Speaker 1: This sucks song and that's that technical Therefore, obviously.
Speaker 2: Where did I hear that? What is that from? That's
Speaker 2: from Twister? That's right, sucks Philip.
Speaker 3: Seymour Hoffman, the star of the movie. No offense to
Speaker 3: Bill Paxton. So the Suck Zone is a new segment
Speaker 3: that's really just following up on some stories that we
Speaker 3: might have done over the past week and you kind
Speaker 3: of go an update's happened, but we haven't dedicated a
Speaker 3: full segment to it.
Speaker 2: So last week was the big week.
Speaker 3: Of one hundred men versus a Gorilla, which spun off
Speaker 3: into if you don't know what that was, it was
Speaker 3: a thing that popped up on Twitter just to hypothetical,
Speaker 3: and that's spun off to John Mulaney, the comedian who
Speaker 3: hosted Netflix talk show for Wednesday Night. He said that
Speaker 3: on a season finale on May twenty eighth, he is
Speaker 3: going to fight three fourteen year old boys.
Speaker 2: All right, so you.
Speaker 3: Hear that and like, okay, that's funny. Well, last night,
Speaker 3: this this is what he revealed.
Speaker 2: All Right, the moment is nigh.
Speaker 4: We're about to reveal my first challenger for a teenager
Speaker 4: fight night. But I'd like to say first that a
Speaker 4: lot of people have been contacting me. Some'm very concerned
Speaker 4: about my promise on our final episode May twenty eighth
Speaker 4: to fight three fourteen year olds. You've been asking me
Speaker 4: questions like John, why would you do this? Why would
Speaker 4: you fight boys? That's your first mistake right there. Fourteen
Speaker 4: year olds are young men. Calling them boys or children
Speaker 4: will only result in those little bastards becoming full psychos.
Speaker 4: If there is truly a crisis of young men in
Speaker 4: this country, as many say there is, I guarantee you
Speaker 4: the solution is not podcasting at them. Perhaps the greatest
Speaker 4: danger facing young people today is that most of the
Speaker 4: life advice they get comes from misshapen men making video
Speaker 4: essays in their basements.
Speaker 2: Okay, so good, pretty funny setup.
Speaker 3: Right now, he's turned it back on everyone else too,
Speaker 3: and almost taken up for the boys. So he's basically said,
Speaker 3: you know what we're going to do. We're going to
Speaker 3: reveal them one week at a time. Here's boy number
Speaker 3: one or young man number one.
Speaker 2: So here is.
Speaker 5: The very someone.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: I should have shown you guys a picture of this.
Speaker 4: Now, with all that said, I'm ready to learn the
Speaker 4: identity of my first adolescent adversary, who again I have
Speaker 4: not seen until this moment, Richard.
Speaker 2: Take it away, ladies.
Speaker 6: Her first fourteen year old challenger stands at a whopping
Speaker 6: five eight inches tall and still growing, weighing in at
Speaker 6: one hundred and forty two pounds. Give it up for Ben,
Speaker 6: whose last name we cannot say.
Speaker 2: I be I'm fourteen years old.
Speaker 7: I am extremely confident that I'm going to beat up
Speaker 7: John Mulaney. Beating up John Mulaney would help my self
Speaker 7: esteem a lot and help me grow as a person.
Speaker 2: Also, it would really help my popularity. Coming for you, John.
Speaker 4: To all of the writers and people behind the scenes
Speaker 4: who picked that first challenger, I'm thinking, thank you. I
Speaker 4: don't know how popular is gonna make you. You have
Speaker 4: a deep voice.
Speaker 2: I'll give you that. Rich What do you think I
Speaker 2: think you're fighting young men? I don't like that. You're
Speaker 2: not alone. That's our show.
Speaker 4: My thanks, Andy said, I cannot wait.
Speaker 2: Till next Wednesday night to see the second young boy.
Speaker 3: Wait, don't say that, but like, yeah, it's a it
Speaker 3: was so fun.
Speaker 2: So what did he look like?
Speaker 1: Did it look like, uh, when you just looked at
Speaker 1: that kid, did you think that would be anywhere close
Speaker 1: to a fair fight.
Speaker 2: I thought.
Speaker 3: I didn't think he's not he's not skinny, pretty solid. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's pretty solid, and I was I kept thinking, like,
Speaker 3: he's just a little shorter than me.
Speaker 5: He's about like twenty pounds more than me, like my height,
Speaker 5: my same height, and add twenty more pounds to me.
Speaker 2: That that's it.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind seeing Christina fight John mulana good.
Speaker 2: Or Christina and KT. Oh, dude, y'all should fight. I
Speaker 2: don't want to fight anyone. Okay, Christina and my three
Speaker 2: kids against KT. I like that. That'd be great, because
Speaker 2: a college man, I.
Speaker 3: Just wouldn't have it in me. I don't think i'd
Speaker 3: have it in me to physically hurt anyone.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get three kids in a female and
Speaker 1: have him fight a pacifist.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay, the.
Speaker 3: Old Well okay, So my thought was that three of
Speaker 3: these guys could probably take him, but one that he
Speaker 3: would handle him.
Speaker 2: But I mean, John m'laney's pretty slender too.
Speaker 5: What he's gonna happen, I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 5: where this is going. Go ahead, sorry, skin, what are
Speaker 5: his stats? John mullaney?
Speaker 1: Like his height, he's probably three and a half or
Speaker 1: voice tall.
Speaker 2: Right, let's kind of type it in and find out
Speaker 2: because I truly don't know.
Speaker 1: One of the problems with this he's he's just six
Speaker 1: feet tall. Oh wow, I thought I swallowing it. One
Speaker 1: of the problems with this scenario is, in order to
Speaker 1: go hit somebody, you have to muster up the angst
Speaker 1: or the energy or the fight or whatever. Like, how
Speaker 1: are you gonna get interested in going and hitting teenage? No?
Speaker 3: Right, that's then That's why I wonder, like he's promising
Speaker 3: this thing in this long drawn up bit that has
Speaker 3: bits of it weeks at a time, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 3: he can't back out of this. But at first I
Speaker 3: was like, man.
Speaker 2: He's kind of skinny, and he's kind of uh, I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 3: There's something about him, the way he talks. He would
Speaker 3: make you think this guy. But then I remember, this
Speaker 3: guy has been doing hard drug since he was thirteen.
Speaker 3: He grew up on the bad side of Chicago, Like
Speaker 3: he does have a background.
Speaker 2: This happen, this will never happen, which makes me wonder
Speaker 2: where it's going. But I'm along for the ride.