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<v Speaker 1>Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.

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<v Speaker 1>We are so glad you're here with us.

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<v Speaker 2>Today.

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<v Speaker 1>We're going to continue our series called The Keys to

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<v Speaker 1>a Blessed Life. And when these messages, Rick walks through

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<v Speaker 1>Jesus' Sermon on the Mount and shows us how to

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<v Speaker 1>live a truly hopeful and purpose filled life. And we're

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<v Speaker 1>continuing with part two of how to reconcile a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>The Bible says there is no fear in love. Now

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<v Speaker 2>God is love. If you get full of God, the

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<v Speaker 2>fear is going to go. What motivates a normally rational

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<v Speaker 2>person to run into a burning building because they know

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<v Speaker 2>a baby's in there and the fear is overcome by

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<v Speaker 2>their love for that child. We never change until our

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<v Speaker 2>love exceeds our fear. We never change until the pain

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<v Speaker 2>exceeds our fear. And so the starting point is to say, God,

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<v Speaker 2>I need you to fill me with your love, because

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<v Speaker 2>perfect love casts out all fear. The Bible says this

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<v Speaker 2>in two Timothy one seven. It says God has not

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<v Speaker 2>given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a

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<v Speaker 2>spirit of power and love and self discipline. So everything

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to teach you today the steps, and they're

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<v Speaker 2>very practical. Steps cannot be done unless you get filled

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<v Speaker 2>with God's love because it is the love of God

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<v Speaker 2>that's going to eliminate the fear. And then you have

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<v Speaker 2>the courage to make the first step. How do you

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<v Speaker 2>get that love? You ask God for it. So here's

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<v Speaker 2>the second step, Ask God for wisdom. You've made the decision. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not gonna let this thing go anymore. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna let it fester. I'm gonna deal with this conflict

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<v Speaker 2>that's been under the surface for so many years or months,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to ask God for wisdom. The Bible

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<v Speaker 2>says in James chapter one that if we ask God

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<v Speaker 2>for wisdom, God will give it to us James one,

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<v Speaker 2>verse five. If you want to know what God wants

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<v Speaker 2>you to do, ask him and he will gladly tell you.

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<v Speaker 2>So the first thing you do is you make decisions.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to go along with this unresolved anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be out of fellowship of God.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want my prayers unanswered. I don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>be unhappy. I don't want to be miserable. So I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to take the first step. I'm not gonna wait

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<v Speaker 2>on them, and then I'm gonna say God, I really

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<v Speaker 2>need your help. I need you to fill me with

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<v Speaker 2>love because I'm scared to death and God, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know what to say. I don't know when to say it.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know where to say it. I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>what's the best time. You plan a peace conference, and

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<v Speaker 2>you find a time when it's good for them, not

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<v Speaker 2>when you're tired. By the way, never have a conflict

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<v Speaker 2>resolution while you're in bed, save that for other things

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<v Speaker 2>in bed. If you start having a conflict about half

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<v Speaker 2>the time you go through, you start to get to

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<v Speaker 2>major point you're gonna hear and that kind of ruins it.

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<v Speaker 2>So don't use the bedroom for your conflict area. But

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<v Speaker 2>you get where you're alone, where you're not in a

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<v Speaker 2>public spot where people can be real, and you say, okay, God,

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<v Speaker 2>what do you want me to say? Where do I

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<v Speaker 2>say it? When's the right time to say it? And

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<v Speaker 2>you ask God for help. Soa God, I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to be out of whack with you. I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to be out I don't be on have my prayers

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<v Speaker 2>an answered? So I want to deal with this issue. Now.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sure that even as I've just started talking to

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<v Speaker 2>you about this, you're already thinking about somebody in your

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<v Speaker 2>life that you know there's a strain in that relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>It's likely somebody in your family or in your marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>parents' kids, or maybe somebody at work. So I want

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<v Speaker 2>to stop right here, and as your pastor who loves you,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to pray that God will give you the

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<v Speaker 2>courage to take the next steps we're about to do. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>let's bow our heads. Father, you know that we're all

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<v Speaker 2>scared to death of conflict. Nobody who's rational likes it.

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<v Speaker 2>And yet you have said that it's more important than

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<v Speaker 2>worship that we actually go get something right with somebody

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<v Speaker 2>that we're out of harmony with. And Lord, we know

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<v Speaker 2>you're not saying go back and you know, rebuild a relation,

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<v Speaker 2>remarry us, an acts or whatever. You're just saying, bury

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<v Speaker 2>the hatchet, make peace, bring harmony. And I pray that

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<v Speaker 2>you would give my people, the people here in our church,

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<v Speaker 2>the courage to reconcile, the courage to deal with tough

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<v Speaker 2>issues that have been pushed under the carpet and swept

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<v Speaker 2>into the corner and pretended like they were not happening. Lord,

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<v Speaker 2>help us to face what we're pretending not to know.

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<v Speaker 2>Help us to be real, and help us to have integrity.

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<v Speaker 2>And God give us the right place, the right time,

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<v Speaker 2>and the right thing to say, and help us to

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<v Speaker 2>come with the right attitude, ready to reconcile. In your name,

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<v Speaker 2>I pray Amen. Guys Men, maybe the most manly masculine

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<v Speaker 2>thing you do this week is man up and deal

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<v Speaker 2>with a conflict that's been brewing that you know you

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<v Speaker 2>need to deal with. So after I've made the decision

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<v Speaker 2>to make the first move and I've asked God for help,

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<v Speaker 2>now we get to the real practical stuff. And that's

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<v Speaker 2>number three. I begin with what's my fault? When we

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<v Speaker 2>get together and we have this peace conference. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>start with what you've done wrong. I don't start with

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<v Speaker 2>a bunch of accusations. I don't start with the ways

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<v Speaker 2>I've been hurt. We'll get to that, But you start

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<v Speaker 2>with beginning with what's my fault. Now, the conflict maybe

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<v Speaker 2>ninety nine point their fault, but you can find something

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<v Speaker 2>to confess. You can find something that was your mistake,

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<v Speaker 2>even if it was in your poor respet reponse, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>even in your defensiveness. But you begin with what is

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<v Speaker 2>your fault? And instead of accusing, and instead of excusing yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>and instead of attacking, and instead of blaming other people,

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<v Speaker 2>I first look at what's going on inside me. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>I want you to listening very important. The Bible says

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<v Speaker 2>there are two causes of conflict, and the first cause

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<v Speaker 2>of conflict is self centeredness. It's what's going on inside

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<v Speaker 2>of me. See, if I'm filled with peace, almost nothing

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<v Speaker 2>upsets me. If I'm filled with love, almost nothing irritates me.

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<v Speaker 2>If I'm filled with Jesus, almost nothing ticks me off.

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<v Speaker 2>On the other hand, if I'm filled with me, ego, pride,

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<v Speaker 2>self centeredives, anything can tick me off, anything can make

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<v Speaker 2>me mad, anything can irritate me. You can do the

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<v Speaker 2>smallest little thing. And if I'm full of myself, you

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<v Speaker 2>can hurt my feelings very very quick. And so it

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<v Speaker 2>all depends on what's inside me. And if I'm at

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<v Speaker 2>peace with me and I'm at peace with God, other

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<v Speaker 2>things just don't upset me because I'm at peace. So

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<v Speaker 2>God is saying that the real source of the conflict

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<v Speaker 2>and stress in your life is not all those jerks

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<v Speaker 2>you work with. It's what's going on inside of you?

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<v Speaker 2>Because if you were at peace, they wouldn't bother you.

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<v Speaker 2>They wouldn't bother you. So the first cause of conflict

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<v Speaker 2>is self centeredness. You see, I want what I want

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<v Speaker 2>when I want it, and you want what you want

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<v Speaker 2>when you want it, and when my wants bump up

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<v Speaker 2>against your Once we got a problem, friend, and there's conflict.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's what the Bible says, James, Chapter four, Verse one.

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<v Speaker 2>What causes fights? What fought causes fights and quarrels? You know,

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<v Speaker 2>conflict among you? They are caused by all the jerks

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<v Speaker 2>around you. Doesn't say that. It says they are caused

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<v Speaker 2>by the selfish desires that are continually at war inside you.

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<v Speaker 2>The conflict that you're having with other people is inside you.

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<v Speaker 2>It actually starts in you. As I said, why don't

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<v Speaker 2>you write this down? When I'm at peace inside, what's

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<v Speaker 2>outside doesn't upset me. When I'm at peace inside inside me,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm at peace with God, I'm at peace with myself.

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<v Speaker 2>What's outside me just doesn't tick me off. Now. It

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't mean I don't agree with everything that I see.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot I disagree with. It just doesn't upset me.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't mean I don't think there are things that

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<v Speaker 2>need to be changed. There are a lot that needs

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<v Speaker 2>to be changed around me and in my relationships. It

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<v Speaker 2>just means I don't get distressed. I can disagree without

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<v Speaker 2>being And you are distressed not by the people around you.

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<v Speaker 2>You were distressed by what's going on inside you and

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<v Speaker 2>that response to the people around you. You can disagree

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<v Speaker 2>without being distressed. You know, when I used to do

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<v Speaker 2>marriage counseling, and I couldn't count the number of marriages

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<v Speaker 2>I helped and tried to help. The number one reason

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<v Speaker 2>people gave for divorcing was this pastor we're just quote incompatible.

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<v Speaker 2>That was their reason. We're just incompatible, friends. There's no

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<v Speaker 2>such thing as incompatibility. It's a term made up by

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<v Speaker 2>divorce attorneys to justify divorce. We're all incompatible because we're

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<v Speaker 2>all different. Nobody's going to be completely compatible with you,

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<v Speaker 2>because nobody's exactly like you. So no matter who you're

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<v Speaker 2>with and who you married, you're gonna be incompatible. The

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<v Speaker 2>truth is, you can get along with anybody that you

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<v Speaker 2>choose to get along with, and you can choose to

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<v Speaker 2>love anybody that you choose to love. Now, if I

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<v Speaker 2>were to summarize thousands of hours of marriage counseling in

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<v Speaker 2>two words, this is going to save you a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of money. Here are the two words you need to

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<v Speaker 2>hear that will make your marriage a success. Grow up,

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<v Speaker 2>Stop being irritating little immature. I won't say the word.

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<v Speaker 2>It's immaturity that causes marriage to die. It's not incompatibility.

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<v Speaker 2>It's inflexibility. I want what I want and I want

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<v Speaker 2>it now, and you want what you want. And neither

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<v Speaker 2>of us are old enough, mature enough, smart enough, spiritual

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<v Speaker 2>enough to change. And I am willing to let this

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<v Speaker 2>thing die. Then change, and you're willing to let this died.

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<v Speaker 2>Than change has nothing to do with incompatibility. If incompatibility

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<v Speaker 2>was actually a concept, then exhibit A. Are Rick and k

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<v Speaker 2>Warren because we are the exact opposite in every DNA

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<v Speaker 2>cell in our body. We it's oh blad do you?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh blad? Die? You say hi, I say low, you

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<v Speaker 2>say why, I say I don't know. It's just we

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<v Speaker 2>are on the opposite extremes in every area. We have

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<v Speaker 2>different backgrounds, we have different you know, look at life differently,

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<v Speaker 2>different temperaments. We are so opposite of each other. Now Actually,

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<v Speaker 2>the marriages that are hardest are where people are too

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<v Speaker 2>much alike, because after a while they get bored with

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<v Speaker 2>each other. The greater your differences in your marriage, the

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<v Speaker 2>greater your potential for growth. I'll say it again, the

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<v Speaker 2>greater your differences in marriage, the greater your potential for growth.

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<v Speaker 2>And the primary purpose of marriage is not to make

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<v Speaker 2>you happy, but to make you holy, to make you

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<v Speaker 2>like Jesus. And I have learned more from my wife

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<v Speaker 2>because she's so different from me than anybody else. You

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<v Speaker 2>can learn from anybody. If you're willing to be humble,

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<v Speaker 2>you can grow, and you can love, and you can

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<v Speaker 2>learn to love anybody. It's not a matter of incompatibility.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a matter of maturity. Am I willing to grow up?

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<v Speaker 2>Am I willing to be unselfish? Am I willing to

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<v Speaker 2>be flexible? And am I willing to learn? Or would

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<v Speaker 2>I rather die than do that? I want you to

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<v Speaker 2>write this sentence down. Okay, write this down. It's always

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<v Speaker 2>more rewarding. Write this down. It's always more rewarding to

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<v Speaker 2>resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. It's always

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<v Speaker 2>more rewarding to resolve a conflict than dissolve a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Kay and I had so many problems in our early

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<v Speaker 2>years and marriage. We would be divorced if it weren't

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<v Speaker 2>for Jesus. And what would have happened if we had

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<v Speaker 2>given in to those desires to divorce in our early years.

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<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't have the children I've got, I wouldn't have

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<v Speaker 2>the grandchildren I've got. There would be no saddle backed church,

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<v Speaker 2>and many of you would still not be headed for heaven.

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<v Speaker 2>I think of the blessings in the world that would

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<v Speaker 2>have been missed if I had listened to my fears

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<v Speaker 2>or kid listen to her fears. It's always more rewarding

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<v Speaker 2>to resolve the conflict than to dissolve the relationship. So

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<v Speaker 2>our nature is natural to be self centered. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think about me, are you? I think about me? And

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<v Speaker 2>by the way, you don't think about me, you're thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about you. You're thinking about you right now? What does

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<v Speaker 2>this mean to me? And it isn't really helpful to me?

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<v Speaker 2>And the point is, oh, you're you're getting that all right.

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<v Speaker 2>It's my nature to be self centered, and it's my

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<v Speaker 2>nature to be stubborn. And if I'm going to have

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<v Speaker 2>a good relationship, friendship, work relationship, client relationship, marriage relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>parenting relationship. I gotta think less about me and more

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<v Speaker 2>about you. So the first cause of conflict, the Bible

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<v Speaker 2>makes it very clear, is self centered as selfishness. The

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<v Speaker 2>second cause of conflict is pride. And in pride, I'm stubborn,

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<v Speaker 2>and in pride, I get my feelings hurt easily. Humble

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<v Speaker 2>people don't get their feelings hurt. Prideful people do. They

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<v Speaker 2>get their feelings hurt all the time. Proverbs thirteen ten

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<v Speaker 2>says this pride. Let's read it aloud together. Pride only

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<v Speaker 2>leads to arguments? And where is that verse found? Proverbs

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<v Speaker 2>thirteen ten. Now that's such a short verse. That's going

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<v Speaker 2>to be our memory verse this week, so we can

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<v Speaker 2>learn this one. You can use this one. So let's

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<v Speaker 2>say it aloud together. Proverbs thirteen ten. Pride only leads

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<v Speaker 2>to arguments? And where's that Proverbs thirteen ten. You're gonna

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<v Speaker 2>need this one, by the way, what's this? Proverbs thirteen

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<v Speaker 2>ten say, pride only leads to arguments? And where's that found?

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<v Speaker 2>Proverbs thirteen ten. That was the first verse that Kay

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<v Speaker 2>and I memorized in our marriage. We memorized it on

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<v Speaker 2>the honeymoon. Why because we needed it on the honeymoon.

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<v Speaker 2>We were already at each other's throats fighting on the honeymoon.

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<v Speaker 2>We are so different. I want to do this, and

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<v Speaker 2>I want to do that, and you want to do this,

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<v Speaker 2>you want to do that. And we had to memorize

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<v Speaker 2>that verse before a week of our marriage was up.

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<v Speaker 2>And it has helped us many, many times. Pride only

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<v Speaker 2>leads to arguments. Now of a conflict you're in right now,

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<v Speaker 2>and if you're in a log jam, and maybe you've

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<v Speaker 2>been in this conflict with your mother or your father,

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<v Speaker 2>or your wife or husband or friend or somebody, you've

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<v Speaker 2>been in it for years, and you're in a logjam anything.

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<v Speaker 2>Nothing is ever happening here. There's no movement. We're not

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<v Speaker 2>making any progress. I am going to give you a

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<v Speaker 2>secret miracle sentence that will break any logjam in any argument, guaranteed.

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<v Speaker 2>I guarantee you this. This is a secret sentence that

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<v Speaker 2>will break a logjam in any conflict, if you'll use it.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you ready? Here it is. I'm sorry, I was

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<v Speaker 2>only thinking of myself. Now, when your spouse wakes up

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<v Speaker 2>from fainting, you can say it again. I'm sorry, I

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<v Speaker 2>was only thinking of myself and they'll faint again when

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<v Speaker 2>they wake up. Then you can actually start dealing with

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<v Speaker 2>when was the last time you said that to somebody?

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<v Speaker 2>Have you ever said that in your marriage? No? And

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<v Speaker 2>yet how many times were you only thinking of yourself

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<v Speaker 2>on a daily basis? That is a miracle phrase. You

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<v Speaker 2>need to memorize and get over your pride which causes conflict,

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<v Speaker 2>and begin to say in somebody, your husband or your

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<v Speaker 2>wife says something to you and you start to get

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<v Speaker 2>defensive about it and distant and demanding. You just say,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, I was only thinking of myself, and you

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<v Speaker 2>watch the balloon, the air come out of that balloon,

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<v Speaker 2>and the pride and the ego just kind of shrinks down. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>the reason you need to learn to say that is

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<v Speaker 2>because you have what's called blind spots in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>The blind spots are the weaknesses you don't see in

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<v Speaker 2>your life. You have a lot of weaknesses that you

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<v Speaker 2>know about, and you know about those weaknesses in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>Those aren't blind spots because you can see them. The

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<v Speaker 2>blind spots are the weaknesses you can't see. That's why

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<v Speaker 2>they're called blind spots, because you can't see them. You

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<v Speaker 2>have weaknesses in your life you have never seen. Now

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<v Speaker 2>we all see them. We can see them real clearly.

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<v Speaker 2>We can see your weakness is really clear. You don't

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<v Speaker 2>have to defend them because you don't even know they're there.

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<v Speaker 2>They are your blind spots. And that's why you need

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<v Speaker 2>other people in your life who can actually point out

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<v Speaker 2>to you what you cannot see. Your blind spots. Those

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<v Speaker 2>are weaknesses. You don't even have any idea. You're clueless

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<v Speaker 2>that you have that weakness. That's why you need to

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<v Speaker 2>come to conflict with a humble heart.

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<v Speaker 1>Such a great message from Pastor Rick today, and I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you were just as encouraged as I was.

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<v Speaker 2>Once again, here here's Rick. Hello everybody. This is Rick

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<v Speaker 2>and I have just returned from Amsterdam where I was

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<v Speaker 2>at a conference where we had over six thousand church

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<v Speaker 2>leaders pastors from all around the world. Literally one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>and forty nations came to Amsterdam for a week of

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<v Speaker 2>training where we were teaching them about the good news

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<v Speaker 2>of Jesus Christ and more importantly, how to share the

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<v Speaker 2>good news of Jesus Christ and help finishing the task

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<v Speaker 2>around the world in the next ten years. That's the

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<v Speaker 2>goal to get the Gospel to every person in the

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<v Speaker 2>world in the next ten years, by twenty thirty three,

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<v Speaker 2>which is the two thousandth birthday of Christianity. And you

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<v Speaker 2>know what was the most exciting to me is that

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<v Speaker 2>people came to me from all around the world. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I said, one hundred and forty nations and said, I

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<v Speaker 2>listened to Daily Hope every day in Kazakhstan, in Bhutan,

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<v Speaker 2>in Bolivia, in Namibia, on every continent. I heard time

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<v Speaker 2>and time again, Pastor Rick, the Word of God is

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<v Speaker 2>changing my life. Friends, That's what Daily Hope is all about.

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<v Speaker 2>And for me, since I get your letters and I

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<v Speaker 2>love to read your letters, and I love to hear

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<v Speaker 2>your stories, but to be face to face with about

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<v Speaker 2>six thousand people who are listening to Daily Hope on

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<v Speaker 2>a regular basis and hearing how it's changed their lives

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<v Speaker 2>and influenced their ministries, it just makes me want to say,

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<v Speaker 2>to all of you who pray for this ministry and

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<v Speaker 2>all of you who support this ministry, thank you, thank you,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers, for

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<v Speaker 2>your gifts, for your support. You're making a difference. When

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<v Speaker 2>you get to Heaven, You're going to meet people in

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<v Speaker 2>heaven who've come to Christ because you prayed and because

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<v Speaker 2>you gave.

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<v Speaker 1>Be sure to join us next time as we look

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<v Speaker 1>into God's Word for our daily hope. This program is

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<v Speaker 1>sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial

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<v Speaker 1>support