Speaker 1: This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
Speaker 1: I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
Speaker 1: demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
Speaker 1: You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I want you to sit back
Speaker 1: and enjoy life because I've got your relationship news. I've
Speaker 1: got your love life in my hands. Coming up, our
Speaker 1: VP's hobby is an admitted cheater. The Internet does not
Speaker 1: like Simone Biles's husband. And why do we organize ourselves
Speaker 1: as couples? Let's talk about it. If you're new to
Speaker 1: my show, I have a PhD in clinical psychology, I'm
Speaker 1: a psychology professor, not a therapist, and I've written three
Speaker 1: books on relationships because I'm obsessed with the science of love.
Speaker 1: Little role call here, Raoul. How you doing tonight?
Speaker 2: Awesome? How are you?
Speaker 1: What do you think about the Vice president's husband having
Speaker 1: had an affair years I.
Speaker 2: Ever knew that he did that. I'm I'm waiting to
Speaker 2: hear this story because I honestly never heard that.
Speaker 1: Okay, well he just admitted it yesterday because he's some
Speaker 1: tabloid broke it. Of course, once the tabloids break it,
Speaker 1: then you got to come forward and tell the story.
Speaker 1: Mark ronor how you doing lovely to be back with you? Nice,
Speaker 1: to be nice to have you back again? And producer Kayla,
Speaker 1: is the internet still attacking you about men's beards?
Speaker 3: Unfortunately? Yes, some have had a beard since birth.
Speaker 1: Jose who just tuned in Kayla did a post that said,
Speaker 1: if a man asks a woman to not wear makeup
Speaker 1: on a second date, you know, so you could see
Speaker 1: her real face, then she has the right to say, okay,
Speaker 1: then shave your beard, come clean, shave and let me
Speaker 1: see that face and all those chins and the men.
Speaker 1: God so mad a producer Kayla saying a beard is natural.
Speaker 1: Makeup is not natural. I don't care. Sky's an ugly face.
Speaker 1: So anyway, this is all hypothetical, right, or did somebody
Speaker 1: ask you not to wear makeup on a date?
Speaker 3: Literally? All hypothetical? Okay, it was a segment first the
Speaker 3: other show I produced a seamlessly chanteyn Ron ninety two three,
Speaker 3: And okayause.
Speaker 1: Men have no right to tell women what to wear
Speaker 1: not to wear exactly. I remember the days when I
Speaker 1: was young and guys would be like, I don't like
Speaker 1: your hair curly, make sure you wear it straight, or
Speaker 1: I like you in strappy shoes, or I like you
Speaker 1: in the eugh what are we just there to be
Speaker 1: your little object for your eyes?
Speaker 3: It's the audacity for me, you know, I don't think
Speaker 3: women say that to men. Show up in this shirt,
Speaker 3: don't wear it like. I don't think women do that.
Speaker 3: But I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm more free crazy right anyway, So let us
Speaker 1: talk about Doug m Hoff's previous affair, because Raoul's on
Speaker 1: the edge of his seat and wants to know the detail.
Speaker 1: Vice President Kamala Harris's husband, Doug m Hoff acknowledged yesterday
Speaker 1: through a statement he made to CNN that he had
Speaker 1: had an affair during his first marriage. Now he only
Speaker 1: talks about this because a British tabloid. What is it
Speaker 1: about those Brits and those investigative tabloids? They published a
Speaker 1: story and his quote says, during my marriage, Kirsten and
Speaker 1: I went through some tough times on account of my actions,
Speaker 1: I took responsibility and in the years since we worked
Speaker 1: through things as a family and have come out stronger
Speaker 1: on the other side. Now, before I give you more
Speaker 1: details about what the tabloid said happened. Let me say this,
Speaker 1: his ex wife is a hugely successful film producer, and
Speaker 1: what she is doing right now for Doug and Kamala
Speaker 1: and even her kids is I mean, she should run
Speaker 1: for president. She has the best diplomatic skills out there.
Speaker 1: She is saying, Hey, you know, Kamala is a stepmother
Speaker 1: to my kids. We are a blended family. We are happy,
Speaker 1: and she's supporting everybody. And she has good reason to
Speaker 1: be a little tift off at her ex husband. Supposedly,
Speaker 1: this affair he had was with one of his young
Speaker 1: daughter's teachers, and it was the discovery of this affair
Speaker 1: that resulted in the end of his first marriage. Now
Speaker 1: here's the other rumor that this woman got pregnant and
Speaker 1: did not have the baby. This woman is not answering
Speaker 1: the phone. The media are handling her, so we don't
Speaker 1: know anything about her. Now, before you think I am
Speaker 1: sitting here high on my horse judging, I will tell
Speaker 1: you that I have had affairs in the past when
Speaker 1: I was young. In relationships, in fact, evolutionary psychologists would
Speaker 1: say that extra pair bonding is a very common thing
Speaker 1: couplehood in some ways is a social construct. We need
Speaker 1: couplehood in order to have a well running society. But
Speaker 1: in many ways we have a system of perceived monogamy.
Speaker 1: Now hang on there before you do your talk back
Speaker 1: and send me all your rage about you've been monogamous. Great,
Speaker 1: good for you. Probably about fifty percent of people are
Speaker 1: able to stay monogamous in their relationships for however many
Speaker 1: decades it may be. But lots of other people have
Speaker 1: extra pair bonds along the way. Now, why does it hurt?
Speaker 1: It hurts because evolutionary psychologists would say, we have an
Speaker 1: inherited trait called sexual jealousy. And why do we have
Speaker 1: this inherited trait because it protects our reproductive Four. If
Speaker 1: your partner cheats with somebody else, you could end up
Speaker 1: raising their spawn, right, and so we have sealed fertility.
Speaker 1: Women can bring home another guy's sperm. Guy doesn't even know,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden he's giving his time, talents,
Speaker 1: and treasure to another guy's genes. So sexual jealousy is
Speaker 1: particularly pronounced in men with women. Historically, evolutionary psychologists would
Speaker 1: say they worry about men stepping out because they worry
Speaker 1: about resources leaving the household, right, so I know a
Speaker 1: lot of you hear a lot about polyamory, and yeah,
Speaker 1: that New York Times bestseller Sex at Don We had
Speaker 1: the author on our show this idea that we're bonabos,
Speaker 1: banabos or bonobos. How do I say it? Kayla banobos, banabos, bonobos, banobos, banobosos,
Speaker 1: Uh not Champagne. So this writer basically thinks that we're
Speaker 1: like bonobos and we have all kinds of polyamorous relationships,
Speaker 1: and we're not like chimpanzees who have aggression and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. We're actually we share the same
Speaker 1: amount of DNA as both primate species, and we have
Speaker 1: the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate out there.
Speaker 1: And here's the other thing about human behavior. We can
Speaker 1: change our behavior because we have thoughts and we have
Speaker 1: a brain. For instance, did you know what two things
Speaker 1: are most likely to influence whether a man is going
Speaker 1: to be monogamous or not? Kyle'd you know what those
Speaker 1: two things are?
Speaker 3: Is it about the woman or the man? About the man?
Speaker 3: The size and mantles.
Speaker 1: No, very good, youth, You've been.
Speaker 3: Listening for a long time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just the smaller the scrotum, the lower the testosterone,
Speaker 1: but also there's two psychological things. Oh, I don't know
Speaker 1: those men monogamous. One is high intelligence. The more intelligent
Speaker 1: a man is, the more he can consider the consequences
Speaker 1: like I don't want to go there, divorce court is
Speaker 1: way too expensive. And the other is religiosity. You think
Speaker 1: of God as a big cop in this guy, then
Speaker 1: you know you're gonna mind your p's and q's and
Speaker 1: follow the rules, right, so I want Even though there's
Speaker 1: a lot of talk in our culture about all this
Speaker 1: consensual non monogamy that is a learned behavior, what is
Speaker 1: inherited is sexual jealousy. And that's why when we hear
Speaker 1: about the VP husband who had an affair not on her,
Speaker 1: on his previous wife, were like, ugh, shocked the pain.
Speaker 1: I'm sure his wife went through a lot of pain
Speaker 1: if she had small kids and it was with the kids. Teacher,
Speaker 1: ouch ouch ouch.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: But it's also condinatural, and it happens a lot. I know.
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean it's writer that it works for society. In fact,
Speaker 1: when we come back, let's talk more specifically about how
Speaker 1: couples and couplehood benefits society. Why have we decided to
Speaker 1: organize ourselves around couplehood. Let's talk about it when we
Speaker 1: come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh
Speaker 1: Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Andy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Okay, for you
Speaker 1: love birds out there who are high on the best
Speaker 1: drug we have, which is love. I hate to burst
Speaker 1: your bubble, but it's a biological, psychological, social convergence of
Speaker 1: events that cause this drug called love. In fact, the
Speaker 1: brain centers that get activated when we are feeling in
Speaker 1: love are the same brain centers that get activated when
Speaker 1: you're on a really good drug. Right. And so we
Speaker 1: have this idea and movies have enforced the idea. We
Speaker 1: have enforced that you're going to find your soul mate,
Speaker 1: that it's all about finding this one person that will
Speaker 1: complete you and then life will be easy and you
Speaker 1: will live happily ever after.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: Actually, where human beings were put on the planet to reproduce,
Speaker 1: and along the way we're going to go through some
Speaker 1: series of having ecstasy and great love and then pain
Speaker 1: and competing for better mates or expelling bad mats. And
Speaker 1: it's a treacherous business for everybody. So when you think
Speaker 1: your life is strange because you've had a divorce or
Speaker 1: been cheated on or had an affair, your life is normal.
Speaker 1: This is how humans relate across the lifespan. Now do
Speaker 1: I believe that we should just throw in the towel
Speaker 1: anytime things get hard, expel a mate and get a
Speaker 1: new one. We have to, just like when we take
Speaker 1: in a new mate, look at our pros and cons,
Speaker 1: look at the benefits, do a cost benefit analysis of
Speaker 1: staying or leaving, and we do that on a regular basis. Now,
Speaker 1: even though humans are not necessarily wired to be monogamous,
Speaker 1: not all humans, about fifty percent of us are actually
Speaker 1: pretty monogamous. Doesn't mean for life. This is the important thing.
Speaker 1: What's most normal for humans is kind of serial monogamy.
Speaker 1: But a good fifty percent also may have multiple pair bonds,
Speaker 1: and they may be open about that, saying I have
Speaker 1: an open relationship or I'm polyamorous. Okay, fine, good luck
Speaker 1: finding the people who participate with you and if they
Speaker 1: will and if they're doing it for the right reasons. Godspeed, enjoy.
Speaker 1: But you know, one of the reasons why I am
Speaker 1: not a big fan of the normalizing of open relationships
Speaker 1: and polyamories because too many people who have trauma in
Speaker 1: their early lives and don't have clear boundaries get pulled
Speaker 1: into it by a partner who wants multiple partners, and
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I always want to protect people's
Speaker 1: hearts and protect their eggs and their bloodstream. However, our
Speaker 1: society has organized us around monogamy, around couplehood, and I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It's a real thing. You probably know
Speaker 1: I've been a single mother. Yeah, I guess still a
Speaker 1: single mother until next weekend. Oh my god, I'm getting
Speaker 1: married next weekend, okay. And what I noticed as a
Speaker 1: single mother is that I was excluded from a lot
Speaker 1: of social events and social invitations. I had a village
Speaker 1: of other single moms, or even other moms whose husbands
Speaker 1: worked a lot, but I felt so lonely on Sundays
Speaker 1: because everybody would go back to their guys and I
Speaker 1: wouldn't get invited to anything. Right, And so I know
Speaker 1: that since I've had my boyfriend now for four years,
Speaker 1: that we get different imitations. I feel how we also
Speaker 1: bring in both of our social worlds together, so immediately
Speaker 1: our contact base is huger. So let's talk about other
Speaker 1: benefits of society organizing itself around couplehood. Well, the biggest
Speaker 1: one I think for many people is just economic stability
Speaker 1: and the ability to grow economically. Let's face it, two
Speaker 1: incomes is better than one. It literally doubles your household
Speaker 1: financial income, and you're purchasing power. Couples share their resources,
Speaker 1: so everything is half. If you only have to have
Speaker 1: one living room, one bedroom, one bathroom, it's half, right,
Speaker 1: And there's so much research to show that long term
Speaker 1: committed couples actually accumulate more wealth. So economic is a
Speaker 1: big one, But right behind it, or maybe side by side,
Speaker 1: is the social and emotional support. That's the kind of
Speaker 1: stuff I was talking about. Well, partners provide each other
Speaker 1: emotional support and that reduces stress, and that's one of
Speaker 1: the reasons why if your relationship is healthy, people in
Speaker 1: long term committed relationships have overall better mental health. And
Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier social life. Being in a couple creates
Speaker 1: social integration. You see, two people have a much wider
Speaker 1: and stronger social network than just one person. Right, So
Speaker 1: this is good for society because it contributes to cohesion
Speaker 1: in the community and it gives lots of support systems. Also,
Speaker 1: the other benefit to having couples in society is that
Speaker 1: you end up getting healthier kids. So until we have
Speaker 1: free childcare in every workplace, if we had kibbutz free
Speaker 1: day care and everything else, but until then, couplehood and
Speaker 1: marriage is still the best nest that we have for kids.
Speaker 1: The research is astounding. I mean, I'm a single parent
Speaker 1: and I'm telling you I lived it. I understand the
Speaker 1: stress of having to be a provider, protector, nurturer and everything,
Speaker 1: and so worse mental health with single parents, more high
Speaker 1: risk behavior of their kids. So providing that stable environment
Speaker 1: where two people allocate all their resources into raising those
Speaker 1: kids builds a healthy support structure. I didn't even mention
Speaker 1: physical health. There's so much research to show that long
Speaker 1: term married people have lower rates of all chronic diseases.
Speaker 1: I don't remember, but a few years ago we had
Speaker 1: a cardiologist on and he was saying that he's literally
Speaker 1: never ever known anybody to have a heart attack if
Speaker 1: they were in love. And that's sweet. You felt the
Speaker 1: hormones the neuro hormones associated with love or very protective
Speaker 1: on your heart. But yeah, better physical health also just
Speaker 1: things like you know, you got a wife around checking
Speaker 1: him for moles and you're keeping each other in check.
Speaker 1: I should say health habits are highly contagious within couples.
Speaker 1: So if you do marry somebody with poor health habits,
Speaker 1: you know, couch potato, eating too much ice cream, before
Speaker 1: you know it, you're going to gain weight because it's
Speaker 1: really hard to eat differently and move differently living in
Speaker 1: the same house with somebody. Also, there's research to show
Speaker 1: that couples are more involved in the community, more civic engagement.
Speaker 1: They volunteer more, they contribute their time and resources to
Speaker 1: the schools and the teams, coaching softball, etc. Also, what
Speaker 1: couples do for a society is pass on the morals,
Speaker 1: pass on the values, right, so they serve as role
Speaker 1: models for the community. And that's why we get upset
Speaker 1: when we hear like a Doug em Hoff once had
Speaker 1: an affair, because we're like, no, no, no, you might
Speaker 1: be our first husband. You have to be perfect. We
Speaker 1: like to put people give you all these purity tests.
Speaker 1: When we're all human. Everything is just human experience right.
Speaker 1: But I think the biggest benefit, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is for society or for the individual, The
Speaker 1: biggest benefit of couplehood is collaborative thinking. Having two brains
Speaker 1: to solve problems, life just gets easier. I have to say.
Speaker 1: You know, as I mentioned, I was a single mom
Speaker 1: for like eighteen years, and when I met my sweet Julio,
Speaker 1: the fact that he could finish my sentences when I
Speaker 1: wasn't lost for a word because I was forgetting the
Speaker 1: name of that actor in the movie, or come up
Speaker 1: with ways to solve problems, so well for me. Turn
Speaker 1: around and stuff is done, and I'm like, wait, I
Speaker 1: was gonna he goes ah, I saw it needed to
Speaker 1: be done and did it right. That is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent the biggest benefit, this collaborative thinking. So we know
Speaker 1: couplehood is good for our mental health, it's good for
Speaker 1: our physical health, it's certainly good for our bank account.
Speaker 1: It's really good for our kids. But we have to
Speaker 1: be careful not to judge, because we're all still human beings,
Speaker 1: and when needs aren't being met, you know, people will say, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know how I had that affair.
Speaker 1: It just happened. You know what, things don't just happen
Speaker 1: if they remain if your needs remain unconscious. And that's
Speaker 1: why I'm a big proponent of course of psychotherapy, so
Speaker 1: that we can become aware of our needs and find
Speaker 1: healthy ways to get our needs met. Okay, when we
Speaker 1: come back, the internet is a twitter about Simone Bile's marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a timeline, break it down, tell
Speaker 1: you what the Internet is saying, tell you how she's responding.
Speaker 1: When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live
Speaker 1: everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Can we talk
Speaker 1: about Simone Bile's marriage? I mean, the whole internet is
Speaker 1: why not us two? Well, you don't know where I'm
Speaker 1: going at the end, But if you've been living under
Speaker 1: a rock, you might not know that Simone Biles has
Speaker 1: completely cemented her legacy as one of the greatest gymnasts
Speaker 1: of all time. After she took home the gold medal
Speaker 1: in women's vault final on Saturday. This is the third
Speaker 1: gold medal she took home for the twenty twenty four
Speaker 1: Paris Olympics. Ah, She's already now has a total of
Speaker 1: ten Olympic medals, seven of them are goals now. Reminder,
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one, during the Tokyo Olympics, no audience,
Speaker 1: no family allowed there, she suffered a case of the Twisty's,
Speaker 1: meaning she lost connection between her body and her mind
Speaker 1: and where she was going and ended up dropping out
Speaker 1: of those Olympics. She was attacked terribly. She has overcome
Speaker 1: so much trauma in her life. She'd not only been
Speaker 1: in foster care as a small child, but also was
Speaker 1: a victim of sexual assault by team doctor Larry Nasser,
Speaker 1: who's now serving time in But while she took time off,
Speaker 1: she got married. Now, I don't want to tell you
Speaker 1: she married only her second boyfriend. Her first boyfriend was
Speaker 1: her trainer and this is only her second one. So
Speaker 1: here's how the story goes, according to you can google
Speaker 1: it all they both say it on podcasts, etc. Is
Speaker 1: that she was right after breaking up with her boyfriend,
Speaker 1: she was swiping on a dating app called Raya. I
Speaker 1: call it the Pretty People Dating App Raya, and she
Speaker 1: sees Jonathan Owens. He's a football player. He was doing
Speaker 1: some kind of training camp or whatever in Texas. She
Speaker 1: was in Texas. She matched with him, but then he
Speaker 1: you know, a million women probably match with high testosterone,
Speaker 1: good looking NFL players, So he didn't get back to
Speaker 1: her right away. He just went and took a shower
Speaker 1: or whatever. Meanwhile, she did her girlfriend to girlfriend research.
Speaker 1: She went online and found his Instagram, so she just
Speaker 1: sent him a DM on Instagram. All right, now, do
Speaker 1: you know how many rules she's broken? Right now? I'm
Speaker 1: just going to say, and the story you're going to
Speaker 1: hear is what I call anecdotal evidence, meaning one example
Speaker 1: of it working doesn't mean it's going to work for.
Speaker 3: The rest of us.
Speaker 1: We're not supposed to be chasing the boys. Okay, we're
Speaker 1: not supposed to be chasing them. We're supposed to be
Speaker 1: issuing a little invitation and watching them chase us, which
Speaker 1: is probably what happened when he saw her in the DMS.
Speaker 1: Here's the crazy thing. He told people he'd never heard
Speaker 1: of her before, But then the internet went all crazy
Speaker 1: and did some research and found out he actually dated
Speaker 1: some famous gymnasts back in twenty nineteen. So if he
Speaker 1: didn't know who she was at the top of the heap,
Speaker 1: then he was living under rock. Okay. So they got
Speaker 1: together in March of twenty twenty, right before shut down
Speaker 1: with the pandemic, so they had all the time totally.
Speaker 1: This is like Julio and I right. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: not much later, but sometimes during the pandemic. So point being,
Speaker 1: they had time where they weren't working and they could
Speaker 1: really really bond. Right. By the way, who is he?
Speaker 1: His name is Jonathan Owens. He is now a safety
Speaker 1: for the Chicago Bears. I don't know anything about football, Rowl,
Speaker 1: do you know about football? I've ever heard of that sport?
Speaker 1: Of course, troller you there? Okay, So what is a
Speaker 1: safety is like a security guard? They keep safety for
Speaker 1: the team.
Speaker 2: What they do, Yeah, he's basically like yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: he's just making sure the ball doesn't get away. I
Speaker 2: mean he's trying to stop the guy running. He's just
Speaker 2: doing anything he can to stop.
Speaker 1: Is it like, no, does he stand at the entrance
Speaker 1: to the stadium and he keeps a player safe? He
Speaker 1: keeps his hands away. It's a pretty important role, very
Speaker 1: important role. It is important. Yeh okay, Well, when he
Speaker 1: got hired there finally because he bounced around a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of teams, the sports reporter said that mister Simone
Speaker 1: Biles finally got a contract. Anyway, he h on. Here's
Speaker 1: the big thing you should know is that they got
Speaker 1: married in April of twenty twenty three in a very
Speaker 1: small legal ceremony happens all the time, and then they
Speaker 1: did this big go on Instagram. You won't believe the
Speaker 1: beautiful pictures on his instagram. Jonathan Owens on Simon's so
Speaker 1: in Bay of twenty twenty three, they had it to
Speaker 1: die for wedding. And I just want to say, there's
Speaker 1: so I'm getting married in a little bit this weekend,
Speaker 1: right soon, I'm getting married. And I looked at her
Speaker 1: wedding and the first thing I said to myself is,
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, she must have spent a million dollars
Speaker 1: on flowers. I've never seen so many flowers because I
Speaker 1: know how expensive it is. And then I saw her
Speaker 1: on a herder on a podcast where someone said, what
Speaker 1: was the most expensive thing in your wedding? And she
Speaker 1: said the flowers. I'm like, yeah, I could see I
Speaker 1: could see that, So go online and look at the pictures.
Speaker 1: Are just just beautiful. So they get married in May. Now,
Speaker 1: in December, Jonathan Owens goes on a podcast it's called
Speaker 1: the Pivot Podcast I don't know's I think, where guys
Speaker 1: talk about sports whatever, and this is where he starts
Speaker 1: his little story about how he didn't know her before,
Speaker 1: he didn't know anything about gymnastics. They just met on
Speaker 1: a dating app, and then he basically suggested that she
Speaker 1: chased him and he was the catch. In fact, the
Speaker 1: interviewer even says, so are you saying you're the catch?
Speaker 1: And he says, I always say men are the catch.
Speaker 1: Now I want to pause here for a moment. We
Speaker 1: women hold the eggs. You chase eggs. Sperm chases eggs,
Speaker 1: not the reverse. However, Owens may have this impression because
Speaker 1: he happens to be a high testosterone, high status mate,
Speaker 1: a dude with sexual prowess, with good looking genes, and
Speaker 1: also a good paycheck supposedly with the NFL. I'm sure
Speaker 1: our paycheck's much bigger now though. Anyway, so he's but
Speaker 1: maybe because he makes less than his wife he's trying
Speaker 1: to make himself feel better, or maybe he's come up
Speaker 1: in a world where he's been a spoiled athlete and
Speaker 1: the girls have been chasing him all the time, and
Speaker 1: he does feel like the catch, you know what. He
Speaker 1: also said on another podcast that when he met her,
Speaker 1: he'd only been in the NFL three years and he
Speaker 1: wasn't really you know, like stable there yet, and so
Speaker 1: he wasn't ready for marriage, saying that after you got married,
Speaker 1: it's like saying, you know, I might get more famous
Speaker 1: and get a better mate. I shouldn't settle anyway. The
Speaker 1: internet is so mad at him, and now they're super
Speaker 1: mad at him because after she won her Olympic gold yesterday,
Speaker 1: there's a picture on his Instagram. Go look it up
Speaker 1: of him and her. She's hugging him and he's wearing
Speaker 1: her gold medal around his neck. People are saying he's
Speaker 1: stealing the spotlight from his wife. In fact, well, he
Speaker 1: did write something nice, okay. The post under it says,
Speaker 1: witnessing history every time you step on the mat. Congrats
Speaker 1: baby on becoming the most decorated American gymnast and Olympic history.
Speaker 3: Just wow.
Speaker 1: Eight of them, so thankful I was there to see it,
Speaker 1: all right, most decorated, but he's the one in the
Speaker 1: decoration wearing the medal. So the internet attack. They're all saying,
Speaker 1: take her medal off. And somebody on TikTok said, after
Speaker 1: all the take her metal off. Was it you, mister
Speaker 1: Simone Biles who was flying through the air yesterday? Was
Speaker 1: it you who spun like a top thirty times in
Speaker 1: the air and landed without stumbling? No? All right, so
Speaker 1: Simone is not liking this, okay, even if she did
Speaker 1: chase him down, even if she does make more money.
Speaker 1: Women know a man has to feel like a king.
Speaker 1: It's just a female mating strategy. Make him feel like
Speaker 1: a star, make him feel like big man on campus.
Speaker 1: That's what we do. I mean, smart women don't compete
Speaker 1: with Smart women love their person and in fact, no
Speaker 1: matter what gender you are, we want our mate to
Speaker 1: feel that they are valuable. So of course she's not
Speaker 1: liking that. Everybody's saying this. She want. If you want
Speaker 1: a king, ladies, then you better act like a queen.
Speaker 1: That's what I say, so she punched back. Simone posted
Speaker 1: this in a comment to a fans TikTok video. She said,
Speaker 1: crazy thing is I put my metal on every single
Speaker 1: one of my family members and took pictures. So don't
Speaker 1: ever make assumptions like you all are. So she used
Speaker 1: the F word before the word miserable like a way
Speaker 1: to describe miserable in a particularly miserable way, and then
Speaker 1: she wrote leave us alone. So she also said on
Speaker 1: one tweet that she is going to or maybe it
Speaker 1: was on Instagram post she has just start blocking anybody
Speaker 1: who says anything bad about her marriage. Who So what
Speaker 1: about power women and masculine men and gender roles. I
Speaker 1: think that we are in a time of life, a
Speaker 1: time in history with lots of change, and yes, some
Speaker 1: of these high testosterone men are going to learn that
Speaker 1: their job is to hold their wife's coat sometimes right,
Speaker 1: that we are there to support each other no matter
Speaker 1: what your gender. So what the Internet is saying is
Speaker 1: that he's trying to put her down publicly so that
Speaker 1: he can feel better about himself. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think these are two. In order to be an athlete
Speaker 1: and in order to compete at both their levels, you
Speaker 1: have to have a little bit of narcissism. I mean,
Speaker 1: did you see Noahlliles. I watched the whole What is
Speaker 1: this series on Netflix? Kayla? Did you see the one
Speaker 1: about the sprinters? Is it on Netflix? It's called Sprint?
Speaker 1: Oh well, I watched this whole series in leading up
Speaker 1: to Paris that showed the backgrounds of all the fastest runners,
Speaker 1: and that no, alliles. He really likes himself. He's really
Speaker 1: into himself. He thinks he's the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Speaker 1: But you know, today he proved it. And what did
Speaker 1: he say right to the camera as soon as he won?
Speaker 1: I told you, he said, I told you check this out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you got to see it. But he does
Speaker 1: the tongue out thing, which what what is that? Why
Speaker 1: hang your tongue out at the camera?
Speaker 3: He learned it from Miley Cyrus, I believe.
Speaker 1: Oh Julio said he learned it from Michael Jordan.
Speaker 3: Oh even, yeah, that's that's probably real. Yeah that's better.
Speaker 3: That's better.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, But anyway, he's uh, yeah, he's definitely you
Speaker 1: have to in order to get at that level and
Speaker 1: say I'm gonna take on the world, I'm gonna beat everybody,
Speaker 1: you have to believe it. I mean, I think Donald
Speaker 1: Trump believes his stuff, right. You have to believe you
Speaker 1: have to you have to believe that you can do it,
Speaker 1: that you can be that powerful. So how does that
Speaker 1: impact your intimate relationships? So the question is do they
Speaker 1: take their public personality I'm talking about Simone now and
Speaker 1: Jonathan Owens into the private parts or do they have
Speaker 1: real intimacy. I love that he said congrats baby and
Speaker 1: becoming the most decorated baby we call each other baby,
Speaker 1: because an intimate relationship is I'll take care of you,
Speaker 1: you take care of me. Right. Anyway, if you want
Speaker 1: to find I think we should all lay off these two.
Speaker 1: They're a young couple. She's twenty seven, he's twenty nine.
Speaker 1: She should bask in her glory. And if her a
Speaker 1: glory includes an NFL player on her arm, and she
Speaker 1: created that, go for it.
Speaker 4: Why not?
Speaker 1: Why not? She deserves it, She deserves all her happiness
Speaker 1: and deserves us not to criticize anything. All right, if
Speaker 1: you look in to find a healthy relationship, well, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying this isn't I'm just saying, if you are
Speaker 1: looking to find a healthy relationship, you've heard about red flags,
Speaker 1: you've heard about green flags. What about yellow flags? Let's
Speaker 1: talk about that when we come back. You are listening
Speaker 1: to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and I am six
Speaker 1: forty We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty am.
Speaker 1: I am so sporty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Well, I have
Speaker 1: been preaching slow down for years and years and years.
Speaker 1: I know how hard it is, especially if you're longing
Speaker 1: for love, especially if your hormones are on fire. I
Speaker 1: mentioned earlier in the show that love is the best
Speaker 1: drug we have. It's also the one filled with the
Speaker 1: most delusions. When we are becoming early attracted or feeling
Speaker 1: lust towards somebody, it's like we have rose colored glasses on.
Speaker 1: We can't see really who they are because we want
Speaker 1: them to be that perfect person. Of course, if you
Speaker 1: can just wait, you know. My third book was called
Speaker 1: The Thirty Day Love Detox, and the title was based
Speaker 1: on one study I found that showed that if you
Speaker 1: have sex within thirty days of meeting somebody, you got
Speaker 1: like a ninety two percent chance of being broken up
Speaker 1: within one year. If you wait as long as ninety days. No,
Speaker 1: it's a long but you can do it. Then you
Speaker 1: have a one and four chance you'll be together a
Speaker 1: year later. Why because during those ninety days, you're building
Speaker 1: emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy is the glue. Right. So
Speaker 1: when you're first starting to date somebody, I mean the
Speaker 1: internet is full of this. Well, red flags don't go
Speaker 1: further or green flags looks like this is a good chance.
Speaker 1: But now people are talking about yellow flags. Yellow flags
Speaker 1: don't mean dump the person, and they don't mean go
Speaker 1: forward fast. Yellow bluff flags, it does means slow down
Speaker 1: a little bit, right, Okay, the first I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about four yellow flags. The first one is this
Speaker 1: one verges on red flags to me. When someone describes
Speaker 1: their exes as all crazy or nightmares, Now, they could
Speaker 1: be somebody who's just unlucky in love, or maybe they
Speaker 1: have a weird attachment style that they're attracted to crazy people.
Speaker 1: You got to ask yourself, so why are you attracted
Speaker 1: to me, dude or ma'am? So somebody who has a
Speaker 1: healthy outlook. We all have bad relationships in our past.
Speaker 1: When we describe those bad relationships, we might describe them
Speaker 1: in ways like, you know, he or she, you know,
Speaker 1: had trouble with conflict and we would get in these
Speaker 1: fights and it seemed like nothing ever got resolved. And
Speaker 1: I tried and we went to therapy. And you know,
Speaker 1: that's a description, right, instead of my ex was christ Right.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you're just going to put them in
Speaker 1: a category and that's that. So if they say that,
Speaker 1: ask them more questions, Like a simple question is what
Speaker 1: do you think your piece in this was? See how
Speaker 1: they react if they get too defensive. You know, here's
Speaker 1: another big yellow flag. Your own inner circle doesn't approve.
Speaker 1: All right, your own inner circle doesn't approve. That yellow
Speaker 1: flag is kind of like slow down. You want to
Speaker 1: get to the point where you can see what they see.
Speaker 1: You want to understand where they're coming from. You want
Speaker 1: to really spend time assessing and evaluating. Remember, waiting to
Speaker 1: have sex is not manipulating somebody. It's about giving you
Speaker 1: the space that you need to evaluate and assess. Here's
Speaker 1: another big yellow flag. You're the one asking all the questions.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so weird. They're not even inquiring
Speaker 1: about your life and who you are. You're the one
Speaker 1: interviewing them. But they're not reciprocating it in any way.
Speaker 1: You got to ask why. And the biggest yellow flag,
Speaker 1: which I think really morphs into a red flag if
Speaker 1: the behavior continues, is that your date is inconsistent, inconsistent
Speaker 1: with their phone calls, inconsistent with their texts, inconsistent with
Speaker 1: you know, they make a plan and then they don't
Speaker 1: follow through or they cancel it the last minute. That
Speaker 1: shows they're not able to make you a priority. Now,
Speaker 1: with all these yellow flags that I've mentioned, there's room
Speaker 1: to talk. You might say something with the inconsistent one
Speaker 1: is I feel a little anxious when you don't text
Speaker 1: me in a consistent way. Maybe you can tell me
Speaker 1: what's the best way or best frequency or what works
Speaker 1: best for you.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: I remember early on in my relationship with Julio, he
Speaker 1: got on a plane. He was away, and he got
Speaker 1: on a plane and came to La and called me
Speaker 1: from La where I'm in La? He's in La? What
Speaker 1: should be wrong with that? The fact that he changed
Speaker 1: locations without letting me know bothered me. It just felt
Speaker 1: weird and inconsistent. So I said, listen, let's just have
Speaker 1: one rule. I have to have luck. I don't have
Speaker 1: to track her on you, but I just need to
Speaker 1: know where you are. I need to sort of a locator,
Speaker 1: and he goes, oh okay, I get shoot me a
Speaker 1: text like I'm hopping on this plane, I'm going to here.
Speaker 1: And so you just tell them what your needs are
Speaker 1: and it'll be fine. But also ask your friends why
Speaker 1: they don't approve, what's really going on? What are they seeing?
Speaker 1: They can help you assess because they don't have those
Speaker 1: rose colored glasses on. Hey, when we come back, I'm
Speaker 1: going to social media. I'm going to take your emails
Speaker 1: and your social media questions and answer some of your
Speaker 1: relationship questions. And we have some good ones tonight. You've
Speaker 1: been listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You can always hear
Speaker 1: us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to
Speaker 1: nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app