WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>Get value. You can't argue with at Tesco with their

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<v Speaker 1>amazing club guard prices. Have the perfect night in with

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<v Speaker 1>their finest frozen pizza meal deal. Get the finest frozen pizza,

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<v Speaker 1>chips and ice cream all for six to zuo. Like

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<v Speaker 1>our delicious spicy salami, hot honey and Doya or Margarito

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<v Speaker 1>wood fired pizzas, served up with their crispy junkie chips

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<v Speaker 1>and ice cream like Sea sleda caramel or pistaggio for dessert.

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<v Speaker 1>Can't argue with that shop in store or online. Tesco

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<v Speaker 1>Every Little helps available in most stores, prices very in express.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh hey, it's that person sitting on the bus who

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<v Speaker 2>has the same phone case as you, So you spend

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<v Speaker 2>the whole ride wondering if you should say something, and

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<v Speaker 2>then you never do. Ali ward back with an episode

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<v Speaker 2>of ologies that I'd hope lifts some spirits, or at

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<v Speaker 2>the very least as you sprawled out on a blanket

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<v Speaker 2>staring into the canopy of a tree, because is happiness

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<v Speaker 2>even possible in this our shared global porta potty of circumstance?

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<v Speaker 2>Does being grateful to Jack? Can we train our brains

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<v Speaker 2>to look for good? Okay? One good thing real quick.

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<v Speaker 2>Patrons at patreon dot com slash ologies who make the

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<v Speaker 2>show possible. You can join if you want. It's twenty

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<v Speaker 2>five cents an episode. It's a dollar a month. It's

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<v Speaker 2>cheaper than a parking meter by the minute, my friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you also to everyone finding other ologites in the

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<v Speaker 2>wild by wearing ologies merch, including masks. Thank you particularly

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<v Speaker 2>for that, and for keeping the show up in the

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<v Speaker 2>charts by rating and subscribing genuine things. To everyone who

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<v Speaker 2>leaves reviews. You know that I read all of them,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I pick a new one each week to

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<v Speaker 2>read like a comment card at a local diner, such

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<v Speaker 2>as this one from LISTI go go one two three four,

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<v Speaker 2>who says I love how Ali is immediately best friends

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<v Speaker 2>with everyone she interviews. Oh, listed, go go one two

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<v Speaker 2>three four. You have no idea how timely this is.

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<v Speaker 2>Get ready for some real friend magic in this one.

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<v Speaker 2>So awesome ology. First off, it is a word. It

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<v Speaker 2>does exist on the Internet already. It is defined as

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<v Speaker 2>the study of awesome. Naturally. Awesome comes from a root

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<v Speaker 2>meaning profoundly reverential way back in the fifteen hundreds, but

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<v Speaker 2>before that, all referred to a feeling of terror, or fright,

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<v Speaker 2>and in the twelve hundreds all even conoted depression, So

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<v Speaker 2>AWE came from fright until it meant thunderstruck and then

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<v Speaker 2>it meant cool like in the early nineteen sixties, So

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<v Speaker 2>depression to reverence to cool. And this episode is centered

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<v Speaker 2>around the science of gratitude. Is there any there is?

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<v Speaker 2>And why having AWE for everyday life can give your

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<v Speaker 2>brain a helping hand out of the muck that we

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<v Speaker 2>all get stuck in. So I myself struggle with this

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<v Speaker 2>a ton. I found this episode to be full of

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<v Speaker 2>really good strategies, some intriguing science, and also most importantly,

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<v Speaker 2>permission to treat my brain with some kindness and stop

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<v Speaker 2>the hamster wheel to take stock of what's good now.

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<v Speaker 2>This guest is someone I have known about for years,

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<v Speaker 2>but we were just introduced by Ludology guest and video

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<v Speaker 2>game expert doctor Jane McGonagall, and I was so excited

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<v Speaker 2>because I remember his blog A Thousand Awesome Things and

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<v Speaker 2>it got me through a really stressful time when I

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<v Speaker 2>was working in a newspaper and I was just utterly frazzled.

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<v Speaker 2>And I've always wanted to look at the science of

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<v Speaker 2>gratitude ever since I made the great filology is not

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<v Speaker 2>a real word, minisowed I think back in twenty seventeen,

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<v Speaker 2>and because he's a person who has authored several books

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<v Speaker 2>looking into it, I sent too eager an email asking

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<v Speaker 2>him to be a guest. He's a longtime humor writer.

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<v Speaker 2>He's a graduate of Harvard Business School. He's an author,

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<v Speaker 2>a ted speaker. He's the founder of the Institute for

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<v Speaker 2>Global Happiness, which offers a bunch of free resources to

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<v Speaker 2>help improve happiness in the workplace. He wrote the book

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<v Speaker 2>of Awesome, the Happiness Equation and You Are Awesome. And

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<v Speaker 2>he also hosts a podcast, It's Great. It's called Three Books,

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<v Speaker 2>and in each episode he reads three formative books of

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<v Speaker 2>a guest. But first and foremost, listen to this one

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<v Speaker 2>in its entirety, because despite his many accomplishments and dissection

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<v Speaker 2>of what makes our thinking parts happy, he's also just

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<v Speaker 2>a normal cool guy who understands that no one is

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<v Speaker 2>happy all the time, and that the goal is not

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<v Speaker 2>to be happy, but just a happier So get comfy,

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<v Speaker 2>kick back, and here first about a few tough things,

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<v Speaker 2>and then about your new morning ritual. Why you should

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<v Speaker 2>sniff a tree Diary entries, honeymoon drama, the illusion of history,

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<v Speaker 2>the simplicity of appreciation, the gambles you take, will scrolling regrets,

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<v Speaker 2>meditation tricks, and how to wrestle with your wiring that

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<v Speaker 2>means well, plus a few of my poodle tic taking

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<v Speaker 2>in and out of the room with my new buddy,

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<v Speaker 2>awesomologist Neil Pezrica. If you could say your first and

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<v Speaker 2>last name and your pronouns.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, my name is Neil pas Richa, and my pronouns

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<v Speaker 3>are he and him. Cool. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So, first off, I have known about you for

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<v Speaker 2>over a decade, and I was a really big fan

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<v Speaker 2>of your blog, so I've just known about you forever.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like you've been in my life for a decade.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my gosh, that's so kind of you. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>I wrote a thousand awesome things from two thousand and

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<v Speaker 3>eight to twenty twelve, like it was a four year stretch,

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<v Speaker 3>like nineus years ago whatever. So whenever anyone says that

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<v Speaker 3>to me, which is pretty pretty rare, I think of

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<v Speaker 3>them as like an old friend kind of Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>so's it's so cool. Thank you for knowing me when

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<v Speaker 3>I wasn't the version I have of myself that I am.

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<v Speaker 2>Early adopter over here. Dude, It's true. I've seen his

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<v Speaker 2>ted talk and I knew of his work way back when.

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<v Speaker 2>In order to get updates on people's lives you had

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<v Speaker 2>to mosey to their individual blog spots or wordpressers tweets

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<v Speaker 2>in that day. I don't know if you know, this

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<v Speaker 2>arrived as group texts on flip phones, so for an

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<v Speaker 2>approximate eon, this guy's been on my radar. I know

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<v Speaker 2>your backstory, so I'm gonna have to ask it anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>but i just don't even know where to begin because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just I'm so excited to talk to you. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So you've been through some shit, dude, as have a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of people, but you went through a pretty shitty

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<v Speaker 2>time and you decided to try to get through the

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<v Speaker 2>other side of it. Can you tell me a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit about that first decision to just start your blog?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Sure. So I just did a callback to like

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<v Speaker 3>two thousand and eight, two thousand and nine time period,

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<v Speaker 3>and what I did mention was that I I came

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<v Speaker 3>home from work one night and my wife told me

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<v Speaker 3>that she did not want to be married to me anymore.

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<v Speaker 3>And we had been together two years married marriage wise,

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<v Speaker 3>but I think from like four or five years as

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<v Speaker 3>a couple. We just bought a house, we were talking about

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<v Speaker 3>having kids, and like, I mean, I just didn't see

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<v Speaker 3>it coming like it was. It was. There was just

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<v Speaker 3>like a it was just shock. It wasn't anger, it

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<v Speaker 3>wasn't it wasn't really if it was just what like,

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<v Speaker 3>it was like a complete shock. I didn't I didn't

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<v Speaker 3>see that coming. And at the same time, my closest

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<v Speaker 3>friend Chris was going through some severe mental health challenges

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<v Speaker 3>and that culled in an attempted suicide and sadly eventually

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<v Speaker 3>an actual suicide where he took his own life. And uh,

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<v Speaker 3>of course, as this is all happening, I'm like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>well I gotta sell the house and I like process

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<v Speaker 3>this divorce. I need to find a place to live.

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<v Speaker 3>I have to like give it, you know, eulogy. And

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I'm a complete mess. And you mentioned that

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<v Speaker 3>like Twitter, let just started started. But really it was

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<v Speaker 3>like what I had, like a I had like a newspaper,

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<v Speaker 3>and like TV and radio. These were like the distraction

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<v Speaker 3>vehicles of the time. But when you turn on any

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<v Speaker 3>of those things, it's all one hundred percent bad news,

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<v Speaker 3>like it's still you know, it's still like a way

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<v Speaker 3>to learn about all the world's ills and problems. So

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I need a way to distract myself

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<v Speaker 3>and put myself in a positive mood. And so I

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<v Speaker 3>go to Google and I said, been how to start

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<v Speaker 3>a blog, and WordPress just narrowly edged out blog Spot

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<v Speaker 3>as the top hit. And so that's where I went.

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<v Speaker 3>And so I started a blog called one thousand Awesome

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<v Speaker 3>Things dot com just as a way to put a

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<v Speaker 3>smile on my face before I went to bed. Now, listen, Ali,

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't know anything about these like gratitude research studies

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<v Speaker 3>or like journaling practice study. I didn't know shit about that.

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<v Speaker 3>All I knew was that I needed a way to

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<v Speaker 3>distract myself before bed, and my posts sucked. My very

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<v Speaker 3>first post on the blog was brocoflower, the ugly hybrid

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<v Speaker 3>child of nature's ugliest vegetables. I mean, I found a

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<v Speaker 3>picture of green cauliflower and I was like, how crazy

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<v Speaker 3>is this thing awesome? And that was my whole entry.

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<v Speaker 3>Like the birth of the blog was just like this

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<v Speaker 3>is this is awesome today? And I went to bed

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<v Speaker 3>and then I wrote the next day about like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>the smell of walking by a bakery and like their

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<v Speaker 3>bacon croissants, right, And then the next day I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>I found like five bucks on my old cult pocket. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I wrote about that over time. What happened was in

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know. A couple months later, I wrote a

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<v Speaker 3>post called old Dangerous play Grown Equipment. I talked about

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<v Speaker 3>how how bad is it that we don't have slides

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<v Speaker 3>that burn the bottom of our legs anymore? You can't

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<v Speaker 3>crash land in a bed full of cigarettes and milk thistles.

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<v Speaker 3>Kids are whimps, you know, It's just like it was

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<v Speaker 3>just one of those like kids today, they stink. And

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<v Speaker 3>the post hit the front page of fark dot com,

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<v Speaker 3>which was, yeah, you probably know like the six most

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<v Speaker 3>big you know, six biggest like social media site in

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<v Speaker 3>the world, and guess what they call themselves, And then

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<v Speaker 3>it got like fifty thousand hits so one day, and

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<v Speaker 3>then from there I had an audience. I didn't know

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<v Speaker 3>what to do with an audience other than to keep going.

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<v Speaker 3>And so, as you've already kind of hinted or we

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<v Speaker 3>have the title, I wrote an awesome thing every single

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<v Speaker 3>weekday for one thousand straight weekdays from two thousand and

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<v Speaker 3>eight to twenty twelve, to Cheer myself up.

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<v Speaker 2>Neil started at the bottom and his first post was

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<v Speaker 2>titled number one thousand Brocco flower, but some other random gems.

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<v Speaker 2>Watching cream go into coffee, When you should have gotten

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<v Speaker 2>a parking ticket but didn't. When someone pronounces your name

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<v Speaker 2>right on the first try. When you think you're out

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<v Speaker 2>of clean underwear, but then you find one more pair

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<v Speaker 2>the first ten seconds after you turn out the lights

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<v Speaker 2>and wiggle yourself into a good sleeping position. Finding hidden

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<v Speaker 2>compartments in things you already own, my maybe my personal

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<v Speaker 2>favorite thing in the universe, remembering how lucky we are

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<v Speaker 2>to be here right now. And number one anything you

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to be now. His book, The Book of Awesome,

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<v Speaker 2>became a New York Times bestseller and then number one

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<v Speaker 2>international bestseller for one hundred and forty two weeks. This

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<v Speaker 2>resonated with people. He went on to write several other

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<v Speaker 2>books and built a small empire focused on intentional living

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<v Speaker 2>and generally trying to make life suck less. Did you

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<v Speaker 2>find before it went viral, before you started getting an audience,

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<v Speaker 2>did you find your perspective or your mood or your

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<v Speaker 2>optimism start to shift before that.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, the thing is I could not see anything

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<v Speaker 3>good anywhere, right, Like that's the problem. I think that's

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<v Speaker 3>even more pervasive today with how we monetized news media

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<v Speaker 3>and social media, which is with our attentions and our

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<v Speaker 3>mindshare going towards things that are like controversial or negative

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<v Speaker 3>or obscene or absurd. And so I just couldn't see

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<v Speaker 3>anything positive. And therefore when I posted about the other

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<v Speaker 3>side of the pillow and how turning it over in

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<v Speaker 3>the middle of the night to the cold side makes

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<v Speaker 3>me happy, and you know, seventeen comments show up the

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<v Speaker 3>next morning's like, oh my gosh, that's so true. And like,

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<v Speaker 3>how about when you're lying on a couch and like

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<v Speaker 3>someone just throws a blanket on you, you know, and

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<v Speaker 3>someone would be like, ooh, I love that. And how

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<v Speaker 3>about when you know, and people just started, like the

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<v Speaker 3>little horrible solar system that was my brain at the

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<v Speaker 3>time started forming a new planet that weighted down things

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<v Speaker 3>towards positivity. And so the gravitational force of this blog

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<v Speaker 3>in my own mind, created people throwing and sticking comments

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<v Speaker 3>and ideas and all, and so it just rolled and

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<v Speaker 3>rolled in deep big got bigger and bigger into like

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<v Speaker 3>just a giant thing where Yeah, I started carrying around

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<v Speaker 3>a cue card every day, you know, on writing down

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<v Speaker 3>a list of things I found awesome every day and

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<v Speaker 3>that practice alone will do this for you. Mm hmm,

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<v Speaker 3>Like if you listening is like, wait, what should I do?

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<v Speaker 3>It was like, just put a cue card in your

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<v Speaker 3>pocket and write kind of good stuff you see. There

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<v Speaker 3>you go, there you go. That's the answer because that's

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<v Speaker 3>what totally helped change my thinking.

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<v Speaker 2>And did you ever then try to figure out, if

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<v Speaker 2>you know a bunch of people were studying this scientifically,

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<v Speaker 2>did something click and did you say the wait, this

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<v Speaker 2>isn't just.

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<v Speaker 3>Me right, Well, I mean it was a long time

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<v Speaker 3>before I started leaning into the science. And really it

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<v Speaker 3>came from the fact that people kept asking me these

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<v Speaker 3>questions and I had no answer. And so I got

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<v Speaker 3>invited on the Today Show and Meredith Vieira, the host,

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<v Speaker 3>looks me in the eye, and they don't tell you

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<v Speaker 3>the questions before you go on the guest morning show

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<v Speaker 3>in the world. They don't tell you. They don't think

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<v Speaker 3>it's nice to tell you the questions. I'm sitting there

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<v Speaker 3>like freaking j lo Is walking off the set and

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<v Speaker 3>then I'm like, she looks at in the eyes and

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<v Speaker 3>she's like, so, how do you teach all of America

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<v Speaker 3>to be happy like you? I'm like, in my head,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm thinking I've lost forty pounds to distress. I've got

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<v Speaker 3>black bags inder my eyes. I just repainted my entire

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<v Speaker 3>face for this show. All my friends think I'm depressed

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<v Speaker 3>because I'm living in a bachelor apartment. You know. By myself,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not dating, I'm not going out. I'm not doing

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<v Speaker 3>anything other than like working on my blog, outside of

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<v Speaker 3>my outside of my day job, which is working out Walmart.

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<v Speaker 3>And I just like fumbled through an answer. But after

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<v Speaker 3>getting asked that question enough times, I'm like, I'm going

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<v Speaker 3>to keep being asked, you know, And I start looking

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<v Speaker 3>into the research. I start picking up books like Stumbling

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<v Speaker 3>on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert.

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<v Speaker 2>Neil, rolled up his sleeves and started studying up on

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<v Speaker 2>gratitude and how it affects happiness. He was like, how

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<v Speaker 2>does this really work?

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<v Speaker 3>What is so and so saying about this and the

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<v Speaker 3>other person saying and then it all came hitting me

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<v Speaker 3>in the head really Ali. When a few years later

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<v Speaker 3>I fell in love with Leslie, who spoiler alert, is

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<v Speaker 3>my wife today. She and I went on a honeymoon,

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<v Speaker 3>a wonderful honeymoon to Southeast Asia, which was awesome and

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<v Speaker 3>great and wonderful until the flight home. And on the

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<v Speaker 3>flight home, she was not feeling well. She was sick.

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<v Speaker 3>And we had a six hour layover in Malaysia, in

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<v Speaker 3>Kuala Lumpur, and she's like, I need to find a pharmacy.

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<v Speaker 3>I need to find a place to lie down. I

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<v Speaker 3>need to find a place to like, you know, rest.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, are you sure you're going to make

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<v Speaker 3>this thirteen hour flight home from here to Toronto? And

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<v Speaker 3>she's like, yeah, I'm definitely up for that. So we

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<v Speaker 3>could find her pharmacy. We find a place to lie down,

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<v Speaker 3>We get on the airplane until we take off toill

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<v Speaker 3>like whatever, thirty thousand feet of o sea level. She

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<v Speaker 3>goes to the tiny airplane bathroom at the front of

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<v Speaker 3>the airplane. She comes back to our seats and she says,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm pregnant. She bought the Pramsy tests and the Calalu

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<v Speaker 3>Airport pharmacy. She did the Pramesy test and the tiny

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<v Speaker 3>airplane bathroom at the front of the airplane and that's

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<v Speaker 3>when it hit home for me. I'm like, I'm all

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<v Speaker 3>this stuff that's been spinning around my mind for the

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<v Speaker 3>last few years. I need to put it into something concrete.

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<v Speaker 3>And so I came home to Toronto. I wrote a

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<v Speaker 3>three hundred page letter to my unborn child on how

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<v Speaker 3>to live a happy life. And in that book, or

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<v Speaker 3>in that letter which turned into a book called The

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<v Speaker 3>Happiness Equation, that book really is just a giant letter

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<v Speaker 3>of everything I learned on how to be happy, or

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<v Speaker 3>I guess you'd call it ostomology.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and great news. You do not have to be

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<v Speaker 2>Neil's firstborn child to benefit from his research and writing.

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<v Speaker 2>So the Happiness Equation is essentially want nothing plus do

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<v Speaker 2>anything equals have everything, and he covers things like how

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<v Speaker 2>to make decisions faster and why success doesn't lead to happiness,

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<v Speaker 2>some myths about multitasking, because when you find out on

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<v Speaker 2>an airplane that you're sitting next to your fetus, you

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<v Speaker 2>want to give it the benefits of a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>scientific research, like a lot of it. Oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>I know we do not have the twelve hours. I

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<v Speaker 2>would like to stay here and ask you literally everything

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<v Speaker 2>in that Happiness equation. Can you tell me a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit about the three a's of awesome and also how

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<v Speaker 2>that factors into the happiness equation?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Sure. So basically, as the blog went viral and

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<v Speaker 3>took off, I won an award at the International Academy

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<v Speaker 3>of Digital Arts and Sciences called Best Blog, You're the

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<v Speaker 3>Best Whatever Webby Award, and so I won that, and

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<v Speaker 3>then a bunch of literary agents came and asked if

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<v Speaker 3>I want to have a book deal. So I said yes,

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<v Speaker 3>and then I turned into a book called The Book

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<v Speaker 3>of Awesome. Why don't I tell you that? Because now

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<v Speaker 3>when the book came out, I was invited to do

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<v Speaker 3>a TED talk. When you do a TED talk, you

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<v Speaker 3>can't just say like, I have no idea why you

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<v Speaker 3>guys invited me. Here, here's a bunch of jokes I

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<v Speaker 3>put on my blog. You have to You're supposed to

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<v Speaker 3>have like a power point slide with like a framework

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<v Speaker 3>of some kind. That's what I actually I thought it

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<v Speaker 3>was too, so I was like, oh, what the hell

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<v Speaker 3>am I going to? So I was like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 3>know the three a's of awesome, And so my TED

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<v Speaker 3>talk is called The Three is of Awesome, and in

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<v Speaker 3>it I talk about attitude, awareness, and authenticity. I tried

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<v Speaker 3>looking back at my own blog and asking myself, Hey,

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<v Speaker 3>what was it about that blow that both helped it

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<v Speaker 3>go viral? And what did I learn inside myself? And

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<v Speaker 3>to me, it came down to those three things. In

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<v Speaker 3>the speech. I did not put any breast tacks around them.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't I didn't sort of throw up reams of

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<v Speaker 3>data and show all these numbers of correlations, and I

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<v Speaker 3>just said, like, you got to have a good gratitude.

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<v Speaker 3>You got to be as aware as like a three

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<v Speaker 3>year old is, seeing everything like you're seeing it for

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<v Speaker 3>the first time. And you need to be authentic to

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<v Speaker 3>yourself so you can put yourself and you're doing this

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<v Speaker 3>so well with ologies. It's like your pure, truest self

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<v Speaker 3>is right here. I can feel your heart. I listened

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<v Speaker 3>to your show and I'm like, it's like you're right

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<v Speaker 3>beside me, and I think when you get those compliments,

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<v Speaker 3>it's like it's because you're so authentic. And so I

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<v Speaker 3>threw those things into a little power points line and

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, that's the three days of awesome. Then

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<v Speaker 3>flash forward to the Happiest question a few years later,

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<v Speaker 3>and the root model underpinning the entire book. My entire

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<v Speaker 3>view on happiness is this, Basically, I think everybody is

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<v Speaker 3>lied to as children for real, I think that everyone

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<v Speaker 3>is told that great work leads to a big success,

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<v Speaker 3>leads to being happy, and those six words are really important.

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<v Speaker 3>Great work leads to big success, leads to being happy.

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<v Speaker 3>But as I started going into the research myself, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 3>oh my gosh, Like, how's everybody missing this? The research

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<v Speaker 3>says it's the exact opposite. What if you look at

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<v Speaker 3>doctor Sayielavimirski's work, She's published an amazing report that shows

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<v Speaker 3>that if you show up to work or show up

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<v Speaker 3>in your day with a positive attitude, you actually end

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<v Speaker 3>up with thirty one percent higher productivity, thirty seven percent

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<v Speaker 3>higher sales, three times more creativity. All these giant positive

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<v Speaker 3>things come out of it. And then what happens, Well,

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<v Speaker 3>it turns out that you end up getting promoted forty chance,

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<v Speaker 3>you're more likely you're going to get promoted in the

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<v Speaker 3>next year, and you're going to live longer, and like

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<v Speaker 3>your longevity goes up. It's like, wait a minute, the

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<v Speaker 3>models backwards. It's not great work, big success, be happy,

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<v Speaker 3>it's being happy leads to great work leads to the

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<v Speaker 3>big success.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, what holy shit?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, And so what I mean is when when you're

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<v Speaker 3>a kid, what are your parents hitting you? Like if

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<v Speaker 3>you're me, if you're a tiny brown kid in Canada,

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<v Speaker 3>it's like, if you study really hard, then you'll get

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<v Speaker 3>good grades and you become a doctor. Like that was

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<v Speaker 3>like the that was like the Indian parents' dream, right,

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<v Speaker 3>Like you become a doctor and then you'll be presumably

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<v Speaker 3>the end of that is that you're happy. Or if

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<v Speaker 3>you're in any other career today, it's like if you

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<v Speaker 3>if you work really hard, then you get the promotion,

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<v Speaker 3>then you're happy.

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<v Speaker 2>Anyone else here raise Catholic thinking that this life is

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<v Speaker 2>for suffering and then once you die, Saint Peter lifts

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<v Speaker 2>the heavenly velvet rope to the eternal VIP party where

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<v Speaker 2>there's a shrimp bffet that never gives you diarrhea. I

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<v Speaker 2>grew up with the Italian Catholic philosophy. I'm not happy

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<v Speaker 2>until I'm miserable again.

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<v Speaker 3>The entire philosophy is about a working now to experience

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<v Speaker 3>like a pleasure later and a happiness later. Right, But

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<v Speaker 3>it's the opposite again. I quoted the work from Sylibmation.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's like basically, if you no, no, if you

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<v Speaker 3>can cultivate a positive mindset first, if when you wake

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<v Speaker 3>up in the morning you can prime your brain for

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<v Speaker 3>positivity somehow. If you can do that, I'll say it's easy.

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<v Speaker 3>But if you can do that, then the great work follows.

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<v Speaker 3>You're more productive, you're more creative, get a lot. We

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00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:39.480
<v Speaker 3>we like having happy bosses. We promote happy people underneath us.

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<v Speaker 3>Blah blah blah blah blah. And then the big success

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<v Speaker 3>what kind of success, well, both the career success and

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<v Speaker 3>the health success, but also longevity life success only. Oh,

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<v Speaker 3>we only live for thirty thousand days. That's that's the

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<v Speaker 3>total lifespan, right and on. If you're happy, you get

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<v Speaker 3>an extra bump, you get an extra few thousand. It's

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<v Speaker 3>worth it.

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<v Speaker 2>I need a fainting couch right now, like like about

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<v Speaker 2>to collapse. That's bananas. They do not teach us that.

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<v Speaker 2>And okay, obviously, and you know more than anyone you

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<v Speaker 2>were not handed necessarily circumstances that would lead to a

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<v Speaker 2>bunch of cheerfulness. What with you know, a marriage that

417
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:24.680
<v Speaker 2>fell apart without any notice and losing someone so close

418
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:30.119
<v Speaker 2>to you, to such tragic circumstances. So how do people

419
00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:36.079
<v Speaker 2>who are experiencing terrible circumstances or who are predisposed chemically

420
00:21:36.680 --> 00:21:41.039
<v Speaker 2>to not feel positive? What can we do that actually

421
00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:43.680
<v Speaker 2>physically changes our brains?

422
00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:47.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And because anyone listening who just heard me say

423
00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:51.400
<v Speaker 3>it's not great work make success, be happy, it's being

424
00:21:51.559 --> 00:21:54.920
<v Speaker 3>happy leads to great work to big success. Might be

425
00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:57.759
<v Speaker 3>sitting right now, whether they're driving their truck or in

426
00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:00.960
<v Speaker 3>a hotel, gym in Mongolia or whereever they are, and say, like,

427
00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:03.440
<v Speaker 3>I call Shenani gigs on that, how do you start

428
00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:05.440
<v Speaker 3>with being happy? Like that's your question. You're like, how

429
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:08.039
<v Speaker 3>do you? How do you do that? That might lead

430
00:22:08.039 --> 00:22:09.440
<v Speaker 3>to all the good stuff? But how do I do

431
00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:15.240
<v Speaker 3>that first? And So, since I referenced Levermyerski's work once already,

432
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:17.279
<v Speaker 3>let me do it again. She's written a wonderful book

433
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:20.000
<v Speaker 3>called The Holl of Happiness. She pausits a model which says,

434
00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:23.119
<v Speaker 3>fifty percent of your happiness is based on your genetics,

435
00:22:23.400 --> 00:22:26.359
<v Speaker 3>ten percent of your happiness is based on your circumstances,

436
00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:29.119
<v Speaker 3>and forty percent of your happiness is based on your

437
00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:30.799
<v Speaker 3>intentional activities.

438
00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:34.200
<v Speaker 2>If right now you're the meme with the lady haunted

439
00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:37.039
<v Speaker 2>by math equations. Let me repeat that. In the book

440
00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:41.119
<v Speaker 2>The How of Happiness by research psychologist doctor Sonya Lubimirski,

441
00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:45.039
<v Speaker 2>she postulates that fifty percent of your happiness is based

442
00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:49.559
<v Speaker 2>on your genetics, straight up chemistry, genetics, ten percent of

443
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:53.200
<v Speaker 2>your happiness is based on your circumstances, and forty percent

444
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:57.559
<v Speaker 2>of your happiness is based on your intentional activities. But

445
00:22:57.599 --> 00:22:59.759
<v Speaker 2>remember though the bulk of it, fifty percent is to

446
00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:03.559
<v Speaker 2>and chemical and gratitude is not a fix for mental

447
00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:07.480
<v Speaker 2>health issues, nor is it anyone's failing to not feel

448
00:23:07.480 --> 00:23:11.359
<v Speaker 2>happier as someone with a medicated anxiety disorder. I would

449
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:16.079
<v Speaker 2>never trade my prescription for journaling. But I can learn

450
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:19.880
<v Speaker 2>to upgrade my thinking patterns to serve my brain and

451
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:22.720
<v Speaker 2>my body better. And it's nice to think of my

452
00:23:22.799 --> 00:23:24.880
<v Speaker 2>brain as kind of a jiggly little buddy up there,

453
00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:27.920
<v Speaker 2>and I'm trying to feed it fewer moldy leftovers and

454
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:29.680
<v Speaker 2>more healthy options it wants.

455
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:32.480
<v Speaker 3>She's very careful to say it's a model, it's a framework.

456
00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:34.839
<v Speaker 3>It's she's positing it like it's not like this is

457
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:37.279
<v Speaker 3>the way it is, so my whole caveat on this

458
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:39.920
<v Speaker 3>entire conversation is like, let's remember that we're talking about

459
00:23:39.960 --> 00:23:42.160
<v Speaker 3>the forty percent. Okay, if you happen to listen to

460
00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:43.519
<v Speaker 3>this and you have two kids, well one of those

461
00:23:43.720 --> 00:23:46.640
<v Speaker 3>probably a little happier than the other. There's a genetic

462
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:49.160
<v Speaker 3>set point that we all kind of start with. But

463
00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:52.440
<v Speaker 3>the forty percent a lot. It means that it's four

464
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:55.519
<v Speaker 3>times as much as your circumstances. Like, that's a huge thing.

465
00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:58.240
<v Speaker 3>What you do in the world is four times more

466
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:01.039
<v Speaker 3>important than what's happening to you in the world. Right,

467
00:24:01.319 --> 00:24:04.079
<v Speaker 3>So in that forty percent, now the question is like, well,

468
00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:05.839
<v Speaker 3>what do we throw in there? Man? Like, what's the

469
00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:09.720
<v Speaker 3>ingredients of this recipe you're telling us to cook? And

470
00:24:08.839 --> 00:24:13.440
<v Speaker 3>in that sense, there's so many things. There are so

471
00:24:14.039 --> 00:24:16.119
<v Speaker 3>many things, and when I say them to you, I'll

472
00:24:16.160 --> 00:24:18.880
<v Speaker 3>just give you like three to start with. Okay, when

473
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:20.720
<v Speaker 3>I say them to you, you're gonna be like, oh,

474
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:24.519
<v Speaker 3>of course, because they're such good. Obvious thing that each

475
00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:27.640
<v Speaker 3>of these things is supported by just a huge stack

476
00:24:27.680 --> 00:24:31.079
<v Speaker 3>of scientific paperwork that says this is really good for you.

477
00:24:31.359 --> 00:24:35.599
<v Speaker 3>Number one I'll start with is journaling dear diary. Okay,

478
00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:38.200
<v Speaker 3>really famous study from the University of Texas. It is

479
00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:42.240
<v Speaker 3>called how Do I Love the Let Me Count the Words.

480
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:45.759
<v Speaker 3>They looked at couples in a relationship who journaled and

481
00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.200
<v Speaker 3>those who did not. They weren't journaling about each other,

482
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:50.279
<v Speaker 3>they were just doing the exercise and practice of journaling.

483
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:52.359
<v Speaker 3>Those who did the exercise and practice were fifty percent

484
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:55.960
<v Speaker 3>more likely to stay together after the three month mark.

485
00:24:56.319 --> 00:24:58.160
<v Speaker 3>Of course, in the University of Texas three months, it's

486
00:24:58.200 --> 00:25:03.240
<v Speaker 3>a very long relationship right college campus. And so what

487
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:07.079
<v Speaker 3>I'm saying is journaling. Do you like? First things? First?

488
00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:10.440
<v Speaker 3>Do you visit yourself? Do you hang out with you?

489
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:14.720
<v Speaker 3>Do you process your thoughts? Do you put your your mind?

490
00:25:14.920 --> 00:25:18.559
<v Speaker 3>Do you put those fiery little tendons in your mind

491
00:25:19.079 --> 00:25:21.799
<v Speaker 3>somewhere or do they just sit there setting your brain

492
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:27.200
<v Speaker 3>on fire all day? Isn't it like journaling is a prescription?

493
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:31.920
<v Speaker 3>Journaling helps you be happy. I can't be more clear. Okay,

494
00:25:32.839 --> 00:25:33.400
<v Speaker 3>that's one.

495
00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:34.079
<v Speaker 2>I love this.

496
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:36.279
<v Speaker 3>Another one I'm gonna go to rant on about is

497
00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:41.160
<v Speaker 3>uh forest therapy. Okay, getting out into the woods. I

498
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:43.000
<v Speaker 3>need to get into nature. Yeah you do. You do

499
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:45.480
<v Speaker 3>need to get into nature. In fact, there's research that

500
00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:48.279
<v Speaker 3>shows that trees release a chemical called fiton sides, I'm

501
00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:50.440
<v Speaker 3>probably pronouncing it wrong. P H Y T O n

502
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:51.000
<v Speaker 3>C I.

503
00:25:51.079 --> 00:25:53.000
<v Speaker 2>D E side.

504
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:55.400
<v Speaker 3>It's a it's a chemical that trees released. A guess what,

505
00:25:55.519 --> 00:25:58.079
<v Speaker 3>Ali when you breathe in this chemical, guess what. Your

506
00:25:58.119 --> 00:26:01.319
<v Speaker 3>cortosol goes down, You're adrenaline goes down. Like these are

507
00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:05.039
<v Speaker 3>the stress hormones. I'm saying, twenty minutes in the bushes

508
00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:08.359
<v Speaker 3>is good for you. And if you're walking on a

509
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.920
<v Speaker 3>treadmill showing you a picture of like the you know,

510
00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:14.519
<v Speaker 3>some fancy trail, that doesn't count. Okay, a locker. A

511
00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:17.640
<v Speaker 3>forest is better than a mall right, you actually need

512
00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:20.160
<v Speaker 3>to go outside those boots, You need to put them

513
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:22.039
<v Speaker 3>on your feet, like you actually need to go into

514
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:25.160
<v Speaker 3>the woods. I'm telling you twenty minutes a day. And

515
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:27.240
<v Speaker 3>there's tons of racharch that also supports us the idea

516
00:26:27.240 --> 00:26:30.920
<v Speaker 3>of physical fitness, you know, physical exercise. These are also supporting.

517
00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:32.279
<v Speaker 3>I just like to focus on the trees because I

518
00:26:32.279 --> 00:26:33.839
<v Speaker 3>think that chemical stuff is really interesting.

519
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:36.759
<v Speaker 2>Now for more inspiration to lace up those boots and

520
00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:41.240
<v Speaker 2>go bird watching or bug hunting or leaf caressing, listen

521
00:26:41.319 --> 00:26:44.640
<v Speaker 2>to the recent forest Ecology episode with Kdub's the hiking Scientist.

522
00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:48.680
<v Speaker 2>You can march forward, breathe deep, let nature help you.

523
00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:52.119
<v Speaker 2>Then you know, check your crevices in private but trees

524
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:57.480
<v Speaker 2>so you go hop some bark, dude, so into that.

525
00:26:59.559 --> 00:27:02.960
<v Speaker 3>Oh that is a great, great, great way to say it. Okay,

526
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:07.240
<v Speaker 3>here's another one. Singing. Singing is really good for your happies,

527
00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:09.240
<v Speaker 3>especially if you do it it acquire or with a

528
00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:10.839
<v Speaker 3>group of people. Now I know you're thinking, hey, wait

529
00:27:10.839 --> 00:27:12.119
<v Speaker 3>a minute, didn't I just read a story about how

530
00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:13.599
<v Speaker 3>like a bunch of people singing in like an indoor

531
00:27:13.640 --> 00:27:16.240
<v Speaker 3>thing like all give each other COVID? Yeah, yeah, okay,

532
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.079
<v Speaker 3>well the research was done before. But like, guess what,

533
00:27:19.079 --> 00:27:21.279
<v Speaker 3>whether you sing in a choir or you sing with

534
00:27:21.319 --> 00:27:23.000
<v Speaker 3>a group of people, or when you're part of the

535
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.359
<v Speaker 3>social togetherness where you guys are doing something joyful like singing,

536
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.960
<v Speaker 3>it's really really good for you. And I know that

537
00:27:30.039 --> 00:27:33.440
<v Speaker 3>it's difficult now, but if you're living at home with

538
00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:36.160
<v Speaker 3>the family, can you turn on some music and crank

539
00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:38.039
<v Speaker 3>it and like get into a family dance party, Like

540
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:41.240
<v Speaker 3>you can still do stuff like that. So maybe those

541
00:27:41.240 --> 00:27:43.839
<v Speaker 3>are just some of the little quick examples. I could

542
00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:46.440
<v Speaker 3>go on and on about things like meditation, which is

543
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:51.680
<v Speaker 3>really hard for people to do, but for you, right,

544
00:27:51.960 --> 00:27:55.400
<v Speaker 3>Massives General Hospital shows that if you close your eyes

545
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:58.759
<v Speaker 3>into even two minutes of deep breathing, you increase the

546
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.160
<v Speaker 3>activity in your prefrontal quortex, the party of your brain

547
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:05.799
<v Speaker 3>responsible for focus and attention. You go from living in

548
00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:09.759
<v Speaker 3>a washing machine to looking at a washing machine. Right. Wow,

549
00:28:09.799 --> 00:28:11.799
<v Speaker 3>It's really hard for people to do this, but closing

550
00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:13.279
<v Speaker 3>your eyes and doing a couple of minutes of deep

551
00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:15.599
<v Speaker 3>breathing improves your happiness.

552
00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:19.920
<v Speaker 2>My wonderful therapist recently recommended the four four five method,

553
00:28:19.960 --> 00:28:24.240
<v Speaker 2>which is breathe in for four seconds, hold for four,

554
00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:28.960
<v Speaker 2>breathe out for five. I do this all the time,

555
00:28:29.000 --> 00:28:31.839
<v Speaker 2>and it really helps my brain say to my body, okay, okay,

556
00:28:31.880 --> 00:28:34.960
<v Speaker 2>everyone's settled down. It's just cool the jets four fur five.

557
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:39.400
<v Speaker 2>Let's do this a couple of times. We're good. We're good, okay.

558
00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:43.039
<v Speaker 3>So just reminder these things I'm starting to listen now

559
00:28:43.160 --> 00:28:46.920
<v Speaker 3>here around, things like journaling, huffing some bark, singing with

560
00:28:47.000 --> 00:28:51.680
<v Speaker 3>a choir, or meditating are just little things you can

561
00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:54.759
<v Speaker 3>toss Ingredients you can toss into your recipe to build

562
00:28:54.839 --> 00:28:57.000
<v Speaker 3>up that forty percent, right.

563
00:28:57.119 --> 00:29:03.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then how about in terms of happiness. I'm

564
00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:05.160
<v Speaker 2>sure that you get asked this a lot, and you've

565
00:29:05.160 --> 00:29:06.920
<v Speaker 2>had to do a lot of research, But what exactly

566
00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:10.240
<v Speaker 2>is happiness? How do we even quantify that?

567
00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:15.640
<v Speaker 3>Not everything can be simplified into words or numbers. So

568
00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:17.839
<v Speaker 3>what the researchers do in all these studies that I'm

569
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:20.279
<v Speaker 3>talking about is they use the phrase subjective well being.

570
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:24.160
<v Speaker 3>There is no part of our DNA or anything that

571
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.240
<v Speaker 3>shows up in a blood test that tells us how

572
00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:28.839
<v Speaker 3>happy we are. What they do and all these research

573
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:31.000
<v Speaker 3>studies is ask people, on scale of one to ten,

574
00:29:31.079 --> 00:29:34.519
<v Speaker 3>how happy are you or with your life today? They

575
00:29:34.519 --> 00:29:39.440
<v Speaker 3>ask people to do some of these studies journaling, exercise, meditation, etc.

576
00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:41.680
<v Speaker 3>And then you compare yourself with both your past and

577
00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:45.279
<v Speaker 3>a test group to see, hey, where were there increases.

578
00:29:45.720 --> 00:29:47.759
<v Speaker 3>Now if you're like, okay, that's nice, that's like the

579
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.559
<v Speaker 3>research definition. But what is happiness? Like? What is happiness?

580
00:29:50.599 --> 00:29:53.359
<v Speaker 3>Tell me what is happiness? Neil? Yeah, Well, there's an

581
00:29:53.400 --> 00:29:55.759
<v Speaker 3>ancient Greek definition that I love that a lot of

582
00:29:55.799 --> 00:29:58.559
<v Speaker 3>people quote, which is a wonderful definition, which is the

583
00:29:58.759 --> 00:30:04.039
<v Speaker 3>joy you feel while striving towards your potential. Ooh, Okay,

584
00:30:04.079 --> 00:30:07.599
<v Speaker 3>that's beautiful. The joy you feel while striving towards your potential.

585
00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:09.519
<v Speaker 3>It's an ancient Greek definition. If you're like, well, give

586
00:30:09.559 --> 00:30:11.519
<v Speaker 3>me someone else, give me some juice. Okay. Well, the

587
00:30:11.519 --> 00:30:14.200
<v Speaker 3>book I already referred to the how Happiness says the

588
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:17.880
<v Speaker 3>experience of joy, contentment, or positive well being combined with

589
00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:22.160
<v Speaker 3>a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.

590
00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:27.519
<v Speaker 2>Oh so it doesn't have to be perfect, easy or smooth,

591
00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:31.599
<v Speaker 2>but meaningful, worthwhile and good.

592
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:35.839
<v Speaker 3>Right. Well, that's exactly true, because if you ask anyone

593
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:40.200
<v Speaker 3>who just came back from a five kilometer run up

594
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:43.599
<v Speaker 3>a rainy hill, I feel one. I feel so happy.

595
00:30:43.720 --> 00:30:45.839
<v Speaker 3>So I'm just trying to prove that what you just

596
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.079
<v Speaker 3>say is true. Right, Like, we can separate the idea

597
00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:50.480
<v Speaker 3>that I'm happy right now with the fact that I've

598
00:30:50.519 --> 00:30:53.759
<v Speaker 3>done something that I feel is worth while and purposeful.

599
00:30:53.799 --> 00:30:55.839
<v Speaker 3>So I feel happy because of that. I have never

600
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:58.480
<v Speaker 3>given birth, but I imagine giving birth might be kind

601
00:30:58.480 --> 00:30:59.119
<v Speaker 3>of similar too.

602
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:04.160
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, I haven't either, nor have I passed a

603
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:06.960
<v Speaker 2>kidney stone. But I'm sure there's a lot of happiness

604
00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:10.720
<v Speaker 2>that it comes to relief also sure, But what about

605
00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:15.359
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to gratitude. I mean, we're kind of

606
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:20.640
<v Speaker 2>nearing a season of gratitude. What does science tell us

607
00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:23.039
<v Speaker 2>about gratitude and subjective well being?

608
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:27.519
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Sure. The most famous rasearch comes from Emmons and McCullough.

609
00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:30.960
<v Speaker 3>And what they had people do is, at the end

610
00:31:31.039 --> 00:31:33.880
<v Speaker 3>of each week, right down five things they were grateful for,

611
00:31:34.680 --> 00:31:40.200
<v Speaker 3>or different test groups, five events or five hassles. So

612
00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:42.680
<v Speaker 3>again you had to kind of plumb your mind for

613
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:44.799
<v Speaker 3>either five things you were grateful for, or if you're

614
00:31:44.799 --> 00:31:47.160
<v Speaker 3>in different test group, five events by things that happened,

615
00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:51.960
<v Speaker 3>or the third group was five hassles. Well, what they

616
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:55.400
<v Speaker 3>found is over a ten week period, the participants who

617
00:31:55.400 --> 00:31:58.319
<v Speaker 3>were down the things they were grateful for were not

618
00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:04.240
<v Speaker 3>only happy your but physically healthier. Okay, this partly speaks

619
00:32:04.279 --> 00:32:07.640
<v Speaker 3>to some of our points earlier about how happiness is

620
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:11.799
<v Speaker 3>an indicator on health, lowering stress, increasing heart health, helping

621
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:14.759
<v Speaker 3>you live longer, et cetera. And so sometimes when I

622
00:32:14.759 --> 00:32:16.920
<v Speaker 3>talk about this, people are like, well, that's nice to say,

623
00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:18.400
<v Speaker 3>but what am I supposed to do, Like grab like

624
00:32:18.440 --> 00:32:20.599
<v Speaker 3>a notebook and carry it around writing about ice cream?

625
00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:23.440
<v Speaker 3>Comes like, no one's gonna do that. And so what

626
00:32:23.480 --> 00:32:26.480
<v Speaker 3>I always tell people to do. Is a game that

627
00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:28.519
<v Speaker 3>Leslie and I play at our house at dinner every night,

628
00:32:28.519 --> 00:32:32.119
<v Speaker 3>which is called Rose Rose thorn bud Okay. So we

629
00:32:32.119 --> 00:32:34.000
<v Speaker 3>go around the dinner table. We've got three little boys.

630
00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:37.799
<v Speaker 3>They sometimes play well and sometimes they run around and

631
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:40.119
<v Speaker 3>throw a spagheti against the wall. But what the point

632
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:42.000
<v Speaker 3>of the game is is everybody goes around the table

633
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:45.920
<v Speaker 3>and says a rose, Okay, a rose, like my boss

634
00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:48.519
<v Speaker 3>gave me a compliment, I got an assistant hockey practice,

635
00:32:48.759 --> 00:32:52.200
<v Speaker 3>like whatever. It is, like some tiny thing you're grateful for.

636
00:32:52.599 --> 00:32:55.799
<v Speaker 3>Then you do it again, you say another rose, okay,

637
00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:58.599
<v Speaker 3>something else again. This forces you to think about it out.

638
00:32:58.599 --> 00:33:00.680
<v Speaker 3>It makes you sort of fail, like, well, what really

639
00:33:00.680 --> 00:33:04.079
<v Speaker 3>did happen today? Okay? You end up reliving it, which

640
00:33:04.119 --> 00:33:06.799
<v Speaker 3>is good. Then we make space for a thorn. A

641
00:33:06.839 --> 00:33:09.440
<v Speaker 3>thorn is something that did not go well. The goal

642
00:33:09.480 --> 00:33:11.799
<v Speaker 3>of the room, of course, is just to listen right

643
00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:14.279
<v Speaker 3>and just offer empathy in terms of body language and

644
00:33:14.359 --> 00:33:19.319
<v Speaker 3>like an understanding nod, and then a bud bud bud.

645
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:22.839
<v Speaker 3>A bud is something you're looking forward to, okay, And

646
00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:25.359
<v Speaker 3>it could be tomorrow I can't wait to watch cartoons

647
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:27.200
<v Speaker 3>tomorrow morning, or it could be like in a I

648
00:33:27.240 --> 00:33:29.079
<v Speaker 3>can't wait to rent a villa in Tuscany when I'm

649
00:33:29.079 --> 00:33:31.400
<v Speaker 3>one hundred and ten. Yeah, it can be whenever in

650
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.839
<v Speaker 3>the future. And so the game Rose Rose Thorn Bud

651
00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:36.960
<v Speaker 3>that you can play with your family, with your friends,

652
00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:40.759
<v Speaker 3>with your partner, whatever, is a nice simple practice to

653
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:43.519
<v Speaker 3>bring the gratitude research you asked me about into your

654
00:33:43.559 --> 00:33:45.119
<v Speaker 3>life kind of naturally.

655
00:33:45.400 --> 00:33:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmmm, Oh okay. And then we are going to

656
00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:51.759
<v Speaker 2>get to patron questions because we have so many listeners

657
00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:52.519
<v Speaker 2>who are.

658
00:33:52.599 --> 00:33:56.079
<v Speaker 3>Very excited, including me. I'm a Patreon member. Oh you are, Yeah,

659
00:33:56.119 --> 00:33:57.960
<v Speaker 3>of course. I mean it's a dollar. I mean, I

660
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:00.759
<v Speaker 3>gotta say it's a little steep, it's a little You're

661
00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:02.559
<v Speaker 3>kind of pushing it there, like I was, like with

662
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:04.559
<v Speaker 3>a doll, I can do a lot with a dollar

663
00:34:04.599 --> 00:34:07.039
<v Speaker 3>a month, but.

664
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:09.800
<v Speaker 2>My heart is cheap.

665
00:34:11.079 --> 00:34:12.800
<v Speaker 3>I know, if I can help you pay the rent,

666
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:14.280
<v Speaker 3>like I guess, I'll offer a little.

667
00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:18.639
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it so much. I am so this is

668
00:34:18.760 --> 00:34:23.039
<v Speaker 2>so amazing and sweet. Sometimes ologists will sneak in rent

669
00:34:23.039 --> 00:34:25.039
<v Speaker 2>before their episode and become a patron so they can

670
00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:27.360
<v Speaker 2>see what people are asking, which I always love to

671
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:29.639
<v Speaker 2>see them, like sign up right before but you're the

672
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:32.840
<v Speaker 2>fact that you listen to my pod. I can't process it.

673
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.199
<v Speaker 2>I can't handle it. I can't process it. Oh my gosh. Okay,

674
00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:38.000
<v Speaker 2>we're going to get to pay our questions. You're ready,

675
00:34:38.079 --> 00:34:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm ready. Okay. Am I playing it cool at all

676
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:44.000
<v Speaker 2>in this episode? No, not at all. It's no shame.

677
00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:47.800
<v Speaker 2>I earnestly do not know how I bamboozle people that

678
00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:50.559
<v Speaker 2>I admire into doing this podcast, But let's just say

679
00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:53.119
<v Speaker 2>I'm very grateful for it. Also, I'm thankful for the

680
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:55.920
<v Speaker 2>chance to donate to a cause. Of the ologists choosing

681
00:34:55.920 --> 00:34:58.599
<v Speaker 2>each week and Neil asked to go to Performance Based

682
00:34:58.599 --> 00:35:01.480
<v Speaker 2>New York, whose mission is to commission artists whose work

683
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:04.840
<v Speaker 2>challenged the boundaries of live performance. In Performance Space New

684
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:07.920
<v Speaker 2>York is dedicated to supporting the creative risks taken by

685
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:12.480
<v Speaker 2>artists from diverse genres, cultures, and perspectives, and they've been

686
00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:16.039
<v Speaker 2>raising money also to provide housing for black and trans

687
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:19.360
<v Speaker 2>housing insecure artists. So a donation was made in the

688
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.440
<v Speaker 2>name of Neil and of writer Roxanne Gay as they

689
00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:24.440
<v Speaker 2>are teaming up on a charity drive, and there's a

690
00:35:24.519 --> 00:35:26.719
<v Speaker 2>link to Performance Space New York in the show notes

691
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:29.599
<v Speaker 2>so that donation was made possible by sponsors of the show,

692
00:35:29.639 --> 00:35:30.440
<v Speaker 2>who you may hear about.

693
00:35:30.440 --> 00:35:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Now get value you can't argue with at Tesco with

694
00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:37.320
<v Speaker 1>their amazing club card prices. Have the perfect night in

695
00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:40.000
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696
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697
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<v Speaker 1>Like our delicious spicy salami, hot honey, and do youa

698
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<v Speaker 1>or Margarito wood fired pizzas served up with their crispy

699
00:35:49.159 --> 00:35:51.920
<v Speaker 1>junkie chips and ice cream like Sesil de caramel or

700
00:35:51.960 --> 00:35:55.519
<v Speaker 1>pistaggio for dessert. Can't argue with that? Shelp in store

701
00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:59.679
<v Speaker 1>or online Tesco every little helps available in most stories.

702
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:00.840
<v Speaker 1>Prices very an express.

703
00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:05.639
<v Speaker 2>Okay, back to as many questions as I can fit

704
00:36:05.719 --> 00:36:08.480
<v Speaker 2>in my mouth, starting with one that may have been

705
00:36:08.599 --> 00:36:11.480
<v Speaker 2>nagging at you this entire time. But yeah, there's a lot,

706
00:36:11.519 --> 00:36:13.800
<v Speaker 2>a lot of people, a lot a few people asked

707
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:18.920
<v Speaker 2>Sarah Wilbert, Marty Goodwin, and Sarah Nielsen all asked about unhappiness,

708
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:22.599
<v Speaker 2>and Sarah says, why does it seem like our default

709
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:25.400
<v Speaker 2>is to be unhappy? Do you find that do you

710
00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:26.840
<v Speaker 2>find that a lot of people feel that way?

711
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:29.039
<v Speaker 3>Well, I want to focus on the word seem there

712
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:31.760
<v Speaker 3>just for a second, because I do. I mentioned it earlier,

713
00:36:31.800 --> 00:36:33.960
<v Speaker 3>and I don't think I've gone on a legit enough

714
00:36:34.079 --> 00:36:36.599
<v Speaker 3>rant about this, and I really want to which is

715
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:39.239
<v Speaker 3>where you get in your information? Like I just if

716
00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:41.719
<v Speaker 3>you're listening to oology is phenomenal, But if you are

717
00:36:41.760 --> 00:36:44.480
<v Speaker 3>consuming any form of news media or social media, which

718
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:46.920
<v Speaker 3>pretty much everyone is, and everyone is to probably like

719
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:50.440
<v Speaker 3>addictive levels, let's just really watch it right now, because

720
00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:55.960
<v Speaker 3>right now those business models are completely oriented to monetizing

721
00:36:56.039 --> 00:36:59.920
<v Speaker 3>your attention by feeding you in negativity that is happy.

722
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:02.760
<v Speaker 3>Why is that happening? Well, because you got an almond

723
00:37:02.840 --> 00:37:04.639
<v Speaker 3>sized thing in the middle of your brain from the

724
00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:06.559
<v Speaker 3>oldest part of your brain, called your amygdala.

725
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:10.480
<v Speaker 2>The amygdala side note, is part of the limbic system,

726
00:37:10.519 --> 00:37:14.400
<v Speaker 2>which scientists casually and kind of insultingly called the old brain,

727
00:37:14.719 --> 00:37:17.400
<v Speaker 2>although the brain stem is said to be the oldest,

728
00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:21.960
<v Speaker 2>oldest part. But yes, the evolutionarily oldest inner layers of

729
00:37:21.960 --> 00:37:26.679
<v Speaker 2>our brains help us regulate survival functions, including the question

730
00:37:26.760 --> 00:37:30.000
<v Speaker 2>that we ask ourselves hundreds of times a day, which is, well,

731
00:37:30.039 --> 00:37:32.440
<v Speaker 2>this thing here kill me? Is this gonna kill me?

732
00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:34.400
<v Speaker 2>Is that gonna kill me? Are you gonna kill me?

733
00:37:34.519 --> 00:37:37.119
<v Speaker 2>Is this gonna kill me? Every time we do something

734
00:37:37.159 --> 00:37:42.280
<v Speaker 2>scary like text a crush or make a presentation, cut

735
00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:46.360
<v Speaker 2>our bangs, write an important email, et cetera, our brain

736
00:37:46.679 --> 00:37:49.599
<v Speaker 2>is shrieking. This is gonna kill you, This could kill you.

737
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:52.039
<v Speaker 2>Just heads up, that's gonna kill you. Oh man, We're

738
00:37:52.039 --> 00:37:55.280
<v Speaker 2>gonna die now. In the Ferrology episode with Mary poffin Roth,

739
00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:59.400
<v Speaker 2>we dubbed the amygdala the screaming Almond of terror. It's

740
00:37:59.800 --> 00:38:02.719
<v Speaker 2>very well meaning but a little dramatic, and.

741
00:38:02.679 --> 00:38:05.480
<v Speaker 3>That thing releases a fight or flight hormone all day,

742
00:38:05.719 --> 00:38:07.480
<v Speaker 3>all day, which is awesome for when you hear a

743
00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:09.920
<v Speaker 3>stick snap in the middle of the woods in the

744
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:11.800
<v Speaker 3>middle of the night, you're like, is that a bear? Like?

745
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:16.079
<v Speaker 3>That's that is a great, good evolutionary thing if you

746
00:38:16.639 --> 00:38:20.840
<v Speaker 3>are in an immediate emergency. Great. Unfortunately, that thing can

747
00:38:20.920 --> 00:38:25.239
<v Speaker 3>be totally abused. It's while we all rubberneck on the highway.

748
00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:26.719
<v Speaker 3>It's why when you get a blood test back from

749
00:38:26.760 --> 00:38:28.840
<v Speaker 3>your doctor, you scan for the high cholesterol. When you

750
00:38:28.840 --> 00:38:30.800
<v Speaker 3>get a math test back for your teacher, you scan

751
00:38:30.920 --> 00:38:32.880
<v Speaker 3>for the one question you got wrong. Yes, you have

752
00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:36.239
<v Speaker 3>thousands and thousands and thousands of positive reviews. But I'm

753
00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:38.639
<v Speaker 3>guessing Ali that you look at the one that's one star.

754
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:40.159
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes you're like, where are that the one? The one

755
00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:41.039
<v Speaker 3>jumps out for you?

756
00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:43.840
<v Speaker 2>One hundred bazillion.

757
00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:45.360
<v Speaker 3>One in ten billion for you, so good bye. Just

758
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:47.360
<v Speaker 3>I mean like, I'm a podcaster too. I do the

759
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:49.280
<v Speaker 3>sact same thing. I go, I go on iTunes and

760
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:52.199
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, wait, a man, like one person thought my

761
00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:55.360
<v Speaker 3>voice was bad, like I must, I need to get

762
00:38:55.440 --> 00:38:56.199
<v Speaker 3>voice surgery.

763
00:38:56.559 --> 00:38:59.639
<v Speaker 2>As mentioned, Neil has a podcast called Three Books and

764
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:02.239
<v Speaker 2>you should listen. One day, I will be on. I

765
00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:04.360
<v Speaker 2>already told him two of the books, and I already

766
00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:08.199
<v Speaker 2>regret one because my amygdala likes to fear judgment. My

767
00:39:08.280 --> 00:39:11.760
<v Speaker 2>amigla sees judgment as a cobra hiding in my toilet.

768
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:14.400
<v Speaker 2>I know that's bullshit. I'm working on it.

769
00:39:16.519 --> 00:39:20.639
<v Speaker 3>So anyway, news media social media are the devil and

770
00:39:20.960 --> 00:39:25.039
<v Speaker 3>they are totally mining our attention right now to feed

771
00:39:25.119 --> 00:39:28.079
<v Speaker 3>us constant negativity. So I just want to before I

772
00:39:28.119 --> 00:39:30.480
<v Speaker 3>answer it on as best as I can, you know,

773
00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:33.320
<v Speaker 3>I will just say where you get your inputs, because

774
00:39:33.559 --> 00:39:36.760
<v Speaker 3>right now it's super dangerous to be consuming the amount

775
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:38.679
<v Speaker 3>of news media and social media that we are that

776
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:43.000
<v Speaker 3>is totally overwhelming. You can't process that. Yeah, that's gonna

777
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:47.239
<v Speaker 3>that's gonna fry you, So listen to this podcast and

778
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:48.639
<v Speaker 3>then delete everything else.

779
00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:52.480
<v Speaker 2>But but you know a lot of people actually Rachel's

780
00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:56.119
<v Speaker 2>they'll be Florence on and Jen Renard asked about this

781
00:39:56.159 --> 00:39:59.320
<v Speaker 2>particular thing about social media. Rachel says, how have we

782
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:04.679
<v Speaker 2>noticed that facing technology, integration and continued technological advances affect happiness?

783
00:40:04.719 --> 00:40:10.440
<v Speaker 2>And have we noticed social media affecting happiness? I remember

784
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:14.400
<v Speaker 2>reading something that the refreshing social media activates the same

785
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:17.480
<v Speaker 2>part of the brain as slot machines, where because you

786
00:40:17.559 --> 00:40:19.519
<v Speaker 2>don't know if you're going to get something good or bad,

787
00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:24.599
<v Speaker 2>it's unpredictable, you keep refreshing. Do you find that is

788
00:40:24.599 --> 00:40:26.400
<v Speaker 2>there research on that at all?

789
00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:30.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's you just quoted it. Like that's exactly it.

790
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:32.199
<v Speaker 3>Like the fact that you don't know if your picture's

791
00:40:32.199 --> 00:40:34.440
<v Speaker 3>going to get seventeen likes or three hundred is what

792
00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:35.880
<v Speaker 3>makes you want to check if you got it, if

793
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:38.880
<v Speaker 3>you've got a consistent reaction. It's similar to that study

794
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:40.480
<v Speaker 3>that they always quote and I'm gonna butcher it, but

795
00:40:40.519 --> 00:40:42.800
<v Speaker 3>it's like, you know, the rats press the lever when

796
00:40:42.840 --> 00:40:44.480
<v Speaker 3>they don't know how many pellets are going to come out.

797
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:47.239
<v Speaker 3>If there is always one pellet, they'll get bored. If

798
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:49.159
<v Speaker 3>there's always zero, they won't do it. But if it's

799
00:40:49.199 --> 00:40:53.119
<v Speaker 3>like one, zero, seventeen one, they just keep pushing it

800
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:54.840
<v Speaker 3>because you don't know what's going to come. It's exactly

801
00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:56.880
<v Speaker 3>what you call the slot machine effect on our brain.

802
00:40:57.519 --> 00:40:59.760
<v Speaker 2>Just a quick aside, I did a deep dive fact

803
00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:02.800
<v Speaker 2>this research, and I'm not going to derail us reading

804
00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:05.960
<v Speaker 2>all the research to you, but pooh boy, howdy, there's plenty,

805
00:41:06.199 --> 00:41:08.360
<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to link the studies on my website.

806
00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:12.000
<v Speaker 2>But the bullet points are that anthropologists note that gambling

807
00:41:12.239 --> 00:41:17.400
<v Speaker 2>becomes addictive because of the cycle of intermittent variable rewards.

808
00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:21.079
<v Speaker 2>And doctor Natasha Shall wrote the book Addiction by Design

809
00:41:21.360 --> 00:41:24.159
<v Speaker 2>based on her research into gambling, and she stated in

810
00:41:24.199 --> 00:41:27.519
<v Speaker 2>a twenty nineteen Guardian article that quote Facebook, Twitter and

811
00:41:27.639 --> 00:41:31.000
<v Speaker 2>other companies use methods similar to the gambling industry to

812
00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:33.920
<v Speaker 2>keep users on their sites. And we have to start

813
00:41:33.960 --> 00:41:37.599
<v Speaker 2>recognizing the costs of time spent on social media. It's

814
00:41:37.599 --> 00:41:41.800
<v Speaker 2>not just a game. It affects us financially, physically, and emotionally.

815
00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:45.039
<v Speaker 2>She says, Now, what does Silicon Valley have to say? Well,

816
00:41:45.159 --> 00:41:50.039
<v Speaker 2>Google design ethicist Tristan Harris calls your smartphone the slot

817
00:41:50.119 --> 00:41:53.719
<v Speaker 2>machine in your pocket a pardon me. Harris is Google's

818
00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:57.960
<v Speaker 2>former design ethicist. Now in an article he published via medium,

819
00:41:58.159 --> 00:42:01.559
<v Speaker 2>Harris writes, does this effect to really work on people? Yes?

820
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:05.039
<v Speaker 2>Slot machines make more money in the United States than baseball,

821
00:42:05.320 --> 00:42:10.559
<v Speaker 2>movies and theme parks combined. So every time we post,

822
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:13.519
<v Speaker 2>it's like pulling that lever and we may get a

823
00:42:13.559 --> 00:42:17.440
<v Speaker 2>windfall of likes or not. But going viral is also

824
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:21.159
<v Speaker 2>a jackpot possibility lurking in the back of our heads

825
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:25.800
<v Speaker 2>reading all of this research, honestly, like my spine tangled

826
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:29.119
<v Speaker 2>and blood rush to my face, just like I rate.

827
00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:32.679
<v Speaker 2>So next time you have a choice between sitting under

828
00:42:32.719 --> 00:42:37.039
<v Speaker 2>a tree for twenty minutes looking at squirrels or scrolling,

829
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:41.639
<v Speaker 2>just think of social media like a smoky, crusty casino

830
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.000
<v Speaker 2>serving you cheap gin mixed with flat PEPSI just desperate

831
00:42:46.039 --> 00:42:48.400
<v Speaker 2>for you to empty your brain savings into their sweaty

832
00:42:48.440 --> 00:42:50.280
<v Speaker 2>sausage hands. I'm so pissed.

833
00:42:50.719 --> 00:42:54.840
<v Speaker 3>That's one problem of social media. There are others. Ah

834
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:59.239
<v Speaker 3>For example, there's a psychological problem of comparing your director's

835
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:02.960
<v Speaker 3>cut life with everyone else's greatest hits, no matter how

836
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:05.559
<v Speaker 3>good that burrito you microwaved today for lunch and you

837
00:43:05.599 --> 00:43:07.679
<v Speaker 3>cod it and you chopped up little avocado and you

838
00:43:07.800 --> 00:43:10.079
<v Speaker 3>put adulup of sour cream and you even melted the

839
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:12.159
<v Speaker 3>little cheese, and you have the special sauce that you

840
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:14.079
<v Speaker 3>really like and you put a little hallopenia. It was awesome.

841
00:43:14.119 --> 00:43:16.119
<v Speaker 3>And then you go on Instagram and someone's at a

842
00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:19.960
<v Speaker 3>lobster buffet in the Maldives, Like, it's impossible to feel

843
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:22.800
<v Speaker 3>good about yourself when psychologically you're told that you suck

844
00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:26.480
<v Speaker 3>all the time. Kay, there's a physical problem with social media.

845
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:27.880
<v Speaker 3>We don't talk about this enough, but I think it's

846
00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:30.440
<v Speaker 3>really worth mentioning. I went to my physiotherapist last year

847
00:43:30.559 --> 00:43:32.519
<v Speaker 3>and I was like, my thumb doesn't work, Like I

848
00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:35.159
<v Speaker 3>can't move my thumb. And she said to me, all

849
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:37.679
<v Speaker 3>we're doing is thumbs. Now. It used to be when

850
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:40.039
<v Speaker 3>you were a kid, you had like people had tests,

851
00:43:40.159 --> 00:43:42.840
<v Speaker 3>remember signing casts, Like someone broke their leg because they

852
00:43:42.920 --> 00:43:46.800
<v Speaker 3>jumped off the dangerous playground equipment. Well, now it's like

853
00:43:46.840 --> 00:43:49.800
<v Speaker 3>everyone just has sunken eyes and broken thumbs and when

854
00:43:49.800 --> 00:43:51.880
<v Speaker 3>you tilt your head forward, you apply sixty pounds of

855
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:59.079
<v Speaker 3>pressure to your spine. Okay, the human heads eight pounds. Okay.

856
00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:01.639
<v Speaker 3>Now the third also starts the letter P. Three pieces

857
00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:05.119
<v Speaker 3>in a oh psychological physical and I'll say physiological research

858
00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:07.039
<v Speaker 3>from Australia shows that when you expose your brain to

859
00:44:07.079 --> 00:44:09.320
<v Speaker 3>a bright screen within one hour of bedtime, you don't

860
00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:12.639
<v Speaker 3>produce as much melatonin. That is the sleep HORMONI is

861
00:44:12.679 --> 00:44:15.760
<v Speaker 3>what helps you get a deep ram induced sleep. So

862
00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:17.320
<v Speaker 3>when you look at a bright screen within an hour

863
00:44:17.320 --> 00:44:19.840
<v Speaker 3>of bedtime, guess what happens? You don't go that far

864
00:44:19.880 --> 00:44:21.320
<v Speaker 3>down the rabb hole and then you wake up with

865
00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:23.559
<v Speaker 3>even lower resilience, lower happiness. So what do you do?

866
00:44:23.719 --> 00:44:25.440
<v Speaker 3>You see what Trump tweeted when you wake up because

867
00:44:25.440 --> 00:44:28.039
<v Speaker 3>you don't have the resilience not to check. Okay.

868
00:44:29.199 --> 00:44:31.519
<v Speaker 2>I just love how much Neil has geeked out on

869
00:44:31.559 --> 00:44:34.760
<v Speaker 2>this and done research and cited studies, and I went

870
00:44:34.800 --> 00:44:37.119
<v Speaker 2>and looked up every single one he mentioned and they

871
00:44:37.239 --> 00:44:38.960
<v Speaker 2>all check out and they're going to be linked on

872
00:44:39.000 --> 00:44:43.039
<v Speaker 2>my website. Now, social media has jacked our happiness and

873
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:46.159
<v Speaker 2>left us addicted, and they know what they're doing. But

874
00:44:46.360 --> 00:44:50.800
<v Speaker 2>back to those three ps psychological comparing our lives, unfairly

875
00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:56.880
<v Speaker 2>physical carpal tunnel, eye stream, and physiological poor sleep. Dang,

876
00:44:57.079 --> 00:45:01.400
<v Speaker 2>that's too many peace already, and I'm peeved.

877
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:03.760
<v Speaker 3>If you want to throw another P in there, just

878
00:45:03.800 --> 00:45:05.599
<v Speaker 3>for good measure, I will say there's also a huge

879
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:08.440
<v Speaker 3>productivity problem where research is now showing that we spend

880
00:45:08.599 --> 00:45:14.119
<v Speaker 3>thirty one percent of our day bookmarking, prioritizing, and switching.

881
00:45:14.519 --> 00:45:17.199
<v Speaker 3>Let me see that again. We're spending about a third

882
00:45:17.199 --> 00:45:20.840
<v Speaker 3>of our day not doing anything but just deciding what

883
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:23.880
<v Speaker 3>to do. And if you've ever decided to hang out

884
00:45:23.880 --> 00:45:26.280
<v Speaker 3>with yourself or your loved one and watch Netflix and

885
00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.440
<v Speaker 3>you're like, oh, yeah, the partner's coming downstairs, just putting

886
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:30.440
<v Speaker 3>the kid to bed and let me drum up a

887
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:32.360
<v Speaker 3>show that we're gonna watch. And by the time they

888
00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:35.039
<v Speaker 3>come downstairs, you spent half an hour like going on

889
00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:38.039
<v Speaker 3>Rotten Tomatoes, trying to look up rankings and checking trailers

890
00:45:38.039 --> 00:45:39.440
<v Speaker 3>on YouTube because you really want to get the p

891
00:45:39.639 --> 00:45:41.480
<v Speaker 3>And then's suddst nine twenty. You haven't pitched a show.

892
00:45:41.480 --> 00:45:43.719
<v Speaker 3>You're like, well, forget it, I'm going to bed. Yeah,

893
00:45:43.719 --> 00:45:47.559
<v Speaker 3>And that's what we're doing all day. We're bookmarking, prioritizing,

894
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:50.360
<v Speaker 3>and switching between tasks. We're not actually getting as much

895
00:45:50.679 --> 00:45:55.519
<v Speaker 3>done ironically. Okay, So those four p's, Okay, I just

896
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:56.559
<v Speaker 3>laid them on you.

897
00:45:56.920 --> 00:46:03.159
<v Speaker 2>Okay. Recap, psychological, physical, logical, and productivity. Also, this guy

898
00:46:03.280 --> 00:46:07.639
<v Speaker 2>has written books researching happiness. He found it a global

899
00:46:07.760 --> 00:46:11.719
<v Speaker 2>Happiness Institute, and is telling you social media may be

900
00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:14.960
<v Speaker 2>making you feel like garbage and it's okay to cut

901
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:17.679
<v Speaker 2>back on it for your sanity and for your well being.

902
00:46:17.880 --> 00:46:19.559
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to bury your head in the sand

903
00:46:19.920 --> 00:46:23.480
<v Speaker 2>or disengage from justice. But maybe read the news on

904
00:46:23.519 --> 00:46:27.679
<v Speaker 2>a different app, sign up for informative newsletters, go to

905
00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:31.960
<v Speaker 2>dedicated groups for certain causes. But just aimlessly scrolling through

906
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:36.000
<v Speaker 2>people's workouts and brunches and vacations and hoping that you

907
00:46:36.039 --> 00:46:38.679
<v Speaker 2>get likes on yours may not be what your brain

908
00:46:38.920 --> 00:46:39.960
<v Speaker 2>or the world needs.

909
00:46:40.559 --> 00:46:44.079
<v Speaker 3>Are some of the problems of social media. Yes, it's

910
00:46:44.079 --> 00:46:46.920
<v Speaker 3>a huge, huge problem. What I actually tell people behind

911
00:46:47.000 --> 00:46:49.519
<v Speaker 3>to do and you didn't ask me this, but I say,

912
00:46:49.559 --> 00:46:51.519
<v Speaker 3>get rid of that phone from the bedroom. Number one

913
00:46:51.519 --> 00:46:54.000
<v Speaker 3>priority is get the phone out of the bedroom, because

914
00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:55.920
<v Speaker 3>that can I can smile, alarm clock, go to Walmart,

915
00:46:55.960 --> 00:46:58.360
<v Speaker 3>they're ten bucks. Oh I can, I can am very important.

916
00:46:58.360 --> 00:47:00.280
<v Speaker 3>I get a lot of cls. No, you don't. They don't.

917
00:47:00.280 --> 00:47:02.440
<v Speaker 3>Get a lot of emergency calls. You're lying. And if

918
00:47:02.440 --> 00:47:05.159
<v Speaker 3>you really need emergency calls, get a landline. They're ten dollars.

919
00:47:05.199 --> 00:47:07.320
<v Speaker 3>Now give the phone number to your director, report or

920
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:10.679
<v Speaker 3>your boss, or your mom or whoever, so you know

921
00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:12.840
<v Speaker 3>you have the peace of mind of being reach a bull.

922
00:47:13.599 --> 00:47:15.400
<v Speaker 3>And then when that phone's out of your bed, when

923
00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:17.119
<v Speaker 3>you wake up in the morning, what you need to

924
00:47:17.119 --> 00:47:18.960
<v Speaker 3>do is grab a pen, grab a piece of paper,

925
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:21.360
<v Speaker 3>and I want you to write down. I will let

926
00:47:21.400 --> 00:47:24.480
<v Speaker 3>go of I am grateful for and I will focus

927
00:47:24.519 --> 00:47:27.920
<v Speaker 3>on So I call this the two minute morning practice.

928
00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:30.159
<v Speaker 3>Each of these three things or back by reaarch I

929
00:47:30.199 --> 00:47:32.239
<v Speaker 3>can talk about that if you want so. I will

930
00:47:32.320 --> 00:47:35.800
<v Speaker 3>let go of helps eliminate a regret every day. I

931
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:37.920
<v Speaker 3>will let go of how much screen time my kids

932
00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:39.760
<v Speaker 3>are getting. I will let go of using the disposable

933
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:41.639
<v Speaker 3>mass for three straight weeks. I will let go of

934
00:47:41.679 --> 00:47:43.760
<v Speaker 3>the fact that I had terrible mom guilt right now

935
00:47:43.760 --> 00:47:46.280
<v Speaker 3>because I'm totally ignoring my work to just take care

936
00:47:46.320 --> 00:47:49.079
<v Speaker 3>of my kids, or vice versa. So and this is

937
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:51.840
<v Speaker 3>research from Science magazine. The research is called Don't Look

938
00:47:51.920 --> 00:47:54.800
<v Speaker 3>Back and Anger that shows that minimizing regrets as we

939
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:56.559
<v Speaker 3>age increases are happy.

940
00:47:56.800 --> 00:47:59.320
<v Speaker 2>Okay, cook aside. This was a twenty twelve study and

941
00:47:59.360 --> 00:48:02.199
<v Speaker 2>the full title is quote Don't Look Back in Anger

942
00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:08.239
<v Speaker 2>responsiveness to missed chances in successful and non successful aging,

943
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:12.800
<v Speaker 2>and the researchers say that results suggest disengagement from regret

944
00:48:13.079 --> 00:48:17.440
<v Speaker 2>reflects a critical resilience factor for emotional health in older age.

945
00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:21.639
<v Speaker 2>So dang, if you have a no regrets tattoo, keep

946
00:48:21.679 --> 00:48:24.559
<v Speaker 2>on not regretting it as well as not regretting other

947
00:48:24.639 --> 00:48:26.199
<v Speaker 2>stuff every morning.

948
00:48:26.199 --> 00:48:27.880
<v Speaker 3>So I will let go of. That's how you start

949
00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:30.320
<v Speaker 3>your day. Don't have that stuff flowing around all day.

950
00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:33.599
<v Speaker 3>I am grateful for number two. We already talked about

951
00:48:33.679 --> 00:48:36.800
<v Speaker 3>all the research behind gratitudes. Okay. The only thing I

952
00:48:36.840 --> 00:48:39.199
<v Speaker 3>haven't said yet, Ali is it's got to be specific.

953
00:48:39.360 --> 00:48:43.360
<v Speaker 3>Don't say my husband, say when my husband Rodriguez put

954
00:48:43.400 --> 00:48:47.800
<v Speaker 3>the toilet seat down. I'll say my dog say when

955
00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:50.039
<v Speaker 3>my shit suit Toby learned how to shake a paw.

956
00:48:50.199 --> 00:48:55.039
<v Speaker 3>Like be specific. The specificity is partly what's actually causing

957
00:48:55.079 --> 00:48:57.159
<v Speaker 3>you to develop those positive neural pathways in your brain.

958
00:48:57.320 --> 00:48:59.679
<v Speaker 3>To actually think of the things that you're happy about.

959
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:03.159
<v Speaker 3>And third I said was, I will focus on what

960
00:49:03.239 --> 00:49:05.400
<v Speaker 3>luck We all suffer from decision fatigue these days. We

961
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:08.440
<v Speaker 3>need to carve a will do from her endless could

962
00:49:08.519 --> 00:49:11.760
<v Speaker 3>do and should do okay, And it should be the

963
00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:13.920
<v Speaker 3>most annoying thing, like it should be like calling my

964
00:49:14.039 --> 00:49:17.559
<v Speaker 3>cable company, or like making that dentist appointment, or like

965
00:49:17.679 --> 00:49:20.800
<v Speaker 3>finally putting the files in the garage or whatever. The

966
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:23.840
<v Speaker 3>annoying thing I will let go of. I am grateful

967
00:49:23.880 --> 00:49:25.320
<v Speaker 3>for it, and I will focus on is a two

968
00:49:25.360 --> 00:49:27.880
<v Speaker 3>minute morning practice that helps the other nine hundred and

969
00:49:27.960 --> 00:49:31.480
<v Speaker 3>ninety eight minutes you're awake a day be happier. And yes,

970
00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:33.119
<v Speaker 3>the average person's awake a thousand minutes a.

971
00:49:33.159 --> 00:49:34.920
<v Speaker 2>Day, one thousand minutes a day.

972
00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:36.639
<v Speaker 3>It's all you got, one thousand minutes a day. The

973
00:49:36.639 --> 00:49:39.719
<v Speaker 3>average person is awake for a thousand minutes a day.

974
00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:42.800
<v Speaker 3>Oh man, is everyone else trying to do the math

975
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:44.760
<v Speaker 3>right now? Hours of it? Like sixteen and.

976
00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:47.599
<v Speaker 2>Two thirds hours a I know you always hear like

977
00:49:47.679 --> 00:49:50.079
<v Speaker 2>Beyonce has the same number of hours in a day,

978
00:49:50.119 --> 00:49:52.440
<v Speaker 2>she has the same number of minutes. She also has

979
00:49:53.159 --> 00:49:58.199
<v Speaker 2>probably more personal assistance, but still she's doing something.

980
00:49:59.000 --> 00:50:01.239
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I bet you she's not waking up and

981
00:50:01.320 --> 00:50:03.519
<v Speaker 3>checking Twitter, though, do you know what I'm saying. I mean,

982
00:50:03.559 --> 00:50:05.440
<v Speaker 3>I don't know Beyonce. I mean we it's just been

983
00:50:05.480 --> 00:50:10.239
<v Speaker 3>a while since we last connected. I just think that

984
00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:12.519
<v Speaker 3>like those people, I don't know why we're using her

985
00:50:12.519 --> 00:50:14.280
<v Speaker 3>as an example that live their life with the deep

986
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:17.599
<v Speaker 3>intentionality and are thinking about how to consciously sort of

987
00:50:17.639 --> 00:50:19.760
<v Speaker 3>imbue a bit more happens in your life, Like be

988
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:23.400
<v Speaker 3>intentional when you get up, Okay, don't let someone else

989
00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:25.760
<v Speaker 3>tell you what to think when you wake up. The

990
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:28.559
<v Speaker 3>phone is designed to be a push device. It pushes

991
00:50:28.559 --> 00:50:32.159
<v Speaker 3>stuff at you, alerts, text notifications. It's what everyone else

992
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:36.400
<v Speaker 3>has on their agenda. Yeah, Like big thing here is

993
00:50:36.559 --> 00:50:39.159
<v Speaker 3>make it what's on your agenda? Okay.

994
00:50:40.199 --> 00:50:45.119
<v Speaker 2>And that actually dovetails into some questions about self care

995
00:50:45.480 --> 00:50:50.480
<v Speaker 2>versus selfishness Gracie Sesha, Kristin Hendricks and Laura Smith, Katrina Nujen,

996
00:50:50.639 --> 00:50:54.320
<v Speaker 2>Tony Jane, Hillary Larson, and Earl of Gray Malkin, as

997
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:58.199
<v Speaker 2>well as first question asker Emily Okerlund and Kelly Seamen.

998
00:50:58.920 --> 00:51:01.400
<v Speaker 3>Are you saying that all these people ask the same question?

999
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:03.800
<v Speaker 3>Are you just lumping them together.

1000
00:51:03.960 --> 00:51:08.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm lumping them together. Similar questions. That's just no similar questions.

1001
00:51:08.920 --> 00:51:11.920
<v Speaker 2>And Gracie says, how do you see the line between

1002
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:15.719
<v Speaker 2>self care and selfishness? For your happiness? And Kristen asked,

1003
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:18.000
<v Speaker 2>how do you foster happiness when you have a hard

1004
00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:21.599
<v Speaker 2>time feeling worthy or you're experiencing depression?

1005
00:51:23.079 --> 00:51:26.119
<v Speaker 3>There is an epidemic in our society today where we

1006
00:51:26.199 --> 00:51:31.480
<v Speaker 3>are not prioritizing ourselves before we are prioritizing others. When

1007
00:51:31.679 --> 00:51:33.760
<v Speaker 3>you go on the airplane, and I know it feels

1008
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:36.440
<v Speaker 3>like a distant memory for everybody right now, other than

1009
00:51:36.920 --> 00:51:39.679
<v Speaker 3>you flying around doing your fancy film shoots.

1010
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:43.880
<v Speaker 2>I was on a five am flight on Wednesday, but ps,

1011
00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:47.400
<v Speaker 2>I was flying for work, not for fun or leisure. Also,

1012
00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:49.039
<v Speaker 2>can you do me a favor? And can you cancel

1013
00:51:49.079 --> 00:51:53.119
<v Speaker 2>your holidays this year? COVID rates are surging in the US.

1014
00:51:53.159 --> 00:51:56.119
<v Speaker 2>And you will save lives, possibly the lives of those

1015
00:51:56.159 --> 00:51:59.039
<v Speaker 2>most dear to you and or your own, by sitting

1016
00:51:59.039 --> 00:52:02.639
<v Speaker 2>this one out and eating stuffing over zoom. Just cancel,

1017
00:52:02.920 --> 00:52:05.599
<v Speaker 2>Just do it now, everyone's going to be relieved. Anyway.

1018
00:52:05.800 --> 00:52:08.079
<v Speaker 3>Back to airplanes, and what do they say when you're

1019
00:52:08.079 --> 00:52:10.119
<v Speaker 3>on your five am flight? They said, if the oxygen

1020
00:52:10.159 --> 00:52:12.360
<v Speaker 3>mask falls out of the ceiling in the middle of this,

1021
00:52:12.639 --> 00:52:15.639
<v Speaker 3>put it on your mouth first before you put it

1022
00:52:15.719 --> 00:52:18.800
<v Speaker 3>on your kid. And for anyone that has a three

1023
00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:22.400
<v Speaker 3>year old beside them in an airplane, like you know,

1024
00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:24.639
<v Speaker 3>for those of us of parents, is like, I wouldn't

1025
00:52:24.639 --> 00:52:26.760
<v Speaker 3>do that, Like you would instinctively want to put it

1026
00:52:26.840 --> 00:52:29.159
<v Speaker 3>on your kid first. You want to feed your kid first.

1027
00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:30.840
<v Speaker 3>You want to just take care of your kid first.

1028
00:52:31.320 --> 00:52:35.800
<v Speaker 3>But the airlines are smarter than us. Sentences that have

1029
00:52:35.880 --> 00:52:40.199
<v Speaker 3>never been said. They know that you're no good. You're

1030
00:52:40.239 --> 00:52:42.599
<v Speaker 3>just no You're dead weight. You are no good to

1031
00:52:42.639 --> 00:52:46.639
<v Speaker 3>anyone unless you take care of yourself first. You cannot

1032
00:52:46.760 --> 00:52:51.920
<v Speaker 3>pour from an empty vessel. Self care should be your

1033
00:52:52.039 --> 00:52:56.159
<v Speaker 3>number one priority. It is more important to take care

1034
00:52:56.159 --> 00:52:59.840
<v Speaker 3>of yourself because you you cannot take care of anybody.

1035
00:53:00.079 --> 00:53:02.519
<v Speaker 3>You cannot help anybody. You cannot show up and do

1036
00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:04.119
<v Speaker 3>a good job for your boss, you cannot do a

1037
00:53:04.119 --> 00:53:05.599
<v Speaker 3>good job for your kids. You cannot do a good

1038
00:53:05.679 --> 00:53:07.679
<v Speaker 3>job for your sister or for your mom if you

1039
00:53:07.719 --> 00:53:11.400
<v Speaker 3>don't take care of yourself first. And so when I

1040
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:15.519
<v Speaker 3>hear this question, what I hear is I don't like

1041
00:53:15.559 --> 00:53:17.119
<v Speaker 3>cause I get the version of the question that I

1042
00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:18.719
<v Speaker 3>often get is like, well, I'm taking care of my

1043
00:53:18.760 --> 00:53:20.679
<v Speaker 3>aging month full time. I don't have enough time to

1044
00:53:20.679 --> 00:53:22.239
<v Speaker 3>go for a twenty minute walk in the woods, Or like,

1045
00:53:22.239 --> 00:53:24.760
<v Speaker 3>how am I supposed to journal? Because you don't know

1046
00:53:24.840 --> 00:53:27.039
<v Speaker 3>my life, dude, and you don't understand that I've got

1047
00:53:27.039 --> 00:53:29.440
<v Speaker 3>three jobs and I'm taking public transit between them all,

1048
00:53:29.480 --> 00:53:32.320
<v Speaker 3>Like you don't get it. And what I always say is, yeh,

1049
00:53:32.320 --> 00:53:34.599
<v Speaker 3>it's true. I don't you know. We're trying our best

1050
00:53:34.599 --> 00:53:38.119
<v Speaker 3>to understand each other, like that's the point of humanity.

1051
00:53:38.440 --> 00:53:43.639
<v Speaker 3>But what I'm saying is, could you over prioritize, you know,

1052
00:53:43.800 --> 00:53:48.000
<v Speaker 3>the two minute morning practice for example, and then know

1053
00:53:48.159 --> 00:53:50.800
<v Speaker 3>that when you're doing that and your kid is crying

1054
00:53:50.840 --> 00:53:53.400
<v Speaker 3>because they just woke up downstairs, you're going to be

1055
00:53:53.519 --> 00:53:56.360
<v Speaker 3>a better parent for the rest of the day, you know.

1056
00:53:56.679 --> 00:53:59.440
<v Speaker 3>Could you do that if you just knew that it's

1057
00:53:59.440 --> 00:54:04.760
<v Speaker 3>better for everybody. It's not selfish, it's selfless to take

1058
00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:05.960
<v Speaker 3>care of yourself first.

1059
00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:11.599
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I mean it also can considering that emotions

1060
00:54:11.639 --> 00:54:15.719
<v Speaker 2>can be so contagious at times, especially if you're in

1061
00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:19.599
<v Speaker 2>like a close family unit, that taking care of yourself

1062
00:54:19.960 --> 00:54:23.760
<v Speaker 2>for two minutes or five minutes is probably going to

1063
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:26.440
<v Speaker 2>be better overall for the people around you if you're

1064
00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:30.199
<v Speaker 2>not feeling, you know, wrung out and bitter and annoyed.

1065
00:54:31.119 --> 00:54:33.880
<v Speaker 3>Well, exactly, no, no, no, you're I think that's I

1066
00:54:33.920 --> 00:54:39.119
<v Speaker 3>think that's exactly right. Is that people say, is the

1067
00:54:39.119 --> 00:54:41.400
<v Speaker 3>glass half full or is it half empty? I say

1068
00:54:41.440 --> 00:54:45.599
<v Speaker 3>it's refillable. I say it's refillable. You get to decide

1069
00:54:45.679 --> 00:54:48.400
<v Speaker 3>how full you show up every day. I'm not saying

1070
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:50.719
<v Speaker 3>it's easy. I'm not saying it's easy to prioritize, but

1071
00:54:50.800 --> 00:54:54.039
<v Speaker 3>I'm saying when you go through the difficult work of

1072
00:54:54.280 --> 00:54:58.159
<v Speaker 3>prioritizing it, you will reap massive benefits, and so of

1073
00:54:58.239 --> 00:54:58.880
<v Speaker 3>those around you.

1074
00:54:59.079 --> 00:55:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Also, kiddos, your old dad Wordbon podcast has been doing

1075
00:55:02.039 --> 00:55:04.400
<v Speaker 2>these things in the last few weeks since we had

1076
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:09.760
<v Speaker 2>this interview. Per professional oshomologist Neil's prescription, I am pleased

1077
00:55:10.039 --> 00:55:13.280
<v Speaker 2>and astounded to report that I feel way the fuck better.

1078
00:55:13.519 --> 00:55:18.360
<v Speaker 2>Who knew that taking some time for myself to shower, unwind,

1079
00:55:18.760 --> 00:55:22.440
<v Speaker 2>read a magazine, rest, and just be a person would

1080
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:25.400
<v Speaker 2>make me a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better

1081
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:28.920
<v Speaker 2>human being, a better worker. I know things are really

1082
00:55:28.920 --> 00:55:32.599
<v Speaker 2>difficult with COVID scares and geopolitics and worrying about people

1083
00:55:32.639 --> 00:55:34.840
<v Speaker 2>I love who are sick. But I am so much

1084
00:55:34.880 --> 00:55:37.519
<v Speaker 2>better able to roll with things when I'm not afraid

1085
00:55:37.639 --> 00:55:41.400
<v Speaker 2>and burnt out and neglecting basic human needs like rest

1086
00:55:41.639 --> 00:55:44.599
<v Speaker 2>and grooming. Holy shit. So if you're like me and

1087
00:55:44.639 --> 00:55:46.920
<v Speaker 2>you heard this advice but you didn't listen to it

1088
00:55:46.960 --> 00:55:50.440
<v Speaker 2>for years, I'm giving you permission to take care of yourself.

1089
00:55:50.480 --> 00:55:53.440
<v Speaker 2>It's so important. You deserve it. We all do. Is

1090
00:55:53.480 --> 00:55:56.360
<v Speaker 2>this sappy and ernest? Yes? Am I apologetic?

1091
00:55:56.599 --> 00:55:56.679
<v Speaker 3>No?

1092
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:01.159
<v Speaker 2>Okay, good question by a lot of people. Jessica Jansen,

1093
00:56:01.199 --> 00:56:05.760
<v Speaker 2>Bob Clark, Zoe Buckley, Tristan Vaughan, Skylar l prim Erka Perryandre,

1094
00:56:06.039 --> 00:56:10.360
<v Speaker 2>Nikki DeMarco, Sadie Baker, Katrina Indian and Madeline Winter and

1095
00:56:10.519 --> 00:56:16.599
<v Speaker 2>Ali Reel all asked essentially about happiness amid world chaos

1096
00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:19.199
<v Speaker 2>because I feel like we are living in a time

1097
00:56:19.440 --> 00:56:23.119
<v Speaker 2>of some real bullshit right now, and I find that

1098
00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:26.440
<v Speaker 2>my boyfriend goes through this a lot, and I, as

1099
00:56:26.440 --> 00:56:30.960
<v Speaker 2>someone who is raised as a Catholic, has difficulty when

1100
00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:33.320
<v Speaker 2>I see other people in pain, or when I know

1101
00:56:33.400 --> 00:56:36.480
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of people suffering, finding happiness for myself.

1102
00:56:36.760 --> 00:56:38.719
<v Speaker 2>And Jessica Jansen wants to know, how do you feel

1103
00:56:38.920 --> 00:56:43.239
<v Speaker 2>COVID nineteen has greatly affected our happiness? And Bob Clark says,

1104
00:56:43.239 --> 00:56:44.719
<v Speaker 2>this is something I've been struggling with a bit with

1105
00:56:44.760 --> 00:56:47.000
<v Speaker 2>everything going on in the world. How do you keep

1106
00:56:47.119 --> 00:56:49.679
<v Speaker 2>up with current events and the climate crisis, racism, and

1107
00:56:49.719 --> 00:56:53.559
<v Speaker 2>basically just twenty twenty without losing some sort of lasting happiness.

1108
00:56:53.559 --> 00:56:56.760
<v Speaker 2>How can you stay positive when the world is literally

1109
00:56:56.800 --> 00:56:58.320
<v Speaker 2>on fire and it looks like it's gonna get worse.

1110
00:56:58.760 --> 00:57:02.840
<v Speaker 2>How do we balance being informed and empathetic and compassionate

1111
00:57:03.960 --> 00:57:09.960
<v Speaker 2>with also not getting too sucked into overwhelm Oh my god, Okay,

1112
00:57:09.960 --> 00:57:11.400
<v Speaker 2>this backstory, get ready big.

1113
00:57:11.519 --> 00:57:14.960
<v Speaker 3>So I mentioned a long time ago in this conversation

1114
00:57:15.039 --> 00:57:16.840
<v Speaker 3>that I used to work at Walmart, and what I

1115
00:57:17.000 --> 00:57:19.400
<v Speaker 3>didn't mention was what my job was there. So I

1116
00:57:19.440 --> 00:57:21.519
<v Speaker 3>spent ten years there. I had a number of different roles,

1117
00:57:21.559 --> 00:57:23.679
<v Speaker 3>but they were always in the HR department, and so

1118
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:27.280
<v Speaker 3>sometimes I was in charge of leadership development, sometimes I

1119
00:57:27.320 --> 00:57:30.559
<v Speaker 3>was doing learning and training, and then for like a

1120
00:57:30.719 --> 00:57:34.000
<v Speaker 3>pretty challenging year, I was one of these people that

1121
00:57:34.280 --> 00:57:40.880
<v Speaker 3>helped bosses like terminate their employees, and so it was

1122
00:57:40.920 --> 00:57:44.639
<v Speaker 3>a terrible job, but also it was a real huge

1123
00:57:44.639 --> 00:57:47.960
<v Speaker 3>opportunity for empathy and compassion because I was, you know,

1124
00:57:48.079 --> 00:57:50.239
<v Speaker 3>helping bosses look at their teams and figure out what

1125
00:57:50.280 --> 00:57:52.760
<v Speaker 3>they needed because they had limited budget or headcount. And

1126
00:57:52.800 --> 00:57:54.679
<v Speaker 3>then I figured I was in the room for when

1127
00:57:54.679 --> 00:57:56.840
<v Speaker 3>these conversations happened. And this wasn't the only part of

1128
00:57:56.880 --> 00:57:58.559
<v Speaker 3>my job it was. It was probably the room for

1129
00:57:58.559 --> 00:57:59.960
<v Speaker 3>like over one hundred of these conversations.

1130
00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:00.599
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god.

1131
00:58:00.719 --> 00:58:03.320
<v Speaker 3>And then I was I was the one with the Kleenex,

1132
00:58:03.360 --> 00:58:05.320
<v Speaker 3>and I was the one walking them to help their

1133
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:07.880
<v Speaker 3>collect their bags and or they're you know, put the

1134
00:58:07.920 --> 00:58:10.519
<v Speaker 3>frame brass pictures in the in the cardboard box and

1135
00:58:10.559 --> 00:58:12.320
<v Speaker 3>going to the parking lot in the middle of winter.

1136
00:58:12.719 --> 00:58:14.840
<v Speaker 3>And whenever I did that, it broke my heart and

1137
00:58:14.840 --> 00:58:17.519
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't sleep, and I was overwhelming. And people said

1138
00:58:17.559 --> 00:58:19.159
<v Speaker 3>the same things to me all the time. Out They

1139
00:58:19.159 --> 00:58:24.039
<v Speaker 3>would say, I thought I would be here forever. I

1140
00:58:24.039 --> 00:58:29.280
<v Speaker 3>don't know what I'm gonna do now. I I like,

1141
00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:33.760
<v Speaker 3>I'll never find another job. Like it was like a complete,

1142
00:58:34.199 --> 00:58:38.719
<v Speaker 3>complete emotional like shock, Like it was a horrible feeling

1143
00:58:38.840 --> 00:58:43.480
<v Speaker 3>for them and everybody around them at the time. However,

1144
00:58:44.480 --> 00:58:48.679
<v Speaker 3>I am Canadian, and Canada was kind of small, like

1145
00:58:48.880 --> 00:58:52.400
<v Speaker 3>just I live in Toronto and like just in retail,

1146
00:58:52.440 --> 00:58:54.840
<v Speaker 3>and you just bump into people again. And so over

1147
00:58:54.880 --> 00:58:58.719
<v Speaker 3>the years, I would inevitably bump into a number of

1148
00:58:58.760 --> 00:59:01.880
<v Speaker 3>people that were let go of their jobs. And you

1149
00:59:01.920 --> 00:59:04.800
<v Speaker 3>know what they used to say to me. Every single

1150
00:59:04.920 --> 00:59:07.400
<v Speaker 3>one of them said, it was the best thing that

1151
00:59:07.519 --> 00:59:11.920
<v Speaker 3>happened to me, every single one. I never had anyone

1152
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:14.719
<v Speaker 3>not say that. I traveled to Peru, i became a

1153
00:59:14.800 --> 00:59:18.280
<v Speaker 3>nutritional supplement importer. I'm working at a smaller company. Now

1154
00:59:18.320 --> 00:59:20.519
<v Speaker 3>it's great. I've gotten promoted twice in the last two years.

1155
00:59:20.800 --> 00:59:22.880
<v Speaker 3>I used my severance to spend time with my daughter

1156
00:59:22.960 --> 00:59:25.400
<v Speaker 3>after her miscarriage, Like I would never have had that

1157
00:59:25.519 --> 00:59:28.599
<v Speaker 3>time if I wasn't forced to have that time. And

1158
00:59:29.000 --> 00:59:33.559
<v Speaker 3>it made me really question myself and like I'm like, well,

1159
00:59:33.559 --> 00:59:37.079
<v Speaker 3>wait a minute, Like, how could something that is horrible

1160
00:59:37.239 --> 00:59:40.000
<v Speaker 3>in the moment and you can use the pandemic or

1161
00:59:40.320 --> 00:59:44.079
<v Speaker 3>twenty twenty or COVID or I think you mentioned the

1162
00:59:44.079 --> 00:59:47.400
<v Speaker 3>wildfires or whatever, you could use that, but how could

1163
00:59:47.480 --> 00:59:50.360
<v Speaker 3>it ever later be perceived as like the best thing

1164
00:59:50.360 --> 00:59:52.280
<v Speaker 3>that ever happened to me. That doesn't make any sense.

1165
00:59:52.639 --> 00:59:58.760
<v Speaker 2>Obviously, things suck. Life sucks. People die, climate change goes unchecked.

1166
00:59:59.039 --> 01:00:02.159
<v Speaker 2>So how is possible the bad things can end up

1167
01:00:02.199 --> 01:00:06.239
<v Speaker 2>pivoting us toward positive things? Well, we need some science here, and.

1168
01:00:06.239 --> 01:00:08.239
<v Speaker 3>So I stumble upon this study which i'd like to

1169
01:00:08.320 --> 01:00:10.119
<v Speaker 3>quote for you now, which is a wonderful study. It

1170
01:00:10.159 --> 01:00:13.119
<v Speaker 3>came out in twenty thirteen, and it's called the End

1171
01:00:13.199 --> 01:00:16.559
<v Speaker 3>of History Illusion. Okay, it came out in Science magazine.

1172
01:00:16.599 --> 01:00:18.760
<v Speaker 3>It's done by Daniel Gilbert, who I mentioned earlier with

1173
01:00:18.760 --> 01:00:20.920
<v Speaker 3>the book Stumbling on Happiness, and a couple other of

1174
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:23.679
<v Speaker 3>his peers. And what they did is they talked and

1175
01:00:23.719 --> 01:00:28.199
<v Speaker 3>interviewed nineteen thousand people between age eighteen and sixty eight,

1176
01:00:28.280 --> 01:00:31.320
<v Speaker 3>and they asked them essentially two questions. Ali Number one,

1177
01:00:31.719 --> 01:00:34.239
<v Speaker 3>how has your life changed in the last ten years?

1178
01:00:35.119 --> 01:00:37.000
<v Speaker 3>And how do you think it's going to change in

1179
01:00:37.039 --> 01:00:40.360
<v Speaker 3>the next ten And here's what was interesting. No matter

1180
01:00:40.519 --> 01:00:46.599
<v Speaker 3>what the person's sex, gender, nationality, religion, age, no matter

1181
01:00:46.679 --> 01:00:51.400
<v Speaker 3>what it was, they always painted a tempestuous portrait of

1182
01:00:51.440 --> 01:00:53.800
<v Speaker 3>the last ten years of their lives. It was like,

1183
01:00:54.239 --> 01:00:56.760
<v Speaker 3>oh my gosh, Like Jordan and I broke up, and

1184
01:00:56.800 --> 01:00:59.840
<v Speaker 3>like I got this new job and we left San Francisco,

1185
01:01:00.159 --> 01:01:02.440
<v Speaker 3>and you know, I like we lost my mom and

1186
01:01:02.639 --> 01:01:05.119
<v Speaker 3>it was just a wild ten years all the time.

1187
01:01:05.679 --> 01:01:08.280
<v Speaker 3>But then here's the interesting part of the study. Whenever

1188
01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:10.199
<v Speaker 3>the people were asked, well, how do you think the

1189
01:01:10.239 --> 01:01:12.079
<v Speaker 3>next ten years are going to go, they always said

1190
01:01:12.119 --> 01:01:15.119
<v Speaker 3>the same thing, which is, well, it'll be exactly like

1191
01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:17.719
<v Speaker 3>I'm definitely not going to leave Boston now, like we're

1192
01:01:17.800 --> 01:01:20.800
<v Speaker 3>obviously I'm still gonna be with Randy, you know, Like

1193
01:01:20.880 --> 01:01:24.880
<v Speaker 3>it's like I'm these things are like consistent in people's mind.

1194
01:01:25.039 --> 01:01:29.239
<v Speaker 3>The researchers labeled this phenomenon the end of history illusion

1195
01:01:29.400 --> 01:01:31.559
<v Speaker 3>we carry with us in our brains. We don't know,

1196
01:01:31.599 --> 01:01:33.760
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if it's evolutionary, if it's a primal thing.

1197
01:01:34.039 --> 01:01:37.280
<v Speaker 3>We think that things are going to be how they

1198
01:01:37.320 --> 01:01:40.760
<v Speaker 3>are now. Which if you're flying high and you're doing

1199
01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:43.280
<v Speaker 3>great in life and everything's swimming, maybe that's not such

1200
01:01:43.280 --> 01:01:45.199
<v Speaker 3>a bad thing. But if you're stuck in your parents'

1201
01:01:45.199 --> 01:01:47.119
<v Speaker 3>basement and you can't find a job, you think, I'll

1202
01:01:47.159 --> 01:01:49.480
<v Speaker 3>never get out of this basement. If you're in the

1203
01:01:49.519 --> 01:01:51.559
<v Speaker 3>parking lot after being termaned, you're like, I'll never find

1204
01:01:51.599 --> 01:01:54.440
<v Speaker 3>another job. If you are in the middle of a

1205
01:01:54.719 --> 01:01:57.159
<v Speaker 3>crazy situation where you cannot see your family right now,

1206
01:01:57.199 --> 01:02:00.559
<v Speaker 3>and you have some illness in your life, and the

1207
01:02:00.639 --> 01:02:04.880
<v Speaker 3>pandemic is got a huge layoff in your job and

1208
01:02:04.920 --> 01:02:08.280
<v Speaker 3>you are struggling to find work. You believe that that

1209
01:02:08.440 --> 01:02:11.360
<v Speaker 3>is how it's always going to be, now, in the future, forever.

1210
01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:13.960
<v Speaker 3>That's how your brain thinks. That's all of our brains.

1211
01:02:14.000 --> 01:02:16.960
<v Speaker 3>And they interviewed nineteen thousand people. Everyone said this doesn't

1212
01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:18.400
<v Speaker 3>matter if they were seventy years old or if they

1213
01:02:18.400 --> 01:02:19.840
<v Speaker 3>were twenty years old. They all thought this.

1214
01:02:20.239 --> 01:02:22.639
<v Speaker 2>So when things suck, we think they will never get

1215
01:02:22.679 --> 01:02:24.960
<v Speaker 2>better and that no good could ever come out of it.

1216
01:02:25.039 --> 01:02:28.559
<v Speaker 2>The forecast is always stasis in our brains. And this

1217
01:02:28.639 --> 01:02:31.400
<v Speaker 2>study that Neil cited, the end of History Illusion, authored

1218
01:02:31.440 --> 01:02:34.199
<v Speaker 2>in part by Harvard's social psychologist Daniel Gilbert, went on

1219
01:02:34.239 --> 01:02:37.119
<v Speaker 2>to say, quote, people may believe who they are today

1220
01:02:37.239 --> 01:02:39.639
<v Speaker 2>is pretty much who they will be tomorrow, despite the

1221
01:02:39.679 --> 01:02:42.360
<v Speaker 2>fact that it isn't who they were yesterday. We call

1222
01:02:42.440 --> 01:02:46.679
<v Speaker 2>this tendency to underestimate the magnitude of future change the

1223
01:02:46.920 --> 01:02:49.599
<v Speaker 2>end of history illusion. They say that it was evident

1224
01:02:49.639 --> 01:02:53.679
<v Speaker 2>at every stage of adult life that the researchers could analyze,

1225
01:02:53.760 --> 01:02:56.639
<v Speaker 2>and they concluded the paper with this wallop of a

1226
01:02:56.719 --> 01:03:01.800
<v Speaker 2>sentence quote. History, it seems, is all always ending today.

1227
01:03:02.000 --> 01:03:05.360
<v Speaker 3>And so I love this study because what it tells

1228
01:03:05.400 --> 01:03:09.480
<v Speaker 3>you is we all suck at this, all of us.

1229
01:03:09.880 --> 01:03:13.119
<v Speaker 3>You know, you know, we are uniformly terrible of picturing

1230
01:03:13.199 --> 01:03:16.480
<v Speaker 3>the end of Okay, So now if you take into

1231
01:03:16.519 --> 01:03:20.320
<v Speaker 3>this incredible research study my other rant on news media,

1232
01:03:20.360 --> 01:03:23.000
<v Speaker 3>social media making us think everything's a little bit worse

1233
01:03:23.000 --> 01:03:25.800
<v Speaker 3>than it is because that's what gets eyeballs, and that

1234
01:03:25.920 --> 01:03:29.519
<v Speaker 3>therefore what MSNBC's goal is to feed you super u ads, right,

1235
01:03:29.559 --> 01:03:31.800
<v Speaker 3>Like the whole point is to feed you super ads.

1236
01:03:32.519 --> 01:03:35.039
<v Speaker 3>You know. Then it's like you take those two things

1237
01:03:35.039 --> 01:03:37.000
<v Speaker 3>together and we're kind of in a bit of a pickle.

1238
01:03:37.000 --> 01:03:39.360
<v Speaker 3>Our brains aren't capable of picturing the end of anything,

1239
01:03:39.840 --> 01:03:42.320
<v Speaker 3>right or change coming. We aren't good at that. And

1240
01:03:42.599 --> 01:03:45.920
<v Speaker 3>the orientation of everything we're looking at is designed to

1241
01:03:45.920 --> 01:03:47.639
<v Speaker 3>minor attention, so we keep looking at it so we

1242
01:03:47.679 --> 01:03:49.519
<v Speaker 3>can keep consuming more advertisements.

1243
01:03:49.639 --> 01:03:53.719
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, Okay, so so many questions left. We're

1244
01:03:53.719 --> 01:03:55.679
<v Speaker 2>going to get in as many as we can. A

1245
01:03:55.679 --> 01:03:57.800
<v Speaker 2>lot of people and I will list their names in

1246
01:03:57.800 --> 01:04:01.199
<v Speaker 2>and aside essentially wanted to know looking at you. Elena

1247
01:04:01.239 --> 01:04:05.400
<v Speaker 2>Reynolds first, Time question asker Marcel al, Alicia Penny, Lena Fay,

1248
01:04:05.679 --> 01:04:08.960
<v Speaker 2>Alia Myers, Annie c and Low McDowell, who all had

1249
01:04:09.000 --> 01:04:12.440
<v Speaker 2>similar questions on the fleeting nature of the good times.

1250
01:04:12.880 --> 01:04:16.000
<v Speaker 2>The question that Megan Walker had, which is why does

1251
01:04:16.039 --> 01:04:20.519
<v Speaker 2>happiness often seem so delicate but anger and sadness are

1252
01:04:20.679 --> 01:04:26.800
<v Speaker 2>HEARTI as fuck? Any idea is happiness like a bunny

1253
01:04:26.840 --> 01:04:29.679
<v Speaker 2>that you're chasing around. We had bunnies when I was

1254
01:04:29.719 --> 01:04:32.079
<v Speaker 2>a kid. Sometimes they get out and they are hard catch.

1255
01:04:32.159 --> 01:04:35.639
<v Speaker 2>Is happiness a prey animal, and anger and sadness is

1256
01:04:35.679 --> 01:04:39.480
<v Speaker 2>a predator. What's happening is one type of emotion heartier

1257
01:04:39.599 --> 01:04:42.760
<v Speaker 2>than the other? I know for myself. I definitely ruminate

1258
01:04:43.079 --> 01:04:46.440
<v Speaker 2>on shitty things in an effort to untangle or fix them,

1259
01:04:46.719 --> 01:04:49.599
<v Speaker 2>but I do not often dwell on the good times.

1260
01:04:49.800 --> 01:04:53.719
<v Speaker 2>And Neil mentions the incredible work of legend doctor Lori Santos,

1261
01:04:53.719 --> 01:04:57.360
<v Speaker 2>who teaches Yale's most popular course called Psychology and the

1262
01:04:57.400 --> 01:04:59.800
<v Speaker 2>Good Life, which you can also find online if you

1263
01:04:59.800 --> 01:05:03.400
<v Speaker 2>go quote the Science of Wellbeing, and doctor Santos hosts

1264
01:05:03.400 --> 01:05:06.960
<v Speaker 2>the podcast The Happiness Lab because she runs a happiness

1265
01:05:07.039 --> 01:05:09.920
<v Speaker 2>lab at Yale, and Neil sums up some of her work.

1266
01:05:10.559 --> 01:05:13.360
<v Speaker 3>There is two ways, just two elements of happens that

1267
01:05:13.400 --> 01:05:16.480
<v Speaker 3>add up to happiness, which is am I happy in

1268
01:05:16.519 --> 01:05:22.320
<v Speaker 3>my life? And am I happy with my life? So

1269
01:05:22.880 --> 01:05:26.000
<v Speaker 3>Daniel Konneman, who's written a very famous paper called High

1270
01:05:26.039 --> 01:05:30.880
<v Speaker 3>Income Improves Evaluation of life but not emotional wellbeing, probably

1271
01:05:30.880 --> 01:05:33.400
<v Speaker 3>heard this before, alliot. It's where they talk about how like, oh,

1272
01:05:33.440 --> 01:05:36.159
<v Speaker 3>if you have making up the seventy five thousand dollars

1273
01:05:36.239 --> 01:05:39.440
<v Speaker 3>actually makes you happy, but beyond that it doesn't do

1274
01:05:39.440 --> 01:05:43.159
<v Speaker 3>do much, okay. So emotional being refers to the emotional

1275
01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:46.480
<v Speaker 3>quality of an individual's everyday experience, frequency and intensity of

1276
01:05:46.519 --> 01:05:49.719
<v Speaker 3>things like joy, stress, sadness, anger, affection that makes your

1277
01:05:49.760 --> 01:05:52.320
<v Speaker 3>life pleasant or unpleasant. Right, that's like in your life,

1278
01:05:52.320 --> 01:05:55.239
<v Speaker 3>how you do it? How you doing today? Now? Life

1279
01:05:55.239 --> 01:05:57.920
<v Speaker 3>evaluation that refers to the thoughts that people have about

1280
01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:02.639
<v Speaker 3>their entire life when they think about it as a whole. Right. So,

1281
01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:06.360
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if I necessarily agree with the idea

1282
01:06:06.400 --> 01:06:08.400
<v Speaker 3>that like anger is hearty as fucking happy and it

1283
01:06:08.519 --> 01:06:11.119
<v Speaker 3>is delicate. I just that that model. It's not something

1284
01:06:11.159 --> 01:06:13.159
<v Speaker 3>I agree or disagree with. It's just I hadn't thought

1285
01:06:13.159 --> 01:06:15.119
<v Speaker 3>of it that way before. I don't I don't know

1286
01:06:15.159 --> 01:06:17.039
<v Speaker 3>if it comes to but it does make me think

1287
01:06:17.119 --> 01:06:20.519
<v Speaker 3>of this other metaphor, which I think is helpful. Okay,

1288
01:06:20.920 --> 01:06:23.920
<v Speaker 3>So if you are able to say two things, am

1289
01:06:23.920 --> 01:06:26.280
<v Speaker 3>I happy today? Like with my life? I have a

1290
01:06:26.320 --> 01:06:28.119
<v Speaker 3>good day, Like I came home, we had a great dinner,

1291
01:06:28.159 --> 01:06:30.480
<v Speaker 3>and like I got to watch this on TV and

1292
01:06:30.519 --> 01:06:32.719
<v Speaker 3>it was wonderful and we had it made my special

1293
01:06:32.719 --> 01:06:35.880
<v Speaker 3>brownie dessert. Like okay, fine, you're happy? But then am

1294
01:06:35.920 --> 01:06:38.679
<v Speaker 3>I happy with my life overall? Well, that's another question.

1295
01:06:38.679 --> 01:06:40.800
<v Speaker 3>It's like did I make the right decision to go

1296
01:06:40.880 --> 01:06:43.199
<v Speaker 3>to that school? And like are we happy living in

1297
01:06:43.239 --> 01:06:46.039
<v Speaker 3>this city or this country? And those are bigger questions,

1298
01:06:46.480 --> 01:06:49.480
<v Speaker 3>But separating the two is really, I think relieving At

1299
01:06:49.559 --> 01:06:52.199
<v Speaker 3>least I find it that way because it lets you

1300
01:06:52.559 --> 01:06:55.320
<v Speaker 3>hold both in your mind and look at them and

1301
01:06:55.360 --> 01:06:58.599
<v Speaker 3>think about them separately, which enables you to navigate forward

1302
01:06:58.599 --> 01:06:59.159
<v Speaker 3>from there.

1303
01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:02.639
<v Speaker 2>Is happiness fleeting? Are we imagining that? Is there something

1304
01:07:02.679 --> 01:07:05.599
<v Speaker 2>wrong with your brain? If happiness is a beautiful but

1305
01:07:05.760 --> 01:07:10.039
<v Speaker 2>very fast bunny that gets chased and or devoured by sadness, worry,

1306
01:07:10.079 --> 01:07:13.119
<v Speaker 2>and guilt. Nope, there's nothing wrong with you, as it

1307
01:07:13.119 --> 01:07:15.800
<v Speaker 2>turns out, so news to me, I just went down

1308
01:07:15.840 --> 01:07:19.840
<v Speaker 2>many dark labyrinth rabbit warrens looking at studies, and it's

1309
01:07:19.960 --> 01:07:24.320
<v Speaker 2>part of our programming. So blame evolution that the less

1310
01:07:24.360 --> 01:07:28.559
<v Speaker 2>satisfied we are with our achievements and surroundings, the harder

1311
01:07:28.599 --> 01:07:32.320
<v Speaker 2>we strive, and the more resources and fitness we have

1312
01:07:32.480 --> 01:07:35.079
<v Speaker 2>to spread our genes. So a lot of past humans

1313
01:07:35.199 --> 01:07:38.119
<v Speaker 2>who are just stoked as hell to rest on their laurels,

1314
01:07:38.559 --> 01:07:42.159
<v Speaker 2>stopped striving and just died off. Now. In a two

1315
01:07:42.159 --> 01:07:45.320
<v Speaker 2>thousand and four study titled the Optimum Level of well Being?

1316
01:07:45.679 --> 01:07:48.840
<v Speaker 2>Can people be too happy? The authors wrote, people who

1317
01:07:48.880 --> 01:07:52.840
<v Speaker 2>experience the highest levels of happiness are most successful in

1318
01:07:52.920 --> 01:07:56.960
<v Speaker 2>terms of close relationships and volunteer work, but those who

1319
01:07:57.000 --> 01:08:01.159
<v Speaker 2>experience slightly lower levels of happiness are the most successful

1320
01:08:01.199 --> 01:08:06.239
<v Speaker 2>in terms of income, education, and political participation. So if

1321
01:08:06.280 --> 01:08:09.599
<v Speaker 2>it feels like you have to actively fight the blues away,

1322
01:08:09.840 --> 01:08:13.400
<v Speaker 2>well you do, and how do you do it? Gratitude

1323
01:08:13.760 --> 01:08:18.399
<v Speaker 2>it's a practice. It's not just a cheesy saccharin self brainwashing.

1324
01:08:18.600 --> 01:08:21.520
<v Speaker 2>It's necessary if you want to get some peace from

1325
01:08:21.600 --> 01:08:25.279
<v Speaker 2>your screaming almond of terror telling you that everything sucks,

1326
01:08:25.479 --> 01:08:29.600
<v Speaker 2>because not everything sucks everywhere. It's like elwink wants to

1327
01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:33.720
<v Speaker 2>know do different cultures perceive happiness differently? Madeline Anderson Ruda,

1328
01:08:33.760 --> 01:08:39.439
<v Speaker 2>Emmy mcghiney, arosemcathrine, Rob McGovern rin, Aberdy Kelsey Nalfa wants

1329
01:08:39.479 --> 01:08:43.039
<v Speaker 2>to know why is Finland or Eastern European countries are

1330
01:08:43.039 --> 01:08:45.960
<v Speaker 2>they away happier than the US? Ethan Batan wants to

1331
01:08:46.000 --> 01:08:48.199
<v Speaker 2>know why is Bhuton considered one of the happiest nations

1332
01:08:48.199 --> 01:08:50.920
<v Speaker 2>on Earth? So what is happening culturally?

1333
01:08:51.600 --> 01:08:55.199
<v Speaker 3>There is one giant global happiness report that comes out

1334
01:08:55.560 --> 01:08:58.840
<v Speaker 3>on March twentieth of every year. It's come out for

1335
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:01.079
<v Speaker 3>I think eight years straight from the meeded nations. It's

1336
01:09:01.119 --> 01:09:03.439
<v Speaker 3>called the World Happiness Report. This is one of the

1337
01:09:03.520 --> 01:09:07.640
<v Speaker 3>few UN resolutions ever agreed to by every single member

1338
01:09:07.680 --> 01:09:10.600
<v Speaker 3>state in the UN. Like everyone's like, yes, we should

1339
01:09:10.600 --> 01:09:13.960
<v Speaker 3>do this, we should declare March twentieth International Day of Happiness.

1340
01:09:14.159 --> 01:09:17.279
<v Speaker 3>They did do that. That is happy, International Day of Happiness.

1341
01:09:17.279 --> 01:09:18.760
<v Speaker 3>Is what you should say on Mars twentieth. The people

1342
01:09:18.840 --> 01:09:21.359
<v Speaker 3>when you walk down the street and they then come

1343
01:09:21.439 --> 01:09:23.800
<v Speaker 3>up with this huge report which is put together by

1344
01:09:24.079 --> 01:09:29.279
<v Speaker 3>the notable of notablest you know, academics, positive psychologists, and

1345
01:09:29.319 --> 01:09:32.640
<v Speaker 3>they rank every single country in the world according to

1346
01:09:32.680 --> 01:09:35.439
<v Speaker 3>their happiness. And when you look in the data, you're like, oh, okay,

1347
01:09:35.439 --> 01:09:42.359
<v Speaker 3>they're using GDP per capita, social support, life expectancy, freedom, generosity,

1348
01:09:42.479 --> 01:09:46.039
<v Speaker 3>and corruption perception. Those are the six variables they use

1349
01:09:46.399 --> 01:09:47.960
<v Speaker 3>and then they rank them. And sure enough, I think

1350
01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:50.640
<v Speaker 3>someone says, like Finland is like the Scandinavian countries are

1351
01:09:50.680 --> 01:09:53.399
<v Speaker 3>at the top, Canada where I am, us where you are, Like, yeah,

1352
01:09:53.399 --> 01:09:55.399
<v Speaker 3>they're all hanging out up there. They're like off by

1353
01:09:55.439 --> 01:09:58.159
<v Speaker 3>like tenths of a percentage and stuff. But really, the

1354
01:09:58.199 --> 01:10:00.039
<v Speaker 3>way I take that report to rate, here's how I

1355
01:10:00.119 --> 01:10:02.039
<v Speaker 3>take that reportory. I look into all that data, I

1356
01:10:02.079 --> 01:10:03.680
<v Speaker 3>look into all the photos. I read the whole like

1357
01:10:03.720 --> 01:10:06.079
<v Speaker 3>one hundred page gigantic research report that comes out every year.

1358
01:10:06.319 --> 01:10:09.399
<v Speaker 3>Here's why I take it to be the majority of

1359
01:10:09.439 --> 01:10:13.920
<v Speaker 3>the happiness is baseline stuff. Do you trust the water

1360
01:10:14.039 --> 01:10:16.840
<v Speaker 3>that comes out of your tap? Do you feel safe

1361
01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:20.079
<v Speaker 3>when you walk out your front door? Can you marry

1362
01:10:20.119 --> 01:10:23.319
<v Speaker 3>who you want and live where you please. I'm not

1363
01:10:23.359 --> 01:10:26.199
<v Speaker 3>saying those freedoms exist everywhere, but what I'm saying is

1364
01:10:26.319 --> 01:10:28.960
<v Speaker 3>they make up a huge disproportionate amount of quote unquote

1365
01:10:29.000 --> 01:10:32.800
<v Speaker 3>like hygiene, happiness, like that's a really big part of it.

1366
01:10:33.079 --> 01:10:35.640
<v Speaker 3>And yeah, on top of it, the social support stuff.

1367
01:10:36.079 --> 01:10:38.520
<v Speaker 3>You know, a bunch of Norwegian dudes will hang out

1368
01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:41.800
<v Speaker 3>in like a like a you know, a big bath together,

1369
01:10:42.760 --> 01:10:44.840
<v Speaker 3>and we might not do that, so you might not

1370
01:10:44.920 --> 01:10:46.800
<v Speaker 3>have the bliss of hanging out in like the social

1371
01:10:46.800 --> 01:10:49.640
<v Speaker 3>support of a bunch of Norwegian dudes, right, like I'm projecting,

1372
01:10:49.680 --> 01:10:54.319
<v Speaker 3>But my point is there, like the social connection is important,

1373
01:10:54.319 --> 01:10:57.520
<v Speaker 3>and we probably aren't doing that part nearly as good

1374
01:10:57.640 --> 01:10:59.119
<v Speaker 3>as a lot of the country's near the top.

1375
01:11:00.640 --> 01:11:03.199
<v Speaker 2>Ugh, reminder too that for most of us we don't

1376
01:11:03.239 --> 01:11:05.239
<v Speaker 2>have to worry too much about what comes out of

1377
01:11:05.239 --> 01:11:08.399
<v Speaker 2>our tap, but thirty percent of the world does worry

1378
01:11:08.479 --> 01:11:11.840
<v Speaker 2>about access to clean water. Even in the US, water

1379
01:11:11.880 --> 01:11:15.720
<v Speaker 2>supply pipes in Flint, Michigan are still being replaced years

1380
01:11:15.760 --> 01:11:20.279
<v Speaker 2>after contaminated water flowed through taps, affecting tens of thousands

1381
01:11:20.319 --> 01:11:24.000
<v Speaker 2>of folks, which is a reminder that systemic oppression robs

1382
01:11:24.039 --> 01:11:29.199
<v Speaker 2>people of basic security, necessities, freedoms, and thus happiness. So

1383
01:11:29.279 --> 01:11:33.760
<v Speaker 2>equity breeds more happiness for everyone. Now speaking of toxic

1384
01:11:33.920 --> 01:11:38.199
<v Speaker 2>substances though, okay, well then this also you mentioned can

1385
01:11:38.239 --> 01:11:40.359
<v Speaker 2>you trust your tap water? And a few people asked

1386
01:11:40.399 --> 01:11:45.920
<v Speaker 2>about toxicity with positivity and Emily Oakerland and Laura Stacey, Cora,

1387
01:11:46.039 --> 01:11:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Lynn Hodnet, and Vesper Holly who Vesper also first time

1388
01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:52.000
<v Speaker 2>question asker. Same with Lynn. First time question asker, I

1389
01:11:52.039 --> 01:11:54.279
<v Speaker 2>want to know that, Lynn says, recently, I've heard the

1390
01:11:54.359 --> 01:11:57.319
<v Speaker 2>term toxic positivity. Is this something that's being researched and

1391
01:11:57.520 --> 01:11:58.600
<v Speaker 2>is there such a thing?

1392
01:11:59.359 --> 01:11:59.479
<v Speaker 1>Or?

1393
01:12:00.439 --> 01:12:03.399
<v Speaker 2>Vesper says, what are your thoughts about toxic positivity or

1394
01:12:03.399 --> 01:12:07.399
<v Speaker 2>the idea that a good ViBe's only attitude actually results

1395
01:12:07.439 --> 01:12:12.119
<v Speaker 2>in minimization or invalidation of the authentic human emotion. I mean,

1396
01:12:12.119 --> 01:12:14.399
<v Speaker 2>and I imagine this is why you do rose rose

1397
01:12:14.560 --> 01:12:19.479
<v Speaker 2>thorn bud. But yeah, like, how do you feel about

1398
01:12:19.720 --> 01:12:26.680
<v Speaker 2>those movements that deny the realities of suffering or pain?

1399
01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:29.000
<v Speaker 3>Going back to something I quoted it earlier, If it

1400
01:12:29.039 --> 01:12:32.439
<v Speaker 3>indeed is half genetic, ten percent circumstantial, and forty percent

1401
01:12:32.399 --> 01:12:35.239
<v Speaker 3>intentionial activities, it would be hard pressed to find anybody

1402
01:12:35.520 --> 01:12:37.800
<v Speaker 3>who's liked it all the time. No one I've ever

1403
01:12:37.920 --> 01:12:42.439
<v Speaker 3>met is happy all the time. I am certainly not. Okay,

1404
01:12:42.800 --> 01:12:46.680
<v Speaker 3>no one's like that. It is a practice, and it's

1405
01:12:46.840 --> 01:12:52.000
<v Speaker 3>hard work, and so the endless positivity that the person

1406
01:12:52.119 --> 01:12:55.119
<v Speaker 3>is referring to is something I've only seen, and I've

1407
01:12:55.119 --> 01:12:57.560
<v Speaker 3>only personally seen in some sort of like kind of

1408
01:12:57.640 --> 01:12:58.680
<v Speaker 3>phony ishu way.

1409
01:12:58.880 --> 01:13:02.159
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So toxic positivity means if someone comes to you

1410
01:13:02.199 --> 01:13:04.720
<v Speaker 2>and they're going through a hard time, it does not

1411
01:13:04.920 --> 01:13:07.319
<v Speaker 2>help them to say things like it'll all work out.

1412
01:13:07.600 --> 01:13:10.239
<v Speaker 2>Everything you happens for a reason, or at least your

1413
01:13:10.239 --> 01:13:14.880
<v Speaker 2>house didn't burn down. Now, acknowledging struggles and being authentic

1414
01:13:14.920 --> 01:13:18.840
<v Speaker 2>with your feelings and others is important. You cannot fake happiness.

1415
01:13:19.119 --> 01:13:22.640
<v Speaker 2>Even those who have incredible resources still struggle with day

1416
01:13:22.680 --> 01:13:25.880
<v Speaker 2>to day satisfaction. So remember for your own health, for

1417
01:13:25.960 --> 01:13:27.960
<v Speaker 2>the health of others, and just having the will to

1418
01:13:27.960 --> 01:13:30.039
<v Speaker 2>get sh done. To make the world better, you've got

1419
01:13:30.039 --> 01:13:34.039
<v Speaker 2>to wrestle with the internal and external forces that lean

1420
01:13:34.159 --> 01:13:38.039
<v Speaker 2>toward bummertown. And scientists know what can help us, whether

1421
01:13:38.119 --> 01:13:39.119
<v Speaker 2>the rough stuff better.

1422
01:13:39.319 --> 01:13:41.560
<v Speaker 3>We know journaling works, We know singing works. We know

1423
01:13:41.680 --> 01:13:43.560
<v Speaker 3>going for a walk in the woods worked. We know

1424
01:13:43.960 --> 01:13:48.279
<v Speaker 3>simple basic stuff works. If you think it makes you happier,

1425
01:13:48.359 --> 01:13:50.640
<v Speaker 3>because after you do your twenty minute exercise you feel happier,

1426
01:13:50.680 --> 01:13:52.840
<v Speaker 3>you're right, Yeah, if you thinks that it makes me

1427
01:13:52.880 --> 01:13:55.239
<v Speaker 3>happier to have a family dinner where everyone's actually at

1428
01:13:55.279 --> 01:13:58.159
<v Speaker 3>the table and people's selfhes our way. You're right, it

1429
01:13:58.359 --> 01:14:01.359
<v Speaker 3>does because you're connected socially the people you love and

1430
01:14:01.399 --> 01:14:03.159
<v Speaker 3>you feel good that you have. Oh, maybe my relationship

1431
01:14:03.159 --> 01:14:04.680
<v Speaker 3>with my son isn't as bad as I thought. Or

1432
01:14:04.880 --> 01:14:07.279
<v Speaker 3>maybe my relationship with my wife. Oh we like each

1433
01:14:07.279 --> 01:14:11.239
<v Speaker 3>other after all, you know, Like it's turns out that

1434
01:14:11.279 --> 01:14:13.439
<v Speaker 3>those things that you think are good for you really are.

1435
01:14:13.920 --> 01:14:16.760
<v Speaker 3>And sometimes I fear that as society as a whole.

1436
01:14:16.840 --> 01:14:18.720
<v Speaker 3>Part of what we're doing when we lean on all

1437
01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:20.159
<v Speaker 3>these things like what if the data say and what

1438
01:14:20.159 --> 01:14:22.079
<v Speaker 3>does the research tell us? Blah blah blah, what what

1439
01:14:22.119 --> 01:14:24.560
<v Speaker 3>have you learned about? It's like part of what we're

1440
01:14:24.560 --> 01:14:27.119
<v Speaker 3>doing in that entire world, Alley, is we're ignoring what

1441
01:14:27.159 --> 01:14:29.439
<v Speaker 3>we just feel. Yeah, and what we should just feel

1442
01:14:29.520 --> 01:14:33.279
<v Speaker 3>is like it's right to just take a break, rewind,

1443
01:14:33.319 --> 01:14:34.960
<v Speaker 3>get a good night's sleep, put the phone out of

1444
01:14:35.000 --> 01:14:38.720
<v Speaker 3>the bedroom, read a book, yeah, for goodness sake, and

1445
01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:41.920
<v Speaker 3>reading a book, don't read the internet. Read a book.

1446
01:14:42.119 --> 01:14:45.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. For more encouragement to read books. I'm just once

1447
01:14:45.119 --> 01:14:48.920
<v Speaker 2>again going to plug Neil's fantastic podcasts. Three books whose

1448
01:14:48.960 --> 01:14:53.319
<v Speaker 2>guests have included luminaries such as Malcolm Gladwell, Judy Bloom,

1449
01:14:53.640 --> 01:14:57.199
<v Speaker 2>David Sedaris, and one day some lady named your dad.

1450
01:14:57.399 --> 01:15:00.039
<v Speaker 2>So enjoy a book, which can even be free to

1451
01:15:00.079 --> 01:15:03.000
<v Speaker 2>borrow from a local library or if you download the

1452
01:15:03.000 --> 01:15:06.880
<v Speaker 2>app libby, they have free ebooks and audiobooks. So save

1453
01:15:06.960 --> 01:15:09.680
<v Speaker 2>that cheddar my baby. And you know what's funny is

1454
01:15:09.720 --> 01:15:12.079
<v Speaker 2>like in all of the things you've listed, you've never

1455
01:15:12.119 --> 01:15:18.960
<v Speaker 2>been like shopping buying things. It doesn't seem to do

1456
01:15:19.079 --> 01:15:22.479
<v Speaker 2>as much as bytonicides might. And Okay, I'm going to

1457
01:15:22.560 --> 01:15:24.840
<v Speaker 2>ask the thing that is the toughest thing about your job,

1458
01:15:24.920 --> 01:15:27.680
<v Speaker 2>which I know I can't. I'm trying to guess what

1459
01:15:27.760 --> 01:15:29.479
<v Speaker 2>the toughest can I I've never done this before. Can

1460
01:15:29.520 --> 01:15:31.039
<v Speaker 2>I guess what the toughest thing about your job is?

1461
01:15:31.760 --> 01:15:32.159
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

1462
01:15:32.239 --> 01:15:35.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, the thing that sucks the most about being someone

1463
01:15:35.199 --> 01:15:38.319
<v Speaker 2>who looks for the awesome in life. Okay, I think

1464
01:15:38.359 --> 01:15:43.720
<v Speaker 2>the shittiest thing about your job is people assuming you're

1465
01:15:43.760 --> 01:15:44.520
<v Speaker 2>happy all the time.

1466
01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:48.159
<v Speaker 3>Oh my gosh. No, no, I'm like saying, oh my gosh,

1467
01:15:48.199 --> 01:15:51.279
<v Speaker 3>because that's exactly what I was gonna say. Is there really? Yes?

1468
01:15:51.439 --> 01:15:52.039
<v Speaker 2>I got all right?

1469
01:15:53.560 --> 01:15:55.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, It's like I used to even go on stages

1470
01:15:55.640 --> 01:15:57.800
<v Speaker 3>and say I'm not an optimist. I didn't even have

1471
01:15:57.880 --> 01:16:00.479
<v Speaker 3>to like yell that, because it was like the presumption

1472
01:16:00.640 --> 01:16:03.640
<v Speaker 3>was people used to call me Captain Awesome. Like they're like,

1473
01:16:03.920 --> 01:16:06.119
<v Speaker 3>it's Captain Awesome because no one could pronounce my last

1474
01:16:06.199 --> 01:16:08.560
<v Speaker 3>name obviously, so it's like we're not going to try

1475
01:16:08.600 --> 01:16:10.800
<v Speaker 3>to say Neil pass Rica. We may as well just

1476
01:16:10.840 --> 01:16:12.760
<v Speaker 3>refer to him as mister Awesome or Captain Awesome. And

1477
01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:15.000
<v Speaker 3>it didn't help that the Book of Awesome, you know,

1478
01:16:15.239 --> 01:16:17.239
<v Speaker 3>it ended up doing super well. So of course the

1479
01:16:17.239 --> 01:16:19.680
<v Speaker 3>publisher comes back and buys a bunch of sequels, and

1480
01:16:19.720 --> 01:16:22.279
<v Speaker 3>I am too naive and simple minded to be like no,

1481
01:16:22.720 --> 01:16:26.439
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, yes, more sequels, more money, more books spread.

1482
01:16:26.720 --> 01:16:29.800
<v Speaker 3>So then suddenly there's like five journals and calendars and

1483
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:31.880
<v Speaker 3>and there's like, you know, awesome sequel and the book

1484
01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:33.600
<v Speaker 3>it even more awesome in the Book of Holiday Awesome,

1485
01:16:33.600 --> 01:16:35.239
<v Speaker 3>and I have Awesome as everyone for kids, And suddenly

1486
01:16:35.239 --> 01:16:38.720
<v Speaker 3>I'm making Krusty the clown imitation gruel. This is Krusty

1487
01:16:38.800 --> 01:16:42.760
<v Speaker 3>brand imitation gruel, you know what I'm saying. Like, I

1488
01:16:42.800 --> 01:16:46.760
<v Speaker 3>then have completely enshrouded myself in this one word, which,

1489
01:16:46.800 --> 01:16:51.720
<v Speaker 3>according to Urban Dictionary, is how Americans describe everything. Okay,

1490
01:16:52.159 --> 01:16:54.680
<v Speaker 3>so now what I'm trying to really do in my

1491
01:16:54.760 --> 01:16:57.039
<v Speaker 3>own life as I'm forty one, now I'm getting there.

1492
01:16:57.079 --> 01:16:59.000
<v Speaker 3>You know, I was twenty eight tony nine i started

1493
01:16:59.039 --> 01:17:02.560
<v Speaker 3>doing this. I try to think about my life as

1494
01:17:03.239 --> 01:17:07.319
<v Speaker 3>I think, write, and speak about intentional living. Right, that's

1495
01:17:07.399 --> 01:17:10.319
<v Speaker 3>the high level framework I'm operating under. Yes, the Book

1496
01:17:10.319 --> 01:17:12.720
<v Speaker 3>of Awesome is about gratitude, but really the happiness equation

1497
01:17:12.800 --> 01:17:15.960
<v Speaker 3>is about happiness. My newest book is all about resilience,

1498
01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:17.720
<v Speaker 3>and the thing I'm working on today is about trust.

1499
01:17:17.760 --> 01:17:19.880
<v Speaker 3>So I'm really just trying to think of the gigantic,

1500
01:17:20.000 --> 01:17:23.880
<v Speaker 3>huge totems of life that make life beautiful, and how

1501
01:17:23.880 --> 01:17:27.680
<v Speaker 3>do we live these short thirty thousand days with intentionality.

1502
01:17:28.600 --> 01:17:31.800
<v Speaker 2>It's amazing that you have gotten to dedicate your life

1503
01:17:31.840 --> 01:17:35.199
<v Speaker 2>to the things and exploring the things that all of

1504
01:17:35.279 --> 01:17:38.119
<v Speaker 2>us put on the back burner and we think is

1505
01:17:38.199 --> 01:17:41.640
<v Speaker 2>going to be some sort of cabinet that we get

1506
01:17:41.680 --> 01:17:44.760
<v Speaker 2>to unlock when we deserve it, and you have gotten

1507
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:48.279
<v Speaker 2>to explore that as a job like You've gotten to

1508
01:17:48.319 --> 01:17:50.520
<v Speaker 2>put that on the front burner, which is pretty dope.

1509
01:17:51.199 --> 01:17:53.359
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I should mention that I did all this

1510
01:17:53.359 --> 01:17:57.520
<v Speaker 3>stuff on the side of Walmart for eight years, so

1511
01:17:57.880 --> 01:18:01.119
<v Speaker 3>like eight years this was my side has well eight years.

1512
01:18:01.159 --> 01:18:04.439
<v Speaker 3>The East Indian mentality burned to my brain said, do

1513
01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:06.159
<v Speaker 3>not quit your day job. You will have no one

1514
01:18:06.159 --> 01:18:09.399
<v Speaker 3>to pay your dental bills ever again, you know. And

1515
01:18:09.479 --> 01:18:12.439
<v Speaker 3>so this wasn't like a natural thing for me. I

1516
01:18:12.479 --> 01:18:15.199
<v Speaker 3>wasn't like raised by like a jazz pianist and like

1517
01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:18.600
<v Speaker 3>New York or editor. My parents were like hardcore immigrants

1518
01:18:18.600 --> 01:18:20.600
<v Speaker 3>from India and Africa. They were like a teacher and

1519
01:18:20.640 --> 01:18:22.439
<v Speaker 3>accountant in the suburbs. They were like, do not quit

1520
01:18:22.439 --> 01:18:24.239
<v Speaker 3>your day jub you already feel this by being adopting

1521
01:18:24.239 --> 01:18:30.399
<v Speaker 3>a doctor. And so all one hand, I just want

1522
01:18:30.439 --> 01:18:33.560
<v Speaker 3>to zoom up a second again and say sometimes people

1523
01:18:33.560 --> 01:18:34.800
<v Speaker 3>say to me, oh, it's really nice that you get

1524
01:18:34.800 --> 01:18:36.800
<v Speaker 3>to wander around all day and like write stuff. But

1525
01:18:36.960 --> 01:18:40.159
<v Speaker 3>I think it's the opposite. I don't get to do that.

1526
01:18:40.279 --> 01:18:42.840
<v Speaker 3>I am doing that because I wandered around all day.

1527
01:18:43.159 --> 01:18:44.960
<v Speaker 3>Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I think when

1528
01:18:45.000 --> 01:18:46.880
<v Speaker 3>you make space and time for some of the things

1529
01:18:46.920 --> 01:18:49.000
<v Speaker 3>we've been talking about today, waking up at the two

1530
01:18:49.000 --> 01:18:51.760
<v Speaker 3>minute morning practice, making space to go aside for nature, walks,

1531
01:18:51.800 --> 01:18:54.680
<v Speaker 3>playing you know, game like thorwn butter around your dinner table.

1532
01:18:54.680 --> 01:18:56.760
<v Speaker 3>When you do some of those practices, guess what, your

1533
01:18:56.760 --> 01:19:02.760
<v Speaker 3>mind relaxes, Your mind chills out. You stop getting obsessed

1534
01:19:02.800 --> 01:19:06.720
<v Speaker 3>with likes, stop getting obsessed, you stop. You just delete

1535
01:19:06.760 --> 01:19:09.239
<v Speaker 3>the apps off your phone. You don't even like them anymore.

1536
01:19:10.199 --> 01:19:12.039
<v Speaker 3>You know, You're like, well, I feel like a terrible

1537
01:19:12.079 --> 01:19:14.800
<v Speaker 3>person after an hour of liking instant stories, So I

1538
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:18.680
<v Speaker 3>think I'll actually just read Pride and Prejudice, you know.

1539
01:19:18.960 --> 01:19:21.520
<v Speaker 3>And That's what I'm trying to now focus my life towards.

1540
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:23.520
<v Speaker 3>And it's not because I'm good at It's because I'm

1541
01:19:23.520 --> 01:19:25.399
<v Speaker 3>trying to do it like I'm trying to you know.

1542
01:19:25.520 --> 01:19:25.960
<v Speaker 3>That's it.

1543
01:19:27.000 --> 01:19:32.279
<v Speaker 2>And what about the most awesome thing about being captain

1544
01:19:32.399 --> 01:19:35.840
<v Speaker 2>awesome osmologist. I'm just now, I'm just pressing your buttons.

1545
01:19:35.840 --> 01:19:37.319
<v Speaker 2>But we'll go ahead.

1546
01:19:37.039 --> 01:19:41.239
<v Speaker 3>And guess, since you're so perfect every time, No, what

1547
01:19:41.479 --> 01:19:42.039
<v Speaker 3>is the what?

1548
01:19:42.239 --> 01:19:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Guess I this is the first time I've ever guessed.

1549
01:19:46.840 --> 01:19:51.279
<v Speaker 2>I've never done this. The most best thing about being

1550
01:19:51.479 --> 01:19:56.720
<v Speaker 2>someone who looks for joy is hearing how it's changed people.

1551
01:19:58.359 --> 01:20:03.159
<v Speaker 3>No, I wish we had a measurement device that could,

1552
01:20:03.560 --> 01:20:07.479
<v Speaker 3>in one sentence, capture how many different octaves someone speaks in,

1553
01:20:08.279 --> 01:20:11.039
<v Speaker 3>because that would have been like twelve. That was so

1554
01:20:11.199 --> 01:20:17.159
<v Speaker 3>cute and beautiful and awesome. Honestly, it's probably that I

1555
01:20:17.199 --> 01:20:20.479
<v Speaker 3>get to make my kids breakfast and have dinner with

1556
01:20:20.479 --> 01:20:23.239
<v Speaker 3>them at night. Like, I know that sounds really trite

1557
01:20:23.239 --> 01:20:26.680
<v Speaker 3>and cheesy and simple, but I just think that I've

1558
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:28.720
<v Speaker 3>taken a lot of flights, and I've sat outside a

1559
01:20:28.760 --> 01:20:30.319
<v Speaker 3>lot of people and if they had any gray hair.

1560
01:20:30.399 --> 01:20:32.119
<v Speaker 3>For the last twenty years, I have asked them, what's

1561
01:20:32.119 --> 01:20:33.680
<v Speaker 3>your number one piece of advice for me? As I

1562
01:20:33.720 --> 01:20:35.760
<v Speaker 3>live my life. I can separate the answers to that,

1563
01:20:35.840 --> 01:20:39.039
<v Speaker 3>Like informal twenty year research study I've been doing into

1564
01:20:39.079 --> 01:20:43.000
<v Speaker 3>two buckets. Half the answers are totally random, like don't

1565
01:20:43.039 --> 01:20:46.000
<v Speaker 3>put a computer in someone's bedroom or like you know,

1566
01:20:46.119 --> 01:20:48.720
<v Speaker 3>like whatever. But the other half were all the same,

1567
01:20:48.840 --> 01:20:51.720
<v Speaker 3>which is, have one more kid than you think you should.

1568
01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:54.880
<v Speaker 3>Go really one more kid than you think you should. Yeah,

1569
01:20:54.920 --> 01:20:57.600
<v Speaker 3>because they always say I had two, wish I had three,

1570
01:20:57.640 --> 01:20:59.239
<v Speaker 3>I had one, wish had two, I had zero, wish

1571
01:20:59.239 --> 01:21:01.159
<v Speaker 3>I had one, I had three, which had four So

1572
01:21:01.560 --> 01:21:03.600
<v Speaker 3>what Leslie and I are doing as I talk to

1573
01:21:03.800 --> 01:21:06.800
<v Speaker 3>she is pregnant with her fourth child, is we've just

1574
01:21:06.800 --> 01:21:08.920
<v Speaker 3>decided that, like this is it for us. We just

1575
01:21:08.960 --> 01:21:12.640
<v Speaker 3>want to have like a giant, loud, crazy, ridiculous, messy

1576
01:21:12.800 --> 01:21:16.359
<v Speaker 3>spaghetti on the wall family. And sometimes that means saying

1577
01:21:16.399 --> 01:21:17.960
<v Speaker 3>no to lots and lots of things. But I get

1578
01:21:18.000 --> 01:21:20.359
<v Speaker 3>breakfast with my kids and dinner with my kids every day,

1579
01:21:20.359 --> 01:21:21.359
<v Speaker 3>which is super important.

1580
01:21:22.039 --> 01:21:26.119
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, congratulations, what flight did she take that

1581
01:21:26.119 --> 01:21:29.439
<v Speaker 2>pregnancy test on? She's gonna on a compute, like a

1582
01:21:29.479 --> 01:21:31.640
<v Speaker 2>commuter jet from Toronto to Buffalo.

1583
01:21:32.560 --> 01:21:35.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, only she only checks if she's pregnant on planes.

1584
01:21:36.439 --> 01:21:39.640
<v Speaker 2>Side note, if you can't biologically have children like me,

1585
01:21:39.920 --> 01:21:42.880
<v Speaker 2>or you aren't sure if you'd ever want children also

1586
01:21:43.119 --> 01:21:45.640
<v Speaker 2>like me, then just feel free to find and replace

1587
01:21:45.680 --> 01:21:49.159
<v Speaker 2>the word kids with dogs or cats or ferrets or

1588
01:21:49.239 --> 01:21:53.119
<v Speaker 2>tortoises or parrots or succulents, all of which can be

1589
01:21:53.399 --> 01:21:59.359
<v Speaker 2>just as challenging and expensive and rewarding as rearing a person. Well, obviously,

1590
01:21:59.560 --> 01:22:02.119
<v Speaker 2>this is just been an utter joy to have you on.

1591
01:22:02.279 --> 01:22:05.520
<v Speaker 2>I am so honored just to have your email at DRESK.

1592
01:22:05.600 --> 01:22:07.600
<v Speaker 2>I can't even tell you how exciting. I want to

1593
01:22:07.640 --> 01:22:08.039
<v Speaker 2>have you on.

1594
01:22:08.960 --> 01:22:11.159
<v Speaker 3>I love you. What you're doing is really special and

1595
01:22:11.279 --> 01:22:13.960
<v Speaker 3>rare and this is a real privilege and honor. I

1596
01:22:14.079 --> 01:22:15.920
<v Speaker 3>was so scared to talk to you because I'm like,

1597
01:22:16.520 --> 01:22:20.199
<v Speaker 3>I don't I haven't done anything of note, like all

1598
01:22:20.239 --> 01:22:22.960
<v Speaker 3>the people you have like I just shush, no, No,

1599
01:22:23.039 --> 01:22:26.239
<v Speaker 3>I mean like awesome ology like like compare the title

1600
01:22:26.479 --> 01:22:33.760
<v Speaker 3>like so, but I really appreciate connecting and if there's

1601
01:22:33.880 --> 01:22:35.840
<v Speaker 3>even like what I always say to people is the

1602
01:22:35.840 --> 01:22:37.399
<v Speaker 3>goals have to be perfect. It's just to be better

1603
01:22:37.399 --> 01:22:40.399
<v Speaker 3>than before. If there is even a nugget that resonated

1604
01:22:40.399 --> 01:22:41.920
<v Speaker 3>with one person, it was worth you know it. And

1605
01:22:41.960 --> 01:22:44.880
<v Speaker 3>I appreciate you having me on too, to uh to

1606
01:22:45.000 --> 01:22:46.159
<v Speaker 3>scream at people for a bit.

1607
01:22:47.000 --> 01:22:51.359
<v Speaker 2>The joy is oh mine. Okay, you're the best buye Okay.

1608
01:22:51.399 --> 01:22:55.199
<v Speaker 2>So ask happyish people honest questions, and remember that everyone's

1609
01:22:55.239 --> 01:22:58.000
<v Speaker 2>going through stuff, including yourself, and that you deserve the

1610
01:22:58.119 --> 01:23:00.560
<v Speaker 2>moments and the tools it takes to make feel better.

1611
01:23:00.840 --> 01:23:04.560
<v Speaker 2>So list some good stuff. Start a journal, maybe make

1612
01:23:04.600 --> 01:23:07.680
<v Speaker 2>a secret locked Twitter account where you can just catalog

1613
01:23:07.840 --> 01:23:10.479
<v Speaker 2>things to appreciate. Tell the folks in your life that

1614
01:23:10.520 --> 01:23:13.239
<v Speaker 2>you love them, and make new friends with people. You admire.

1615
01:23:13.319 --> 01:23:16.079
<v Speaker 2>I assure you it's very daymaking. So to get more

1616
01:23:16.119 --> 01:23:18.119
<v Speaker 2>Neil in your life, you can check out his website,

1617
01:23:18.319 --> 01:23:21.079
<v Speaker 2>very Easy Neil dot Blog. It's linked in the show notes,

1618
01:23:21.199 --> 01:23:23.279
<v Speaker 2>and I'm also going to post a bowload of links

1619
01:23:23.319 --> 01:23:27.279
<v Speaker 2>on alleyword dot com, slash Ologies, slash Awesomology, including links

1620
01:23:27.319 --> 01:23:30.640
<v Speaker 2>to his books. His one thousand Awesome Things blog is

1621
01:23:30.640 --> 01:23:33.119
<v Speaker 2>ted Talk, all the studies discussed, and the organization we

1622
01:23:33.199 --> 01:23:35.000
<v Speaker 2>made a donation to in his name. You can follow

1623
01:23:35.079 --> 01:23:38.359
<v Speaker 2>Neil on social media at Neil Pezrica on Twitter and

1624
01:23:38.439 --> 01:23:40.560
<v Speaker 2>on Instagram. You can find him on Facebook. We are

1625
01:23:40.640 --> 01:23:44.880
<v Speaker 2>at Ologies on Instagram and Twitter. I'm at Aliward with

1626
01:23:45.079 --> 01:23:48.319
<v Speaker 2>one lonely l on both. Like Neil is, you can

1627
01:23:48.319 --> 01:23:51.279
<v Speaker 2>be a patron of Ologies at patreon dot com, slash ologies,

1628
01:23:51.279 --> 01:23:53.640
<v Speaker 2>and as he mentioned, my heart is Cheap. It costs

1629
01:23:53.640 --> 01:23:56.039
<v Speaker 2>one dollar a month to join, twenty five cents an episode.

1630
01:23:56.159 --> 01:23:59.600
<v Speaker 2>Mybabes now Ologies March is available at ologiesmarch dot com,

1631
01:23:59.760 --> 01:24:02.760
<v Speaker 2>including the new masks we just got in a little

1632
01:24:02.760 --> 01:24:05.960
<v Speaker 2>more gratitude for my fellow sexy apes that make this

1633
01:24:05.960 --> 01:24:08.439
<v Speaker 2>show possible. Thank you so much, Bonnie Dutch and Shannon

1634
01:24:08.439 --> 01:24:10.640
<v Speaker 2>feltis for handling merch. You can check out their comedy

1635
01:24:10.640 --> 01:24:13.840
<v Speaker 2>podcast You Are That They're hilarious. Thank you Aaron Talbert

1636
01:24:13.880 --> 01:24:17.239
<v Speaker 2>for adminting the ologies podcast Facebook group full of wonderful

1637
01:24:17.399 --> 01:24:20.800
<v Speaker 2>curious folks. Thank you Emily White and the volunteer transcriptionists

1638
01:24:20.800 --> 01:24:23.720
<v Speaker 2>who make transcripts available for free. They're on my website

1639
01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:26.439
<v Speaker 2>for our deaf and heart of hearing friends or anyone

1640
01:24:26.439 --> 01:24:28.279
<v Speaker 2>else who wants or needs them. There's a link to

1641
01:24:28.279 --> 01:24:30.560
<v Speaker 2>that in the show notes. Thank you Caleb Patton, who

1642
01:24:30.600 --> 01:24:33.640
<v Speaker 2>adds leaps of modesty to the episodes so that you

1643
01:24:33.680 --> 01:24:36.800
<v Speaker 2>can download some Kids Say versions. Those are on my website.

1644
01:24:36.840 --> 01:24:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Noel Dilworth handles all the scheduling. She is lovely. Thank

1645
01:24:39.760 --> 01:24:42.000
<v Speaker 2>you to assistant editor and host of the mental health

1646
01:24:42.039 --> 01:24:44.960
<v Speaker 2>podcast My Good, Bad Brain, Jarreed Sleeper, with whom I

1647
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:48.439
<v Speaker 2>have been quarantined since March, and whoms I am so

1648
01:24:48.479 --> 01:24:51.199
<v Speaker 2>grateful for, And of course the man who threads all

1649
01:24:51.199 --> 01:24:54.560
<v Speaker 2>our edits together, mister Mustache himself, Stephen Ray Morris, who

1650
01:24:54.600 --> 01:24:57.319
<v Speaker 2>also hosts a dino themed podcast called Te Jurassic Right

1651
01:24:57.600 --> 01:25:00.560
<v Speaker 2>and a kitty themed podcast called The per Cast. Nick

1652
01:25:00.600 --> 01:25:02.680
<v Speaker 2>Thorburn wrote and performed the theme music and if you

1653
01:25:02.760 --> 01:25:05.640
<v Speaker 2>head to the ologies Instagram, provided you do not spend

1654
01:25:05.720 --> 01:25:08.239
<v Speaker 2>a long time scrolling for the sake of your own brain,

1655
01:25:08.560 --> 01:25:12.199
<v Speaker 2>you can see Oligite and pod friend Heath Allen's excellent

1656
01:25:12.520 --> 01:25:15.520
<v Speaker 2>video reenactment of the theme song recording session. Thank you,

1657
01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:18.079
<v Speaker 2>Heath in a word, La Mau. If you listen to

1658
01:25:18.119 --> 01:25:19.520
<v Speaker 2>the end of the podcast, I tell you a secret,

1659
01:25:19.600 --> 01:25:21.960
<v Speaker 2>and this week's secret is I will reiterate I really

1660
01:25:22.000 --> 01:25:25.239
<v Speaker 2>have been feeling so much, weirdly better after this interview

1661
01:25:25.319 --> 01:25:27.880
<v Speaker 2>with Neil, and I've really just learned how much happier

1662
01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:30.840
<v Speaker 2>I am when I'm nicer to myself. And one thing

1663
01:25:30.960 --> 01:25:33.119
<v Speaker 2>I think that was behind that for a long time.

1664
01:25:33.159 --> 01:25:34.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if anyone else feels this, but there's

1665
01:25:34.920 --> 01:25:38.640
<v Speaker 2>a certain fear I think I've had that if I'm happy,

1666
01:25:39.159 --> 01:25:42.439
<v Speaker 2>people I love will reject me because they will feel

1667
01:25:42.439 --> 01:25:45.399
<v Speaker 2>annoyed by me. If I'm cheerful, or I have to

1668
01:25:45.439 --> 01:25:48.079
<v Speaker 2>be doing worse than other people around me or else,

1669
01:25:48.399 --> 01:25:50.960
<v Speaker 2>they'll get irritated at me. And I think that's something

1670
01:25:51.000 --> 01:25:53.159
<v Speaker 2>I've had in my brain for a long time. And

1671
01:25:53.199 --> 01:25:57.279
<v Speaker 2>I literally asked friends who I love very much, would

1672
01:25:57.319 --> 01:25:59.960
<v Speaker 2>you be annoyed if I became happier, and every single

1673
01:26:00.119 --> 01:26:03.760
<v Speaker 2>one of them was like, no, what, Please be happier.

1674
01:26:03.800 --> 01:26:06.439
<v Speaker 2>That's all I want for you. So if you feel

1675
01:26:06.439 --> 01:26:09.159
<v Speaker 2>like people will be mad at you if you're doing okay,

1676
01:26:09.600 --> 01:26:12.680
<v Speaker 2>perhaps sit down and think on that. Also think are

1677
01:26:12.680 --> 01:26:15.600
<v Speaker 2>those relationships good ones if you feel that way. So

1678
01:26:15.840 --> 01:26:18.199
<v Speaker 2>the world is not great, but there's a lot of

1679
01:26:18.239 --> 01:26:20.960
<v Speaker 2>great things and people in it, and so just like

1680
01:26:21.039 --> 01:26:23.640
<v Speaker 2>brush in our teeth, it's something to do for brain

1681
01:26:23.680 --> 01:26:27.159
<v Speaker 2>maintenance is to appreciate that. So I hope this episode helped.

1682
01:26:27.199 --> 01:26:28.920
<v Speaker 2>If it did, pass it on to people in your

1683
01:26:28.920 --> 01:26:31.960
<v Speaker 2>life who you think might enjoy it. Also, thank you

1684
01:26:32.039 --> 01:26:35.279
<v Speaker 2>for canceling your holiday plans to keep people alive. I

1685
01:26:35.319 --> 01:26:37.359
<v Speaker 2>know it's hard. Honestly, a lot of people say that

1686
01:26:37.399 --> 01:26:40.239
<v Speaker 2>they canceled their holiday plans and everyone on the family

1687
01:26:40.279 --> 01:26:43.720
<v Speaker 2>thread was relieved. So please do that. Someone very close

1688
01:26:43.760 --> 01:26:47.560
<v Speaker 2>to me just tested positive for COVID. She was completely asymptomatic.

1689
01:26:47.880 --> 01:26:50.439
<v Speaker 2>Keep that in mind, be safe, be good to yourself,

1690
01:26:50.640 --> 01:26:56.079
<v Speaker 2>and know that I'm very grateful for you. Okay, enough, sap, Dad, Okay, bryebye.

1691
01:26:56.199 --> 01:27:09.399
<v Speaker 2>Pacaderman's College Homeology, rydo Zoology, Lithology, New Technology, meteorology, scientology, nithology, seriology, selenology,