Speaker 1: I'm sweating like Chris Packham next to a bacon sandwich.
Speaker 2: If I can find the person who wrote into us
Speaker 2: and said you should stop moaning about asking for the rain,
Speaker 2: I'd like to then just insert into their underpants a
Speaker 2: million bees.
Speaker 1: Right now, bees, take some bees.
Speaker 2: I want rain, Yeah, rain, rain, please, rain, please, dear
Speaker 2: God rain.
Speaker 3: Hold on a second, you've been a farmer for one
Speaker 3: day and you're suddenly complaining about rain. There we go.
Speaker 3: It's just a.
Speaker 2: Charcoal burner, and I can't burn anything because now you'll
Speaker 2: set fire to the whole of whales.
Speaker 3: Oh, we've had a right old two and eight. I
Speaker 3: went away for a couple of days to Southwold, came
Speaker 3: back and the farm watched WhatsApp group because harvest has
Speaker 3: started here the or seed rape and the beans are
Speaker 3: coming in or the beans are as shriveled as a
Speaker 3: politician's brain, and the hey presto. I think they'd only
Speaker 3: be going for about sort of forty five minutes in
Speaker 3: the first field, fire announcement came in and someone's barley
Speaker 3: completely shot out lost the combine harvest, which I think
Speaker 3: is sadly going to be the shape of things to
Speaker 3: come this year.
Speaker 1: What's early this year.
Speaker 3: I've seen everything.
Speaker 1: Tons of blackberries come out already in certain places, which
Speaker 1: I think feels for the early.
Speaker 2: Canal side raspberries. Blackberries and raspberries don't count. They sort
Speaker 2: of have their own calendar.
Speaker 1: Well the slows as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they come out stupidly early.
Speaker 3: Because of the water.
Speaker 2: I think it's the water in the warmth and the
Speaker 2: tramp piss.
Speaker 3: Callums. We it's a magnet to early blackberries. Yeah. But
Speaker 3: did you say you've seen slows Callum.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's quite a lot of slow. So I dropped
Speaker 1: the dropped my daughter off at nursery this morning. There's
Speaker 1: the whole bush seems full of them already, and I was,
Speaker 1: and they're all turning that slow color rather than the color.
Speaker 2: Is that Callum school? Schoolgate reraper Twitter with the with
Speaker 2: the other mums.
Speaker 1: No, it's only your kid that slow.
Speaker 2: Actually, their bus arrives later, let me tell you.
Speaker 1: So I go to not in Harlow, to a place
Speaker 1: to drop my child off. And this particular school is
Speaker 1: not inhabited by the people of of Harlow, but the
Speaker 1: surrounding villages that have lots of land. So I get
Speaker 1: I get mums in cars that are more than my
Speaker 1: yearly salary turning up and sort of they're in their
Speaker 1: gym where they've already done a two hour PT session
Speaker 1: and then they come and have a little saunter in
Speaker 1: and they're probably gone to their coffee mornings and whatever else.
Speaker 3: But this isn't a private school, but it is is
Speaker 3: basically been he's been Phillips.
Speaker 1: It's actually a thing called a forest school.
Speaker 2: Is this just a forest that you leave your child in?
Speaker 1: I had to sign a consent form to say that
Speaker 1: I was okay with a two year old to use
Speaker 1: a drill independently. So a trill, Yeah, an actual drill,
Speaker 1: hand drill, I take it, I assume. So I didn't
Speaker 1: really go into the detail too much.
Speaker 2: But is she putting a shift in on the tools?
Speaker 2: You've got a CSCs card.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she has got a c SCS card and they
Speaker 1: make her have steals and a hard hat on site
Speaker 1: every day and a high vis. But they do actually
Speaker 1: wear a high vis. They have to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I rather like that idea. That is a hell
Speaker 3: of a good way is that, if you went and
Speaker 3: looked at it, every single major infrastructure project that ever
Speaker 3: gets done in this country is a complete disaster and
Speaker 3: eventually it will come out as the y HS two
Speaker 3: has taken sort of you know for years is because
Speaker 3: it's been built by two year old.
Speaker 2: That's the problem.
Speaker 1: What you needed was more kids, more kids down the mines.
Speaker 1: He's just generally more kids, just putting a shift in
Speaker 1: the good old. On a serious note, forest school is
Speaker 1: really good for kids. Being outdoors is significantly better. I
Speaker 1: know in the winter it's a bit it's a bit brutal,
Speaker 1: and they do go outside in you lose a few
Speaker 1: every year. Yeah, but you know, only the strongest survive.
Speaker 2: I'm the fastest.
Speaker 3: So yeah, listen, I want to know because mister Prudo
Speaker 3: put a cryptic thing on that he's been pretending to
Speaker 3: be a farmer today, to what degree have you been
Speaker 3: masquerading as a farmer then.
Speaker 2: To the degree where I've been helping people point to
Speaker 2: cameras towards farmers, so doing that kind of thing. So
Speaker 2: I've been talking to a very nice farmer who makes
Speaker 2: very nice milk that goes into making very nice cheese.
Speaker 2: And I've been converted over to the cheese mindset.
Speaker 3: What is the cheese mindset?
Speaker 2: You cheese? Maxine, the cheese is okay, because I don't
Speaker 2: think that cheese is okay. I hate the idea of
Speaker 2: uncooked cheese.
Speaker 1: Yes, you have more strange.
Speaker 2: Two days into the three days gig of working with
Speaker 2: the cheese people, I had to admit that I don't
Speaker 2: like cheese. I don't like your cheese. I don't like
Speaker 2: any cheese. Was is there a lot of it?
Speaker 3: Feels like that?
Speaker 1: Was Was it a moment? Was it a crisis moment
Speaker 1: where they all surrounded you and poked small holes out
Speaker 1: of you?
Speaker 2: You were in a cold, cold store and a man
Speaker 2: was aggressively pointing a sample of cheese at me to
Speaker 2: try it. And it was actually it was a very
Speaker 2: nice cheddar, as a very rich cheddar. It was actually
Speaker 2: quite good. It did quite like it. So it wasn't
Speaker 2: just saying that to get out of their alive to
Speaker 2: not get buried in the effluent pile of whey that's
Speaker 2: out the back of the cheesetairy. I did actually enjoy it,
Speaker 2: although I did pick up a nice tipbit. You cheese
Speaker 2: grading with cheese, so you put like a core sampler
Speaker 2: thing in and you twist it and pull it out
Speaker 2: and then you crumble a bit off and warm with
Speaker 2: it between your hands, and then that's how you sort
Speaker 2: of grade that the cheese is good and that it's
Speaker 2: suitable for sale. And it's a suitable type the traditional thing,
Speaker 2: and I'm fairly sure this is for Cheddar. It might
Speaker 2: be for chesha as well. Is gun metal? So the
Speaker 2: traditionally used to make them out of the barrels of
Speaker 2: four ten shotguns. No way, Yeah, this beautiful little metal
Speaker 2: tool is a piece of gun metal.
Speaker 3: I know the thing. Yes that certainly it's got like
Speaker 3: an angle then to it that they dive in with
Speaker 3: it almost like a screw top handle on the top
Speaker 3: like a bottle open.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it looks like somewhere between a bottle open and
Speaker 2: something you jam into a birch treat to get the
Speaker 2: sap out, somewhere between the two of those. But I
Speaker 2: thought that was a nice little touch. I thought, I'm
Speaker 2: having that in the back pocket for a pub quiz
Speaker 2: at some point.
Speaker 3: With a four ten barrel. Isn't that wonderful? Because the
Speaker 3: four ten is going to become obsolete, Curtsey.
Speaker 2: You won't be able to get it, no, because.
Speaker 3: Courtesy of the lead ban is that you know that's it.
Speaker 3: You can't you steal really in a four ten it's
Speaker 3: going to become an obsolete thing.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think anyone will make us steal cartridge,
Speaker 2: will we.
Speaker 3: I know that the guys at Shooting Star that I
Speaker 3: think it's joker. I have got this hybridge shot which
Speaker 3: is sort of an alloy type thing, and they can
Speaker 3: make that down into four ten cartridges. But it's I mean,
Speaker 3: it'd suddenly become an expensive thing. So what used to
Speaker 3: be like a rabbiting cartridge? You're suddenly going, God, I
Speaker 3: just shot one fifty at a rabbit. What was a rabbit?
Speaker 3: Re youself for twenty three.
Speaker 2: P so loss making rabbits?
Speaker 1: Yeah, bismuth round for a rabbit in this.
Speaker 2: Age of efficiency and you know, using AI and things
Speaker 2: like that to constantly increase production. I was having a
Speaker 2: conversation with Amy on the way to way to this
Speaker 2: place this morning, and we were we needed a shorthand
Speaker 2: for animals and roadkill animals that you know how you
Speaker 2: use roadkill at all as a sort of landmark. Yes,
Speaker 2: if you see a particularly interesting bit of roadkill, you
Speaker 2: send it to your friend, don't you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't what you're wrong?
Speaker 2: Turn right after the very large red deer carcass or
Speaker 2: something like that roadkill sort of, you know, the deer
Speaker 2: carcass of this type of deer or whatever is too long.
Speaker 2: It takes too long to say. So what we need
Speaker 2: to do is shorten it into a sort of portmanteau.
Speaker 2: So we need flat and then name of animal, so
Speaker 2: you don't need the whole word flat. You can just
Speaker 2: go for flat. Flat rabbit becomes flat rabbit. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: floral squitche No, you're gonna be all you could be
Speaker 2: fledgehog cadn't you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was thinking more squige because it always seems
Speaker 3: to be Pearl's hedgehogs. They don't get flat. They might
Speaker 3: get smeared smear. Yeah, yeah, poor old things and their
Speaker 3: little teeth and they're sort of smeared across the road.
Speaker 2: What else would you get? You get flunt jack.
Speaker 3: I've called them similar flatger fl fliging, fldging.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been a few flidgeings.
Speaker 3: We've had a large fled deer stinking and slowly decaying
Speaker 3: on the road in between. Here we aren't skull, which
Speaker 3: is not it actually does look like it's on skull,
Speaker 3: and the bornham parva just on that bit of the
Speaker 3: road there in between that on the way to Eye
Speaker 3: and the Diss Road. These are all places that Richard
Speaker 3: actually refuses to believe actually exists.
Speaker 2: Were made up for the show mids of My Murders.
Speaker 2: I believe You're on your Way to Souls meant to
Speaker 2: be in summer, but somehow filmed in winter.
Speaker 3: That's right, and it's been it's laid there for a
Speaker 3: heck of a long while. Although I have to say,
Speaker 3: I don't know if you saw the news report, but
Speaker 3: it did make me chuckle. Is that the supposedly really
Speaker 3: hardcore reform councils is they had to put a set
Speaker 3: of temporary traffic lights. This was in Essex.
Speaker 2: Yes Callum's fault.
Speaker 3: They had to put a set of temporary traffic lights
Speaker 3: around a month jack that had been run over and
Speaker 3: was lying on the side of the road. And because
Speaker 3: obviously some council employees I'd moved now is stinking, because
Speaker 3: obviously it had blown up and now was bit wreaky
Speaker 3: because of the high heat. It was easier in inverted
Speaker 3: commas to put up the road into a single lane,
Speaker 3: a set of temporary traffic lights and cones around this
Speaker 3: carcass of a munk jack. So you know, if we
Speaker 3: are actually looking at this doge thing, come on, reform,
Speaker 3: pull your finger out and just get some counsel employees
Speaker 3: with a stronger stomach hunt servants. They're all going to
Speaker 3: be made redundant because of the trail hunting man that
Speaker 3: they're cutting up stuff like that for a living.
Speaker 2: I've got a top tip for moving roadkill of any size.
Speaker 2: If you go check it's dead first. Well, the keyword
Speaker 2: there is kill. You know road maame, you need a
Speaker 2: different different.
Speaker 1: Just id id that's definitely not alive.
Speaker 2: Just go along a tap its eyeball, just an angry.
Speaker 1: Badger just on the side of the.
Speaker 2: Something called a hook a roun or a piccaroon or
Speaker 2: a sappie, which is sort of a it looks like
Speaker 2: a pickaxe of the weird shortened hook on the end.
Speaker 2: Use it in forestry for dragging logs around the grate.
Speaker 2: But one of those you can hook it into the
Speaker 2: leg of something and just drag it out the way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but what if you're a bit inaccurate and you
Speaker 3: then puncture its guts and then it just sprays you in.
Speaker 3: No see, I would go for the tongue clay more,
Speaker 3: I go for the tongs and go for whatever bit
Speaker 3: is least squished gold. He bought me a pair. It's
Speaker 3: so funny. I've got a pair of steel log tongues
Speaker 3: that he bought me because he was so fed up
Speaker 3: with me looking at as I'm trying to pick up big,
Speaker 3: heavy logs that he's just dropped on my head by
Speaker 3: buying my bare hands. He bought me that as a
Speaker 3: Christmas present. You know, I just shows you that that
Speaker 3: ours is not just a business relationship, is one of caring.
Speaker 3: You know, bought me that, right, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: In our semi occasional series of we take I'm about
Speaker 2: to do things that he hasn't done before. I think
Speaker 2: we should go and do a day of identifying and
Speaker 2: using forestry tools.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, why don't you just get we're doing Instagram real,
Speaker 1: I'll just blind rank you just show me pictures of
Speaker 1: forestry tools and I'll just tell you what I think
Speaker 1: they might be for.
Speaker 3: I think we want to do it in the Forest
Speaker 3: of Dean though. I think we should go because I mean,
Speaker 3: I know that there is like a communication problem with
Speaker 3: our good friend Nick from the Forest of Dean and
Speaker 3: Callum is that they both speak English, but not in
Speaker 3: a way that one another of them understand. And they
Speaker 3: could go out and we could just lay these things
Speaker 3: out and we say Nick, what is that? And you
Speaker 3: go that be a wrap? And the next thing as Calum.
Speaker 2: Go you what? What did he says?
Speaker 3: Is there a captions option on nick? Ah?
Speaker 2: What is this the hard of hearing?
Speaker 3: Now? Listen, I'm interested Callum angling and this sort of weather?
Speaker 3: Is it ethical to go fishing when the water temperatures
Speaker 3: are so high? Talk me through that.
Speaker 1: So certain fish pike. If you're pike fishing now and
Speaker 1: you catch a pike, it will probably die, right, So
Speaker 1: it's really it's a poor choice to go pike fishing
Speaker 1: in this kind of weather. They So, what happens when
Speaker 1: you get this kind of weather is the sun hits
Speaker 1: the water. The oxygen is always dropping at night because
Speaker 1: you've got lots and lots of pond weed and stuff.
Speaker 1: At night, the oxygen that's in the water get sucked
Speaker 1: in by all of the plant life, and then you'll
Speaker 1: just find oxygen crashes all the time, and you get
Speaker 1: things like algae blooms, and then the alga ballooons come
Speaker 1: up and when the alga blooons drop like they often
Speaker 1: drop once you get a bit of water and the
Speaker 1: water temperature drops quickly, and then they take all the
Speaker 1: oxygen with it, so you get you go from half
Speaker 1: decent oxygen to like terrible oxygen and lack of wind
Speaker 1: as well. Luckily yesterday it was quite windy, but the
Speaker 1: lack of wind does no good for oxygen levels, so
Speaker 1: when they're when you catch a fish in those conditions,
Speaker 1: they stress themselves out and then they don't do too
Speaker 1: good afterwards. Some places different, but a lot certain fish
Speaker 1: aren't very hardy. I fish for carp in the summer months.
Speaker 1: You can probably fish for chubb because the sort of
Speaker 1: places you're fishing are usually streamy water that's running, and
Speaker 1: they're pretty hardcore. But most other fish I won't tend
Speaker 1: to fish for.
Speaker 2: What about because the river levels are so low, you've
Speaker 2: got the few pools and deeper areas that you do have.
Speaker 2: That's where people are going fishing and doing and paddling
Speaker 2: around now as well? What about the effects there, because
Speaker 2: is that just driving the fish back into shallower water
Speaker 2: away for the pools or.
Speaker 1: What I'd say if they've got someone paddling around in it.
Speaker 1: That's probably good for the water because it agitates the
Speaker 1: water and gets some oxygen in. Like the best thing
Speaker 1: you can do if you want, if you want a
Speaker 1: fishery to do well and not suffer from oxygen crashes,
Speaker 1: just just put an air etor in it. Just get
Speaker 1: yourself some kind of like water fountain or something like that.
Speaker 1: And that's what the Environment Agency will do. If you
Speaker 1: see a place with a if you see fish in distress,
Speaker 1: you should call the Environment Agency because they will often
Speaker 1: there's a lot of bad things said about the Environment Agency,
Speaker 1: but if you do see fish in distress and you
Speaker 1: ring the Environment Agency, there will usually come out and
Speaker 1: try and rectify the problem. They will put air ators
Speaker 1: in and they will and will sort it out. And
Speaker 1: I'm reliably informed it is the NRW in Wales Natural
Speaker 1: Resources Wales.
Speaker 2: What if I throw a soda stream in there, You.
Speaker 1: Could probably throw a soda stream in there. All of
Speaker 1: this is just for entertainment and should not be used.
Speaker 2: Do not revive your fish using the advice of country Slide.
Speaker 1: We cannot be held legally responsible for the death of
Speaker 1: your pike.
Speaker 3: Now listen, I've got an idea, right because we've just
Speaker 3: veered off onto angling. Right. I was thinking at my
Speaker 3: wedding because I got married on the banks of the
Speaker 3: beautiful river tweed. That's Driver, one of the finest salmon pools,
Speaker 3: the Driver Abbey stretch of the tweed. And on each table,
Speaker 3: rather than putting a table number, I painted my favorite.
Speaker 1: Shooting Times contributor.
Speaker 3: No I didn't. I painted dry flies that I've caught
Speaker 3: trout on the river tweed in. Now I've got before
Speaker 3: me the Osborne Book of Flies for Salmon, right, Okay,
Speaker 3: Now I want to do true or false? Are these
Speaker 3: names of salmon flies?
Speaker 2: Okay? You can play along at home.
Speaker 3: A long at home? Is it true or false? The
Speaker 3: kidney punch, I'm going to say true.
Speaker 2: I'm going to go false.
Speaker 3: Richard is correct, it's actually the winter punch, which yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 3: The wooly bugger black.
Speaker 2: True, I know this is true. Yes, didn't you lose
Speaker 2: one because of my fly tank? Yes?
Speaker 3: Absolutely is then went oh bugger as it flew off.
Speaker 3: It's a good fly. It's a multi purpose fly, particularly
Speaker 3: I've found in very light, bright water conditions. Okay, here
Speaker 3: we go, candle lit dinner. That's got to be it's
Speaker 3: got to be forced.
Speaker 2: I think true because it's got the meal.
Speaker 3: Well, it's a good thought, but it's actually winter candlelight.
Speaker 3: It is a it is a spider. No, it's a
Speaker 3: fly with silver tinsel, fluorescent orange floss and medium dark
Speaker 3: orange seals fur. I've never seen an orange seal.
Speaker 1: I come to Essex. It's just it's mostly just fake town.
Speaker 2: Is that the old the SINGERX right final one?
Speaker 3: Traffic ticket?
Speaker 1: True?
Speaker 2: False, but the real one's called traffic light.
Speaker 3: It's a traffic ticket, is actually a real thing. It's
Speaker 3: gold tinsel, lemon wood duck fibers, peacock hurl, lemon wood
Speaker 3: duck flank, and a badger hackle. Basically, you've got every
Speaker 3: single thing that makes that fly. Would probably get you
Speaker 3: five years in Pentonville if you were found actually killing
Speaker 3: those things. So I've been through this flies for salmon, feather,
Speaker 3: wing and hackle. There are a further eight different editions
Speaker 3: of this for various other things because fly tying, and
Speaker 3: the reason it went into my mind was because friends
Speaker 3: of the show, and without a shadow of doubt, the
Speaker 3: least fingered person who listens to this, if you want
Speaker 3: to be that okay, he has the fewest fingers of
Speaker 3: our listeners.
Speaker 1: He was that survey they we told you we could,
Speaker 1: you couldn't put that question on the audience survey, so
Speaker 1: you don't know that. So true?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he was showing us, wasn't he on the
Speaker 3: WhatsApp group about his about his a how he set
Speaker 3: up his fishing rod because he has fewer fingers than
Speaker 3: most of us, and how the real works, but also
Speaker 3: how he ties flies on, which was fascinating. But I
Speaker 3: don't think he's into fly tying. Now, callum, you are
Speaker 3: a bit of a fly tiist, aren't you.
Speaker 1: Well, no, I'm not.
Speaker 3: But look look at this. Look vice ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 3: He is showing us his vice. Now I'm not talking about.
Speaker 1: So I went on my favorite Chinese auction site and.
Speaker 2: Other versions are available, but not really now it's all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, No, it wasn't Temu. It was Ali Express,
Speaker 1: which you know, go ally Express, and I bought a
Speaker 1: general paupose fly tying kit.
Speaker 3: So it had.
Speaker 1: I had ordered literally every bit you could possibly imagine,
Speaker 1: and I went on too Essential fly so they sell
Speaker 1: The website looks awful and you might feel like you
Speaker 1: might get scammed, but I ordered all the stuff from there,
Speaker 1: and then a lady phoned me up and she said
Speaker 1: to me. She said to me, oh, you've ordered the
Speaker 1: one one twenty d Denny air thing and that's really
Speaker 1: that's really strong, but we don't have that in stock.
Speaker 1: We have this one, and this one's this tension and
Speaker 1: this one comes in this color. But you know, if
Speaker 1: you tie it too tight, what kind of hooks are
Speaker 1: you using? She went into all this detail, and I
Speaker 1: was like, look, I know some of the words that
Speaker 1: you just said.
Speaker 3: I do not know what you.
Speaker 1: See the string stuff, I'd really like the string stuff
Speaker 1: for putting it round the hook. And she said, say less,
Speaker 1: I'll sort you out. So she sent me this stuff,
Speaker 1: but they literally wrung you, wrung me up. It's like
Speaker 1: a family run business, she said. If you call back tomorrow,
Speaker 1: they'll be like fly tying expert here that will that
Speaker 1: you can guide you through absolutely anything. Which which company
Speaker 1: was that kin It's called Essential Fly and they've got
Speaker 1: a stock of everything. They sort you out with whatever
Speaker 1: you need. And then I've got I had to buy it.
Speaker 1: But I don't know anyone that kills deer. Unfortunately, I
Speaker 1: know lots of people I just was impatient. But I bought.
Speaker 1: I bought the deer hair.
Speaker 2: He's holding up to the camera, ladies and gentlemen, the
Speaker 2: smallest piece of deer deer for I have ever seen.
Speaker 2: It's like that would basically be one corner point of
Speaker 2: a MANKINI of of deer skin.
Speaker 1: A good stroke of an axe. Basically, it's what I'm suggesting.
Speaker 1: But you know, be careful with those splatters.
Speaker 3: We have to say I did a wonderful shooting times
Speaker 3: piece back when the shooting times was not done by AI.
Speaker 3: And you know when Patrick Patrick, allegedly Patrick Galbraith, said
Speaker 3: give me an idea, and I went, okay, what dog
Speaker 3: can catch the most fish? And a friend of mine
Speaker 3: called Adam Bragg, who's a brilliant stocksman, makes beautiful gunstocks
Speaker 3: and they also beautiful cabinets and whatnot. He's a very
Speaker 3: very good fly angler, and we tied flies from different
Speaker 3: dog hair with a slight nod to Hugh Folcus, because
Speaker 3: Hugh Folcus, the great angler. He rather infamously once went
Speaker 3: to someone invited him to go fishing from their place.
Speaker 3: He then promptly slept with his host's wife and then
Speaker 3: realized he hadn't bought his fly box with him, so
Speaker 3: plucked some hairs from out of the chaps golden retriever
Speaker 3: and hey presto, one of the finest sea trout flies
Speaker 3: that's ever been tied. The golden retriever came from it.
Speaker 3: So he not only slept with his wife, he also
Speaker 3: Nickedy's dogs fur and turned it into a fly. So
Speaker 3: we tried different breeds of dogs.
Speaker 2: I thought you were about to say you've tried different
Speaker 2: different Yes, hundreds of different went through the entire audience
Speaker 2: of shooting times.
Speaker 3: I was too tired to go fishing afterwards. And if
Speaker 3: memory serves me right, it was the spring of Spaniel
Speaker 3: what won it, and I tied Cocker spaniel golden retree.
Speaker 3: I took some Golden retriever fur from Jeremy Squirrel's dog Margo,
Speaker 3: and I also took some cocker poo fur, which I
Speaker 3: wholly don't hypoallergenic flies love it. It's sat there, there's
Speaker 3: a map of the water like a flipping bloom. That
Speaker 3: was no use at all. But Adam, who I have
Speaker 3: to say is a far better angler than I am.
Speaker 3: He won with some rather cunning sort of clinkhammer type
Speaker 3: thing which he had tied would spring a spaniel fur,
Speaker 3: and so we could safely say by scientific analysis that
Speaker 3: the spring of spaniel is best at killing trout.
Speaker 1: Fair.
Speaker 2: There's nowhere to go from that, is there? There's no secretary.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to try don fur as a thing.
Speaker 1: So with the deer hair, does anyone want to guess
Speaker 1: what you make.
Speaker 3: Dog biscuit fly?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, have you made a dog biscuit flight?
Speaker 1: Here we go, Here's what I made earlier for Just
Speaker 1: describe it for the audience at home.
Speaker 3: Okay, So, ladies and gentlemen, what he's done is it
Speaker 3: basically looks like you know, the fluff that you get
Speaker 3: in your belly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it looks like that.
Speaker 3: So it's a sort of round pom pom of h.
Speaker 3: I mean it looks slightly like a pedigree chum mixer,
Speaker 3: which I assume that you would you use that for cast.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, you throw the chum mixers out and then
Speaker 1: and then you put the fly out. But the ones
Speaker 1: you buy in the shop are when you buy if
Speaker 1: you can get them from like Fulling Meal and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. Once you buy there, they're huge. They're like
Speaker 1: five times the size of an actual dog biscuit. So
Speaker 1: what I do is I always go to I always
Speaker 1: go to the farm shop, and whatever they're discontinuing that week,
Speaker 1: I just buy those dog biscuits. They've got like one
Speaker 1: bag of Skinner's pup or something like that left before
Speaker 1: they start stocking a different puppy food. I just buy
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and usually it's a tiny little dog biscuit.
Speaker 1: So at least now I can buy tiny little dog biscuits.
Speaker 1: And I make.
Speaker 3: The fly corning is it hasn't quite got the ring
Speaker 3: of something like a Campbell's fancy or a or.
Speaker 1: I looked at. I wrote some funny names for flies.
Speaker 1: Chernobyl ant a butt, monkey, sex, dungeon, meat whistle, dungeons, dungeon,
Speaker 1: shuttle cocker merger.
Speaker 3: Oh I've had I've got shuttle cocker mergers.
Speaker 1: Yes, I've got some cream for that. Charlie boy hopper.
Speaker 3: That's quite that's quite good for you. A trout tickler
Speaker 3: that sounds like the sort of chat be thrown out
Speaker 3: of the club.
Speaker 1: The mortgage nymph.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've met him. He was at school with me.
Speaker 3: He got done for fraud the full English emerger. Yeah
Speaker 3: he was equally so is in the other house.
Speaker 1: There's also a fly called the Greg's Hopper, which is
Speaker 1: also the career title of Glenn from Hick Micro.
Speaker 3: It's a good joke.
Speaker 2: Go on, are where are we?
Speaker 3: Well? Where where we are? We've done fishing flies and
Speaker 3: we've done callum imitating dog biscuits, so rather than just
Speaker 3: super gloing a dog biscuit to a hook, which a
Speaker 3: normal human being would do.
Speaker 2: Correct. Before we move on to the Inevitable deck segment,
Speaker 2: I would like to thank everyone who's sent in their
Speaker 2: suggestions for game Fair Bingo and if you don't know
Speaker 2: what the hell I'm talking about, going to listen to
Speaker 2: last week's episode. We've had quite a quite a response.
Speaker 2: Any favorites, yes, but I'm not going to not going
Speaker 2: to spoil them. You have to buy your Bingo card
Speaker 2: and give him money to the UGA w CT to
Speaker 2: find out. But I expect to see people out there
Speaker 2: on their Bingo card. Yeah. Well there's the one. One
Speaker 2: square is have you been leered at by the rep
Speaker 2: from one particular thermal imaging brand?
Speaker 3: Has he given you an excessive hug?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yes, Dogs in Prams was one of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and nice.
Speaker 2: The fox call bastard as he's known, so we've got
Speaker 2: several several things there, so thank you to everyone who submitted.
Speaker 2: It's most useful. I'll be bundled together into a thing
Speaker 2: that'll be ready for next week.
Speaker 3: Next week, I think we ought to go and reveal
Speaker 3: where the country Slide Massive can meet up and eat
Speaker 3: pheasant meats McDonald's related food on Saturday, so that we
Speaker 3: can go and support one of our loyalists and most
Speaker 3: handsome listeners. He is a loyalist, a loyalist, Yad's straight.
Speaker 3: He's a perfect loyalist old. So listen, there's another thing
Speaker 3: that I am quite interested in. I was reading in
Speaker 3: the newspaper today that you know, we've had this ridiculous
Speaker 3: roadmap for farming or whatever the government's called it, subtitled
Speaker 3: yes You're on your own, Yes exactly. And all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, all these London types who write for the
Speaker 3: Telegraph and the Times, I have suddenly realized that actually,
Speaker 3: perhaps British food is really quite important, and that you
Speaker 3: could cut the NHS budget if we stopped eating shit,
Speaker 3: and so therefore most of the food that Britain produces
Speaker 3: is really good stuff. Now I am sat here drinking
Speaker 3: a Beira moretti which is Italian, although it may be
Speaker 3: one of those ones is actually made in It seems
Speaker 3: to be it's made in Amsterdam, so there we go.
Speaker 3: So it's Italian, but they normally exactly Burton on Trent
Speaker 3: or tag Caster. But what I'd like to ask you
Speaker 3: is that we are all three of us. We are
Speaker 3: loyal by British sort of type chaps. What could you
Speaker 3: not live without that has to be imported? Food wise? Hmmm?
Speaker 1: For me, there's quite a lot of ingredient stuff that
Speaker 1: would have to be important.
Speaker 3: But like spices and stuff, you.
Speaker 2: Do nonlinear cooking and ADHD cooking where you don't cook
Speaker 2: the same thing twice. You buy all the things to
Speaker 2: cook one thing in one particular, very elaborate way, you
Speaker 2: do it three times, and then it goes next to
Speaker 2: the blender and the super name, and you know it's
Speaker 2: over there with the other three thousand pounds worth of
Speaker 2: kitchen gadgets.
Speaker 1: I really want to do like a just sometimes I
Speaker 1: don't even know what I'm having for dinner. I just
Speaker 1: get in a kitchen and I just I just vibe it.
Speaker 1: Suddenly I'm like, ah shit, we're having a Like I'll
Speaker 1: just do something really random a chicken balatine on like
Speaker 1: a Wednesday night, just because you know, I saw it
Speaker 1: on a YouTube video and I was like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you ever have fish fingers or anything? No?
Speaker 3: Shot bought pizza and the cow op.
Speaker 1: For the kids.
Speaker 2: Maybe okay, because sausage roll and a can of shandy aid, I.
Speaker 3: Might do that. Take the spices out of it, because
Speaker 3: obviously in the good old days these spices usually used
Speaker 3: to come from the empire anyway, so it was still
Speaker 3: circular production. What fruit vegetable something which is actually tangible
Speaker 3: and you can hold in your hands rather than sprinkle
Speaker 3: on could olive oi soy sauce?
Speaker 1: You're mustard? Tomatoes are often when you get tins of
Speaker 1: tomatoes for cooking anything, they're never British. Don't get it.
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a British tin of tomatoes.
Speaker 2: Is there no British basata or anything? Peanuts, peanut butter?
Speaker 3: Oh yes, peanuts, that's very true, and that I quite
Speaker 3: like nuts, and so therefore that would be something that
Speaker 3: I would struggle with. That's good.
Speaker 1: Do you do the dad thing where you get to
Speaker 1: that certain time in your life where you get peanuts
Speaker 1: and then you shake them in your hand and then
Speaker 1: throw one of them in. Oh, and just and just
Speaker 1: do that for no good reason whatsoever. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you have to have children or you just get
Speaker 1: to that stage in your life where you're juggling. You
Speaker 1: can do it with eminem's as well. You're juggling six
Speaker 1: m and ms and then put one in your mouth,
Speaker 1: because that's a dad thing to do.
Speaker 2: Well. Chocolate's off the cards entirely.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's true. Yes, because we can't grow cocoa beans here.
Speaker 3: Even though we have vegan chocolate, that's not chocolate, I know.
Speaker 3: So we look anything that's vegan, we just ignore that
Speaker 3: because that's not proper food, is it. I mean, there
Speaker 3: is vegetables that's proper food. There's vegan food not proper food.
Speaker 3: We can just draw a line under that.
Speaker 2: Get the chart out. Food above this line, not proper
Speaker 2: food exactly.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's it. I mean, my wife likes an avocado
Speaker 3: on toast. She just you know, she puts something with
Speaker 3: a poached egg on top, she'll have an avocado. I
Speaker 3: think she would.
Speaker 2: That's too many things.
Speaker 1: There's certain things that I worry about, like avocados. I
Speaker 1: just think to myself, that's come from a long, long
Speaker 1: way away, so I will eat them occasionally. They're like
Speaker 1: they're almost like a treat food. I would never have
Speaker 1: one every week because it it just feels like, not
Speaker 1: that I'm a mad environmentalist, but like when you can
Speaker 1: eat munk jak or something that you know that is
Speaker 1: not only doing positive good for the environment, but you're
Speaker 1: actually you know, you're taking an animal out that's going
Speaker 1: to destroy a head. So you're doing good and it
Speaker 1: only comes from up the road and you support people locally. Great,
Speaker 1: But when you're like destroying entire habitats and flying it
Speaker 1: in jets or by sea in great big tankers across
Speaker 1: the ocean, so you can have so you can let
Speaker 1: it go bad in the fruit bowl, yeah I'm.
Speaker 3: I'm okay, so we can avocado. So we're having a
Speaker 3: country slide veto on avocados. Now, interestingly, courtesy of friend
Speaker 3: of the show Mike Warner, he put me in the
Speaker 3: direction the fishman in the direction of Cornish sardines. So
Speaker 3: they're tinned and now this is the weird thing. This
Speaker 3: is just shows you how utterly bonkers. So they are
Speaker 3: caught off the coast of Cornwall, shipped to Spain, where
Speaker 3: they are canned, and then they are brought back to
Speaker 3: the UK where you can buy cornish sardines. But I
Speaker 3: now have those because I have sardines for breakfast or
Speaker 3: tinned mackerel every morning because I am. I don't know,
Speaker 3: Richardill probably diagnosed me with autism. But I've now decided
Speaker 3: that I need these good fish oils, so I have
Speaker 3: tinned sardines.
Speaker 1: Or your coat looks.
Speaker 3: Really light, my listrous locks, I mean it's gray, it's
Speaker 3: that Admittedly they are gray, dear listener, I am brushing
Speaker 3: my fingers through my gray hair. But I and I
Speaker 3: discovered something even better that Mike Warner told me to do.
Speaker 3: Is I decant the tin into a frying pan with
Speaker 3: good British buttering, and you actually cook tin sardines briefly.
Speaker 3: Then you put them on a piece of toast, which
Speaker 3: I have made my own gentleman's relish butter. So that
Speaker 3: is anchovies one of those funny little things capers butter
Speaker 3: moon leads together nine os. So therefore those those capers
Speaker 3: are from Italy something like that.
Speaker 2: Make your own with the seeds of wild garlic, you know,
Speaker 2: the little seed heads, the little triangular three seed things
Speaker 2: do you put them in brine, then you pickle them
Speaker 2: kind of with a garlice caper.
Speaker 3: I mean it's delicious, but I mean I'll put that
Speaker 3: it's very fishy, and then with a poached egg on
Speaker 3: top for breakfast.
Speaker 1: Every single morning, I swapped the capers out now for
Speaker 1: chopped cordyshor on pickles. For the simple fact that I
Speaker 1: open a capers and then, as you rightly pointed out,
Speaker 1: open capers, use whatever it is a table a teaspoon
Speaker 1: of it once and then never use it again. So
Speaker 1: they all go in the bin and it cost me
Speaker 1: like a few quids.
Speaker 3: So use little cornish?
Speaker 1: Are you cordish on things? Because I know they'll get
Speaker 1: used up at some point because we'll have cold dinner
Speaker 1: and pickles at some point.
Speaker 3: So because of Starmer's Britain, we no longer have gentlemen's relish.
Speaker 3: I've had to make my own, and I have to say.
Speaker 2: It's better make my own for your decades.
Speaker 3: Well, indeed, that's why your not what it was.
Speaker 1: I've got a sock under the bed that.
Speaker 2: What could you rehydrate that one hydration and break for
Speaker 2: callums sock.
Speaker 3: Twenty minutes in the hydration yeah, okay, so we've you
Speaker 3: could live with I mean, could you live with that? Bananas?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I do quite like bananas. See my
Speaker 2: secret secret easy dessert. When you don't want to make
Speaker 2: I'd say, well, you don't put any effort in but
Speaker 2: p Actually I was going to say, when I want
Speaker 2: to make amy, go and do it with putting much
Speaker 2: effort in bananas, custard, a spoonful of peanut, butter and
Speaker 2: cinnamon on top.
Speaker 3: See that's all foreign, isn't it foreign?
Speaker 2: There's nothing in there, Nothing in there came from our fields.
Speaker 3: No custard.
Speaker 1: We used to have a custard factory in Birmingham.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think they still imported the vanilla pods.
Speaker 3: I would imagine.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine there was British va pods now. So therefore, okay,
Speaker 1: chili chili you can in this country. Now, you can
Speaker 1: grow those in this country. Do we ever get British chili?
Speaker 1: So you've seen a British chili in the wild.
Speaker 3: They're in the co op in Bottersdale.
Speaker 2: I'll give you a chili plant if you want.
Speaker 1: Had some good chili plants in my day, we had
Speaker 1: one in my I had a shared house and I
Speaker 1: had it in the conservatory. Boy did it. It went
Speaker 1: really well and they were absolutely they will knock your
Speaker 1: socks off. We used to shout at it and not
Speaker 1: water it and plow play heavy metal to it, and
Speaker 1: and they shriveled up like a like an old man's
Speaker 1: old boy and they were aggressive.
Speaker 3: Because of the heavy metal music. This is some I
Speaker 3: think the Kings should know about, because he plays Bach
Speaker 3: to his his his.
Speaker 1: And they'll be like snowflake Chili would just be like
Speaker 1: that'd just be you know, if you water them, give
Speaker 1: them good hydration and play them peaceful music, they'll be
Speaker 1: like mellow chilies. But as a hardcore played death metal
Speaker 1: and and got forced to watch videos of the of
Speaker 1: the towers coming down.
Speaker 2: So to finish this right that came in afterwards. That
Speaker 2: suck up on that one. We always there, always used
Speaker 2: to be this thing that you couldn't grow chilies in
Speaker 2: the UK. Hey, but it turns that you can. And
Speaker 2: I'm currently growing a small section of an acre of
Speaker 2: queenwa yeah at the moment, so you can grow that
Speaker 2: in the UK. That's our middle class.
Speaker 3: I used.
Speaker 1: To eat quenoa, but and then I've just suddenly thought,
Speaker 1: this is actually not nice.
Speaker 2: It's just bits.
Speaker 1: It is just bits. Never eat anything that sounds like
Speaker 1: a karate move.
Speaker 2: I'm not interested in it.
Speaker 3: Actually, if you think most but wild bird seed mixes
Speaker 3: have got quena in them, is that because fat hen
Speaker 3: fat hen is the wild version of it, which I
Speaker 3: can assure you is growing very well in my wild
Speaker 3: flower patch that I'm looking out at at the moment.
Speaker 3: But yeah, you can grow quen while very easily in
Speaker 3: this country. I just don't think.
Speaker 1: I think Jamie Oliver convinced me to eat it for
Speaker 1: probably about a year and then I was like, this
Speaker 1: tastes like shit.
Speaker 3: I don't don't want to eat.
Speaker 1: It's just bits.
Speaker 3: Of stop making no no, So okay, okay. So we're
Speaker 3: at a point where basically other than I mean, have
Speaker 3: you got any other uses for say something like one
Speaker 3: of those green things what they called I was going
Speaker 3: to say aberg because you grow those in this country. No,
Speaker 3: the you know the thing we were just talking about,
Speaker 3: the avocard.
Speaker 2: Yes, you've just admitted your posh as you're sitting in
Speaker 2: your orange.
Speaker 3: Yah, we got it. Orange. It's my study.
Speaker 2: It's a handmade oak conservatory with a proper route.
Speaker 3: Yes, and it's got even a retro bronze fan which
Speaker 3: Amy's made me stop it from oscillating because it was
Speaker 3: affecting my microphe.
Speaker 2: Yes, we bought him a nice microphone so you can
Speaker 2: actually hear him, and he immediately plugged in an electric
Speaker 2: fan on the opposite.
Speaker 3: Side of my fault that has suddenly gone ridiculously hot.
Speaker 3: You know it's well, it probably is, actually, I mean
Speaker 3: you think of that else. Yes, were quite you know
Speaker 3: the amount I've smoked and the petrol guzzling cars I've
Speaker 3: had ed. Milliban's got me nailed down as a as
Speaker 3: a net carbon bloody emitter or something. Probably he's got
Speaker 3: a fatoir on me. So anyway, we have done enormous
Speaker 3: amounts of good today. So we have advised people on
Speaker 3: what flies they should be tying and what dog hair
Speaker 3: they should use. We have given an insight into that
Speaker 3: there are very few things that you actually need to
Speaker 3: buy the foreign. In actual facts, you know, there's nothing
Speaker 3: you need to buy this foreign And in fact, I
Speaker 3: would like anyone who it's a country slide patron to
Speaker 3: sign a pledge a bit like people used to do
Speaker 3: when they stop drinking back in the Victorian Times, is
Speaker 3: that you will sign a pledge that I will eat
Speaker 3: nothing that hasn't got a Union flag on it. And
Speaker 3: we have also agreed that Paul Pousland shouldn't be let
Speaker 3: anywhere near rivers at this time of year because it's
Speaker 3: bad for Pike. Was that what we decided?
Speaker 2: And oh yes absolutely, And you know if Laura listeners
Speaker 2: would like to go and make any other suggestions for roadskill.
Speaker 3: That they have seen. So anyway, is that the main
Speaker 3: show done? Because I'm just very aware that that Amy
Speaker 3: has also had to become a cheese farmer the last
Speaker 3: few days, so she's got to edit this nonsensical squid
Speaker 3: into something that almost sounds like.
Speaker 2: Show right onto the after show, which is where we
Speaker 2: say all the things and we can relax to say
Speaker 2: the things that we don't want to say out in
Speaker 2: public because we'll end up in jail, or in Callum's case,
Speaker 2: the yummy mummies at the Forest School will pick up
Speaker 2: on it and well ostracize him.
Speaker 1: Choke on their match a lattes.
Speaker 2: Goodbye, goodbye, good bye,