WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:06.440 Welcome to Soul Unfiltered, a raw, real and liberating voice 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.199 of the soul. I'm fay Lou, and this is not 3 00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:12.480 your perfectly polished love and light kind of show. This 4 00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:16.879 is where sacred storytelling meets spiritual tools for soul awakening. 5 00:00:17.480 --> 00:00:21.719 I'm an intuitive energy healer, certified grief educator, and spiritual coach. 6 00:00:22.359 --> 00:00:25.199 I create a welcoming place for healing and for you 7 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:29.079 to share your truth and reclaim your authentic self. Here 8 00:00:29.239 --> 00:00:32.359 we laughter the tears, live with intention, and rise to 9 00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:35.320 the moments of our growth. This is your space to 10 00:00:35.359 --> 00:00:38.719 be real, be seen, and come home to yourself where 11 00:00:38.759 --> 00:00:46.479 you can be unfiltered. This is Soul Unfiltered. Hello everyone, 12 00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:52.039 and welcome. This is fay Loo. I'm an intuitive healing 13 00:00:52.119 --> 00:00:57.079 consultant at fay Inspired Healing, a grief educator at host 14 00:00:57.119 --> 00:01:00.560 of this little spiritual storytelling journey. We have been together, 15 00:01:03.079 --> 00:01:07.480 and today's episode is a little different. It's not only 16 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:12.840 another story. It is a full circle completion episode, a 17 00:01:12.959 --> 00:01:17.439 moments to look back, gather the lessons, bless the road, 18 00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:23.000 and ask what has my story telling journey really been about. 19 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:28.439 When I first started thinking about this final episode, I 20 00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:32.280 thought perhaps I would talk about endings, the ending of 21 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:36.599 a radio chapter, my time in Missouri, and the ending 22 00:01:36.680 --> 00:01:42.840 of one long relationship karma. But the more I sat 23 00:01:42.920 --> 00:01:45.519 with this episode, the more I thought that this is 24 00:01:45.560 --> 00:01:51.000 not really about endings. We live in drastically uncertain times 25 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:54.920 in this decade, and considering how slowly things moved for 26 00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:58.799 me in recent years to finish some projects in my 27 00:01:58.920 --> 00:02:03.599 mind anyway, such as home remodeling, I began to lose 28 00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:09.840 myself in self doubt. So I decided to examine my 29 00:02:09.879 --> 00:02:13.280 own levels of self trust and see where that has 30 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:17.919 taken me. It is about learning to trust what I 31 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.000 sense and what I know, trusting what my body tells me, 32 00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:27.199 and especially trusting what spirit has been showing me all 33 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:33.199 along for years. In recent years, in spite of moving 34 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:37.960 across time zones multiple times, trusting what a chapter is 35 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.919 complete to cross into a new finishing line. By following 36 00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:46.400 my impulsive heart, I finally heard this is where you belong. 37 00:02:46.520 --> 00:02:52.479 Now I am sitting in Utah now, on top of 38 00:02:52.520 --> 00:02:57.159 a little mountain. I can see so many times in 39 00:02:57.159 --> 00:03:01.039 my life when I spent weeks, months, even years agonizing 40 00:03:01.080 --> 00:03:05.840 over some decisions. I would obsess over slipless lights, am 41 00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:09.240 I doing the right thing. Am I being fair? My 42 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:13.039 being fair to myself? My being too sensitive? Am I 43 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:16.960 too harsh? Should I be more patient? Should I listen more? 44 00:03:17.919 --> 00:03:22.120 Did I miscalculate the timing? Should I let this go? No, 45 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:25.080 this is silly. Yes, it's a great idea. On and 46 00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:29.400 on and on it went, and many times I listened 47 00:03:29.400 --> 00:03:35.159 to advice from well meaning people, teachers, friends, family, a 48 00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:40.639 husband who later became an ex husband, authority figures, people 49 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:43.439 who may have loved me, or cared about me, or 50 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:47.639 had their own motives about what I should do. But 51 00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:51.080 they were not living inside my body. They were not 52 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:55.840 living inside my frightened herves. They were also not carrying 53 00:03:55.960 --> 00:04:01.919 my soul contracts, my grief, my intuition, my tune into spirit, 54 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:08.199 or the consequences of my own choices. And the truth is, 55 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:13.240 many times, actually most times, to my dismay and disappointment, 56 00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:19.800 I discovered that my first instinct was usually right. Ah. 57 00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:26.120 The disappointment not always loud, not even dramatic, just almost 58 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:31.399 impossible to explain how or why, just a quiet knowing 59 00:04:31.759 --> 00:04:35.319 for which I did not have words for. It was 60 00:04:35.319 --> 00:04:38.399 a feeling in my body that I know that I 61 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:42.240 did not know how to describe. Still it came in 62 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:46.160 the form of a little tightening in the body, maybe hesitation, 63 00:04:47.879 --> 00:04:53.680 a loss of words, staring into space, a lump in 64 00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:59.120 my heart, uh, a tightness in my throat as well, 65 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:04.160 losing my A feeling that something was not aligned, not 66 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:08.240 quite right, a sense that I was being pulled somewhere 67 00:05:08.360 --> 00:05:13.720 or away from something, and instead of trusting it, I 68 00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:19.399 would put that knowing on trial. I would cross examine 69 00:05:19.399 --> 00:05:23.160 myself like I'm in my own court and treat my 70 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:27.759 own intuition like a hostile witness. Are you sure? Do 71 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:34.120 you have evidence? What's the wind? Who's profiting from this? 72 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:38.240 Are you? Are you not? Why? And meanwhile, my soul 73 00:05:38.279 --> 00:05:43.839 was sitting there saying, faye, you already told yourself you 74 00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:47.519 know this of a sudden. Let me talk about what 75 00:05:47.560 --> 00:05:54.040 I have learned from signs, spirit, food, grief, houses, relationships, animals, 76 00:05:54.600 --> 00:06:00.879 even the weather, writing, radio, and the mountains of Utah. 77 00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:04.839 And the lesson is this. The signs were not meant 78 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:09.839 to replace my knowing. They were helping me return to it. 79 00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:15.480 The purpose of spiritual guidance for me is not dependency. 80 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:21.319 The purpose really is remembrance, And by that I mean 81 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:26.240 my own wisdom, and the purpose of signs is not 82 00:06:26.279 --> 00:06:31.279 to make us chase signs forever. The purpose of signs 83 00:06:31.319 --> 00:06:34.639 is to help us remember how to trust ourselves. And 84 00:06:34.759 --> 00:06:39.079 note that there are so encouraging reminders from spirit along 85 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:45.319 our journeys through life. So this final episode is not 86 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:50.800 about becoming more superstitious. It is about becoming more discerning. 87 00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:54.639 It is also about learning to hear the language of 88 00:06:54.680 --> 00:07:00.800 the soul, your own soul, without abandoning common sense, being grounded, 89 00:07:01.879 --> 00:07:09.240 or simply personal responsibility. Self trust is biological, intuitive and 90 00:07:09.319 --> 00:07:15.199 also spiritual. Biological because the boom body often knows where 91 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:20.000 the mind has language your intuition. Because perception arrives as 92 00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:23.319 a quiet signal, a gut feeling, a pull, a pause, 93 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:28.240 an inner yes or an inner no. Your chakras or 94 00:07:28.279 --> 00:07:32.759 power centers may be misaligned, wide open, too far to 95 00:07:32.879 --> 00:07:37.160 feel all the wrong energies, or too tightly wound up, 96 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:41.319 wrapped up closed, missing out on information that can't get 97 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:46.759 through to us. The energetic cords pulling into the right 98 00:07:46.839 --> 00:07:50.839 or wrong directions give you an idea where energetic attractions are. 99 00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:54.560 Withdrawals need to take place from your energy system, from 100 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:57.839 your body, and your aura can be tattered and torn 101 00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:03.199 or perfectly intact, provide more information about the energies your 102 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:06.480 body is receiving to inform you of the options you 103 00:08:06.519 --> 00:08:10.439 can take in your life. All these energies give you messages, 104 00:08:11.839 --> 00:08:15.839 but as you have time to see, listen, and feel, touch, 105 00:08:17.240 --> 00:08:24.360 smell and what does that look like? Often in spiritual messages, 106 00:08:24.439 --> 00:08:29.560 because sometimes that knowing is supported by spirit through signs, dreams, numbers, 107 00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:36.360 and chronicities, flickering lights, birds, food, timing, and that unmistakable 108 00:08:36.399 --> 00:08:40.000 feeling that something larger than ourselves is participating in our 109 00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:45.639 lives at times. Yes, at times they're missing, but they're there. 110 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:51.279 And here's a tricky part. We often override our own instincts. 111 00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:54.639 Our rational minds sometimes get in the way of our 112 00:08:54.679 --> 00:08:59.039 inner knowing, our inner wisdom and intuition and what lies 113 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:04.120 in our hearts. Animals do not seem to have this problem, 114 00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:08.759 though they don't form committees and have meetings before trusting 115 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:13.600 themselves for making a decision. They don't ask, what if 116 00:09:13.639 --> 00:09:17.960 I'm being too sensitive? They don't ask, uh, maybe I 117 00:09:17.960 --> 00:09:21.559 should digest this thing that my whole body just pooked up. 118 00:09:22.120 --> 00:09:25.840 That's my cats. They sense, They decide, and then move on. 119 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:30.759 Everything's in the moment for animals, right with their instincts, 120 00:09:32.200 --> 00:09:35.159 which brings me to one of the great spiritual teachers 121 00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:38.759 of my recent life. You'd be surprised what that is. 122 00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:44.200 Turkey vultures. Yes, the humble, not so pretty turkey vultures. 123 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:48.480 They fly around Missouri over the house since I lived 124 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:52.120 near a lake, and as I was preparing to leave 125 00:09:52.159 --> 00:09:55.360 my Missouri house and move to Utah, I was emptying 126 00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:59.399 out the refrigerator and freezer, and there the freezer was 127 00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:02.840 an old, a thick bacon that had been sitting there 128 00:10:02.879 --> 00:10:07.279 for years, I think about three years. Never cooked it, 129 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:11.440 didn't want to. It's one of those strange leftovers from 130 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:15.159 a previous life. Bob, my ex husband, had bought it 131 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:18.039 years earlier for a neighbor who had been complaining of 132 00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:20.519 not about not being able to find the right bacon 133 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:23.639 that she wanted. On a lark, he decided to buy 134 00:10:23.679 --> 00:10:26.000 her a package and gave it to her. She didn't 135 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:29.879 want it, so naturally ended up in my freezer. 136 00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:31.200 Now. 137 00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:34.279 And for some reason, I never cooked meats that someone 138 00:10:34.360 --> 00:10:36.519 else buys and things that I will cook it and 139 00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:40.799 clean up after myself afterwards, not the mystery meat that 140 00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:45.159 my neighbor from Wyoming hunted down over the weekend and 141 00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:48.840 that package greasy MESSI bacon either looked really pretty in 142 00:10:48.879 --> 00:10:50.960 the package, unce you open it up, it's all over 143 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:55.600 lots of degrees. Certain later on in the day. There 144 00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:57.799 are many creatures by a lake who are very grateful 145 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:01.080 to forage for my refrigerator fits. So I was trying 146 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:05.639 to be generous there. So I used my best pitching 147 00:11:05.720 --> 00:11:08.200 red arm to land a whole lump of bacon my 148 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:13.600 backyard lawn to empty the freezer. And I thought maybe 149 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:16.360 a fox would come by later and you know, take 150 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:18.440 it back to its den just below the lake in 151 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:23.360 front of my house. Pretty cool. I turned around and 152 00:11:23.559 --> 00:11:27.679 went about my business, and turns out, only three or 153 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:33.519 four minutes later I saw movement outside the window. There 154 00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:37.279 were actually four turkey vultures standing on the lawn. They 155 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:41.159 were fast. They do patrol the lake area all day long, 156 00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:45.399 flying overhead. Not just one. Four of them showed up 157 00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:49.440 within minutes. I didn't know that fast. I didn't know 158 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:51.759 that bacon had such a smell that they could smell 159 00:11:51.919 --> 00:11:55.480 way up above in the sky. You know. They arrived 160 00:11:55.480 --> 00:11:58.759 like they had a reversvation, had a reservation planned. You know, 161 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:00.480 they were pecking away at the bay bacon that I 162 00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:04.679 tossed in the lawn, so I didn't pay any further attention. 163 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:07.759 I was just glad that somebody came by for chunk 164 00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:12.919 of bacon. And within minutes I turned around again, they 165 00:12:12.919 --> 00:12:15.000 started to fly away. I was trying to capture a 166 00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:18.840 photo on camera of them eating bacon, and then I failed. 167 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:21.840 They flew away too quickly, and a few minutes later 168 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:27.039 the grass was empty, the lawn was cleaned out except 169 00:12:27.080 --> 00:12:34.320 for the bacon fat. The meaty part was gone, but 170 00:12:34.360 --> 00:12:37.279 funny enough, the white fatty part was still there on 171 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:41.080 the lawn, untouched, separated from the salty meaty part. 172 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:45.440 And I laughed out loud. I thought that was the 173 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:49.720 funniest thing I had seen all week. Vultures were turning 174 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:53.799 down food. They left the bacon meat and left the 175 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:56.240 fat behind. How funny is that? 176 00:12:56.480 --> 00:13:00.279 I think about that turkey Vultures eats carry yah. They 177 00:13:00.279 --> 00:13:07.840 are nature's cleanup crew. They perform this sacred ecological sanitation 178 00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:11.919 work for nature. They clean what is dead, They clear decay, 179 00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:16.600 they transform what is no longer useful than the landscape. 180 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.720 It's great work, sacred work when you think about it, 181 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:25.799 But bacon fat no way. Even the Turkey vultures had 182 00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:29.159 some boundaries watching their diets. And I was still laughing. 183 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.519 I'm still laughing thinking about the scene that I saw 184 00:13:31.559 --> 00:13:34.600 in that afternoon, was just cracking up. And I thought, 185 00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:38.759 if turkey vultures can trust themselves enough to leave behind 186 00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:43.039 what does not serve their bodies, maybe we humans can 187 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.759 trust ourselves enough to leave behind what does not serve 188 00:13:46.840 --> 00:13:51.840 our souls. It's funny, but it's also profound when you 189 00:13:51.919 --> 00:13:55.320 think about it, because how many times in our lives 190 00:13:55.360 --> 00:14:01.240 have we eaten, absorbed, tolerated, carried, explained, defended, or metabolize 191 00:14:01.279 --> 00:14:05.039 something that our body, heartened spirit already rejected but we 192 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:10.480 just weren't paying attention. Oh, what's another doughnut, my husband 193 00:14:10.480 --> 00:14:13.879 would say, combined with this third cup of coffee followed 194 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:18.960 by diet coke. How many times did our stomach tighten, 195 00:14:19.240 --> 00:14:23.639 our chest clothes, our energy drop, our sleep change, our 196 00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:27.279 joy disappear, And still we did something that we didn't 197 00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:31.080 feel quite right about, just because we did not want 198 00:14:31.080 --> 00:14:34.720 to waste anything. And I do remember a young lady 199 00:14:34.759 --> 00:14:38.080 who was helping me through a weight loss many years ago. 200 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.200 Better to waste it in the garbage can than to 201 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:43.440 waste it in our bodies. When it comes to food, 202 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:46.960 it's full right, right? How many times do we call 203 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:51.519 it confusion when very often it was really self abandonment. 204 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:54.919 We forgot our own well being. That is part of 205 00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:57.320 what this whole season of my life has been teaching 206 00:14:57.360 --> 00:15:01.720 me in this past year or so. Self trust is 207 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:05.639 not just trusting the obvious. Self trust is trusting the 208 00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:10.679 subtle signs of misalignment with ourselves before we enter a crisis. 209 00:15:11.759 --> 00:15:14.919 Self trust does not believe every thought, every fear, every sign, 210 00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:20.919 or every emotional wave, but it is discernment. Discernment is 211 00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:26.120 a bridge between intuition and wisdom. How useful is that? 212 00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:26.440 Right? 213 00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:29.919 How practical? It's kind of like pausing before you throw 214 00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:31.919 a punch when you get mad, you use a little 215 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:36.320 bit of discernment there. Self trust is not only trusting 216 00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:39.799 the signs. It's also trusting our own boundaries as well, 217 00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:44.399 trusting the pause and trusting being able to say no 218 00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:46.759 or no thanks if you want to be more polite 219 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:50.879 about it. It's also trusting the peace that arise when 220 00:15:50.919 --> 00:15:55.279 the body finally stops arguing with itself, or we stop 221 00:15:55.399 --> 00:15:58.759 arguing with ourselves. I do that a lot. It's a 222 00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:04.360 habit is learning the difference between fear and intuition, fear 223 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:09.679 and wisdom, fear versus caution, between old trauma and the 224 00:16:09.720 --> 00:16:15.799 present truth, present day knowledge, between a spiritual sign and 225 00:16:16.039 --> 00:16:23.759 maybe wishful thinking, between compassion and self abandonment, between being 226 00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:30.000 patient and just waiting it out, between healing something and 227 00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:34.879 continuing to live inside of it. And the last one 228 00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:40.240 was very important to me, healing something versus continuing to 229 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:46.440 live inside of it. M how about stepping outside? Because 230 00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:49.480 my Missouri house became one of the greatest classrooms of 231 00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:54.879 my recent life. When I bought that house, I saw beauty, 232 00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:59.200 I saw potential. I saw what it could become in 233 00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:02.759 spite of everything, a fixed upper And that is one 234 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:06.319 of my gifts, but also one of my lessons, sometimes 235 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:12.440 hard earned. I can walk into something neglected, heavy, outdated, 236 00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:18.680 full of cobwebs, or energetically complicated and heavy in terms 237 00:17:18.680 --> 00:17:22.160 of vibration, but still see the lights inside of it, 238 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:24.920 because that's the potential for it that I can create. 239 00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:28.160 I can see the healed version of the way I 240 00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:31.559 see my clients walking away laughing after an attumin session, 241 00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:35.720 an energy session. I can see the beauty under the 242 00:17:35.799 --> 00:17:39.000 dust when a client walks away, standing straight, with a 243 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:41.759 new glimmer in their eyes, when their tears of grief 244 00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:47.400 are finally released. And that is wonderful when I'm working 245 00:17:47.440 --> 00:17:51.680 with a client, or writing or teaching, because sometimes I 246 00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:54.640 stay too long trying to restore what was never meant 247 00:17:54.680 --> 00:17:59.960 to be. I love how I restore my Missouri house 248 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:03.039 to bright and beautiful space. Sits in a community filled 249 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:07.039 with woods, a lake, and wildlife. I love funny squirrels too, 250 00:18:07.160 --> 00:18:10.599 while they're hilarious. But the house also carried a lot 251 00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:12.880 in its past history of wear and tear and grief 252 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:18.599 from past occupants, compulse of me compulsive healer that led 253 00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:24.720 to repairs and many renovations and updates, relationship residues of 254 00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:27.400 past grief and abuse, and the heaviness that has since 255 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:33.319 been clear through house healings. That was nice. Sometimes you 256 00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:38.279 need help, professional help, ghostbusters. My nervous system felt the 257 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:40.799 heavy energy imprints from the past, and I forgot to 258 00:18:40.839 --> 00:18:43.759 separate myself from a house that I adopted to heal. 259 00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:47.200 I became the house, the house became me. We became 260 00:18:47.319 --> 00:18:50.279 little mirrors of each other. I healed the houses. I 261 00:18:50.319 --> 00:18:53.319 healed myself, though in the process. After about four years 262 00:18:54.720 --> 00:19:00.000 we became a bit entangled for a while House and I. 263 00:19:00.200 --> 00:19:02.319 But then it occurred to me that the house was 264 00:19:02.359 --> 00:19:05.119 not only a property, it was a mirror of my 265 00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:09.079 work for myself and for others. It showed me the 266 00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:12.200 pattern of trying to fix and heal everyone and everything 267 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:15.119 in my care. I'm sitting at a restaurant having a meal, 268 00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.519 and I'm cleaning the table for the server. Why am 269 00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:21.400 I doing that? I should tip myself and trying to 270 00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:24.279 make everything better, even when it cost me too much. 271 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.119 And a deeper lesser came to me not to not 272 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:33.240 too recently either. Just because I can heal something does 273 00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:35.880 not mean I meant to keep living inside of it 274 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:40.519 or next to it, above it, or below it. I 275 00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:43.920 don't need to be anywhere near it any more. That 276 00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:46.599 line is important. Just because I can heal something does 277 00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:51.079 not mean I meant to keep living inside it. That 278 00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:54.640 line is important because the house also became a mirror 279 00:19:54.680 --> 00:19:58.640 of my relationships as well. That I had been healing 280 00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:02.079 for the longest time, and some I have finished and 281 00:20:02.119 --> 00:20:05.119 some are still working on. Sometimes it takes lifetimes to 282 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:10.079 heal relationships with yourself and with others beyond lifetimes, but 283 00:20:10.279 --> 00:20:12.759 in the present time could be in the past, it 284 00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:16.200 could be in the future as well. And just because 285 00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:18.960 I was trying to heal someone in my marriage also 286 00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:20.680 did not mean I was meant to stay in that 287 00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:26.160 relationship either. Sometimes of final healing is not another repair. 288 00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:33.680 Sometimes of final healing is simply leaving, and leaving is 289 00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:39.240 not abandonment. Leaving is really completion to allow a new 290 00:20:39.319 --> 00:20:43.359 cycle to begin. Leaving is completion. It can be great, 291 00:20:44.759 --> 00:20:50.559 and sometimes leaving is also following my soul's journey, and 292 00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:54.599 leaving can be the final act of love, not only 293 00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:58.960 for another person or place, but for ourselves. This is 294 00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:03.039 where my reserve now stands. The house is for sale 295 00:21:03.720 --> 00:21:08.799 summer season. The market is uncertain, the timing is unknown. 296 00:21:10.119 --> 00:21:13.559 The world feels chaotic. The real estate market is not 297 00:21:13.799 --> 00:21:19.319 exactly a woman fuzzy right now, and leaving a house 298 00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:22.799 empty while waiting for it to sell is not cheap. 299 00:21:24.680 --> 00:21:30.440 It's also not exactly the most rational or fiscally responsible 300 00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:34.000 thing for me to do to myself. And I have 301 00:21:34.119 --> 00:21:36.039 been in the business world for years and I know 302 00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:41.039 numbers do matter. But I also know this. My heart 303 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:46.839 matters more, my nervous system matters more, My inner piece 304 00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:51.200 matters more. And what is the cost of my inner piece? 305 00:21:52.559 --> 00:21:54.519 A lot more than what the price of the house 306 00:21:54.599 --> 00:21:58.119 is worth. My body has been telling me for a 307 00:21:58.160 --> 00:22:01.880 long time that my time healing me Missouri is complete. 308 00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:06.599 Missouri was the healing house of my life. While I 309 00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:09.920 healed the home and the land, I healed myself. While 310 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:13.200 I emptied the house, I released energies and emotions that 311 00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:16.680 no longer served me, And they were not even mine, 312 00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:22.039 not all of them anyway. They belong to prior occupants, 313 00:22:22.279 --> 00:22:25.759 to the historic imprint of the land, to my husband, now, 314 00:22:25.799 --> 00:22:31.880 my ex, now friend, and now, hilariously also someone I 315 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:36.839 give dating advice to. How funny is that he doesn't 316 00:22:36.839 --> 00:22:40.640 give me dating advice, He just wants me to stick around. Sorry. 317 00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:46.400 Utah is a hearthouse now, and sometimes the soul makes 318 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:49.200 a decision before the checking account feels comfortable. 319 00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:50.200 Ah. 320 00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:53.000 That does not mean we ignore reality. It means we 321 00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:57.000 include the heart and the calculation. Sometimes the heart means 322 00:22:57.079 --> 00:23:00.599 much more than anything in the world, right, because what 323 00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:03.319 is the cause of staying where your heart no longer lives? 324 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:07.480 You're empty and the house is empty. So for me, 325 00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:11.000 this move to Utah is not simply about logistics and 326 00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:15.079 being in drier climate without bugs or with fewer bugs anyway, 327 00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:19.480 It's not even simply about Bob being in Utah, although 328 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:22.079 of course Bob has been part of this long, complicated, 329 00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:28.359 karma filled and sometimes absurd journey and storyline. Oh by now, 330 00:23:28.519 --> 00:23:34.400 I think sixteen separations, twelve or thirteen moves my lost 331 00:23:34.440 --> 00:23:37.000 count Really I got to go back and check my inventory, 332 00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:40.799 gift moves and houses and states and U haul truck rentals. 333 00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:44.759 But Utah is not about moving for a man. Utah 334 00:23:44.839 --> 00:23:48.480 is about moving for myself. I love Utah. It's so beautiful. 335 00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:54.480 Utah is where my heart recognizes itself. The beauty, the heights, 336 00:23:54.680 --> 00:24:00.839 the vibration of Utah fuel so elevated and heavily to me, 337 00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:04.279 especially in the winter snow. I love winter. I don't 338 00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:06.880 even care that it's cold. Yeah coats, I got boots, 339 00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:11.519 I got socks. The winter is just pure beauty. Even 340 00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:16.200 when it's blowing crazy snow and crazy wind and it's 341 00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:20.319 the house feels haunted because it's howling in the wind, 342 00:24:21.480 --> 00:24:25.279 It's still gorgeous. The mountains, the altitude, the light, the 343 00:24:25.319 --> 00:24:30.400 open sky, the way the land rises. All of it 344 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:36.440 speaks to something inside of me. Yutah has something vast, strong, 345 00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:41.559 ancient and beautiful holding. The mountains, the clouds, the moving 346 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:46.759 clouds speak to me. The mountains they hold me now. 347 00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:51.400 In many Asian traditions, monasteries, temples, and places of sanctuary 348 00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:54.160 they were built high, high up off the ground, in 349 00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:58.960 high elevations on mountaintops card to axis, probably because monks 350 00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:02.599 and nuns also liked to be left alone in contemplation 351 00:25:02.759 --> 00:25:07.000 and peace and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle 352 00:25:07.079 --> 00:25:12.599 of the world. There's something about ascending, about leaving behind 353 00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:15.799 the noise of ordinary life, but being closer to the 354 00:25:15.799 --> 00:25:21.240 sky's snows, silence and prayer and contemplation. It's as if 355 00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:25.440 God feels closer at the higher elevation. Of course, when 356 00:25:25.480 --> 00:25:28.519 people pray, we'll look up in the sky right forgetting them. 357 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:31.799 God's right next to us. The world becomes quieter and 358 00:25:31.960 --> 00:25:36.839 the mind becomes clearer. Body feels less crowded by other 359 00:25:36.839 --> 00:25:41.599 people's energies. It's nice. The cold winds. They clear your energies. 360 00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:44.920 They wake you up and test your foothold on the ground. 361 00:25:44.920 --> 00:25:49.160 The earth rocks. The mountains not just a view. The 362 00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:55.359 mountains are not just a view. It's a field. It's 363 00:25:55.400 --> 00:26:00.599 a field of clean, pure energies. A refuge certainly a 364 00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:06.359 perspective egos eye perspective world everything is so small and 365 00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:11.559 insignificant when you are at a higher perspective. It's protection. 366 00:26:12.039 --> 00:26:16.240 It's also sacred space. And for me, Utah also carries 367 00:26:16.279 --> 00:26:21.880 an ancient feeling, very ancient, hundreds of years past, almost 368 00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:25.680 like a past life memory, of Utah being finally a 369 00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:31.839 place of refuge, unity, family, survival, and the courage to 370 00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:35.640 believe and live differently as well based on your own 371 00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:40.079 soul's convictions. A place where souls gather because they have 372 00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:45.079 to survive persecution and hardship, starvation, and the daring to 373 00:26:45.119 --> 00:26:49.519 be different in their own beliefs, different from the masses. 374 00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:56.680 And that courage has resurfaced in me too. The courage 375 00:26:56.680 --> 00:27:01.759 to live apart from family expectations and hands. Courage to 376 00:27:01.799 --> 00:27:06.720 be the one who leaves the home and explore outside 377 00:27:06.759 --> 00:27:10.039 of myself and outside of our family and our culture 378 00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:15.160 and our beliefs. Courage to be misunderstood, courage to build 379 00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:18.480 a life around my own calling, and courage to say 380 00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:23.880 this is where my heart belongs, not home, and this year, 381 00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:29.519 that courage has another layer of meaning for me. If 382 00:27:29.559 --> 00:27:33.200 you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or in grief, I'm here to help. 383 00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:36.279 I'm fade out into the healer and founder of Faye 384 00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:40.240 Inspired Feeling. Through soul guided sessions, I help you reconnect 385 00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:43.680 with your body's wisdom and inner truth, whether you're healing 386 00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:47.559 from loss, letting go of pain, or rising into elevated energies. 387 00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:51.839 My work combines energy clearing, grief support, and spiritual coaching. 388 00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:55.119 Schedule a session or learn more at Fay Inspired Healing 389 00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:03.559 dot com. In twenty twenty six, I turn sixty out ry, Huh? 390 00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:07.680 How dare I say that? In Chinese astrology that means 391 00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:11.680 I have completed a full sixty year cycle and returned 392 00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:15.079 to the fire Horse year of my birth. Yes, I 393 00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:19.279 was born on the year the fire Horse. That's not 394 00:28:19.400 --> 00:28:21.880 just a birthday, and that is a full circle moment 395 00:28:21.960 --> 00:28:24.640 for me in a lifetime. A lot of people they 396 00:28:24.920 --> 00:28:27.960 die by age sixty one. Well, that happened to be 397 00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:31.839 my late husband. Is my mortality imminent? 398 00:28:32.119 --> 00:28:32.200 No? 399 00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:34.039 Not really, I got a few more things to do 400 00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:37.519 before I kick it. Is the wheel returning to its 401 00:28:37.519 --> 00:28:41.640