Speaker 1: N two perl one nick three pull one, say, Molly,
Speaker 1: some small you do, be a great one not to
Speaker 1: interrupt me.
Speaker 2: Well, Molly, I only wanted to tell you something.
Speaker 3: Well, what is it?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Some mind go on with your knitting, probably worth nothing.
Speaker 3: At all to.
Speaker 2: Molly.
Speaker 3: What now, Sam?
Speaker 2: I do think of having a pint of ail?
Speaker 3: Pint of ail?
Speaker 2: Indeed, well, now what's wrong with that? Molly?
Speaker 3: Will you tell me tis every night to pint of ail?
Speaker 2: Some Well, Molly, what would the British working man be
Speaker 2: way out his pint of ail at day's end?
Speaker 3: That's something the world never know till one of them
Speaker 3: tries it?
Speaker 2: Oh, Molly, and I don't suppose.
Speaker 3: These an't mood for noble experiments.
Speaker 2: Well, Molly, so.
Speaker 4: For goodness sake away you go down to prob but
Speaker 4: mulley a where you go, I.
Speaker 3: See, I'll get no peace some small till lidoes.
Speaker 2: Well, now, Molly, I think that you'd be very kind.
Speaker 3: I did think some small, since I'm feeling poorly, that
Speaker 3: you might have spent one evening at home two pull one.
Speaker 2: Well, now I do he looks poorly tonight, Molly, I
Speaker 2: did so want just a pint of veil. Though it's
Speaker 2: only eight o'clock. A man's got to have ail once
Speaker 2: in a while. He's working hard all day. You see, well, Molly,
Speaker 2: I'll stay to home with I guess.
Speaker 3: Two polt one. No, it won't be doing that.
Speaker 2: Something, Yes, Molly, I'll stay dome.
Speaker 3: And be pestering me the whole evening. Oh no, you
Speaker 3: won't go along and get your point of ail.
Speaker 2: Something small, Molly, you do be a fine girl.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 2: I'll not be long, you'll not.
Speaker 3: I'll gamble some small that you'll not leave that pubroom adnight.
Speaker 2: Oh no, Molly, you'll not be home till they chuck
Speaker 2: you out. Good night, Molly. Isn't that just like a
Speaker 2: woman's dirty suspicions for thee I'll be back long before
Speaker 2: choking that time. I will, yes, long afoot chucking that time.
Speaker 2: I'll show Molly she thinks wrong me most all the time.
Speaker 2: They are at it again.
Speaker 6: I don't care.
Speaker 2: They do be having an argument now, but I must
Speaker 2: remember to get home early. Mully'll be wrong this time.
Speaker 5: It is not so Sam small? Look you here, Sam?
Speaker 5: There for sither week?
Speaker 7: He says that it's not so all the local and.
Speaker 2: You know what, let's hear what Sam says?
Speaker 7: Sam, you tell him? Go on, Sam, tell him, but.
Speaker 6: Will tell you you will if anybody ought to know,
Speaker 6: it will be some small someone.
Speaker 2: All right, don't use no how Dan? How done? I
Speaker 2: come here for a bit of ail and you both
Speaker 2: jump on me life you're now, Sam, I'll get it
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 6: Well, we want to know is our word?
Speaker 2: Gaffer said the wick until I drink me ale?
Speaker 5: Ah.
Speaker 2: Now, gentlemen, I.
Speaker 5: Say it's not so. It's just not possible, is it?
Speaker 2: Some?
Speaker 8: And it says right here that it is so?
Speaker 2: Gaffer?
Speaker 7: Way, what is what is?
Speaker 8: It's this way, samp It says right here in this newspaper.
Speaker 8: As our doctor thinks this itler Chap.
Speaker 5: Has got a.
Speaker 8: What ok uh way any all? The word means the
Speaker 8: split personality.
Speaker 5: Thanks, so it can't.
Speaker 2: Be ah, he means skitz so perennial, don't you oko?
Speaker 4: Huh?
Speaker 7: What's that?
Speaker 5: Sam?
Speaker 6: See you don't know what you're talking about?
Speaker 2: Sh sh shit, it's so perennial, Gaffer, Yeah, it ain't
Speaker 2: so is it something? Well? Now I've seen two personalities.
Speaker 5: It was in a movie picture.
Speaker 7: Once one was come the other scision at.
Speaker 2: This sision, what kind of a decision, Gaffer.
Speaker 6: I've decided that if you mean to stand there and
Speaker 6: tell me your chap can divide into the But it says.
Speaker 7: Right here, gaffer, can't you read?
Speaker 6: And what I see is at a human and just
Speaker 6: as human, some smaller tell you no man can split
Speaker 6: in two, or even a German morey local.
Speaker 2: Now the here, Gaffer. You've heard of twins, haven't you.
Speaker 2: I have some small But what twins can happen? Then
Speaker 2: happen this here skitz so perennials like that only a
Speaker 2: chapter comes twins after his bon instead of before you
Speaker 2: now on, see, gaffer, nonsense and why nonsense?
Speaker 5: Gaffer, I'd have heard of it.
Speaker 6: I'm the oldest chap here.
Speaker 5: I never heard of that happen.
Speaker 2: But it's only just come out like gaffer, Hi, that's it.
Speaker 6: I still don't believe a chap can split in two.
Speaker 2: Now, lessen, gaffer. You see it's like this skits so
Speaker 2: perennial means that a man has two personalities another smally local, gaffer?
Speaker 2: Will you understand me for the last time.
Speaker 6: I still say a man is one man. He can't
Speaker 6: be two men.
Speaker 8: Well, I'm gentlemen, what o'cle midnight I'm got to close up, you.
Speaker 2: Know, midnight? Go you gaff are you and your thick
Speaker 2: head comes more?
Speaker 5: Yea?
Speaker 2: Here it is twelve and after me I joined with
Speaker 2: that duby gaffer all night. Moll'll think they took me
Speaker 2: to close up again? Oh me, I was so sure
Speaker 2: i'd leave early. What'll I tell Molly? I'll tell her
Speaker 2: I left early and walked them lazy like happens. You'll
Speaker 2: believe that. But I must hurry him now. Certainly is
Speaker 2: dark like that, It is scarcely can see a thing.
Speaker 2: But come, I must have bumped into that lamp post there.
Speaker 2: Oh ma, oh, Then it wasn't the lamp post I
Speaker 2: bumped into. It must have been him over there. So
Speaker 2: it was the bumped into me. Eh, why don't you
Speaker 2: look where you're going?
Speaker 5: Six or one and half?
Speaker 7: Doesn't it?
Speaker 2: The lad don't argue with me? Give us a hand up?
Speaker 9: How about you giving me hand up?
Speaker 2: Why I never met such a nasty or obliging chat.
Speaker 2: But come, I have no time to argue with you,
Speaker 2: neither of our My wife's poorly, and I promised to
Speaker 2: be young before chucking that time. And here I am.
Speaker 5: Here, swiller.
Speaker 9: If your wife's poorly.
Speaker 5: Why doesn't you sit home with her?
Speaker 2: Well? You see me and the lad's got tag. You're
Speaker 2: in a bad discits so perennial thing.
Speaker 7: You should have been home with your wife.
Speaker 2: Say you are you anyhow? Why let's have a look
Speaker 2: at you.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm blooming imposter.
Speaker 2: I've got you, imposter.
Speaker 5: Imposster yourself. I'm Samuel Small.
Speaker 2: You lie, I'm Sam Small.
Speaker 9: Now, don't contradict me. Look at me and see if
Speaker 9: I don't look like Samuel Small.
Speaker 2: Let me see.
Speaker 5: My goom. So you does? Well? Now you see for yourself.
Speaker 2: Don't go mixing me all up where you'll love me
Speaker 2: so conflumixed? I want no why to think?
Speaker 5: Oh the one what mixes things up?
Speaker 7: How can you prove your sam Small?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 9: Well, I have a wife whose name is Morley, so
Speaker 9: have I. And I have a daughter who's all away
Speaker 9: in Yankee Land. Saw me too, She's went to a
Speaker 9: young chap of the earl.
Speaker 2: I'll be jiggered. I see he is a very clever impostor.
Speaker 7: Indeed, but I'm not the imposter you are.
Speaker 2: At least he's looked upon my background. Oh wow, but
Speaker 2: you slipped up on one thing. I know what I'll
Speaker 2: touch thee. Ah. There see that.
Speaker 9: Watch, Ah, it'd be a gold watch.
Speaker 2: Aye, it do be gold. And there read that what's
Speaker 2: written on the case To Sam Small, I know it
Speaker 2: by art. It reads to Sam Small from his loyal
Speaker 2: wife Melicent on their wedding day. Now see, well all
Speaker 2: be jigged.
Speaker 9: He look my watcher exactly the same to.
Speaker 2: Sam Small from his loyal wife Melissa.
Speaker 5: Who see now what you're saying?
Speaker 2: Oh, by Gom, I am in trouble.
Speaker 5: Hi, yeah, in trouble.
Speaker 2: I must have done somewhat wrong. And here I stand,
Speaker 2: not knowing whether I'm.
Speaker 7: Me or you and me or I am you, or
Speaker 7: whether us is both we?
Speaker 2: Why that said?
Speaker 5: What's it?
Speaker 7: We're both me, both of us, both of us? Are
Speaker 7: you to be sure?
Speaker 2: It's skits so perennial skits soper sure and me personality
Speaker 2: split wide open, just like Gaffer and he was arguing
Speaker 2: down at the pub.
Speaker 7: Will what I've become too on us?
Speaker 5: Will barkum think of that now? But but what canus
Speaker 5: do about it?
Speaker 2: Luke? This is a very important happening, lad We've got
Speaker 2: to go careful about it, we do, Aye, this needs
Speaker 2: proper discussion. Now for the sake of getting it straight
Speaker 2: a bit. Suppose I call you Samuel and you call
Speaker 2: me Sam. I see you're Sam and you were Samuel
Speaker 2: right right now? Listen, Samuel. If we handle this carefully,
Speaker 2: there's a fortune in it. For instance, doctors in such
Speaker 2: with scientific curiosity, why they'd pay a right lot of
Speaker 2: brass to meet a couple of chaps like us.
Speaker 9: Those doctors wouldn't they?
Speaker 5: I don't care for doctor.
Speaker 2: Sam Why don't you care for doctors?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 2: Up?
Speaker 5: And then they'd want to operate on us.
Speaker 2: Aye, I don't care for them either, come to think.
Speaker 2: And but happened we could get a tent and travel
Speaker 2: around the county fairs. We'd been champion curiosities. What people
Speaker 2: appear chilling to see us?
Speaker 5: Nay, I'd objective being a freak like.
Speaker 2: Nay, Samuel. That is not wrong with making a little
Speaker 2: honest brass lad. And while I'm not got it all
Speaker 2: worked out yet, this brass in the general idea.
Speaker 9: Ah, but it's getting late, Sam whose can't stay out
Speaker 9: here all night?
Speaker 5: Well whilst he.
Speaker 2: Works it up, why not?
Speaker 9: Well there's money waiting up for me at home.
Speaker 2: Sam, Well, we can't go on, not two of us Samuel,
Speaker 2: that's all.
Speaker 9: But one could stay out here tonight and puzzle out
Speaker 9: what's best to do toother can go home and say not.
Speaker 5: To money happened.
Speaker 2: We could do that, Samuel.
Speaker 9: It won't be cold sleeping out here for your Sam.
Speaker 9: And in the morning I can sleep out and then
Speaker 9: bring you a few lick tea.
Speaker 2: Out down a bit. I don't like that idea. You
Speaker 2: going on to my wife?
Speaker 5: Why not? Sam?
Speaker 2: It ain't moral, that's what Samuel.
Speaker 9: What's some since she explained to me that we're both
Speaker 9: onelike because of this here schizophreennial. Why then when I
Speaker 9: go home it's really you do what goes on?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm not.
Speaker 7: Sure about that, Nah, Be sensible, Sam.
Speaker 9: One of us has got to take a back seat
Speaker 9: for a while till we gets this thing all figured out.
Speaker 2: That do be true, Samuel, Well, why don't.
Speaker 9: You go away for a few days and we'll both
Speaker 9: put a thinking.
Speaker 5: Caps on, Sam, me go away. You'd enjoy a trip,
Speaker 5: wouldn't you, Sam, Well, you'd have.
Speaker 9: Anything you'd want to eat, Sam, And that not the
Speaker 9: mully told your back at all?
Speaker 5: Sam. You can go any way you wants to go.
Speaker 2: Ah, that I could, eh, But It's sad in all
Speaker 2: to think of a man giving up the rightful comfort
Speaker 2: of his hearth and home. Watch your man go and forth,
Speaker 2: the uncherished wanderer on the face of the earth, as
Speaker 2: you might say, But for the sake of Mulley and
Speaker 2: a peace of mind, I make the sacrifice. Good Bye
Speaker 2: where you're going, Why, I'll cut across the moor and
Speaker 2: be and Bradley. Come on. Then I'll drop in the
Speaker 2: bank and get a little cash.
Speaker 5: Here. Be careful with.
Speaker 8: My savings account, some our savings, Samuel, and my lad,
Speaker 8: there's some widerable burn.
Speaker 7: Expect me when you see me. Keep the own fires burning, Samuel.
Speaker 2: Blackpoole by, come, that's near the sea. I leave what
Speaker 2: I choose myself. There'll be gay people at the town
Speaker 2: of Blackpool. I'll have me a good holaday, I will.
Speaker 2: I want a platter, oh, platter of fried fish, and
Speaker 2: some peace pudding, and some of the best ail you
Speaker 2: got in the house. And and give me some of
Speaker 2: the best ail in the house the best day. That
Speaker 2: will be right, huh. I'll have this cane here, No,
Speaker 2: not that stick, give me that one with a gold
Speaker 2: sort of top. Man's got to have a good walking stick.
Speaker 2: He does. A half pint of the best air you got,
Speaker 2: and I want some of that their butt and some
Speaker 2: of that custard pie. Moral, man, bring me morail. That's
Speaker 2: what I said, Moral. And another thing, you should clean
Speaker 2: it out your ears once a day.
Speaker 5: Man.
Speaker 7: Yes, what's a matter of mister? You took a bit
Speaker 7: too much.
Speaker 2: I've cot to cold.
Speaker 7: Maybe that laugh half mine I told you was what
Speaker 7: tune it?
Speaker 2: I tell you I've got to cold.
Speaker 7: I'm more likely it's something you put in your stomach.
Speaker 2: Now are you selling summer? Oh? If I weren't sick
Speaker 2: when I come here in this pube, I am now.
Speaker 7: And you should have your old woman fix you up
Speaker 7: a mastered football.
Speaker 2: I don't want a foot bath. Molly gives me that
Speaker 2: rum and treacle.
Speaker 7: Well, I ain't selling no rum to the likes of you.
Speaker 5: Come.
Speaker 2: I should have known better and to expect either sense
Speaker 2: or pity in the town of.
Speaker 7: Blackpool, Yorkshire. That's done it.
Speaker 2: That's the final insult. First thing in the morning, my
Speaker 2: phone to Molly.
Speaker 7: Samuel, Samuel.
Speaker 9: Oh it's you, sam be me Samuel, and you had
Speaker 9: a good time, sam I.
Speaker 2: Do feel that miserable Samuel. I've cut the cold in
Speaker 2: my back. Where have you been?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 9: I was just out for a walk going into Darsnow,
Speaker 9: well he's waiting for me. Been to the No, Sam,
Speaker 9: I never drink now, I was all just as small
Speaker 9: back smoke bothers Molly.
Speaker 2: It does, Oh, it does?
Speaker 5: What's wrong?
Speaker 2: Sam'll never read what's wrong? I've just decided it behid
Speaker 2: time I come back home and took me rightful and
Speaker 2: proper place beside me. White your jude much some I thought.
Speaker 5: You wanted to go away and have a fling.
Speaker 2: Well I've had med fling. I've flung. Now it's your
Speaker 2: turn to go away, Samuel.
Speaker 5: Oh no, Sam, I'm not comfortable. I stay all evenings
Speaker 5: with Molly.
Speaker 2: You do, and I'm my wife.
Speaker 9: Oh wi, Remember we be two people in one skits
Speaker 9: so perennial.
Speaker 2: You know, skits so perennial. Now don't conflumet me. You've
Speaker 2: had a comfortable week, Samuel. Now it's my turn go
Speaker 2: away for a business.
Speaker 9: It's some you're the one that likes to go away.
Speaker 9: I'm the one that likes to stay all by.
Speaker 2: Come do I have to stand here to argue with me? Look,
Speaker 2: I'm hungry. I've not had my tea yet and I've
Speaker 2: cut the cold. Now up along, Samuel, like a good chat,
Speaker 2: not me some then I'll go into and.
Speaker 5: I've fully find awesome. Nay, I'll not upset.
Speaker 8: To like that.
Speaker 2: Now look here, Samuel. If I know Molly, she's off
Speaker 2: to find out sooner or later, so might's well be
Speaker 2: sooner then I can have Matie.
Speaker 7: I'll tell you some your cart upset mullet.
Speaker 3: Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Speaker 7: Now I'll have McKay there.
Speaker 3: You can't do that to away some.
Speaker 7: Come back here.
Speaker 2: Now, just up.
Speaker 7: The steps, come here, don't that? Yes I will, Oh, no, yes,
Speaker 7: I want Matia. I tell you what's up now?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Two of you? Oh gets in the ouster for anyone sees. Oh,
Speaker 3: I never did see the light.
Speaker 2: In Molly.
Speaker 3: The no, no, what trick you're playing on me?
Speaker 2: Some?
Speaker 3: Whichever one on you is some small we both amily
Speaker 3: just think you never told me?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the twindle, the summons, but one here some And
Speaker 4: when I find out which one of you is some,
Speaker 4: he's up to which he'd never been born.
Speaker 5: Lord Moly, we're both us, that is, we're both me.
Speaker 3: What do you mean?
Speaker 2: Well? Last week you see I ran into a lamp
Speaker 2: or something awful, lad, and well expect my personality it
Speaker 2: did he What.
Speaker 3: Is it you're telling me? The poor sun split in two?
Speaker 9: Now, Moly, it's a case of schizophrenial that's all.
Speaker 5: We'll be two persons. But bother us is some small.
Speaker 3: Well if it happened last week, well, oh oh, I've.
Speaker 9: Been with you and thee Sam's being to down a
Speaker 9: blackpool scalliwag.
Speaker 7: Now I see which one is?
Speaker 3: Some small di me? So now we'd go gallivanting around
Speaker 3: and leave the two wife.
Speaker 5: We are stranger, Molly, don't be angry.
Speaker 9: Hasn't it been better were him away? Haven't I stayed
Speaker 9: home all week and not.
Speaker 5: Got a bitter?
Speaker 3: You've been so kind and considerate. You must be something wrong.
Speaker 3: I We're too happy for it be.
Speaker 2: True, Molly small you mean have you really been so
Speaker 2: happy with we young man whilst I've been away.
Speaker 3: Some small I've never been so cherished in all my
Speaker 3: born days. It's been the best week of my married life.
Speaker 2: I see. Well, somehow there ain't much for a chat
Speaker 2: to say when he finds out he's failed, is there?
Speaker 2: What I mean is twelve I'd be a poor man
Speaker 2: to stand in the way of my wife's happiness. So
Speaker 2: goodbye and good luck Molly.
Speaker 9: You see, Sam, I told you I were the man
Speaker 9: to make Molley happy.
Speaker 3: Old John Sam, come back here, what Molly, I've got
Speaker 3: someone to say to all this. If this be true,
Speaker 3: this year's split personality business, what Joys has got to
Speaker 3: do is think it out, ah.
Speaker 5: What us has done all the thinking us can think?
Speaker 5: Why could we all stay here?
Speaker 3: Me live with two husbands?
Speaker 7: Big me, but we're.
Speaker 2: Both Sam small? Really money?
Speaker 7: Hi too?
Speaker 3: One husband sits up any We know that because we
Speaker 3: be open minded. But I'm afraid the British law hasn't
Speaker 3: caught up with such modern things. They'll conclude two husbands
Speaker 3: is too nor mistake.
Speaker 2: Oh Dan, either church wedding, we're only one man?
Speaker 3: Then one's married. Tone, that's not that's against the law. Now,
Speaker 3: don't interrupt. Well I've decided. My mother always used to say,
Speaker 3: well in dougs, go to sleep.
Speaker 5: So Sam, no, I'm.
Speaker 3: After bed and go to sleep, and you too are outside.
Speaker 7: But look here, I don't like do I?
Speaker 3: But you doubled yourself without my health. Happen your best
Speaker 3: sources out on the same rod likewise without my health?
Speaker 3: Come on, get along with you don't and don't come back.
Speaker 3: Walk till there's not but money.
Speaker 2: We'd best take a walk and think some more, Samuel,
Speaker 2: eyes and stick close to me. I want no tricks
Speaker 2: from you. I've not ad matia.
Speaker 5: Have you sought it out?
Speaker 2: Sam, Look, I'm fair sick at death of the now
Speaker 2: be quiet. It'd be the lamp post where we first met.
Speaker 9: Ai, Sam were bumped out. We did, and that's what
Speaker 9: made us two people.
Speaker 5: It did that, it did.
Speaker 2: I had bump split us into two, may up another.
Speaker 9: I'd bona rook, Sam, if you had stayed in black.
Speaker 2: Now you look, Samuel, my lad, I didn't stay in Blackpool.
Speaker 2: I'm right here.
Speaker 5: Come. Samuel's murdered in your head. You're already right.
Speaker 2: Eye has come, Samuel. Put up your jokes like a Yorksman.
Speaker 7: But but I don't like bro I'll teach you.
Speaker 5: I like it. And the Good Book says, if you're
Speaker 5: slapped on one, take turned to other.
Speaker 9: There's no instructions what to do when that one gets
Speaker 9: slapped too. If that means a chap has to use
Speaker 9: his own judgment, saw, y're right.
Speaker 7: To my ten.
Speaker 3: Next year, he's in my right spots.
Speaker 2: I let him have one.
Speaker 3: A good one.
Speaker 9: Next time he's in the right spot, I let him
Speaker 9: my po a good one.
Speaker 5: No, Molly, here.
Speaker 4: Sam yeah, carry him in here there don't know so
Speaker 4: of for please misstrugle.
Speaker 5: He do me? Everybody?
Speaker 3: What's happened to lad this time? The strugle po Sam?
Speaker 7: All I know is he was uguing with Gamper, sister.
Speaker 7: We call evening.
Speaker 8: Come time to took him out.
Speaker 7: Sam here ran out like a street but too much.
Speaker 3: Someone must have thought with him.
Speaker 2: No, Molly, he was a lion next to the lampost
Speaker 2: when I come by, happening might get into that lap.
Speaker 3: Poor some ins suory to get home. Well, mister Rocle
Speaker 3: is breathing. Guess you go through? We will?
Speaker 5: Can I do what.
Speaker 3: Moremy No, mister Rucle, just shoot dough when you go
Speaker 3: with you would all right?
Speaker 2: Poor Sam too much? Some in trouble again, n Molly,
Speaker 2: I'm not drunk, of course, not some. I killed him, Molly,
Speaker 2: who killed you?
Speaker 8: Some?
Speaker 2: Samuel?
Speaker 3: Samuel?
Speaker 2: Samuel lou Oh, then you forget Samuel, you forgive us.
Speaker 3: Forget to forgive a somewhat tails You get.
Speaker 2: So perennial, don't you remember, Molly, Samuel and me why
Speaker 2: you said, I.
Speaker 3: Only said you did not get home before tooking out time.
Speaker 5: Some Well.
Speaker 2: Ah, well, Molly, you'd be the best wife of the world. No, sir,
Speaker 2: I'm never going down to this bread eagle anymore. I'll
Speaker 2: be staying Norman read here while you're.
Speaker 3: Nit evan forbid. I'd never have a moment's peace Samuel's galloway.
Speaker 2: I was like, yes you are, mm Hmmmullia, I'm determined
Speaker 2: from now one, I'm up to be more like Samuel.
Speaker 2: He's really my better ras.
Speaker 4: Nay, you got no but one better raft and that's me.
Speaker 4: Come on now, bumping it to lamppost.
Speaker 2: You have heard Eric Knight short story Cess Mall's Better Half,
Speaker 2: especially adapted for radio by Vernon Olsen and directed by
Speaker 2: Charles Urkhard Sam and Samuel Small were played by Charles.
Speaker 5: Penman and Herb Butterfield.
Speaker 6: The original musical score was written and conducted by Roy Shield.