WEBVTT

1
00:00:07.799 --> 00:00:10.160
<v Speaker 1>Her son died under her care. You know, she was

2
00:00:10.199 --> 00:00:12.199
<v Speaker 1>supposed to be watching her son and he was out

3
00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.679
<v Speaker 1>playing and fell into a canal and died. And ultimately

4
00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:18.079
<v Speaker 1>she blamed herself for that for years, and it was

5
00:00:18.120 --> 00:00:20.679
<v Speaker 1>through an empathetic witness that she was able to begin to,

6
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:23.559
<v Speaker 1>you know, reassign the meeting. Ultimately, she had gotten all

7
00:00:23.559 --> 00:00:27.559
<v Speaker 1>sorts of condolence letters, and you know, someone had told

8
00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:29.760
<v Speaker 1>her that something similar had happened. You know, she got

9
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:31.440
<v Speaker 1>all sorts of letters, and the night before she was

10
00:00:31.640 --> 00:00:33.439
<v Speaker 1>the night she was going to kill herself.

11
00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:35.079
<v Speaker 2>You know, she read this letter.

12
00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:36.920
<v Speaker 1>She had a stack of condolence letters, and she read

13
00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:38.799
<v Speaker 1>this one from a lady who had a similar situation.

14
00:00:38.840 --> 00:00:41.079
<v Speaker 1>You know, this lady I think named Teresa, who she

15
00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:42.920
<v Speaker 1>never actually was able to get back in contact with,

16
00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:46.280
<v Speaker 1>but tried many times. This lady named Teresa, who wrote

17
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:48.039
<v Speaker 1>her letter. She was with her six year old daughter,

18
00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:50.280
<v Speaker 1>went inside for a little bit to like grab the

19
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:51.960
<v Speaker 1>phone or something, came back out, and her daughter had

20
00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:53.640
<v Speaker 1>gotten hit by a car and died during the two

21
00:00:53.640 --> 00:00:54.479
<v Speaker 1>minutes she was inside.

22
00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:57.640
<v Speaker 2>And so what Teresa had sent to Melissa.

23
00:00:57.079 --> 00:01:00.560
<v Speaker 1>In the letter was that look like you're not a

24
00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.079
<v Speaker 1>bad parent, like, you didn't try to make this happen.

25
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:06.000
<v Speaker 1>This was a freak accident. Teresa was able to say

26
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.000
<v Speaker 1>some things in that letter that helped Melissa to actually

27
00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:10.480
<v Speaker 1>like have hope again. And it really was that breakdown

28
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:12.239
<v Speaker 1>similar to I think what I had, where it was

29
00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:15.599
<v Speaker 1>just like I think you blame yourself a lot for something,

30
00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:18.200
<v Speaker 1>or you just lose hope in something that you initially wanted,

31
00:01:18.359 --> 00:01:20.400
<v Speaker 1>and so that leads you to just kind of losing hope.

32
00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:22.640
<v Speaker 1>And I think what you need is some form of

33
00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:24.359
<v Speaker 1>like a shred of hope. And I think that that's

34
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:28.359
<v Speaker 1>what she got, and so I think that you know,

35
00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:30.280
<v Speaker 1>she was kind of giving up on herself. I was

36
00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:33.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of giving on myself, but I think you kind

37
00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:36.200
<v Speaker 1>of have to. I mean, in the case of her

38
00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:37.959
<v Speaker 1>and even me, a lot of it was just that

39
00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:39.959
<v Speaker 1>an external party came and just like.

40
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:42.959
<v Speaker 2>Actually like saved space or just tried something.

41
00:01:43.719 --> 00:01:45.879
<v Speaker 1>But I think for someone who more practically is in

42
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:48.400
<v Speaker 1>a dark place and just wants to get out, I

43
00:01:48.439 --> 00:01:51.159
<v Speaker 1>think actually seeking help. It could be a friend, it

44
00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:53.680
<v Speaker 1>could be a therapist, it could be an old high

45
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:56.159
<v Speaker 1>school coach, it could be an old church leader, whatever

46
00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:57.519
<v Speaker 1>it is. I think if you just go up and

47
00:01:57.599 --> 00:01:59.640
<v Speaker 1>just talk to someone and just literally open up and

48
00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:00.920
<v Speaker 1>just be flat out honest.

49
00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:01.920
<v Speaker 2>I think that in.

50
00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:05.400
<v Speaker 1>General, complete honesty and transparency. There's a concept in alcoholics

51
00:02:05.400 --> 00:02:07.519
<v Speaker 1>anonymous that you're as sick as your secrets. That has

52
00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:09.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot to do with traumas just burying things, holding

53
00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:11.759
<v Speaker 1>things in, and so I think from like a human

54
00:02:11.800 --> 00:02:14.560
<v Speaker 1>growth perspective, the moment you just begin opening up about

55
00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:17.360
<v Speaker 1>where you're at, how you're feeling, it's kind of like

56
00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:19.039
<v Speaker 1>writing things in a journal. Once you have it out,

57
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:20.240
<v Speaker 1>you can actually start to look at it from a

58
00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:22.560
<v Speaker 1>different perspective, and then you can start reshaping the meaning

59
00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:23.759
<v Speaker 1>of it, and maybe you can even get the help

60
00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:26.479
<v Speaker 1>of smart people to help you start rethinking it and

61
00:02:26.520 --> 00:02:28.439
<v Speaker 1>maybe looking at it from a more of a hopeful

62
00:02:28.439 --> 00:02:30.680
<v Speaker 1>perspective that you're not a bad person, you're not a loser,

63
00:02:31.719 --> 00:02:33.400
<v Speaker 1>that these are crazy things that happen, but you could

64
00:02:33.400 --> 00:02:35.479
<v Speaker 1>do something different about it. You can look at it differently,

65
00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:38.280
<v Speaker 1>and ultimately your life still has purpose and meaning and

66
00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:40.479
<v Speaker 1>you can still do something with it. I think that

67
00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:43.840
<v Speaker 1>trauma is pretty misunderstood. Most people think that trauma is

68
00:02:43.879 --> 00:02:45.879
<v Speaker 1>just so focused on the past. In my opinion, it's

69
00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:48.719
<v Speaker 1>what actually trauma does to your future, because from my perspective,

70
00:02:48.759 --> 00:02:50.680
<v Speaker 1>your view of your own future is the greatest determinant

71
00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:53.199
<v Speaker 1>in who you are. Your view of your future is

72
00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:54.719
<v Speaker 1>what impacts you. Put A lot of the research on

73
00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:57.719
<v Speaker 1>trauma shows that it shatters your imagination towards your future

74
00:02:57.719 --> 00:02:59.680
<v Speaker 1>and your hope in that future, and.

75
00:03:01.319 --> 00:03:02.840
<v Speaker 2>That's, you know, the crucial thing.

76
00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:04.479
<v Speaker 1>And so when I began kind of moving forward, I

77
00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:06.639
<v Speaker 1>began to rethink my future and start to actually commit

78
00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:08.400
<v Speaker 1>back to the idea that I could have a future.

79
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:10.080
<v Speaker 1>And so that's what ultimately led me to having those

80
00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:12.599
<v Speaker 1>types of conversations and even being willing to go through

81
00:03:12.599 --> 00:03:14.919
<v Speaker 1>that awkwardness or going through that change processes because I

82
00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:17.719
<v Speaker 1>now saw a future that I actually was like, I

83
00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:20.639
<v Speaker 1>want this. I believe that I can actually be something more. Yeah,

84
00:03:20.639 --> 00:03:22.800
<v Speaker 1>I would say the past doesn't define the future for

85
00:03:22.840 --> 00:03:25.360
<v Speaker 1>two reasons. One is because the past, from your perspective,

86
00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:27.439
<v Speaker 1>at least from a psychology perspective, is just a meaning.

87
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.439
<v Speaker 1>Memory is always changing, It's always flexible, and so the

88
00:03:31.560 --> 00:03:33.639
<v Speaker 1>version of your past that you have right now is

89
00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:35.520
<v Speaker 1>probably different from the version of the past you had

90
00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:37.599
<v Speaker 1>three or four years ago. Even thinking about the same events,

91
00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:40.400
<v Speaker 1>and so the past is really just a story, it's

92
00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.879
<v Speaker 1>just a meaning. Yeather were objective events that occurred, but

93
00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.479
<v Speaker 1>you have no ability to actually know what those objective

94
00:03:45.479 --> 00:03:48.240
<v Speaker 1>events were, because, as you know, from a psychology perspective,

95
00:03:48.719 --> 00:03:50.759
<v Speaker 1>is all we can see is to our perspective, is

96
00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:52.919
<v Speaker 1>all we can see is to our subjective lens. And

97
00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:56.800
<v Speaker 1>so when you look, you know, anytime you learn something new,

98
00:03:56.840 --> 00:03:58.800
<v Speaker 1>you read a book, you have a new experience that

99
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:01.240
<v Speaker 1>probably informs your view of everything else. It's like you

100
00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:03.840
<v Speaker 1>change a part, you change the whole, And so kind

101
00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:06.439
<v Speaker 1>of breaking memory down in a really simple way, your

102
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:08.439
<v Speaker 1>memory is always constructed in the present.

103
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:10.080
<v Speaker 2>You know who I am right now.

104
00:04:10.439 --> 00:04:12.719
<v Speaker 1>I think about myself as an eleven year old boy

105
00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:14.759
<v Speaker 1>with my parents getting divorced and my father becoming a

106
00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:18.160
<v Speaker 1>drug addict. My view of that and the meaning I

107
00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:20.680
<v Speaker 1>assigned to it, and even all of the context around

108
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:24.199
<v Speaker 1>those memories is completely painted by where I'm at right

109
00:04:24.199 --> 00:04:25.360
<v Speaker 1>now as a person. The fact that I have a

110
00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:27.600
<v Speaker 1>great relationship with my dad, the fact that I have

111
00:04:27.639 --> 00:04:29.759
<v Speaker 1>all this knowledge in psychology, I've got five kids, like

112
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:32.439
<v Speaker 1>all of that reshapes how I look at and interpret

113
00:04:32.519 --> 00:04:35.240
<v Speaker 1>my past. One challenge that people have is they're not

114
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:40.160
<v Speaker 1>actively approaching their past as a flexible entity, and so

115
00:04:40.199 --> 00:04:42.680
<v Speaker 1>they tend to kind of relay the same story over

116
00:04:42.680 --> 00:04:47.079
<v Speaker 1>and over, which doesn't necessarily help. But so one reason

117
00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:48.920
<v Speaker 1>why the past is flexible is because it's simply just

118
00:04:48.920 --> 00:04:51.000
<v Speaker 1>a meaning. It's a story, and your memory is always

119
00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:53.959
<v Speaker 1>changing anyways, and your memory is always constructed in the present.

120
00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:56.600
<v Speaker 2>So Brent's life, he's one of my favorite psychologists.

121
00:04:56.639 --> 00:04:59.879
<v Speaker 1>He wrote a book called Time and Psychological Explanation Freaking

122
00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:01.680
<v Speaker 1>Deep Dive. You would actually love it because I know

123
00:05:01.720 --> 00:05:04.560
<v Speaker 1>you like diving deep into like thick stuff. But he

124
00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:07.759
<v Speaker 1>basically says that, you know, a lot of people think

125
00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:10.079
<v Speaker 1>that the past is causing the present, but the reality

126
00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:12.600
<v Speaker 1>from a memory perspective is that the present is causing

127
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:14.600
<v Speaker 1>the meaning of the past. Wherever you're at in the present,

128
00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:17.279
<v Speaker 1>that's what's determining how you view your past. And so

129
00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:19.480
<v Speaker 1>if you learn, if you grow, if you you know,

130
00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:22.720
<v Speaker 1>have achievements, if you just develop healthy relationships, it will

131
00:05:22.759 --> 00:05:25.279
<v Speaker 1>alter the meaning in the view you have towards your past.

132
00:05:25.319 --> 00:05:26.959
<v Speaker 1>And that's something you should seek in my opinion, if

133
00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:29.680
<v Speaker 1>you're if you're still viewing the past and former relationships

134
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:31.079
<v Speaker 1>and former experiences the same way you did four or

135
00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:33.279
<v Speaker 1>five years ago. That says more about who you are

136
00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:34.920
<v Speaker 1>right now than it says about your past. It says

137
00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:37.319
<v Speaker 1>that you're not learning, you're not gaining perspective, you're not

138
00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:41.000
<v Speaker 1>seeking greater context, you're not asking hard questions. And so

139
00:05:41.480 --> 00:05:43.000
<v Speaker 1>for me, as an example, I had to go and

140
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:45.959
<v Speaker 1>ask my dad, Dad, tell me all about your perspective

141
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:47.560
<v Speaker 1>of when you were a drug addict and when me

142
00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:49.480
<v Speaker 1>and my brothers left you, Like, tell me what that

143
00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:51.560
<v Speaker 1>was like. Tell me why you went and had those experiences.

144
00:05:51.639 --> 00:05:54.720
<v Speaker 1>Tell me why you had made those decisions. Tell me

145
00:05:54.759 --> 00:05:56.560
<v Speaker 1>what it felt like coming to mom's house and us

146
00:05:56.600 --> 00:05:57.560
<v Speaker 1>slamming the door on your face.

147
00:05:57.600 --> 00:05:59.879
<v Speaker 2>Like I that's seeking greater contexte.

148
00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:02.680
<v Speaker 1>And obviously the more context you have towards someone, you

149
00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:05.439
<v Speaker 1>have greater empathy and compassion. And so hearing his story,

150
00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:07.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I can kind of see what. I obviously

151
00:06:07.759 --> 00:06:09.800
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't justify him doing it, but I can see to

152
00:06:09.879 --> 00:06:13.639
<v Speaker 1>some reason why he did that. So that's one reason

153
00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:15.680
<v Speaker 1>why the past is flexible, and we can obviously go

154
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:16.959
<v Speaker 1>into the mechanics of how to do that. But the

155
00:06:16.959 --> 00:06:20.720
<v Speaker 1>second reason is because the past isn't what ultimately drives you,

156
00:06:21.079 --> 00:06:23.279
<v Speaker 1>it is your future. So there's a quote from Dan Sulvan,

157
00:06:23.319 --> 00:06:24.560
<v Speaker 1>one of my good buddies, and he says that the

158
00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:26.319
<v Speaker 1>only way to make your present better is by making

159
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:29.560
<v Speaker 1>your future bigger, which is essentially a statement of perspection.

160
00:06:30.040 --> 00:06:31.879
<v Speaker 1>But I think that one thing that's really important to

161
00:06:31.879 --> 00:06:33.800
<v Speaker 1>realize is that your view of your own future is

162
00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:37.120
<v Speaker 1>determined by your current level of awareness and understanding. You know, like,

163
00:06:37.720 --> 00:06:40.279
<v Speaker 1>what futures I imagine are different from the futures I

164
00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:41.920
<v Speaker 1>would have imagined three or four years ago because I

165
00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:42.879
<v Speaker 1>now I'm a different person.

166
00:06:42.920 --> 00:06:43.800
<v Speaker 2>I see the world differently.

167
00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:45.360
<v Speaker 1>I've had a lot of experiences, I've got knowledge I

168
00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:47.560
<v Speaker 1>didn't have them in a context, and so my view,

169
00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:50.439
<v Speaker 1>even to imagine or come up with various future scenarios

170
00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:53.240
<v Speaker 1>is fundamentally different than my former self, and my future

171
00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:55.279
<v Speaker 1>self will be in the same boat. My future self

172
00:06:55.279 --> 00:06:57.600
<v Speaker 1>will imagine different futures than my current self has because

173
00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.560
<v Speaker 1>my future self has had experiences and knowledge and.

174
00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:01.519
<v Speaker 2>Awareness that I just don't have.

175
00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:05.120
<v Speaker 1>But I think you know, based on where you're currently

176
00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:08.279
<v Speaker 1>at as a person, what do you value most? You know,

177
00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:11.000
<v Speaker 1>what is a future worth having? What are things that

178
00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:14.759
<v Speaker 1>you value that would ultimately be worth spending your time on.

179
00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:17.399
<v Speaker 1>A big aspect of that is just thinking about your

180
00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:19.720
<v Speaker 1>future identity, your future self. I think that that's generally

181
00:07:19.720 --> 00:07:20.879
<v Speaker 1>the place to start is who do you want to be?

182
00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:22.800
<v Speaker 1>What do you want your circumstances to be, what do

183
00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:24.279
<v Speaker 1>you want to be doing? What do you value? Like,

184
00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:25.720
<v Speaker 1>where do you want to be in the future. I

185
00:07:25.720 --> 00:07:28.560
<v Speaker 1>think just imagining where you want to be, who you

186
00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:29.839
<v Speaker 1>want to be, and what you want to be doing

187
00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:34.319
<v Speaker 1>that's hopefully valuable, that's worth working towards or worth creating.

188
00:07:34.360 --> 00:07:36.199
<v Speaker 1>I think that that's the first step is ultimately thinking

189
00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:38.079
<v Speaker 1>about your future self, the person you want to be,

190
00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:39.879
<v Speaker 1>the situation you want to have, and ultimately what you

191
00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:41.800
<v Speaker 1>want to be doing that you can't do at this

192
00:07:41.879 --> 00:07:44.120
<v Speaker 1>present moment for one reason or another. And so I

193
00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:46.480
<v Speaker 1>think thinking about what's your next step. Like if you're

194
00:07:46.839 --> 00:07:48.839
<v Speaker 1>what's the thing you want most right now? So like

195
00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:51.079
<v Speaker 1>if you're someone who's single that really wants to be married, like, well,

196
00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:52.879
<v Speaker 1>what you know, what is the ultimate thing you want

197
00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:55.000
<v Speaker 1>right now that would reflect your future self at a

198
00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:56.600
<v Speaker 1>much higher level than you're at right now. So like

199
00:07:56.639 --> 00:07:59.519
<v Speaker 1>for me, as an example, when I was in undergrad

200
00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:01.199
<v Speaker 1>and I was saying psychology, Like my next level of

201
00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:03.439
<v Speaker 1>future self was me as a PhD student really diving

202
00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:06.240
<v Speaker 1>into psychology once I got there, like I really really

203
00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:08.519
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be a professional author, and so like I

204
00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:11.920
<v Speaker 1>think from a more practical standpoint, like what is the

205
00:08:11.959 --> 00:08:14.680
<v Speaker 1>next level future self that like really excites.

206
00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:15.480
<v Speaker 2>You, you know, like what's you know?

207
00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:17.160
<v Speaker 1>It could be getting married, or could be starting that

208
00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:19.160
<v Speaker 1>business or having your business be successful, or could be

209
00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:22.079
<v Speaker 1>getting that book deal, could be being an elite shape

210
00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:23.480
<v Speaker 1>so that you're doing like those iron Mans. Whatever it

211
00:08:23.519 --> 00:08:25.360
<v Speaker 1>is you want, Like, what is that next version of

212
00:08:25.399 --> 00:08:27.800
<v Speaker 1>you that's the thing that you really really want? And

213
00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:30.279
<v Speaker 1>then ultimately you can create a process to getting to there.

214
00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:32.600
<v Speaker 1>But I think just thinking about what's you at that

215
00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:35.120
<v Speaker 1>next step, which is obviously maybe a quantum leap or

216
00:08:35.159 --> 00:08:37.399
<v Speaker 1>a next level up of your current stuff and what

217
00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:39.080
<v Speaker 1>you really want. The gap in the game is basically

218
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:41.440
<v Speaker 1>an idea that if you're always measuring yourself against your ideal,

219
00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:43.320
<v Speaker 1>you're always going to feel this gap between you and

220
00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:45.240
<v Speaker 1>where you know, whatever your ideal is, and that's going

221
00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:47.440
<v Speaker 1>to make you feel unhappy. Whereas if you measure yourself

222
00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:51.159
<v Speaker 1>against your former self, where you were before, you'll see progress,

223
00:08:51.240 --> 00:08:53.919
<v Speaker 1>you know. There's a quote from Ernest Hemingway and Ernest Hemingway,

224
00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:57.320
<v Speaker 1>the author the novelist, said that nobility is not about

225
00:08:57.320 --> 00:09:00.240
<v Speaker 1>being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is about

226
00:09:00.279 --> 00:09:03.240
<v Speaker 1>being superior to your former self. So as an example,

227
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:05.919
<v Speaker 1>I have some really good friends of mine. They're in

228
00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:08.080
<v Speaker 1>like their forties, They've got, you know, some kids and stuff,

229
00:09:08.120 --> 00:09:11.240
<v Speaker 1>and they've had serious financial issues during COVID where he's

230
00:09:11.320 --> 00:09:14.840
<v Speaker 1>like lost his job, She's gone through like this identity crisis,

231
00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:16.879
<v Speaker 1>and they're kind of freaked out because they've got kids,

232
00:09:16.879 --> 00:09:17.440
<v Speaker 1>and they're.

233
00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:18.440
<v Speaker 2>Like, what the heck do we do?

234
00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:21.720
<v Speaker 1>And I just asked them, you know, look at where

235
00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:23.440
<v Speaker 1>you were like three or four months ago, Like, have

236
00:09:23.559 --> 00:09:25.720
<v Speaker 1>you made any progress in the last four months towards

237
00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:28.799
<v Speaker 1>getting yourself into a better financial situation? Is your relationship

238
00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:30.879
<v Speaker 1>with each other better? Like where are you at versus

239
00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:32.559
<v Speaker 1>your where you were four months ago? They're like, oh, yeah,

240
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:34.759
<v Speaker 1>we're in a much better situation, you know, like we've

241
00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:35.720
<v Speaker 1>made big progress.

242
00:09:35.879 --> 00:09:37.480
<v Speaker 2>And that's that's reflecting on.

243
00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:39.840
<v Speaker 1>The gain of where you were versus where you're at

244
00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:42.360
<v Speaker 1>right now, and that gives you a little sense of confidence.

245
00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:43.720
<v Speaker 2>And a movement, you know.

246
00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:45.519
<v Speaker 1>So I think that that's I think it's a good

247
00:09:45.600 --> 00:09:48.720
<v Speaker 1>practice wherever you're at, whether you've made big success or

248
00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:50.519
<v Speaker 1>whether you're small, is to actually like look at the

249
00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:52.679
<v Speaker 1>progress that you've actually made. And I think that that

250
00:09:52.759 --> 00:09:55.600
<v Speaker 1>really helps you to feel like it actually increases your hope.

251
00:09:55.679 --> 00:09:57.960
<v Speaker 1>So it's looking at the good, focusing on the good,

252
00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:00.240
<v Speaker 1>and saying, what can you do now because as of

253
00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:00.360
<v Speaker 1>that