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<v Speaker 1>Section one of The Awful German Language by Mark Twain.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in

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<v Speaker 1>the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please

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<v Speaker 1>visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Kirsten Webber. The Awful

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<v Speaker 1>German Language by Mark Twain, Section one. A little learning

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<v Speaker 1>makes the whole world Kin Proverbs thirty two seven. I

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<v Speaker 1>went often to look at the collection of curiosities in

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<v Speaker 1>Heidelberg Castle, and one day I surprised the keeper of

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<v Speaker 1>it with my German. I spoke entirely in that language.

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<v Speaker 1>He was greatly interested, and after I had talked awhile,

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<v Speaker 1>he said my German was very rare, possibly a unique,

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<v Speaker 1>and wanted to add it to his museum. If he

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<v Speaker 1>had known what it had cost me to acquire my art,

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<v Speaker 1>he would also have known that it would break any

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<v Speaker 1>collector to buy it. Harris and I had been hard

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<v Speaker 1>at work on our German during several weeks at that time,

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<v Speaker 1>and although we had made good progress, it had been

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<v Speaker 1>accomplished under great difficulty and annoyance, for three of our

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<v Speaker 1>teachers had died in the meantime. A person who has

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<v Speaker 1>not studied German can form no idea of what a

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<v Speaker 1>perplexing language it is. Surely there is not another language

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<v Speaker 1>that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and

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<v Speaker 1>elusive to the grasp. One is washed about in it,

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<v Speaker 1>hither and thither in the most helpless way. And when

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<v Speaker 1>at last he thinks he has captured a rule which

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<v Speaker 1>offers firm ground to take a rest on amid the

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<v Speaker 1>general rage and turmoil of the ten parts of speech,

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<v Speaker 1>he turns over the page and reads, let the pupil

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<v Speaker 1>make careful note of the following exceptions. He runs his

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<v Speaker 1>eye down and finds that there are more exceptions to

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<v Speaker 1>the rule than instances of it. So overboard he goes

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<v Speaker 1>again to hunt for another ararat and find another Quicksand

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<v Speaker 1>such has been and continues to be my experience. Every

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<v Speaker 1>time I think I have got one of these four

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<v Speaker 1>confusing cases where I am master of it, a seemingly

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<v Speaker 1>insignificant preposition intrudes itself into my sentence, clothed with an

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<v Speaker 1>awful and unsuspected power, and crumbles the ground from under me.

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<v Speaker 1>For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird. It

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<v Speaker 1>is always inquiring after things which are of no sort

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<v Speaker 1>of consequence to anybody, where is the bird? Now? The

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<v Speaker 1>answer to this question, according to the book is that

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<v Speaker 1>the bird is waiting in the blacksmith shop on account

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<v Speaker 1>of the rain. Of course, no bird would do that.

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<v Speaker 1>But then you must stick to the book very well.

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<v Speaker 1>I begin to cipher out the German for that answer,

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<v Speaker 1>I begin at the wrong end, necessarily, for that is

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<v Speaker 1>the German idea. I say to myself, lagan rain is masculine,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe it is feminine, or possibly neuter. It is

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<v Speaker 1>too much trouble to look now. Therefore, it is either

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<v Speaker 1>dea the Lagan, or d the Lagan, or thus the Lagan,

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<v Speaker 1>according to which gender it may turn out to be.

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<v Speaker 1>When I look, in the interest of science, I will

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<v Speaker 1>cipher it out on the hypothesis that it is masculine.

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<v Speaker 1>Very well, then the rain is dea reagan if it

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<v Speaker 1>is simply in the quiescent state of being mentioned without

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<v Speaker 1>enlargement or discussion nominative case. But if this rain is

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<v Speaker 1>lying around in a kind of general way on the ground,

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<v Speaker 1>it is then definitely located. It is doing something that

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<v Speaker 1>is resting, which is one of the German Grammar's ideas

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<v Speaker 1>of doing something. And this throws the rain into the

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<v Speaker 1>dative case and makes it deem Reagan. However, this rain

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<v Speaker 1>is not resting, but is doing something actively. It is

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<v Speaker 1>falling to interfere with the bird, likely and this indicates

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<v Speaker 1>movement which has the effect of sliding it into the

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<v Speaker 1>accusative case and changing diem Reagan into Dean Reagan. Completed

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<v Speaker 1>the grammatical horoscope of this matter. I answer up confidently

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<v Speaker 1>and state in German that the bird is staying in

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<v Speaker 1>the blacksmith shop Vagan on account of Deanlagan. Then the

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<v Speaker 1>teacher lets me softly down with the remark that whenever

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<v Speaker 1>the word Vagan drops into a sentence, it always throws

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<v Speaker 1>that subject into the genitive case, regardless of consequences, and

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<v Speaker 1>therefore this bird stayed in the blacksmith shop Vagan desslagans

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<v Speaker 1>n B. I was informed later by a higher authority

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<v Speaker 1>that there was an exception which permits one to say

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<v Speaker 1>Vagan Dean Reagan in certain peculiar and complex circumstances, but

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<v Speaker 1>that this exception is not extended to anything but rain.

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<v Speaker 1>End of Section one