WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.440 --> 00:00:08.199 You know, there are these moments in parenting that absolutely 2 00:00:08.359 --> 00:00:12.640 nobody warns you about, not in the books, not in 3 00:00:12.679 --> 00:00:17.079 the mommy blogs, not even in the well meaning advice 4 00:00:17.199 --> 00:00:20.359 from people who have already been through it. They're not 5 00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:25.039 the big obvious milestones. They're not the ones that take 6 00:00:25.079 --> 00:00:28.559 one hundred photos of and put it in a scrap 7 00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:32.479 book with stickers and captions. They're the quiet ones, the 8 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:36.359 sneaky ones, the ones that catch you completely off guard 9 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:40.039 while you're standing in the middle of your kitchen trying 10 00:00:40.039 --> 00:00:43.079 to remember if you already added salt to the pasta. 11 00:00:43.679 --> 00:00:48.560 It's a Tuesday afternoon, or maybe it was a Thursday. Honestly, 12 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:51.960 when you have as many kids as we do, the 13 00:00:52.039 --> 00:00:55.799 days of the week start plunding together somewhere around mid 14 00:00:55.840 --> 00:01:00.159 October and they don't really separate again tell Christmas. But 15 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:05.280 there she was, Maddie, standing in the hallway, tucking her 16 00:01:05.319 --> 00:01:08.359 shirt in, fixing her hair in that mirror by the 17 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:11.319 front door, the one that has a little crack in 18 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:14.959 the corner that Jeremy has been meaning to replace for 19 00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:18.200 approximately a year. And she looks up at me and 20 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:21.920 she says, Okay, Mom, I'm heading to work, and I 21 00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:25.920 just stood there for a second because in my head 22 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:30.040 I still have that very vivid memory of a tiny 23 00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:33.599 little girl with pigtails who used to drag her stuffed 24 00:01:33.640 --> 00:01:38.879 animal absolutely everywhere she went, and I mean everywhere. That 25 00:01:38.959 --> 00:01:42.400 stuffed animal went to the grocery store, it went to 26 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.920 birthday parties, it went to Sunday dinners at Grandma's house, 27 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:51.359 it went places that stuffed animals really have no business going. 28 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:55.040 And now the same little person is standing in front 29 00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:58.840 of me in a work uniform, telling me she's heading 30 00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:03.920 to her job per job at fourteen years old. I 31 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:07.480 cannot fully explain what that feels like as a mom, 32 00:02:07.879 --> 00:02:10.520 but I'm going to try, because I think a lot 33 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:13.560 of you out there know exactly what I'm talking about, 34 00:02:14.280 --> 00:02:17.240 and I think this episode is going to hit home 35 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:22.400 for a lot of families. Welcome to We Are the Hansens. Hey, hey, hey, 36 00:02:22.599 --> 00:02:26.400 welcome back everybody you're listening to We Are the Hansens, 37 00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:29.319 the podcast where we pull back the curtain on what 38 00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:33.759 real family looks like. Not the highlight real version, not 39 00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:39.360 the perfectly created, everybody smiling and coordinating outfits version, the 40 00:02:39.400 --> 00:02:47.080 real version, the loud, messy, beautiful, chaotic. Can someone please 41 00:02:47.159 --> 00:02:51.560 find the remote version of family life. Hi, Maya, and 42 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:54.080 if you're new here, let me just give you the 43 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:57.560 quick version of who we are. We are a big family, 44 00:02:58.039 --> 00:03:03.479 like genuinely big. We have kids of various ages, grandkids 45 00:03:03.520 --> 00:03:07.960 coming up, cousins always around, and our house is basically 46 00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:13.520 a revolving door of people, food, noise, and love. It 47 00:03:13.599 --> 00:03:18.800 is never ever quiet, and on the rare occasions when 48 00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:23.000 it actually is quiet, my first instinct is to assume 49 00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:27.879 something is going very wrong somewhere. We started this podcast 50 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:30.879 because we believe in the power of sharing real stories, 51 00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:36.840 real parenting wins, real parenting struggles, real conversations about the 52 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:40.840 things that matter most. And today, the thing that is 53 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:44.120 very much at the top of my mind, sitting at 54 00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:47.439 the very front of my heart is our girl, Mattie. 55 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:51.800 Maddie just started her first job. She is fourteen years 56 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:55.400 old and she is working at Callvers and y'all, she 57 00:03:55.560 --> 00:03:59.800 is absolutely crushing it. But this episode is bigger than 58 00:03:59.879 --> 00:04:04.639 just celebrating Mattie's new job, which for the record, we 59 00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:09.000 absolutely are doing because she has worked hard and she 60 00:04:09.159 --> 00:04:13.960 deserves all the celebrating. This episode is about something every 61 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:17.920 parent of a teenager is eventually going to wrestle with. 62 00:04:18.600 --> 00:04:21.920 How do you teach your kids to work hard without 63 00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:26.480 accidentally robbing them of their childhood? Where is the line 64 00:04:26.519 --> 00:04:31.839 between responsibility and overscheduling? And why does watching your kids 65 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:35.000 take on a real job feel like one of the 66 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:38.519 most pride filled and heartbreaking things at the same time. 67 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:42.920 Pour your coffee, settle in. Let's talk about all of it. 68 00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:45.800 So let me take you back a little bit, because 69 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:49.240 context matters, and I think this story is better when 70 00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:53.639 you understand where it came from. Mattie has always been 71 00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:57.560 someone who notices things. I don't know exactly how else 72 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:02.800 to describe it. Some kids are some kids are doers. 73 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:06.800 Some kids are the ones who immediately take charge of 74 00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:12.600 every situation. Maddie is an observer. She watches how things work. 75 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:16.720 She pays attention to details that most people walk right past, 76 00:05:17.399 --> 00:05:19.959 and for as long as I can remember, he has 77 00:05:20.040 --> 00:05:24.199 always wanted to understand the purpose behind it. When she 78 00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:28.279 was younger, she used to ask questions like, but why 79 00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:32.600 do we do it that way about everything? Why do 80 00:05:32.680 --> 00:05:35.959 we set the table like this? Why do we do 81 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:39.120 all that? Why do we go to that grocery store 82 00:05:39.120 --> 00:05:42.040 and not the other one? Why does that sign say 83 00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:46.879 what it says. She wasn't being difficult. She was genuinely 84 00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.160 curious about how the world works. And I think that 85 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:54.480 curiosity is exactly what led her to this moment, because 86 00:05:54.519 --> 00:05:59.040 at some point this past year, Mattie started noticing something. 87 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:03.519 She started noticing that there are things she wants, things 88 00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:07.639 she'd like to have, experiences she'd like to be part of. 89 00:06:08.600 --> 00:06:12.879 And she made a very Maddy kind of observation, which 90 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:17.879 is that those things require money, and money requires work, 91 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:20.920 and therefore she needed to find a way to work. 92 00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:25.319 I'm not going to pretend that the conversation happened in 93 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:29.120 one neat, tidy, sit down discussion at the kitchen table. 94 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:33.319 That is not how anything works in our house. It 95 00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:38.079 happened in pieces, little bits here and there. A comment 96 00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:41.600 while we were driving somewhere, a question she asked Jeremy 97 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:44.519 one evening when they were watching something on TV, A 98 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:48.279 conversation she had with one of her older siblings that 99 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:52.040 eventually made its way back to us. But the through 100 00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:55.480 line of it all was the same. Maddie wanted to work, 101 00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:58.480 She wanted her own money, and she wanted to learn 102 00:06:58.519 --> 00:07:02.120 what it felt like to earn something entirely on her own. 103 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:05.639 When she told us she was thinking about applying at Callver's, 104 00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:09.759 Jeremy and I talked about it. Not a long, complicated conversation, 105 00:07:09.879 --> 00:07:13.639 but a real one, because fourteen is young. That is 106 00:07:13.720 --> 00:07:17.399 not something we take lightly, and there are real questions 107 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:21.720 to answer when your teenager wants to start working. How 108 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:24.639 many hours are we talking about, How does this fit 109 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:28.600 around school, What happens when she has a test or 110 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:32.160 a project or something that has to take priority. What 111 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:35.639 happens on the days when work and family life conflict. 112 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:38.959 We talk through all of it, and at the end 113 00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:43.759 of that conversation we decided to support her, not because 114 00:07:43.839 --> 00:07:47.079 we needed her to work, not because we were pushing 115 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:50.120 her out of the nest the head of schedule, but 116 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:54.519 because Maddie had made a genuine, thoughtful decision for herself, 117 00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:58.160 and our job as her parents is to support that. 118 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:02.120 So she applied and she got the job. I want 119 00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:04.319 to talk about the first day because the first day 120 00:08:04.399 --> 00:08:08.360 was something. Maddie had her uniform ready the night before. 121 00:08:08.839 --> 00:08:12.160 She laid it all out on her chair the way 122 00:08:12.199 --> 00:08:16.399 she does when she's nervous about something. Her shirt, her pants, 123 00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:21.680 her non slip shoes, everything in order exactly where she 124 00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:26.079 needed it to be everything. Now. I have watched this 125 00:08:26.279 --> 00:08:30.720 kid take tests, perform in things at school, try out 126 00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:34.879 for things, show up to events where she didn't know anybody. 127 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:39.240 I've seen her nervous before, but this kind of nervous 128 00:08:39.320 --> 00:08:43.000 was different. This wasn't the nervous you feel before something 129 00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:46.000 you've done a hundred times. This was the nervous you 130 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:50.399 feel standing at the edge of something completely new, something 131 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:55.360 that is entirely real, with real steaks and real people 132 00:08:55.720 --> 00:08:59.320 and real consequences if you mess up. She came into 133 00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:02.159 the kitchen now day and she had this look on 134 00:09:02.200 --> 00:09:06.159 her face that I can only describe as focused determination 135 00:09:06.759 --> 00:09:10.840 with a side of mild tear, which honestly is probably 136 00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:13.879 exactly the right way to feel on your first day 137 00:09:13.879 --> 00:09:17.159 at your first real job. She asked me about a 138 00:09:17.240 --> 00:09:22.039 dozen small questions, not big ones, just about the nature 139 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:26.720 of work, Small practical, logistical questions. What if I don't 140 00:09:26.759 --> 00:09:30.200 remember something, what if I mess up in order? What 141 00:09:30.279 --> 00:09:33.440 if I forget where something is? What if I'm too slow? 142 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:37.360 What what if? And I just kept telling her the 143 00:09:37.399 --> 00:09:41.000 same thing. You're going to be fine. You're going to 144 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:44.919 make mistakes, and that is completely okay because it's your 145 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.879 first day, and you're not supposed to be perfect. You 146 00:09:48.919 --> 00:09:53.320 are supposed to show up, try your best, pay attention, 147 00:09:53.440 --> 00:09:57.480 and learn. That's it. That is the whole job on 148 00:09:57.679 --> 00:10:01.639 day one. She nodded, she took a breath, she grabbed 149 00:10:01.639 --> 00:10:04.720 her bag, and she walked out that door. And I 150 00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:07.039 just stood there in the kitchen for a minute after 151 00:10:07.279 --> 00:10:11.559 the door closed. I wasn't sad, exactly, but I wasn't 152 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:15.720 not sad either. It was one of those complicated parent 153 00:10:15.840 --> 00:10:21.320 emotions that doesn't have a clean, simple name. Cried and 154 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:25.519 a little bit of grief all mixed together because you're 155 00:10:25.559 --> 00:10:29.600 so happy for them, You are so genuinely proud of 156 00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:33.440 who they are becoming. But somewhere underneath all of that 157 00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:39.240 happiness is this quiet, bittersweet awareness that they are becoming 158 00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:43.120 it without you. They are walking into a room you 159 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:46.519 can't walk into for them, and that's exactly how it 160 00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:50.320 should be, but it still feels like something. I want 161 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:52.600 to take a minute here to be honest about something, 162 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:56.080 because I know not everybody is going to agree with 163 00:10:56.120 --> 00:11:00.919 me on this, and that is completely okay. In our family, 164 00:11:01.399 --> 00:11:06.399 we believe in kids working, not over working, not sacrificing 165 00:11:06.519 --> 00:11:12.600 childhood on the altar of responsibility, but working contributing, understanding 166 00:11:12.639 --> 00:11:17.279 what effort actually costs and what it actually built. I 167 00:11:17.320 --> 00:11:20.799 grew up in a family where work was just part 168 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:24.679 of life. It wasn't optional, and it wasn't presented as 169 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:28.240 a punishment either. It was just what you did. You 170 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:32.960 worked because working meant something. You worked because there was 171 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:36.960 always something that needed doing and you were capable of 172 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:40.480 doing it, and so you did it. That was the equation. 173 00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:44.960 And I think somewhere along the way, in our culture's 174 00:11:45.159 --> 00:11:49.120 very well meaning effort to protect children from hardship, we 175 00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:53.360 started accidentally protecting them from the growth too. We started 176 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:57.960 confusing struggle with suffering. We started assuming that if something 177 00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:01.679 is hard, it must be bad for kids. And I 178 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:06.600 just don't believe that hard things teach hard things. Struggle 179 00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:10.879 builds character in ways that comfort simply cannot. When a 180 00:12:10.919 --> 00:12:13.919 teenager takes a real job and shows up for a 181 00:12:13.960 --> 00:12:18.440 real shift and works alongside real adults for depending on 182 00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:22.600 them to do their part, something happens inside of them. 183 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:28.519 Something shifts. They start seeing themselves differently, not as kids 184 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:32.960 waiting to become something, but as people who are already 185 00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:36.679 capable of contributing to the world around them, and that 186 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:42.039 shift matters. That shift is worth something. Now, with that said, 187 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:45.399 I also want to be very clear about something because 188 00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:49.240 I do not want to be misunderstood. Kids need to 189 00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:55.080 be kids, full stop. There is no amount of work ethic, 190 00:12:55.679 --> 00:12:59.879 no paycheck, no lesson about the value of money. That is, 191 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:04.919 we're treading away a childhood. For Maddie is fourteen. She 192 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:09.600 needs time for school, she needs time for friends. She 193 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:15.480 needs lazy Saturday mornings and movie nights and the kind 194 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:20.279 of long, wandering conversations with her siblings that don't have 195 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:25.159 to be any particular destination. She needs room to be 196 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:30.240 young and silly and irresponsible in the small, normal ways 197 00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:34.559 that teenagers are supposed to be. Balance is everything, and 198 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:39.399 in our house we are very intentional about protecting that balance. 199 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:42.919 Let me talk about Culver's for a minute, because I 200 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:47.200 think it matters where she's working, not just that she's working. 201 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:50.480 Culver's is the kind of place where the culture is 202 00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:56.039 right from the very beginning. It's clean, organized, people are 203 00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:00.120 trained to treat customers with genuine respect, not just a 204 00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:04.399 scripted pleasantness. It is a place that takes its food 205 00:14:04.519 --> 00:14:09.120 seriously and takes its staff seriously, and for a fourteen 206 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:14.799 year old's first job experience, that environment makes a real difference. 207 00:14:15.559 --> 00:14:19.360 And what I've watched happen to Maddie over the last 208 00:14:19.399 --> 00:14:23.480 several weeks is that she is learning things that I 209 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:27.639 genuinely could not have taught her at home, not because 210 00:14:27.639 --> 00:14:31.960 I don't know them, but because some lessons only land 211 00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:35.600 when they come from real world experience. They do not 212 00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:38.600 land the same way when Mom says them at the 213 00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:42.879 dinner table. She is learning to read a situation quickly. 214 00:14:43.559 --> 00:14:48.360 In a very busy restaurant, things move fast. You have 215 00:14:48.440 --> 00:14:51.879 to be able to assess what's happening around you, figure 216 00:14:51.919 --> 00:14:57.080 out where you're most needed, and move accordingly. That is 217 00:14:57.159 --> 00:15:02.759 a skill that is a real, usable, valuable skill that 218 00:15:02.840 --> 00:15:06.320 she is developing in real time. She is learning how 219 00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:10.360 to communicate with people who are older than her, adults 220 00:15:10.360 --> 00:15:14.879 who have expectations of her as a coworker, not as 221 00:15:14.919 --> 00:15:18.600 a kid. There is a specific kind of confidence that 222 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:22.759 comes from being treated like a capable person by people 223 00:15:23.000 --> 00:15:25.799 who have no reason to be patient with you just 224 00:15:25.879 --> 00:15:29.120 because you're young. It forces you to rise to the 225 00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:32.559 level they're asking for. She is learning how to push 226 00:15:32.639 --> 00:15:36.320 through There are days when you are tired. There are 227 00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:39.200 days when your feet hurt and you've been on them 228 00:15:39.240 --> 00:15:42.559 for hours, and there are still customers to serve, and 229 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:45.519 there is still work to be done, and you do 230 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:49.639 it anyway because that is what you said you would do, 231 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:54.480 that is what the job requires. That is what showing 232 00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:58.440 up actually means. And she is doing it. She is 233 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:02.120 showing up, is putting in the work. She is earning 234 00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:05.720 the respect of the people around her. We get little 235 00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:09.799 updates here and there, little glimpses into how things are going, 236 00:16:10.200 --> 00:16:13.639 and every single one of them makes us proud. Our 237 00:16:13.720 --> 00:16:18.120 girl is doing great. One of my absolute favorite things 238 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:21.360 about this whole season of life with Maddie is watching 239 00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:25.600 her come home after her shift. There is a specific 240 00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:29.200 kind of tired that comes from physical work. It is 241 00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:32.159 different from the tired that comes from sitting through a 242 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:36.840 long school day, or the tired that comes from being 243 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:43.279 overstimulated or stressed. It is a clean tire, a satisfied tired. 244 00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:49.200 Your body is genuinely worn out from having genuinely done something, 245 00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:53.919 and there is a certain quiet satisfaction that lives inside 246 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:57.840 that feeling. Maddie walks in after her shift and she 247 00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:03.240 has that tired. She has something else too. She has 248 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:07.240 this quiet pride that she carries with her that I 249 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:10.359 don't think she even knows is visible, but it is 250 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.559 absolutely She'll come in and sit down and she'll start 251 00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:18.039 talking about her day, not in a big dramatic way, 252 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:22.079 just casually, the way you talk about something that is 253 00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:25.759 becoming a normal part of your life. She'll mention something 254 00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.599 that happened, something she figured out, a moment where she 255 00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:33.240 felt like she finally got the rhythm of something she'd 256 00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:36.839 been struggling with before. And every time I listen to 257 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:40.920 one of those stories, I'm struck by something. My daughter 258 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:44.920 is building herself right in front of my eyes. Not 259 00:17:45.079 --> 00:17:50.039 in the ways I can plan for, or orchestrate or guide. 260 00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:55.000 She is building herself through the ordinary, repetitive, unglamorous work 261 00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:58.480 of showing up and doing her job. And it is 262 00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:01.720 one of the most beautiful things I have ever had 263 00:18:01.720 --> 00:18:05.519 the privilege of watching. Okay, I want to talk about 264 00:18:05.559 --> 00:18:09.119 the first paycheck, because the first paycheck is a whole thing. 265 00:18:09.400 --> 00:18:13.920 It truly is. I remember my first paycheck. I remember 266 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.519 looking at my name on that and feeling this very 267 00:18:17.559 --> 00:18:23.240 specific sensation that I can only describe as realness. This 268 00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:27.640 is real. This is actual money that exists in the 269 00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:30.680 actual world. Because I showed up and I did an 270 00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:35.119 actual job. Nobody gave this to me. Nobody felt sorry 271 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:38.839 for me and handed it over. I worked for this. 272 00:18:38.839 --> 00:18:42.200 This is mine. That feeling is different from any other 273 00:18:42.279 --> 00:18:45.000 feeling in the world. It is not the feeling you 274 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.880 get when someone gives you money as a gift, as 275 00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:52.519 wonderful as that is. It is not the feeling you 276 00:18:52.599 --> 00:18:57.079 give from an allowance. It is something entirely in its own. 277 00:18:57.880 --> 00:19:01.680 It is the feeling of having exchanged your time, your effort, 278 00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:06.960 your energy for something tangible and understanding, maybe for the 279 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:11.519 first time, what that trade really means. When Maddie gets 280 00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:14.759 that first paycheck in her hands and looks at that number, 281 00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:18.920 she is going to understand something she couldn't have understood before. 282 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:22.880 Every dollar on that check represents a real chunk of 283 00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:27.640 her time, her life, her energy. She will be able 284 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:30.799 to look at something in a store and think, that 285 00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:34.319 costs me three hours of work? Is it worth three hours, 286 00:19:34.759 --> 00:19:37.599 is it worth six? Is it worth the whole check? 287 00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:41.039 That is not a thought most kids have, but it 288 00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:44.559 is a thought that changes everything once you start having it. 289 00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:49.160 We talk about money in our house, openly, honestly, without 290 00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:53.519 the shame or secrecy that a lot of families attached 291 00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:58.319 financial conversations. We talk about what things cost, We talk 292 00:19:58.359 --> 00:20:01.440 about the difference between needs and once. We talk about 293 00:20:01.480 --> 00:20:05.279 saving and spending, and why the decisions you make with 294 00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:08.880 money when you're young create the patterns you live with 295 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.079 when you're older. But there is a limit to how 296 00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:16.359 much those conversations can do when they're theatrical. They become 297 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:20.440 real when there's actual money involved, when it's your money, 298 00:20:20.720 --> 00:20:23.400 when you are the one who worked for it, then 299 00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:26.799 the lesson has weight. I think it's worth stepping back 300 00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:30.359 and talking about the bigger picture here, the family culture 301 00:20:30.440 --> 00:20:33.920 that Maddie is growing up inside of, because I don't 302 00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:37.440 think you can understand why we parent the way we 303 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:41.759 parent without understanding where we come from. Jeremy and I 304 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:46.400 have been building things our whole lives, not just businesses, 305 00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:50.119 though there have been those two. We have been building 306 00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:53.559 a family culture, a set of values that we want 307 00:20:53.559 --> 00:20:56.759 our kids to carry with them when they leave this house, 308 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:01.440 and work ethic is absolutely at the center of that culture. 309 00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:07.000 Jeremy has run a business he understands in a bone 310 00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:10.400 deep way what it means to build something from nothing 311 00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:14.480 what it costs in terms of time and energy and 312 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:19.519 sacrifice and commitment. And he has never, not once tried 313 00:21:19.559 --> 00:21:23.079 to hide that reality from our kids. He has always 314 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:26.799 been transparent about the fact that good things require effort, 315 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:32.519 that nothing worthwhile arrives without some version of struggle, that 316 00:21:32.680 --> 00:21:36.279 the discomfort of hard work is not something to run from, 317 00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:39.200 but something to walk straight into with your head up. 318 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:41.480 And I grew up in a family where you worked, 319 00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:47.359 where you contributed, where contribution was expected, where nobody sat 320 00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:51.240 out because they didn't feel like participating. You showed up, 321 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:54.920 You did your part, and you understood that the family 322 00:21:55.079 --> 00:21:59.200 functioned because everybody carried their share. Our kids have grown 323 00:21:59.279 --> 00:22:02.920 up watching us work. They've watched us build things, and 324 00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:06.960 fail at things and rebuild things. They've watched us disagree 325 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:11.680 and figure it out. They've watched us exhausted and keep 326 00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:15.200 going anyway. And I believe in my heart that all 327 00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:18.880 of that watching has taught them more than any conversation 328 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:23.720 we could have deliberately designed to teach them something. Maddie 329 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:27.079 is not starting her first job in a vacuum. She 330 00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:30.240 is starting it inside of a family story that has 331 00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:35.079 always had work as one of its central chapters, and 332 00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:38.279 she knows that she feels that, and I think it 333 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:41.599 makes her proud. I want to get real for a second, 334 00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:45.240 because I think it would be dishonest to talk about 335 00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:50.480 this topic without addressing something. There is guilt. Every parent 336 00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:55.359 who has ever encouraged their child toward responsibility or independence, 337 00:22:55.559 --> 00:22:58.799 or growing up in any way has felt this guilt, 338 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:04.160 something like am I pushing her too fast? Is she 339 00:23:04.279 --> 00:23:07.880 missing out on something she can never get back? Is 340 00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:11.359 fourteen too young? Should I have let her just be 341 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:15.000 a kid for a few more years? I feel that 342 00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:19.640 I genuinely do, and I don't have a perfect answer. 343 00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:23.680 I don't think any parent does. I think we all 344 00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:28.160 just do our best to navigate the incredibly complicated task 345 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:32.000 of preparing our kids for a world we cannot fully predict, 346 00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:36.839 while also protecting the parts of their childhood that are irreplaceable. 347 00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:41.079 What I keep coming back to is this, Mattie chose. 348 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:45.160 This was not something we pushed her into. She came 349 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:48.720 to us with the idea, she did the research, she 350 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:52.960 submitted the application. She wanted this, and our job in 351 00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:56.200 that moment was not to talk her out of something 352 00:23:56.359 --> 00:24:00.079 she decided She wanted, but to support her doing it 353 00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:04.000 fully and safely. There is a difference between a parent 354 00:24:04.039 --> 00:24:08.400 who pushes their kid into early responsibility because it's convenient 355 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:12.599 for the parent, and a parent who supports their kid 356 00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:16.440 in taking a step they've asked to take. The first 357 00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:20.640 one is something I'm always vigilant about avoiding. The second 358 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:23.599 one is what I hope I'm doing and for what 359 00:24:23.720 --> 00:24:27.519 it's worth. Watching Maddie in these past few weeks, I 360 00:24:27.640 --> 00:24:30.960 haven't seen a kid who seems like she's missing out 361 00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:34.079 on her childhood. I have seen a kid who is 362 00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:38.240 standing a little taller than she has before, who looks 363 00:24:38.279 --> 00:24:42.039 at herself a little differently than she did before, who 364 00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:45.799 has something to talk about at dinner that is entirely 365 00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:49.559 hers that nobody else in the family can claim that 366 00:24:49.799 --> 00:24:53.319 belongs completely to her. That looks like growth to me, 367 00:24:54.839 --> 00:24:58.720 and I'm choosing to trust it. Can we talk about 368 00:24:58.759 --> 00:25:02.039 the rest of the family for minute? Because I loved 369 00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:06.079 this part of the story. When Mattie told her siblings 370 00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:09.759 she got the job, the reaction was everything you would 371 00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:12.599 expect from a house full of people who love each 372 00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:19.720 other loudly and enthusiastically. There was cheering, There were questions. 373 00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:23.880 There were at least three different people asking immediately whether 374 00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:26.519 this meant we were going to Cllvers to visit her. 375 00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:32.559 The answer for the record is yes, obviously, yes, we 376 00:25:32.599 --> 00:25:36.400 have already been and we will absolutely be going again 377 00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:42.960 multiple times, because one, we love Culvers. Their butterburgers are 378 00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:47.599 genuinely in a category of their own, and they're frozen custard. 379 00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:52.039 Come on, there is no universe in which we are 380 00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:55.359 going to pass up an opportunity to support Mattie on 381 00:25:55.519 --> 00:26:00.359 her home turf and also enjoy some excellent frozen custom. 382 00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:04.000 But beyond the food, something really sweet has happened in 383 00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:08.599 our family around this. Her siblings have become her unofficial 384 00:26:08.680 --> 00:26:13.000 cheering section. They ask her how her shift went. They 385 00:26:13.039 --> 00:26:16.960 want to hear the stories. When she came home tired 386 00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:21.119 after a particularly busy shift, a couple of the younger 387 00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:23.759 kids had already made her a snack and left it 388 00:26:23.799 --> 00:26:27.359 on the counter without being asked. That's just who we 389 00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:30.279 are as a family. You show up for each other 390 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:35.519 every time, and the conversations it sparked among the kids 391 00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:39.960 have been really wonderful. The older ones who have already 392 00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:43.559 had jobs and have been sharing their own first day stories, 393 00:26:43.720 --> 00:26:49.079 their own nervous moments, their own memories of that first paycheck, 394 00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:52.359 and the younger ones who haven't gotten there yet are 395 00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:56.279 watching all of it with eyes wide open, starting to 396 00:26:56.440 --> 00:26:59.680 form their own ideas about what it's going to feel 397 00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:02.799 like when they have their turn. This is how family 398 00:27:02.839 --> 00:27:07.559 culture gets passed down, not through lectures, through living, through 399 00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:10.960 watching the people you love navigate real things and learning 400 00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:13.160 from what you see. I want to spend a few 401 00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:16.960