the turtle,
Speaker 3: and it's hiding and hurling. That's what we do together.
Speaker 3: Conflict is never resolved accidentally. It just doesn't happen intentional.
Speaker 3: You gotta make the move. Conflict never resolves itself. Now
Speaker 3: you've heard the expression time heals all things.
Speaker 2: That's a bunch of baloney. That's not true. Time heals nothing.
Speaker 3: If you've got answering, so I think I'll just wait
Speaker 3: for it to get better, it's not gonna get better.
Speaker 2: It's gonna get worse.
Speaker 3: If you get shot in the side and you're bleeding
Speaker 3: to death, you think time heals everything. I think I'll
Speaker 3: just wait this one out. No, when you have a wound,
Speaker 3: it gets worse. It festers, it gets pussy, it gets infected.
Speaker 3: Time has never healed anything in your life. It only
Speaker 3: makes it worse. And if you hold onto resentment and bitterness.
Speaker 2: It doesn't get better.
Speaker 3: It gets worse over the years, and you get more hardened,
Speaker 3: and your heart gets harder and hard If time healed everything,
Speaker 3: you'd never need to.
Speaker 2: Go to a doctor. You could just go sit in
Speaker 2: the waiting room.
Speaker 3: To say, well, you know, I don't need to see
Speaker 3: the doctor. I'll be here twelve hours and my flu
Speaker 3: will be gone, or my back will automatically heals us out.
Speaker 3: Time heals nothing, And the more you put it off
Speaker 3: the worse the problem gets. Now, I want you to
Speaker 3: write this down. The only way to resolve a conflict
Speaker 3: is to face it.
Speaker 2: Write that down.
Speaker 3: The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it.
Speaker 3: You can't go around it, over it, underneath it, behind it.
Speaker 3: You've got to go through it. And I'm going to
Speaker 3: teach you how to do this with the minimal amount
Speaker 3: of pain. You have to make the decision. I'm going
Speaker 3: to resolve the issue.
Speaker 2: Now. What causes us.
Speaker 3: To postpone and procrastinate over issues that we know when
Speaker 3: we're out of whack with somebody at work or at home,
Speaker 3: or in our family, whatever. Well, the answer is one word.
Speaker 3: It is fear.
Speaker 2: Fear.
Speaker 3: We're always afraid of conflict. I've seen very masculine, manly
Speaker 3: marines who would die in a battlefield shrink in terror
Speaker 3: when their wife says four words, we need to talk.
Speaker 3: Those four words put the fear of God in every
Speaker 3: human male. We need to talk because people don't like conflict. Now,
Speaker 3: this fear of conflict is as old as the first couple,
Speaker 3: Adam and Eve. Adam and he disobeyed God. They got
Speaker 3: out of fellowship with God.
Speaker 2: That were out of whack with him. And here's what
Speaker 2: the Bible says.
Speaker 3: In Genesis three, Adam said to God, I heard you
Speaker 3: in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked,
Speaker 3: and so I hid. Now, notice he says, I'm afraid
Speaker 3: because I was naked. What's he talking about. I feel vulnerable,
Speaker 3: I feel exposed. I'm not covered up. So I was
Speaker 3: afraid and I hid. And men have been hiding from women,
Speaker 3: and women have been hiding from men ever since. In relationships,
Speaker 3: we hide and we hurl, and we're afraid.
Speaker 2: What is it that we're afraid.
Speaker 3: We're afraid of vulnerability, we're afraid of being exposed. And
Speaker 3: that does three things. It makes you distant, It makes
Speaker 3: you demanding, and it makes you defensive. First, when you're
Speaker 3: afraid in a relationship, you get defensive and somebody brings
Speaker 3: something up, and then you get defensive about it, and
Speaker 3: you're afraid to reveal your true self and you get distant.
Speaker 3: And what happens is we withdraw and we hide, and
Speaker 3: we build walls. We become distant, and then we become demanding.
Speaker 3: The more insecure you are, the more you try to
Speaker 3: control things in your life. And the most controlling people
Speaker 3: of the most insecure people, and the more insecure you
Speaker 3: are in a relationship, the more demanding and defensive and
Speaker 3: distant you can become because you don't want to let
Speaker 3: get close to you. Some people think I've talked to
Speaker 3: some singles if adults who think, you know, the worst
Speaker 3: thing in my life is that I didn't get married. No,
Speaker 3: that is not the worst thing in your life. A
Speaker 3: far worst thing would be to get married and then
Speaker 3: live in emotional distance from the person you're married.
Speaker 2: To the rest of your life.
Speaker 3: And we see it all the time when the very
Speaker 3: person you're supposed to be one with you're sharing, holding
Speaker 3: back secrets from and you can't reveal the true you,
Speaker 3: and you've been married to him for twenty years, you
Speaker 3: still can't be honest, can't be open, can't be vulnerable.
Speaker 2: That was what fear does.
Speaker 3: Fear keeps us from connecting at a deep level. What
Speaker 3: is it that I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of your rejection.
Speaker 3: I'm afraid you're going to misunderstand me. I'm afraid that
Speaker 3: I might say something in a conflict that you're going
Speaker 3: to come back and use against me later on. And
Speaker 3: it keeps us from disconnecting at a real level. Why
Speaker 3: am I afraid to tell you what I'm really feeling
Speaker 3: about this problem? Because I'm all I've gotten. You don't
Speaker 3: like me, That's it. Where do you find the courage
Speaker 3: to make the first move? You keep waiting on somebody
Speaker 3: else resolve the conflict. They're waiting on you and peacemakers.
Speaker 2: Take the issue.
Speaker 3: Where do you get the courage to deal with your
Speaker 3: dad or your mom, or your brother or your sister
Speaker 3: or a child, or your husband or your wife, or
Speaker 3: an ex or something. Where do you get that courage?
Speaker 3: It's only one place, the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1: You know, people are being transformed by these messages. In fact,
Speaker 1: here's Rick with a letter from one of our listeners today.
Speaker 3: I've got a quick note from a listener in Minneapolis.
Speaker 3: His name is Bill, and Bill wrote to me, Rick,
Speaker 3: I want to let you know that I prayed with
Speaker 3: you this morning, accepting God into my life.
Speaker 2: Wow. That's great.
Speaker 3: Daily hope has become the way that I start each
Speaker 3: day listening to your podcast. So much has changed in
Speaker 3: my life over the past year. I had a job loss,
Speaker 3: I had a transition, I had a divorce, my dad
Speaker 3: passed away cancer, and my faith all in the same year.
Speaker 3: I'm so thankful for all that you do.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 3: Bill, I want to tell you, I know you've been
Speaker 3: going through some really tough times this past year, but
Speaker 3: there's no greater news than hearing that you've accepted Jesus
Speaker 3: into your life. And the fact that God used the
Speaker 3: Daily Hope podcast to lead you.
Speaker 2: To Him is such a blessing.
Speaker 3: And I want you to know that as you continue
Speaker 3: to study God's word every day, you're going to find
Speaker 3: that your faith is growing and you'll see God actively
Speaker 3: working in your life. And I really am as excited
Speaker 3: to think about what the next year is going to bring.
Speaker 3: Year two in your life will be very different than
Speaker 3: the last year. And to the rest of you, all
Speaker 3: of our Daily Hope listeners, I just want to thank
Speaker 3: you because we're able to provide the Daily Hope Podcast
Speaker 3: the people like Bill because of your generous support. Thank you,
Speaker 3: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
Speaker 3: for helping us share the good news all around the world.
Speaker 3: You and imagine what it's going to be to get
Speaker 3: to heaven and see all these people who came to
Speaker 3: know Christ because of your giving.
Speaker 1: God Bless you, hey, friends. I just wanted to remind
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Speaker 2: M