Speaker 1: The Johnson Wax Program with Fiber McGhee and Molly. The
makers of Johnson's wax product for home and industry presents Fiber,
McGee and Molly, written by Don Quinn and sil Leslie,
with music by The Kingsmen and Dilly Mills Orchestra. What
two things are you most anxious to have in your home?
I'm say beauty and cleanliness. Well think for a moment
how easily and inexpensively you can have both beauty and
cleanliness just with an occasional application of genuine Johnson's wax
to your Flora's furniture and woodwork. A rich, mellow, polished
wax surface is a thing of beauty in itself. The
wax brings out the grain and beauty of the wood.
It adds a soft luster to leather, linoleum, and metal surfaces,
and of course, this tough wax film protects these surfaces
against wear, dirt, and moisture. Dust and dirt do not
adhere readily to a wax polished surface, so cleaning is
not only easier, but a wax tone is actually cleaner
and more sanitary. Johnson's wax is of the very finest
quality and long wearing. The cost is really very little,
so why not practice protective housekeeping in your home with
genuine Johnson's wax dealers everywhere carrier. There are certain people
who simply want it miss that nature does anything right.
They're the kind who gilded cat tails, paint whose little
tootsi are you on the shelves of baby turtles and
clip poodle dogs to look like anemic lion. Here's one
of those people, now as we meet Fibber McGhee and Molly.
Speaker 2: Hey, Fred, how much you charged me to paint this
Christmas tree white? Why do you want of white? McGee?
What do you mean? Why do I want it white?
You've got one hundred trees in this lock you've painted white. Yeah,
I think they're horrible. What some people like.
Speaker 3: Him that way?
Speaker 2: Never mind the artistic comment thread. How much ten dollars?
Ten dollars to spray a little white paint on this
half pine tree? Who do you think you are? Rembrandt?
Looky here? Maybe you didn't understand, Fritz, I want this
tree painted white, not gold plated. Ten bucks. You're a
pirate and I'll bet you've made two hundred dollars already today.
You're a cheap skate and I've made three hundred and forty.
You're a robber and you want to sell a half
interest in this joint. You're a stoop and I wouldn't
sell my own mother a half dan.
Speaker 4: You're a low down.
Speaker 2: Over dirty, a dirty swindler. Ten bucks to spray a
little tree white. The rat cheating people right and left,
making four hundred bucks a day.
Speaker 5: The chiseler.
Speaker 2: I don't know whether to report him to the OPA
or make him a better offer for a half interest.
Speaker 6: Load down, Chidlermie this time.
Speaker 2: That guy Fred Corgan that runs at Christmas Tree, a
lot at fourteenth and Oak, that dirty pine broker want
to charge me ten bucks to paint our Christmas tree white?
Speaker 7: Well that does seem a little high, dearie. But think
of the work there is to us putting all those
needles back on after the paint drive.
Speaker 2: They don't take then theles off. They just spray the trees. Whish, wish, wish,
that's all switch.
Speaker 7: Well, if wishing will make it so, why don't you
do it yourself?
Speaker 2: If it's a ten dollar job, I can't afford to
pay myself that much. Besides, I haven't got a paint spray.
So hey, haven't we got a paint spray attachment on
the vacuum cleaner? Go dear, Oh my gosh, I can
have that tree painted white before you can say, don't
it look awful?
Speaker 7: Now, my gee, please, I realize we need the house painted,
but not on the inside.
Speaker 6: Let's leave the tree green.
Speaker 2: Oh you love a white one, Snookie. It's some modern things.
Nobody uses green trees anymore. They're outlooted.
Speaker 6: Hmm, you don't say.
Speaker 7: Well, tell me, Salvador, what colored snow are people using
this year?
Speaker 4: Shark cruise?
Speaker 2: You're kidding money. White Christmas trees are all the rage everybody.
They must be.
Speaker 6: They throw me into one. Now, look, sweetheart, just put
the tree up on trim it. I love a green
Christmas tree, don't you? Alice?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 1: Look?
Speaker 2: Molley? I'll put it up to Alice Ferne square and
let her give an opinion. Here's the preposition, kid, if
you were going to have a Christmas tree, which would
you rather have a dusty, drab, dirty old green one
or a bright, snappy, glistening white one?
Speaker 6: Which Alice?
Speaker 8: Mistletoe?
Speaker 2: Mistletoe? What an answer?
Speaker 8: Don't you like to hang up a little bouquet of mistletoe.
Speaker 6: Mister McGhee. Oh he's too shy, Alice, I.
Speaker 2: Am not shy.
Speaker 9: What good is mistletoe?
Speaker 2: Catch somebody on her and it's either somebody you can
kiss anyway, like your wife, or you get a slap
on the chops before you can point up to it. Mistletoe, Bob,
that's just poison ivy with berries.
Speaker 7: Well we'll put them up, Alice, and you'll see who
manages to spend most of his time loitering around beneath it.
But honestly, now, dear, do you like a white Christmas tree?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 8: I like them all, missus McGee, I don't care if
they're purple. Gertrude always has a white one, though, and
she likes them.
Speaker 2: Who's Gertrude?
Speaker 5: We know her?
Speaker 8: Oh, she's a boy who always rides past here in
the cream colored Cadillac and honks his Horn's sister, Ah, yeah.
Speaker 7: I see well himself. He used to go with a
man who owned a set bearcat's knees.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I gave her up for an old guy
with a broken down Maxwell's daughter. But honestly, now, Alice,
don't you really prefer a white Christmas tree?
Speaker 8: Well, I got awfully tired of a missus McGhee. When
I was a little girl, my father gave us kids
some little tiny paint brushes and told us to paint
a Christmas tree.
Speaker 7: White campingly day. It must have taken you children a
long time to paint a tree with little brushes? How
long did it take, Alice?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 8: We never did get it finished, but it kept us
off the streets till we were eighteen years old. Well,
I got to wrap some crescent see you.
Speaker 2: Later, right, kid? How all that lovely golden hair can
go lout of that solid bone on every.
Speaker 4: Alright?
Speaker 7: Se doftly sweetshe magee, there is a mean thought in Aalysi's.
Speaker 2: Head, non or any other kind. I ain't getting my
tree sprayed?
Speaker 6: Where'd you leave the tree? Dearies?
Speaker 2: Off in front? I can attach the vacum clean accord
from the porch light. Now let me see if I
get the pell in.
Speaker 7: Oh hello there, doctor gamble.
Speaker 9: Molly, how are you today? Pan free punch.
Speaker 2: Fine jumbo, fine? You are spreading a little Christmas cheer
telling your patience you're going to retire.
Speaker 6: Oh he's not going to retire for years yet, are you?
Speaker 3: Doctor?
Speaker 9: My dear, I will retire on that far distant day
when I can write a personal check for four hundred
dollars and not have the hired help at the Fourth
National Bank burst into hysterical laughter.
Speaker 2: Oh go on, you old miser. You got that much
buried under a loose brick in the fireplace right now.
Trouble with you is you got more affection for a
dollar than my wife asked for a pound of butter.
And that's the love match of the year.
Speaker 10: Fat though.
Speaker 7: I have no right to say that, Thom McGee, doctor,
I ambled more private charity work than anybody in town.
Speaker 9: Certainly, I'm a very noble character. And I walk down
the street, flowers spring into bloom, birds burst into song,
and taxi cabs hunk twice before they try to kill me.
Speaker 5: Well, I gonna run along.
Speaker 9: Now, this is my busy season.
Speaker 7: I suppose the children keep you pretty busy around Christmas time, doctor.
Speaker 9: Hers, No, it's the so called grown ups, my dear. Huh,
this is a silly season when two hundred pounds men
start climbing forty nine cent step ladders to wire dime
store angels, to the tops of three dollar Christmas trees
and wind up in a five hundred dollars plastic cast,
penny wise and compound fracture.
Speaker 4: Foolish.
Speaker 2: Don't you want to stick around and watch me for
more Christmas tree doc? I'm pitting a white Well, you
don't have to do that, skip with huh.
Speaker 9: When I put my gift for you under, it'll turn white.
Speaker 1: Jellymails and the orchestra and the Parade of the Wooden
Soldiers set.
Speaker 2: Thing that goes again plods up like a sentimental woman
at a sad movie.
Speaker 6: Oh things be the matter, dear.
Speaker 2: This paint spray goes along all right for a minute,
then it chokes up. When it comes loose again, it
throws a blob of paint and a knock iq out
of the balcony.
Speaker 6: Pound it on the porch steps and maybe that'll loosen
it up.
Speaker 2: Okay, I will there, I'll try it.
Speaker 6: Okay, I'm having me, James NIGGI. You almost kicked me
with that.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you know I didn't know.
Speaker 4: To quote it.
Speaker 2: Well, here we go there now, just dad, Rather than
have done it again clogged up.
Speaker 7: Well, hurry up and get the job finished. To me,
it's colder than a lineman's lunch.
Speaker 2: I'll be were you going in the house if you
want to. I can handle this all right.
Speaker 6: No, I've got to stay out here and tell people
who you are.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 7: You get a little more of that white paint on
you and they'll think you're a badly constructed snowman.
Speaker 4: Ah, that does it.
Speaker 2: I'll have this preach spray before you see. What's your aim?
Speaker 7: Deary, No, you better shut it off. Here's something cart
Hello there, missus carciers. Won't you come in the house
and have a slug of tea?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 7: Thank you, mind, dear, I'm just out walking my Pekinese
and must hurry along.
Speaker 2: What pecanese carcile? I don't see him.
Speaker 7: Oh it was too cold for him to come a dog,
mister McGee.
Speaker 6: But as long as one of us goes out, he's satisfied.
I'm really a.
Speaker 7: Sweet little dog.
Speaker 4: He listens.
Speaker 7: From what I've seen.
Speaker 2: Of him personally, I wouldn't have on him for le
a dust mops is a gift. Give me a man
size dog. I ever tell you about the hunting dog
I had once, Carci for the name of Duranty, you ranty, Yeah,
what a nose that dog has? Never forget One time
we were walking through the woods, me and my dog,
pipe over my shoulder, gun in my mouth, gun over
my shoulder, and pipe my mop when all of a sudden,
Duranty freezes. He's on point nose, quivering, tail out like
a ramrod, one foot in the air. I raises my gun,
walks slowly forward and they're not ten feet away. Was
a guy setting on a.
Speaker 7: Stock that was quite a dog, mister McGee trained to
flush game wardens?
Speaker 4: Was he?
Speaker 2: No, sir, I bailed the dog out, and then I
was never so ashamed in my life. It was the
smartest thing he'd ever done. Why monster, I got talking
to the guy, and you know what His name was, Parkridge,
Henry W.
Speaker 4: Parkerge.
Speaker 2: Wasn't that wonderful carste.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that's so remarkable, mister McGee, in
the light of what a police dog of mine once did.
Speaker 6: But of that milicine. After all, it's the hold out
the nights.
Speaker 11: The baloney won't spoil.
Speaker 8: Well.
Speaker 4: This dog of ours was extremely intelligent.
Speaker 6: One day I had him in the post office and
I noticed he was staring at the police posters.
Speaker 4: On the walls. Suddenly he dashed out the door, and
was gone.
Speaker 2: Probably went out to steal an apple off a fruit stand.
Speaker 7: CARSTI no, when I got home, he was gripping out
Butler by the vest pocket and was barking into the telephone,
which he knocked off the table.
Speaker 4: When the police arrived.
Speaker 7: Turned out that Javis was wanted by the authorities in
three states. Yes, but why was your dog holding him
by the best pocket medicine?
Speaker 4: That was where Butler kept his spouting pin.
Speaker 8: You see, he was wanted for forgery.
Speaker 4: Well, so nice to seeing you.
Speaker 10: Good evening.
Speaker 2: Wow, who does she think she's kidding? I don't believe
a word of that stuff. But she made that whole
thing up.
Speaker 7: Don't never mind her, dearie. Get busy with that faint
before it freezes solid.
Speaker 2: Oh oh it a bet? Well back to work?
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6: Stopped up again the game?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the dog gun thing. I only got about a
third of this tree sprayed too. Maybe it's hey, why
how could Carstairs dog be gripping the butler by the
bet and barking into the phone a the same time?
Speaker 7: All right, he didn't say he was gripping the butler
with his teeth staring, you know, After all, a dog
is smart as that could hold him down with one
hind pawd dial a flee station with the other and
use his front feet to take fingerprints.
Speaker 2: Yeah maybe, but hot, Oh why should I worry?
Speaker 4: Ah ah, that's better.
Speaker 6: Yet you get more paint on yourself here on the
prema game.
Speaker 2: Well when keeps changing and they ought to make him
trink graceful the weather rain on him all right, Georgia.
Speaker 7: God dear, in the time you've taken to get this
tree a dirty gray pet, I could have whitewashed the
Kaibab National Force.
Speaker 2: With a flip gun, well dog gun, And I don't you,
mister will Kind All right, jun your pull up a
front step and give yourself a three point lander.
Speaker 7: Tell you onto Christmas tree paint invite mister will Cox,
got home and get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I won't be out here very long, juney soon
as I justin I.
Speaker 10: Was on this.
Speaker 1: Hey, wait a minute, Mac, do you mean to stand
there like a front man for a painter's colic and
tell me you're actually going to ruin that pretty little
tree with white paint, ruining that refugee from the forest primeval,
this spoiling, magnificent evergreen.
Speaker 2: H skip the dramatics. Junior. We know you memorized Evangelin
in high school.
Speaker 7: And you played the heavy in the Chicago company of
Rebecca Sunnybrook Farm too, did you, mister.
Speaker 1: Wilta the juvenile lead? If you please, I also had
three seasons of Shakespeare.
Speaker 2: A likely story when you play Shakespeare's son, that's when
Othello needs a friend.
Speaker 1: Everyone in Omaha, I'll have you know, said I was
another Barrymore. Why when I came out in my tights
and said, oh, what a role can peasants sleeve?
Speaker 2: Mamma, you can say.
Speaker 5: That again.
Speaker 6: Now, hushniggy, I love Shakespeare.
Speaker 4: Go on, mister.
Speaker 1: Wilcock, is it not monstrous that this player here, seeing
a lady forced to menial task, and seeing such drudgery,
would not then dispense the thing called John's glow coat horsooth,
a goodly fluid which, straight upon the coolery linoleum, would
thus eliminate the scrub, no rub, no back, just pour
it on and ad one third the time it takes
for our glass to turn it dry.
Speaker 2: If Shakespeare in in the public domain, this two bit
orson Wells is going to be sued for nine minutes and.
Speaker 5: Ah yes, it fries.
Speaker 1: And so mirror like it gleams. The porridge spilled, wiped
off leaves, not a single spot. The labor saved, the
hours gained, the beauty scene, his glow coat, beloved by
Chatelaine and serving wench Alf You're nearest Steeler.
Speaker 7: Hey, Now wait a minute, mister Wilcox, Is that in hamlet.
Speaker 1: My dear girl. It's in every hamlet, every village, every
town and the top every place where a housewife takes
pride in the appearance of her kitchen. And if I
don't get back to the office in the next ten minutes,
I'll find myself.
Speaker 4: Back in sho Taqua.
Speaker 3: Go on care.
Speaker 2: And it was the biggest tim I've seen since Blue
Boy went to the State Fair. He better be careful
where he wind up on a platter with an apple
in his mouth. Now, but this ain't getting my tree space.
Speaker 6: I'll hurry up. You almost got it done, now, Yeah.
Speaker 5: Let's see you get her all listen up, good.
Speaker 6: Ah, there she goes.
Speaker 2: Ah. This is the best it's been yet, with how
white the tree is getting.
Speaker 7: Mommy, there's one question I'd like to ask you, McGee.
Are you sure tall enough?
Speaker 5: You know I'm doing too good.
Speaker 2: I God, ain't that getting beautiful? I finally got this brig.
Speaker 6: I'm working perfect, I know, but looks mggie. I've been
wanting to ask you if later.
Speaker 2: Took the water.
Speaker 7: I'm just about finish now, just up the little bit.
Speaker 2: Ah oh, Jean tru It's all done. And believe me,
that's the whitest white Christmas tree you'll ever see. Now,
won't you admit this is a mighty pretty effect, baby, Yes, if.
Speaker 6: You like that sort of thing. Well, I'm gonna make
some hot coffee here.
Speaker 2: Okay the gee huh?
Speaker 6: Whose Christmas tree is this on the front porch?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: That's the one I bought this morning. And I'm gonna
faint white hart.
Speaker 9: Oh my gosh, what free that?
Speaker 7: I think the one that's been growing there in the
yard all these year. Bring in the vacuum cleaner when
you come.
Speaker 4: I've all that dead.
Speaker 2: If I ain't the dumbest bloke that ever drew breath
a wise guy, I know it all. Can't tell one
tree from another, one that's growing in one day time
A second, I'm a brainless, scent competent, handhanded butter fingers.
I wasn't so stupid. I'd never let me sit here
and insult myself like that.
Speaker 11: To marry.
Speaker 2: I know that voice is that you? Teenie?
Speaker 4: She is?
Speaker 6: I bet you what you sitting there with you head
in your hands for I met you kind of headache.
Let me get you an ask mommy chose?
Speaker 2: Oh no, thanks, you medison won't touch the kind of
headache I got. I just busted my ego in four places.
Speaker 6: Gee, I'm sorry. I mention, Oh boy, who did that?
Speaker 5: Huh? Who did what?
Speaker 6: Who painted that tree? Why? She can't that every beautiful?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that ain't when it's growing.
Speaker 6: When I stay in you.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you see, I got a little confusion.
Speaker 6: O mcg you're wonderful.
Speaker 5: Huh, I am.
Speaker 6: You're the nicest man in town.
Speaker 5: I bet you.
Speaker 6: You put your Christmas tree right out in the front
jack where everybody can share it with you, didn't you?
Speaker 2: Well I didn't exactly.
Speaker 6: Oh my kids in the neighborhood are gonna love you
for this.
Speaker 4: Mystery.
Speaker 6: Boy, I can highly wad you get it all lighted up?
Speaker 2: If you can't, I says you can't, can't? You can't wait?
I get it all lighted up?
Speaker 6: She need it? Can I? And you know what mischief
when it's when it's growing in the ground like that,
it can't wobble and fall over our Christmas tree and
home is always robbery.
Speaker 2: Yeah, lots of people make that mistake.
Speaker 4: Sis.
Speaker 2: They don't stop to think if they were a tree
and all lit up and then came into a warm room,
they skip it. You think it looks all right out
here in the front yard.
Speaker 6: Oh boy, I'll say, now, all the little children and
god Christmas trees can come and see yours, can't they.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I kind of planned to get a lot of
little bags of candy and stuff and let the kids
help themselves Christmas Eve. I just planned that. I think
they'd like that.
Speaker 6: Gee wo I ever and us kids will sing sing
what you know? The song we sing for you every
Christmas time. It was the night before Christmas, the one
we just recorded. Would you like to hear it now
this ginger? Would you do?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: I believe I would say, Okay.
Speaker 6: He can't he Johnny Buddy, ready to me. She wants
to hear it all right.
Speaker 2: Wonderful bunch of kids going around the neighborhood with a
thirty piece orchestra.
Speaker 6: Was the Nike Boy Christmas and a hall field the house,
not a cleat jishi, not even a mouse. The stockings
were somebody the chimney with cads in the hospice. Saint
Nicholson would be there.
Speaker 4: What chils and.
Speaker 5: Were has a lot more in their wee little there.
Speaker 11: Wild visions of sugar Blott stands him there we.
Speaker 5: Little mama and her curtain. And I am like a.
Speaker 4: Settle.
Speaker 5: That's why I to see what was the matter. I'm
way to the wind.
Speaker 10: I feel like a pipe throw home, and the shutters
threw over the pace. What is my want? I shall
up there about. I'm dead at your say, and the
tidy right there. But they have a little time for
so timely and quick.
Speaker 5: Then I knew him away that it must be same
thing was covered.
Speaker 3: But es I drew in my head and was turning
around window.
Speaker 5: But a nature came with a far.
Speaker 6: His eyes honey twinkles, his dimples, how many his cheeks
were like roses, his nose like a cherry. His young
little mouse was china like a bow. The deer donkey's
chin ridding hikaken.
Speaker 3: The stump bottle, little old pipe he held tied and
his sea and spoke well around there around there around
his head.
Speaker 4: Like a.
Speaker 5: He was a juppy us all right, Johnny, old Johnny, hold.
Speaker 4: That laugh.
Speaker 10: In spine, and myself he had a rod fast.
Speaker 5: Around selling like a bon jelly. He sees me with
his time and his head the chuck lane, all the
while I have nothing with dread.
Speaker 4: He spoke not a word, but went straight to his
word and feel all this time side them turned with
a jerk.
Speaker 11: And leaving on.
Speaker 10: The on the side of his norse, and giving Anne
up the chimney eve.
Speaker 5: He spank on his way, all had away the o floo.
Speaker 3: But I've heard him explain.
Speaker 11: Every Christmas and to all easy the night after Christmas,
and all through the house.
Speaker 5: Not a creature is story my mo.
Speaker 10: The presents are scattered and brought my fee, and sat Nicholas.
Speaker 5: Will come again, watery the children I nestle along in
the rel.
Speaker 11: Memories of sugar Bloom stands in the weird label, oh my.
Speaker 5: Recording that I in my car.
Speaker 10: I circled that b.
Speaker 5: Or a lot. This is the National Broadcasting Company