Speaker 1: Now we have to get to lunch. It is lentil soup.
Speaker 1: The lentil soup as hot as fuck, and the guests
Speaker 1: want it chilled. So Ben hatches a plan. Pour it
Speaker 1: into a steaming tray.
Speaker 2: Have the knuckles of a very hairy white trash guy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: move that bag of ice around on top of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll slam two bags of ice in
Speaker 1: the soup and then we'll just start moving them around. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if the the plastic will lend any
Speaker 1: kind of flavor to the lentil soup, but I'd like
Speaker 1: to think that it will. But luckily these are tongue
Speaker 1: blind morons. They say it's delicious. Night Falls, Hilo. Welcome
Speaker 1: to another brandspaging new episode of the Trying to Squitz
Speaker 1: a recap up. Welcome aboard, It's below Deck, season one.
Speaker 1: I'm Dylan, settled up next to Patrick Kicky oh Man.
Speaker 2: I'm so sad that we're ending our journey here. This
Speaker 2: is the I guess the next to last episode, would
Speaker 2: you quit?
Speaker 1: Mopen?
Speaker 2: I gotta deliver. I'm trying to pull together the core
Speaker 2: three from interior for our final episode, episode ten. The
Speaker 2: final charter got a lot of work.
Speaker 1: I gotta burp you do it?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Do you hear that?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: The reason I tell you to stop mopen is because
Speaker 1: we got plenty more from this season. We got reunions,
Speaker 1: we got you know, we got stuff to get into.
Speaker 1: But we're also going to go to the next season,
Speaker 1: season two.
Speaker 2: Oh well, we making that announcement.
Speaker 1: Yeah, We'll always be doing from the vault below deck
Speaker 1: on Patreon.
Speaker 2: I feel like, right do I hate to have our
Speaker 2: business meetings on air, Dylan? But perhaps because we have
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: Not get paid enough? You want more?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, no, we have so much content behind the
Speaker 2: paywall at this point. You know, for the month of
Speaker 2: October we got the APS's Love is Blind. We might
Speaker 2: want to put our season two coverage a blow deck
Speaker 2: on the free feet just saying, just.
Speaker 1: Saying no, we might want to take a break from
Speaker 1: season two coverage, but fucking people aren't getting that fucking
Speaker 1: shit for free. I don't know, we'll think of all right,
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. You know, I hate when you
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: What we were having a business meeting.
Speaker 1: I know, do you think Barry Gordy negotiated the Motown
Speaker 1: contracts on our time? Television.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely not. That'd be stupid.
Speaker 1: It would be fucking crazy fools. There, let's get into
Speaker 1: the episode. I did not like it.
Speaker 2: You didn't like this episode? No, huh, but this five pots.
Speaker 2: That's your thoughts and knots. But Lee was a.
Speaker 1: Extraordinary ass. Were's the first one that we did realist one?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that whole fire thing. Hmm, yeah, well I don't know.
Speaker 2: I forgot what happened five parts? Okay, well I liked it.
Speaker 2: I think how's it end? Oh, Dylan, you missed how
Speaker 2: Sam and CJ they decided to drink a couple of
Speaker 2: coronas in the ocean because they got caught doing that.
Speaker 2: By the way, they had said they were gonna have
Speaker 2: off doing well, they lied a little bit, all right,
Speaker 2: To be fair, they lied, and the conflict resolution for
Speaker 2: that error of judgment is they're gonna ding them their
Speaker 2: tip money, which is wildly illegal. And this is signed
Speaker 2: off by Captain Lee himself. That was crazy.
Speaker 1: I think it's fine.
Speaker 2: Well, but you know we have laws, we have labor laws,
Speaker 2: not out at sea. Well that's that's it's a fair
Speaker 2: enough point.
Speaker 1: But let me yeah, it's a fair enough point.
Speaker 2: Let me throw an analogy at you.
Speaker 1: Okay, you work at this sounds like a Walmart?
Speaker 2: You work at Walmart?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this sounds like the beginning of a porn.
Speaker 2: Okay, fair enough. Boss catches you with a natty light
Speaker 2: on your lunch break. Yep, okay. He tells you he
Speaker 2: won't fire you, but you're not getting paid for the
Speaker 2: last two days of work. That's what happened here.
Speaker 1: I think it's a fair trade off.
Speaker 2: Someone called Johnny cochrane.
Speaker 1: Did he take workplace?
Speaker 2: I'm sure he took everything. He's a lawyer.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean you're not going to go to a
Speaker 1: merger's and acquisitions lawyer and go, hey, I fell and
Speaker 1: the handicap wasn't right.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think Johnny was a general lawyer. He'd sue
Speaker 2: anybody for anything else.
Speaker 1: Oh, like a general practitioner. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I got my blood work back yesterday to go thankfully,
Speaker 1: knock on wood. All good. But my vitamin D levels
Speaker 1: are low. I've been taking vitamin D every morning. What
Speaker 1: is in these pills?
Speaker 2: What would deplete your vitamin D? Is that? Well?
Speaker 1: Never going outside? Oh okay, but I take vitamin D
Speaker 1: because I don't go outside.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta get some sun every once in a while.
Speaker 2: It's a balance, though.
Speaker 1: What was the last time you had blood work done for.
Speaker 2: My life insurance policy? How did it look good?
Speaker 1: Cholesterol good?
Speaker 2: I got a million dollars insurance policy. So yeah, oh wow,
Speaker 2: I don't tell any Does Chari know that? Uh no,
Speaker 2: she thinks it's less because I don't want to die.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good what'd you tell her? I said,
Speaker 1: seven thousand dollars? It's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, because that's
Speaker 1: not worth killing somebody out. No, definitely not No, unless
Speaker 1: you're like the Sultan of Brunei and you just want
Speaker 1: to kill somebody. You don't even need the money.
Speaker 2: I didn't know he was a violent leader. You want
Speaker 2: to get in the episode?
Speaker 1: No, I want you to give your pots.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I really liked the episode out forty knots.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's getting the episode.
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay. The show begins with kat after the day
Speaker 2: after show, Well, she nearly escaped Alcatraz, and I do
Speaker 2: want to use this as an analogy Alcatraz in this
Speaker 2: vessel at this point, aren't too different, think about it.
Speaker 1: Captain Lee kind of looks like Sean Connery exactly.
Speaker 2: You were out in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, j kind of looks like nick Cage.
Speaker 2: You're bunking next to people that have mental disorders, right,
Speaker 2: that's also prison. Yep, one of these people could uh well,
Speaker 2: one of these people ends every sentence with the word darling.
Speaker 2: He's insane, right, it's Alcatraz. Feel bad for these sea rats.
Speaker 1: Also, Adrian's like the warden. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I like that porcupine is like the sympathetic corrections officer
Speaker 1: who smuggles drugs and fair.
Speaker 2: He's Andy Dufrain, Andy Dufrain.
Speaker 1: No. And there's also sharks in the water. You can't
Speaker 1: go out, killer whales yeah, and the bloated bodies of
Speaker 1: the people who have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge
Speaker 1: to kill themselves. Oh yeah, imagine swimming. You're all fatigued,
Speaker 1: you're almost the other shore. Oh whoa holy shit, run
Speaker 1: into that thing. Spike your heart rate up, you die.
Speaker 1: Land mines all throughout that bay. That's why it's such
Speaker 1: a perilous prison to go to.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank god they close that. By the way, what
Speaker 2: an in sightly thing. Why obscure a beautiful view in
Speaker 2: a beautiful city on a hill with a fucking prison.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's such a good point. Why the
Speaker 1: fuck did you put that there? Why did you put
Speaker 1: that there? That's such bullshit.
Speaker 2: I would have fought against it if I was if
Speaker 2: they had what do you call that? The neighborhood watch?
Speaker 2: Not the neighborhood watch? What's my wife's on it day?
Speaker 1: Mother's against junk drive?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, no. Where you're you're talking about your
Speaker 2: neighborhood and you're bitching about it online?
Speaker 1: What's that called town?
Speaker 2: Hold on? Like suspicious car parked on whore tense? And
Speaker 2: then everybody, all the people chime in on it.
Speaker 1: Oh you're talking about like postmates something like that.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm talking about where you talk about anyway? Next door,
Speaker 2: next door, That's what I'm talking about. They didn't have
Speaker 2: next door back then, but if they did, I would
Speaker 2: have been on there every minute of the day.
Speaker 1: Oh what about citizens?
Speaker 2: Is that one of those complaining websites as well? What's
Speaker 2: that one about crime? Okay?
Speaker 1: You get live looks at crime? So CJ is the
Speaker 1: one to give cat a little lesson. He says, this
Speaker 1: isn't democracy, it's a boat. And Lee is the communist
Speaker 1: leader CJ is a retard. I mean, he's unbelievably stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's not the brightest star. Yeah. You know what's
Speaker 2: odd about this because he's comforting Kat at this moment, right,
Speaker 2: he wants to comfort her. You know, what she did
Speaker 2: was pretty crazy, But it's Nash that actually steps up.
Speaker 2: Nash the double agent. You know, if you remember this,
Speaker 2: he tells her he doesn't like what she's blackout drunk. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she owns it though, and then he tells her to
Speaker 2: keep a low profile.
Speaker 1: Hey, Nash, get the fuck off this show. Okay, Pagoda,
Speaker 1: I don't know why the fuck you're here.
Speaker 2: Man, Well, they never had him back. She was going
Speaker 2: to make the case to Captain Lee that what she
Speaker 2: did wasn't exactly smoking crack.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, and wait, I feel bad about dropping
Speaker 1: the R word, and I feel Nah, it's fine, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay to say no, I heard it's back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's back.
Speaker 2: Oh cool.
Speaker 1: CJ said, though, it's not a democracy, it's a boat
Speaker 1: and Lee is the communist leader, which is a sloppy
Speaker 1: way of I think correctly saying that the boat.
Speaker 2: Is is an island.
Speaker 1: The USSR or something like that. You know, but it's
Speaker 1: still a really dumb way to say it.
Speaker 2: Though I agree with your sentiment though.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, me too. So two vegans, they like green juice.
Speaker 1: I love chefs freaking out about veganism.
Speaker 2: Now and ten years ago. Was this this pervasive back
Speaker 2: then as it is.
Speaker 1: This was at an era where in an era where
Speaker 1: chefs had not put on their thinking caps, and you know,
Speaker 1: it was essentially just tofu. That's like, what you had
Speaker 1: to give to vegans was tofu. Don't forget that green juice,
Speaker 1: green juice. Now you have jackfruit, you have tons of stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh so Ben has something on his chest. He tells
Speaker 1: Kat that he's got to get something off his chest.
Speaker 1: And that's something is that he thinks she is a
Speaker 1: demonic trailer park trash refugee.
Speaker 2: Balls in your court, Darling. Yeah, I want to say,
Speaker 2: I like Ben annoys me laughed when she heard this
Speaker 2: come out of his mouth. I will say, pretty redundant,
Speaker 2: little redundant.
Speaker 1: I think the redundancy is the point to really drive
Speaker 1: home the insult. But I would tell Ben that the
Speaker 1: insult wasn't what was on your chest. It was more
Speaker 1: the broad kind of critique of the behavioral pattern that
Speaker 1: you were watching that wasn't too good. The insult is just,
Speaker 1: you know, whether you want to call it as it's
Speaker 1: the vessel that you use to communicate what is on
Speaker 1: your chest. But the insult isn't necessarily the thing that's
Speaker 1: on his chest, unless the thing that was on his
Speaker 1: chest really was that he wanted to call her a
Speaker 1: white trash trailer park refugee demon and it's worth it.
Speaker 1: She's upset by it.
Speaker 2: Oh, of course she should be, because they were just
Speaker 2: spilling sea rat fluids on each other the night before.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you'd have a problem with her being a
Speaker 2: trailer park, white trash demon refugee, wasn't.
Speaker 1: She was when he was sucking her tits?
Speaker 2: Exactly?
Speaker 1: Yeah, i'man scumback. So Ben walks off into the kitchen
Speaker 1: and Kat is laid waste. Now this is a gross
Speaker 1: thing to say, obviously, but this is what drunks do,
Speaker 1: whether it's victimization or hyper defensiveness or kind of frothing
Speaker 1: at the mouth kind of rubidity, anything they can do
Speaker 1: to keep alive the parasite that loves them more than
Speaker 1: they love themselves. And that is exactly what Cat is
Speaker 1: partaking in. And you know, I met a lot of
Speaker 1: drunks in my day, and you are my favorite of them.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you something. You have a problem with alcohol,
Speaker 1: of course, but you don't. You you are You're not
Speaker 1: toxic because of it. You handle it. I mean, kudos
Speaker 1: to you, sir, Thank you. I mean it's really a
Speaker 1: brave thing you do. I also have this magical reset button.
Speaker 1: We'll see if it still keeps going this way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I start getting a little crazy with it,
Speaker 2: I will naturally dial.
Speaker 1: It back boom, just like that. And you know, we
Speaker 1: I've met a lot of drunks who aren't capable of
Speaker 1: that kind of thing, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Yeah, we've known a few.
Speaker 1: What are you looking at me like that for?
Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't know. Thank you for saying those things.
Speaker 1: Oh dude, I really mean it. I think that you
Speaker 1: are a perfect alcoholic.
Speaker 2: I really do.
Speaker 1: So. Ben gets a little more drunk. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: the kind of the lashing out at other people when
Speaker 1: you're getting accused of having a little bit of an
Speaker 1: alcohol problem.
Speaker 2: Right right, right, Well, first off, it's worth mentioning Adrian,
Speaker 2: the once enemy of cat. Yeah, it takes time to
Speaker 2: comfort her. She is human, after all.
Speaker 1: This is Scar holding out his hand and then ripping
Speaker 1: Mufasa off the wall. But Kat goes. Ben gets more
Speaker 1: drunk than anybody.
Speaker 2: Cat, but he holds it together better.
Speaker 1: Cat. Yeah, no shit, Kat, you you turned into Ethan
Speaker 1: Hunt last night and tried to get off the boat.
Speaker 1: You slid down a stripper pole that was not contextually
Speaker 1: a stripper pole in that moment. Cat, You're fucking felt
Speaker 1: the drunk. I mean, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Is that look still young? She can pull it back.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to talk to her, have her on
Speaker 2: the show. Definitely won't bring these things up where maybe
Speaker 2: we will.
Speaker 1: How you doing with booze? Kat? You listen, you tell
Speaker 1: me where I can go where I can't go, because
Speaker 1: this is what happens. You start twiddling your thumbs with
Speaker 1: these fucking sea rats. You you're going, hey, let me
Speaker 1: tell you. This is what you gotta do to make
Speaker 1: it okay. PR does this? PR does this? Stay in
Speaker 1: this lane, don't go in this one? Right? They go, oh,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, and you go listen, lay off.
Speaker 1: They're my friend, like, what are you doing now? You're
Speaker 1: looking at a DM now from a sea rat? Right?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Chef Dave just canceled on us. Can you
Speaker 2: believe this bullshit?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, honestly are you were saying?
Speaker 1: Well, I was saying that you it's my way of
Speaker 1: deflecting responsibility for not asking hard hitting questions because you
Speaker 1: strike up a relationship with these sea rats and then
Speaker 1: you go, hey, they're good people, you know, don't you go?
Speaker 1: You go, don't be rude to my friend, that kind
Speaker 1: of thing. All right, So we move on, Ben.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, are we still on, Ben? Or
Speaker 2: we have the guests arright now?
Speaker 1: No, Gene Simmons is uh is as and is talking
Speaker 1: to his daughters about eggs. Now. I think one of
Speaker 1: the daughters orders eggs and he tells her, you know, honey,
Speaker 1: it's it's a disgusting thing to eat animals offspring, you know.
Speaker 2: Is that what he said? I think something?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: All right, so let's let's back up a little bit.
Speaker 2: So when these the guests arrived, the sea rats quickly
Speaker 2: note that these quote unquote vegans love leather bags. Now,
Speaker 2: unless Keith would you call you're calling him a Gene Simmons.
Speaker 2: Unless Gene Simmons really decided to become a vegan because
Speaker 2: he cares for animal animal welfare. I don't think that
Speaker 2: you can levy that hypocrisy against them. Some people just
Speaker 2: think they're going to be healthier by eating vegetables as
Speaker 2: opposed to chewing on dead flesh.
Speaker 1: I saw this fucking vile bitch on Salt Lake City recently. Listen,
Speaker 1: if you if you eat good quality meat or if
Speaker 1: you eat bad quality meat, depending on your socioeconomic station.
Speaker 1: You know our status. It's nowhere near as bad as
Speaker 1: I think. It's. One of the new people on Salt
Speaker 1: Lake City. She's got those versaucy kind of motorcycle glasses
Speaker 1: that she wears all the time, and she boasts about
Speaker 1: how it's mink and it's it's this, and it's that,
Speaker 1: and she it's just it's it's one thing to be
Speaker 1: a part of the food chain. It's another thing to
Speaker 1: take sadistic pleasure in being on top of the food chain.
Speaker 1: You know, like eating things is one thing wearing And
Speaker 1: you could say it's an arbitrary line to draw, but
Speaker 1: you know, eating a cow is different than wearing an
Speaker 1: alligator on your legs. You know, one is a little
Speaker 1: bit more of a thumbing the nose that the animal
Speaker 1: can care enough.
Speaker 2: Dylan and I'm trying to lean more towards being a
Speaker 2: vegetarian in my in my own life. But no judgment
Speaker 2: to others. But I'd argue, are you really Yeah, I'd
Speaker 2: say ninety percent of my meals are vegetarian.
Speaker 1: Would you ever go hunting?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Couldn't pull the trigger.
Speaker 2: And by the way, once again, no judgment, it's just
Speaker 2: not for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I killed an animal when I was ten. I had
Speaker 2: a BB gun and I pointed it at a bird
Speaker 2: that was sitting on a branch. I don't know what
Speaker 2: it was in me. Maybe the human condition is we
Speaker 2: need to do that, or feel we need to do that.
Speaker 2: I did it. The bird died at my foot.
Speaker 1: It was an ancient urge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it took over and it was pointless. Why did
Speaker 2: I kill this thing? I've I've been talking about it now.
Speaker 1: It's been haunted, not haunted.
Speaker 2: But I felt so bad about it. Yeah, and I
Speaker 2: don't know why I did. I regret it. I'm going
Speaker 2: to teach my kids to not do that. Ellie was
Speaker 2: already trying to choke Jackie the other day, and I
Speaker 2: was like, don't hurt Jackie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not good eating. If Ellie did choke Jackie
Speaker 1: to death. Would you eat it?
Speaker 2: Well, you'd have to, I mean, you disrespect the you
Speaker 2: got to use all parts, which, oh sorry, to go
Speaker 2: back to.
Speaker 1: What you have to render a lot of that meat out.
Speaker 2: All right. I'm okay with someone wearing alligator faces on
Speaker 2: their fucking feet. If someone killed that alligator and then
Speaker 2: they ate all the meat and they fried it up
Speaker 2: and use the toes.
Speaker 1: For us, But what we enjoy we do not treat
Speaker 1: alligators the way the Native Americans treated the buffalo. Right,
Speaker 1: use all parts, use all parts. And that is why
Speaker 1: we slaughtered millions of them. You know what we used
Speaker 1: to do the buffalo. And I think I've talked about
Speaker 1: this before. We'd heard them off cliffs.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, well it's expediting the process fairly quickly.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, my god, we didn't even have
Speaker 1: rounds big enough to take down buffaloes. I mean, those
Speaker 1: things are massive. But so sad. Life is sad. Life
Speaker 1: is also happy. Mm hmm. You know, I've been listening
Speaker 1: to this book called the Psychology Money and we can
Speaker 1: talk about it at another time, all right.
Speaker 2: So I learned the makeup of the guest Dylan. We
Speaker 2: have a divorce couple with new partners, so divorces and
Speaker 2: their daughter and then with the new people that they're dating. Now.
Speaker 2: Some would argue that.
Speaker 1: This pissed off. Would you argue that it's evolved. I
Speaker 1: would argue that it's a little insane.
Speaker 2: Well before my wife stopped talking to her dad every holiday,
Speaker 2: her parents are divorced, and they would be at our
Speaker 2: house celebrating Thanksgiving, our Christmas with their new partners.
Speaker 1: Right, but that's later on down the line, and that
Speaker 1: is not when Urie is a child.
Speaker 2: I don't know how new this divorce.
Speaker 1: It seems like it's fairly new, and I think that
Speaker 1: the daughter is suffering, and I think it's fucked up.
Speaker 2: Teenagers act out, although she's not a teenager because she's
Speaker 2: drinking some cocktails, right, what if she's twenty one?
Speaker 1: Mm? Didn't look it? Okay, turn a blind uh Lee,
Speaker 1: let Alex what he Lets Alex know that he's doing
Speaker 1: a good job. And this is the kind of mannic,
Speaker 1: insanity of an insane mannic. It's just weird. This is
Speaker 1: the kind of thing where you can't act like a
Speaker 1: complete fucking tyrant one day and then go, hey, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to tell you you're doing a great job.
Speaker 1: People will be like, you know that girl in the
Speaker 1: back of the car who's her sister's crying going to Disneyland.
Speaker 1: I mean you just look at people like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong? Are you unwell? So CJ hatches a plan.
Speaker 2: All right, this is the best part of the episode.
Speaker 1: I'm staying at Susan's, Sam's staying at Sandy's. No one
Speaker 1: will know the wiser.
Speaker 2: Well, hold on, Dylan, you might be skipping around here
Speaker 2: a little bit, didn't we at this point? Isn't this
Speaker 2: the lunchroom conversation with Lee and CJ? Doesn't this happen? No?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I think so. Really, yes, so why could be wrong? No?
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: Okay, forgive me then, no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure though. All right, where is this? It's
Speaker 1: not all Let us swim chill and I phones some
Speaker 1: Timbians rounds. Maybe I did pass over it. I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not seeing that in my notes. I don't know.
Speaker 2: How should we do it? Edit point here?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, let's just let's just take it aw back.
Speaker 2: So we're in the lunch room, CJ Tellsley he's always
Speaker 2: the exemplary employee, and then proceeds to weave quite a
Speaker 2: excuse why he can't clean the water line area, which
Speaker 2: is just to describe. On the exterior of the boat,
Speaker 2: there's barnacles. We know how disgusting they are. They're always
Speaker 2: crawling up. And there's also the lime water ofccumulates on
Speaker 2: the vessel. I would assume that hinders the ability for
Speaker 2: the vessel that rut through the water exactly. So on occasion,
Speaker 2: Sea Rat needs to get down there with a little
Speaker 2: scraper and start scraping those fucking barnacles off there. So
Speaker 2: it turns out though that area, according to CJ, accumulates
Speaker 2: a lot of bacteria. Yeah, because a bunch of barnacles
Speaker 2: are getting scraped off there. And last time he did,
Speaker 2: he nearly lost a fucking foot. Yeah, okay, so for
Speaker 2: that reason he can't scrub the bottom of it.
Speaker 1: The doctor told them last time, there isn't a pun
Speaker 1: of sympom let me take it. Can you give me
Speaker 1: a clapper take two? There isn't enough penicillin in the
Speaker 1: world that could save you. That happens again, right, And
Speaker 1: when CJ tells Lee this, Lee choose his food like
Speaker 1: some kind of fucking farm animal and says something to
Speaker 1: the effect of your a lying little back as shit.
Speaker 2: He says you're full of shit and he's also a douchebag. Yeah,
Speaker 2: rare occasions. Lee and I can't agree on this. We
Speaker 2: are a seen pottycoat.
Speaker 1: I don't know that they are. I'm not seen Pattico
Speaker 1: with Lee because I think that CJ has two issues. One,
Speaker 1: he's too high ranking to do this fine. Two, which
Speaker 1: I agree that CJ's seeing that Lee's got it out
Speaker 1: for him because CJ opened his mouth during the fire
Speaker 1: drill exercise called him a crazy old bat. Two, I
Speaker 1: think that regardless of how true this is, if an
Speaker 1: employee tells you that they have a medical problem and
Speaker 1: they can't, maybe you don't hire him back, but you
Speaker 1: can't tell him that they're fucking lying this shit.
Speaker 2: I totally agree with you on that one. However, Lee
Speaker 2: does bring up a good point. Well, I've seen you
Speaker 2: swimming in certain areas, and by the way, bacteria lives
Speaker 2: a month. Stuff. It's how we survived as animals.
Speaker 1: By the way, you want to know something really creepy
Speaker 1: got biome?
Speaker 2: What do they call plasobia plant? If you get a
Speaker 2: microscope on your eyebrows right now, there's a bunch of
Speaker 2: creepy crawlers crawling around out your eye.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, bacteria is everywhere. Yeah, okay, so CJ realizingly
Speaker 2: ain't buying it is quite upset and it gets ugly fast.
Speaker 1: And see, I mean our eyebrows are like a planet to.
Speaker 2: Them, exactly exactly. It's like its own civilization. Did you
Speaker 2: ever see the end of the final scene of the
Speaker 2: original Men in Black, the first movie? So?
Speaker 1: Uh, I put that on the other night and it
Speaker 1: was like the first one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's an awesome movie.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't think it was that good.
Speaker 2: Well, they're kind of discussing the the like what it's
Speaker 2: the tail end of the movie that destroyed the alien
Speaker 2: person or whatever. And then the last shot.
Speaker 1: Guy's name the actor who plays it, Yeah.
Speaker 2: The guy was in that Stanley Kubrick film. Yeah, Vincent's Yes,
Speaker 2: he's awesome in that movie. In my opinion. The final
Speaker 2: shot is Earth, and then the camera pulls away into
Speaker 2: a galaxy, and then a universe, and then something bigger
Speaker 2: than that, and then it is literally an alien that
Speaker 2: is gigantic and it puts all the galaxies in a
Speaker 2: little like a little handbag, like you put your your marbles.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, though the galaxy was contained in the cat's necklace.
Speaker 1: That's right, the cat's collar.
Speaker 2: Wasn't that the second one?
Speaker 1: I thought it was the first one.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's the first one.
Speaker 1: That's my point, though, you know what I watched the
Speaker 1: other day, and I told you this what I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I had such a great time with it. Blade.
Speaker 2: We talked about this.
Speaker 1: I love that movie. It's so good.
Speaker 2: Have you seen the second one?
Speaker 1: No? But I started watching Alien Vampires. Oh that's right.
Speaker 1: It starts off with the guy saying he hates vampires
Speaker 1: and the things out of his mouth.
Speaker 2: They're well made movies. Don't sleep on Blade.
Speaker 1: Don't sleep on Blade. Blade is fucking awesome. So anyway,
Speaker 1: CJ's reprimanded because of this.
Speaker 2: Oh well, I do want to say this. Lee. Apparently,
Speaker 2: when they fight, Lee quotes the late great former murderer
Speaker 2: of his baby mama, Robert Blake killed the baby mama
Speaker 2: right around the corner from where we're recording right now
Speaker 2: at Vitello's. Robert Blake. Yeah, he says, that's the name
Speaker 2: of that tune. That's the famous line from the character
Speaker 2: Bretta Robert Blake. He was a big Barretta fan apparently.
Speaker 2: Oh god, and that's the name of that tune.
Speaker 1: That's disgusting.
Speaker 2: I caught that one anyway.
Speaker 1: So CJ hatch is a plan. Yes, let's hop in
Speaker 1: the water while Lee goes golfing, and so Sam tells
Speaker 1: Nash that she needs a break. She won't tell Adrian.
Speaker 1: There's all this you know, secrecy about this.
Speaker 2: I can give the breakdown if you need to tell you. So,
Speaker 2: this plan that's hatched for quite Monday Fun Day will
Speaker 2: involve lying to superiors, using Nash as a front man,
Speaker 2: and getting drunk while the while on charter. But they've
Speaker 2: been working their asses off, so they deserve this, Dylan.
Speaker 2: So the plan of Sam pretending she's going to help
Speaker 2: Nash with an Excel thing, we'll go off with a hitch.
Speaker 2: That was the whole thing. She needs to help Nash
Speaker 2: with Excel until Porcupine will eventually catch both of them
Speaker 2: red handed with Corona lights in their hand. But fuck it,
Speaker 2: there's only one charter left. Yeah, right, it's very existential. Yeah,
Speaker 2: none of this means anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like metamorphosis, but with sea rats.
Speaker 2: Hey del Before we move on, do you mind if
Speaker 2: I back up for a second. When Ben checks in
Speaker 2: on Cat, I think he was hoping to get his
Speaker 2: wang Wan tugged. He's confused why Cat's upset? If you
Speaker 2: remember early in the episode he called her a trailer
Speaker 2: park you know what? Anyway, she notes because he called
Speaker 2: her demonic, that's uh, it's interesting she didn't take issue
Speaker 2: with that white trash trailer park refugee park. That's a
Speaker 2: joke I told on an earlier episode.
Speaker 1: Sorry, well, no, I love that. He's like, I'm not here.
Speaker 1: It's a psycho analy it's cut. Wow, she's fucking drunk,
Speaker 1: and you forgot to call her darling too, I'm not
Speaker 1: here to psycho in law is cut.
Speaker 2: He's not nearly as charming as I remember him.
Speaker 1: I never remembered him or thought of him as charming.
Speaker 1: So they head out to Oh Well, Porcupine Head catches
Speaker 1: them and tells them to get back on the boat.
Speaker 1: But who the fuck is Alec.
Speaker 2: Well he's in charge at that point because Captain Lee's
Speaker 2: fucking on the links.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, this is c J's model. Who the fuck
Speaker 1: is Alec? He's a child, he's a fucking child. Fuck
Speaker 1: that guy. Let's go fucking suck face and drink beer
Speaker 1: in the water. Now, the three of them, the higher ups,
Speaker 1: head out to a hydroponic growing chamber. Nothing like a fresh.
Speaker 2: Pepper, Nothing like a fresh pepper.
Speaker 1: And this is when Sam and Porcupine. Once porcupine Head
Speaker 1: gets back, Sam and he have a little bit of
Speaker 1: a chat. He doesn't know what he's gonna do, but
Speaker 1: he's leaning towards ratting. Now we have to get to lunch.
Speaker 1: It is lentil soup. The lentil soup is hot as fuck,
Speaker 1: and the guests want a chilled so Ben hatches a plan.
Speaker 1: Pour it into a steaming tray.
Speaker 2: Have the knuckles of a very hairy white trash guy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: move that bag of ice around on top of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, Well we'll slam two bags of ice
Speaker 1: in the soup and then we'll just start moving them around. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if the the plastic will lend any
Speaker 1: kind of flavor to the lentil soup, but I'd like
Speaker 1: to think that it will. But luckily these are tongue
Speaker 1: blind morons. They say it's delicious night falls.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is worth noting here. Ben he was really
Speaker 2: kind of setting the standard file chefs would talk about
Speaker 2: paying guests. He says, if they fuck with you, donning
Speaker 2: you fuck with them.
Speaker 1: Meaning great attitude, great attitude. So night falls fall, Cat
Speaker 1: and Sam have a chat about CJ. Sam is talking
Speaker 1: about CJ once again coming on too strong? Would you
Speaker 1: shut the fuck up about this? My God? They're in
Speaker 1: the ocean making out with each other, and she's like, God,
Speaker 1: he's so all over me you.
Speaker 2: She also mentions he's a horrible kisser.
Speaker 1: If he's a horrible kisser, you're grossed out by him.
Speaker 1: Why are you making out with him when the sun
Speaker 1: is in the sky again, I said last episode, I
Speaker 1: get it if you're horning at two o'clock in the morning,
Speaker 1: but not now.
Speaker 2: Well, any any port in a storm.
Speaker 1: So we get a little bit of a grease fire.
Speaker 2: I loved what he did here.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: You didn't because he did some math, some quick math,
Speaker 2: and I think he lays it out there. He puts
Speaker 2: a little too much oil in the goddamn pan. It
Speaker 2: starts a fucking fire, could burn down a twenty two
Speaker 2: million dollars super yacht. What do you gotta do? Twenty
Speaker 2: two million dollars super yacht, or just throw the fucking
Speaker 2: twelve dollar pan in the ocean. Next thing, you know,
Speaker 2: a fucking dolphin swallows it. Next thing you know, we
Speaker 2: got a band pots.
Speaker 1: That's my problem. And the other issue is that in
Speaker 1: order to light that canola oil on fire, you would
Speaker 1: have had to have that pan so fucking unbelievably hot
Speaker 1: the way that so hot that it would be like
Speaker 1: if you turned a burner on and then went and
Speaker 1: did heroin for a couple hours and then came back
Speaker 1: and squirted a bunch of canola oil in it. That's
Speaker 1: what would happen. I don't know how he got the
Speaker 1: pan that hot, and I did not like that. After
Speaker 1: he was done, he threw it in the ocean.
Speaker 2: A whale, shark kate that swallowed died.
Speaker 1: We don't have pots anymore. Why do you throw it
Speaker 1: in the ocean? Why do you have to do that?
Speaker 1: My god, night falls fall? Uh No, we already did that.
Speaker 2: I did like how. The daughter, I think it was
Speaker 2: in an early conversation, called her dad a fat fuck.
Speaker 2: I've seen that happen. Oh, I went full vegetarian in college.
Speaker 2: I gained like fifty pounds.
Speaker 1: Well, fries or vegetarian.
Speaker 2: So is peanut butter so.
Speaker 1: Uh sour do Jack? I mean the list goes on
Speaker 1: and on and on. Saute bean sprouts are not neat.
Speaker 1: Neither is a medley of mushrooms. Neither is the yellow
Speaker 1: curry that would served for lunch. You get it again,
Speaker 1: I hope you don't say anything, and a red sesame tofu.
Speaker 1: The yellow curry laid at the bottom of the plate
Speaker 1: is what they had for lunch. So Alex and CJ
Speaker 1: have a chat. CJ says, I had a beer in
Speaker 1: the middle of the day, but other than that, I
Speaker 1: didn't do anything wrong, which is akin to somebody in
Speaker 1: a smash and grab being interrogated saying I stole a
Speaker 1: bunch of shit from Neiman Marcus, but outside of that,
Speaker 1: I did nothing wrong.
Speaker 2: T How stupid people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, CJ's really dumb.
Speaker 2: He's not a bright guy.
Speaker 1: And this is when can I sorry, no, no, no, go ahead,
Speaker 1: go ahead.
Speaker 2: Okay. So what is that show about. Well, there's a
Speaker 2: bunch of shows about, like court cases on daytime television.
Speaker 2: Judge Wapner one time, this guy, oh my god, he's
Speaker 2: getting sued another guy suing a guy for punching him
Speaker 2: in the face when he was sitting in his car.
Speaker 2: He's like, this guy owes me like ten grand he
Speaker 2: punched me in the face. Right, the other guy that
Speaker 2: punched him in the face is there, and Judge Wapner
Speaker 2: asked the guy. He goes, all right, so you punched
Speaker 2: him in the face. What happened here?
Speaker 3: And he goes, well, yeah, I thought he was someone else,
Speaker 3: So I don't think I owe him any money.
Speaker 2: You know, it was a mistaken identity, Yeah, wopper goes.
Speaker 2: Wapner goes, you have you punch him in the face.
Speaker 2: He broke his jaw, so you owe twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: And he was confounded. He's like, hey, when I punched him,
Speaker 2: he wasn't the guy that I thought he was.
Speaker 1: The defendant will now take the stand. Listen, I did
Speaker 1: kill her, but I thought it was someone else. I
Speaker 1: didn't mean to kill her. I meant to kill somebody else.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be convicted of murder because I didn't mean
Speaker 1: to do this murder, right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And to me, it's insane that people think that way.
Speaker 1: Well, it sounds pretty airtight to me. And if you
Speaker 1: let the person go they do have to think about.
Speaker 1: You know, I've already gone through this, So if I
Speaker 1: really do want to kill again, this is what I
Speaker 1: might have to face. And if the person is killed,
Speaker 1: let's say Wapner sees that guy again and he punches
Speaker 1: the actual guy he meant to punch in the face.
Speaker 1: I mean, let's say there's no suspect we've got one.
Speaker 1: So Dave has an intervention with Kat.
Speaker 2: He calls her a drunk like most of the people
Speaker 2: that work with her, but he does it in a
Speaker 2: nice way. The newce of of of communication.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. He says, listen, if you need
Speaker 1: somebody to not drink with you, I'll drink. I'll not
Speaker 1: drink with you. Dave is such a sweet human being.
Speaker 1: He's the only one on this board, on this boat
Speaker 1: that is actually a decent human being, you know, porcupine ed.
Speaker 1: I understand he's got a little bit of a chip
Speaker 1: on his shoulder because he's dealing with a tyrannical maniac.
Speaker 1: But Dave is just through and through a good human being.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your service. So Alex and Lee have
Speaker 1: a chat once the guests depart, and he tells him
Speaker 1: about what c J. And Sam did, and he hatches
Speaker 1: the idea, let's dock their pay or fire, and Li says,
Speaker 1: I like it. I like it, and he goes, I
Speaker 1: got an idea. You've been so goddamn excellent over this charter.
Speaker 1: Why don't you handle the tip? Uh oh, convenient the
Speaker 1: tip where we have to present an ultimatum over the
Speaker 1: worst tip of the season. Yeah, thanks for letting me
Speaker 1: handle this one on my ownly.
Speaker 2: Now not the worst. The worst was four grand. This
Speaker 2: is five. Now it's going to be whacked up into
Speaker 2: five hundred dollars each person in that fuck Nash and Fred,
Speaker 2: they all get to take a piece of that cheddar too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we end this episode with that ALTI made him.
Speaker 2: Will you get fired? I guess you'd work two more days?
Speaker 2: Or do you want two hundred less dollars in your pocket?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's quite the ultimatum. And does Eddie offer his
Speaker 1: two hundred dollars here or in the next episode?
Speaker 2: I think it's the next episode.
Speaker 1: Eddie offers two hundred dollars to say him, and he says,
Speaker 1: we got a job to do. Nine at the roundtable.
Speaker 1: That kid, all right, that's it for us. Jumping the iTunes,
Speaker 1: range reviews, no comments, tell us what do we want
Speaker 1: them to say?
Speaker 2: Hmmm, fae, you want us to do season two for free?
Speaker 2: Or keep in buying? Opinion?
Speaker 1: No, no, that's a bad one.
Speaker 2: Everyone's always gonna say free, free.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and where you No, I don't want to now.
Speaker 1: Let us know your favorite vegetable. Oh I like that
Speaker 1: because of the vegans.
Speaker 2: Or let us know have you ever tried to be
Speaker 2: a vegetarian? How much weight did you gain?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah? Oh oh better? What do you weigh?
Speaker 1: That's it for us. I'm dying saying goodbye. Pet's second
Speaker 1: where it is