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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, let's talk about smoothies, especially tropical smoothies. It's

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that time of year, time for you guys to go

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get some mocktail smoothies at their cafes. They have Island

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Punch Smoothie, Mango Berry Cosmo Smoothie, Watermelon Mohito smoothie with watermelon, mint,

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strawberries and lime. Visit one of Tropical Smoothies cafes fourteen

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hundred plus locations, or you can order online or through

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the app. Made a decision, I'll faced sunny sumond on

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ihead vision.

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Speaker 2: Nice n.

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Speaker 1: Sot. Hey, everybody, welcome to for crying out loud. I

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have a guest in studio. He's my co host for

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the day, smiling ear to ear because he's such a pro.

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He's a TV veteran.

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Speaker 2: That's what I am.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's what you are.

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Speaker 2: I'm a TV veteran. But in the podcast world, I

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feel like I just got call up to the majors,

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like so okay, so I'm hoping, I, you know, throw

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a couple of good innings here, stay up for longer

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than a cup of coffee.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, while you were kind enough to step in

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for Stephanie. Our girl has the COVID. Yeah, she is

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down and out.

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Speaker 2: Like really feeling terrible.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's really feeling bad. So yeah, so she's got

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the day off.

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Speaker 2: Sorry to hear that, but really grateful she's sick so

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I could be here.

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Speaker 1: Very grateful for you to step in. And then I

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have Olga, our nanny, coming on on Friday show.

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Speaker 2: Well, so the lineup this week, right, I'm surprised I

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didn't get bumped for that reminds me, is a vision

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in my head of what what that person looks like, right,

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And if I could digress. When we were in New

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York doing my talk show, which you're aware of, yes,

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and we had just we had a almost three year

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old or a three year old and a rand new baby,

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and we were interviewing for nanny's and I came back

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from the studio and on the couch is the nanny

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my wife has hired. I had nothing to do with.

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And she's wearing ripped jeans that are painted on tight.

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She is a buxom blonde from Sweden, like literally cast

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out a penhouse to be the nanny.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And I walked in and made no comment. Robbie looked

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at me, looked at the nanny and she was fire

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buddy the other day. She was probably great. But I

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asked Robbie what experience she had. She said she worked

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at her father's garage in Sweden.

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Speaker 1: In Sweden, and that was it. Wow. You know, I

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think Robbie probably feels very secure.

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Speaker 2: Well, until I walked in the house, I knew better

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than to say anything. I didn't say it worse. Yeah,

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so wow, she's gone.

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Speaker 1: Well, my Olga is a Guatemalan, She's from Guatemala. She's

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very motherly. Well, she's she's great, she's great. I never

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tried to hit on. I will, but.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't take much to paint a picture for the

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misogynist that lays deep within all of us find out.

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But I'd like to meet Olga.

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Speaker 1: Yeahs to the episode? Yeah, oh thank you. Okay, So

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let's say hi to our peeps. First, Dick is still

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frolicking in the sand, Ashley is so she Kelly, Lottie Da,

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Katie's rolling on e which we'll get into now, Aaron,

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who is? And Nikki call your girls? Leslie is the

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costing people still outside of Petco this time? She's the

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costing people, all right?

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Speaker 2: Is that her post?

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Speaker 1: That's her that's kind of her. The Yeah, she roams

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around the valley. Actually, Jacob is very growley, but we

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love him. Rita Bassiette Elizabeth Williamson has a ton of kids,

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but we love all of them, some of them. Anthony

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Athena Ginsurd. We love your dancing Polly, We love your pancakes.

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Valerie hits it out of the park. Fenwick, Katerina, check

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out Moler. Gabby and Missy still up to no good.

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But they got they got a job now. So Ishan

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vash Bee is still hot. Rebecca Luvin's so cute. Kelly

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Branch your aunt. She'll take it to Planned Parenthood. Alicia

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Scalante Leslie is still coughing. Stephanie's a stinker rinker and

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she's giving her shout out to plan Parenthood this month.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but do you know what this sounds like to me?

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What does it sound like? It sounds like in World

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War Two, when like Tokyo Rose would do coded messages.

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Speaker 1: I cannot believe you just said Tokyo. Okay, Okay, I'm

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almost doing you know what I'm talking about?

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Speaker 2: Though. The Eagles is in the grocery store on Tuesday.

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Speaker 1: I know what you're talking about because this is so

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weird that you said that. Okay, Stephanie Stefano, Aaron sanch

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she's a dirty Sanchez. Jennifer falls, get up, Sandrat. It's

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not easy being green and Christa, you make me mi

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a stroop. Okay, this is crazy. I was talking to

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my sister and on the phone last night and she

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was telling me that she was hearing music inside her condo,

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but she'd go outside and then the music would stop.

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But when she came inside and she was like, so

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it turned out her next door neighbors were playing music

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loud with they they share a wall, right, And she says,

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I felt like I was, what's the woman that was

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doing the messages and in World War two? To torture?

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And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

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And she's like, oh my god. She's like Rosie Rose something,

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and I googled it and I go Tokyo Rose and

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she's like, thank you. She was trying to think for

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like five minutes. Finally I just googled, like.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that funny how that happens though? Like you may

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never heard have heard before, or phrase that you haven't

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thought of in years, And then it pops up and

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then shows up like five times in the next week.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's insane that I can't wait to tell her that.

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You come out of the gate saying Tokyo Rose.

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Speaker 2: World War two guns of blazing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's insane. You know, Kayleen, you don't.

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Speaker 2: Know this is a boomer reference. Right. During World War

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two Young kalin As propaganda, the Japanese had a radio

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personality named Tokyo Rose who would broadcast on airways that

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are troops American troops could hear, and she would say

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subversive things like Okay, g I or Joe whatever they

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call you. You know, I know you're hungry, and you

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would GMA, I'm doing like mixing up wars now. But

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it was all just kind of mind fucking. And then

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we did through Radio Free Europe our Armed Services of Forces.

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We would broadcast and they were broadcast these phrases that

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made no sense, but they were coded messages that would

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say the apples are on sale on Tuesday and that

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was supposed to me, and we're gonna land at Omah

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Beach on Friday.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know any of that.

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Speaker 2: By the way, the amount of fucked up every which

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I just gave like, that's not accurate. I think they

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give you the idea.

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Speaker 1: Yea, that gives you the idea. That's insane that you

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just said, Dokyo. That doesn't fucking insane anyway. Mark, so

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happy to have you here. Let's talk I Mark, it's

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so funny. Didn't I send you that picture I found

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of us?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: From the Nappy Convention? Yes, which is I think I

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posted it in our face?

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Speaker 2: Can you be clear about that that it's the Nasty Convention.

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Speaker 1: Not the Nappy Convention, right, it's the national not.

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Speaker 2: That we wouldn't attend both of those, whatever they are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's well, my hair does get very kinky curly.

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It's the National.

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Speaker 2: National Association of Television and Abduction Executives.

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Speaker 1: Yes, wait, wait, what's the A though, there is a National.

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Speaker 2: Association of Television Production.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right.

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Speaker 2: It used to be where all syndicated shows were.

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Speaker 1: Sold, right, Yes that I'm a big, big party. Yeah.

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We used to go every year, my company we go

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every year, and then.

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Speaker 2: You were the gatekeeper.

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Speaker 1: I was the gatekeeper. Yes, that's when I us started

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working in show VIZ.

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Speaker 2: I know, I was just I saw it happen.

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Speaker 1: I know, I was like a fresh, young little chicken.

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Speaker 2: You were the talk of the booth. Are you kidding?

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Like people showed up to our booth because you were

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at the reception of God.

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Speaker 1: That is where I saw Jerry Seinfeld too, but I

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met him later, but anyway, because I dated him. But anyway, uh,

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but yes, you were due we were doing the Mark

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Wahlberg talk show. I was, yeah, you were, and we

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were the top of the town.

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Speaker 2: You were handing out decks of cards. Oh yeah, that

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were my face deck. And then there was a love

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line deck, right, yeah, because Adam and Drew.

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Speaker 1: Right, we did love Line. That's how we.

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Speaker 2: Met, and that's how you guys met.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, were you there at the same time with Adam?

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Oh my god, that's so crazy. Yes, you were, because

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I was looking it up and your TV show was

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ninety five, ninety six, ninety five. I met Adam in

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ninety five. It was that the night I met him.

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He goes, are you going on to that television convention

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in Vegas next month? And I was like, yeah, I'll

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be there. Yeah, but but that yeah, So anyway, that's crazy,

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craz craziness lifetime ago. So you have two kids that

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are grown, so grown and you were just talking about

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before the MIC's heat it up. As they say in

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the business, is what they say. Yeah, just ask me anything, Mark,

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I'll tell you. And so so you were talking about

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going to see the Grateful Dad at the Spear.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So my son had just retired from the Navy,

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which is a long story that I'm not at liberty

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to talk about. Okay, all right, but it is an

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incredible story.

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Speaker 1: That's nice anyway.

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Speaker 2: And so while he's and they're in Norfolk, he and

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his wife and they're gonna move to California. There's way

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too much backstory. But before he has to do anything,

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he wants to take a huge motorcycle trip. So he's

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going to ride his motorcycle from Norfolk up through Michigan,

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across the up down through Wisconsin and then parking in

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Chicago for service, fly to Vegas to see the last

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weekend of the Dead and Company at the Sphere and said,

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do you want to go? Dad? And the truth is

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when he called, I'm sitting on the couch going I don't.

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I don't want to go to the backyard right now,

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right but I think this is when I can't miss

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so I'm going. I think Mark de Carlo. Do you

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know Mark he's going, which adding that wrinkles that.

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Speaker 1: This is so funny that you guys have been friends

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all these years.

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Speaker 2: It's nice and and have a a storied pass when

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it comes to the Grateful Dead in Las Vegas and

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mushrooms and mushrooms. Yeah, and so yeah, so that's gonna happen.

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So it's gonna be Morgan. Uh, my dear friend's son

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from the camping trip. I remember I told you about

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the camping trip on that episode. So Graydon, my best

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friend's son that they grew up like cousins. He's gonna

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come and Mark cha Carlo is coming. And because I

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have invited Mark ca Carlo, an unspecified number of strangers

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may also show up because he tends to do that.

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Speaker 1: Is he married?

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Speaker 2: He's married.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he's married, Okay.

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Speaker 2: Very happy to a very very successful woman, Yanni Alvarez,

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who is a big voiceover star really Spanish speaking world

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and English speaking. She's right, really, that's great, wonderful person.

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Speaker 1: That's great. Good for him.

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Speaker 2: I love her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's happening.

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Speaker 1: So that's happening. And you mentioned shrooms.

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Speaker 2: No, I didn't mention shrooms. He and the backstory is

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that when I was in Vegas to see the Dead

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in like two thousand, I don't even know, nineteen ninety eight,

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I don't remember, it was a famous Dead show because

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a storm came over and threatened the whole thing and

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the band started playing the storm. It was really a

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great thing. But that was with Mark, and he gave

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me shrooms and I ate them, and Robbie was with me,

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so I felt safe. But I tripped so hard that

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he brought a camera and he videotaped me, and it's

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been held over my head for twenty five years because

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I was so.

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Speaker 1: Gone, really like we like, what were you seeing? Were

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you hallucinating?

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Speaker 2: And like everything can and to me being as heady

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as it happens, that's what happened. Yeah, apparently that's that's

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my found.

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Speaker 1: Micro Dosing stuff doesn't so does I macro doosed.

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Speaker 2: You did like a gobbled a salad full of not

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these cute little chocolate things the kids have today, but

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actual mushrooms actually grown out of somebody's cowpie. Shit.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: And I sat there for an hour with my wife

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going yeah, nothing, and then in three seconds I was

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in the fetal position. Oh my god. And then she's

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walking me around. And the thing about mushrooms is that

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you remember everything later. It's not like I was a

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fucked up. I don't even know what I said. And

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I was saying, I just having epiphany after epiphany, and

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I'm like, you know, the problem with people is that

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we don't touch one another. So I'm walking through the

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she's walking me like a dog because I can't still,

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and I'm going out to everybody and I'm like petting them,

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like good to see you. And then some people were

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in my trip and some people were not. It was

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like certain characters were cut out, and then every now

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and then one of the characters would turn around and

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go in this one.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, well, they say though like you you

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get kind of lovey dovey, or you get like you

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want to touch people like you.

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Speaker 2: That's the Molly E experience from what I'm told. I

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don't I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know, never done that.

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Speaker 2: I did ecstasy once at a dead show before it

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was Molly whatever that was, and I didn't do a

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lot and it didn't really affect me, except at one

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point Robbi's like, do you feel anything? You know, Robbie

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sober so for her vicarious, it's like funded And she said,

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do you feel anything? I said, nope, except a sudden

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earth to hug that biker, which I then did you did?

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Oh yeah, but that it's not a stretch for me anyway.

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I don't really need he to have, Like it's hard

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for me not to hug Kaitlin when I walk in

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every day. But I sense that's bustling line at this

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point in our relationship. But I do want to just

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hold him.

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Speaker 1: I know he's wow. So and but do you do

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any of that microdosing now? No?

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Speaker 2: No, So I did this this one experience at the

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turn of the century, and I'm still trying to figure

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it out. And it was amazing, Like it was once

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the first forty five minutes of panic of what have

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I done to myself? And why do my hands keep

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disappearing every time I put him in my pockets, like

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they I don't own them anymore? And why is the

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mountain moving that stuff? It then got to be an

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incredible journey where I could see, properly dosed now it

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would open and expand the mind to get past the

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fear and ego of things and really have some psychotherapeutic applications.

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So the microdosing concept as it shared with me from

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other people in my life. Out out my daughter who

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told me about it, sorry Gold that she it really

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made a difference to access feelings without guilt or pain

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and to see yourself in a different way. So I

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get that it wasn't like getting drunk or getting high.

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It was like going on a journey where things were

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revealed to you about yourself and others, and then when

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you were sober the next day or several hours later,

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you retain.

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Speaker 1: That stuff interesting. So because I've I did like, well,

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we talked to it. We recently talked about it on

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a show like I did Shroom's way back in the

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day probably yeah, in the nineties or something, I don't know,

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and it it was okay, I mean we it was

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hallucinating a little bit and loved everybody and then but

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then it was sad the next minute, but then loved

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everybody and happy, then sad the next It was really

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roller coaster. And then recently I got chocolate the chocolate

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bar things. My girlfriends and I went out and we

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did like little like a like I don't know, like

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a couple squares, you know, just like three squares or

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maybe four, and then got the giggles. We got like

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it felt like you were like hi, because I don't

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like getting stone. I used to get stone when I

321
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was a kid. I don't. Everybody talks about how, oh,

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you know, you relax, and then I don't. I have anxiety.

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I feel like the house is gonna burn down.

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Speaker 2: That's an absolute truth with weed, is that depending on

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the strain and this, that and the other. Although I kind

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of laugh at that, Yeah, there's a there is a

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possibility and a propensity towards anxiety as it's coming on,

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00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:07,680
before it settles in. And I have had in my

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life where I remember when I was newly married, my

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00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,799
brother in law came over and we smoked a joint

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and I'm hanging out in my house and a lot

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was going on in my life. I didn't know what

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was going to happen. And I remember having to lay

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with my head in my wife's lap for an hour

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while she stroked my forehead until I kind of shilled.

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Speaker 1: And I'm love your wife. She sounds so comforting.

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Speaker 2: Well she is comforting, and I guess what happens is

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it's just a litany of my bad choices that she

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has to com Maybe that's what marriage is basically, somebody

340
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,559
who will hold your head when you fucked up, right, right,

341
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So a lot of that she's been there, and the

342
00:17:46,839 --> 00:17:51,279
fact that she's forty years sober. So she's great when

343
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,839
when you do something like that and she's like, okay,

344
00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:57,240
you know it's it's just the mushy, You're gonna be

345
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,480
all right, right, And she knows exactly what to say.

346
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,519
We're drinking, she's not as taller taller, Oh no, it's

347
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:07,319
just as ugly. Drinking is ugly. And when I get drunk,

348
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,200
which is rare, like every five years, and whenever I'm

349
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,200
hanging out with my son is when something battle happened.

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And her greatest line to me, when I'm getting loud

351
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and like going for it, she just leans over it says, honey,

352
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,759
not a good look for you. Oh I realized she's right.

353
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Speaker 1: She's right, Yeah, that's true. So do you partake in

354
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:31,960
the THHC too? Yes, yes, quite regularly, quite regular a

355
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:32,240
lot of.

356
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Speaker 2: People, but not in the recreational way. Like right, Like

357
00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:38,920
I can't get over my friends who like are blunt

358
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:43,839
smokers and they're like the smoke. I'm like, dude, two hits, right,

359
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,839
are you hit? You're what are you trying to accomplish?

360
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Speaker 1: I now you know, Well, those I think are people

361
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,400
that have been getting stoned since forever, since they were kids,

362
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and now they're adults. I have a male adult friends

363
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,799
that are still we used to smoke pot in high

364
00:18:57,839 --> 00:19:01,400
school and stuff, still getting stoned to this day. Same

365
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,799
But no, but smoking bong loads I got.

366
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Speaker 2: So you know that's not my vibe. Yeah, my vibe

367
00:19:08,559 --> 00:19:11,839
is I do. I mean I didn't realize I was

368
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:14,279
because you said out myself as the snoop dog of

369
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:19,880
game shows. Look, I don't like to drink. Yeah, and

370
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,279
I mean I'll drink socially, but it's not really a

371
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:27,519
high I enjoy. And you know, for me, at nine

372
00:19:27,519 --> 00:19:29,599
o'clock at night or later, when they were kind of

373
00:19:29,599 --> 00:19:32,079
wind down, I might go out in the backyard, the

374
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,200
dogs come out with me, and I'll have a hit

375
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or two off a joint that'll last me.

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Speaker 1: The rest of the days. Days yes, wow, days? Really?

377
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,119
So you can go to sleep and wake up high.

378
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:49,559
Speaker 2: No, what do you think I'm doing? Heroin? No, I

379
00:19:49,599 --> 00:19:52,559
take a couple of hits, go to bed, at midnight

380
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,680
already not high. Yeah, And by the way, so that

381
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,319
you're clear getting high to go to sleep, you don't

382
00:19:58,319 --> 00:19:59,839
sleep as well as if you're sobering go.

383
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: Well, that's another thing too, Like you.

384
00:20:02,839 --> 00:20:05,599
Speaker 2: Think you do, don't remember your dreams. You think you're out,

385
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,400
but you wake up. The truth is if you smoke weed,

386
00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:10,680
you wake up a little more tired and groggy then

387
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,279
if you don't smoke weed. The problem for some and

388
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:17,680
why wheat is helpful for some, especially the gummy thing, yeah,

389
00:20:17,839 --> 00:20:20,279
is to shut down the monkey mind enough for you

390
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,480
to fall asleep. It's not a problem for me. I

391
00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:25,359
can fall asleep with or with that. I don't. It's

392
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,279
not that you know. Yeah, are you waiting at me?

393
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: No, he wants me to take it.

394
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 2: I thought you're like, don't say monkey mind.

395
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,759
Speaker 1: Okay, Mark, you know it's summertime, right, I am aware.

396
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,279
If you want something refreshing and tropical.

397
00:20:42,039 --> 00:20:43,359
Speaker 2: Stop right there, because I do.

398
00:20:43,599 --> 00:20:45,759
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, Well, we got the place for you. It's

399
00:20:45,799 --> 00:20:48,759
called the Tropical Smoothie Cafe and they have an app

400
00:20:48,799 --> 00:20:53,759
by the way, and they have really delicious smoothies, all

401
00:20:53,839 --> 00:20:57,000
kinds of different mocktails for the summer. They have uh

402
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,599
the Island Punch Smoothie, which is peach, guava and fruit,

403
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:05,880
mango and pineapple. They also have Stephanie's favorite, the Watermelon Mohito,

404
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:10,519
which is watermelon, mint, strawberries and lime, yummy stuff. We've

405
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,920
had the Tropical Smoothies smoothies and we've also had their wraps.

406
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,359
They have assay bowls.

407
00:21:16,599 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 2: Very So here's the thing for me, if every meal

408
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,960
was a smoothie, I would not be upset with that.

409
00:21:21,519 --> 00:21:21,799
Speaker 1: Really.

410
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you say tropical smoothie cafe. All three of

411
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,559
those words in any order work for me.

412
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Speaker 1: I agree, right, can't go wrong with it.

413
00:21:30,279 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 2: I love a cafe. I love everything tropical, and everything

414
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,000
should be a smoothie.

415
00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:37,559
Speaker 1: Yes, and especially now for summer. So you can visit

416
00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:42,559
one of Tropical Smoothie Cafes fourteen hundred locations or you

417
00:21:42,599 --> 00:21:45,960
can order online or through their app because you're on

418
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,200
Tropic time now. This episode is brought to you by

419
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,440
body Smart one on one coaching Listen. There's never a

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And we love. The thing about Daily Body Smart that

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we love is they have a daily support group on

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429
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are doing it as well, in the community of like

430
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minded women.

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Speaker 2: And there's you know why I like this. Yeah, although

432
00:22:34,759 --> 00:22:37,359
it's for like minded women, just like me, just like you.

433
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,160
One on one training or any training like that that

434
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takes the decision of what am I supposed to like,

435
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what's the next exercise? Yeah? Out of the equation is

436
00:22:48,319 --> 00:22:49,400
worth the penny.

437
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:49,839
Speaker 1: Isn't it.

438
00:22:49,839 --> 00:22:52,039
Speaker 2: It's worth it. It just tell me what to tell

439
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,720
you and I will do it. And that if you

440
00:22:53,759 --> 00:22:55,160
have a support group where I could talk to you

441
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,400
about why I don't want to do it, I might

442
00:22:57,519 --> 00:22:58,160
do it some more.

443
00:22:58,319 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 1: Right there you go? That's perfect. Actually, yes, that you

444
00:23:02,559 --> 00:23:06,000
just tell the just help you feel better. You don't

445
00:23:06,039 --> 00:23:09,359
have to starve yourself or do hours of cardio anymore either.

446
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Like it's being people being fed up with the weight

447
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yo yo, bouncing from diet to diet. So all that's

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over with body Smart. So here's what you're going to

449
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:22,880
want to do.

450
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,519
Speaker 2: What are we going to want to do?

451
00:23:24,599 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: What you're going to want to do is Body Smart

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Coaching promises to be the last weight less program you'll

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459
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Speaker 2: And what's great is it begets more if you get

460
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into it. You do two or three of these and

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you start feeling good. It makes you want to want

462
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to do more. Yeah, you have the support to stay

463
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in it, right.

464
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Speaker 1: Right, So visit body smartfitness dot com and mention for

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percent off your coaching program. That's body Smartfitness dot Com. Yeah. Okay,

467
00:24:13,799 --> 00:24:17,119
so we talked about let's see, we talked about a

468
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,960
lot since talked about Tokyo ROSEHS, World War two.

469
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we've covered you know.

470
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 1: Hey, Okay, so one of the things I wanted to

471
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,039
talk to you about is you know, Stephanie and I

472
00:24:31,079 --> 00:24:33,880
have eighteen year old while her daughter's a year older.

473
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,640
Our kids are going off to college. Oh minor eighteen

474
00:24:39,759 --> 00:24:41,240
win talk.

475
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 2: To me girl. Hey know I've sent two children away.

476
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: That's what I wanted.

477
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 2: Yes, And now I'm in a different chapter. I'm a

478
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,000
little on the next chapter past you. Maybe two chapters

479
00:24:51,279 --> 00:24:51,599
are they?

480
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,559
Speaker 1: Are your kids married.

481
00:24:53,599 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 2: One's married, one's living with a dude that we love.

482
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,920
But no pressure. I mean you, guys, whatever you need

483
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:07,240
to do, love you, Tucker. Yeah, so we're there.

484
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 1: So you're there.

485
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 2: But seminal moment was my firstborn moving out for college.

486
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: See now I have boy girl twins. So they're both

487
00:25:20,319 --> 00:25:22,119
leaving at the end of summer.

488
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 2: And are they going to the same place or different places?

489
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: Different She's going to Santa Barbara, he's going to Oregon.

490
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:33,799
Speaker 2: Both were not not terrible. Mine went East Coast, Well,

491
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,640
my son went. My son went to a military college

492
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,039
in Virginia. Oh really, So he wasn't just going away.

493
00:25:42,079 --> 00:25:43,759
He was going to a place where he couldn't come

494
00:25:43,799 --> 00:25:47,359
home for the first year and we had very little

495
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,359
access to him. Like it wasn't like yeah, texting and

496
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,880
talking all day. And then my daughter went straight out

497
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,559
of high school to Washington, d c. On scholarship with

498
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,240
Washington School of Ballet. So she was now not only

499
00:26:03,799 --> 00:26:06,440
away from us, but not in the college situation where

500
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,839
I got go, oh, she's got a meal plan, she's good.

501
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,079
She was in an apartment with two other girls in

502
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:16,640
Georgetown having an offend for herself. And so I remember

503
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,480
calling my mother after I moved my daughter in and saying,

504
00:26:20,759 --> 00:26:24,480
I'm just calling to apologize forever leaving you, like, how

505
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,559
could I have done this to you? Yeah, because the pain.

506
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 1: Was it's all it's painful just thinking about it.

507
00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 2: But but you know what the thing is about parenting, Yes,

508
00:26:35,559 --> 00:26:38,359
I mean several things. Was one of the things, if

509
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:46,200
we do it right, we raised them to do this.

510
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,519
We raised them to leave, not to stay. Yeah, And

511
00:26:51,559 --> 00:26:53,400
that's the thing that made me want to call my mom.

512
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:58,359
Is that, Oh my god, the selflessness of raising your

513
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,200
children to feel strong enough for them to fly out

514
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,519
of the nest, even though them flying out of the

515
00:27:03,559 --> 00:27:09,000
nest rips your soul apart. Yeah, and you know, but.

516
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,279
Speaker 1: It is I mean, of course you're right like it

517
00:27:11,599 --> 00:27:14,920
it's you know, we raise them to this is what

518
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,440
all the eighteen years of hard work was for. I

519
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,480
mean most you know, a lot of it. But the

520
00:27:21,559 --> 00:27:24,519
thing that I so, how what's the different in age?

521
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:25,839
Speaker 2: There are three years apart.

522
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: Okay, so you had one and then you still had

523
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:29,000
one at home.

524
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. So my son was a senior in high school

525
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,359
when my daughter was a freshman, right, and we had

526
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,240
one at home and went gone, and then in short

527
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,359
time they were both gone.

528
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: They were both gone. Yeah, And so the other thing

529
00:27:40,519 --> 00:27:41,880
that I'm struggling.

530
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,039
Speaker 2: Well is that and they didn't come back.

531
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 1: And they that Okay, all right, Well, this is what

532
00:27:46,519 --> 00:27:50,000
I wanted to ask you, because you know, I'm newly

533
00:27:50,079 --> 00:27:53,960
divorced and I'm living They live with me full time

534
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,920
pretty much, and I love I love my new life.

535
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,160
I love the house that we moved into. It's on

536
00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:03,599
But now they're going to be We just moved into

537
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:05,880
this house like a couple of months ago, and now

538
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,359
at the end of summer, they're going to be gone.

539
00:28:08,039 --> 00:28:10,079
And I'm gonna be sitting at my house gone.

540
00:28:10,079 --> 00:28:11,279
Speaker 2: Are you in the crickets man?

541
00:28:11,519 --> 00:28:14,799
Speaker 1: Yes? And my dog fell just just you know.

542
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 2: I went through, uh a dark month or two when Morgan,

543
00:28:20,759 --> 00:28:24,599
my oldest left, Goldie was still there. But uh, you

544
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:29,240
know the thought of either child, but him being first,

545
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,440
like him going and when he went his first semester,

546
00:28:33,039 --> 00:28:37,359
when you're at this military college, you can't communicate it.

547
00:28:37,559 --> 00:28:40,319
It's like you're really gone. Yeah, I bet I went

548
00:28:40,359 --> 00:28:44,319
through a lot of like what am Who am I now?

549
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,920
If I'm not the guy who goes to this baseball game,

550
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,319
if I'm not the guy who you know is daily

551
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,680
counsel and you know what I mean, Well, who the

552
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:52,400
fuck am I now?

553
00:28:52,759 --> 00:28:53,119
Speaker 1: Yeah?

554
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,359
Speaker 2: And so that emptiness was a little difficult at first.

555
00:28:55,599 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 1: That's got to be hard to not really have any contact.

556
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 2: So I then turned all my focus to smothering my daughter.

557
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,200
You love that, I mean, you know.

558
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

559
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,119
Speaker 2: I'm now at a place so I'm looking back at

560
00:29:10,119 --> 00:29:12,720
my parenting and especially having watched the Olympics, I'm looking

561
00:29:12,759 --> 00:29:14,400
back at how I was as a coach to the

562
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,519
kids and what I thought was important then that is

563
00:29:16,559 --> 00:29:20,759
not important to me now. And so I'm racked often

564
00:29:20,799 --> 00:29:24,720
with self doubt of how I handle the parenting journey.

565
00:29:24,759 --> 00:29:27,359
But given if I'm gonna love myself a little bit,

566
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,200
given the inexact science of it, I think there are

567
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,200
more wins than losses there And what I always say

568
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,039
to all of my parent friends who are going through

569
00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:38,799
this stuff is that the pain of them leaving is

570
00:29:38,839 --> 00:29:46,200
the joy of them succeeding. And and the only thing

571
00:29:46,559 --> 00:29:50,119
from this point forward that matters, as the chapters start

572
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,200
to unfold in front of you, and I've had some chapters,

573
00:29:54,119 --> 00:29:59,480
is if you're talking, you're okay. If there's communication between

574
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,519
you and your kids, then you're good. Even if the

575
00:30:02,559 --> 00:30:09,119
communication isn't agreement. Yeah, but silence is the silence and distance,

576
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:16,160
emotional distance is the red flag. And any talk, even

577
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,400
if it's I hate you, mom, is possibility and connection.

578
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, now, let's just sob together.

579
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,599
Speaker 2: I know, hold us.

580
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: Calen. You think because your kids are so little right

581
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,680
now that you got all the time in the world

582
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:33,079
goes by really fast.

583
00:30:34,039 --> 00:30:36,799
Speaker 2: Well, the other thing that shows up is that when

584
00:30:36,839 --> 00:30:39,319
your kids are little, teenage, it's a little bit less.

585
00:30:39,319 --> 00:30:43,240
But we now have a purpose and it allows us

586
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,200
not to look at our own shit because we're busy

587
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,519
and it's about their shit. And quite frankly, us layering

588
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:56,200
our childhood and teenage losses on their avenging for us

589
00:30:56,359 --> 00:30:59,640
vicariously through their life. If they're successful, that's me successful

590
00:30:59,759 --> 00:31:02,200
and all that stuff, and then in one fell sloop

591
00:31:02,279 --> 00:31:04,880
like kiss some goodbye and move them in the dorm

592
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,079
with the with the twin size sheet, and then all

593
00:31:08,079 --> 00:31:10,799
of a sudden you're left with who am I right?

594
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,880
And oh I have atrophied my self care.

595
00:31:15,599 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: Yeah is what it was for me.

596
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 2: Now I'm the quiet. It was like, now I got

597
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,799
to sit with me. Yeah, and that was a lot.

598
00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: That's that's a lot. I don't know if I'm that

599
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:26,799
deep of a thinker like.

600
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,839
Speaker 2: You I am.

601
00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: For me, you do, I feel like you. But that's

602
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,400
what successful people do, though, I think a little bit.

603
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:41,119
Speaker 2: There's both. It's both success and demid. I call it

604
00:31:41,119 --> 00:31:46,519
the rainbow circle you get on your mac. That's my brain. Yeah, yeah,

605
00:31:46,559 --> 00:31:47,759
but it's not that deep.

606
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I guess I haven't

607
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,359
had time to really think about my like you said,

608
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,680
time to think about myself. I guess. Yeah. But I do,

609
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,680
like like I'm doing things like you know, I want to.

610
00:32:01,759 --> 00:32:05,119
We're having you know, weekly Sunday dinners, the three of us,

611
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,039
you know, and I'm just trying to have you know,

612
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,640
even just for them to bond too.

613
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 2: Sure, you know, I love that idea.

614
00:32:14,119 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know, I'm trying to spend as

615
00:32:16,759 --> 00:32:19,119
much time, like if they need me, I'm sure I'll

616
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:20,759
go with you to the mall or whatever. I'll do

617
00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:23,599
whatever you want, like doing stuff with them, and you know,

618
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,000
hanging out with them. The girl is more easier to

619
00:32:27,039 --> 00:32:31,039
hang out with right now than the My boy has

620
00:32:31,079 --> 00:32:33,680
been kind of you know, would hang out with me

621
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,519
a lot and stuff, but now he only comes out

622
00:32:35,559 --> 00:32:37,799
of his room if he wants me to watch the

623
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,640
UFC fight with fights with him, you know.

624
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:46,039
Speaker 2: There, But I spoke to chapters, Yeah, that unfold, and

625
00:32:46,119 --> 00:32:49,480
none of them were things I predicted, and some of

626
00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:52,200
them were so out of character for who I thought

627
00:32:52,279 --> 00:32:57,319
they were and I was, and they present And again

628
00:32:57,359 --> 00:33:01,160
here's me going way deep. The way I now can

629
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,640
look back, and even in the moment, was able to

630
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:11,039
process is that everything's temporary. Relationships are fluid. Acceptance of

631
00:33:11,079 --> 00:33:13,359
what is is greater than forcing it to be what

632
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,839
it was or what it should be. And so, like

633
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,039
I said, the UFC locking his room and coming out

634
00:33:21,079 --> 00:33:24,880
for meals and stuff like that, if there's still communication,

635
00:33:25,119 --> 00:33:31,240
there's a relationship. Yeah, I literally recently my wife and

636
00:33:31,279 --> 00:33:35,440
my wife was providing counsel to somebody, and because I

637
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,559
lived there, it rings true for other council I've given

638
00:33:38,599 --> 00:33:44,000
others where their adult children found somebody there into that

639
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:48,359
was poarly opposite to what you thought was right for them.

640
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,839
I believed this myself and my counsel to them, which

641
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:53,319
was easy for me to say. Then when I had

642
00:33:53,359 --> 00:33:55,119
to take it for myself was not so easy. Is

643
00:33:56,160 --> 00:34:00,000
the best and only way for this to run its

644
00:34:00,119 --> 00:34:07,200
course is for you to accept it fully? Is the

645
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:12,840
only way is to say I love you, and if

646
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,760
this is where you're at, I'm where you're at.

647
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: Because anything even if you don't agree with.

648
00:34:19,679 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 2: Especially when you don't agree, because the nature of the

649
00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:31,119
disagreement is when I tell you, without being asked, this

650
00:34:31,159 --> 00:34:34,440
guy's wrong for you, or that job is wrong for you,

651
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:38,679
then your ego, your child's ego, not yours, but their

652
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:43,079
child's ego forces them with no doubt but to say

653
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:49,280
I'm staying despite what I And while it would be

654
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,760
great and healthy for your kids to go, wow, Mom,

655
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,559
thank you. Your advice is always great, I'm going to

656
00:34:53,599 --> 00:34:56,199
follow it. Two things. One is you don't want them

657
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,599
to change their course of action because you dictated it,

658
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,079
and therefore they're appeasing you, and then they resent you

659
00:35:01,079 --> 00:35:07,880
for the rest of your life. And the only way

660
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:12,519
to eliminate that resistance is acceptance. Yeah, I love you

661
00:35:12,639 --> 00:35:14,559
no matter what. You're gonna make some fucked up choices.

662
00:35:14,559 --> 00:35:16,199
If you ask me my advice, If you come to

663
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,599
me and ask me, that's what I've That's the shift

664
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,519
for me is that when they were in high school,

665
00:35:20,639 --> 00:35:24,400
I offered advice. I guided them, whether they listened or not,

666
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,719
and at some point I got yeah, I'm now an

667
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,559
advisory board. If you want my advice, you're gonna have

668
00:35:30,599 --> 00:35:32,599
to ask me. If you have trouble with each other,

669
00:35:32,639 --> 00:35:34,119
you're gonna have to work it out. If you want

670
00:35:34,119 --> 00:35:36,119
me inserted, you're gonna have to ask me or beg

671
00:35:36,199 --> 00:35:39,920
me to be there, because unsolicited advice is not heard.

672
00:35:40,199 --> 00:35:43,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that makes a lot of sense. That's I

673
00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:45,360
love that. That's great advice.

674
00:35:45,599 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 2: It sucks because the journey through that takes longer than

675
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,280
you think. So, you got a kid, they're in a

676
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,960
situation that you know is bad for them. You're watching

677
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,400
what you think is important crumble around them. When you

678
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,840
then later learn that what you thought was important wasn't

679
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,440
important either, But nonetheless you're watching demise, right, what you

680
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,760
think is demise. And then you're having to prescribe to

681
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,519
a philosophy which is allow it to happen, allow it

682
00:36:12,559 --> 00:36:16,599
to happen, allow it to run its course. Right, And

683
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,480
that is really uncomfortable and makes you feel helpless.

684
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 1: Wow, that's ud. That makes a lot of sense. It's

685
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:29,639
really gonna be hard, I think, especially I you know,

686
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,760
sometimes I see them doing things and like I want

687
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,760
to tell them, this is not the way to do it.

688
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,559
This is this is gonna be the ramifications.

689
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:41,559
Speaker 2: I literally said to my kids a one time, if

690
00:36:41,599 --> 00:36:43,840
you just do what I tell you, your life will

691
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:48,400
be far less painful. Right, And then I said, why

692
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,039
would I rob them of the experience of the pain

693
00:36:52,119 --> 00:36:58,519
of life, heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, all these things that made

694
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:03,239
us texture incredible? You look at us, Yeah, incredible.

695
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,679
Speaker 1: I mean, it all makes it's common sense, but it's

696
00:37:05,679 --> 00:37:08,119
just so hard. It doesn't It doesn't right when you're

697
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,360
a parent, it doesn't occur to you your instinct. This

698
00:37:11,519 --> 00:37:12,639
could go the other way.

699
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:18,519
Speaker 2: From the bullet, Yes, yes, yes, it's true that your

700
00:37:18,559 --> 00:37:18,960
own gun.

701
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:25,519
Speaker 1: Right. Well, now it's a great time to talk about therapy.

702
00:37:26,039 --> 00:37:28,679
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I mean apparently both.

703
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,519
Speaker 1: We do. I do for sure and my kids, My

704
00:37:33,639 --> 00:37:36,679
kids are in therapy and we use Better Help. This

705
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:43,000
episode is sponsored by Better Help. Better Help makes easy,

706
00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:47,519
makes it everything easy. It takes sitting in traffic, making

707
00:37:47,559 --> 00:37:51,280
the make it even finding the therapist. Okay, So what

708
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,280
you do with better Help is you go online and

709
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:58,719
you just fill out a quick you know, questionnaire and

710
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,719
then they can map with a therapist and if you

711
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,320
don't like that therapy other one, you pick another one.

712
00:38:04,519 --> 00:38:08,159
There's a lot of them to choose from. So everybody

713
00:38:08,199 --> 00:38:12,519
needs therapy especially. I think it's important for kids our age.

714
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,880
My kid like when they're going off to concoct Yeah, kids,

715
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,840
our age, I think any age, any age, absolutely.

716
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,639
Speaker 2: And what I like about this, can I intergest, yes,

717
00:38:23,039 --> 00:38:25,159
is that first of all, thank you to gen Z

718
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,400
and others for making therapy not a taboo thing. Right,

719
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,039
So thanks for that, and thanks to Better Help. Because

720
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:37,880
when feeling uncomfortable and needing therapy, any any little pebble

721
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,800
in the way will stop your absolutely and better Help

722
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,119
makes it easy, makes it.

723
00:38:43,079 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: So easy, and you can do it in the comfort

724
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,000
of your own home. Uh, it's just you can do

725
00:38:49,039 --> 00:38:52,000
it around your own schedule. It's flexible suited to you

726
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,679
and you really there's no U there's no reason not

727
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,119
to do Better Help.

728
00:38:57,199 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, even in the old days of therapy where you

729
00:38:59,559 --> 00:39:01,199
have to go to office and you're sitting in the

730
00:39:01,199 --> 00:39:03,800
waiting room hoping nobody sees you, and then you sob

731
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,079
and you don't want to walk out with tears streaming

732
00:39:06,119 --> 00:39:09,880
on your face. See like, oh hey dude from the gym. Right,

733
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,280
so this is this is from your home. Yeah, and

734
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:13,000
it's great.

735
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:16,599
Speaker 1: So easy, So never skip therapy day. With better Help.

736
00:39:16,679 --> 00:39:20,440
Visit Betterhelp dot com slash fcl today to get ten

737
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,960
percent off your first month. That's better Help. H e

738
00:39:24,119 --> 00:39:27,119
LP dot com slash fc o L.

739
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:28,119
Speaker 2: Yeah.

740
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 3: You know one thing that I really love and have

741
00:39:31,519 --> 00:39:35,320
wanted for a long time is soft luggage, right, the

742
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,239
soft side kind of suitcase. And I have a certain

743
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,880
number of suitcases in our family, but not enough to

744
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:48,079
go around, especially for checking bags and away suitcases. Just

745
00:39:48,159 --> 00:39:51,159
sent me a great bag sent here to all of us. Yes,

746
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:55,880
I picked the blue color. It's made from high strength nylon.

747
00:39:56,079 --> 00:39:59,559
It's tear resistant as well as weather resistant. And by

748
00:39:59,599 --> 00:40:03,039
the way, it has the wheels on it don't just

749
00:40:03,159 --> 00:40:06,719
go one way. They're like swively, so it's so easy

750
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,079
to maneuver around. I am so excited about this piece

751
00:40:10,079 --> 00:40:10,679
of luggage.

752
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: Yes, and I was excited. They sent it to me too,

753
00:40:13,639 --> 00:40:15,920
and I just gave it to Sonny and he used

754
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,239
it for his carry on for his trip to Japan.

755
00:40:18,599 --> 00:40:21,440
And it's the perfect size for him. And it was

756
00:40:21,679 --> 00:40:24,639
you know, had all the compartments he needed. It was perfect.

757
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,119
He loved it, and we didn't have a carry on

758
00:40:27,199 --> 00:40:27,519
for him.

759
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they make two carry on sizes and two

760
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,800
checked sizes. So you got to check out the new

761
00:40:34,039 --> 00:40:36,679
soft side luggage from Away. Head on over to a

762
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:40,880
way travel dot com slash f cool. That's Away travel

763
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,280
dot com slash f cool to see the new soft

764
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:48,960
side luggage from Away Away Travel dot com slash f cool.

765
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 1: But yes, our kids like it's just you know, I mean,

766
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,320
I think about you know. I have to say, like,

767
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,400
my daughter had a boyfriend a lot throughout her high

768
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,760
school years. I freaking love this kid. Nice nice Jewish boy,

769
00:41:07,199 --> 00:41:10,239
so sweet to my daughter, so nice, raise the bar

770
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,599
pretty high for her. They had to break up because

771
00:41:14,079 --> 00:41:16,559
he's going to his college. She's going to hurt because

772
00:41:16,559 --> 00:41:18,800
it's a high school boy, right and it's a high

773
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:24,280
school boyfriend. Yeah the rehearsals, yes, yes, so they worry

774
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,639
like it's I you know, I just hope she she's

775
00:41:27,679 --> 00:41:30,519
never had, like she doesn't go for like the bad boys.

776
00:41:30,599 --> 00:41:33,039
You know, she likes she wants to marry a guy

777
00:41:33,119 --> 00:41:36,199
like Phil Dunfi on modern families.

778
00:41:36,519 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people don't. But can I put

779
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,480
your mind at ease or actually make you more worried?

780
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,679
Speaker 1: Oh? Great, Okay.

781
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:51,159
Speaker 2: It's imperative that she gets the chance to fuck up. Yeah,

782
00:41:53,039 --> 00:41:57,360
it's imperative to stretch it out in these years to

783
00:41:57,599 --> 00:41:59,599
then get what she wants.

784
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,679
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Yes.

785
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,559
Speaker 2: And while I have seen people who have met their

786
00:42:05,599 --> 00:42:09,280
love in high school or younger and that's been their

787
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:13,000
life and perfect and I love that. And it's an

788
00:42:13,119 --> 00:42:16,119
argument for pre arranged marriage acts. But that I don't popular.

789
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,760
I don't make popular. But if you've experienced nothing else,

790
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,840
then this is the greatest thing ever and you grow

791
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:28,280
to love. But the point is we want Our instinct

792
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:32,920
is to protect our children from pain, yep. But that's

793
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:40,280
not protection, that's sheltering. Where we're better used, possibly is

794
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,360
to be the sounding board of everything's okay when things

795
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,800
crash and burn, for them to reassure them that you're

796
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,719
not the first person to go through this and and

797
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:55,079
this will not kill you and now what yes right?

798
00:42:55,679 --> 00:43:01,360
Not the not don't go there, right because then they

799
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:01,920
run there.

800
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think, yeah, you're right, they ask you.

801
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 2: Right.

802
00:43:06,519 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 1: It sucks, It does suck.

803
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 2: It's not This is like this conversation for you young adults.

804
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,039
It's like birth control, like why would I have them?

805
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:16,039
Speaker 1: Right?

806
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 2: But greatest joy? Ye fear, greatest joy? Yes, yeah, greatest sorrow,

807
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:22,559
greatest joy.

808
00:43:22,679 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: Right, Well, you're lucky that you have a good you know,

809
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:34,000
uh partner in life with Robbie like k well him too.

810
00:43:35,199 --> 00:43:37,199
Tell us about your podcast, by the way.

811
00:43:37,119 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 2: Oh that's that old thing.

812
00:43:38,599 --> 00:43:39,679
Speaker 1: Yes, that's abolution.

813
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 2: You know you said it that. Here we are having

814
00:43:42,559 --> 00:43:46,079
just idle chat and it gets like deep, yes, that's

815
00:43:46,159 --> 00:43:51,320
kind of sadly. Why why would I you know, I

816
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,679
did a whole thing about self talk. It's kind of

817
00:43:53,679 --> 00:43:57,760
who I am? I guess, well, yes, I thought it

818
00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,280
was just a comic like a joker.

819
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 1: No, oh, I watch you on those Bonfire Talks is

820
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,360
the name of the podcast. But I watch you on

821
00:44:06,679 --> 00:44:10,440
the Bonfire Sessions on Temptation Island, which I'm sure I

822
00:44:10,519 --> 00:44:14,199
know a lot of our audience does has seen you

823
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,480
are so good you're like a therapist for these com.

824
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's that's not true. So here's but thank you.

825
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,519
So here's the thing. First of all, I never wanted

826
00:44:22,519 --> 00:44:27,960
to call the podcast Bonfire Talks with Mark Wahlberg. Kaylink.

827
00:44:28,559 --> 00:44:31,679
He says, you're just leaning into what is which, by

828
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,679
the way, I hate that he can hear me say this. Yeah,

829
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:40,039
but he has a very pragmatic, non dramatic way to

830
00:44:40,079 --> 00:44:43,239
approach things that makes things very clear, right, and I

831
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,480
need that because I overthink, as you can hear it.

832
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,440
So I guess what the podcast for me is not

833
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,440
me being your therapist, which I'm not qualified to do,

834
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:58,039
but maybe letting you into what I'm grappling with, which

835
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,800
you know, if people think I come up something wise

836
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,760
or you know, good advice, or these nuggets that people

837
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:08,840
say I come up with, they come from somewhere, and

838
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,079
it's not from me sitting on a throne saying I

839
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,800
know these things. It's from me trying to ask the

840
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,840
questions of why am I uncomfortable? Why am I why

841
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:24,039
is I'm feeling, I'm having feelings, and I'm not successful

842
00:45:24,039 --> 00:45:27,119
here and I have cringe moments here, and so the

843
00:45:27,199 --> 00:45:31,239
conversation of why, why why is not a question everybody asks,

844
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,719
And so I thought maybe the podcast might be a

845
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,440
place where I could just take life as it comes

846
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,079
and joke around with it, but then maybe let you

847
00:45:41,119 --> 00:45:42,800
in on the process of how I come up with

848
00:45:43,679 --> 00:45:46,239
my philosophy on stuff. Is like, it's really comes from

849
00:45:46,599 --> 00:45:51,119
I'm feeling pain. How do I process why and how

850
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:57,239
and help tell and showing that to others hopefully they hear. Wait,

851
00:45:57,519 --> 00:46:00,960
that's kind of me too. It's all a fucking mess,

852
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:04,000
and he's a mess too well.

853
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 1: But it's interesting because I would find it. So who

854
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,159
are you talking to? You have guests, sometimes you have guess.

855
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 2: I have no idea who the truth is. I've had

856
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,599
guests and I will have guests again, and I've been

857
00:46:16,639 --> 00:46:19,920
grateful to have guests. I love that, and you're welcome

858
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:24,400
and love to have you right now, right just like

859
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,639
what's happening now. But I made a I made a

860
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,880
commitment just a couple of weeks ago that I was

861
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,400
going to take a moment to kind of get my

862
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,360
feet really down on this podcast, and I was gonna

863
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:39,159
just let it be me and Kaylin to bounce off

864
00:46:39,199 --> 00:46:42,480
of for a little while. And here's why, back to

865
00:46:43,199 --> 00:46:47,039
not having answers but looking for answers. This podcast represents

866
00:46:47,039 --> 00:46:54,360
for me a blind spot in my quiver of arrows,

867
00:46:54,639 --> 00:46:58,679
my toolbox. That okay, And the blind spot is the

868
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,199
constant conversation I have that what I have to say

869
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:11,800
doesn't matter, that I essentially don't matter, that my thoughts, existence, accomplishments, hopes,

870
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:19,880
and dreams are either insignificant or less significant than those

871
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:23,079
I compare myself to. So the cringe for me to

872
00:47:23,119 --> 00:47:25,400
show up and do the podcast without a guest is

873
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:31,079
that I'm exposing myself by saying, here's something I think matters,

874
00:47:31,599 --> 00:47:35,400
and immediately I feel like and it doesn't because I don't.

875
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:38,960
So having to sit here and talk about what comes

876
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,800
up with my mind and go to the cringe place,

877
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,840
like Camelin said the other day, if you're cringing it's

878
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:47,599
a good episode, is really an exercise for me to say, Hey,

879
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:52,199
regardless of what you think, both of you avid listeners,

880
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,840
what I think matters to me. What I'm doing on

881
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:02,000
this episode is me saying to myself against every cell

882
00:48:02,039 --> 00:48:06,119
in my body, I have to say I matter, right,

883
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,320
and I know I matter to others.

884
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:09,320
Speaker 1: Yes, you do.

885
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,559
Speaker 2: I show up for my family. I show up. I'll

886
00:48:11,559 --> 00:48:13,639
show up intimately to a stranger on the street if

887
00:48:13,639 --> 00:48:15,840
they need me. But do I show up to myself

888
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:20,239
in the same commitment And the answer is no, I don't.

889
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:24,079
And so even when people I think about my whole career.

890
00:48:24,639 --> 00:48:26,440
When I would show up to be the warm up

891
00:48:26,679 --> 00:48:29,119
guy for a TV show, and for those of you

892
00:48:29,119 --> 00:48:30,880
who don't know what that is, come into a taping

893
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,119
of a TV show, it's relatively boring. They hire a

894
00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:36,800
comedian to entertain the studio audience in the breaks. I

895
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,880
would show up and they say, are you the comedian

896
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:41,840
like the producers. I go, no, no, no, no, I'm just

897
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,239
the warm up guy. I didn't want them to think

898
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,440
I was a comedian, but in fact and in title

899
00:48:47,559 --> 00:48:51,119
and in action, I was being that. But I say,

900
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:54,599
I'm not as good as them. Yes, So it's a

901
00:48:54,639 --> 00:48:57,840
recurring theme for me. It is of I'm happy to

902
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,920
celebrate your success, but I mean nothing. I'm a blank.

903
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:05,519
Speaker 1: Well do you feel yeah, do you feel that you

904
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:09,559
are making a difference in your own mind by doing

905
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,679
by doing these podcasts, do you feel have you noticed

906
00:49:12,679 --> 00:49:13,280
the change?

907
00:49:13,559 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 2: Well, it's it's a little bit. Yeah, I cringe more.

908
00:49:17,519 --> 00:49:18,800
Speaker 1: But that's not getting easier.

909
00:49:19,079 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 2: No, No, I think that's okay.

910
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

911
00:49:21,159 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 2: I think here's what's getting easier for me is processing

912
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:33,159
the self judgment. That's getting easier. And when I get comments,

913
00:49:34,079 --> 00:49:37,440
which are not a lot yet, but when I get them,

914
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,199
it warms my I get them on Instagram a lot.

915
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:44,239
I get an enormous amount of joy when someone says

916
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:49,480
what you said connected from me, and that that I'm

917
00:49:49,519 --> 00:49:52,440
also grappling with. Is the joy my happiness for you

918
00:49:52,559 --> 00:49:55,599
or my ego saying oh, I'm sure fucking s so

919
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,199
this is and two things can be true at the

920
00:49:59,199 --> 00:50:05,559
same time. So the experience I look from a philosophical standpoint,

921
00:50:05,639 --> 00:50:08,239
I come to believe that everything that's happening in your

922
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:13,000
world is somehow generated by you, or at least those

923
00:50:13,039 --> 00:50:16,559
things that seem random are happening for you if you

924
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:21,679
choose that to be. And so maybe the what I

925
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,519
think is a professional reason to do a podcast because

926
00:50:24,639 --> 00:50:27,119
that's what the kids are doing, may not be that

927
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,079
at all. It may be about a bigger thing as

928
00:50:30,119 --> 00:50:33,719
far as my personal growth, and so what's scary for

929
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:39,159
me is to expose myself intimately in this way. But

930
00:50:39,199 --> 00:50:40,679
maybe that's what it's supposed to be for me to

931
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:44,519
be the next version of me, right, and I'm constantly

932
00:50:44,519 --> 00:50:45,679
trying to be the next version of me.

933
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:50,639
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I think that's a great I mean, you

934
00:50:50,679 --> 00:50:53,960
can't do anything better for yourself than you know, really

935
00:50:54,079 --> 00:50:57,800
like forcing yourself to do something out of your comfort

936
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,639
zone that you don't want to do. I mean, that's

937
00:51:01,199 --> 00:51:03,880
here's the thing on that that I think takes self.

938
00:51:04,159 --> 00:51:07,599
Speaker 2: When we stop asking questions about why, yeah, why am

939
00:51:07,639 --> 00:51:09,599
I this? Why is the world this? Why is this?

940
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:14,400
We become that guy we witnessed on the couch that

941
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:18,039
we thought was what maturity looked like. Ahh, who has

942
00:51:18,079 --> 00:51:20,039
got it all figured out? And this is just what is?

943
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,880
And by the way, the world is fraught with that.

944
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:27,559
I know what is can't change my mind. And for me,

945
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,760
I've always this has always been weird to me, is

946
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,159
how can I or anybody walk down the same road

947
00:51:34,199 --> 00:51:36,239
as somebody else in your high school, your neighborhood, the

948
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:39,320
whole thing, and have two entirely different experiences. And to me,

949
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:45,360
the difference is some people just are what's the word

950
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:51,119
our discontent with status quo and keep asking why how? Why?

951
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:54,920
But why? But why? And others go, I know enough,

952
00:51:56,000 --> 00:52:00,320
I'm an asker. I'm not content. I am constantly looking

953
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:04,280
at my own behavior with judgment on unhealthy judgment and

954
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:08,559
asking why why do I feel this? Why is this happening?

955
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:13,000
How can I blah? Yeah? And I guess That's what

956
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:16,960
the life's journey for me is is a puzzle.

957
00:52:17,199 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 1: Have you always been like this?

958
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,679
Speaker 2: I don't know. I guess really, I think so. I

959
00:52:22,679 --> 00:52:24,639
think yeah. I mean, you know what I was born

960
00:52:24,679 --> 00:52:26,159
out of I always talked about it is born out

961
00:52:26,199 --> 00:52:29,679
of this thing that they love to call as being

962
00:52:29,679 --> 00:52:32,280
an EmPATH. I think that what happened is my childhood.

963
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,519
I was scared a lot, and by the way I

964
00:52:34,559 --> 00:52:36,880
look back on it and say, self, impost fear. But

965
00:52:37,039 --> 00:52:40,119
I was highly sensitive. So I was aware, whether it

966
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:42,280
was spoken or not, that we have financial issues. I

967
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,480
was aware, whether spoken or not, that I was Jewish

968
00:52:44,519 --> 00:52:46,679
in a world that didn't understand that. In the Deep South,

969
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,559
I was aware that there were big athletic guys and

970
00:52:49,639 --> 00:52:51,960
I was a smaller dude, right, So I was aware

971
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,840
of all the emotions around me. So I I grew

972
00:52:54,920 --> 00:53:00,840
this keen sense of listening, yes, out of so we've

973
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,960
talked about this out of survival and protection and what

974
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:09,280
that has what is manifest for me is a constant

975
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,960
sensitivity towards others and how the relationship that I feel

976
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:18,400
the connection between everyone much deeper. So what I'm trying

977
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:21,679
to grapple with these days is how can I acknowledge

978
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:28,280
what I feel but bucket that into a healthy interpretation.

979
00:53:28,559 --> 00:53:32,320
Not they're judging me, I'm judging them. I'm feeling it.

980
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:36,920
That's real. And what and how do I behave in

981
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:42,239
a a self aware way that's living to others and

982
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:45,480
loving to me. I've got the loving to others part.

983
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 1: Figured out, Yeah, you do, definitely.

984
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:51,199
Speaker 2: Do the loving to me part. All of us is

985
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,760
the same. As to further the analogy and metaphor, it's

986
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,199
the same transition you're going to go through, is that

987
00:53:58,239 --> 00:53:59,920
you know how to be loving and busy for you

988
00:54:00,079 --> 00:54:02,320
your children, But if they're not there, what do you

989
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:02,880
do now?

990
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 1: Yeah? Well, full circle to you to me? Wow, I

991
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,559
mean this is a really great interesting advice. And by

992
00:54:14,599 --> 00:54:16,360
the way, if you want to hear more of all

993
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:21,800
of this great talk. You can listen to that magnanimous.

994
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,360
Speaker 2: Mark Wahlberg, Wow, okay.

995
00:54:23,199 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 1: On bonfire talks.

996
00:54:24,679 --> 00:54:28,119
Speaker 2: Well you are, thank you you are and thanks you know,

997
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:30,760
Like my goal was to be funnier. But I don't

998
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:32,239
know that we're funny all the time. I think it

999
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:34,159
would get some jokes Kalen every now and then out

1000
00:54:34,159 --> 00:54:36,559
there a couple of times. You laugh at me a

1001
00:54:36,599 --> 00:54:41,920
lot what we're saying, But the absurdity of the struggle

1002
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,760
is often funny to you. And I really need that,

1003
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,199
I really, I really need that.

1004
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,159
Speaker 1: So, but you bring a lot of like uh like,

1005
00:54:50,519 --> 00:54:52,920
because you are such an EmPATH, I feel like you

1006
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,760
bring a lot of levity you talk about this stuff.

1007
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:59,800
But you also, you know, you have a very di.

1008
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 2: There's a Jewish thing, culturally, not religiously, that the Jewish

1009
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:11,239
sense of humor is born out of we leugh to

1010
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:11,960
heap from crying.

1011
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:13,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard. Yeah.

1012
00:55:13,639 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 2: So I don't think that's specifically Jewish. I think it's

1013
00:55:16,119 --> 00:55:21,159
very Catholic as well. But I think there's a looking

1014
00:55:21,199 --> 00:55:23,320
for how to twist the phrase into a funny way

1015
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:27,760
to point out the absurdity of the pain of life. Right,

1016
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:29,920
It's kind of interesting to me.

1017
00:55:30,559 --> 00:55:32,639
Speaker 1: Well, I you know, I always wanted to marry a

1018
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:36,159
nice Jewish boy, and my dad wanted me to marry

1019
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:39,000
Jewish boy, nice Jewish boy, and he taught me a

1020
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,559
lot about the Jewish culture. And I've heard I've heard

1021
00:55:41,559 --> 00:55:45,280
that saying from him. He's like a Hollywood guy too,

1022
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:49,639
my dad. But well, I mean, Mark, this has just

1023
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:53,239
been really I love it. I've had it. I had

1024
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:53,920
a great time.

1025
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 2: I'm really sorry that Stephanie's sick.

1026
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,639
Speaker 1: I know, I'm sorry she's set sick too.

1027
00:55:57,599 --> 00:55:59,280
Speaker 2: But what I wouldn't be upset if it was a

1028
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:02,599
prolonged illness back, I mean, I want her to be well.

1029
00:56:03,679 --> 00:56:07,599
Speaker 1: Well, listen, come back anytime. You're always welcome, same saying, yeah,

1030
00:56:07,639 --> 00:56:08,159
thank you.

1031
00:56:08,519 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 2: And thanks for sharing this episode with me.

1032
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing it with me. And Bonfire Talks

1033
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:16,800
drops every Wednesday. Wednesday?

1034
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,800
Speaker 2: Is that right? Yes, Wednesdays, which by the way, means

1035
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,039
that I wake up every morning on Wednesday.

1036
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:26,760
Speaker 1: Excited, cringing, cringing. Yes, yeah, Well what did I do?

1037
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:32,639
Speaker 2: Because we record? He had it to posts. I don't

1038
00:56:32,679 --> 00:56:37,079
listen until it's can't be taken back, and now it's

1039
00:56:37,079 --> 00:56:41,280
out there. And but lately. On these few episodes we've

1040
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,800
done recently, which is just you and me, I've listened

1041
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:48,719
to them and found I actually found myself smiling while listening,

1042
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:52,360
as though I'm not listening to me, and I was like, Okay,

1043
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:53,679
that feels like growth.

1044
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely that is well.

1045
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 2: We did a very fun episode I think it's two

1046
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:02,880
weeks ago about how Mark has throughout his career gotten

1047
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,599
confused with the actor Mark Wahlberg. Oh, that's an every

1048
00:57:05,639 --> 00:57:09,199
days We talked about that. But we but again to

1049
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:14,280
Kitlin's benefit, to you know why he's a genius. I'm

1050
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:17,039
sitting here in the Wives, but it makes me feel

1051
00:57:17,159 --> 00:57:20,039
but I want to try and blah and every time

1052
00:57:20,079 --> 00:57:22,679
it's a cringe. And he said, what about you need

1053
00:57:22,719 --> 00:57:25,599
to say with this many words? He says, it's just funny.

1054
00:57:26,679 --> 00:57:30,000
I'm just laugh And so that was the homework and

1055
00:57:30,039 --> 00:57:32,199
so now I'm trying to have every episode, I'm trying

1056
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:34,400
to have a takeaway that, Okay, what's my practice going

1057
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,760
to be now for the week, and you can join

1058
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,800
me or not. But the practice that week was every

1059
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:43,519
time there's a confusion, every time somebody sends me a

1060
00:57:43,599 --> 00:57:46,079
DM with a picture then with their shirt off, saying, look,

1061
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:49,639
working out every time somebody asked me how my hamburgers are.

1062
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:54,079
Every time in the street somebody goes, oh, you're not

1063
00:57:54,119 --> 00:57:57,840
that Mark Wahlberg. You're not the real Mark Wahlberg. Every

1064
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:01,519
one of those. Now I get to just laugh out loud.

1065
00:58:01,719 --> 00:58:04,960
And I've been doing that, and I've been also not

1066
00:58:05,039 --> 00:58:05,960
correcting them.

1067
00:58:06,159 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, let him just just let him have it, right.

1068
00:58:09,239 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 2: I would do that. It's not my problem anymore. Yeah,

1069
00:58:12,079 --> 00:58:15,559
And I gotta tell you, Kaylin, it's effort, but it's

1070
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,519
much better than pretending to be okay with it.

1071
00:58:18,639 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's the you know. I guess I would

1072
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,199
do the same thing. I would just let it. Let

1073
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:29,119
them think that I'm Gino Lola Bridgillia or whoever.

1074
00:58:29,199 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 2: I don't know you were you are, You're the Geno

1075
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,719
Lola Brigida of the Valley.

1076
00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: The Valley, the Valley Girl.

1077
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 2: It literally has been thirty years of me trying to deny,

1078
00:58:39,559 --> 00:58:41,679
like trying to be the good This is exactly it,

1079
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:43,480
trying to be the good guy. Oh no, it doesn't

1080
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,639
bother me. This his heart. Yeah, yeah, No, I'm not

1081
00:58:46,719 --> 00:58:48,960
the I'm not the real one. I'm the famous one.

1082
00:58:49,519 --> 00:58:52,079
Speaker 1: I bet that he gets, question.

1083
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 2: It, stop it.

1084
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,639
Speaker 1: It would be kind of funny though, right, sure you

1085
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:02,199
mark from from ten Jesi Island and Antique Road, Joe.

1086
00:59:03,159 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 2: I'm sure it takes up as much manwidth in his

1087
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:10,199
world as it doesn't. Mine is like eighty percent, Like

1088
00:59:10,239 --> 00:59:13,719
my hard drive is full a feeling about that, and

1089
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:15,960
he's like, yeah, oh I heard there was a guy.

1090
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 4: Well anyway, so so yeah at Bonfire podcast, at Bonfire

1091
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:25,559
Talks podcast, uh, please come and subscribe and like and

1092
00:59:25,559 --> 00:59:28,360
press all the buttons and comment, please comment.

1093
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, although it may hurt my feelings.

1094
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:34,559
Speaker 1: Well you should.

1095
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:36,599
Speaker 2: That's why I love listening to you and Stephanie is

1096
00:59:36,599 --> 00:59:40,639
that you talk about that. But Stephanie's just a tough

1097
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:44,920
she's wonderful broad. Yeah, and I say that with all right,

1098
00:59:45,079 --> 00:59:47,920
and I love to hear both of you process like

1099
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:48,719
you don't hold on to.

1100
00:59:48,719 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: That, Oh you know the haters and stuff. Well, I

1101
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,760
mean I think I'm getting I's I'm used to it

1102
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:57,920
because you know, I was married to somebody for years

1103
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,360
and I was the wife and bagging why they actually

1104
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:05,559
whatever what you know, getting blamed for shit and it's

1105
01:00:05,599 --> 01:00:08,159
like they have no idea what they're talking about they're

1106
01:00:08,239 --> 01:00:11,119
just so out out they don't know what they're talking.

1107
01:00:11,199 --> 01:00:12,639
Speaker 2: What I should say is what really comes up for

1108
01:00:12,719 --> 01:00:16,719
me is whatever your negative comment is is not nearly

1109
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,440
as negative as what I'm saying to myself. The fun off.

1110
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:22,599
You can't even register at my level. Yes, I say it.

1111
01:00:22,599 --> 01:00:24,639
On the basketball court, was always saying you can't play,

1112
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:28,800
you suck. I'm like, dude, you have no idea. I

1113
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:31,400
can't even hear you right now. My level of how

1114
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,960
I feel about how I second basketball is so deep,

1115
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:36,559
much deeper than this bullshit you're bringing.

1116
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 1: So game right right, Well, I think you're wonderful, Mark,

1117
01:00:43,199 --> 01:00:45,840
Thank you. I just I could talk to you.

1118
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 2: Forever and I feel the same.

1119
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,119
Speaker 1: Just come back anytime.

1120
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:49,719
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1121
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:51,199
Speaker 1: I know how to get a hold of you. Now.

1122
01:00:51,519 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just sitting by the phone waiting for a focus.

1123
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:59,000
Just thrilled to be part of the aw of col world.

1124
01:01:00,119 --> 01:01:02,239
Speaker 1: Okay, so I got to do some shout outs that

1125
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:06,400
Stephanie usually does. Uh, if you're running a small to

1126
01:01:06,679 --> 01:01:12,119
medium sized restaurant and feeling overwhelmed by accounting an HR task, well,

1127
01:01:12,199 --> 01:01:16,119
Jennifer Posner, a longtime member of the f c o

1128
01:01:16,239 --> 01:01:19,119
L community, says take the stress out of your finances.

1129
01:01:19,119 --> 01:01:23,360
In HR visit j D Posner P O, S N

1130
01:01:23,519 --> 01:01:29,119
E R Business Solutions dot com. There is no S

1131
01:01:29,239 --> 01:01:33,000
on the end. It's just J Posner Business Solutions ad

1132
01:01:34,199 --> 01:01:36,800
J Did I say what did I say.

1133
01:01:36,679 --> 01:01:39,719
Speaker 2: The first time? You said? JD Poser dot com?

1134
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 1: Sorry? Yes, thank you? She very tuned in Jdpostner Business

1135
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,880
Solution dot Com. There's no S at the end of solution,

1136
01:01:48,079 --> 01:01:51,960
is what she's saying. Yes, we also have let's see

1137
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:58,320
uh Carrie Kibb, Carrie Keebler, she's uh just k Nate

1138
01:01:58,679 --> 01:02:02,320
dot com. It's the guy that does the hug or handshake,

1139
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:06,159
guy who gives money to the unhoused. I've seen his videos.

1140
01:02:06,199 --> 01:02:09,280
They're really they're really cute. He just gives hugs and

1141
01:02:09,719 --> 01:02:14,119
handshakes and they're really sweet. So you can check him

1142
01:02:14,119 --> 01:02:20,079
out at just Knate dot com and it's It's knate

1143
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:23,920
dot com is where you find him. We'll do another one.

1144
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:26,920
Let's talk about The Family Skeptical. The Family Skeptical is

1145
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:30,880
a podcast about raising children with religion. So if you're

1146
01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:34,599
not of any a non believer of any kind, or

1147
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:39,639
not from any stripe, you're welcome. You You are with that,

1148
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,239
they have one episode every three weeks and it shouldn't

1149
01:02:43,239 --> 01:02:45,920
really cut into our people's fc OL time. One episode

1150
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:49,719
every three reefs. It's called The Families. Yeah, the Family

1151
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:53,920
Skeptical Podcast. And wow, we have a lot. Okay, let's

1152
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:58,159
do let's do a couple more Kelly from Wilmanfreedo. So,

1153
01:02:58,199 --> 01:03:01,159
if you're out in the Palm Desert Palm Springs area

1154
01:03:01,639 --> 01:03:05,519
for brunch, you can go into Wilmanfrieda. They we love them.

1155
01:03:05,599 --> 01:03:08,480
Their food is delicious. We've been there. And if you

1156
01:03:08,559 --> 01:03:11,199
say that you're there for uh, for crying out loud,

1157
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:15,000
they'll give you either a free mimosa or a free latte. Yeah,

1158
01:03:15,559 --> 01:03:19,159
and let's also talk about our girl, Basic Becky just

1159
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:22,320
basic beecky dot com. She's the girl that does all

1160
01:03:22,320 --> 01:03:25,000
of our t shirts. If you want have anything you

1161
01:03:25,039 --> 01:03:29,280
want on a T shirt, mug, mousepad, anything you want,

1162
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:34,320
she she's she's your girl at just basic beecky dot com.

1163
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:37,719
And then we also have Adam Lerner. So if you're

1164
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,039
looking for a car and you need a car broker,

1165
01:03:40,159 --> 01:03:43,400
he's your guy. You can call him with questions anytime

1166
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:47,159
you want. It's Adam Lerner at three one oh nine

1167
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:50,519
nine eight seven zero four eight or Adam's Got a

1168
01:03:50,639 --> 01:03:55,639
Car dot com he's your car broker. And then Ferncandles

1169
01:03:55,679 --> 01:03:59,159
dot com. She our girl, Kelsey runs this business. She

1170
01:03:59,239 --> 01:04:02,920
sent us these candles that are they smell so good

1171
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:06,840
and they're they they're made by soy, so it lasts longer.

1172
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:13,880
Speaker 2: You made by soya gets together and makes a candle different.

1173
01:04:13,639 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 1: Stuf so else. Yes, yes, so she's got you know,

1174
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,800
all different smells and they have great gift They make

1175
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,400
great gifts. So you can go check her out on

1176
01:04:23,519 --> 01:04:26,760
Insta at Fern Candle is where you can find her.

1177
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:31,239
And then my friend Mike Gristine and they nice Jewish boy.

1178
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:35,199
He's out in Arizona and Phoenix, Arizona. If you need

1179
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:38,880
a plumber or you have any plumbing questions, you can

1180
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:41,119
call him. He can talk you through it over the phone.

1181
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:45,599
You can go and find him at plumbing at Phoenix

1182
01:04:45,639 --> 01:04:51,440
Plumbing Solutions dot com and all his information is right there. Okay,

1183
01:04:51,719 --> 01:04:55,639
that's it for today. All right, all right, Mark, thank

1184
01:04:55,679 --> 01:04:56,840
you so so much.

1185
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:00,599
Speaker 2: I say thank you, I we love you. I love

1186
01:05:00,639 --> 01:05:04,039
you too, and we're gonna repurpose this on my podcast. Yes,

1187
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:07,800
so thank you all of Mike both to bite people

1188
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:11,199
for listening. And we'll see you next week and anytime

1189
01:05:11,239 --> 01:05:11,599
you need me.

1190
01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:15,719
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, we will definitely anytime you want to come.

1191
01:05:16,039 --> 01:05:18,440
Thank you, Caylen. Caylen, you're a parent now

1192
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:24,760
Speaker 2: Mating