Speaker 1: It's the Lapsed Fan Wrestling Podcast with Jack and Carnasco
Speaker 1: and JP Sorrow.
Speaker 2: We've got an exciting Christmas program lined up for these folks.
Speaker 3: We've been to a little boys that year.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's an artificial tree, so I did
Speaker 1: artificial job at trimming time.
Speaker 2: This is only exceeded by our inability to.
Speaker 1: Adjust follow the third rangling here the Lapsed Fan.
Speaker 2: Got a price for the million dollar man. Even Santa
Speaker 2: Claus and so no say.
Speaker 3: It's not so.
Speaker 1: Start off, and I believe this is fine. This is
Speaker 1: the third and final story.
Speaker 3: Is that right?
Speaker 1: Boss?
Speaker 2: I think so.
Speaker 1: Third and final story. And if you could uh do
Speaker 1: us the honors? Read until the first line of dial there,
Speaker 1: Miss Sorrow, Oh that means interior. You don't have to
Speaker 1: read that.
Speaker 3: Yet, Jack JP Podcast Studio of Night. The room is
Speaker 3: dimly lit, adorned with Christmas lights. A chatter of sorry,
Speaker 3: a cluver of the unwrapped gifts, sits scattered across the table.
Speaker 3: There's a sense of excitement and uneasiness hanging in the air.
Speaker 1: All right, let's kick this off. We have our fans.
Speaker 1: What of our fans sent us this year? JP JP
Speaker 1: size already dreading what's inside, He tears open the box,
Speaker 1: revealing a life sized cardboard cutout of Jerry the King Lawla.
Speaker 1: The cutout grins menacingly. JP's face contorts into a mix
Speaker 1: of horror and rage. He freezes, Oh, man, what's wrong,
Speaker 1: It's just a cardboard cutout, dude. JP's eyes dart around
Speaker 1: the room, clearly in shock.
Speaker 2: It's him, it's him, Jack.
Speaker 1: He starts muttering under his breath, repeating over and over.
Speaker 1: Jack looks concerned. Standing up, he approaches JP cautiously. JP. Okay, man,
Speaker 1: step snap out of it. Suddenly the family feud theme begins, playing,
Speaker 1: as if out of nowhere to hear it? But you
Speaker 1: upbeat melody cuts through the tension. Jack blinks in confusion,
Speaker 1: What what the hell? Who's playing that? JP doesn't respond,
Speaker 1: His gaze is locked on the cutout, unblinking JP no doubt,
Speaker 1: no doubt, his eyes wide, and JP, are you with me?
Speaker 1: Can you hear me? JP tills his head, his expression blank,
Speaker 1: his voice now lifeless, responds again only in soundboard clips,
Speaker 1: tit tips or tis?
Speaker 3: JP?
Speaker 1: Please stop it. JP's voice continues, detached, just if he's
Speaker 1: not even there? You're what the hell is happening? What's
Speaker 1: going on in your head?
Speaker 2: Wrestling fans have been tricked again.
Speaker 1: Jack is pacing now, eyes wide and panic, trying to
Speaker 1: make sense of this nightmare. Please, JP, come on, you
Speaker 1: gotta snap out of it. Jack clutches his head in frustration,
Speaker 1: nearly hyperventilating. JP snapped the hell out of it, Savio. Suddenly,
Speaker 1: the Family Feud music starts to loop again, longer, louder,
Speaker 1: until it feels like it's filling every corner of the room.
Speaker 1: The ghostly laugh of John Spencer begins to echo through
Speaker 1: his studio. Jack mccoyols, his body trembling. Can anybody help us?
Speaker 1: What the hell is this? Just then, the Family Feud
Speaker 1: being cuts out abruptly, the room grows colder. A shadow
Speaker 1: looms in the doorway. Jack squints through the dim light.
Speaker 1: A figure steps forward, Vince McMahon. The room goes silent.
Speaker 1: Jack's heart skips a beat. Vince Vince walks into the room, confidently,
Speaker 1: his presence overwhelming my little surprises on the trick. Jack
Speaker 1: stumbles back, confused and terrified. Vince, what is this? Can
Speaker 1: you help him? Vince smile widens sinister.
Speaker 2: Help? No, Jack, I didn't come here to help. I
Speaker 2: came here to settle things. For years, you've been exposing
Speaker 2: the truth about me and my company, the company that
Speaker 2: was stolen from me, and now it's time for you
Speaker 2: to pay the price.
Speaker 1: Jack's breathing quickens. What are you talking about? You sent
Speaker 1: him that cutout?
Speaker 2: Oh yes, that's the least of what I've done. But
Speaker 2: here's the deal. I'll snap your friend out of it
Speaker 2: on one condition.
Speaker 1: Jack swallows hard, desperate, What do you want, Vince. Vince's
Speaker 1: grin turns cold, calculating.
Speaker 2: You'll use a lapse fan to sing my praises. You'll
Speaker 2: rally your audience to support me. I'll be back in
Speaker 2: charge of WWE, and you'll lead the charge.
Speaker 1: Jack's face pales. You want me to do what you
Speaker 1: earned me. Vince steps forward, his smile darkening.
Speaker 2: You get Jack back, You get JP back to normal,
Speaker 2: and I get what's rightfully mine.
Speaker 1: Jack's eyes flicker toward JP, who remains unresponsive. Jack's mind races, Please, Vince,
Speaker 1: just help him. He's not well. Vince looks at JP
Speaker 1: with a mix of disgust and amusement. He reaches out
Speaker 1: and grabs Jack's hand, squeezing it tightly. Due Jack as
Speaker 1: Vince script titens. Jack's hand burns like fire. He gasps
Speaker 1: in pain, his body convulsing under the heat. Okay, okay, deal.
Speaker 1: Vince let's out a low chuckle, letting go of Jack's hand.
Speaker 1: Jack clutches it, breathing heavily, still reeling from the steering pain.
Speaker 1: Vince's eyes flicker toward JP.
Speaker 2: Don to wake up.
Speaker 1: Without hesitation, Vince slaps JP across the face hard. The
Speaker 1: sound echoes. JP gasps his eyes fly open, blinking wildly.
Speaker 2: What the hell happened?
Speaker 1: Vince leans over him, grinning menacingly.
Speaker 2: Let's just say your college podcast is about to become
Speaker 2: the worldwide leader in sports entertainment.
Speaker 1: Jack and JP exchange terrified glances were screwed. Vince's laugh
Speaker 1: fills the room. It's dark, triumphant, you bet you are.
Speaker 1: Vince continues to laugh. Jack and JP sit in sun stilence,
Speaker 1: realizing that their lives and their podcast are about to
Speaker 1: change forever. Thanks Cliff, that's wild fucking hilarious. There is
Speaker 1: a succeeding.
Speaker 2: Preceeding plays a production of the LAPS Entertainment Group. Its
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