Speaker 1: Hospitals can be a scary place at times, unless you're Neil,
who will do just about anything to get put in
the hospital. Makes you wonder is hospital food really that good?
Let's get into it. Hellol, story time is really not
a boring time rab a standing You'll be fine.
Speaker 2: Follow the whole storyline, Hellol story time, might you live
at least one time?
Speaker 3: All story time.
Speaker 1: This is the story of some cheek benching nurses and
a five dollars bill, but mostly it's about the time
Neil found out his best friend was in the hospital.
Neil had seen Yuri just yesterday and the dude had
seemed totally fine. Uh, miss clocky talk, do you know
where Yuri is today? He was supposed to bring me
the five dollars he owes me. Before the teacher had
a chance to answer, at least ten of Neil's classmates
beat her to it.
Speaker 2: He's in the hospital. He's in the hospital.
Speaker 3: He's in the hospital.
Speaker 2: He's in the hospital.
Speaker 3: He's in the hospital. He's in the hospital.
Speaker 1: The teacher threw up her hand. Class remember what we've
talked about. After the first person has answered the question,
there's no need for everyone else to say it.
Speaker 2: Too. Sorry, Miss clocky talk, Sorry, miss clocky talk, Sorry
miss clokey Talk, Sorry Bess clocky talk, thorry, Miss cloky talk.
Speaker 1: Apart from being annoyed that he was the last one
to find out about his own best friend, Neil was
terribly worried about why Yuri, who had seemed totally fine
the day before, was now in the hospital.
Speaker 2: Eurie is in the hospital, he wailed.
Speaker 1: The teacher defensively held up her hands in opposite directions
like a crossing guard. She looks ready to tackle the
first ten kids who dared answer.
Speaker 2: Yes, what happened to him? My best friend? How bad
is it? Does he have nosehares growing down to his chin?
Did an earweg crawl into his ear? Do earwigs even
do that? And what about his neck? Does he have
a second head growing out of his neck? Tell me
what's wrong with my buddy, My best buddy, My best
is good.
Speaker 3: The old pal.
Speaker 1: The teacher's meths started to open, but again, close to
ten people beat her to it.
Speaker 2: He's getting his tonsils out. He's getting his tonsils out.
Speaker 3: He's getting his tonsils out.
Speaker 2: He's getting his tonsils out. He's turning his tonsils.
Speaker 1: Out, miss Clokey talk snapped enef one person, remember one person.
Neil was trying to assess if this was something serious
or not. Tonsels, So what is that like a fancy
medical term for nose here? Because honestly, when I saw
him yesterday, he didn't even have any nose here that
I could see. I thought you had to be a
grown up before that became a problem. After the forty
five minute scientific explanation that followed, Neil wished he had
never asked, and he still had no clue whether this
was serious or not. Neil headed straight to the hospital
as soon as the bell rang. He hadn't intended to
make a big scene bursting through the main doors, but
he was deeply concerned for his friend and whatever these
tonsils were that were apparently getting removed.
Speaker 2: Yury, hurry, where are you, buddy? It's me, your boy, Neil.
Speaker 3: I'm coming for you. Man.
Speaker 1: The hospital lobby was a busy place, and practically all
of the people in it were now staring at Neil.
Someone at the helpdesk kindly offered to help Neil find
which room his friend was in. Just outside of the
door to the room where Yuri was staying, Neil paused
briefly before entering. He wanted to brace himself for what
he might see on the other side. He wasn't sure
if he was about to walk in on some vicious
nosehares darting toward him like snakes. Quietly, he crept into
the room. For all he knew, Uri might not even
be awake. Then what are you just supposed to sit
on the chair and watch your friends sleep? Then when
they wake up, use a creepy voice to say hello,
I've been watching you. But Yury was not asleep when
Neil came in. He was wide awake.
Speaker 2: Oh, Yuri, thank goodness, you still have two arms, two
legs and no visible nose here.
Speaker 1: Yuri was overjoyed to have a visitor. Neil, I'm so
happy you came. Neil had seen plenty of sick people before,
but Uri did not look like any of those people.
His friend looked fantastic.
Speaker 2: Cool. You've got a TV in your room.
Speaker 1: Eriy was in the middle of watching cartoons and you're
eating ice cream. Neil had spotted the big bowl of
ice cream resting on his friend's lap. Yery laughed at
something on the TV and then turned back to Neil. Yeah,
after you get your tonsils out, they let you have
as much ice cream as you want. None of what
Neil was hearing or seeing right now matched the image
in his mind of what he believed hospitals to be like.
But just before accusing his friend of being full of baloney,
a nurse walked into the room with a fresh bowl
of ice cream. Ery, you've got a visitor, Isn't that nice?
She then pinched his cheek before replacing his empty bowl
of ice cream with a new one. You were doing
such a great job following the doctor's orders, staying in bed,
resting and watching TV and eating lots of ice cream.
Speaker 2: Such a good little boy.
Speaker 1: Seconds after the first nurse left, another nurse came in,
who also pinched his cheeks and spoke to him like
he was a puppy dog.
Speaker 3: Eerie, I am bringing you a fresh warm blanket.
Speaker 2: Yes I am, Yes, I am a fresh warm blanket
for Yuri.
Speaker 1: Then a third nurse followed immediately after this one, Neil
figured this one was arriving with that disgusting hospital food
he'd always heard people complain about, Yuri.
Speaker 2: Just in case you're getting tired of ice cream, I
brought you a chocolate milkshake. Okay, little guy, Okay, you
were being such a fantastic patient. You know that.
Speaker 1: Yuri received another pinch on the cheek before the nurse
left the room.
Speaker 2: Sweet little Yerie.
Speaker 1: She said, waving from the doorway. Yuri was already giggling
about something else on TV. So let me get this straight,
said Neil, taking a seat on the edge of Uriy's
hospital bed. Your nose hair situation is perfectly under control.
There's no second head growing out of your neck, and
no one seems worried that an earwake may have crawled
into your ear. This was the first time Yuri had
stopped to wonder if that was actually a thing earwigs
even did. Dude, what are you talking about? I just
had my tonsils removed? Didn't anyone tell you that? Neil
explained that at least ten people had told him that, Look, Eri,
I think I get it now. Tonsils must be some
kind of code word for when you're going into hiding,
like when you don't have the five dollars you owe
someone and need the perfect excuse to buy yourself more time.
Is that what this is? Yury was wondering if you
should have the doctor swing by to have his friend's
head checked.
Speaker 2: What are you.
Speaker 1: Talking about, Neil? Neil looked at his friend with suspicion. Oh,
so when they removed your tonsils, they also removed your
memory of the time you borrowed five dollars to buy
a popcorn at the movie theater. Huh, the five dollars
you said you were going to pay me back this morning.
Yery had not forgotten about the five dollars he had borrowed,
and he told Neil he had the money at home.
Then what's the deal with all the ice cream and
everyone being so nice when you don't even look sick?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Yuri was looking at Neil with suspicion in his eyes.
Speaker 2: Neil, you don't know what tomils are, do you.
Speaker 1: Even though the teacher had taken forty five minutes to
talk about tonsils, Neil could confidently say he still had
no idea what tonsils were. Sounded like there was some
kind of thing found at the back of your throat,
which could be an easy thing to make up if
one really wanted. People's throats can feel a little sore
after they get their tonsils out. Urry explained, the ice cream.
Speaker 2: Helps with that.
Speaker 1: And the doctor wants me to rest, so until they
say I can go home, I'm just supposed to stay
in bed and watch TV. Neil never would have imagined
he'd be feeling jealous of someone in the hospital. Do
you think I should get my tonsils removed, Eurie? I
like watching TV and eating ice cream. I'd even let
the nurses pinch my cheeks and bring me warm blankets.
Arry laughed, like his friend was one of the goofy
cartoon characters he was watching on TV.
Speaker 2: Doesn't work like that, dude.
Speaker 1: Besides, it's not like I want to be here. No
one likes staying at the hospital. I'd much rather be
in my own bed at home than going to school tomorrow.
That was another thing Neil had forgot to consider being
in the hospital mean having a break from school. So
that night, Neil asked his parents if they could sign
him up to have his tonsils removed, even though he
still didn't quite understand what tonsils were for in the
first place. It wasn't like tonsils could be that important
if lots of people were having them removed every day,
and if Yury didn't need to have his tonsils anymore,
then Neil didn't want to have his either one last
thing weighing him down and slowing him from becoming the
fastest kid in class.
Speaker 2: It doesn't work like that, Neil.
Speaker 1: His parents had told him, they won't remove your tonsils
if you don't need to have them removed. Neil wasn't
sure what needed to happen so his tonsils would need
to be removed, but he was willing to take the
necessary steps. He made a note to ask Gery about
it in the morning, but in the morning, Yuri still
wasn't back at school. Neil had to wait until the
end of the day before he could make another visit
to the hospital. This time, when he got there, Uri
had been moved to a different room. He no longer
had a private room all to himself. This new room
was a shared room with two beds, but since no
other patients were using the second bed yet, it still
felt like Yury had his own room only now twice
as big.
Speaker 2: Dude, you're still here. You look like you would have
been fine to go.
Speaker 1: Home yesterday, Ery shrugged. Yeah, I feel totally fine, but
they suggested I stay another day. Maybe they hadn't gotten
their fill of cheek pinching yet. Yary's cheeks did look
quite rosy from all the pinching. They got even rosier
a moment later, when another nurse popped in to bring
Uri more ice cream. Neil was eyeing the empty bed
that was next to his friends. You know, Yery, we
might get to be roommates pretty soon. I thought maybe
I could have my tonsils taken out as well. I
just need you to tell me what to do, Like,
how did you turn your tonsils into the kind of
tonsils doctors want to get rid of. Ery wasn't even
sure where to start with this. Maybe his friend really
did need to have his head checked. Neil, are you
doing this because you're trying to keep an eye on
me because you think I'm avoiding giving you your five
bucks back? I'm telling you, man, I have the five
dollars at home, and I'll get it to you as
soon as they let me out of here. Neil was
already making himself comfortable on the second bed. He had
even grabbed the television remote and changed the channel right
in the middle of the show Yuri had been watching.
It's not because of that, he insisted, it's because of this.
Neil gestured around the room unlimited TV, in ice cream,
no school, and nurses that do everything for you. I
want that too, man, and now there's a chance for
me to have all that while getting to hang out
with my best friend. Ury had never heard of someone
wanting to be put in a hospital. Maybe you really
should get your head checked, Neil, because I myself can't
wait to get out of here. I miss my own bed,
and I miss everyone at school. And I never thought
i'd say this, but I think I'm getting sick of
eating ice cream. Even watching TV is starting to get boring.
Neil had barely caught any of what his friend had
just said. He was busy laughing at the TV after
seeing Wiley Coyote have an anvil dropped on his head.
A few minutes later, Yuri's doctor dropped in to see
how he was doing. Oh, I didn't realize we already
had another patient.
Speaker 2: In this room.
Speaker 1: The doctor was looking at Neil. Neil waved the doctor over,
holding his mouth wide open.
Speaker 2: What do you think of these tonsils? Doc?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Good news? Your tonsils look a okay? That's not good news, Doc,
that's not good news at all. Shouldn't we maybe take
them out? Just in case? I thought I felt something earlier.
It felt like the exact feeling right before your tonsils
start turning bad. The doctor had already gone over to
talk to Uri, but Neil kept trying, what about this
bruise on my knee, Doc, Doesn't it look a little
too bruisy? What if it's turning into bruisy ititis?
Speaker 2: Or did you see this?
Speaker 1: Does this not look like a second head starting to
grow it on my neck? I know it may look
like just a freckle now, but that's usually how these.
Speaker 2: Types of things start out.
Speaker 1: No matter what Neil came up with, the doctor didn't
seem to think any of his problems were worth staying
over at the hospital. Walking home later, Neil still wasn't
ready to give up. He may not have had a
good reason to be in the hospital, but that didn't
mean he couldn't give himself a good reason. While passing
a baseball diamond where grew if young kids were playing
t ball, Neil interrupted the game to ask one of
the kids a favor.
Speaker 2: Hey, you with the bet, could you maybe just for
a minute, pretend that my knee is the ball. Just
really make sure you lay into the bone. Okay?
Speaker 1: The young child refused to swing his baseball. About it,
Neil's knee. It's all right, I want you to do it.
I need a broken bone or the hospital won't let
me stay there. The child began carefully backing away from Neil.
Speaker 2: You need to get your head checked, dude.
Speaker 1: Neil didn't bother to mention that this wasn't the first
time someone had told him that. Wait, kid, that's actually
not a bad idea. I should just have a doctor
check out my head, because asking some random kid to
break one of your bones probably isn't a normal thing
to do. Something has to be wrong with me, genius.
Neil bent down to the child's eye level. Looks like
I might get to stay at a hospital after all.
Isn't this wonderful? The young child just wanted to go
back to playing t ball with his friends.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, congratulations, I sleep in a race car bed.
Speaker 1: Neil skipped all the way back to the hospital, where
he immediately searched for the doctor.
Speaker 2: Neil, you're back.
Speaker 1: I hope everything is okay. Neil was grinning from ear
to ear.
Speaker 2: Everything is not okay, doc, isn't that awesome? Things are
not okay. I might just ask some kid if they
could break one of my bones. Who does that?
Speaker 1: Someone who needs their head check, that's who. The doctor
pulled out some kind of head checking device and used
it to examine Neil's head by looking through his ear.
He then quickly jumped back, almost dropping his special tool.
Oh dear, we need to get you into one of
our hospital beds straight away. Neil did a massive fist
pump and then told the doctor he'd be fine to
see himself to his room. He continued skipping down the
hallway whistling a happy little tune. Oh, yerie, guess who's
about to become your new roommate. Neil had to check
if he had walked into the wrong room. The nurse
was changing the sheets on his friend's bed.
Speaker 2: Hey, where did ury go? Is he on the can?
Speaker 1: The nurse explained that YEARI had just been sent home.
Oh no, poor guy, they're gonna send them back to
school tomorrow, and now he's gonna miss all the fun
at the hospital with me. Neil dove onto his bed
like it was a swimming pool. Hey, nurse, can you
pass me the remote for the TV? The nurse handed
him the remote and then left the room.
Speaker 2: I think you forgot the cheek pinch. I have soft,
pinchable cheeks too.
Speaker 1: Another nurse came by a few minutes later.
Speaker 2: My name is Bruce. I'll be looking after you tonight.
Speaker 1: Bruce looked like he was ten nurses in one. He
was tall and looked like his nickname could be Muscles McGhee.
If someone told Neil that it was Bruce's second job
to crush old cars at the car Wreckers, he would
have believed them. This guy had so much muscle his
legs and arms looked.
Speaker 2: Like tree trunks.
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, said Neil in a squeaky little voice.
You don't have to pinch my cheeks if you don't
want to. Neil didn't need to have his cheeks popping
like balloons. I won't pinch your cheeks if you don't
want him pinched.
Speaker 2: Are you hungry?
Speaker 1: Neeled it up. Finally, this is what he had been
waiting for. So if you have any strawberry ice cream,
I'll start with that, But if you don't, I also
like butterscotch, ripple min, chocolate chip, and really anything that
doesn't have nuts. Bruce handed Neil a bowl of something
that did not look like any flavor of ice cream
he'd ever seen. This is hospital mush, explained Bruce, ice
cream is just for the Tonsil kids.
Speaker 2: I don't know what they put in this mush, but
only one out of every ninety five kids seems to
like it. Good luck.
Speaker 1: Neil set the bowl aside as soon as Bruce had left.
At least I've still got TV. Only the batteries on
the remote were no longer working and he wasn't able
to change the channel. But I don't want to watch
the shopping channel. I don't care how many easy payments
I can make to buy those hideous looking candles. Neil
tried calling for help, hoping one of the cheek pinching
nurses might come this time, but once again it was Bruce. Bruce,
the TV remote isn't working. I can't change the channel.
Speaker 2: Do you have any batteries? No, I don't, but you
should try. Am I getting some sleep.
Speaker 1: Before pressing the power button on the actual tv 'edit,
Bruce paused.
Speaker 2: Huh, that was a really great deal on candles. I
might have to order some for myself.
Speaker 1: Neil wasn't sure what time it was, but it definitely
didn't feel anywhere close to bedtime. He ended up taking
four or five hours to finally fall asleep. The noises
from all the various machines didn't help either. Nurse, can
someone turn off all those beeping sounds? And is there
anything we can do about all the blinking lights? In
the morning, Bruce brought Neil a fresh bowl of hospital
mush if you could even call it fresh. You know, Bruce,
I'm not actually all that hungry. Neil looked around the room,
wondering what he could get up to that day. Real shame,
I can't be at school today, ain't Nurse Bruce just kidding.
I'm actually excited to relax in bed with some comic books. Actually, kid,
I'm only your nurse at nighttime. During the day, I'll
be your own personal teacher. Bruce pulled out some learning
materials and promptly began asking Neil some questions.
Speaker 2: What's four plus four?
Speaker 1: Bruce did an excellent job of making it feel like
a regular day of school, just without any of the
fun parts like gym class and recess. By the end
of the day, Neil was begging to see the doctor. Neil,
I hear you got to do some learning today. How
did that go? Neil didn't want to talk about that. Fine, fine, fine, fine, but.
Speaker 2: Toc can I ask you how long does someone in
my condition usually need to stay in the hospital for?
Speaker 1: The doctor blew out's the mare? Well, now it all depends.
Could be days, weeks, maybe even months. Neil was not
happy that the doctor had not listed seconds or minutes
as any of the options. A doctor leaned in closer
and suddenly became all secretive. It really comes down to
how much time you need. If you already have it,
you could leave right now. Neil wasn't following. If I
have what, doc, what do we need? Tell me what
I need and I'll make it happen. The doctor thought
it should have been obvious.
Speaker 2: But five dollars, you will your friend. Isn't that why
you're here? Why else would a kid want to stay
at a hospital so badly when they're perfectly healthy? Aren't
you here because you need a good excuse as to
why you can't pay your friend back?
Speaker 3: Just yet?
Speaker 1: Was that not what this was all about? I thought
it was doing you a favor. Neil didn't have the
heart to admit that he was mostly just here for
the unlimited ice cream. He was also worried that the
truth might make the doctor really want to check.
Speaker 2: His head out.
Speaker 1: Yes, Doctor, I've got the money to pay my friend,
so I guess I'll just be on my way. Then,
please say good bye to Bruce for me.
Speaker 2: Not so fast.
Speaker 1: Let me see that you've actually got the five dollars.
Neil wasn't sure how he was going to get himself
out of this one, but just then a familiar face
popped in through the door. Yury had come to visit
him after the school they had ended. The timing couldn't
have been better. As long as Yuri had remembered to
bring him his five dollars bill, maybe he could make
it look like that was the money he was going
to use to pay someone else back with Oh, Yuri,
I am so glad you're here, and not just that's
because I need my five bucks back, but also where's
my five bucks? Yuri was shaking the TV remote trying
to figure out why it wasn't working.
Speaker 2: Neil, so about.
Speaker 1: That I kind of spent your five dollars just before
coming over here.
Speaker 2: There was just such a good deal in candles.
Speaker 1: The doctor began pulling out his head checking device, the
real one this time. Doc, if you're gonna make me
stay here another night? Can you at least please remove
my tonsils?
Speaker 2: First?
Speaker 1: I need some ice cream and I need it bad.
Speaker 2: The end.
Speaker 1: That's the story, and here is your question of the week.
How are you spending that five bucks after your friend
pays you back ice cream? Thanks to Neil and Urie
and showed out to Brooklyn Hufford from Fowler, Michigan, Graham,
Maggie and their dog Spruce from Golden Colorado, Max from
New York, Stevie from New South Wales, Australia, Isla from Patchak,
New York, Sebastian and Sara Fina from Columbus, Ohio, Stella
Amos and Jones from Nanaimo, BC Rex from the UK,
Rock One Roland aka rock and Roll from Lutes, Florida,
and Rishon from New Zealand. More to come next time,
but until then, thanks for listening and I'll catch you
on the next one.