Speaker 1: Episode with two stories. First part, I hope you enjoy
Speaker 1: this story. Harmful guardians who expelled me at eighteen and
Speaker 1: disconnected from me appeared at my son's celebration to request
Speaker 1: funds and later attempted to bring me to court court
Speaker 1: for fifty thousand dollars. I never stole, Hey, everyone, So
Speaker 1: I twenty eight m celebrated my son's third birthday three
Speaker 1: days ago. It was mostly our co workers with kids
Speaker 1: and a couple of my son's friends from his daycare
Speaker 1: with their parents. I'd also invited my estranged parents to
Speaker 1: the party after they contacted me two weeks ago asking
Speaker 1: if they could meet me to make amends with me.
Speaker 1: Some backstory here, so it makes sense why I don't
Speaker 1: get along with them. So my parents kicked me out
Speaker 1: ten years ago, a couple of months before I was
Speaker 1: supposed to start college. To make it extra special and poetic,
Speaker 1: they also made sure to kick me out on my
Speaker 1: eighteenth birthday. My parents were never the most loving or
Speaker 1: caring people. I'd say that I was pretty much ignored
Speaker 1: and unwanted throughout my childhood, and the only reason my
Speaker 1: parents didn't kick me out way before eighteen was probably
Speaker 1: because it would be illegal, but they did so the
Speaker 1: first chance that they got, and I wasn't even surprised
Speaker 1: that they were kicking me out. I was just surprised
Speaker 1: that they were doing it on my birthday and just
Speaker 1: a couple of months before college was about to begin.
Speaker 1: I tried to talk them into letting me live with
Speaker 1: them just until I graduated and covering my tuition, but
Speaker 1: they were very sure of what they wanted to do.
Speaker 1: They wanted me out of their lives so they could
Speaker 1: do whatever they'd wanted to so far, instead of wasting
Speaker 1: their time taking care of me. Their plans were to
Speaker 1: start their own business, which is a financial risk they
Speaker 1: couldn't take as long as they had me to look after,
Speaker 1: and then travel all the states in an RV. It
Speaker 1: was a great plan. I have nothing against what they
Speaker 1: wanted to do, but not at the cost of my future.
Speaker 1: I tried every manipulation tactic in the book to make
Speaker 1: them change their plans, but with no luck. I even
Speaker 1: resorted to crying and sobbing, but that didn't help either,
Speaker 1: and they told me that I had one month to
Speaker 1: vacate the house and find a way for myself to
Speaker 1: cover my own expenses. I'd already been working as a
Speaker 1: cashier at one of the stores in the local mall
Speaker 1: and saving some money to buy a car, but after
Speaker 1: my parents talk, I decided to leave and put that
Speaker 1: money to use. I didn't have much, but I was
Speaker 1: extremely upset with my parents. I'd never liked them much,
Speaker 1: but after my birthday I hated them, so within the
Speaker 1: next two days, I texted all my relatives if they'd
Speaker 1: be willing to help me out. Most of them turned
Speaker 1: their backs on me, which was unsurprising and was a
Speaker 1: huge part of the reason I'd never spoken anything against
Speaker 1: my parents before, because I'd never had anyone to count on.
Speaker 1: My friends were nice, but they had their own lives
Speaker 1: and wouldn't want me sticking around to live with them either.
Speaker 1: But I'm lucky that one of my distant relatives, one
Speaker 1: of my mother's cousins, Uncle Kevin, responded to my e
Speaker 1: mail and told me that I could come live with him,
Speaker 1: but I'd need to make myself useful for as long
Speaker 1: as I would stay. I just needed somewhere to go
Speaker 1: and live before pack my bags and let to travel
Speaker 1: to Utah so I could live with Uncle Kevin. I
Speaker 1: didn't tell my parents anything in Nita. Did they ask.
Speaker 1: I didn't even tell them good bye one last time
Speaker 1: before I left, and I don't suppose they cared much
Speaker 1: about it. Uncle Kevin was a nice guy, and he
Speaker 1: did make me help him out with a lot of
Speaker 1: things around the house, but it was nothing impossible. He
Speaker 1: also ran his own diner, which was pretty popular among
Speaker 1: the locals, and he told me that I could work
Speaker 1: there as the cashier for the time being, and if
Speaker 1: I was diligent and sincere, he'd pay for my tuition.
Speaker 1: He was a little eccentric, but he was rolling in
Speaker 1: money from his grandparents inheritance, and since he had no
Speaker 1: family of his own, he could afford to spend his
Speaker 1: money on things like these. And that's how I paid
Speaker 1: for college by showing my uncle just how serious I
Speaker 1: was at the diner by working well and honestly. After
Speaker 1: I graduated and moved out, I offered to start paying
Speaker 1: him back, but he told me not to bother and
Speaker 1: said that he'd collect his dues when I was a
Speaker 1: bigger success story. He was weird but sweet. Unfortunately, he
Speaker 1: never came to collect his dues, since just a few
Speaker 1: years after I left, he passed away from a stroke.
Speaker 1: It was sudden, and by the time his housekeeper got
Speaker 1: him to the hospital, it was too late already. I'm
Speaker 1: thankful for whatever he did for me, and I'll always
Speaker 1: be grateful that he was able to at least be
Speaker 1: present at my wedding and take the place of my parents.
Speaker 1: Uncle Kevin never really got along with his family, including
Speaker 1: my mother, as a child or even as an adult,
Speaker 1: so my parents were never able to find out where
Speaker 1: I spent those years and who covered my tuition for me.
Speaker 1: Or maybe they'd found out, but they just didn't bother
Speaker 1: to contact me. Either way, I never heard from my
Speaker 1: parents even once after I left their house until a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago. They told me that they'd found me
Speaker 1: on social media through a cousin who's helped them trace
Speaker 1: me down, since they'd heard from people that I was
Speaker 1: now married and even had a three year old son
Speaker 1: of my own. They apologized in their message for all
Speaker 1: that they'd done all those years ago and told me
Speaker 1: that now they'd love to come to see me and
Speaker 1: make things right with me, mostly because they wanted to
Speaker 1: meet my wife and son. I thought it was really
Speaker 1: half hearted and almost didn't reply to them, but they
Speaker 1: sent another one within a day of that message, saying
Speaker 1: that they really wanted to meet their grandson while they
Speaker 1: were still around, and it was evident that they were
Speaker 1: trying to emotionally manipulate me. Nevertheless, I agreed and told
Speaker 1: them to come over on the day of my son's birthday.
Speaker 1: I didn't have anything in mind particularly, but after talking
Speaker 1: to my wife and discussing the messages with her, she
Speaker 1: told me she didn't mind having them over as long
Speaker 1: as I was okay with it. She knows all the
Speaker 1: history with them, and we've been married for five years now.
Speaker 1: It's been ten years since my parents kicked me out.
Speaker 1: So she told me that if I believed it was
Speaker 1: water under the bridge, then I could invite them. Her
Speaker 1: own parents had passed away when she was really little,
Speaker 1: and she'd been raised by her grandparents, both of whom
Speaker 1: had passed away in the last couple of years, so
Speaker 1: I could tell that she really wanted some family to
Speaker 1: be present at the party. I didn't care about reconciliation,
Speaker 1: but I felt like my wife actually did want them
Speaker 1: and wasn't saying it because she didn't want a strong
Speaker 1: army into anything. So I did invite my parents for
Speaker 1: my wife's sake. And on the day of the party,
Speaker 1: they arrived an hour early before all the other guests
Speaker 1: so we could get some one on one time with
Speaker 1: each other. It was all very awkward and uncomfortable, but
Speaker 1: we tried to make small talk after I'd introduced them
Speaker 1: to my wife and son. They were polite and respectful
Speaker 1: for the most part, but then at one point, my
Speaker 1: wife went into the kitchen to make my dad some tea,
Speaker 1: and that's when my mother told me that she was
Speaker 1: here to discuss something else as well, and she didn't
Speaker 1: want to say it in front of my wife, so
Speaker 1: they'd asked her for tea. Now that it was just
Speaker 1: the three of us, my parents apologized to me again
Speaker 1: and said that they'd come to their senses now that
Speaker 1: they'd done whatever they'd wanted to and felt like they
Speaker 1: had really treated me badly during my childhood. I thought
Speaker 1: that it was pretty nice of them to apologize and
Speaker 1: that they'd finally started acting like human beings to me,
Speaker 1: But before I could accept their apology in person, they
Speaker 1: went on to tell me that they now needed money
Speaker 1: and that was a major reason that they were here
Speaker 1: right now. Apparently they'd blown through a lot of their
Speaker 1: savings while traveling, and now they were falling shit short
Speaker 1: while trying to pay for all their bills on time,
Speaker 1: and wanted my help to live. They knew that my
Speaker 1: wife and I were relatively well off. She was a
Speaker 1: real estate agent and I worked in a bank, so
Speaker 1: we were comfortable and could afford to help them. I
Speaker 1: was very irritated by that because it just cheapened everything
Speaker 1: that they'd said to me, because now I felt like
Speaker 1: it was all just a ploy to get me to
Speaker 1: help them out financially. They'd even used their grandson and
Speaker 1: their tactics to try and make me soften up towards them,
Speaker 1: and while it hadn't been very effective on me, my
Speaker 1: wife had fallen for it. I didn't blame her because
Speaker 1: she didn't know just how awful my parents were and
Speaker 1: really missed her family, which is why she was so
Speaker 1: keen for us to fix our relationship, but I regretted
Speaker 1: ever having them over. I didn't say anything to them then,
Speaker 1: because just afterward, my wife walked in with the tea
Speaker 1: for my dad and coffee for the rest of us,
Speaker 1: and she seemed very happy. So I just stayed quiet,
Speaker 1: and my mother told me to think about it. My
Speaker 1: wife did ask me what we'd been talking about, but
Speaker 1: I told her that we'd talk about it later because
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get into an argument with my parents.
Speaker 1: Around the same time as when the guests were supposed
Speaker 1: to start arriving, my wife talked to my parents some
Speaker 1: more for the next couple of minutes, and it was
Speaker 1: an easy flowing conversation for her since she seemed to
Speaker 1: like them. But I sat there quietly because I just
Speaker 1: wanted them to leave before I lost it at them. Luckily,
Speaker 1: the first guests arrived just in the nick of time,
Speaker 1: and I jumped at the opportunity to distract myself from this.
Speaker 1: Once the guests were there, I busied myself with my
Speaker 1: son and the party arrangements, and then it was time
Speaker 1: for my son to cut the cake, which went well.
Speaker 1: Everyone had fun. Right after that, I was about to
Speaker 1: go into the kitchen with my wife, but my parents
Speaker 1: stopped me and asked me once more if i'd come
Speaker 1: to a decision yet. So I snapped and I told
Speaker 1: them that they could wait in the living room with
Speaker 1: all the other guests and i'd let them know Shortly
Speaker 1: after everyone had received their slice, I took my spot
Speaker 1: in the middle of the living room and started off
Speaker 1: with a speech that I'd been preparing in my head
Speaker 1: after my parents stopped me outside the kitchen. I introduced
Speaker 1: my parents to all the other guests, since no but
Speaker 1: he had met them before, and they looked pleased that
Speaker 1: I was treating them well, but the smiles dropped from
Speaker 1: their faces as soon as I went on to the
Speaker 1: next part of my speech, where I started narrating the
Speaker 1: story about my childhood and how they'd kicked me out,
Speaker 1: after which I had to be taken in by my uncle.
Speaker 1: I wrapped it all up in light hearted jokes and
Speaker 1: everyone was laughing a little, but my parents looked humiliated,
Speaker 1: and my wife had a poker face. Throughout. I mentioned
Speaker 1: how my parents and I hadn't spoken for ten years
Speaker 1: after they'd kicked me out, and finally recently they'd contacted
Speaker 1: me to meet their grandson, and I'd almost ignore it
Speaker 1: and blocked them, but then I'd changed my mind because
Speaker 1: I was just grateful that, unlike other nightmarish parents, at
Speaker 1: least mine wasn't after my money. I was able to
Speaker 1: pass it off as a joke, and then I sat
Speaker 1: back down with the guests while my parents chuckled along uncomfortably,
Speaker 1: since I'd managed to make the whole speech sound like
Speaker 1: a stand up bit, so it didn't ruin the birthday vibes.
Speaker 1: After some time, the guests started leaving, and my parents
Speaker 1: were the first ones to go. They left in a rush,
Speaker 1: and when I saw them to the do they shot
Speaker 1: me the nastiest looks they could, but didn't say anything,
Speaker 1: which I was thankful for because the last thing I
Speaker 1: wanted was to argue with them right outside the house.
Speaker 1: Once all the guests were gone and we put our
Speaker 1: son to bed, I finally had the chance to talk
Speaker 1: to my wife and explain everything to her. But before
Speaker 1: I could say anything, she lashed out at me and
Speaker 1: told me that my speech was unnecessary and stupid. I
Speaker 1: needed to apologize to all the guests and make sure
Speaker 1: they weren't uncomfortable, and also to my parents were humiliating
Speaker 1: them for no reason. I stopped her there and told
Speaker 1: her what my parents had been here for, but she
Speaker 1: said that she didn't care and said that I'd apparently
Speaker 1: ruined our son's birthday and made it all about me
Speaker 1: with that speech. I thought that was unfair because our
Speaker 1: son was just three years old and it wasn't like
Speaker 1: he was even going to remember any of this in
Speaker 1: a few years or even in a few weeks. As
Speaker 1: for the guests, they just found it funny because of
Speaker 1: the way I'd told the story, keeping in mind that
Speaker 1: this was my son's birthday and not the appropriate occasion
Speaker 1: for any of what I'd done. But I just had
Speaker 1: to my parents know how disappointing they were as human beings.
Speaker 1: My wife wasn't on board with any of it, and
Speaker 1: told me that I needed to apologize to everyone present
Speaker 1: for my bad behavior. I was already very stressed out
Speaker 1: that day because of my parents and the way my
Speaker 1: wife was freaking out over something that hadn't even bothered
Speaker 1: anyone else, But it didn't sit right with me. I
Speaker 1: felt like she was totally invalidating my feelings about this situation,
Speaker 1: even after she'd heard what my parents had come here for.
Speaker 1: So I snapped at her too and told her that
Speaker 1: I'd invited my parents because she wanted me to sew
Speaker 1: if anything, she should be the one who should be
Speaker 1: a little understanding right now, but she was just thinking
Speaker 1: about how she felt, and I called herself involved. She
Speaker 1: started crying after I snapped, and I felt really bad
Speaker 1: about it. And I still do. I tried to comfort
Speaker 1: her immediately, but she shook me off and told me
Speaker 1: that I was the one being self involved and hypocritical,
Speaker 1: and until I apologized to everyone who had attended the party,
Speaker 1: she wouldn't speak to me. She even moved all her
Speaker 1: bedtime stuff to the guest bedroom and has been sleeping
Speaker 1: there ever since. We haven't spoken since that night because
Speaker 1: I haven't apologized to any of the guests yet. I
Speaker 1: don't think what I did was out of line or anything,
Speaker 1: and I feel like my wife's overreacting to what happened
Speaker 1: at the party. Haven't heard back from my parents yet,
Speaker 1: and nobody from the party has said anything about my
Speaker 1: speech either. I feel like she's built it up all
Speaker 1: in her head and thinks that people are going to
Speaker 1: judge us for that, but that's really not the case here,
Speaker 1: and I can't even communicate that to her because she
Speaker 1: just refuses to even speak to me. I also feel
Speaker 1: like she's not trying to understand where I'm coming from
Speaker 1: because I ignored my parents for the sake of my wife
Speaker 1: and to maintain the peace before the party once already,
Speaker 1: but I just couldn't take it a second time because
Speaker 1: they were putting too much pressure on me, and the
Speaker 1: thing that I'd said about my wife wanting my parents
Speaker 1: at the party more than I did was probably true.
Speaker 1: She didn't deny it when I brought it up during
Speaker 1: our argument on the night of the party. My wife's
Speaker 1: been acting like I totally ruin the party, but nobody
Speaker 1: cares as much as she does. I don't want to
Speaker 1: apologize to anyone because I don't think I did anything wrong.
Speaker 1: I tried to do everything the right way, but even
Speaker 1: that didn't end well for me. Somehow. My parents kicked
Speaker 1: me out at eighteen and abandoned me for ten years,
Speaker 1: so I think it was completely fair for me to
Speaker 1: humiliate them at a party after they tried to screw
Speaker 1: me over once more by asking me for financial help
Speaker 1: over and over again. I tried to deal with things
Speaker 1: calmly and only acted emotionally after my parents took things
Speaker 1: too far, and I really think my wife needs to
Speaker 1: understand that. I guess I can apologize to her for
Speaker 1: calling herself involved. That was not cool, but that's really
Speaker 1: the most I feel like I should do. Apart from that,
Speaker 1: I absolutely don't think I have anything to apologize for.
Speaker 1: I can even consider apologizing to the guests, but certainly
Speaker 1: not to my parents, so that I'd offer making a
Speaker 1: speech at my son's birthday party to humiliate my parents,
Speaker 1: who would ask me for money to help them after
Speaker 1: they kicked me out and cut me off for ten years.
Speaker 1: Update one, So I talked to my wife about this today.
Speaker 1: The comment section on my original post was pretty divided
Speaker 1: on what I should have done, so I decided to
Speaker 1: just say screw it and talk to my wife because
Speaker 1: that's how the marriage will work anyway. It's been six
Speaker 1: days since the party and six days of not talking
Speaker 1: to each other and sleeping in different rooms. We tried
Speaker 1: to keep it low key for the sake of our son,
Speaker 1: but he's not old enough to notice these things yet,
Speaker 1: so there was even less of an excuse for us
Speaker 1: to talk to each other. But today, before we left
Speaker 1: for work, I stopped her and told her that we
Speaker 1: absolutely needed to talk. She didn't ignore me, luckily, and
Speaker 1: our son was having breakfast in the other room so
Speaker 1: we could talk peacefully. I told her that I was
Speaker 1: sorry for calling herself involved, but apart from that, I
Speaker 1: didn't see any reason for me to be sorry. I
Speaker 1: didn't ruin the party for anyone like she believed, and
Speaker 1: nobody even cares about the speech because nobody's brought it
Speaker 1: up with me yet, not even my parents. I told
Speaker 1: her as gently and respectfully as I could that I
Speaker 1: believed she'd overreacted a bit, and then waited for her
Speaker 1: to respond. She agreed that she had indeed over reacted,
Speaker 1: and said that for the past few days, once her
Speaker 1: anger over what I'd done had cooled off a bit,
Speaker 1: she'd realized that she'd acted very selfishly and hadn't been
Speaker 1: thinking about my feelings at all. She also conceded that
Speaker 1: she'd sort of made me invite my parents to reconcile,
Speaker 1: even though she hadn't verbally said it. While we'd been
Speaker 1: discussing the idea, she'd been very nonverbally trying to influence
Speaker 1: me because she was the one who actually wanted a
Speaker 1: happy family for us. So I wasn't wrong about that
Speaker 1: after all, and she apologized to me for it as well.
Speaker 1: Her reasons were pretty valid if I think about it emotionally,
Speaker 1: because all she'd really wanted was for us to have
Speaker 1: a complete family that she'd never really had as a kid.
Speaker 1: She'd hoped that as a married woman, she'd get some
Speaker 1: part of it, but here too, her in laws were estranged,
Speaker 1: so there was no chance that her son could get
Speaker 1: the same love and affection from his grandparents that she'd
Speaker 1: been lucky to have. She didn't get the love from
Speaker 1: her parents that she deserved when she was young because
Speaker 1: they'd passed away so early, and now her son would
Speaker 1: be loved by his parents, but he'd never have any
Speaker 1: grand parents there for him. Of course, that meant a
Speaker 1: lot to her because she'd been raised by her grandparents
Speaker 1: after her parents passed away, so it was kind of
Speaker 1: a big deal for her. It was all these issues
Speaker 1: with her and her need to have a complete family
Speaker 1: that made her spas out the other day, and she
Speaker 1: acknowledged it. I also apologized for not discussing these things
Speaker 1: with her and for the lack of communication that had
Speaker 1: actually led to all of this. So to sum it up,
Speaker 1: we talked things through and afterwards we came to the
Speaker 1: conclusion that we were going to have to deal with
Speaker 1: this in therapy. We already go to individual therapy, but
Speaker 1: now we're going to consider couples counseling as well for
Speaker 1: a few other unrelated reasons as well. Thank you for
Speaker 1: all the comments. You guys. Update two. I posted an
Speaker 1: update here yesterday, and I really didn't expect to be
Speaker 1: back so soon, but I am thanks to my parents.
Speaker 1: They sent me a lawsuit claiming that i'd stolen fifty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars from them before it run away ten years ago,
Speaker 1: and now that they'd finally managed to track me down,
Speaker 1: they wanted money back. Obviously none of that is true,
Speaker 1: and I feel sorry for the idiot who's agreed to
Speaker 1: get involved in this as an attorney must be some
Speaker 1: guy who's really in need of money, because otherwise I
Speaker 1: can't imagine anyone agreeing to this anyway. I'm obviously not
Speaker 1: going to entertain any of this nonsense and have contacted
Speaker 1: my lawyer already. My wife took back everything that she
Speaker 1: said about me having to apologize to my parents because
Speaker 1: now she's seen what kind of people they really are.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they think they can get away with this
Speaker 1: even now, since I was relatively kind to them back
Speaker 1: when they first came by. But they'll know that I
Speaker 1: just behaved myself back then because it was my son's birthday.
Speaker 1: Right now, I have no reason to think about the consequences,
Speaker 1: so I'm posting all about this online, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to make sure that everyone knows about not just what
Speaker 1: they're trying right now, but also what they'd done to
Speaker 1: me back in the past. Update three, So I posted everything.
Speaker 1: Every single detail that I'd shared here is now up
Speaker 1: on my Facebook profile. It's been twenty minutes and I
Speaker 1: haven't received any texts or calls as such. But I'm
Speaker 1: waiting because I know people are going to be mad
Speaker 1: and pissed, especially since I mentioned how nobody in my
Speaker 1: family had taken me in. But now that I'm in
Speaker 1: a somewhat decent position, everyone acts friendly with me. I've
Speaker 1: never invited anyone to any events, just to be clear,
Speaker 1: but my relatives who'd shut me out back then have
Speaker 1: all turned over a new leaf in the last few
Speaker 1: years and try to be on good terms with me,
Speaker 1: which is all fake obviously. Just now they have their
Speaker 1: own kinds to think of, and it doesn't hurt to
Speaker 1: have a well connected relative who works in a bank
Speaker 1: and is in a position to get them jobs. So
Speaker 1: I know stuff is going to go down now. I'm
Speaker 1: just waiting for them. Update four, Hey all, I'm back
Speaker 1: after almost three days. So my parents went completely ballistic
Speaker 1: after I made that post and called me up frantically
Speaker 1: several times after the post to try and get me
Speaker 1: to take it down, but I didn't listen until they
Speaker 1: texted me and promised me that they'd withdraw their care.
Speaker 1: I just needed that in writing somehow, and I have
Speaker 1: that now. After that, they blocked me. The real nastiness
Speaker 1: was because of my relatives, whom I'd mentioned by name
Speaker 1: and my post, and they were so triggered by it
Speaker 1: that they commented really nasty things about me, my wife,
Speaker 1: and even my son under the post, which just proves
Speaker 1: my point about them being terrible, selfish, and idiotic folks.
Speaker 1: Their kids were the ones with the decency to apologize
Speaker 1: for their parents' actions, which was really backward for me,
Speaker 1: but at least some people had class and brains. I've
Speaker 1: taken that post down now, but a lot of people
Speaker 1: have seen it already, so everyone who turned their back
Speaker 1: on me in the past got their karma and I'm
Speaker 1: glad for it. Long story short, the parents withdrew their case,
Speaker 1: I got back to my relatives, my wife and I
Speaker 1: are still going strong. Thanks for being here read it,
Speaker 1: but I think I'm going to take a break now.
Speaker 1: Signing off by that's the end of the first story.
Speaker 1: Let's begin the second one.
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoy this story. I'm calling off my
Speaker 2: commitment because my partner may fall ill down the road.
Speaker 2: We've been in a relationship for five years and they
Speaker 2: are the one for me, and I literally can't imagine
Speaker 2: being without him, So the thought of doing this is
Speaker 2: making my stomach roll. He was adopted, and neither he
Speaker 2: nor his parents knew much about his medical history. A
Speaker 2: few weeks ago, he met his biological brother for the
Speaker 2: first time and found out that his birth father had
Speaker 2: passed from Huntington's disease. There's a fifty percent chance that
Speaker 2: my fiancee also has the genetic defect that causes Huntington's,
Speaker 2: but he refuses to get tested. It's not the disease
Speaker 2: I'm scared of. It's the not knowing. If we know
Speaker 2: he'll get it, we can prepare financially, practically, and emotionally.
Speaker 2: He says a positive test result will hold him back
Speaker 2: from living his life, but I feel like it's the opposite.
Speaker 2: How can we live with this giant may be looming
Speaker 2: over us? How can I make smart decisions on where
Speaker 2: to live, how to budget, or even whether or not
Speaker 2: to have biological children with this man if I'm not
Speaker 2: allowed to have all the facts. So I've come to
Speaker 2: the decision that I have to break it off. I
Speaker 2: respect his decision, but I can't understand or accept it.
Speaker 2: I have literally no one I can talk to about
Speaker 2: this because it's his EFANGI secret and not mine to tell. Edit.
Speaker 2: I have to go to work now, but I'll try
Speaker 2: to continue responding throughout the day, especially to the comments
Speaker 2: that exactly mirror the descending voice in my head. I
Speaker 2: just want to clarify a few things up here. One
Speaker 2: would not leave him if he tested positive for the defect.
Speaker 2: I would not leave him if he got sick. I
Speaker 2: just want a plan for us to be able to
Speaker 2: afford the best life and care for him if he does,
Speaker 2: which means we'd have to start immediately. Two. I don't
Speaker 2: want or need perfect children. That isn't realistic, but it
Speaker 2: is possible to avoid them being subjected to a fifty
Speaker 2: to fifty chance of having this disease. Of course, there
Speaker 2: are alternative options, but again they involve preparation and planning.
Speaker 2: I'm more than willing to take a full genetic panel
Speaker 2: as well. Three Yes, one or both of us could
Speaker 2: get cancer or permanently disabled in an accident, or any
Speaker 2: other number of things. But I've come to learn that
Speaker 2: you can't plan for every unpredictable thing life throws at you.
Speaker 2: This is the rare occasion that we do have the
Speaker 2: opportunity to prepare for. Essentially, it comes down to the
Speaker 2: fact that we're incompatible, regardless of how much we love
Speaker 2: each other. I'm a planner and he's very laid back.
Speaker 2: Until now, these traits have complimented each other, but unfortunately
Speaker 2: they brought us to an impasse that I don't think
Speaker 2: we can both move forward from happily. Second edit, I'm
Speaker 2: floored at all of these responses, supportive and otherwise. At
Speaker 2: the very least, I feel validated that this is a
Speaker 2: complex issue with no clear and obvious answer. I've decided
Speaker 2: to take a few steps back. Those of you who
Speaker 2: brought up the fact that a few weeks is probably
Speaker 2: too little time for him to fully process his possible
Speaker 2: diagnosis have a really valid point. Just because I want
Speaker 2: to immediately jump into problems solving mode doesn't mean it's
Speaker 2: necessarily the right thing to do. So I'm not leaving yet.
Speaker 2: At least and hopefully never. I'm going to find a
Speaker 2: therapist to help me work through my anxieties and give
Speaker 2: my fiance some space not literal, to work through his,
Speaker 2: and then we'll revisit this conversation, hopefully with more patience
Speaker 2: on my part and willingness to act on his. Third edit.
Speaker 2: I know my title sucks. Sorry, but I can't do
Speaker 2: anything about it now. It sounded fine at six a m.
Speaker 2: When I made the post. Update posted September sixteenth, twenty
Speaker 2: twenty two. Update. I'm breaking off my engagement because my
Speaker 2: fiance might get sick in the future.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: Remember me? I posted earlier this year about my fiancee
Speaker 2: who was refusing to get tested for Huntington's after learning
Speaker 2: he had a fifty to fifty chance of having the
Speaker 2: genetic defect. Some of you gave me great advice and support,
Speaker 2: others the wake up call I needed, and the rest
Speaker 2: of you well read it and a reddit. I'm not
Speaker 2: sure if it was obvious, but I was not in
Speaker 2: a good place when I made that post. When I stress,
Speaker 2: I don't sleep or eat for him. It may have
Speaker 2: only been a few weeks to accept the situation, but
Speaker 2: for me, it was a few long weeks of NonStop anxiety,
Speaker 2: where I was lucky to get even an hour of
Speaker 2: restless sleep a night. I was plain exhausted on top
Speaker 2: of everything else, and only began to consider leaving when
Speaker 2: I started to hit my breaking point. Anyway, we talked
Speaker 2: about it at length. We cried, we fought, we researched.
Speaker 2: I showed him empathy, We consulted with friends, family, and specialists.
Speaker 2: We pressed pause for days or weeks when we needed
Speaker 2: a break from the whole damn thing, and in the end,
Speaker 2: he agreed to have the test. Guys to say we
Speaker 2: dodged an absolute mailstrom of bullets would be putting it mildly.
Speaker 2: He's negative both for developing the disease himself as well
Speaker 2: as the risk of passing it on. No matter what
Speaker 2: else happens, this is one area where he's assuredly safe.
Speaker 2: All of this said, once the euphoria faded, we decided
Speaker 2: it was necessary to put a hold on our engagement
Speaker 2: and take some time apart. I still love him with
Speaker 2: all my heart, but this was our first serious disagreement
Speaker 2: as a couple, and it forced us to seriously refer
Speaker 2: elect on ourselves and our relationship. Neither of our positions
Speaker 2: were wrong, but they were so desperate that there was
Speaker 2: no realistic compromise. I've spent the last few months traveling abroad,
Speaker 2: and other than a few texts, we haven't spoken much.
Speaker 2: But I'm home now and we have our second first
Speaker 2: day tonight. Wish me luck edits I mentioned this a
Speaker 2: million times in my first post, but here goes again.
Speaker 2: I had no plans to leave if he tested positive.
Speaker 2: I just needed to know so that we could plan
Speaker 2: our lives accordingly. We decided together to take a break.
Speaker 2: It's been an incredibly difficult, emotionally charged roller coaster of
Speaker 2: a year. I didn't leave him. We planned from day
Speaker 2: one to keep communication to a minimum. It was difficult.
Speaker 2: I actually began keeping a journal of all the things
Speaker 2: I wanted to call or text him about. It's extensive
Speaker 2: and I can't wait to share it with him. I
Speaker 2: didn't give him an ultimatum, but I understand why that's
Speaker 2: the takeaway. I only told Reddit that I was thinking
Speaker 2: of leaving, and I know that it was rational. Irrational. No,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to kill myself. Sorry if that, Dissa
Speaker 2: points you. Why does everyone seem to think that traveling
Speaker 2: means sleeping around just gonna leave a little time line
Speaker 2: here for those of you who think I've been traveling
Speaker 2: since my last post. He learned that he was at
Speaker 2: risk of developing h D. I posted on Reddit when
Speaker 2: I reached my own breaking point and needed to vend
Speaker 2: about how I was affected. We spent the next three
Speaker 2: ish months discussing next steps, consulting professionals, meeting others in
Speaker 2: our situation. He made his own decision to get tested.
Speaker 2: That took a while, since there are a lot of
Speaker 2: steps you have to go through before they'll even agree
Speaker 2: to do it. We learned he's negative. We rode the
Speaker 2: emotional high for a bit, then realized we weren't the
Speaker 2: same people we were at the beginning of the year,
Speaker 2: and no longer knew how to be together normally. Given
Speaker 2: everything we learned about ourselves and each other during the
Speaker 2: hardest of situations, we decided to take a break and
Speaker 2: meet for dinner on September sixteenth. I'm now getting ready
Speaker 2: to leave for said dinner. I meant to say this
Speaker 2: last time too. Thank you to all of you who
Speaker 2: are sharing your s stories about HD, chronic illness, and love.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry I haven't responded to everyone, but I'm reading
Speaker 2: all of them and wishing you and your loved ones
Speaker 2: nothing but health and happiness. Additional update in the comments,
Speaker 2: op also found this post and left a comment, Oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm so happy I found this post after
Speaker 2: losing an entire day to defending myself on Reddit. My
Speaker 2: own fault. Lol, it happened last time too. The positive
Speaker 2: tone here is amazing. Thank you all for reading and commenting.
Speaker 2: I promise I'll come back tomorrow to let you know
Speaker 2: how our date when I have butterflies and I can't
Speaker 2: remember the last time I felt like this. Our slash
Speaker 2: true off mitches doesn't allow links, so I hope you
Speaker 2: guys don't mind if I leave this here. I've been
Speaker 2: completely humbled by this disease and we're one of the
Speaker 2: lucky ones. Second update posted September seventeenth, twenty twenty two.
Speaker 2: Second update. I'm breaking off my engagement because my fiance
Speaker 2: might get sick in the future. No, I'm not this
Speaker 2: about our date. This title continues to be embarrassingly bad
Speaker 2: and now irrelevant, but I kind of feel like I'm
Speaker 2: stuck with it now. Sorry if you're new here. My
Speaker 2: fiancee found out he was at risk of developing Huntington's disease.
Speaker 2: I wanted him to get tested and he did not.
Speaker 2: Months later he did, and thank god, he was negative.
Speaker 2: The whole thing puts such a strain on us that
Speaker 2: we decided to take a break. Last night, we went
Speaker 2: on our second first date, and I can't believe how
Speaker 2: many of you want to hear about it. Of course,
Speaker 2: I couldn't leave you hanging, but there are a few
Speaker 2: things I want to address first, so please bear with
Speaker 2: me for a few more sentences. It feels like many
Speaker 2: of you are determined for there to be a bad guy,
Speaker 2: but please don't put this label on my fiance. He
Speaker 2: doesn't deserve it. He's not a jerk, an asshole, or
Speaker 2: an ostrich. He's a man who was suddenly forced to
Speaker 2: face his own mortality. He had a very human response,
Speaker 2: and I didn't make it any easier on him during
Speaker 2: those first few weeks. On that note, it's great that
Speaker 2: so many of you guys always react perfectly to every
Speaker 2: tough situation life throws at you. I'm sadly not like that.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I fuck up, like I did by not initially
Speaker 2: giving him enough time to process, but I owned up
Speaker 2: to that. Took several steps back, and he forgave me.
Speaker 2: I don't know what else you want from me. Lastly,
Speaker 2: there are a lot of comments about how the obvious
Speaker 2: compromise was to just act like he had it, but
Speaker 2: you know what, it was the idea of living like
Speaker 2: he was dying that actually drove him get tested. He
Speaker 2: didn't want us to unnecessarily save half our paychecks instead
Speaker 2: of using them to enjoy life or deal with the
Speaker 2: complications of IVF if we don't have two or forego
Speaker 2: opportunities that didn't play nicely with the end of life
Speaker 2: care plans we'd be making. Essentially, he concluded in his
Speaker 2: words that the cat was already half way out of
Speaker 2: the bag and it could come out, but it was
Speaker 2: never going back in. If he was positive, we'd be
Speaker 2: obsessing over every little thing being a possible symptom. But
Speaker 2: if we left things as they were, we'd be doing
Speaker 2: that anyway. That doesn't mean it was easy at all.
Speaker 2: We actually had to make a second appointment to get
Speaker 2: the results because he couldn't bring himself to hear them
Speaker 2: the first time, But that was okay. I was there
Speaker 2: for him the whole time to support him however he
Speaker 2: needed me to Okay, I'm done with that, On to
Speaker 2: what you actually clicked for. Do you guys know the
Speaker 2: feeling of watching your favorite childhood movie for the first
Speaker 2: time in years and being nervous that it won't hold
Speaker 2: up or have the same magic you remember. That's kind
Speaker 2: of what I was feeling yesterday. And I actually have
Speaker 2: to thank everyone jumping down my throat in the comments
Speaker 2: because you did a great job of distracting me from
Speaker 2: the butterflies in my stomach. Well, the magic was still there.
Speaker 2: We may have spent months apart, but it didn't feel
Speaker 2: that way at all. In fact, everything felt even better
Speaker 2: and more comfortable than when we parted. We felt like
Speaker 2: the happy couple we'd been back in January. Before this
Speaker 2: whole thing started. It was like there was a weight
Speaker 2: hanging over our relationship that was keeping us from actually
Speaker 2: moving forward despite the good news, and it's finally been lifted.
Speaker 2: Before last night, I couldn't remember the last time anything
Speaker 2: with him felt bright and easy. But we're back, baby.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: The general consensus was that this was a dumb move,
Speaker 2: that we should have opted for marriage counseling instead of
Speaker 2: going our own ways for a bit. I'm not a
Speaker 2: relationship counselor. I'm not recommending this method to anyone. I
Speaker 2: don't know why it worked for us. All I know
Speaker 2: is that we were both so drained at the time,
Speaker 2: and we each had the same get feeling that a
Speaker 2: complete separation was what we needed. Our relationship had become
Speaker 2: far more exhausting than fawn, and I honestly believed that
Speaker 2: we wouldn't have made it if we'd forced ourselves to
Speaker 2: work together to fix it. Again, don't take relationship advice
Speaker 2: from me, but trust your instincts. You have them for
Speaker 2: a reason, and I'm sure you'll be happy to know
Speaker 2: that he wasn't sitting at home pining for me while
Speaker 2: I traped around Europe, not having intimacy with people. He
Speaker 2: was busy with his own adventure. He bought a car.
Speaker 2: We live in Manhattan, so that's a pretty big thing,
Speaker 2: and road tripped across the country. We stayed up all night,
Speaker 2: sharing stories and pictures and telling each other about the
Speaker 2: people we'd met. It was absolutely amazing sharing our experiences
Speaker 2: with each other. I know it may seem like it
Speaker 2: would have been better if we'd done it together, but
Speaker 2: there was something really special about living it through each
Speaker 2: other's eyes. Anyway, we have the rest of our lives
Speaker 2: to travel the world together because we're not breaking up.
Speaker 2: Suck on that people who were hoping he'd leave me. Look,
Speaker 2: we know this new honeymoon period wherein won't last forever,
Speaker 2: but I really think we're prepared to handle whatever other
Speaker 2: challenges life tries to throw at us. Honestly, there's a
Speaker 2: pretty good chance we've already gotten through the worst one
Speaker 2: knock wood. But even if there's something bigger and badder
Speaker 2: waiting for us, I'm completely optimistic will be okay. So
Speaker 2: that's that we've officially reached the other side of our
Speaker 2: first major life issue together. Did either of us behave perfectly?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Are we going to be perfect next time? Probably not.
Speaker 2: Are we one hundred percent committed to combining our completely
Speaker 2: opposite ways of dealing with crises into a superpower design
Speaker 2: to crush conflict like a nineties cartoon? Absolutely? Thanks for
Speaker 2: listening to my story. Every one roll credits