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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered. I am
Speaker 1: very excited for my guest today. I actually only just
Speaker 1: met her last week, so this is a very like
Speaker 1: last minute, kind of serendipitous interview. But I think it's
Speaker 1: going to be one that you're really going to enjoy.
Speaker 1: She is a MoMA for a widow, a Mormon, and
Speaker 1: a content creator who is passionate about empowerment, honesty, and
Speaker 1: her faith. Welcome the Costco Mom next Door Holly Jane Johnson.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I'm really excited.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so nice to I mean, obviously another Holly.
Speaker 3: You know, it was meant to be.
Speaker 1: It was meant to be clearly, like all Hollies are great.
Speaker 4: So you kept popping up on my feed on Instagram. Yeah,
Speaker 4: out of nowhere. I don't think we even have any
Speaker 4: followers in common. Just the algorithm pushed you to meet.
Speaker 4: And then I saw you. I recognize your hair. I
Speaker 4: was like, that's her. She has this beautiful, curly hair. Andy,
Speaker 4: it's her. I'm going to talk to her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: So so we went to it was the ABN House
Speaker 1: party last week and I was and yeah, she came
Speaker 1: up to me and she was like, I've seen you
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm like, yes, me, yes, And then yeah,
Speaker 1: we started talking and she said she was in town
Speaker 1: and you know she you've never done a podcast before?
Speaker 4: Is that?
Speaker 3: Oh? I have you have done? Okay? Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I was on The Daily Blast Live. It's a
Speaker 4: it's a live talk show.
Speaker 3: Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I've done some podcasts, just not recently, but just
Speaker 4: not any good ones, just not any good ones.
Speaker 1: Yes, this is the first so I thought it would
Speaker 1: be really fun to have her come on. And you
Speaker 1: have a really interesting story, so definitely want to get
Speaker 1: into that. So I guesslet's talk about your when you
Speaker 1: launched your adult career. That was back in twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1: It was yeah, okay, so tell me what inspired that move.
Speaker 4: I knew I wasn't happy, you know, I think any well,
Speaker 4: a lot of people that work like the nine to five,
Speaker 4: they're like, how do I get out of this?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 4: And I knew that I wanted to be in the industry.
Speaker 4: I just didn't know where I fit in, and it
Speaker 4: wasn't on the forefront of my mind. I just had
Speaker 4: a baby and I was on attorney. We'd leave and
Speaker 4: I'm watching I'm sitting there watching TV and somebody it
Speaker 4: was miss Poindexter.
Speaker 3: You know who Miss Poindexter is. The name is so Fune. Okay.
Speaker 4: So her kids they were asked to leave their Catholic school,
Speaker 4: like they could no longer attend because someone outed the mom,
Speaker 4: Miss Poindexter. So it was a big thing. She was
Speaker 4: all over the media and this segment came on and
Speaker 4: they were talking about.
Speaker 3: It, and she did she was she and me, she's
Speaker 3: an OnlyFans. Okay, yeah, she's an O F model.
Speaker 4: So I saw this and they mentioned the money that
Speaker 4: she makes and like a little bit in a in
Speaker 4: like a family friendly way to explain what she does.
Speaker 4: And I had never heard off before. So I grabbed
Speaker 4: my phone, like sitting there, I'm like, put the baby
Speaker 4: down and grab my phone. And it was just the
Speaker 4: like aha moment, like oh this could be where I
Speaker 4: fit in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah.
Speaker 4: It was that instant like, oh, this is something, and
Speaker 4: so I immediately started to research and I put my
Speaker 4: whole plan into action, and that's really it. I just
Speaker 4: took off from there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And that is right when Only Fans was really hitting
Speaker 1: its trajectory, because it's right after the pandemic and all
Speaker 1: those stories were really coming out about how much people
Speaker 1: were making and all of those stories about like people
Speaker 1: who had this regular day job or was this regular person.
Speaker 1: Then all of a sudden they tried this this thing,
Speaker 1: and you know, Only Fans has really changed the landscape
Speaker 1: of the adult industry so much, because before you had
Speaker 1: to be a porn star and you had to be
Speaker 1: hired by a director and you had to do a
Speaker 1: scene and you got a one time check and you know,
Speaker 1: you generally had to do a bunch of different shoots
Speaker 1: to even get your name up there, and you didn't really.
Speaker 3: Have that much control over your career or your.
Speaker 1: Image, and you definitely didn't have that direct connection with
Speaker 1: your fans.
Speaker 3: That only fans brings you.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, you didn't own your content.
Speaker 3: You weren't.
Speaker 4: I mean, you could be a somewhat of a brand
Speaker 4: right in that realm, but really you can decide what
Speaker 4: your brand looks like, who you want to be name
Speaker 4: the price of your content. I mean, you own all
Speaker 4: of the rights. You can do whatever you want, you
Speaker 4: can get creative with it. And so I really like that,
Speaker 4: And you know, I think not everyone obviously can make
Speaker 4: it on only fans. It takes a lot of work,
Speaker 4: and a lot of people think that we just take
Speaker 4: pictures and we make all of this money. But there's
Speaker 4: a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into that.
Speaker 4: And I'm a very driven person. So I just knew
Speaker 4: I will be that person. Will I will be that
Speaker 4: mis poindexter. So I was really exciting and I just
Speaker 4: stuck with it.
Speaker 1: Were you a sexual person growing up or was that
Speaker 1: something that you embraces a totally new side of yourself.
Speaker 3: Oh I always was. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, even you know, growing up, like as you're in
Speaker 4: high school and you're talking with your friends about what
Speaker 4: you want to do, like if you want to go
Speaker 4: to college. I had no interest. I was like, I know,
Speaker 4: I'm going to work for myself, make my own schedule, right,
Speaker 4: Like I just had this. You know, everyone thought I
Speaker 4: was in La La Land. I remember Jenny McCarthy and
Speaker 4: Carmen Electra. Those were my idols. I'm like, they're doing
Speaker 4: something right, they look like they're having a lot of fun.
Speaker 4: They're in magazines. I wanted to model, so of course,
Speaker 4: like I got married, I had kids, and I just
Speaker 4: thought that's not possible.
Speaker 3: But that's what I wanted to do well.
Speaker 1: And the great thing about only Fans is that it
Speaker 1: really opens up that space for you to find that
Speaker 1: audience that is looking for like that attractive woman next
Speaker 1: door that feels more attainable than like a Carmen Electra right.
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, yeah. People want to think that exactly, that
Speaker 4: it's obtainable that the mom that they see at the
Speaker 4: grocery store that they could have a chance with her.
Speaker 1: I mean, for me, like that's been such an interesting
Speaker 1: thing to see in on the Internet, and then even
Speaker 1: more so with personal content platforms like OnlyFans, because you know,
Speaker 1: I've been in the adult industry for it'll be twenty
Speaker 1: seven years in September, and so I started when it
Speaker 1: was very much controlled by the distributors, and so you know,
Speaker 1: the only content that people had access to was you know,
Speaker 1: well VHS's, yeah, and then like DVDs that they bought,
Speaker 1: and then like magazines that they bought. So they were
Speaker 1: very much there wasn't a lot of feedback from the
Speaker 1: audience to the distributor, right, They just whatever porn they
Speaker 1: got was what they consumed. And then when the Internet
Speaker 1: really opened up this opportunity for people to really seek
Speaker 1: out the things that they were into, you saw like
Speaker 1: this shift like Mills did not exist fifteen twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: Like why when you were like twenty eight, you were
Speaker 1: like done, your career was over.
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
Speaker 4: You didn't have the feedback from the audience, like you said,
Speaker 4: and so you just assumed what they wanted to see,
Speaker 4: and that assumption was, you know, they're getting older, no
Speaker 4: one's interested in this. And then now that we have
Speaker 4: the feedback, what's the.
Speaker 3: Number one search.
Speaker 1: I know, it's crazy, so you want to see it's
Speaker 1: been really cool to see, like how you know pigeonholed.
Speaker 1: Everybody was in porn before where literally you know I
Speaker 1: girls would come in for gosies. Yeah, and I would
Speaker 1: send their pictures to the magazines for approval and they'd
Speaker 1: be like, how old she?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, uh, well, twenty eight. They'd be like,
Speaker 3: just toold? Can you imagine? It's like too old? Yeah,
Speaker 3: you're still a baby.
Speaker 1: You're still so young, I know, right, And now it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, you can be in your fifties, in your
Speaker 1: sixties and some people are doing.
Speaker 3: Like incredibly well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's also enabled I think women to come
Speaker 1: into the industry at a later age when they are
Speaker 1: in a better place to make decisions like them yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, Like they've thought about
Speaker 1: it and they know what they want in life and
Speaker 1: they're ready to establish boundaries. I think sometimes when you
Speaker 1: come into eighteen Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I also think too. You know a lot of men,
Speaker 4: and what's different about of is that you're connecting with
Speaker 4: the fans, and they are seeking more than just the content.
Speaker 4: They're seeking the connection and the relationship and that's why
Speaker 4: they're there. They want to talk to you, they want
Speaker 4: to connect with you, and they're into you. They want
Speaker 4: to know everything about you. And so if if that's true,
Speaker 4: which which it is, then they maybe if they're older themselves,
Speaker 4: then they want someone around their same age that they
Speaker 4: can connect with.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I think that the reason that it exploded so much
Speaker 1: during the pandemic was obviously, like people were so isolated,
Speaker 1: people were so lonely, and this is a way for
Speaker 1: them to connect with other people. And you know, you
Speaker 1: really saw like how important that connection was to two fans,
Speaker 1: and that's It's just it's crazy because I remember when
Speaker 1: only fans first came along. Yeah, and I signed up,
Speaker 1: and I just because I wanted to grab my username, right,
Speaker 1: I didn't want anyone to take it. But I didn't
Speaker 1: like think anything of it. I mean, like I'll be
Speaker 1: the first to admit, like I didn't think it was
Speaker 1: going to go anywhere.
Speaker 3: I was wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And and just to see the way it's exploded,
Speaker 1: it was, I don't know, I feel like it was
Speaker 1: something that like I don't think anyone.
Speaker 4: Saw it coming, right really, Yeah, which is kind of crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 4: everyone was sort of surprised by how well this is
Speaker 4: going and taking off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so tell me how you built an audience, because
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of women who got on OnlyFans
Speaker 1: at least like from my industry already had a following,
Speaker 1: right like because they were doing adult movies. But you
Speaker 1: came you were a mom, and you know you didn't have.
Speaker 4: I had no I had a Facebook that I posted
Speaker 4: on maybe once a year because the family wants to
Speaker 4: see pictures of the kids, right like. That was the extent,
Speaker 4: and I was never on there. I just occasionally would
Speaker 4: go on post that picture. Leave. I had never used TikTok, Twitter, Instagram.
Speaker 4: It was just that Facebook. So part of that, you know,
Speaker 4: when I saw miss Poindexter and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: this is what I'm going to do. I spent about
Speaker 4: a month to two months putting together a business plan
Speaker 4: because this is a business, and getting the LLC and
Speaker 4: writing out that plan. And part of that plan was
Speaker 4: I knew because I did my research, Oh you can't
Speaker 4: just go onto OnlyFans and type in blonde milf right,
Speaker 4: There's really no internal traffic. So a lot of the
Speaker 4: business and the success of the business depends on marketing.
Speaker 3: Yourself.
Speaker 4: So I had to open all of these accounts, and
Speaker 4: I opened multiple on Instagram and multiple Twitters, and I knew, okay,
Speaker 4: I need as many eyeballs on me as possible. So
Speaker 4: I spent several months just posting like crazy, just working
Speaker 4: really hard to build my presence on all of these
Speaker 4: different platforms. I would sit on you can't really do
Speaker 4: this anymore and go anywhere with it. But I would
Speaker 4: sit on TikTok for like an hour just on live
Speaker 4: building a fan base and pushing them over to my Instagram.
Speaker 4: And I'm a nut. I wake up at like seven
Speaker 4: am and I pose I post it noon. I post
Speaker 4: at the same time every day, multiple times a day
Speaker 4: on all of my twelve accounts, and I'm just very
Speaker 4: consistent with it. Like my religion now, my new religion
Speaker 4: is posting on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you say you have multiple accounts. Why did
Speaker 1: you open multiple accounts? And like, are they different from
Speaker 1: each other in anyway? No, I'm starting with the batch creating.
Speaker 3: So I will.
Speaker 4: Let's say I'm in a swim suit and I'm just
Speaker 4: you know, posting, you know, in a picture or just
Speaker 4: make a cute reel in that swimsuit. I'm going to
Speaker 4: make a twelve in that swimsuit so that I don't
Speaker 4: have to reinvent the wheel. And okay, what am I
Speaker 4: doing for the next one. It's just it's quick, you know,
Speaker 4: It's a seven second reel, and then I bust out
Speaker 4: the next one. It's I'll batch create. Since I post
Speaker 4: three times a day, I'll get you know, in another outfit,
Speaker 4: and we'll do that in three outfits so that I
Speaker 4: have that content for the day, and I and I
Speaker 4: will do this. I'll do about a week's worth of
Speaker 4: content and just kind of repeat that process. And why
Speaker 4: twelve accounts is because, like I said, I need to
Speaker 4: have as many eyes on me as possible, and these
Speaker 4: accounts don't perform the same. You could open an Instagram
Speaker 4: and you could be frustrated and think I only get
Speaker 4: you know, five thousand views on all of my reels.
Speaker 4: You could open another account and for some reason, I'm
Speaker 4: getting in thirty days, I'm pulling in like ten million views.
Speaker 4: And so I knew and I saw very quickly. Okay,
Speaker 4: some of these accounts are kind of duds. Some are performing. Okay,
Speaker 4: I have one that performs well, well, you know, in
Speaker 4: this industry, Instagram is not our friend, and your account
Speaker 4: can go down, and you've put all of your eggs
Speaker 4: in one basket in this account, so I better have twelve.
Speaker 1: So do you have a theory as to why certain
Speaker 1: accounts do better than others? Do you think it's just
Speaker 1: like an algorithm like chance? Yeah, exactly, yeah, right, A
Speaker 1: lot of it is luck. Yeah, yeah, because I have
Speaker 1: found that I started helping a couple of girls like
Speaker 1: start new Instagrams, and I have found that I struggle
Speaker 1: with getting some posts above like a certain number, like
Speaker 1: some will do really well and then others won't. And
Speaker 1: I can see like the ones that Instagram is pushing
Speaker 1: out to the non followers versus the followers only, and
Speaker 1: it seems like the sexier it is, the more Instagram
Speaker 1: will choke the traffic.
Speaker 3: Yeah. True, And I'm like, how you get past that barrier?
Speaker 1: Do you have to get to a certain number of
Speaker 1: followers and then it's just like at that point, it's
Speaker 1: just the like an exponential growth like that's yes, yes,
Speaker 1: my own personal account, I already like over eight hundred thousands.
Speaker 1: That's different, but starting from scratch, like I haven't done
Speaker 1: that since the beginning of Instagram.
Speaker 4: It's yeah, it's really difficult. Yes, you're right, but also
Speaker 4: without pushing the limits. So some think, oh, I have
Speaker 4: five million followers, I can do whatever I want. Well,
Speaker 4: you turn around in a thong and you're going to
Speaker 4: find out real quick you can't do whatever you want
Speaker 4: then to fly the posts. So it's there's a balance.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: I have an account, my main account. I think for
Speaker 4: the last thirty days. You know how it shows like
Speaker 4: your views for the last thirty days, I met ninety
Speaker 4: million views.
Speaker 3: That's a lot.
Speaker 4: Yeah, ninety million views, and the last thirty days on
Speaker 4: that account. Another account is at like fifteen million. So
Speaker 4: that's why I have these accounts because I'm going to
Speaker 4: get lucky on one.
Speaker 1: Okay, interesting, and they're none that you like give up on. No,
Speaker 1: you're just like never, I'm going to keep. I believe
Speaker 1: in all of you. I believe your children. Yes, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: I believe in you, and I just treat them as
Speaker 4: though this next post is going to go viral and
Speaker 4: eventually something will.
Speaker 3: So you just have to.
Speaker 4: I think people get frustrated and they give up, and
Speaker 4: you can't. You have to just yeah, you can't, you
Speaker 4: have to, Yes, you just have to maintain that delusion
Speaker 4: that this next post is going to do it, this
Speaker 4: next post is going to do it, because eventually it will.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So do you post the same exact Do you
Speaker 1: do a different post for each Instagram?
Speaker 4: I do because Instagram doesn't want you to spam, so
Speaker 4: they don't want you to take this real that you
Speaker 4: posted on this account and post it on another make
Speaker 4: a different reel. But they're pretty identical. Maybe in this
Speaker 4: one I went like this with my hair instead of
Speaker 4: instead of just standing there. You know, their captions are different.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 4: Usually I don't really believe in captions. I don't my
Speaker 4: main account try to find it. I mean, okay, you
Speaker 4: maybe find on a collap maybe I don't know. Two
Speaker 4: captions out of like a hundred, I don't. I don't
Speaker 4: think it makes the difference. No one reads, no, No
Speaker 4: one looks at that. No, so hashtag well no, don't
Speaker 4: even bother.
Speaker 1: No one cares about that, cares will be there on
Speaker 1: TikTok though hashtags matter, I.
Speaker 3: Think, so, yeah, yeah I do.
Speaker 1: Do you guys know you were taking a social media
Speaker 1: class today? I'm sorry, these the questions I want to know.
Speaker 4: So I think a lot of people want to know
Speaker 4: why do you do what I Some guys will ask,
Speaker 4: They're like, wait, why am why am I seeing like
Speaker 4: twelve of you. I'm like, because a girl's got to
Speaker 4: do what a girl's gotta do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So tell me about when you first opened your
Speaker 1: only fans, Like, do you remember the first piece of
Speaker 1: content that you shared on there?
Speaker 4: Embarrassing photos?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: I look back and I'm like, those are so low quality, embarrassing,
Speaker 4: like horrible lighting. I probably had like some terrible filter
Speaker 4: on it, you know. I just yeah, I don't repeat
Speaker 4: those photos. And then video. I don't know why, because
Speaker 4: I could have made so much more money, so so
Speaker 4: much sooner. I think the first one was just like
Speaker 4: a like a beaja facial video.
Speaker 3: Oh that was your first video? That was No, that
Speaker 3: was my first.
Speaker 4: Boy girl, OK. And I think I waited like six
Speaker 4: months to post it because I was like, I can't
Speaker 4: give them everything at once.
Speaker 3: We have to trickle this out. Yeah, absolutely, he.
Speaker 4: Like build up the interest.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: It was just a solo video of myself probably terrible.
Speaker 4: Sorry it's gotten better, I promise, but yeah, just a
Speaker 4: solo video, you know, like five minutes solo. I think
Speaker 4: I did that right out the gate, Like first week
Speaker 4: it was like, Okay, we're doing this. Yeah, and then
Speaker 4: I think, yeah, they got that j video. And then
Speaker 4: I think I waited like a year to have a
Speaker 4: true boy girl video and then it was.
Speaker 3: On after that, After that it was very easy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So how how did you build up your only fans?
Speaker 1: Like where, like how long did it take for you
Speaker 1: you got to a point where you're like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: making serious money because I mean, you know, you hear
Speaker 1: all these stories about oh my god, all we hear
Speaker 1: is the people that are making millions of dollars on
Speaker 1: their only fans, two hundred thousand dollars a month, whatever
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 3: But a majority of creators are.
Speaker 1: Making no more than two hundred dollars a month, right, So,
Speaker 1: and it's so hard for people to push past yeah,
Speaker 1: that that drop off?
Speaker 3: Right, how did you get past that?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 3: I think I was.
Speaker 4: Two months in when I quit my job. I was
Speaker 4: recruiting nurses for a dialysis company. Okay, I had a
Speaker 4: great job, and I just was like done with you
Speaker 4: because I spent two months building, building my social media,
Speaker 4: opening the only fans, and I want to say, at
Speaker 4: two months in, I was probably making about maybe made
Speaker 4: like about like seven thousand at that point, which at
Speaker 4: the time was like, oh, we're quitting. Why would I
Speaker 4: do this anymore? And I knew I was at that
Speaker 4: point where I needed to give my full attention to it.
Speaker 4: It can't or it can't grow. I'll always only make
Speaker 4: this because this is all I can do, because there's
Speaker 4: a lot that you have to put into growing on OnlyFans.
Speaker 4: And so I quit and then I knew, Okay, I
Speaker 4: now have the time to open more accounts and to
Speaker 4: truly dedicate myself to this. So you know, people aren't
Speaker 4: that aren't making the money. It's because they think, you know,
Speaker 4: while I'm hot, I can post and just people are
Speaker 4: going to come.
Speaker 3: Well, no one knows who you are, who are you? Right?
Speaker 4: It's very competitive on social media, So you not only
Speaker 4: have to figure out how to set yourself apart, but
Speaker 4: you have to have a drive, you have to be
Speaker 4: you have to be a workhorse.
Speaker 3: You should treat it like a full time job. It is.
Speaker 3: It's a business.
Speaker 4: Like you know, if you were opening a restaurant, would
Speaker 4: you show up, you know, twice a week and not
Speaker 4: advertise and expect that people are going to come in and.
Speaker 3: You're going to win a Michelin award.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to get in there. You have to
Speaker 4: market yourself. You have to make it known that you're here.
Speaker 1: What if you found works the best for you on
Speaker 1: only Evans content wise more just like maybe overall strategy.
Speaker 3: Keep things very personalized on their voice notes.
Speaker 4: You know, I want them to know that I'm here,
Speaker 4: it's me, and so like good morning messages, good night messages,
Speaker 4: you know, using personalizing it, I you know, not short
Speaker 4: in the messages. So you know, even if you're not
Speaker 4: spending today, you're going to want to spend with me
Speaker 4: because you're going to get to know me and like me,
Speaker 4: and then you're going to want to support me because
Speaker 4: I'm just a genuine, normal, nice person and it's not
Speaker 4: always the hustle. Yeah, you know, I take the time
Speaker 4: like how are you today?
Speaker 3: What are you up to?
Speaker 4: You know, I have those conversations. So I think that's
Speaker 4: important and that works really really well.
Speaker 1: Do you have any issues with like fans who aren't
Speaker 1: good at respecting boundaries or who kind of think you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship that you're not in, and like how
Speaker 1: do you manage that.
Speaker 4: I don't really have that problem. I think, I mean,
Speaker 4: people get upset when they come on and find out like, oh,
Speaker 4: this isn't bumble, this isn't bumble. I can't I can't
Speaker 4: meet you right now right right, I can't do that
Speaker 4: and we can't talk about that that. I would say
Speaker 4: that's the biggest problem.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but generally your fans are pretty good at like
Speaker 1: understandingies and you don't.
Speaker 3: I've had I've had a couple, You've had some issues.
Speaker 4: A cuckoo on me, Oh what happens everyone's found to
Speaker 4: come up?
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, I think you know, they just think that.
Speaker 1: It's more and more connected than we are, and you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: they think that it's going to go to the next level.
Speaker 3: Right, And I'm and I have a kid, and I like.
Speaker 1: Write, I do care about you as a person, and
Speaker 1: like I do want to know how your day is going,
Speaker 1: and but I like, we're not going to be together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's sad though, you know, like loneliness is an epidemic,
Speaker 1: and I see that in a lot. I see that
Speaker 1: in a lot of men. I see that in a
Speaker 1: lot of cat fishing. I get a lot of cat fishing.
Speaker 3: Do you get that? Oh fakes of me? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah all the time. And it's like yeah, they'll say,
Speaker 4: you know, we've been talking on What's Happened. I'm like,
Speaker 4: so if I have a subscription site where I get
Speaker 4: paid when you come on and talk to me, why
Speaker 4: would I be on What's happ for free? Like why
Speaker 4: would that happen? On what planet? And on What's happened?
Speaker 4: You know, when I'm busy just chatting for kicks and giggles.
Speaker 1: Like No, Unfortunately, I think like a lot of times
Speaker 1: that guys who buy into that are not necessarily people
Speaker 1: who are going to think.
Speaker 3: Logically.
Speaker 1: So it's just like it's it's unfortunate and they and
Speaker 1: they send a lot of money to these scammers, and
Speaker 1: it's just like and it makes me sad because I'm
Speaker 1: just like you, just that is not that money to me.
Speaker 3: Right exactly? Yeah, can give it to me tips?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, send you a custom at least like fake
Speaker 1: promises moving in with you?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think the biggest frustration though, is maybe someone come on,
Speaker 4: coming on and not respecting my time and value because
Speaker 4: I value myself in my time, so you know, oh,
Speaker 4: can you do it for this? No, because one of
Speaker 4: us is going to have to sacrifice, you or me,
Speaker 4: and it's not going to be me when I'm the
Speaker 4: one making the content and you know you want me
Speaker 4: to do something for you, but you're asking me to
Speaker 4: make the sacrifice. Yeah, and you're trying to woo me
Speaker 4: and you want my attention. Yeah, if you were dating
Speaker 4: a woman, is that how it would go?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so why are you You're supposed to be like
Speaker 4: showering me with me with attention, love, money, gifts, and
Speaker 4: you are wondering why I'm not giving you my time?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, get it together, you know. I sometimes I
Speaker 1: do say to guys, I'm like, this isn't a flea market.
Speaker 3: We are not here to haggle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, get out of here. But I will say that, like,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you have this experience too. Most of
Speaker 1: the guys are like awesome, like so respectful, yeah, really supportive,
Speaker 1: and I feel, you know.
Speaker 3: So grateful.
Speaker 4: Ninety seven percent Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely just always it a couple of bad yeah.
Speaker 3: Those yeah, exactly. Most of you guys were great. Yes,
Speaker 3: I love you.
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Speaker 1: You deserve to feel amazing. Start today. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: were only thirty four when you became a widow. How
Speaker 1: did you manage to survive that loss, especially with four kids?
Speaker 1: That must have been like so incredibly difficult. I can't
Speaker 1: even imagine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it was.
Speaker 4: I had a good group of friends, and I had
Speaker 4: at the time the support of the church, and so
Speaker 4: they did things that I couldn't and leading up to
Speaker 4: his death as well, like they brought meals every day
Speaker 4: for months. I didn't have to think about cooking or
Speaker 4: food in the house because they brought it or they'd
Speaker 4: be like, oh, let me take the kids to their
Speaker 4: sports activities because some days I just like couldn't. I
Speaker 4: just couldn't. Yeah, write it was really difficult. Yeah, but
Speaker 4: you know, like I think when something like that happens,
Speaker 4: you know, leading up to it, you think like there's
Speaker 4: no way I can get through this, I can't do this,
Speaker 4: and then somehow you do.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I'm not going to say it's easy, but yeah,
Speaker 4: somehow you just you do. You do go into survival mode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, don't you don't know what you can
Speaker 1: get through until you face with it. Yeah, and especially
Speaker 1: when you have kids, it's like you have to.
Speaker 3: You have to. You have to get through it. There's
Speaker 3: no choice. You don't. You don't have a choice, right
Speaker 3: you know. Yeah, so you said that.
Speaker 1: So you were in the Mormon Church then at the time,
Speaker 1: and so they really like gathered around you and like
Speaker 1: supported you. That must have been one of like for me,
Speaker 1: I'm not a religious persons. In fact, I was raised atheist,
Speaker 1: but I love the way that the church creates a
Speaker 1: community of people that really come together and support each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think that that's something that is missing in society.
Speaker 4: Definitely, these days. Yeah, everyone is just like for themselves.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like we don't really like people don't have something
Speaker 1: that centers them, Yeah, and something to like focus around.
Speaker 1: And even though I'm not religious, I see how like
Speaker 1: that has value with the church. So that must have
Speaker 1: been you must have been felt like so grateful for that, Like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely. I mean they even came to me and said, Okay,
Speaker 4: we know that you can't do this, so just tell us,
Speaker 4: like what flowers you Like? They did absolutely everything for
Speaker 4: the funeral. They paid for it, they put the service together.
Speaker 3: I showed up. Did your faith help you get through that?
Speaker 4: It did because I felt like, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 4: see him again because I you know, I really believe that.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, I'm going to see him again.
Speaker 4: So I had that comfort. I knew, okay, he's with God. Now.
Speaker 4: I had that comfort, and so that helped me quite
Speaker 4: a bit, just knowing like he's a piece I don't
Speaker 4: need to have any guilt about that, and that you know,
Speaker 4: for me, like everything is going to be okay.
Speaker 1: That's another thing that I actually makes me a little
Speaker 1: bit jealous about people who have faith like that. That
Speaker 1: truly like feeling that comfort and thinking that you're going
Speaker 1: to see that person again, yeah, or that they're they're okay,
Speaker 1: that their spirit like resides somewhere. Yeah, because you know,
Speaker 1: when my father died, like that was like the worst
Speaker 1: thing for me. Yeah, and I didn't have that.
Speaker 3: That he was just gone.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like there's
Speaker 4: just nothing right.
Speaker 3: Like he's gone, right, and I'm never going to see
Speaker 3: him again.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think whether you're religious or not, and if you
Speaker 4: don't have that, you can know that, well, they're not
Speaker 4: physically suffering, right, They're not suffering whether you believe or not,
Speaker 4: you know, in the other stuff or not. Regardless of
Speaker 4: what you believe, they're not suffering. Yeah, and so you
Speaker 4: don't have to carry that burden, Right's.
Speaker 1: The idea of non existence to me, is like the
Speaker 1: most terrifying thing ever.
Speaker 4: It is. It's strange.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I like sit in the dark and think, well,
Speaker 3: if you've gone through that, yes, you do.
Speaker 4: You think about those things because it is strange to
Speaker 4: know someone your whole life and to have someone be
Speaker 4: constant and then they just don't exist. It's strange and
Speaker 4: it's not something that you think about unless it happens
Speaker 4: to you, right, yeah.
Speaker 1: So now you ended up being excommunicated from the church
Speaker 1: that yeah, right, So what happened there?
Speaker 4: So I think it was I told you I was
Speaker 4: on that talk show, The Daily Blast Live.
Speaker 3: Well that aired.
Speaker 4: I don't think they're on the air anymore, but I
Speaker 4: think they aired in like twenty states and it was
Speaker 4: this live talk show, and then that was put on
Speaker 4: YouTube and so it circulates.
Speaker 1: And so you went on that talk show about your career, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: I think I was.
Speaker 4: You know, after being featured in the New York Post,
Speaker 4: they contacted me and said, hey, we'd like to have
Speaker 4: you as a guest on our show.
Speaker 3: Would you like to do that? I'm like sure, So
Speaker 3: I did, And.
Speaker 4: Then after it was televised, they put it on YouTube.
Speaker 4: Someone I don't know who, someone in the church saw
Speaker 4: that and said recognize you and they sent that to
Speaker 4: the bishop of the church. And so I got a
Speaker 4: text one morning and this was after another article had
Speaker 4: come out in the New York Post, and I thought, oh,
Speaker 4: he saw it.
Speaker 3: I had a text at.
Speaker 4: Like five thirty am. I need to meet with you.
Speaker 4: It's important. Can you come and meet me at the church.
Speaker 4: I've never had a text like that in my life,
Speaker 4: so I knew who knows, and so of course I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm really busy. Can we just talk about this over text?
Speaker 4: And he's like, it's really important, I'd rather do this
Speaker 4: in person. And so I avoided him for a while
Speaker 4: and then I decided, Okay, he's going to see me
Speaker 4: in attendance this Sunday. Let's just rip the band aid off.
Speaker 3: So I did.
Speaker 4: I let him come over, and we had the most
Speaker 4: awkward interaction conversation ever. You know, he's not really into
Speaker 4: social media, right, and I don't know if he has Instagram,
Speaker 4: but he certainly doesn't know anything about the adult industry. Well,
Speaker 4: it's still none of his business. And I still, you know,
Speaker 4: I don't see anything wrong with if I were on
Speaker 4: the other side of the business, as you know, an
Speaker 4: adult in adult entertainment film star. But he assumed that's
Speaker 4: what it was, and he went off on some spiel,
Speaker 4: some tangent about how you know, like negative that is
Speaker 4: and you know, not not great for you know, myself
Speaker 4: or my family. I didn't correct him. I just sort
Speaker 4: of like the smile and nod like a yea, yeah.
Speaker 4: He gave me an ultimatum. He said, you can't do
Speaker 4: this and be a member of the church. It just
Speaker 4: doesn't work. Those two things just don't coexist. You can
Speaker 4: have your career and your life, or you can come
Speaker 4: and attend and be one of us, basically, And he
Speaker 4: asked me if that's you know, do you want to
Speaker 4: still attend and do you want to be a member?
Speaker 4: And is this what you want? And I said yes,
Speaker 4: you know, I just wanted to think.
Speaker 3: I just wanted him out of my house.
Speaker 4: I'm thinking towards the end of the conversation, I'm thinking,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, why are wait, why are you here
Speaker 4: right now?
Speaker 3: Why did I let you come over again?
Speaker 4: But you're conditioned from a young age because in the
Speaker 4: Mormon Church, you have to you you attend an annual
Speaker 4: meeting where you're asked questions about you know, your faith
Speaker 4: and if you still have the same beliefs that you
Speaker 4: did and if you've been living a pure life to
Speaker 4: get permission to go to the Mormon temple, So you
Speaker 4: can't just walk into the Mormon Temple. You have to
Speaker 4: have the recommendation from the bishop, and so you know
Speaker 4: you're you're if you're a member, then you're used to this.
Speaker 4: You're used to asking for permission and wanting and needing acceptance,
Speaker 4: and so that's why. To anyone else, they're like, you know,
Speaker 4: why did you let him in your house? Like that's
Speaker 4: none of his business. But if you're used to that
Speaker 4: and having those conversations, then it's just sort of a
Speaker 4: knee jerk reaction to say, Okay, dad, yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: go over, we'll talk about it.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 4: But yeah, Towards the end of that conversation, I'm like,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, this is really strange. This is not normal.
Speaker 4: Why are you here? This is none of your business.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: I when I'm in attendance on Sunday, which I am
Speaker 4: every Sunday, I act normal, like I dress conservatively, I'm nice,
Speaker 4: I sit quietly and I listen and then I leave
Speaker 4: and I go home. So where it led from there
Speaker 4: was he wanted an update. Like every couple of weeks,
Speaker 4: he was texting me like, Hey, I'd really like to
Speaker 4: have an update from you. Where are we at with things?
Speaker 4: Because he wanted to know are you still continuing your
Speaker 4: shenanigans on on OnlyFans or have you changed your ways?
Speaker 4: And of course I haven't changed my ways, making bank
Speaker 4: make a lot.
Speaker 3: Of money, don't you. I don't you have to give
Speaker 3: ten percent of your income to the Mormon you but.
Speaker 4: It's frowned upon, not too Yeah.
Speaker 3: So if he wants his ten percent, then maybe he
Speaker 3: should let you do only right.
Speaker 4: Yes, right, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, I thought it was
Speaker 4: dirty money.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So you know, he's really after me, wanting an update,
Speaker 4: and I didn't want to give it to him because
Speaker 4: I wanted to just do my thing and like leave
Speaker 4: me alone. Right. So I was moving to another state,
Speaker 4: and it was known because I was asking for help
Speaker 4: to carry furniture and do things and so, not him,
Speaker 4: but other members in the church. So you know, the
Speaker 4: talk happened that Okay, she's moving, and he didn't want
Speaker 4: this to be I think what happened is he didn't
Speaker 4: want this to be another bishop's problem, because when you move,
Speaker 4: you have a record number you have, you have a
Speaker 4: record with the church. So if I move and I attend,
Speaker 4: they're going to ask, okay, what's your member I d
Speaker 4: and then they're going to find out and then we
Speaker 4: have to have that conversation. So I think he just thought,
Speaker 4: let's just close business here. You're not doing what you're
Speaker 4: supposed to be doing. Your Instagram's still there, your account's
Speaker 4: still there, your your link is still in your bio,
Speaker 4: and so I'm just going to make the call. And
Speaker 4: so he took away my membership.
Speaker 3: So he excommunicated you. Yes, yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: It says in the letter, which I did get an
Speaker 4: official letter, that you know, I'm still welcome to attend,
Speaker 4: but I can't take part in sacrament. I can't attend
Speaker 4: the temple. I don't have any of the same privileges.
Speaker 4: So you're allowed to sit there in the pew and
Speaker 4: be shamed if you'd like to still attend, you know,
Speaker 4: if you'd still like to show up and have everyone
Speaker 4: stare at you because it's quiet, like if somebody passes
Speaker 4: gas two hundred, people are going to know. Like it's
Speaker 4: quiet when you pass that bread in that water. Everyone
Speaker 4: is looking around, and everyone takes the bread in the water.
Speaker 4: But if I'm not allowed to, it's going to be noticed.
Speaker 4: Right if I don't, it's like I'm not, come on,
Speaker 4: this isn't I'm excommunicated.
Speaker 3: I'm out. Yeah, yeah, So what did you do after that?
Speaker 4: I moved and then I just I just went about
Speaker 4: my life and I started recently thinking about going back
Speaker 4: because I just wanted to like regroup, you know, restart
Speaker 4: my life, which I wasn't moving because of that. I
Speaker 4: wanted out of bad weather. But I'm glad I'm away.
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't want.
Speaker 3: Those people as neighbors, right. Yeah, So.
Speaker 4: I'm now because my kids, you know, they grew up
Speaker 4: attending every Sunday and it's kind of weird. It's like
Speaker 4: there's this hole and things are just different. And so
Speaker 4: I've thought about, well, maybe I do just go back
Speaker 4: and then I fight for my membership. I'm just not
Speaker 4: really sure what my move is going to be, but
Speaker 4: that's the potential.
Speaker 1: How did you tell your kids that you were excommunicated?
Speaker 1: Do they know why?
Speaker 4: My older daughter does, The younger one thinks we've been
Speaker 4: busy and.
Speaker 3: I mean we're just not true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know, and she's you know, busy with
Speaker 4: her friends, and you know, probably now is like, well okay,
Speaker 4: well actually I'm happy we're not.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I have study's free now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's free. Now I can play roadblocks.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So did you think about like getting like when you
Speaker 1: got into only fans? Do you think about the church
Speaker 1: running out? Like neighbors finding out that stuff I did,
Speaker 1: but it.
Speaker 4: Was worth it to me to just because I knew
Speaker 4: I believed in myself. I knew that I was going
Speaker 4: to be at the top on OnlyFans when like day one,
Speaker 4: I was like, it's happening. That's just who I am.
Speaker 4: I do something and I want to take it to
Speaker 4: the top.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I thought about it, but I thought I would
Speaker 4: rather deal with that and have those consequences than not
Speaker 4: pursue what I want to do.
Speaker 3: And do you feel like it's been worth it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it has been excommunicated from the church. Is that
Speaker 1: shaking your faith at all? Or is it as strong
Speaker 1: as ever?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I just think it's you know, it's hypocritical because everyone sins, right,
Speaker 4: this is a sin, but and he sends too. He's
Speaker 4: not perfect, he's human. So for him to decide that
Speaker 4: my sin is greater, that it's worse than his, for
Speaker 4: him to decide, well, I'm the judge and the jury
Speaker 4: and your sin that's dirty, mine is not. So I
Speaker 4: can still hold my position. That's hypocritical. And you're not
Speaker 4: the You're not Jesus like.
Speaker 1: No, right, So you feel like maybe the organization around
Speaker 1: the Mormon church, like the people are perhaps not running
Speaker 1: it the way that they're misled, but you still have
Speaker 1: a strong faith, like staring Jesus and the message and
Speaker 1: all that.
Speaker 4: Definitely, Yeah, none of that has changed. I just think
Speaker 4: that he's a little flawed, Yeah, and that the system
Speaker 4: is a little flawed.
Speaker 1: Do you think that you would be welcomed back in
Speaker 1: a different church with the from pastor.
Speaker 4: That's what I'm considering, Like maybe I can say my
Speaker 4: piece and we can.
Speaker 3: Come to an understanding. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, potentially free only fans memberships for everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, hey, I'll show you a.
Speaker 4: Peak three month subscription.
Speaker 1: So you've also been reported to your HOA and judged
Speaker 1: by your neighbors. Yeah, so you're getting it from all sides. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I have a funny story about my neighbor. Okay, crazy,
Speaker 4: I want to hear it. Yeah, so this loon that
Speaker 4: she's behind me, so we share a fence, and so
Speaker 4: here's my porch, and then her house is here. So
Speaker 4: I'll go out there and I'll make reels. I'm not
Speaker 4: doing anything crazy. I'm just being cute in my bikini
Speaker 4: sometimes lingerie. But like from a distance, you couldn't tell
Speaker 4: the difference between my lingerie top and a bikini because
Speaker 4: it's just like maybe it's a maroon full coverage, like
Speaker 4: not sheer top and panty.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that the fence is not super high and
Speaker 1: it's not like opaque like you can see through it.
Speaker 3: Obviously you can't.
Speaker 4: But so my house is sit My house is like
Speaker 4: kind of on a it's it's it's above, it's above.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So she's look when she looks, I'm up and her
Speaker 4: house is down here, gotcha. So I can see down
Speaker 4: onto her porch, she can see up to mine. So
Speaker 4: I'm out there one day and you know how you
Speaker 4: could just feel someone's eyes, right, I had my little
Speaker 4: tripod and I'm just you know, basically being cute Sie
Speaker 4: in the camera and I'm not like bouncing around and
Speaker 4: doing anything weird. I felt eyes. So I look over
Speaker 4: and she's, you know, she's definitely staring at me. And
Speaker 4: so I thought, it's just your imagination, a holly. So
Speaker 4: I did what I needed to do, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: we'll see again. So but it's been several minutes and
Speaker 4: I look and she's still staring at me, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 4: don't think it's my imagination. I have like one more
Speaker 4: real to do. So a couple minutes go by and
Speaker 4: I look up again and she's still staring at me.
Speaker 4: I think she was thinking, like, if I give her
Speaker 4: the evil eye, she'll just she'll be uncomfortable and she'll
Speaker 4: go inside. So I went inside because I'm done. Like
Speaker 4: that was my purpose. I needed to make some cute reels.
Speaker 4: Take a couple of pics on my deck. I'm going
Speaker 4: back inside. So I did, and I'm in a bikini.
Speaker 4: Take my bikini top off, and I'm in my I'm
Speaker 4: in my dining room in my house. I take it
Speaker 4: off and I set something down and I looked over
Speaker 4: and she's still staring at me. And she's like she's
Speaker 4: like this on her counter, and she's like, I mean
Speaker 4: it's kind of hard to see because there's a glare.
Speaker 4: I can definitely tell her she's staring at me. And
Speaker 4: so of course I'm like, now I'm staring at you
Speaker 4: because I'm thinking, wait, why are we staring right now?
Speaker 3: Right? Is that? What UD thinking?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: Why is this going up? What's going on?
Speaker 4: Like yeah, yeah, And then she grabs her phone. Come
Speaker 4: to find out, she called the neighbors to say that
Speaker 4: I'm like to complain that I made eye contact over
Speaker 4: the fence line at her, and that I went in
Speaker 4: my house and took my top off for her, like
Speaker 4: wanting her to watch me, that I like seductively took
Speaker 4: it off, and that I'm basically like, right, yes, you're
Speaker 4: the peeping tom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so she I'm.
Speaker 1: So sorry, officer, but I had my nose pressed against
Speaker 1: her window in the middle of the night and then
Speaker 1: she got undressed in front of me, and yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: but she's the perpetrator.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, you're the peeping tom. I know. And I
Speaker 4: don't know who she's blown in the neighborhood that they
Speaker 4: all like, oh, you know, like I thinks she's the
Speaker 4: victim because she saw me naked.
Speaker 3: You're looking at my window.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, So she's talking crap to all the neighbors
Speaker 4: about how like I'm this pervert and she called someone
Speaker 4: called the age away m hm and made complaints that
Speaker 4: I'm outside in my bikini and I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 4: bother me.
Speaker 3: It's just so did the age A call you? No,
Speaker 3: they didn't, that would because we're I.
Speaker 4: Know, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 3: Like what do you think?
Speaker 4: They're the morality police for the neighborhood, Like, what do
Speaker 4: you think they're going to do?
Speaker 3: Oh, no, she's in a bikini. So are you you
Speaker 3: have a pool lunatic? Yeah? Yeah, so how is that?
Speaker 4: We just like no one talks up no one. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm just like, no one wants to talk to me.
Speaker 4: I'll drive through the neighborhood or walk and people are like,
Speaker 4: They're like so uncomfortable, it's so weird.
Speaker 3: Like make you feel like you want to move.
Speaker 4: I'll do whatever, Like I'm not uncomfortable and I have
Speaker 4: zero shame, but I have to for the sake of
Speaker 4: my kids. I have to go to our neighborhood pool
Speaker 4: like at like seven am because my kids there will
Speaker 4: be consequences for them if I cause a stir, So
Speaker 4: I have to keep a low profile. And like, I
Speaker 4: only want to move because I'm like, okay, I just
Speaker 4: need my own pool so that I don't have to
Speaker 4: get up at seven am to make reels. If i'd
Speaker 4: sit noon or you know, whatever I want to do
Speaker 4: at my pool, I can do. But I have to
Speaker 4: just keep the low key profile because of the kids.
Speaker 4: So because of that reason, yes, but not because I
Speaker 4: like care what they think or I'm like what you're boring,
Speaker 4: Like you don't have a life. You think I want
Speaker 4: to hang out with you anyways, No, we have nothing
Speaker 4: in common.
Speaker 1: Has this affected you're like anything with your kids? Do
Speaker 1: they have struggles at school or anything like that? Does anyone, Like.
Speaker 4: You've just been a couple of uncomfortable, like tough conversations
Speaker 4: like why do you have to do this? Mom? I'm like,
Speaker 4: you like those shoes, lying's house, you like the vacation,
Speaker 4: That's why?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, they could take it back, change things, but overall,
Speaker 4: like they have all had trouble, like you know, like
Speaker 4: like it hasn't caused them. They haven't had issues themselves
Speaker 4: prior to moving. Yes, my older daughter was bullied. I
Speaker 4: popped up on TikTok. I was live on TikTok and
Speaker 4: one of her friends did see, and of course they
Speaker 4: went to my Instagram and then it was.
Speaker 3: All bad from there. They can't get on to OnlyFans,
Speaker 3: but they can see the link.
Speaker 4: They can see what I do, and so they did
Speaker 4: give her a hard time and that was during middle
Speaker 4: school and that was awful. Since moving, though, we really
Speaker 4: haven't had those issues. But she knows about the neighbor
Speaker 4: thing and I think there is one other kid in
Speaker 4: the neighborhood. And he saw me with a tripod in
Speaker 4: my front door and he put two and two together
Speaker 4: and he didn't raz her about it. He just asked
Speaker 4: about it. So thankfully that's been okay. Yeah, so it's
Speaker 4: it's okay. But there have been a couple of conversations,
Speaker 4: like I said, like, why do you have to do this, mom,
Speaker 4: because you like money as much as I do.
Speaker 1: What we have to do my daughter, I like it.
Speaker 1: My daughter starts public school this year, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just it's funny because so you know,
Speaker 1: with public school, they ask for all kinds of volunteer
Speaker 1: help from the parents and stuff like that. And one
Speaker 1: of the positions was a photographer, like class photographer, and
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a photographer. I'm a very good photographer,
Speaker 1: and I know a lot about photography and I you know,
Speaker 1: And so my husband was like, oh, you should, you
Speaker 1: should do that, like you because he was also like,
Speaker 1: if you're not the photographer, all you're gonna do is
Speaker 1: criticize whoever becomes the photographer.
Speaker 3: Right, Like that's true. But then I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, the problem is is that at some
Speaker 1: point someone's going to eventually find out what I do
Speaker 1: and it's going to be weird, and a parent's going
Speaker 1: to complain, and then a teacher is going to have
Speaker 1: to come to me and be like, hey, sorry, we
Speaker 1: found out that you shoot porn. We cannot allow you to,
Speaker 1: you know, be the class photographer for like the preschool,
Speaker 1: which is like insane amazing.
Speaker 3: Saying like, what do you think I'm going to do?
Speaker 3: Show them my work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean it's like, first of all, it's it's all
Speaker 1: in a public space. It's at the school, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: Like And second of all, to think that I'm like
Speaker 1: some sexual deviant is is bananas? Yes, Like it's you know,
Speaker 1: I mean And if anything, I was saying about this
Speaker 1: the other day, if anybody understands consent and bodily autonomy,
Speaker 1: it's me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, like people don't like the.
Speaker 1: Adult industry is we are very especially like you know,
Speaker 1: at the level that I work at, we're very concerned
Speaker 1: with consent and like, you know, autonomy, And I'm very like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very aware of those things.
Speaker 3: And like the fucking children, like.
Speaker 4: Right, this is quiet exactly. It's if suddenly you don't
Speaker 4: have a brain, and like, like, you can't. Can't you know,
Speaker 4: be professional? Right, it's just because of what you do, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's just like, and it's sad because I knew
Speaker 1: I was going to come up against this at some
Speaker 1: point and it hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 3: This is the imaginary thing that's coming up in my head.
Speaker 1: But I'm just like, I know, if I put myself
Speaker 1: in that position, I feel like it's going to backfire
Speaker 1: on me and then it's going to be really hurtful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I just like I don't want to put
Speaker 1: myself in that position. So yeah, I think I'm going
Speaker 1: to have to let somebody else take shitty photos of
Speaker 1: the kids and.
Speaker 3: I'll just have to judge from back here. Yeah, not
Speaker 3: where you put that light lady.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, you could just say you could just say
Speaker 4: to her. I mean two things, One you could you
Speaker 4: could take the chance, or two you could go to
Speaker 4: her and be like, hey, I couldn't. I was too
Speaker 4: busy to take this on, but hey, I I took
Speaker 4: some photography classes and I can give you some tips.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's gonna be an interesting world to navigate.
Speaker 1: But I mean, you know, I do live in LA.
Speaker 1: People are a lot more open here.
Speaker 3: They are. It's very real different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't really like faced too much vitriol for
Speaker 1: what I do. It just I've never I've never navigated
Speaker 1: this road.
Speaker 3: As a mom.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know right.
Speaker 1: And it's like I grew up in this industry as
Speaker 1: the daughter of pornographers. I mean that's what my parents.
Speaker 1: There was no backlash, right, well, but the Internet didn't exist. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're right, you're right, people about you know. I mean
Speaker 1: if somebody, first of all, if you knew who Susan
Speaker 1: Randall was, then you were like a big fan of porn,
Speaker 1: like to know who the photographer was.
Speaker 3: You know then yeah, so that was like not common.
Speaker 1: But to recognize her like you know, at an event,
Speaker 1: like then you're like crazy super fan, Like that's so uncommon.
Speaker 1: But now you know, everybody's on the internet. I mean
Speaker 1: you found me because I pucked up on your instagra. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and the way phones talk to each other.
Speaker 1: Who knows that I'm just going to be like next
Speaker 1: to a mom. And then just like it does recommend yeah,
Speaker 1: people that are near you.
Speaker 3: Yes, it does.
Speaker 4: When you first post something, it pushes out to those
Speaker 4: in your local area. It does well, then it goes further. Yeah,
Speaker 4: so yeah, your neighbors are seeing your stuff.
Speaker 3: You know, my neighbors are cool.
Speaker 1: Like the neighborhood that I live in is like this
Speaker 1: eclectic kind of like school art community full of a
Speaker 1: lot of people in the entertainment business. They are totally fine,
Speaker 1: they are awesome. I have no worries about that.
Speaker 3: It's just maybe those moms.
Speaker 1: It's the school environment that I'm concerned about. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: I'm just I don't know, maybe I'm just boring.
Speaker 4: We'll find out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm normal. I know we're normal. I know
Speaker 3: talk about Dix a lot, but I won't do that at.
Speaker 4: School, right, I promise.
Speaker 1: What would you say to women, especially moms who feel
Speaker 1: conflicted about embracing their sexuality.
Speaker 4: Say, like, as far as like wanting to be in
Speaker 4: the industry, Like if someone is hesitant, I feel.
Speaker 1: Just like embracing your sexuality in general, just like being
Speaker 1: a sexual woman. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to
Speaker 1: mean that you're in the industry. Maybe just you know,
Speaker 1: deciding to like forage into like role play with your
Speaker 1: husband or maybe letting your husband take sexy pictures of you,
Speaker 1: or taking sexy pictures of yourself or your husband. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be anything public facing, but just like
Speaker 1: getting out of that place where you think like a
Speaker 1: woman always has to be pure and demure and you
Speaker 1: want to think that Apparently I don't know those people.
Speaker 3: I hear they're out there.
Speaker 4: I know, I hear they're out there. Yeah, I think
Speaker 4: it's good for your self esteem. I think that maybe
Speaker 4: uncomfortable at first, not for me, but for some Apparently
Speaker 4: it's uncomfortable to you know, to get in lingerie or
Speaker 4: to take sexy pictures, even if you're not going to
Speaker 4: post them, and that's not your intention. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 4: something that will become comfortable and then you'll feel more
Speaker 4: comfortable in your own skin. And I think to be
Speaker 4: intimate you need to first and for that to go
Speaker 4: well right for you to enjoy yourself, you do need
Speaker 4: to feel comfortable with yourself. If you don't feel attractive,
Speaker 4: then you're not gonna have a good time. So I
Speaker 4: think that that can really help, you know, just kind
Speaker 4: of if there's something that a woman wants to do,
Speaker 4: like wants to start wearing lingerie or wants to start,
Speaker 4: you know, taking pictures, or having her husband take pictures,
Speaker 4: or you know, being more vocal in the bedroom, you know,
Speaker 4: like any of those things.
Speaker 3: But those are self esteem builders.
Speaker 4: So I think, you know, just go for it and
Speaker 4: then slowly you'll get more comfortable and then those boundaries
Speaker 4: will be pushed a little more.
Speaker 1: What advice would you give to moms who want to
Speaker 1: get into the industry but are maybe afraid of judgment
Speaker 1: or just feel like maybe they're too old or they're
Speaker 1: too late to the game.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you're definitely not too late, because I think
Speaker 4: I've said twice so far in this podcast that MILF
Speaker 4: is the number one searched That's that's the number one
Speaker 4: search is MILF.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Guys like a mature, experienced woman that knows what she wants.
Speaker 3: They like it.
Speaker 4: It's attractive. Confidence is attractive. So it's not necessarily you know,
Speaker 4: twenty years old it's attractive anymore. It's it's the confidence
Speaker 4: knowing what you want and going out and doing it
Speaker 4: that guys like that.
Speaker 3: They love it.
Speaker 4: I think, you know, be ready to work hard, because,
Speaker 4: as I said, this is not easy. So it's like
Speaker 4: starting any other business, so you have to get your
Speaker 4: act together. But if you have your act together and
Speaker 4: you're willing to work hard and work smart and do
Speaker 4: your research and be comfortable putting yourself out there. I mean,
Speaker 4: the sky's the limit for your career, and there really
Speaker 4: isn't an age limit, So I say do it. And
Speaker 4: if you're worried about what people are going to think,
Speaker 4: you do have to weigh that out, you know, am I.
Speaker 4: You have to just be prepared and just know that
Speaker 4: at some point you're going to face that that backlash
Speaker 4: or family members could be upset with you and not
Speaker 4: want to talk to you. You have to be okay
Speaker 4: with that. I personally made the decision that if that happens,
Speaker 4: I'm good like you. If you're going to say that
Speaker 4: you know, for some reason you don't think I'm the
Speaker 4: same person anymore, just because I do this for a living,
Speaker 4: then I don't need to talk to you and we're okay.
Speaker 1: What would you tell your former freshly grieving self one thing,
Speaker 1: considering where you are to.
Speaker 4: I've never been asked that question. I never really thought
Speaker 4: about that my former grieving self. What would I tell myself?
Speaker 4: Maybe that I didn't believe.
Speaker 3: Then that I know now.
Speaker 4: That what I think my weaknesses are now are going
Speaker 4: to become superpowers later.
Speaker 1: And you.
Speaker 4: That time will reveal how that's going to work. So
Speaker 4: the things that are hard now and where my weaknesses are,
Speaker 4: that those that'll actually excel in those areas, and that
Speaker 4: I'll take where I'm weak and what I'm going through
Speaker 4: and the tragedies that I'm going through and somehow that
Speaker 4: will open up more doors for me and more opportunities
Speaker 4: and that really good things will happen. And I never
Speaker 4: believed that, Like for example, it actually opened up the
Speaker 4: doors for me to do this right. I never thought
Speaker 4: that I would fit into this industry or that I
Speaker 4: would have a window of opportunity to do it, and
Speaker 4: so I decided to which did help rebuild my self
Speaker 4: esteem and to show myself that, oh I'm capable of
Speaker 4: a lot of things on my own, and I can
Speaker 4: do anything I want to do, which gave me the
Speaker 4: confidence to write a book. I just wrote a book
Speaker 4: and I just recorded the audible about my experience with
Speaker 4: my husband. Okay, yeah, so I wrote a book for
Speaker 4: those going through a similar process. It's it is a memoir,
Speaker 4: but it's also like a self help book. So I
Speaker 4: just finished that and I never thought that I would
Speaker 4: be able to do that, or that I'd be in
Speaker 4: a good enough place.
Speaker 3: To do it. So do you have a title for
Speaker 3: it yet?
Speaker 4: I do, I haven't launched it yet. It's the hardest help.
Speaker 4: So helping a loved one through alcoholism.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, that's awesome. You know I'm seven years ober,
Speaker 1: are you okay? So I have trudged that road.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, And so my book is for this like the
Speaker 4: spouse or the family member because as you know, like
Speaker 4: they need to learn how to help you, but not
Speaker 4: in a controlling way, like it has to be a
Speaker 4: sub so for them to have the tools to support you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, No, I put my family through hell yeah,
Speaker 1: and my husband too. My husband and I actually met
Speaker 1: when I was because I had seven years and then
Speaker 1: I relapsed and I was took me like normal four years,
Speaker 1: yeah to get back, and I was struggling in my
Speaker 1: relapse trying to get sober again when I met my husband,
Speaker 1: And I don't know why he stayed with me, because
Speaker 1: I was not.
Speaker 3: The best version of myself at the time.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. He said that he saw something
Speaker 1: in me. He was like, this is the only thing
Speaker 1: that is wrong with you. And he's like, I know,
Speaker 1: you can overcome it, and he's like without you know,
Speaker 1: you're perfect otherwise, and he stuck with it.
Speaker 3: And I just celebrated seven years a week ago.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Another seven years, so yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, so cool.
Speaker 3: You can get you can do it too, well, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: Do you know where people will be able to get
Speaker 1: the book or should they just follow you on social media?
Speaker 3: Pell me on social.
Speaker 4: Media because I'll definitely have updates. I haven't mentioned it
Speaker 4: at all on social media because it's you know, I
Speaker 4: spent a year preparing for this, and I just that's
Speaker 4: why I'm in LA. I was recording the audible. Okay,
Speaker 4: I just finished that, and so it's out in September,
Speaker 4: and so when I have the website up, which I'll
Speaker 4: have about a week of the website up and then
Speaker 4: we'll do pre orders and I'll have that available. It
Speaker 4: comes out in September to mid September.
Speaker 3: It'll come out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, by the time this episode actually comes out,
Speaker 1: like on all the platforms, it'll be more than a
Speaker 1: week from now.
Speaker 3: So it sounds like your website will probably probably.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the hardest help dot Com and and can just
Speaker 4: follow me on Instagram because I'll have updates on there.
Speaker 3: Fantastic. Well, Holly, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: Oh, I do have one Patreon question for you that
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to skip over.
Speaker 3: We'll just include it as a bon and this segment.
Speaker 1: Normally I do a separate segment for Patreon questions, but
Speaker 1: lucky you guys, you're going to get this one for free.
Speaker 1: And if you're a Patreon member, you can send in
Speaker 1: questions for my guests as well. So this one is
Speaker 1: from Strawberry Mew okay, and he asks, how is your
Speaker 1: understanding and approach to identity and authenticity evolved over the
Speaker 1: last two years.
Speaker 4: I always from the date from day one, because you know,
Speaker 4: entering into this business, I did follow some other creators
Speaker 4: and models and I noticed, okay, some have like a
Speaker 4: character or you know, they're like in this niche, this
Speaker 4: is my niche. And I thought, you know, I'm just
Speaker 4: coming in as Holly and we're going to have a
Speaker 4: good time.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I yeah, I never did that. I just came
Speaker 4: in as myself, like if I in the morning, just
Speaker 4: wake up and my hair's a mess. But you know,
Speaker 4: I'm nude, and I think, well, they won't care. I
Speaker 4: snap a pick and I post it. You know, I've
Speaker 4: I really from day one decided that they're going to
Speaker 4: kind of see everything, and that's how I want it
Speaker 4: to be. So I kind of want it to be
Speaker 4: sort of like blog like, hey, I just woke up
Speaker 4: and my hair's crazy.
Speaker 3: Good morning.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you know, midday, I'm more done up,
Speaker 4: and this is what I'm wearing, and these are the
Speaker 4: reels I'm making. This is what I'm doing, and so
Speaker 4: I look cuter and you know, and then before bed
Speaker 4: it look kind of crazy again, but here it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I've just from day one, I made that decision
Speaker 4: that they're coming here to see me, and they're real me.
Speaker 3: So here you go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you really like take people through your whole
Speaker 1: day on only fans, and it's like it's almost like
Speaker 1: a journal, like a vog Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, yeah, And I'll post. I'll just and it
Speaker 4: doesn't matter what I look like. I'll take a little
Speaker 4: video and say, you know, well maybe in the morning
Speaker 4: and say, well, this is what I'm doing today. I
Speaker 4: hope you're having to just talk to the camera like
Speaker 4: you know, they're standing here in front of me. That's
Speaker 4: what I'm doing today, and this is the plan. And
Speaker 4: I hope you're having a good day. Message me, and
Speaker 4: I'm still answering messages even though I'm doing blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: Right, and then I'll just fucking away. I'm getting on
Speaker 3: a video first thing in the morning without a filter, like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you know, later in the day, maybe I'm,
Speaker 4: you know, at the pool and I'll you know, snap
Speaker 4: a selfie and I'm at the pool and it's just yeah,
Speaker 4: exactly what you said, like like a blog.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I cannot get myself into like that habit. Like
Speaker 1: I know that that's like the thing that people want
Speaker 1: to see and that's what gets you. But you gotta
Speaker 1: know you got it, Like and I'm just like I
Speaker 1: cannot get myself into that mindset.
Speaker 3: I just I don't know, I just can't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just like it's I think it's just like
Speaker 1: a you just have to get yourself in that headspace
Speaker 1: or I need to like hire someone to follow me just.
Speaker 3: Take pictures of me, because I just like I won't
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, you know, in the beginning, it was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I have to schedule this and then eventually it just
Speaker 4: sort of becomes the habit.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I should probably also try not to have like
Speaker 1: six other.
Speaker 3: Jobs, right, Yeah, you're like a little too much. That
Speaker 3: also makes it difficult. Yes, you have a lot on
Speaker 3: your plate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyways, and this podcast is one of them. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for watching it. So, Holly, can
Speaker 1: you let everybody know where they can find you online?
Speaker 3: Please? Yes?
Speaker 4: Well, let's see, I'll rattle off two of my instruments.
Speaker 3: Instagram.
Speaker 4: You know, it's the real Holly j So, the real Holly.
Speaker 3: With a J.
Speaker 4: That's one of my main accounts. Holly dot Jane dot
Speaker 4: Johnston is one of my accounts, and the other one
Speaker 4: is is it Holly Holly dot Jane Underscore XO or
Speaker 4: Holly dot Johnston Underscore XO.
Speaker 3: One of those? And then what about your only fans?
Speaker 1: It's your direct only fans length if they just want
Speaker 1: to go straight there.
Speaker 4: My handle on OnlyFans is blush When I say this,
Speaker 4: Holly Jane loves six' Nine Oh, spicy and My twitter
Speaker 4: Is Holly jane four sixt'.
Speaker 3: Nine SO i GUESS i don't need to ask you
Speaker 3: what your favorite position.
Speaker 4: Is thank you one of them at least for the.
Speaker 1: Play and you guys can find me On instagram At Holly.
Speaker 1: RANDALL i also started a Modeling. Instagram AS i was
Speaker 1: Telling holly earlier That i'm bad at, updating it's, Exo holly,
Speaker 1: snaps it's just so work on That i'm gonna give
Speaker 1: it to.
Speaker 3: Her she's gonna do it.
Speaker 1: Otherwise i'm On twitter At Holly, randall and of course
Speaker 1: you can go to hollylinks to get access to all
Speaker 1: of my, Platforms, patreon dot, Com, Slash Holly, randall and.
Speaker 1: Filtered to support this, podcast watch these interviews streamed, live
Speaker 1: and thank you guys so much for being. Here thank
Speaker 1: you for your, support AND i will see you you
Speaker 1: on the next.
Speaker 3: One mm
Speaker 2: Hmm