Speaker 1: Good morning from hell. It's you're good freaking Clayton.
Speaker 2: Here is my sidekick, my trustee, trustee sidekick, Chris Chris So.
Speaker 3: I died about a year ago, and my eternal punishment
is to do this podcast where we interview everyone in
the afterlife. And my associate here, the brother of Satan,
recently dubbed the Secretary of War.
Speaker 1: Under the new regime. And hell, how's that going well?
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we're sending spies up every day,
but they keep they keep getting captured and either killed
or sent back down. I think it's because the giant
horns they're very hard to conceal, and then as soon
as you try to chop them off or shave them off,
they grow back.
Speaker 1: So it's quite frustrating it. You know.
Speaker 2: Those also the wings that we're equipping them with. You
got to understand, our military budget not the best. So
you know, the wings that they keep getting getting strapped on,
they just keep breaking, and you know they stand out
like a sore thumb around the angels.
Speaker 1: You know, the white flowy gowns. All of ours are.
Speaker 2: Kind of dirty and have like piss stains and stuff.
It's it's really it's tough. It's a tough job.
Speaker 1: Chris. Have you tried like a long, long, really long
oval halo, you know that could hide the horns? Not
gonna write that down. That's actually a great idea.
Speaker 2: Normally you have shit ideas, but at this point, anything anything,
I'll take anything.
Speaker 1: Hey, you know what, this this is why we pay
you the big bucks.
Speaker 2: This is why you're my my secretary of secretary of war.
Speaker 1: I'm an idea man.
Speaker 2: You're an idea boy. You're not an idea man. You're
not you're not quite man yet. Well, speaking of you know,
being the Secretary of War for Hell, a lot of
things fall under my jurisdiction. So you know that includes
the Hell Marines, the Hell Army, the Hell Navy. You know,
they have battleships out on on the lot of rivers
and stuff. It's pretty actually pretty tight to see. We
also have the Hell Space Force. It's it's a recent
development that we're still kind of in the in the
early stages of working on, but we're making strides every day,
bigger and bigger strikes. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's it's
a pretty good way of kind of distracting people from
other huge, glaring issues. That it might be going wrong
with you know, your administration, but you just you just
say something like space wars.
Speaker 1: Look look over here, Hey, hey, hey, hey, look over here,
look space Wars. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, we get a kind of free reign
from President Gambo to kind of do whatever we want.
And that's why I'm proud to announce that we are
going to be launching a man to the moon.
Speaker 1: Chris, We're going to be launching a man to the
moon from Hell.
Speaker 2: You know, Chris, how how the US has astronauts and
then the Russians they have cosmonauts. Yeah, well, Chris, we
have demonauts. That's that's our that's our new space man.
Speaker 1: Space demon. Okay, demonts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm going to bring on Hell's first and
number one DeMont you might know personally. Let's go ahead,
and Neil, hello, thank you all for having me here today. Wow,
Neil Armstrong, of course you're not you're not a demon,
but man, you are definitely We're an astronaut.
Speaker 1: It's an honor to meet you.
Speaker 3: Well, you don't know my whole story, so let's let's
hold off on the demon stuff. But hey, it's a
great to meet christ Chris Chris Chris not Christ often confused. So, wow,
I didn't know you were in hell? How did you
end up in hell? A bit of a prankster, you know,
I was the first one to step on the moon,
and I said that the whole great line, that's one
small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Totally
that was supposed to be Buzz. That was his line actually,
of course, but I, uh, oh shit, just kind of
pushed him out of the way, still his line and
jumped in there. But I'm I'm a pretty big prankster.
Buzz and I get along real great. He's such an asshole,
he's a real jerk. Well, I have to say, Neil,
we were super lucky to have you. I mean it,
it is pretty funny because I think Buzz Aldrin he
got his name legally changed.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you think about Buzz.
Speaker 2: That's like the name of the future, that's the him
of a space man, the first man to step on
the moon. And then you're just like, fuck you, I'm Neil,
get out of the way, nerd, and and we left,
uh full move, you know, our third back there.
Speaker 3: Hey, Chris got quiz for you. Yeah, it was the
third astronaut there, Chris. Oh, okay, I'm gonna quickly steal
Clayton's laptop.
Speaker 1: Michael Collins. Did you just use hell Google? Wow, this
is what will be working with. Yeah, he just used
hell Google. Yeah, it's just Google.
Speaker 2: Down here, Chris, that's an American legend that you're you
you failed to remember. I mean, that's like if there
was a Mount Rushmore on the Moon, which there is
on the.
Speaker 1: First Oh yeah, sorry I said that first man. Is
he cool? Cl Clayton? Is he cool? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, I mean I didn't vouch
for him. He's fine, but I mean, you know, I
don't think he's a spy, but yeah, he doesn't know
the full story.
Speaker 1: I think I think you gotta break it to him.
But when you're in my time, they're all spies.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, all right, wait, Chris, I need to
sit down. Wait wait wait, okay, stand up, stand up,
I'm sitting Okay. I just I just need you to
change your your your perspective. Okay, go ahead and set up.
Speaker 1: Okay. Can I sit down now I'm counting? Or do
I stay standing?
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead and sit back down? All right, Okay,
so you know the rumor, the myth that the moon
landing was fake. Wait, you're a fuck it. The moon
landing was fake. We definitely we went to space. Come on, Chris,
don't be an idiot. Okay, don't get hurt of Sorry,
of course the sorry. It's just there's a lot of
conspiracy theories that the loop moon landing was fake.
Speaker 1: And I was like, no way, that's true. I want
to go ahead. I'm gonna let you know.
Speaker 3: I know you didn't get a medal from Nixon, which
he probably could.
Speaker 2: I'm sure he's down here somewhere. Yeah, he's been on
the show a couple of times. Actually, the hands about
like candy. You gotta be careful of Nixon there, they're
probably chocolate. I'm ready to let you into the inner circle, Chris.
So I'm going to dispel a couple of myths for you.
We went to the moon, myself, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins.
We flew out of space and we landed on moon too. Huh,
what there's Earth has two moons?
Speaker 3: Well what's actually uh, well, you see what you say
like that it sounds more like a Star Wars thing,
and that's that's a whole bunch of gobbledygoogh.
Speaker 1: Chris, what he's trying to.
Speaker 2: Say is the moon landing in the Moon mission itself,
that was all real. It's the moon that that's the
that's the fake thing, you understand.
Speaker 3: Go ahead, go ahead? Chris asked me what happened to
the moon? Ask me what happened to Moon one?
Speaker 1: Go ahead? Wait?
Speaker 3: Wait wait the moon is fake? Well, I'm just sorry,
I'm not getting this.
Speaker 1: What what part is fake?
Speaker 3: Well, Chris, there was a moon that we now have
to call Moon one.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 3: And then the goddamn soviets came in, uh huh, and
now we've got Moon two?
Speaker 1: What Wait? What happened to Moon one? Do they teach
anything in schools anymore? I just don't.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, down here in the hell, we don't have astrology.
Speaker 1: We just have ass trilogy.
Speaker 2: It's it was all just a joke, but it kind
of stuck because our education systems kind of, you know,
all bonered up down here. So they just learned about asses,
but they don't learn about astrology.
Speaker 3: You get a telescope and you look really close at
all the different ridges of the asshole. It kind of
looks like a crater. And the moon in a way.
But yeah, all right, well, Chris, you know about obviously
you know about Laika, the Soviet dog, the space dog
that went to space. Huh oh yeah yeah, the dog
they sent to space. Yeah yeah, yeah, that definitely was real.
Welllka wasn't a dog, Chrisika was a bomb, likea The
space dog was like the space bomb.
Speaker 1: Wait, as in, they strapped a bomb to the dog. No, Chris,
that's fucked up.
Speaker 3: No, it's they just they said it was a dog
and they did some very great animatronics. Actually they used
the same technique on Jurassic Park. Oh, but which I
haven't seen because I don't believe in dinosaurs. But the
Soviets they knew they couldn't beat Old Neil in a
space race.
Speaker 1: So what do they do?
Speaker 3: They blow up the moon? Huh with a space dog bomb?
What they blew up the moon?
Speaker 2: It's kind of like a scorched Earth policy, but it
was a scorched Moon policy. But instead of a scorched moon,
they just obliterated the moon right before it blew up.
Speaker 3: So yeah, wait, wait, but how do you wouldn't people
notice if the Moon was blown up?
Speaker 1: Well, that's why we had to get Moon two up there. Oh,
from I understanding it was. It was a top secret mission.
Speaker 2: They had to rebuild the moon, you know, without anybody noticing.
Speaker 1: And I don't know how you guys pulled it off.
Speaker 2: Heel.
Speaker 3: I mean that's it took a lot. I mean, Chris,
think about it this way. My mission, uh huh, the
greatest mission Mankind's ever done. Apollo eleven nineteen sixty nine.
Speaker 1: Nice, Uh huh? What do you think Apollo won? And ten?
Were Moon too? Moontoo construction rebuilt?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, it's uh, oh my god, it's pretty crazy.
How did no one notice either the big explosion in
the sky or the fact that there was no moon
for nine years?
Speaker 2: They were airing really good episodes of the Twilight Zone,
so everybody was super distracted.
Speaker 3: That was actually why the twilet zone was invented. Oh,
whilight Zone. Think about it, Oh, Chris, think about this.
Have you ever seen a picture before let's say, nineteen
fifty five. Have you ever seen a photograph from before then?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Have you ever seen a cloud in one of those?
I assume so, but do you know so exactly? No
clouds were invented by the American government to hide the
moon until we built Moon two. Oh it feels so
good to say out loud. Wait what oh wait wait wait,
clouds you're free.
Speaker 1: Got that off your chest.
Speaker 3: The US government made up clouds to hide the Moon exploding.
Speaker 1: That was a good little pun. Made up clouds.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know in the US government strategically went in
even like old paintings, they went in and added clouds,
all because they couldn't be clods were around before the
good ol'neil and a race.
Speaker 3: They're too afraid. So what kind of bomb? Was it
a dog bomb? But like, was it a nuclear? They
nuked the moon? Well, they didn't just nuke Moon one,
And I would really appreciate if you could call it
Moon one and Moon two so that we don't confuse
the uh moon the listeners.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm sorry. It wasn't just a nuke.
Speaker 3: It was all of the nukes, huh, every one of
them all. Oh yeah, it was pretty crazy. And now
now there's no nukes to uh dropping the The US
made hurricanes and get rid of them. It's a shame.
It's such a good idea. Wait, wait what the US made? Well,
US makes hurricanes. Okay, yeah, okay, Chris let's see. So
let's use some logic here. Okay, Oh yeah, he doesn't
he doesn't know, Neil, Yeah, you go ahead and tell him.
Tell the US made clouds huh to cover up Moon
one being missing.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: Hurricanes are angry clouds. Huh, the clouds. Clouds are an
accidental offshoot of the clouds.
Speaker 1: It's all, it's all coming together. Huh. It's it's weird
how it fits so well.
Speaker 3: And then because there's no more nukes left from the
Soviets blowing up the moon, now we can't drop new
in the man made American maid hurricanes and blow them up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And they lost total control of the weather machine. I mean,
it's on the loose. It's just yeah, starting hurricanes.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of like the old woman who swallowed
a fly thing and it just keeps getting out of control.
Speaker 1: Fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Okay, never in mind, So going back to nuking the moon,
how did you build a new moon? Well, you know, Chris,
a lot of great minds, my associates, you know, Tom
Hanks was obviously involved. But here's people think we went through.
Speaker 1: The trouble to fake the Moon landing. That's ridiculous. Uh huh.
Speaker 3: We did, however, create a time machine to bring it
James Cameron from the future and digitally recreate and then
three D print Moon too.
Speaker 1: James Cameron did all that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Why do you think it's taken so long
for Avis Haartoo to come out?
Speaker 1: This is the time period we took him from. Oh
my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh so, and he's been back. I mean, have
you seen a recent interview with Jane Cameron.
Speaker 1: What do you think he's doing.
Speaker 2: Do you think he's remastering True Lives for Blu Ray? No,
he's making Moon two back in the sixties. Chris, Chris,
when you're hanging out with James Cameron, I have ever
noticed that he looks up at the Moon sometimes and
weeps because he knows.
Speaker 1: I don't hang out with them often.
Speaker 2: But Chris, how do you think that the plot of
Terminator became a thing?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: You know, things moving in and out of time travel? Okay,
that does make sense. Yeah, this does make sense. Yeah,
So what is it made out of? How do you
what did you three D printed out of?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So we we three D printed the Moon with a
very special filment. What do you think we use, Chris,
what do you think holds up in those elements? I
mean plastic, some sort of fiber carbon. I mean, it's
not like it's cheese.
Speaker 1: Why'd you laugh?
Speaker 3: Space craft? Think about it? Huh, think about it. Cheese
is the only thing that holds up in space like that.
Speaker 2: You're telling me that cheese. Yeah, Chris, it's made of cheese.
The whole moon is made of cheese. All the rumors
are true. There was a leak at NASA and everybody
found out that the moon is in fact made of cheese.
Speaker 1: Chris. Have you ever seen a Kraft single go moldy? Yeah? Yeah, no,
I don't even know why it's wrapped up in plastic.
Nobody knows.
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, the craft cheese could protect the plastic. They
should have put the cheese around the plastic to protect
the plastic.
Speaker 1: You're telling me the moon is made of craft cheese.
Speaker 3: Craft cheese, and that we fill in any craters that
we don't want with an ample amount of miracle whip
mayonnaise a pair as well, Oh yeah, delicious.
Speaker 2: And they have different craters made of different things. You know,
you got the pepper Jack crater and then the Parmesan Mountain.
You know, there's all sorts of cheeses up there, but
it's all craft.
Speaker 1: It smells terrible. Yeah, why do you think they're wearing
space suits? Chris?
Speaker 3: What did you breathe up the smell? There's tons of oxygen. Yeah,
it's like the cheese smell. That's the only reason.
Speaker 1: That just seems like a lot of those are very thick,
very thick cheese. Cheese. Yeah, there's the core is very
stinky cheese, Chris.
Speaker 3: It's blue cheese, you know, And that's what makes any
good salad stinky. This just seems like a lot of
a lot, are you I mean all of Are you
fucking with me?
Speaker 2: No, we're not fucking with you, Chris. I mean the
answers have been in front of you all along, right, Neil.
I mean, it's not my fault that everybody spells craft wrong.
In spacecraft, yeah, it's supposed to be with a k. Wait,
what the cheese? Yeah, spacecraft? So are those made out
of cheese too?
Speaker 1: Chris? Don't be silly, Okay, I'm not. I refuse to
tell you what they're made out of.
Speaker 3: I'm letting you into a lot here right now, Chris.
But there's got to be some limits somewhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, topsy gret. But if if it's cheese, can you wink?
Speaker 3: Actually, the one side effect that space does have on
the body is you lose the ability to wink. Huh,
it's pretty sad. Actually, Oh yeah, what do you think
he's been putting on? I drops you can't even blink?
Speaker 1: Poor?
Speaker 2: Yeah I was I thought you were just that stinky
cheese got through his space suit and now his eyes
are just locked open.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sorry, I thought you were just intense. No. Oh,
I just couldn't help myself and I had to sample
the cheese. So the Russians blew up the moon, you
all replaced it. What did the rustlace do? Moon one? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, so they blew up Moon one, and then you
replaced at the moon too. Then what happened, Well, race
was back on. I don't Niel's not one to back down.
We figured out the terms and we went right back
to the race. Wait, the space race. But did if
you'd already went to the moon, what were you racing
to do? No, no, no, no, no, we're settling this on
the streets. What it's It's as simple as it sounds.
We got in our spacecraft. We found a good quarter
mile uh huh, and we drag raced the fuck out
of them. But you're talking about the space race? Was
a drag race? Yeah, yeah, I mean it's you can't
really I mean the I I was about to say,
it's on two different sides of the planet, but that's
a whole other can of worms we'll get into in
a second. But uh, you know, we can't really hit
the moon at the same time. It isn't make a
lot of sense. So yeah, we did a really sick
drag race and I don't even know what so it
was in there, but uh totally bodied them and they
hit a wall doing a buck twenty, just like Luda
in a Too Fast, Too Furious a movie I haven't seen.
But uh, unlike Luda, Uh huh, they super died and
we won.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I believe it was. It was Vladimir Komarov
is who you killed.
Speaker 2: And that's sick fucking I mean you you popped the
nitrous ox side.
Speaker 1: That guy didn't stand a chance. He was just in
the dust, thank you. It was. It was all thanks
to perfect timing.
Speaker 2: Meal.
Speaker 3: I'll give him some credit. Give him some credit here
and there. So wait, the space race was just a
drag race? What it just up in the in space
like in the middle of nowhere? Like how did you
bump when you say you bumped into it? Like or
you'll just like crashing into each other in space? Or
is this on the moon? Neither neither, Chris. All right,
I wasn't sure if I was going to get into
this then where was it? Well, Chris, I need you
to I need you to look at mir right now,
I mean, and.
Speaker 1: I won't uh huh, yeah, you're not blinking.
Speaker 3: I can't thank you for bringing up all right, go
ahead and sit down and stop standing.
Speaker 1: You're weird.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, okay, sorry you told me to stand. Yeah,
you see this whole time, it's been really weird. So
you believe me, right, you believe me. We went to
the moon moon one, that's not fake. You believe me.
I guess, thank you, thank you. I mean, I don't
know why you would lie to me. So yeah, yeah,
we went to the flat side of the world, Chris.
We went we went to the flat Earth. What wait,
there's another Earth that's where we raced. Well, it's more
the other side. It's like a you know, like a
ritz Cracker has got the bumpy side and then the
flat side.
Speaker 1: What yeah? What the Earth flat? Wait? Wait the e flat? What? Yeah? Yeah,
that's on the other side of the Earth is where
all the good drag racing happens.
Speaker 2: Chris. It's nice and smooth. It's no bumps in the roads.
No clouds, yeah, definitely, no clouds.
Speaker 1: The Earth. You're fucking with me. The Earth is The
Earth isn't flat, Chris?
Speaker 2: Come on, Chris, Sweet sweet, Chris, Sweet sweet Chris, Boy
my Chris.
Speaker 1: What do you think pac Man was alluding to? You know?
Then it all all leads to this, It all leads
to this.
Speaker 3: I can't believe after everything I've told you that that's
the one you can't believe. So you went up to
space and it's it's just like a quarter, like a
big flat thing with a dome. H that's it, Chris.
I want you to reach behind your ear you feel
that quarter that I put there when you weren't looking.
Speaker 1: Uh huh. That's pretty impressive. Right, Is this a globe?
That's what they really look like? Yeah? Oh my god,
I know. So they're right. All the flat earthers are right, you.
Speaker 3: Know, right for the wrong reasons. They're trying to do
the math behind it, and you know they it's just
one of those things where they came across the right answer,
but they didn't show the right work, so you know,
oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: So they still fill their math exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What other kind of activities go on the flat side
of earth? Neil Hey Clayton, that's a great question.
Speaker 3: You know those carts that AKIA have that just glide
real nice everywhere everywhere, No whiles in sight, though, Oh yeah,
nice and smooth, noiles inside. I went down there, I
was in heaven obviously, wasn't cut out for that because
of all the lying I did to the people for
the real reason.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, you know, a lot of gambling, gambling gambling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the dice of casinos.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of this side of the earth, let's
call it bumpy earth, a lot of imperceivable little bumps
and crevices, even on the flattest table on the flat,
flat earth on the underside smooth. There's a baby's flat
ass as a white baby's ass flat ass.
Speaker 1: Yeah. A baby that doesn't work out doesn't do leg days,
that's right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if the Earth is flat and Hell's underneath
the Earth's crust, Where's Hell?
Speaker 1: Cleon, you wanna take this one? How is Hell?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Of course of course.
Speaker 2: So you remember in school, Chris, those uncrustable PB and j's,
you know what, No, yeah, the uncrustable PB and j's.
It's kind of like a like a saucer shaped.
Speaker 1: Thing, you know, does this kid anything?
Speaker 2: And it's got like and it They say that it
doesn't have crust, but it still has crust. Anyways, we're
we're like, I don't think he does. But basically like
hell is Hell is? Like right, it's like the peanut
butter and the jelly and the incrustable peb and jays.
You know, we're right there in the middle or the
stuffing where the cream fill. Yeah, I want to be clear.
Oh maybe this will help clear it up. You know
what I realized where the confusion is the earth is flat,
but it's thick, yes, yes, yeah. Think of it like
a Detroit style pizza. It's like a big thick chonky pizza. Okay,
and Hell's kind of like the sauce. Yeah, but oh boy,
you do not want to get into what's on the
rim of the Earth because it's it's not still prow
your mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what what's what's on the rim? We're not allowed
to say. I can't. We can't tell you.
Speaker 3: You gotta you know, you got to earn that that
absurd moon two and a half clear?
Speaker 1: I should have said that. Sorry, Oh shit, So it's okay,
wait wait two and a half clear? How many now,
don't worry about what moon on? Moon on? Okay?
Speaker 2: So, Neil, you know, like I was saying in the
beginning of the episode, Hell has its own space program.
Speaker 1: We've got our Space Force.
Speaker 2: So you know, tell me tell us about like some
of the things that you've been working on for Hell
Space Force.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, like Clayton here said, we're working on
getting to Moon. I'll go ahead and call it too
for now, but you know after that there, Hey, Chris,
can I actually can I talk to you for a second.
It's an embarrassing Yeah, we we're still we've been talking
this whole time. I actually, uh, I've been talking kind
of like around you, But now I'm gonna talk to you.
Speaker 1: He won't. He won't stop talking about uranus or my ais.
Speaker 3: Now I understand why you two get along. No, he's
he wants to go to the planet Uranus.
Speaker 1: Neil, just still work clear. I am also two feet away.
Speaker 2: From you and can hear everything you're saying, Yes, Uranus's
I don't see whether that's so absurd.
Speaker 1: Of course, we've got to go to Uranus.
Speaker 2: I get that, Clayton. Uh huh, I really do we
have to be the first people to Uranus?
Speaker 1: Do you have to boop my butthole like the Pillsbury doll.
Speaker 3: Boy every time you say Uranus? Though it's getting really uncomfortable. Yes,
of course I want to get to Uranus. I'm wanna
be the first one there. I want it to be.
Speaker 2: Untouched, spotless, possibly bleached, and I want to I want
to stand over it, and I want to spit on it,
and I want to claim it.
Speaker 1: As my own. All right, that's what we should be
doing for Uranus. Uh.
Speaker 2: We need to go up there with our space instruments
and we need to start prodding around and exploring, all right,
because that's our that's.
Speaker 1: Our double given right.
Speaker 3: It'll be my first time to go to Uranus. But uh,
I hope it really is one small step and maybe
we can make it a tiny leap for demon kind.
Speaker 1: Because I could use some training. Yeah, so all you
gotta do is relax.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's the key one coming to Uranus is you
just gotta just gotta breathe.
Speaker 1: How are you gonna get to your Urinus from hell? Though?
Speaker 3: You know what for the first time, Chris, that's a
great question. We've developed our own spacecraft, demoncraft, very similar
to the American version, except we were instructed to paint
it red and paint flames on the side and add
some problematically unaero dynamic horns to it.
Speaker 2: Listen, it's it's very cool looking. And of course it's
named the Red Rock. That's just an obvious one. To
be fair, that one was my idea. I'llow it up
to that.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna blast.
Speaker 3: You're gonna get that red rocket all the way into Uranus.
Speaker 1: We can't go too fast.
Speaker 3: We got to take our time, and that's why we're
going to slowly drill through the crust, through the meat
of the crust, through that thick, thick earth, come out
in the Bermuda triangle. Yeah, because no one's gonna play anything.
Weird happened there and uh go, you know, knock on cheese.
We'll blash straight past the moon into youranus. Wait, sorry
you said this this is a with are you wait?
Are you telling? Are you telling me? This desk is
made of cheese too? Sniff the desk, Chris, get get
real closer. We had a lot of extra cheese. Oh yeah,
a lot of extra cheese. I don't even want to
know what else is made of cheese. At this point,
it's easier to try and figure out what's not made
of cheese. Don't look in the mirror, That's all I'm saying.
That's classic. No, so, Chris.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got like a really big drill. I mean,
you know, like the power drills you had back on Earth. Yeah,
I think of that, but like twice as big, and
we have one of those attached to the very tip
of the It's it's pretty big, but they have to
attached to the tip of the space ship. They're gonna
hopefully launch straight up into the air, drill right through
that crust, and then they're then they're off to the races,
off to the.
Speaker 3: Space space Race two or three. Yeah, yeah, but this
one's an actual race. Yeah, to get to Wait, who
are you racing agains? Who are we racing against? I've
just been doing this for the fun. Oh that's right, that's.
Speaker 1: Right, that's right. Heaven.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're war boys where war we gotta we gotta win.
Speaker 1: So oh yeah, I have full faith.
Speaker 2: In Neil's ability to exciting the mission today. In fact,
how are you feeling about that? And this is one
of your one of the last things you're gonna be
doing down here, you know, before you launch, so like
you know, pre flight jitters.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling?
Speaker 3: Uh, honestly, just more nauseous. I did eat a lot
of cheese. It's kind of my my vice. I am
incredibly lactose intolerant.
Speaker 2: So well, I mean, you can't beat that cheese that
you got up on the moon. You've just been chasing,
chasing that high ever since, you know, ever since sixty
nine when you had the good, good cheese.
Speaker 1: It's nothing's been the same.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll I'll buy a single craft single and just cry,
just cry.
Speaker 1: Use it as like.
Speaker 3: Tissue paper or clearly we've demonstrated as multiple uses, and
the closer it can be to my body, the better. Yeah, Okay,
I'm hoping to stop by the moon and make a
cheese angel on the way, because once again, you can
totally breathe it.
Speaker 2: They're super easy except for the cheese party. Oh boy, wow,
look at the time. You know what, uh, Neil, I
think it's I think it's about ready to go. I
think your mission's about to start. I think the rockets
all fuel and ready to go. Yes, sir, got the
cheese and the tank. Cheese in my tank. I'm ready
to do this.
Speaker 1: Chris. Uh huh, I don't like you very much. Well,
thank you. It's an honor for you, for you, for you,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get out all yeah. Hey,
I'll uh.
Speaker 3: For mee see on the other side of the specifically
flat Earth.
Speaker 2: All right, Satan speed Neil, You're gonna do great things,
all right? All right there he goes. Wow, what a
brave American slash hell hero that we've got there.
Speaker 1: I can't so he's going all the way to your anus.
Yeah about that.
Speaker 2: So, Chris, you know how you're talking about like the
dog and how the Soviets were nuking Moon one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, Neil over there, he's he's like it too.
Speaker 2: What Yeah, so the red rocket's actually a ton of
nuclear blood's just jammed into one rocket. Yeah, I didn't
have the heart to tell him. He's we're gonna be
launching him straight up to Heaven. We're gonna try to
new Kevin. You know, we're gonna come out of the gates,
you know, running on this war with Heaven.
Speaker 3: So you know we need someone to guide the rocket. Wait,
coming out of Hell's gates or Heaven's skates.
Speaker 2: Uh, well, we don't want to talk about Heaven's skate
because it's okay, crazy colt okay. But yeah, oh hey,
oh Neil, are you come in?
Speaker 1: Heil?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Did you do you do anything in the ship? Seems
a little something seems a little a little different about it.
Speaker 3: Heavier?
Speaker 2: No, I mean no, no, I mean that's just all
the fuel because you're gonna need a lot of fuel
to get to your ainus.
Speaker 1: So you know, extra feel that makes That makes a
lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, he's trapped in. You're feeling good and you're in.
You're in your rocket ship.
Speaker 3: Strapped in, strapped on, ready to I'm ready to get
to your anus.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, Chris, you put your hand over that button.
That's the launch button. I'm gonna put you in charge
of that, and I'm gonna give the countdown whenever you're ready.
Speaker 3: Neil, okay, Neil, uh, good luck, Nil you ready, Chris, huh?
Speaker 1: I want you salute. Stand up again. All right, I'm
saluting Chris.
Speaker 2: All right, So okay, standing, okay, Here we go, launching
in five four three.
Speaker 1: Two one launch launch, We have launch. Look at him.
Go oh, whoa, whoa, he's going, Melo, you're almost there.
You're almost to the crust. You're about to hit the crust.
Turn on your drill, Turn on your drill. It's going
those goes. It's drilling. Wow, that's it's it's put your
snow at all. Okay, We're we're almost through the crust here.
How's it going? Oh this is great. Oh this brings
me back sixty nine. Nice. All right, Oh, we're through.
I'm heading out there. We're getting We're almost in the atmosphere.
What what's the Chris? Oh he exploded, he exploded.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh, he popped a hole into the surface
of the earth and the water is coming down.
Speaker 1: Oh quick, there's a giant waterfall. We're gonna need a
huge Oh god, Neila, I don't know.
Speaker 2: He's definitely sorry all right for those of you that
are listening.
Speaker 1: Uh, you'll just popped a hole under the surface and
make it through the crust. First crust. He didn't make
it through the crust. The nuclear bomb exploded. Now the
Bermuda Triangle, all the oceans just coming into Hell. We
we gotta wrap this up, Chris, we gotta wrap all right.
Speaker 3: Well. Uh, be sure to follow us on social at
at Morning from Hell. You can find pictures and illustrations
of every episode, and you can send questions to Clayton
for us to answer, and be sure to give us
a review and tell your friends, tell someone who.
Speaker 1: Uh, Okay, sorry, I gotta go. All right, Chris, we
got it. We gotta plug the hole with cheese.
Speaker 3: Christ We this home, he Clay, thank you Carrie Shawcross
for coming on as Neil Armstrong. We've worked with Carrie
for a very very long time. Carrie, what do you do.
Speaker 1: At Ruster T?
Speaker 3: Well, Hey, I just want to say thanks for having me.
I appreciate I've been one just for a long time.
Show aside, y'all are some of my favorite people, so
I appreciate having the honor of being in Hell with you. Yeah,
I work on Ruby. I'm the showrunner. I'm one of
the episode directors and co writers. We've got Volume eight
might actually already be out at this point, so if
you want to check that out, we would appreciate it.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 3: I'm sure most everyone obviously listening has heard of Ruby,
but if you haven't watched it, you should definitely check
it out.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful show and it's partially made by this
beautiful boy and a team of other brilliant writers and directors.
And I'm so proud of our animation team because Ruby's
been kicking so much ass.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's uh, it's been. It's been not the
best working from home, but we've made it work. And uh,
I'm super proud of the season. Everybody's done a really
great job dealing with the hell that we've been placed in.
Get it, yeah, Dale like hell jokes, We make them
all the time.
Speaker 1: That's podcast about them.
Speaker 2: Uh So, Carrie, outside of Ruby, where can our listeners
find you?
Speaker 1: On? Like social media and stuff?
Speaker 3: I am at Carrie Shatcross my full name on pretty
much everything, on Twitter, on Twitch, on Instagram, if you wanna,
if you wanna hang out with me, and uh, listen
to all my dumb jokes, and you know you'll find
out that I actually do believe there is flat. Oh yeah,
yeah he he only agreed to do this under that condition.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. I wanted to just be able to get
my peace out. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But yeah, if you wanna, if you want to hear
some of my dumb ramblings, that's right, I am.
Speaker 1: I just want to be very clear. I don't believe
there it's a flat. To be clear, no, no, no,
no no. We we all know, we all know the truth.
Speaker 2: You think you're the slot, all right, Well, thanks splatter,
your caring for being on the show.
Speaker 1: All right, go check out Ruby. Thanks for being on.
Speaker 3: Bye.