WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:02.000 I know. 2 00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:03.560 I have a quick question. 3 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:08.320 This is so random. Are you guys together? Okay, I 4 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:11.519 was looking over there, and you guys just look like 5 00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:15.480 a good couple. Like you've been together a long time, 6 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:20.000 almost five years. That's awesome. How do you know when 7 00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:20.719 you like someone? 8 00:00:20.839 --> 00:00:20.920 Like? 9 00:00:20.920 --> 00:00:22.960 How did you know that you liked her? And how 10 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:24.440 did you know that you liked him? 11 00:00:25.079 --> 00:00:27.559 Well, that's a little different for us. 12 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:29.160 That's wear in our fifties. 13 00:00:29.719 --> 00:00:33.640 Recognize the honest answers and then how to weed out the. 14 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:38.960 But what's most important is are you going. 15 00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:39.640 Through something. 16 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:42.840 Just a little bit? 17 00:00:44.359 --> 00:00:49.920 Sorry, I'm sorry, I got you. 18 00:00:51.240 --> 00:00:54.719 There, you go release it. You're gonna una. 19 00:00:57.039 --> 00:00:57.880 Reason reason. 20 00:00:58.439 --> 00:01:00.679 I'm content in every place of my life. 21 00:01:01.039 --> 00:01:03.119 I have a fulfilling job and like. 22 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:05.959 I have friendships that are so life giving. 23 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:09.680 My family's amazing, and you know, my supporting system is 24 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:10.920 more than I could ask for. 25 00:01:11.159 --> 00:01:13.439 But it's just that one thing that I'm just like, 26 00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:15.040 how do I know when. 27 00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:17.120 When I genuinely like someone? 28 00:01:17.400 --> 00:01:20.640 And I don't know, I just saw so much love 29 00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:21.040 around it. 30 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:24.879 You got you as long as you are loving your life, 31 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:29.159 and stop them because the person that they have to 32 00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:32.840 compliment your life, I mean, you guys both have to 33 00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:38.000 fit into something that's already wonderful and to be deserving them. 34 00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:41.439 And you too, and you both of you because it's 35 00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:44.480 gonna be work. It's not easy. I made a cognitive 36 00:01:44.560 --> 00:01:45.439 decision to love. 37 00:01:45.799 --> 00:01:49.319 Also, all you can be accountable is for your involvement 38 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:54.400 and any misunderstanding. That's all you got control, okay, and 39 00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:56.439 you just do that the best of your ability. 40 00:01:56.920 --> 00:01:58.680 You've got a whole bunch of life to. 41 00:01:58.760 --> 00:02:00.000 Being in schools. 42 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:03.239 I'm gonna tell you what's so wonderfulul the fact that. 43 00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:06.200 You took the chance to say, I'm having a moment, 44 00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:10.479 let me go talk to this whatever the universe has 45 00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:12.800 for you, keep. 46 00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:14.080 That smile on you. 47 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:18.039 Just make sure you're ready to ask questions that are 48 00:02:18.080 --> 00:02:18.919 important to you. 49 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:22.240 And if it don't feel right, you trusted. If you 50 00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:24.719 don't feel right, don't trust it. But just be honest 51 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:28.520 say hey, hey, I appreciate this, but this just is 52 00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:31.560 going in a direction that I'm gonna comfortable. But you're 53 00:02:31.560 --> 00:02:35.000 an okay person that some men can't take rejection to 54 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.199 be careful. Yeah, but you know what, you just keep 55 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:41.680 being the best person you can be. That's all you got. 56 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:46.400 Control your emotion is genuine of wanting to have it. 57 00:02:47.400 --> 00:02:50.319 But don't feel like your time is clicking because it 58 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:50.960 may not be. 59 00:02:51.560 --> 00:02:53.599 You continue to be happy as long as you are 60 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:57.639 having them all while you're enjoying your life, Gonna look back, 61 00:02:58.080 --> 00:02:58.800 even travel for. 62 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:00.439 You get to do it either. 63 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:04.000 I can country, hurry up by yourself, find some girls 64 00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:06.680 that want to go, or go by your damnself. 65 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.039 I have been on two cruises before I met her 66 00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:13.240 by myself, like. 67 00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:20.680 Pops, Yeah, we got an extended little girl over here, 68 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:22.199 all right? 69 00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:25.400 And what's your name, sweetie guy? Jazz man versus book, 70 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:29.120 It's called the relationship this man. I'll just stick the 71 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:32.400 landing with the ex siting a toxic relationship. 72 00:03:32.080 --> 00:03:34.919 That may just help you navigate on the type of 73 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:36.719 questions you made w that ask. 74 00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:42.199 When it's that time, like the relationship this man's name 75 00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:46.439 of the I connected this for a reason, so I'm 76 00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:47.039 not mad at that. 77 00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:50.360 Like I said, you mean my heart good like man, 78 00:03:50.439 --> 00:03:55.960 a stranger decided to come, Pops, I'm cool with that. 79 00:03:55.960 --> 00:04:05.080 That's good ship, thank you. I don't know what possessed 80 00:04:05.080 --> 00:04:09.520 me to ask that random couple for some relationship advice, 81 00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:13.639 but I am so happy that I listened. 82 00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:17.360 I am so, so incredibly happy that I listened. 83 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:22.360 This is your side to start asking strangers questions. 84 00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:27.879 Ladies and gentlemen. The voice of reason has returned to 85 00:04:27.959 --> 00:04:32.000 the scene of the conversation. Man, it's been a tough 86 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.519 week in the name of sweet Baby raised Barbecue Sauce. 87 00:04:37.000 --> 00:04:43.759 But let me say this, I'm blown away. I am 88 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:49.199 absolutely blown away. For many of you. You if you 89 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:52.680 were listening to my show on Thursday night was Thursday, 90 00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:59.800 the sixth Thursday, the sixth of August, my second oldest 91 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:09.639 other died in the hospital at Huntington Hospital in Pasadena, California. 92 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:15.680 People who follow me noticed that clip that you just 93 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:24.839 heard right from a young content creator. Her name is Jasmine. 94 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:29.279 What's crazy is the clip was organic. She already had 95 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:32.160 filmed it and she was holding onto it for a second, 96 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:35.279 but she decided to drop it on the same day 97 00:05:35.399 --> 00:05:39.319 that my brother passed. My brother passed on a Thursday, 98 00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:44.519 seventeen years after my mother passed in two thousand and nine, 99 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:50.879 on a Thursday. My brother had been struggling with alcoholism, 100 00:05:51.120 --> 00:06:03.120 and he was in a deeply toxic relationship and ashamed 101 00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:08.120 didn't want family to come see him in his current state, 102 00:06:08.439 --> 00:06:13.079 but we came anyway. He balked at it, he cussed 103 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:16.360 everybody out, and then we loved on him, and then 104 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:21.920 he softened and then he passed away. He was in 105 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:25.199 a convalescent home for four days and then he got ill, 106 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:30.319 and then they sent him back to the hospital. I 107 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:33.720 text my sister, I said, Hey, what room is he in? 108 00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:35.600 Send me his room number, and I'm gonna get over 109 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:38.240 there right now. She sends me the room number. I said, oh, 110 00:06:38.279 --> 00:06:40.759 my god. I looked at the room number, and I said, oh, 111 00:06:40.839 --> 00:06:43.240 he's not coming out of there, just by looking at 112 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:47.319 the room number, because the room number was my mother's birthday, 113 00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:52.759 four fourteen, in the same hospital she died in seventeen 114 00:06:52.839 --> 00:06:59.079 years previously. On a Thursday, when I tell you the 115 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:06.480 universe is finely tuned, divinely too. The same day, Jasmine 116 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:10.360 drops a video that goes viral. That video clip I 117 00:07:10.360 --> 00:07:13.040 played at the beginning of the show has damn near 118 00:07:13.079 --> 00:07:21.319 a million views. She met a random couple African American 119 00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:25.000 brother and sister, and they nurtured and loved on her 120 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:31.199 and mentored her in her moment of need, and randomly 121 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:36.399 the brother and the couple says, hey, you should get 122 00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:39.279 this book called The Relationship Dismount How to stick the 123 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:45.000 landing when Exiting a toxic relationship. That's my book, and 124 00:07:45.079 --> 00:07:49.319 because of her video, the book has gone viral. It's 125 00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:56.319 in the top ten on Amazon right now. Sometimes we 126 00:07:56.399 --> 00:07:59.560 don't want to have real conversations about life. We don't 127 00:07:59.560 --> 00:08:03.240 want to have real conversations about relationships. I remember when 128 00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:07.120 I first put the book out, people say, oh, this 129 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:09.319 is a breakup book. I don't need a breakup book. 130 00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:13.199 We're doing fine, We're okay. They were afraid to read 131 00:08:13.319 --> 00:08:18.000 the information. And I know on this show, I hit 132 00:08:18.040 --> 00:08:20.680 you guys hard, and I hit you often. I hit 133 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:26.759 you every day with tough topics, with difficult topics about relationships. 134 00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:33.000 But that young lady's video revived a book that is 135 00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:41.320 eleven years old. It came out in twenty fifteen, and 136 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:44.240 I have her on the show Tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen, 137 00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:52.639 without further ado, My goodness, Jasmine, come on into the 138 00:08:52.759 --> 00:08:55.600 Voice of Reason, talk to me, young lady. 139 00:08:57.240 --> 00:09:01.120 Hello, Hello, it's so nice. 140 00:09:01.879 --> 00:09:02.559 Wow. 141 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:05.039 You know, I couldn't let this slide. I was like 142 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:08.840 what people were tagging me and saying, Yo, they're talking 143 00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:12.360 about your book. They're talking about your book, and I said, no, 144 00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:15.679 get and I would listen to the video for a second, 145 00:09:15.799 --> 00:09:18.799 and I'm busy, ripping and running. I didn't finish it. 146 00:09:19.639 --> 00:09:22.000 And then finally I said, let me just sit down 147 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:23.879 and listen to the whole thing. And when I sat down, 148 00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:27.399 I said, wow. And this happened on the same day 149 00:09:27.519 --> 00:09:32.679 my brother passes, so you know, I was busy with him. 150 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:36.519 And then when you know, I had a moment to process, 151 00:09:37.399 --> 00:09:41.879 I listened to the video and I said, what is 152 00:09:42.039 --> 00:09:47.960 God up to? What is God is busy? God is working? 153 00:09:49.240 --> 00:09:53.279 So what I wanted to do for you was a 154 00:09:53.320 --> 00:09:59.879 continuation of what the couple was doing. And I have 155 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.080 I have a whole topic laid out, but before I 156 00:10:02.200 --> 00:10:05.480 lay it, you know, lay it down, I really just 157 00:10:05.559 --> 00:10:09.559 want to answer some of your questions, if you have any. 158 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:12.080 Sure. 159 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:15.480 Well, first off, I just want to say I am 160 00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:19.320 so sorry for your loss. Thank you. I'm just learning 161 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:22.240 about that today. So I'm in my room in tears 162 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:26.360 because I just can't believe that the timing was that divine, 163 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:29.240 even not just in the encounter in the video, but 164 00:10:29.360 --> 00:10:32.639 also posting it. I mean, as you mentioned, I had 165 00:10:32.679 --> 00:10:35.039 it in my draft sitting there and I was so 166 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:39.399 embarrassed to post my vulnerability, and I was worried that 167 00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:43.440 people were going to think that was desperate or maybe 168 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.759 just take things out of context. But the more I 169 00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:49.200 listened to it, the more I realized the message was 170 00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:53.480 so powerful that it almost felt greedy to keep it 171 00:10:53.519 --> 00:11:00.399 to myself. And I also didn't check what you that 172 00:11:00.480 --> 00:11:05.279 it was published until I started noticing people were in 173 00:11:05.399 --> 00:11:10.159 such disbelief in that interaction, the raw human interaction, that 174 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:14.960 they thought it was like a skid or something, right, right, Yeah, 175 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:18.320 And so I'm just so happy that it's reached the 176 00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:21.039 people that it needed to because a lot of those 177 00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:26.000 comments and private messages I've received have been people who 178 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:30.320 also identify in that same issue of feeling stuck in 179 00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:35.960 their dating life. Especially with the dating apps and social media. 180 00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:40.360 It's completely changed the game. But a lot of the 181 00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:45.639 values and the lessons in the book are timeless and 182 00:11:45.879 --> 00:11:49.080 the still ring true today. So I really want to 183 00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:51.440 thank you for publishing this work. 184 00:11:51.799 --> 00:11:57.279 Oh man, I'm excited to have you on and I 185 00:11:57.360 --> 00:12:00.159 have a topic here and I would just love for you, 186 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:02.799 you know, to roll with me, and if you have questions, 187 00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:08.799 please ask those questions, Okay, awesome. Yeah, So you think 188 00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:11.399 about your questions and then I'm gonna set up our 189 00:12:11.440 --> 00:12:13.279 topic and then I'm gonna bring you back in. Is 190 00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:13.720 that cool? 191 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:15.600 That sounds perfect? 192 00:12:15.799 --> 00:12:20.919 Perfect. Jasmine is on board with me tonight. She's revived 193 00:12:21.799 --> 00:12:25.000 the relationship dismount how to stick the landing when exiting 194 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:30.519 a toxic relationship. And it's really interesting how social media works, right. 195 00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:38.080 A clip can just go viral and it'll wake up 196 00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:42.600 a title that is what they call a legacy title, right, 197 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:46.799 an older title that you know had its run, and 198 00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:50.159 then people kind of discover it as they move along, 199 00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:53.960 but you never see a real tsunami of interest around it. 200 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:58.559 And when I tell you what my last check, we've 201 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:03.080 done in four days, fifty six copies and it is 202 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:07.200 just going crazy. People have been getting the book and 203 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:10.240 I don't know the couple. She didn't know the couple, 204 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.200 and they just randomly mentioned the book. So let's get 205 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:16.360 into tonight's topic. It's kind of loosely based on what 206 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:21.919 Jasmine is experiencing and what probably many other people are experiencing. 207 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:27.919 Tonight's topic when the reality of love outruns what you 208 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:32.919 think you know about it, A deeper investigation into whether 209 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:42.000 Intimate confusion is where conditioning loses its authority. Stuckness begins 210 00:13:42.120 --> 00:13:48.120 resisting the unknown, and relationship forces us beyond the psychological 211 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:53.799 past that has been choosing for us. Human beings rarely 212 00:13:53.879 --> 00:13:59.519 fear confusion. They fear what confusion threatens to take away. 213 00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:04.600 Every intimate relationship begins with the quiet confidence that we 214 00:14:04.759 --> 00:14:08.120 understand love well enough to recognize it when it arrives. 215 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:15.519 Then something unexpected happens. The relationship refuses to obey our expectations. 216 00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:23.360 Communication begins to break down, Our attraction levels and intensity 217 00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:30.000 begin to change, Conflict starts to emerge, and then the 218 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:33.879 certainty that we were attached to in the beginning begins 219 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:43.519 to dissolve. Almost instinctively. We conclude that confusion signals dysfunction, incompatibility, betrayal, 220 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:48.799 or the beginning of the end. On tonight's topic, we're 221 00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:55.639 going to investigate a far more dangerous conclusion. What if 222 00:14:55.759 --> 00:15:01.320 intimate confusion is not always evidence that reality has become unclear? 223 00:15:02.279 --> 00:15:07.200 What if it marks the precise moment your existing understanding 224 00:15:07.399 --> 00:15:11.360 of love can no longer explain the reality standing right 225 00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:16.039 in front of you. What if confusion is the end 226 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:20.919 of what you thought you knew about love, happiness and intimacy. 227 00:15:21.159 --> 00:15:26.320 When I come forward, the voice of reason will continue 228 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:27.480 cooking up this meal. 229 00:15:27.879 --> 00:15:36.480 This a dialogue you head in oh Hi, California. We 230 00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:37.279 had there. 231 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:46.759 A dialogue between doctor Bull and myself and to Sha 232 00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:53.080 and one David before yesterday. So maybe we continue with 233 00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:54.559 the dialogue. 234 00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:04.320 And if should anybody join this or not at all? 235 00:16:18.759 --> 00:16:22.960 We're asking if anybody feels like joining this, unless it 236 00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:28.240 is very very serious, would they join or they distantly 237 00:16:28.519 --> 00:16:30.279 if they don't want to, It's all right. So it's 238 00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:33.200 a conversation between doctor bourman myself. 239 00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:48.600 Let's get on with it. See we were saying the 240 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:59.360 other day, man a human being who has walked his 241 00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:03.519 way through all the. 242 00:17:02.759 --> 00:17:10.960 Problems of life, both physical and psychological, and it's really 243 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:22.160 grasped with full significance of freedom from psychological memories and conflicts, 244 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:33.279 and traveled it comes to a point where the mind 245 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:45.920 finds itself free but not but hasn't gathered that supreme 246 00:17:46.079 --> 00:17:49.480 energy to go beyond itself. That's what we were discussing 247 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:52.160 the other day. 248 00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:54.519 Can we still going on from there? 249 00:17:55.480 --> 00:17:55.599 Right? 250 00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:09.720 Can the mind really mind brain, the whole psychological structure, 251 00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:14.440 the ever free from all. 252 00:18:15.880 --> 00:18:29.279 Conflict from all shadow of any disturbance, disturbance, self disturbance, 253 00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:32.519 self disturbance, and all that. Can it ever be free? 254 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:39.200 Or the idea to a complete freedom is an illusion? 255 00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:44.240 Yes, well that's one one possibility is that what we're. 256 00:18:47.079 --> 00:18:49.599 Then some people might say we can have partial. 257 00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:53.960 Freedom, partial freedom or human condition is so. 258 00:18:55.599 --> 00:19:01.079 Determined by the past, by by its own auditioning, it 259 00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:05.480 can never free itself from it, like they like some 260 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:10.240 of those intellectual philosophers have stated this. 261 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:14.440 Yes, most some people, I feel that's the case. 262 00:19:14.519 --> 00:19:23.400 And really the the deep non citarian religious people, if 263 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:27.279 there are there must be some who are totally free 264 00:19:27.319 --> 00:19:32.279 from all organized religions and beliefs and rituals, dougments, they have. 265 00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:36.559 Said it can be done. Very few have. 266 00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:39.759 Said this, well, of course those who have said it's 267 00:19:39.799 --> 00:19:41.039 done through reincarnation. 268 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:46.440 In addition, yes, it would take a very long time. Yes, 269 00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:48.000 they said, You've take a very long time. 270 00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:52.839 You must go through various lives and suffer and go 271 00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:56.519 through all kinds of miseries, and ultimately. 272 00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:58.160 You'll come to that. But we are not. 273 00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:04.759 In the US, the riches society in history. Fully half 274 00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:07.119 of the citizens of a chronic disorders such as high 275 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:11.160 blood pressure or diabetans. Anxiety amongst young people is growing rapidly, 276 00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:15.160 asthma and autoimmune diseases are on the rise, as our addictions, 277 00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:22.359 depression is rising, youth suicide is rising. All is not well. 278 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:25.400 I started heroin at twenty six. 279 00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:28.519 That's what really destroyed me. Just taste the pain away. 280 00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:32.920 It's easy to want to escape reality completely instead of 281 00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:33.720 coping with that. 282 00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:37.640 And so the question is can we be human beings 283 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:41.200 in the midst of civilization M because what we call 284 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:44.480 civilization demands the denial of human needs. 285 00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:44.839 MM. 286 00:20:50.519 --> 00:20:53.680 Please, ladies and gentlemen. That was gobor Mate cooking with 287 00:20:53.759 --> 00:20:56.400 the rarest grease. You're listening to the Voice of Reason 288 00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:59.079 live on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. We got a real 289 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:02.519 discussion here when the reality of love outruns what you 290 00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:11.400 think you know about it. You see goobor Matie laying 291 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:16.640 out the landscape of life on planet Earth and why 292 00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:21.599 depression is on the rise. Many of us have a 293 00:21:21.640 --> 00:21:27.440 sense of stuckness in our relationships, and I tend to 294 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:31.960 believe we have this sense of stuckness because we use 295 00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:35.720 relationship as a means to escape the reality in which 296 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:38.240 we live. Why can't I just be happy? Why can't 297 00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.519 I just find somebody and we just chill and it 298 00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:44.720 just be cool. That's because people don't understand the purpose 299 00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:48.279 of relationships. And I have a young lady on the 300 00:21:48.279 --> 00:21:50.319 line right now, and I'm a bringer right on in. 301 00:21:52.920 --> 00:21:57.839 Her name is Jasmine. Jasmine. Where are you from? 302 00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:04.039 Originally, I'm from the Pacific Northwest, a. 303 00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:13.440 DC. I'm at Washington, Oregon. Yeah, Washington, Come on? Those 304 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:17.920 are our rivals down here? Oh yeah, college football? I 305 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:21.440 got I went there, the Huskies. I love it. I 306 00:22:21.480 --> 00:22:23.799 love it. I'm so happy that you're here to join me. 307 00:22:24.599 --> 00:22:27.119 I really want to walk with you and talk with 308 00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:31.519 you about your story, about your relationship struggles or issues 309 00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:35.039 or questions. Please share with me. Do you have any questions? 310 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:41.240 Yeah, I've got a couple questions. I think coming from 311 00:22:41.240 --> 00:22:46.599 that interaction, I've learned that I've been overthinking dating because 312 00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:51.039 I'm trying too hard to figure out if I'm compatible 313 00:22:51.079 --> 00:22:54.920 with someone, and I wasn't really asking the right questions. 314 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:59.319 And I realized that I was losing my ability to 315 00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:03.799 experience getting to know someone. And I was also approaching 316 00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:07.920 dating in a very self centered way, where it's what 317 00:23:08.039 --> 00:23:11.599 can this person do for me instead of how can 318 00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:14.039 we compliment each other? And how could I also build 319 00:23:14.119 --> 00:23:19.440 up the other person that's in front of me? And 320 00:23:20.119 --> 00:23:25.720 I've also been pretty notorious for date eating my ideas. 321 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:28.720 And then one of the chapters in the book specifically 322 00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:34.680 says not to date your ideas. And so I think 323 00:23:36.279 --> 00:23:41.240 I've been learning how to read the signs when someone 324 00:23:41.319 --> 00:23:45.880 is emotionally unavailable and walk away before I get to 325 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:51.359 invest it, and then I fantasize a reality where they 326 00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:56.640 aren't like that. And yeah, so I think one of 327 00:23:56.680 --> 00:24:04.839 my first questions is how do you are one can't 328 00:24:05.319 --> 00:24:10.240 do right? Say? What question should I ask myself after 329 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:14.720 a date to determine whether I like the person or 330 00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:16.920 I just liked how I felt around them? 331 00:24:18.279 --> 00:24:21.480 Well, that's an interesting question. So my question back to 332 00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.720 you is before we answer that, because I'm gonna ask 333 00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:28.440 you to ask that question again, but I want you 334 00:24:28.519 --> 00:24:32.519 to ask it again from this perspective, What exactly are 335 00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:39.000 you looking to get from the relationship from this special person? 336 00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:42.119 This idea you said you used to date. 337 00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:47.799 Yeah, I think the idea that I'm looking for is 338 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:51.920 or that I find myself trying to fit people in. 339 00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:57.119 Is someone who's family oriented that I could raise a 340 00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:01.519 family with that my family would approve of, and they're 341 00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:05.119 pretty accepting. So I think I just put way too 342 00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:10.839 much pressure on that part too. And then also someone 343 00:25:10.920 --> 00:25:16.240 who treasures me and makes me feel soft and feminine, 344 00:25:16.920 --> 00:25:19.319 because it's really hard for me to step into that 345 00:25:20.279 --> 00:25:24.519 just because I've been I've been led by a lot 346 00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:27.759 of strong women and I'm inspired by them, and a 347 00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:32.640 lot of them are pretty independent and don't really rely 348 00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:36.680 on other people to wait make things happen for themselves. 349 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:41.079 So wait, let me show you something. You are outsourcing 350 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:46.559 your power because you want someone to make you soft. 351 00:25:47.640 --> 00:25:53.920 That's an inside job. Now you've already mentioned the family pattern. 352 00:25:54.119 --> 00:25:58.799 The women are strong, but you want the man to 353 00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:04.240 come into your life and trigger your softness when you 354 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:07.799 can do that yourself. I'm not saying it's a bad 355 00:26:07.839 --> 00:26:11.400 thing to want that. I'm not saying you should change 356 00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:17.519 that expectation, but you have to be what you seek 357 00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:25.640 in order to magnetize it into your life. DC. Oftentimes 358 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:29.200 we want softness when in fact, you just gave me 359 00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:33.599 a perfect example. What do we do as children? According 360 00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:39.400 to developmental psychology, we model the environment we were raised 361 00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:44.039 in so you modeled the strength of the women in 362 00:26:44.119 --> 00:26:48.160 your household when you were a child, Right, But yet 363 00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:53.119 you want to be soft? So is it the man's 364 00:26:53.160 --> 00:26:57.799 responsibility to trigger it? Or is it your responsibility to say, 365 00:26:57.920 --> 00:27:00.640 you know what, as an adult woman who wants to 366 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:05.559 be soft with a man, I don't need this part 367 00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:13.519 of my modeling that I inherited as a child. Dcy. 368 00:27:14.039 --> 00:27:18.400 Does that make sense? Yes, stay with me, don't go nowhere. 369 00:27:18.519 --> 00:27:21.400 Me and jazzmin we gonna keep cooking. The voice of 370 00:27:21.559 --> 00:27:25.200 reason is on complete fire tonight. I got a special 371 00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:26.519 one for you. Let's go. 372 00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:31.480 So why does good sex so often fade, even for 373 00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:34.160 couples who continue to love each other as much as ever? 374 00:27:35.640 --> 00:27:39.000 And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex contrary 375 00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:43.480 to popular belief? Or the next question would be can 376 00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:47.720 we want what we already have? That's the million dollar question, right? 377 00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:50.759 And why is the forbidden so erotic? What is it 378 00:27:50.759 --> 00:27:55.240 about transgression that makes desires so potent? And why does 379 00:27:55.240 --> 00:28:00.279 sex make babies and babies spelerotic disaster in couples? It's 380 00:28:00.359 --> 00:28:03.400 kind of the fatal erotic blow, isn't it? And when 381 00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:05.200 you love, how does it seem. 382 00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:10.680 That's ethel right. I want to get back to Jasmine 383 00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:15.240 because me and Jasmine are cooking right now. Jasmine, are 384 00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:15.880 you there with me? 385 00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:18.920 Oh yeah, I'm still here. 386 00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:25.519 All right. So you were asking, right, and I was 387 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:31.519 answering right. I was telling you about the softness of 388 00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:36.079 a woman. Right, there's a power in women that men 389 00:28:36.279 --> 00:28:43.200 can never possess. You have it by default. You have it. 390 00:28:43.640 --> 00:28:48.240 So you have to go inside and realize, Oh, being 391 00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:53.680 a strong woman is good in certain areas, right, But 392 00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:56.759 if I want to attract a man who likes a 393 00:28:56.799 --> 00:29:01.160 soft woman, I have to cultivate that softness within myself. 394 00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:02.039 Do you know how to do that? 395 00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:06.680 Yeah? I believe so. 396 00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:11.359 Well, talk to me. What has been the problem? 397 00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:17.279 I think it's more having my guardup around people and 398 00:29:17.720 --> 00:29:22.079 not necessarily feeling like it's safe to be vulnerable around 399 00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:23.519 someone understood. 400 00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:27.759 Yes, yeah, Is it safe to be vulnerable with yourself? 401 00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:30.319