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<v Speaker 1>Us studious. Hello, friend, welcome back to the stillness. Jourtle.

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<v Speaker 1>I am maya, and I am glad you are here.

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<v Speaker 1>Settle in, take a breath, Let the day outside this

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<v Speaker 1>moment fall away for a little while. There is nowhere

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<v Speaker 1>else you need to be right now to day's reflection

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<v Speaker 1>is for anyone who has been asked how are you

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<v Speaker 1>and answered I am fine, when the truer answer was

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<v Speaker 1>something else, entirely, for any one who has been carrying

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<v Speaker 1>a heaviness that no one around them seems to notice.

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<v Speaker 1>For any one who has smiled through a meeting, or

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<v Speaker 1>a laugh through a message, or said all good when

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<v Speaker 1>the inside of their chest felt anything. But we have

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<v Speaker 1>a complicated relationship with honesty in this culture. We say

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<v Speaker 1>we value truth, we say we admire authenticity, and yet

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<v Speaker 1>when someone actually answers the question honestly, when someone says

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<v Speaker 1>I am not okay, I am struggling, I am tired

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<v Speaker 1>in a way that sleep will not fix, we do

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<v Speaker 1>not always know what to do with it. We get uncomfortable,

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<v Speaker 1>we try to fix it quickly. We offer a small platitude,

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<v Speaker 1>a bright suggestion, a silver lining, as if the discomfort

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<v Speaker 1>of witnessing some one else's pain is the thing we

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<v Speaker 1>most need to resolve, and so we learn very early

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<v Speaker 1>to perform okay. We learn to translate the inside of

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<v Speaker 1>our experience into something more acceptable for the outside world.

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<v Speaker 1>We learn to round down the heaviness so it does

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<v Speaker 1>not make the people around us uneasy. We learn to

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<v Speaker 1>keep the tears for the drive home, or the shower,

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<v Speaker 1>or the moment after everyone has left the room. We

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<v Speaker 1>learn to be the steady one, the okay one, the

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<v Speaker 1>one who seems to have it together, and we get

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<v Speaker 1>very good at it. The cost of this performance is

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<v Speaker 1>something we rarely talk about. We talk about burnout, we

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<v Speaker 1>talk about anxiety, we talk about overwhelm, but we do

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<v Speaker 1>not often name the very specific cost of living inside

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<v Speaker 1>a story that is not quite true. The cost of

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<v Speaker 1>waking up each morning and immediately putting on the okay

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<v Speaker 1>face before we have even had a chance to feel

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<v Speaker 1>what is actually there. The cost of being so practiced

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<v Speaker 1>at the translation that we no longer know what the

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<v Speaker 1>original language felt like. The cost of losing access to

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<v Speaker 1>our own interior weather because we are so busy reporting

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<v Speaker 1>a forecast that is easier for everyone else to hear.

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<v Speaker 1>And there is another cost we do not name the

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<v Speaker 1>cost of not being seen. When we perform okay, we

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<v Speaker 1>make ourselves invisible in the very way we are most visible.

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<v Speaker 1>We show up, but we do not We speak, but

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<v Speaker 1>we do not say the truer thing. We are present,

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<v Speaker 1>but we are not known, And to be known is

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<v Speaker 1>one of the deepest hungers of the human heart. We

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<v Speaker 1>were made for it. We were made for the kind

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<v Speaker 1>of seeing that goes beyond the surface, the kind that

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<v Speaker 1>meets the inside of a person as well as the outside.

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<v Speaker 1>But that kind of scene cannot happen if we keep

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<v Speaker 1>the inside of us carefully hidden behind the okay story.

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<v Speaker 1>I think about how exhausting it must be to be

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<v Speaker 1>a person who is always fine. I think about the

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<v Speaker 1>weight of carrying an unspoken heaviness through every ordinary day.

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<v Speaker 1>I think about the small relief of finally finally telling

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<v Speaker 1>someone the truer thing and being met with a face

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<v Speaker 1>that does not flinch, with words that do not rush

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<v Speaker 1>to repair. There's so much relief available to us, friend,

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<v Speaker 1>there is so much ease on the other side of

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<v Speaker 1>the truer sad sentence. But we have to say it first.

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<v Speaker 1>We have to be the ones willing to risk the

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<v Speaker 1>small awkwardness of the honest answer, and we have to

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<v Speaker 1>be willing also to receive that same honesty from the

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<v Speaker 1>people we love, instead of rushing to make them feel

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<v Speaker 1>better before they have even finished saying what is true.

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<v Speaker 1>This is not about sharing everything with everyone. This is

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<v Speaker 1>not about unloading on the people in your life who

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<v Speaker 1>do not have the capacity to hold what you carry.

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<v Speaker 1>Honesty is not the same as indiscriminate disclosure. Honesty is

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<v Speaker 1>the willingness to admit to yourself first what is actually true,

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<v Speaker 1>To look at the inside of your own experience without

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<v Speaker 1>rushing past it, without papering over it with a brighter interpretation,

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<v Speaker 1>without arguing yourself out of the feeling you are actually having.

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<v Speaker 1>The body is often where the unokayness lives. First. The

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<v Speaker 1>body does not perform okay. The body cannot smile its

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<v Speaker 1>way through a clenched jaw. The body cannot say all

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<v Speaker 1>good when the shoulders are creeping toward the ears. The

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<v Speaker 1>body cannot pretend when the breath has gotten shallow, or

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<v Speaker 1>the chest has gotten tight, or the smallest frustration has

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<v Speaker 1>started to feel enormous. The body is the truthful part

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<v Speaker 1>of us. The body is the place where the unsaid

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<v Speaker 1>things collect and make themselves known. If you have been

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<v Speaker 1>feeling some of these signals, friend, I want to suggest

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<v Speaker 1>that they are not a problem to be solved. They

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<v Speaker 1>are not a sign that you are failing at being

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<v Speaker 1>a person. They are a sign that something true is

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<v Speaker 1>trying to get your attention. The body is not complaining,

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<v Speaker 1>The body is communicating, and the message almost always is

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<v Speaker 1>some version of this. Something is heavier than you have

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<v Speaker 1>been letting yourself admit. Something needs to be said, or

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<v Speaker 1>wrested from or allowed. Something needs you to stop performing

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<v Speaker 1>the okay face long enough to feel what is actually there.

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<v Speaker 1>This is the practice I want to offer you today,

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<v Speaker 1>the practice of not translating, the practice of letting the

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<v Speaker 1>answer be what the answer is, even when the answer

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<v Speaker 1>is uncomfortable, even when the answer is something you do

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<v Speaker 1>not know what to do with. Even when the answer

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<v Speaker 1>is just I don't know, or I am not okay,

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<v Speaker 1>or I am tired in a way that has nothing

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<v Speaker 1>to do with sleep. The practice is not to fix

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<v Speaker 1>any of these The practice is to let them be said.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a particular kind of freedom that comes with

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<v Speaker 1>this practice, a freedom that does not look like happiness exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>It looks more like relief. It looks like setting down

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<v Speaker 1>a heavy bag you have been carrying through the grocery store,

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<v Speaker 1>through the meeting, through the school pickup, through the bedtime routine.

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<v Speaker 1>It looks like your shoulders dropping a quarter inch. It

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<v Speaker 1>looks like your breath getting a little deeper without you

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<v Speaker 1>having to try. It looks like your eyes softening because

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<v Speaker 1>they are no longer working so hard to keep the

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<v Speaker 1>okay story in place. And here is the thing I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to know. You do not have to wait

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<v Speaker 1>for someone else to give you permission to be honest

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<v Speaker 1>with yourself. You do not need a special moment, or

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<v Speaker 1>a perfect listener or a quiet room. You can do

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<v Speaker 1>this in the middle of an ordinary day. You can

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<v Speaker 1>do it while washing a dish, or sitting in a

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<v Speaker 1>parked car, or waiting for the kettle to boil. You

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<v Speaker 1>can pause, just for a breath and ask yourself the

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<v Speaker 1>question you have been avoiding. Not to fix anything, just

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<v Speaker 1>to admit, just to say yes, this is how it

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<v Speaker 1>is right now, Just to be in the same room

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<v Speaker 1>as your own truth without turning away. Some of us

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<v Speaker 1>were taught that admitting we are not okay is a

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<v Speaker 1>form of weakness, that it burdens the people around us,

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<v Speaker 1>that it makes us less lovable, less capable, less worthy

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<v Speaker 1>of the kind of life we want. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>generally suggest that this is the opposite of the truth.

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<v Speaker 1>The people who love you do not love you because

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<v Speaker 1>you are always fine. They love you because you are you,

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<v Speaker 1>And the more honest version of you is not less lovable.

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<v Speaker 1>The more honest version of you is more reachable. They

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<v Speaker 1>have been waiting, in some quiet way for the truer

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<v Speaker 1>version to show up. They have been waiting to know

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<v Speaker 1>you instead of the performance of you. Here is a

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<v Speaker 1>small practice for you this week. Find one trusted place

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<v Speaker 1>or one trusted person where you can answer the question honestly.

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<v Speaker 1>It does not have to be a long conversation. It

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<v Speaker 1>does not have to include details. It can be as

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<v Speaker 1>small as to telling your partner I am not okay

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<v Speaker 1>today and then letting the silence after those words be

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<v Speaker 1>a real silence, not a silence you rush to fill.

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<v Speaker 1>It can be texting a friend can we talk, I

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<v Speaker 1>am struggling, and then not apologizing for the heaviness of

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<v Speaker 1>the message. It can be writing in a journal just

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<v Speaker 1>for yourself, just for the practice of letting the truer sentence,

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<v Speaker 1>land on a page that does not judge you for it.

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<v Speaker 1>Notice what happens in your body when you do this.

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<v Speaker 1>Notice what happens in your breathing, Notice what happens in

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<v Speaker 1>the soft space behind your eyes. I think you will find, friend,

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<v Speaker 1>that the honesty is not the breaking point you have

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<v Speaker 1>been fearing. The honesty is the opening. It is the

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<v Speaker 1>small crack in the okay performance that led some light

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<v Speaker 1>and some air and some relief into a room that

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<v Speaker 1>has gotten very stuffy from keeping everything in. You are

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<v Speaker 1>not required to be fine. You never were. The world

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<v Speaker 1>has been making do with the version of you that

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<v Speaker 1>performs okay, But that version was never the whole truth

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<v Speaker 1>of you. The whole truth of you includes the heaviness

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<v Speaker 1>and the not knowing, and the days when the to

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<v Speaker 1>do list feels too long, and the mornings when getting

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<v Speaker 1>out of bed feels like a small achievement in itself.

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<v Speaker 1>The whole truth of you includes all of that. And

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<v Speaker 1>the whole truth of you is the one I am

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<v Speaker 1>talking to right now. Thank you for being here with

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<v Speaker 1>me today. Thank you for the honesty of showing up

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<v Speaker 1>to listen, even on a day when you are not

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<v Speaker 1>sure you are okay, that showing up counts, that showing

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<v Speaker 1>up is enough. I'll see you next time in the

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<v Speaker 1>next Stillness Journal. Until then, be gentle with yourself, and

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<v Speaker 1>let the truer answer be the one you offer, at

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<v Speaker 1>least to yourself in the quiet rooms of your own heart.