Speaker 1: You're listening to.
Speaker 2: Sorry for asking, Sorry for asking.
Speaker 3: I'm Cold Connor and I'm Adam Ramsey. This is where
Speaker 3: we talk, shop, ask questions.
Speaker 2: Tell stories, and laugh some laughs about.
Speaker 3: Being creators as well as consumers of adult content.
Speaker 1: You love watching too.
Speaker 2: We certainly do. We also discuss the impact adult films
Speaker 2: have had on us, on our guests, and on the
Speaker 2: LGBTQ community. So strap on and strap in and here
Speaker 2: we go.
Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, Hello, welcome everybody. Just sorry for asking. I'm
Speaker 3: Cold Connor and I'm Adam Ramsey. Hi, col what's going on?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, so much someday. It's a wild, wild season.
Speaker 3: I'm wrapping my Night of the Living. Daddy's Shirt now
Speaker 3: by Daddy Department from Caswell. You know Caswell DJ slash Rapper.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah yeah, Daddy's Apartment is his line. I love
Speaker 3: this shirt. I think it's so good. And this is
Speaker 3: a very special day. I'm very excited about today's episode.
Speaker 3: For those of you listening or watching, you may remember
Speaker 3: last episode. In the latter part of the episode, we
Speaker 3: mentioned a certain somebody who I was excited about knowing
Speaker 3: for a long time and potentially get.
Speaker 2: I really do.
Speaker 1: And we're going to get into why.
Speaker 3: First, let me introduce the iconic legendary Victor Belmont.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Hi.
Speaker 1: Victor, it's so good to have you here.
Speaker 3: So you probably weren't listening because you have so many
Speaker 3: better things to do with your life. But last episode
Speaker 3: I sang your praises and shared a couple stories, and
Speaker 3: then as we were discussing some things, we both kind
Speaker 3: of looked at each other and we're like, you know what,
Speaker 3: Victor would make a great guess, And I immediately reached.
Speaker 1: Out and you were down and here you are, so
Speaker 1: thank you so much.
Speaker 5: Of course, welcome to the show here, Yes, that will
Speaker 5: be here for you anything.
Speaker 1: Thank you. So this is cool you guys. Of course,
Speaker 1: I feel like I.
Speaker 2: Feel like, how many times have we met where you're
Speaker 2: like working and dancing.
Speaker 5: Now, probably for like eight years, like in a in
Speaker 5: a real way, probably eight years. That's all I do
Speaker 5: is dance.
Speaker 1: You're a workaholic, though I am.
Speaker 5: If I'm not working, I can't think, you know, that
Speaker 5: is my thing? Thinking bad money good?
Speaker 1: Has that always been the case?
Speaker 5: You can't catch a running target right head running target,
Speaker 5: So and like I just feel like I don't know,
Speaker 5: I'm a Sagittarius.
Speaker 4: I'm a fire sign.
Speaker 2: Do you not like to like take a look in sometimes?
Speaker 5: Oh, I'm I'm super spiritual. I'm I actually take I
Speaker 5: take at least a week off every month to just
Speaker 5: kind of like why the fuck are you here? What
Speaker 5: the fuck are you doing? Like, but I take that
Speaker 5: week and that's my only rest. Everything else the rest
Speaker 5: of us is like.
Speaker 2: Go go go.
Speaker 1: Okay, so my plan, I had a plan.
Speaker 3: It didn't really quite work out because we are we
Speaker 3: are kind of on the on the over over the
Speaker 3: hump of the Halloween week at the time of this taping.
Speaker 3: Halloween is tomorrow, so it's like we're kind of in
Speaker 3: that in between.
Speaker 1: Like Halloween. I know, Halloween weekend happened.
Speaker 3: Now, I'm kind of focused on the stressful time that
Speaker 3: is election week. But I was hoping to film with
Speaker 3: Victory yesterday so that we could talk about that today.
Speaker 1: But it didn't work out, which is okay. Yeah, what happened.
Speaker 5: I had I had an overnight and I got home
Speaker 5: and like I texted him at like six thirty and
Speaker 5: I still had not slept, and I was like, do
Speaker 5: I really want to fuck this person?
Speaker 4: I really want.
Speaker 2: To fuck you know, you're filming it too.
Speaker 5: And like, it's so different when you go from like
Speaker 5: a paid I was selling you in the car. It's
Speaker 5: so different when you go from a paid situation where
Speaker 5: I am performing and like I'm completely dissociated my pussy.
Speaker 5: It's like shaking my hands, Like if I don't assign
Speaker 5: it value, it literally doesn't feel like anything to me.
Speaker 5: So to go from that to like wanting super pleasure
Speaker 5: with like somebody I actually have a crush on and
Speaker 5: like I actually care about, I was like, this is
Speaker 5: just gonna waste my time, wasting her time, And I
Speaker 5: waited like ten years, I can.
Speaker 4: Wait more week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that is true.
Speaker 3: And just to give a little bit of background, Victor
Speaker 3: and I met in San Francisco about ten years ago
Speaker 3: and when we were both living there, and this was
Speaker 3: when I was very early in my career in adult
Speaker 3: films and mister Pam who has been on the show,
Speaker 3: who at the time was lee director of Naked Sword Studios.
Speaker 3: She reached out to me and she actually kind of
Speaker 3: pitched this idea. She was like, hey, so, like, we
Speaker 3: love working with you, we love that you've been kind
Speaker 3: of part of the family. We have this idea. You
Speaker 3: remember Victor Victor Belmont and I was like, yeah, we
Speaker 3: just met actually, and she was like, what do you
Speaker 3: think of filming a scene for naked Swords with Victor?
Speaker 3: And I will be honest, I personally at that time
Speaker 3: was like not ready. I was just like not ready
Speaker 3: to make that plunge because I I had never had
Speaker 3: experience with the transman before. I was certainly fascinated by
Speaker 3: the idea, and I declined and like, I feel like
Speaker 3: it took getting to know you. It took me kind
Speaker 3: of coming into my own you know, you have to
Speaker 3: sort of evolve, you have to be open, you know
Speaker 3: too new experiences. We've talked about this on the show
Speaker 3: a lot, as somebody who recently has delved into pussy
Speaker 3: on his own terms, which you know we're going to
Speaker 3: get into two.
Speaker 4: Once you're there, you can't leave.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you know, it's.
Speaker 2: A reunion.
Speaker 1: It's right, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, so second coming.
Speaker 3: So yeah, So I have kind of like over time
Speaker 3: evolved my own tastes and then you and I have
Speaker 3: gotten to know each other a little better over the
Speaker 3: last couple of years as you become part of the
Speaker 3: Hot Dog fold and dancing with us and.
Speaker 1: And yeah, my crush has developed. Yeah, and now here
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 5: I am pretty old school actually, so I I'm super flirty.
Speaker 5: I'm really really You'll know. I know I'm really flirty.
Speaker 5: I haven't fucked any of my coworkers, you know.
Speaker 1: That's icee.
Speaker 4: That's the thing is like, you can't.
Speaker 5: We can be cute, we can ki key at the function,
Speaker 5: we can kiss, it's cute, but like, if you want
Speaker 5: to legitimately get to know me, Like, I know you're acting.
Speaker 5: You know I'm acting. You don't fucking act like that
Speaker 5: all the time. You're not big bad go go daddy
Speaker 5: all the time.
Speaker 4: You're a nerd.
Speaker 5: I see the Pokemon shit on your backpack, you know.
Speaker 5: Like I want I want to I want to get
Speaker 5: to know and fuck that guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: And I think that because of how I perform and
Speaker 5: how I come off, sometimes people do get it twisted.
Speaker 5: So they come they come at me in a certain way,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, well, I'm a little bit.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: It's like I'm patient because I want to eat what
Speaker 5: I want to eat. I don't want to have like snacks.
Speaker 5: I don't want a whole meal.
Speaker 2: Well, I think you made the right choice because like
Speaker 2: if you guys had filmed when you're tired and not
Speaker 2: really yeah no, absolutely you're and like it could make
Speaker 2: you not want to do it.
Speaker 4: Again, and that's not right.
Speaker 3: And you know, things happen as they should, and I mean,
Speaker 3: I just have so many questions as well. I feel
Speaker 3: like this is a good opportunity to just get to
Speaker 3: know you a little better, you know, just like what
Speaker 3: your journey's been like, you know, just as a person
Speaker 3: coming into their own transness and then as like a
Speaker 3: sex worker.
Speaker 1: I see you kind of.
Speaker 3: As like the foremost you know, pinnacle figure of the
Speaker 3: trans mail sex worker slash porn community. Tell us about
Speaker 3: how that's all kind of developed for you, however you
Speaker 3: want to tell that story.
Speaker 4: I think that how how i'm that is just time.
Speaker 5: I don't think that I'm necessarily like a better content
Speaker 5: creator or like a better artist than any other trans man.
Speaker 5: But I started posting photos of myself in two thousand
Speaker 5: and eight, and I started plat so in two thousand
Speaker 5: and eight was MySpace.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then my space yeah.
Speaker 5: So two thousand and I was I did camming because
Speaker 5: as a transmit there was no place to do sex work.
Speaker 5: You could not sign up for a gay male website
Speaker 5: and perform because your ide. You could not go onto
Speaker 5: a women's website because you don't look like that. So
Speaker 5: there literally was nothing except like maybe Chatterbait and a
Speaker 5: couple other communities. And I started posting photos as advertising
Speaker 5: to get people to come to my cam show. Right,
Speaker 5: we all know how to We're like, And I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm going to create this personality and I'm going to
Speaker 5: perform as this personality, and I'm going to take photos
Speaker 5: as this personality, and I'm going to think how people
Speaker 5: are perceiving me, and I'm going to promote that, and
Speaker 5: that is how I'm going to make money.
Speaker 4: And that was like very early on.
Speaker 2: And how did you find people perceived you?
Speaker 5: Well, you want to become the thing that people need.
Speaker 5: So for me, my initial question was what do people
Speaker 5: need me to be? And if you look at it
Speaker 5: on an individual basis, I don't need ten dollars from
Speaker 5: five thousand people. I need five thousand dollars from ten people. Ooh,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. So I've always done my
Speaker 5: business that way.
Speaker 4: So a lot of the people I talked to about
Speaker 4: high ticket items.
Speaker 5: A lot of the people I talked to on camshows,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have a lot, but I'd talk to them
Speaker 5: every day, you know, I'd care. I'd ask them, Hey,
Speaker 5: what do you like what? Blah blah blah, And you
Speaker 5: get to know somebody and you become invaluable to them.
Speaker 5: That is how you create a community. That's how you
Speaker 5: create connections, and that's how you get better taken care of,
Speaker 5: you know, Like I think that it started in two
Speaker 5: thousand and eight.
Speaker 4: Then there was Tumblr.
Speaker 5: Tumblr was where I become super famous because I'm a photographer,
Speaker 5: so images and gifts and for anybody who's watching Tumblr
Speaker 5: was like the porn renaissance. Like sure more art came
Speaker 5: out of Tumbler, Like I feel erotic art. Yeah, Like
Speaker 5: it was just a fucking explosion. It was like everyone
Speaker 5: was making stuff. It was so beautiful and instead of
Speaker 5: trying to make art and be seen, you know on
Speaker 5: pornhub or whatever. No shape to porn hub, but nobody's
Speaker 5: looking for art on those websites. The community was looking
Speaker 5: for that. So you were within a community that was
Speaker 5: supporting your art. It was like and it was because
Speaker 5: of the medium of photos. That's how I became really popular,
Speaker 5: and it's because I had more expensive photos, because I
Speaker 5: had a nicer camera. And the whole reason I got
Speaker 5: that camera was because I just was like, if you
Speaker 5: want to look expensive, you're gonna have to shoot on
Speaker 5: something expensive. That was just like when I was nineteen twenty.
Speaker 5: I immediately was like, you need to get a nicer camera,
Speaker 5: and you need to make yourself. It's like people are like, well,
Speaker 5: there's no representation. We don't see trans men. It's like, okay,
Speaker 5: well you keep asking the people who have not put
Speaker 5: us on the whole time to put you on. They're
Speaker 5: not gonna take photos of you. They're not gonna take
Speaker 5: videos of you. Nobody, nobody's gonna do it. You have
Speaker 5: to do it. And I got so frustrated because I
Speaker 5: applied to munch of porn companies as a trans man.
Speaker 5: I had been a canboy. I had been so frustrated
Speaker 5: that I was just like, fuck this, I'm getting a
Speaker 5: nice camera. I'm gonna make myself look good.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: I was trying to get in with so many people
Speaker 5: who had the equipment, and I was like, you know
Speaker 5: what if the only thing that's stopping me is the equipment.
Speaker 4: Like figure it out.
Speaker 5: And then that's when I blew up is I got
Speaker 5: the nice camera and people really responded. And I had
Speaker 5: just moved to San Francisco in my car, and I
Speaker 5: was like living in the park, as many transient trans
Speaker 5: people do, is so don't feel bad about that hour
Speaker 5: of your life because it's very short and you're going
Speaker 5: to get out of it. So just like put your
Speaker 5: head down and figure it out, right, Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2: Buy a nice camera, buy it.
Speaker 5: Buy a nice camera, go to twenty four hour fitness,
Speaker 5: get a gym membership, take a shower every day, make
Speaker 5: a two month plan, get yourself the fuck out of there,
Speaker 5: Like you will figure it out. I had to figure out.
Speaker 5: And I was living in the park and working at
Speaker 5: the hat shop. I was working in Gorn Brothers on
Speaker 5: Hate and there was this place called the Sex Exchange
Speaker 5: and it was right next to a gay bar and
Speaker 5: the sex Exchange was all used electronics and I had
Speaker 5: I walked past like every fucking morning coming from the park.
Speaker 5: I saw a Canon DSLR and it was like four
Speaker 5: hundred dollars and I just saw it for like two months.
Speaker 4: I saw it and I was like, I have to
Speaker 4: buy this camera.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be mine.
Speaker 5: That's going to be and I was like, my life
Speaker 5: is going to start when I buy this kit. I
Speaker 5: just remember walking past it being like I had slept
Speaker 5: in the park, taken the shower at twenty four hour
Speaker 5: fitness on Vannas, gone to work and it would be
Speaker 5: like I'd be walking to work. I had no money
Speaker 5: for food. There were some days where I went like
Speaker 5: two three days without eating, have to seal stuff from
Speaker 5: Whole Foods or the fucking I felt so bad from
Speaker 5: the co op down the street, but like, you know,
Speaker 5: like I had to figure out how to eat. I
Speaker 5: was in the struggle, but I was just like I
Speaker 5: couldn't think about anything else. I wasn't even thinking about
Speaker 5: being in a struggle. I just remember being at work
Speaker 5: all the time being like, how the fuck am I
Speaker 5: gonna buy this camera?
Speaker 1: I mean, have you always been like that?
Speaker 3: Like, I mean, it's everything I'm hearing you talk about
Speaker 3: is like, even at an early age, this blend of
Speaker 3: like art and commerce and eroticism as well as a
Speaker 3: very very unique perspective that wasn't really in the mainstream
Speaker 3: at that time.
Speaker 1: Being a trans man.
Speaker 3: At nineteen, you knew like every time we've spoken, you
Speaker 3: display this confidence of like I know what I want,
Speaker 3: I know I'm gonna go after it. Is that something
Speaker 3: you had to develop or is that like has that
Speaker 3: always been You're just like.
Speaker 5: I've and I'm I'm so lucky. I've always been that way.
Speaker 5: I've always been since I was a kid, I've always
Speaker 5: been very I take a really long time to make
Speaker 5: a decision. But once I had made my decision, it
Speaker 5: is made and move. Wow, you know, move like I
Speaker 5: will take years and years and years and years to decide.
Speaker 2: But what is that to keep yourself from making the
Speaker 2: wrong decision or.
Speaker 5: Just do you like I think some people have the
Speaker 5: ability to I'm a channel. It is not me, like
Speaker 5: like my power is not me. I'm just a really
Speaker 5: good receptor for it. And I feel like I get
Speaker 5: these inspirations that like strike me, like the camera, Like
Speaker 5: I didn't have a fucking place to live. Why was
Speaker 5: I thinking I wasn't eating? Why was I thinking about
Speaker 5: buying a fucking camera. That's so irrational, that is so
Speaker 5: not you.
Speaker 4: Should not do that.
Speaker 5: But it was like this channel told me, if you
Speaker 5: don't get this camera and you don't do this thing,
Speaker 5: you've got to figure it out, You're like you have
Speaker 5: you would just have to think about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the getting the camera was a means to
Speaker 2: not having to worry about the things that you were
Speaker 2: I'm worried about at the time.
Speaker 4: I'm still worried about those I'm gonna hear.
Speaker 2: We're always going to be worried about those things.
Speaker 5: Porn has never paid for my life. Okay, Ever, transmen
Speaker 5: do not get money. Let's change that. If this makes
Speaker 5: you feel upset, change it. You know, if you think
Speaker 5: I'm wrong, prove me otherwise.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So then let's go back around that time that like,
Speaker 3: were you working with Naked Stored a lot?
Speaker 1: Were you surprised to be working for them?
Speaker 2: With that?
Speaker 5: I've maybe had like two or three studio shoots in
Speaker 5: my whole career.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm not booked.
Speaker 3: Right, So that's why you're creating your own and you
Speaker 3: always have been.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that does been good experiences? Or did you not
Speaker 2: like it? Right?
Speaker 1: We get similar responses from everybody like this.
Speaker 4: Well, here's the deal.
Speaker 5: All the studios that I've shot for have been really
Speaker 5: good to me, and I think that part of the
Speaker 5: reason I'm going to preface this part of the reason
Speaker 5: is I'm an escort who does porn. I'm not a
Speaker 5: porn star who started escorting, which for the porn starts
Speaker 5: who are starting to escort, those boundaries you learn.
Speaker 1: Not in porn.
Speaker 5: You learn those boundaries when there's a client acting fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: You learned that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that I am not a good whoror.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 2: That is true?
Speaker 1: What makes you say that.
Speaker 2: I have to My boundaries are real icye, No, not lose.
Speaker 2: I get I even just like talking. I can't seal
Speaker 2: the deal because if someone gives me a weird anything weird,
Speaker 2: I'm like.
Speaker 3: No, Yeah, but I imagine Victor, you're kind of like
Speaker 3: that too. I feel like you've developed very much a
Speaker 3: strong sense of what you want and what you will
Speaker 3: tolerate and what you won't tolerate.
Speaker 1: Does that take away from business? I don't imagine.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's your.
Speaker 5: Draw, that is totally my draw. And I think that
Speaker 5: the way that I talk to people is like I've
Speaker 5: taken care of kids before, or I've you know, been
Speaker 5: a sister. And I think the approach of being really
Speaker 5: hyper masculine in talking to men doesn't really work. I
Speaker 5: think you need to talk to them like they're You're like,
Speaker 5: for me, I'm very like hey baby, like hey baby,
Speaker 5: I can't do that. I'm sorry baby, you know I
Speaker 5: very much. So like my domming, you have to earn
Speaker 5: me being mean. You kind of have to like earn
Speaker 5: me shutting you down because I know that people want that, right,
Speaker 5: so they come at me really hard, like people come
Speaker 5: at me really hard because they want to get punished
Speaker 5: for free.
Speaker 4: And if I'm just.
Speaker 5: Like no, baby, no, I can't do that, I want
Speaker 5: to poppy like baby, I want, I want. I want
Speaker 5: to give you that buy. I need money, you know,
Speaker 5: you know, and that draws you in and then you're like, okay,
Speaker 5: well I have this much, and I'm like okay, well
Speaker 5: what do you want baby? I'm seeking this and this
Speaker 5: and this, okay baby.
Speaker 4: And then once.
Speaker 5: That happens, I've softly handled the interaction with softness, so
Speaker 5: then I can lead with hardness safely, because if I
Speaker 5: lead with hardness and kink, then I'm going to get
Speaker 5: that same exact energy back and I'm gonna have to fight,
Speaker 5: and I just don't like doing that.
Speaker 3: Does the dom daddy side always particularly include an element
Speaker 3: of humiliation and punishment or is there do you like
Speaker 3: are you firm with a soft hand sometimes?
Speaker 5: Well, so I have like two domb personalities. They're actually
Speaker 5: very clear for me and I wear different outfits, so
Speaker 5: they are very actually very clear. Humiliation and shame and punishment.
Speaker 5: All those things are about control and generally about somebody
Speaker 5: who wants to be controlled.
Speaker 4: So that is the power dom.
Speaker 5: We're talking about a power dom and anything that relates
Speaker 5: into power, humiliation, cooking sissy stuff, wanting to dominate me,
Speaker 5: you know, anything that goes into that power. You have power,
Speaker 5: and then you have subhead space. So subhead space is
Speaker 5: not power. If somebody's goal is to be in subhead space,
Speaker 5: it's not power. That's not impact play, that's not like
Speaker 5: power is all those things that are intense as to
Speaker 5: where if somebody is seeking to shut their brain off,
Speaker 5: or you're a good girl, you think too much. You
Speaker 5: need to put my dick in your mouth. You're thinking
Speaker 5: too much, daddy. I need to feel you inside of me.
Speaker 5: Look at me, kiss me, look at me. I need you.
Speaker 5: I'm still doming you right, but I'm very softly kind
Speaker 5: of you know, a soft domb, soft touch, even I
Speaker 5: recently did a scene where I'm spanking somebody and it
Speaker 5: gets fucking intense, like I'm fucking her up, and I
Speaker 5: just reach in my hand and I just hold her
Speaker 5: hand and I'm like, it's okay, it's.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's how I like it.
Speaker 5: And she's like screaming, you know, she's screaming, and I'm
Speaker 5: just like, it's a But some people would hate that.
Speaker 4: Some people would be like, why are you fucking.
Speaker 5: Being like, ah, yeah, right.
Speaker 4: So those are my two.
Speaker 5: Go in between.
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Speaker 3: better taste. Do you mind if I get into a
Speaker 3: little I have a couple of questions just about the
Speaker 3: origin story, of course, for your trans identity.
Speaker 4: We love that.
Speaker 3: Was that early? Was that always known? Did you have
Speaker 3: to evolve into it? When did you start that journey?
Speaker 5: My story is a little different than other people's, Okay,
Speaker 5: I think every trans man's story is a little different.
Speaker 5: I think mine is unique because I fully, like thought
Speaker 5: that I was a woman for like seventeen or more
Speaker 5: like thirteen years, Like I fully enjoyed womanhood in the
Speaker 5: way where I didn't feel a lot of dysphoria. I
Speaker 5: didn't feel a lot of like this is wrong until
Speaker 5: I hit puberty, which I do know. I know a
Speaker 5: chunk of transmen where this is true. They love their
Speaker 5: exist since in that like it wasn't for me. I
Speaker 5: was kind of taking care of myself. I didn't really
Speaker 5: have a lot of expectations on me because I was
Speaker 5: taking care of myself. So I was kind of introverted.
Speaker 5: I didn't really have I was grew up in a
Speaker 5: small town. I didn't really have to deal with people.
Speaker 5: I got to play outside in the woods, you know,
Speaker 5: Like that was great.
Speaker 1: Where did you grow up?
Speaker 5: Southern organ Okay, so kind of near like Medford area,
Speaker 5: gotcha beautiful. Where I grew up is one of the
Speaker 5: most beautiful places in the world.
Speaker 4: The people.
Speaker 5: The Southern Orgon is great. The people there are you know,
Speaker 5: the winters make you hard and tough. There's not a
Speaker 5: lot of room for softness. And I think that if
Speaker 5: you're a city person that can come off as rude,
Speaker 5: but like you literally will die, you know, like if
Speaker 5: you're too nice and not taking care of yourself where
Speaker 5: I'm from, you.
Speaker 4: The cold will kill you in a real way.
Speaker 5: You don't have your bills paid, Like, the cold will
Speaker 5: fucking right, So you got to act different.
Speaker 1: So then you hit puberty.
Speaker 5: And I hit puberty, and then, like I think, for me,
Speaker 5: it was so obvious that I was performing womanhood. Like
Speaker 5: once I hit puberty, it was so obvious that I
Speaker 5: was like, Okay, I need to be this way to
Speaker 5: be socially acceptable. I was like perceiving what was going
Speaker 5: on but I was like, the further it went and
Speaker 5: the more I looked like a girl, because I got
Speaker 5: bodied super early, by like twelve thirteen, full titties, full hips,
Speaker 5: looked like a girl, full grown woman. That also is
Speaker 5: really a lot when you're young, to like go from
Speaker 5: in like six months to go from like looking to
Speaker 5: a kid to looking like a grown woman.
Speaker 1: That was a lot. Wow.
Speaker 5: And that was when I was like, I don't think
Speaker 5: this is it. Wow, Like I don't think.
Speaker 2: Did you get attention? Like did you start saying a
Speaker 2: lot of attention?
Speaker 5: And I had never gotten male attention before in my life.
Speaker 1: They're all a bunch of gays.
Speaker 5: Well, and it was just it was confusing to me
Speaker 5: too because I was also very sexually attracted to gay men.
Speaker 5: So that was also confusing because I'm like, well, I'm
Speaker 5: I was lesbian identified, okay, but I would like jerk
Speaker 5: off reading yawi and gay porn.
Speaker 1: Lesbian identified from the time you were like.
Speaker 5: Oh, when I was a kid, I always knew I
Speaker 5: was gay, like not necessarily lesbian, but and I use
Speaker 5: lesbian because it was like the easiest term for me
Speaker 5: and it was the easiest thing to fit it to
Speaker 5: that time. I was like, well, I feel like a
Speaker 5: butcher girl. Oh yeah, I'm super by. I like fucking
Speaker 5: men and I love fucking women, but men, there's gay sex.
Speaker 5: There's a certain dynamic that happens where I love fucking women,
Speaker 5: but like, gay sex is just so different, and I
Speaker 5: want that a lot, and I want sex with women.
Speaker 5: But I would say, like, and I'm going to jerk
Speaker 5: off most of the time unless I really like you,
Speaker 5: I'm looking at gay porn. Wow, you know, actually I
Speaker 5: don't even look at porn when I jerk off.
Speaker 2: All in your head, All what an imagination?
Speaker 1: I don't need it? Or are you just looking at yourself?
Speaker 5: No, I think about who I want to fuck. I'm
Speaker 5: very emotional. Yeah, I'm very emotional.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't have to come every day to
Speaker 5: you know. Yeah, well I'm lazy, so.
Speaker 2: Does that for work?
Speaker 4: But yeah.
Speaker 5: I was lesbian identified for a while and then I
Speaker 5: knew that I was a boy.
Speaker 4: When I was.
Speaker 5: Thirteen, I did I did theater for planned parenthood. So
Speaker 5: my parents were like, we have no money. You have
Speaker 5: to be in every extra curricular ever so you can
Speaker 5: get into college for free. Great plan. So I was
Speaker 5: in sports martial arts, a bunch of different shit, And
Speaker 5: I was in Planned parents Hoods teen Theater because it
Speaker 5: was like where I was from was the only thing
Speaker 5: between certain hours where my mom had work. So it
Speaker 5: wasn't even like a progressive thing. It was like my
Speaker 5: mom had work and needed me to be somewhere, and
Speaker 5: my sister had a job because she was older than me,
Speaker 5: and my mom's like, you need someplace to.
Speaker 2: Be, so somebody.
Speaker 4: Has to watch you.
Speaker 5: And there's no sex education in southern Oregon none. So
Speaker 5: Planned Parenthood's teen Theater would go around and we'd perform
Speaker 5: in high schools and teens were allowed to come watch
Speaker 5: our forty five minute performance of skits and songs about sex.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 5: And so I did this really cool, like fucking random
Speaker 5: ass queer thing. But I played musical instruments and I
Speaker 5: did all the music. So the reason that I got
Speaker 5: in was not because of my acting ability. I had
Speaker 5: to take a bus like an hour to this fancy
Speaker 5: place to do it. Like the other kids were like
Speaker 5: art kids, and I was like from jabom fuck nowhere.
Speaker 5: But I played guitar, so I did all the songs,
Speaker 5: and I was the lesbian who played guitar. So I
Speaker 5: was the diversity of yeah and oh I was I
Speaker 5: was so and I was so lesbian coded I did
Speaker 5: the full bang like I was.
Speaker 4: I committed to it.
Speaker 5: But when I was thirteen, we had a conference and
Speaker 5: my parents almost didn't let me go. But we went
Speaker 5: up to Portland and all these kids from all the
Speaker 5: planned parenthoods all across the country who did teen theater
Speaker 5: were all at this conference talking about teens empowering sexual health.
Speaker 5: It was dope as fuck. It was the first time
Speaker 5: I had been around gay people like that. It was
Speaker 5: the first time I had been around queer people. I
Speaker 5: was a little kid from nowhere and there was this
Speaker 5: girl and we all had name Tax and we all
Speaker 5: had to pick up our name Tax. And there was
Speaker 5: this girl in from me who I thought was super
Speaker 5: cute and I was like, oh my gosh, she's so
Speaker 5: cute and obviously queer girl. And she goes in front
Speaker 5: of me and she kind of lingers at the table
Speaker 5: and I I say my name and they're like, oh,
Speaker 5: we don't have that name. They had the boy version
Speaker 5: of my name on a card. So the whole weekend
Speaker 5: I had to wear a boy's name.
Speaker 2: Wait, it wasn't a name tag that you wrote your
Speaker 2: name on. It was a name tag that was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because they had to confirm because it was miners
Speaker 5: in the building. They had to confirm every adult and
Speaker 5: every miner who went into the so you had to
Speaker 5: be like, I'm the teenager, like here's my thing. And
Speaker 5: I picked it up and I was like, oh, this
Speaker 5: is a boy's name, Like I.
Speaker 4: Can't you know.
Speaker 5: And the girl was like right next to me and
Speaker 5: she's like, I like it better think it suits you.
Speaker 5: And it was like face crack of the century. And
Speaker 5: then the whole weekend she called me that, and that
Speaker 5: fucked with my head for like ever because I was
Speaker 5: like wait, and then everyone around me was like, yeah,
Speaker 5: you act more like a boy anyway. It's not even
Speaker 5: like a girl, not even like a let's I mean,
Speaker 5: you just act like a boy like you just and
Speaker 5: having everyone around me say that. I didn't know transmit
Speaker 5: existed until I was sixteen, so I was just like
Speaker 5: left at thirteen, just kind of like you know, I guess.
Speaker 5: And then I met my first trans man at nineteen,
Speaker 5: and I immediately met him and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, what do I have to do to look
Speaker 4: like you?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 5: I just asked him. A girl I was dating again.
Speaker 5: She was a stripper in Portland and she was a dancer,
Speaker 5: and I was her like little boy on the side,
Speaker 5: and I would like pick her up in my car
Speaker 5: and take her to sushi because she didn't have a car,
Speaker 5: but she'd pay for everything, so like I'd drive her
Speaker 5: around and she had a boyfriend and like we wouldn't fuck,
Speaker 5: but like sometimes, Yeah, one day she was like, I
Speaker 5: think you need to go to.
Speaker 4: This bar called the E Room.
Speaker 5: I don't know for those who are old, the EE
Speaker 5: Room was the Escape Room, which was one of the
Speaker 5: only lesbian bars in Portland off of like one hundred
Speaker 5: and ninety seconds something. Yeah, and she was like, go
Speaker 5: to this bar. I had a fake idea. I used
Speaker 5: my sister's ID. She's like, go to this bar and
Speaker 5: look for this type of person. Don't speak like this.
Speaker 5: I'm not approving anybody to fucking.
Speaker 2: Speak like this is like a reflection of the time.
Speaker 5: Look at where the bull dykes or somebody who has
Speaker 5: like facial hair is. Look for somebody real fucking butch
Speaker 5: and talk to them. I think you need to talk
Speaker 5: to them. Because I was like, hang around a lot
Speaker 5: of fems. I was I've always been the punk community
Speaker 5: more than the queer community in that time period, where
Speaker 5: like activism and like food not bombs and fucking the
Speaker 5: patriarch and all that was more important to me. But
Speaker 5: I went to the room and I saw this man
Speaker 5: was fucking man. We went alone, but I walk in
Speaker 5: and he's like big buff, you know, two hundred pounds
Speaker 5: of five ten, big dude. And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 5: know what this dude is doing here, but I'm gonna
Speaker 5: talk to him. Maybe he knows what's up. And I
Speaker 5: walk up to him and he just you know, if
Speaker 5: you're transman and you see like somebody who's not out
Speaker 5: yet coming up to you with that look, you're like, oh,
Speaker 5: I know exactly.
Speaker 4: What you're going to talk to me about.
Speaker 5: And I came up to him and I was like, Hi,
Speaker 5: my name's all Law and he talked to me for
Speaker 5: a second. I just looked at him and I was like,
Speaker 5: how do I look like you? And he said, well,
Speaker 5: you order steroids from Mexico and you inject them. And
Speaker 5: he was talking about testosterone, right of course, and so
Speaker 5: I bought testosterone off of the website the geos the
Speaker 5: Geo Cities website, Angelo Cities Geociti's Angel Cities School and
Speaker 5: I had no idea how much to take because there
Speaker 5: was no information on it.
Speaker 1: So I just.
Speaker 5: Played getting picky and I was like nineteen. And that
Speaker 5: is the big marks of my transition where I was
Speaker 5: like I committed to being like somebody calling me a
Speaker 5: boy a fucking with my head, and then like this
Speaker 5: girl that knew me really well, she's my homie and
Speaker 5: she's like, I think you need to like, wow, I
Speaker 5: think you need to investigate this and you're gonna be happier.
Speaker 1: So is that when it started to make sense totally?
Speaker 5: Well, I just came out. I met him and I
Speaker 5: was like what I asked him? And then I was
Speaker 5: like do you do you have a pussy? You know,
Speaker 5: the most terrible question you can ask. And of course he's,
Speaker 5: you know, an elder, so he was so nice to
Speaker 5: me and he did not mean to be nice to me,
Speaker 5: but he was like, yeah, I was born a woman.
Speaker 5: I was born a woman, and I'm a man. My
Speaker 5: name is Gabriel, like, and he was from Nicaragua. His
Speaker 5: family was really accepting of him. And seeing his family
Speaker 5: like just not care was just like, I think that's
Speaker 5: part of why I have the confidence. Is very young,
Speaker 5: I saw a very traditional, quote unquote family not give
Speaker 5: a fuck.
Speaker 1: How's your family in comparison.
Speaker 5: I don't talk to my family. Oh okay, I don't
Speaker 5: talk to my family, fuck them, Okay, all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I haven't talked to my extended family since I was fifteen, okay,
Speaker 5: And I haven't talked to my regular family in probably
Speaker 5: like seven years because they're not accepting. No, well, yeah,
Speaker 5: my my extended family. I'm I grew up Catholic, so
Speaker 5: my extended family absolutely fucking not.
Speaker 4: Absolutely not.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think that like it's much easier to
Speaker 5: not deal with something than it has to deal with something.
Speaker 5: I feel like if we both probably like and a
Speaker 5: lot of families, I think this is good to talk
Speaker 5: about for trans people, but like, sometimes your family literally
Speaker 5: is so awkward. They don't know what the fuck to do,
Speaker 5: and they just pretend that you died, you know, like
Speaker 5: they might not say that you're dead, but it's like
Speaker 5: it's just easier for them to just be like asid, Well,
Speaker 5: this doesn't make sense in my perfect Catholic world, So
Speaker 5: I guess we're just never going to talk about it,
Speaker 5: and that's weird of shit, But I also understand where
Speaker 5: it's like if my existence is going to ruin your
Speaker 5: whole entire concept of life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well religion doesn't. I mean a lot of religion
Speaker 2: like that doesn't focus on learning how to deal with
Speaker 2: right that aren't.
Speaker 5: My granddaddy was a deacon though, so it made me
Speaker 5: real good at talking.
Speaker 3: Wow, it all makes sense now. So then as part
Speaker 3: of this journey, how did the sex work started coming in?
Speaker 3: Is that something that also was just like a quick
Speaker 3: like this makes sense for me?
Speaker 5: Or people have always been sexually inappropriate with me, and
Speaker 5: I think inappropriate and inappropriate, wildly inappropriate. They've always come
Speaker 5: to seek to get punished. People have always come to
Speaker 5: me ever since I hit puberty to be punished. I
Speaker 5: have a big personality. I take up a lot of space.
Speaker 3: And you carry yourself this way. I guess you were
Speaker 3: always a dom daddy yet level just how I am.
Speaker 3: I don't mean to and I don't hate having that power.
Speaker 3: I like having that power. It's not a bad thing
Speaker 3: for me. But I very early on was like, you
Speaker 3: have to learn how to deal with this because like
Speaker 3: people are, and so I first started doing sex work
Speaker 3: as a girl, kimming as a girl. I dommed as
Speaker 3: a mistress until I could not because that coin is
Speaker 3: too cute.
Speaker 5: I was like I could not. I was like, you're
Speaker 5: going to give up so much money by doing this.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, you're going to.
Speaker 5: Give up so much money by doing this. But I
Speaker 5: was like, I also cannot do this. And there was
Speaker 5: a point when I was living in San Francisco where
Speaker 5: it's like the point of no return with clients. You
Speaker 5: see clients for a long time and like you're doing
Speaker 5: sex work and you're in girl drag and you're like
Speaker 5: doing the girl drag and eventually they're like, so, uh,
Speaker 5: I think we might have to stop seeing each other
Speaker 5: because you're too passable, too passable as a dude. Where
Speaker 5: it's like all the straight clients that I had, the
Speaker 5: straight men that I had, they were like, I can't eat,
Speaker 5: smell like man, you look.
Speaker 4: Like a man.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know.
Speaker 5: It was actually really gender affirming, interesting, really generous for
Speaker 5: being to have dudes be like, yo, I'm straight, I
Speaker 5: can transition or this was like a couple of years
Speaker 5: on hormones, Okay, I see, because hormones for me took
Speaker 5: a really long time.
Speaker 2: To heay, They're like, I guess the hormones.
Speaker 3: So you were on hormones but still doing girl drag
Speaker 3: for the job.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see, Oh yeah, I see.
Speaker 5: Okay, because you have to coin in as much if
Speaker 5: you can mentally handle it. I know a lot of
Speaker 5: guys that would be like such an unreasonable ass. I
Speaker 5: just literally viewed as a drag and I think maybe
Speaker 5: because I did theater and I was a performer, I
Speaker 5: was like, oh this, I'm just putting on a costume, right,
Speaker 5: and I'm a faggot, so like I'm like, girl, I
Speaker 5: can do. Give me drag a way, give me drag.
Speaker 5: But eventually that stopped, and then I had to figure
Speaker 5: out how to do sex work as a transman, which
Speaker 5: I feel like a lot of transmen are in that
Speaker 5: space right now. They're figuring out how do I make money?
Speaker 5: How do I do this? It's different than gay boy is.
Speaker 5: It's different than straight boys. It's different than sis women,
Speaker 5: it's different than trans women. It is transmit escorting and
Speaker 5: sex work is just really unique.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you.
Speaker 5: Get a lot of different types of people. A lot
Speaker 5: of transmit are in this space of like how do
Speaker 5: I make myself equitable. How do I, you know, advertise myself?
Speaker 5: Those were the big questions maybe like five or six
Speaker 5: years ago. And now baby now, baby Now. I don't
Speaker 5: think I ever imagine this. How many of them? How
Speaker 5: many of what transmen there are making porn?
Speaker 3: And yes, I mean and I want to kind of
Speaker 3: bring it back to adult films as well, because you know,
Speaker 3: that's a big part of what we talk about.
Speaker 1: On this podcast.
Speaker 3: And you know, before I met you, a new of you,
Speaker 3: I think the only visibility that I experienced with that
Speaker 3: was Buck Angel.
Speaker 4: Oh totally.
Speaker 1: And I remember seeing the first porn you know who
Speaker 1: Buck Angel is cool.
Speaker 3: Bucket Angel was like in the mid two thousands, the
Speaker 3: only transman, Yeah, because I remember I remember I remember
Speaker 3: seeing this three way and it was like three muscle dudes.
Speaker 1: I is that what it's called?
Speaker 3: I think so, yeah, because I remember, like it was
Speaker 3: my boyfriend at the time had shown it to me,
Speaker 3: and you know, they it was like a big reveal.
Speaker 3: It was like, you know, there's this three way and like,
Speaker 3: you know, one of them is this bald, bearded muscle
Speaker 3: dude and like you know, he's pulling out this dick
Speaker 3: out of Oh, there we go. Buck Angel, Thank you, Tony. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I remember like there was like a whole reveal
Speaker 3: where he like kind of pulled the dildo out of
Speaker 3: his pants and the two.
Speaker 1: Guys were like, it's got a fucking pussy.
Speaker 3: But then they all fucked and I remember being like,
Speaker 3: this is turning me on, Like I was really surprised
Speaker 3: by it, and I was almost like even in the
Speaker 3: mid two thousands, I was able to be like.
Speaker 1: Fuck, yeah, the fact that this exists at all is
Speaker 1: so cool.
Speaker 3: But we never really heard about it again until at
Speaker 3: least from my perspective, when you and the scene.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so when I show for a Naked Sword, that
Speaker 5: scene with Justin Brody was the first gay male porn.
Speaker 1: With Justin Brody.
Speaker 5: It's the first gay mail porn made with a transman
Speaker 5: since two thousand and four. And that was in twenty fourteen,
Speaker 5: so it had taken gay porn ten years. I was
Speaker 5: the first trans guy who is the go goo in
Speaker 5: the castro On retainer. Yeah, and this was when you know,
Speaker 5: twenty fourteen, ten years ago, right, So it's just like
Speaker 5: the change that has happened in ten years, especially for
Speaker 5: somebody who's been doing it. I've been doing online sex
Speaker 5: works since I was nineteen, you know, like nineteen twenty nine.
Speaker 4: Like, I so crazy that there's so many.
Speaker 2: What do you think that is? In response to.
Speaker 5: Well, people want to see it? I think the thing that,
Speaker 5: the thing that I always hear is like, we can't
Speaker 5: book transmen because it's not going to make us money.
Speaker 5: We can't book transmen because people don't want to see it.
Speaker 5: Look in my dms.
Speaker 1: There's such a look in my dms that is.
Speaker 2: So wrong.
Speaker 5: But I think because humans are pattern based, you have
Speaker 5: to spoon feed them.
Speaker 4: You have to.
Speaker 5: So it's like, Jake Bass. Do you know who Jake
Speaker 5: Bass is? I'm gonna go way back here, I think. So,
Speaker 5: can we pull up a photo of Jake Bass? I want,
Speaker 5: I want to give you a real piece of my
Speaker 5: history right now so you can see how crazy this is.
Speaker 5: So Jake Bass was a performer, right, He was like
Speaker 5: one of the first twunk tattooed twunk performers in that category.
Speaker 5: He kind of created He's though, no he's not. But
Speaker 5: he was one of the first porn stars who started
Speaker 5: to curate a personality online.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was not very nice to me.
Speaker 5: I'm sure you know, I'm just but but what I
Speaker 5: saw him doing was he was creating a personality. It
Speaker 5: was the first time I saw somebody creating I'd seen
Speaker 5: porn stars. I had never known porn stars who like,
Speaker 5: we're starting to create brands, right, And so I was like.
Speaker 2: Like, where were they doing that? Like I feel like
Speaker 2: until you had platforms like OnlyFans and stuff like my Space.
Speaker 5: He was huge on my Oh my god, he was
Speaker 5: huge on MySpace. And what I saw is I was like, Okay,
Speaker 5: he takes photos with a nice camera. He does a
Speaker 5: lot of nice camera photo shoots. He has a neck
Speaker 5: and hand tattoo, and he looks a little sad no shade,
Speaker 5: but like James Dean quality about it, and there's something
Speaker 5: in his eyes. So I was like, if he's the
Speaker 5: number one porn star, I just need to look exactly
Speaker 5: like him, and I just need to do exactly what
Speaker 5: he does. And guess what, It worked, Yeah, because people
Speaker 5: were like, I like this, and then this thing is
Speaker 5: slightly different. So this looks like the guy with the tattoos,
Speaker 5: with that sort of body, but he has a plussy
Speaker 5: but everything else kind of reads similarly. And I think
Speaker 5: I kind of got in the door with that because
Speaker 5: the alternati dudes, Like, if you're into alternative tattooed guys,
Speaker 5: you're kind of probably a little bit more into alternative bodies.
Speaker 5: So I feel like I got in there, and then
Speaker 5: once I got a little hook, there were a couple
Speaker 5: leaders who like broke the door open.
Speaker 4: And now that there's.
Speaker 5: Only fans, you can just be whoever you want in
Speaker 5: the middle of fucking nowhere. You can be a trans
Speaker 5: man in the middle of fucking nowhere and be like
Speaker 5: I only make jerk off videos with octopus dildos. But
Speaker 5: you're gonna be the only one. Yes, you're gonna dominate.
Speaker 5: And that's what I love seeing is like the really
Speaker 5: niche performers where we're like, oh my god, you're the
Speaker 5: only trance guy making this content.
Speaker 4: It's so cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know, Naked Sword at the time was
Speaker 3: I think that that was sort of what their brand was.
Speaker 1: By the way, was like they're kind of like.
Speaker 3: Not super duper fit, like tattooed cute, you know, like
Speaker 3: kind of like boyish, but rough around the edges.
Speaker 1: With very different what they are now. I mean know
Speaker 1: they were.
Speaker 3: Still with Falcon, Yeah, but like that was the brand
Speaker 3: that mister Pam was asked to bring to the table.
Speaker 3: It was kind of like boyish, twunky tattooed boys. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I feel like that was I mean it was
Speaker 3: a Colton Gray Colton Gray at the time, certainly, Yeah,
Speaker 3: but like you know bray Love and you know, Justin
Speaker 3: Brody certainly was like more of like a buff version
Speaker 3: of that.
Speaker 1: I was part of the team at that time.
Speaker 4: Justin.
Speaker 5: Part of the reason Justin and I think our video
Speaker 5: popped off was Justin was walking runway. Yes, right, so
Speaker 5: he had just done fashion week, so and he was
Speaker 5: kind of a fashion darling at the time.
Speaker 3: And he's an artist as well, so I know that
Speaker 3: he wanted to work with someone like you and was like,
Speaker 3: that would be punk rock for us to do this
Speaker 3: like the studio scene.
Speaker 5: And mister Pam was like, you can't tell anybody about this,
Speaker 5: like we're doing this, and we're doing this, but you
Speaker 5: can't be like, you can't open your mouth about this
Speaker 5: until this hits And she was like, you need to
Speaker 5: just know what I'm She was like, I because I
Speaker 5: had bugged her years and years and years and years
Speaker 5: and years, And I was like when because I she
Speaker 5: went with all the gay boys, all the gay boys
Speaker 5: you shot all wanted to fuck me, but all wanted
Speaker 5: to fuck me on the low and would like see
Speaker 5: me at the club and then DM me after because
Speaker 5: it was in that era where gay boys were going
Speaker 5: through the same feelings you had, where they were like,
Speaker 5: I want to fuck this person. I'm intimidated by them.
Speaker 3: I certainly a missed opportunity for me, I will say,
Speaker 3: but it's true that was I had a few years
Speaker 3: on Justin, so I feel like I was still a
Speaker 3: little I had a little more work to do, Whereas
Speaker 3: I think Justin in his mid twenties and his like
Speaker 3: super punk perspective was like fuck yeah, I'm doing this.
Speaker 5: And I think a lot of it has to do
Speaker 5: with I think a lot of it has to do
Speaker 5: with like gay men's desire for transmn. This is going
Speaker 5: to go off topic, but gay men's desire for transmen
Speaker 5: is confusing for gay men because you you've gotten ostracized
Speaker 5: for liking what you like.
Speaker 2: Right Oh yeah, Like I mean on Twitter you post
Speaker 2: something with if we collabed, Like there are people that
Speaker 2: are that think if you are a gay person and
Speaker 2: you have sex with a trans man, that makes makes
Speaker 2: that makes you something other than gay.
Speaker 3: Well there, I mean, there is a certainly, like we've
Speaker 3: talked about this a lot Victor on this podcast, that
Speaker 3: there is like there are these crusaders on the internet
Speaker 3: who are just like, you know, unless you're just do
Speaker 3: gay content, you're you're doing a disservice to the community
Speaker 3: and those people they're wrong there and like and I
Speaker 3: feel like it's a dated perspective. It's almost like right
Speaker 3: right wing yeah style rhetoric that doesn't fit in today's
Speaker 3: standards anymore.
Speaker 1: And I love that there's this new.
Speaker 2: Well it's all left so it's like it's like the
Speaker 2: same thing on the left side.
Speaker 3: I suppose. I don't know what you mean, but we've
Speaker 3: got to wrap up this conversation.
Speaker 5: So I think, you know, as a trans man, especially
Speaker 5: like dealing with gay men, like I get paid to
Speaker 5: deal with your shame, m and you're monetizing it and
Speaker 5: I'm monetizing it, but I get paid in the dark. Okay,
Speaker 5: So men come to me, gay men come to me
Speaker 5: who have survived the AIDS crisis, who fought their whole entire.
Speaker 4: Life to be to suck cock.
Speaker 5: Its huge identity for them because they got hurt. And
Speaker 5: I understand that they got hurt and how they got
Speaker 5: hurt is so fucked up right. I can't even start
Speaker 5: to fucking imagine. I can't start to unpack that pain.
Speaker 5: I do not know what.
Speaker 4: That feels like.
Speaker 5: But to fight so hard for that and then to
Speaker 5: have my existence make you question that just by me
Speaker 5: standing next to you, that's got to feel pretty crazy.
Speaker 5: I don't think about that because I'm existing as myself
Speaker 5: like that. I'm not a SIS person. I don't know
Speaker 5: what SIS panic feels like. I do not I've been
Speaker 5: traned since I was eighteen, over almost half my life.
Speaker 5: I literally don't know what that feels like. So I
Speaker 5: can imagine if somebody has tried their whole life and
Speaker 5: been ostracized and fought, you're gonna have to fight through
Speaker 5: a lot to even get to the point to admit
Speaker 5: your desire, let alone be cool with it, And so
Speaker 5: any negative reaction saying you're straight or whatever, replace you
Speaker 5: with I. I am afraid of I am afraid of
Speaker 5: being straight. I am afraid of liking that plussy, I
Speaker 5: am afraid of wanting to have sex with this person.
Speaker 5: I'm afraid of not being gay. And when you replace that,
Speaker 5: you and you realize that these people are just projecting.
Speaker 5: You get to kind of feel sorry for them.
Speaker 3: What empathy, Like, I mean, that's that's really admirable to
Speaker 3: be able to see it from that perspective.
Speaker 5: Well, you're not going to be able to change anybody,
Speaker 5: and I think that is my thing is even if
Speaker 5: I can just leave you with a moment of just
Speaker 5: being like, listen, I'm just going to make you think
Speaker 5: a little bit more because maybe you can dig a
Speaker 5: little bit deeper because you're more than what you thought.
Speaker 5: Maybe you're more than what you thought. Yeah, And I
Speaker 5: think that that is like my superpower. That's my superpower
Speaker 5: is I'm just like, don't be afraid of me to
Speaker 5: let's talk about it. But like, yeah, and with gay men, especially,
Speaker 5: like if you're in any situation with a trans man,
Speaker 5: like you know, this might be hard to hear for
Speaker 5: everybody in the room. You're having this whole experience. But
Speaker 5: I'm fucking existing. I still don't have my rent paid
Speaker 5: and I'm still not eating for days. You are in
Speaker 5: such a position of privilege to even have an emotional
Speaker 5: reaction about my existence. Wow, whenevery fucking day I have
Speaker 5: to wake up and deal with that.
Speaker 2: All day.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So, like the emotional labor transmen have to do is crazy,
Speaker 5: but also transmitter are the secret healing man, so like.
Speaker 3: Fuck, yeah, my god. I mean I feel like we
Speaker 3: could go for a full other hour. I have so
Speaker 3: many questions. Is there anything you want to plug? I'd
Speaker 3: feel like you're up to a lot lately with your
Speaker 3: own content creation. So what can you share with our
Speaker 3: listeners where they could find you?
Speaker 5: Yeah? So I have three lives that I do. If
Speaker 5: you want to interact with me, I think interacting is
Speaker 5: really awesome. I have three lives I do a week.
Speaker 5: They're on Tuesday, Friday, Live Shriday. Yeah, live shows on
Speaker 5: my Only fans, So on my only fans, on my
Speaker 5: free only fans and paid only fans. I do lives
Speaker 5: three times a week. Come watch cartoons or do group
Speaker 5: training on Fridays for a fetish, or work out with
Speaker 5: me on Sunday at noon, all on my Only Fans.
Speaker 5: It's lit. It's fun as fuck. I get naked, I
Speaker 5: jerk off. It's the thing I'm most excited about right now.
Speaker 5: So if you want to come party with me, party
Speaker 5: on my Only fans.
Speaker 4: It's so it's honestly so fun.
Speaker 5: And other than that, I have just a bunch of
Speaker 5: scenes coming out, so watch me fucking get fucked.
Speaker 2: Yay. You're such a good storyteller.
Speaker 1: I know, my god, I want to do a part two,
Speaker 1: like immediately.
Speaker 4: I feel like I was talking the whole time.
Speaker 2: But no, it's I mean, at least you do it well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, good, I love that. Gosh, well, thank you
Speaker 3: so much for doing this. Let's let's make good on
Speaker 3: our on our word.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I can't wait for yeah, you see it.
Speaker 3: I was going to ask about you because you've said
Speaker 3: that before, and I was going to be like.
Speaker 5: Okay, yes, we can do it in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, get.
Speaker 2: Out of here.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, well, thank you so much. On episode
Speaker 1: of twenty one season three. Thank you Victor so much
Speaker 1: for joining us any time. Thank you Tony, thank you listeners.
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you Cole.
Speaker 2: I'm Adam Ramsey, I'm Coconnor.
Speaker 1: This has been sorry for asking.
Speaker 2: By now bye. This has been sorry for asking.
Speaker 3: Be sure to like, comment and subscribe, and until next time,
Speaker 3: stay sexy.