WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.879 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf 2 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:05.400 I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on 3 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:09.679 demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty. 4 00:00:09.720 --> 00:00:12.199 You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the 5 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:14.679 Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want you to sit back 6 00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:20.239 and enjoy life because I've got your relationship news. I've 7 00:00:20.239 --> 00:00:25.000 got your love life in my hands. Coming up, our 8 00:00:25.079 --> 00:00:29.640 VP's hobby is an admitted cheater. The Internet does not 9 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:35.039 like Simone Biles's husband. And why do we organize ourselves 10 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:37.600 as couples? Let's talk about it. If you're new to 11 00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:40.320 my show, I have a PhD in clinical psychology, I'm 12 00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:43.880 a psychology professor, not a therapist, and I've written three 13 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:48.560 books on relationships because I'm obsessed with the science of love. 14 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:52.240 Little role call here, Raoul. How you doing tonight? 15 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:53.759 Awesome? How are you? 16 00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:56.600 What do you think about the Vice president's husband having 17 00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:57.920 had an affair years I. 18 00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:00.600 Ever knew that he did that. I'm I'm waiting to 19 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:02.799 hear this story because I honestly never heard that. 20 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.879 Okay, well he just admitted it yesterday because he's some 21 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.359 tabloid broke it. Of course, once the tabloids break it, 22 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:12.200 then you got to come forward and tell the story. 23 00:01:12.840 --> 00:01:16.200 Mark ronor how you doing lovely to be back with you? Nice, 24 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:19.280 to be nice to have you back again? And producer Kayla, 25 00:01:19.799 --> 00:01:22.159 is the internet still attacking you about men's beards? 26 00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:24.840 Unfortunately? Yes, some have had a beard since birth. 27 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:28.680 Jose who just tuned in Kayla did a post that said, 28 00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:31.840 if a man asks a woman to not wear makeup 29 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:33.879 on a second date, you know, so you could see 30 00:01:33.879 --> 00:01:36.799 her real face, then she has the right to say, okay, 31 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:39.159 then shave your beard, come clean, shave and let me 32 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:41.799 see that face and all those chins and the men. 33 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:45.959 God so mad a producer Kayla saying a beard is natural. 34 00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:51.159 Makeup is not natural. I don't care. Sky's an ugly face. 35 00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:55.719 So anyway, this is all hypothetical, right, or did somebody 36 00:01:55.719 --> 00:01:57.040 ask you not to wear makeup on a date? 37 00:01:57.200 --> 00:02:00.840 Literally? All hypothetical? Okay, it was a segment first the 38 00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:03.560 other show I produced a seamlessly chanteyn Ron ninety two three, 39 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:05.519 And okayause. 40 00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:06.680 Men have no right to tell women what to wear 41 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:10.960 not to wear exactly. I remember the days when I 42 00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:12.800 was young and guys would be like, I don't like 43 00:02:12.840 --> 00:02:15.919 your hair curly, make sure you wear it straight, or 44 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:18.280 I like you in strappy shoes, or I like you 45 00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:21.199 in the eugh what are we just there to be 46 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:23.080 your little object for your eyes? 47 00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:25.919 It's the audacity for me, you know, I don't think 48 00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:27.800 women say that to men. Show up in this shirt, 49 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:29.280 don't wear it like. I don't think women do that. 50 00:02:29.479 --> 00:02:29.960 But I don't know. 51 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:34.360 Maybe I'm more free crazy right anyway, So let us 52 00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:39.120 talk about Doug m Hoff's previous affair, because Raoul's on 53 00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:42.479 the edge of his seat and wants to know the detail. 54 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:46.919 Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, Doug m Hoff acknowledged yesterday 55 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:51.159 through a statement he made to CNN that he had 56 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:56.159 had an affair during his first marriage. Now he only 57 00:02:56.879 --> 00:03:00.280 talks about this because a British tabloid. What is it 58 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:04.479 about those Brits and those investigative tabloids? They published a 59 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:09.479 story and his quote says, during my marriage, Kirsten and 60 00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:12.599 I went through some tough times on account of my actions, 61 00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:16.599 I took responsibility and in the years since we worked 62 00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:19.560 through things as a family and have come out stronger 63 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:23.159 on the other side. Now, before I give you more 64 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:27.080 details about what the tabloid said happened. Let me say this, 65 00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:32.680 his ex wife is a hugely successful film producer, and 66 00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:36.800 what she is doing right now for Doug and Kamala 67 00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:40.080 and even her kids is I mean, she should run 68 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:44.919 for president. She has the best diplomatic skills out there. 69 00:03:45.400 --> 00:03:49.039 She is saying, Hey, you know, Kamala is a stepmother 70 00:03:49.159 --> 00:03:52.120 to my kids. We are a blended family. We are happy, 71 00:03:52.199 --> 00:03:55.599 and she's supporting everybody. And she has good reason to 72 00:03:55.639 --> 00:04:01.840 be a little tift off at her ex husband. Supposedly, 73 00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:06.000 this affair he had was with one of his young 74 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:10.879 daughter's teachers, and it was the discovery of this affair 75 00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:15.759 that resulted in the end of his first marriage. Now 76 00:04:18.199 --> 00:04:22.759 here's the other rumor that this woman got pregnant and 77 00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:26.399 did not have the baby. This woman is not answering 78 00:04:26.439 --> 00:04:28.519 the phone. The media are handling her, so we don't 79 00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:31.639 know anything about her. Now, before you think I am 80 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:34.720 sitting here high on my horse judging, I will tell 81 00:04:34.759 --> 00:04:38.439 you that I have had affairs in the past when 82 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:43.240 I was young. In relationships, in fact, evolutionary psychologists would 83 00:04:43.240 --> 00:04:48.399 say that extra pair bonding is a very common thing 84 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:57.079 couplehood in some ways is a social construct. We need 85 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:02.120 couplehood in order to have a well running society. But 86 00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:07.839 in many ways we have a system of perceived monogamy. 87 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:11.240 Now hang on there before you do your talk back 88 00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:15.519 and send me all your rage about you've been monogamous. Great, 89 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:21.680 good for you. Probably about fifty percent of people are 90 00:05:21.720 --> 00:05:25.319 able to stay monogamous in their relationships for however many 91 00:05:25.319 --> 00:05:30.120 decades it may be. But lots of other people have 92 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:34.360 extra pair bonds along the way. Now, why does it hurt? 93 00:05:35.319 --> 00:05:40.079 It hurts because evolutionary psychologists would say, we have an 94 00:05:40.120 --> 00:05:45.600 inherited trait called sexual jealousy. And why do we have 95 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:51.240 this inherited trait because it protects our reproductive Four. If 96 00:05:51.279 --> 00:05:55.959 your partner cheats with somebody else, you could end up 97 00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:00.920 raising their spawn, right, and so we have sealed fertility. 98 00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:04.399 Women can bring home another guy's sperm. Guy doesn't even know, 99 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.759 and all of a sudden he's giving his time, talents, 100 00:06:06.759 --> 00:06:10.839 and treasure to another guy's genes. So sexual jealousy is 101 00:06:10.879 --> 00:06:16.560 particularly pronounced in men with women. Historically, evolutionary psychologists would 102 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:19.480 say they worry about men stepping out because they worry 103 00:06:19.480 --> 00:06:23.879 about resources leaving the household, right, so I know a 104 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:27.240 lot of you hear a lot about polyamory, and yeah, 105 00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:29.920 that New York Times bestseller Sex at Don We had 106 00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:36.199 the author on our show this idea that we're bonabos, 107 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:44.199 banabos or bonobos. How do I say it? Kayla banobos, banabos, bonobos, banobos, banobosos, 108 00:06:46.519 --> 00:06:50.720 Uh not Champagne. So this writer basically thinks that we're 109 00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:55.560 like bonobos and we have all kinds of polyamorous relationships, 110 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:58.720 and we're not like chimpanzees who have aggression and all 111 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:00.959 that kind of stuff. We're actually we share the same 112 00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:05.600 amount of DNA as both primate species, and we have 113 00:07:05.720 --> 00:07:10.000 the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate out there. 114 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:12.800 And here's the other thing about human behavior. We can 115 00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:15.560 change our behavior because we have thoughts and we have 116 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:19.839 a brain. For instance, did you know what two things 117 00:07:20.680 --> 00:07:23.959 are most likely to influence whether a man is going 118 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:26.199 to be monogamous or not? Kyle'd you know what those 119 00:07:26.199 --> 00:07:27.079 two things are? 120 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:30.959 Is it about the woman or the man? About the man? 121 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:32.319 The size and mantles. 122 00:07:33.879 --> 00:07:35.279 No, very good, youth, You've been. 123 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:37.279 Listening for a long time. 124 00:07:37.480 --> 00:07:40.920 Yeah, just the smaller the scrotum, the lower the testosterone, 125 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:44.839 but also there's two psychological things. Oh, I don't know 126 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:50.079 those men monogamous. One is high intelligence. The more intelligent 127 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:52.399 a man is, the more he can consider the consequences 128 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:54.839 like I don't want to go there, divorce court is 129 00:07:54.879 --> 00:08:00.360 way too expensive. And the other is religiosity. You think 130 00:08:00.360 --> 00:08:03.120 of God as a big cop in this guy, then 131 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:05.839 you know you're gonna mind your p's and q's and 132 00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:09.920 follow the rules, right, so I want Even though there's 133 00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:11.560 a lot of talk in our culture about all this 134 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:16.199 consensual non monogamy that is a learned behavior, what is 135 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:20.240 inherited is sexual jealousy. And that's why when we hear 136 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:24.360 about the VP husband who had an affair not on her, 137 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:27.920 on his previous wife, were like, ugh, shocked the pain. 138 00:08:28.519 --> 00:08:30.839 I'm sure his wife went through a lot of pain 139 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:33.320 if she had small kids and it was with the kids. Teacher, 140 00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:35.559 ouch ouch ouch. 141 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:36.120 Right. 142 00:08:37.639 --> 00:08:42.559 But it's also condinatural, and it happens a lot. I know. 143 00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:45.759 Doesn't mean it's writer that it works for society. In fact, 144 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:49.840 when we come back, let's talk more specifically about how 145 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:55.320 couples and couplehood benefits society. Why have we decided to 146 00:08:55.440 --> 00:08:58.799 organize ourselves around couplehood. Let's talk about it when we 147 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:01.240 come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh 148 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:04.639 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on 149 00:09:04.679 --> 00:09:05.799 the iHeartRadio app. 150 00:09:07.039 --> 00:09:11.279 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 151 00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:12.440 AM six forty. 152 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:17.240 KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Andy Walsh with you. 153 00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:20.759 This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Okay, for you 154 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:24.600 love birds out there who are high on the best 155 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:29.600 drug we have, which is love. I hate to burst 156 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:37.159 your bubble, but it's a biological, psychological, social convergence of 157 00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:43.519 events that cause this drug called love. In fact, the 158 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:47.279 brain centers that get activated when we are feeling in 159 00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:50.720 love are the same brain centers that get activated when 160 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:54.159 you're on a really good drug. Right. And so we 161 00:09:54.240 --> 00:10:00.039 have this idea and movies have enforced the idea. We 162 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:03.759 have enforced that you're going to find your soul mate, 163 00:10:04.360 --> 00:10:08.600 that it's all about finding this one person that will 164 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.919 complete you and then life will be easy and you 165 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.039 will live happily ever after. 166 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:17.399 Uh. 167 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:21.240 Actually, where human beings were put on the planet to reproduce, 168 00:10:21.639 --> 00:10:23.919 and along the way we're going to go through some 169 00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:28.600 series of having ecstasy and great love and then pain 170 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:32.840 and competing for better mates or expelling bad mats. And 171 00:10:33.159 --> 00:10:37.960 it's a treacherous business for everybody. So when you think 172 00:10:38.039 --> 00:10:42.000 your life is strange because you've had a divorce or 173 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:46.320 been cheated on or had an affair, your life is normal. 174 00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:52.759 This is how humans relate across the lifespan. Now do 175 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:55.639 I believe that we should just throw in the towel 176 00:10:55.960 --> 00:10:58.799 anytime things get hard, expel a mate and get a 177 00:10:58.840 --> 00:11:01.720 new one. We have to, just like when we take 178 00:11:01.759 --> 00:11:05.480 in a new mate, look at our pros and cons, 179 00:11:06.279 --> 00:11:11.039 look at the benefits, do a cost benefit analysis of 180 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:15.159 staying or leaving, and we do that on a regular basis. Now, 181 00:11:16.200 --> 00:11:20.840 even though humans are not necessarily wired to be monogamous, 182 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:23.240 not all humans, about fifty percent of us are actually 183 00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:26.679 pretty monogamous. Doesn't mean for life. This is the important thing. 184 00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:30.279 What's most normal for humans is kind of serial monogamy. 185 00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:34.799 But a good fifty percent also may have multiple pair bonds, 186 00:11:35.279 --> 00:11:37.720 and they may be open about that, saying I have 187 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:41.960 an open relationship or I'm polyamorous. Okay, fine, good luck 188 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:44.159 finding the people who participate with you and if they 189 00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:48.279 will and if they're doing it for the right reasons. Godspeed, enjoy. 190 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:51.399 But you know, one of the reasons why I am 191 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:56.919 not a big fan of the normalizing of open relationships 192 00:11:56.919 --> 00:11:59.840 and polyamories because too many people who have trauma in 193 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:04.360 their early lives and don't have clear boundaries get pulled 194 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:07.480 into it by a partner who wants multiple partners, and 195 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:11.519 I don't like that. I always want to protect people's 196 00:12:11.559 --> 00:12:16.480 hearts and protect their eggs and their bloodstream. However, our 197 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:22.120 society has organized us around monogamy, around couplehood, and I'm 198 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:25.799 not gonna lie. It's a real thing. You probably know 199 00:12:25.879 --> 00:12:29.039 I've been a single mother. Yeah, I guess still a 200 00:12:29.080 --> 00:12:32.399 single mother until next weekend. Oh my god, I'm getting 201 00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:37.120 married next weekend, okay. And what I noticed as a 202 00:12:37.159 --> 00:12:41.240 single mother is that I was excluded from a lot 203 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:45.879 of social events and social invitations. I had a village 204 00:12:45.879 --> 00:12:49.200 of other single moms, or even other moms whose husbands 205 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:52.559 worked a lot, but I felt so lonely on Sundays 206 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:56.960 because everybody would go back to their guys and I 207 00:12:56.960 --> 00:13:01.600 wouldn't get invited to anything. Right, And so I know 208 00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:06.080 that since I've had my boyfriend now for four years, 209 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:11.039 that we get different imitations. I feel how we also 210 00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:14.960 bring in both of our social worlds together, so immediately 211 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:19.639 our contact base is huger. So let's talk about other 212 00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:25.440 benefits of society organizing itself around couplehood. Well, the biggest 213 00:13:25.480 --> 00:13:28.399 one I think for many people is just economic stability 214 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:33.320 and the ability to grow economically. Let's face it, two 215 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:37.799 incomes is better than one. It literally doubles your household 216 00:13:37.799 --> 00:13:43.000 financial income, and you're purchasing power. Couples share their resources, 217 00:13:43.039 --> 00:13:45.440 so everything is half. If you only have to have 218 00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:51.120 one living room, one bedroom, one bathroom, it's half, right, 219 00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:54.720 And there's so much research to show that long term 220 00:13:54.759 --> 00:13:59.639 committed couples actually accumulate more wealth. So economic is a 221 00:13:59.639 --> 00:14:03.960 big one, But right behind it, or maybe side by side, 222 00:14:04.600 --> 00:14:07.519 is the social and emotional support. That's the kind of 223 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:11.200 stuff I was talking about. Well, partners provide each other 224 00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:15.080 emotional support and that reduces stress, and that's one of 225 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:18.919 the reasons why if your relationship is healthy, people in 226 00:14:19.039 --> 00:14:23.799 long term committed relationships have overall better mental health. And 227 00:14:23.879 --> 00:14:28.720 I mentioned earlier social life. Being in a couple creates 228 00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:33.919 social integration. You see, two people have a much wider 229 00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:37.639 and stronger social network than just one person. Right, So 230 00:14:37.759 --> 00:14:41.200 this is good for society because it contributes to cohesion 231 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:47.639 in the community and it gives lots of support systems. Also, 232 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:51.960 the other benefit to having couples in society is that 233 00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:54.799 you end up getting healthier kids. So until we have 234 00:14:55.159 --> 00:15:00.320 free childcare in every workplace, if we had kibbutz free 235 00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:05.879 day care and everything else, but until then, couplehood and 236 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:09.679 marriage is still the best nest that we have for kids. 237 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:12.759 The research is astounding. I mean, I'm a single parent 238 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:16.519 and I'm telling you I lived it. I understand the 239 00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:20.480 stress of having to be a provider, protector, nurturer and everything, 240 00:15:21.159 --> 00:15:26.480 and so worse mental health with single parents, more high 241 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:32.000 risk behavior of their kids. So providing that stable environment 242 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:36.639 where two people allocate all their resources into raising those 243 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:41.720 kids builds a healthy support structure. I didn't even mention 244 00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:45.039 physical health. There's so much research to show that long 245 00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:49.120 term married people have lower rates of all chronic diseases. 246 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:52.399 I don't remember, but a few years ago we had 247 00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:55.600 a cardiologist on and he was saying that he's literally 248 00:15:56.039 --> 00:15:59.279 never ever known anybody to have a heart attack if 249 00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:02.039 they were in love. And that's sweet. You felt the 250 00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:06.120 hormones the neuro hormones associated with love or very protective 251 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:09.320 on your heart. But yeah, better physical health also just 252 00:16:09.399 --> 00:16:12.080 things like you know, you got a wife around checking 253 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:15.039 him for moles and you're keeping each other in check. 254 00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:19.000 I should say health habits are highly contagious within couples. 255 00:16:19.639 --> 00:16:23.240 So if you do marry somebody with poor health habits, 256 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:27.120 you know, couch potato, eating too much ice cream, before 257 00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:28.799 you know it, you're going to gain weight because it's 258 00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:32.159 really hard to eat differently and move differently living in 259 00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:35.960 the same house with somebody. Also, there's research to show 260 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:41.240 that couples are more involved in the community, more civic engagement. 261 00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:44.639 They volunteer more, they contribute their time and resources to 262 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:52.120 the schools and the teams, coaching softball, etc. Also, what 263 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:56.600 couples do for a society is pass on the morals, 264 00:16:57.120 --> 00:17:01.480 pass on the values, right, so they serve as role 265 00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:04.359 models for the community. And that's why we get upset 266 00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:06.119 when we hear like a Doug em Hoff once had 267 00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:08.640 an affair, because we're like, no, no, no, you might 268 00:17:08.680 --> 00:17:11.440 be our first husband. You have to be perfect. We 269 00:17:11.720 --> 00:17:14.160 like to put people give you all these purity tests. 270 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:20.160 When we're all human. Everything is just human experience right. 271 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:24.160 But I think the biggest benefit, and I don't know 272 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:27.839 if this is for society or for the individual, The 273 00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:35.599 biggest benefit of couplehood is collaborative thinking. Having two brains 274 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:41.759 to solve problems, life just gets easier. I have to say. 275 00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:44.519 You know, as I mentioned, I was a single mom 276 00:17:44.599 --> 00:17:47.880 for like eighteen years, and when I met my sweet Julio, 277 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:51.200 the fact that he could finish my sentences when I 278 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:53.599 wasn't lost for a word because I was forgetting the 279 00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:56.599 name of that actor in the movie, or come up 280 00:17:56.599 --> 00:18:00.200 with ways to solve problems, so well for me. Turn 281 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:02.160 around and stuff is done, and I'm like, wait, I 282 00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:03.960 was gonna he goes ah, I saw it needed to 283 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:08.680 be done and did it right. That is one hundred 284 00:18:08.680 --> 00:18:15.160 percent the biggest benefit, this collaborative thinking. So we know 285 00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:17.680 couplehood is good for our mental health, it's good for 286 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:19.799 our physical health, it's certainly good for our bank account. 287 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:22.559 It's really good for our kids. But we have to 288 00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:26.880 be careful not to judge, because we're all still human beings, 289 00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:31.400 and when needs aren't being met, you know, people will say, well, 290 00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:33.440 I don't know, I don't know how I had that affair. 291 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:37.799 It just happened. You know what, things don't just happen 292 00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:42.359 if they remain if your needs remain unconscious. And that's 293 00:18:42.359 --> 00:18:45.920 why I'm a big proponent of course of psychotherapy, so 294 00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:48.240 that we can become aware of our needs and find 295 00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:52.160 healthy ways to get our needs met. Okay, when we 296 00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:59.000 come back, the internet is a twitter about Simone Bile's marriage. 297 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:02.559 I'm gonna give you a timeline, break it down, tell 298 00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:05.799 you what the Internet is saying, tell you how she's responding. 299 00:19:06.359 --> 00:19:08.599 When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor 300 00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:11.599 Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live 301 00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:13.400 everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 302 00:19:13.839 --> 00:19:18.039 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 303 00:19:18.279 --> 00:19:19.200 AM six forty. 304 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:23.160 KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 305 00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:26.640 This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Can we talk 306 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:30.279 about Simone Bile's marriage? I mean, the whole internet is 307 00:19:30.920 --> 00:19:33.839 why not us two? Well, you don't know where I'm 308 00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:36.799 going at the end, But if you've been living under 309 00:19:36.839 --> 00:19:40.920 a rock, you might not know that Simone Biles has 310 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:44.720 completely cemented her legacy as one of the greatest gymnasts 311 00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:48.079 of all time. After she took home the gold medal 312 00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:51.680 in women's vault final on Saturday. This is the third 313 00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:53.839 gold medal she took home for the twenty twenty four 314 00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:58.960 Paris Olympics. Ah, She's already now has a total of 315 00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:05.000 ten Olympic medals, seven of them are goals now. Reminder, 316 00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:09.119 in twenty twenty one, during the Tokyo Olympics, no audience, 317 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.400 no family allowed there, she suffered a case of the Twisty's, 318 00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:15.920 meaning she lost connection between her body and her mind 319 00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:19.160 and where she was going and ended up dropping out 320 00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:23.119 of those Olympics. She was attacked terribly. She has overcome 321 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:26.240 so much trauma in her life. She'd not only been 322 00:20:26.279 --> 00:20:30.240 in foster care as a small child, but also was 323 00:20:30.279 --> 00:20:34.640 a victim of sexual assault by team doctor Larry Nasser, 324 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:39.640 who's now serving time in But while she took time off, 325 00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:44.000 she got married. Now, I don't want to tell you 326 00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:47.720 she married only her second boyfriend. Her first boyfriend was 327 00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:51.279 her trainer and this is only her second one. So 328 00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:54.680 here's how the story goes, according to you can google 329 00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:58.240 it all they both say it on podcasts, etc. Is 330 00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:01.079 that she was right after breaking up with her boyfriend, 331 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.240 she was swiping on a dating app called Raya. I 332 00:21:04.279 --> 00:21:09.039 call it the Pretty People Dating App Raya, and she 333 00:21:09.240 --> 00:21:13.079 sees Jonathan Owens. He's a football player. He was doing 334 00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:15.440 some kind of training camp or whatever in Texas. She 335 00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:20.960 was in Texas. She matched with him, but then he 336 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:25.319 you know, a million women probably match with high testosterone, 337 00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:29.000 good looking NFL players, So he didn't get back to 338 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:30.599 her right away. He just went and took a shower 339 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:33.920 or whatever. Meanwhile, she did her girlfriend to girlfriend research. 340 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:37.480 She went online and found his Instagram, so she just 341 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:41.319 sent him a DM on Instagram. All right, now, do 342 00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:43.400 you know how many rules she's broken? Right now? I'm 343 00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:46.160 just going to say, and the story you're going to 344 00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:50.680 hear is what I call anecdotal evidence, meaning one example 345 00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:53.319 of it working doesn't mean it's going to work for. 346 00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:53.920 The rest of us. 347 00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:55.960 We're not supposed to be chasing the boys. Okay, we're 348 00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:58.160 not supposed to be chasing them. We're supposed to be 349 00:21:58.559 --> 00:22:02.279 issuing a little invitation and watching them chase us, which 350 00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:04.920 is probably what happened when he saw her in the DMS. 351 00:22:05.240 --> 00:22:09.519 Here's the crazy thing. He told people he'd never heard 352 00:22:09.559 --> 00:22:12.359 of her before, But then the internet went all crazy 353 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:14.519 and did some research and found out he actually dated 354 00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:17.720 some famous gymnasts back in twenty nineteen. So if he 355 00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:19.799 didn't know who she was at the top of the heap, 356 00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:26.160 then he was living under rock. Okay. So they got 357 00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:28.920 together in March of twenty twenty, right before shut down 358 00:22:28.920 --> 00:22:32.000 with the pandemic, so they had all the time totally. 359 00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:33.759 This is like Julio and I right. I mean, well, 360 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:36.680 not much later, but sometimes during the pandemic. So point being, 361 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.759 they had time where they weren't working and they could 362 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:44.240 really really bond. Right. By the way, who is he? 363 00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:49.000 His name is Jonathan Owens. He is now a safety 364 00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:52.680 for the Chicago Bears. I don't know anything about football, Rowl, 365 00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:54.599 do you know about football? I've ever heard of that sport? 366 00:22:55.400 --> 00:22:58.359 Of course, troller you there? Okay, So what is a 367 00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.720 safety is like a security guard? They keep safety for 368 00:23:00.759 --> 00:23:01.079 the team. 369 00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:03.599 What they do, Yeah, he's basically like yeah, I mean 370 00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:06.039 he's just making sure the ball doesn't get away. I 371 00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:08.880 mean he's trying to stop the guy running. He's just 372 00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:10.240 doing anything he can to stop. 373 00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:16.759 Is it like, no, does he stand at the entrance 374 00:23:16.759 --> 00:23:19.200 to the stadium and he keeps a player safe? He 375 00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:22.599 keeps his hands away. It's a pretty important role, very 376 00:23:22.599 --> 00:23:25.599 important role. It is important. Yeh okay, Well, when he 377 00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:28.279 got hired there finally because he bounced around a whole 378 00:23:28.279 --> 00:23:31.799 bunch of teams, the sports reporter said that mister Simone 379 00:23:31.799 --> 00:23:39.319 Biles finally got a contract. Anyway, he h on. Here's 380 00:23:39.319 --> 00:23:41.160 the big thing you should know is that they got 381 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.960 married in April of twenty twenty three in a very 382 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:47.920 small legal ceremony happens all the time, and then they 383 00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:49.799 did this big go on Instagram. You won't believe the 384 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:54.920 beautiful pictures on his instagram. Jonathan Owens on Simon's so 385 00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:56.839 in Bay of twenty twenty three, they had it to 386 00:23:57.000 --> 00:23:59.920 die for wedding. And I just want to say, there's 387 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:02.960 so I'm getting married in a little bit this weekend, 388 00:24:03.119 --> 00:24:07.119 right soon, I'm getting married. And I looked at her 389 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:09.440 wedding and the first thing I said to myself is, 390 00:24:09.559 --> 00:24:12.920 oh my goodness, she must have spent a million dollars 391 00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:15.640 on flowers. I've never seen so many flowers because I 392 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:18.400 know how expensive it is. And then I saw her 393 00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:21.519 on a herder on a podcast where someone said, what 394 00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.440 was the most expensive thing in your wedding? And she 395 00:24:23.480 --> 00:24:25.839 said the flowers. I'm like, yeah, I could see I 396 00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:28.079 could see that, So go online and look at the pictures. 397 00:24:28.119 --> 00:24:32.920 Are just just beautiful. So they get married in May. Now, 398 00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:38.200 in December, Jonathan Owens goes on a podcast it's called 399 00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:40.799 the Pivot Podcast I don't know's I think, where guys 400 00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:44.039 talk about sports whatever, and this is where he starts 401 00:24:44.039 --> 00:24:47.559