Speaker 1: Welcome to men, Sex and Tantra.
Speaker 2: Discover where your parents porn in religion never taught you
Speaker 2: about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready
Speaker 2: to have your mind blown and your world rocked. Okay,
Speaker 2: we are back for another episode of Live Coaching, and
Speaker 2: Robert has come back. He did not run away, He
Speaker 2: did not run streaming since the last.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I must say today I'm a bit
Speaker 1: more anxious about the all scenario, more like what am
Speaker 1: I doing? But I'm here? Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's showed up, he's like on there, And it
Speaker 2: does that anxiety because, uh, you know more of what
Speaker 2: you're in for, or you're worried about what questions am
Speaker 2: I ask? Or why do you think you why do
Speaker 2: you feel more anxious?
Speaker 1: All right, Yeah, it's nothing to do with what you
Speaker 1: might bring up. We'll talk about. It's just more about
Speaker 1: I think the public spotlight kind of side of it.
Speaker 1: When I saw the episode release this morning, well this
Speaker 1: morning for me with my name on it?
Speaker 2: You want me to take your name off?
Speaker 1: No, No, it's fine, I don't leave it there. That's
Speaker 1: completely fine. It was just a bit more real, I suppose. Sorry, Tanya,
Speaker 1: I'm actually just gonna pop my headphones in if that's okay,
Speaker 1: because well, you can't hear the rain. I can't hear
Speaker 1: you very well because of the rain. So got it,
Speaker 1: got it.
Speaker 2: Robert is currently sitting in his car in the rain
Speaker 2: and putting on his headphone.
Speaker 1: So he can be pressed, so I can perfect right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, there's nothing like yeah in an abstract
Speaker 2: All of a sudden, it's like wait, wow, And how
Speaker 2: many people over the world listened to yeah?
Speaker 1: All over just all over the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just all over the world.
Speaker 1: But no, I'm good, I'm good. I'm ready.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, So what has been going on since
Speaker 2: last time? What any revelations, any changes, like any insights
Speaker 2: like catch us up?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, the main thing that you left me with
Speaker 1: was about leaning in. Yeah, and I apologies. I'm a
Speaker 1: little bit adhd as well, So when there's other sounds
Speaker 1: going on, I get a little bit distracted. The rain
Speaker 1: is like my brain's just like.
Speaker 2: Rain, right, like yes, question, rain, question rain.
Speaker 1: So the leaning in thing you said to try to
Speaker 1: practice leaning in, Yeah, and it's going to look at
Speaker 1: ways that I could do that. And I sort of
Speaker 1: sat with that for a day or two but then
Speaker 1: I kind of remembered the other thing that you said,
Speaker 1: which was that I already am leaning you in certain ways. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that that really made a lot of sense to me,
Speaker 1: and I was I guess that was a really big
Speaker 1: realization and something that was quite like helpful and positive
Speaker 1: for me was to recognize, Wow, actually, no, I really
Speaker 1: do lean in. In fact, I lean in really aggressively,
Speaker 1: just in certain like sort of a little too much,
Speaker 1: but just in certain sort of ways, like in certain
Speaker 1: areas of my life. So that was kind of nice.
Speaker 1: It was nice and validating. I think it kind of
Speaker 1: got me to focus on leaning and even more in
Speaker 1: that way and kind of kind of like turn my
Speaker 1: energy towards that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So yeah, because you but you said something like, oh,
Speaker 2: sometimes too much, like leaning in too much? But is
Speaker 2: there such a thing as leaning in too much?
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I don't think so well, uncomfortable for some people. I mean,
Speaker 2: just because else is uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you're leaning
Speaker 2: in too much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like all day every day, particularly because
Speaker 1: I've got a therapist to see regularly. I do like
Speaker 1: meditation and I'm like quite so, trying really hard to
Speaker 1: go down the spiritual path, and that to me is
Speaker 1: about truth and I think that's where I really try
Speaker 1: to lean in, to lean into what's real, and lean
Speaker 1: into my vulnerabilities and really challenge myself and put myself
Speaker 1: on my own edges all the time. But that isn't
Speaker 1: necessarily about relationships. It's just about me and life and
Speaker 1: my relationship with life itself. But when I guess too
Speaker 1: much will probably just be sometimes I think the intensity
Speaker 1: of that kind of it be quite confronting, or bubbles
Speaker 1: a little bit. Mm hmm, would be kind of like
Speaker 1: an habitual sort of bubble burst.
Speaker 2: I don't know anything about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll just leave with that. Well.
Speaker 2: I mean, when it comes to relationships, whether it's friendships
Speaker 2: or partnerships, romance, you have to lean into what it
Speaker 2: is you are. I mean, the average couple takes seven
Speaker 2: years to get really real, seven years to totally reveal
Speaker 2: the stuff. Yeah, that is flat out ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Which I guess just feels like a weird game to me,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not really interested.
Speaker 2: In that, right, But why do people do that?
Speaker 1: I mean obviously it Yeah, everything.
Speaker 2: It's either fear or not so there's only two things,
Speaker 2: scared or not scared. That's pretty soon.
Speaker 1: When you ask me that, I mean, obviously straight out
Speaker 1: I was like it, but then I was trying to
Speaker 1: think of I'm more complicated. Yeah, I mean everything boils
Speaker 1: down vulnerable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, everything boils down to what are you scared of?
Speaker 2: Or you know that type of thing. And I told
Speaker 2: you before we got recorded, I'm in a new relationship,
Speaker 2: and so it's been interesting for me because it's been
Speaker 2: eight years I've been turning people down and not getting involved,
Speaker 2: and it's interesting to me to figure out who am
Speaker 2: I now in relationship because it's been long enough, I
Speaker 2: can't say I am who I was. So I'm actually like,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm seventeen. It's been eight years of celibacy,
Speaker 2: eight years of not dating anybody or whatever, and I
Speaker 2: feel like, Wow, there are some places I'm really freaking
Speaker 2: like shy and scared and weird, and it feels really
Speaker 2: strange because I'm sixty three. I'm really damn experienced. Yes,
Speaker 2: for those of you who think women are sluts, I
Speaker 2: would be one of those. I've had a lot of sex,
Speaker 2: I mean a lot of a lot of sex, Okay,
Speaker 2: say that again. Yeah, right, and so sex, yeah, a
Speaker 2: lot of sex exactly. And so it seems really strange
Speaker 2: to me that in this new experience time passing, I
Speaker 2: don't really know who I am. And I think if
Speaker 2: we showed up present to each version of who we
Speaker 2: are now, yeah, we'd stand better chances.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that was the other aspect of why
Speaker 1: people don't time reveal themselves, probably don't know themselves or
Speaker 1: not to be able to do that. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's not just about revealing yourself to someone else, but
Speaker 1: else revealing yourself to yourself absolutely. Yeah, together allow these
Speaker 1: pots to come out. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know myself really really damn well. I
Speaker 2: mean that's the one thing I do. But I don't
Speaker 2: know myself now in the dynamic of.
Speaker 1: Changes.
Speaker 2: So when we go to heal, we can heal on
Speaker 2: our own. But then once there's a dynamic happening now
Speaker 2: we uncover all the other places.
Speaker 1: Sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, when last we left, there was the X
Speaker 2: what's yeah, that's transpired in the last couple of so.
Speaker 1: Much was transpired, but actually, uh, it was all around.
Speaker 1: I mean I'd like this whole this whole thing is
Speaker 1: exactly what I've been trying to work on, yeah, throughout
Speaker 1: four years with my therapist, which is just about trying
Speaker 1: to have an appreciation who I am, trying to sit
Speaker 1: in that truth and doing it with an open heart
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So yeah, what's transferred with that is I ended up
Speaker 1: having a couple of further conversations with her and was
Speaker 1: able to sit in that place of book like this
Speaker 1: is who I am, these are my means, I'm open
Speaker 1: and we just didn't we just missed each other massive, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then the decision was that that was that was it.
Speaker 1: It's been it's a lot been a lot more messy
Speaker 1: of the process than that. But that certainly was a
Speaker 1: big thing for me. I guess speaking about my experience
Speaker 1: was like my capacity to sit in myself and my
Speaker 1: means without thinking that I'm wrong. Yeah, but also also
Speaker 1: with an open heart as well. So yeah, that was
Speaker 1: a good step and that shifted something in me and
Speaker 1: now I feel more comfortable with the idea of moving
Speaker 1: on and letting go. Yeah. But yeah, certainly everything that
Speaker 1: we spoke about last time about, uh, I guess the
Speaker 1: toxicity of the dynamic, Yeah, it was was helpful to
Speaker 1: remind me that that was also a real part of it. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: it was a it was a massive part of it.
Speaker 1: And as I've just been living off this fantasy about,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe it'd be different or better, the last
Speaker 1: conversation revealed that that dynamic just is, you know, just
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how much and you know, vulnerable and
Speaker 1: realne It's.
Speaker 2: Well, you said something that I think is really important
Speaker 2: to clarify is that, you know, open heart is really
Speaker 2: important to you, Like you say it a lot, that's
Speaker 2: clearly important to you. But an open heart does not
Speaker 2: mean accept all the crap that somebody is giving you.
Speaker 2: It does not, right not mean put your comp passion
Speaker 2: for them over your compassion for yourself exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's the true open diving trying
Speaker 1: to accomplish is not just opening to them, but as well,
Speaker 1: it's the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and it should be open heart to you
Speaker 2: first and then to somebody else.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, in this relationship that I'm having, he's having to
Speaker 2: make these big decisions about a job that he wants
Speaker 2: to take, and what I started to feel see him
Speaker 2: kind of spin up with this idea of urgency, and
Speaker 2: I realized because he is not just a he's not
Speaker 2: just thinking about himself. He's thinking about me, he's thinking
Speaker 2: about his mentor, he's thinking about other people. So he
Speaker 2: has this whole group he's thinking and contemplating of not
Speaker 2: letting anybody down, not disappointing anybody, making sure he doesn't
Speaker 2: over promise. And that was causing this urgency. And so
Speaker 2: I basically said, you know what, nobody to consider a
Speaker 2: but you, I and everybody else comes after you sit
Speaker 2: in your personal container of decision making. Yeah, your truth first,
Speaker 2: then you can see how it fits with other people.
Speaker 1: Which is better for them as well.
Speaker 2: Right, that's better for everybody, of course.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am. I think that that's this is that's
Speaker 1: the phase of my life. I trying to which I've
Speaker 1: never really done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well if you can't, it's like if people can't
Speaker 2: remember this, it's really easy. Put your own oscars and
Speaker 2: mask on first, Yeah, right, because you're no good to
Speaker 2: anybody when you're bleeding out, Yeah, trying to save somebody's life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but we do it all the time, especially if your
Speaker 2: sense of openhearted, you're caring. Then you think that that
Speaker 2: but what that translates to is a victim and a martyr.
Speaker 1: As in I'm the victim and mutter or yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: That's not it's not pretty. Yeah, you end up as
Speaker 2: a victim, and then you can end up as a
Speaker 2: martyr like I'm just gonna sacrifice myself here for the better.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know those vibes. Yeah, yeah, So I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like I'm in an opportunity now in
Speaker 1: my life where I can I can do the thing
Speaker 1: about it's myself, it's my truth and starting with me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I suppose those are the things that I'd really
Speaker 1: love to open up with you, Yeah, just about like
Speaker 1: how how can I do that when there's so many
Speaker 1: things that want to pull me away, for example, sexual
Speaker 1: desire and emotional yearning and leads, intimacy and all these
Speaker 1: sorts of things that and I guess spose shameles part
Speaker 1: of that, the things that make me feel like, at
Speaker 1: subtle levels, I want to sacrifice who I am or
Speaker 1: my truth or truth the situation so I can get
Speaker 1: those things. Yeah. Yeah, And that's always been my pattern,
Speaker 1: which has led me to not be able to actually
Speaker 1: see in my own yeah truth in my own pot
Speaker 1: which I just can't dance to do anymore. It's you know,
Speaker 1: it's fox me up so much when I do.
Speaker 2: So most of what I do, my all my coaching
Speaker 2: centers around practices that I teach people to be able
Speaker 2: to be their own lover, best lover, their own best, confident,
Speaker 2: their own best, filler of whatever is empty in them,
Speaker 2: and somatically be able to really exist solo if needed.
Speaker 2: I mean, eight years of Selvis did not mean I
Speaker 2: didn't have a sex life. I have a great size
Speaker 2: life with myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's like that, you know that. And
Speaker 2: there's these you know, cut of like skin every wake
Speaker 2: up every morning. And the first thing I do other
Speaker 2: than gratitude for being alive, is a self pleasuring technique
Speaker 2: which isn't about masturbation. It's about touching my entire body
Speaker 2: in reverence, right, because my subconscious mind and my nervous
Speaker 2: system doesn't know. If I treat it like my body's
Speaker 2: sacred and I'm enjoying the touch, both from the hand
Speaker 2: touching and the skin being touched, then basically I'm filling
Speaker 2: up those chemistry, that neurochemistry that needs touch, right. And
Speaker 2: then from there it's like, yeah, do you run your
Speaker 2: own sexual arousal if being aroused is frustrating. Then you
Speaker 2: need to build your capacity for pleasure. If your heart
Speaker 2: is lonely and yearning and empty. The worst time we
Speaker 2: ever make relationship decisions is when we're empty. We're just like, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was on a call coaching call with a client
Speaker 2: today and he was he just this woman and they
Speaker 2: spent an amazing, like whole day together, like from the
Speaker 2: eighty eight a m. In the morning until ten thirty
Speaker 2: at night. The first date was like extraordinary. They just
Speaker 2: you know, made out and stuff. He had already put
Speaker 2: in the not going to have sex on the on
Speaker 2: the first date. That's one of the things I was
Speaker 2: telling everybody, don't do that. So but chemistry dope. I mean, woo,
Speaker 2: everything's great, hot, blah blah blah. And you got on
Speaker 2: a call with me. The first thing I said was
Speaker 2: you should have cut that date short. And he goes,
Speaker 2: what do you mean? And I said, you guys, you
Speaker 2: built this whole chemical dopamine soup the least no critical
Speaker 2: thinking behind, and all you're thinking about is making heavy
Speaker 2: sex again or that. So he had planned this big
Speaker 2: long sex date for this weekend and I'm like no,
Speaker 2: because he said to me she filled me up, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, danger zone.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So when you're thinking yeah, yeah, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: on these edges now, I think what's what's happening for
Speaker 1: me is the pain of me not being able to
Speaker 1: embrace myself for love myself is starting to get more painful. Then,
Speaker 1: I guess being alone or you know, that seems there's
Speaker 1: always for me. There's always been like a compromise between
Speaker 1: like self sacrificing myself and my truth so I can
Speaker 1: get external love, yes, but then I lose it internally yes,
Speaker 1: ah yeah, anyway, So I'm just with the pain of that,
Speaker 1: the pain of not being able to embrace myself, feeling
Speaker 1: like lack of integrity or lack of connectiveness myself. It's
Speaker 1: killing me, Yeah, killing you know. And I don't want
Speaker 1: it to be one or the other. Ye know. There's
Speaker 1: a belief, there's a belief that if I, if I
Speaker 1: select yourself, I will be lonely.
Speaker 2: Well, I was going to say, I noticed that you
Speaker 2: had an either or instead of an and both.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I mean that's the story that I'm battling
Speaker 1: you because there's the cool belief that's to select myself
Speaker 1: to be myself or whatever innately will push away. It's
Speaker 1: not what people want or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know, have you ever tested that theory?
Speaker 1: Not, so you have no data totally, I mean not
Speaker 1: in like a real way, you know. And truth is
Speaker 1: a difficult, complicated, deep thing. I mean like it's just
Speaker 1: been a process of learning. What is my truth? Which
Speaker 1: is such a thing, such a fire out question?
Speaker 2: For truth is a logical Truth is a logic concept.
Speaker 2: And the worst part of ever learning about ourselves is
Speaker 2: our brain. So I'll take you right now. Knowledge is
Speaker 2: in the head, mastery is in the being. You will
Speaker 2: never find your truth in your head.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So the first thing is that we get out of
Speaker 2: our heads and we stop asking questions from our head.
Speaker 2: We ask questions from our body. What does our body
Speaker 2: feel like? How do you feel when you're lonely? Where
Speaker 2: does it hurt? Where does it ache? Where do you
Speaker 2: have sensations in your body? Yeah, he's pointing to the
Speaker 2: middle of his chest. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, exactly. So then
Speaker 2: how do you feel that without somebody else? You take
Speaker 2: a breath, you put your hands over that area, and
Speaker 2: you literally breathe into your hands and you expand. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you inhale, and you exhale and you feel the expansion
Speaker 2: of that ache, so that you're pushing against the ache
Speaker 2: that physically feel like it's squeezing. That's what an ake
Speaker 2: usually feels like, and you're expanding it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, So when you identify where in your body you
Speaker 2: feel lonely, desperate, sad and incomplete anywhere in your body,
Speaker 2: and then you put your hands to that space and
Speaker 2: you bring expansion to that space, you're filling it up,
Speaker 2: and we're both doing the exercise together. For those of
Speaker 2: you who are listening, you know, I like that.
Speaker 1: Past that voice that believes that that's not real, it's not.
Speaker 2: Well, I simply by simply doing the thing and finding
Speaker 2: out the data works, just the practice, right, So I
Speaker 2: teach these things called the practice. I have a book
Speaker 2: about healing unresolved trauma, right, heal unresolved, Yeah, exactly. And
Speaker 2: in the book, I've got these some of these practices
Speaker 2: that are safe for everybody if they're not coaching with
Speaker 2: me one on one, they're safe to do on your own.
Speaker 2: And what I say is basically, you just have to
Speaker 2: do them. And when you do them, your body everything
Speaker 2: starts changing and your brain will go oh well, clearly
Speaker 2: this works because you know, I mean, yeah, I can't,
Speaker 2: because I can't convince your something works until you have data,
Speaker 2: and you can't data until you do it.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. I've actually started one of the practices
Speaker 1: I overheard in one of the episodes. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: one way where I place my hand on my heart
Speaker 1: and one of my.
Speaker 2: Kennedy Yeah, so the static hold.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. So I've experimented a little bit with the
Speaker 1: self pleasuring thing, and that actually has been really interesting
Speaker 1: and profound, honestly, yeah, profound and actually yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: the biggest profound part is just how nice it felt.
Speaker 1: So I'm yeah, I said that. I actually, if you're interested,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to share last night. Maybe I want
Speaker 1: to share the details, but just what happens, Yeah, please do.
Speaker 1: I just noticed that as I did the exercise, how often,
Speaker 1: you know, my issue in the past has been like
Speaker 1: addiction to torn and things like that, which I know
Speaker 1: is very common with men. So like a lot of
Speaker 1: my sexualities trained into external, predectable fantasies. I just noticed
Speaker 1: like almost like appealing back of layers last night, where
Speaker 1: I was taken back into my childhood experience of sexuality
Speaker 1: and it's a little bit vulnerable so much for as
Speaker 1: a lot of we traumas and stuff like that, but
Speaker 1: it was interesting to notice how like it was like
Speaker 1: a lay is being feeled back, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden something that I having having thought about the
Speaker 1: views as it has a tunneler as a fantasy, suddenly
Speaker 1: came out really strongly and I immediately died in right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And then I had to catch for myself and be like,
Speaker 1: hang on, Robert, like this is actually interesting, like what's
Speaker 1: happening here?
Speaker 2: Like why is this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm not sure if that's something to be expected,
Speaker 1: but it seems to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well what happens is as that. But I loved
Speaker 2: how you explain that. So you're doing this self pleasuring
Speaker 2: technique and things feel like they're peeling back, and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, probably right as you're about to get
Speaker 2: like more vulnerable, your brain takes over and says, here's
Speaker 2: something to focus on, So shift your awareness out of
Speaker 2: your body where things could be getting really uncomfortable and
Speaker 2: real and off to projection. Yeah, that is common in
Speaker 2: sexual trauma. That will distract ourselves right from what's actually
Speaker 2: happening in our body. With a projection.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so revisiting that, like just staying present with that
Speaker 2: if it comes up, and bringing yourself back saying okay,
Speaker 2: I went there. Now let me just bring myself back
Speaker 2: to presence, because the whole thing about self pleasuring is
Speaker 2: to stay in the sensation your body is having and
Speaker 2: not where your mind wants to.
Speaker 1: Take you, right, Yeah, and even.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah, for some guys that are like,
Speaker 2: this is boring. This is what I hear from I'm bored.
Speaker 2: I'm bored. I'm bored. Why am myself clearing I'm bored.
Speaker 2: I'm bored, And it's like, yeah, you're bored because you're
Speaker 2: used to externalizing and outsourcing all your sexual arousal.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that that actually being outsourcing outsourcing my sexual arousal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was actually what got me to do this. Is
Speaker 1: that brains. I thought that was really really interesting. Trains.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, outsourcing. Yeah, I mean that that applies like
Speaker 1: to everything, outsourcing everything, like my emotional needs by physical needs,
Speaker 1: by sexual needs.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, And so one of the most powerful things
Speaker 2: we do is in source. And that doesn't mean like
Speaker 2: you know, people say, well, but men are visual, how
Speaker 2: am I gonna I'm seeing you know, sexy women are
Speaker 2: seeing sexy people around, and it's like yeah, okay, and
Speaker 2: if you can't be excited, if you're not aroused and
Speaker 2: excited just on your own, Like, how sad is that
Speaker 2: that you literally have to outsource, that you have to
Speaker 2: bring in outer thing to actually have any arousal in
Speaker 2: your own body.
Speaker 1: Finally, it's just something not what you're trying to.
Speaker 2: Right opposite, Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, well you know it's like,
Speaker 2: can you wake up and just be aroused? Okay, so
Speaker 2: testosterone rises. Most men who are healthy have morning erections,
Speaker 2: but you can have an erection without being aroused. That's
Speaker 2: the other thing. There are plenty of men who are
Speaker 2: watching porn or doing other things and having ejaculations and
Speaker 2: their arousal level is literally a three out of infinity.
Speaker 2: Like they don't even understand what actual like a great
Speaker 2: orgasm is. They're like no, no, no, no, no, you know,
Speaker 2: I mean it's like thirty maybe not even thirty seconds. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, pigs have thirty minute orgasms. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: pigs have thirty minutes of pleasured orgasm. Men have like
Speaker 2: three to five seconds, maybe fifteen right where you learn
Speaker 2: to separate orgasm and ejaculation, you can have hours.
Speaker 1: Yeah I can't. I mean, I can't begin to imagine that.
Speaker 1: It seems it seems like a kind of like thing
Speaker 1: that you hear about like doing, but like it's not
Speaker 1: an actually.
Speaker 2: Except except that almost every man before he hit puberty
Speaker 2: who actually masturbated had orgasms without ejaculation because ejaculation didn't
Speaker 2: happen until puberty. And then there's that moment well what's this?
Speaker 1: Yeah totally. And then right just as you say, these
Speaker 1: things are just like having memories of my history, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, how much do I share here? What you want? Sure? Well, okay,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to carry on with that exercise and
Speaker 1: the hot thing. Hot God guide me here, by the way,
Speaker 1: I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, well you said something about, you know, in
Speaker 2: our earlier thing like shame. So one of the things
Speaker 2: you've brought up several times is this idea of shame,
Speaker 2: And is that shame around body sexuality? What?
Speaker 1: What? What is it? Yeah, it's a bit of a
Speaker 1: shame or a feeling about inadequacy or on wordingness around
Speaker 1: my sexuality. Okay, Like I don't have I didn't have
Speaker 1: the riot or something like that.
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you, Yeah, I was going
Speaker 2: to ask you if that was There's a lot of
Speaker 2: really good men that I know, really heart centered, good
Speaker 2: men who struggle with their sexual arousal, sexual desires.
Speaker 1: All yeah, like yeah, sorry, innately that it's like it's
Speaker 1: wrong for me to be in my masculine or in
Speaker 1: my sexual being around women, Like there's a kind of
Speaker 1: a very childhood protection like I'm just a boy. I'm
Speaker 1: just a boy and these women and how dare I
Speaker 1: or something like that.
Speaker 2: So have you ever felt like you know you're a predator?
Speaker 2: Do you not trust yourself sexually?
Speaker 1: No? I don't feel like I'm a predator, but I think,
Speaker 1: h I think of the past, like I've got in
Speaker 1: the feedback that I can come across a creepy sometimes creepy.
Speaker 2: Oh please give me an example.
Speaker 1: Just I've been told that my energy made people uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: So okay, all right, so well let's examine that. Let's
Speaker 2: examine this.
Speaker 1: So yeah, anxiety, I mean, that's that's very vulnerable.
Speaker 2: Yes, and thank you for sharing, because you're there are
Speaker 2: there are hundreds of men listening to this who just
Speaker 2: went wow, that's how I feel. Yeah, that's what I've
Speaker 2: been told, and I can tell you that if you
Speaker 2: have anxiety, when you have arousal, or you have anxiety
Speaker 2: when you're in trusted in somebody, that is going to
Speaker 2: make you creepy.
Speaker 1: Which is a shame because it's I'm just anxious.
Speaker 2: I'm not right, right, I don't see's creepy as all.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not sure, but but I know what's
Speaker 2: happening is if you're anxious, then so women women sense
Speaker 2: energy fast because it's like I said this before. You
Speaker 2: are a good looking man. You are on the upper
Speaker 2: scale of good looking. So it's yeah, well, I mean
Speaker 2: that's just factual. So it's not that it's not that
Speaker 2: you look creepy or there's something that. But if you
Speaker 2: approach somebody or you see somebody and you feel you said, shame,
Speaker 2: like you have shame around your sexuality. Right, you drop
Speaker 2: into that little boy who's maybe nervous, You're right, that's
Speaker 2: going to give that vibe out. The woman's going to
Speaker 2: be like, I don't know what's up here, but it
Speaker 2: doesn't feel safe. Yeah, because you're self aware. I can't
Speaker 2: imagine you're walking up to some woman that you're acted
Speaker 2: to say ooh, I want to lick your toes or
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: I would never say that. Of late, my shame. I
Speaker 1: mean they used to be more confident approaching women, but
Speaker 1: of late, my kind of my feeling is just avoiding
Speaker 1: it entirely.
Speaker 2: Well, when you approach women, how did you do it?
Speaker 2: What would you say?
Speaker 1: I mean, this was obviously I would just be straight up.
Speaker 1: I mean I read a book that encouraged you to
Speaker 1: just be.
Speaker 2: H, just go home and bang.
Speaker 1: I mean what I mean, like no, no, I would
Speaker 1: just be like hi, like my name's Robe. I just
Speaker 1: think they're attractive and wanted to say hi to you, basically.
Speaker 1: You know. It's it's interesting because I've actually had a
Speaker 1: lot of sexual experience. I've had a lot of been
Speaker 1: I've been received by a lot of women, but there's
Speaker 1: just still like a feeling in my heart. And even
Speaker 1: even when I've had sexual experiences, I can't I mean
Speaker 1: it's not I can't or I never have, but I
Speaker 1: often feel like I can't drop into my masculine because
Speaker 1: there's a part of me telling me that it's not
Speaker 1: appropriate or not right to do so, Like there's a
Speaker 1: barrier of something that's always pushing back against me that
Speaker 1: I it's not right, I'm doing something wrong. I actually
Speaker 1: a man in the scenario.
Speaker 2: Somebody told you that when you were young, this is
Speaker 2: this is part of the sexual abuse experience. Somebody in
Speaker 2: your life didn't like men and had some bad thing happened,
Speaker 2: and this is their story in.
Speaker 1: My yours well at risk you a complicated session. I
Speaker 1: think one thing is that when I was younger, singing
Speaker 1: in the kid I was very very short. I'm very
Speaker 1: tall now, yeah, speaking, I'm like six two, I think
Speaker 1: an American. But I was very sure, very very skinny,
Speaker 1: and looked very young compared to my kes. So I
Speaker 1: think I was like one aspect where I was treated
Speaker 1: kind of that way by my female fears. So I
Speaker 1: think that's left the big imprint on them. But my childhood,
Speaker 1: my parents got divorced because my dad achieved on my
Speaker 1: mom quite a bit, and after the fact she became
Speaker 1: very like yeah and just very I'm not sure of
Speaker 1: produces a word, but just completely rejecting of all that stuff,
Speaker 1: like really put away. But on my dad's side, there
Speaker 1: was a lot of sexual hic I suppose, like a
Speaker 1: lot of hypersexuality and a lot of like embarrassing ship
Speaker 1: where it would be like you're in the shower, did
Speaker 1: you did you masturbate like while you're in the shower?
Speaker 1: Yeahpate like laughing, yeah, and like nakedness and to sing
Speaker 1: in front of me and stuff like shit like that
Speaker 1: and laughing at me because he masturbated in the shower.
Speaker 1: So yeah, like these things have certainly, so you were.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were shamed. So you have the feminine men
Speaker 2: are bad and nasty and horrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ever, and.
Speaker 2: Then you had the masculine example of what you never
Speaker 2: want to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, and then my step mom laughing at me.
Speaker 2: Okay, so then you have no safe place that your
Speaker 2: masculinity or sexuality is welcomed or told, is natural or
Speaker 2: guided in any way that was healthy.
Speaker 1: Correct.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so this is what.
Speaker 1: You know as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. And yeah, enter porn at young age and
Speaker 2: so hypersexuality, sexual shame, sexual rejection. When when a mother
Speaker 2: is has been wounded by a man, she wants to
Speaker 2: keep her sons as boys. Yeah, right, because they're dangerous
Speaker 2: when they're men in her viewpoints. So that's the projection
Speaker 2: and story you get as a man. You're dangerous. Look
Speaker 2: at who your dad is. You'll become him if you
Speaker 2: step into your sexuality. This is your child mind that
Speaker 2: I'm talking about right here. Men are bad, men are
Speaker 2: dangerous men her women, your dad's like, if you step
Speaker 2: into sexuality, you become that person. Embarrassing, shameful. Uh you
Speaker 2: know that, and you're going to get laughed at by
Speaker 2: other women anyway. So I mean that's all you need
Speaker 2: right there for a perfect recipe to go. I'm confused
Speaker 2: as fuck about who them throw some porn on there,
Speaker 2: and I'm surprised you're.
Speaker 1: You said.
Speaker 2: You're having sex at all. I'm surprised we didn't become.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thankfully it's not my whole story. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm there's other qualities that really strong
Speaker 1: in me, like my heart and my awareness, and like
Speaker 1: I can kind of get around these patterns, but there Yeah,
Speaker 1: as we say this, as we speak about it, so otaenly,
Speaker 1: like I feel so much pain and sadness and like
Speaker 1: kind of grossness in my being, you know, and I
Speaker 1: really want to learn how to. I mean really I
Speaker 1: want to be alone primarily because I want to feel
Speaker 1: this feeling, you know, this feeling and in relationship it
Speaker 1: just feels like kind of reinforces increases weird negative big facts,
Speaker 1: you know, like mirroring of this ship. And I just
Speaker 1: want to lend myself with this feeling and that's what
Speaker 1: you and you.
Speaker 2: Need to do that because the ick or creepy vibe
Speaker 2: is all accumulation of all those stories energetically living in you.
Speaker 1: And I can't. I've tried in the past to kind
Speaker 1: of like and pretend like those aren't there, like like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like women women's feel it. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like in my energetic.
Speaker 2: From your head. Yeah, you're not gonna fix from your head.
Speaker 1: I guess it's like it's in like my aura or
Speaker 1: something like, it's.
Speaker 2: In your nervous system, it's in yourself, in your somatic body.
Speaker 2: And then there's the lack of trust. Remember I asked you,
Speaker 2: do you trust yourself?
Speaker 1: I said, do you know? I don't. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't trust myself. I said that the other day to
Speaker 1: my therapist. I was in I was in Pilate's and
Speaker 1: I was like, because I've started on plates, I have
Speaker 1: my kids and I spend the whole time to being
Speaker 1: like to look at their asses and then and I
Speaker 1: don't and then I do, and then what I said
Speaker 1: to my therapist, it makes me feel like I can't
Speaker 1: trust myself, you know, which makes me cool terrible about myself,
Speaker 1: Like I can't even trust myself, that I can't go
Speaker 1: into an environment and just act with integrity, like respect
Speaker 1: for myself, these people and anyway. Yeah, I want to
Speaker 1: be able to trust myself. Yeah, I'm not battling with
Speaker 1: these Yeah.
Speaker 2: So what I what I tell people is this, First
Speaker 2: of all, very few people trust themselves. Most people think
Speaker 2: they do, but they don't because we lie to ourselves
Speaker 2: hundreds of times a day. That's what we do. That
Speaker 2: is a normal course of action, and until you learn
Speaker 2: how not to do that. We don't love liars. We're
Speaker 2: told by our whole society liars are bad. You don't
Speaker 2: respect them, you don't like them, you don't trust them.
Speaker 2: And yet we're lying to ourselves and we know we're lying.
Speaker 2: For instance, I'm gonna get up at six am in
Speaker 2: the morning. Maybe some people say that, right, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go to the gym every day. All the lies you
Speaker 2: tell yourself. I'm gonna not eat sugar, I'm gonna stop
Speaker 2: drinking coffee. I'm gonna not eat the watch the porn.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna not look at their ass whatever it is
Speaker 2: that you're saying, right, and then you disregard it, don't
Speaker 2: do it just really solidifies that we're liars. So how
Speaker 2: we clean that up? And if you're a liar, you
Speaker 2: never are going to trust yourself. That's just not it's
Speaker 2: not You're not capable of trusting a liar. So so
Speaker 2: we work on this by the small commitments of five
Speaker 2: minute practices that you do seven days a week without fail.
Speaker 2: We start really incredibly small to learn how to trust again.
Speaker 2: So it's like, okay, take your self pleasuring practice right
Speaker 2: or the static hold one of the practices, and you
Speaker 2: literally commit to doing it every single day, seven days
Speaker 2: a week for five minutes without fail. Okay, you're going
Speaker 2: to go along.
Speaker 1: That did it.
Speaker 2: The first week's good, the second week's good, and then
Speaker 2: all of a sudden you're gonna forget, And it's like, shit,
Speaker 2: how did I forget that I'm doing it every day?
Speaker 2: Because basically your brain and subconscious mind and body know
Speaker 2: that you're not committed to anything. You're a liar, so
Speaker 2: of course you're going to forget it. But so day
Speaker 2: one start again just like you know, and sure enough
Speaker 2: one day because you're going to forget it. And here's
Speaker 2: why there's the habit thing. You know, thirty days to
Speaker 2: have it or what three weeks to have its bullshit.
Speaker 2: That study actually was never accurate. Changing a neural pathway,
Speaker 2: changing a pathway in your brain to be that six
Speaker 2: am in the morning get up person, right, has a
Speaker 2: different timeframe for everybody in the beginning, because it's a
Speaker 2: lot of work for the brain to change a pattern. Right,
Speaker 2: So you hate mornings. You need to get up at
Speaker 2: six am. You have to change a pattern that's laid
Speaker 2: into your brain really hard. The story, so you get
Speaker 2: up at six, you get up at six, you get
Speaker 2: up six, and then one morning you wake up and
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I'm sick. Oh that's right, we don't
Speaker 2: go to the gym when we're sick. Well, that was
Speaker 2: your brain making you sick so that it didn't have
Speaker 2: to use the resources to change to Now you're six
Speaker 2: in the morning. So when you get you get your
Speaker 2: ass out of bed anyway and just go to the gym.
Speaker 2: You don't have to work out, but just freaking walk
Speaker 2: into the gym. Now you're at the gym, Okay, great,
Speaker 2: now go home. The next morning you wake up and
Speaker 2: you go. Now, your brain will get really resistant. People
Speaker 2: who coach with me, I set them up. I'm like,
Speaker 2: one morning, you're gonna wake up and go fucking hell.
Speaker 2: I'm in a cult. Tanya is a.
Speaker 1: Fucking cult leader.
Speaker 2: I swear to God, this stuff is insane. I'm doing
Speaker 2: what with my body? Static hole?
Speaker 1: What is?
Speaker 2: You'll have all this weird resistance, But that's a sign
Speaker 2: of success. Because your brain's trying to talk you out
Speaker 2: of doing the thing you said you were going to do.
Speaker 2: You stick with it. It's usually between anywhere between twenty
Speaker 2: four hours and five days, and all of a sudden
Speaker 2: your brain goes, okay, fine, all right, fine, you do
Speaker 2: static hold every day. I got alsume. Here you go. Now.
Speaker 2: The thing is, I was a vegetarian in December eighteenth,
Speaker 2: twenty twenty two, and I said to myself, I'm going
Speaker 2: one hundred percent carnivore tomorrow. My brain said fine, because
Speaker 2: it knows it's more trouble to resist changing with me
Speaker 2: because I trust myself and I keep my word, than
Speaker 2: it is to do it. So you can change from
Speaker 2: that non committed liar into the disciplined thing where your
Speaker 2: brain goes, Okay, fine, all right, you're giving up sugar grate, Fine,
Speaker 2: we give up sugar. I don't care. You want to
Speaker 2: give up porn. Damn, Porn's gone. Uh you know so
Speaker 2: it but that takes training, and it starts with those
Speaker 2: very small, one five minute easy thing a day for
Speaker 2: thirty days. Increase the level of difficulty for the next
Speaker 2: thirty days. Start day one. When you fuck up in
Speaker 2: day twenty nine and you forget oh day one, keep
Speaker 2: that commitment to your.
Speaker 1: Right. So you're you're saying, five minutes.
Speaker 2: A day whatever thing you do. So let's say let's
Speaker 2: say it just.
Speaker 1: Like every single day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's say you're going to do ten cafre
Speaker 2: is while you brush your teeth. I mean, you got
Speaker 2: to make this so easy you can't fail the first
Speaker 2: thirty days.
Speaker 1: Otcha.
Speaker 2: I'm going to whatever it is, tag it into something
Speaker 2: you're already doing. If you're doing the static hole, that's
Speaker 2: a five minute practice, then it's five minutes every day
Speaker 2: you do the static hole, right. If you're you know,
Speaker 2: doing a hardhold every day, I'm doing a hardhold. Whatever.
Speaker 2: But whatever it is you pick, keep the level of
Speaker 2: difficulty super low, like waking up at six am and
Speaker 2: going to the gym is a hard task. If you
Speaker 2: don't do that, that's a hard higher loan. You pick
Speaker 2: something super easy that you feel like I can do this.
Speaker 2: You do it for thirty days, but you track it
Speaker 2: so that you know when you screw up and you
Speaker 2: forgot to do it. You don't give yourself a pass.
Speaker 2: You start day one. Now, I've had some people have
Speaker 2: to do eight starts, eight months on one tiny.
Speaker 1: Little practice right before they got their day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, before they nailed the thirty days right. If it
Speaker 2: was too then I would go and look and say
Speaker 2: they if they failed twice or three times in a row,
Speaker 2: I want to know because they might be picking something
Speaker 2: too big, and we got to really make it a
Speaker 2: lot smaller.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: There are some people so their programs or their their
Speaker 2: feelings about themselves are so mangled that literally I start
Speaker 2: with something that they're almost oh, they're already doing. Like
Speaker 2: it might be they're brushing their teeth, so they always
Speaker 2: brush their teeth, and I find out about how they
Speaker 2: brush their teeth, and you know, they always like turn
Speaker 2: the water on, put the brush under, put the toothpaste,
Speaker 2: on brush their teeth, and then I would say, okay,
Speaker 2: so what you're going to do now is you're going
Speaker 2: to pick up the toothbrush. Right then you're going to
Speaker 2: turn the water on dip it. So I will change
Speaker 2: one thing up in a routine that they do and
Speaker 2: make it that small so that they can have a
Speaker 2: successful thirty days right right. The brain doesn't care how
Speaker 2: big the thing is. It's just track that you literally
Speaker 2: are doing the thing you say you're going to do.
Speaker 1: Makes sense, makes sense.
Speaker 2: So when you build self trust, when you build self commitment,
Speaker 2: you rebuild self trust. When you rebuild self trust, you
Speaker 2: rebuild self respect. And when you have commitments self trust
Speaker 2: and self respect, you fall in love with yourself. There
Speaker 2: is no trying to love yourself. Yeah, the four pillars
Speaker 2: to self commitment. Commitment leads to self trust, self trust
Speaker 2: leads to self respect. When you have commitments, self trust,
Speaker 2: and self respect, you fall in love with yourself.
Speaker 1: Makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody's starting with the self love without ever fixing
Speaker 2: the bottom foundation.
Speaker 1: Makes sense. I can feel that it's a it's a
Speaker 1: thing that creates and inability for me to I guess
Speaker 1: love myself is this sense of a lack of integrity
Speaker 1: in terms of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly, And so you concentrate on just building
Speaker 2: that foundation, and this self trust comes back. You start
Speaker 2: to think about what you're saying and stop saying all
Speaker 2: that shit you're not going to do because so there's
Speaker 2: an exercise to do. It's called a brain dump. You
Speaker 2: just basically get a pen and paper and all those shoulds,
Speaker 2: I should get up bits six, I should stop watching porn,
Speaker 2: I should what I want. Just dump it all on
Speaker 2: a piece of paper, every single fucking lie you tell
Speaker 2: yourself about what you're going to do that you don't
Speaker 2: do on a piece of paper. Then you look at
Speaker 2: that critically and you go, really, am I really gonna
Speaker 2: stop doing that?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, cross it off? I mean, fuck it. Just like
Speaker 2: cross everything off and get down to one basic thing
Speaker 2: that you know you're going to do and then start
Speaker 2: doing that, because all those shoulds and outstanding bullshit and
Speaker 2: all that stuff that's there is literally taking up real
Speaker 2: estate and making you lie and lack of trust and
Speaker 2: laugh respect.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm that true.
Speaker 2: Simple, yeah, easy but not simple, Simple but not easy,
Speaker 2: Simple but not easy.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what are you going to take away? What
Speaker 2: are you going to take away from today?
Speaker 1: Hmm, Well, I feel I think this is highlighted that
Speaker 1: I'm on the right track. Just talking about like my
Speaker 1: history with my with my sexuality. I think re emphasize
Speaker 1: this to me, the need spigeling so that there's a
Speaker 1: bit more commitment in that sense that yeah, it really
Speaker 1: is a good move for me too, stuff externalizing and
Speaker 1: to just focus on me. Yeah, because then as well,
Speaker 1: I'm I can be meanfully and I don't have if
Speaker 1: I'm not actually seeking anything from anyone else, that does
Speaker 1: what does it matter? Okay, well, well that's too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're giving yourself a break, and I mean that's why,
Speaker 2: that's why I've attracted You said it went before our
Speaker 2: call when I was telling you bragging about my new man,
Speaker 2: and you said, well you've done all this work on yourself.
Speaker 1: Of course you'd attract that totally.
Speaker 2: That was awesome, And I'm like, yes, I'm actually looking
Speaker 2: at my mail. If he feels like me and a man.
Speaker 1: Is pretty yeah, So I think, yeah, that's I'm taking
Speaker 1: away from like it actually is going to be quite
Speaker 1: freeing for me to have that chance to do that.
Speaker 1: But also I'm reflecting as well, and like I've done
Speaker 1: some of I've done the Semitic one of the Semitic exercises,
Speaker 1: but I do it like once every four days, like
Speaker 1: half an hour, and then every other day I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't have the time, right.
Speaker 2: So'd be better to cut that down?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, right, yeah, to cut it down. And then
Speaker 1: this idea of like, could I do it for five
Speaker 1: minutes for thirty days? It seems so simple, but honestly
Speaker 1: that I'm like, I don't know it, Like I'm just
Speaker 1: such a kind of distracted, like sort of random person like.
Speaker 1: But then then the feeling is like, why couldn't I
Speaker 1: commit it literally five minutes? And then that voice says
Speaker 1: five minutes that's not enough to make a difference, you know.
Speaker 1: So there's already a voice that comes in that sort
Speaker 1: of sabotages yeah, that process.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so then you go and you just do it
Speaker 2: in you go, well, okay, let's find out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's find out. Yeah. So I'm hearing you that
Speaker 1: the commitment and the consistency is going to be more
Speaker 1: powerful than once every five days they do a half
Speaker 1: now session.
Speaker 2: You know, absolutely, it'd be better to do a micro
Speaker 2: commitment every single day, every single day, every single because
Speaker 2: it's showing up for yourself every day for five minutes
Speaker 2: is probably I've actually worked with people that's the only
Speaker 2: thing I had them do was one five minute practice
Speaker 2: every single day and literally watched all of this stuff
Speaker 2: heal in them. It was insane. It was insane. It's
Speaker 2: like magic. People go, I don't understand how this is working.
Speaker 2: I've been in therapy, I've been this, I've done this,
Speaker 2: and it's like, I show up six weeks five minute practices.
Speaker 2: The next thing I know, I don't have road rage anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm doing this. I'm doing this, I'm doing this, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I like really powerful practices that are simple
Speaker 2: and work, and this is ninety nine percent success.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: They do not work on people who are psychopaths. And
Speaker 2: I've tested this, but I've worked with one hundred thousand
Speaker 2: people in over sixty countries with a ninety nine success right.
Speaker 1: I remember. One of the things that you said makes
Speaker 1: the biggest has made the biggest difference is that for
Speaker 1: men to say no to sex.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that book project that I did, Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: six months saying no to sex and like they're like,
Speaker 2: you insane, what do you mean saying no, I don't
Speaker 2: get sex anyway. You sex is something and I'm saying no,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what you're doing.
Speaker 1: Interesting stuff. Yeah, Danya. By the way, I spent the
Speaker 1: last time music I don't like it's definitely Tanya and
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe it's Kanya. Oh Godanya. But I listened
Speaker 1: to it all and I Tanya.
Speaker 2: Kanya. That jay is sounds like a why Tanya Tanya? Yeah,
Speaker 2: so the Aussies like to call me Tanya tan Tanya Wait, yeah,
Speaker 2: the Aussies like to call me a little bit different.
Speaker 1: Well, Tanya is kind of like a more common yeah
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, but tanyat yeah, yeah, I will try m
Speaker 1: hm oh yeah yeah, I wow. It's really hard for
Speaker 1: me to commit to it. Two minutes my goodness for
Speaker 1: thirty days, I will commit to five minutes a day
Speaker 1: of the handividuals handed Semitic exercise.
Speaker 2: So static thirty days of five minutes a day STATICLED.
Speaker 1: And if I accomplish that, then I will return and
Speaker 1: I will pay for the session. But if you like,
Speaker 1: you can use it for your podcast so that the
Speaker 1: year what has happened to me? If I am actually
Speaker 1: if you're interested, no.
Speaker 2: We want to follow you. I think we're gonna drop
Speaker 2: drop you in this container and let's follow follow your
Speaker 2: process over the next six months to a year. And
Speaker 2: on me, let's because you're brave enough to show up
Speaker 2: and be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Wow, thank you. Yeah, that's just really encouraging and trying.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's show thank you, thank you. Let's show what
Speaker 2: this is capable of. That it really can be that
Speaker 2: because I think, you know, it's one thing to have
Speaker 2: guests on here that are professionals, and you know, most
Speaker 2: professionals don't show up as vulnerable as they can, and
Speaker 2: then because they're professionals. Yeah, exactly, even though we've had
Speaker 2: a few. My friend Farren was on and Farren was
Speaker 2: pretty vulnerable and he he's not a professional coach or anything,
Speaker 2: so that was that was good. But yeah, it's a
Speaker 2: it's a it's a privilege and an honor for somebody
Speaker 2: to show up and have the courage to get real
Speaker 2: because you're saying what so many men are thinking and feeling.
Speaker 2: But I don't think anybody else is.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's really moving to me.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, yeah, you're providing a ton of value to
Speaker 2: other men.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that's really that's really moving. Really sorry, I
Speaker 1: don't really say yeah, I'll do my best.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be You're gonna be tracking, so you know
Speaker 2: you're tracked. And stop with the stories. I'm too scattered.
Speaker 2: Stop every time you have a freaking story. You just
Speaker 2: stop the story and just say, I am committing to this.
Speaker 2: Rewrite the story.
Speaker 1: You know, I think it's probably the best limited five minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm going to live as well, yeh, because otherwise I'll
Speaker 1: feel tempted, you know, to push it five minutes.
Speaker 2: You just stop there. That's all your commitment is. You
Speaker 2: do what you say you're gonna do. Doesn't need to
Speaker 2: be more, doesn't make it faster. It's the everything gold day.
Speaker 1: I'll do it.
Speaker 2: You can do this absolutely. And I like how you
Speaker 2: pivoted from the word try to committing. And I love
Speaker 2: how you if you if people had seen you, if
Speaker 2: the men had seen you, you had that moment of struggle.
Speaker 2: You looked up, you had your eyes closed, and you
Speaker 2: looked up and you were like, wow, this is hard
Speaker 2: to commit, even this tiny little thing, you know, But
Speaker 2: then you pick and you did.
Speaker 1: Could I trust myself because I know I believe I'll
Speaker 1: get to stay or something, and you know, yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 2: Emphasis, that's what we have to heal, all right, how
Speaker 2: we do it one five minute day at a time.
Speaker 1: Sounds good?
Speaker 2: Awesome? Well, thank you so much. Were yet we'll have
Speaker 2: Robert back as he progresses through these thirty days and
Speaker 2: we'll see how that's going. And if there's others of
Speaker 2: you out there that are now throwing your hand in
Speaker 2: the air saying, oh what about me? What about me?
Speaker 2: What about me? Yeah? Right right, you had your chance
Speaker 2: about it, right, but you were like, oh, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I should give oath, you know, and uh yeah, so
Speaker 2: just know that if I call something out or an
Speaker 2: opportunity to out, then you should probably jump on it,
Speaker 2: just saying and uh, I appreciate your your courage in
Speaker 2: that and your commitment to your healing, because ultimately, when
Speaker 2: you commit to your healing, you absolutely help heal the
Speaker 2: feminine as well, because every healthy masculine male heals the feminine.
Speaker 1: Thanks that's nust.
Speaker 2: Your commitment to that means that you know, yay. I
Speaker 2: want to thank you for all my sisters and all
Speaker 2: the women out there. I want to thank you for
Speaker 2: being a courageous man to show up and do the
Speaker 2: healing work you need to do to show up better
Speaker 2: in the world, all for women.
Speaker 1: Thanks, thanks a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely absolutely all right h