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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to men, Sex and Tantra.

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<v Speaker 2>Discover where your parents porn in religion never taught you

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<v Speaker 2>about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready

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<v Speaker 2>to have your mind blown and your world rocked. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>we are back for another episode of Live Coaching, and

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<v Speaker 2>Robert has come back. He did not run away, He

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<v Speaker 2>did not run streaming since the last.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean I must say today I'm a bit

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<v Speaker 1>more anxious about the all scenario, more like what am

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<v Speaker 1>I doing? But I'm here? Yeah, I'm here.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, she's showed up, he's like on there, And it

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<v Speaker 2>does that anxiety because, uh, you know more of what

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<v Speaker 2>you're in for, or you're worried about what questions am

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<v Speaker 2>I ask? Or why do you think you why do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel more anxious?

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<v Speaker 1>All right, Yeah, it's nothing to do with what you

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<v Speaker 1>might bring up. We'll talk about. It's just more about

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<v Speaker 1>I think the public spotlight kind of side of it.

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<v Speaker 1>When I saw the episode release this morning, well this

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<v Speaker 1>morning for me with my name on it?

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<v Speaker 2>You want me to take your name off?

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<v Speaker 1>No, No, it's fine, I don't leave it there. That's

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<v Speaker 1>completely fine. It was just a bit more real, I suppose. Sorry, Tanya,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm actually just gonna pop my headphones in if that's okay,

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<v Speaker 1>because well, you can't hear the rain. I can't hear

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<v Speaker 1>you very well because of the rain. So got it,

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<v Speaker 1>got it.

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<v Speaker 2>Robert is currently sitting in his car in the rain

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<v Speaker 2>and putting on his headphone.

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<v Speaker 1>So he can be pressed, so I can perfect right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, there's nothing like yeah in an abstract

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<v Speaker 2>All of a sudden, it's like wait, wow, And how

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<v Speaker 2>many people over the world listened to yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>All over just all over the world.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, just all over the world.

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<v Speaker 1>But no, I'm good, I'm good. I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, So what has been going on since

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<v Speaker 2>last time? What any revelations, any changes, like any insights

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<v Speaker 2>like catch us up?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, the main thing that you left me with

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<v Speaker 1>was about leaning in. Yeah, and I apologies. I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit adhd as well, So when there's other sounds

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<v Speaker 1>going on, I get a little bit distracted. The rain

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<v Speaker 1>is like my brain's just like.

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<v Speaker 2>Rain, right, like yes, question, rain, question rain.

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<v Speaker 1>So the leaning in thing you said to try to

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<v Speaker 1>practice leaning in, Yeah, and it's going to look at

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<v Speaker 1>ways that I could do that. And I sort of

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<v Speaker 1>sat with that for a day or two but then

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of remembered the other thing that you said,

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<v Speaker 1>which was that I already am leaning you in certain ways. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and that that really made a lot of sense to me,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was I guess that was a really big

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<v Speaker 1>realization and something that was quite like helpful and positive

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<v Speaker 1>for me was to recognize, Wow, actually, no, I really

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<v Speaker 1>do lean in. In fact, I lean in really aggressively,

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<v Speaker 1>just in certain like sort of a little too much,

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<v Speaker 1>but just in certain sort of ways, like in certain

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<v Speaker 1>areas of my life. So that was kind of nice.

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<v Speaker 1>It was nice and validating. I think it kind of

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<v Speaker 1>got me to focus on leaning and even more in

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<v Speaker 1>that way and kind of kind of like turn my

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<v Speaker 1>energy towards that, if that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So yeah, because you but you said something like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes too much, like leaning in too much? But is

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<v Speaker 2>there such a thing as leaning in too much?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think. I don't think so.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think so well, uncomfortable for some people. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>just because else is uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you're leaning

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<v Speaker 2>in too much.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I feel like all day every day, particularly because

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<v Speaker 1>I've got a therapist to see regularly. I do like

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<v Speaker 1>meditation and I'm like quite so, trying really hard to

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<v Speaker 1>go down the spiritual path, and that to me is

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<v Speaker 1>about truth and I think that's where I really try

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<v Speaker 1>to lean in, to lean into what's real, and lean

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<v Speaker 1>into my vulnerabilities and really challenge myself and put myself

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<v Speaker 1>on my own edges all the time. But that isn't

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily about relationships. It's just about me and life and

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<v Speaker 1>my relationship with life itself. But when I guess too

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<v Speaker 1>much will probably just be sometimes I think the intensity

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<v Speaker 1>of that kind of it be quite confronting, or bubbles

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit. Mm hmm, would be kind of like

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<v Speaker 1>an habitual sort of bubble burst.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know anything about that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'll just leave with that. Well.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, when it comes to relationships, whether it's friendships

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<v Speaker 2>or partnerships, romance, you have to lean into what it

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<v Speaker 2>is you are. I mean, the average couple takes seven

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<v Speaker 2>years to get really real, seven years to totally reveal

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<v Speaker 2>the stuff. Yeah, that is flat out ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 1>Which I guess just feels like a weird game to me,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I'm not really interested.

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<v Speaker 2>In that, right, But why do people do that?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean obviously it Yeah, everything.

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<v Speaker 2>It's either fear or not so there's only two things,

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<v Speaker 2>scared or not scared. That's pretty soon.

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<v Speaker 1>When you ask me that, I mean, obviously straight out

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<v Speaker 1>I was like it, but then I was trying to

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<v Speaker 1>think of I'm more complicated. Yeah, I mean everything boils

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<v Speaker 1>down vulnerable.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly, everything boils down to what are you scared of?

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<v Speaker 2>Or you know that type of thing. And I told

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<v Speaker 2>you before we got recorded, I'm in a new relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>and so it's been interesting for me because it's been

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<v Speaker 2>eight years I've been turning people down and not getting involved,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's interesting to me to figure out who am

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<v Speaker 2>I now in relationship because it's been long enough, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't say I am who I was. So I'm actually like,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I'm seventeen. It's been eight years of celibacy,

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<v Speaker 2>eight years of not dating anybody or whatever, and I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like, Wow, there are some places I'm really freaking

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<v Speaker 2>like shy and scared and weird, and it feels really

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<v Speaker 2>strange because I'm sixty three. I'm really damn experienced. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>for those of you who think women are sluts, I

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<v Speaker 2>would be one of those. I've had a lot of sex,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean a lot of a lot of sex, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>say that again. Yeah, right, and so sex, yeah, a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of sex exactly. And so it seems really strange

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<v Speaker 2>to me that in this new experience time passing, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't really know who I am. And I think if

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<v Speaker 2>we showed up present to each version of who we

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<v Speaker 2>are now, yeah, we'd stand better chances.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean that was the other aspect of why

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<v Speaker 1>people don't time reveal themselves, probably don't know themselves or

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<v Speaker 1>not to be able to do that. Yeah, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>it's not just about revealing yourself to someone else, but

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<v Speaker 1>else revealing yourself to yourself absolutely. Yeah, together allow these

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<v Speaker 1>pots to come out. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I know myself really really damn well. I

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<v Speaker 2>mean that's the one thing I do. But I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know myself now in the dynamic of.

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<v Speaker 1>Changes.

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<v Speaker 2>So when we go to heal, we can heal on

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<v Speaker 2>our own. But then once there's a dynamic happening now

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<v Speaker 2>we uncover all the other places.

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<v Speaker 1>Sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Okay, when last we left, there was the X

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<v Speaker 2>what's yeah, that's transpired in the last couple of so.

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<v Speaker 1>Much was transpired, but actually, uh, it was all around.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I'd like this whole this whole thing is

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<v Speaker 1>exactly what I've been trying to work on, yeah, throughout

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<v Speaker 1>four years with my therapist, which is just about trying

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<v Speaker 1>to have an appreciation who I am, trying to sit

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<v Speaker 1>in that truth and doing it with an open heart

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<v Speaker 1>as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, what's transferred with that is I ended up

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<v Speaker 1>having a couple of further conversations with her and was

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<v Speaker 1>able to sit in that place of book like this

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<v Speaker 1>is who I am, these are my means, I'm open

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<v Speaker 1>and we just didn't we just missed each other massive, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and then the decision was that that was that was it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's been it's a lot been a lot more messy

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<v Speaker 1>of the process than that. But that certainly was a

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<v Speaker 1>big thing for me. I guess speaking about my experience

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<v Speaker 1>was like my capacity to sit in myself and my

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<v Speaker 1>means without thinking that I'm wrong. Yeah, but also also

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<v Speaker 1>with an open heart as well. So yeah, that was

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<v Speaker 1>a good step and that shifted something in me and

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<v Speaker 1>now I feel more comfortable with the idea of moving

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<v Speaker 1>on and letting go. Yeah. But yeah, certainly everything that

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<v Speaker 1>we spoke about last time about, uh, I guess the

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<v Speaker 1>toxicity of the dynamic, Yeah, it was was helpful to

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<v Speaker 1>remind me that that was also a real part of it. Yeah, exactly,

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<v Speaker 1>it was a it was a massive part of it.

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<v Speaker 1>And as I've just been living off this fantasy about,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, maybe it'd be different or better, the last

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<v Speaker 1>conversation revealed that that dynamic just is, you know, just

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't matter how much and you know, vulnerable and

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<v Speaker 1>realne It's.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you said something that I think is really important

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<v Speaker 2>to clarify is that, you know, open heart is really

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<v Speaker 2>important to you, Like you say it a lot, that's

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<v Speaker 2>clearly important to you. But an open heart does not

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<v Speaker 2>mean accept all the crap that somebody is giving you.

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<v Speaker 2>It does not, right not mean put your comp passion

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<v Speaker 2>for them over your compassion for yourself exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's the true open diving trying

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<v Speaker 1>to accomplish is not just opening to them, but as well,

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<v Speaker 1>it's the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, and it should be open heart to you

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<v Speaker 2>first and then to somebody else.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So, in this relationship that I'm having, he's having to

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<v Speaker 2>make these big decisions about a job that he wants

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<v Speaker 2>to take, and what I started to feel see him

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<v Speaker 2>kind of spin up with this idea of urgency, and

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<v Speaker 2>I realized because he is not just a he's not

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<v Speaker 2>just thinking about himself. He's thinking about me, he's thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about his mentor, he's thinking about other people. So he

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<v Speaker 2>has this whole group he's thinking and contemplating of not

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<v Speaker 2>letting anybody down, not disappointing anybody, making sure he doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>over promise. And that was causing this urgency. And so

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<v Speaker 2>I basically said, you know what, nobody to consider a

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<v Speaker 2>but you, I and everybody else comes after you sit

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<v Speaker 2>in your personal container of decision making. Yeah, your truth first,

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<v Speaker 2>then you can see how it fits with other people.

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<v Speaker 1>Which is better for them as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, that's better for everybody, of course.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I am. I think that that's this is that's

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<v Speaker 1>the phase of my life. I trying to which I've

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<v Speaker 1>never really done.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well if you can't, it's like if people can't

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<v Speaker 2>remember this, it's really easy. Put your own oscars and

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<v Speaker 2>mask on first, Yeah, right, because you're no good to

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<v Speaker 2>anybody when you're bleeding out, Yeah, trying to save somebody's life. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but we do it all the time, especially if your

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<v Speaker 2>sense of openhearted, you're caring. Then you think that that

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<v Speaker 2>but what that translates to is a victim and a martyr.

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<v Speaker 1>As in I'm the victim and mutter or yeah yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>That's not it's not pretty. Yeah, you end up as

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<v Speaker 2>a victim, and then you can end up as a

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<v Speaker 2>martyr like I'm just gonna sacrifice myself here for the better.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I know those vibes. Yeah, yeah, So I

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<v Speaker 1>mean I feel like I'm in an opportunity now in

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<v Speaker 1>my life where I can I can do the thing

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<v Speaker 1>about it's myself, it's my truth and starting with me. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I suppose those are the things that I'd really

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<v Speaker 1>love to open up with you, Yeah, just about like

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<v Speaker 1>how how can I do that when there's so many

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<v Speaker 1>things that want to pull me away, for example, sexual

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<v Speaker 1>desire and emotional yearning and leads, intimacy and all these

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<v Speaker 1>sorts of things that and I guess spose shameles part

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<v Speaker 1>of that, the things that make me feel like, at

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<v Speaker 1>subtle levels, I want to sacrifice who I am or

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<v Speaker 1>my truth or truth the situation so I can get

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<v Speaker 1>those things. Yeah. Yeah, And that's always been my pattern,

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<v Speaker 1>which has led me to not be able to actually

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<v Speaker 1>see in my own yeah truth in my own pot

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<v Speaker 1>which I just can't dance to do anymore. It's you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's fox me up so much when I do.

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<v Speaker 2>So most of what I do, my all my coaching

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<v Speaker 2>centers around practices that I teach people to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to be their own lover, best lover, their own best, confident,

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<v Speaker 2>their own best, filler of whatever is empty in them,

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<v Speaker 2>and somatically be able to really exist solo if needed.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, eight years of Selvis did not mean I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have a sex life. I have a great size

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<v Speaker 2>life with myself.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean it's like that, you know that. And

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<v Speaker 2>there's these you know, cut of like skin every wake

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<v Speaker 2>up every morning. And the first thing I do other

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<v Speaker 2>than gratitude for being alive, is a self pleasuring technique

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<v Speaker 2>which isn't about masturbation. It's about touching my entire body

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<v Speaker 2>in reverence, right, because my subconscious mind and my nervous

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<v Speaker 2>system doesn't know. If I treat it like my body's

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<v Speaker 2>sacred and I'm enjoying the touch, both from the hand

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<v Speaker 2>touching and the skin being touched, then basically I'm filling

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<v Speaker 2>up those chemistry, that neurochemistry that needs touch, right. And

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<v Speaker 2>then from there it's like, yeah, do you run your

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<v Speaker 2>own sexual arousal if being aroused is frustrating. Then you

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<v Speaker 2>need to build your capacity for pleasure. If your heart

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<v Speaker 2>is lonely and yearning and empty. The worst time we

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<v Speaker 2>ever make relationship decisions is when we're empty. We're just like, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I was on a call coaching call with a client

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<v Speaker 2>today and he was he just this woman and they

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<v Speaker 2>spent an amazing, like whole day together, like from the

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<v Speaker 2>eighty eight a m. In the morning until ten thirty

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<v Speaker 2>at night. The first date was like extraordinary. They just

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<v Speaker 2>you know, made out and stuff. He had already put

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<v Speaker 2>in the not going to have sex on the on

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<v Speaker 2>the first date. That's one of the things I was

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<v Speaker 2>telling everybody, don't do that. So but chemistry dope. I mean, woo,

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<v Speaker 2>everything's great, hot, blah blah blah. And you got on

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<v Speaker 2>a call with me. The first thing I said was

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<v Speaker 2>you should have cut that date short. And he goes,

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<v Speaker 2>what do you mean? And I said, you guys, you

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<v Speaker 2>built this whole chemical dopamine soup the least no critical

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<v Speaker 2>thinking behind, and all you're thinking about is making heavy

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<v Speaker 2>sex again or that. So he had planned this big

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<v Speaker 2>long sex date for this weekend and I'm like no,

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<v Speaker 2>because he said to me she filled me up, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, yeah, danger zone.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So when you're thinking yeah, yeah, I mean I'm

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<v Speaker 1>on these edges now, I think what's what's happening for

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<v Speaker 1>me is the pain of me not being able to

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<v Speaker 1>embrace myself for love myself is starting to get more painful. Then,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess being alone or you know, that seems there's

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<v Speaker 1>always for me. There's always been like a compromise between

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<v Speaker 1>like self sacrificing myself and my truth so I can

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<v Speaker 1>get external love, yes, but then I lose it internally yes,

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<v Speaker 1>ah yeah, anyway, So I'm just with the pain of that,

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<v Speaker 1>the pain of not being able to embrace myself, feeling

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<v Speaker 1>like lack of integrity or lack of connectiveness myself. It's

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<v Speaker 1>killing me, Yeah, killing you know. And I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>it to be one or the other. Ye know. There's

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<v Speaker 1>a belief, there's a belief that if I, if I

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<v Speaker 1>select yourself, I will be lonely.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I was going to say, I noticed that you

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<v Speaker 2>had an either or instead of an and both.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly. I mean that's the story that I'm battling

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<v Speaker 1>you because there's the cool belief that's to select myself

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<v Speaker 1>to be myself or whatever innately will push away. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not what people want or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, have you ever tested that theory?

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<v Speaker 1>Not, so you have no data totally, I mean not

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<v Speaker 1>in like a real way, you know. And truth is

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<v Speaker 1>a difficult, complicated, deep thing. I mean like it's just

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<v Speaker 1>been a process of learning. What is my truth? Which

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<v Speaker 1>is such a thing, such a fire out question?

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<v Speaker 2>For truth is a logical Truth is a logic concept.

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<v Speaker 2>And the worst part of ever learning about ourselves is

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<v Speaker 2>our brain. So I'll take you right now. Knowledge is

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<v Speaker 2>in the head, mastery is in the being. You will

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<v Speaker 2>never find your truth in your head.

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<v Speaker 1>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>So the first thing is that we get out of

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<v Speaker 2>our heads and we stop asking questions from our head.

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<v Speaker 2>We ask questions from our body. What does our body

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<v Speaker 2>feel like? How do you feel when you're lonely? Where

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<v Speaker 2>does it hurt? Where does it ache? Where do you

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<v Speaker 2>have sensations in your body? Yeah, he's pointing to the

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<v Speaker 2>middle of his chest. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, exactly. So then

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<v Speaker 2>how do you feel that without somebody else? You take

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<v Speaker 2>a breath, you put your hands over that area, and

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<v Speaker 2>you literally breathe into your hands and you expand. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>you inhale, and you exhale and you feel the expansion

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<v Speaker 2>of that ache, so that you're pushing against the ache

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<v Speaker 2>that physically feel like it's squeezing. That's what an ake

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<v Speaker 2>usually feels like, and you're expanding it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, So when you identify where in your body you

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<v Speaker 2>feel lonely, desperate, sad and incomplete anywhere in your body,

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<v Speaker 2>and then you put your hands to that space and

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<v Speaker 2>you bring expansion to that space, you're filling it up,

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<v Speaker 2>and we're both doing the exercise together. For those of

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<v Speaker 2>you who are listening, you know, I like that.

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<v Speaker 1>Past that voice that believes that that's not real, it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I simply by simply doing the thing and finding

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<v Speaker 2>out the data works, just the practice, right, So I

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<v Speaker 2>teach these things called the practice. I have a book

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<v Speaker 2>about healing unresolved trauma, right, heal unresolved, Yeah, exactly. And

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<v Speaker 2>in the book, I've got these some of these practices

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<v Speaker 2>that are safe for everybody if they're not coaching with

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<v Speaker 2>me one on one, they're safe to do on your own.

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<v Speaker 2>And what I say is basically, you just have to

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<v Speaker 2>do them. And when you do them, your body everything

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<v Speaker 2>starts changing and your brain will go oh well, clearly

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<v Speaker 2>this works because you know, I mean, yeah, I can't,

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<v Speaker 2>because I can't convince your something works until you have data,

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<v Speaker 2>and you can't data until you do it.

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<v Speaker 1>That makes sense. I've actually started one of the practices

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<v Speaker 1>I overheard in one of the episodes. Yeah, it's the

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<v Speaker 1>one way where I place my hand on my heart

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<v Speaker 1>and one of my.

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<v Speaker 2>Kennedy Yeah, so the static hold.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah. So I've experimented a little bit with the

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<v Speaker 1>self pleasuring thing, and that actually has been really interesting

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<v Speaker 1>and profound, honestly, yeah, profound and actually yeah, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>the biggest profound part is just how nice it felt.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm yeah, I said that. I actually, if you're interested,

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<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to share last night. Maybe I want

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<v Speaker 1>to share the details, but just what happens, Yeah, please do.

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<v Speaker 1>I just noticed that as I did the exercise, how often,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, my issue in the past has been like

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<v Speaker 1>addiction to torn and things like that, which I know

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<v Speaker 1>is very common with men. So like a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>my sexualities trained into external, predectable fantasies. I just noticed

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<v Speaker 1>like almost like appealing back of layers last night, where

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<v Speaker 1>I was taken back into my childhood experience of sexuality

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<v Speaker 1>and it's a little bit vulnerable so much for as

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of we traumas and stuff like that, but

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<v Speaker 1>it was interesting to notice how like it was like

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<v Speaker 1>a lay is being feeled back, and then all of

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<v Speaker 1>a sudden something that I having having thought about the

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<v Speaker 1>views as it has a tunneler as a fantasy, suddenly

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<v Speaker 1>came out really strongly and I immediately died in right, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>And then I had to catch for myself and be like,

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<v Speaker 1>hang on, Robert, like this is actually interesting, like what's

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<v Speaker 1>happening here?

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<v Speaker 2>Like why is this?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I'm not sure if that's something to be expected,

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<v Speaker 1>but it seems to be.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well what happens is as that. But I loved

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<v Speaker 2>how you explain that. So you're doing this self pleasuring

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<v Speaker 2>technique and things feel like they're peeling back, and all

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<v Speaker 2>of a sudden, probably right as you're about to get

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<v Speaker 2>like more vulnerable, your brain takes over and says, here's

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<v Speaker 2>something to focus on, So shift your awareness out of

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<v Speaker 2>your body where things could be getting really uncomfortable and

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<v Speaker 2>real and off to projection. Yeah, that is common in

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<v Speaker 2>sexual trauma. That will distract ourselves right from what's actually

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<v Speaker 2>happening in our body. With a projection.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that was interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so revisiting that, like just staying present with that

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<v Speaker 2>if it comes up, and bringing yourself back saying okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I went there. Now let me just bring myself back

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<v Speaker 2>to presence, because the whole thing about self pleasuring is

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<v Speaker 2>to stay in the sensation your body is having and

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<v Speaker 2>not where your mind wants to.

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<v Speaker 1>Take you, right, Yeah, and even.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean yeah, for some guys that are like,

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<v Speaker 2>this is boring. This is what I hear from I'm bored.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm bored. I'm bored. Why am myself clearing I'm bored.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm bored, And it's like, yeah, you're bored because you're

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<v Speaker 2>used to externalizing and outsourcing all your sexual arousal.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, that that actually being outsourcing outsourcing my sexual arousal. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was actually what got me to do this. Is

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<v Speaker 1>that brains. I thought that was really really interesting. Trains.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, outsourcing. Yeah, I mean that that applies like

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<v Speaker 1>to everything, outsourcing everything, like my emotional needs by physical needs,

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<v Speaker 1>by sexual needs.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes. Yeah, And so one of the most powerful things

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<v Speaker 2>we do is in source. And that doesn't mean like

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<v Speaker 2>you know, people say, well, but men are visual, how

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<v Speaker 2>am I gonna I'm seeing you know, sexy women are

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<v Speaker 2>seeing sexy people around, and it's like yeah, okay, and

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<v Speaker 2>if you can't be excited, if you're not aroused and

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<v Speaker 2>excited just on your own, Like, how sad is that

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<v Speaker 2>that you literally have to outsource, that you have to

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<v Speaker 2>bring in outer thing to actually have any arousal in

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<v Speaker 2>your own body.

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<v Speaker 1>Finally, it's just something not what you're trying to.

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<v Speaker 2>Right opposite, Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, well you know it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>can you wake up and just be aroused? Okay, so

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<v Speaker 2>testosterone rises. Most men who are healthy have morning erections,

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<v Speaker 2>but you can have an erection without being aroused. That's

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<v Speaker 2>the other thing. There are plenty of men who are

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<v Speaker 2>watching porn or doing other things and having ejaculations and

422
00:26:20.119 --> 00:26:23.720
<v Speaker 2>their arousal level is literally a three out of infinity.

423
00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:29.119
<v Speaker 2>Like they don't even understand what actual like a great

424
00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:35.279
<v Speaker 2>orgasm is. They're like no, no, no, no, no, you know,

425
00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:40.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean it's like thirty maybe not even thirty seconds. Yeah,

426
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:47.039
<v Speaker 2>you know, pigs have thirty minute orgasms. Yeah, I mean

427
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.160
<v Speaker 2>pigs have thirty minutes of pleasured orgasm. Men have like

428
00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:56.680
<v Speaker 2>three to five seconds, maybe fifteen right where you learn

429
00:26:56.759 --> 00:26:59.599
<v Speaker 2>to separate orgasm and ejaculation, you can have hours.

430
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah I can't. I mean, I can't begin to imagine that.

431
00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:07.359
<v Speaker 1>It seems it seems like a kind of like thing

432
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:09.880
<v Speaker 1>that you hear about like doing, but like it's not

433
00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:10.759
<v Speaker 1>an actually.

434
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:17.960
<v Speaker 2>Except except that almost every man before he hit puberty

435
00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:25.440
<v Speaker 2>who actually masturbated had orgasms without ejaculation because ejaculation didn't

436
00:27:25.480 --> 00:27:29.599
<v Speaker 2>happen until puberty. And then there's that moment well what's this?

437
00:27:31.880 --> 00:27:38.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah totally. And then right just as you say, these

438
00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:41.039
<v Speaker 1>things are just like having memories of my history, and

439
00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:49.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, how much do I share here? What you want? Sure? Well, okay,

440
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:54.599
<v Speaker 1>so I'm going to carry on with that exercise and

441
00:27:54.720 --> 00:28:01.480
<v Speaker 1>the hot thing. Hot God guide me here, by the way,

442
00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:01.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to.

443
00:28:02.599 --> 00:28:06.319
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, well you said something about, you know, in

444
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:08.480
<v Speaker 2>our earlier thing like shame. So one of the things

445
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:10.920
<v Speaker 2>you've brought up several times is this idea of shame,

446
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:13.920
<v Speaker 2>And is that shame around body sexuality? What?

447
00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:17.839
<v Speaker 1>What? What is it? Yeah, it's a bit of a

448
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:21.319
<v Speaker 1>shame or a feeling about inadequacy or on wordingness around

449
00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:26.319
<v Speaker 1>my sexuality. Okay, Like I don't have I didn't have

450
00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:27.720
<v Speaker 1>the riot or something like that.

451
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:29.400
<v Speaker 2>I was going to ask you, Yeah, I was going

452
00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:30.880
<v Speaker 2>to ask you if that was There's a lot of

453
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:34.599
<v Speaker 2>really good men that I know, really heart centered, good

454
00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:40.559
<v Speaker 2>men who struggle with their sexual arousal, sexual desires.

455
00:28:41.319 --> 00:28:46.480
<v Speaker 1>All yeah, like yeah, sorry, innately that it's like it's

456
00:28:46.599 --> 00:28:49.599
<v Speaker 1>wrong for me to be in my masculine or in

457
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:52.680
<v Speaker 1>my sexual being around women, Like there's a kind of

458
00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:56.599
<v Speaker 1>a very childhood protection like I'm just a boy. I'm

459
00:28:56.640 --> 00:28:58.720
<v Speaker 1>just a boy and these women and how dare I

460
00:28:58.960 --> 00:28:59.519
<v Speaker 1>or something like that.

461
00:29:01.160 --> 00:29:05.119
<v Speaker 2>So have you ever felt like you know you're a predator?

462
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:06.920
<v Speaker 2>Do you not trust yourself sexually?

463
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:15.079
<v Speaker 1>No? I don't feel like I'm a predator, but I think,

464
00:29:16.279 --> 00:29:20.200
<v Speaker 1>h I think of the past, like I've got in

465
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:24.359
<v Speaker 1>the feedback that I can come across a creepy sometimes creepy.

466
00:29:24.839 --> 00:29:26.119
<v Speaker 2>Oh please give me an example.

467
00:29:27.400 --> 00:29:30.559
<v Speaker 1>Just I've been told that my energy made people uncomfortable.

468
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:35.240
<v Speaker 2>So okay, all right, so well let's examine that. Let's

469
00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:35.720
<v Speaker 2>examine this.

470
00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:39.200
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, anxiety, I mean, that's that's very vulnerable.

471
00:29:40.039 --> 00:29:44.079
<v Speaker 2>Yes, and thank you for sharing, because you're there are

472
00:29:44.599 --> 00:29:47.079
<v Speaker 2>there are hundreds of men listening to this who just

473
00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:50.680
<v Speaker 2>went wow, that's how I feel. Yeah, that's what I've

474
00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:54.839
<v Speaker 2>been told, and I can tell you that if you

475
00:29:55.039 --> 00:29:59.440
<v Speaker 2>have anxiety, when you have arousal, or you have anxiety

476
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:02.759
<v Speaker 2>when you're in trusted in somebody, that is going to

477
00:30:02.799 --> 00:30:03.720
<v Speaker 2>make you creepy.

478
00:30:04.599 --> 00:30:06.519
<v Speaker 1>Which is a shame because it's I'm just anxious.

479
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:09.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm not right, right, I don't see's creepy as all.

480
00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:11.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm not. I'm not sure, but but I know what's

481
00:30:11.799 --> 00:30:16.599
<v Speaker 2>happening is if you're anxious, then so women women sense

482
00:30:16.839 --> 00:30:20.960
<v Speaker 2>energy fast because it's like I said this before. You

483
00:30:21.079 --> 00:30:23.519
<v Speaker 2>are a good looking man. You are on the upper

484
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:27.240
<v Speaker 2>scale of good looking. So it's yeah, well, I mean

485
00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:31.160
<v Speaker 2>that's just factual. So it's not that it's not that

486
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:34.119
<v Speaker 2>you look creepy or there's something that. But if you

487
00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:39.000
<v Speaker 2>approach somebody or you see somebody and you feel you said, shame,

488
00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:42.279
<v Speaker 2>like you have shame around your sexuality. Right, you drop

489
00:30:42.359 --> 00:30:47.119
<v Speaker 2>into that little boy who's maybe nervous, You're right, that's

490
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:49.079
<v Speaker 2>going to give that vibe out. The woman's going to

491
00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:50.519
<v Speaker 2>be like, I don't know what's up here, but it

492
00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:57.799
<v Speaker 2>doesn't feel safe. Yeah, because you're self aware. I can't

493
00:30:57.839 --> 00:31:00.319
<v Speaker 2>imagine you're walking up to some woman that you're acted

494
00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:03.880
<v Speaker 2>to say ooh, I want to lick your toes or

495
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.440
<v Speaker 2>you know.

496
00:31:04.599 --> 00:31:08.039
<v Speaker 1>I would never say that. Of late, my shame. I

497
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:10.720
<v Speaker 1>mean they used to be more confident approaching women, but

498
00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:14.920
<v Speaker 1>of late, my kind of my feeling is just avoiding

499
00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:15.720
<v Speaker 1>it entirely.

500
00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:18.519
<v Speaker 2>Well, when you approach women, how did you do it?

501
00:31:18.599 --> 00:31:19.240
<v Speaker 2>What would you say?

502
00:31:20.599 --> 00:31:23.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this was obviously I would just be straight up.

503
00:31:24.119 --> 00:31:26.079
<v Speaker 1>I mean I read a book that encouraged you to

504
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:26.440
<v Speaker 1>just be.

505
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:29.799
<v Speaker 2>H, just go home and bang.

506
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean what I mean, like no, no, I would

507
00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:33.359
<v Speaker 1>just be like hi, like my name's Robe. I just

508
00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:36.000
<v Speaker 1>think they're attractive and wanted to say hi to you, basically.

509
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:39.440
<v Speaker 1>You know. It's it's interesting because I've actually had a

510
00:31:39.480 --> 00:31:43.240
<v Speaker 1>lot of sexual experience. I've had a lot of been

511
00:31:43.319 --> 00:31:45.200
<v Speaker 1>I've been received by a lot of women, but there's

512
00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:48.519
<v Speaker 1>just still like a feeling in my heart. And even

513
00:31:49.400 --> 00:31:52.799
<v Speaker 1>even when I've had sexual experiences, I can't I mean

514
00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:54.880
<v Speaker 1>it's not I can't or I never have, but I

515
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:57.880
<v Speaker 1>often feel like I can't drop into my masculine because

516
00:31:57.880 --> 00:32:00.759
<v Speaker 1>there's a part of me telling me that it's not

517
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:02.640
<v Speaker 1>appropriate or not right to do so, Like there's a

518
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:05.559
<v Speaker 1>barrier of something that's always pushing back against me that

519
00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:10.519
<v Speaker 1>I it's not right, I'm doing something wrong. I actually

520
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:11.799
<v Speaker 1>a man in the scenario.

521
00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:15.640
<v Speaker 2>Somebody told you that when you were young, this is

522
00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:25.799
<v Speaker 2>this is part of the sexual abuse experience. Somebody in

523
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:30.720
<v Speaker 2>your life didn't like men and had some bad thing happened,

524
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:32.680
<v Speaker 2>and this is their story in.

525
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:41.000
<v Speaker 1>My yours well at risk you a complicated session. I

526
00:32:41.079 --> 00:32:44.599
<v Speaker 1>think one thing is that when I was younger, singing

527
00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:46.599
<v Speaker 1>in the kid I was very very short. I'm very

528
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:50.720
<v Speaker 1>tall now, yeah, speaking, I'm like six two, I think

529
00:32:50.759 --> 00:32:55.359
<v Speaker 1>an American. But I was very sure, very very skinny,

530
00:32:56.799 --> 00:32:59.519
<v Speaker 1>and looked very young compared to my kes. So I

531
00:32:59.559 --> 00:33:02.559
<v Speaker 1>think I was like one aspect where I was treated

532
00:33:02.680 --> 00:33:06.119
<v Speaker 1>kind of that way by my female fears. So I

533
00:33:06.200 --> 00:33:09.920
<v Speaker 1>think that's left the big imprint on them. But my childhood,

534
00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:13.599
<v Speaker 1>my parents got divorced because my dad achieved on my

535
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:18.119
<v Speaker 1>mom quite a bit, and after the fact she became

536
00:33:18.359 --> 00:33:25.039
<v Speaker 1>very like yeah and just very I'm not sure of

537
00:33:25.160 --> 00:33:28.759
<v Speaker 1>produces a word, but just completely rejecting of all that stuff,

538
00:33:28.839 --> 00:33:34.119
<v Speaker 1>like really put away. But on my dad's side, there

539
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:37.359
<v Speaker 1>was a lot of sexual hic I suppose, like a

540
00:33:37.400 --> 00:33:41.599
<v Speaker 1>lot of hypersexuality and a lot of like embarrassing ship

541
00:33:41.960 --> 00:33:44.160
<v Speaker 1>where it would be like you're in the shower, did

542
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:46.759
<v Speaker 1>you did you masturbate like while you're in the shower?

543
00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:53.119
<v Speaker 1>Yeahpate like laughing, yeah, and like nakedness and to sing

544
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:55.359
<v Speaker 1>in front of me and stuff like shit like that

545
00:33:55.559 --> 00:33:58.400
<v Speaker 1>and laughing at me because he masturbated in the shower.

546
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:01.559
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, like these things have certainly, so you were.

547
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you were shamed. So you have the feminine men

548
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:07.599
<v Speaker 2>are bad and nasty and horrible.

549
00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:08.519
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, ever, and.

550
00:34:08.559 --> 00:34:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Then you had the masculine example of what you never

551
00:34:13.559 --> 00:34:13.920
<v Speaker 2>want to be.

552
00:34:15.159 --> 00:34:18.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, totally, and then my step mom laughing at me.

553
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:24.360
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so then you have no safe place that your

554
00:34:24.519 --> 00:34:30.519
<v Speaker 2>masculinity or sexuality is welcomed or told, is natural or

555
00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:34.159
<v Speaker 2>guided in any way that was healthy.

556
00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:35.760
<v Speaker 1>Correct.

557
00:34:36.039 --> 00:34:37.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so this is what.

558
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:40.880
<v Speaker 1>You know as well.

559
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:45.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah exactly. And yeah, enter porn at young age and

560
00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:50.440
<v Speaker 2>so hypersexuality, sexual shame, sexual rejection. When when a mother

561
00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:56.960
<v Speaker 2>is has been wounded by a man, she wants to

562
00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:05.400
<v Speaker 2>keep her sons as boys. Yeah, right, because they're dangerous

563
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:09.920
<v Speaker 2>when they're men in her viewpoints. So that's the projection

564
00:35:10.039 --> 00:35:13.480
<v Speaker 2>and story you get as a man. You're dangerous. Look

565
00:35:13.519 --> 00:35:15.800
<v Speaker 2>at who your dad is. You'll become him if you

566
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:18.760
<v Speaker 2>step into your sexuality. This is your child mind that

567
00:35:18.840 --> 00:35:21.199
<v Speaker 2>I'm talking about right here. Men are bad, men are

568
00:35:21.320 --> 00:35:24.000
<v Speaker 2>dangerous men her women, your dad's like, if you step

569
00:35:24.039 --> 00:35:29.280
<v Speaker 2>into sexuality, you become that person. Embarrassing, shameful. Uh you

570
00:35:29.360 --> 00:35:31.400
<v Speaker 2>know that, and you're going to get laughed at by

571
00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:34.000
<v Speaker 2>other women anyway. So I mean that's all you need

572
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:38.719
<v Speaker 2>right there for a perfect recipe to go. I'm confused

573
00:35:38.719 --> 00:35:41.119
<v Speaker 2>as fuck about who them throw some porn on there,

574
00:35:41.199 --> 00:35:42.840
<v Speaker 2>and I'm surprised you're.

575
00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:47.880
<v Speaker 1>You said.

576
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:54.320
<v Speaker 2>You're having sex at all. I'm surprised we didn't become.

577
00:35:56.039 --> 00:36:01.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, thankfully it's not my whole story. I mean,

578
00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:07.079
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm there's other qualities that really strong

579
00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:10.159
<v Speaker 1>in me, like my heart and my awareness, and like

580
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:14.079
<v Speaker 1>I can kind of get around these patterns, but there Yeah,

581
00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:16.320
<v Speaker 1>as we say this, as we speak about it, so otaenly,

582
00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:20.679
<v Speaker 1>like I feel so much pain and sadness and like

583
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:25.039
<v Speaker 1>kind of grossness in my being, you know, and I

584
00:36:25.159 --> 00:36:27.760
<v Speaker 1>really want to learn how to. I mean really I

585
00:36:27.840 --> 00:36:30.159
<v Speaker 1>want to be alone primarily because I want to feel

586
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:34.079
<v Speaker 1>this feeling, you know, this feeling and in relationship it

587
00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:38.119
<v Speaker 1>just feels like kind of reinforces increases weird negative big facts,

588
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:40.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, like mirroring of this ship. And I just

589
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:44.559
<v Speaker 1>want to lend myself with this feeling and that's what

590
00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:45.119
<v Speaker 1>you and you.

591
00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:47.920
<v Speaker 2>Need to do that because the ick or creepy vibe

592
00:36:48.280 --> 00:36:51.719
<v Speaker 2>is all accumulation of all those stories energetically living in you.

593
00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:56.159
<v Speaker 1>And I can't. I've tried in the past to kind

594
00:36:56.199 --> 00:37:00.320
<v Speaker 1>of like and pretend like those aren't there, like like, yeah,

595
00:37:00.360 --> 00:37:03.280
<v Speaker 1>but I feel like women women's feel it. Yeah, it's

596
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:04.599
<v Speaker 1>like in my energetic.

597
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:07.039
<v Speaker 2>From your head. Yeah, you're not gonna fix from your head.

598
00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:10.880
<v Speaker 1>I guess it's like it's in like my aura or

599
00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:12.519
<v Speaker 1>something like, it's.

600
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:17.800
<v Speaker 2>In your nervous system, it's in yourself, in your somatic body.

601
00:37:19.480 --> 00:37:21.679
<v Speaker 2>And then there's the lack of trust. Remember I asked you,

602
00:37:21.719 --> 00:37:22.679
<v Speaker 2>do you trust yourself?

603
00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:25.159
<v Speaker 1>I said, do you know? I don't. I don't. I

604
00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:27.920
<v Speaker 1>don't trust myself. I said that the other day to

605
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:31.880
<v Speaker 1>my therapist. I was in I was in Pilate's and

606
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:34.039
<v Speaker 1>I was like, because I've started on plates, I have

607
00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:37.199
<v Speaker 1>my kids and I spend the whole time to being

608
00:37:37.239 --> 00:37:39.559
<v Speaker 1>like to look at their asses and then and I

609
00:37:39.639 --> 00:37:42.280
<v Speaker 1>don't and then I do, and then what I said

610
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:44.119
<v Speaker 1>to my therapist, it makes me feel like I can't

611
00:37:44.119 --> 00:37:46.880
<v Speaker 1>trust myself, you know, which makes me cool terrible about myself,

612
00:37:47.000 --> 00:37:49.039
<v Speaker 1>Like I can't even trust myself, that I can't go

613
00:37:49.159 --> 00:37:53.440
<v Speaker 1>into an environment and just act with integrity, like respect

614
00:37:53.559 --> 00:37:59.480
<v Speaker 1>for myself, these people and anyway. Yeah, I want to

615
00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:02.239
<v Speaker 1>be able to trust myself. Yeah, I'm not battling with

616
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:04.360
<v Speaker 1>these Yeah.

617
00:38:04.519 --> 00:38:07.039
<v Speaker 2>So what I what I tell people is this, First

618
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:09.960
<v Speaker 2>of all, very few people trust themselves. Most people think

619
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:13.559
<v Speaker 2>they do, but they don't because we lie to ourselves

620
00:38:13.639 --> 00:38:16.119
<v Speaker 2>hundreds of times a day. That's what we do. That

621
00:38:16.280 --> 00:38:20.599
<v Speaker 2>is a normal course of action, and until you learn

622
00:38:20.679 --> 00:38:24.360
<v Speaker 2>how not to do that. We don't love liars. We're

623
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:27.239
<v Speaker 2>told by our whole society liars are bad. You don't

624
00:38:27.239 --> 00:38:29.000
<v Speaker 2>respect them, you don't like them, you don't trust them.

625
00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:31.199
<v Speaker 2>And yet we're lying to ourselves and we know we're lying.

626
00:38:31.639 --> 00:38:34.400
<v Speaker 2>For instance, I'm gonna get up at six am in

627
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:37.280
<v Speaker 2>the morning. Maybe some people say that, right, I'm gonna

628
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:40.039
<v Speaker 2>go to the gym every day. All the lies you

629
00:38:40.119 --> 00:38:42.679
<v Speaker 2>tell yourself. I'm gonna not eat sugar, I'm gonna stop

630
00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:44.960
<v Speaker 2>drinking coffee. I'm gonna not eat the watch the porn.

631
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:47.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna not look at their ass whatever it is

632
00:38:47.800 --> 00:38:52.320
<v Speaker 2>that you're saying, right, and then you disregard it, don't

633
00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:59.400
<v Speaker 2>do it just really solidifies that we're liars. So how

634
00:38:59.480 --> 00:39:01.039
<v Speaker 2>we clean that up? And if you're a liar, you

635
00:39:01.199 --> 00:39:03.239
<v Speaker 2>never are going to trust yourself. That's just not it's

636
00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:06.519
<v Speaker 2>not You're not capable of trusting a liar. So so

637
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:10.679
<v Speaker 2>we work on this by the small commitments of five

638
00:39:10.760 --> 00:39:13.920
<v Speaker 2>minute practices that you do seven days a week without fail.

639
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:18.440
<v Speaker 2>We start really incredibly small to learn how to trust again.

640
00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:21.960
<v Speaker 2>So it's like, okay, take your self pleasuring practice right

641
00:39:22.519 --> 00:39:25.639
<v Speaker 2>or the static hold one of the practices, and you

642
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:29.000
<v Speaker 2>literally commit to doing it every single day, seven days

643
00:39:29.039 --> 00:39:31.760
<v Speaker 2>a week for five minutes without fail. Okay, you're going

644
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:32.320
<v Speaker 2>to go along.

645
00:39:32.519 --> 00:39:33.000
<v Speaker 1>That did it.

646
00:39:33.119 --> 00:39:34.880
<v Speaker 2>The first week's good, the second week's good, and then

647
00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:40.000
<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden you're gonna forget, And it's like, shit,

648
00:39:40.280 --> 00:39:42.159
<v Speaker 2>how did I forget that I'm doing it every day?

649
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:45.960
<v Speaker 2>Because basically your brain and subconscious mind and body know

650
00:39:46.079 --> 00:39:48.679
<v Speaker 2>that you're not committed to anything. You're a liar, so

651
00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:51.480
<v Speaker 2>of course you're going to forget it. But so day

652
00:39:51.559 --> 00:39:56.920
<v Speaker 2>one start again just like you know, and sure enough

653
00:39:57.039 --> 00:39:59.679
<v Speaker 2>one day because you're going to forget it. And here's

654
00:39:59.719 --> 00:40:03.920
<v Speaker 2>why there's the habit thing. You know, thirty days to

655
00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:06.079
<v Speaker 2>have it or what three weeks to have its bullshit.

656
00:40:06.199 --> 00:40:12.920
<v Speaker 2>That study actually was never accurate. Changing a neural pathway,

657
00:40:13.159 --> 00:40:16.400
<v Speaker 2>changing a pathway in your brain to be that six

658
00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:19.880
<v Speaker 2>am in the morning get up person, right, has a

659
00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:24.039
<v Speaker 2>different timeframe for everybody in the beginning, because it's a

660
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:28.800
<v Speaker 2>lot of work for the brain to change a pattern. Right,

661
00:40:29.880 --> 00:40:32.320
<v Speaker 2>So you hate mornings. You need to get up at

662
00:40:32.360 --> 00:40:34.840
<v Speaker 2>six am. You have to change a pattern that's laid

663
00:40:34.840 --> 00:40:39.239
<v Speaker 2>into your brain really hard. The story, so you get

664
00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:40.679
<v Speaker 2>up at six, you get up at six, you get

665
00:40:40.719 --> 00:40:42.400
<v Speaker 2>up six, and then one morning you wake up and

666
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:45.800
<v Speaker 2>you're like, oh, I'm sick. Oh that's right, we don't

667
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:47.880
<v Speaker 2>go to the gym when we're sick. Well, that was

668
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:50.960
<v Speaker 2>your brain making you sick so that it didn't have

669
00:40:51.159 --> 00:40:53.639
<v Speaker 2>to use the resources to change to Now you're six

670
00:40:53.719 --> 00:40:55.719
<v Speaker 2>in the morning. So when you get you get your

671
00:40:55.760 --> 00:40:58.880
<v Speaker 2>ass out of bed anyway and just go to the gym.

672
00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:00.960
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to work out, but just freaking walk

673
00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:04.000
<v Speaker 2>into the gym. Now you're at the gym, Okay, great,

674
00:41:04.119 --> 00:41:06.079
<v Speaker 2>now go home. The next morning you wake up and

675
00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:10.239
<v Speaker 2>you go. Now, your brain will get really resistant. People

676
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:12.760
<v Speaker 2>who coach with me, I set them up. I'm like,

677
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:15.719
<v Speaker 2>one morning, you're gonna wake up and go fucking hell.

678
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:18.039
<v Speaker 2>I'm in a cult. Tanya is a.

679
00:41:18.199 --> 00:41:19.280
<v Speaker 1>Fucking cult leader.

680
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:22.599
<v Speaker 2>I swear to God, this stuff is insane. I'm doing

681
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:24.440
<v Speaker 2>what with my body? Static hole?

682
00:41:24.519 --> 00:41:24.760
<v Speaker 1>What is?

683
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:29.079
<v Speaker 2>You'll have all this weird resistance, But that's a sign

684
00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:32.079
<v Speaker 2>of success. Because your brain's trying to talk you out

685
00:41:32.159 --> 00:41:34.000
<v Speaker 2>of doing the thing you said you were going to do.

686
00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:39.039
<v Speaker 2>You stick with it. It's usually between anywhere between twenty

687
00:41:39.079 --> 00:41:41.360
<v Speaker 2>four hours and five days, and all of a sudden

688
00:41:41.360 --> 00:41:44.400
<v Speaker 2>your brain goes, okay, fine, all right, fine, you do

689
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:47.360
<v Speaker 2>static hold every day. I got alsume. Here you go. Now.

690
00:41:47.880 --> 00:41:53.199
<v Speaker 2>The thing is, I was a vegetarian in December eighteenth,

691
00:41:53.719 --> 00:41:56.679
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty two, and I said to myself, I'm going

692
00:41:56.679 --> 00:42:00.960
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent carnivore tomorrow. My brain said fine, because

693
00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:05.599
<v Speaker 2>it knows it's more trouble to resist changing with me

694
00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:09.360
<v Speaker 2>because I trust myself and I keep my word, than

695
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:12.440
<v Speaker 2>it is to do it. So you can change from

696
00:42:12.639 --> 00:42:17.000
<v Speaker 2>that non committed liar into the disciplined thing where your

697
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:20.679
<v Speaker 2>brain goes, Okay, fine, all right, you're giving up sugar grate, Fine,

698
00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:22.480
<v Speaker 2>we give up sugar. I don't care. You want to

699
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:26.400
<v Speaker 2>give up porn. Damn, Porn's gone. Uh you know so

700
00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:29.199
<v Speaker 2>it but that takes training, and it starts with those

701
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:33.400
<v Speaker 2>very small, one five minute easy thing a day for

702
00:42:33.559 --> 00:42:37.800
<v Speaker 2>thirty days. Increase the level of difficulty for the next

703
00:42:37.880 --> 00:42:40.800
<v Speaker 2>thirty days. Start day one. When you fuck up in

704
00:42:40.920 --> 00:42:45.480
<v Speaker 2>day twenty nine and you forget oh day one, keep

705
00:42:45.519 --> 00:42:46.400
<v Speaker 2>that commitment to your.

706
00:42:48.639 --> 00:42:51.920
<v Speaker 1>Right. So you're you're saying, five minutes.

707
00:42:51.719 --> 00:42:55.000
<v Speaker 2>A day whatever thing you do. So let's say let's

708
00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:55.400
<v Speaker 2>say it just.

709
00:42:56.599 --> 00:42:57.400
<v Speaker 1>Like every single day.

710
00:42:57.800 --> 00:42:59.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so let's say you're going to do ten cafre

711
00:43:00.199 --> 00:43:02.039
<v Speaker 2>is while you brush your teeth. I mean, you got

712
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:04.400
<v Speaker 2>to make this so easy you can't fail the first

713
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:05.039
<v Speaker 2>thirty days.

714
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:06.280
<v Speaker 1>Otcha.

715
00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:10.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to whatever it is, tag it into something

716
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:13.559
<v Speaker 2>you're already doing. If you're doing the static hole, that's

717
00:43:13.599 --> 00:43:15.760
<v Speaker 2>a five minute practice, then it's five minutes every day

718
00:43:15.800 --> 00:43:18.920
<v Speaker 2>you do the static hole, right. If you're you know,

719
00:43:19.159 --> 00:43:21.960
<v Speaker 2>doing a hardhold every day, I'm doing a hardhold. Whatever.

720
00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:25.480
<v Speaker 2>But whatever it is you pick, keep the level of

721
00:43:25.519 --> 00:43:29.159
<v Speaker 2>difficulty super low, like waking up at six am and

722
00:43:29.199 --> 00:43:30.960
<v Speaker 2>going to the gym is a hard task. If you

723
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:34.119
<v Speaker 2>don't do that, that's a hard higher loan. You pick

724
00:43:34.199 --> 00:43:36.800
<v Speaker 2>something super easy that you feel like I can do this.

725
00:43:37.599 --> 00:43:39.599
<v Speaker 2>You do it for thirty days, but you track it

726
00:43:39.800 --> 00:43:41.440
<v Speaker 2>so that you know when you screw up and you

727
00:43:41.559 --> 00:43:43.440
<v Speaker 2>forgot to do it. You don't give yourself a pass.

728
00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:48.440
<v Speaker 2>You start day one. Now, I've had some people have

729
00:43:48.639 --> 00:43:51.840
<v Speaker 2>to do eight starts, eight months on one tiny.

730
00:43:51.679 --> 00:43:55.320
<v Speaker 1>Little practice right before they got their day.

731
00:43:55.519 --> 00:43:59.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, before they nailed the thirty days right. If it

732
00:43:59.119 --> 00:44:00.719
<v Speaker 2>was too then I would go and look and say

733
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:03.320
<v Speaker 2>they if they failed twice or three times in a row,

734
00:44:03.320 --> 00:44:05.639
<v Speaker 2>I want to know because they might be picking something

735
00:44:05.679 --> 00:44:08.000
<v Speaker 2>too big, and we got to really make it a

736
00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:08.760
<v Speaker 2>lot smaller.

737
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:09.960
<v Speaker 1>Right.

738
00:44:11.320 --> 00:44:15.159
<v Speaker 2>There are some people so their programs or their their

739
00:44:15.159 --> 00:44:19.400
<v Speaker 2>feelings about themselves are so mangled that literally I start

740
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:22.599
<v Speaker 2>with something that they're almost oh, they're already doing. Like

741
00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:27.199
<v Speaker 2>it might be they're brushing their teeth, so they always

742
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:29.039
<v Speaker 2>brush their teeth, and I find out about how they

743
00:44:29.119 --> 00:44:32.480
<v Speaker 2>brush their teeth, and you know, they always like turn

744
00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:35.920
<v Speaker 2>the water on, put the brush under, put the toothpaste,

745
00:44:35.960 --> 00:44:37.920
<v Speaker 2>on brush their teeth, and then I would say, okay,

746
00:44:38.039 --> 00:44:40.199
<v Speaker 2>so what you're going to do now is you're going

747
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:43.239
<v Speaker 2>to pick up the toothbrush. Right then you're going to

748
00:44:43.320 --> 00:44:47.159
<v Speaker 2>turn the water on dip it. So I will change

749
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:51.000
<v Speaker 2>one thing up in a routine that they do and

750
00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:53.800
<v Speaker 2>make it that small so that they can have a

751
00:44:53.880 --> 00:44:59.519
<v Speaker 2>successful thirty days right right. The brain doesn't care how

752
00:44:59.559 --> 00:45:02.760
<v Speaker 2>big the thing is. It's just track that you literally

753
00:45:03.280 --> 00:45:05.559
<v Speaker 2>are doing the thing you say you're going to do.

754
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:09.760
<v Speaker 1>Makes sense, makes sense.

755
00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:13.199
<v Speaker 2>So when you build self trust, when you build self commitment,

756
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:17.760
<v Speaker 2>you rebuild self trust. When you rebuild self trust, you

757
00:45:17.960 --> 00:45:22.480
<v Speaker 2>rebuild self respect. And when you have commitments self trust

758
00:45:22.599 --> 00:45:28.280
<v Speaker 2>and self respect, you fall in love with yourself. There

759
00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:32.320
<v Speaker 2>is no trying to love yourself. Yeah, the four pillars

760
00:45:32.360 --> 00:45:39.639
<v Speaker 2>to self commitment. Commitment leads to self trust, self trust

761
00:45:39.960 --> 00:45:43.559
<v Speaker 2>leads to self respect. When you have commitments, self trust,

762
00:45:43.639 --> 00:45:47.639
<v Speaker 2>and self respect, you fall in love with yourself.

763
00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:50.320
<v Speaker 1>Makes sense.

764
00:45:50.920 --> 00:45:54.599
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, everybody's starting with the self love without ever fixing

765
00:45:54.679 --> 00:45:55.800
<v Speaker 2>the bottom foundation.

766
00:45:58.920 --> 00:46:01.559
<v Speaker 1>Makes sense. I can feel that it's a it's a

767
00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:06.280
<v Speaker 1>thing that creates and inability for me to I guess

768
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:08.960
<v Speaker 1>love myself is this sense of a lack of integrity

769
00:46:09.079 --> 00:46:09.519
<v Speaker 1>in terms of.

770
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, exactly, And so you concentrate on just building

771
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:18.920
<v Speaker 2>that foundation, and this self trust comes back. You start

772
00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:22.280
<v Speaker 2>to think about what you're saying and stop saying all

773
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:24.239
<v Speaker 2>that shit you're not going to do because so there's

774
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:27.039
<v Speaker 2>an exercise to do. It's called a brain dump. You

775
00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:30.360
<v Speaker 2>just basically get a pen and paper and all those shoulds,

776
00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:33.199
<v Speaker 2>I should get up bits six, I should stop watching porn,

777
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:35.519
<v Speaker 2>I should what I want. Just dump it all on

778
00:46:35.599 --> 00:46:39.039
<v Speaker 2>a piece of paper, every single fucking lie you tell

779
00:46:39.079 --> 00:46:41.079
<v Speaker 2>yourself about what you're going to do that you don't

780
00:46:41.159 --> 00:46:44.320
<v Speaker 2>do on a piece of paper. Then you look at

781
00:46:44.360 --> 00:46:48.079
<v Speaker 2>that critically and you go, really, am I really gonna

782
00:46:48.119 --> 00:46:48.760
<v Speaker 2>stop doing that?

783
00:46:49.159 --> 00:46:49.199
<v Speaker 1>No?

784
00:46:49.480 --> 00:46:51.519
<v Speaker 2>Okay, cross it off? I mean, fuck it. Just like

785
00:46:51.639 --> 00:46:55.000
<v Speaker 2>cross everything off and get down to one basic thing

786
00:46:55.159 --> 00:46:58.400
<v Speaker 2>that you know you're going to do and then start

787
00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:02.559
<v Speaker 2>doing that, because all those shoulds and outstanding bullshit and

788
00:47:02.599 --> 00:47:05.599
<v Speaker 2>all that stuff that's there is literally taking up real

789
00:47:05.719 --> 00:47:08.480
<v Speaker 2>estate and making you lie and lack of trust and

790
00:47:08.599 --> 00:47:09.320
<v Speaker 2>laugh respect.

791
00:47:10.360 --> 00:47:13.880
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm that true.

792
00:47:14.719 --> 00:47:20.400
<v Speaker 2>Simple, yeah, easy but not simple, Simple but not easy,

793
00:47:20.559 --> 00:47:21.800
<v Speaker 2>Simple but not easy.

794
00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:23.599
<v Speaker 1>Totally.

795
00:47:23.840 --> 00:47:27.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So what are you going to take away? What

796
00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:29.159
<v Speaker 2>are you going to take away from today?

797
00:47:33.599 --> 00:47:38.719
<v Speaker 1>Hmm, Well, I feel I think this is highlighted that

798
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:40.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm on the right track. Just talking about like my

799
00:47:41.239 --> 00:47:47.199
<v Speaker 1>history with my with my sexuality. I think re emphasize

800
00:47:47.239 --> 00:47:51.760
<v Speaker 1>this to me, the need spigeling so that there's a

801
00:47:51.800 --> 00:47:53.880
<v Speaker 1>bit more commitment in that sense that yeah, it really

802
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:58.440
<v Speaker 1>is a good move for me too, stuff externalizing and

803
00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:03.480
<v Speaker 1>to just focus on me. Yeah, because then as well,

804
00:48:03.519 --> 00:48:06.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm I can be meanfully and I don't have if

805
00:48:06.039 --> 00:48:08.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm not actually seeking anything from anyone else, that does

806
00:48:08.320 --> 00:48:11.320
<v Speaker 1>what does it matter? Okay, well, well that's too.

807
00:48:11.519 --> 00:48:14.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you're giving yourself a break, and I mean that's why,

808
00:48:15.119 --> 00:48:18.000
<v Speaker 2>that's why I've attracted You said it went before our

809
00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:20.400
<v Speaker 2>call when I was telling you bragging about my new man,

810
00:48:20.960 --> 00:48:22.960
<v Speaker 2>and you said, well you've done all this work on yourself.

811
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:25.559
<v Speaker 1>Of course you'd attract that totally.

812
00:48:27.079 --> 00:48:29.280
<v Speaker 2>That was awesome, And I'm like, yes, I'm actually looking

813
00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:31.920
<v Speaker 2>at my mail. If he feels like me and a man.

814
00:48:34.199 --> 00:48:37.360
<v Speaker 1>Is pretty yeah, So I think, yeah, that's I'm taking

815
00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:39.880
<v Speaker 1>away from like it actually is going to be quite

816
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:41.760
<v Speaker 1>freeing for me to have that chance to do that.

817
00:48:43.079 --> 00:48:45.960
<v Speaker 1>But also I'm reflecting as well, and like I've done

818
00:48:46.039 --> 00:48:48.599
<v Speaker 1>some of I've done the Semitic one of the Semitic exercises,

819
00:48:49.800 --> 00:48:53.599
<v Speaker 1>but I do it like once every four days, like

820
00:48:53.800 --> 00:48:56.079
<v Speaker 1>half an hour, and then every other day I'm like,

821
00:48:56.119 --> 00:48:58.159
<v Speaker 1>I don't have the time, right.

822
00:48:58.079 --> 00:48:59.639
<v Speaker 2>So'd be better to cut that down?

823
00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:03.559
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Yeah, right, yeah, to cut it down. And then

824
00:49:03.679 --> 00:49:06.519
<v Speaker 1>this idea of like, could I do it for five

825
00:49:06.559 --> 00:49:10.119
<v Speaker 1>minutes for thirty days? It seems so simple, but honestly

826
00:49:10.199 --> 00:49:12.920
<v Speaker 1>that I'm like, I don't know it, Like I'm just

827
00:49:13.320 --> 00:49:16.880
<v Speaker 1>such a kind of distracted, like sort of random person like.

828
00:49:18.599 --> 00:49:20.599
<v Speaker 1>But then then the feeling is like, why couldn't I

829
00:49:20.599 --> 00:49:23.119
<v Speaker 1>commit it literally five minutes? And then that voice says

830
00:49:23.519 --> 00:49:26.199
<v Speaker 1>five minutes that's not enough to make a difference, you know.

831
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:28.440
<v Speaker 1>So there's already a voice that comes in that sort

832
00:49:28.440 --> 00:49:30.719
<v Speaker 1>of sabotages yeah, that process.

833
00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:33.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so then you go and you just do it

834
00:49:34.039 --> 00:49:35.960
<v Speaker 2>in you go, well, okay, let's find out.

835
00:49:36.679 --> 00:49:39.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, let's find out. Yeah. So I'm hearing you that

836
00:49:39.400 --> 00:49:41.719
<v Speaker 1>the commitment and the consistency is going to be more

837
00:49:41.760 --> 00:49:44.400
<v Speaker 1>powerful than once every five days they do a half

838
00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:44.960
<v Speaker 1>now session.

839
00:49:45.119 --> 00:49:47.760
<v Speaker 2>You know, absolutely, it'd be better to do a micro

840
00:49:47.880 --> 00:49:50.760
<v Speaker 2>commitment every single day, every single day, every single because

841
00:49:51.119 --> 00:49:55.039
<v Speaker 2>it's showing up for yourself every day for five minutes

842
00:49:55.840 --> 00:49:59.159
<v Speaker 2>is probably I've actually worked with people that's the only

843
00:49:59.239 --> 00:50:01.480
<v Speaker 2>thing I had them do was one five minute practice

844
00:50:01.519 --> 00:50:05.199
<v Speaker 2>every single day and literally watched all of this stuff

845
00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:10.039
<v Speaker 2>heal in them. It was insane. It was insane. It's

846
00:50:10.119 --> 00:50:13.320
<v Speaker 2>like magic. People go, I don't understand how this is working.

847
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:15.480
<v Speaker 2>I've been in therapy, I've been this, I've done this,

848
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:20.719
<v Speaker 2>and it's like, I show up six weeks five minute practices.

849
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:22.679
<v Speaker 2>The next thing I know, I don't have road rage anymore.

850
00:50:23.079 --> 00:50:25.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing this. I'm doing this, I'm doing this, and

851
00:50:25.159 --> 00:50:30.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I like really powerful practices that are simple

852
00:50:31.199 --> 00:50:34.840
<v Speaker 2>and work, and this is ninety nine percent success.

853
00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:35.079
<v Speaker 1>Right.

854
00:50:35.239 --> 00:50:39.960
<v Speaker 2>They do not work on people who are psychopaths. And

855
00:50:40.079 --> 00:50:44.280
<v Speaker 2>I've tested this, but I've worked with one hundred thousand

856
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:48.639
<v Speaker 2>people in over sixty countries with a ninety nine success right.

857
00:50:50.079 --> 00:50:51.519
<v Speaker 1>I remember. One of the things that you said makes

858
00:50:51.559 --> 00:50:54.119
<v Speaker 1>the biggest has made the biggest difference is that for

859
00:50:54.199 --> 00:50:55.360
<v Speaker 1>men to say no to sex.

860
00:50:56.000 --> 00:51:00.639
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, that book project that I did, Yeah yeah,

861
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:04.320
<v Speaker 2>six months saying no to sex and like they're like,

862
00:51:04.480 --> 00:51:06.239
<v Speaker 2>you insane, what do you mean saying no, I don't

863
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:09.320
<v Speaker 2>get sex anyway. You sex is something and I'm saying no,

864
00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:12.039
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what you're doing.

865
00:51:13.639 --> 00:51:18.039
<v Speaker 1>Interesting stuff. Yeah, Danya. By the way, I spent the

866
00:51:18.159 --> 00:51:26.679
<v Speaker 1>last time music I don't like it's definitely Tanya and

867
00:51:26.760 --> 00:51:32.079
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, maybe it's Kanya. Oh Godanya. But I listened

868
00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:34.880
<v Speaker 1>to it all and I Tanya.

869
00:51:36.280 --> 00:51:42.159
<v Speaker 2>Kanya. That jay is sounds like a why Tanya Tanya? Yeah,

870
00:51:42.840 --> 00:51:49.840
<v Speaker 2>so the Aussies like to call me Tanya tan Tanya Wait, yeah,

871
00:51:49.880 --> 00:51:52.079
<v Speaker 2>the Aussies like to call me a little bit different.

872
00:51:52.280 --> 00:51:54.559
<v Speaker 1>Well, Tanya is kind of like a more common yeah

873
00:51:55.079 --> 00:52:02.440
<v Speaker 1>yeah yeah, but tanyat yeah, yeah, I will try m

874
00:52:02.599 --> 00:52:09.760
<v Speaker 1>hm oh yeah yeah, I wow. It's really hard for

875
00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:13.639
<v Speaker 1>me to commit to it. Two minutes my goodness for

876
00:52:13.840 --> 00:52:19.559
<v Speaker 1>thirty days, I will commit to five minutes a day

877
00:52:20.079 --> 00:52:25.119
<v Speaker 1>of the handividuals handed Semitic exercise.

878
00:52:25.039 --> 00:52:29.280
<v Speaker 2>So static thirty days of five minutes a day STATICLED.

879
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:35.199
<v Speaker 1>And if I accomplish that, then I will return and

880
00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:37.679
<v Speaker 1>I will pay for the session. But if you like,

881
00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:41.199
<v Speaker 1>you can use it for your podcast so that the

882
00:52:41.920 --> 00:52:46.000
<v Speaker 1>year what has happened to me? If I am actually

883
00:52:46.639 --> 00:52:48.320
<v Speaker 1>if you're interested, no.

884
00:52:48.440 --> 00:52:50.199
<v Speaker 2>We want to follow you. I think we're gonna drop

885
00:52:50.400 --> 00:52:54.079
<v Speaker 2>drop you in this container and let's follow follow your

886
00:52:54.239 --> 00:52:58.000
<v Speaker 2>process over the next six months to a year. And

887
00:52:58.800 --> 00:53:01.559
<v Speaker 2>on me, let's because you're brave enough to show up

888
00:53:01.639 --> 00:53:02.519
<v Speaker 2>and be vulnerable.

889
00:53:03.280 --> 00:53:07.719
<v Speaker 1>Wow, thank you. Yeah, that's just really encouraging and trying.

890
00:53:07.840 --> 00:53:08.119
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

891
00:53:09.559 --> 00:53:13.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, let's show thank you, thank you. Let's show what

892
00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:16.760
<v Speaker 2>this is capable of. That it really can be that

893
00:53:18.159 --> 00:53:20.639
<v Speaker 2>because I think, you know, it's one thing to have

894
00:53:20.760 --> 00:53:23.599
<v Speaker 2>guests on here that are professionals, and you know, most

895
00:53:23.639 --> 00:53:26.320
<v Speaker 2>professionals don't show up as vulnerable as they can, and

896
00:53:26.400 --> 00:53:32.039
<v Speaker 2>then because they're professionals. Yeah, exactly, even though we've had

897
00:53:32.039 --> 00:53:35.679
<v Speaker 2>a few. My friend Farren was on and Farren was

898
00:53:35.760 --> 00:53:38.960
<v Speaker 2>pretty vulnerable and he he's not a professional coach or anything,

899
00:53:39.039 --> 00:53:44.159
<v Speaker 2>so that was that was good. But yeah, it's a

900
00:53:44.480 --> 00:53:47.360
<v Speaker 2>it's a it's a privilege and an honor for somebody

901
00:53:47.400 --> 00:53:49.639
<v Speaker 2>to show up and have the courage to get real

902
00:53:50.559 --> 00:53:54.320
<v Speaker 2>because you're saying what so many men are thinking and feeling.

903
00:53:55.199 --> 00:53:57.039
<v Speaker 2>But I don't think anybody else is.

904
00:53:59.159 --> 00:54:01.840
<v Speaker 1>Wow, that's really moving to me.

905
00:54:01.920 --> 00:54:08.679
<v Speaker 2>It's yeah, yeah, you're providing a ton of value to

906
00:54:08.800 --> 00:54:09.199
<v Speaker 2>other men.

907
00:54:12.679 --> 00:54:18.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, that's really that's really moving. Really sorry, I

908
00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:21.440
<v Speaker 1>don't really say yeah, I'll do my best.

909
00:54:23.400 --> 00:54:25.719
<v Speaker 2>You're gonna be You're gonna be tracking, so you know

910
00:54:25.800 --> 00:54:30.880
<v Speaker 2>you're tracked. And stop with the stories. I'm too scattered.

911
00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:34.280
<v Speaker 2>Stop every time you have a freaking story. You just

912
00:54:34.360 --> 00:54:37.840
<v Speaker 2>stop the story and just say, I am committing to this.

913
00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:40.239
<v Speaker 2>Rewrite the story.

914
00:54:41.920 --> 00:54:44.800
<v Speaker 1>You know, I think it's probably the best limited five minutes.

915
00:54:44.840 --> 00:54:48.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to live as well, yeh, because otherwise I'll

916
00:54:48.719 --> 00:54:51.519
<v Speaker 1>feel tempted, you know, to push it five minutes.

917
00:54:52.119 --> 00:54:54.559
<v Speaker 2>You just stop there. That's all your commitment is. You

918
00:54:54.679 --> 00:54:56.679
<v Speaker 2>do what you say you're gonna do. Doesn't need to

919
00:54:56.719 --> 00:55:00.679
<v Speaker 2>be more, doesn't make it faster. It's the everything gold day.

920
00:55:04.039 --> 00:55:04.400
<v Speaker 1>I'll do it.

921
00:55:04.719 --> 00:55:06.840
<v Speaker 2>You can do this absolutely. And I like how you

922
00:55:06.920 --> 00:55:10.159
<v Speaker 2>pivoted from the word try to committing. And I love

923
00:55:10.280 --> 00:55:12.880
<v Speaker 2>how you if you if people had seen you, if

924
00:55:12.920 --> 00:55:16.280
<v Speaker 2>the men had seen you, you had that moment of struggle.

925
00:55:16.320 --> 00:55:18.079
<v Speaker 2>You looked up, you had your eyes closed, and you

926
00:55:18.199 --> 00:55:21.159
<v Speaker 2>looked up and you were like, wow, this is hard

927
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:25.679
<v Speaker 2>to commit, even this tiny little thing, you know, But

928
00:55:25.800 --> 00:55:27.239
<v Speaker 2>then you pick and you did.

929
00:55:27.440 --> 00:55:30.639
<v Speaker 1>Could I trust myself because I know I believe I'll

930
00:55:30.639 --> 00:55:35.599
<v Speaker 1>get to stay or something, and you know, yeah, that's fine.

931
00:55:36.760 --> 00:55:40.920
<v Speaker 2>Emphasis, that's what we have to heal, all right, how

932
00:55:40.960 --> 00:55:43.199
<v Speaker 2>we do it one five minute day at a time.

933
00:55:44.559 --> 00:55:45.079
<v Speaker 1>Sounds good?

934
00:55:45.519 --> 00:55:49.039
<v Speaker 2>Awesome? Well, thank you so much. Were yet we'll have

935
00:55:49.840 --> 00:55:53.920
<v Speaker 2>Robert back as he progresses through these thirty days and

936
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:57.159
<v Speaker 2>we'll see how that's going. And if there's others of

937
00:55:57.239 --> 00:55:59.079
<v Speaker 2>you out there that are now throwing your hand in

938
00:55:59.119 --> 00:56:00.840
<v Speaker 2>the air saying, oh what about me? What about me?

939
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:04.320
<v Speaker 2>What about me? Yeah? Right right, you had your chance

940
00:56:06.719 --> 00:56:09.559
<v Speaker 2>about it, right, but you were like, oh, I don't know,

941
00:56:09.760 --> 00:56:12.559
<v Speaker 2>I should give oath, you know, and uh yeah, so

942
00:56:13.039 --> 00:56:15.119
<v Speaker 2>just know that if I call something out or an

943
00:56:15.159 --> 00:56:17.440
<v Speaker 2>opportunity to out, then you should probably jump on it,

944
00:56:17.639 --> 00:56:21.960
<v Speaker 2>just saying and uh, I appreciate your your courage in

945
00:56:22.079 --> 00:56:26.679
<v Speaker 2>that and your commitment to your healing, because ultimately, when

946
00:56:26.760 --> 00:56:31.280
<v Speaker 2>you commit to your healing, you absolutely help heal the

947
00:56:31.400 --> 00:56:37.960
<v Speaker 2>feminine as well, because every healthy masculine male heals the feminine.

948
00:56:40.079 --> 00:56:41.079
<v Speaker 1>Thanks that's nust.

949
00:56:45.880 --> 00:56:49.559
<v Speaker 2>Your commitment to that means that you know, yay. I

950
00:56:49.679 --> 00:56:52.800
<v Speaker 2>want to thank you for all my sisters and all

951
00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:54.599
<v Speaker 2>the women out there. I want to thank you for

952
00:56:54.719 --> 00:56:57.000
<v Speaker 2>being a courageous man to show up and do the

953
00:56:57.079 --> 00:56:59.599
<v Speaker 2>healing work you need to do to show up better

954
00:56:59.639 --> 00:57:00.960
<v Speaker 2>in the world, all for women.

955
00:57:02.920 --> 00:57:04.639
<v Speaker 1>Thanks, thanks a lot.

956
00:57:05.039 --> 00:57:10.519
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely absolutely all right h