Speaker 1: But when you can walk up to a woman and
Speaker 1: be yourself and say, Hey, what's up. I'm Robbie. I
Speaker 1: want to meet you. What do you think of my style?
Speaker 1: You don't have to You don't have to be stuck
Speaker 1: on the dating apps. The world becomes your dating app.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to be How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett, here to help
Speaker 1: you get a great girlfriend and to do it by
Speaker 1: knowing exactly what to say and flirting like you mean it.
Speaker 1: And I have a really special guest today because joining
Speaker 1: me is Robbie. Robbie is a former client of mine
Speaker 1: who now has a girlfriend and he has absolutely crushed
Speaker 1: it with me, and he is going to share some
Speaker 1: of his approaching and flirting struggles he used to have
Speaker 1: and then talk about some of the breakthroughs that he had,
Speaker 1: including one of the most amazing nights I've ever seen
Speaker 1: a client of mine have. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2: Robbie, Thank you very much for having me.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here. Man. I cannot tell you how
Speaker 1: inspiring you are to other people. So you first came
Speaker 1: to me way back last year and you were struggling,
Speaker 1: as I recall you were dealing with some things like
Speaker 1: social anxiety, and you just wanted to be able to
Speaker 1: meet women out in the real world. Flirt chat, get
Speaker 1: some dates, tell us about where you were when you
Speaker 1: first spoke with me person.
Speaker 2: So I think I'll basically go on a tangent about
Speaker 2: my life how I always dealt with low self esteem.
Speaker 2: How that pretty much pretty much I wouldn't wouldn't want
Speaker 2: to say ruin to my teenage life, but impacted in
Speaker 2: a really bad way. So I'm the kind of kid
Speaker 2: who always dealt with really bad low self esteem. I
Speaker 2: never thought of someone who's good looking or is deserving.
Speaker 2: On top of that, I always had like social anxiety,
Speaker 2: so not just dating, even in terms of just talking
Speaker 2: to people, I always struggled with that. So basically, if
Speaker 2: you had social anxiety and also low self esteem, whether
Speaker 2: it's your social life or your dating life, both, it's
Speaker 2: going to be heavily impacted. And that's what happened to
Speaker 2: me when I was in my teens. Also a kind
Speaker 2: of translator over to my adulthood as well. So I
Speaker 2: think till I was off a certain age, I'm in
Speaker 2: my early twenties. But let's say till I was twenty
Speaker 2: two or twenty one ish. I always struggled to talk
Speaker 2: to anyone, just not in terms of dating, but just
Speaker 2: making friends in general. And I always felt that why
Speaker 2: would anyone want to talk to me. I'm not smart,
Speaker 2: I'm not somewhat interesting. I don't really have any value
Speaker 2: to offer. So I really had to work on myself
Speaker 2: in terms of self confidence and stuff. That's when I
Speaker 2: was when I turned twenty one, I had to work
Speaker 2: with a therapist who helped me with whom I shared
Speaker 2: pretty much everything about of my life in terms of
Speaker 2: the low self esteem phase, confidence and stuff. And that's
Speaker 2: when she started helping me out rebuilding my low self esteem,
Speaker 2: rebuilding my confidence and self esteem. Around the same time,
Speaker 2: I was introduced to this book called Law of Attraction okay,
Speaker 2: and it kind of talks about how if you believe
Speaker 2: in something, you are really close to turning that into reality.
Speaker 2: And that was a really life changing moment to me,
Speaker 2: coupled with the therapy I was going through, and that's
Speaker 2: when I really started to, let's say, rebuild my image
Speaker 2: or my confidence that I have in my own mind.
Speaker 2: I was the kind of person who I wouldn't respect
Speaker 2: myself that much.
Speaker 1: Man, jump in, Robbie and ask you a question. Go ahead,
Speaker 1: because self doubt is the big bad wolf of men
Speaker 1: who struggle with dating, feeling like they're missing something. They're
Speaker 1: not valuable, They're not worth something, not tall enough, not
Speaker 1: good looking enough, not charismatic, not something enough. What was
Speaker 1: the thing you doubted about yourself?
Speaker 2: That's a really good point you bring now, So pretty
Speaker 2: much everything, I'll just go into the details. My hide
Speaker 2: was definitely one of the things I was insecure off.
Speaker 2: I am about five eight, okay. I in my teen years,
Speaker 2: I used to have buck teeth, so that's something I
Speaker 2: really struggled with. I didn't get braces until I was
Speaker 2: twenty one, okay. Then I was losing hair when I
Speaker 2: was nineteen. I'm under some medication, so now my hair
Speaker 2: is in okay condition. But there was a time when
Speaker 2: I would say I was literally half bald. So I
Speaker 2: was really with how I looked in the mirror. I
Speaker 2: wasn't in the best physical condition as well. I wouldn't
Speaker 2: like what I would see in the mirror.
Speaker 1: Right, okay. And so when your mind is focused on
Speaker 1: not tall enough, don't have the hair, what do my
Speaker 1: teeth look like? It's hard to have the confidence to
Speaker 1: go socialize with people, let alone go approach a beautiful woman.
Speaker 2: Right, exactly, totally agree.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to jump in, but feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of guys say, Connell, what do you say?
Speaker 1: What do I say when I approach a woman? And
Speaker 1: I've got all the best flirty moves in the world.
Speaker 1: But if they're not if those flirtatious lines aren't coming
Speaker 1: from a guy who believes in himself and knows he's
Speaker 1: the shit, how well is it going to work? Right?
Speaker 2: Exactly right. So I was at a position where I
Speaker 2: didn't have respect for myself in the sense that I
Speaker 2: wouldn't think I'm deserving of anything. And that's when my
Speaker 2: my therapist came in to help me, and she would
Speaker 2: emphasize on the importance of self respect self confidence, and
Speaker 2: that's when, along with the book I was reading, Lulf Attraction,
Speaker 2: it kind of changed my viewpoint on myself and I
Speaker 2: strongly believe if you have a hard time respecting yourself,
Speaker 2: there's a high chance you're going to struggle respecting someone
Speaker 2: else as well. Yeah, so that's when I started working
Speaker 2: on my self confidence. But I still felt there was
Speaker 2: something missing and that's where mister Condall Barrett came into
Speaker 2: the picture.
Speaker 1: Well, I coached my younger self, and I saw so
Speaker 1: much of the younger me when you and I first spoke,
Speaker 1: because I used to be racked with self doubt. You
Speaker 1: know my stories better than anybody. But the first night
Speaker 1: I every went out to approach women first, I had
Speaker 1: a panic attack in the bathroom because I was so
Speaker 1: afraid that, Oh, women don't want some nerdy, shy, nice,
Speaker 1: funny but not sexy, charismatic injury to come talk to them.
Speaker 1: They want chads and alpha males and cool guys. So
Speaker 1: I'm literally puking in the bathroom because I was so nervous.
Speaker 1: That's what that fear. Self doubt basically turns an approach
Speaker 1: from guy talking to a girl, which is all it
Speaker 1: is to judgment day on your worth as a man. Right.
Speaker 1: I remember when you and I first talked, because I
Speaker 1: do these consultation calls. Anybody can chat with me and
Speaker 1: tell me what's going on, see if I can help them.
Speaker 1: And you told me a story that resonated with me.
Speaker 1: Remind me if you would wasn't there a cashier who
Speaker 1: you had a crush on where you couldn't talk to her,
Speaker 1: How did you ask her out or show your interest?
Speaker 1: Tell that story if you would.
Speaker 2: That's a pretty embarrassing story. But now I find it
Speaker 2: extremely funny now, and I think this is the embarrassing
Speaker 2: situations which really sets you free and you can Once
Speaker 2: you're okay with making a fool out of yourself in
Speaker 2: this world, that's when you're like free literally do anything
Speaker 2: I feel. And as much as I was embarrassed back
Speaker 2: then and now I kind of see it at some
Speaker 2: form of milestone, probably not the best one, Bud. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it definitely had an impact in my life.
Speaker 1: So I.
Speaker 2: Remember I was during that time. I was still going
Speaker 2: through a really rough breakup and I was super depressed,
Speaker 2: and I would ask myself why didn't my relationship work out?
Speaker 2: And ride around that time. There's the supermarket close to
Speaker 2: my house. One day, one evening, I just go there
Speaker 2: and I find this extremely beautiful cashier and the first
Speaker 2: thought in my mind, I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I've had a rough breakup, and I think this is
Speaker 2: a sign from the world. Let me just go and
Speaker 2: ask her out, okay, And coupled with my depression, my
Speaker 2: little self esteem, I couldn't even look into her eyes.
Speaker 2: I was so freak doubt. I just didn't have the
Speaker 2: courage at all. So I remember I went back not
Speaker 2: being able to talk to her, beating myself up, and
Speaker 2: I was like, no, no, I have to come up
Speaker 2: with a strategy. You have to come up with something
Speaker 2: to finally ask her out. And I remember I had
Speaker 2: literally wrote a letter, like traditional old school style. It
Speaker 2: was I think I still have the letter somewhere so embarrassing.
Speaker 2: I don't. I try not to look into it that much,
Speaker 2: but I still have it literally in my desk, which
Speaker 2: is right next to me right now.
Speaker 1: What do you remember about anything that you wrote to her?
Speaker 2: It was something like the moment I saw you, the
Speaker 2: beauty everything. I was mesmerized by your looks and I
Speaker 2: couldn't stop thinking about you. And I want to take
Speaker 2: this moment to let you know that I am deeply
Speaker 2: in love with you. All sorts of stuff, all sorts
Speaker 2: of old school stuff that you can imagine.
Speaker 1: Off to a woman you never talked to, I never
Speaker 1: talked to. And did you give it and tell us
Speaker 1: what happened next? Did you give her the note?
Speaker 2: I tried, probably four to five times. I would just
Speaker 2: go to the store by random bs for no reason,
Speaker 2: just so that I could talk to this girl. And
Speaker 2: the only conversation we've had till now is Hi, do
Speaker 2: you need a back?
Speaker 1: Yeast her and all she knows is paper of plastic
Speaker 1: pretty much. So did you ever give her the actual note?
Speaker 1: Or no?
Speaker 2: No, I could never have enough courage to go up
Speaker 2: to her and tell her that I liked her. And yeah,
Speaker 2: that's that's that's one of the stories, which I wouldn't
Speaker 2: call it an unfinished love story or whatever, but I'm
Speaker 2: kind of glad it happened because that's one of the
Speaker 2: times which really asked me, like, what's what? What's wrong
Speaker 2: with me? Why can't I just go to anyone approach
Speaker 2: someone whom I like? And that's around the same time
Speaker 2: when I decided that no, I need someone with experience
Speaker 2: to help me out.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, it's an understandable question, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: Of course? The answer is nothing is wrong with you.
Speaker 1: There is something a little bit funky with the way
Speaker 1: your what I call the lower self thinks about himself. Right,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? Oh? Those stories of I'm not
Speaker 1: my teeth aren't good enough, I'm not tall enough. Why
Speaker 1: would she want me. That's the problem, not you. It's basically,
Speaker 1: you are a state of the art computer, but you
Speaker 1: had Windows ninety seven operating system. Look at me dating
Speaker 1: myself Windows ninety seven. But I had a similar story
Speaker 1: way before I ever got my dating life handled. I
Speaker 1: had a crush on a cute Starbucks barista at the
Speaker 1: Starbucks on thirty third Street and Park Avenue here in
Speaker 1: New York City. I wrote her a little love note
Speaker 1: on my business card at a golf magazine at the time,
Speaker 1: and I walked up and I gave it to her.
Speaker 1: But I didn't say a word, and I not literally,
Speaker 1: but I felt like I ran out of the Starbucks like,
Speaker 1: here's here's a note and it said, you know, hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Connell. I've come here all the time, and you're
Speaker 1: so pretty, and I wondered if you might want to
Speaker 1: go on to date something like that, And shockingly, I
Speaker 1: never heard from her, What a what a shock? And
Speaker 1: heard right here, yeah, And so that's not the kind
Speaker 1: of communication that's going to get a woman's attention, right.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with taking a chance. It's how we
Speaker 1: do it, right. And so you and I started working together,
Speaker 1: and do you remember the first approach you did while
Speaker 1: we were talking together. I don't mean that night out,
Speaker 1: but I know you did some approaching before we went
Speaker 1: out for a fateful night that you had, which we're
Speaker 1: going to get to, but tell me about how approaching
Speaker 1: felt to you at first.
Speaker 2: I still remember the approaches I did before the night
Speaker 2: out we did. And one of the things I remember,
Speaker 2: I think I was just walking down somewhere in Fidei,
Speaker 2: New York, and there's this beautiful lady. I think she
Speaker 2: was doing some some sort of tech talk video or something,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you know what, I just want
Speaker 2: to go up to and compliment her. I don't have
Speaker 2: to ask her out or anything. And even then I
Speaker 2: was like struggling with building up my courage and everything.
Speaker 2: And I remember I went up to her. I couldn't
Speaker 2: even like lock in my eyes with her eyes, and
Speaker 2: I remember I was just like, this, huh, you look
Speaker 2: really pretty. I just wanted to let you know about
Speaker 2: I just like and I think she she thanked me,
Speaker 2: but before she couldn't even reply. I just ran away
Speaker 2: from that.
Speaker 1: From there, I wonder who was running faster, you from
Speaker 1: her or me from the cute Starbucks for Resa we
Speaker 1: could have had a tube of two man foot race,
Speaker 1: but at least you did it. You started right, you
Speaker 1: took some kind of action, and did you find that
Speaker 1: it began to get a little bit easier Because every
Speaker 1: approach typically it gets at least one or two percent
Speaker 1: easier every time you do it. What was your feeling
Speaker 1: for the first half dozen or so any breakthrough moments,
Speaker 1: not counting our night out.
Speaker 2: So when I realize is every approach ends up teaching
Speaker 2: you something. So from that moment specifically, I realized I
Speaker 2: wasn't making eye contact. And if I'm not making eye contact,
Speaker 2: sometimes even a person would be struggling to know if
Speaker 2: I'm really trying to talk to them. Am I really
Speaker 2: serious when I'm talking about literally anything? Yeah, maybe there's
Speaker 2: a chance that that person just might not take me
Speaker 2: seriously if I'm not making eye contact right.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. One of the biggest mistakes our minds make when
Speaker 1: we want to approach a one is we look at
Speaker 1: it as win lose. Either I get her number and
Speaker 1: she likes me, or I failed and I'm unworthy and
Speaker 1: I should probably go marry a real doll or become
Speaker 1: a monk. You know, we look at approaching as win loss,
Speaker 1: and that's why it feels so high stakes. But you
Speaker 1: said something great. You looked at it as win learn, Right,
Speaker 1: Let's learn it. Let's approach and learn a lesson from it.
Speaker 1: Better eye contact, louder voice, try a different icebreaker. And
Speaker 1: that's a really smart way to do it, because if
Speaker 1: we take approaching from a win loss to a win learn,
Speaker 1: then we stop associating so much pain to it. Sure
Speaker 1: art associating with Well, no matter what happens, I'm going
Speaker 1: to get value from this. I'm either going to get
Speaker 1: a Q girl's number, whichuld be amazing, or at least
Speaker 1: I'll learn something about myself or grow in some way percent. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about an amazing night. It's one of
Speaker 1: the most incredible nights I've ever seen a client of mine.
Speaker 1: Have just a planning the background here. I do something
Speaker 1: about once a month called Fearless Friday, the Night of
Speaker 1: a hundred Approaches, where a handful of my New York
Speaker 1: City guys or anybody who's in New York who I'm coaching,
Speaker 1: we go out for a night and we try to
Speaker 1: as a group get to one hundred total of approaches.
Speaker 1: I even brought up bring a little ticker, a little clicker.
Speaker 1: You might remember that the guy who approaches the girls tonight,
Speaker 1: I'll be his coach for life. I think that motivated you.
Speaker 1: So talk about that night, talk about the beginning of
Speaker 1: the night of what happened that night. Tell us a
Speaker 1: little story about the night Friday, what happened with you?
Speaker 2: The viewers are in for a ride. It was. It
Speaker 2: was one of the most awesome yet strange in a
Speaker 2: good way kind of a day for me. And I
Speaker 2: remember I had a photoshoot session the same day.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm dating, right, yes, And I.
Speaker 2: Was talking to the photographer friend of mine and she's lovely,
Speaker 2: she's amazing, and we're just talking about dating in general,
Speaker 2: the kind of experience she's had, and she asked, someone
Speaker 2: who's more experienced than me, how would she how does
Speaker 2: she think about her stuff? And I was sharing my
Speaker 2: insecurities and stuff with her because she's such a great friend,
Speaker 2: and she was I remember she was telling me, you
Speaker 2: know what, don't worry, I'm sure like you're gonna be
Speaker 2: one of the better looking guys out there today, okay.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, that that helps cut to you.
Speaker 2: Myself and the other clients actually meeting up.
Speaker 1: In your garden Houston Street, six or seven of us
Speaker 1: take it from there.
Speaker 2: So literally every guy saw just gave me a new
Speaker 2: sense of insecurity. Now I'm just keeping it as raw
Speaker 2: as I can. So so I so somewhere, I was
Speaker 2: really shitting my pants that day because I've it's it's
Speaker 2: approaching night, it's it can't be scary, and as it
Speaker 2: was for me and somewhere, I don't know. I was
Speaker 2: just trying to justify myself being there. And one of
Speaker 2: the things I had in my mind was I just
Speaker 2: tried to be one of the better looking guys that
Speaker 2: night that far.
Speaker 1: Okay, and for stile, you mean your style or just
Speaker 1: how you feel my.
Speaker 2: Style, how I look naturally as well. And every guy
Speaker 2: that came up that day that night I felt was
Speaker 2: either taller than me, blue eyes, nice looking hair, better
Speaker 2: looking beard. Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 1: Taylor early, Remember Taylor. I think Taylor looks like Bradley Cooper.
Speaker 1: I agree, I'm the straight dude. I'm kind of into him.
Speaker 1: Let me we're going on tomorrow night. I hope we'll
Speaker 1: make out anyway, Go ahead, What are you saying?
Speaker 2: So I was I think there was like some I
Speaker 2: think six or seven of us, right, yeah. And there
Speaker 2: was a time when I was like, I have to
Speaker 2: be I hope I'm just better looking ban I shouldn't
Speaker 2: think like this way, but I'm just keeping it as
Speaker 2: wrong as I can. And I was like, I hope
Speaker 2: I can just be taller than one single guy out there,
Speaker 2: be better looking than one single guy out there. And
Speaker 2: I was I was literally shitting my pants every time
Speaker 2: someone knew would come up and I'm like, no, there's
Speaker 2: no way I'm doing anything tonight.
Speaker 1: And then Ryan Gosling came up and joined us, and
Speaker 1: you were like, Connell, come on, man, you're killing me.
Speaker 2: That was literally my reaction.
Speaker 1: That's great, You're tuning into something important because what we
Speaker 1: do when we go out to a bar to approach girls,
Speaker 1: we look around the room and we try to make
Speaker 1: sense of where do I fit in the the what's
Speaker 1: the word like the status of this bar? How confident
Speaker 1: can I be? Am I better looking than him? Am
Speaker 1: I taller than him? And that is what the lower self,
Speaker 1: that voice of self doubt does. It fucks with us.
Speaker 1: It is like pouring poison into our ears. And don't
Speaker 1: we don't want to fight it. You just want to
Speaker 1: be aware of it. It's like, there's this concept in
Speaker 1: zen Buddhism called watching the thinker. Eckart comes from Eckart Tole.
Speaker 1: I think it originates with zen Buddhism. You watch the thoughts,
Speaker 1: but you don't get sucked into them. You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm noticing how tall and attractive all these other guys
Speaker 1: are interesting, as opposed to going, oh man, I'm just
Speaker 1: not attractive and as cool as all these other people.
Speaker 1: And then that hurts your emotions and confidence, and then
Speaker 1: you don't approach anybody. So, okay, you had your pre
Speaker 1: approach kind of nerves or moment of I'm not good
Speaker 1: looking enough. By the way, you are measurably twenty seven
Speaker 1: times handsomer than I am, I can say, and you
Speaker 1: actually have muscles. I'm like, but okay, so you're in
Speaker 1: your head, you're comparing yourself to all these other guys,
Speaker 1: and then it's the moment of truth. I say, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: Night of one hundred approaches Fearless Friday. It starts now,
Speaker 1: and then it was time for everybody to start approaching.
Speaker 1: I did a quick approach, just talk to a couple
Speaker 1: of girls, nearby. Nothing amazing happened. My girlfriend is with us, right,
Speaker 1: I remember weird I'm approaching girls with my girlfriend there,
Speaker 1: but she's cool with it, she understands. And then I
Speaker 1: got a couple approaches down. Then I'm like, okay, guys,
Speaker 1: now it's your turn. Do you remember what happened next
Speaker 1: with you and me?
Speaker 2: I one hundred percent remember go on, And I'm not
Speaker 2: sure if you recall the same event, but I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna say it. I don't know if you remember my
Speaker 2: first approach up that night.
Speaker 1: I think I do, but you tell.
Speaker 2: Me, and I mean, speaking an assumption. I think that
Speaker 2: was probably one of the more embarrassing situations, just probably
Speaker 2: embarrassing only to me. But what happened I remember was
Speaker 2: there was this group of girls, probably five or six
Speaker 2: of them, and they were like dancing to some song.
Speaker 2: They were like, really vibe. I remember you coming up
Speaker 2: to me and you're like, so you're going to make
Speaker 2: your next move now? And I was like, yes, I
Speaker 2: see a group of girls and I think I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go talk to them, and you're like, that's what I mean,
Speaker 2: that's right to make a move. I tried my best
Speaker 2: to build up all the courage, and I remember I'm
Speaker 2: walking past them, and I lose all my confidence, all
Speaker 2: my courage. I didn't make any eye contact, and I
Speaker 2: just said randomly, hey, girls, I really love the way
Speaker 2: you guys were dancing. And no one looked at me
Speaker 2: except one girl. Even when she looked at me, she
Speaker 2: probably was thinking like, who the hell is this guy? Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I was so embarrassed. I just kept walking. I
Speaker 2: just kept walking straight, acting like, oh, I have something
Speaker 2: important to do. Someone's calling me, so I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: pick up this phone call on that side. But in truth,
Speaker 2: nothing like that happened. They just completely ignored me, I felt,
Speaker 2: or maybe I just didn't approach the right way.
Speaker 1: Was either stay that way there watching okay, we're there,
Speaker 1: so that I did notice, you do that right? Remember
Speaker 1: what happened right before? Remember the deal I made. I
Speaker 1: told the guys the headlock approach or headlocks. Hold on,
Speaker 1: my cat is about to knockleck hold on, Oh say
Speaker 1: hi to YouTube. This is this is Reggie. This is
Speaker 1: my little Katie, my little ginger boy. Anyway, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't want him knock this guitar over behind me. So
Speaker 1: as I recall, I make a deal with my clients.
Speaker 1: We go out to approach girls, I say, all you
Speaker 1: got to do tonight is take action, and you and
Speaker 1: I are going to be good. But if you don't
Speaker 1: take action, if you don't approach a girl when I
Speaker 1: want you to, I'll put you in a headlock and
Speaker 1: I will walk over to you with you under my arm,
Speaker 1: and I will say to these ladies, excuse me. My friend,
Speaker 1: my buddy Robbie here wanted to approach you, but he
Speaker 1: was too big of a pussy. Say hi, Robbie. So
Speaker 1: it's either approach like a man or get a headlock approach.
Speaker 1: I think you knew that, and you just said, okay,
Speaker 1: it's time to start talking to women exactly. I remember,
Speaker 1: Oh go ahead, I'll shut up.
Speaker 2: I remember once I kept like walking straight and I
Speaker 2: was acting like I was on the phone with someone.
Speaker 2: You came up to your lefe.
Speaker 1: And I was like ending to call.
Speaker 2: Right, I was. I was so nervous at that point,
Speaker 2: but yeah, I just didn't want to cut you off.
Speaker 1: Well, this is a great lesson because the first approach
Speaker 1: of the night is always the hardest. You're in your head,
Speaker 1: you're not in the zone you've been thinking about all
Speaker 1: this stuff, but I remember you doing maybe one or
Speaker 1: two more approaches, and then all of a sudden, I
Speaker 1: saw you talking to two women who were seated at
Speaker 1: a bench, and your body language looked different. You just
Speaker 1: looked really chill and relaxed. Tell us about the second
Speaker 1: and third approaches and specifically what started to happen about
Speaker 1: how you felt?
Speaker 2: Great question, and just to give you some a bit
Speaker 2: of context. I think it was Taylor or someone else
Speaker 2: who approached those two girls already, okay, And I remember
Speaker 2: to myself, I was like, Taylor, such an amazing, such
Speaker 2: a good looking guy, and he'll already approached it. I
Speaker 2: don't I don't remember him getting the number. So I
Speaker 2: was like, there's no way I'm gonna get their number
Speaker 2: by any means. But you know what, I'll just shoot
Speaker 2: my shot. What's I mean, what can really go wrong?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So I went up to them, and in my mind
Speaker 2: I was like, instead of telling them straight up that hey,
Speaker 2: you look really beautiful, emuntry number or something, let me
Speaker 2: just start the conversation a slightly different way. So I
Speaker 2: went up to them and I was like, Ladies, on
Speaker 2: a scale of one to ten, what do you think
Speaker 2: of my outfit, and I remember them taking my time
Speaker 2: literally scanning top to bottom, and they they tell I
Speaker 2: think I remember remember, I think they told me they
Speaker 2: gave me a seven out of.
Speaker 1: Ten, not bad.
Speaker 2: That's also another conversation opener. So I was like, why seven?
Speaker 2: Why not ten? What can I fix? Why don't you
Speaker 2: guys like it? You guys are just haters, Betford. So
Speaker 2: they they were really genuine or at least nice enough
Speaker 2: with their explanation, and they were telling me you could
Speaker 2: have add this your outfit, this or that. But it
Speaker 2: was a really good conversation opener. And we were chatting
Speaker 2: for like a good five minutes about it, my outfit,
Speaker 2: their outfits. Then something came in my mind and I
Speaker 2: was like, you know what if I guess your ethnic
Speaker 2: background in the next three attempts, they're gonna give me
Speaker 2: your number.
Speaker 1: I didn't know this story. You became a game show.
Speaker 2: I literally was.
Speaker 1: I really was the ethnicity. I'm your host, Robbie. So
Speaker 1: what happened next?
Speaker 2: And guess what? I failed even on my fifth attempt,
Speaker 2: and I think I passed probably on my seventh or eighth.
Speaker 2: And I remember then they were like, you know what
Speaker 2: I want to guess you're athnicity now, And they also
Speaker 2: took probably like five or six attempts, but they were right.
Speaker 2: And it was a funny game, I remember, And we
Speaker 2: talked for a good ten to twelve minutes, and I
Speaker 2: kind of felt the conversation wasn't really going anywhere and
Speaker 2: I failed anyway, so I just told him, you know what,
Speaker 2: it was lovely talking to you guys, so I'll just
Speaker 2: do for you.
Speaker 1: Did so many things well there, I the opener was great.
Speaker 1: I've never seen Hey, can I get your opinion on
Speaker 1: my style? Opener? Get rejected? I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: seen that in all my years coaching men with approaching.
Speaker 1: That's a great go to opener. Hey excuse me, but
Speaker 1: I like years better, not just what do you think
Speaker 1: of my outfit scale of one to ten? That makes
Speaker 1: her think And a great approach strategy is make her
Speaker 1: an expert. We all like to be right. You're a
Speaker 1: tech guy, right, I was gonna ask you tech questions
Speaker 1: or finance tech questions. You probably feel like, oh, connall,
Speaker 1: let me tell you what women love being asked what
Speaker 1: they think of a man's style. So great job, and
Speaker 1: then you turned it into a guess are ethnicity game,
Speaker 1: which is very playful because approaching dating, so much of
Speaker 1: it is about playfulness. That playful vibe is what women like.
Speaker 2: And guess what. It doesn't end there go on right
Speaker 2: as when I was trying to leave, she stopped me
Speaker 2: and she said, so you're just gonna leave without asking
Speaker 2: me for a number, And I was like, now we're talking.
Speaker 2: And then she was telling me how she really appreciated
Speaker 2: and she found it really brave that I came up
Speaker 2: to her and talked to her, and I was like,
Speaker 2: this is lovely. Just ten minutes ago, I was living
Speaker 2: inside my head. I was like, this is the end
Speaker 2: of the world. No one's gonna talk to me. I'm
Speaker 2: done this amazing This good looking guy, Taylor, he went
Speaker 2: up to them and I don't want to ex word rejected,
Speaker 2: but maybe he was, which is not a big deal.
Speaker 2: But I was like, if he gets rejected, there's no
Speaker 2: way I would ever get their number. And here I am.
Speaker 2: They are telling me how attractive they find me. They
Speaker 2: are telling me how brave of stuff that I'm doing.
Speaker 2: And I ended up with a number. Yeah, and she
Speaker 2: takes my phone. She also puts her name on it
Speaker 2: and then she also puts the name of the bar
Speaker 2: in it, and she also says something I forgot the
Speaker 2: exact line, but she made that assumption that I probably
Speaker 2: got a lot of curls. I probably do this all
Speaker 2: the time, and I'm like really popular out there or something.
Speaker 1: But are you saying that You're trying to make sure
Speaker 1: you remember which babe from your bevy of babes she
Speaker 1: is exactly. Oh that's so funny. The Houston bar Pink.
Speaker 1: You know, you remember me right what it's done.
Speaker 2: And then I remember I hugged her, and then I
Speaker 2: came up to you guys and I was like, got
Speaker 2: her number, and you guys all are like cheering for me.
Speaker 2: It was. It was lovely.
Speaker 1: I love that story because she told you something powerful.
Speaker 1: Women like a guy to come approach. It shows bravery.
Speaker 1: It shows this guy's got options. But he's talking to me.
Speaker 1: Think about the signals that sense. The very act of
Speaker 1: approaching a woman tells her this guy's worthy of me.
Speaker 1: And boy, did you find that out?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I still I was still remembering the
Speaker 2: incident from time to time. But guess what, that was
Speaker 2: only the beginning of that.
Speaker 1: Night, right exactly, So that was your first number at
Speaker 1: Houston Hall. That's where we were, right. Did you get
Speaker 1: any more numbers there?
Speaker 2: I think I got a couple or three more.
Speaker 1: At Houston Hall. Yes, So yeah, so you're crushing it.
Speaker 1: I'm with my girlfriend, I'm helping other guys who are
Speaker 1: not taking nearly as much action as you. That's okay.
Speaker 1: You were just in the zone. And how are you
Speaker 1: feeling at that point after two or three numbers? How
Speaker 1: are you feeling about yourself?
Speaker 2: So I still remember that moment. I think right before
Speaker 2: I made my first approach, I was constantly thinking should
Speaker 2: I drink something before I go approach or that it
Speaker 2: kind of like calms me down a little bit. And
Speaker 2: then something just told me, you know what, No, you
Speaker 2: got to phase the fear. And at that point after
Speaker 2: that successful approach, I was thanking myself for not drinking
Speaker 2: or being under the influence of alcohol. And I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what this feels. I think this achievement feels
Speaker 2: way better than compared to if I was under the
Speaker 2: influence of any fornt of alcohol. Yeah, and I had
Speaker 2: this high where I was like I was on the
Speaker 2: top of the world. I could achieve anything. The book
Speaker 2: the Law of attraction. Everything is like my manifestation is
Speaker 2: coming into reality. That's what I was feeling like.
Speaker 1: Well, that identity that you named yourself. When we first
Speaker 1: spoke supremely confident, Robbie, you could feel that supreme confidence
Speaker 1: rise right. And then we switched venues. We went to
Speaker 1: a different place, a place called the Broken Shaker, and
Speaker 1: that was really when I saw you floating. You were
Speaker 1: like two feet off the rooftop there. You were just
Speaker 1: kind of floating around the bar, walking up to different women.
Speaker 1: There was such an assumption that this was going to
Speaker 1: go well. There was even a moment when it was Jess,
Speaker 1: my girlfriend, myself and my personal trainer Zach came with
Speaker 1: us and a couple other clients. I said, everybody, watch Robbie.
Speaker 1: Look at him. This is what higher self in the
Speaker 1: zone looks like. And you approached. I think, I eve
Speaker 1: it was the only time I told you to approach again,
Speaker 1: and you did it fearlessly. But I said, dude, look
Speaker 1: at those two women over there, and you just said, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll be right back, and went over to the two
Speaker 1: dimes of the rooftop. Other than my girlfriend, of course,
Speaker 1: the two dimes, and then they were I don't know
Speaker 1: what happened, but they were just like hi, and they
Speaker 1: loved you. And I don't know what happened there, but
Speaker 1: and what were you? What was your highlight moment from
Speaker 1: the second spot.
Speaker 2: So I think the first approach it went for I
Speaker 2: think I talked to the ladies for a good twenty
Speaker 2: to thirty minutes. That was That was really fun. I
Speaker 2: remember it was probably a group of three or four people,
Speaker 2: and I remember I think it was you, just myself
Speaker 2: and a couple of other guys, and I was telling
Speaker 2: you that, yeah, I'm kind of like scanning through an
Speaker 2: entire bar, like whom to approach next? And You're like,
Speaker 2: why did you start with them? And I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I will nice. I used the same
Speaker 2: opening line again, high ladies, I don't want to waste
Speaker 2: your time. I don't know if I should have said that,
Speaker 2: but I did just wantally let you know and right
Speaker 2: to the point. And I still one to ten, what
Speaker 2: do you think of my outfit? And I remember all
Speaker 2: three or four of them walking on me and they
Speaker 2: were like scanning top to bottom. And the girl that
Speaker 2: I really liked.
Speaker 1: Was in the middle.
Speaker 2: She was like, why didn't you give us a spin,
Speaker 2: and I remember lending my hand to her and I'm like,
Speaker 2: why don't you spin yourself? Spin me yourself? And she
Speaker 2: like spinned me three sixty. She was like I could
Speaker 2: tell her body language or like all the girls there,
Speaker 2: they were finding extremely funny. And I remember she gave
Speaker 2: me some really good compliments. She also told me I
Speaker 2: think it was another like a seven, seven and a
Speaker 2: half out of ten. I was asking her, why what
Speaker 2: am I? What did I do wrong? How can I improve?
Speaker 2: And she was giving me some real good advice, actually,
Speaker 2: some advices that I still followed to the state.
Speaker 1: Amazing. Think about the guy you described earlier, the guy
Speaker 1: who couldn't even give a love note to the grocery
Speaker 1: store the cute grocery store cashier is at two venues
Speaker 1: grabbing what five six phone numbers that night? Amazing?
Speaker 2: I think around that six or seven is sh.
Speaker 1: Or seven phone numbers from cold approaching And how many
Speaker 1: did you get any mean rejections the whole night or
Speaker 1: likes get away?
Speaker 2: No? Not really.
Speaker 1: So you went from being that in your head guy
Speaker 1: who wouldn't even give that love note to the cashier
Speaker 1: to the guy who was grabbing six or seven phone
Speaker 1: numbers and just totally in the zone. If you could go,
Speaker 1: if you could give a piece of advice to the
Speaker 1: guy watching and listen or listening to this and say,
Speaker 1: here's what you need to do or say to have
Speaker 1: his breakthrough night out approaching What advice would you give
Speaker 1: based on what you experienced that night and beyond.
Speaker 2: The first thing I would recommend is to be comfortable
Speaker 2: in their own skin. Anyone who is going to ask
Speaker 2: out any girl you know you can cut that part.
Speaker 2: I don't know what else? What do you again? So
Speaker 2: great question, and the way I'm going to answer this
Speaker 2: is this in my priority list, the number one thing
Speaker 2: is going to be self confidence oka and being comfortable
Speaker 2: in your own skin, because if you're not as self
Speaker 2: if you're not that confident in your own skin somewhere,
Speaker 2: you're going to feel that you're not deserving. And if
Speaker 2: you're not, if you don't feel that you're deserving, you're
Speaker 2: never going to go and ask that girl out right somewhere.
Speaker 2: You have to think of yourself highly, and you have
Speaker 2: to think yourself in the sense that you have a
Speaker 2: lot of value chadded to this world. You have a
Speaker 2: lot of value to add to the person you're going
Speaker 2: to approach to their.
Speaker 1: Life exactly, and how do we do that? Every guy's
Speaker 1: got to find his own way. But I suggest to
Speaker 1: the listener, when you go out, tell yourself three things
Speaker 1: about yourself that you know makes you a really great catch,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and make them specific. You know, in
Speaker 1: your case, it might be I have a good job,
Speaker 1: I'm really good style, and you're a great personal great
Speaker 1: sense of humor, great, great personality, whatever it is. It
Speaker 1: gives you a little bit of oomph because what this
Speaker 1: does is this takes your brain away from all that
Speaker 1: why am I not as good looking as him? You're
Speaker 1: just going to drag your confidence down. It makes you say, hey,
Speaker 1: what do I know? I offer? Bottom line is women
Speaker 1: aren't looking at you and saying why aren't you as
Speaker 1: good looking as that guy over there? Yeah, women are
Speaker 1: looking at you saying, okay, do you believe in yourself
Speaker 1: or not? And that's pretty much all they're waiting for.
Speaker 1: Makes sense to.
Speaker 2: That point, it kind of reminded me of one other
Speaker 2: story that happened in that same approach. Okay, so as
Speaker 2: I was talking to all the girls, I think one
Speaker 2: of our your friends also try to join us. And
Speaker 2: I forgot the gentleman's name, but I remember this tall guy,
Speaker 2: blue eyes, really good hair, and I was like, there
Speaker 2: goes my chance. Now all the girls are going to
Speaker 2: talk to him, they're going to forget about me. He
Speaker 2: comes into the picture with the girl that I was
Speaker 2: interested in. She just looked at him once and then
Speaker 2: she still maintained eye contact with me. She just didn't care.
Speaker 2: She was so fascinated by me and the questions I
Speaker 2: was asking and my wit. So just for anyone who's
Speaker 2: thinking if they're not good looking, they're not enough, I mean,
Speaker 2: this is a great example.
Speaker 1: That's a great moment of looks overrated. Nice to have.
Speaker 1: If you're good looking, that's great. Good on you. But
Speaker 1: you don't have to look like Brad Pitt. You know,
Speaker 1: if you look like Brad Garrett, you can still get
Speaker 1: somewhere as long as you believe in yourself. Here's why
Speaker 1: every beautiful attractive woman has beautiful attractive male friends. Gay
Speaker 1: friends often, and these women aren't necessarily attracted to good looks.
Speaker 1: They're attracted to our presence, our personality, our ability to play, flirt,
Speaker 1: have fun with them, and more than anything, that core
Speaker 1: sense of your worth, that core confidence that comes from
Speaker 1: understanding your authentic value. So take it from a middle
Speaker 1: aged man who's you know, I look like the lead
Speaker 1: singer from Weezer. I don't look like some male model.
Speaker 1: And back when I was single, I dated the most
Speaker 1: incredible women. They weren't hooking up with me because of
Speaker 1: my one pack abs. They liked my personality, they liked
Speaker 1: who I was, And the same goes for you. So yeah,
Speaker 1: good looks overrated can only.
Speaker 2: Go so far.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's nice if you have it, but overrated? Are
Speaker 1: there any look? I know you're in a relationship. Now,
Speaker 1: can you share how you met your girlfriend? Did you
Speaker 1: meet her out in the real world? Was it an approach,
Speaker 1: was it a social circle? How did you connect with
Speaker 1: your now girlfriend?
Speaker 2: So I'm glad you bring that up. And yeah, it's
Speaker 2: a pretty beautiful story. And she's she's she's amazing. And
Speaker 2: I met her through a friend. Basically, I have this
Speaker 2: group of friends that we're going to go for like
Speaker 2: a random dinner one night, and she's basically a friend's friend,
Speaker 2: and she happened to come out the same night as well.
Speaker 2: And I remember, I think the first time we met,
Speaker 2: she was a bit intimidated by me. That's what she
Speaker 2: tells me. And it has more to do with According
Speaker 2: to her, I was so confident and I was there
Speaker 2: dictating the entire conversation, and she said, this is what
Speaker 2: she tells me now. But back then she would tell
Speaker 2: me like she was really intimidated by me, this and that.
Speaker 2: But now she tells me that she actually had a
Speaker 2: crush on me, But she wasn't willing to tell me
Speaker 2: at that time that she did. And that's something I've
Speaker 2: noticed with a lot of girls. They wouldn't they. They
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to tell you straight up that they have
Speaker 2: a crush on you. They have their own way off
Speaker 2: delivering letting you know at some point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're more subtle, aren't they.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Women like to communicate, and more so always drop hints.
Speaker 1: Most women aren't very direct. Some are, but not too many, true,
Speaker 1: not too many. And so for the guy who is thinking, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to go out and I want to get
Speaker 1: a couple of phone numbers, maybe five or six or seven,
Speaker 1: but at least one or two. For a guy who
Speaker 1: wants to approach but he's afraid, or here's the thing
Speaker 1: I hear more than anything else Robbie, I don't know
Speaker 1: what to say. What do I say to that woman?
Speaker 1: What is your answer? What is your advice for the
Speaker 1: guy who is like, help us, Robbie? What do I say?
Speaker 2: That's that's a good one, and I this is just
Speaker 2: my opinion, and that is just try not to sound
Speaker 2: too artificial for lack of better words. Try to be
Speaker 2: authentic and try to like use a topic that you
Speaker 2: can talk on for minutes or hours. For me, I
Speaker 2: love fashion, I love nice clues. So that's why when
Speaker 2: I said or used the line what do you think
Speaker 2: of my outfit? On a scle of one to ten,
Speaker 2: I knew exactly what I was talking about. I knew
Speaker 2: my stuff, and depending on whatever respond stay what have
Speaker 2: I always knew a follow up question or things to
Speaker 2: add to it. So being authentic and probably picking a
Speaker 2: topic you'll love to talk about, I think it's probably
Speaker 2: one of the ways to go. But at the same time,
Speaker 2: you get to understand that not everyone's gonna vibe with
Speaker 2: you or vibe with the things that you love all
Speaker 2: the time. And that's that's how it is. We are
Speaker 2: all individuals, all have our unique abilities or unique likings
Speaker 2: and everything. And if you approach ten girls, probably five
Speaker 2: with five of them we're not even going to vibe with.
Speaker 2: And it's fine, just you're and I think it's it's
Speaker 2: for the better. If you're not vibing with the person,
Speaker 2: might be with the person, be with someone that you
Speaker 2: have shared interests, swip.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, you're not supposed to attract all of them. It's
Speaker 1: cold approaching. It's it's like baseball. The best Major league
Speaker 1: players in the world fail to get a base hit
Speaker 1: seven out of ten times, if they'd get there three
Speaker 1: out of ten times, and they do that for twenty
Speaker 1: straight years, run the Hall of Fame. They're supposed to
Speaker 1: fail seventy percent of the time. And with approaching, that's
Speaker 1: actually a pretty close to good batting average once you get,
Speaker 1: once you get in the zone, Like that night on
Speaker 1: that Fearless Friday, you got six or seven numbers. Do
Speaker 1: you remember about how many women you talked to?
Speaker 2: I remember it was around the around twenty five ish
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2: And I think I was lucky enough to get dab
Speaker 2: many numbers, because I would have been happy even if
Speaker 2: I got a couple of numbers out of the twenty five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So yeah, six or seven out of twenty five,
Speaker 1: So I'm bad at math. But you know what, one
Speaker 1: in one and.
Speaker 2: Three four, then yeah, it's kind of like three percent
Speaker 2: or something. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I talk about this in my book The Rule of
Speaker 1: one and four. My old coaches called the rule of
Speaker 1: one and three. I think one in four is closer
Speaker 1: to accurate. One in four. When you are approaching, you
Speaker 1: get into a good zone and you're being really genuine,
Speaker 1: and you know how to flirt, know what to say
Speaker 1: within reason, but you just are in touch with that
Speaker 1: core worth. At a place like a bar, about one
Speaker 1: in four women will be pretty darn attracted to you,
Speaker 1: and that gives you permission to not have three out
Speaker 1: of four be into you. You're allowed to not have
Speaker 1: them into you. We almost want to be so polarizingly,
Speaker 1: authentically raw and real that we're super attractive to women
Speaker 1: who like Connell's type, Robbie's type, and then women who don't.
Speaker 1: That's cool. It only takes one to change your life
Speaker 1: as your girlfriend. It only takes a couple of phone
Speaker 1: numbers to get into a really good zone.
Speaker 2: Exactly the other thing. Oh sorry, go ahead, bro, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was going to say that as long as you're
Speaker 2: putting in the reps you're eventually are going to get someone.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you put in reps long before that night
Speaker 1: that were paid off that night exactly planted seeds that sprouted,
Speaker 1: and the other thing you did that night. I didn't
Speaker 1: even realize it until this conversation, but it sounds like
Speaker 1: you had like that back pocket opener you were using, right,
Speaker 1: the style one, and that came out of an organic
Speaker 1: expression of what you were what was on your mind
Speaker 1: that day. Right, you were getting new clothes with my
Speaker 1: stylist Rihanne. You were looking good or wanting to know
Speaker 1: what women thought of your new outfit.
Speaker 2: Right. I think one of the things that helped me
Speaker 2: was Rhann. She was really like complimenting my clothes that
Speaker 2: I would like to think she really liked my passion
Speaker 2: and someone that that really helped me out in terms
Speaker 2: of with my confidence. And this is what I've realized,
Speaker 2: if you can start off your day with just like
Speaker 2: one or two good compliments, it really sets up your
Speaker 2: day in a good way. Right, So that that's what
Speaker 2: it kind of did for me. And I remember after
Speaker 2: the first couple approaches when it went wrong, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: what is The one thing that happened to me was good.
Speaker 2: And I was thinking back to the time when Ryan
Speaker 2: and she was giving me compliments about my clothing, and
Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, let me make something
Speaker 2: out of that and use that as my opening line.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. I like how you were using
Speaker 1: what was in the ether. It was it was just
Speaker 1: on your mind. And a lot of guys think, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to say the right thing, I need to
Speaker 1: say the perfect thing. Well, why don't you just share
Speaker 1: something that's on your mind right then and there, which is, Hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: what do you think of my new outfit scale of
Speaker 1: one to ten? Oh my god, you could do that
Speaker 1: all night long. And I like that you had a
Speaker 1: back pocket opener, And that's another thing that helps. If
Speaker 1: you have a like break glass for approach opener in
Speaker 1: your back pocket, you'll have that to lean on if
Speaker 1: you need it. But then you probably won't even need
Speaker 1: it that much because you have it, so you can
Speaker 1: just be in the present moment. You know, women don't
Speaker 1: want to be approached by a robotic guy. Hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: have you ever walked up to a man? You know,
Speaker 1: that's just that gets in the way. I was at
Speaker 1: the same venue we went to on a different night,
Speaker 1: and Jess was with me and I left her to
Speaker 1: go work with another client, and this guy approached Jess
Speaker 1: very very pretty blonde girlfriend, and he came up and said, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm on a pirate treasure hunt. Will you help
Speaker 1: me find my lost treasure? And it was just like
Speaker 1: clearly something he had read on a credit for him
Speaker 1: or somebody told him to say. And she looked at
Speaker 1: him and said, oh, sweetie, here's my boyfriend's business card.
Speaker 2: I mean she is bad as.
Speaker 1: She's an amazing wing woman. Okay, so you have gone
Speaker 1: from Robbie the guy who could not give the cashier
Speaker 1: a little I like you note, to the guy who's
Speaker 1: grabbing six seven phone numbers at a couple of different venues,
Speaker 1: the lord of the club. What is your parting dating
Speaker 1: advice that the guy watching or listening to this, What
Speaker 1: should he go out and do in the next week
Speaker 1: to get him on the path to approaching success?
Speaker 2: Great question, And now I'd have to go back to
Speaker 2: one of the same points that I mentioned, back to
Speaker 2: self imaging in confidence again. Once that is in place,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of think what else can of person to
Speaker 2: I would say. Fashion can also be a great point
Speaker 2: if you're well put together, no one. I mean, let
Speaker 2: me put it this way. If let's say you're not
Speaker 2: well put together, there's a high chance girls wouldn't want
Speaker 2: to talk to you, versus if you are. Even if
Speaker 2: you're not the best looking, you still look presentable and
Speaker 2: girls love that.
Speaker 1: Right, there's a pull I mentioned in my book. Women
Speaker 1: were asked what are the five most attractive traits in
Speaker 1: a man who you meet for the first time in
Speaker 1: a dating context and looks good looking? Was not in
Speaker 1: the top five. Number two was looking good meaning style.
Speaker 1: I think that was a men's health survey of women.
Speaker 1: Second most important thing women notices is this guy's style
Speaker 1: relatively well put together, you know, hair, grooming, clothes. So
Speaker 1: that's partially probably why you got into such a good
Speaker 1: zone that night. As you look to it, you saw
Speaker 1: women respond to it. And yeah, try not to dress
Speaker 1: like you know, don't walk around vaping in sweatpants and
Speaker 1: flip flops. That's not going to help you. That's a
Speaker 1: little too authentic.
Speaker 2: And I wasn't in any fancy clothes or shoots for something.
Speaker 2: I think I had like a pretty basic black top
Speaker 2: sports and I'm like, sneatz, that's it, and I was
Speaker 2: still getting I think none of the girls gave me
Speaker 2: a rating less than seven out of ten that night. Okay,
Speaker 2: so it's like you don't have to like and.
Speaker 1: Women will be blunt. Women will tell you if you're like,
Speaker 1: ah four.
Speaker 2: I remember. I think the last approach I did pray left.
Speaker 2: I don't think, I mean, I don't think they were
Speaker 2: necessarily being rude to me, but I think like some
Speaker 2: of them were like jokingly making fun of me. Yea,
Speaker 2: I would give you a two, and then like they
Speaker 2: just left, like they had a smile on their face
Speaker 2: and they were just like trying to be witty with
Speaker 2: me or something from what I remember, But yeah, that's
Speaker 2: something I agree with you. They were blunt. If they
Speaker 2: have something in their mind, they're going to let you know.
Speaker 1: To me, approaching is such a powerful thing to be
Speaker 1: able to do because we live in a world where
Speaker 1: everybody's on the apps, everybody's on social media. But when
Speaker 1: you can walk up to women and be yourself and say, hey,
Speaker 1: what's up. I'm Robbie, I want to meet you. What
Speaker 1: do you think of my style? You don't have to
Speaker 1: you you don't have to be stuck on the dating apps.
Speaker 1: The world becomes your dating app app. You know, you
Speaker 1: got six or seven numbers that one Friday night out.
Speaker 1: It's hard to get six or seven numbers on a
Speaker 1: dating app. You did it just by walking up to women,
Speaker 1: and so few men do it. And I think now
Speaker 1: is the best time to approach women ever because guys
Speaker 1: just don't do it. And that when that woman said
Speaker 1: to you, that was really brave. I'm glad you came
Speaker 1: up to me. Man, that set a mouthful.
Speaker 2: Great And the competition especially is so low compared to
Speaker 2: I'm assuming what it was probably twenty years ago now right,
Speaker 2: because pretty much every other guy is probably going with
Speaker 2: some form off or like a high level of anxiety,
Speaker 2: so it's like there's no one approaching at all. So
Speaker 2: it's for you. The only thing you need to do
Speaker 2: is to just go and talk to the person you
Speaker 2: want you want to talk to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say the number of single men who
Speaker 1: approach women would be at most four or five percent,
Speaker 1: even semi regularly. And most of those guys need liquid
Speaker 1: courage or some canned pick up line like the looking
Speaker 1: I'm a pirate looking for my charger thing the number
Speaker 1: of men who walk up vulnerably as their real, authentic
Speaker 1: selves and just shoot their shot one percent at most,
Speaker 1: So you are in the one percent club. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the club. Not that anyway. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining me today, Robbie, and thanks for being such an
Speaker 1: amazing client. And yeah, by the way, you listening, if
Speaker 1: you would like to go out and meet women out
Speaker 1: with me and approach or maybe not with me, but
Speaker 1: if you're in New York City, we could do it together.
Speaker 1: If you want to go out and get five, six,
Speaker 1: seven phone numbers in one night, I can't promise that,
Speaker 1: but if Robbie can do it, you probably can do
Speaker 1: it too. And just go to my website, Dating transformation
Speaker 1: dot com. You can book a free consultation to find
Speaker 1: out how my coaching works and if I'm the right
Speaker 1: coach for you, or if you want to hire a
Speaker 1: coach to teach you how to write a creepy little
Speaker 1: love note to a Starbucks barista and creep her out,
Speaker 1: I can. I can do that for you too for free. Anyway,
Speaker 1: go tot dating transformation dot com and Robbie, thanks for
Speaker 1: joining us, and thank you for talking to you. Next
Speaker 1: time all right, Audio asolutely h