Speaker 1: Hi everyone. I'm Stephanie Wilder Taylor and this is Drunkish,
the podcast based on the book Drunkish, where I told
my whole sobriety story because I can't keep anything back.
But now I have this podcast so I can hear
other people's stories. And today's guest is, oh, this was
a really fun interview. This is my friend Tara Matter.
She's the mom of a teenager and she has a
pretty new baby. She's also a writer a speaker, and
she has a substack called Recovering from Something. And by
the way, if you want to watch this episode, please
go to Drunkish pod on YouTube and watch away. And
here's Sarah and here we are with Tara Matter.
Speaker 2: Hi, Tara, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: It looks like a reunion for us.
Speaker 2: I know we're sober due it's like a girlfriend catch up,
but like on air, so.
Speaker 1: I know, I know I started. I saw your sober
content on the GRAM. I don't learn what to call
it if I you know, I want to sound really
young like the kids.
Speaker 2: I know, but I'm like, yeah, do I call it
ig do? I I don't know, like whatever, we.
Speaker 1: Gotta be cool. But but you are posting sober content
and I met you, well you have you'll tell the
story of free But when I met you, we're both
sober people.
Speaker 2: Yes, at that in common. Yes, yeah, So we met
when I was like going through some rounds of IVF
and then I took your class during my pregnancy and
then yeah, so that was super fun. But so yeah, No,
I years ago when you wrote your first book to
pick Ups for Not for Sardinay, somebody gifted it to
me and I was like, this is this is my
new bible, Like I'm going to be a drunkie fun mom,
Like this is great. It was like the og mommy
wine culture and I was like signed up for it.
I bought everyone in the book. And then I got like,
you know, nap time is the new happy hour, and
I'm like this is this is me, Like we are
the same. And then life goes on got drunk her
and you know, I was like in and out of
recovery rooms and I don't and then like moved to
California when I was eighteen months sober, maybe seven eight
years ago. And then yeah, I was at lunch with
a friend and at the last minute she was like,
can I invite another friend. I'm like, sure, whoever, I
don't care more than marror. And we got to talking
and she said she was in a writing group and
I'm like, oh, I got to get back to writing,
like you know, and she she was like, yeah, it's
with this gal. She's not theirs friend of mine. You
know said your name. I'm like wait, what, Like she's
your friend and she's sober. I'm like yeah, so I'm
like I want in on this class. And so it's
just so full circle to be like because we're both like,
ew mommy wine culture. I don't know that anymore, but
you know, to like be on a better path and
you know, So it's funny because for a long time.
Speaker 1: I look the whole edgy wine mom thing. It's still
a personality, like if you separate it from the actual drinking, right, Like,
this is the thing I was so afraid of when
I got sober, was that I would lose my personality
and I wouldn't be fun And if I even if
you look back at that book, yes, there are so
many alcohol references and so much of me being like
you're not cool if you don't drink like me, which
is ridiculous. I was you know, in my late thirties
writing that, okay, but there were also a lot of
jokes that were just like, it's just like, it's important
to find your tribe, and it's sad that a lot
of people found their tribe by going like, drinking is
my tribe. And I do feel a little guilty that
I somehow gave everyone permission to be a drunk mom,
which was obviously not my intention, but it's where my
had was at you.
Speaker 2: I've gotta let that go, for sure, because you know,
people are going to choose to be like that or not,
whether they got the idea from you or a book
or like whatever. And and hopefully some of those people
like me follow your career and your directory and are like, hey,
maybe I want to take a look at my own
drinking now, you know. And but I also think you
like gave everyone permission who used to be like that
to you know, look at their relationship with alcohol now.
So if you haven't thought about it that way, for sure,
because because it's like, yeah, if we thought we were
like the cool girl drunks you know before, Like now
it's like this whole sober movement, sober curious, like all
this stuff like especially living in La Right, It's like
it's okay to be sober here, like, which I'm so
grateful for, right because I, you know, got drunken lots
of other cities. So it's funny. I'm going, Like I
was telling you before, I'm going on my first college
tour with my son next week. And I used to
live in New York City. It was like the scene
of the crime, like literally figured and I haven't been
in New York sober ever. I'm coming up a nine
year sober next month. If if all goes well, thank you,
I plan on it. So it'll be interesting to just
see like what memories come up and like literal memory
lane of like oh gosh, I don't think I'm allowed there.
Hopefully I must those ways have closed, I don't know,
but you know, we.
Speaker 1: Should get into some of that because one of the
things that I love about you and your writing is
your bottom is kind of low, right, I mean, if
we're if we're being honest, oh yeah, it's like everybody,
like everybody, it can't be low enough, right. It's like
you still had that thing that I love that you
discussed so honestly in your writing, which is like okay,
but just because this is going on, that doesn't mean
that I can never drink again. Like, let's be realistic.
Like every it's that thing that happens a lot that
we talk about a lot in meetings where it's always
sort of everybody else's fault and what I love that
I want to get to but I want you to
take me through it is the moment where you're finally like, okay, okay,
that gives up time is up right, So take this, sue,
what was going on in your life and how that
came to pass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I mean my bottom maybe wasn't even my
last bottom, wasn't even necessarily my worst, but it was,
you know, it was just like another in a series
of wake up calls. I you know, to be totally honest,
and I don't think I've spoken about this on camera.
I you know, I woke up in jail after our
first date, not for the first time, you know, as
I've joked with you, it was also our last date.
Poor guy wherever he is. He's like some high school
football coach or something in Chicago. Anyway, it was, you know,
it was a Wednesday night, Like that's what I do
on a Wednesday night, like I irish goodbye in the
middle of our date. As the story goes, I don't know,
I don't remember. It was not a brownout. It was
a full blackout. They explained to me what happened the
next day. I believe them sounds like something I would do,
but I had no zero recollection. So I wake up
and I again had been there before, so I was like,
I don't need my phone call. I'm sure I'll be
out by noon. And I was not. I was definitely
not out by noon. A whole series of events. You know,
I've written about it before, but what that day was like,
and I just was like stealing in my own shit
and trying to figure out how I was going to
get out of this mess. Like it wasn't like I
woke up and was like, I'm ready take me, you know,
I and I and I went to me before, ye before,
so that I could talk about that too. So I mean,
I mean, starting back when I was seventeen years old,
the first time I ever got drunk, I gotten a
massive car accident. I had had a couple of wine
coolers before dabbling in that, but it was I had
had my car for three days, just like my thousand
dollars car. And I was at a party with my
with my cousin, and I left in the middle of it.
Didn't tell on a day one where I was going.
I had got this is how old I am. Somebody
had paged me and I called back on a house phone.
Whoever that is still remains a mystery. I have some ideas.
But I left and it was like a Wednesday night
the summer before I was going to be a senior
in high school, and uh, yeah, Wednesday apparently no, Oh
my gosh, right, Oh my gosh, that's so funny. I
had never made that. Nowhere Wednesdays for me? But yeah,
I got in horrible cross and I had two hundred
eighties stitches in my face. I ran into a van
full of school children on their way home from a
soccer game, and everyone was okay except for me. My
seatbelt broke across my chest. I hit my face on
the on the the glass, and I woke up, and
once they finally told me like what happened and everything,
I was immediately indignant. I was like, what's the big deal?
Nobody else got hurt? Why is everyone so concerned? So
can I have a mirror, and they're like, no, no,
you cannot have a mirror. You're gonna be a little horrified.
I'm like, and I had to go to the bathroom
at some point, right, so I like the foggy little
mirror in the in the hospital bathroom, and I was
a monster, Like this eye was swollen, shot, this eye
I could barely see out of And I knew I
would drink again. Like I just was like I had
really bad luck. Like who does that happen to on
their first time getting like fully drunk? No one, right,
but I'll tell you I graduated with five hundred and
eighty kids. No one else had that story. On day
one of you know, our senior year, I thought the
rumors of like, oh Tara always did this, and people
were hanging off the freeway overpast they were not like
it wasn't all that serio. I mean, it was serious,
it was very serious, but I just like was like
I did not take it seriously whatsoever. They made me
go to meetings because I was not yet eighteen, and
so my parents could have made me go to like
an alcoholic treatment program, but my dad made the decision,
like he's like it was just like a fluke thing.
She's not like she has some problem. It's not like
she's like has a pattern of things. And we talked
about this all these years later because he's like, I
felt so guilty, like your life would have been so
different if I would have made you do X, Y
and Z, And I was like, oh no, no, no, wouldn't.
I would have hated you, I would have drank at you,
and I still would have kept going, Like so as
soon as I could get to college, so I'd probably
calmed down for a few months until maybe the bandages
were off my face. But I drank like that from
day one. I was always an alcoholic. It's no one's fault,
but it's my decision if I want to do anything
about it. But it took me years. So those were
like my first meetings. Like people have these clear memories
of their first meetings. I don't. I don't know. I
probably was like signed my card, I gotta leave, and
I was seventeen. They were probably what are you doing here?
So then I proceeded to get to duys in college
six months apart, and when when I went in front
of the judge for the second he was like and
they I had barely blown right, Like, I was like,
you know, eight for both. So I was like, oh,
you guys were overreacting. I two glasses of wine, but like,
don't forget about all the times I drove in a
blackout right, like, didn't get caught for those. These are
just the two that I was on the hook for.
So the judge I remember him saying, it was it
was three months til I graduated, and he was like, ma'am,
I don't get a lot of people in here who
look like you. So that I took like, yeah, I'm special.
And he's like, I it's your lucky day. I'm going
to let you go back to class, go continue with
your I was interning at the Minnesota Senate at the
time for first state senator. My life was a dichotomy,
like walking to economy. So he's like, you are going
to graduate. I don't want to mess up your college.
He's like, but you will report to jail the day
you graduate or the day after you graduate. You know,
no passing, go to now two hundred dollars, you get
your weight eight yep, because it was two in.
Speaker 1: The second one. Okay, So the second one he's said.
Speaker 2: He's like, obviously you haven't learned your lesson. You think
you're above the law. I'm like, I did think I
was a law but so then I so after so
you graduate and everyone's off going party and having their fun,
and I like literally reported to jail for ten days
the day after I graduated college.
Speaker 1: Ten days you must have been. So you must have
been like twenty one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was. I was exactly twenty one. And I
was exhausted because like I had what was people have
like twelve to fifteen credits in the college. I had
twenty one that last semester from my internship and all
these things, and I didn't have a license so to
to try and get around to like my college was
an hour and a half from where the state Senate was,
and so it was just a it was a mad mess.
So I slept for ten days, grated people's hair, like
read Daniel Steel novels that were in my cell and
that was that. And then I'm like, well, maybe I'll
move to New York because you don't I can't get
a d Y if I don't have to drive.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that is the best alcoholic thinking. I
can't tell you how many people I talked to that
went to New York because they're like, less, no.
Speaker 2: Driving, let's go like it.
Speaker 1: Let me just ask you this, What did your parents say? Okay,
so they they they thought it was a fluke when
you were seventeen, but when you got two more did
they know about it? Did you tell them?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they definitely know it, knew about it. I didn't call.
They were not my calls. I remember one of them
was my professor because I was like, got arrested at
college and I was like, you, I had to call
someone sober and that you have their phone number. Well,
I don't have anyone's fun number. I don't have anyone's
like number memorized who does? And cell phones were just
starting to be a thing then, and so I had
to use the phone book and I'm like, my friends,
your college addresses not listened to your phone book. Okay.
I didn't know any of this. But she had a
very unique class name. I'm like, certainly she's in, and
she to her and I had two finals in her class.
The next day she came and picked me up and
I was like, I'm not drunk, like I'm like doctor.
I won't say her name. I'm like, I'm not drunk.
I'm like it was just bad luck again bad luck.
And she like put me to bad and gave me
saltine crackers and water and she's just like, don't come
to class tomorrow. Like I was, like, I was up
studying late and I just had two glasses of wine
like and she's like, uh huh okay, but like we'll
figure it out later. And we did. We figured it
out later. I took my finals eventually, but not that day. Wow.
Speaker 1: Okay, see this is I didn't even know about this,
so this is this is good indications. But you're only
twenty one. You're like, there's just no way.
Speaker 2: That's there's no way.
Speaker 1: It's all a fluke.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Like in meetings when I see people get sober
before they're twenty one or they're just barely twenty one,
I used to be like resentful at them, like you
don't even know, like you don't know what life is
like and how things. I'm like, Okay. Meanwhile, you hear
them talk and they're like, well i've been drunk since
thirteen and this and this and this happened. I'm like
then I'm like, oh baby, thank God, like thank God,
I'm like this baby. It was just jealous that like
my life couldn't I couldn't get my shit together sooner.
But then all these other things wouldn't have happened if
I didn't go in the right order, right, So like
you know, proceed to like be persona non grata places
in New York, and I worked at a big law firm,
and so we worked hard, played hard, like partied hard
and all the things. And when I started feeling like
I was wearing out my welcome, and I you know,
got arrested two times there just just being drunk, like
like you know, trying to like be rude to a
cabby or whatever, and I mean all the things. So
I decided that I wanted to be jacketing.
Speaker 1: Rude to a cabby doesn't get you arrested, no.
Speaker 2: Like it was like I think, what was the second one?
I don't even remember, Like I did literally have to
like look myself up. I mean, that's how many times
these things have happened. Like one time I punched abound
her like just I mean had no business, like well,
my like this big giant dude like and my friends
were visiting. One of them was a bridesmate of my
wedding this year too, which we you know, have conversations
about that night. But she was like she had just
got married at twenty one, like came to New York
with her in law, like her sister in law and
stuff to like have a fabulous weekend with her like
college roomy, and I get arrested and they didn't know,
so like We're supposed to meet for brunch the next
day and I'm a no show, so like I ruined
their weekend because they were just like searching for me,
like wondering if I was okay, and they finally like,
thankfully she knows me. She like eventually called jails or
whatever and figured out where I was, and it was awful,
Like so it was like so embarrassed, Like.
Speaker 1: But you're twenty one again, that's the theme, Right, You're
only twenty one, so you continue drinking. Now you're law firm.
Things are good. I'm I'm guessing people drink like you drink.
Speaker 2: And I think something. I didn't want to be around them, right,
Like I thro out of myself, Like I just posted
about this too, like I surrounded myself with people who
drank like I did, and especially at least one or
two people who I deemed were like worse than me,
because like, I can't be an alcoholic. They she is
the alcoholic. Like please like and and god love anyone
who dared to try to like even mention like maybe
taking a look at my drinking, I will cut you.
I will cut you out of my life bye. Like
that's it.
Speaker 1: I had a friend that I talked about in my
book Drunkish, Uh who were? Who is my person that
I was like, okay, when whenever he would drink. After
two drinks, his personality changed. He started kind of slurring,
and it was like, oh god, there he goes, here goes,
he's such an alcoholic. Whereas I could look at myself
and go, well, I didn't. My personality doesn't change, Like
I get friendlier, like I make out with random guys. Yes,
I do some stuff I regret. Yeah, I some times
get in arguments with people or you know, and throw
up the whole next day. But that's not alcoholism. That's alcoholism.
Isn't that so classic that we all do that?
Speaker 2: Well? I always said, I'm like, like, you're two kinds.
Like when you drink, it's like you either puke or
you black out. I was a blacker outer. I never puked,
and I was like, I just wish I was a
puker because then I could like keep the party going
and understand and like know what's going on. Hello, Hello everyone.
There's a third type of person who drinks, a normal
person who like whatever that is, I guess, but like
can have two glasses of wine. It didn'tven occur to me.
I was like, there's two, there's two. No, no, no, there's
three and four and five, Like there's people gonna have
a glass of wine or two and just be done
like it was, And it wasn't every time, So that's
for me. Like I had like an alter ego. Her
name was t Rex Deemed in college. That was like
who's coming out tonight? Like if t Rex is coming out,
she is not invited. This is like an ongoing joke
in my friend group still still is and I'm like, okay, well,
because we didn't know, like if it was two drinks
or the twentieth drink. Sometimes I would just have a
blast and not ruin your wedding. Or I would just
tie it on and just be a clown like in
everything was about me, you know, just making a scene
telling people they weren't good enough to talk to my friends,
like I would dress them down, like if you didn't
make my drink fast enough, I would let you know
that you probably should should have gone to college and
maybe you wouldn't have to be a bartender. Who am
I to say that stuff? I was a bartender server
for years, like even after college. My first job in
New York was like at Elbeck steak House in Chelsea,
Like it's like not memorous. Yes, there is an oltback
in New York or there was. That's the next question
I always get is like there was an outback in
New York going there was sto.
Speaker 1: And that.
Speaker 2: Oh who doesn't must.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're so so you get arrested a couple
of times while you're at a law firm, do you
almost get fired?
Speaker 2: No, not that one that's later. That's my last drunk.
I was working at a labor and employment law firm
and they were like they I know later that they
did know where I was at the two days that
I know called no show to work, but they didn't.
It couldn't fire me because it's like they'd already run
background tracks on me, like all these things. So but
so I moved to Chicago, so like fast forward. I
was like, Okay, I'm done with New York. You know,
everything's fine. I'm like, I want to move back to
the Midwest, but not I'm from Minneapolis. I'm like, I
don't want to move like home to the Twin Cities
because that's too close. So I'm like, the guys are
really tall in Chicago, Like let's go.
Speaker 1: There, like public transportation on the public transportation.
Speaker 2: Not as short as the guys in New York. Sorry
starting my short kings in New York. But uh and
you know, I I just fell into like a total
party group, like that's what it was like. It was
like they weren't like real friends for the most part
except for one and it just started it all over there.
And then uh my, then I became pregnant and had
my son when I was I got pregnant twenty nine,
had him at thirty, and I was like, Okay, I'm
going to be an adult now, like I'm in a serious,
committed relationship with an amazing person and let's let's let's see.
And so he didn't really we weren't dating all that long,
so he really didn't know like a past as she
had not met t Rex yet and not and so
you know, he knew I was a party girl, but
like I'm a proper mother now, so like let's not
do that. And and like, you know, two weeks after
I gave birth, when my girlfriends came to town, it
was just like off to the races a little bit.
And he probably just thought that was a one time
thing because you know whatever.
Speaker 1: So like blowing off steam. Knew mom, she's under a
lot of pressure, exactly.
Speaker 2: Someone was. Yeah, my son was born in early December,
and so for Easter through that year, we were going
home to see my family and and he hadn't met
all my friends yet honestly at this point. So like
we were gonna have one night to go out with
the friend group while my parents were watching the baby.
I mean, we all know what happened, right. It's like
it's like I total t Rex to the point where
I couldn't even tell him my parents address because like
he was gonna drive us back, so like one of
my friends had to tell him the address. I was
like just berating everyone, just being horrible. And he had
never seen me like that, and so and my parents.
When he told my parents, they were like, well, yeah,
so the next morning they sent me down Easter morning.
She's not in jail though, so this is right exactly,
so this is just like not that bad, but so
like my son's like four or five months old, and
they all like have like a mini like it wasn't
an intervenure, but it was like a conversation that morning
before we went on our Easter ig hunt with the
family and everything, and they were like, last night was unacceptable.
You have a week. You have a week to get
into a program something, or there's gonna be consequences, you know,
Like this is just like it's my it's my boyfriend
and my parents, right, just the two of them, or
my dad and my step mom. And then I'm like,
you guys are overreacting. Let's like, let's not ruin his easter, okay,
like honestly, like I again like not owning anything, like
like I'm the one who ruined it, obvious very clearly now.
But so we just went out with the day and
I'm like, I can't believe everyone's so mad at me,
Like this is crazy. And fast forward a week later
the next Sunday, that morning, my boyfriend is like, hey, honey,
like you haven't gone to a meeting yet, like were
you gonna are you gonna do that? And I'm like, yeah,
I have all day, Like calm down. So I like
waltz into the like wicker Park allan Oak club, like
I own the place, and oh man, it was like
me and four dudes and they were so nice, so kind,
thank god, thank god. It wasn't like a creepy bunch
or a weird bunch. They were just like there wasn't
even a meeting. They just like let me cry for
an hour and tell my story and whatever. And they
were like we we want women to stick with women
and men to stick with men, so we're not gonna
give you our phone numbers again, great move. Not everybody
does that. And they're like, but we don't think you're
gonna call anyone so here like Michelle whoever was on
the phone. So I'm like, oh, you know, and like
maybe my sponsor. You know. It's like all this stuff.
And that lasted a couple months, Like I was in
and out, in and out for a while, like and
I don't wish that on anyone, Like it was so awful.
I mean it was so awful, like I would leave
meetings and go to the bar like I would like.
You know, we our relationship ended, you know, we co
parented very well since then, but only since I've been sober.
I guess, like there was other incidences and then I
was sober for I was going to meetings for about
two and a half years, had nine months sober and
uh and and blew it. And then after that I
couldn't get any time for like four years. And so
fast forward to tell me.
Speaker 1: About because I feel like a lot of people have
this experience, you know, tell me about getting nine months,
And I know that getting nine months for a lot
of people, especially if you're going to meetings is like hardcore,
Like you're in nowise right, So what was the what
was the thing that made you just go fuck it?
Speaker 2: I don't care, So I'll say in between that when
my son's father and I split up, we moved to
my son and I moved back to Minnesota so I
could be closer to a family and more record more
destruction happened there and got arrested again, not kidding, And
it was like a really dangerous situation that I don't
really want to like go into that like fine today,
but it was. It was. It was awful and but
again not my last bottom as we know. And so
then I was like hardcore in a like doing the thing,
and we were in a custody battle because he was
like okay, like I let you kind of move home
closer to your family so he could be like safe,
and that's not what happened. So what's the point. So
like we were going back and forth, back and forth,
and our son was like living with me for three
weeks in Chicago in Minnesota and then his dad for
three weeks in Chicago when he was like between eighteen
months and three years old. Is awful. So it's pure
hell to like not have my toddler for three weeks
at a time, Like, I mean, it was just sad.
It was like the hardest time of my life. Like,
so we ended up like the court was just going
to drag on, and the judge at one point was
like I'm either going to make a decision today or
we're going to have to like take this to trial,
and if we go to trial, it's going to be
all your family involved all this stuff. And I was
like out of money. I was paying more money to
my attorney than I was to rent. At that point,
I had borrowed from family, taken out loans, like I
was done. So I knew that if he said we're
going to trial, I was just going to give in
with like kind of like a list of demands, like
you pay for us to move back, you pay for
his furniture, whatever, and so yeah, the judge was like, yeah,
I know, we're going to keep this going, and I
was like nope. So my attorney gave his attorney a
list and we moved back. So I was really like
on shaky ground because that was definitely the scene of
the crime. Like I did not want to move back
to Chicago. I just did not want to move back.
I moved back kicking and screaming. Got a great job.
It was like the highest paid job I ever had
at the time. And at the end of week one
was going to be their summer outing to take a
bus to see the Cubs play the Brewers in Milwaukee.
So I had my Red Bulls Stephanie. I was ready,
like I was prepared, except for I brought one of
my old party friends with me instead of like somebody safe,
somebody from the program something like that, and so like
before we even got on the highway, I was like,
I can have a beer. I'm like, I mean, what's
a beer? Who cares? And like my friend she knew
I was over, but she's like are you sure, Like,
oh yeah, yeah, I'm like that I'm not that person anymore.
She's like, okay, let's go blackout ended up where I
did not need to be. They had They were so
concerned about me because I just like left the game
at some point and they were like, we have to
get her on the bus to go back to Chicago,
my brand new job that I have five days and
like woke up where I shouldn't, had tick train back
by myself the next day, and then I was in
and out, in and out for two and a half years.
Speaker 1: That sounds so reasonable, though, I mean, you know, I
was talking to somebody or somebody said maybe like in
a meeting, that relapse, like what you think of as
a relapse is usually after you've had a period of
sobriety and then you make the decision to drink again.
But really, for somebody who has a drinking issue like
I did, I had a million relapses. A relapse can
just be that you go like I'm never going to
drink again. Oh you know what, this is my last
episode mm hmm. With Sean Daniels. That's what we were
talking about. But like the quiz, but I've had so
many because I used to really separate that in my mind, like, well,
I haven't had a relapse, but I have many times
I've tried to get sober very hard and then been
like this is too hard or this is stupid, or
I'm not really I don't really have a problem, and
drink again, And it is very hard to get the
your mojo back up. You know. It's like anything. It's
like if you're on a diet and then you go
like screw it up having some cookies. Yeah, sometimes like
for me because I'm also a cookie aholic, then I'm
off to the races. Then it could be a year
before I can like grow cookies again.
Speaker 2: Well, like it was like a personality, Yeah, it's same, right,
And this is kind of like this is where I
want my writing to take me, and this kind of
like I have a substack about it and everything, and
it's like that we're all recovering from something, right, like everyone,
whether it's food, lot of sex workoholism. People forget that
that's a real thing, right, sugar, Like and if you
really don't have any of these with that phone phones,
oh my gosh, one hundred percent percent addiction, all of it,
and so like it's like, even if you really have
never suffered from any of those things, we all know
someone who has. Like you don't have to know someone
who is necessarily an alcoholic who's like in the drugs
whatever it is. But like that like to have to
save space for people who you don't know what they're
going through right the whole, Like like just because somebody
looks a certain way or whatever, Like you have no
idea what people are walking around with. Like I don't
think people would like look at me and be like
multiple arrests or you know, all the things. And it's
like that's that's where my story took me. And and
it could have certainly it could have been worse. But
you know, I I you're in the rooms too. Like
people are like, well, you know, I never got in trouble,
I never gotten youtuis. I'm like I had to have consequences.
I knew about two months before I got sober, I
said my best friend at the time, I was like,
I feel like I need to get back to a
and like meetings and stuff. And she's like, well, go ahead,
Like why what's stopping you. I was like, I don't know.
I just like I feel like I'm waiting for something
to happen. And she's like why you know, And then
something happened. Right, It's like had I just and I coincidentally,
this is what a lot of us too. I had
been going to therapy. I had my first therapy session
the week before that that night, and she's like tell
me everything, and tell me how much you drink. And
I'm like, oh, just like same as everyone else, like whatever,
downplaying it and yeah. And then like fast forward a
week later, I had a session that morning and got
arrested that night because she's like, yeah, I think you
might have PTSD and I was like, I've never seen war,
you know. It's like that's not don't have to say more,
you know. And I was diagnosed with ADHD too, so
no shocker. So anyway, so it was like I was
kind of like dealing with all that, had a headful
of that and then just like burn my life down
that night.
Speaker 1: You know, you're living okay, so take us you that
so this is the bottom bottom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're lot, you know, So what actually happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah, although I think he did you drink again after that? Nope,
I was in jail, okay, but you were still weren't sure,
so you I still wasn't shore on this date with
a guy and then you're like, I don't like this guy.
They didn't get in an argument with an Uber driver.
Speaker 2: I believe it was a regular taxi because at that
point I was literally banned from Uber and left because
my rating was so low. That's that's the thing, guys,
that can happen. It's no longer I have a great
score now. But yeah, so I was trying to get
into a regular tax and he's like sorry, man, I'm like,
I'm actually here for someone else. And I was like,
your light was on, like this, these are the rules,
Like I thought. I was like in New York or
something back ten years before, and I remember I had
red hunter boots on because it was raining, and I
was like kicking his door like like my rubber boots
are going to do anything, but like these and we're
was like in the Gold Coast of Chicago. It was
like right outside of Italy on Ohio Street, and like
these cops were like noticing a commotion and they walk
over and be like, what's going on and were like, sorry, sir,
you go on with your night, like we got her
like and they were just they were just trying to
be helpful and wanted to get me where I needed
to go, which was probably home to bed and so
it was pouring rain, so they're like, just at the
back of our squad, you're not in trouble, you're not arrested, like,
just calm down a little, which women love to be
told that, And so I get in the back and
then I just had like a panic, I guess, because
I realized the doors like did not open. And again
I wasn't really in any trouble then, but while they
were talking I and I they weren't deciding what to
do with me fast enough I guess. I don't know.
Again I don't remember, but I spit through the partition,
like how gross, and so a little bit a spit
gone on both of them. So that was two felony
assaults and from there I was definitely arrested and it
was not looking good for me.
Speaker 1: So then You're like you needed to call work, Well
you needed to call your ex husband or your boy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because so my what we were never married, but yeah,
he it was a Wednesday, and he used to have
my son on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and so we
would do like five days on, two days off, two
days on, five days off. So this was going into
his five day on stretch. So in my mind, but
like our if son was still young, so we would
still text every single day, like he got to school,
this happened, homework, whatever, and so it would be really
weird if I'm not texting him back, like if he's
telling me whatever, or if my text were going on red,
or or if his text were to me we're going
on red. So yeah, so like I didn't do my
phone call that day because I thought I was gonna
be getting out, And so I'm in line. Everyone's lined
up waiting to talk to the judge, and every single
person before me came out in tears and I was
in there. They were like, you know, he's so brutal
today and like and like they had all been there,
like they knew the guy I don't know. And so
I go in and and my quarter pointed attorney, like
she told me what happened. She was like, oh, and
you have a job and you do this and whatever.
She's like, do you have five hundred dollars in your
bank account? I was like, yeah, yes, barely. She's like,
you'll probably have a five thousand dollars bond five hundred
to get out. You're fine, Like you're gonna be fine.
I'm like, okay, okay. So I was like, my turn,
and you you get like twenty seconds, thirty seconds, and
he's like, ma'am, looks like you didn't take care of
all your stuff in New York, so we think you
might be a flight risk and a fifty thousand dollars bond.
Next I was like what, Like I had no idea
what I was talking about because I thought I had
cleaned up all my stuff in New York and so
it would have cost five thousand dollars to get out,
which I did not have. And you also can't get
out on your own. You have to have someone come
get you. And it was like if you're not out
by like eight pm, you're there overnight. And so it
was like this, it's like a movie really like so
then we but it was totainly like two in the afternoon,
so I'm like, I have plenty of time now, i
will take my phone call, thank you. But they put
us through this metal detector and all this stuff, and
if you had a wired bra, you had to take
it off and all this whatever. So like anyone with
the sports bra was like in luck. I did not
because I was on a date. So I'm like still
in my red boots and the whole thing. And this
girl like kind of like ruined it for everyone. She
whispered to me that like she's still was keeping her
braun or I don't know what it was. But they
sent us all back through. It took hours, like hours
and hours, and I was the dead last one to
have a phone call because all the numbers I had
memorized were long distance and they're like, you can't call
long distance. I'm like, I don't know any local numbers.
So it was just it was just drama, and so
I had to stay overnight, get issued the clothes, shower
with everyone, the whole thing, and the next.
Speaker 1: Morning I feel like I would have elected not to shower,
like I'm always telling you, you, oh they make you shower?
Speaker 2: Why because I don't know. I don't know, but.
Speaker 1: They can't be that concerned with cleanliness.
Speaker 2: Well, I you would think, but like they don't. They
also don't want anything to break out, like if somebody
has like lice or so. I don't know, like I
assume it's because if you have some kind of communical
disease or like something on your body. I don't. I
have no idea.
Speaker 1: Okay, they make.
Speaker 2: They make you, they make you, and like so I
was like, oh my god, I hope I get out
the next Oh. So when I did finally finally get
my phone call, they did let me call my father
long distance in Minnesota and at that time, but by
that time, everyone on the outside had figured out where
I was and what it was going on. And so
when I called, and I know this though, right, So
I call and he's like are you kidding me? You know,
just starts laying into me, and I was like, Dad,
I have less than three minutes. Everyone else got as
much time as they wanted, but they were like, you
you get three minutes. So I was like, please, we
can talk about all this later. I need you to
write some things down. So I was like, gave him
my boss's email address. I'm like, send her an email,
tell her family emergency boom. I'm like, message my friend
on Facebook, who I know looks at her messages. She's
in town. Send her the money, get me out please,
like like all this stuff. And because he doesn't have Facebook,
my stepmom did, and so like like and they and
like I'm still friends with this person to this day.
And she came to my wedding this year, and so
she so she knows my parents in this really weird way,
and they obviously they make jokes about it now, but
it's very funny like that, Like I coordinated all this
in my head before I even got the call, and
I still didn't know then. And then he's still talking
me in the phone, hangs up, So I don't know
is he coming, is my friend coming? Is anyone coming?
I don't know. So it was a Friday morning, So
that was Wednesday night, was late late that I got arrested,
and so I was in jail that night. Then I
was in jail Thursday night, Friday morning. They like, I'm
sitting at the table eating like you know, warm milk
and cereal or I don't know whatever, and and there's
nothing to do and there was like a stack of books,
but they're all big books. That's it, just big books.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so books, big book of Alcoholics is
what you're talking about, Like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, reading.
Speaker 1: Jackie Daniel Steel of books.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, exactly number Daniel Steel. And then they called
my name, they butchered my name over the loud speaker,
and all the girls were like, we knew you're getting
out of here today. And like I'll tell you though,
there was girls in there who had like been there
for two months because they wrote a bad track, because
they needed to buy formula or stuff for their for
their kids. And I'm just like, I'm just horrified, Like
it's just it's just horrifying that because they couldn't afford
the bail there, they're still there. I'm like, is that
that's what we're doing with I don't know. I could
go on about that, but.
Speaker 1: Why did I think you were there for nine days?
Or had that been a different story?
Speaker 2: Fridays was my college around had reports to jail after
college and you know, I went to school in like,
you know, north of the Twin Cities and it was
like you know, Hicksville, uh jail. So it wasn't like
anyone serious, wasn't there all.
Speaker 1: Right, So then you get you get picked up picked
a friend.
Speaker 2: By my friend, and she's she's like the opposite of me.
She's like Pollyanna. She's like a public school teacher, is
the sweetest person. Our kids like went to like elementary
school together. And she and I was like and then
it dawned on me. I was like, are you supposed
to be at work? She's like, yeah, I called in today,
I'm here for you. I'm like, oh my god. Finally,
so we had to go back to the jail that
I got first was like like pross the stat to
get my belongings. I had like one hundred and eighty
three missed calls, like two hundred text messages because I
was like supposed to go to lunch with people. My
boss was wondering where I was. Everybody everybody. So I
was just overwhelmed and I just felt disgusting and nasty.
And I get home and I went to go shower
and uh and before I got that, I was warming
up the shower and I called my one friend and
she wouldn't care if I said her name, Kristen that
was still in the program that I knew from Chicago
because I hadn't been a meeting since so long. And
I was like, hates me, you know, told you know?
And I was like, stuff happened and you know, I
had to go to jail. And she's like, uh huh,
she remember that meeting. We used to go to and
Andersonville on Friday nights. Like Jason was her boyfriend at
the time. She's like, Jason and I will be there
like we always are. We you know, I'll see you there.
I'm like, did you hear me? I just got out
of jail. I can't go to a I can't go
to a meeting tonight. She's like, do you have some
what's else to be? And then hung up on me.
I was like what what? So I showered, took a
little nap, and then I went. I went to the
meeting and I'm going ever since. Wow, she was a
brands made at my wedding and I know I would.
And then we both met like our husbands like two
months apart. They have rhyming names. So I got to
see her get married and it it's been it's been lovely.
Speaker 1: So when you went to that meeting, you were just
beaten down enough.
Speaker 2: Right me, I was done. I was out of options,
so sick of my shit, like I I didn't know. Oh. Also,
while I was in jail, my ex got to order
a temper order of protection against me, and he was like,
get your shit together or don't. Either way, you won't
see our son for five weeks. So that you know
I did not get sober for my child. I'll say
that I got sober for me, and lots of people
have benefited from it, obviously my son. But when I
tried to get sober for him in the past, it
didn't work. So like I can't make my child my
hower power or my parents or anyone else, right like,
it was like it was for me. But so I
just I didn't mean too. I didn't really know what
a ninety and ninety is, which is ninety meetings and
ninety days, but I started doing that because I'm like,
what else do I have to do. I'm facing criminal charges,
I might lose my job, i might lose custody of
my son, and I just didn't. I was like, okay,
Like the only thing I know how to do is
go to meetings. So I just kept going to meetings
and Three days later, on a Monday night, I met
might then sponsor at a women's meeting that she spoke
and I was like, I want what she has. Let's
let's talk. And then when I moved to California, she
moved to Florida and where she's still like a guardian
angel in my life and I love her dearly. That
was before COVID, when like you, you wanted to have a
sponsor that you can meet with in person and like
see and now lots of people have long doescent sponsors
it doesn't matter. But so I credit her thoroughly for
not being she She was exactly what I needed. She
was kind and gentle and not like super pushy where
I used to sponsor hop and had like I don't know, yeah,
I was all over the place before, but she kind
of set me on a good path, and the thing
is started working out.
Speaker 1: I was looking at something on Reddit the other day
that was somebody just like trashing twelve step meetings, and
I was thinking, you know, what else do you have
to do? I mean, it's yeah, it's not for everyone,
you know, and I can see people feeling it's very culty.
And somebody was like, it's so bad for you? You know,
then i'll you're doing is going to meetings. It's like, yeah,
and the alternative is getting arrested or you know, being.
Speaker 2: Those hospitals and institutions as we say, and.
Speaker 1: It's like, it's what I don't understand. I guess what's
so bad about the idea? I mean, and listen, I'm
not somebody who went to meetings all day long, but
even if I did, who cares like, But at the beginning,
I was so doing like four or five times a week,
and I made friends and yeah, so yeah, you know,
I never got super religious, I mean, or even that spiritual.
So what so you say a prayer at the end,
you're you're basically here's what it is. For anybody that
feels that way or scared of it, It's like it's
people telling their story. And for me, it was the
ability to exhale and go, oh my god, I'm not
the only one like other people I feel like this,
And then it makes you feel better and supported. And
it's people that are like, nobody's pushy, nobody's coming to
your house. Listen. I almost joined a cult before where
people literally showed up at my house. It was the
nam Mia horangue Ko people and they really want you
to join up. And they came to my apartment where
I was staying and tried to make me go to
like a meeting. No one's gonna do that. Nobody cares.
Nobody really cares that much if he stay sober or
don't know.
Speaker 2: And that's the thing. It's so funny, you say. So
when I went back to what was my old home group,
it was like a seven to fifteen am meeting that
met on Michigan Avenue. You know, everyone gets it in
before work. So I crawled back there. I hadn't been
there in two and a half years, and I'm like,
I wonder if I'm going to know anyone. And they're like, hey,
good to see, glad to see you didn't die. I
have a seat. You're like, no, I wasn't special. They
weren't like, oh my god, welcome back, like I had
your seat waiting. They're just like cool, like they were
just happy that I was alive. And I sat in
the corner and just like cried for ten days. And
finally this old timer she was like are you gonna
like are you gonna talk? Are you going to share?
And like let people get to know you again and
like tell us what's going on so you can help
other people. I'm like, oh, you think they want to
hear my story get herself, but you know, it's like,
here's my thing? Is it? Like? Does does that twelve
step program have the monopoly on sobriety? Absolutely not. There's
she recovers, there's uh, you know, so many different things. Yes, yes,
the smart recovery and what's her name? The man? I
love her. She's an author too.
Speaker 1: She's uh naked mind.
Speaker 2: I love Naked Mind too. Her best friend and not
Holly you but the other one. You got her name?
Speaker 1: Yes, we are the lucky ones.
Speaker 2: We are the luckiest. So so she has a horror community. Yeah,
and so I did some of that. No, no, no, no, no,
it's oh my god, it's gonna drw me. Her book
is like on my shelf. I can see it. It's fine.
Speaker 1: It's we are the luckiest though, right.
Speaker 2: Wait, yes, but her name is because I just literally
just got an email for this morning because I'm on
her female thing. Now it's gonna bug me. Oh.
Speaker 1: Laura McCowan, Laura McCowan, Laura McKenna, Laura McCallen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
Speaker 2: So I'm just saying it's like it's like it's fine
if people want to hoopoose something they don't know, but
like that's also literally in the book Big Book, right,
it's like contempt prior to investigation, Like you know nothing
about it, but yet you're gonna trash it. And because
you met one person who turned into a crazy person
because they went into meetings or something, like one thing
does not necessarily have to do with the other. And
I don't know, I'm like the alternative was much worse
for me.
Speaker 1: Nobody goes and I've tried to stay.
Speaker 2: Sober without meetings and I was crunchy af like it
was I was not my best self, okay.
Speaker 1: And honestly, like people don't do something as drastic as
sit in a room and go I'm a strangers polick
to a groom full of strangers unless they are done,
unless they feel desperate. I mean that's why we say,
like I wish you desperation. I wish you to get
to a point where, even if it's a high bottom,
even if it's just like like you can not go
to jail. I've never been to jail. I've never had
the threat of having my kids taken away. My husband
didn't leave me. I didn't have any of those things
that people might look at and go but nothing bad
has happened to me. But I felt disgusting, and I
knew for a fact that I would drive drunk again
because I was like, I have proven to myself. At
this point, I was forty two, and I was like,
that's much like you, but in a different way. I
was like, but that's what I do when I when
I drink, I make bad decisions. When I drink, I
think I'm fine, and I think it's fine for me
to drive, even though if I was sober and saw
someone else do that, I'd be like, are you kidding
me right now? Like this person's like so I was like, well,
I know that when I drink that something takes over
my personersonality. Maybe not t Rex, but something happens where
I go. I'm better than you. How dare you question
my drinking Like you're the asshole, not me? Like that
thing happens where I go. No, it's everybody else, woe
is me? Like, and I have to get home, so
of course I'm going to drive because I'm fine. And
then because obviously the last time I drank and drove
was not the only time I've ever driven drunk, obviously
far from it. And also once I had kids, and
once I had three kids, I wasn't going that far
or going out that much. So you know what I mean,
I'm like, at the one opportunity that I have that
I'm somewhere with my kids, I drive drunk, like who
knows what's next for me? And when I woke up
that next day, I felt that incomprehensible demoralization, and then
I knew I was done. So that's why it works,
because you already feel like I need help, I give up, right,
And I think that it's a miracle, no matter no
matter what, like I said, no matter if you've gone, damn.
Speaker 2: Matter how far down the scale we have gone, Yes
we have gone, you know. I mean that's why, like
you know, the Big Book we were talking about, like
it's split up into three sections in the back about
stories of like like they got it in time, or
like they almost didn't get or whatever the three things are.
But it's like I don't want people to have to
go all the way down the ladder that I went right,
And and if somebody wants to just call themselves sober
and not alcoholic, like lots of people, I think one
of the biggest barriers for people to take a look
at their own drinking or to stop for an extended
period of time or forever or forever one day at
a time, it's because they don't want to call themselves
an alcoholic because it has the stigma. Still, I'm like,
that's fine, y'all can call yourself whatever you want, Like,
like it's like substance use disorder. Yeah, yeah, I have
that too, right, it's also called alcoholism. It's like whatever,
I don't care. I'm not in labels. I for myself
call myself an alcoholic. I go to meetings with people
who say my name is Tara and I'm sober. That's fine.
I don't judge you. Like, if you don't want to
use that label, cool, Like is your life better today
because you don't have alcohol in it? Great? But like
don't let that stop you from like like please, for
the love of God, don't let that stop you. Because
it's like there's a saying right like that, I'd rather
spend I'd rather spend my whole life calling myself an
alcoholic than than trying to than than the rest of
my life trying to prove that I'm not. It's exhausting.
I do not miss the mental gymnastics that it took
to like plan my nights out. Who am I going
to drink with? How am I going to pay for it?
When's that going to be? When can I get out
of here to go drink some more? Or I O.
Speaker 1: One thing that helps me to stay sober? And I
you know, I love I love talking about the staying
sober part because a lot of people can get sober,
can quit, right, it's the staying quit that's really hard.
And what one of the things that I do is
I look at how often I've gone back and forth
with sugar, right, So for me, sugar is are real addiction.
And if I have cookies or cake or whatever, I
really can't stop at one piece of cake like or
I can. But it's that moderation, it's the mental gymnastics.
It's the but the cake still in the house, so
like maybe I'll just have like maybe I'll just have
one more bite of a second piece, but I won't
eat the whole second piece. I'm not going to do that,
I'll just have a I'll just have one more bite
because I don't feel full enough yet, right, And then
it's okay, I'm just gonna have the second piece. And
then I have the second piece, and it's like, well,
now you had two pieces of cake being picked, so
what it might as well just eat the rest of
the freaking cake. You know. It's that thinking. Okay, So
what I do is I take that and whenever I go,
you know, it's been sixteen years since I've had a
drink or whatever. My life is so different now, like
I could have if I think maybe I could have
a glass of wine, you know, or if I see
somebody enjoying a glass of wine and I go, I
wouldn't it be nice to just like chill in bed
with my husband and I watching TV and have like
one glass of wine like he has one drink. I
just remind myself, you've never ever, even when you have
had one glass of wine, you aren't happy because this
is what your brain does. And I go, I have
more recent examples of how I eat sweets, and I go,
this is what how you do substances. Why do you
think it's suddenly going to be different with alcohol, like
why do you think your brain will revert from being
that person? And I go, yeah, you're right. I can't
eat candy. I can't eat one piece of candy, so
I won't be able to have half a glass of
wine or one glass of wine. And even if I can,
it'll be hard and I'll be overthinking it and I'll
be like white knuckling it and I'll be like, nope,
you already had a glass of wine. If you break
that and you have two, then I'm gonna be You're
gonna be worried about your you know who wants to
get back into all that When I could just be
like I'll just not have it.
Speaker 2: It's exact. It's so so so exhausting, and I you know,
I when I was in my relapse mode, where like
I'd like have a week, two weeks, three weeks, I
would like lie about my time. I mean, I accepted
chips when I didn't have the time. That was because
I was just so sick of my own shit. But
I like like the more time I got, and the
more time I got, I'm like, oh my god, this
is how many more people I'd have to be accountable too,
as well, so like that was that was a big
part of it for me, Like I would say, like
the mental obsession was lifted like fairly early, and for me,
it wasn't like a physical addiction. And that's one of
the other reasons that kept me coming out or coming
back to the rooms too, because I'm like, I'm like,
I don't drink every day, Like I can't be an alcoholic.
I don't drink every day, Like there are also people who
can have a glass of wine every day or something
to drink every day and not at all being an alcoholic. Right,
it's like what happens to you or you could you
could drink four times a year and absolutely being an alcoholic.
If it's like the reasons that you drink, right, it's
like if you're drinking to get drunk, you're drinking to
oblivion because you think this is your safe space or
you deserve it, or like if you had my life,
you drink too, Like all these things we tell ourselves,
Like it's like, you know, I don't, I don't. I
don't miss any of that, and and I don't care
if people like think it's weird that I don't drink,
like what but I tried to like try starting dating sober.
I like toyed with like putting it on my profile
or like whatever, and like finally I made a decision
at one point that I'm like, you forced someone goes
on a first day with me, they but they better
know that I'm sober. And then I'm a single mom,
Like I don't want that to be an issue. I
don't want that to come up. I don't want to
be awkward, Like that's just that's who I am, you know.
Speaker 1: So, and then you met a boy, a guy.
Speaker 2: I met a boy, Yeah, a boy.
Speaker 1: And then he accepted you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he rex it's great. He definitely like it's funny,
Like not funny, it's awesome that I have like my
group of college friends who've seen me through it all,
and like we're on like a text chain. It's like
twelve to fifteen girls deep, like and he's just like,
what is this even? And so they'll they'll tell stories
and it's like, yeah, I could see that. I'm cool.
He always says, I'm glad I met you in this chapter, right,
Like he's like, I'm sure you were lots of fun, honey,
but like he's like super glad to have met me
here and like we say, like you know, he's enormy,
like he can take her leave alcohol. He barely drinks,
like and when he has like half a Guinness, I'm like,
why are you not finishing it? What are we doing?
Why are you not ordering another one? Like you're almost done?
Because I'm good? Same, Like what is that? Like that's
how I know too, because it's like it doesn't bother
me when he drinks. Like you know, we got married
in Mexico earlier this year at an all inclusive resort
and I had some friends in sobriety be like, oh
my god, are you gonna let people drink at your wedding?
I'm like, oh, and I don't have a choice because
it's like it's like open season at these places. I'm like,
I got so drunk at all their weddings. It's the
least I could do to put the bell at mine,
like come on, Like, but yeah, he's uh, you know,
I maybe I think he's seen flashes of t REX
when I get like mad, you know, or just like
when I was on like hormones for the IVF and stuff,
like the nurse one said to us, like you might
be a little spicy when you take these and and
I was like, what She's like, you know what I mean.
He's like, oh, I know what you mean. So whenever
I got like that was like, oh spicy, Mama's coming.
But so that that's a little cuter than t Rex.
And you know, I always remember what happened the next day.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and you have a baby, no, and you
got to experience like new motherhood sober, like you get
and I's present at all.
Speaker 2: It's fun. And you know, I got sober when my
son was seven and he so for one month only, Stephanie,
I have a seventeen month old and a seventeen year
old because he just turned seventeen last week and so
and she just turned seventeen months. So you know, I
when people, like when people get sober, they're like, what
do you hope for your life or whatever? Like you're
talking to your sponsor, and I'm like, oh, I hope
I don't get fired, Like I hope I don't lose
custining my son. This wasn't like I've never had a
vision board in my life, but this was this would
not have been on my vision board to like get married,
have a baby, at forty four, Like no, like I
just so It's like I couldn't dream big enough, Like
I couldn't dream big enough of the life I have now.
I tripled my salary in the first three years because
they say, like, oh, alcoholics have like a higher than
an average earning potential. It's like, yeah, when you put
the shit away and you focus on your career and
you get stuff done, you know, the sky's the limit.
Really so so my courr took off.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: We moved to California when I was eighteen months sober,
and my son's father moved here too. When we moved
here together separately, we both transferred with our jobs at
the time, he lived five blocks away with his partner.
You know, we got to have them over to celebrate
my son's birthday last week and got takeout and played
board games, and you know, it's such a different like
it's like this is definitely the easier, softer way. It's
you know, as much as like there was ups and
downs with fertility and in things like our personal life,
Like none of the problems I have today I would
ever trade for the problems I had before. Like you know,
I was just I just put this on like you know,
social media whatever I was saying, like there's a trend
right now that's like I like, I'm not sorry. I
and then it's like all these things. It's like, I'm
not sorry. I have like the highest credit score I've
ever had in my life, Like I'm not you know,
like I've made all the amends financial and otherwise, you know.
And so it's just it's just I feel like I
can breathe whenever I wake up and don't take a drink.
Like I just feel like any problem I have is
definitely solvable. It's never gonna be as bad as it was.
Speaker 1: So where are you posting all this fabulous sober content
to sort of find you? Where we can read your
sub stack?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I have. I'll put it in the in
I'm sure you'll put it in the links here. But
my substack is at recovering from something. Also that's my Instagram.
But my my TikTok, which I just started like last week,
and I am this is a hilarious experience for me.
I think I'm too old for TikTok. I don't know
what's happ happening, but it's at Tara Underscore a and
Underscore seven nine. But like my name on there is
Tara so Cal sober mom.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I'll put all these links in the descriptions.
So yeah, So.
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to like I and you know, on
the side, I'm trying to build like a public speaking career,
like just like as a side hustle, Like I want
to go to corporations and talk about like you know,
how to support sober employees and like that all events
don't have to be focused and centered around drinking, right,
Like it's like our reward in society. We do it
when we're happy, we do it when we're sad, we
do it after funerals and weddings, and like it just
doesn't have to be And even if even if you're
not a sober person, like if you have to speak
on stage because you're at a conference and you just
want an option for a mocktail, Like why is it
just sprite? Why is it like oh, you get your
drink coupon and it's like you can have a dia cooke,
like make something fun for people, Like it doesn't have
to be like all alcoholic. You know, it's say corporations
just don't like I'll do a jobble. I'm sending you
a bottle of wine. Please don't, I would. I will
absolutely take a coffee being gift card you know, like yes,
all good thoughts.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much everybody. What a great conversation, so fun.
And you and I will talk soon, and I will
talk to everybody else. Thank you, thank you worked out.
Speaker 2: Bye, honey, Lie