Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I have a quick question.
Speaker 1: This is so random. Are you guys together? Okay, I
Speaker 1: was looking over there, and you guys just look like
Speaker 1: a good couple. Like you've been together a long time,
Speaker 1: almost five years. That's awesome. How do you know when
Speaker 1: you like someone?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How did you know that you liked her? And how
Speaker 1: did you know that you liked him?
Speaker 4: Well, that's a little different for us.
Speaker 2: That's wear in our fifties.
Speaker 5: Recognize the honest answers and then how to weed out the.
Speaker 4: But what's most important is are you going.
Speaker 6: Through something.
Speaker 7: Just a little bit?
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm sorry, I got you.
Speaker 4: There, you go release it. You're gonna una.
Speaker 2: Reason reason.
Speaker 1: I'm content in every place of my life.
Speaker 8: I have a fulfilling job and like.
Speaker 2: I have friendships that are so life giving.
Speaker 1: My family's amazing, and you know, my supporting system is
Speaker 1: more than I could ask for.
Speaker 4: But it's just that one thing that I'm just like,
Speaker 4: how do I know when.
Speaker 3: When I genuinely like someone?
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I just saw so much love
Speaker 1: around it.
Speaker 3: You got you as long as you are loving your life,
Speaker 3: and stop them because the person that they have to
Speaker 3: compliment your life, I mean, you guys both have to
Speaker 3: fit into something that's already wonderful and to be deserving them.
Speaker 4: And you too, and you both of you because it's
Speaker 4: gonna be work. It's not easy. I made a cognitive
Speaker 4: decision to love.
Speaker 5: Also, all you can be accountable is for your involvement
Speaker 5: and any misunderstanding. That's all you got control, okay, and
Speaker 5: you just do that the best of your ability.
Speaker 4: You've got a whole bunch of life to.
Speaker 9: Being in schools.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you what's so wonderfulul the fact that.
Speaker 5: You took the chance to say, I'm having a moment,
Speaker 5: let me go talk to this whatever the universe has
Speaker 5: for you, keep.
Speaker 4: That smile on you.
Speaker 5: Just make sure you're ready to ask questions that are
Speaker 5: important to you.
Speaker 4: And if it don't feel right, you trusted. If you
Speaker 4: don't feel right, don't trust it. But just be honest
Speaker 4: say hey, hey, I appreciate this, but this just is
Speaker 4: going in a direction that I'm gonna comfortable. But you're
Speaker 4: an okay person that some men can't take rejection to
Speaker 4: be careful. Yeah, but you know what, you just keep
Speaker 4: being the best person you can be. That's all you got.
Speaker 4: Control your emotion is genuine of wanting to have it.
Speaker 4: But don't feel like your time is clicking because it
Speaker 4: may not be.
Speaker 5: You continue to be happy as long as you are
Speaker 5: having them all while you're enjoying your life, Gonna look back,
Speaker 5: even travel for.
Speaker 1: You get to do it either.
Speaker 3: I can country, hurry up by yourself, find some girls
Speaker 3: that want to go, or go by your damnself.
Speaker 4: I have been on two cruises before I met her
Speaker 4: by myself, like.
Speaker 5: Pops, Yeah, we got an extended little girl over here,
Speaker 5: all right?
Speaker 4: And what's your name, sweetie guy? Jazz man versus book,
Speaker 4: It's called the relationship this man. I'll just stick the
Speaker 4: landing with the ex siting a toxic relationship.
Speaker 5: That may just help you navigate on the type of
Speaker 5: questions you made w that ask.
Speaker 4: When it's that time, like the relationship this man's name
Speaker 4: of the I connected this for a reason, so I'm
Speaker 4: not mad at that.
Speaker 5: Like I said, you mean my heart good like man,
Speaker 5: a stranger decided to come, Pops, I'm cool with that.
Speaker 1: That's good ship, thank you. I don't know what possessed
Speaker 1: me to ask that random couple for some relationship advice,
Speaker 1: but I am so happy that I listened.
Speaker 4: I am so, so incredibly happy that I listened.
Speaker 1: This is your side to start asking strangers questions.
Speaker 9: Ladies and gentlemen. The voice of reason has returned to
Speaker 9: the scene of the conversation. Man, it's been a tough
Speaker 9: week in the name of sweet Baby raised Barbecue Sauce.
Speaker 9: But let me say this, I'm blown away. I am
Speaker 9: absolutely blown away. For many of you. You if you
Speaker 9: were listening to my show on Thursday night was Thursday,
Speaker 9: the sixth Thursday, the sixth of August, my second oldest
Speaker 9: other died in the hospital at Huntington Hospital in Pasadena, California.
Speaker 9: People who follow me noticed that clip that you just
Speaker 9: heard right from a young content creator. Her name is Jasmine.
Speaker 9: What's crazy is the clip was organic. She already had
Speaker 9: filmed it and she was holding onto it for a second,
Speaker 9: but she decided to drop it on the same day
Speaker 9: that my brother passed. My brother passed on a Thursday,
Speaker 9: seventeen years after my mother passed in two thousand and nine,
Speaker 9: on a Thursday. My brother had been struggling with alcoholism,
Speaker 9: and he was in a deeply toxic relationship and ashamed
Speaker 9: didn't want family to come see him in his current state,
Speaker 9: but we came anyway. He balked at it, he cussed
Speaker 9: everybody out, and then we loved on him, and then
Speaker 9: he softened and then he passed away. He was in
Speaker 9: a convalescent home for four days and then he got ill,
Speaker 9: and then they sent him back to the hospital. I
Speaker 9: text my sister, I said, Hey, what room is he in?
Speaker 9: Send me his room number, and I'm gonna get over
Speaker 9: there right now. She sends me the room number. I said, oh,
Speaker 9: my god. I looked at the room number, and I said, oh,
Speaker 9: he's not coming out of there, just by looking at
Speaker 9: the room number, because the room number was my mother's birthday,
Speaker 9: four fourteen, in the same hospital she died in seventeen
Speaker 9: years previously. On a Thursday, when I tell you the
Speaker 9: universe is finely tuned, divinely too. The same day, Jasmine
Speaker 9: drops a video that goes viral. That video clip I
Speaker 9: played at the beginning of the show has damn near
Speaker 9: a million views. She met a random couple African American
Speaker 9: brother and sister, and they nurtured and loved on her
Speaker 9: and mentored her in her moment of need, and randomly
Speaker 9: the brother and the couple says, hey, you should get
Speaker 9: this book called The Relationship Dismount How to stick the
Speaker 9: landing when Exiting a toxic relationship. That's my book, and
Speaker 9: because of her video, the book has gone viral. It's
Speaker 9: in the top ten on Amazon right now. Sometimes we
Speaker 9: don't want to have real conversations about life. We don't
Speaker 9: want to have real conversations about relationships. I remember when
Speaker 9: I first put the book out, people say, oh, this
Speaker 9: is a breakup book. I don't need a breakup book.
Speaker 9: We're doing fine, We're okay. They were afraid to read
Speaker 9: the information. And I know on this show, I hit
Speaker 9: you guys hard, and I hit you often. I hit
Speaker 9: you every day with tough topics, with difficult topics about relationships.
Speaker 9: But that young lady's video revived a book that is
Speaker 9: eleven years old. It came out in twenty fifteen, and
Speaker 9: I have her on the show Tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen,
Speaker 9: without further ado, My goodness, Jasmine, come on into the
Speaker 9: Voice of Reason, talk to me, young lady.
Speaker 7: Hello, Hello, it's so nice.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 9: You know, I couldn't let this slide. I was like
Speaker 9: what people were tagging me and saying, Yo, they're talking
Speaker 9: about your book. They're talking about your book, and I said, no,
Speaker 9: get and I would listen to the video for a second,
Speaker 9: and I'm busy, ripping and running. I didn't finish it.
Speaker 9: And then finally I said, let me just sit down
Speaker 9: and listen to the whole thing. And when I sat down,
Speaker 9: I said, wow. And this happened on the same day
Speaker 9: my brother passes, so you know, I was busy with him.
Speaker 9: And then when you know, I had a moment to process,
Speaker 9: I listened to the video and I said, what is
Speaker 9: God up to? What is God is busy? God is working?
Speaker 9: So what I wanted to do for you was a
Speaker 9: continuation of what the couple was doing. And I have
Speaker 9: I have a whole topic laid out, but before I
Speaker 9: lay it, you know, lay it down, I really just
Speaker 9: want to answer some of your questions, if you have any.
Speaker 10: Sure.
Speaker 1: Well, first off, I just want to say I am
Speaker 1: so sorry for your loss. Thank you. I'm just learning
Speaker 1: about that today. So I'm in my room in tears
Speaker 1: because I just can't believe that the timing was that divine,
Speaker 1: even not just in the encounter in the video, but
Speaker 1: also posting it. I mean, as you mentioned, I had
Speaker 1: it in my draft sitting there and I was so
Speaker 1: embarrassed to post my vulnerability, and I was worried that
Speaker 1: people were going to think that was desperate or maybe
Speaker 1: just take things out of context. But the more I
Speaker 1: listened to it, the more I realized the message was
Speaker 1: so powerful that it almost felt greedy to keep it
Speaker 1: to myself. And I also didn't check what you that
Speaker 1: it was published until I started noticing people were in
Speaker 1: such disbelief in that interaction, the raw human interaction, that
Speaker 1: they thought it was like a skid or something, right, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I'm just so happy that it's reached the
Speaker 1: people that it needed to because a lot of those
Speaker 1: comments and private messages I've received have been people who
Speaker 1: also identify in that same issue of feeling stuck in
Speaker 1: their dating life. Especially with the dating apps and social media.
Speaker 1: It's completely changed the game. But a lot of the
Speaker 1: values and the lessons in the book are timeless and
Speaker 1: the still ring true today. So I really want to
Speaker 1: thank you for publishing this work.
Speaker 9: Oh man, I'm excited to have you on and I
Speaker 9: have a topic here and I would just love for you,
Speaker 9: you know, to roll with me, and if you have questions,
Speaker 9: please ask those questions, Okay, awesome. Yeah, So you think
Speaker 9: about your questions and then I'm gonna set up our
Speaker 9: topic and then I'm gonna bring you back in. Is
Speaker 9: that cool?
Speaker 1: That sounds perfect?
Speaker 9: Perfect. Jasmine is on board with me tonight. She's revived
Speaker 9: the relationship dismount how to stick the landing when exiting
Speaker 9: a toxic relationship. And it's really interesting how social media works, right.
Speaker 9: A clip can just go viral and it'll wake up
Speaker 9: a title that is what they call a legacy title, right,
Speaker 9: an older title that you know had its run, and
Speaker 9: then people kind of discover it as they move along,
Speaker 9: but you never see a real tsunami of interest around it.
Speaker 9: And when I tell you what my last check, we've
Speaker 9: done in four days, fifty six copies and it is
Speaker 9: just going crazy. People have been getting the book and
Speaker 9: I don't know the couple. She didn't know the couple,
Speaker 9: and they just randomly mentioned the book. So let's get
Speaker 9: into tonight's topic. It's kind of loosely based on what
Speaker 9: Jasmine is experiencing and what probably many other people are experiencing.
Speaker 9: Tonight's topic when the reality of love outruns what you
Speaker 9: think you know about it, A deeper investigation into whether
Speaker 9: Intimate confusion is where conditioning loses its authority. Stuckness begins
Speaker 9: resisting the unknown, and relationship forces us beyond the psychological
Speaker 9: past that has been choosing for us. Human beings rarely
Speaker 9: fear confusion. They fear what confusion threatens to take away.
Speaker 9: Every intimate relationship begins with the quiet confidence that we
Speaker 9: understand love well enough to recognize it when it arrives.
Speaker 9: Then something unexpected happens. The relationship refuses to obey our expectations.
Speaker 9: Communication begins to break down, Our attraction levels and intensity
Speaker 9: begin to change, Conflict starts to emerge, and then the
Speaker 9: certainty that we were attached to in the beginning begins
Speaker 9: to dissolve. Almost instinctively. We conclude that confusion signals dysfunction, incompatibility, betrayal,
Speaker 9: or the beginning of the end. On tonight's topic, we're
Speaker 9: going to investigate a far more dangerous conclusion. What if
Speaker 9: intimate confusion is not always evidence that reality has become unclear?
Speaker 9: What if it marks the precise moment your existing understanding
Speaker 9: of love can no longer explain the reality standing right
Speaker 9: in front of you. What if confusion is the end
Speaker 9: of what you thought you knew about love, happiness and intimacy.
Speaker 9: When I come forward, the voice of reason will continue
Speaker 9: cooking up this meal.
Speaker 6: This a dialogue you head in oh Hi, California. We
Speaker 6: had there.
Speaker 11: A dialogue between doctor Bull and myself and to Sha
Speaker 11: and one David before yesterday. So maybe we continue with
Speaker 11: the dialogue.
Speaker 6: And if should anybody join this or not at all?
Speaker 11: We're asking if anybody feels like joining this, unless it
Speaker 11: is very very serious, would they join or they distantly
Speaker 11: if they don't want to, It's all right. So it's
Speaker 11: a conversation between doctor bourman myself.
Speaker 6: Let's get on with it. See we were saying the
Speaker 6: other day, man a human being who has walked his
Speaker 6: way through all the.
Speaker 11: Problems of life, both physical and psychological, and it's really
Speaker 11: grasped with full significance of freedom from psychological memories and conflicts,
Speaker 11: and traveled it comes to a point where the mind
Speaker 11: finds itself free but not but hasn't gathered that supreme
Speaker 11: energy to go beyond itself. That's what we were discussing
Speaker 11: the other day.
Speaker 6: Can we still going on from there?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 11: Can the mind really mind brain, the whole psychological structure,
Speaker 11: the ever free from all.
Speaker 6: Conflict from all shadow of any disturbance, disturbance, self disturbance,
Speaker 6: self disturbance, and all that. Can it ever be free?
Speaker 11: Or the idea to a complete freedom is an illusion?
Speaker 5: Yes, well that's one one possibility is that what we're.
Speaker 2: Then some people might say we can have partial.
Speaker 6: Freedom, partial freedom or human condition is so.
Speaker 11: Determined by the past, by by its own auditioning, it
Speaker 11: can never free itself from it, like they like some
Speaker 11: of those intellectual philosophers have stated this.
Speaker 4: Yes, most some people, I feel that's the case.
Speaker 11: And really the the deep non citarian religious people, if
Speaker 11: there are there must be some who are totally free
Speaker 11: from all organized religions and beliefs and rituals, dougments, they have.
Speaker 6: Said it can be done. Very few have.
Speaker 1: Said this, well, of course those who have said it's
Speaker 1: done through reincarnation.
Speaker 6: In addition, yes, it would take a very long time. Yes,
Speaker 6: they said, You've take a very long time.
Speaker 11: You must go through various lives and suffer and go
Speaker 11: through all kinds of miseries, and ultimately.
Speaker 6: You'll come to that. But we are not.
Speaker 10: In the US, the riches society in history. Fully half
Speaker 10: of the citizens of a chronic disorders such as high
Speaker 10: blood pressure or diabetans. Anxiety amongst young people is growing rapidly,
Speaker 10: asthma and autoimmune diseases are on the rise, as our addictions,
Speaker 10: depression is rising, youth suicide is rising. All is not well.
Speaker 12: I started heroin at twenty six.
Speaker 4: That's what really destroyed me. Just taste the pain away.
Speaker 1: It's easy to want to escape reality completely instead of
Speaker 1: coping with that.
Speaker 10: And so the question is can we be human beings
Speaker 10: in the midst of civilization M because what we call
Speaker 10: civilization demands the denial of human needs.
Speaker 1: MM.
Speaker 9: Please, ladies and gentlemen. That was gobor Mate cooking with
Speaker 9: the rarest grease. You're listening to the Voice of Reason
Speaker 9: live on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. We got a real
Speaker 9: discussion here when the reality of love outruns what you
Speaker 9: think you know about it. You see goobor Matie laying
Speaker 9: out the landscape of life on planet Earth and why
Speaker 9: depression is on the rise. Many of us have a
Speaker 9: sense of stuckness in our relationships, and I tend to
Speaker 9: believe we have this sense of stuckness because we use
Speaker 9: relationship as a means to escape the reality in which
Speaker 9: we live. Why can't I just be happy? Why can't
Speaker 9: I just find somebody and we just chill and it
Speaker 9: just be cool. That's because people don't understand the purpose
Speaker 9: of relationships. And I have a young lady on the
Speaker 9: line right now, and I'm a bringer right on in.
Speaker 9: Her name is Jasmine. Jasmine. Where are you from?
Speaker 1: Originally, I'm from the Pacific Northwest, a.
Speaker 9: DC. I'm at Washington, Oregon. Yeah, Washington, Come on? Those
Speaker 9: are our rivals down here? Oh yeah, college football? I
Speaker 9: got I went there, the Huskies. I love it. I
Speaker 9: love it. I'm so happy that you're here to join me.
Speaker 9: I really want to walk with you and talk with
Speaker 9: you about your story, about your relationship struggles or issues
Speaker 9: or questions. Please share with me. Do you have any questions?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a couple questions. I think coming from
Speaker 1: that interaction, I've learned that I've been overthinking dating because
Speaker 1: I'm trying too hard to figure out if I'm compatible
Speaker 1: with someone, and I wasn't really asking the right questions.
Speaker 1: And I realized that I was losing my ability to
Speaker 1: experience getting to know someone. And I was also approaching
Speaker 1: dating in a very self centered way, where it's what
Speaker 1: can this person do for me instead of how can
Speaker 1: we compliment each other? And how could I also build
Speaker 1: up the other person that's in front of me? And
Speaker 1: I've also been pretty notorious for date eating my ideas.
Speaker 1: And then one of the chapters in the book specifically
Speaker 1: says not to date your ideas. And so I think
Speaker 1: I've been learning how to read the signs when someone
Speaker 1: is emotionally unavailable and walk away before I get to
Speaker 1: invest it, and then I fantasize a reality where they
Speaker 1: aren't like that. And yeah, so I think one of
Speaker 1: my first questions is how do you are one can't
Speaker 1: do right? Say? What question should I ask myself after
Speaker 1: a date to determine whether I like the person or
Speaker 1: I just liked how I felt around them?
Speaker 9: Well, that's an interesting question. So my question back to
Speaker 9: you is before we answer that, because I'm gonna ask
Speaker 9: you to ask that question again, but I want you
Speaker 9: to ask it again from this perspective, What exactly are
Speaker 9: you looking to get from the relationship from this special person?
Speaker 9: This idea you said you used to date.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the idea that I'm looking for is
Speaker 1: or that I find myself trying to fit people in.
Speaker 1: Is someone who's family oriented that I could raise a
Speaker 1: family with that my family would approve of, and they're
Speaker 1: pretty accepting. So I think I just put way too
Speaker 1: much pressure on that part too. And then also someone
Speaker 1: who treasures me and makes me feel soft and feminine,
Speaker 1: because it's really hard for me to step into that
Speaker 1: just because I've been I've been led by a lot
Speaker 1: of strong women and I'm inspired by them, and a
Speaker 1: lot of them are pretty independent and don't really rely
Speaker 1: on other people to wait make things happen for themselves.
Speaker 9: So wait, let me show you something. You are outsourcing
Speaker 9: your power because you want someone to make you soft.
Speaker 9: That's an inside job. Now you've already mentioned the family pattern.
Speaker 9: The women are strong, but you want the man to
Speaker 9: come into your life and trigger your softness when you
Speaker 9: can do that yourself. I'm not saying it's a bad
Speaker 9: thing to want that. I'm not saying you should change
Speaker 9: that expectation, but you have to be what you seek
Speaker 9: in order to magnetize it into your life. DC. Oftentimes
Speaker 9: we want softness when in fact, you just gave me
Speaker 9: a perfect example. What do we do as children? According
Speaker 9: to developmental psychology, we model the environment we were raised
Speaker 9: in so you modeled the strength of the women in
Speaker 9: your household when you were a child, Right, But yet
Speaker 9: you want to be soft? So is it the man's
Speaker 9: responsibility to trigger it? Or is it your responsibility to say,
Speaker 9: you know what, as an adult woman who wants to
Speaker 9: be soft with a man, I don't need this part
Speaker 9: of my modeling that I inherited as a child. Dcy.
Speaker 9: Does that make sense? Yes, stay with me, don't go nowhere.
Speaker 9: Me and jazzmin we gonna keep cooking. The voice of
Speaker 9: reason is on complete fire tonight. I got a special
Speaker 9: one for you. Let's go.
Speaker 12: So why does good sex so often fade, even for
Speaker 12: couples who continue to love each other as much as ever?
Speaker 12: And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex contrary
Speaker 12: to popular belief? Or the next question would be can
Speaker 12: we want what we already have? That's the million dollar question, right?
Speaker 12: And why is the forbidden so erotic? What is it
Speaker 12: about transgression that makes desires so potent? And why does
Speaker 12: sex make babies and babies spelerotic disaster in couples? It's
Speaker 12: kind of the fatal erotic blow, isn't it? And when
Speaker 12: you love, how does it seem.
Speaker 9: That's ethel right. I want to get back to Jasmine
Speaker 9: because me and Jasmine are cooking right now. Jasmine, are
Speaker 9: you there with me?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm still here.
Speaker 9: All right. So you were asking, right, and I was
Speaker 9: answering right. I was telling you about the softness of
Speaker 9: a woman. Right, there's a power in women that men
Speaker 9: can never possess. You have it by default. You have it.
Speaker 9: So you have to go inside and realize, Oh, being
Speaker 9: a strong woman is good in certain areas, right, But
Speaker 9: if I want to attract a man who likes a
Speaker 9: soft woman, I have to cultivate that softness within myself.
Speaker 9: Do you know how to do that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I believe so.
Speaker 9: Well, talk to me. What has been the problem?
Speaker 1: I think it's more having my guardup around people and
Speaker 1: not necessarily feeling like it's safe to be vulnerable around
Speaker 1: someone understood.
Speaker 9: Yes, yeah, Is it safe to be vulnerable with yourself?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: Yes? Okay, that's the start, right, Self vulnerability, self acceptance,
Speaker 9: self approval. Do you struggle with some of that?
Speaker 1: I think I used to a lot more in the past,
Speaker 1: like ten years, but I've been going to therapy and
Speaker 1: doing the work to trust my instincts a little.
Speaker 13: More and yeah, and just have positive self talk instead
Speaker 13: of always trying to put myself down or raise myself
Speaker 13: to these standards that don't really make sense for being
Speaker 13: a human.
Speaker 9: Beautiful, But do you see how that kind of talk
Speaker 9: has its own frequency and vibration. And if you look
Speaker 9: at yourself as a type of lighthouse, right, what is
Speaker 9: the purpose of a lighthouse? What does it do? What
Speaker 9: is its function?
Speaker 1: It draws people in from the storm from darkness.
Speaker 9: Yeah, they see the light from the lighthouse, they say, oh,
Speaker 9: the shore is over there. Wayward ships sometimes we call
Speaker 9: in wayward situationships right from whatever frequency is emitting from us.
Speaker 9: I'm going to tell you this, A person you're looking
Speaker 9: for can never be the answer to your problems. They
Speaker 9: can only be a questiones to an answer that you
Speaker 9: carry within yourself. So let's play a little game. How
Speaker 9: many inside jobs are there? We've heard that happiness is
Speaker 9: an inside job, But how many other inside jobs are there?
Speaker 9: Can you enlighten me?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to put a number on it.
Speaker 9: WHOA No, just name a few. If happiness is an
Speaker 9: inside job, what else would there be?
Speaker 1: Fulfillment?
Speaker 14: Yes, self fulfilling yes, yes, self esteem yeah, self work,
Speaker 14: but dignity. Yeah, So oftentimes we'll go into a relationship
Speaker 14: and say, how are you going to show up for me?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 9: You gave me that example in your opening statement. Right,
Speaker 9: we're supposed to go into relationships and observe how we're
Speaker 9: going to respond because guess what relationships offer for us,
Speaker 9: every individual that's in a relationship. Guess what it offers?
Speaker 9: Growth a mirror. And you're right, that's the right answer. Growth.
Speaker 9: But you can't grow unless you see yourself in real time.
Speaker 9: And relationships are mirrors. They show us through our partner,
Speaker 9: what we need to work on, what we need to
Speaker 9: deal with. The reason why I wrote the relationship dismount
Speaker 9: was to show people. You hear people talking about it
Speaker 9: all the time. Are there're patterns, negative patterns, patterns, patterns, patterns? Right?
Speaker 9: You hear people talk about patterns in relationships. Well, a
Speaker 9: gymnast uses a routine which is a type of pattern. Right,
Speaker 9: They use this routine and if they don't stick the
Speaker 9: landing for the routine, the routine is ruined. Right. That
Speaker 9: routine is a pattern. I say, oh, this is a
Speaker 9: beautiful metaphor for relationships. If we don't heal what broke
Speaker 9: us early or what we use to survive our our
Speaker 9: home environment, and listens to say that every home is
Speaker 9: toxic or broken or negative. But everybody has work that
Speaker 9: they need to deal with, even the best homes. Right,
Speaker 9: everybody's family has some kind of issue.
Speaker 15: Right.
Speaker 9: So all I'm saying is, if you don't address those
Speaker 9: issues and you go into the relationships, if relationship is
Speaker 9: a mirror the issues that you carry from home, you
Speaker 9: carry into your intimate life. Does that make sense? Right?
Speaker 9: So what should we do when we're going into relationships?
Speaker 9: We should be looking at ourselves? How am I going
Speaker 9: to react? Do I want to react or do I
Speaker 9: want to respond? Do I know the difference from reaction
Speaker 9: and response? Is reaction negative? Is responding positive? Does that
Speaker 9: make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: Yes? So I'm asking you. Sounds like you had a
Speaker 9: pretty good upbringing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, I did.
Speaker 9: So talk to me. What example are you trying to
Speaker 9: recreate from that life in your new intimate life?
Speaker 1: I would say my parents they faced a lot of
Speaker 1: hardships being immigrants, teen parents, and they faced a lot
Speaker 1: of judgment and criticism because they had me out of wedlock,
Speaker 1: and they were always carrying that type of shame for
Speaker 1: a while, but they tried their best to give to
Speaker 1: others and give, give, give, Sometimes they would never receive
Speaker 1: a thank you. But their home has always been an
Speaker 1: open place that people can come and rest and just
Speaker 1: find some type of sanctuary in case they did run
Speaker 1: away or they got kicked out, or they have money problems.
Speaker 1: And they've had such a beautiful marriage and they're so affectionate,
Speaker 1: and they are always like each other's first person to
Speaker 1: talk about an issue or talk about their day. And
Speaker 1: they definitely do push it to the mags because they
Speaker 1: work together and they share their hobbies and friends. But
Speaker 1: I really do adore the way that they put each
Speaker 1: other first, and they put their marriage first. So even
Speaker 1: when we have or they have like struggles with parenting
Speaker 1: with me and my sister, or they always make sure
Speaker 1: that they're good first and they're on the same page
Speaker 1: before introducing parenting or resolving another conflict outside of the family.
Speaker 9: I love that. I love that you had a good upbringing, right,
Speaker 9: But you do know you have your own journey and
Speaker 9: your own path, and sometimes sometimes the hardest thing to
Speaker 9: do is try to recreate what you were born into.
Speaker 9: Sometimes you have to create something new and in order
Speaker 9: to do that. One of the worst breakups to ever
Speaker 9: happen is the one with family. And when I say
Speaker 9: with family, I don't mean leave your family. I mean
Speaker 9: break up with the way and your image and your
Speaker 9: idea of how you think it should be. Because sometimes
Speaker 9: love will come out of nowhere, and because you're looking
Speaker 9: at it through this pattern, through this lens of what
Speaker 9: you think it should supposed to be, you might miss it.
Speaker 9: You might not recognize it staring you right in your face.
Speaker 9: Does that make sense? Yeah, stay right there, don't go nowhere. Jasmine,
Speaker 9: you are on fire right now, we are cooking. You
Speaker 9: are giving me life tonight. I love it. Jasmine is
Speaker 9: on the line when we come forward.
Speaker 8: I love a great mystery, and I'm fascinated by the
Speaker 8: greatest unsolved mystery in science, perhaps because it's personal. It's
Speaker 8: about who we are, and I can't help but be curious.
Speaker 8: The mystery is this, what is the relationship between your
Speaker 8: brain and your conscious experiences, such as your experience of
Speaker 8: the taste of chocolate or the feeling of velvet. Now,
Speaker 8: this mystery is not new. In eighteen sixty eight, Thomas
Speaker 8: Huxley wrote, how it is that anything so remarkable as
Speaker 8: a state of consciousness comes about as the result of
Speaker 8: irritating nervous tissue. Is just as unaccountable as the appearance
Speaker 8: of the genie when Aladdin rubbed his lamp. Now, Huxley
Speaker 8: knew that brain activity and conscious experiences are correlated, but
Speaker 8: he didn't know why. To the science of his day,
Speaker 8: it was a mystery. In the years since Huxley, science
Speaker 8: has learned a lot about brain activity, but the relationship
Speaker 8: between brain activity and conscious experiences is still a mystery.
Speaker 8: Why why have we made so little progress? Well, some
Speaker 8: experts think that we can't solve this problem because we
Speaker 8: lack the necessary concepts and intelligence. We don't expect monkeys
Speaker 8: to solve problems in quantum mechanics, and as it happens,
Speaker 8: we can't expect our species to solve this problem either.
Speaker 8: Well I disagree. I'm more optimistic. I think we've simply
Speaker 8: made a false assumption. Once we fix it, we just
Speaker 8: might solve this problem. Today, I'd like to tell you
Speaker 8: what that assumption is, why it's false, and how to
Speaker 8: fix it. Let's begin with a question. Do we see
Speaker 8: reality as it is? I open my eyes and I
Speaker 8: have an experience that I describe as a red tomato
Speaker 8: a meter away. As a result, I come to believe
Speaker 8: that in reality, there's a red tomato a meter away.
Speaker 8: I then close my eyes and my experience changes to
Speaker 8: a gray field. But is it still the case that
Speaker 8: in reality there's a red tomato a meter away? I
Speaker 8: think so? But could I be wrong? Could I be
Speaker 8: misinterpreting the nature of my perceptions? We have misinterpreted our
Speaker 8: perceptions before. We used to think the Earth is flat
Speaker 8: because it looks that way, but Thagoras discovered that we
Speaker 8: were wrong. Then we thought that the Earth is the
Speaker 8: unmoving center of the universe, again because it looks that way.
Speaker 8: Coprinicus and Galileo discovered again that we were wrong. Galileo
Speaker 8: then wondered.
Speaker 9: Ladies and gentlemen, the VR is back in the building,
Speaker 9: the Voice of Reason. I'm on the phone with Jasmine. Oh,
Speaker 9: I'm enjoying my time with Jasmine. Jasmine, are you enjoying
Speaker 9: your time on the vo R?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 9: Yeah, I love it. So that clip? Who was that
Speaker 9: clip by Andy? That was a good clip. He was
Speaker 9: talking about perspectivity, the perception. And I have a question
Speaker 9: for Jasmine. In this journey of relationships and learning how
Speaker 9: to connect with others and seeing what fits and what
Speaker 9: doesn't fit. That was Donald Hoffman, by the way, the
Speaker 9: clip What has come up that has shown you that
Speaker 9: your perception of your interactions with these various guys that
Speaker 9: you dated, you know, getting to know nothing serious? What
Speaker 9: has come up? They said? You know, I saw that wrong.
Speaker 9: My perception was off. Does that happen? What is the
Speaker 9: process of that and what do you learn? How do
Speaker 9: you change when something does come up and you go,
Speaker 9: I think I got that wrong? Does that happen to you?
Speaker 9: Talk to me?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think when I meet people sometimes I get really
Speaker 1: fixated on trying to figure them out on a first
Speaker 1: date because it's like that redundant. I think when you're
Speaker 1: on dating apps, you're in this revolving door of options,
Speaker 1: and so you're constantly thinking like, Okay, is there something
Speaker 1: better out there? When can I stop this interaction because
Speaker 1: it's not going to lead anywhere? And I think that
Speaker 1: it's a little sometimes unrealistic to expect. I want to
Speaker 1: show their true selves on a first date.
Speaker 9: But why do you want them to? Let's go into that.
Speaker 1: I think I want to because I just want to
Speaker 1: get it right. My friends and family they're so supportive
Speaker 1: of me, and they're always saying, man, I wonder the
Speaker 1: person who's going to be your person, like who you're
Speaker 1: going to introduce to the family, and I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to meet your partner. And so there's been all this
Speaker 1: anticipation built up around it that I think I cave
Speaker 1: with the pressure. And it makes me a little nervous
Speaker 1: about missing a red flag or disappointing people around me
Speaker 1: who love me and cherish me, because there has been
Speaker 1: a couple moments where I didn't pick the best person
Speaker 1: and that person hurt me, and I was realized now
Speaker 1: that I was enabling that behavior by also staying when
Speaker 1: I should have walked away. Yes, but those moments were
Speaker 1: really isolating whenever I was trying to figure things out
Speaker 1: or make things work with someone that I wasn't compatible with.
Speaker 1: And so it's like, I don't want to face that
Speaker 1: loneliness again or feel like I have to hide that
Speaker 1: person from the people that I love who know that
Speaker 1: I'm capable of more and that they might be holding
Speaker 1: me back or hurting me or have frustrations that you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's not a good thing.
Speaker 9: And I totally understand that I am an African American man.
Speaker 9: You are a Latina, right, Am I right about that?
Speaker 9: A Latina?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a Mexican American.
Speaker 9: Yeah. So we're from We're both from collectivistic societies. So
Speaker 9: when we meet somebody, we're basically meeting the tribe. We're
Speaker 9: meeting the family. Everybody got to be happy with everybody
Speaker 9: got to be on board, right, So I totally understand that.
Speaker 9: But I want you to understand that, Yes, relationship has
Speaker 9: a social application, and a cultural application, and a familial application,
Speaker 9: but it also has a spiritual and psychological application. Remember this.
Speaker 9: Did you learn from the negative person that you dated?
Speaker 9: Did you learn something about yourself?
Speaker 13: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I learned a lot.
Speaker 9: You tell me?
Speaker 1: Sare I think that I learned that I need to
Speaker 1: speak up when something bothers me instead of letting resentment
Speaker 1: grow or shame keep me from talking or voicing my frustrations.
Speaker 9: Where did the shame come from?
Speaker 1: I'm not too sure, I think. Well, actually, looking back,
Speaker 1: it's definitely in the past feelings of unworth and feeling
Speaker 1: like I'm not deserving of asking someone to respect my boundaries.
Speaker 9: Now, you said you were in therapy. Did your therapist
Speaker 9: happen to share your attachment style with you.
Speaker 1: We have not spoken about it, but I believe I'm
Speaker 1: anxious ambivalent.
Speaker 9: I can feel the anxious on you, baby. But listen, listen, listen, listen.
Speaker 9: You can't control it. Love is not to be controlled
Speaker 9: by fear, by pressure, by family, peer pressure. To get
Speaker 9: it right. Every relationship is right, except the ones that
Speaker 9: are physically violent. Right. Everyone is right because it mirrors
Speaker 9: where you are. Sometimes we beat ourselves up. Me an
Speaker 9: example of that early right when you were talking about
Speaker 9: negative self talk and how you were very critical of yourself. Well,
Speaker 9: that's a type of self abuse.
Speaker 15: Right.
Speaker 9: Well, if that's a vibration, if that's a frequency, you
Speaker 9: can call that in in the form of a partner.
Speaker 9: Do you see what I'm saying? Does that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: You see what I'm saying. So this is why I
Speaker 9: started with inside job work. Right self esteem. There's a
Speaker 9: great book by doctor Glenn R. Charraldy Glenn R. Chiraldy, PhD.
Speaker 9: It's called the Self Esteem Work Book Right, Self Esteem Workbook.
Speaker 9: It is an amazing book. I in my coaching, I
Speaker 9: reference it right and I give it to the clients
Speaker 9: that I talk to and let me just say, coming
Speaker 9: into a relationship hole is way different then coming into
Speaker 9: a relationship hoping that they can fill holes. DC, I
Speaker 9: need you to feel this worthiness whole. I need you
Speaker 9: to feel this, I deserve whole. I need you to
Speaker 9: feel this, I'm seen whole or I'm heard whole. Right,
Speaker 9: you have to come in filling those holes so you
Speaker 9: can get to know another whole person. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, right, it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 15: Yes.
Speaker 9: See, let me tell you something about relationship. It will
Speaker 9: expose you. Relationships are designed to trigger you. So what
Speaker 9: is the trigger? What is it to you when you
Speaker 9: get triggered? What is that?
Speaker 1: I definitely think it's the not feeling heard or understood.
Speaker 1: You know what I think understand?
Speaker 9: Yeah? You want know what I think it is?
Speaker 1: Yeah, homework.
Speaker 9: When you get triggered, oftentimes we want the person to
Speaker 9: stop doing whatever they're doing to trigger us. We want
Speaker 9: we put it on them to change instead of looking
Speaker 9: at the trigger as data as information about myself. Why
Speaker 9: am I triggered? Where did the trigger come from? When
Speaker 9: they do that? Why do I react this way? DC?
Speaker 9: This is the information that we get from the University
Speaker 9: of You.
Speaker 15: I e.
Speaker 9: Relationships, Relationships teach us about us. Now we've turned them
Speaker 9: into these playgrounds of leisure. Where are we going to eat?
Speaker 9: Let's take a picture of our plate. Uh, you know,
Speaker 9: let's post our lunch or our dinner on Instagram. Let's
Speaker 9: go you know what I mean. We've turned it into
Speaker 9: this place of leisure. But psychologically speaking, relationships reveal us
Speaker 9: to ourselves the parts of ourselves that we're uncomfortable with.
Speaker 9: So if your therapist said anxious ambivalent, where does anxious
Speaker 9: attachment style come from?
Speaker 3: Fear?
Speaker 9: Well, anxious is a type of fear, but it's a
Speaker 9: fear that you're going to leave me, and that comes
Speaker 9: from early childhood. Don't leave me, that's what anxious ambivalent.
Speaker 9: So you're going to leave me? I go ambivalent DC,
Speaker 9: that's the anxious ambivalent that comes from childhood. Right, So
Speaker 9: you have to understand that as an adult, you develop
Speaker 9: that protective mechanism to survive when you were an infant,
Speaker 9: when you were a baby, to survived childhood. None of
Speaker 9: our parents are perfect. There might have been moments where
Speaker 9: they were inconsistent and didn't meet your needs when you
Speaker 9: needed them to. That doesn't mean they're bad people or
Speaker 9: bad parents. It just means they missed opportunities to tap
Speaker 9: in when you needed that, when you needed it most. Right,
Speaker 9: Still great people, you see what I'm saying. But what
Speaker 9: happens with attachment styles? What do you do you take
Speaker 9: them into adult relationships? They were good for when you
Speaker 9: were an infant, When you were a child, they were good.
Speaker 9: They protected you, they kept you safe. But as an adult,
Speaker 9: what do you need most? You need authenticity and you
Speaker 9: need vulnerability. But if you're trying to vet them instead
Speaker 9: of letting them, vetting versus you see, that was our topic.
Speaker 9: I don't know last week. Sometimes vetting is make sure
Speaker 9: you're right, right for me, right for the family, right
Speaker 9: for the tribe, right for everything, and then we're good. No.
Speaker 9: Allowance is a part of loving. If love is not restrictive,
Speaker 9: the highest form of it is called unconditional love. It
Speaker 9: can't be conditioned, which is a restriction. Right, Yeah, does
Speaker 9: that make sense? We cook it or we cooking? You
Speaker 9: got a question? Go ahead ask me another question. You
Speaker 9: got me turned up tonight. I'm just happy you're here.
Speaker 9: I'm lit tonight because Jasmine from TikTok, who single handedly
Speaker 9: blew up the relationship dismount brought it back to life.
Speaker 9: It was on a respirator. It was on a respirator.
Speaker 9: Jasmine said, not this evening, not this even Andy. Can
Speaker 9: I get a praise break for Jasmine? Let's get it. Yeah,
Speaker 9: we go to church every now and again when we're happy,
Speaker 9: So forgive the phrase, forgive the praise break. I got
Speaker 9: somebody on the line who might want to talk to you, Jasmine,
Speaker 9: Would you take advice from some of my callers? Are
Speaker 9: you with that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: We lt tonight. We all want the Voice of Reason,
Speaker 9: the rarest relationship radio show in the world. But guess what.
Speaker 9: Before we do that, we're gonna come forward and then
Speaker 9: we're gonna bring in one of the Voice of Reason's
Speaker 9: most legendary voice. As a matter of fact, all of
Speaker 9: the Voice of Reason ushers come down to the pole pit.
Speaker 9: I need Nikki from the SIP. We want to surround
Speaker 9: this young lady with beautiful advice. The number of doll
Speaker 9: is one, eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty. I need
Speaker 9: Nikki from the SIP. I got Valerie. I need Cali's soul.
Speaker 9: I need all of your john from Hawaii. I need
Speaker 9: you all to come on down. Let's get it.
Speaker 16: Tell me sue ubiquitous. If you think you've never seen it,
Speaker 16: you have not looked. We meet people who fly off
Speaker 16: the handle. We meet people who shut down, we meet
Speaker 16: people who are very difficult. No, it's a very family.
Speaker 16: It doesn't have a drug addicted, alcoholic, disturbed person.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 16: One thing I like to say, they give electric Are
Speaker 16: there any normal people who come from normal families in
Speaker 16: the audience, And sometimes one or two people raise their
Speaker 16: hands say can I please come to your family for Thanksgiving?
Speaker 16: Because I've never been to a normal family. Name is
Speaker 16: Bessel van der Kolk. I'm a psychiatrist neuroscientist. I have
Speaker 16: been studying trauma for about fifty years now. I've treated
Speaker 16: a whole variety of different traumatized populations see trauma in
Speaker 16: many different countries around the world. And I am the
Speaker 16: author of the book The Body Keeps His Court.
Speaker 9: I love well. I'm not really a fan of mister.
Speaker 9: I don't know vander Klock because he gets a lot
Speaker 9: of his stuff from Babbett Rothchild. His is the body
Speaker 9: keep the score. Hers is the body remembers, and he
Speaker 9: draws a lot of his information from Bibbet Rothschild Rothchild.
Speaker 9: I like Babbett's work. But vander klaw clock is cool.
Speaker 1: He cool?
Speaker 9: Whatnot? This is his first appearance on the VR. We
Speaker 9: given him a little love. We got Jasmine and Valerie
Speaker 9: on the line. Jasmine was just about our Valerie is
Speaker 9: about to land the plane with her empowerment statement to
Speaker 9: the young Jasmine about the cultivation and the development of
Speaker 9: femininity and not looking for a man to trigger it
Speaker 9: in her, but to flower it within herself. Please land
Speaker 9: the plane for me, Valerie.
Speaker 7: Well, in dating, I would say that a shift from
Speaker 7: attraction to connection and the attraction day, and also rooting
Speaker 7: yourself in the wisdom that everyone has an agenda and
Speaker 7: there's no failed relationships, they're just exercises and capacity.
Speaker 9: Jasmine, what are your thoughts on what Valerie shared with you.
Speaker 1: I think it's really great perspective, especially the part about
Speaker 1: limiting your femininity or putting it in someone else's hands,
Speaker 1: to allow yourself, allow yourself to reach a certain point
Speaker 1: of it, and then in the opposite end, being so
Speaker 1: independent that someone might see it and be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I don't have to work as hard or I don't
Speaker 1: have to give this person as much, and then accepting
Speaker 1: bare minimum because I think I've definitely found myself in
Speaker 1: situations that mirrored that dynamic.
Speaker 9: I love that. I love that. Valerie, guess what you
Speaker 9: just is?
Speaker 7: Sweetheart wrote some Mama Love from La.
Speaker 9: Come on, so mama love from La. We got a
Speaker 9: whole community over here showing Jasmine some love. I love it.
Speaker 9: If you want to bring your city in the building,
Speaker 9: all you got to do is call me at one
Speaker 9: eight hundred and nine, twenty fifteen eighty. We're mentoring callers
Speaker 9: with callers. Zoe Williams is the first to ever do it.
Speaker 9: Have you ever seen it? Andy? We got callers mentoring callers.
Speaker 9: This is this is a community. Let's talk about it. Nine,
Speaker 9: twenty fifteen eighty. Cali Sould from Denver, Colorado is on
Speaker 9: the line. Cali, what would you say to our young
Speaker 9: friend Jasmine Jasmine? Cali, Cali Jasmine say Hi, Hey.
Speaker 11: Jazz, Hello Hi.
Speaker 2: So I just want to take some time to welcome
Speaker 2: you to our little community here. Don't let this the
Speaker 2: last time you tap in, hop in the chat, hop
Speaker 2: on the live call in all of your questions, go home,
Speaker 2: think about things, talk to your friends about it. I've
Speaker 2: been under the tutelage of Zoe for about six years
Speaker 2: now in the commune unity, and I've grown so much
Speaker 2: being here. Got a lot of perspectives, had a lot
Speaker 2: of questions, had a lot of like pushback too, But
Speaker 2: all in all, you're in a safe space for healing,
Speaker 2: for growth, and for you to understand yourself a little
Speaker 2: bit more and understand the relationships that you're going to
Speaker 2: magnetize to yourself in the future. Thank you. You're welcome
Speaker 2: to welcome and you're welcome here. I was listening to
Speaker 2: another teacher on Sunday and who said something so profound
Speaker 2: that really shook me. And I knew it before, I've
Speaker 2: heard it before, but it really shook me the time
Speaker 2: he said, anytime you pray for something and you're fearful
Speaker 2: about what you pray for and you really.
Speaker 9: Don't want it, the fear will repel it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. A lot of times we think like, oh, I've
Speaker 2: been asking for this thing but it's not showing up.
Speaker 2: Or I've been in a situation where I've manifested exactly
Speaker 2: what I want and then I talk myself out of it.
Speaker 9: Listen, you wait, you just blew my mind because when
Speaker 9: you said that, spirit downloaded a thought. Don't date for validation,
Speaker 9: date for recalibration. Do you see the anxious person is
Speaker 9: dating to be validated. I'm enough, I'm worthy, I'm here,
Speaker 9: you see me. You can't date for that. You have
Speaker 9: to date to be recalibrated. Why because you have this
Speaker 9: anxious ambivalent attachment And if you know anything about attachment styles,
Speaker 9: they're fluid. They don't have to be with you forever.
Speaker 9: They should not be your operating system. Does that make sense, Jasmine?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 9: Do you see what I'm saying? So let's first say
Speaker 9: this because Cali just turned that in on in me. Man,
Speaker 9: It just okay, listen first, I'm not dating to be approved.
Speaker 9: I'm dating for something to be removed. Do you see these?
Speaker 9: Something has to be removed, something that served me in
Speaker 9: childhood but no longer serves me an adult intimate relationship? Y'all?
Speaker 9: To stay right there? Don't nowhere? Lord, we own fire tonight.
Speaker 9: Let's get it.
Speaker 17: Ask yourself these two questions, What do I want to
Speaker 17: exist even if I don't? And how much of a
Speaker 17: difference do I make to it? If you've got good
Speaker 17: answers to both of those, you have meaning in life.
Speaker 17: If you have only the first, but not the second.
Speaker 17: You're seeking, you have neither. You're in trouble.
Speaker 9: I don't need to hear anymore. Who was that Andy
Speaker 9: that was fire? Those two questions, Jean Vervak. I love it,
Speaker 9: Ladies and gentlemen, the voice of reason is on fire.
Speaker 9: We're getting ready to land this plane. I have two
Speaker 9: sisters on the phone right, and they are mentoring each
Speaker 9: other and speaking with each other. This is a village,
Speaker 9: and I just loved these types of interactions, right and
Speaker 9: Cali Soul is from Denver, Colorado, and Jasmine is from
Speaker 9: Washington's the state of Washington, Ladies and gentlemen. And again,
Speaker 9: if you're just tuning in, she created a viral moment
Speaker 9: for my first relationship book and blew it out the water.
Speaker 9: You know, she just had a real authentic and sincere
Speaker 9: and vulnerable moment. She approached an African American couple and
Speaker 9: they ministered to her and poured into her and loved
Speaker 9: on her. And I wanted to create the same kind
Speaker 9: of environment here on the radio. I reached out to her.
Speaker 9: I mean when I say she blew the book up,
Speaker 9: the video she posted is crazy. It's like almost at
Speaker 9: nine hundred thousand views and she dropped it four days ago,
Speaker 9: and so I'm just thankful that she did that, and
Speaker 9: I'm appreciative of her for doing that. But she's in
Speaker 9: my village right now, So Cali Soul, please finish talking
Speaker 9: to our good friend Jasmine.
Speaker 2: I also came from a matriarch to his family.
Speaker 15: And again, like I said, I just been under those
Speaker 15: two lived in books shows the past years and turns
Speaker 15: within and was really able to stop in myself because
Speaker 15: I needed a lot of thought. And going back to
Speaker 15: the fair conversation, you prayed for something and you actually
Speaker 15: have to peaked about what your friend was ready for
Speaker 15: and it unfolds to you, and thoughts with something that
Speaker 15: I had to pray about.
Speaker 2: Real you know, real talk, like if God helped me to.
Speaker 15: Soften me and it happens to it, I little. I
Speaker 15: feel a long way to go, and I'm grateful for
Speaker 15: the journey. I'm grateful that you're so courageous in that
Speaker 15: moment of your curiosity and need and.
Speaker 2: Stepped out on faith and asked somebody question that needing
Speaker 2: answer to you so of me and just continue to.
Speaker 15: Join us here and be a part of the family.
Speaker 15: Asked questions and keep on the journey because you edit
Speaker 15: in the.
Speaker 9: Right direction, jasmine your thoughts on what Calli's soul just
Speaker 9: shared with you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your words there. I really
Speaker 1: appreciate them. I think the prayer and wondering if you're
Speaker 1: prepared for what God has in store, you know the
Speaker 1: stuff that you're going to have to deal with, is
Speaker 1: definitely something worth reflecting on. And Yeah, I think in
Speaker 1: this season of life, I have been challenged to discover
Speaker 1: my softness in other ways, specifically in the way I
Speaker 1: resolve conflict with people and like with my friends and family,
Speaker 1: and that's made me a lot more receptive to affection
Speaker 1: because I haven't been a physical touch person for a while,
Speaker 1: and being more vulnerable with people definitely started with that
Speaker 1: interaction that I had with the couple at the park
Speaker 1: when they gave me a hug the woman who was there,
Speaker 1: I was able to really let go and cry in
Speaker 1: her arms and be comforted by that instead of being
Speaker 1: fearful of it.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I've been able to take that and challenge myself
Speaker 1: to also be offer that softness to my family whenever
Speaker 1: we are going through something or even if we're just
Speaker 1: enjoying the moment. My sister is really big on hug
Speaker 1: so I've been letting her give me more hugs throughout
Speaker 1: the day and or throughout the month instead of the
Speaker 1: one hug per holiday.
Speaker 9: Wow.
Speaker 6: I love that.
Speaker 2: I don't forget to offer the softness to yourself as well.
Speaker 9: Yes, yes, yeah, that's the key to healing. Yeah, that's
Speaker 9: the key to healing. Going in and loving on oneself
Speaker 9: with a loving witness, no judgment, no criticism, no verdict.
Speaker 9: That's the key to healing. It's not outside, it's inside. Calli.
Speaker 9: So guess what you just did, sweetheart, Denver, Colorado is
Speaker 9: in the building. We appreciate Calli for pouring into young Jasmine. Jasmine,
Speaker 9: please tell everyone where they can follow you. Let's get
Speaker 9: the nation following her TikTok page. Let's get her to
Speaker 9: ten thousand subscribers. Where do they find you? Jasmine?
Speaker 1: On TikTok, my username is jasm dot nr. It's on
Speaker 1: all my socials, but primarily TikTok is where I'm the
Speaker 1: most open and vulnerable about whatever I'm going through in life.
Speaker 9: I so appreciate you sharing tonight. I so appreciate you
Speaker 9: giving of your time and listen, as Kelli Soul said,
Speaker 9: you have a standing invite to come back. Call back
Speaker 9: anytime you like. If you're going through something, you can
Speaker 9: call in here and turn this into your personal couch.
Speaker 9: You can sit on the couch and say, oh, I'm
Speaker 9: doing this, that and the third what's going on? And
Speaker 9: we'll walk with you.
Speaker 1: Okay, awesome, Thank you so much. I really appreciate you
Speaker 1: giving me this space to decompress my thoughts a bit moreolutely.
Speaker 9: Now we have a ritual here. I noticed you. You
Speaker 9: had to have noticed. How I get you know, I
Speaker 9: let the callers go. I asked them a question and
Speaker 9: then they respond, did you hear the question?
Speaker 1: No? The question?
Speaker 9: So I asked the question, guess what you just did?
Speaker 13: Yeah?
Speaker 9: And then they respond, well, you gotta bring your city
Speaker 9: in the building. So you could say, I brought Washington
Speaker 9: in the building. I brought Denver in, I brought Hawaii
Speaker 9: in the I brought the whole North. Okay, yeah, all right,
Speaker 9: so hold on, let's get it right. I'm gonna ask
Speaker 9: you right now, yo, Jasmine, guess what you just did.
Speaker 1: I brought Tacoma.
Speaker 9: Tacoma, Washington is in the building for the first time
Speaker 9: on the v or R. We appreciate you, Jasmine. Hope
Speaker 9: to catch up with you soon. This was a great
Speaker 9: show man, great topic, and I just love the fluidity
Speaker 9: of it. I want people to understand something man. Nobody
Speaker 9: enters a relationship empty handed. Every person carries attachment patterns,
Speaker 9: childhood conditioning, cultural beliefs, religious teachings, trauma adaptations, family mythology,
Speaker 9: previous heartbreak, and a lifetime of conclusions about what love
Speaker 9: should feel like. These become the invisible lenses right through
Speaker 9: which every partner is interpreted. They help us navigate intimacy
Speaker 9: until intimacy present an experience. Those lenses just don't have
Speaker 9: the words for it. They just simply can't explain them.
Speaker 9: That moment feels like confusion. Perhaps it deserves another name.
Speaker 9: Suppose confusion is neither failure nor success. Suppose it is
Speaker 9: the frontier where yesterday's knowledge reaches its limit and tomorrow's
Speaker 9: consciousness has not yet found a language for it. Then
Speaker 9: an even more unsettling possibility emerges. Many people spend years
Speaker 9: trying to escape confusion without ever realizing they have never
Speaker 9: been escaping the very experience of being capable to hold
Speaker 9: the moment that's expanding within them, right, they realizing they
Speaker 9: have never been escaping the very experience it's capable of
Speaker 9: expanding them. Many people will run from a situation that
Speaker 9: can grow you up because it's not familiar. Many people
Speaker 9: will run from a healed partner because they came from
Speaker 9: an unhealed household. Right, They would rather go to the
Speaker 9: unhealed partner because it's reminiscent of the unhealed household. Again,
Speaker 9: sometimes we're confused, but that confusion is just simply not knowing.
Speaker 9: And when you're not knowing, you're definitely growing. When you
Speaker 9: don't have an answer for it, you're definitely growing. Listen,
Speaker 9: I start conversations, it's entirely up to you to finish them.
Speaker 9: I'm the voice of reason, and I'll be back here
Speaker 9: tomorrow with another slapper. I appreciate y'all. Deuces