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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to Dear to Sea to my mind.

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Speaker 2: Just as y'all followed, you right in to.

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Speaker 3: Us follow Dear to See a podcast from Apple and

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Spotify and.

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Speaker 1: Leave us a what's our review?

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Speaker 4: Five?

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Speaker 3: Thank you in advance, subscribe to a relationship restore as

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well as the Dear to See a channel which is

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under to See an XBS. And we are trying to

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get to ten thousand followers by the end of the year,

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and I just know we're gonna get there.

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Speaker 1: I ain't gonna count you out.

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Speaker 3: We are introducing our Penat Gallery. Now, this is if

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you're watching this, this is this is kind of December

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right now. By the time we come back in January,

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I'm gonna have an official name for my Panut Gallery,

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and I'm gonna put it where y'all can vote. So, actually,

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if y'all leave a comment, vote what.

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Speaker 1: Y'all think my Penut Gallery should be called.

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Speaker 3: Now, y'all know, like Beyonce has to be hive, Rihanna

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has the navy, Tamar has though what is hers?

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Speaker 1: It's like a spark.

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Speaker 3: It's like some some don't let me get the line. Anyways,

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she got something, you know. Tay Martians or Martians. It's

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like Tay Martians or something like that. Yeah, so we

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gotta figure out what our peanut gallery is going to

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be reintroduced, ass cast your boat below. Okay, all right,

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so anyway it's our pena gallery.

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Speaker 1: We have doctor Nicole.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Nicole back again with us. Y'all loved her in

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all the episodes, so this is gonna be good. And

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y'all know, I love to introduce how I met doctor Nicole. Now,

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doctor Nicole was in you know, met her do a

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girl's girl, a mutual friend, and then we dipped off and.

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Speaker 1: Had our own thing going on.

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Speaker 3: Okay, look, and we just started. You know, we're gonna

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be and Ghana together, going first class to a cross. Okay,

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December twenty fifth, see you on the continent.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: Anyways, on to our listener review. We have BK Goal

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nine one seven. I absolutely love your podcast. You keep

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it all the way real, all the way real real.

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Good cys, major congrats, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Ms BK Gal nine seven.

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Speaker 3: Our first dear to see a voicemail. He's grieving but

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says he's ready for love.

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Speaker 4: Dear to see you. So I got back on the

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dating apps I met this guy that I'm really interested in,

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and we hopped on a FaceTime call yesterday and he

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proceeds to tell me about how he's going through things

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and he has lost three family members to suicide within

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the last month. So I was honestly out of words.

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I don't want to overstep because again, and this was

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my first interaction with him was on FaceTime, But I

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did ask him, like, okay with this going on, like

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are you ready for something or are you looking for

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a friendship or what exactly are you looking for? He

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tells me that he is looking for a relationship and

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that he has been looking for one before this even happened.

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So I'm just a little hesitant a little bit because

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I don't know if I should pursue him or cut

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him off because of this. And I feel bad because

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I know this is not his fault, but I don't know.

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It puts me kind of in a hard place. Also,

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I do want to add that whenever we text, sometimes

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he takes a little while to respond, like a couple hours,

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or sometimes it's pretty quick. So but then when we

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spoke on like FaceTime, it's very like, I don't know,

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it just feels very like deep and we're talking, whereas

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like text, it's like very bland, nonchalant, like it's not

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I'm not getting the energy that I thought I was

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gonna get through text versus on FaceTime. So I just

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want to know, like, what do you think I should

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do moving forward with this guy?

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Speaker 1: I'm just a little closer.

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Speaker 3: Empathy killed the cat. Okay, I canna say curiosity killed

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the cat. Empathy killed the fucking cat. Okay, y'all have

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way too much empathy. And I just made a real,

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like a real about this or scroll on down. There's

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only like five posts down at this point, okay. And

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I was telling the girls about just doing too much

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too soon, and I basically was sharing with them that

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there was a recent study done on serial killers. Okay,

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a recent study done on serial killers, and they analyzed

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the mind and the behaviors of the serial killers, and

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they interviewed them and basically they asked them, how did

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you know which woman was going to be your next victim?

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And set five percent of these serial killers that was

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locked up for life under the jail said, I told

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them a sob story, and whichever ones were still around

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that entertained it, that felt some felt empathy. That's who

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I knew that I could. Maybe Hey, you ain't wrong, friend,

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Empathy killed the cat. This man. Honestly, I'm not trying

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to be funny, but as somebody that's just meeting you,

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I don't want to deal with all of that. And

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we need more women that just don't want to deal

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with all of that. Y'all willing to take on the

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strength of the world and the problems of the world.

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For somebody you just met on the app let that

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man process three family members come in su say you

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know how deep that is. You don't know this man

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from paying on the wall, Baby, Pray for him and

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keep it moving. This is not something that you want

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to get involved in. Also, don't you think it's suspicious

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that this man told you are all of that daddyep

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I'm fucking with niggas for two three years.

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Speaker 1: A bitch.

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Speaker 3: Don't still don't know why his mama lost his her kids. Okay,

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I still don't fucking know why he don't talk to

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his daddy.

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Speaker 1: It's been two three years.

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Speaker 3: You met a nigga two days ago and he told

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you about three family members that committed suicide.

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Speaker 1: Don't you think that's suspicious?

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Speaker 3: Listen to your instinct, listen to your gut. Okay, just

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let him deal with that. It ain't no harm, it

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ain't no foul, it ain't no judgment. You can judge

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people and they don't have to have access to you

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in that way. Okay, you can let people do what

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they need to do and literally there's no judgment on them.

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But that doesn't mean that they get to have access

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to you. Okay, you don't have to judge them. It's

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no judgment free zone. But that doesn't mean that that

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person still gets access to you. So no, ma'am, too much,

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too much, And even to another thing I want to

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comment on, She said, on the phone it's deep and

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through text, it's like sometimes he responds quickly, sometimes he don't.

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But win, yes, sporadic. It's not really the energy that

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she will want. But on the phone is deep. It's

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deep because he's dumping. It's deep because he's dumping. He

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telling you all he's fucking is all his hides and

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lows and life problems.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's deep. Deep and dumping is two different things.

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Speaker 3: You can have something that's deep where it's just like

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that person has emotional depth, that person is able to

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connect that person's able to articulate their feelings. That's fucking deep.

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Deep and dumping is two different things. And this man

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is dumping on you, will leave him and his problems

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where he's staying. And also to y'all think I'm crazy,

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But like I said, I lost both of my parents,

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so I can talk about shit like this.

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Speaker 1: I listen.

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Speaker 3: I look at nigga's genetics. Okay, hey, call me judgmental.

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What three family members comit in suicide. I'm cool off you, dog,

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cool off you. I don't want to read reduced with you.

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I don't want to. I'm telling you, I look at

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me as genetic. I look at their hairline, I look

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at they skin, I look at the body composition. Okay,

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because I am gonna have daughters, Okay, I'm looking at

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all of that. And I'm looking at your genetics and

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mental health, family, family, mental health history, three family members

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that committed suicide in the past month.

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Speaker 1: I'm cool off you, dog. I'm straight.

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Speaker 3: God bless you, God bless your people. I hope it

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gets better for you, but not a nigga off a

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day now. Please, please, you have thoughts on this.

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Speaker 5: Look you said it all, but I always tell everybody,

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do not let your empathy talk you out of your discernment.

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You can be compassionate and compassion is I'm so sorry

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you're going through that. But when your discernment comes in,

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I need clarity, I need consistency, I need emotional intelligence,

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I need a kind of ability, I need respect. So

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I'm gonna have to let you go your way. Too

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many people let the empathy talk them out of their discernment.

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Speaker 3: Talk them out of their their their discernment and common

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fucking sense.

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Speaker 5: They just because again it's like, oh, well they need me.

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This man just met you and told you all that.

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That's a red flag that you just told me all

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this and just meet me. Yes and no, granted I

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know what I do, so that happens to me a lot.

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But in dating you are literally, like you said, you're

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dumping this on me. How do you even know I'm

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in an emotional space to receive it. You don't respect

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me exactly.

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Speaker 3: And again, don't forget girl, the serial killer theory. They

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are sussing you out, and the moment that they see

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that that sob story landed well.

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Speaker 1: On you, you will be in the back of a truck.

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Speaker 5: They gonna keep going.

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Speaker 3: Okay, some girl water Bykaba is yeah you right, Sis,

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I go be cut up and wear.

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Speaker 1: In them wear muskin.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I just thought, but she.

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Speaker 3: Was like, you ain't about to cut me off and

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be wearing my skin exactly. These people are crazy. Leave

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him for the Wolf Show. God bless them, God bless them.

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You You have no investment, no look, no commitment to

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that man.

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Speaker 1: Goodbye.

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Speaker 3: Voice one number two. I called feelings from my client

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in prison.

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Speaker 5: Yeah hid to see it. Sorry question.

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Speaker 6: And I've been following you for a while, So what

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did you say to a person like me?

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Speaker 1: Don't just just listen?

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Speaker 6: So I was working as a contractor for a nonprofitm

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I'm not going to say the names and the and

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I started working in my prison and not with this guy.

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And he told me he was my client or whatever.

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He told me that he had somebody he's talking to

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me and talked for two years.

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Speaker 5: You know how people be like, hey, you want to

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talk to my friend? And then he got that person

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number and started talking to it. Did he met me?

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We started talking?

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Speaker 6: I said, okay, okay, fast forward three months into me

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talking to him, I two and a half. Well, I

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started liking him and my leo. Right, So I said,

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you know how, he was transparent me and told me

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you had somebody. I said, why don't you call her

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and tell you met somebody? He went off, He's.

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Speaker 5: Like, uh, you know, I like you.

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Speaker 6: Then did this and did this, and I did just slaid

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into you and blah blah blah.

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Speaker 5: Mind you.

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Speaker 6: He ain't did nothing with her like that, just a

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couple of visits. Right, So I really liked this man. Yes,

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he's working on his case. He has some time, but

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he's working on his casework. And I talked to him

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on the regular. So what do you think I should do?

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Just let him go and focus on her, because you

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know I'm a lio. I can't just talk to you

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and you told me you talked to somebody else. This

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is never work with me, right, But I really like him.

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And I've been sending a bunch of voice recording, spassing

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out and calling back some of my man, you ain't

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like that, you ain't like that, I've been saying, like

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on phone them, and he's like, you ain't like that,

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you don't like this.

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Speaker 5: So I want you to help me. What should I do?

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No way?

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Speaker 1: What should I do? Let me tell you this.

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Speaker 3: I always put me in in categories. I just was

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telling my homegirl this. It's only a it's certain things

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that a certain kind of nigga could do to me.

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Speaker 1: And follow me here.

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Speaker 3: If you a man that got three folk kids, you

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got folk kids, three baby mamas. If I decide to

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entertain you, you got a short rope with me. It's

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only a certain type of shit. Let a nigga with

242
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four kids and three baby mamas can't break my heart, baby, Okay,

243
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it's only it's certain things I'm gonna let you do

244
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with me. You don't got the same wiggle room as

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a six foot four man where no kids, never been married,

246
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six figure earn or entrepreneurs.

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Speaker 1: Baby, you ain't got the same kind of rope. My

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thing is. This is just me. A nigga that's in

249
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jail can't tell me he talking to somebody else, Good

250
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fucking night. A man in jail.

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Speaker 3: That has lost his freedom and it's held in captivity, okay,

252
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cannot tell me that he's dating another woman and I

253
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still be interested in him. How you let and this

254
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is with all due respect, how you let a jail

255
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bird tell you that he got another woman?

256
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Speaker 1: You and you still interested.

257
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Speaker 3: It's a certain kind of man can only do certain

258
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kind of things, and a man that's in jail cannot

259
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have another woman that I'm even still interested interested in.

260
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I'm trying to figure out this. What she wrote she

261
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called feelings and asked him to end oh in things with.

262
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Speaker 1: The oh oh oh okay, yeah, she.

263
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Speaker 3: Called feelings and asked him to end things with the

264
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other woman. And he blew up.

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Speaker 5: Inding it that already gave me your answer.

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Speaker 3: Let me tell you this. You let a man in

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jail tell you that he got another girl, and then

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you come to him. Mind you, I'm not trying to

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be funny. You free, you got resources, you got commisary, okay,

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you have access to the outside. This man blew up

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on you. He's in jail, friend, he is a prisoner.

272
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He is in jail. There's a lot of things you

273
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can do. You can't curse me out if you have

274
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lost your freedom. You can't blow up on me as

275
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an about another woman. And my thing is too like,

276
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where is this possession coming from?

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Speaker 1: You?

278
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Speaker 3: You want to have a possession from a rock that

279
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,440
you found on the beach, like this man. Actually, it's

280
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not that he's a terrible person or he's worthless, but

281
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he actually has nothing to really give you or to

282
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offer you. So how you gonna be possessive over that?

283
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,879
How you being possessive over a man with no money,

284
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:35,440
no freedom, no resources, no opportunity to build a life

285
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with you can't be outside. How are you possessive over that?

286
00:14:40,639 --> 00:14:43,600
This just shows me that you just baby, You ain't

287
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,759
got no motion, You ain't got nothing going on to

288
00:14:45,799 --> 00:14:47,840
be dealing with something like this. Baby, You ain't got

289
00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:50,519
nothing going on. This is just a certain kind of

290
00:14:50,559 --> 00:14:52,360
man that can have you in a jam like this.

291
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And it just shows that where you are took two

292
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:57,559
pieces in the pot. Y'all deserve each other. And hell

293
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:59,120
you trying to go to jail for what you're doing

294
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because I think that you can and be doing that.

295
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Can you imagine a man in jail cursing you out

296
00:15:08,919 --> 00:15:09,879
about another woman?

297
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Speaker 5: I can't imagine it at all ever, huh.

298
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Speaker 3: And I'm not like anti man, but a girl one

299
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that got a bad temperament blew up on you.

300
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Speaker 5: That's the sty the way you treating me from prison

301
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,559
also too.

302
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:35,039
Speaker 3: I don't think there is a there is almost like

303
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:39,879
a reverse psychology about keeping your cool and plan kind

304
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:43,559
of plan nonchalant and hard to get as a woman.

305
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:48,399
Imagine a man in jail that literally is a prisoner.

306
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He's locked up knowing that you have met him, and

307
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,440
a couple months in you're asking him to take to

308
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stop talking to another woman.

309
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Speaker 1: This man thinking man change checkmate, got her?

310
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Speaker 5: You gonna he gonna use it.

311
00:16:03,039 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 3: You won't even play your card right my girl? Please,

312
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,799
how you possessive over inmate?

313
00:16:08,159 --> 00:16:09,279
Speaker 1: Please get off my phone.

314
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Speaker 5: She need to look a mirror, honestly.

315
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Speaker 3: Seriously, you gotta look sound like you've got a state job,

316
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,600
a government job. You gotta you're a contractor for a prison.

317
00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:25,720
Sure hmm, No, ma'am, you don't know what you should do.

318
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,519
Leave him alone. So now she's wondering if it's worth

319
00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:30,120
the chaos.

320
00:16:30,159 --> 00:16:30,559
Speaker 1: It is not.

321
00:16:30,919 --> 00:16:33,320
Speaker 3: Please go find you some business, and please do not

322
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,320
date clients that don't have their freedom.

323
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Speaker 1: Thank you, No, ma'am.

324
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Speaker 3: Waste my number three? Dear to see it when I'm

325
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:43,559
ready to date again? How do I do it?

326
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:45,919
Speaker 5: Right there?

327
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 2: To see it? I have a one year old sixteen

328
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months he's in the background. I've been on myself. The

329
00:16:52,559 --> 00:16:55,759
Benat's Journey for about a year now, and I'm gonna

330
00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:57,759
continue to do that to my baby like three, But

331
00:16:57,879 --> 00:17:01,559
what is your advice on moving on to the date

332
00:17:01,679 --> 00:17:04,920
world when it's time and I'm ready, because my experience

333
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,279
with his dad wasn't the best. It was really it

334
00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,200
was really really bad. So I just want to go

335
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,240
into a new situation and that time, you know, right,

336
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:15,440
not now, but when I'm ready for that. What would

337
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,720
be your advice on moving forward? Because I'm kind of

338
00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:22,480
like traumatized from my experience with his dad, Like I

339
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:25,240
don't want those dealings with nobody like him, like a

340
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:27,319
type of man like him. So and I want that

341
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,000
person to be a great fit for me and my

342
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:33,000
child moving forward. And my biggest fear is allowing somebody

343
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,400
to come in his life that's not for him or me.

344
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So I know things get a little tricky. Kid is involved.

345
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And another question, do you think I should date with

346
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someone with the kid? I really think I should because

347
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at least one because someone that don't have kids, I

348
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,920
feel like it's like a chance you're taking because you

349
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,640
don't know how they really would be as a parent.

350
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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, my baby.

351
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Speaker 2: Question not now because my baby just want but when

352
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that time comes, I'm curious.

353
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Speaker 3: So here's one thing that I want to say about this.

354
00:18:06,839 --> 00:18:09,039
The first word at your mouth is that I'm a

355
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single mom. I have a sixteen month old. Then later

356
00:18:14,279 --> 00:18:16,799
on you talked about should I date a man with

357
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kids or sh should I dat a man that does

358
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,920
not have any kids? Because I think that a man

359
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:26,079
with kids will. You have made this your whole identity. Okay, Now,

360
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,079
I'm not saying that your child is not important. I'm

361
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:32,400
not saying that single motherhood will not play an important

362
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,839
factor in how you choose to enter the dating space.

363
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:40,119
But this is not your identity. And when people introduce

364
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themselves as a single mom, they're already to, in my opinion,

365
00:18:43,799 --> 00:18:46,759
putting themselves in a deficit. It's almost like you know

366
00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:48,599
that there are a limited amount of people that are

367
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,119
gonna like you, or there's a limited amount of people

368
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that you have access to because you are a single mond.

369
00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:55,119
Let me tell you, it's niggas out here dating bitches

370
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,400
with kids, period, period, point in the blank. It's men

371
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,640
out here there are dating women with children. And I

372
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,720
feel like when you walk with that kind of limp,

373
00:19:02,759 --> 00:19:04,519
like I don't a single mom mom, a single mom

374
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,359
I feel like it it changes who you attract. Right,

375
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,960
Plenty of people have kids. There are men that have children,

376
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,079
there are women that have children. I don't want you

377
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,000
to make this your identity and make it almost like

378
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,680
it's a burden.

379
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Speaker 1: As you enter the space.

380
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:26,119
Speaker 3: Yes, you want to date somebody who is gonna care

381
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,079
for your child, that you feel safe around to meet them,

382
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,759
and when that time comes, those are all the nuances

383
00:19:31,799 --> 00:19:32,000
of that.

384
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 1: Yes, But I all when women asks when this id

385
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:36,680
be like step out the door like a single woman.

386
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,839
Speaker 3: Like this is not to say that you forget your kids,

387
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,960
but it's like that you need to have the aura

388
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,640
of a single woman, right. I think that that whole

389
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:49,240
single mom aura really just I don't know. It's almost

390
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,200
like these niggas start feeling sorry for you or something

391
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,559
because you feel sorry for yourself.

392
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,079
Speaker 1: Yo, kid ain't nothing to feel sorry about.

393
00:19:54,079 --> 00:19:54,359
Speaker 5: Baby.

394
00:19:54,839 --> 00:19:57,599
Speaker 3: You got a kid. Half the universe got a kid. Okay,

395
00:19:57,799 --> 00:20:00,519
it's not a big deal. It's not as big of

396
00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:03,039
a deal as you make it seem. And the same

397
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,799
precautions that you will take with a regular Joe Schmoe

398
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,000
if you didn't have any kids, it's the same precautions

399
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,920
that you would take with a god if you did

400
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,519
have kids, right, doctor.

401
00:20:14,319 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 5: Nicole, I'm glad you said that. A lot of times

402
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,559
people say, well, I'm a single mom, so I need

403
00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:21,920
to make sure that i'm dating appropriately because my child. No,

404
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,000
you need to date appropriate for you, because if this

405
00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:27,680
person is good for you, that means you've set boundaries,

406
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,559
you have structures, you know what you want. We won't

407
00:20:30,599 --> 00:20:33,680
tolerate what you will tolerate. That means if they're good

408
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,680
for you, they should be good for your child. But

409
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,759
the little many say I need to date for my child,

410
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:43,200
and they're not even dating for themselves, and sometimes they

411
00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:44,960
end up dating somebody who was good for their child

412
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:45,920
and not even good at them.

413
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,680
Speaker 3: And also, soo when you so focused on now you

414
00:20:49,759 --> 00:20:51,680
date these men, that's coming they bring in a little

415
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,519
teddy bear, bringing the fucking lollypop and bringing they playing

416
00:20:54,559 --> 00:20:57,799
with your kid, blah blah blah. And it's because they're homeless.

417
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,839
Speaker 5: They want.

418
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,279
Speaker 3: Okay, they want them caprisos and want somebody to move

419
00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:06,640
in with.

420
00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:07,799
Speaker 1: Okay.

421
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:12,039
Speaker 5: Also know that you are capable of taking care of

422
00:21:12,079 --> 00:21:15,400
another human being, so they play on that emotion.

423
00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:19,640
Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, so they're gonna start fixing it in your house.

424
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:20,319
Speaker 5: Okay.

425
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 3: What was one of our rare red flag reports last

426
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,880
week was this man telling them how you move in,

427
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:30,680
how to move in with somebody, and they talked about Okay,

428
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,799
first you started off doing this, then you slowly start

429
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,279
dropping it off at their house, then you start buying

430
00:21:36,279 --> 00:21:37,880
the kids shit, all this type of stuff, and how

431
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,400
you listen, Doctor Cole said, the best you need to

432
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,680
date somebody that's good for you first. If they pass

433
00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:47,599
your screener, mean, they're gonna know how much you care

434
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,839
about your child. They're gonna know what you consider to

435
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:52,799
be safe. They're gonna know your standards, what you appreciate

436
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,880
in the person. They're gonna know that you value consistent.

437
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,400
They gonna know that if they get through you, they're

438
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,759
gonna know that they can't come into your child's life

439
00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:03,720
and play around. So you should be the front responder. Okay,

440
00:22:04,759 --> 00:22:06,640
don't even think about the kid yet. And I'm telling

441
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,119
you single women need to walk out here with a

442
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,720
single mothers need to walk out here out of here

443
00:22:15,799 --> 00:22:19,279
with like single women with no kid energy. Okay, trust me,

444
00:22:19,559 --> 00:22:23,400
get embody that, embody that, and I'm telling you're gonna

445
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:26,200
just attract more confident, stable men.

446
00:22:26,599 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 1: That's just that on that.

447
00:22:27,519 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 3: So she's asking, how can single moms re enter the

448
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,400
dating world from a place of clarity and protection. Well,

449
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,440
we kind of already really discussed that. Is it safer

450
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,920
today somebody who already has kids or does?

451
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: That come with its own challenges.

452
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,559
Speaker 5: So here's my thought process on that. If you date

453
00:22:45,599 --> 00:22:50,400
somebody who has children, right, yes they may can be

454
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,559
able to take care of responsibilities, but now they may

455
00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:54,839
not be able to be as consistent with you as

456
00:22:54,839 --> 00:22:57,559
you want them to because of their responsibilities. If you

457
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,359
date someone who does not have children, yes they may

458
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,079
be flexible, but they may not be understanding of your responsibilities. Again,

459
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,240
this is where your boundaries, your wants, your needs, your

460
00:23:08,279 --> 00:23:11,000
structure has to come to play. I don't think it

461
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,720
matters if he has kids or does not have kids.

462
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,039
I know people who don't have kids end up being

463
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,880
a better guardian of children than those who do. I

464
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,720
don't think it necessarily matters. She has to know what

465
00:23:21,759 --> 00:23:25,279
she wants. She can't put those labels out there. He

466
00:23:25,319 --> 00:23:27,279
has kids, he doesn't have kids. I'm a single mom.

467
00:23:27,759 --> 00:23:29,960
Who are you without all those things? And a lot

468
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,559
of people when they enter motherhood or father, they lose

469
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,079
who they are. Figure out who you are first, and

470
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:39,519
that will determine everything else for you. There you go.

471
00:23:40,559 --> 00:23:44,039
Speaker 3: I mean, no notes, no notes on that, but I

472
00:23:44,039 --> 00:23:46,000
do want to touch on how do you heal enough

473
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:50,160
to choose better without living in fear or repeating the past.

474
00:23:51,079 --> 00:23:53,480
It's so important to track your fear. And we talked

475
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,440
about this before. What you fear is what you attract.

476
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,240
And I gave the example of this young lady who

477
00:23:59,559 --> 00:24:02,519
her grandmother had been cheated on. The dad was a

478
00:24:02,599 --> 00:24:04,799
rolling stone, the mama had been cheated on, and she

479
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,039
just was like, if when I'm with somebody, if you

480
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:09,039
cheat on me, I'm done.

481
00:24:09,039 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: If you cheat on me, I'm done. Long story short.

482
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 3: Guess what The last three four men she had been

483
00:24:14,759 --> 00:24:18,599
with word, they were cheaters. Cheating was her deal breaker

484
00:24:19,319 --> 00:24:22,200
and she really attracted cheaters for the last three to

485
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,000
four relationships. What you fear is what you attract, and

486
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:32,400
so really healing past that and trusting yourself also, I

487
00:24:32,519 --> 00:24:36,680
just feel like, if you have that much reservations and

488
00:24:36,759 --> 00:24:40,039
paranoia about that, sit this one out. I promise you

489
00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:41,160
them niggas ain't going nowhere.

490
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:42,799
Speaker 1: Sit this out. Sit it out.

491
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:45,839
Speaker 3: They not going nowhere. They gonna be here when you

492
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,440
come back, when you return from sabbatical. Okay, the men

493
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,680
still gonna be here. So just sit this one out

494
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:57,319
for a little bit, because that like dehydration, depression dating

495
00:24:57,839 --> 00:25:03,200
the d dating out of a death said depression and dehydration. Okay,

496
00:25:02,759 --> 00:25:07,039
these men will They can sense that you only got

497
00:25:07,079 --> 00:25:08,359
a little bit of gas in your tank.

498
00:25:09,519 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: They can sense that you're on your last strap.

499
00:25:11,519 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 3: Okay, that's just really not a time to be dating.

500
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,960
So if you look at dating as more lighthearted, every

501
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,240
time I'm dating, I'm thinking about what how can I

502
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,559
get to know myself more? And what could I learn

503
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,839
from this person? That's what I'm thinking about when I'm dating. Okay,

504
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,640
I'm just like, what is this person gonna show me

505
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,640
about myself? And what could I learn from this person?

506
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,359
Is this person going to give me great experiences? Are

507
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,839
they gonna give me knowledge? Are they going to be

508
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,720
a good time? Are they gonna take me to do

509
00:25:41,759 --> 00:25:44,359
something that I've never done before. When you think about

510
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:49,000
dating as more lighthearted, I feel like it just it

511
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,200
just neutralizes everything. Maybe you're not scared of getting the

512
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,640
heartbroke and you're not scared to attract the narcissts. You're

513
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,279
not scared to dosh lighting up, have a time you

514
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,240
are marchness, be a tea girl, okay, because some of

515
00:26:02,279 --> 00:26:05,720
y'all cracked out coffee girls. And it's giving that when

516
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:10,640
you're dating. Just calm down, relax, trust yourself, know your boundaries,

517
00:26:10,839 --> 00:26:12,960
and then you know that you're not playable. Like I

518
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,039
always say, you can't get played if you're not playable.

519
00:26:15,079 --> 00:26:18,039
So just really work on yourself, really heal past that,

520
00:26:18,279 --> 00:26:21,960
let the guard down, and ironically put yourself in positions

521
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,160
to be hurt or that you just you may not

522
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,400
really like the person, it may not work out as

523
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,240
soon as I start thinking of people as experiences and

524
00:26:31,279 --> 00:26:33,759
not like my final stop or trying to see it.

525
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:35,319
Speaker 1: And this was my husband.

526
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,920
Speaker 3: If I was gone, dating got so much better for me,

527
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:39,200
so much better.

528
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 5: I find for me when I was dating, currently dating,

529
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,319
i'm in a relationship, I tend to love the next

530
00:26:45,319 --> 00:26:47,240
person more. I'm even more of a love girl for

531
00:26:47,279 --> 00:26:48,680
the next person because I'm like, all right, well this

532
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,559
didn't work, this is not what I want, this does

533
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,160
not work for me. I've narrow let down.

534
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 4: And now.

535
00:26:55,759 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 1: Are we in a relationship.

536
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 3: Huh, so we gonna see you offline?

537
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,079
Speaker 1: No, that's right, period, But we in a relationship.

538
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 3: We are in a relationship anyways, a little clock that

539
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,839
we'll be talking about that offline over look over my tail.

540
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 1: Absolutely believe that, no note. So yeah, girl, believe in yourself.

541
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:25,400
Trust yourself. Relax, You're gonna be just fine.

542
00:27:25,799 --> 00:27:29,079
Speaker 3: Date for you. Dating for you is dating for your child.

543
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,519
Relax while you're dating, think about them just being an experience,

544
00:27:34,759 --> 00:27:37,680
and don't be attached to the outcome. If it works out,

545
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,400
it works out. If he turned out to be a

546
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,440
good guy, cool. If he turned out to be shady

547
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,880
and inconsistent, cool you cool e the way, that type

548
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,920
of mentality that gets you for a Trust me tell

549
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,400
you what I heard, what I know? AnyWho onto our

550
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,319
bitch you smell good segments we have y'all know how

551
00:27:53,319 --> 00:27:54,680
I feel about Tiziana Tarrensa.

552
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: This is d lox.

553
00:27:56,039 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 3: Okay, big dog freakers, Okay, big dog anything you'll see

554
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,279
in this counter bottle.

555
00:28:02,559 --> 00:28:06,039
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm telling you big dog fragrance. All right.

556
00:28:06,279 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 3: So the notes are white ascynthe white White Hascynthe Royal

557
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:13,960
Irish coffee.

558
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,079
Speaker 1: Y'a know, I feel about coffee. Don't have to a

559
00:28:16,079 --> 00:28:17,119
lot of Turkish rows.

560
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 3: You don't have feel about bergamonte and pink pepper, Okay,

561
00:28:20,079 --> 00:28:28,519
Turkish rose, vanilla, sweet mrr op open pus pronounced its

562
00:28:28,599 --> 00:28:32,839
pronunciation police will be blocked, Okay. The bass notes are amber,

563
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:40,000
white musk, honey, and cedar wood. A lot of interesting

564
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,279
pronounced words in this fragrance anyway, that just means it's good.

565
00:28:44,559 --> 00:28:47,119
It's called d locks is about tizzy on cerrendsey. I'm

566
00:28:47,119 --> 00:28:51,920
telling you, big dog fragrance always gonna carry baby, gonna

567
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:59,200
follow on yourself next day. I love swelling like a man.

568
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,759
To think of about this though, it's that you start

569
00:29:01,799 --> 00:29:04,519
to get that Turkish rolls and that sweet mud that

570
00:29:04,599 --> 00:29:08,720
comes out, and it settles in a very sweet way,

571
00:29:09,119 --> 00:29:11,119
but it almost kind of gets I think that's that

572
00:29:11,119 --> 00:29:14,079
that honey and amber too. But to me it still

573
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,920
also gives like a base of like a kind of

574
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,200
Arabian ood musky kind of oh there is musky or

575
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,039
white musk.

576
00:29:25,279 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 5: Sweet mm hmm. It's too sweet for me. But also

577
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,559
you know, sometimes when you spray these, you gotta wait

578
00:29:32,559 --> 00:29:33,680
for it to sell it and then he'd be like,

579
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,200
oh yeah, I like that, but.

580
00:29:36,839 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: I'm not really a sweet girl either.

581
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,319
Speaker 5: But this is fairly sweet, which is interesting.

582
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 3: It is, but I think what we're smelling is the

583
00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:50,319
vanilla and the sweet mrr. Also it has honey in

584
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,880
it as well. It's sweet, but.

585
00:29:53,799 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: It's grown like.

586
00:29:54,799 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: This is not a bathroom body work sweet. This is

587
00:29:57,799 --> 00:30:01,119
not a body miss swe This is like.

588
00:30:01,279 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: Or like a peach strawberry sweet. This is suckling. Yes,

589
00:30:06,319 --> 00:30:08,720
it's woody. It's cedar. Wood is in here.

590
00:30:09,039 --> 00:30:17,519
Speaker 3: It's sucklent succulent. It's like really warm and sexy. Anyhow,

591
00:30:18,559 --> 00:30:22,440
I love to recommend too good, not in the cole's favorite,

592
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,880
but hey, we can't win them all. We can't win

593
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,440
them all, but this will be the first one where

594
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,359
I'm like, I know, I know, but look where and

595
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:31,359
see if somebody say so.

596
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:32,079
Speaker 1: That's my test.

597
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 3: I a would say where and see what somebody says.

598
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,599
I got a couple of fragrances that I can't stand

599
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:37,680
them on me, but every time I.

600
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: Wear it, people love it. So I wear it. I

601
00:30:40,319 --> 00:30:41,200
wear it for the plots.

602
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, our red Flag Report living Together before Marriage

603
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:51,359
test run or marriage rehearsal. On a recent episode of

604
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,640
the Shade Room hosts Tom Capon and Zach got into

605
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:59,200
a passionate debate about a questions about a question that's

606
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,799
splitting couple. Should you live with someone before you're married.

607
00:31:05,039 --> 00:31:08,640
Tone Capon is firmly against it. I've tried it twice,

608
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,480
fail miserably both times. He admitted, if we're not married,

609
00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:16,680
we're not living together. But Zack challenged his logic, asking

610
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,119
if those relationships failed while y'all were living together, do

611
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,759
you think that you've succeeded just because you were married,

612
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,480
that they would have succeeded just because you were married.

613
00:31:26,559 --> 00:31:31,279
Tone's answer was no. He admitted marriage wouldn't have changed

614
00:31:31,279 --> 00:31:36,000
the outcome, but still feels cohabitation without commitment sets the

615
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:41,880
wrong president. Social media chimed and divided. As ever, those

616
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,839
against living together pre marriage often argue and mimics marriage

617
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:50,000
without actual commitment, people get too comfortable and delay proposing.

618
00:31:50,359 --> 00:31:55,000
It can blur rolls and expectations. Those for believe you

619
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:56,880
don't truly know someone until you.

620
00:31:56,839 --> 00:31:57,599
Speaker 1: Share a space.

621
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:03,599
Speaker 3: It helps reveal habits, conflicts, and values. It avoids surprises

622
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,599
once you say I do. The question is if a

623
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,680
relationship only works when you have separate home should you

624
00:32:10,119 --> 00:32:13,279
even be aiming for marriage? Or are people using no

625
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:17,400
cohabitation before marriage as a way to avoid seeing the

626
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,440
real person behind the marriage.

627
00:32:21,599 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: I think that's what it says.

628
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,599
Speaker 3: Here's my thing and our good sis Nasa sitting on

629
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,720
our couple episodes ago, she said, give or take ten

630
00:32:31,759 --> 00:32:36,640
to fifteen percent, however this man is while you're living together,

631
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,480
give or take ten to fifteen percent. When y'all gonna

632
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,640
get into that marriage or you're not living together, the

633
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:47,200
varying degree of who that person is should be only

634
00:32:47,319 --> 00:32:48,720
ten to fifteen percent.

635
00:32:49,119 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 1: All of you.

636
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,079
Speaker 3: Oh well, you never truly know somebody. Let me tell

637
00:32:52,119 --> 00:32:53,839
you this. If somebody is a twenty and turn out

638
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,160
to be a fucking seventy when you move in with them,

639
00:32:56,279 --> 00:32:59,559
you got a problem that person. It shouldn't vary that

640
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,960
much when you're living with someone.

641
00:33:02,119 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 5: Okay.

642
00:33:02,799 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 3: Also, what kind of relationship do y'all have if y'all

643
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,079
live in close enough proxim me y'all going to see

644
00:33:08,079 --> 00:33:10,079
each other, y'all visiting each other, y'all saying you got

645
00:33:10,079 --> 00:33:12,359
your shit over there, you stand over there, you're spending

646
00:33:12,359 --> 00:33:14,880
the night, you got a key, you're driving his fucking car,

647
00:33:15,039 --> 00:33:16,240
you're sleeping in his sweat.

648
00:33:16,519 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: What more do you need?

649
00:33:18,839 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 3: You know what he eats, you know how he eats,

650
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,680
you know if he leave the toilet heat up or not.

651
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: What more do you need? That's a stamp.

652
00:33:24,559 --> 00:33:26,319
Speaker 3: Baby, I'm gonna tell you this, and I'm a knockna

653
00:33:26,319 --> 00:33:29,079
will because like God likes to make a joke out

654
00:33:29,079 --> 00:33:31,000
of me sometimes, you know, sometimes he really got a

655
00:33:31,039 --> 00:33:33,359
sense of humor. And so I won't speak too soon,

656
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,440
but I'm gonna go I'm gonna veer on the side

657
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:36,960
of I'm not living with you.

658
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,519
Speaker 5: I'm in the graients. I will say that change as

659
00:33:40,559 --> 00:33:43,000
I got older. When I was younger, I did feel like, oh,

660
00:33:43,039 --> 00:33:45,119
I need to live with the person to understand who

661
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,960
they were and all those things. And when I moved

662
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,759
in with X and Mi, I was just like, Oh,

663
00:33:49,799 --> 00:33:53,079
this ain't it. And then the older guy, I've realized

664
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,599
you are who you are in reality is either you're

665
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,599
ready for marriage or you're not. Us living together and

666
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:02,960
living separately not determined if we're ready for marriage or not.

667
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,279
So I don't believe that I need to live with

668
00:34:05,319 --> 00:34:07,759
you in four walls to know who you are. If

669
00:34:07,799 --> 00:34:09,800
I can go back to so many documentaries that I

670
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,440
watch in couples that I work with who were married

671
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,559
for fifteen twenty years and they didn't know who their

672
00:34:14,599 --> 00:34:16,559
wife was, or they didn't know who the husband was

673
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,920
living double us. That does not mean you gonna know

674
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:19,719
who that person is.

675
00:34:21,119 --> 00:34:25,280
Speaker 3: Yes, I think also too ironically this has I have

676
00:34:25,559 --> 00:34:29,000
softened up on that perspective as I got older in

677
00:34:29,039 --> 00:34:31,719
the opposite direction, let me tell you this here, I'm

678
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,960
thirty seven years old. If your ass come and snatch

679
00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:39,119
me up and say, hey, guess what we're doing, I'm

680
00:34:39,159 --> 00:34:42,199
in a very submissive state in my life right now. Okay,

681
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,880
I am anti living with a man.

682
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:46,679
Speaker 1: But the right.

683
00:34:46,519 --> 00:34:51,559
Speaker 3: One come along and he like, hey, this is what

684
00:34:51,599 --> 00:34:55,199
we're doing, I will gladly pack my shit up. Like

685
00:34:55,199 --> 00:34:56,679
I said, I ain't got a dog, a kid, or

686
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,679
a goldfish. Okay, I ain't got I'm not tied anywhere.

687
00:35:01,039 --> 00:35:02,639
I could work from my phone.

688
00:35:02,679 --> 00:35:05,159
Speaker 1: I got very flexable schedule. Okay.

689
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 3: If the right man come in and he go, hey,

690
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,159
I've been through worse, why not shit, why not try

691
00:35:14,159 --> 00:35:16,559
it out? I have never lived with a man, I've

692
00:35:16,599 --> 00:35:20,440
never been engaged, so I just feel like, hey, what's wrong?

693
00:35:21,559 --> 00:35:22,639
Speaker 1: Better than getting what you do?

694
00:35:22,679 --> 00:35:24,159
Speaker 5: In text?

695
00:35:24,519 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 3: What's your favorite color? I mean, honestly, if a man.

696
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,000
If I meet a man, and I think that's the thing.

697
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,480
I think I have such great discernment to so I

698
00:35:31,519 --> 00:35:33,920
have good discernment. And so if I meet a man

699
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,039
and we just vibing, well, he's just.

700
00:35:37,039 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: Like baby, I just want tru to be closer than me,

701
00:35:40,039 --> 00:35:40,920
gonna pack my shit.

702
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 5: Like you said, though, right, it's because you've never done it.

703
00:35:46,559 --> 00:35:49,320
So you're doing something that you haven't done. Yes, I

704
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:54,840
think my perspective changed because something that I did. And now, no,

705
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,039
I don't have nothing holding me down. But I just

706
00:35:57,079 --> 00:35:59,679
know for me, I'm not moving in with anybody until

707
00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:01,760
we marry. You not moving into my house and I'm

708
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,519
not moving into yours. Now, what we can do is,

709
00:36:04,559 --> 00:36:06,519
once we get married, we could be building a property

710
00:36:06,559 --> 00:36:09,039
and we decide to rent one out and live in one.

711
00:36:09,119 --> 00:36:10,639
We can do that. But you're not gonna get rid

712
00:36:10,679 --> 00:36:12,159
of your place and I'm not getting rid of mine.

713
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,639
Speaker 3: Okay, So what do you think it is? Do you

714
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,719
feel like what do you feel like you lose when

715
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,920
you move in with somebody when you're not married.

716
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 5: So that's the thing. I don't feel like I'm losing anything,

717
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,199
which is why I don't feel the need to move

718
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:29,360
in with you, because also what am I gaining? Okay, right,

719
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,199
some people will say, well, financially it's cheaper. It's this cheaper,

720
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:35,800
don't mean it's better for me, And so I think

721
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,639
a lot of people get caught up in that. I

722
00:36:37,639 --> 00:36:40,360
don't feel like I will lose myself. I also don't

723
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,480
feel like I would lose my relationship if I don't

724
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,239
move in with you. That's the thing. I don't feel

725
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:45,079
like I'm losing anything.

726
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 3: Do you think that they're slower to the actual marriage,

727
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,920
like slower to propose and marry if you move in

728
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:53,679
with someone.

729
00:36:54,119 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 5: I believe for some people yes, because it became it

730
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:58,840
becomes what we moved in together. Well, we were already

731
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,960
doing this. We could just take our time and before

732
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,679
you know it, years have passed you by. But then

733
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,840
I've seen for other people they move in it's like, okay,

734
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,159
we have to make this official at this point because

735
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,960
we're living together. I have stuff of my name and

736
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,480
stuff in your name. We need to make this one union.

737
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,920
So I see it going both ways, but for me,

738
00:37:17,199 --> 00:37:20,239
I'm not. But I'm also on the side of I

739
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,440
don't necessarily feel like I need to live with my

740
00:37:22,559 --> 00:37:25,039
husband one hundred percent of the time.

741
00:37:26,559 --> 00:37:29,079
Speaker 1: Can we talk about LAT living. Let me tell you this.

742
00:37:29,519 --> 00:37:32,719
I'm just saying, it's so funny. I saw a girl

743
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,440
on EX. I wanna say twitter X. Okay.

744
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,559
Speaker 3: I saw a girl on X and she said, is

745
00:37:39,639 --> 00:37:43,239
it bad that I want to like be with my

746
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,039
man and actually be married but I don't want to share?

747
00:37:46,119 --> 00:37:48,599
Speaker 1: I say, hey, okay, that's.

748
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:52,519
Speaker 3: Called LAT living living apart together, baby, and listen, I'm

749
00:37:52,519 --> 00:37:54,000
the leader of that committee.

750
00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: I think we need to bring this back.

751
00:37:56,079 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 3: It's a twenty twenty six Okay, LAT living living apart together,

752
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,039
and that basically means that y'all are together in a

753
00:38:03,119 --> 00:38:06,440
full fledged relationship, but you have separate dwellings. And for

754
00:38:06,559 --> 00:38:08,360
all you people that be like, oh, what do we

755
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,400
have kids go to your daddy house. You're gonna go

756
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,519
to your daddy house and we're gonna pick up and

757
00:38:13,599 --> 00:38:15,719
we gonna have trips and we're gonna for a huh.

758
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,599
Speaker 5: There's an actress that actually they've been married for like

759
00:38:17,599 --> 00:38:21,119
twenty years and they never live together and are happily married.

760
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: I think it's a great thing.

761
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,679
Speaker 5: So that's why it's also like do I need to

762
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,400
move in again? Older than me is like I don't

763
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,280
think I need it. I am okay, yes, I don't

764
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,719
feel like I'm losing out on anything.

765
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,519
Speaker 1: And look make that way. Put look big bank, take

766
00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:35,000
a little bank.

767
00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:37,639
Speaker 3: If that's what you want, put that ring on my finger.

768
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,239
Shepherd me into your life and build us a home

769
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,480
because I don't want to move into your house that

770
00:38:43,559 --> 00:38:46,360
you have now. I want a new house that you

771
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,639
built for me and us in our life and our fourth.

772
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:57,039
Speaker 1: AnyWho. That's all, folks. We will see you next time

773
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 3: As