WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.040 Hi everyone, and welcome back to the podcast episode. My 2 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:04.480 name is Lisha Gogain, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast. 3 00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:06.559 Why I help you expand your mind and become more 4 00:00:06.559 --> 00:00:08.599 self awares that you can glow up into the best 5 00:00:08.679 --> 00:00:12.400 version of yourself. Hello, Happy Sunday. If you're listening to 6 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:14.759 this on a Sunday, I hope everyone is well. I 7 00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:17.000 just want to quickly shout out to the fact that 8 00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:20.480 this is my two hundredth episode of the podcast. And 9 00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:23.039 if you watch on YouTube, just know that my podcast 10 00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:25.640 is available on Spotify, Apple like wherever you listen to 11 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:30.000 your audio podcasts. And there's about fifty ish to sixty 12 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:32.640 episodes that are not on YouTube because I originally started 13 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:35.119 my podcast not on YouTube, just in case you want 14 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:39.719 more content Healing, Inner child Work, shadow Work. They're old episodes. Okay, 15 00:00:39.799 --> 00:00:42.560 we have evolved. It's been a few years since I 16 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.200 started my podcast, but they're there. But I do want 17 00:00:45.240 --> 00:00:48.000 to say thank you guys so much for being along 18 00:00:48.039 --> 00:00:50.000 on this ride with me. Whether you've been here from 19 00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:52.479 the beginning or you just joined the community. I'm so 20 00:00:52.600 --> 00:00:55.439 excited to be glowing up and healing with you guys. 21 00:00:55.560 --> 00:00:58.280 And with that said, I've really been trying to lean 22 00:00:58.359 --> 00:01:02.000 into the community tab here on YouTube and posting quotes 23 00:01:02.039 --> 00:01:04.840 and just reminders to you guys anytime that I feel 24 00:01:04.879 --> 00:01:07.280 like I want to share something, share a message and 25 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:10.200 really just pour into you guys, because I think it's 26 00:01:10.239 --> 00:01:13.159 important and it really motivates me. And I want to 27 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:15.359 read to you a quote that I posted the other 28 00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:18.079 day and a little message that I said which really 29 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:21.439 inspired me to talk about setting yourself free from your 30 00:01:21.480 --> 00:01:25.599 generational trauma, the things that were handed to you in 31 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:28.760 your past, so that you can live a better, more 32 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:32.200 free life, because I just believe that unfortunately, sometimes we 33 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:34.680 get handed a deck of cards that might not have 34 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:37.359 served us, might have really set us back in a 35 00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:39.159 lot of ways, but it doesn't mean that we can't 36 00:01:39.159 --> 00:01:42.319 transform these cards and up level them and change our 37 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:45.239 lives and really let go of the things that don't 38 00:01:45.239 --> 00:01:47.120 need to be ours to hold on to. And if 39 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:49.560 you are new here, I have been through a lot 40 00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:53.760 in my life when it comes to trauma and my upbringing. 41 00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:57.640 I had parents who were addicts. They both passed away. 42 00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:00.920 And when you come from an upbringing where parents were 43 00:02:01.319 --> 00:02:04.640 addicts or they were struggling, like financially we didn't come 44 00:02:04.680 --> 00:02:07.480 from money or anything like that as well. Unfortunately, there 45 00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:11.039 is other things that will affect you as a child developing, 46 00:02:11.479 --> 00:02:14.919 you know, not having consistency when it comes to parenting, 47 00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:18.840 or you know, emotional on availability when it comes to 48 00:02:18.960 --> 00:02:22.599 a certain parent, financial instability, and then chronic illness that 49 00:02:22.680 --> 00:02:25.520 can come as a result of living in fight or 50 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:27.520 flight for so many years. There's so many things that 51 00:02:27.560 --> 00:02:29.159 I have been through, and I'm not even saying this 52 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:31.360 to get any sort of pity, and I actually do 53 00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:33.879 believe that there are many people who have it ten 54 00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:35.759 times the worse. I see some of your guys's comments, 55 00:02:35.759 --> 00:02:37.719 and you know, you guys have really been through it 56 00:02:38.039 --> 00:02:40.000 as well. But I say all that to say, like, 57 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:42.840 I have gone through so much in my life, and 58 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:46.840 it was because there's been so much generational trauma in 59 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:50.879 my family line, both sides. You know, my parents' upbringings 60 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:54.039 were very difficult, and there was a lot of addiction 61 00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:58.800 and abuse and you know, just shitty circumstances like a 62 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:03.599 lot of us. And I could have really fallen victim 63 00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:07.960 to that lifestyle that I was living, and I was 64 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:10.840 able to prevail and I was able to change how 65 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:13.560 I experienced my life, and there was a lot of 66 00:03:13.599 --> 00:03:15.520 trials and tribulations and a lot of lessons that I 67 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:17.719 had to learn, but I got out of it and 68 00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.039 I'm still working through these things. I do think my 69 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:22.960 twenties was really all about unlearning all of the shit 70 00:03:23.080 --> 00:03:24.719 that was put on me and all the things that 71 00:03:24.759 --> 00:03:27.120 I had to go through, and I'm still healing from 72 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:28.680 a lot of these things. But I really just want 73 00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:31.039 to share with you guys some of the mindset shifts 74 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:32.520 and some of the things that have helped me when 75 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:35.599 it comes to breaking free from this. And I say 76 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.039 all this because I do see a lot of people hurting. 77 00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:40.639 I see a lot of people talking about the struggles 78 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:43.680 that they are currently living in or they have been 79 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:47.439 because of their upbringing, because of generational trauma. At the 80 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:49.719 end of the day, like you didn't just come out 81 00:03:49.719 --> 00:03:53.319 of the womb like wanting to be in fight or flight, 82 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:55.360 or there might have been traumatic things that have happened 83 00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:58.000 to you. But in my personal opinion, I think that 84 00:03:58.039 --> 00:04:00.000 we can take a lot of agency over our lives. 85 00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:02.319 But I do think it does take other people speaking 86 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:05.199 about these topics to show you that it is possible. 87 00:04:05.719 --> 00:04:08.080 So again that's going to be what the episode is about. 88 00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:10.479 But I do want to read this quote that I 89 00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:13.039 shared with you guys on the community tab, and it says, 90 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:15.120 I hope you will walk on this journey knowing that 91 00:04:15.159 --> 00:04:17.920 you belong. I hope even if things sometimes don't go 92 00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:20.240 your way, you will not stop trying. You will not 93 00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:23.079 give up on yourself, and on your toughest days, I 94 00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:25.680 hope you will keep reminding yourself of this. You are 95 00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:28.079 loved and you are worthy, even when it doesn't feel 96 00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:31.399 that way. And I believe I resonated with this quote 97 00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:35.519 a lot, because when you come from generational trauma, when 98 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:38.120 you come from shitty upbringings, when you come from lack 99 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.759 of love and consistency, whatever it is, you have this 100 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:45.079 sense of believing that good things don't get to happen 101 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:47.079 to you, or good things haven't happened to you, So 102 00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:50.600 why would you believe that? Or you aren't lovable, or 103 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:55.120 everyone else gets love or financial stability but you don't, 104 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:57.199 And everything needs to be a struggle, and it's really 105 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:00.480 hard sometimes to believe when good things come into your 106 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:03.959 life that you belong, or you are deserving, or you 107 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:07.519 are loved. But on that same coin, we are constantly 108 00:05:07.560 --> 00:05:10.399 striving for that we want that, we deeply want love 109 00:05:10.519 --> 00:05:14.120 and connection and abundance and safety. That's what we're constantly 110 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:17.519 trying to seek, even if we've told ourselves we don't 111 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:20.240 deserve it. We're constantly on that pursuit. And what I 112 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:22.480 wrote on the community tab was I think many of 113 00:05:22.519 --> 00:05:25.120 us struggle with feeling like we belong and are worthy 114 00:05:25.160 --> 00:05:27.680 of good things when coming from many years of living 115 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.920 and experiencing the opposite. But please try to remember that 116 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:33.560 you no longer need to hold onto your past conditioning. 117 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:36.560 You are allowed to believe and claim a life filled 118 00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:39.800 with happiness, belonging, and real love, even if it feels 119 00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:42.720 like imposterish. It's okay if it feels like that at first. 120 00:05:42.920 --> 00:05:45.199 Let it be that until it isn't. And I think 121 00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:50.279 the first step of really breaking free from the old 122 00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:54.279 life that is really keeping you stuck is understanding that 123 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:59.600 you still are living out these beliefs and this trauma, essentially, 124 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:03.560 whether it's constantly expecting struggle or believing that life has 125 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:06.319 to be really hard, or believing that you're unworthy of 126 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:10.800 love or relationships friendships, believing that you can't you're not 127 00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:14.680 good enough, you don't know how to sabotaging the good 128 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:17.240 things that do come into your life, or second guessing 129 00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:19.439 it or waiting for that ball to drop and just 130 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:22.759 not actually believing that this could be your life, or 131 00:06:22.800 --> 00:06:25.040 even settling for less. I think we do that a 132 00:06:25.079 --> 00:06:28.079 lot in life because we weren't handed a lot, so 133 00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:29.600 we're just going to kind of take what we get, 134 00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:35.319 whether that's relationships or money, opportunities, careers, friendships, even treatment 135 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:38.600 from other people, just everything. And if you feel like 136 00:06:38.680 --> 00:06:41.160 your life is kind of lackluster, if you feel like 137 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:46.519 you don't have good friendships or relationships, or you feel 138 00:06:46.519 --> 00:06:48.480 like you're stuck in your life, it is important to 139 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:52.160 see how you're probably playing out certain patterns or playing 140 00:06:52.199 --> 00:06:55.040 out beliefs that you have kept all of your life 141 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:57.920 based off of your past, which is bleeding into your future, 142 00:06:57.959 --> 00:07:01.639 which is bleeding into your current life circumstance. And it's 143 00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:04.040 not your fault that these things happen, but it is 144 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:07.360 to see how when you believe that you only deserve 145 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:10.120 half assed love, you're only going to ever see that, 146 00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:13.000 recognize that, and accept that. And for instance, with me, 147 00:07:13.279 --> 00:07:16.120 I took a different path than both of my parents 148 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:19.600 when I saw what I saw in my childhood even 149 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:22.759 into my teenage years, I basically did the opposite. I 150 00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:26.920 became very hyper responsible. I had to be. There was 151 00:07:27.000 --> 00:07:29.920 many things that my parents weren't doing or showing up for, 152 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:31.920 and of course they were also just doing the best 153 00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:34.000 that they could. There were many things that my parents 154 00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:36.680 did that were great, especially my mother, like she was 155 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:38.360 such a loving mother. But at the end of the day, 156 00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:41.399 I saw that there was many things that I just 157 00:07:41.399 --> 00:07:44.079 didn't want to do or be and I made the 158 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:47.040 best decisions that I could as I was growing up, 159 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:49.399 even into my twenties, but that didn't take away the 160 00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:53.240 fact that I was still living out trauma that was 161 00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:58.240 basically from their decisions, and you know, down the line 162 00:07:58.360 --> 00:08:00.959 of my family when my parents weren't showing up, I 163 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:06.040 went into hyper responsibility, hyper independent, but so much so 164 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:09.560 that I isolated myself. I didn't rely on people. I 165 00:08:09.639 --> 00:08:13.120 didn't build real community or friendship, which is what I 166 00:08:13.240 --> 00:08:15.720 deserved and which is what I needed. Anyways, you can't 167 00:08:15.720 --> 00:08:18.839 do everything alone. I moved super heavily into fight or 168 00:08:18.839 --> 00:08:21.399 flight that I ended up getting a lot of chronic illness. 169 00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:24.680 I was always worrying about things. I was always stressed 170 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:28.000 about things, and that was taking a toll on my body, 171 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:30.839 my nervous system, my mindset, the decisions that I was 172 00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:33.639 making in my life, and what really allowed me to 173 00:08:34.120 --> 00:08:40.600 move out of this generational trauma, these generational shitty circumstances, 174 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:44.000 was to take a deep look at all the things 175 00:08:44.039 --> 00:08:46.840 that I have been through in my life and release 176 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:49.440 it and let it go. And I had to do 177 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:52.440 this over and over again every season of my life. 178 00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:54.600 Every time that I saw that I was going into 179 00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:57.480 a new habit self sabotaging in some sort of way 180 00:08:57.720 --> 00:09:00.399 or accepting the bare minimum, I had to track it 181 00:09:00.440 --> 00:09:03.159 back to the things that I was given in childhood, 182 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:05.639 and most of the time it was my past and 183 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:08.240 the things that I was grown up around and the 184 00:09:08.519 --> 00:09:11.519 limited perspective that I had just based off of how 185 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:13.759 I grew up. But the thing is with letting go 186 00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:16.559 of your past, not only are you going to have 187 00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:18.919 to do that over and over again. It's not just 188 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:20.840 like one day you just let go of everything, like 189 00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.759 things can come up again. But letting go also does 190 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:29.960 mean accepting and acknowledging that you were handed shitty cards, 191 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:33.399 which can hurt and can create a lot of feelings 192 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:36.279 of you know, just sadness to begin with. But it 193 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:40.600 also means that you might have to do some forgiveness 194 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:44.480 when it comes to parents or people or situations that 195 00:09:44.519 --> 00:09:46.480 were in your past. And I think that many people 196 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:48.000 don't want to do that because it's like, why why 197 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:50.519 I forgive people who hurt me or put me through 198 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.039 really hard things? And obviously, to each their own right, 199 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:57.519 everyone's experience is different. But what I learned about letting 200 00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:01.399 go and you know, moving on, it was energetic release 201 00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:04.360 and it was giving myself permission to live a better 202 00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:08.159 life and to understand that I am not condoning and 203 00:10:08.600 --> 00:10:11.720 saying that what my parents did was right or what 204 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:16.720 these circumstances were were things that can just like go unscathe. 205 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:19.360 It's not even that, but it's just to see how 206 00:10:19.399 --> 00:10:22.120 I am no longer going to keep myself locked in 207 00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:26.039 this jail cell of someone else's decisions. And yes, have 208 00:10:26.159 --> 00:10:28.759 I made decisions in my life that were basically like 209 00:10:28.879 --> 00:10:31.360 my own. I'm not ever going to always like blame 210 00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:33.600 my parents or blame society whatever. We have to take 211 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:36.720 ownership of some of the things that we have decided 212 00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:38.759 to do or be your act in our lives. But 213 00:10:38.759 --> 00:10:41.200 at the end of the day, it's like, I'm not 214 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.519 going to I don't deserve and you guys don't deserve 215 00:10:45.039 --> 00:10:49.600 to keep holding trauma, keep holding the darkness that is 216 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:51.759 not yours. And I think about this when it comes 217 00:10:51.799 --> 00:10:54.159 to my mom. A lot of you guys know, maybe 218 00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:57.279 some of you guys don't. She passed away in December 219 00:10:57.480 --> 00:10:59.799 of last year, so it hasn't been that many months. 220 00:10:59.799 --> 00:11:02.240 And I just know deep down that my mom would 221 00:11:02.279 --> 00:11:04.840 not be at peace right now in heaven knowing that 222 00:11:04.919 --> 00:11:09.279 I'm still down here carrying the weight of her mistakes, 223 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:12.799 her decisions, her trauma. She would not want that. And 224 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:15.080 I think sometimes it can be hard to think that 225 00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:17.279 your parents actually wouldn't want that for you, if they're 226 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:19.440 still here and they're still hurting you, or you know, 227 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:22.120 they have gone through things in their lives with you 228 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:25.840 and maybe they haven't even apologized. You know, everyone's situations 229 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.879 are different, But I genuinely think at the end of 230 00:11:28.919 --> 00:11:33.360 the day, on a soul level, we aren't here to 231 00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:36.320 hurt each other. And so if you can just understand 232 00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:39.080 that hurt people do hurt people. And I think about 233 00:11:39.080 --> 00:11:40.559 this when it comes to my dad. He was so 234 00:11:40.679 --> 00:11:44.879 emotionally unavailable and he honestly, like, let's just call a 235 00:11:44.919 --> 00:11:48.559 spadas baby fuck me up a lot, okay. And I 236 00:11:48.679 --> 00:11:52.399 know he knew that as well before he passed, and 237 00:11:52.600 --> 00:11:55.720 I just know that he also wouldn't be at peace 238 00:11:55.840 --> 00:12:00.000 knowing that I'm carrying this, And unfortunately, it's gonna be 239 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:02.000 up to me to put in that work and put 240 00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:05.519 in those reps of healing, of doing certain things that 241 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:07.840 will allow me to heal and let these things go. 242 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:09.879 It's not going to be an easy process and it's 243 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:13.279 not fair. But what I'm not going to do is 244 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:16.639 live the rest of my life believing that I'm not enough, 245 00:12:17.159 --> 00:12:21.759 living out these traumas, self sabotaging, doing shitty behaviors, all 246 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:24.159 because I am coping with shit that was never even 247 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:26.559 mine to carry in the first place. Now, there's many 248 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:29.440 ways that you can let go and release and move on. 249 00:12:30.039 --> 00:12:32.279 Like I said, there's many seasons of life where you're 250 00:12:32.279 --> 00:12:34.320 going to need to do that. And one of the 251 00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:36.639 things that I have always done is done a journal 252 00:12:36.679 --> 00:12:39.960 practice where I just call it emotional releasing, right, really 253 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:43.399 just writing out the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the 254 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:47.799 disappointment that you might have towards parents or caregivers, whoever right, 255 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:49.879 or people that hurt you in your past, whether it 256 00:12:49.919 --> 00:12:53.639 was lovers or things in school systems, or just writing 257 00:12:53.639 --> 00:12:56.759 out how things aren't fair in life in general. You know, 258 00:12:56.840 --> 00:12:59.279 I'm not saying that we have to pretend that things 259 00:12:59.320 --> 00:13:02.799 are not it's shitty in life, but to really let 260 00:13:02.879 --> 00:13:07.000 those feelings out can be therapeutic, of course, and can 261 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:11.919 really allow you to not keep holding on to these 262 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:15.000 beliefs and these thoughts and this anger, this frustration to 263 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:16.919 the point where that could even be held in your body. 264 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:20.320 And a lot of our pain that we physically feel 265 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:23.200 in our body is tends to have an emotional connection, 266 00:13:23.399 --> 00:13:25.600 and a lot of that is resentment and anger and 267 00:13:25.639 --> 00:13:29.080 frustration and sadness and really not allowing ourselves to have 268 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:30.759 a voice. But at the end of the day, if 269 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:32.480 you want to set yourself free, you're going to have 270 00:13:32.519 --> 00:13:35.320 to allow yourself to let go of the past and 271 00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:37.639 understand that that does not need to be yours anymore. 272 00:13:37.720 --> 00:13:41.320 That deck of cards, it doesn't need to be yours anymore. Now, 273 00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:43.440 this leads me in to the third thing that I 274 00:13:43.480 --> 00:13:45.799 always think about, and I really switched out of this 275 00:13:45.879 --> 00:13:50.039 mindset very young. I did this mainly because this mindset 276 00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:54.000 wasn't going to keep me alive. It wasn't it wasn't 277 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:57.440 going to help me progress in life. I just realize 278 00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:01.200 that very early on, and that is the mentality. And 279 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:03.399 I think a lot of people get up in arms 280 00:14:03.399 --> 00:14:07.679 about this because people argue, well, maybe I was a victim, 281 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:09.679 and who is to say that? You know, I'm not 282 00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:12.200 allowed to say that I am a victim. And this 283 00:14:12.279 --> 00:14:15.679 is what I think about the victim mentality. You're allowed 284 00:14:15.879 --> 00:14:18.279 to be the victim, and everyone is a victim and 285 00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:20.639 in some sense, and you know, it doesn't mean that 286 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:22.919 you haven't been hurt in your past and all these things, 287 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:26.240 but you don't need to be the victim anymore moving forward. 288 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:28.080 And if you are constantly going to be in the 289 00:14:28.120 --> 00:14:31.159 identity of I'm a victim and the world is against me, 290 00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:34.200 or people did this on purpose, even if they did, 291 00:14:34.679 --> 00:14:38.799 it's not going to allow you to live a free life. 292 00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:42.919 So instead of thinking why me, start thinking about what now? 293 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:46.879 What can I do moving forward in my future life? 294 00:14:46.919 --> 00:14:48.960 Like how do I want to live my life? How 295 00:14:49.000 --> 00:14:51.600 do I want to give myself permission to want more 296 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:54.759 from life and take back my power? Your power might 297 00:14:54.759 --> 00:14:57.799 have been taken away in many aspects. My power was 298 00:14:57.799 --> 00:15:00.360 taken away in so many ways in my life life, 299 00:15:00.360 --> 00:15:03.080 and it wasn't fair. But I am not going to 300 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:06.039 continue to live my life being that victim. Now, I 301 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:07.639 want to read a few quotes that I found on 302 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:11.679 pinterest in regards to the victim mentality. One says self 303 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:14.679 pity is a psychological state of mind of an individual 304 00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:17.879 and perceived adverse situation who has not yet accepted the 305 00:15:17.919 --> 00:15:20.960 situation and does not have the confidence nor the ability 306 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:23.240 to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's 307 00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:25.600 belief that they are the victims of events and is 308 00:15:25.639 --> 00:15:28.519 therefore deserving of condolence. And this is what I'll say 309 00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:31.399 about self pity. I know it gets a bad rap, 310 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:34.399 and even the victim mentality, it's a sensitive topic, and 311 00:15:34.639 --> 00:15:38.679 for sure, everyone has their own situations and circumstances, so 312 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:41.440 I'm not speaking on everyone's circumstance. But what I have 313 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:45.639 found is when I learned to find ways to accept 314 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:49.320 the circumstances for what they are, I can better move 315 00:15:49.399 --> 00:15:52.320 out of them and I can actually allow myself to 316 00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:55.480 be free and live a more enjoyable life. I had 317 00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:57.399 to accept the fact that I had the parents that 318 00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:59.440 I had. I had to accept the fact that I 319 00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:01.919 didn't come money. I had to accept the fact that 320 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:05.440 I had chronic illness, that I needed to look inwards 321 00:16:05.480 --> 00:16:07.879 in and really go on a deep healing journey on 322 00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:10.639 in order to get out of these things. And I 323 00:16:10.759 --> 00:16:13.879 found many other times where I was that victim, and 324 00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:16.480 that's okay. You go through those seasons of life, for sure, 325 00:16:16.679 --> 00:16:18.960 it's normal. I actually do think it's normal to let 326 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.600 yourself kind of be in that, you know, whether you 327 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:23.159 want to call it self pity or whatever you want 328 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:24.559 to call it. But I found the way that I 329 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:27.600 ended up getting out of all these crappy circumstances was 330 00:16:27.639 --> 00:16:30.600 accepting what my life was and being like, Okay, you 331 00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:32.960 know what, this is really crappy, but I'm going to 332 00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:35.559 take control over my life now because other people had 333 00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:38.159 control over it and they didn't do the best job. 334 00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:42.399 And also, are there lessons or is there wisdom in 335 00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:44.759 some of these stories that I have lived out that 336 00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:47.799 can help me on my journey of life and expand 337 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:50.840 And sometimes there's not a reason. There's not a lesson 338 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:53.639 if you don't want any wisdom out of these shitty circumstances. 339 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:55.440 And you don't need to. It doesn't always need to 340 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:57.320 be that, but that's kind of how I look at 341 00:16:57.360 --> 00:16:58.720 some of the things that I have been through in 342 00:16:58.759 --> 00:17:01.120 my life. I also found another one that says, my 343 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:04.000 season to be the victim is over. I did my time. 344 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:07.400 I've put myself through enough pain. I've woken up countless 345 00:17:07.400 --> 00:17:10.319 times in this victim mindset, relinquishing my peace and my 346 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:13.839 power day after day after day. I'm done. I've graduated. 347 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:15.839 Nothing have to do now but to be the victor. 348 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:18.400 And I just love the end of that quote, like, 349 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:24.000 Becolm the victor. Okay, Becolm the person who takes agency 350 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:27.400 over your life now. And what you will realize in 351 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:29.839 this life is that's the only other option that you 352 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.400 really have, so you might as well do it as 353 00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:34.400 quickly as you can. And what I mean quickly, I 354 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:36.920 mean obviously you don't rush the healing process. But the 355 00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:39.440 quicker that you can accept these things, the quicker you 356 00:17:39.480 --> 00:17:42.720 can have a better life, which leads me into life 357 00:17:42.759 --> 00:17:46.920 after realizing you no longer want to live out generational trauma, 358 00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:49.160 you see the things that you have gone through and 359 00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:51.839 you're ready to move in a different way, and that 360 00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:55.440 really comes down to a lot of reparenting and thinking 361 00:17:55.480 --> 00:17:58.319 about the life that you want to give yourself and 362 00:17:58.440 --> 00:18:00.720 building on that and working to that. And I think 363 00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:03.480 that this is what this podcast is about, what my 364 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:06.759 YouTube channel is about. You know, like, of course, yes, 365 00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:08.960 we're doing the healing work when we get triggered and 366 00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.480 things come up, there's always gonna be that. But then 367 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:14.079 there's this opposite side where it's like, how do I 368 00:18:14.079 --> 00:18:16.119 want to create my dream life? What do I want 369 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:18.319 for myself? What I want for myself in my twenties 370 00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:20.680 and my thirties. You know, who I want to be dating, 371 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:22.920 what type of love do I want? What do I 372 00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:25.440 want for my career? How much money do I want 373 00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:27.279 to make? How do I want to change my beliefs 374 00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:29.559 about what I can make when it comes to money, 375 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:32.400 or what I can have in love or friendships, all 376 00:18:32.440 --> 00:18:34.759 of these things, Like you should be getting excited for 377 00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:37.240 this new life because it is yours now. I found 378 00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:39.000 another quote on Pitches that I liked, and it says, 379 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:41.519 a good sign that you're healing is when you recognize 380 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.319 dysfunctional behavior and realize it is not your job to 381 00:18:44.359 --> 00:18:47.319 fix it, explain it, or even entertain it. And I 382 00:18:47.319 --> 00:18:51.759 think that this can be subject to every circumstance in 383 00:18:51.799 --> 00:18:53.960 your life. Right when you realize, you know what, I'm 384 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:55.680 not going to respond to this. Actually, you know what, 385 00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:57.839 I'm not going to take the bare minium anymore. Actually, 386 00:18:57.880 --> 00:18:59.680 you know what. I have these limiting beliefs, and I 387 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:01.839 know they're limiting. So I'm gonna work on this. I'm 388 00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:04.079 gonna do a general practice, I'm gonna go to therapy. 389 00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:07.319 I'm going to work on myself because I know that 390 00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:10.079 this is the old version of me. These are beliefs 391 00:19:10.119 --> 00:19:13.200 and patterns and habits and life that was placed onto 392 00:19:13.240 --> 00:19:15.559 me that I no longer want to take ownership of. 393 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.680 And that is when you know you are moving out 394 00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:22.079 of that generational trauma. And that leads me into understanding 395 00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:25.960 that there will always be work to be done on 396 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:29.079 yourself when it comes to healing. And don't even be 397 00:19:29.160 --> 00:19:33.240 afraid of that, because everyone needs to do it, even 398 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.640 people who aren't doing healing work. Or you think that 399 00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:37.960 they might have not come from a hard life the 400 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:40.079 way that you have. Maybe that's true, but at the 401 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:42.720