1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:05,879 Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, Welcome to my podcast Drunkish. I'm Stephanie Wilder 2 00:00:05,919 --> 00:00:08,400 Taylor and last year I published a book called Drunkish, 3 00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:11,759 where I told my story about quitting drinking, and now 4 00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:14,320 I have a podcast where I talk to other people 5 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,640 about quitting drinking. So, whether you're sober, sober, curious, or 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:23,440 just like hearing stories about why knows, you're welcome here today. 7 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,879 I couldn't be more excited. I have a friend of mine, 8 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,000 someone I've known for a really long time, podcaster Greg 9 00:00:30,079 --> 00:00:34,880 Fitzsimmons of Fitsdog Radio and Childish with his co host 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,200 Alison Rosen. Today, he joins Drunkish to talk about his 11 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,439 thirty five year journey without alcohol, why he doesn't call 12 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,679 himself sober, and that one time he drank again, and 13 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:51,320 how comedy, therapy and psychedelics all played a big part 14 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,880 in his recovery. I think you are going to love 15 00:00:54,960 --> 00:01:20,840 this interview, so let's get to it. Hello everybody, and 16 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:25,280 welcome to Drunkish. It's me your host, Stephanie Wilder Taylor, 17 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,519 and I'm here with my guest, Greg Fitzsimmons. He is 18 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:34,400 a comedian, he's a podcaster, he's a I mean Fitstog radio. 19 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,480 I'm gonna say it's a radio show. I don't care. 20 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,120 I'm gonna say that. 21 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 2: What else? What else? He's a he's a touring comedian. 22 00:01:41,879 --> 00:01:43,359 He's very busy. How are you. 23 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,879 Speaker 3: Thank you well? First of all, are we on video 24 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,799 or is this your audio? I might use a clip, okay, great? 25 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,480 Oh yeah, that's right, or I won't. 26 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. 27 00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 3: I don't know whether to smile. Do I have to 28 00:01:56,719 --> 00:01:59,879 smile for the next hour? Do I have to worry about, 29 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,079 you know, my dog jumping on my lap? I mean, 30 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,319 I want to want this to be professional. I got 31 00:02:04,359 --> 00:02:06,519 my South African rugby hat on. 32 00:02:06,719 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: Oh I like it. 33 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 3: We're just over there for three weeks, the whole family 34 00:02:10,159 --> 00:02:10,840 for Christmas. 35 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:11,719 Speaker 2: Oh wow. 36 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, that was fun. And that was speaking of sobriety. 37 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,759 That was like I was a twenty people my wife's 38 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:25,439 side of the family, and everybody is pounding drinks and 39 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,759 you can't escape, you know, it's like you're staying in 40 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,199 the house with everybody, and so you know, you go like, 41 00:02:34,439 --> 00:02:40,280 and I find that non alcoholic beer really helps me 42 00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:42,439 at times like that. 43 00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:45,199 Speaker 1: That's interesting that you would say that I have never 44 00:02:45,319 --> 00:02:48,840 had a non alcoholic beer since I got sober, and 45 00:02:48,879 --> 00:02:51,080 not for any kind of reasons, like I feel like 46 00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:56,039 I just because my thing is, what's the point. I'm 47 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,400 always like, I didn't drink beer for the taste, but 48 00:02:58,439 --> 00:02:59,000 that's just me. 49 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 3: So well, ask your dog who's been neutered why he's 50 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:08,400 dry humping your leg. It just feels familiar, it's comforting. 51 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,759 Speaker 1: Right right, Yeah, I would just be waiting for the 52 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,120 buzz to kick in. 53 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. I mean, look, people in the program 54 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,439 will tell you that you shouldn't have non alcoholic beers, 55 00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:23,840 that it's it's it's a gateway, but I don't. I'm fine. 56 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 1: Well, people in the program will tell you, like, don't 57 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,919 do math, you know, but what do they know? 58 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 3: They don't know anything. I know. They's a prick. It's 59 00:03:32,319 --> 00:03:36,719 like Jesus, can I live a little bit here? No? 60 00:03:36,879 --> 00:03:40,680 And like and I should say also I am. I 61 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,400 have on occasion smoked pot over the years, and I 62 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:49,680 do take mushrooms sometimes, but it's very purposeful. It's not 63 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,240 I always thinking about it as like am I am 64 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,319 I running from something? Or am I going towards something 65 00:03:55,479 --> 00:04:00,840 with a substance? And I feel like with mushrooms, sit down, 66 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,000 I meditate, I journal, I come up with a goal, 67 00:04:04,759 --> 00:04:07,759 I do it with people I love in nature, and 68 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,840 then I usually come out of it with like a 69 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:14,120 couple of good epiphanies and I have my depression lifts 70 00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:17,879 for like a week. So you know, I'm not I'm not. 71 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:21,360 I would I never refer to myself as sober. Oh, 72 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,439 I haven't had a drink, and I've had a drink 73 00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:26,879 in thirty five years except for one night. Wow. 74 00:04:27,079 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: That is a long time. Yeah, right, that is a 75 00:04:30,759 --> 00:04:34,319 long time. I think that there are a lot of 76 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,519 ways to well. I don't I don't want to say 77 00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:39,160 a lot of ways to be sober. Maybe there aren't 78 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,759 a lot of ways to be sober. I think there 79 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,600 are a lot of ways to do recovery, and I'm 80 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:48,319 interested in hearing about all the ways I have thought 81 00:04:48,439 --> 00:04:53,439 about the idea of you know, ayahuasca or I never 82 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,600 did mushrooms and I never did acid before I got sober, 83 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,639 so it wasn't something It wasn't something I was looking 84 00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:02,120 to do that and it's definitely not something I'm looking 85 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,720 to do now. For all kinds of reasons. I would 86 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,319 be the person who would, you know, take LSD and 87 00:05:08,439 --> 00:05:10,040 never be normal again. 88 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 3: I just know it. 89 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,639 Speaker 2: I was not even a good plot smoker. 90 00:05:13,759 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: I would I don't know what first of all, Okay, 91 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,079 just full disclosure about me. I think if I was 92 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,639 to be doing anything, it would be pain pills. That 93 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:26,600 would be That would be my favorite thing if I could. 94 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:28,879 I'm saying, if I could do something, it would be. 95 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 3: Oh, let me tell you something, opey, it's feel real nice. 96 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,560 I mean, does the reason why so many people get 97 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,399 addicted to them? They go in there. I feel like 98 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,480 when I've taken them, and I had a little I 99 00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:42,600 had a little run in with those. I had shoulder 100 00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:45,560 surgery and I got over prescribed for about four or 101 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,079 five months, and I was taking I realized at the 102 00:05:48,199 --> 00:05:51,439 end I wasn't taking them for pain anymore, and getting 103 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,920 off them was actually even though I wasn't taking that many. 104 00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:59,720 It's what happens is your your you're uh, what's the 105 00:06:00,079 --> 00:06:02,240 what's the drug in your the chemical that makes you 106 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,920 feel good in your body? 107 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:09,639 Speaker 1: Your serotonin, your serotonin receptors in your in your brain, 108 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,439 dominet clogged up by dopamine receptors, So dopey receptors get 109 00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:17,079 clawged up by opiates, and so when you go off 110 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:22,079 of them, you don't feel anything good for however long 111 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:22,639 it takes. 112 00:06:22,639 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 3: For me, it was about a day and a half 113 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:28,680 and you go into a very dark, hard place and uh, 114 00:06:28,759 --> 00:06:31,600 but when you're on them, I would feel no fear, 115 00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:36,399 no social anxiety. I just felt at peace. I could 116 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:40,079 talk to anybody without wanting to. Usually I talked to 117 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,839 somebody I don't like, and I'm just all I'm doing 118 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,199 is trying to figure out how to get out of 119 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,000 the conversation, you know. And I just found myself at 120 00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:48,240 Christmas being able to talk to like, you know, that 121 00:06:48,319 --> 00:06:51,639 crazy Maga cousin or whatever, and just being like, all right, 122 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:52,879 I'm good, I'm good. 123 00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 2: Right right, yeah. 124 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: I I always was surprised at the same exact reaction 125 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,079 that I had with pain pills. 126 00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:03,519 Speaker 2: It was like it didn't totally alter me. 127 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: And at a point before I got sober, when I 128 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,839 was taking a but what, I would get a prescription 129 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,199 for them for breakthrough mi grain pain, and then I 130 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,439 would just continue. I remember one time getting a prescription 131 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,920 for one hundred from my doctor and taking them all 132 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,360 in a week, And honestly, nobody was the wiser because 133 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,759 I could act, I can act. 134 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,279 Speaker 2: I don't I don't. 135 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,079 Speaker 1: Act like Anna Nicole Smith. I'm not like falling over 136 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,399 you know, yeah, let's go. I'm like, I think I 137 00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:32,839 could talk pretty normally. But it makes me in my 138 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,560 brain feel so much better, like, Wow, people are not 139 00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:43,319 as annoying as they were. My god, you know, I 140 00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:45,519 have the problem where it's I want to get out 141 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,839 of the conversation. I got to make my face not 142 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:49,600 look like I want to get out of the conversation, 143 00:07:49,879 --> 00:07:50,199 you know. 144 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 3: Right right, yeah, no, I think somebody should write a 145 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,000 book about that, how to get out of especially when 146 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,839 you're at a party and in the corner you see 147 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,560 two people you haven't scene in years that you love 148 00:08:01,639 --> 00:08:04,000 and you want to get to them, but there's land 149 00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:06,839 mines through the party, and as you walk it's always 150 00:08:06,879 --> 00:08:08,279 like some guy that walks up to me and he's 151 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,639 like hey man, and I'll look at him and they'll 152 00:08:10,639 --> 00:08:13,839 be like, you don't remember me, and I'll go like, yeah, no, 153 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,360 I'm sorry. I don't have a good memory. I did 154 00:08:16,399 --> 00:08:19,240 a guest spot on your show in Cleveland like nine 155 00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:22,000 years ago. It's like, hey, you know what, fuck you 156 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,399 don't come at me with that, you don't remember me, 157 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,079 don't gaslight me. You said, if I don't remember you, 158 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,879 there's one reason you were not memorable. You did not 159 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,039 make an impression. You're boring and dulgent. And I've said 160 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,240 I haven't said it that strongly, but I've said something 161 00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,320 to that extent of me. I don't put up with 162 00:08:40,399 --> 00:08:43,039 passive aggression anymore. I can't. I can't do it. I'm 163 00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:43,759 too old for that. 164 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 2: You're here, cheers. I'll drink to that now yours. 165 00:08:48,399 --> 00:08:49,039 Speaker 3: Tell me about it? 166 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: Can you tell me about uh? Tell me about the 167 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:56,320 first time you drank. I feel like everybody that's developed 168 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,879 a problem with alcohol has a story about like the 169 00:08:59,000 --> 00:08:59,679 very first time. 170 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 3: Well, my family, I'm an Irish Catholic, and it really is. 171 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,960 I mean, it's a disease of the Irish for sure. 172 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,399 I mean, just based on my own family, so many 173 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,279 of my relatives were in recovery or actively drinking their 174 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:21,840 whole lives. My father was an alcoholic. My uncle was 175 00:09:21,879 --> 00:09:23,879 a bad album. He was skid row. He lived in 176 00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:26,519 the Bowery in New York in a well Stare hotel. 177 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: When you were so, this is your dad's brother. 178 00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, my whole life, Yeah, my whole life he lived 179 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:33,200 like that. 180 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,559 Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, and what did my dad say about that. 181 00:09:37,399 --> 00:09:39,519 Speaker 3: He took care of him. You know, he took care 182 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,320 of his brother, and there's only so much he could do. 183 00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,840 He just was had the disease. And then my father 184 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,120 was an alcoholic as well, but he was high functioning. 185 00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:51,440 But he died at fifty three. You know, wow, he 186 00:09:51,519 --> 00:09:53,440 smoked three and a half packs a day and he 187 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:58,799 drank a ton. And uh So, anyway, so family get 188 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,200 together is like you know, the holidays, there was always 189 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,519 a lot of alcohol around, and me and my cousins 190 00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:08,840 would take like half empty drinks, half empty glasses of 191 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,360 wine and we'd take them down to the basement and 192 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,600 my grandfather's house in the Bronx and we would drink them. 193 00:10:14,639 --> 00:10:17,159 And that was the first time I got buzzed, was 194 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,679 with my cousins and my one cousin, so I was 195 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,679 probably about thirteen or something. And then my younger cousin, Danny, 196 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,399 he was he was only like eleven, and so he 197 00:10:29,799 --> 00:10:32,519 was trying to keep up with us, and he went 198 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:38,320 into my grandparents' bedroom and it was winter, it was Christmas, 199 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,720 so everybody had their coats on the bed, and he 200 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:46,039 vomited all over everybody's coats. Like red wine, vomit. 201 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, did you get it? 202 00:10:51,879 --> 00:10:55,399 Speaker 3: No, we fucking sold him out. It was Danny. Danny 203 00:10:55,519 --> 00:10:59,279 did it. It was pretty obvious. He was like he 204 00:10:59,399 --> 00:10:59,919 was a mess. 205 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,799 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. So then what happened? Where did it go 206 00:11:02,799 --> 00:11:03,279 from there? 207 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,159 Speaker 3: Well? And then when I was a teenager, like when 208 00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,120 I was probably like yeah, it was in the like 209 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,039 seventh grade, So I was, you know, twelve, thirteen years old, 210 00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:15,360 and I ran with a bunch of crazy kids. Everybody 211 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,519 had older brothers, everybody had parents that were checked out. 212 00:11:18,799 --> 00:11:20,960 Like I looked back on it, and I realized, like 213 00:11:21,799 --> 00:11:24,960 most of my friend's parents were alcoholics or drug addicts 214 00:11:25,279 --> 00:11:28,120 and they just were not paying attention. And so we 215 00:11:28,399 --> 00:11:32,720 didn't have curfews, and we had access to oldest siblings 216 00:11:32,799 --> 00:11:35,840 pot and they would buy drinks for us. They buy 217 00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:40,120 beer for us. We would get mescalin and mushrooms and acid. 218 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,480 When we were like really like thirteen, fourteen years old, 219 00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:49,279 and so I can remember like being behind the bleachers 220 00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:52,759 at a high school football game and we found a 221 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,559 six pack somebody had like left it back there, and 222 00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:00,000 I remember drinking like like I remember drinking like I said, 223 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,200 slug of it, and my whole body got warm and 224 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:08,240 it tingled, and it made me feel like, oh I 225 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,399 like this, Like I almost had a feeling like this 226 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,440 is going to be a big part of my life, 227 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:19,039 you know, And I just always I just love drinking, 228 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,159 you know, Which is I think I I think I 229 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,320 had undiagnosed social answery. I'm a comedians, so nobody thinks 230 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,919 I have it, But it's really when I when I 231 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,639 do comedy or podcast, like I get up for it, 232 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,879 like I'm ready for it, and I do it. But 233 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,559 when I'm not ready for it, it's very overwhelming to me. 234 00:12:36,759 --> 00:12:39,360 And I think drinking took the edge off. It made 235 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:44,240 me funnier, less inhibited, more emotional, and so it was 236 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:48,080 kind of a perfect fit until it wasn't. 237 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,519 Speaker 2: And how did that go? I mean, how did it? 238 00:12:50,799 --> 00:12:53,200 Speaker 1: Did you have any consequences of your drinking in high 239 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,080 school or was it just all fun? Because all because 240 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,200 my experience in high school was that all of my 241 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,240 friends drank the way I drank, but my I couldn't 242 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:06,600 understand why I seemed to get the drunkest or why 243 00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:09,440 I had horrible hangovers, and why everybody else was like 244 00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:11,799 fine the next day and I was throwing up the 245 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,639 entire next day, And it was kind of an internal 246 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,759 battle of like why, like why does it affect me 247 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,000 this way? It never occurred to me like, oh, I 248 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,440 shouldn't be drinking I'm an alcoholic, because I didn't see 249 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,879 it in any of my family Jewish family, very controlled 250 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:32,200 people too. Yeah, And so I felt I was definitely 251 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,159 already the odd one out. So I was doing a 252 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,720 lot of hiding. And but all my friends drank. 253 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think when all your friends are drinking, especially 254 00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:42,360 like at the time when we grew up, like you 255 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,480 were a little younger than me, but like it's it 256 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:47,480 was a time where alcoholism wasn't discussed as a disease. 257 00:13:47,519 --> 00:13:50,000 It was just like kind of a it was just like, 258 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,720 like you said, the context of it was everybody's drinking, 259 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,919 So who's going to think that they alone have a problem, right, 260 00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:58,159 And so I didn't know what an alcoholism was till 261 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,799 I was in college, and then I started going to 262 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,879 alan On meetings when I realized, you know, how bad 263 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,600 my my father's drinking was and how it affected me, 264 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,679 and then that that led me to quit drinking myself. 265 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,799 But I had, Yeah, I got arrested a lot. I 266 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,200 spent three different weekends in jail for fighting in bars. 267 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 2: Wow. 268 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,519 Speaker 3: And I got a lot of j D cards as 269 00:14:21,559 --> 00:14:26,759 a kid for vandalism and breaking into a car and uh, 270 00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:31,200 just a lot of drunken behavior. And I got into 271 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,320 a lot of fights. That was my thing. I would 272 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,960 lose my temper and I was not a big guy, 273 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:41,039 so uh it didn't always end well. And uh but 274 00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:44,480 I think I the time that when I finally quit, 275 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,159 I wanted to quit all. You know, all through college 276 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,720 I knew I had a problem, and like you said, 277 00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:53,919 like I was the one with the bigger hangover. I 278 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,679 was the one that was throwing up and making a 279 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,679 scene and getting us all kicked out of a bar. 280 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:03,240 But it wasn't until I started doing stand up comedy, 281 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,440 which was in college, and when I graduated college, I 282 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,000 really was going at it full on. It was all 283 00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:14,600 I was doing. And I got drunk on stage one 284 00:15:14,679 --> 00:15:18,720 night and I bombed and I got off stage and 285 00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:21,639 I felt like such a loser. And I was so 286 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,320 ashamed because I had been mediocre my whole life. I 287 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,960 was a bad student, I wasn't a great I played sports, 288 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,039 but I was never a great athlete. I was not 289 00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:33,600 great with girls, and then stand up. I felt like, wow, 290 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,679 I'm really good at this, Like I think this is 291 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,799 something that I can pursue, you know. And then when 292 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,480 I found my drinking was interfering with that, I felt like, oh, well, 293 00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:48,120 this that's not going to happen. Like I kind of 294 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,639 had what they call a shallow bottom, like I didn't 295 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,759 you know, I did. I did total a car drunk, 296 00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:59,080 but I never you know, and I never like things 297 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,840 didn't get that bad for me to want to quit. 298 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,720 I didn't want to end up like my dad pretty much. 299 00:16:05,919 --> 00:16:09,639 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that, you know, we're all so obsessed. 300 00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:13,360 I'll speak for myself. I was very obsessed when I 301 00:16:13,399 --> 00:16:15,960 stopped drinking with how high my bottom was, you know, 302 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:20,399 I'm so functional for me. I drove drunk with my 303 00:16:20,519 --> 00:16:21,519 kids in the car. 304 00:16:21,639 --> 00:16:27,039 Speaker 2: And oh but nothing happened. I came home, I pulled 305 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,000 into my driveway. 306 00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: I didn't think I was drunk, because that was my thing, 307 00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:32,360 was just I never thought I was drunk. So if 308 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,879 anybody was like, are you okay? Are you okay to drive? 309 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,799 I'd be like, yeah, obviously, or why would I be driving? 310 00:16:38,879 --> 00:16:42,399 I feel I always felt I always felt fine the night, 311 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,399 and it wasn't until the next day, and and that 312 00:16:45,519 --> 00:16:47,720 this was the same case for me. The next day, 313 00:16:47,759 --> 00:16:51,600 I woke up with a brutal hangover, and my husband 314 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,000 had had accused me of being drunk the night before. 315 00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:59,399 And when I woke up, knowing that he'd been right, 316 00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:02,080 even though in the moment I'd been defensive about it, 317 00:17:02,279 --> 00:17:06,359 I was like, yeah, oh, and I quit drinking. 318 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 2: That was the last time I drank. 319 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:09,039 Speaker 3: That was long ago. 320 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 2: That was almost sixteen years ago. I was damn but 321 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,519 I was forty two. 322 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,599 Speaker 1: I'd done a lot of drinking in my day. So 323 00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:20,880 but my point is I really thought of myself as 324 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,279 very functioning, very high bottom for a long time. I 325 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,640 was like, but my life was fine. I was very functional. 326 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,640 But it's funny when you think about it and to 327 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:35,039 hear you say shallow bottom. But I totalled a car. Well, like, 328 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:37,519 you could have killed somebody totally a car drunk, right, 329 00:17:38,079 --> 00:17:40,400 then would you have said, oh, I had a really 330 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:44,839 high bottom. No, then you would have been like, walk 331 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,440 like this is what happened. But it's interesting because I 332 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,400 feel like that's our brains trying to go. 333 00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 2: It wasn't that bad, Like. 334 00:17:52,319 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: Right, we're doing hero shit by being sober when like 335 00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:58,279 it it probably wasn't that bad. 336 00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:58,839 Speaker 3: You weren't. 337 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: You didn't get like years in jail that you were arrested. 338 00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:05,279 I guess what I'm saying is you still did the 339 00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,720 right thing. I think we did the right thing. 340 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we did. Yet it's not about. 341 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,039 Speaker 2: Probably wasn't going in a good direction, right. 342 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. It was like like I was with 343 00:18:17,039 --> 00:18:19,519 the craziest kids, but I was the least crazy of 344 00:18:19,559 --> 00:18:24,079 the crazy kids. I got caught less, I think had 345 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:30,720 I had much more awareness of not failing, you know, 346 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,440 Like and I did fail on some degrees, Like I 347 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,519 did really bad in school, but I managed to get 348 00:18:36,519 --> 00:18:39,480 into college, you know. And I took a year off 349 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,480 after high school and I backpacked around Europe by myself, 350 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,240 and I did a lot of things that really pushed 351 00:18:46,279 --> 00:18:48,640 the boundaries of what a kid would normally do at 352 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,960 my age. And I did stand up in high school 353 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,640 a little bit. And I wrote a novel when I 354 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:58,039 was about eighteen years old, and I read there was 355 00:18:58,079 --> 00:19:01,119 something inside of me that drove me to want to 356 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:06,440 have a special life. And I think that drinking was 357 00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:09,880 becoming a cycle of failure for me. It was like 358 00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:13,720 waking up with the hangovers, wasting a day, ruining a 359 00:19:13,759 --> 00:19:18,279 relationship with somebody. I don't know that I ever lost 360 00:19:18,279 --> 00:19:21,839 a job drinking necessarily, but you know, it felt like 361 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,759 when when it affected stand up comedy, that was when 362 00:19:27,039 --> 00:19:29,920 I said, well, I just can't have this. I can't. 363 00:19:30,279 --> 00:19:37,319 I saw my dad's isolation and sadness and shame from drinking, 364 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,759 and I thought, that's what's going to happen, that's what's 365 00:19:40,759 --> 00:19:46,079 gonna end up being. And so I think I had 366 00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:50,400 the presence in that moment too. And I and I'm 367 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,599 not a program guy, like I did go to Alan 368 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,759 and I did go to a for a while, but 369 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,880 I wish I had the grace of somebody that really 370 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,200 worked the steps and the piece of it and the 371 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,920 you know and the and I think for me it's 372 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,039 a little bit more white knuckle. It was a little 373 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,759 bit more like, you know, you tough it out, just 374 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,240 turn off the switch, don't do it. And I think 375 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,240 that that's made me a little more of a wound 376 00:20:15,279 --> 00:20:17,319 up person in life than I would be if I had. 377 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,480 I mean, the steps are incredible. It's just like it's 378 00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:25,359 like every Eastern philosophy and all mixed up into one 379 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,680 about letting go and higher powers and stuff that can 380 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,759 really free you in your life and and make your 381 00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:36,519 motivation and life more about more aspirational and less fear based. 382 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 2: But you don't want to do that. You don't want 383 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,559 to do it, though, I. 384 00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 3: Know, why did I do it? 385 00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:47,279 Speaker 1: Do you feel like because do you feel like, well, 386 00:20:47,319 --> 00:20:50,359 first of all, I think you're a comedian and we're 387 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,759 all a bit rebellious, right, And do you feel like 388 00:20:52,759 --> 00:20:56,119 there's something about program that's all or nothing, that's like 389 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,319 you got to do it this way, you have to 390 00:20:58,319 --> 00:21:01,559 have a sponsor, you have to do work, and you're 391 00:21:01,599 --> 00:21:02,240 not interested. 392 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:07,440 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I guess I feel like I like to 393 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,400 live life on my own terms. And you're right, it's 394 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:16,799 a lot of turning over your cognitive process to an 395 00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:21,960 outside paradigm, you know, And I don't. I don't know 396 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,920 that i'd fit into that. Alan On was such a 397 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,599 good fit. The first time I went to an alan 398 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,680 On meeting, I sat down, somebody brought me and a 399 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,920 woman got up and she was a you know, older woman. 400 00:21:33,319 --> 00:21:38,720 I was, you know, twenty one, she was probably sixty, 401 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,799 and she was overweight, and she was into arts and 402 00:21:41,839 --> 00:21:46,640 crafts and she spoke about alcoholism with her parents and 403 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:52,440 I started bawling. I just like it made me feel 404 00:21:52,759 --> 00:21:57,000 like I could understand so many of my feelings about 405 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,960 myself and that it was universal and that I was 406 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,200 in a place where you could be safe to talk 407 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,240 about these things. And I just went all the ties 408 00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:09,640 to go to three meetings a week for years, and 409 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,599 so I really was exposed to the steps and and 410 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,960 they're the exact same twelve steps as for you know, 411 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,119 whether it's narcotics, anonymous or you know, over readers or not, 412 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,079 Like it's all the same twelve steps. And I went 413 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,400 to a lot of therapy. I sort of feel like 414 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,680 I used therapy to get sober more so than the program. 415 00:22:31,079 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: I want to hear more about that because I feel 416 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,559 like for myself, I've been to a lot of therapy 417 00:22:37,599 --> 00:22:41,559 as well, but I always found that therapists do a 418 00:22:41,559 --> 00:22:43,640 lot of gassing you up and you know, it's not 419 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,640 your fault and all that. And for me, the difference 420 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:51,440 with the program was, oh, it's so interesting that I 421 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,880 do have a part in things, and a lot of 422 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,920 the ways that I behave are not conducive to like 423 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,039 good relationships with people, and a lot of you know, 424 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,920 and I'm just speaking for myself. I do not like 425 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:09,079 to be criticized. I don't like constructive criticism. Even I 426 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:12,440 don't like to be told any there's any room for improvement. 427 00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:14,559 If I could have my way, I would just it 428 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:17,680 would be all validation all the time. And obviously that's 429 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,039 not the real world. But when you go to therapy, 430 00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:23,279 I feel like my therapist would always be like, you're 431 00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:27,839 absolutely right, you were traumatized this and in the program 432 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,960 people would say, okay, yeah, that sounds hard, but like, 433 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,279 what have what could you have done different? Or was 434 00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:37,160 your ego involved in this? And the first time a 435 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,880 person who cared for me and was a nice person 436 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,319 and wasn't you know, a boss trying to talk to 437 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:49,119 me told me about some of my character problems was 438 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,319 really eye opening and great. 439 00:23:51,839 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you. 440 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,799 Speaker 1: Mean I could change the way I behave and feel 441 00:23:56,799 --> 00:23:59,039 better and I don't have to always figure out a 442 00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:01,279 way to deflect. So I want to hear, but I 443 00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:03,640 would love to hear about how therapy helped you in 444 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:04,000 that way. 445 00:24:07,039 --> 00:24:10,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I had. I think probably my first 446 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:15,759 therapist was much more that I think he was supportive, 447 00:24:15,799 --> 00:24:18,160 would be a nice way to say it, but not 448 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,599 not very confrontational. And I think for me, it was 449 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,839 just the ability to talk, you know, coming from a 450 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,680 family where we just didn't talk about emotions, We didn't 451 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,480 acknowledge my father's drinking. We we were you know, there 452 00:24:31,519 --> 00:24:34,640 was physical abuse in the house. And so I talked 453 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,119 about this stuff at first, and the therapist would be like, 454 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,039 like he couldn't believe some of the stuff I was 455 00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:43,200 telling him, Like he just was like, right, this is serious, 456 00:24:43,279 --> 00:24:45,480 like this is these are things that you you know, 457 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:50,000 need to deal with and uh. And so I think 458 00:24:50,039 --> 00:24:52,799 that that's what I needed at that stage. And then 459 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:57,119 later on I found therapists that were more into cognitive 460 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:02,799 behavioral therapy, which was just more about checking your thoughts 461 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:07,279 and challenging the reality of your thoughts and not accepting 462 00:25:07,319 --> 00:25:10,519 that your thoughts are the truth. And so that really 463 00:25:10,519 --> 00:25:12,200 worked for me because that was something you could pull 464 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,599 out a pen and paper and you know, there's a 465 00:25:14,599 --> 00:25:19,440 book that that has a list of twelve different cognitive 466 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,480 distortions and you can check your thoughts against each one 467 00:25:24,519 --> 00:25:27,279 of those and and it allows you to step back 468 00:25:27,319 --> 00:25:30,960 and go like, oh, yeah, this is you know, this 469 00:25:31,039 --> 00:25:36,640 is this is a clouded thinking. But I think you're right. 470 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:41,240 I think the program is much more about taking your inventory, 471 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:47,079 making amends, you know, doing things that put the onus 472 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:51,640 on you, and uh, you know, I think that some 473 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:57,839 people talk about the Christianity or I think specifically Catholicism 474 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,000 with AA and how there's that of shame and guilt 475 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,160 that's wrapped into it a little bit more like the 476 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,079 religion is, and that some people have a hard time 477 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:11,279 with that because that's how they that's how they experience it. 478 00:26:12,759 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: I mean my beginnings with the program with twelve steps, 479 00:26:18,839 --> 00:26:21,599 it was hard. It was a hard pill to swallow, 480 00:26:21,599 --> 00:26:24,079 and I felt really uncomfortable hearing. I grew up my 481 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,640 mother was an atheist, you know. I would ask her 482 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,519 about God and she would just say, there's no such 483 00:26:28,559 --> 00:26:32,559 thing and kind of felt embarrassed to even want to 484 00:26:32,599 --> 00:26:35,759 believe in something bigger than ourselves. And I would say, like, 485 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,759 how did this all get created? 486 00:26:37,799 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 3: You know? 487 00:26:38,039 --> 00:26:42,079 Speaker 1: And she'd say, it's just science, you know, whatever Big 488 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,680 Bang theory, you know, and that was it. She did 489 00:26:44,799 --> 00:26:47,000 not want to engage in any conversation. The whole thing 490 00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:50,319 was silly to her. And I had a lot of 491 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,119 trouble going to meetings where people were like, well, just 492 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,480 give give it over to God. I was like, well, 493 00:26:55,559 --> 00:26:59,519 if there isn't a God, then that's kind of silly. 494 00:26:58,920 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 2: To just give it. 495 00:27:00,839 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 3: What did God become to you? What did you have 496 00:27:02,799 --> 00:27:03,759 to create? Well? 497 00:27:03,799 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 1: I had a similar experience to you where I just 498 00:27:07,319 --> 00:27:11,200 really liked meetings because I, for the very first time ever, 499 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,440 I was hearing people say thoughts that I'd had in 500 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,519 my head that I always thought, I'm the only person 501 00:27:17,559 --> 00:27:20,799 who thinks this way. I'm the only person who's engaging 502 00:27:20,799 --> 00:27:24,200 in this behavior that I can't stop doing that I 503 00:27:24,319 --> 00:27:30,400 rationalize that is dark, and I feel awful about myself. 504 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,119 I mean, the first time I talked about driving drunk 505 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,799 with my kids in the car, somebody came up and 506 00:27:34,839 --> 00:27:35,279 they were like. 507 00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: Oh, honey, we've all done it. You know I did. 508 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,839 Speaker 1: I had somebody tell me I breastfed drunk and had 509 00:27:43,839 --> 00:27:45,359 to take my baby to the hospital. 510 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 2: It was but it was hearing that kind of. 511 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:52,559 Speaker 1: Thing from a really normal looking person that made me go, oh, 512 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:58,400 that's this, this is here. It was very very comforting, 513 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,599 and it gave me a lot of hoe hope and 514 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,920 I and they say in this program, you know, take 515 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,440 what you need and leave the rest so I and 516 00:28:06,559 --> 00:28:09,359 all you need is a desire to stop drinking. So 517 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,920 for me, I was like, well, I want to stop drinking. 518 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,400 And I always wanted to not drink more than I 519 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,720 wanted to drink a little, even if it was just 520 00:28:17,759 --> 00:28:21,039 a little bit. So I was willing to go like, Okay, 521 00:28:21,039 --> 00:28:23,119 there's a lot of things about this that suck and 522 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,440 are ridiculous and I don't agree with yeah, but I don't. 523 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 2: Have to do any of them, right right, that's. 524 00:28:29,519 --> 00:28:31,799 Speaker 3: The thing you could take. If you could take seventy 525 00:28:31,839 --> 00:28:35,279 percent out of it, You've got a lot of really 526 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:42,200 like deconstructing your life and having the seeing the universality 527 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,960 of it and understanding it's not just you that's so 528 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,640 powerful that weight that comes up. So wait, you did 529 00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:51,920 tell me about your higher power then, So for. 530 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 2: Me, it was just it was connection to me. 531 00:28:58,119 --> 00:29:00,599 Speaker 1: It was like, oh, sometimes I feel it and sometimes 532 00:29:00,599 --> 00:29:03,240 I don't. It wasn't really a higher power that I 533 00:29:03,279 --> 00:29:07,680 could define. It was the group. It was honestly, kind 534 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,279 of this sounds so corny and you can tell that 535 00:29:10,319 --> 00:29:12,799 I'm not this person, but it was kind of love. 536 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,880 It was like, oh, in this group, they don't want 537 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,720 your money. They don't want anything you from you, They 538 00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:20,920 just want to help you. And I found such a 539 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,319 power in that and such I just embraced it and 540 00:29:24,359 --> 00:29:26,440 I was like, that's my higher power is being able 541 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,200 to just what because I was suffering at the beginning. 542 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,200 I hear a lot of people they quit drinking, and 543 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,359 I want to hear how it was for you. But 544 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,160 a lot of people quit drinking and they're like, I 545 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,000 feel great, no desire, it's been lifted. 546 00:29:38,039 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 2: And I was like, fuck that. 547 00:29:39,599 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: I want to drink every single night, put the kids 548 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,559 to bed. All I want to do is like have 549 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,599 four glasses of wine and shut off the noise in 550 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:48,960 my head. 551 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 2: And when that was taken away from me, it was 552 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,759 really hard. And what helped me I was. 553 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 1: Calling people and having somebody go, I totally get it, 554 00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:58,599 It's going to be. 555 00:29:58,559 --> 00:30:03,200 Speaker 3: Okay, right, right right. And also I think it is difficult. 556 00:30:03,279 --> 00:30:07,279 I mean for some people, like for me, my instinct, 557 00:30:07,359 --> 00:30:11,079 my default setting when I feel like that is to 558 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:16,599 go inward and to disconnect, and that changing that dynamic 559 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,319 to where you actually pick up the phone and engage 560 00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:23,119 in a conversation you don't want to have, like because 561 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,240 you do feel like nobody's going to get how I 562 00:30:25,279 --> 00:30:28,400 feel right now, and I'm not in my mindset to share. 563 00:30:28,519 --> 00:30:32,400 I don't want to do too much energy. But when 564 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,640 you can change that and realize that every time you 565 00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:38,480 do it, you feel better, there's never a time where 566 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,759 you reach out and you have a conversation that you 567 00:30:40,759 --> 00:30:43,759 don't walk away from it going like, wow, I all 568 00:30:43,799 --> 00:30:46,000 my problems are a lot smaller than they were before 569 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:46,960 I picked up the phone. 570 00:30:47,759 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 1: So let me ask you this. You quit drinking. You 571 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,599 did it a little bit with the program at the beginning. 572 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then a lot with the literature. Okay, Yeah, 573 00:30:58,359 --> 00:31:00,519 I read the One Day at a Time book every day, 574 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:04,519 you know, and uh and that always helped me. It 575 00:31:04,559 --> 00:31:06,519 always he always seemed to be a thought that I 576 00:31:06,559 --> 00:31:10,680 needed at that time, and that was very helpful. But yeah, 577 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,039 I think it was a lot of therapy. But you 578 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:13,519 must have. 579 00:31:13,559 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: Felt like at some point you weren't white knuckling it anymore, 580 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,119 that you just got used to not drinking. 581 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,359 Speaker 3: No, I wanted I wanted to have a drink. Last night, 582 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,440 everybody in my family was drinking bottles of wine. We 583 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,920 had people over, and uh no, it never went away. 584 00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:30,279 I still feel it. 585 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,079 Speaker 1: So when that the night you told me that you 586 00:31:32,759 --> 00:31:35,680 besides one night when you drank, What was that like? 587 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 3: What was the one night like? Yeah, well it was 588 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,799 a very dear friend of mine. Do you remember Kevin Meani, 589 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,640 the comedian. Of course, So Kevin was one of my 590 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,000 dearest friends. We grew up next to each other, and 591 00:31:49,039 --> 00:31:50,880 he was like a ment He was about ten years older, 592 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,519 and he was a real mentor to me. And then 593 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,880 he became like one of my closest friends and so 594 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,559 and I went through everything in his life with him. 595 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,279 You know. He he married my next door neighbor who 596 00:32:02,319 --> 00:32:05,799 was my babysitter, and I was in his wedding party. 597 00:32:05,839 --> 00:32:08,839 He was in my wedding party. He talked to me 598 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,720 about how to tell his wife that he was coming 599 00:32:11,759 --> 00:32:14,759 out of the closet, and I helped walk him through 600 00:32:14,799 --> 00:32:17,559 that before he did it. And then in the aftermath, 601 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:23,000 and his daughter is my god daughter. And so he 602 00:32:23,119 --> 00:32:26,640 died and I spoke, I gave the eulogy at the funeral, 603 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,200 and then every it was all these comedians and family, 604 00:32:31,799 --> 00:32:36,079 very irish, and everybody was getting bombed. And I stayed 605 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:39,400 at my sister's house in New York and they had 606 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,559 me staying in the Bonus room, which has a bar 607 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,240 in it, and I just went over and I got 608 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:49,440 a bottle of Shivas off the shelf and I had 609 00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:53,440 like three big swigs of Shivas and I got buzzed, 610 00:32:54,759 --> 00:32:57,160 and then I went to sleep. And I woke up 611 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,359 the next day and I was like, what, Like, I 612 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,440 couldn't even understand how it happened. It wasn't even like 613 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,759 it wasn't even like I battled with should I shouldn't. 614 00:33:07,759 --> 00:33:10,440 I I just picked it up and started drinking. It 615 00:33:10,599 --> 00:33:16,799 just felt just felt like normal, and uh, and I 616 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,000 never did again. I woke up and I was like 617 00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:21,200 a little hungover. I was very scared that people were 618 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,720 gonna smell the alcohol, and because you know how when 619 00:33:23,759 --> 00:33:26,240 somebody was drinking you can smell it in the room. 620 00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:31,920 And I didn't tell anybody about it for years. It 621 00:33:32,079 --> 00:33:35,119 just was this thing that happened one night, you know. 622 00:33:37,279 --> 00:33:39,920 Speaker 1: And I'm just surprised that you didn't just go back 623 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,440 to drinking, because like, what was stopping you? 624 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 3: Well, especially as a comedian, I go on the road 625 00:33:45,559 --> 00:33:48,599 and it's you know, I'm staying at night alone in 626 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,759 a hotel, I'm working in a place that serves alcohol. 627 00:33:52,119 --> 00:33:55,000 I'm in a hotel that has a mini bar. I 628 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,079 usually when I check into a hotel, I asked him 629 00:33:57,079 --> 00:33:59,319 to take the alcohol out of the room. Really, send 630 00:33:59,359 --> 00:34:00,359 somebody up and take it out. 631 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and do they? Yeah, And that helps you. 632 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,719 Speaker 3: I Mean, all I know is the one time I drank, 633 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,360 I was alone in the room with booze, and that's 634 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,639 what happened. And that's maybe how tentative it is. You know. 635 00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:19,000 It's not like you know, my Sometimes my wife goes 636 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,440 away and the kids are away and I'm alone in 637 00:34:21,519 --> 00:34:23,159 the house and there is booze in the house, and 638 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,519 I think somehow, because it's my own house, maybe I 639 00:34:26,559 --> 00:34:29,079 feel more comfortable and I feel a little bit more vulnerable. 640 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,280 When I'm on the road, I feel lonely, I feel sad. 641 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,400 I don't like being on the road that much. And 642 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,960 so I think that, yeah, I'm more comfortable without having 643 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,039 it in the room. 644 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,280 Speaker 1: I think that's so great that you know that about 645 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,079 yourself and you take those steps to protect yourself. 646 00:34:46,039 --> 00:34:48,639 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's really hard. 647 00:34:49,079 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 1: I mean, we live in a society. There's just so 648 00:34:51,119 --> 00:34:53,559 much alcohol around and it means a lot of things 649 00:34:53,599 --> 00:34:56,320 to a lot of people. It's not just something we 650 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,920 do just to self medicate, you know, I think that's 651 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,679 a fallacy. Thing we do to celebrate, it's something we 652 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,360 do to socialize. It's something we do, you know, when 653 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,239 we wake up in the morning. No, I'm just kidding, 654 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:07,159 but you know, I. 655 00:35:07,119 --> 00:35:11,280 Speaker 3: Mean it's something that lets us feel feelings and express 656 00:35:11,639 --> 00:35:14,599 love for people. I mean a lot of people only 657 00:35:14,639 --> 00:35:18,320 express love to each other when they're buzzed, you know, 658 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,840 and you don't, and you hug your friends and you 659 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,360 hold your friend's hand, and you know, you do things 660 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:30,000 that that you're afraid to do without you know, being lubricated. Right. 661 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,480 Speaker 1: I'm also curious just you know, I don't want to 662 00:35:33,559 --> 00:35:35,599 keep you forever in this in this interview, but. 663 00:35:37,039 --> 00:35:39,039 Speaker 2: How old are your kids? They're old, they're in. 664 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,639 Speaker 3: College, twenty four and twenty one. 665 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,559 Speaker 1: Okay, So is your older one out of college already? 666 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:44,199 Speaker 3: Yeah? 667 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:49,039 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm so interested as a parent of teenagers, 668 00:35:49,079 --> 00:35:51,280 I have two seventeen year olds and then my older 669 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:56,320 one is twenty. How did you deal with the high 670 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,519 school years, the drinking years? Like, what did you tell 671 00:35:58,559 --> 00:36:02,360 your kids about Were you sober before you had your Yeah, 672 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:03,639 you obviously were already. 673 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,840 Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, yeah, my wife never knew me when 674 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:11,639 I was drinking. I don't know that I handled the great. 675 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:17,440 You know, I think we kinda kept them, maybe on 676 00:36:17,519 --> 00:36:20,679 a little bit of a loose leash in some ways. 677 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,519 I think we accepted that, you know, we live in Venice. 678 00:36:23,519 --> 00:36:27,360 They're going to a public public schools and there's alcohol around, 679 00:36:27,639 --> 00:36:31,079 and I think we tried to take the stigma out 680 00:36:31,079 --> 00:36:34,079 of it by letting them once they turned like sixteen, 681 00:36:34,119 --> 00:36:36,679 they could have a glass of wine once in a while. 682 00:36:40,119 --> 00:36:43,079 Neither one of them was a drunk in high school. 683 00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:47,199 They partied, you know, I think my son more so 684 00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,559 than my daughter, but I think the issue was more 685 00:36:49,679 --> 00:36:55,119 marijuana with both of them. And my daughter stopped completely 686 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,079 and my son still he has an addiction to this day. 687 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,119 And you know, it's it's something that I don't know 688 00:37:02,159 --> 00:37:05,159 how you deal with because kids today, they have vap pens, 689 00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:08,519 they have edibles. Every single kid has got it. They're 690 00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:12,360 doing it in school, and it's become so normalized that 691 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,039 you can't even talk to them about it and say, 692 00:37:16,079 --> 00:37:18,840 this is an issue. You know, this is affecting your brain, 693 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,679 this is affecting your emotional development, and you know, you 694 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,599 try to tell them to stop, and you really just 695 00:37:26,639 --> 00:37:28,920 realize like they're going to stop when they when they're 696 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,239 ready to. You know, you keep giving them the information, 697 00:37:32,079 --> 00:37:36,960 you keep you know, offering to support them in stopping 698 00:37:37,039 --> 00:37:39,480 or whatever. But you know, my daughter found it. My 699 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,480 son is still he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. 700 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:48,159 Speaker 1: Your son is the older one. Yeah, it's really hard. 701 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,880 I wonder why you think you didn't handle it well. 702 00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:53,719 Do you feel like keeping them on a shorter leash 703 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:57,440 would have prevented that. I'm the same as you. Yeah, 704 00:37:57,519 --> 00:38:02,039 I keep I don't want to be controlling of them. 705 00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:04,480 I feel like if I am controlling of it, it'll 706 00:38:04,519 --> 00:38:07,679 be worse or they won't talk to me right right, 707 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:08,119 you know. 708 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what I would have done better. 709 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,920 I really don't. I mean, I think that having a 710 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:16,599 father like I did, I was very vigilant to you know, 711 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,320 their their behavior. 712 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 2: Overly vigilant. Do you feel like you pay too much 713 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:28,800 attention to it? 714 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:38,159 Speaker 3: No, I just think that, Like, I don't know, I 715 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:44,320 just I feel like it's I think it's just really 716 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,639 hard these days. I just don't know. I don't know 717 00:38:47,679 --> 00:38:50,400 what the answer is, you know, I mean, your I 718 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:54,800 think that if you if you give them motivation for 719 00:38:56,199 --> 00:38:58,840 a direction in their life, I think it takes away that. 720 00:38:59,079 --> 00:39:01,480 I mean, for me, I because I found a direction, 721 00:39:01,599 --> 00:39:04,440 I found a passion, and the drinking was getting in 722 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,840 the way of that. And I think in the absence 723 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:13,519 of a goal, that stuff can uh become their whole life. 724 00:39:13,639 --> 00:39:13,880 You know. 725 00:39:17,599 --> 00:39:21,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, how open were you with them about your struggle 726 00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,119 with alcohol? 727 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:27,559 Speaker 3: Oh? Very very yeah, And about and about my grandfather, 728 00:39:27,639 --> 00:39:31,679 about their grandfather who they never met obviously, and and 729 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,079 other people in the family, and you know, and friends. 730 00:39:34,079 --> 00:39:36,719 We talked about friends that have issues, and so no, 731 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,599 they're I think they're very aware of it. But I 732 00:39:38,639 --> 00:39:42,159 think there's this certain amount of you know, there's this 733 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:46,239 anti establishment stance that teenagers all have about well, good 734 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,320 pot is actually good for you in this way, in 735 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,239 this way because they listen to podcasters talk about and 736 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,639 you know, legalizing pot to me was like, I don't 737 00:39:53,679 --> 00:39:55,280 know that that was a great thing. I think it 738 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,159 made it more accessible. I think you see a lot 739 00:39:58,199 --> 00:40:01,159 of the marketing on billboards and o there ways really 740 00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:07,159 towards kids. You know, all these vape pens and stuff 741 00:40:07,159 --> 00:40:11,880 they're you know, they're they're they're easily sold teenagers, And 742 00:40:12,639 --> 00:40:15,039 I think the whole mindset of legalizing it says there's 743 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:18,280 nothing wrong with this, but there really is. And I think, 744 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:22,800 you know, look, do we want prohibition against it? I 745 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:26,440 don't know. I don't know. I just think, you know, 746 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,719 when you look at it, alcohol is probably physically worse 747 00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:33,199 for you. I think there's more traffic accidents. I think 748 00:40:33,199 --> 00:40:36,039 there's more domestic violence. I think there's a lot of 749 00:40:36,079 --> 00:40:43,159 reasons why alcohol is worse for you than pot. So 750 00:40:43,199 --> 00:40:47,920 do we do we you know, have prohibition again. I mean, 751 00:40:48,119 --> 00:40:50,760 if you're gonna if you're gonna keep booze legal, you 752 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,800 kind of have to keep pot legal. But I just 753 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,400 saw the effect it had on youth in this country. 754 00:40:57,519 --> 00:40:59,920 I mean, if you look at the statistics, there is 755 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:04,639 so much more hot use among teenagers now than there 756 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,360 was five ten years ago before it was legal. And 757 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,199 I think it's there's studies about what it does. The 758 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:15,920 prefrontal cortex stops developing, and it can have long term effects. Yeah. 759 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,360 Speaker 1: And I've also always heard that sort of the younger 760 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,199 you start with any of these substances, the more likely 761 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:23,639 it is that you become dependent. 762 00:41:24,599 --> 00:41:24,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. 763 00:41:25,519 --> 00:41:29,599 Speaker 1: I mean I also started drinking pretty young. Fourteen, and yeah, 764 00:41:30,079 --> 00:41:32,599 seemed normal to me freshman in high school. And I 765 00:41:32,639 --> 00:41:36,320 was a young young freshman, so and I definitely think that, 766 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,960 you know, I was much older. I was already sober 767 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,880 when I found out that blacking out because of alcohol 768 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:44,679 is not normal. 769 00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,159 Speaker 2: Like I just thought, that's just what happens. 770 00:41:47,199 --> 00:41:52,639 Speaker 1: It's it's chemistry, right, like alcohol, your brain, like memories erased. 771 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,760 Speaker 2: I did not think anything of it. 772 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,079 Speaker 1: I was a pretty regular blackout drinker, like where I 773 00:41:59,159 --> 00:42:02,320 just like, no clue what happened the night before, have 774 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,840 to piece it together, call a friend, what did I do? 775 00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:07,039 Speaker 2: Yeah? 776 00:42:07,079 --> 00:42:09,280 Speaker 3: And I didn't know that was your friend's look after you. 777 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,079 Speaker 2: I yeah, I guess. 778 00:42:12,119 --> 00:42:14,719 Speaker 1: So I felt like we were all kind of doing that. 779 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,079 But I was always surprised when my friends remembered. I 780 00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:21,559 don't think I ever did anything crazy when I was drunk. 781 00:42:21,679 --> 00:42:24,800 So it wasn't like it wasn't like they were like, 782 00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,239 oh my god, Stephanie, you were dancing on the bar, 783 00:42:27,639 --> 00:42:29,639 you took off all your clothes. It wasn't like that. 784 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:31,840 It was like I was still acting like me. So 785 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:34,679 I don't think anybody thought, oh God, there's Stephanie blackout 786 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:35,280 drunk again. 787 00:42:36,199 --> 00:42:36,960 Speaker 3: It's just I wouldn't. 788 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,960 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have memories, right, not every time. 789 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:46,079 Speaker 1: I drank, but but not not that infrequently. I have 790 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:51,400 like one more question, which is, so you didn't totally 791 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,599 change your personality. You just learned to live without alcohol. 792 00:42:55,039 --> 00:42:57,079 And I'm so curious because I think you and I 793 00:42:57,119 --> 00:43:00,639 have maybe this in common. But how did you deal 794 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:04,280 without having something to like take the edge off when 795 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,159 you were working in jobs like writing jobs, I know 796 00:43:07,199 --> 00:43:10,360 you did quite a few, like TV writing jobs, producer jobs. 797 00:43:10,599 --> 00:43:13,480 How did you deal with stuff like shitty bosses or 798 00:43:13,519 --> 00:43:16,960 situations or like workplace stuff or just people telling you 799 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:21,960 what to do and keep your temper under controller not 800 00:43:22,159 --> 00:43:23,320 self sabotage. 801 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, well I didn't know he's doing good. I mean 802 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,480 I was fired a few times with jobs because I 803 00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:34,599 had problems with authority, you know. I mean like literally 804 00:43:34,639 --> 00:43:37,639 one job day one the first day of the job, 805 00:43:38,079 --> 00:43:40,840 the head writer said something stupid and I called him 806 00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,639 on it, and he fucking he kept me. I mean 807 00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:47,320 it's a thirteen week contract, but he tortured me for 808 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:51,880 thirteen weeks. And you know, I think it was like 809 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,519 I learned as I went how to deal with that better. 810 00:43:57,079 --> 00:44:01,880 I worked for Allen degenerous, and she was a very domineering, controlling, 811 00:44:02,159 --> 00:44:05,320 angry person and I had to deal with that. Yeah, 812 00:44:06,079 --> 00:44:08,159 so I had to deal with that on a daily basis, 813 00:44:08,159 --> 00:44:12,159 and I think that was humbling for me, maybe in 814 00:44:12,199 --> 00:44:14,320 an unhealthy way. I think I put up with more 815 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,119 shit than I should have, just to almost prove it 816 00:44:17,159 --> 00:44:20,079 to myself that I could. I thought of it as like, 817 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:22,280 you know, you got a man up, you got to 818 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,519 be a pro, you got to handle this bad book. 819 00:44:24,679 --> 00:44:28,360 Not had bad bosses before, but this was another level 820 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:31,320 because it was a daily show. And when you have 821 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,000 a daily show, you show up to the blank slate 822 00:44:34,079 --> 00:44:40,320 in the morning and by five o'clock you have written, produced, cast, costume, directed, 823 00:44:41,199 --> 00:44:44,000 you know, an hour of TV. It's a lot of 824 00:44:44,079 --> 00:44:46,400 work and you've got one hundred people that are coordinating. 825 00:44:46,679 --> 00:44:48,639 So it's a lot of pressure for you know, five 826 00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:49,280 days a week. 827 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,320 Speaker 1: So what would you do in the evening? How did 828 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,119 you unwind? How did you how did you knock get 829 00:44:55,119 --> 00:44:56,079 fired from that one? 830 00:44:56,679 --> 00:44:59,280 Speaker 3: You know what's funny is the drive to and from work. 831 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:03,239 I would listen Howard Stern and I would roll some 832 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,800 phone calls on the way home, and it was kind 833 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:10,119 of like an hour where I had kids at the time, 834 00:45:10,639 --> 00:45:12,159 so I had an hour before I had to go 835 00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,880 back into the insanity of having young kids as well. 836 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,039 And I think I really decompressed driving. I've always liked 837 00:45:19,079 --> 00:45:21,719 to drive, and I and I needed that time. I 838 00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:23,519 don't know what I would have done without that time, 839 00:45:23,599 --> 00:45:25,719 but it helped me. And I've always been good about 840 00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:29,519 reaching out when I'm stressed. Not when I'm sad, but 841 00:45:29,559 --> 00:45:31,679 when I'm stressed. I reach out to friends and I 842 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,920 talk and it lets off a lot of steam. 843 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,280 Speaker 2: It's almost like you're working a program. 844 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:38,559 Speaker 3: I know, and you know. 845 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,800 Speaker 2: I end you're reading literature. 846 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,960 Speaker 3: Right, I mean for your listeners that are programmed people, 847 00:45:45,199 --> 00:45:48,360 I probably they're probably shaking their heads about how many 848 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,159 things I do wrong. Not I guess your show is 849 00:45:51,159 --> 00:45:53,920 sort of looking at different people's versions of sobriety. 850 00:45:54,119 --> 00:45:57,039 Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to do here. Yeah, there's no judgment. 851 00:45:57,159 --> 00:45:59,599 I don't think I do. I am a program person. 852 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,159 I do not do it perfectly, and I am not 853 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:06,519 some like big book thumper that thinks that there are 854 00:46:06,599 --> 00:46:08,679 I have so many friends that I have friends that 855 00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:11,920 don't drink because they just decided one day to never 856 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,639 do it again, and they run marathons, and they different 857 00:46:15,679 --> 00:46:17,280 people do it different ways. 858 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,239 Speaker 3: Yeah. Stand up comedy has been a huge reason why 859 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:25,760 I don't drink. It's my it's a burst of energy. 860 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,760 It's a burst of mostly good feelings coming in and 861 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:35,079 positive reinforcement and creativity. It's very vulnerable. You make yourself 862 00:46:35,199 --> 00:46:38,920 vulnerable every night, and I think that probably I can 863 00:46:39,639 --> 00:46:43,239 that's as much to blame for me staying sober all 864 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:43,800 these years. 865 00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:48,440 Speaker 1: You did that show, the Would You Bang Him? Right 866 00:46:49,079 --> 00:46:53,519 in Hollywood for Bonnie Bonnie and Rich Oh right, right right, 867 00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:57,119 you are so funny. Oh my god, my stomach hurt 868 00:46:57,199 --> 00:46:59,559 laughing at that at the Kuckoo Burrow. 869 00:47:00,599 --> 00:47:03,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, right, right, right, remember shitting on Rich a lot. 870 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:07,679 Speaker 1: Ah, You're so funny on stage. Yeah, I'm so glad. 871 00:47:08,039 --> 00:47:10,000 I'm glad you quit drinking if it was going to 872 00:47:10,079 --> 00:47:11,320 interfere with stand. 873 00:47:11,039 --> 00:47:12,639 Speaker 3: Up Yeah, well, thank you. 874 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:13,440 Speaker 2: Do you still. 875 00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,719 Speaker 1: Remember the show that you bombed before you got sober? 876 00:47:17,119 --> 00:47:24,480 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah. It was December sixth, nineteen eighty nine, and 877 00:47:24,599 --> 00:47:27,519 it was a show at Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston, 878 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,079 and it was for it was raising money for the 879 00:47:31,159 --> 00:47:33,679 Children's Hospital, and it was a you know, around Christmas time. 880 00:47:34,159 --> 00:47:36,400 So they did a stand up comedy show at noon. 881 00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,559 This club that was it was owned by the Mob. 882 00:47:39,679 --> 00:47:42,039 It was all Mob guys running it, and it was 883 00:47:42,119 --> 00:47:44,559 all these guys would come in and they were construction 884 00:47:44,679 --> 00:47:47,599 workers from Southee and union guys. Was a very tough, 885 00:47:47,639 --> 00:47:50,159 blue collar crowd. And so they did a nude time 886 00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:54,559 show and the comedians would go on stage and in 887 00:47:54,599 --> 00:47:58,880 the audience they had strippers and hookers walking around topless 888 00:47:59,199 --> 00:48:02,320 with hats, collecting money. And they called the show Tits 889 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:06,239 for Tots. And I went up on stage and I 890 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:10,039 was drunk and I bombed, and I was sitting with 891 00:48:10,079 --> 00:48:11,920 a bunch of guys I knew that were from Sauthie 892 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,800 that I played on a hockey team with. And I 893 00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,440 came back to the table and none of them would 894 00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:19,599 look at me, and I felt like the biggest failure. 895 00:48:19,679 --> 00:48:22,360 I was so ashamed. And that was it. That's the 896 00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,360 last time I drank. 897 00:48:24,119 --> 00:48:27,480 Speaker 1: How did you make the connection to you being drunk 898 00:48:27,599 --> 00:48:30,800 and not just go well, these people are a tough crowd. 899 00:48:31,079 --> 00:48:33,920 Speaker 3: Because the other comedians were killing. 900 00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:39,920 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, wow, okay, Well good for you. 901 00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,559 Speaker 2: I'm so glad you left it behind. I thank you 902 00:48:42,639 --> 00:48:43,480 so much for. 903 00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,719 Speaker 1: Doing this and being vulnerable and telling me your story 904 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:52,039 and thank you and where Okay, so tell me all 905 00:48:52,079 --> 00:48:53,480 your things, plug all your stuff. 906 00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,119 Speaker 3: Oh well, I have a special at on YouTube that's 907 00:48:56,159 --> 00:48:58,599 called you Know Me that's got like a half a 908 00:48:58,639 --> 00:49:02,199 million views. Now I want to build on that. Yeah. 909 00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:05,880 And then we got fits Dog Radio podcast which I 910 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,400 interviewed guests. I just had Kevin Neil and on last 911 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,599 week I have Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the 912 00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:15,199 Block is on this week. And then and then Sunday 913 00:49:15,199 --> 00:49:17,280 Papers I do with Mike Gibbons, who is my best 914 00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:23,159 friend from college, and we go through the Sunday newspaper Entertainment, Sports, Business, 915 00:49:23,199 --> 00:49:25,880 and we do jokes from each section. Fun and then 916 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,800 Childish with Alison Rose, where we talk about raising kids. 917 00:49:29,119 --> 00:49:30,360 Speaker 2: Love it, love it. 918 00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:32,880 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, you guys, do yourself a favor and pick 919 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,519 up look at all of Greg's stuff. Listen to all 920 00:49:35,519 --> 00:49:38,800 of Greg's stuff. He's really funny and obviously a nice guy. 921 00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:40,400 And thank you again. 922 00:49:41,119 --> 00:50:02,639 Speaker 3: Oh thank you, bye bye you m