Speaker 1: Welcome to softcore History. What is up?
Speaker 2: Welcome back to softcore History. I am your host for
the week, Rob Fox, joined as always by Daniel M.
Speaker 1: Register. Thank you, Robert Fox. Let's just do that.
Speaker 2: I'm Robert Edward Fox a third I'm doing joined that,
Daniel M. Register Edward.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my grandfather's name.
Speaker 2: It's an old man's name.
Speaker 1: It's my dad's middle name.
Speaker 2: I am the third. That's why I have old man names. Yeah,
Robert Edward mean, Robert's timeless, the preus.
Speaker 1: There's no Norman.
Speaker 2: In my name. That would be awful.
Speaker 1: I mean, Norm's a great name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I don't know if it works.
Speaker 1: Name your fourth child nor they.
Speaker 2: Won't fucking be one. They're absolutely cannot be a fourth child.
Oh do you know how much easier my day would
have been if I'd have a newborn in my house,
because if it was just two toddlers, I could just
turn on the TV and take a nap while they
sat there. Sure have to stay awake with the infant
that he doesn't. I part of me was like, should
I just put the outlet on him? The little the
little thing of a jig that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I thought you were gonna get a little darker there.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Just his life came out of his misery.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put his life monitor on him for when
he sleeps, and just be like now, I'm gonna fall
asleep and if something bad happens to him, that'll go
off and I'll wake up from my nap. But I didn't.
I fucking powered through. I was gonna say about middle
names though. My buddy has the dumbest middle name on earth.
It makes me giggle every time, and I try to
say it whenever I can, like when I was his
best man, so I said said it as during the speech.
Speaker 1: His middle name, his middle name is just Carl. Carl's
a great name.
Speaker 2: It's not a middle name.
Speaker 1: It's a great Carl Carl. I wish it's my confirmation
name now, sat Carl. It's an outrageous middle name. But
the seer okay, see okay, No, the K would make
it better, No, because then you're like to Carl Marxy.
Carl with the sea is a strong American.
Speaker 2: Carl with a K is a fancy your name, no
matter who had it, whoever had it, Carl with the.
Speaker 1: Sea spits on it like a good red blooded American,
but just Carl, like.
Speaker 2: Joseph Carl Smith Carl. It's use of a truck driver
in the middle of your name.
Speaker 1: I'm fine with that. I'm sorry you're such an elitist
like myself, a blue collar Carl.
Speaker 2: Apparently that'll be I'll just start calling you Carl on
the show.
Speaker 1: That's fine.
Speaker 2: The middle name settles a lot of naming arguments.
Speaker 1: You're throwing the wife of bone pretty much. Yeah, and
that's just what you Gut's what you did, right. Blake
is your child's middle name.
Speaker 2: Which is it's her middle name as well. Yeah, she
wanted a piece of her in one of the names.
Since I get a full.
Speaker 1: Have you named all three kids technically first names?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: Have you been the deciding was that your name? With
the first three names?
Speaker 2: I gave full control to Finn, to Courtney over Finn.
Speaker 1: She picked Finn, She picked Finn Jacob Fox, and then
we collabed in homage to our old co host.
Speaker 2: Yeah, white Jake is the name. Yeah, and then uh,
I think we we just collabed on the third one.
First is all me. I was like, I'm just telling you,
I'm naming the first child after myself. He's getting a sock.
Speaker 1: I got DIBs. Yeah, like that's just gonna happen. You're
gonna have the middle child whatever. I do know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like, literally, name whatever you want. She's
bad at naming two because for the second two. So
for the first one we had the like filled out
the bertificate immediately boom. For two and three we didn't
figure it out for a whole fucking day. The baby
was just nameless.
Speaker 1: For the first day of its life, even know if
it was your baby.
Speaker 2: I was just like this, Yeah, they put like eight
fucking censors. It's never out of your sight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but in the nursery, right, couldn't they just swap
babies if.
Speaker 2: There is no nursery. That's thing you see on TV
of a bunch of babies in a room. It's not
It's not a thing, not anymore anyway.
Speaker 1: Maybe not at your elitist hospitals. No. Our hospital was
to go to a private hospital.
Speaker 2: Is there a public hospital? We're an America, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Aren't public hospitals like the nonprofits?
Speaker 2: All the hospitals are I don't know, not nonprofit, I guess,
but I think they're like they get nice tax breaks
or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm out of my depth on that.
Speaker 1: Anytime there's like a saint. Yeah, well, I imagine nonprofit.
Speaker 2: It's certainly not nonprofit. That's the most expensive chair you've
ever been to.
Speaker 1: You don't have to pay your medical bills. People don't know.
This is a life hack. Yeah, you push it on
to future generations.
Speaker 2: All I have to do is just never buy a
house again or anything in my christ court doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not that though, Like you can pay ten
dollars at a time. Also true, it's like, oh, the
medical bill is what twelve million dollars? Okay, here's ten
dollars a month for the rest of my life. And
then I'm passing that debt to my children and they
can they can pass it.
Speaker 2: They can manage ten dollars a month. Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
Speaker 1: It's just a perpetual ten dollars to this hospital. Whatever. Cool,
you're not getting my Ultimately they'll get the twelve million
dollars through probably a millennium generation.
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, a millennium generation.
Speaker 1: So it's just like, mother, what is this debt we
have to this medical facility? And you can put a
cool positive spin on it. It could be like the
Mets paying uh Bobby Banilla.
Speaker 2: Right every year, Yeah, which everyone's like, oh me and
I cute believe the BET's still a Bobby Bandilla a
million dollar, but it.
Speaker 1: Gets less of a big deal every year. Yeah, Otani's
going to be that in twenty years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, stupid smart for winning, but it's I mean, the
money's not worth as much twenty years from now. Twenty
years from now, seven hundred million dollar contracts and you
hand it out like.
Speaker 1: Fuck, Otan's getting boned.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you should have got that upfront, dog straight
cash homey, I'm sure take out a second mortgage on
Dodger Stadium.
Speaker 1: Asshole. They worked out a back alley deal or they did.
Speaker 2: He's going to be a literal billionaire, so it's not
really that big of a deal now, Like by the
time he's retired, he will be a billionaire.
Speaker 1: So it's whatever. Anyway, might as well get into the topic.
Speaker 2: That's our ten minutes of chatter to start the show.
Speaker 1: You know, there's never a set amount of chatter. Yeah,
it runs about chit chat, not even that. Sometimes we
get right into it. Yeah, if this is your first
time listening to podcast. I apologize, but this is the
show if you're a regular listener.
Speaker 2: Patreon dot com slash softcore history of a piece of
content we're very proud of.
Speaker 1: Yeah, kind of a collab of our own. Yeah, we
did it together. A sketch we did together. My Brainchild
your performance.
Speaker 2: Story by Dan and written and performed by me, Edited
by Dan. It's a nineteen thirty is Alex Jones.
Speaker 1: It's I think one of the funniest things we've done
here or at Grandex. Really at Grande, Yeah, you weren't
that funny. Grand You were just out of people to
text to start a podcast with. I guess not what
everyone else was taking. Jared left the city. Yeah, offered
him the job first. No, not our main job.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about this pot we did this podcast for
either of us worked at our main job.
Speaker 1: I know I was gonna offer Boosh the job.
Speaker 2: So yeah. Jared was with Ross the circling back guys
that all teamed up, and I was a little love
to don the show with Dave.
Speaker 1: Yeah I was. I was the last guy. It was
like kick picking teams at recess. Yeah. I was just
puttsing around. You're fucking catching butterflies, picking your nose, yeah,
putting your glasses up. Dan was like, fuck, that's so
I'm stuck with better calls. I guess I gotta pick.
It's the zin that makes you uh have a soft
bitch lisp. I don't you become such a mushmouth now.
I don't know if that's being a father just talking
to kids. I always I'm the mushmouth. I've always sometimes
had a lisp. I've never noticed it as hard as
i've I guess the last couple of years editing our voices.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not persistent, but it comes out from time
to time. I don't know why. Like truly, I'm at
a loss for when it does and doesn't come out.
I don't know. I think I get ahead of myself
speaking and I get mush mouthed, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's my whole leftop.
Speaker 2: Moving to My brain's moving too fast, and like.
Speaker 1: Exactly, I'm not dumb, I'm just thinking too far ahead.
You know.
Speaker 2: That was like I think the actual character of Forrest Gump,
like in the book, was actually supposed to be like
basically an autistic genius, but he couldn't get brained to
mouth makes sense.
Speaker 1: He's a fucking stud ping pong player. I mean he's
an All American football player Alabama. I've actually gotten dumber
the more we've done the podcast this. Yeah, I used
to be a sharp tool. Now I'm just a tool.
Speaker 2: The brain's just going, eyes are going, don't my eyesight
and what it used to be?
Speaker 1: I am getting dumber by the day. I don't know
if that is an effect of whatever happened last four
or five years.
Speaker 2: But here we are, here, here we are anyway. Today
we are actually talking about a man. Oh Patreon, Patrion
commons software history. Five dollars a month for the whole thing. Also,
if you just want to if you just want to
sample it, the all the sketches are there for a
seven dollars one time fee, but we prefer you to.
Speaker 1: We're really hammering you over the head today. Subscribe.
Speaker 2: We like, we liked that sketch so much. And I
think you can listen to the first seven minutes for
free or something like that.
Speaker 1: Fuck, no, I hope not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Patreon gives you a preview on everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think seven minutes. Maybe it's less than that,
but I'm not giving you seven three minutes. I hope not.
Speaker 2: If so, I have to speak to Patreon. Well you
can go in and adjust review length as well. Whatever. Anyway, Yeah,
we're today, we're talking about a real dumbass maroon, one of.
Speaker 1: Arguably the dumbest people in UH.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you want to call it, intelligence, politics,
foreign affairs that ever lived.
Speaker 1: And what's sad about him?
Speaker 2: I guess you could say is that he actually had
a nice career, but he had a Buckner moment.
Speaker 1: People forget Bill Buckner. Good baseball player. Yeah, redeemed himself too.
In Game seven. Knew when he caught a baby in
curb bill Buckner did. Yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 2: No one remembers he actually I think he went like
two for four something. He had RBIs in Game seven,
but they lost. No one remembers, No one remembers his
great career. He's dead now, shit, he did die. Yeah.
People only remember one thing about Bill Buckner, and that's
the only thing people also remember. There's only one thing
people remember about Arthur Zimmerman, and that is you know
what it is.
Speaker 1: The Zimmerman Telegram.
Speaker 2: Yep, it's the only saying people ever remember about Arthur's Zimmerman.
The Zimmerman Telegram arguably the greatest fuck up in foreign
relation history.
Speaker 1: Or was it a hoax? Did we plant that to
get involved in the war.
Speaker 2: Well we'll get into that. Stay woke, bro, we'll get
into that today because that's a big part of the story.
So the Zimmerman Telegram pretty famous. You learned about this,
and I remember learning about this in like fifth grade
social studies, like it is a key component of American
history when you talk about World War One. It is,
of course the telegram the Germans sent to the Mexicans.
Speaker 1: Being like, hey, well, let's just start some trouble down there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you invade America?
Speaker 1: If you start fighting America, you know, we'll help do
a little rooting in tootin shooting.
Speaker 2: Well, you'll obviously win, and we'll give you Texas, New
Mexico and Arizona.
Speaker 1: Don't forget what they did to you. Based in Texas.
Speaker 2: They were like, we'll give you most of the land
they took back, now not California. And we'll get into
why they didn't promise California. Because the plan behind the
Zimmerman Telegram was one of the stupidest things ever conceived.
So it was authored by German Foreign Minister Arthur Zimmerman,
and basically, like I said, you encourage Mexico to invade
the US, take back Arizona, Texas and New Mexico so
that America wouldn't have the bandwidth to fight in Europe
in World War one. Now, this all happened before we
entered World War One, because it's why we entered World
War One. We didn't care about not that we didn't care,
but we did everything we could to not join the
war before that, even though they were sinking our ships,
killing American civilians.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. U the Zimmerman Telegram is, weren't we
before this selling weapons both sides?
Speaker 2: We were definitely selling things to the Allies.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was weapons, but it was
like other supply. It was stuff that helped the war effort.
Speaker 2: And it I don't remember the top of my headf
we were actually straight up selling rifles and shells and shit.
I don't think we were, but I do think we
were selling machine parts that could make those things, as
well as just other things that would help. Anything that
helped the country, helped them stay in the war.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, what I mean, only the Allies, I believe,
So okay, I thought we were playing both sides.
Speaker 2: Well, it was kind of hard to sell to the
Germans since the British were blockading Germany.
Speaker 1: A landlocked nations, not laylocked Germany. Yeah, absolutely not laylocked. Whatever,
I'll cut this out anyway. If you do, you fucking
better not. Goddamn it. It would be furious if you
cut this out. I didn't. I was unfamiliar that Germany
had beaches.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess they do, like the way Michigan
has beaches.
Speaker 1: I suppose, yeah, Like I don't know if this is
news to me. Apparently I thought I was good at geography.
Speaker 2: I didn't.
Speaker 1: But well, come on, dude, I would wreck you in
a geography I you absolutely blank map. Get me Africa
right now?
Speaker 2: Are you you just you didn't know that Germany touched water,
and you're and and you're flexing.
Speaker 1: On this listen. I don't think most people thought Germany
touched water. This is a normandy or in France. We will,
uh yeah, we will. We'll do that challenge on patro
We'll do a geography challenge. All right, Just get me
Central America. We'll go straight up Central America right now?
Name them?
Speaker 2: I always forget the uh the what do you call it?
I don't remember what that thing's called. But there's a.
Speaker 1: Easy this way to remember. Good boys eat Hogi's not
cold pizza.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could just name them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, quateema boom. Yeah, boys, believe you don't you don't
need the.
Speaker 2: Boy. That's such a I think.
Speaker 1: Costa Rica, Panama at Salvador.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Uh. Anyway, So.
Speaker 2: Zimmerman, he's mostly good at his job, but he is
he does make one other misstep that really fucked two
other missteps that really fucked Germany.
Speaker 1: One in the near term, one in the long term. Uh.
Speaker 2: The first one is is that he was one of
the people that agreed with the Kaiser that they should
help Austria Hungary in the first place when the war
broke out. So he was like, yeah, let's get into it,
let's chop it up.
Speaker 1: What was wrong, Willhelm? He had like a fucked up arm.
Speaker 2: A hand or something hand I think, limp, yeah, just
like a dead hand, a baby hand.
Speaker 1: Disgusting. I understand why his cousins made fun of him. Absolutely.
Why wouldn't you make fun of that mango? This dude
started the World War because people just were ripping on
his little dead hand.
Speaker 2: I think he was also by far the dumbest.
Speaker 1: Of the three, makes sense, like King George.
Speaker 2: George, I think it was George, King George obviously not
the revolutionary King George, but King George. And then Zar Nicholas.
Speaker 1: Nicholas. We know Nicholas because he meets a awful awful and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, him and his whole family are executed together. It's
not sweet.
Speaker 1: You'd want that though, right? No, would you rather be
executed alone or with? You know, the loving embraces of
your family.
Speaker 2: Do you know your kids are gonna die either way?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I guessed together. Then do you go first or
you do go last? Do you want to see that memory?
Speaker 2: Well, it's not about whether I want to see it
or not, because I don't want to see it, but
I think whatever makes it.
Speaker 1: It's like do they want do you want your kids
to go out seeing you getting pops in the back
of the head or vice versa.
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, it's just so bad all around.
I would just be like, I don't know, we'll dress jaws, asshole.
Just let's get this over with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta kind of sait domit yeah, just talk shit.
Speaker 2: It And Nicholas didn't know by the way, he was
told they were setting up for a photograph.
Speaker 1: No, like, there's no way that's true. Yep, they were
very hostile.
Speaker 2: No, they were in they were they were imprisoned, but
they were like, we're gonna take a picture of you
for the paper or.
Speaker 1: Something like that, for like we're holding you hostage. Yeah,
and then just yeah yeah. Uh, Lenin's a bad dude.
Speaker 2: Oh Lenin makes a cameo in this nice Germany goes
to war. The Kaiser wanted to go war, but Zimmerman
was like, yeah, let's do it. I concur let's do it.
Let's like no one talked to not enough people talk
to the Kaiser. Out of it, Zimmerman was one. So
he helps get Germany into the war in the first place. Now, Zimmerman,
his entire career as a foreign minister after the war
starts is essentially subterfuge, Like he's just like, how can
we fuck the Allies in the ass, Like, how can
we get him from behind any way we can? So
in nineteen fourteen, he hatched a plan to get the
Irish to rebel to open up a second front on
the United Kingdom solid idea. Yeah, they wanted to do it.
So in nineteen fourteen, Zimmerman is visited by because.
Speaker 1: The Irish Revolution is in the like twenty one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it starts not far after it is,
and so he and he and obviously there's been shit
brewing the whole time. So he's like, we can get these,
we can get these motherfuckers. The Irish were openly rooting
for the Germans in the war.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, we've discussed that actually with the Alistair
Crowley episode. Yeah, during World War One, he was like
a social pariah because he was pulling for the Irish
since he like claimed to be on the Irish side,
he's rooting for the Germans.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and oh and in the United States, tons of
Irish Americans.
Speaker 1: Were like, good, fuck, fuck England, Germany. We did the
episode on the Irish invasion of Canada. There's kind of
some roots there. In the late eighteen hundred's, like right
after the Civil War, a bunch of Irish you know,
Union soldiers went up and tried to take Canada because
it was a big fuck you to the crown.
Speaker 2: Irish fucking hate the English people.
Speaker 1: Forget that that that didn't get solved mostly.
Speaker 2: Until the nineties.
Speaker 1: Still hasn't been solved.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not until the whole island's session.
Speaker 1: We need to get Northern Ireland. Yeah, fellas, what are
we doing and are we giving them that little sliver?
Speaker 2: And then they're all converted back to Catholicism at gunpoint?
Speaker 1: Put them back in camps. Well, we got to return
the favorite church camps. Fucking Ira was in camps until
two thousand. Yeah, that's insane. That's way too recent.
Speaker 2: If it's not already clear that Zimmerman and his brain
weren't working. Great, If I was Arthur Zimmerman, what I
would have done is taken Magic Mind to maybe clear
out my thoughts and not send a telegram to Mexico
being like, hey, let's invade America together, and you know,
I'm sure no one will see this. That's the type
of thing you think when you're not taking magic Mind.
Right now, if you go to magicmind dot com slash
softcore history and use the code softcore fifty, you will
get fifty percent off. Do the subscription, because you really
need to be taking this stuff constantly. Look, it works
right away, Like I've noticed a difference day one, but
it if you take it constantly, it really just keeps
you clear all the time. The Magic Mind shots have
absolutely changed my life in the way I go through
my day, not feeling groggy, not feeling foggy. It is
the biggest game changer I've had in the last you know,
twelve months or whatever. My favorite part about it is
it helps you when you drink caffeine in the morning
or whatever. It helps that last. It takes away the
crash from caffeine that you're used to getting. Right, You'll
drink an energy drink or a coffee, a cold brew especially.
Speaker 1: And you'll feel great.
Speaker 2: Right. It'll get you up. But the high, the low
is as bad as the high. Like when I come
down from a cold brew or an engine or something
like that. It is brutal the caffeine crash. And Magic
Mind uses twelve active ingredients to help support your body's
energy engine. So what it does is essentially it's not
just a fleeting thing. It helps enhance the other things
you take to keep you going throughout the day. That
is that has been a huge game changer for me.
I notice a difference when I get home with my
kids after a long day of work and I'm able
to keep up at dinner time and they want to
run around the backyard and jump in the mud or whatever.
Like magic mind keeps me sane during that. It also
reduces my stress, helps keep me saying that way too. Look,
it's not a coffee replacement or anything like that. Again,
it enhances what you're already doing with the coffee and
stuff like that. Makes you less reliant on It makes
you need less caffeine because it makes your energy last
a lot longer. It's one hundred percent safe. All the
ingredients are third party tested. They donate five cents for
every bottle sold to mental health charities that help us
homeless communities. This stuff's all doctor validated. They've done over
two hundred scientific studies on it. Their mushrooms are grown
organically in California. There's no risk. They're so confident that
they will refund one hundred percent, no questions asked for
one hundred days after buying. If you're not into it.
They're even in stores. You won't get the discount in stores, though,
but they're in stores. They're like HGB Central Market, Arawan.
But I'm telling you, this stuff has changed the energy
game for me. Like the amount of endurance I have
compared to before I took this is absurd. I need
less caffeine. The energy I get from caffeine lasts longer.
Aside from that, it has reduced my stress and it
has made me more mentally focused mentally clear as someone
with ADHD. That is a huge bonuses. Is not an
ADHD medication or anything like that, but I'm just saying
if you have problems focusing and stuff like that, or
problems thinking straight from time to time, whether you're tired
or you have something else like it really, really, really
has made a difference in my personal life. That is
my anecdote for it. That's not a medical claim or
anything like that. I'm just telling you how I have
felt from it. Again, go to magicmind dot com slash
Softcore history Softcore fifty. The code Softcore fifty will get
you fifty percent off. I'm telling you it is well
worth it to do the subscription, in particular because once
you start this stuff, you're gonna want to keep doing it.
Like it is just a game changer mentally and energy wise.
I highly recommend doing this. I would have told Arthur
Zimmerman to do it. If he had been around, if
I had been around to tell him in a magic
mind had been around, I guess maybe I could have
just told him to eat mushrooms they use and stuff
like that. I don't know, but yeah, Zimmerman is not
a smart guy. Could have used the magic mind. And
here's the next example of kile. Zimmerman not a super
sharp dude. So Zimmerman's visited by Roger Cassamant. He's an
Irish nationalist, and they got it. They hatched a plan
that the Germans would land twenty five thousand soldiers on
the west of Ireland with seventy five thousand rifles for
them in the Irish didn't really come to fruition. In
nineteen sixteen, Cassiment returns to Ireland on a U boat
on a German U boat and it is subsequently captured
and executed, So it does. That doesn't come to fruition. However, Zimmerman,
how'd they execute him? I assume they hang them, but
who knows, maybe a firing squad. They use firing squad
and the wind that.
Speaker 1: Shakes point no. So I'll base all.
Speaker 2: My history for this on the film The wind that
shakes the barley with Killian Murphy. They tied him to
a post and shot him. So that's my guess, if
I had to guess. Doesn't abandoned the plan though, and
a German ship under Norwegian colors shipped twenty thousand rifles
to the South Irish coast to be given to Irish rebels. However,
the ship failed to reach the rebels and was scuttled.
The Irish who were planning to rebel were like, it's.
Speaker 1: Coming any day, any day now to come, and it
doesn't come.
Speaker 2: Do come. They're like, all right, fuck it, it's on
the way. But we'll just start. We'll just start doing it.
Speaker 1: Without the weapons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got to other weapons, and the other weapons
will come and and it will just be a nice
boost to us.
Speaker 1: And that's the whiskey talking. Yeah, So that's the Easter
Rising in Dublin. H he has risen.
Speaker 2: The rifles obviously never show up the rise. The Easter
Rising is put down viciously and a bunch of rebels.
Speaker 1: Die, yeah, just throwing hands against the gun. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I didn't look into what the Easter Rising consisted of.
Speaker 1: That A couple like lead pipes or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get drop Kip Murphy's playing in
the background, Bonut bonut.
Speaker 1: They're like, even though, slapping their hand with the pipes
and it's playing in the background. Yeah, and they just
get lit up. Pretty much. It's that scene from Gangs
in New.
Speaker 2: York where like music cuts, where like the people walk
up to the line of Union soldiers and they're just
like fuck it, fire and they just get lit up
because they're armed troops against lead pipe motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: This does eventually, though.
Speaker 2: That was sort of one of the first sparks of
the eventual Irish War of Independence that you referenced that
started in nineteen nineteen.
Speaker 1: Ends in twenty one, twenty two. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Zimmerman, though, also had a ton of interest in the
United States of America, particularly America and not entering the
war at the time.
Speaker 1: I think we were already the world's largest economy.
Speaker 2: We were a sleeping giant basically, and everyone everyone knew that.
Speaker 1: The British knew it.
Speaker 2: That's why they wanted us in the war as soon
as possible. The Germans knew it. That's why they didn't
want us in the fucking war. Everyone knew this, and
Zimmerman considered himself an expert on the United States of
America because he took a train trip across the country
in nineteen oh four. Yeah, so he was like, yeah,
I sat in the train and looked at the countryside
and got out a few times. I know what these
people are about.
Speaker 1: It's like saying I'm an expert in the Caribbean because
I went on a cruise. Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2: So this guy's a little up his own ass. He's like, no,
I know, I know.
Speaker 1: Every You've seen parts of this country. You've seen them all.
You know Iowa, New York, same thing. I've seen some confields,
I've seen San Francisco.
Speaker 2: I know it this country. So if you're not to fight,
I know something I does on.
Speaker 1: A train and says.
Speaker 2: On a training it's a fight. It's fighting. In nineteen fifteen,
Zimmermann starts talking shit to the United States about how
you don't want a piece of this because if you
fight us, you're fucked. He specifically told James Girard uh,
the American ambassador to Germany, that if they fought the Germans,
a half a million quote unquote trained Germans living in
the US would mobilize immediately and the millions of Irish
immigrants living in the country would join them and start
a revolution and overthrow the US government, is what he
told the ambassador.
Speaker 1: I have a different thought when I hear train Germans.
What It's a different war. Yeah, different time, different group
of people.
Speaker 2: Just one conductor.
Speaker 1: Taking one route over and over again. Kind of making
the end of Toy Story three or what I thought
was the end of three.
Speaker 2: Yeah, doc out ended how we thought Toy Story three was.
Speaker 1: Gonna It would have been awesome if that's how Toy
Story three ended. It's more hands held together.
Speaker 2: It's more of a problem that they didn't end at
Toy Story three. The four was fine, they're making a five.
Speaker 1: You have to you gotta run back, ip.
Speaker 2: I know you do, I know you do.
Speaker 1: What else are we gonna do? Rob create something original? Fuck?
Speaker 2: Now, not even create something original within like the Toy
story verse, right, like just do new Toys.
Speaker 1: Can't do that? No, we already we have everything, franchise,
we have everything we love. I get it, and I
think we're gonna do better than Woody. You're so smug
you think you can come up with a character better
than Woody. Buzz Lightyear.
Speaker 2: Uh are they even relevant anymore?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean kids still have toys. I know that because
there's a fucking million.
Speaker 1: You ever have a woody doll?
Speaker 2: I did not have a woody doll. I think one
of my kids does.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 2: Oh so there you go. Yeah, I guess it is relevant.
It apparently it is. So the American ambassador. Zimmermann tells
him this, and the American Ambassador tells the State Department.
I thought he was joking, but he was actually serious.
That's a direct quote. I thought he was joking, but
he was actually serious. This dude is a fucking clown.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean this is how I feel every day
I have to interact with you. Oh okay, and you
seem upset, but I'm like, God, there's no way like
Rob is. It's clearly uh he's keplaining it up. Yeah. Yeah,
in no way. He took this offensive me talking about
his wife and his children over and over.
Speaker 2: Full of hate, full of hate. So Zimmerman was like,
all right, we got to fuck with the United States.
We gotta fuck with him, keep him out of the war.
The first thing he does I didn't know this. He
helps finance Pancho Villa yeah, So Pancho Villa doing cross
border raids into the United States, into Columbus, New Mexico specifically,
that's on Zimmerman's dime partly. And after Pancho Villa does
his cross border raid into New Mexico, Woodrow Wilson sent
troops down there to in New Mexico to pursue Pancho
Villa and you know, take him out because he's not
going to stand for people even like a small cartel
or whatever you want to call it, invading the United States. Right.
Speaker 1: Wasn't that a part of the Smithley Butler episode we
did on Patrio?
Speaker 2: I think?
Speaker 1: So, yeah, he was there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: And so it was General Pershing, who would go one
to command all the US troops in World War One.
So they see this and they're like, oh, dude, he
sent a bunch of troops just for that. If we
can get like a serious disturbance at the border, he'll
send the whole fucking army there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we're good to go. It's not like the
US has one hundred million people living in it at
that time.
Speaker 2: It's not like it's not like the US has a
humongous population. What was our population in nineteen sixteen, one
hundred and one million people.
Speaker 1: So it's not like they're one of the biggest countries
on Earth or anything. But you know, we're Meltzinbot. We're
too split up, and you can get plenty of Mexicanos
and Irishmen to turn against the nation that is home
in them. That's what he thought. That's what he thought.
So they saw that clearly going to be all these
people are going to be loyal to where they came from.
Speaker 2: Right not to their new country that they're citizens of.
So he sees this, and the Germans see this and
they're like, oh, dude, all we got to do is
create a bigger disturbance on the border and they'll be
too tied up. This was stupid and wrong, but they
were like, we got it, We got this. But that
wasn't all. There is an American trader in our midst
as well. It turns out perhaps one of the men
responsible for Yellow journalism and the Spanish American.
Speaker 1: War, William randolph Hurst.
Speaker 2: William randolph Hurst, we might need to do a whole
episode on how this guy is one of the biggest
assholes in American history.
Speaker 1: I think that's common knowledge like an app especially because
you know it's four twenty right now as we record. Oh,
smoke it up, brother. Yeah, he's responsible for, like we
being illegal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he is responsible for a lot of fucked up shit,
including starting the Spanish American War. H And this is
even more egregious in a bunch of paper mills.
Speaker 1: So we thought hemp was a competitive product, right, So
that's how we got marijuana to be a legal and.
Speaker 2: All variations of it. Yep. So in nineteen sixteen, Zimmerman
encouraged and keep in mind, this is just a year
before the war, and there's clearly one side that we're on,
even if we're not officially on it, Zimmerman encouraged William
Randolph Hurst to make a silent movie series about Japanese
spies who ally themselves with Mexicans and invade the United States.
You're got to plant the seed, Yes, they want to
be planting the seed that the Mexicans were ready to
invade A and B, that the Japanese, who were Allies,
they were part of the Allied faction in World War One,
just to steal German islands in the Pacific mostly, and
that the Japanese would turn on them at any moment
and happily take I imagine. And this is why it
wasn't promised in the Zimmerman Telegram California, even though for
some reason, the uh, the climax of the movie was
the Japanese invading New York. Yeah, but either way, Zimmerman
tells Hurst that he should make these propaganda films to
make Americans more fearful of Mexicans and Japanese than Germans
make and try to throw a wrench in the Allied
contingency that already exists.
Speaker 1: And Hurst makes the movies. He's getting paid, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he finances it too, but yeah, Zimmerman gives him
money for it.
Speaker 1: The production.
Speaker 2: Was so transparently pro German propaganda that a Senate committee
investigated it after World War One.
Speaker 1: We're not doing that right now with the CCP. What
we're not gonna do that right now? The nope, with
John Cena apologizing and Mandarin Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly, Like
huh interesting.
Speaker 2: That's weird. Why are we making movies for another country?
Speaker 1: Not great, it's not ideal. Do you believe in Taiwan?
We need an official stance on this year.
Speaker 2: I'm Taiwan's its own country.
Speaker 1: We're not one China.
Speaker 2: No, fuck that shit.
Speaker 1: They just were sending the record straight boys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and a German propagandist who had written in hearst
newspapers had they found a letter like the intercepted letter whatever,
explaining that the entire point of the picture was to
deprecate Japan because Germany was worried about losing its colonial
holdings and they wanted to somehow cut off Japan.
Speaker 1: What islands, said Germany have, I don't know.
Speaker 2: They've sod much of random shit in the Pacific.
Speaker 1: The movie was so fucked up.
Speaker 2: That Woodrow Wilson personally requested that it be withdrawn.
Speaker 1: Woodrow Wilson overstepped his power again and again and again.
He is perhaps him and FDR some of the most
power abusing presidents in US history.
Speaker 2: I'd agree with that, oh would the problem with only
the reason. The thing that saves FDR is third.
Speaker 1: Term and more.
Speaker 2: He was a he was great wartime legitimately our best
wartime president of all time, probably like unquestionably The problem
is more his first two terms. Even in his third turn,
you made like the g I Bill and stuff like
that also mine.
Speaker 1: So my problem is the fourth term, didn't follow through,
didn't Yeah, didn't finish, Nope.
Speaker 2: Just got jacked off by his cousin and had a stroke.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a hell of a hand job.
Speaker 2: Then, well, it wasn't during, it wasn't stroke squared.
Speaker 1: It was later, I'll be getting handy from my cousin
and she maybe stroke out. Yeah, I mean, if it's that,
if it's you know, if you're on.
Speaker 2: The edge of dead, I mean, in your sixties to
even care anymore.
Speaker 1: Hands a hand, I'm your cousin, know me, your whole
life just a hand.
Speaker 2: I'm sixty two, everyone's ay, and.
Speaker 1: Everyone's a hand when you're sixty everyone's a hand when
you're in a submarine. Yep.
Speaker 2: So in nineteen seventeen, Germany's getting beat down pretty bad.
Things are getting desperate. The blockade, the British blockade is
sucking them. So they're like they had they had gone
away from unrestricted submarine warfare, which is just you see it,
sink it because they were afraid that would cause the
United States to enter the war and we just can't
afford another major power coming in, so they had cut
it off for a little while. However, the Lusitania is
what did it? Because it killed one hundred that almost
got America under the warm.
Speaker 1: Well, that's also conspiracy riddled. What that it was a
British sub that did it? To get just asking questions, Rob.
Here's the problem is that the Germans apologized for it.
Speaker 2: They didn't play.
Speaker 1: They didn't do what they should have done, which is
just do that was a British nine denied deny, Yeah, that.
Speaker 2: Was a British submarine. They're trying to get you in
the war, dog, we ain't do that shit. They were like, oh,
are bad, We're sorry, but we did do it, but
we're sorry. So Zimmerman, knowing that unrestricted warfare was coming back,
sub warfare was coming back, It's like, okay, fuck, this
is we're gonna do something Lusitania like he In and
we're gonna get the US into the war. So we
got to have a contingency plan here. So Zimmerman was like, Okay,
here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna send the President
of Mexico a telegram and I'm gonna tell the President
of Mexico that if they attack the United States will
help however we can, and they will get Texas New
Mexico and Arizona.
Speaker 1: You're also putting a lot of faith in somebody you
don't really know what the president of Mexico. Yeah, yeah,
he could immediately just turn around and be like, hey,
look they just did well, they just sent It's even
worse than that as far as the trust goes, because
he's trusting a country that is in the middle of
like multiple revolutions, has no army to speak of, absolutely
no navy, like Mexico has no ability to do this.
He just wants a couple of groups of terrorist right
to just function up in America. But Mexico.
Speaker 2: Has no ability to do this, and so he has
a contingency plan for that as well, even though I
think he still massively overestimates what the Mexicans can do.
Speaker 1: But he sent it to Canada, he has well, it's.
Speaker 2: Not even Canada at that point? Is it? When in
Canada become its own country? I feel like it was
after World War One?
Speaker 1: Mm okay, Canada gets into eighteen sixty seven.
Speaker 2: Sorry, but they were obviously sending troops to uh, what
do you call it, to the Western Front. So Zimmerman's like,
all right, here's a contingency plan for contingency plan. He
instructs in this telegram the Mexican president to contact Japan
and form an alliance with them.
Speaker 1: So too many steps down.
Speaker 2: So that Japan and Mexico will co invade the United
States and Japan can take the West coast and Mexico
can take the south southwest.
Speaker 1: Just America. Yeah, no shit, but like just logistically think
about Like, you're the president of Mextica. I reach out
to Japan. Dog, I don't have their number, Mexico.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Japan's like, who is this Mexico? I bet you
Once one League of Nations meeting, I met you. We
didn't even talk. I just saw you give you a
head nod.
Speaker 1: Yeah. We like said, Hi, what you want us to
what now you want to get in bed with me? Now? Thanks,
I'm good. I don't know you like that? M against
who the US? Okay, hanging up now. I do not
want to be brought into this.
Speaker 2: So that's dumb ass situation Number One, he thinks Mexico
has any any capability to muster forces to eat to
fuck with the United States. Two, he thinks Mexico can
call Japan and somehow convince Japan, who, by the way,
is basically just feasting in the Pacific right now, taking
whatever they want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're bucking imperial Japan.
Speaker 2: This is the same This is the same Japanese that
we fight in World War Two. There is not some
new It's not like Germany where like there's a new government. Like,
this is the same Japanese government.
Speaker 1: But we're friendly with them. We're like we were, Yeah,
we were. We're not really worried with what you're doing.
I guess not at the time. Really, uh so, Zimmerman.
Speaker 2: And that's what the movie was for, right, to make
Americans be like, dude, the Japanese like sus And by
the way, this is back when movies when you showed
a movie and a train was coming at the screen,
people jumped out of their seats. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I mean there's a reason. You know, Helen Keller
was boys with the Emperor Japan. Yeah, they're not going
to turn on her now, went over, had some speaking engagements, speakingly.
Speaker 2: Well, she did learn words.
Speaker 1: I guess sound water, Helen Water. It's our girl right here.
Speaker 2: We got her. So that's dumb ass parts number one
and two of the Zimman Telegram. But it gets stupider
like and stupider and stupid.
Speaker 1: The next part is that.
Speaker 2: Zimmerman sent the telegram through American lines, like American telegraph lines.
Speaker 1: He didn't know how the technology worked. Okay, he was
an old guy sending a text. It was encrypted. It
was encrypted, Oh dude, he thought he was on signal
yep or telegram yep. Fucking boys, yep. He sent one vius.
But he he sent a dick pic on Snapchat and
he got out. Yeah, he sent it to the story.
Speaker 2: He sent an additional copy of this. He sent an
additional copy of this through the American embassy in.
Speaker 1: Berlin, as one does. Yeah, you know, you gotta show
your cards occasionally. Maybe if they see it, the big
this has to be a nah distraction. This can't be real.
That's how they reacted.
Speaker 2: So Zimmerman, though, was like, oh, our but our our
codes are unbreakable, so we're good. The British, of course,
had broken their code, because if there's one people on
earth that will break every fucking encryption code, it's the
goddamn British six.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they existed yet.
Speaker 2: It was called Room forty, was their encryption room. The gentleman,
the jit, Yeah, the King's men.
Speaker 1: The King's men.
Speaker 2: So the British broke the code and they like had
it completely translated already. So when the Zimmerman telegram gets
to Room forty, which is where they do the encryptions,
the two cryptologists immediately summoned Admiral reg Reginald Paul, who
was in charge of the ship, and they say to him.
One of the cryptologist asked the admiral, Uh.
Speaker 1: Do you want the Americans in the wolves, sir?
Speaker 2: And the admiral says yes, why And the guy goes,
I've got a telegram that will bring him in if
you give it to him. So, like, if you want
to give it to him, this is going to get
them in the fucking war.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tomorrow.
Speaker 2: When Wilson receives the telegram, apparently what he said was
oh lord, oh Lord, oh.
Speaker 1: Lord, oh Lord, that's the best he's got.
Speaker 2: Maybe for the time, it was more than that. Come on,
taking the lord's name in vain. Was he still anti women?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: They weren't voting yet. He's like, we might be in
a war any day, dude, I can't just give you
a vote right now, yeah, kidd, mean, you know how
many moms will vote against that don't want to send
their kids over. The dads will be like, hell yeah
soon good in there.
Speaker 1: Some moms might yeah, depend on which kid.
Speaker 2: Second, third, he just tell us in the first. So
Wilson was freaked out because he had just won his
second term in office very narrowly on the platform of
he kept us out of the wall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's what he ran on. He was like,
we're not in the wall because of Woodrow Wilson. Hard
to go back on that.
Speaker 2: He was like, and this is like right after he won.
This is nineteen seventeen, so he's just like, oh my
fucking god.
Speaker 1: He's the peacetime president. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Zimmerman, also in the telegram, was like, and by the way, dude,
you don't even have to worry about New Mexico. He's like,
you don't have to worry about the British Navy or nothing,
because like, we're about to do unrestricted submarine warfare again,
he says. This is in the telegram. He's like, we're
about to restart the telegram that the British intercept. Yeah,
like we're about to restart unrestricted submarine warfare and it's
gonna knock England out like immediately, So they're like about
to lose, So like we're gonna be able to like
help you crush thee Is.
Speaker 1: Think the British Navy could handle submarines, I mean the
submarines were a real fucking problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like they were, and the British Navy did have
trouble handling them. The British Navy had no trouble handling
the German surface Navy and they completely fucked them up.
Speaker 1: Well navy, Yeah, it's probably the best of the best
at that time.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, by far. There wasn't even a close second,
like it was. Probably the US Navy would have been
second maybe, and maybe the Japanese Navy as well, because
they had a really good navy. So the British gets
this telegram and they're like, fuck yes, it has been
impossible to get America into the war, specifically Woodrow Wilson,
who the British were like every fucking time, like they
sank the Lusitania, there were Americans on it, and he
just wriggles his way out, just fucking like pussy foots
around and somehow finds a way to not commit to
fucking anything.
Speaker 1: Okay, So now you're talking meant this being a British scam.
We'll get to that. This is, you know, they sunk
the Lucid and then they're creating this fake telegram in
the war. It's British propaganda. We got played the end.
Speaker 2: We'll get to that. So a month after Wilson was
a month Wilson sits on this for a month, talking
to his people, figuring out what to do. He's finding like,
we don't have a choice. We have to release the
telegram to the press, like we have to tell people
what happened. So he gives the tell He gives a
translation of the telegram to the AP at the request
of the British government. He did not say how they
came into possession of it, because the British government didn't
want Americans to know that they were spying on American cables.
Speaker 1: That wouldn't be great for them.
Speaker 2: That would be that wouldn't be great for the British.
That would piss off a lot of Americans. Yeah, so
I think they came up with a story.
Speaker 1: Even though we spy on all of our allies now,
same things they do each other. Yeah, constantly, we don't
trust each other. We should be a more trust in world.
You know, you want to know, don't even trust our
own agencies inside the country, And yeah, I know, shit,
they don't share information. It's half the reason nine to
eleven happened. Even if you aren't like fully bought into
any conspiracy with nine to eleven, the reason they weren't
able to stop is because the FBI, the CIA, everybody
had different information on the attacks, but they were not shared.
Speaker 2: No one wants to get a caller together.
Speaker 1: No, they want their own collar. They want to get
they want to get the credit for stopping the bads.
It's free market intelligence agency. Everybody wants they have the
upper end.
Speaker 2: So I think the British gave him a cover story
that they bribed a Mexican tele telegraph clerk for the copy.
So most Americans were pissed when this telegram was published,
but a lot also thought that it was, as one
might say at the time, fake and gay.
Speaker 1: It was fake but a good time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was fake but happy. Okay, Yeah, No, they're like,
this is a conspiracy, this is fake. US papers, specially
papers owned by Hearst. He owned quite a few, were like,
this is bullshit, this is British propaganda. This is British
intelligence trying to get the US into the war. George
Verrich of The New York Weekly called the telegram a hoax,
said it read like a dime novel. He said, quote
the alleged letter of authors Immment is obviously faked. It
is impossible to believe that a German foreign secretary would
place his name under such a preposterous document. A New
York congressman is pretty dumb. It's dumb as shit.
Speaker 1: There's no way somebody that high up, a German official,
one of the highest ranking German, could make such a
buffoonery out of this telegram.
Speaker 2: And it's it's that is plausible, right. There's no fucking way.
They're not this stupid.
Speaker 1: There's no fucking way chegure it out. What if they are, well,
get to that.
Speaker 2: A German newspaper called The Saint Louis America America with
a K said we have no hesitation in declaring the
supposed note of Zimmerman a forgery. The New York Times
summarized the views of conspiracists by saying they credit the
forgery to the English government, which they saw consumed by
the desire to force this country into the war. On
the side of the Allies. Claims that it was fake
were so strong that the Secretary of State had to
have the Senate do an inquiry into that. He was like,
we got to see if this is.
Speaker 1: Fake or not, Like, this is crazy.
Speaker 2: The administration assured the senators that the Zimerman letter was legit,
but they were like, we got it. We can't tell
you how we got it, but it's legit. Not a
great way to pitch it.
Speaker 1: You can't give up your sources, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: But everyone at that, I mean, if you're going to
get into a war, you need to be like, I
want to know every fucking detail of how we got this.
Speaker 1: You got a nut up and just be like, hey,
we're just checking in on you guys. Yeah, this is
this is what we got. Yeah, now they said.
Speaker 2: Essentially, the administration was like, we can't give up the
sources because their spies. Well they were like, we can't.
They claimed this is not accurate, but they told them
they lied and said we can't give up the sources
because it will endanger their lives like their spies. No,
it wouldn't. It was just dudes in a fucking room
in London.
Speaker 1: It technically put their lives in danger. I guess it
more danger it picks off. The Americans are on the
wrong side.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but even the people who knew the telegram was
legit looked to each other like, who knew it was legit?
The British, the Americans who knew it was legit, We're
looking around at each other like they can't be this
fucking stupid. The German press in Germany, they didn't know
if it was real or not, but they were all
in on the idea. They were like, you know what,
hell yeah, fuck the German Germany Mexico. That combo will
fuck the US up.
Speaker 1: Let's go.
Speaker 2: They were like, the Mexicans hate America. They're gonna fight
like Spartans, like they're gonna they're gonna go in there
and just fuck them up. Yeah, like they've always hated
them ever since the Mexican War, and and a German
German Mexico alliance will do it. And also they were
also like all the Germans in America will join the Mexicans.
Speaker 1: Quite a few Germans here in Texas, a lot of
Germans in text a lot of Germans in texts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone was saying this, but intelligence experts around the world,
even those on the central power side, were like Germany,
Germany knows Mexico doesn't have an army, right like they
they don't, they don't, and they definitely don't have a
navy like they know they do.
Speaker 1: They understand any of this.
Speaker 2: No, this goes on for like a month and everyone's
freaking out about it, freaking out about the letter or
the telegram, and they're like, is this real? Isn't this real?
They can't be that stupid, right, It's got to be British,
a British op.
Speaker 1: What is going on? This is syop This is syop like,
or like, what the fuck?
Speaker 2: How can they be this stupid? The German officials see
this all play out in real time. All they have
to do, all they have to do is deny it,
say now as a British and that fucked up, and
that fucked up.
Speaker 1: They're playing mind games on your brain.
Speaker 2: And then you dare the British to tell to tell
the Americans, no, it's real, but we're spying on your communications.
And that's how we found it. On Tuesday, March thirtieth,
Zimmerman because his name, it's called the Zimerman Telegram already
he has to answer answer to the Reichstag, to six
hundred delegates and give an account of what happened. He
could get up there lie and deny it, and Zimmermann
did deny. He denied that he did anything wrong.
Speaker 1: Okay, he doubled down.
Speaker 2: Problem doubled down. He said, he issued quote secret instructions.
Speaker 1: I don't like a guy that goes halfway, So you know,
if he's gonna do the wrong thing, at least double down.
That makes sense. Let's do it. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2: He gave instruction, he said ultimittly wrong. He gave instructions
that he believed were totally secure, and he was like,
I didn't expect the Americans to get.
Speaker 1: It, but I'm glad they did.
Speaker 2: He triples down and says it's the American's fault for
reacting the way they reacted, because he said it was
a totally innocent telegram and it was basically he was like, oh,
I told Mexico was that.
Speaker 1: If we go to.
Speaker 2: War with America, wasn't serious, We'll team up with you
to invade America. I didn't say we were gonna invade America.
I said, if America enters the war, will help you
kill Americans and invade America.
Speaker 1: We were testing the waters. We were just trying to
get some feedback, you know, yeah, seeing how they were
gonna react.
Speaker 2: He said it was total normal diplomatic protocol to float
the idea of invading a country.
Speaker 1: That, yeah, Mexico was down to invade you guys. We
just wanted to give you the heads up. We did
this totally to warn you about Mexico. Yeah. Well, here's
the thing.
Speaker 2: Mexico wasn't down because they read the telegram and and
like the President of Mexico for his name, gave it
to his top general and was like, will you just
look over this to see if it's like plausible even
And the general came back like a day later and
was like, no, no, there's no fucking way. There's no
fucking way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, own your mistakes, on your your thoughts. Yeah, but
just say their strengths.
Speaker 2: Actually, he said that the Americans un leashed a witch
hunt against Germany, that they had acted shamelessly, and that
ever since the telegram came out, Wilson wouldn't even talk
to the German ambassador, proving that they are the assholes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so he gets up.
Speaker 2: In front of the Reichstag in public when all when
people didn't even believe it was real, and we're like,
we're not getting into the war, we don't think this
is real, and was like, yeah, it's real.
Speaker 1: But you guys are the dicks. It's like when I
sent a letter to your wife saying she should kill you,
and yeah, run away with me. You took that serious. Yes,
that's kind of on you.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: I'm just joking, man, Yeah, I'm just fucking around. I
wanted you to find that letter. Yeah, it's so you
would work harder to be a better husband.
Speaker 2: One week after that speech, the US declared war on Germany,
and not, by by the way.
Speaker 1: A week a week later, what it takes so long?
Speaker 2: You gotta get Congress together, because, by the way, this
is not a you know, like a George Bush whatever
type of war where it's just like we're sending people
over and Congress can like kind of vote on it,
but we're not gonna do a declaration of war. Congress
declared war and I think by a large margin. Let
me look it up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think anyone's sitting this one out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to see what the vote was. It
was eighty two to six in the Senate, six and
three seventy three to fifty in the House.
Speaker 1: Eighty two war Hawks.
Speaker 2: So a week after Zimmerman's like, yeah, six Germans. Yeah,
a week after Zimmerman was like, yeah, it was real.
What about it? You guys are the assholes.
Speaker 1: We declare war and the rest is history. Yeah. Now
what happens to Zimmerman.
Speaker 2: He dies peacefully in nineteen forty, But he did do one.
Speaker 1: Other thing in Nazi Germany. Yeah, all right, he did
do one other thing.
Speaker 2: That was pretty smart in the short term, probably fuck
Germany in the long term.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he also got to die when he thought
Germany was on the top. Yeah he did. He did
die thinking Germany was on to Germany just taking over
in the forties, so early forties when he dies, so yeah,
he's like, I did what I needed to do. My
country is great. Where a world with the world power? Now?
Yeah you listen here? Yeah, and he just kind of
evaporated into like a Jedi like Yoda Sky. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Zimman did one other thing of World War One
that was helpful to the Germans at the time, fuck them, basically.
Speaker 1: Right after they died.
Speaker 2: Right after he died, he coordinated peace with the Russians
to close the Eastern Front to allow Germany to focus
solely on the Western Front.
Speaker 1: Well, it's all quiet on the Western Front.
Speaker 2: It was never quiet on that. It's funny that. That's
a funny title. I don't KNOWMB why they're taught of that,
I guess because at the end of it, it's quiet.
After that guy I forget his name, and kott Diest
cought so. No part of the peace that he worked
out with the Russians was and this was I believe
his terms was sending Lenin and the other Communists to
allow them to pass through Germany and get back to Russia.
Speaker 1: M hm. He set it up a little communist highway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then obviously Lenin takes over Stalin succeeds him
and kills and rapes more Germans than literally anyone, a
little Bolshevik road. Yeah. So worked out for him as
far as he knew, but not so much right after
he died. Yeah, but that is uh, that is the
story of the Zenerman Telegram. So stupid, No one believed it,
so stupid that half the country thought it was a
conspiracy theory until this man came out and was like, yeah,
I did it.
Speaker 1: Fuck you took his nuts, put him on the table,
and he's like, my fellow Germans, this is your issue now.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's like cheating on your wife and
then being like you weren't emotionally available to me m hm,
which is, by the way, what I told my wife
last week when Rory won the Masters, and I was like,
it's such a cool story. He deserved it, and like
he's been working for it forever. And then she said
some of her friends told her after I told her
that that Rory had cheated on his wife.
Speaker 1: His wife, yeah, and she was like.
Speaker 2: So She's like, actually, I don't like the story anymore.
He's a scumbag and I just sexed her back. He
sexed her back, she wasn't emotionally available to him.
Speaker 1: Hey got they worked and she goes go back together,
it's a happy end, and she goes, what the fuck
does that mean? And I go, I'm just telling you
what I heard. Yeah, your friends heard that. My friends
heard his wife wasn't around much. Yeah, wasn't wasn't there
for him, even though he's on the road.
Speaker 2: Golf is a lonely sport. Yeah, but yeah, that's all
I got for today. What did you learn about the
about Zimmerman and the Zimmerman Telegram?
Speaker 1: I like that. I just like that a guy doubles
down on his own mistakes and never admits defeat, a
mistake that got millions of people killed. Yeah, never backtracked,
never backpedal, Never go back on your word.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a lie if you believe it, you're
only wrong if you say you're wrong.
Speaker 1: Push forward.
Speaker 2: I learned, and I'm gonna have to do a whole
episode on this now. Now. William Randolph Hurst is one
of the worst Americans to ever live.
Speaker 1: Dude, where have you been? I feel like you would
consider that hack for the episode. That's like such a
normal like conspiracy. I knew he was like a shitty guy,
but I didn't realize how shitty he was. And like
every dude you know has cursed out William RANDOLPHI yeah,
fair enough, facity.
Speaker 2: I also learned today, and I already knew this because
we've done other episodes like this, But like, if you
look at the news now, no matter what side of
the political alle' on, and you see everyone responding to
things like that's a conspiracy. This is a conspiracy. That's
a conspiracy. Not new if you think you live in
some cursed time where no one believes what they.
Speaker 1: Hear, the worst time to ever live in human history.
It's the best, it's the best, it's the best.
Speaker 2: People have always reacted this way. That is, we look
back on it now and they're like, that's concrete shit
dog the Zooman telegram, open and shut fucking case.
Speaker 1: Mmmm. I think it's propaganda. But he admitted it.
Speaker 2: He admitted it.
Speaker 1: I think he just wanted the credit. What his name
on the telegram. At least he's remembered for something. Remember
there's plenty of German officials at that time that you
don't remember.
Speaker 2: I mean, this guy, this guy's gonna be live in
the Cocoa afterlife for a long time.
Speaker 1: Nobody's forgetting his name the ethers of time. Well, remember Zimmerman,
who's today is Hitler. I want to say British intelligence
for spye on. I mean the Germans were probably doing
that too, but I would hope so the.
Speaker 2: British, those shady motherfuck And by the way, that is
the other funny thing.
Speaker 1: But like the British is supposed to be on our side.
That is the other funny thing is that like we
I don't think the Germans ever had an allegiance to us.
We're like, we're like cool with us. I don't know
if we had like some type of packed at this point.
I'm sure we did it closer with the British.
Speaker 2: Yeah, way we weren't. Like, we didn't dislike Germany prior
to that, and.
Speaker 1: We should have beef with the British. They're oldest fee right.
Speaker 2: It is just funny to me that like even the
people who were on the right side of history and
like releasing the telegram still lied aw required a ship ton.
They wouldn't tell the whole truth no matter what.
Speaker 1: It has a happy ending, it doesn't. Yeah, millions of
people die in that war. Yeah, but the good guys
won maybe America.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wilhelm's tiny, weak ass hand, his dead baby hand, couldn't
couldn't get it done. Nope, what became a Wilhelm? He
retired to. Not a whole lot of guys that lose
wars get to retire.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he retired to like Denmark, I think, and he
actually he was still alive when the Germans conquered France
in World War Two. He died during World War two
when will Kaiser Wilhelm was he a Hitler.
Speaker 1: Fan, he sent a congratulatory letter. I thought he had
be with them, though.
Speaker 2: He died in nineteen forty one. He retired to the Netherlands, and.
Speaker 1: So Wilhelm also got to see Germany on top.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he sent Hitler like a letter whatever, congratulating him
or I think, but either way he died.
Speaker 1: I do remember that, but I also remember him and
Hitler just like not see an eyed eye at all. Oh,
Hitler hate him.
Speaker 2: So when he died, the people in the German high command,
including Hitler, were just like ripping on him. Yeah, Like
when they found out he died, they were just like,
fucking loser, ass bitch, We're getting it, We're getting it
done right, Fuck this old bitch.
Speaker 1: And they made their way to Argentina.
Speaker 2: It's like a guy come like an old guy coming
back to his frat, being like you got to crush
you did, and everyone's like, God, he's.
Speaker 1: His old fuck. Why is this thirty year old in
the house. Yeah, please leave. God, dude, get the fuck
out of here. That would be embarrassed to go back
to a fratorney house right now, I would go back
to like take a piss. No, that's about it. I'm
not entering the house.
Speaker 2: No, that's like the best part about it. Like you
just can go back and be like, I gotta take
a dump. Here's the handshake.
Speaker 1: I would rather poop my pants then go back to
the frat house.
Speaker 2: You can have a house.
Speaker 1: We do have a house.
Speaker 2: Didn't you just rent it?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Were in the house, okay, I don't know if.
Speaker 1: It was like the Ato house we shot at and
said no, no, it was in the Greek ghetto. But okay,
we might not have a house now, you know. Yeah,
some we did some German stuff. I heard some stuff. Yeah,
like this year, very very World War two German stuff though, okay,
so the fun stuff, yeah, fair enough, the trained Germans,
the train Germans. All right, that's all I got for today.
Speaker 2: For Damna Jester, I'm Rob Fox.
Speaker 1: You just got saucer.