Speaker 1: I'm Ali.
Speaker 2: I came out after twenty years of marriage and I
Speaker 2: have three kids.
Speaker 3: I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
Speaker 3: out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
Speaker 2: and victories that come.
Speaker 3: With it when coming out feels like the end of
Speaker 3: the world, but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 4: This is the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the lest Chronicles. Why do you look so
Speaker 1: pretty today?
Speaker 5: I don't know I had to you did it, but.
Speaker 1: I was just going to say, are you doing your
Speaker 1: hair for the lake?
Speaker 5: Uh? Huh, totally. Really, it's exactly.
Speaker 1: You think that there's going to be some babes, some
Speaker 1: babes at Lake Yona that we haven't know, never know,
Speaker 1: some new babes. You never know.
Speaker 5: He's going to show them.
Speaker 1: I think our connection is like a little spotty.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Well, because I'm on my just.
Speaker 3: Whatever cell service right now. Okay, I got very thrown
Speaker 3: together moment here. So yes, it is in my fondo
Speaker 3: with no Wi Fi even Google's next.
Speaker 1: Door the third world.
Speaker 3: No, I like wanted to get Wi Fi put in
Speaker 3: just for the month while I'm here, and it's the
Speaker 3: place is wired for Google Fiber, but apparently I need
Speaker 3: their like most recent router to get it started, and
Speaker 3: they're like, it'll be three days to get it to you.
Speaker 3: And I'm like Google is behind me, like I can
Speaker 3: walk to it.
Speaker 5: I'm like, can I not walk in there? And you
Speaker 5: guys like and me a router, like is there not
Speaker 5: a better way to do this? There's not? And I'm
Speaker 5: like no, I know. Six, Like, let me tell you this.
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 2: I had a router that I shared with Chris and
Speaker 2: that now came with me to my new house. I
Speaker 2: don't think it's a long story. So basically we shared
Speaker 2: this router somehow. His name is on my round and
Speaker 2: I was ready to have it just be my router.
Speaker 1: Eight. I'm not moving from AT and T. I'm keeping
Speaker 1: AT and T Fiber.
Speaker 2: I'm the same exact thing and the same exact location.
Speaker 2: They could not transfer the service to me. I had
Speaker 2: to quit, cancel that service, and wait for them to
Speaker 2: reinstall new AT and T.
Speaker 3: Dude, I'm telling you, they make all this shit far
Speaker 3: more complicated than it needs to be.
Speaker 5: Waiting I know everything.
Speaker 3: I've never had internet service go smoothly with getting it
Speaker 3: started every time and it's going to be a week
Speaker 3: or we've got to dig across your street and all.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, Sue, how is this possible. We've had
Speaker 3: the internet since the nineties, you know, it's a ball
Speaker 3: since then, but damn.
Speaker 5: Easier to hook up flip a switch, right.
Speaker 3: But also, like back in the nineties with AOL, you
Speaker 3: got a disc in the mail, you put it in
Speaker 3: your computer. All you need was a telephone cord and
Speaker 3: you plugged it in the wall, plugged in your computer.
Speaker 5: Boom online.
Speaker 3: Now, of course it moved it like a snail's pace,
Speaker 3: but it was so much easier to do it all.
Speaker 5: And now, I don't know, it feels so antiquated for
Speaker 5: what you're.
Speaker 2: What's antiquated is you're such a huge company atn T.
Speaker 2: You can't figure out how to just transfer service to.
Speaker 1: Me without me having to cancel one. I had to
Speaker 1: ship back the old box.
Speaker 5: That's the only thing to miss.
Speaker 3: Like, you couldn't give the serial number that was on
Speaker 3: that router. And you're like, oh, now you know, delete
Speaker 3: put yours in there.
Speaker 2: No, ma'am, we can't. So anyway, I had to go
Speaker 2: a whole day. But that's a whole nother story. I
Speaker 2: did go ax throwing.
Speaker 5: I know I want to hear.
Speaker 3: About this because that you said this, that imained and
Speaker 3: you're like just fully taking out like your anger on.
Speaker 5: Uh, that's throwing.
Speaker 2: The only reason I don't know, you know, I don't
Speaker 2: like to ever go to a second location and I
Speaker 2: like to be in betterly and I'm very rigid with
Speaker 2: my evening.
Speaker 1: So we ate dinner, very rigid, guys.
Speaker 2: We ate dinner with the kids at free Dy which
Speaker 2: is in INMM Park.
Speaker 1: So you know where that is.
Speaker 5: On that came.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we have this big dinner and I'm feeling fun.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling like I'm going to be like fun, which doesn't.
Speaker 1: Happen that off.
Speaker 5: I'm fun today.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be fun today.
Speaker 2: And I've got read and I'm like, you know what, guys,
Speaker 2: you know what's right next door? Ax throwing. Let's go
Speaker 2: ax throwing you guys. And it's like probably I don't know,
Speaker 2: maybe eight fifteen at this.
Speaker 1: Point, and Reid can't even believe it.
Speaker 2: He's looking at really fun, past my bedtime, past my
Speaker 2: eating time. It's everything that I'm like normal I would do.
Speaker 2: I was just in like a really fun space and
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's just go ax throwings right there, We're
Speaker 2: going to walk next door and throw access.
Speaker 1: So Reid can't even believe his mind.
Speaker 2: He's like, really, yeah, yeah, like I want to go.
Speaker 2: I want to go, so and the other kids wanted
Speaker 2: to go too. So we walk over there because it's
Speaker 2: for me, you know, I don't like to get in
Speaker 2: my car ever.
Speaker 1: Right and it's closed.
Speaker 2: So now I've hyped up ax throwing. I sold it
Speaker 2: in and now it's it's closed. So now they're like, well,
Speaker 2: we're definitely going, So now we have to find another place,
Speaker 2: and so then I was like, oh my god. So
Speaker 2: we ended up driving downtown to some huge bar, biggest
Speaker 2: bar I've ever been it that have all kinds of
Speaker 2: different games.
Speaker 1: I don't even remember what this place was called.
Speaker 2: But they had acts throwing and it's way harder than
Speaker 2: it looks.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like you can.
Speaker 1: It's the axe is light, that's not the problem. The
Speaker 1: problem is to get it to land in the thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: stay in there and stay in the wood is like
Speaker 1: not easy.
Speaker 5: It's not I've done it a couple of times. It's
Speaker 5: not fun, but it is.
Speaker 2: It's fun, and you do get to where you can
Speaker 2: do it, but it's harder than it looks.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't just pick up one. Yeah that's fun though.
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm glad you did that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was feeling very spontaneous.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean really, especially going downtown. That's like a
Speaker 5: whole other me.
Speaker 2: Imagine me at eight o'clock at night, going driving downtown,
Speaker 2: having to park the car in the garage. So it's
Speaker 2: inconvenience after inconvenience after inconvenience. I did all of them
Speaker 2: with a huge smile, amazing, like a huge smile.
Speaker 1: Never complained once. So that was my night.
Speaker 5: I'd like to ask read that.
Speaker 1: No, he was like, I can't even believe that, Like,
Speaker 1: what has gotten into you?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 1: I was like, I guess, I guess. I guess I'm
Speaker 1: fun now.
Speaker 5: I'm fun now, you guys, lexapro.
Speaker 1: It's you, guys. I'm a good time now.
Speaker 5: That's all it took.
Speaker 1: And then we got home and I was like, they
Speaker 1: were like, can we watch a movie?
Speaker 5: Sure?
Speaker 1: I gause I want to stay up till midnight and
Speaker 1: watch a movie.
Speaker 5: No problem, I'll do it, dude.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, drink, that's amazing, Yeah, good job, it's fun.
Speaker 1: I'm fun now. So get excited for get excited for
Speaker 1: the Lake weekend.
Speaker 3: But me, seriously, I'm disappointed though you're not coming tonight.
Speaker 2: I know I've got some sad news that led to
Speaker 2: why I can't come. But did you like the video
Speaker 2: I said of you and I dancing on the bar last.
Speaker 1: What you don't remember is that you almost bid it?
Speaker 5: No, I and I also almost took my hand in
Speaker 5: a fan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you see that farm stuck your hand in the fan.
Speaker 1: But I thought it was hilarious because I remember that.
Speaker 2: I remember saying to you, as long as we can
Speaker 2: both still climb up here, we're not too drunk.
Speaker 5: And then I was about to eat.
Speaker 1: And then you alsost smell.
Speaker 5: We also changed the light bulb that night. I know,
Speaker 5: I don't think it was the lights behind us, but
Speaker 5: I'm like, god, what were we doing? Like we were?
Speaker 1: You and I were the first ones up on that counter.
Speaker 5: I mean, got to start the party.
Speaker 1: You gotta start some party. Yeah, I'm excited about it.
Speaker 5: It's gonna be a fun weekend.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 5: We've got a good group.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think so too. All Right, so you
Speaker 1: had a great idea for a topic, Let's get after it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So We've talked about rumination before. Rumination is where
Speaker 3: you can't quit thinking about someone, like your mind is
Speaker 3: just constantly playing out, like you might even be no
Speaker 3: longer in communication with this person. You know, you guys
Speaker 3: broke up a month, two months, three months ago, but
Speaker 3: you still ruminate on the thing and you have like
Speaker 3: conversations in your head of like, damn, I wish I
Speaker 3: could say this, You can't stop thinking about it.
Speaker 5: And I saw this.
Speaker 3: Video that was basically saying that the reason why people
Speaker 3: do that is because we are hardwired to solve problems. Okay,
Speaker 3: you know, like that is your instinct, A primal instinct
Speaker 3: is to solve a problem, and in your brain and
Speaker 3: your body, that feels like a problem to be solved.
Speaker 3: So you're going to think about it, ruminate on it
Speaker 3: because you your mind thinks you're going to solve the
Speaker 3: problem eventually to where you can either you know, maybe
Speaker 3: get back together with this person or something's going to change.
Speaker 1: But always are you always talking about ruminating in the negative?
Speaker 5: Well, in this specific instance, yeah.
Speaker 3: Okays, a negative aspect of rumination, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like an unhealthy amount of focus on this.
Speaker 3: Person, right, and it's on a person that's kind of
Speaker 3: like no longer in your life or.
Speaker 5: On the apps, those kind of things. But I think
Speaker 5: it's a good way.
Speaker 3: To like think about it is that it you're you're,
Speaker 3: it's a primal thing inside of you that's happening. It's
Speaker 3: not necessarily this person is so special. I can't stop
Speaker 3: thinking about them. It is your body and your mind
Speaker 3: trying to problem solve. Okay, not this specific person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you how do you break that cycle?
Speaker 3: I think that's just it is like when you catch
Speaker 3: your self ruminating, like that's that's.
Speaker 5: Reminds yourself you need to build.
Speaker 3: Is like catching yourself in it and being like I'm
Speaker 3: doing it again. I'm having the conversation again, but then
Speaker 3: also saying this is I'm just trying to problem solve,
Speaker 3: and it's a problem I'm not going to solve.
Speaker 5: It's a problem I need to like let go of. Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there is such freedom in that too, when you
Speaker 2: get to a place like you and I have had
Speaker 2: this recently, me very recently where I looked at you
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I just don't give a shit, Like
Speaker 2: I it's like I really don't, Like I don't know
Speaker 2: why I don't but I don't care. And there's been
Speaker 2: two big things that have come up that I would
Speaker 2: have ruminated huge.
Speaker 5: You would have put from.
Speaker 2: Me fifteen to twenty times and said, I'm loaded with
Speaker 2: anxiety right now, help me. Yeah, if I said one
Speaker 2: word to you about it now, even thought I said, I,
Speaker 2: I don't know why I don't.
Speaker 3: And honestly, it's like, you didn't even tell me about
Speaker 3: the thing until a few days later.
Speaker 1: I didn't were you about it? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Wait are we?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's right. I didn't.
Speaker 3: He had not said anything to me about it, and
Speaker 3: you finally do tell me, and I'm like, dude, like what, Like,
Speaker 3: how are you not freaking.
Speaker 5: Out about this? That's huge that because before you would
Speaker 5: have been like, what is going on? I need all
Speaker 5: the answers. Yeah, everything. It's weighing on me. I can't
Speaker 5: sleep none of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't care like I have.
Speaker 2: It's like when you get to a place in your
Speaker 2: life that you're like, these are the people that I
Speaker 2: really am interested in investing in and that I'm interested in.
Speaker 2: It's not even a bad thing about the other people.
Speaker 2: It's more like just I've gotten to a place of
Speaker 2: like the things I don't control almost or that I'm
Speaker 2: I truly don't care.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's just it.
Speaker 3: That's another part of like this fule zooming out on,
Speaker 3: like the rumination stuff and like running your brain through
Speaker 3: all these things that are happening that really you have
Speaker 3: no control over it now, no control over those things
Speaker 3: that were happening, and you waste so much energy and
Speaker 3: time and like lose sleep over these things that just
Speaker 3: your brain's not going to fix it.
Speaker 5: Thinking about it so much is not.
Speaker 3: Going to repair anything, right, It's just going to take
Speaker 3: away from what you currently have in your life.
Speaker 2: And I am I am a very controlling person. Like
Speaker 2: by nature, I think I'm hyper vigilant. I think it's
Speaker 2: based on a lot of things in my upbringing and
Speaker 2: I had a wonderful childhood.
Speaker 1: But this is what I am. Like I'm everybody's going
Speaker 1: to have some their thing. Mine is everybody has something.
Speaker 2: If I can't control the outcome, or to some extent,
Speaker 2: control the outcome.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of anxiety. It's something that's just
Speaker 1: about me.
Speaker 2: And I do feel like I'm even seeing that like
Speaker 2: lift like I don't put as much energy into dumb
Speaker 2: shit anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is interesting about like the whole controlling the
Speaker 3: outcome thing. I think a lot of people feel that way,
Speaker 3: and I think that's one of the things that's like
Speaker 3: heavy weight when you're coming out, you know, because you
Speaker 3: don't know the fucking outcome exactly, Like you have no
Speaker 3: idea what's on the other side, and maybe I'm knowing
Speaker 3: maybe nothing, maybe nothing.
Speaker 5: That's not true, Well it's not true, but you do.
Speaker 2: Say to yourself, like, maybe the outcome is a less
Speaker 2: than than what I have now, is it worth it?
Speaker 1: Like to go be in this you know what, you
Speaker 1: think you're coming out.
Speaker 2: Because you want intimacy with a woman you're gay, Like,
Speaker 2: you want that kind of connection, and you're hoping that
Speaker 2: that's you know, you're going to find this gay community
Speaker 2: and you're going to be out. But I remember feeling like,
Speaker 2: but what if the love for this best friend man
Speaker 2: and the father of my children and this life we've
Speaker 2: already built is worth.
Speaker 1: More than this thing. I'm risking it all for what
Speaker 1: it Yeah, And.
Speaker 3: Then you don't you don't know, And I mean I
Speaker 3: can solidly say now I do feel like it was
Speaker 3: worth it. There's just so many other things that have
Speaker 3: happened beyond sexuality, beyond relationships that are better in my
Speaker 3: life now, and just the freedom of being who I am.
Speaker 5: You know, yeah, but it is.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's one of the scariest things in diving
Speaker 3: into all this is not knowing the outcome.
Speaker 2: Right, especially for a personality like mine or yours, where
Speaker 2: it's like I don't know, like I'm.
Speaker 1: Not a care free let's just like see where the
Speaker 1: wind takes us. Trust the journey. I don't fucking trust.
Speaker 2: The journey, like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't trust the journey. I want to control the journey.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yes, I want to control the journey.
Speaker 2: I want to control the journey. So I to me,
Speaker 2: that's very difficult. And when people say that, like even
Speaker 2: my mom will say things like if it's meant to be,
Speaker 2: it'll happen, And I'm like, well, then why don't I
Speaker 2: just stay home all day?
Speaker 5: Why am I working?
Speaker 2: It's meant to be, then my bills will just get
Speaker 2: paid and the kids are going to turn out great,
Speaker 2: and I'm just going to fuck off here all day.
Speaker 5: That's so true though.
Speaker 3: Because it's like a knock on my door and be like, hey,
Speaker 3: I've got this awesome job opportunity for you, that.
Speaker 5: Job, it's your dream because he thought about it a lot.
Speaker 1: And you think about it and trust the journey. Trust
Speaker 1: the journey. Just trust the.
Speaker 5: Exactly. Like I need to fucking solid data here.
Speaker 3: I needn't know exactly things are on track to happen, right, And.
Speaker 2: So I think, like, that's that's hard. I was listening
Speaker 2: Lindsay the other Lindsay gave me this podcast about control
Speaker 2: and about like the rigidity that happens when you are
Speaker 2: kind of a controlling person. It's like my personality. She
Speaker 2: wasn't giving me a dig. She was just like, in.
Speaker 1: Some way, she and I are very similar this way.
Speaker 1: But about how like.
Speaker 2: The rigidity that happens when you have a personality like
Speaker 2: mine where you can't necessarily bend as easily, or like
Speaker 2: she pointed out, you like posting at your house because
Speaker 2: you can control where it is.
Speaker 3: You know that, you know where everything is, you know everything,
Speaker 3: what it's like, food exactly.
Speaker 5: Your bed's upstairs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's true, it's like you have to kind
Speaker 2: of push yourself out of that sometimes.
Speaker 1: But I'd be lying if I said that I would
Speaker 1: rather be at someone else's house.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I would rather be here.
Speaker 5: Sometimes you've got to go downtown and go expert.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you got to go to now and now that
Speaker 2: I'm fun, I'm going to be showing up in lots
Speaker 2: of different spots.
Speaker 3: Where do you guys want to I'm sure, yeah, come
Speaker 3: on dot City and hang out at my house for
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 5: I'm sure you love it.
Speaker 1: I'm such a good time. Yeah yeah, But it's true.
Speaker 2: And then sometimes I think too, It's like one of
Speaker 2: the things Brenee Brown said is sometimes it's on the
Speaker 2: guise of helping people, but it's really control. And like
Speaker 2: Brene was saying, she does this like where she'll be like,
Speaker 2: let me help you with this plan, but the truth
Speaker 2: is she's helping you with the plan under the guise
Speaker 2: of like you need help Melissa with the plan, but
Speaker 2: it's really because I want to decide where we're eating, okay,
Speaker 2: where who I'm sitting with, who I'm like sleeping with,
Speaker 2: like tonight at the lake, I can I'm very hopeful
Speaker 2: that you're going to put me somewhere close.
Speaker 5: To you say, I don't even know where I'm going
Speaker 5: to be.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so you might be.
Speaker 5: So yeah, So.
Speaker 2: I think there's I don't know, there's all different levels
Speaker 2: of it. I'm just not someone to go with the
Speaker 2: flow and.
Speaker 3: See, I can go with the flow at the same time,
Speaker 3: I sometimes am like the flow really sucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know I or the thing like we
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't like, well, I hate it.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, let's find some fucking answers.
Speaker 5: You guys, I'm gonna say. I'm like, I'm both.
Speaker 3: It's like I can go with the flow, like tonight,
Speaker 3: not knowing where I'm going to sleep?
Speaker 5: Who am I you know, sharing a room with someone?
Speaker 3: How's that gonna work out? Okay, fine, I've got my
Speaker 3: little blanket. I can cozy up wherever I need to.
Speaker 3: But when it comes to kind of like knowing the
Speaker 3: outcome of things, that's where that's where my rumination plays
Speaker 3: out like hardcore like you do and now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you feel like if you're in a
Speaker 2: new relationship, how soon do you does your brain start
Speaker 2: to need to define it?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Immediately, like I want to waste time in fact, yeah,
Speaker 3: but that's one of the things that I'm like challenging
Speaker 3: myself on right now is not knowing and just sitting
Speaker 3: in that space and being like, no decision needs to
Speaker 3: be made right now. Bottom line, it's just I'm gonna
Speaker 3: sit right here and take things day by day and
Speaker 3: my decision will come eventually, but it doesn't need to
Speaker 3: come right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that is okay, did you I think
Speaker 2: we've talked about this, but I'm gonna bring it up
Speaker 2: again because I brought it up to somebody today. Is
Speaker 2: have you ever heard the statistic that they've looked at,
Speaker 2: like long term, who gets divorced? And they say that like,
Speaker 2: if you didn't know within the first six months of
Speaker 2: dating someone that you were pretty sure.
Speaker 1: That's who you want it.
Speaker 2: And I don't know about second marriages and we're all
Speaker 2: into the second phase, but for first marriages at least,
Speaker 2: if you don't know within the first six months, like
Speaker 2: you're questioning whether this person's right for you, and you're
Speaker 2: you're not sure in the first six months, that likely
Speaker 2: those that pocket of people they end up divorced seven
Speaker 2: to ten years down the road. The people that knew
Speaker 2: within six months that they wanted to be together tend
Speaker 2: to have lower divorce rates.
Speaker 5: I think that makes sense.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, there's the people who are
Speaker 3: like they say they know emotionately.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, the opposite, They know immediately. And I think it's.
Speaker 3: Almost like the relationship starts with so much intensity that
Speaker 3: it's not sustainable, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you have to scale it back because the
Speaker 1: first two years are really kind of honeymoon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you went really hard in the beginning, and then
Speaker 3: you start to really get to know each other and
Speaker 3: realize like shit, like we are making a lot of
Speaker 3: assumptions about each other, like this isn't right, and I
Speaker 3: don't know. I think that again, It's kind of what
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do right now is to be wise
Speaker 3: in my thought process on dating and not getting caught
Speaker 3: up in things like it's so easy to do because
Speaker 3: that's like who doesn't want to like just immediately fall
Speaker 3: in love. That's a beautiful story to hear, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: but does it does it work long term?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Not every time, No, every time.
Speaker 2: And I think though, you're right, like in the beginning,
Speaker 2: you can't even see the thing that's wrong.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like they said, but you know, like the woman
Speaker 3: that's talking too loudly or whatever, indecisive and it's like
Speaker 3: you don't see it because you're got love goggled on,
Speaker 3: you know, and then meanwhile everybody else in the room
Speaker 3: is like, what are you doing, dude?
Speaker 1: This girl sucks. What are you doing?
Speaker 3: Not to say, you should listen to everything that your
Speaker 3: friends say, you know, because sometimes it is like they
Speaker 3: might talk really loud.
Speaker 5: I don't care. You know, it doesn't bother you.
Speaker 1: Loud talk does not bother you.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Tom was a loud talker. I used to see
Speaker 5: how far away I could get from him.
Speaker 3: Tom in the Grocery Story be on the phone and
Speaker 3: I'd be like getting aisles away, and I'm like I
Speaker 3: was three aisles away and.
Speaker 5: I could hear every word you're saying.
Speaker 1: What does he say to that?
Speaker 3: He's just like that's how I talk. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: I mean it didn't bother me. Okay, So like I'm like,
Speaker 3: there's other people married to us.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, funny.
Speaker 2: I'm kind of a loud talker. I'm a fast and
Speaker 2: loud talker.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I try to pay attention to volume in the room
Speaker 3: and like if like, you know, I'm at like a
Speaker 3: quiet coffee shop or whatever, I'm not like booming loud,
Speaker 3: you know, But.
Speaker 2: I think it is true, like it's like what can
Speaker 2: I live with and what can you live with maybe
Speaker 2: totally different.
Speaker 3: And that's one of the things that kind of does
Speaker 3: get annoying and dating, is that you do want your
Speaker 3: friend's opinions, right, like meet this person that I really
Speaker 3: have strong feelings for.
Speaker 5: Your friends come along and they're like she's great, but
Speaker 5: and then like point out this day do that though.
Speaker 3: They don't because I've had people come to me later
Speaker 3: and be like, well there was this and I'm like cool, like.
Speaker 2: Cold, I know, but it's kind of like too, like
Speaker 2: you can't too early, no, just in some ways, yeah,
Speaker 2: you can't.
Speaker 1: Have an opinion like that's happened.
Speaker 3: Actually you like you you knew with a couple situations
Speaker 3: where you were like, yeah, I knew that was trouble
Speaker 3: that I was gonna say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2: I feel like though, too, my threshold for trouble is
Speaker 2: a lot lower than yours, so I'm quick to be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I want no part of that.
Speaker 1: And You're kind of like this could be fun, really hot.
Speaker 1: This is I like what you're doing ignoring me, this
Speaker 1: is exciting.
Speaker 2: So I'm the I'm like literally have become the opposite,
Speaker 2: like I'm too cautious. I think that it's like if
Speaker 2: someone does one thing that's like slightly like questionable to me,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, now everything is funneled through that experience.
Speaker 2: If they think too long on something, I asked them even,
Speaker 2: I'm like, why did that take so long?
Speaker 5: Right away? It's a question they've never thought about in
Speaker 5: their lives.
Speaker 1: I know exactly, it's true. It's totally true.
Speaker 2: I asked Reid today at breakfast with a table full
Speaker 2: of people. I was like, what would happen if you
Speaker 2: because the girls were talking about people like getting pregnant
Speaker 2: and like what do they do?
Speaker 1: Do they call their mom? Do they like?
Speaker 2: What's your if you're young and you get pregnant? And
Speaker 2: I asked Reid, I'm like, because he was the only
Speaker 2: young boy.
Speaker 1: So I was like, what would you do? What is
Speaker 1: the first.
Speaker 2: Thing you would do if you found out you got
Speaker 2: somebody pregnant? And I was waiting to see what he
Speaker 2: would say, and he like thought about it. I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is not hard, Like why is it taking you
Speaker 2: so long? And He's like, I would immediately call you.
Speaker 2: I'm like exactly, yeah, okay, I just why did he
Speaker 2: have to think about it?
Speaker 3: Why did he because he's a teenage boy it before,
Speaker 3: But I uh, I was just watching the movie Riding
Speaker 3: in Cars with Boys.
Speaker 5: Have you seen that? It's from like No.
Speaker 3: Two thousand and one Barrymore. Yeah, it's a hilarious movie.
Speaker 3: I feel like I got really overlooked in a lot
Speaker 3: of areas. But you know, she is fifteen and finds
Speaker 3: out that she's pregnant and like basically forced to marry
Speaker 3: this like dufus.
Speaker 5: And so I was watching it.
Speaker 3: With Kaylen because it's kind of like cautionary tale, like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's around, because like you could get pregnant. But I
Speaker 3: was also like, Kaylen, I will never not love you
Speaker 3: for something that you do one and two I'm never
Speaker 3: forcing you to get married to anyone.
Speaker 5: So overlook that. But it's so funny when she does.
Speaker 3: She does the thing where she's like role playing with
Speaker 3: her friend, like pretend like you're my parents and I've
Speaker 3: just told you that I'm.
Speaker 5: Pregnant, and Brittany Murphy's like, my daughter's a.
Speaker 3: Tramp on and on, and it's like that's exactly what
Speaker 3: I would think my parents would react with.
Speaker 1: So it's so crazy.
Speaker 2: Literally I think, like I, I mean, I would be
Speaker 2: scared for them, but I would be super don't worry,
Speaker 2: like we've got this figured out.
Speaker 1: Don't even like it's not a problem.
Speaker 5: I know people are going to get pregnant.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, And it's like the boy has no responsibility,
Speaker 2: Like that's what kills me.
Speaker 1: Like we're talking about birth control, I U.
Speaker 2: D's and reads like sitting there just off scot free.
Speaker 1: I looked at him, like, why don't you have to
Speaker 1: take anything?
Speaker 2: Weren't you worried about getting someone pregnant? Why are they
Speaker 2: Why is it that everyone else's responsibility.
Speaker 5: I don't know, but that's it. That's just it.
Speaker 3: Though, as far as like the whole birth control debate goes,
Speaker 3: can you imagine being in your twenties and trusting when
Speaker 3: a man says I'm on birth control.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, that's kind of yeah, there you are right exactly.
Speaker 5: There's no way maybe having like condoms that are expired,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I guess, and I would I'm too controlling,
Speaker 2: like I would have to manage it myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I guess it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: But I do feel like they really they have no responsibility.
Speaker 1: For anything, No, not at all.
Speaker 5: They get all the fun like Yeah.
Speaker 2: They get all the fun without even if they did
Speaker 2: get pregnant, get somebody pregnant, it's it's their problem, and
Speaker 2: it's terrible, but it's not really their it's not fully
Speaker 2: their problem in the way it would be my problem.
Speaker 5: No, they don't have to carry the baby. No, don't
Speaker 5: have to give birth.
Speaker 1: There's no stigma. Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, And like like I'm so glad that, like having
Speaker 3: kids with Tom, he was so like he's such a
Speaker 3: good dad from the beginning. Yeah, but there's so many
Speaker 3: parents are men, Like they're like I'm not changing a
Speaker 3: diaper all that stuff.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh, I can't imagine like dealing with someone.
Speaker 2: Have you Have you also heard about the men that
Speaker 2: won't they're like something happens after childbirth where they don't
Speaker 2: want to have sex with their wives.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I was really scared of that, Like because
Speaker 3: he was in the room, I'm like.
Speaker 5: Don't look at anything like that's happening here.
Speaker 3: But I have heard of that, Like men get like
Speaker 3: grossed out by the whole thing and all that shit.
Speaker 1: Like that to me is like infuriating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if some woman was having my baby,
Speaker 2: I am obsessed with her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like there is no way.
Speaker 2: I am literally now waking up every day obsessed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean like how it's like it's such an
Speaker 3: amateur viewpoint, you know, like curely, purely.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's probably a good place to wrap
Speaker 2: this thing.
Speaker 5: We cut it right at twenty eight minutes. You've got
Speaker 5: a meeting.
Speaker 2: So I've got a meeting, and we did it, and
Speaker 2: we're going to see each other at the lake for
Speaker 2: some bartop dancing.
Speaker 5: I'm excited.
Speaker 1: Are you DJing this party?
Speaker 5: I'm not bring my stuff because I posted, well not.
Speaker 1: Necessarily, but who are we relying on for the music?
Speaker 3: So I know whether remember we have the Urban Pie
Speaker 3: playlist that we can just on one.
Speaker 2: So, speaking of Urban Pie, did you have have you
Speaker 2: have we picked a date for the takeover?
Speaker 5: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm gonna send.
Speaker 2: You we are Lisa asked if we would, and I
Speaker 2: think we need to son all right, sounds good, I'll
Speaker 2: see you.
Speaker 5: Up there, all right, bye, all right, bye, my friend.
Speaker 5: I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast.
Speaker 3: Rate us and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1: We'd love listener feedback.
Speaker 2: If you'd like to share your story, email us at
Speaker 2: Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's Melissa M.
Speaker 5: E l I.
Speaker 2: S A and Ali A L l I at gmail
Speaker 2: dot com. Or follow us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles