Speaker 1: Good Morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: I'm Chris, and I died recently and my eternal punishment
is to do this podcast where we interview everyone in Hell.
And I'm joined as always by Clayton, the younger brother
of Satan but also the secretary of War down here
in Hell.
Speaker 1: Wagga waka that's me? Is that your new thing? Paca waka? No?
Speaker 3: I said waka walka, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: Anyways.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm really distracted right now because I'm on the
good Morning from Hell subreddit and someone made this post.
It's it's really okay. I'm just gonna read it and
just I'm gonna see what you said.
Speaker 1: You think? Yeah?
Speaker 2: The big Man himself a episode, A episode where Chris
try this APOSTROPHEES two mend Clayton and Satan's relationship el Clayton,
h huh. And they spilled Satan's s A T O
N s SO. And I don't know, I don't know
who they're referring.
Speaker 3: To when they say that Satan Satan's yeah?
Speaker 1: Is that did? Do you know who that is?
Speaker 2: I don't think I have any beef Satan's yeah?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: What is the else? Does the threat say?
Speaker 3: Lucy a little bit further down, we got L L.
Speaker 2: Satin on the other post, Satan on this one, crying
face emogi, crying face emogi, crying face emoji. And then
they said I meant set in like s A T
e N. And then someone said, so close Satan, Oh Satan,
they're talking about my brother. Yeah yeah, wow wow they
they man, they tried every every spelling for that one. Yeah,
I mean what would they did? Miss s A T
y nd that would have been the other other one.
But uh yeah, so something to maybe next time.
Speaker 1: That's a user. Are you in an E seven Chris
question for you? Yeah? Is this bullying? Uh, don't answer
the question. Let's move on.
Speaker 2: But you know, we got to thank everyone for posting
in the good Morning from Hell subreddits are good Morning
from Hell, and there's also you follow us on social
media and and uh misspell all of our names and
Satan however else you want to spell it. You know,
you know a fair thing about our subreddit is sometimes
people will come upon it not realize it's a podcast,
and then they'll post like a like a like a
picture of their cup of coffee and they'll be like, ah,
back at it it.
Speaker 3: Monday's right, and you're like, you have no fucking idea.
Speaker 1: What you're talking about. Yep, so cool. Anyway, So anyway,
speaking of not knowing what we're.
Speaker 2: Talking about, who's our guest this week? Well, Chris, I
wanted to do something wild today. The Halloween spirit it
is upon us, you know, the terrible hero Halloween spirits
stores are, you know, popping up everywhere. They start a
little early sometimes in Hell. I know it's a little
early in Hell, but like Hell, Halloween.
Speaker 1: Is a big one in Hell.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, they're year round here down
here in Hell. But up on Earth, if they've got
those Halloween stores, they're paying below minimum wage probably you know,
they've got all sorts of styrofoam tombstones and really cheap costumes.
Speaker 1: They're they're popping up here and there.
Speaker 2: So to get in the spirit, I wanted to bring
on one of the biggest Halloween horrors there ever was,
and I'm very excited.
Speaker 1: To have them on. Who is it?
Speaker 3: Oh, that's the thing, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just I did a search down here on ask Jeeves,
that's our search engine here in Hell, and I just
looked up who is the biggest Halloween horror you know,
and and it gave me somebody looks like Edith Hittensbury.
I don't know who that is, but we're gonna find out.
I'm I'm really excited. So could be awharewith it, could
be a vampire, could be a monster.
Speaker 1: We don't know.
Speaker 2: All right, well, let's bring her on. Okay, let's prepare yourself.
We don't know what's coming through that door. And do
I need like a weapon or I don't Maybe I
don't know.
Speaker 3: Come on, come on in he that took you a
really long while time to get here.
Speaker 1: You were you were just now, Yeah, you're on.
Speaker 3: You're sheese in a walker, uh, creeping towards us.
Speaker 1: I don't think I need the sword, No, I don't.
Speaker 2: Who knows if this could be an act. It's a
lot of grunting, a lot of you. Okay, I heard
your back pop a lot.
Speaker 4: Oh, it just does that these days. I say a
pop for me and a pop for you and this
pop pop. That's how did we do? Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay? Cool? So Hiedith?
Speaker 4: Hello boys?
Speaker 1: Hello?
Speaker 2: Oh you're tinching my cheek? Okay that hurts? Hi good
grip redsk Yeah. So uh you're you're one of the
Whrrors of Halloween.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't know for sure, but a nice fellow
in a tuxedo named Jeeves came and got me and said,
come to the radio station, and so here I am.
Speaker 1: I see. Well, well, Chris don't.
Speaker 2: Maybe what we should do is we should do like
a guessing game with Edith here, you know, maybe we
should figure out what she did that got her down
here and got her the title of Halloween Horror?
Speaker 4: Could I ask a clarifying question?
Speaker 1: Sure, go ahead?
Speaker 4: Yes, this is hell. Yes, that's right, yes, yes, okay,
And you are Satan.
Speaker 1: No, nope, I'm Clayton. I'm his little brother.
Speaker 4: I see, I've been trying to meet with the Lord
of Death because, frankly, I'm very confused, I'm very tired.
I'm I wasn't planning on ending up here.
Speaker 1: No, No, that's what it was. That's what it was.
Speaker 2: You're you're like a huge Satanist, and that's what that's
what you're. You're like, you're like the Antichrist? Are Edith
or the anti Christ? Imologize for my tone, but I'd
ask you to not put a negative qualifier before his
name Christ, our lord?
Speaker 1: Okay, my lord? How'd that work out for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah right, we're working on it. You know this is
sure that he works in the most mysterious ways. I
you know, went every Sunday I donated and uh yeah,
I am a Christian through and through.
Speaker 1: I know I figured you out. You're a compulsive liar.
This is all an app This is the Walker, the
the cracky back.
Speaker 2: It'll be like a Charlie in the Chalker factory.
Speaker 4: Oh goodness, Oh, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't lie.
Speaker 4: It makes my knees act up.
Speaker 2: Any seconds, she's gonna do a front flip and pop
out of that ground you just watched Chris.
Speaker 1: Don't help her? Oh oh o.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I think we need to actually help you
it up.
Speaker 1: Oh hear.
Speaker 4: Oh so so gentlemanly. That's so awful, big of you.
Thank you well. Someone just came in here and knocked
out my walker.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Who could that have been?
Speaker 4: I can't remember. That's the fog set in after Henry passed.
Speaker 1: Ah you killed your husband?
Speaker 4: Ah No, I'm afraid it was the cancer of the mind.
Speaker 1: Are you bleak? Are you like a could you? Are
you a witch? You're a witch that you can tell?
That's a witch?
Speaker 3: Witch?
Speaker 4: Ye oh, stop that, get that cigarette away from me.
Speaker 1: Okay, are you a witch?
Speaker 4: I lived in Salem, which has a proud tradition of
witchery covens. But no, I'm afraid not. I find that
blasphemous and frankly irresponsible and childish.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, not a saintanis not a witch.
Speaker 4: I'm wondering if it's because I turned down sainthood.
Speaker 3: What you were you were gonna you were gonna be
a nun?
Speaker 1: Is I ever saying you're No?
Speaker 4: I cared for the neighborhood orphan children and cured those
who couldn't walk.
Speaker 1: And then you killed them, right, you killed them. You're
you're a child. No.
Speaker 4: I took them under my wing and fed them, and
they loved me, and I love them. And when the
church said we'd like to make you a saint, I said, oh,
I don't bother with little old Edith.
Speaker 2: Okay, quick time out, QuickTime out, Edith. Excuse us for
a second, Chris Huddle, Uh huh. I don't think Edith
knows why she's down here now.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't know why she's the horror of Halloween.
Speaker 1: Is a mistake. Well, I don't know. I mean Jeeves
is normally pretty reliable.
Speaker 2: Jeeves is very reliable. That's why he is Hell's number
one search engine. Okay, well, I guess we just need
to ask questions until we figured it out.
Speaker 1: I don't know eat it. Do you like Halloween? Ah? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yes, I think Halloween is lovely. I love seeing the
children in their costumes and power rangers and shreks and
power rangers.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, have you ever killed on Halloween?
Speaker 2: Maybe you were a mistake or something. Perhaps you know,
poison several children.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: No, No, Halloween was my birthday.
Speaker 1: Oh did you? Oh? You said?
Speaker 2: The fox set in like you don't. Could you maybe
not remember killing some children?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: No, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Never.
Speaker 4: I love children. I love them so much and I
want them to grow big and strong. That's why I
gave them so many apples.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, did you have like a tree in
front of your house?
Speaker 2: You just you would just hand out your like the
Appleadian neighborhood, You just hand on apples all yearround or what?
Speaker 4: No, I got them from the supermarket. I could never.
I'm not blessed with a green thumb, but he works
in mysterious ways. Henry was a dentist. So no candy
coming from my home on Halloween, on Halloween any day?
Speaker 3: So did what you gave out apples on Halloween?
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that correct?
Speaker 4: Gathera Fiji honey crisp all of it?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Is that the Did you give out anything else? Oh?
Speaker 4: I'm not a Moois I just about apples? I gave
all pencils freshly sharp? And you you monster, cigarette away
from me?
Speaker 1: Stop burning me.
Speaker 4: I can't die here.
Speaker 1: Okay, well did die? It's Worthlesschris. She doesn't understand.
Speaker 2: So well, okay, here in Hell, it's making a lot
more sense while you're down here.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you were just the real bummer house?
Speaker 4: Is this bonanza? What radio program is this?
Speaker 1: So? I don't know? So you know?
Speaker 2: Is it is giving out apples and pencils that Halloween?
Speaker 1: I guess a crime worthy of going to hell? Clayton,
I mean, oh.
Speaker 3: You're asking me? I mean, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's is that enough? It's definitely like a crime towards fun.
I mean it's you know, ranity, Yeah, applesaw fun?
Speaker 4: Tell me something you couldn't do with an apple that
you can do with a Snickers bar.
Speaker 1: Enjoy it.
Speaker 2: Enjoy yeah, oh oh, oh, what's wrong with you, Henry?
Speaker 1: He's well, he's not here. I don't see.
Speaker 4: I just want to get to him. I'm sure he's
in heaven.
Speaker 1: He probably is or purgatory. So is there anything else
you did that was evil either? No?
Speaker 4: I don't think so. I did all the normal things.
I celebrated each and every adopted orphan's birthday likewise, gave
them a firm handshake and a card that said you're welcome.
Speaker 1: That was was that? Is that a gag gift?
Speaker 3: Was there?
Speaker 1: Like? Was there money in the card? No?
Speaker 4: But sometimes if you opened it there was a punchline
set up by a funny little illustration. Oh how we
laughed me and my orphans.
Speaker 5: So you, for you orphans without you know, parents, for
their birthday, you would give them cards apri Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well maybe maybe you were saving up a lot
of mon Okay, this is you know, like Christmas. You're
a big Christian obviously gross. Maybe you just you were
saving up for Christmas. You gave out a bunch of
gifts uring Christmas, right right?
Speaker 4: Well, I had one big gift that I gave to
all of the children that they all enjoyed together, which
is every Christmas morning we would wake up at four
point fifteen am and Henry would drive us out in
the bus down the to the to the hill and
we would all walk up and cut down a tree
and put up a cross for him. Big h for
the big Guy. I love Jesus.
Speaker 1: So you make the kids do manual labor on Christmas? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't going to let them up a rate
of table saw? So what did you give some good
old fashioned elbow grease?
Speaker 1: Oh my? What about like a gift?
Speaker 2: Did you give them anything besides blood, sweat and tears?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: I would give them all little things too.
Speaker 3: Okay, like game boys, PlayStations, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: No games, you're parking at me? Okay, Now what would
you give them a dog?
Speaker 4: I would give them a little King James Bible, and
I would well, that's not it. I would circle passages
that I thought were especially pertinent to each child for Christmas.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, okay, wow.
Speaker 4: And then they get to study it, and by the
time their birthday comes around, they get to come with
me and read it and I judge them harshly.
Speaker 1: What a privilege?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Wow? So you give them a Bible for Christmas as
a gift.
Speaker 4: Oh sure, sure, and they are very grateful for it.
And they grow up to become so smart and pious.
Speaker 2: So what about the next year, say they don't get adopted,
What what do you give a from them?
Speaker 4: Because they already adopted? Yeah, they're orphans, right, No, they're
my orphans. They stay with me.
Speaker 2: So you you adopted them or did you work out
an orphanage?
Speaker 1: I'm confused.
Speaker 4: There was no paperwork. I just had a home in
Massachusetts where I would collect and care for orphans from
all across the area.
Speaker 2: Wait where did you find I'm sorry, where did you
find the orphans around?
Speaker 4: Sometimes we had to drum up orphans, but Henry and
I did good work.
Speaker 1: Uh what, it's very big. How would you get these?
How does one orphans? Oh? My bones?
Speaker 4: Oh, my hips, and my shoulders and my wrists.
Speaker 1: Oh ah, you a kidnapper? Is that what happened? Oh?
Speaker 4: My neck, my back in my crack oh oh oh?
Speaker 1: Uh okay, all right, let's bring it down a little bit.
Speaker 2: Uh, Edith, I think I think we just uncovered the
real reason why you're down here. It's not the terrible gifts.
Although in my opinion that that's reason enough to bring
you down to hell. I think you are a I
think you're a kidnapper.
Speaker 4: No, I would never. You did, never let the kids
nap when they were awake. They were awake, and that's
how he did things around house. Pensbury.
Speaker 2: Yes, So these orphans that you tortured with bibles and
pencils and sure and apples, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, what did they ever come back for? Like revenge
or what? How did you die?
Speaker 4: Oh? Well, I choked on a Worths original.
Speaker 1: Wait so then you did eat candy? So you yeah,
so you would eat candy?
Speaker 4: Oh no, it was forced down my throat by one
of my favorite orphans, John Wayne Gacy.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, wha, wha, wha what you you raised John
Wayne Gacy?
Speaker 4: He was one of Oh little Johnny. He loved playing
dress up, my little clown. I called him my little Pegliaccio.
I could just pinch those cheeks off day. So and
then there was Teddy and Charles and.
Speaker 3: Oh god, ted Bundy, Charles Manson.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, how I wish I would hear from them.
Speaker 1: Well, they're down here, so you can.
Speaker 4: Isn't that so? I would love to see my boys.
Speaker 2: I don't think they would love to see you, though.
I think for your protection you should probably stay away
from them. So these these these boys that I mean,
did they start acting up when you were when they
were younger?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yes, but never for long. Well, see that sounds bad.
Can I clarify?
Speaker 1: Please? Please? Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 4: Yes, I would hate to be misrepresented on your program.
If one of the boys acted up, I would make
an example out of him.
Speaker 1: By doing what.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's not for polite conversation, but I would throw
throw him out of a window. What. Yes, yes, and
not so high that they would be gravely injured, but
not so low that it's a light punishment. Second story,
maybe above a patio.
Speaker 1: Oh my, eat it.
Speaker 2: Wow, this is so when you acquired these boys, was
it like during Halloween? Like, what was your typical way
of stealing them from their parents?
Speaker 4: Well, there becomes a certain age where children start to
trick or treat without their mommy or daddy, or two
mommies or two daddies. Oh, and I would just wait
till they came to the house, give them an apple,
give them a pencil, and a stiff knock over the
back of the head, and then Henry would drag them out.
Speaker 1: Back, and then where did you just keep them?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Up?
Speaker 4: Or what I'm being awfully candid must be the fog.
Oh I would never lock my boys up. No, okay, no, no,
they were They were free to roam and play and
you know, on a light regiment of drugs.
Speaker 1: Oh oh wow, they.
Speaker 4: Couldn't run very far because they were so sluggish. Yeah,
but I love them.
Speaker 2: So oh oh making noise again, Henry, Henry.
Speaker 4: Oh my osteoporosis.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna pick up the sword again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris, you do look boyish, you have boyish features.
I would be careful around her.
Speaker 1: Do you like it?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: Keep those apples us stop.
Speaker 4: Apples number two pencil, Chris, please shout? And what about
your number two? What excuse me? Stay back, Edith, No,
that's uncalled for. I don't know where I am. I
should be in heaven with my heroes and my loved ones.
Speaker 1: So you keep mentioning Henry, he's not here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my Henry, my sweet sweet Henry, Shirley through the
pearly gates already you say that, but based on what you've.
Speaker 1: Told me about you guys as a you know.
Speaker 4: Family, our grift. Yeah, that's the one, because I don't
think any of those apply.
Speaker 1: He's not. Actually, I don't think he's in Hell. I
don't know.
Speaker 4: I haven't seen him around here, so I can only
assume he's in heaven.
Speaker 1: Well, tell us this, how did Henry die? Oh?
Speaker 4: Well, he came home one day from the mill and said, Edith,
I've got the cancer. I'm gonna have to go away
to heaven. And then he, you know, packed his bags
and gotten a waiting idling convertible the gorgeous young woman
and sped off. And I can only assume it was
a painful, horrid decline from there.
Speaker 1: Did you not? Was there no funeral? Did you not
see the body?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 4: No, Henry didn't go for such big events. He was
a quiet man, okay, spending time at work, conventions and
on and so forth.
Speaker 2: Chris, I think Henry is still in the lose. I
think I think we should probably work on getting Henry
taken down.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm actually gonna check. I'm gonna check check
our records here and make sure that Henry is dead. Uh.
I don't think that Henry's dead. I don't. I'm pretty
sure he's still on Earth.
Speaker 4: The Survival rate was less than point zero zero zero
one percent for the cancer he definitely had.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm pretty sure that Henry lied to you and
that he is still Chris is concerning right, hold on, Chris, Okay,
we'll give you that roast beach. Just hold on one second, Edith, Chris,
I think I'm I don't. I very rarely do this,
but I do think that we should probably get Henry
taken down. If he's still up on Earth and knowing
what she's told us, he's doing some awful things up there.
We need, we need to bring him down.
Speaker 1: How would my Oh, yes, we're gonna reunite you with Henry. Yeah,
he's coming, he's on his way. Henry's coming.
Speaker 2: How would we go about taking the taking down Henry?
I think we're gonna have to collaborate with Heaven on
this one. We're gonna have to get a you know,
all agents on the field and and find this guy.
He's he's doing terrible things.
Speaker 1: This is this can't be. We can't.
Speaker 3: We can't let the slide. I'm gonna be a pun
called real quick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, uh huh, no, No, I got her.
Speaker 3: I got a real bad guy on our hands.
Speaker 1: No, even worse.
Speaker 3: No, we need to take him down.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, Henry, what what's what's his name?
Speaker 3: Penis penis Bury, Penis Berry, Penis pins Pinsbury. It's Pinburgy Pinsbury. Okay,
Pen's nis Okay.
Speaker 1: Uh sounds it sounds like we've got some we've got
some eyes on him.
Speaker 2: He's up in Miami, frequents the same bar that Casey
Anthony goes to, so we should probably uh you know, yeah, well, Edith, Yes,
uh got some good news for you. Okay, we're bringing
Henry back. He's gonna be down here in Hell where
he belongs.
Speaker 4: No, I think he should stay in Heaven.
Speaker 3: No, he's he's in Florida, which is almost Hell.
Speaker 1: But uh yeah, we're we're gonna we're gonna bring.
Speaker 4: Him down here Florida. Is this Florida?
Speaker 3: No, this is Hell, Edith, Edith, do you want to
go to Oh we're late for Bible study?
Speaker 4: Oh you boys? Oh no, the quickest way to my heart.
Speaker 1: Yeah we should. You're gonna be late. You should have head.
Speaker 4: Out all right through this store over here, yeah, the one. Yeah,
all right, I'm getting up. I'm grabbing my walker.
Speaker 1: Okay, just get almost there. You're at the right over there.
Speaker 2: Okay, seat, now look out to see the volcano out there. Okay,
and you see the other volcano pass that one.
Speaker 3: Big Bible study group and they're huge, huge.
Speaker 4: The path looks hard, fun and there's a lot of
embers and flames. Is that correct?
Speaker 2: Nothing about uh? You know, finding Bible studies should be easy.
It's supposed to be a difficultjourney, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, these are the trials that the Lord has set
before you. You're you gotta overcome you.
Speaker 4: Look at that, there's a set of footprints. I'll follow those.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I always need anything. No, no, we
really don't go away. No, no, oh my, do you
close the door?
Speaker 2: Close that way, walk it stop, catch your wrists out
of the door, close the door, close the door, close
the goddamn door.
Speaker 1: Way. Chris, locked the door, locked the doctress.
Speaker 4: No, you didn't need it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing here, there's nothing here. Go wait.
Speaker 3: M hm okay, biteth bye. Okay.
Speaker 2: Well that was the Halloween horror. Yeah, terrifying. That was awful,
scaring a lot of ways. So we got a lot
of ups and downs. Yeah, like we need to clean
the house and take a shower that look and be
sure to uh tell your friends thank you Shott the
grab returning to good Morning from hell as the weirdest
old lady ever.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how about that? She is something else. Definitely very
well planned ahead of time. I knew exactly what I
was going in with. There was no point at all
where I felt like I was suffering from my own
brain fog brought on by the death of my longtime
husband Henry. Yeah, Nry, yeah no, yeah.
Speaker 1: So Charlotte, where can people find more of you? Oh?
Speaker 4: God, just go outside and scream. I'll be there, Or
you can stay inside and go to funhouse on YouTube.
Or I got a bunch of stuff going on with
the fine funny folks over there, and more great stuff
coming cool and then where on social media? You can
find me on Instagram and Twitter at mc underscore l
o tta that's Mick Underscore a lota where I'm shit
posting and posting bass videos on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: I got some music coming out soon music yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, give us a little titty in a
five six seven eight. Let that that.
Speaker 3: If you want more of that, you know where to go.
Speaker 1: All right, Thank you so much, Thank you,