Speaker 1: You're watching Chewing the Cud with Lee Robertson and Dominic Berry.
Speaker 2: There's a distinct roma of Sultan vinegar. Hello, they're watching
Speaker 2: Chewing the Cud, your lighthearted weekly look at the world
Speaker 2: peaking around a sequin curtain. I'm Lee Robertson and with
Speaker 2: me today is the only poet I know who can
Speaker 2: rhyme with nantucket. It's dominic Berry. All Hello, Nantucket? What
Speaker 2: rhymes with nantucket?
Speaker 1: Oh? You know, Lee?
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, chuck it anyway, what have you got for
Speaker 2: us this week in the buzz? Well, Lee, I'm glad
Speaker 2: that you asked.
Speaker 1: I'm bringing you a story about things that you can
Speaker 1: rob on your boy and something which you really should
Speaker 1: not rub on your body. And we are going to
Speaker 1: have lots of fun playing a lovely game.
Speaker 2: Okay, slightly worries, and then domin it will be slamming
Speaker 2: us with poetry. That's what the trendy people say in Spotlight.
Speaker 2: But on the screen now you can see I contact details.
Speaker 2: It's apt they could t be on your social media now.
Speaker 2: If you want to catch up with previous episodes, you
Speaker 2: can always binge us on YouTube. Look for Chewing the Cud.
Speaker 1: You can see the names of people who have reached
Speaker 1: out and touched our souls going along the bottom of
Speaker 1: the screen. But now it is time for lee in
Speaker 1: the showbiz.
Speaker 2: Where do you stand on Elton John?
Speaker 1: Ah, I love Elton John. I love. For once on
Speaker 1: this show, you're talking about someone that I've heard of.
Speaker 1: You're not talking about some influencer. He's Barkey McNaughty. I'm
Speaker 1: aware of Elton John. I grew up first autobiography. I
Speaker 1: ever read Elton John's first CD. I got his double
Speaker 1: very best off, and I saw him in concerts. But
Speaker 1: he's not always pleasant. He behave wise.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I've never had sex system, so I
Speaker 2: don't know. Well, he's he's he's not just a singer.
Speaker 2: He has many, many fingers in many pies. So he's
Speaker 2: brought out the Elton John eyewear collection, right, So it's
Speaker 2: so what they did was they were approached by this
Speaker 2: isn't his eyewear collection. There's a selection of his original
Speaker 2: glasses from over the decades.
Speaker 1: That's not him in the middle. That is that not
Speaker 1: the actor who played him in Rocket Man.
Speaker 2: He was quite attractive when he was very very young. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so that what they've done is they've they've been approached
Speaker 2: by Specsavers to design a range of sunglasses. So him
Speaker 2: and his partner David Furnish sat down with all his
Speaker 2: glasses that he did. They well, that's what they're telling us,
Speaker 2: and they went. So he has cabinets and cabinets in
Speaker 2: his house with all his glasses in them, and each
Speaker 2: one has a story. So what they did was they
Speaker 2: kind of chose different ones. This is him with the
Speaker 2: actual collection. He's got a good wig on I'm lucky.
Speaker 2: I'm not impressed by that one. These are all in
Speaker 2: hither collection. So they're things like one's called yellow Brick Road,
Speaker 2: obviously it's very obvious. Then we've got Tiny Dancer, I
Speaker 2: assuming that's a very small pair of glasses, and then
Speaker 2: Crocodile Rock. So he's named them after his head.
Speaker 1: He's not named them. I've been mister cynical today is
Speaker 1: the thing? Right? Elton John When he started, he had
Speaker 1: years and years and years of not having it and
Speaker 1: he was very very humble and reading the autobiography, the
Speaker 1: early days are wonderful. But like he's just had an
Speaker 1: album come out recently and they've done like a documentary
Speaker 1: something I don't know who it is with a female singer,
Speaker 1: isn't it Yeah, yeah, yeah, sparky nasty the country singer.
Speaker 1: I don't know her name. I don't know modern people,
Speaker 1: but like the documentary is just him being vile and
Speaker 1: we're all meant to be like nay lovely, no no Lee,
Speaker 1: no vile. He's not named these glasses.
Speaker 2: You won't be part of about three hundred quid for
Speaker 2: a pair of his sunglasses. No, well that's good because
Speaker 2: we've I've actually blurged. If you if you're look in
Speaker 2: your couple behind you, there is there is there is,
Speaker 2: Yeah there You've got a pair, and I've got a.
Speaker 1: Pair this yeah right, okay, Oh my words? Oh are
Speaker 1: these Elton genre? Are these Lee around?
Speaker 2: These are Elton John originals. These are called blue balls?
Speaker 2: And see what's these are very It's like he's in
Speaker 2: the room I have, I have don't go breaking my heart?
Speaker 1: Oh look at this?
Speaker 2: Look this marvelous. Yeah, that might have changed your mind.
Speaker 1: Do you know who is humble? You know? Is humble
Speaker 1: Y d Elton John's one time singing partner of Don't
Speaker 1: Go bre She's wonderful. Matter have you. I've kissed the
Speaker 1: face of Kiki d consentually.
Speaker 2: I was to say it was it like a nighttime
Speaker 2: situation where she woke up and you were just like
Speaker 2: leaving over right. Okay, so we can keep them on
Speaker 2: if you would lie, I love her?
Speaker 1: Can we swap can like you can't? Yeah, I will.
Speaker 2: I'll put the blue balls down for now. Next bit
Speaker 2: of Showbus news again. You might have heard of this person,
Speaker 2: Juanna Lumley. Yeah, gosh, she's made a heartbreaking statement apparently. Okay,
Speaker 2: so she's she's she's been interviewed. She's made the heartbreaking
Speaker 2: mission that she doesn't think she has much time left
Speaker 2: something Dag knows as an illness or anything. It's just
Speaker 2: that at seventy nine she doesn't think a huge amount
Speaker 2: of time left on earth.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm surprised by that because she's had.
Speaker 2: Such a long different things done. She's done it. She
Speaker 2: was a bundle in the nineteen sixties.
Speaker 1: Be Avengers, the British Avengers.
Speaker 2: Obviously Sapphire and Steel. You might not remember Safire and Steel. No, yeah,
Speaker 2: I've seen it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's and.
Speaker 2: Obviously Patsy in ab Fab and she's going to be
Speaker 2: playing Grandma in the Wednesday series on Netflix. That's her
Speaker 2: as Grandmama, and then that's her as Patsy. So basically,
Speaker 2: what you're saying is that as you're near the top
Speaker 2: of the hill, you suddenly think, gosh, there's not a
Speaker 2: lot of time left. My time must be coming quite soon,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to have wasted a minute being
Speaker 2: in this beautiful planet. I used to plan it when
Speaker 2: I was young, but as I got older started to
Speaker 2: live day to day. When so when I was eighteen,
Speaker 2: I long to be thirty. When I was thirty, long
Speaker 2: to be fifty. So yeah, basically she kind of like saying,
Speaker 2: you know, but I've had a good life. I'm not
Speaker 2: actually planning on carking it anytime soon, but you never know.
Speaker 2: You have you stalked Johanna Lumley and.
Speaker 1: Touched I've not yet kissed the face of well she has.
Speaker 2: Apparently she has this condition where she can't remember people's names,
Speaker 2: and it's an actual thing. It's called proso pannosia, and
Speaker 2: it's where she's called it's called face blindness. So I
Speaker 2: have to know who people are in advance because I
Speaker 2: don't always remember who they are. So she said, I
Speaker 2: just kiss everybody because that way I can Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 2: So she's no plans to retire, but she's been doing
Speaker 2: it for as long as she can, as long as
Speaker 2: she can speak, she said, as long as she can breathe.
Speaker 1: How fantastic. I went to see Focusing at Leonard Cohen
Speaker 1: on tour when he was eighty and he was in
Speaker 1: Manchester and he was like, I remember when I was
Speaker 1: last year. I was only a little kid. I was
Speaker 1: only sixty oh, and that was a really sobering moment.
Speaker 1: Really made me think. I was like, wow, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a weel. No, No, it's luck, isn't it.
Speaker 1: You can do all the best things, to look after
Speaker 1: your help, to make good choices, and sometimes.
Speaker 2: Are going to live forever. At some point that's depressing.
Speaker 2: The grim Reaper is going to appear and you're gone.
Speaker 1: I enjoy what I can cheerfully.
Speaker 2: Last bit of show is And you might not get
Speaker 2: this one, Dan, You must know who, of course I do.
Speaker 2: You may not have watched the series that she's been
Speaker 2: presented for the past couple of years. I kissed a
Speaker 2: boy and then the female version, I kissed a girl. Okay,
Speaker 2: so basically what they do is they get a group
Speaker 2: of gay people, put them on an island. Is it
Speaker 2: an island or is it just a nice place in Italy?
Speaker 2: Italy is not an island anyway, that's that's geography. So
Speaker 2: they get these young people and they kind of try
Speaker 2: and encourage relationships so that the latest series is forward.
Speaker 2: Ten single men are matched and meet for the first
Speaker 2: time with a kiss. So they've never met each other before.
Speaker 2: They meet at this villa, give each other a kiss.
Speaker 2: You might like that because you're into kissing people without
Speaker 2: without any knowing meeting each other before.
Speaker 1: There's a there's a guess in each other.
Speaker 2: So season two, which has just started, has got eleven
Speaker 2: people in there, including a cheerleading coach, a model, and
Speaker 2: notably the shows first to have a challenge under male,
Speaker 2: which is fantastic. However, there has been a bit of
Speaker 2: BackFlash with people kind of saying, well, you've gone for
Speaker 2: all the usual pretty young, thin, attractive people. Where's the
Speaker 2: where's the where's the sort of where's the fat ugly
Speaker 2: ones or the fat beautiful the fat beautiful ones, where's
Speaker 2: the ones that perhaps wouldn't get kissed anyway? So they're
Speaker 2: kind of like, yeah, there's something called an instant kiss off,
Speaker 2: which is a new thing where contestants are caught off guard.
Speaker 2: It is about you, this isn't it. The contestants are
Speaker 2: caught off guard and require immediate decisions about their pairings,
Speaker 2: so they can just kind of like just go and kiss. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Apparently one of the kiss offs occurs during a lightning storm,
Speaker 2: adding to the season's heightened drama. I don't know whether
Speaker 2: it's actual lightning storm or whether perhaps it's just done know,
Speaker 2: with a torch going turning it on.
Speaker 1: Well, I've not heard of this before of all the
Speaker 1: various many ways people can humiliate themselves on national television.
Speaker 1: And I speak as somebody who's who has humiliated who's
Speaker 1: a Channel four got me to pull the penis out
Speaker 1: for them, So so yeah, that speakers eason to do that.
Speaker 1: This is like on the lower end, isn't it. It's
Speaker 1: the lower It's not.
Speaker 2: As awful as you think. It's not for me, but
Speaker 2: check it out on BBC. I play it. See what
Speaker 2: you see what yourself we may be seeing dom on
Speaker 2: I kissed a boy and that is it for this
Speaker 2: week Shobby's News.
Speaker 1: Thanks Lee. Yeah, I'm up for being on that kissing
Speaker 1: all the fat, beautiful people, thin beautiful people. Everyone everyone's
Speaker 1: got everyone's got beauty somewhere. They well.
Speaker 2: Stay right there because coming up after this short break,
Speaker 2: we get up to date with the usual side of
Speaker 2: the news in the buzz. Welcome back and you're watching
Speaker 2: Chewing the Card. This is a part of the show
Speaker 2: where we look into the fun side of the news
Speaker 2: as it's dominic with the buzz.
Speaker 1: Right, thrown in your wear or thrown in?
Speaker 2: Is throning thrown in? Is it a sexual reference?
Speaker 1: It is not necessarily it could be, it could be. Right,
Speaker 1: So this is a new term that gen z. You've
Speaker 1: heard of them, haven't. You know, scally.
Speaker 2: Wags never stop hearing.
Speaker 1: Right. Thrown in is where individuals pursue a relationship where
Speaker 1: they're doing it to enhance their own appearance on like
Speaker 1: social media and stuff. So you know, it's less about, oh,
Speaker 1: is there a genuine connection? Do I like this person?
Speaker 1: It's more about how can this person make me appear in?
Speaker 2: Okay, it's not a new thing.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, people are saying it's like the equivalent of
Speaker 1: the sort of old fashioned view of gold inging, like
Speaker 1: going with someone just for their money. But this isn't
Speaker 1: necessarily about it's about financial it's more about yeah, be.
Speaker 2: Called punching above your weight.
Speaker 1: Apparently, like loads of folks have been really upset because
Speaker 1: they meet someone and I think there's the real click
Speaker 1: and they only like them because they're a multi award
Speaker 1: winning poets.
Speaker 2: These are the crosses you must bear.
Speaker 1: They are, they are okay. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: been throwned, not to my knowledge.
Speaker 2: Been doing this for donkeys years. They go out with
Speaker 2: people who they think. I mean, the most famous one
Speaker 2: is is Rita Aura. She goes, she goes like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'll go up with him for a little bit. Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift she goes through and like nobody's business.
Speaker 1: So it's yeah, they're not necessarily throning, are they, if
Speaker 1: they just date more than one person.
Speaker 2: I think. I think certain celebrities kind of go right,
Speaker 2: if I go up with this person, this is going
Speaker 2: to get me this amount of coverage or attention, and
Speaker 2: then I'll move on. I'll work my way up the
Speaker 2: celebrity celebrity ladder.
Speaker 1: I agree with what you said a moment ago. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's just it's just because all of our lives are
Speaker 1: so much more visible online that there's a new frame.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's like Madonna, isn't it. You know, when
Speaker 1: when Madonna was in the Avita movie, Ping av you
Speaker 1: know what Ava Pon did. It's what people have always done,
Speaker 1: isn't it. Unless you're just a really talented poet who
Speaker 1: just relies on nothing but their rhymes.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Whatever, whatever, gen Z.
Speaker 1: All right, let's move on to the next story. Then
Speaker 1: let's see the next story is the purpose behind Imperial
Speaker 1: Leathers soap sticker. Oh, that's something you didn't know that
Speaker 1: we'd been narrowing about.
Speaker 2: Realize that there was still being made.
Speaker 1: It is. Indeed, they have a distinctive sticker on top,
Speaker 1: and there it is. Brits have been stunned after discovering
Speaker 1: that this sticker has got a hidden use. Right when
Speaker 1: it's placed label side down, it creates a concave surface
Speaker 1: that helps water drain away, preventing soap from becoming mushy. Wow,
Speaker 1: it's there, you go. Well, I'm just reading what we've
Speaker 1: got it. I don't know what this has got to
Speaker 1: do with the Gays. I don't know. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: they show them up the box. No one's interested in
Speaker 1: my mushy concave surface. So you know, like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so the sticker reinforces brand identity has become a nostalgic
Speaker 1: feature for many folks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it was still going.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, I'm yeah, I'm sure when I'm talking
Speaker 2: about the nineteen forties that hugely useful. Do people still
Speaker 2: use bars of soap?
Speaker 1: I do? Do you? I do?
Speaker 2: I imagine you're a kind of a a bespoke vegan product.
Speaker 1: Do you have absolutely read me? Correct?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I go around the vegan festivals performing my poetry.
Speaker 1: Leeds is coming up. Come see me at Leeds Vegan Festival,
Speaker 1: that's on the cards. Yeah, And I do try and
Speaker 1: get stuff because you know, I'm an independent poet, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm with a relatively small publisher. And so when you
Speaker 1: buy stuff from folks like that, as opposed to Imperial leather,
Speaker 1: you know, you're supporting someone who's trying to set themselves,
Speaker 1: trying to be a little bit removed from the rat race.
Speaker 1: And there's loads of soap making people at the vegan festivals.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I generally make it from the.
Speaker 2: Sweat of vegans, don't they little buckets?
Speaker 1: Ye? Vegan tears, Vegan.
Speaker 2: Tears wonder well, that was very useful.
Speaker 1: Less plastic in it, less plastic rather than using shower
Speaker 1: jel if you get lovely soap, yeah, okay, get from
Speaker 1: a local road. It's just in.
Speaker 2: That's very seventies. Isn't it a rope? Do you remember
Speaker 2: soapen a rope?
Speaker 1: I'm aware of its existence.
Speaker 2: Yes, just me them.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Of course. It's not only Lee's mushy concave in
Speaker 1: which I'm interested. I'm interested in all beautiful, fat mushy
Speaker 1: concaves of all love viewers. I'm linking to the Dad
Speaker 1: even Oaks story about the beautiful fat people doing that.
Speaker 1: Call the throatback social media quick, yeah, yeah, send us,
Speaker 1: send us, send us your photos. He a fat, mushy concave.
Speaker 1: We'd love to see him on at the Cuds TVV.
Speaker 1: That's the one that takes us to our story of
Speaker 1: the weekly, the story of the leak. We not story
Speaker 1: of the leak, story of the week.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: We know the Imperial lever is pleasant upon the body.
Speaker 1: But I'm going to chat about something which is not
Speaker 1: pleasant on the body, Lee, which people have been doing.
Speaker 1: People have been doing and it's not pleasant, it's not healthy.
Speaker 2: It's not good it's good.
Speaker 1: It's not good for the gen z. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: making a presumption that it's gen z doing this.
Speaker 2: That's right. What are the something on themselves?
Speaker 1: Cooking oil? Okay, cooking oil so fry light. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: people have been using this for the purpose of tanning.
Speaker 1: That's what people are doing as a way of getting
Speaker 1: their skin to.
Speaker 2: Look at Chrispot like crackling.
Speaker 1: Ah, how awful. So are the trend echoes past behaviors
Speaker 1: from the nineteen seventies, highlighting a recurring issue with unsafe
Speaker 1: tanning methods. You see, dermatologists emphasize that such practices are
Speaker 1: dangerous and colead to premature aging and skin cancer. So
Speaker 1: don't put tanning oil on your mushy concave. Stick it up.
Speaker 2: There, tanning oil on your mushy coun cave. But don't
Speaker 2: put cooking oil on your mushy coun cave. Tanning oil.
Speaker 2: We want, oh, sometime we want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said it wrong, didn't but but well, probably
Speaker 1: external use, only one would presume, I.
Speaker 2: Would assume, yeah, yeah, yeah, unless you you know, spreading
Speaker 2: good and get in a bit of something.
Speaker 1: What what a recurring theme in these stories about the
Speaker 1: pressures that folks are on. I often think about, like
Speaker 1: everybody does, about leaving social media altogether. But but you know,
Speaker 1: we we we are so often. You know, good stuff
Speaker 1: comes from it. You know. I'm a public speaker. You
Speaker 1: know my career, I make connections through being on the
Speaker 1: Instagram and the Facebook and all that. People literally offer
Speaker 1: me work through that way. But yeah, you do become
Speaker 1: more image conscious, don't you Like? You know you you
Speaker 1: want to put far up because no one, no one
Speaker 1: reads words to that. You've got to have an image.
Speaker 1: You've got to have an image if you're doing social
Speaker 1: media posts. So people do worry about am I tanned?
Speaker 1: In our Fersma, just put a filter on yourself. It's
Speaker 1: that top tip, just in top tips. Yeah, don't don't
Speaker 1: become a suckling pig or one of these beautiful glasses.
Speaker 1: That's it, that's it. I saw Lulu in concert. I
Speaker 1: didn't kiss the face of Lulu. I didn't kiss the face.
Speaker 1: But Lulu covered in oil. Well, she said, she said,
Speaker 1: she went these days, she went dark glasses and hat.
Speaker 1: I've always been I've had the great pleasure to date
Speaker 1: a large number of gentlemen, and they've all been beautiful
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 2: I've been milky white, never.
Speaker 1: Dated all all the crown creeds.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter what creed you want, don't matter what race,
Speaker 2: you don't cover yourself in oil.
Speaker 1: I've always been very proud of just like being like,
Speaker 1: you know, when it's.
Speaker 2: Going back to the door in times when the ghost white,
Speaker 2: corpse like complexion was was designed.
Speaker 1: But it's like authenticity, isn't it. This is my point.
Speaker 1: I'm very clumsily making that, like you know, we are,
Speaker 1: we are who we are, and I wonder, I wonder
Speaker 1: if it is being one's authentic self to cover oneself
Speaker 1: in fries light.
Speaker 2: Yeah, tasty.
Speaker 1: Well that is all from the buzz this week.
Speaker 2: Thank you for that, Dominica. I'm going to be off
Speaker 2: to get some Chrisp and Fry after this show.
Speaker 1: Don't do that, Lee, be your authentic, beautiful self. You're lovely,
Speaker 1: You're lovely. You don't need itly, you don't need any
Speaker 1: Crisp and fry anyway. Don't you go anywhere, because we
Speaker 1: have coming up a game for all of you to
Speaker 1: play along.
Speaker 4: With in our Game of the Week, Welcome back.
Speaker 2: To Chewing the Card with Mealy Robertson and Dominic Berry.
Speaker 2: Now this part of the show is where we play
Speaker 2: a game and this is one for the person who
Speaker 2: gets very excited by bombs.
Speaker 1: Dominic, I do that is that is factually accurate?
Speaker 2: Would you like to make your way?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: How thrilling to the game zone.
Speaker 1: Day of the week.
Speaker 2: So this week we are playing any hole is a Goal,
Speaker 2: where Dominic and I go heads ahead to try and
Speaker 2: work out what is the picture? Are you ready, Dominic?
Speaker 1: I was bored already.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's have the first. I'm gonna say, whole. Apparently
Speaker 2: this is this is a whole.
Speaker 1: Oh my words. Let me look at it through the
Speaker 1: eyes of l some john like me.
Speaker 2: Is it? Is it a human hole? Or is it? Ah,
Speaker 2: I've been told it is not a human hole.
Speaker 1: This you know? Goodness me, goodness me. It is a hole.
Speaker 2: It's a hole.
Speaker 1: So we look in all we've got to guess.
Speaker 2: We've got to guess what what hole it is. I'm
Speaker 2: I don't really know. I'm going to I'm going to
Speaker 2: say some kind of fruit.
Speaker 1: It looks a little bit like one of the pac
Speaker 1: Man ghosts that we have for is it is? It
Speaker 1: is is a pac Man ghost born of a kind
Speaker 1: of mother ghost and like a kneeber. It kind of
Speaker 1: splits up. I think it's a giant pac Man ghost.
Speaker 1: That's just given for.
Speaker 2: Let's let's see what it is. I'm really hoping it
Speaker 2: is a gaping pac Man ghost.
Speaker 1: Oh, could there be more wrong?
Speaker 2: It is a geranium leaf. I believe it looks like nice. Okay,
Speaker 2: let's have a little let's have the next hole.
Speaker 1: Ah, this is easy. This is for all us, beautiful
Speaker 1: fat people, beautiful fat people. It's a donor in Italy.
Speaker 1: It's a donut. We know about them, don't we? We
Speaker 1: know about them. It's like lovely fondant fancy.
Speaker 2: It is as a beautiful fat person myself, as a
Speaker 2: fondant fancier, I'm going to say that is a donut hole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not like someone who's just dropped their trousers
Speaker 1: for an STD examination. It's not that, although the bobbly
Speaker 1: bits suggest that could be a possibility.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it could be a clown's gizzy bumhole.
Speaker 1: But across the line, across the line, it's a lovely donut,
Speaker 1: isn't it a look if I'm now unable to think
Speaker 1: of anything other than clowns, and therefore, well, that's probably
Speaker 1: a good thing. We could all do with eating fewer donuts,
Speaker 1: couldn't we. So if you want to eat fewer donuts,
Speaker 1: just imagine that it's a clown's STD ridden orifice and
Speaker 1: that will prevent you from devouring your own. Yes, the
Speaker 1: next one, it's one nilt no, yeah, but one or
Speaker 1: one hole in it?
Speaker 4: One?
Speaker 1: All? What's this? I think this is a tear in
Speaker 1: the fabric of time and space. This looks like something
Speaker 1: from a Doctor Who episode, isn't there. I think it's
Speaker 1: a hole in reality.
Speaker 2: I think it's a hole in the ground and you're
Speaker 2: just looking up at the sky.
Speaker 1: I'm not just being silly. I think it does look
Speaker 1: like one of those things where you'd get on, you know, space.
Speaker 2: A worm run.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that that kind of thing. I reckon. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: sticking with my answer.
Speaker 2: Was I right?
Speaker 1: No? Water? So water is like not ground.
Speaker 2: It's closer to the bloody than a bloody wormhole in
Speaker 2: the in the sky.
Speaker 1: Falls right, So at least my one was in the
Speaker 1: air and that's a hole in the air.
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, well neither was when then.
Speaker 1: All right, I'll go with that blurry holes like going
Speaker 1: to the sauna without your contacts, and.
Speaker 2: I don't know what that is. People, there's that that
Speaker 2: horrible phobia, isn't there of holes?
Speaker 1: Can't relate, can't relate. I think this is another edible hole.
Speaker 1: I think this is another hole that you could stick
Speaker 1: your tongue in. That's what I think. I think it's
Speaker 1: which is my personal favorite kind of hole. I think
Speaker 1: this one it looks like I think it looks like
Speaker 1: in all sorts. Do you remember Bertie about sticking your
Speaker 1: tongue in Bertie Bassetts?
Speaker 2: Holy, I don't remember that.
Speaker 1: You're familiar with Bertie.
Speaker 2: I'm family. I mean, I've never I've never been chagged
Speaker 2: about him.
Speaker 1: But everyone has their fetish. We're not into kink shaming
Speaker 1: in chewing the cuds. So some people, you know, they
Speaker 1: have their you know, their pups or their you know,
Speaker 1: BDSM is a Bertie Bassett is a genuine kink.
Speaker 2: I think that this is a hole in Dominic's brain. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's see.
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's horrible.
Speaker 2: What I can't look at that. That's that thong.
Speaker 1: That's photoshop. That's not real. Surely that's not real. That's horrible.
Speaker 2: That's that's that's that's a gun.
Speaker 1: It's off what lee, it's off what make you go
Speaker 1: Away's a gun.
Speaker 2: It's that fear of holes in there's like.
Speaker 1: A it's not real, is it? That's like photo shop. Sure,
Speaker 1: it's gone like.
Speaker 2: Things like like honeycombs. That's creepy, like random holes in
Speaker 2: things that it's a phobia.
Speaker 1: So, but that is a fake image.
Speaker 2: Galleries that a fake. It's fine. I don't have Google.
Speaker 2: I'll go on YouTube and typing skin holes horrible? Anyway,
Speaker 2: should we get the next So it's still.
Speaker 1: On one all, aren't we one? All? Is that correct? Yeah?
Speaker 2: One?
Speaker 1: Right? Is this could be the deciding answer? Ly, let's
Speaker 1: find out that is a plug hole? By plug, I
Speaker 1: don't mean plug, the character from the Bash Street kids
Speaker 1: in the Bino. I don't mean plug thought I.
Speaker 2: Was looking random celerity longer from the Bino.
Speaker 1: And to be specific, I think it is a sink
Speaker 1: plug hole. I don't think it's a bath or bath
Speaker 1: plug hole. I think it's a plug hole of an
Speaker 1: unclean sink.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to go with a waste disposal hole. Yeah. OK,
Speaker 2: let's find out. Oh I think we both were right?
Speaker 1: Well, no, I'm right, Lee, it's a sinkhole. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about? It could be well, you know what
Speaker 1: do you mean? A waste disposed?
Speaker 2: That's what we call them in the seventies, isn't it.
Speaker 1: That's what you called sinks seventy well, waste. No, you're
Speaker 1: going to plug up your pipes. If you do that,
Speaker 1: you're not.
Speaker 2: It's the seventies. Nobody cared.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I'm I'm let's ask the gallery.
Speaker 1: Does Lee get a point where his incorrect answer? Gallery
Speaker 1: they're saying, we both get a point.
Speaker 2: Leave the unfair right, Let's have another hole.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think I know what this is. I think
Speaker 1: show us, show us a close up image, show us
Speaker 1: a close up. Let's have another look, right, I think
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'll tell you what I was going
Speaker 1: to say, but I've changed my mind. I was going
Speaker 1: to say cheese greater. That's what I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: bring non vegan or you can grape vegan cheese. But
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I think they would be more
Speaker 1: symmetrically apart if it was cheese great. Why are you laughing?
Speaker 2: But he goes, you're allowed to grate your cheese. You
Speaker 2: can't do that. You don't ever greater, you just eat
Speaker 2: it from the packet. I I think it's a strawberry
Speaker 2: of strawberry holes.
Speaker 1: Do you know what? I'm going to stick with cheese greater, just.
Speaker 2: Too, He's going to go with cheese grader. I'm going
Speaker 2: to sit with could.
Speaker 1: Be an unusual angle, couldn't it? For the love of God, right,
Speaker 1: I think we should have real.
Speaker 2: Just like he does it. It's done it on purpose
Speaker 2: because he knows I don't like has done it. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's enough whole action for now. But coming up after
Speaker 2: this short break, we get all close and personal without
Speaker 2: even buying me a drink. It's Dominic in Spotlight. Welcome back.
Speaker 2: You are still watching Dominican Lee in Chewing the Cud. Now,
Speaker 2: Domic is going to bring us some of his brilliant
Speaker 2: poetry in Spotlight.
Speaker 1: Brilliant poetry. You say that's setting it up in it, Well,
Speaker 1: I think I've been on Chewing the cud so often
Speaker 1: now I've done like all the greatest hits. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to the book that's the compilation. I'm going for
Speaker 1: some deep cuts Lee, some deep cut someone. So I'm
Speaker 1: a forty six year old person and I'm going to
Speaker 1: share a poem that I wrote when I was twenty six.
Speaker 1: Is a twenty year old poem Lee and It's about
Speaker 1: going out to the Nike and having a lovely time.
Speaker 2: Oh can't wait.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So this poem is called This room has lips.
Speaker 1: They pucker to the beat, a glitter smeared kiss, as
Speaker 1: warm as lovers sweat. These dim lit walls are open
Speaker 1: mouth bricks, salivating, smacking molten honey, as the mirror ball
Speaker 1: drawls light. We dance, wet as fresh varnish nails, sticky
Speaker 1: blotches on sin, blessed skin. Hallowed be the flame, Halloween,
Speaker 1: be thy name. A fiery tongue that licks the flesh,
Speaker 1: caresses every unwrapped chest. We done in lines like bright
Speaker 1: jagged teeth, grinding together, solid sharp eyes glisten like newly
Speaker 1: drilled fillings.
Speaker 2: This room has had a feast.
Speaker 1: Of sweet treats now, It whispers, lies with hot, treacherous lips,
Speaker 1: sweeter than a shared Alco pop. It says, dominic morning
Speaker 1: will not come. I want to be drunk, sucked through
Speaker 1: a straw, eyes, first absorbed, digested into this room.
Speaker 5: Don't spit me out, Clamp your jaw hard on my leg,
Speaker 5: don't send me home, Grip me here where I feel
Speaker 5: tasty where I might have a chance.
Speaker 1: Of being swallowed. Wow, that was twenty six year old dominant. Right,
Speaker 1: that's a bit fruity, I was. That was a bit follows,
Speaker 1: a bit fruity, full of juice, full of juice, that is, Yeah,
Speaker 1: three words to describe a dominic in his twenties. Full
Speaker 1: of juice, full of juice, juice.
Speaker 2: Wow. That that that was? That was that was, that
Speaker 2: was erotic. So we we we've been to the nightclub.
Speaker 2: We've we've found out that you like like it's sticky.
Speaker 2: Let's hear the next one.
Speaker 1: Oh, with joyly with joy. So another one from the
Speaker 1: same time period as a mid twenties gay fella would
Speaker 1: try and seduce men with my poetry. So this was
Speaker 1: very much written in that frame of mind. So again
Speaker 1: not said this probably about two decades, two decades since
Speaker 1: I was forming this pime. How will it feel now,
Speaker 1: let's find out. Let's find out this biome goes like this.
Speaker 6: You should be naked, tugged, strip to your radiance. You
Speaker 6: are raw, stark, pure, electrifying skin, inter stellar moral, melting wonder.
Speaker 1: Ultra violent heat. I am your satellite, satellite of lust.
Speaker 2: Rip out clothes and.
Speaker 1: Shine burm through this vacuum of fabric. Tear those hollows
Speaker 1: of textile, free your fire, smack nudity, soft magnetic curves.
Speaker 1: Your natural beauty's eclipsed by eternal night of denim. Nipples
Speaker 1: chafe on cold cotton, concealed thighs secretly shake, nuclearly fused,
Speaker 1: aching to break. I know you're super nova. Quakes beneath
Speaker 1: airless gulf of cloth touch me, and.
Speaker 3: Body hair prickle upright like tiny bursts of sola flair,
Speaker 3: trying to penetrate a dark fiber space between us.
Speaker 2: Did that get your laid much?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah it did. Actually, yeah yeah it did. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: I hate it when my nipples get chapped by cotton.
Speaker 2: This was one of the worst things ever.
Speaker 1: Shut this time, then shut the times. Yeah. Yeah. When
Speaker 1: I was at school, there was this kind of concept
Speaker 1: that poetry was like this really old fashioned, fuddy duddy thing.
Speaker 1: And then I moved to Manchester where I live, and
Speaker 1: Manchester is full of poets and they all have it
Speaker 1: off with each other all the time, and it's lovely.
Speaker 1: It's really good. I enjoy it like a poet orgy.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, it's great, it's lovely. It's lovely. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it was far cry from how I was told poetry
Speaker 1: was at school. Hooray, hooray for free love for all, hooraii, hooray.
Speaker 2: For sexual satellites or yeah whatever it was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean I'm forty six now, so you know,
Speaker 1: I'm less involved in that kind of scene. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: more alike, you know.
Speaker 2: Only as old as the sexual satellite. You stick up
Speaker 2: your bomb.
Speaker 1: That's going to be the name of my next book.
Speaker 2: I want to cut. Well, you have one more, Oh,
Speaker 2: I'd love to.
Speaker 1: I'd love to. I've shared two medium length ones with you, Lee,
Speaker 1: I'd like to end with a short, stuppy one. If
Speaker 1: I may.
Speaker 2: A poetry equivalent of a childe why not?
Speaker 1: Why not? So? Those were those were quite free versy poems,
Speaker 1: both of them. They had some internal rhymes. But this
Speaker 1: one's a very strict structure of very precise rhythmic meter.
Speaker 1: You awarely of the limerick.
Speaker 2: Boistered on the burning deck, he burnt his bomb o
Speaker 2: heck it.
Speaker 1: Well that's two fifths of a limerick. Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: as much as we're getting. That's as much as we're getting,
Speaker 1: all right, So I've got a five line very strictly
Speaker 1: composed limerick about me being a vegan gay poet, right
Speaker 1: and leale. I would love it if my vegan gay
Speaker 1: limerick made you laugh and chuckle. But if it doesn't,
Speaker 1: if it doesn't thee, I demand at least a groan.
Speaker 1: That's what I demand to groanly. I demand your grownly
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 2: Are you old nature or just an ordinary groan?
Speaker 1: Just to submit to whatever noise comes.
Speaker 2: Naturally, whether the words strike.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's only five lines. Prepare the noise has got
Speaker 1: to come quite soon.
Speaker 2: A line and then I'm done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right, lovely, lovely, all right, vegan gay limerick.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Here we go. A vegan called Dom
Speaker 1: came around here and said, please do not call me
Speaker 1: a queer. I just love chickpeas and tahini, so please,
Speaker 1: I'm a homosexual, my dear.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I could have ended that with what was it?
Speaker 2: Thomas and something? What was it?
Speaker 1: Homosexual is meant to sound like homosexual? What was the
Speaker 1: thing that you have to explain it?
Speaker 2: Watches and chickpeas and tahini.
Speaker 1: It's cleverly, No, you could have got some poetry feedback
Speaker 1: from lencly please outcome it. How could it be Bai Yeah.
Speaker 2: Get down on sock on Maweeni and was dominic in spotlight.
Speaker 2: So if the people at home have connected with those
Speaker 2: those raunchy poems, where can they purchase such a volume?
Speaker 1: What a good question. All good bookshops, they all good bookshops.
Speaker 2: So ones and some bad ones.
Speaker 1: There's no such thing, no such thing. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 1: can get them from places like Waterstones or Smith's or
Speaker 1: any of those places. But do you know what if
Speaker 1: you get it direct from the publisher, if you go
Speaker 1: on the website of Flapjack Press, that's supporting independent traders.
Speaker 1: That's a nice thing to do it, that's nice thing.
Speaker 1: And come see me, Come see me in one of
Speaker 1: the vegan festivals where I'll be serving cheese maybe grate
Speaker 1: and cheese and soaping me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that's a day.
Speaker 1: That is almost the end of the show. But now
Speaker 1: on your screen you can see our contact details. It
Speaker 1: is at the cub TV on all your social media,
Speaker 1: and if you want to catch up with previous episodes,
Speaker 1: you can always binge us on YouTube look for Chewing
Speaker 1: the Cud.
Speaker 2: Thank you for watching, and we'll see you again next week.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.